Total Drama (2007–2014): Season 2, Episode 1 - Monster Cash - full transcript

They're back! Fourteen of our season one competitors have returned for the chance to win... One. Million. Dollars.

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
[Chris] Last season
on "Total Drama Island"...

Owen and Gwen battled it out
for $100,000.

In the end, Owen, a supersize
guy, won the supersize check,

but then gave it all up

for the chance to win
one million big ones!

With the million smackeroos
stuffed into a briefcase,

our 22 campers set off
on the race for the case...

until the case was eaten
by an alligator, then a shark.

Ha-ha-ha-ha! I bet you
they didn't see that one coming.

Now the 14 who were
the closest to winning

have been given the chance
to win another million dollars.


Actually, it's the same money.

They've been instructed
to report to an old film lot,

for a whole new set
of challenges.

42 days, 14 cast mates,

one heck of a lot of cash.

Welcome to "Total Drama Action".

♪ Dear Mom and Dad
I'm doing fine ♪

♪ You guys are on my mind ♪

♪ You asked me
what I wanted to be ♪

♪ And now I think
the answer is plain to see ♪

♪ I wanna be famous ♪

♪ I wanna live
close to the sun ♪

♪ Well, pack your bags
'cause I've already won ♪

♪ Everything to prove
Nothing in my way ♪

♪ I'll get there one day ♪

♪ 'Cause I wanna be famous ♪

♪ I wanna be, I wanna be
I wanna be famous ♪

♪ I wanna be, I wanna be
I wanna be famous ♪

[tires screech]

Man, I missed
the smell of the city!

Step off!

You step off!

[they growl]

Ow! Sorry, LeShawna.

No harm done.

[tires screech]

Where is everybody?

Uh, maybe we got off
at the wrong stop?

That broken-down bus
only had one stop.

I'm not hanging around here.

[LeShawna] You're gonna give up the chance
at a million big ones?

Huh! That's a lot
of hair weaves.

Guess I can stay for a bit.

Face it, the money's the reason
we all put up with Chris.

Beth, you got your braces off.

Hot as ever.


You look fi-i-ine, girl.

You really do.

You are totally on your way

to looking the part
of my new B.F.F.

That's my new
best French friend.

I am so moving to France
when I win!

My mom said my world
would totally open up

when I got my braces off.

She was right!
I'm going to France!


[vehicle sounds horn]

Dude, it's about time!

Hop on, everyone!

Come on, people! Sheesh!
We haven't got all day.

This cart's rented by the hour.

Izzy, run!

[whistles tune]

I mean Kaleidoscope.

No-one leaves E-Scope behind.

[yodels like Tarzan]

Welcome to the set
of "Total Drama Action".

This season's hottest
reality show will be shot here,

on an abandoned film lot.

[gasps] Does this mean
we're gonna be in the movies?

No, it means
you're gonna be on TV.

And don't interrupt me.


Oops! Sorry.

You'll be spending
the next six weeks here,

competing against each other
in challenges and for rewards,

all for the chance to win
some monster cash.

Yeah, baby!

I'm gonna win me some moola!


Like last season,
one team will win

and the other team
will watch one of their own

make their way down
the dreaded Walk of Shame

to the Lame-o-sine.

[engine sputters]


Couldn't you have spun
for a better ride?


Now, since we don't
have the outhouse

to dump your deepest
darkest secrets in,

you'll dish the dirt
in our new make-up confessional.

Oh, my gosh!
A whole trailerful of make-up?

Oh. Sorry.
I don't use that brand.

To your left is the craft
services tent, catered by Chef.


[raccoon chitters]


If you survive Chef,

you'll have to make it through
our dramatic awards ceremony,

where all but one loser will
receive a Gilded Chris Award.

The Gilded Chris? Ha!

What a narcissist!

Don't get me wrong.
I still want one.

Are you done now, dude?

I have an eject button
and I'll use it.

Please, continue.

Whoa! Cool!

Is this a dream?

No, Harold, it is not,
but you may soon wish it was.

A few months ago,

this lot was home
to a high-budget monster movie,

until the star began
experiencing some, uh...

uh... difficulties.

[gaps] Oh, no!

Did she have like,
a mental breakdown?

Actually, the star wasn't a her.

It was an animatronic monster!

What happened to it?

In retrospect, I shouldn't
have asked that question.

[monster roars]

Come on, dudes!
He's yanking our chains.

[tires screech]



[Chris] Since we're on a film lot,

this season's challenges
will be based on movie genres.

Today's genre...

-[monster roars]
-...the monster movie!

Ha-ha-ha! Duh!

Uh... uh...


Down for the count.

For your first challenge,

everyone must get from here
to the cast trailers,

while our
state-of-the-art monster

prevents your every move.


Chef has kindly offered
to control the beast.



[insects chirp]

Uh... that means go.

-Me first!
-Out of my way!

-Move it or lose it!


This is gonna be a long season.

[all screaming]

Oh, baby! Did you see that?

That thing is so cool!

I can almost hear
your sweet lullabies, Mama!

-[monster growls]
-Izzy, duck! Duck!



Ha-ha! Do it again!

[monster roars]

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha!

Whoo! Yeah!

Maybe the monster
won't look for me in here.

I love Izzy.

Not like "love" love,
but I think she's amazing.

I just wish she'd notice me
and not that dumb monster.

How can I compete with it?

Sure, we're both big
and we both eat a lot.

But it's really tall.


How are we supposed to find
the actors' trailers, anyway?

Follow the good-looking people!

Yeah! Follow Justin!


I don't think this is the kind
of action Chris had in mind.

What was I thinking?
Duncan is so right.

I like Geoff, but, hello!
I also like a million bucks.

Duncan's right. It's time to
get our head in the game.



This challenge isn't so bad.

What? No explosions?
No burning buildings? No bears?

Maybe it's not in the budget.



I thought the bear
was tranquilized

and returned to its handler.

Had one day left
on its contract.


This is it! The end!

Long as we're together, baby!

I love you!

I love you too!

Come on, string bean!
I hope you can run.

We've got a challenge to win.

If I wanted to, I could run as
fast as a pronghorn antelope.

It's the fastest land mammal
after the cheetah.

[monster roars]

Easy now!
This booty is breakable!

-I love you!
-Say what now?

[monster's footsteps booming]


What can I say? Kid's hot.

I'm not just another
gorgeous face...

and abs and butt
and shoulders, okay?

I'm also a master strategist

and this year,
I'm in it to win it.

What are you all staring at?

-[others] You.
-Oh, right.

[monster roars]

You tell her. We don't like her.

I'll miss you, Lindsay!

[monster roars]

[they scream]

Um... excuse me!

I think you forgot something!

That's better.

[they scream]

Everyone, follow me!

That's what makes Trent
such a great boyfriend.

He's always thinking of others.

It's one of the things
I love about him.

It's okay, big guy. I got you.

You mean everything around here
is fake?

That and Trent's exceptional
powers of observation.

[monster howls]


I'm coming, Lindsay!

I'm here for you, babe!

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Losers!

Boy, am I ever glad
I'm not them!



I'm gonna die!

Aaah! Aah-haah!

Aaah! Aaah!


I'm okay? Ha-ha-ha-ha!
I'm okay! Yeah, baby!

Time to find
those cast trailers!

I can't... run...

[gasps] ...any...

[gasps] ...more.

Take... me!

[gasps] I sur...

[gasps] ...render!

Kid really needs to lay off
those cheese puffs.

Boy, am I ever glad
I didn't go on that diet!

Ha-ha-ha-ha! Being big
can really have its advantages.

You know, like, uh... when
you're trying not to, uh...

uh... be captured
by an animatronic monster.

For example. That's just
off the top of my head.

Come on.

Come on!

Yes! I'm too heavy!

Ha-ha-ha! I win!

I win!

Not yet, Owen, my man.

You still have to find
the trailers.

Aw, man!


-[trumpet fanfare plays]


It took you ten and a half
hours to walk three city blocks?

That's just sad, man.

How come no-one thought
of doing that last night?

-[others] Duh!

Wait, where's Izzy?

Thanks for the date, baby!

Don't ever leave me,
'cause I'd find you.

How did you manage to escape?

Monster and I had
a romantic date.

He doesn't take no
for an answer.

Mm-hm, pretty crazy.
I can't even tell you guys.


Am I ever glad I chose
to wait in that trailer!

It looks like you all made it.
Guess I lose the bet.

That was just a warm-up.

Good news is,
your next challenge is a reward.


It will be the boys
against the girls,

with the winner getting
the first pick of the trailers,

where you'll be living
for the next 42 days.

You will have your choice
of trailer A,

or trailer...


Off to the craft services tent!

Oh, yeah, baby! I'm starving!

My mom says I eat
when I'm upset.

And happy. And tired.

Not to mention bored, gassy,
morose, joyous, comatose,

semiconscious, avuncular.

Ha-ha-ha! Avuncular!


This is awesome!

Dude, this chow looks like
something out of a commercial.

Ooh! Can I star?

Let's get this speed-eating
contest started!

On your marks! Get set!

Come to Papa!

No, wait!

[Owen] Oh, is this veal?
It must be veal!

I've never tasted
anything like this!

Owen, the man of many
appetites. How was it?

The turkey was a bit...



Not surprising,
since the food was fake.


Just props made
from foamcore, silicone,

sawdust and wax.

It wasn't
a speed-eating contest.

It was a contest
to find the key.

What key?

-Oh, you mean this key?
-That'd be the one.

-Does this mean I win?
-Yes. Yes, it does.

All right!

Ha-ha-ha-ha! Did you see that?

The dude ate foamcore and wax!

Full props for that, man! Ha-ha!

Way to find the key, dude!

I used to think Owen was
just some party dude

but he's really a stand-up guy.

Party on!

I could have done that, you
know. I just wasn't hungry.

Wait, wait, wait, wait!
There's still one more!


You know what that boy has?

Guts full of foamcore and
rubber, but guts just the same.

Urgh. Aah.

Ah, don't worry. I'm cool.


My mom says I've got
a gut like a goat.


-No, call 911.
-Ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha!

You're gonna need it.

Since you're the winner, you
get first pick of the trailers.


I choose... the squashed one.

-Dude, seriously?
-I wanted that!

What? It has more character.

[girls cheer]


Ha-ha-ha! Oh!

I am so over that monster!

Okay, everyone,
get a good night's sleep,

because you've got
a seriously early wake-up call.

Call time is 6:00 a.m.

Ha-ha-ha! Sleep quickly!

-I'll take the top.
-I'll call the bottom.


Ah, that's the stuff.


[Heather] I need to sleep
on the east side

so my head will be
closer to the ocean.

That's the dumbest thing
I've ever heard.

We're in Toronto.
We're nowhere near the ocean.

Then maybe I don't want
to lay my pretty head

near this big-butted,
loudmouthed, mall-shopping...

And maybe I don't want
to sleep near

a two-faced bossy little
string bean of a prom queen!

[whistles] Girls!
You heard Chris.

We need to be on set
by 6:00 a.m.

Worried we might cut into your
early-morning make-out session?


Yes. Kind of.

-No way.

Heather's meanness might
leech down while I'm sleeping.

Oh! Is meanness contagious?


Besides, I'm bunking
with my new B.F.F.

My Beth friend forever!


Fine. We'll draw straws.

Who's got straws?

We could use
make-up brushes instead!

That's actually a good idea.

Longest ones get the top bunks,
shortest ones the bottom.

Shortest of all
gets to sleep with Heather.


-Yes! Top bunk!
-I got bottom!

-I call Lindsay!
-I call Beth right back!

-I got bottom. Gwen?
-I got top. Sure.

-I've got bottom.
-I'm a top!

You mean I get two beds
all to myself?

Oh! Ha-ha-ha! Sweet.

Yeah, we've really
got to work on our math.

Ha-ha-ha! Losers!

[they snore and sigh]


They're sleeping.

[feedback whines]

This is your
5:00 a.m. wake-up call!

[others] Oh! Aah!

Ha-ha-ha! I'm only kidding!

You can sleep... for now.

[all sighing]

-[horn sounding]
-[loud fart]

That's a wrap on day one.

How will Owen fare

with a stomachful
of foamcore and sawdust?

What will tomorrow hold
for Gwen and Trent?

Who knows what drama
is in store for our cast?

Well, I do, but I ain't telling.

See you next time
for another thrilling episode

of "Total Drama Action".

McLean out. Ha-ha!

[monster roars]

[Chris] Can someone please
put a wrap on that monster?

[closing theme music]