Total Drama (2007–2014): Season 1, Episode 9 - Paintball Deer Hunter - full transcript

LAST TIME ON

TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND,

BOTH TEAMS SET OUT

ON A CANOE TRIP

TO DEADLY BONEY ISLAND.

CODY HIT ON GWEN

ABOUT 80 TIMES,

BUT HE MADE UP FOR IT

THE LAST MARSHMALLOW

WAS SET TO GO

TO EITHER



IZZY OR LINDSAY.

BUT THE RCMP

SWOOPED IN AND BAM!

IZZY HIGHTAILED IT

OUTTA THERE.

(LAUGHS)

MAN,

I KNEW THE GIRL WAS NUTS,

BUT I DIDN'T KNOW

SHE WAS TOTALLY INSANE.

HOWEVER, ONE GOPHER MAY

HAVE SECRETLY DONE SOMETHING

EVEN CRAZIER WHEN

SHE BROUGHT HOME



A CREEPY STICK STATUE

VOODOO THINGY

FROM THE DEADLY

HAUNTED ISLAND.

WILL BETH LIVE TO REGRET

HER SOUVENIR?

AND CAN MY TEETH POSSIBLY

GET ANY WHITER?

FIND OUT HERE ON

TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND.

CHORUS: ♪ DEAR MOM AND DAD,

I'M DOING FINE ♪

♪ YOU GUYS ARE ON MY MIND ♪

♪ YOU ASKED ME

WHAT I WANTED TO BE ♪

♪ AND NOW I THINK THE ANSWER

IS PLAIN TO SEE ♪

♪ I WANT TO BE FAMOUS ♪

♪ I WANT TO LIVE CLOSE

TO THE SUN ♪

♪ WELL PACK YOUR BAGS

CAUSE I'VE ALREADY WON ♪

♪ EVERYTHING TO PROVE

NOTHING IN MY WAY ♪

♪ I'LL GET THERE ONE DAY ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I WANT TO BE FAMOUS ♪

♪ NANA NA'NA NAANA NANA NANA

NA NANA NANA NA ♪

♪ I WANT TO BE, I WANT TO BE,

I WANT TO BE FAMOUS ♪

♪ I WANT TO BE, I WANT TO BE,

I WANT TO BE FAMOUS ♪

(WHISTLING

I WANT TO BE FAMOUS)

(HELICOPTER WHIRRING)

ATTACK!

THEY'RE COMING, MAN.

THEY FOUND US.

OOH. AAH! OKAY.

THAT DUDE IS REALLY STARTING

TO GET ON MY LAST NERVE.

OH, WHATEVER. HE JUST LOVES

RUINING OUR MORNINGS.

BETH, LINDSAY,

GO WARM UP

THE SHOWER FOR ME.

NOW!

AND REMEMBER...

NOW TOO HOT THIS TIME,

I KNOW. (YAWNS)

WHAT'S THE HOLD-UP?

HEATHER NEEDS

HER PRIVATE TIME.

HOW LONG'S "QUEENIE"

GONNA BE IN THERE?

I GOT URGENT BUSINESS.

SHE COULD STILL BE A WHILE.

UGH. THAT'S IT.

I'M GOING

LUMBERJACK STYLE.

(LOUDSPEAKER SQUEAKS)

CHRIS: I HOPE YOU'RE READY

FOR THE MOST CHALLENGING

CHALLENGE YET.

BREAKFAST IN THREE MINUTES

AT THE CAMPFIRE PIT.

UM, HEATHER?

HEATHER: CAN ONE OF YOU

COME IN HERE

AND LOTION MY BACK?

IT'S PEELING.

ARE YOU READY FOR TODAY'S

EXTREME MAX

IMPACT CHALLENGE?

WE ARE READY!

HA-HA.

INCOMING!

THIS IS BREAKFAST.

NO, BREAKFAST IS CREPES,

CROISSANTS,

EVEN CHEF'S

CRAPPY BURNT EGGS.

BEANS, BEANS,

THEY'RE GOOD FOR YOUR HEART.

THE MORE YOU EAT,

THE MORE YOU--

TODAY'S CHALLENGE

IS ABOUT SURVIVAL.

WE'RE GOING HUNTING.

NOW THAT'S MORE LIKE IT.

ISN'T THAT A PAINTBALL GUN?

WHY YES, HAROLD.

IT IS.

SO WE WON'T BE KILLING

ANYTHING?

NEGATORY.

THIS IS THE FIRST EVER

PAINTBALL DEER HUNT.

I'LL ANNOUNCE THE TEAMS

ONCE WE GET INTO THE WOODS.

SO FINISH BREAKY.

(OWEN BURPS)

(SIGHS)

GOT ANY MORE?

AND NOW

FOR THE TEAM BREAKDOWNS.

THE KILLER BASS HUNTERS ARE

HAROLD, GEOFF, AND BRIDGETTE,

LOCKED AND LOADED

WITH BASS BLUE PAINT.

AND USING ORANGE PAINT

ARE THE GOPHER HUNTERS,

LESHAWNA, BETH,

OWEN, LINDSAY.

WAA-HOO!

THIS IS AWESOME MAN.

YOU ALSO GET THESE STYLIN'

GLASSES AND WICKED CAMO CAPS.

THE REST OF YOU

ARE NOW DEER.

HERE ARE YOUR ANTLERS, NOSES,

AND LITTLE WHITE TAILS.

YEAH, RIGHT.

I'M NOT WEARING THAT.

THERE IS NO WAY I'M A DEER.

TAKE THESE OFF

AND YOUR TEAM IS TOAST.

(LAUGHS)

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?

OH, NOTHING, BABY.

YOU'D BETTER BE

A GOOD SHOT, TUBBY.

AT LEAST

WE GET A HEAD START.

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT Y'ALL,

BUT I'M OUTTA HERE.

THIS MAY BE THE LAMEST THING

I'VE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE.

OH, COME ON,

IT COULD BE FUN.

OKAY, CATCH YOU LATER.

I WAS SO PSYCHED

TO BE A DEER.

I'M SMALL, BUT I'M QUICK.

LOTS OF PRACTICE FROM DODGING

SPITBALLS IN MATH CLASS.

ARE YOU COMING?

NO, I'M GOING TO WAIT

FOR LINDSAY AND BETH

AND MAKE THEM PROTECT ME

FOR THE WHOLE GAME.

WOULDN'T THAT BE

AGAINST THE RULES?

DO YOU SEE A RULES PERSON

ANYWHERE?

WORRY ABOUT

YOUR OWN FLUFFY TAILS.

AND BREAK.

OKAY,

YOU DO REALIZE THAT THIS IS

ALL JUST PRETEND, RIGHT,

AND THAT IT'S JUST PAINT?

SO SAY IF YOU...

LIKE...HIT HEATHER--

WAIT.

HEATHER IS A DEER?

(CHUCKLES)

CHRIS:

START YOUR PAINTBALLS!

GAME ON!

ALL RIGHT!

LET'S GO BAG SOME DEER!

HA-HA,

I AM DOWN WITH THAT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

MASKING MY SCENT SO THE DEER

DON'T SMELL ME COMING.

-TELL ME THAT ISN'T--

-PEE?

YES. YES, IT IS.

LINDSAY: EW.

I'VE GOT SOME MORE

IF YOU NEED SOME.

WE'RE HUNTING

OTHER CAMPERS.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO HIDE

YOUR SCENT.

YOU MEAN I COLLECTED

ALL THIS PEE FOR NOTHING?

(SCREAMING)

DUDE,

YOU ARE ONE SICK TICKET.

OH, MAN.

WE'RE BACK TO WHERE WE STARTED

AND WE HAVEN'T SEEN

ONE DEER.

(CLEARS THROAT)

WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?

WERE WE SUPPOSED

TO COME FIND YOU?

HELLO, ALLIANCE, ANYONE?

OH, OH!

ME, CAN I BE IN ONE?

YOU ALREADY ARE, LINDSAY.

THAT'S THE POINT.

NOW GO FIND ME SOME BERRIES.

I'M STARVING.

WOO-HOO! YEAH!

SHOULDN'T WE BE,

YOU KNOW, HUNTING?

SHE IS HUNTING...

FOR ME.

BUT ACTUALLY,

BERRIES WON'T BE ENOUGH.

GO GET ME SOME CHIPS.

IN THE FOREST?

IN THE DINING HALL,

NOW.

AND NOT BARBECUE!

OKAY,

HEATHER CAN BE SO BOSSY.

AND IN NATURE,

HUNTERS WOULD NEVER GO FIND

FOOD FOR THE DEER.

HEATHER WON'T HEAR THIS,

RIGHT?

OWEN: THE HUNTER

IS A FINELY TUNED MACHINE,

HIS SENSES HEIGHTENED

BY THE THRILL OF THE CHASE.

(SNIFFS)

SUDDENLY,

OUR HUNTER SPOTS

A MAGNIFICENT BUCK

IN A CLEARING.

IF HE'S TO SUCCEED,

THE HUNTER MUST DEMONSTRATE

PATIENCE AND CONTROL.

(FARTS)

(WHISTLING)

(GASPS) WHEW.

-(DOORS SHUTS)

-OW!

OWEN:

THE HUNTER MOVES IN,

AWARE OF EVERY PROTON

IN HIS ENVIRONMENT.

AW, CRAP!

IT'S ON, D.J.

YOUR BUTT'S A HAMBURGER,

AND I'M ONE HOT BARBECUE.

(WHISTLING)

(SNIFFS)

(FLOOR CREAKS)

SO I'M RUNNING FOR MY LIFE

FROM THIS PSYCHO CHEF

WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN,

IT HITS ME.

I AM DOING THIS FOR HEATHER?

I DON'T EVEN LIKE HER.

OWEN:

YOU'RE MY BURGER NOW, D.J.

WHOA! OHH.

PSST. WHOEVER YOU ARE,

GO AHEAD, SHOOT ME.

YOU CAN'T MAKE TODAY

ANY SUCKIER.

YOU'RE A HUNTER.

I'M A DEER.

SLIGHT FOOD-CHAIN ISSUE

WITH ME SHOOTING YOU.

HOW GOES IT?

I'M SO DONE

WITH THIS GAME.

WHAT HAPPENED?

HAVE YOU BAGGED ANY DEER YET?

NO, BUT I DID RISK MY LIFE

TO STEAL A BAG OF CHIPS.

HEATHER:

WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?

HERE.

I HOPE YOU KNOW WHAT I HAD

TO GO THROUGH TO GET THOSE.

THERE'S LIKE,

11 CHIPS LEFT.

(SNIFFING)

AND THEY'RE BARBECUE.

GO EXCHANGE THEM

FOR DILL PICKLE.

-NO.

-WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?

I'M JUST GONNA...

YEAH.

TAKE IT BACK.

NO.

TAKE IT BACK.

NO, I'M TIRED

OF BEING YOUR SLAVE.

NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,

I HAVE A CHALLENGE

TO COMPLETE.

OUCH!

WHOEVER YOU ARE,

THIS IS SO NOT COOL!

OH!

OWEN: THE HUNTER'S COURAGE

AND DESIRE WILL NOT STOP!

YOU'RE MINE NOW, DEER.

-(CLICKING)

-HUH?

UM, THE HUNTER KNOWS THAT

HIS PREY WILL STAY THERE

FOR A MOMENT,

PARALYZED IN,

UH, FEAR AND RESPECT.

THE DEER CANNOT

BEST THE HUNTER.

HEY, DUDE, COME ON NOW.

LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS.

AHH!

WAIT, I HAVE BLUEBERRIES.

SEE? OH. OH.

FOLLOW ME.

MMM, BARBECUE.

MMM,

THE KING OF CHIP FLAVORS.

HUH. MMM.

-HEY, BETH.

-HUH?

OH, I TOTALLY HAD HER.

WE'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT YOU.

WE HAVE?

ZIP IT, LINDS-IOT.

WE DECIDED TO GIVE YOU

ONE LAST CHANCE.

IF YOU TAKE IT BACK,

YOU CAN REJOIN OUR ALLIANCE.

TAKE BACK WHAT?

THE "N" WORD "NO."

I DON'T WANT TO TAKE IT BACK.

YOU ARE NOTHING

WITHOUT ME.

DO YOU KNOW

WHY WE KEEP LOSING CHALLENGES?

BECAUSE

THEY'RE LAME AND STUPID?

NO, BECAUSE YOU'RE SO BUSY

BEING MEAN

THAT YOU DON'T EVEN TRY.

NOW ALL YOU CAN THINK

OF IS BOSSING US AROUND!

(GASPS)

OH, THAT'S IT!

BRING IT, DWEEB!

YOU CAN LEAVE THE HUNTER

WITH LESS AMMO

THAN HE THOUGHT HE HAD.

YOU CAN

THROW HIM OVER A CLIFF.

YOU CAN EVEN LEAVE HIM

WITH A CASE OF TOE CRABS,

BUT YOU CANNOT BREAK

HIS SPIRIT!

FRESH MEAT.

I AM GIVING YOU

ONE LAST CHANCE.

WHY?

BECAUSE YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T WIN

WITHOUT YOUR LITTLE ALLIANCE?

HEATHER: I CAN MAKE YOUR LIFE

MISERABLE HERE.

BETH: YOU ALREADY DO, MISS

"COME PUT LOTION

ON MY NASTY ALLIGATOR SKIN."

WHAT DO I HAVE TO LOSE?

TWO HOURS OF SNEAKING AROUND

IN THE WOODS,

AND I HAVEN'T SHOT

A DARN THING.

WHAT KIND OF MESSED UP PERSON

ACTUALLY DOES THIS FOR FUN?

HEATHER: FINE.

BE ALL ALONE THEN, LOSER!

BETH: IT'S BETTER THAN

WORKING FOR YOU.

HEATHER: BRING IT, DWEEB!

BETH: OHH! THAT'S IT.

OW! WHO WAS THAT?

OH, I KNEW

I SHOULD HAVE GONE

TO THE OPTOMETRIST

BEFORE I CAME OUT HERE.

SORRY ABOUT THAT.

YOU?

GIVE ME YOUR GUN.

GIVE IT!

OW! CHARLIE HORSE.

GIRL, YOU CRAZY.

IT JUST LOOKED LIKE

A LOT OF FUN WHEN YOU DID IT.

HEATHER: STOP LAUGHING!

(SLURPING)

OWEN: THIS IS THE SHOT

OF THE DAY.

WITH ONE PAINTBALL,

HUNTER AND PREY'S

MUTUAL DESTINIES

WILL BE FULFILLED.

(FARTS)

(SNIFFS)

BEANS.

OWEN!

(FARTS)

NICE TRY, FARTICUS!

YOU ALMOST HAD ME.

(FARTS)

(FARTS)

I THOUGHT

IT WAS A CINCH TO WIN.

I ALMOST MADE IT

ALL THE WAY THROUGH

WITHOUT BEING HIT

BY A SINGLE PAINTBALL.

MMM, BERRIES.

(GROWLING)

HEY, BIG FELLA,

WANT SOME BERRIES?

(ROARS)

(GRUNTING)

MMM, MMM.

GIVE ME THAT!

OH, NOW IT IS SO ON.

WHY DO YOU SMELL

WORSE THAN USUAL?

IT'S OWEN'S STINK.

IT'S FOLLOWING ME AROUND

LIKE MY JUVENILE RECORD.

WELL, I'M HEADING BACK.

THIS STUPID GAME

MUST BE ALMOST OVER BY NOW.

YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY.

EXCUSE ME,

I WAS A C.I.T. REMEMBER?

I HAVE A NATURAL

SENSE OF DIRECTION.

CAMP IS THIS WAY.

NO, IT'S THAT WAY.

(CRASH)

COURTNEY: UH! OH.

VERY FUNNY.

NOW LET ME GO!

HEY, PRINCESS, THIS ISN'T

MY IDEA OF FUN, EITHER.

GREAT, DUNCAN.

SURE, WE COULD HAVE TAKEN THOSE

LAME-O ANTLER HATS OFF,

BUT MISS COUNSELOR-IN-TRAINING

WOULD PROBABLY GO

BLAB TO CHRIS

AND HAVE US DISQUALIFIED.

AND, HEY, I KIND OF LIKED IT.

NOW WHAT?

DO YOU WANT TO MAKE OUT?

(LAUGHS)

BETH: GOTCHA!

LESHAWNA: GOTCHA!

BETH: YEAH!

YOU'RE GOING DOWN!

THIS IS REALLY FUN.

CHRIS: ATTENTION,

HUMAN WILDLIFE AND HUNTERS.

PLEASE REPORT BACK TO CAMP.

IT'S TIME TO SHOW YOUR HIDES

AND TALLY UP THE SCORES.

TSK, TSK, TSK.

STEALING FROM CHEF,

EATING CHIPS IN THE WOODS,

BEING MAULED BY BEARS.

DO YOU KNOW

WHAT I SEE HERE?

I SEE A VERY

UNDISCIPLINED GROUP.

I SEE A DISGRACEFUL MESS.

I SEE A MASSIVE WASTE

OF PAINT PRODUCT.

AND I HAVE TO SAY

THAT WAS AWESOME!

WHEN YOU GUYS OPENED FIRE

ON YOUR OWN TEAM,

WICKED T.V., GUYS.

HEY, WHERE ARE DUNCAN

AND COURTNEY?

GWEN:

OH, THIS IS TOO MUCH.

(LAUGHS)

DUNCAN, YOU SLY DOG, YOU.

THE GIRL CAN'T KEEP

HER ANTLERS OFF ME.

OHH!

CAN'T EVEN BEND OVER.

EASY, COURTNEY.

OUR MEDICAL TENT'S REALLY

ONLY EQUIPPED FOR ONE AT A TIME,

AND CODY'S PRETTY MESSED UP.

WELL, SINCE THREE MEMBERS

OF THE GOPHERS

ARE DRIPPING IN PAINT--

MAKE THAT FOUR MEMBERS,

AND SOME OF THEM

AREN'T EVEN DEER,

I THINK WE HAVE OUR WINNER.

(CHEERS)

CHRIS: YOU'RE OFF

TO A HUNTING-CAMP SHINDIG.

-WOO!

-AH.

GOPHERS,

I'LL SEE YOU

AT THE CAMPFIRE CEREMONY.

AGAIN.

HEATHER: I MEAN, SERIOUSLY,

TWICE IN A ROW?

WHAT IS WRONG

WITH YOU PEOPLE?

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE

BETH GET KICKED OFF.

I JUST WISH I COULD VOTE OFF

TWO CAMPERS AT ONCE.

OKAY, I KNOW

I GOT MAULED BY A BEAR,

BUT I'M FEELING

GOOD ABOUT THIS.

I'M A QUICK HEALER.

AND BESIDES,

HEATHER'S AS MEAN

AS A SNAKE, DUDE.

HER OWN TEAM SHOT HER

LIKE 18 TIMES.

THEY'LL NEVER KICK ME OFF.

WHO DID I VOTE FOR?

WELL, HEATHER'S BEEN A PAIN

IN MY BUTT FROM DAY ONE.

BUT I GOT TO SAY, CODY.

YEAH, THAT CODY.

NOT SO USEFUL

IN CHALLENGES ANYMORE.

I TOTALLY ADMIRE BELLE

FOR STANDING UP TO HEATHER,

BUT SHE'S SO DEAD NOW.

THERE ARE ONLY SEVEN

MARSHMALLOWS ON THIS PLATE.

WHEN I CALL YOUR NAME,

COME UP AND CLAIM YOUR

MARSHMALLOW.

THE CAMPER--

WHO DOES NOT RECEIVE

A MARSHMALLOW

MUST IMMEDIATELY RETURN

TO THE DOCK OF SHAME,

CATCH THE BOAT OF LOSERS,

AND LEAVE.

CAN'T WE JUST GET THIS

OVER WITH?

FINE. WHATEVER.

SPOIL THE MOMENT.

TRENT,

LINDSAY,

OWEN,

GWEN,

LESHAWNA,

BETH.

CAMPERS, THIS IS THE FINAL

MARSHMALLOW TONIGHT.

HEATHER.

YOU ARE ALL LUCKY,

OKAY? VERY LUCKY.

CODY, THE DOCK OF SHAME

AWAITS, BRO.

I GUESS WE CAN HELP

YOU GET THERE.

I'LL DO IT.

GWEN: BYE, CODY.

SEE YOU, BUDDY.

TAKE CARE, DUDE.

-(MUFFLED SPEECH)

-BETH: I KNOW.

I CAN'T BELIEVE

I STOOD UP TO HER, EITHER.

(MUFFLED SPEECH)

I'M GONNA TO BE OKAY.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME.

AND I STILL HAVE

MY GOOD LUCK CHARM.

SEE? I GOT IT FROM

BONEY ISLAND LAST WEEK.

COOL, HUH?

BYE, CODY.

TAKE CARE.

(MUFFLED CRIES)