Total Drama (2007–2014): Season 1, Episode 5 - Not Quite Famous - full transcript

The campers step on stage for the most dramatic elimination competition yet!

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CHRIS: LAST TIME ON

TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND

THE KILLER BASS FINALLY DODGED

THEIR PATHETIC LOSING STREAK

AGAINST THE SCREAMING GOPHERS.

THERE WERE BRUISES,

TEARS, RISKY MOVES,

AND DANGEROUS ALLIANCES.

AND IN THE END, IT WAS NOAH,

THE KNOW-IT-ALL,

WHO DIDN'T SEE IT COMING.



THIS WEEK, ANOTHER CHALLENGE

WILL SEND ONE MORE CAMPER

ON A CRUISE TO LOSERVILLE,

POPULATION...FOUR.

WHO WILL SINK

AND WHO WILL STAY AFLOAT?

FIND OUT RIGHT NOW ON

TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND .

CHORUS: ♪ DEAR MOM AND DAD,

I'M DOING FINE ♪

♪ YOU GUYS ARE ON MY MIND ♪

♪ YOU ASKED ME

WHAT I WANTED TO BE ♪

♪ AND NOW I THINK THE ANSWER



IS PLAIN TO SEE ♪

♪ I WANT TO BE FAMOUS ♪

♪ I WANT TO LIVE CLOSE

TO THE SUN ♪

♪ WELL PACK YOUR BAGS

'CAUSE I'VE ALREADY WON ♪

♪ EVERYTHING TO PROVE

NOTHING IN MY WAY ♪

♪ I'LL GET THERE ONE DAY ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I WANT TO BE FAMOUS ♪

♪ NANA NA'NA NAANA NANA NANA

NA NANA NANA NA ♪

♪ I WANT TO BE, I WANT TO BE,

I WANT TO BE FAMOUS ♪

♪ I WANT TO BE, I WANT TO BE,

I WANT TO BE FAMOUS ♪

(WHISTLING

I WANT TO BE FAMOUS)

LINDSAY: OKAY, THIS IS

SO--WAY--BEYOND, BAD.

I'M OUT OF FAKE

TANNER, ALREADY.

WHOA, THAT'S TRAGIC, LINDSAY.

NOW I HAVE TO ACTUALLY

LIKE SUNTAN, IN THE SUN.

DO YOU REALIZE

HOW SHRIVELED AND WRINKLY

THAT CAN MAKE YOUR SKIN?

OH, YOU TOTALLY DO...

CHRIS: (ON LOUDSPEAKER)

ALL RIGHT, CAMPERS,

ENOUGH BEAUTY SLEEP.

TIME TO SHOW US

WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF.

LINDSAY: ARE

WE GONNA SEE A MUSICAL?

I LOVE MUSICALS.

ESPECIALLY, THE ONES

WITH SINGING AND DANCING.

GWEN, SAVED YOU A SEAT.

THANKS.

WHOO...WHOA!

(SPITS)

WELCOME TO

OUR BRAND-NEW, DELUXE,

STATE-OF-THE-ART

OUTDOOR AMPHITHEATER.

OKAY, THIS WEEK'S CHALLENGE

IS A SUMMER CAMP FAVORITE,

A TALENT CONTEST.

YES! AWESOME.

EACH TEAM

HAS 8 HOURS TO PICK

THEIR THREE

MOST TALENTED CAMPERS.

THESE THREE WILL REPRESENT

THEM IN THE SHOW TONIGHT.

SING, DANCE, JUGGLE.

ANYTHING GOES

AS LONG AS IT'S LEGAL.

YOU WILL BE JUDGED

BY OUR RESIDENT TALENT SCOUT,

FORMER D.J., V.J.,

AND RAP LEGEND

GRAND...MASTER CHEF

WHO WILL SHOW HIS APPROVAL

VIA THE CHEF-O-METER.

(DINGING)

THE TEAM THAT LOSES

WILL SEND ONE CAMPER HOME

TONIGHT.

GOOD LUCK.

(BLOWS WHISTLE)

OKAY, I'M THE TEAM CAPTAIN,

SO HERE'S HOW

IT'S GOING TO WORK.

WAIT, WHO SAID YOU

WERE TEAM CAPTAIN?

SHE DID.

JUST NOW.

LINDSAY, BETH,

AND I TOOK A VOTE, AND I WON.

THREATENING THEM TO VOTE FOR YOU

ISN'T EXACTLY DEMOCRATIC.

HEY, SNAGGED YOU

AN EXTRA MUFFIN.

TRENT, YOU'RE COOL WITH ME

LEADING THIS PROJECT,

AREN'T YOU?

RIGHT ON. GO FOR IT.

GOOD.

BETH, LINDSAY,

AND I WILL BE THE JUDGES.

(SIGHS)

WHATEVER.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYS)

-ARE YOU GONNA AUDITION?

-DOUBTFUL.

YOU SHOULD BE IN THIS, THOUGH.

I HEARD YOU THE OTHER

NIGHT BY THE DOCK.

YOU WERE REALLY GOOD.

(OWEN BELCHING)

A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M-N

-O-P-Q-R-S-T-U-V-W-X-Y-ZED!

YES!

THAT WAS EXCELLENT, MAN.

WELL, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO

DO THAT IN THIS CONTEST.

THAT'S DISGUSTING.

DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS

TO BURP THE ENTIRE ALPHABET

IN ONE GO?

I CAN ALSO TOOT

BEETHOVEN'S FIFTH.

ALL: NO! NO, NO, NO.

OWEN.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

ANYWHERE, THAT'S NOT HERE.

MAN, THAT IS WEAK.

THANK YOU.

(CLEARS THROAT)

OH, I VOTE FOR HEATHER

TO BE IN THE CONTEST.

I SECOND THAT.

GUYS, THAT'S SO SWEET.

OKAY, SO, I GUESS, I'M IN.

WHY DOESN'T

EVERYONE TAKE FIVE?

I NEED YOU TO DO SOMETHING.

CAN YOU KEEP A SECRET?

OH, MY GOSH, DEFINITELY.

MY SISTER GOT DIARRHEA

ONCE ON A DATE,

AND I HAD TO BRING HER

TOILET PAPER

BECAUSE THE RESTAURANT

WAS ALL OUT

AND SHE WAS STUCK

IN THE BATHROOM,

AND I'VE NEVER TOLD A SOUL.

OOPS. SORRY, PAULA.

GWEN'S UP TO

SOMETHING SERIOUS.

I WANT YOU TO FOLLOW HER

AND REPORT BACK TO ME.

LINDSAY: SERIOUS?

YEAH, SERIOUSLY BORING.

OOH, THAT'S NOT BORING.

FINE.

SIGN HIM UP.

-NEXT?

-ME!

I CAN STAND

ON MY HANDS FOR 20 MINUTES.

WATCH.

COURTNEY: OKAY, THAT'D BE

CUTE IF YOU WERE A MONKEY.

I JUST DON'T THINK IT'S

QUITE WHAT WE'RE LOOKING FOR.

NEXT.

-(INHALES)

-COURTNEY: NEXT.

(EXHALES)

HEATHER: LINDSAY, COME IN.

WHAT DID YOU FIND OUT?

OVER.

LINDSAY, WHERE ARE YOU?

UH...ON MY WAY BACK.

UNDER.

AWESOME.

WELL, I GUESS, IT'S GEOFF,

D.J.'S RIBBON THING,

AND YOUR SOLO.

I'M GONNA BE ON TV, MAN.

YOU'RE ALREADY ON TV, GEOFF.

OH, YEAH.

HELLO, OUT THERE, DUDES!

I CALL THIS THE DANCE

OF THE RATTLESNAKE.

(IMITATING RATTLESNAKE)

♪ LOOK INTO MY EYES

WHAT DO YOU SEE ♪

(SINGING)

SHE'S GOOD.

ARE YOU SURE THIS IS SAFE?

BETH: IT'S OKAY.

I'VE BEEN PRACTICING.

RUN!

BETH: I KIND OF MISSED

THE CATCHING CLASS.

UH, GUYS, THE BUSH IS ON FIRE.

OKAY, SO I THINK IT'S ME,

TRENT, AND JUSTIN.

ANY OBJECTIONS?

WHAT YOU GOT THERE, A JOURNAL?

-BEAT IT.

-OH, I GET IT.

YEAH, IT'S PRIVATE, HUH?

I'M DOWN WITH THAT.

YEAH, IT'S COOL, BRAH.

WHAT PART OF "BEAT IT"

DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?

(SNIFFS)

WHAT ARE YOU,

SOME KIND OF FREAK?

Y-YOU JUST SMELL

REALLY PRETTY.

IT'S JUST SOAP.

I WON'T EVEN ASK.

LOOK.

THE FIRST HOOK-UP

OF THE SEASON.

OH, YEAH,

WE'RE GOING AT IT BIG-TIME.

I NEED A SWIM

JUST TO COOL OFF.

AAH!

GWEN, WAIT UP.

I'LL COME WITH YOU.

SURE.

I MEAN, WHATEVER.

YOU, STAY HERE.

WE'VE GOT A DIARY TO FIND.

SO CAN YOU REALLY STAND ON

YOUR HANDS FOR 20 MINUTES?

WANT TO BET THAT I CAN'T?

OH, YOU'RE ON.

I'LL TAKE A PIECE

OF THAT ACTION.

YEAH, THAT'S LIKE

VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE.

ANTE UP.

OKAY, 20 MINUTES STARTING NOW.

(LAUGHING)

OH, CRAP.

YOU, YOU KILLED MY VIOLIN.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO.

THERE MUST BE

SOMETHING WE CAN DO.

YOU STAND GUARD.

AND REMEMBER, IF YOU SEE

GWEN COMING, WARN ME.

OKAY.

SOMETIMES I JUST NEED

TO GET AWAY FROM EVERYONE HERE,

YOU KNOW?

I MEAN, IT'S LIKE

THEY'RE ALL DRIVING ME CRAZY.

WELL, ALMOST ALL OF THEM.

CANNONBALL!

AH, I HATE THIS PLACE.

NICE GOING, GUYS.

YEAH, NICE GOING.

HUH?

OKAY, IF I WERE A SECRET DIARY,

WHERE WOULD I BE STASHED?

HEY, GWEN.

GWEN, IT'S YOU.

HI!

LINDSAY: WHAT ARE YOU DOING

HERE OUTSIDE OF THE CABIN,

GWEN?

TRYING TO GET INTO THE CABIN.

OH, YOU'RE TRYING TO

GET INTO THE CABIN.

THAT'S VERY INTERESTING.

WAIT! STAY HERE.

WE CAN GET TANS TOGETHER.

AND YOU COULD TOTALLY USE ONE.

YES!

SHE IS SO DUD.

GWEN: ARE YOU GONNA MOVE,

OR DO I HAVE TO THROW YOU

OUT OF MY WAY?

LINDSAY: YOU CAN TRY,

BUT I HAVE

MARTIAL-ARTS TRAINING.

OKAY, YOU CAN GO IN.

LOOK!

GWEN'S BACK!

HEY, GWEN,

DID YOU HAVE A GOOD SWIM?

WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE?

NOTHING, JUST RESTING

BEFORE THE BIG SHOW.

ARE YOU ALWAYS SO PARANOID?

YEAH, REALLY.

OKAY, I KNOW I'M NOT AS GOOD

AS YOU ARE AT THE VIOLIN,

BUT I CAN DO THIS.

BRIDGETTE.

TOO BAD ABOUT THE ACCIDENT.

I GUESS YOU'RE GOING TO GET

YOUR 15 SECONDS OF FAME

AFTER ALL, HUH?

WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

OH, NOTHING.

NO ONE WOULD

SABOTAGE THEIR OWN TEAMMATE

UNLESS THEY MAYBE

FELT THREATENED.

HEY, MAYBE THAT'S

HOW YOU GOPHERS OPERATE,

BUT THE KILLER BASS

HAVE MORE CLASS THAN THAT.

WE'RE A TEAM.

WELL, I GUESS, YOU'LL GO DOWN

AS A TEAM TOO.

OH, AND EASY ON THE CHIPS.

YOU DON'T WANT TO SINK THAT

SURFBOARD OF YOURS, DO YOU?

WHAT A BUNCH OF LOSERS.

IT'S SO EASY

IT'S ALMOST NOT FUN--ALMOST.

CHRIS: IT'S THE T.D.I.

TALENT EXTRAVAGANZA!

WELCOME TO THE VERY FIRST CAMP

WAWANAKWA TALENT CONTEST,

WHERE SIX CAMPERS WILL

SHOWCASE THEIR MAD SKILLS

AND DESPERATELY TRY

NOT TO HUMILIATE THEMSELVES.

FIRST UP FOR THE SCREAMING

GOPHERS IS JUSTIN.

(CHEERING)

LINDSAY: YEAH,

JUSTIN, OH, YEAH!

THERE ARE TWO SYLLABLES FOR HOT,

"JUS" AND "TIN."

"MAN, THAT GUY IS JUST

SO HOT I COULD KISS HIM,

BECAUSE

HE'S A GOOD TEAMMATE."

DAH, WHY'D I SAY THAT?

OKAY, I DON'T KNOW

WHAT THAT WAS,

BUT DANG YOU'VE GOT

SOME MOVES, DUDE.

(CHEERING)

FIRST UP FOR THE KILLER BASS,

MAKE SOME NOISE

FOR THE BIG GUY...D.J.!

(CHEERING)

DAINTY AND YET MASCULINE.

LET'S SEE WHAT

GRANDMASTER CHEF THINKS.

(DINGING)

NOT MUCH.

SO WITH TWO DOWN

AND FOUR ACTS TO GO,

IT'S THE SCREAMING

GOPHERS SCREAMING AHEAD.

NEXT ON DECK...TRENT.

TAKE IT AWAY, MY BRO.

THIS ONE GOES OUT TO

SOMEONE SPECIAL HERE AT CAMP.

♪ THEY SAY

THAT WE'VE ONLY GOT SUMMER ♪

♪ AND I SAY

THAT'S REALLY A BUMMER ♪

♪ BUT WE'LL SWIM IN THE SUN

AND HAVE LOTS OF FUN ♪

♪ IT'LL JUST BE THE TWO OF US ♪

♪ NOTHING TO DO BUT JUST HANG ♪

♪ SO LET ME SAY ONLY THIS ♪

♪ I'D STICK AROUND

FOR JUST ONE KISS ♪

-(APPLAUSE)

-NICE WORK.

(DINGING)

I'M LIKING YOUR STYLE, DUDE,

AND SO DOES GRANDMASTER CHEF.

ALL RIGHT, QUIT HOGGING

MY LIGHT, BUDDY.

THREE DOWN AND THREE TO GO,

AND THE KILLER BASS

ARE TOTALLY SUCKING SO FAR.

LET'S HEAR IT FOR BRIDGETTE.

ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN DO THIS?

(STOMACH RUMBLING)

OH, DEFINITELY.

NO, I--I'M GREAT.

REALLY.

(BURPS)

(GASPS)

OWEN: I'M HIT.

I'M HIT!

HEY, PUKE ON YOUR OWN BOYFRIEND.

ON YOUR OWN WHAT, LINDSAY?

I DIDN'T SAY BOYFRIEND.

CLEANUP IN AISLE THREE,

FOUR, FIVE, AND SIX.

IN THE MEANTIME,

WE'LL TAKE A SHORT BREAK

TO HOSE THE JOINT DOWN.

GOING HOME WON'T BE SO BAD.

I COULD ALWAYS WORK

AT THE SURF SHACK.

CHRIS: WELCOME

BACK TO THE T.D.I.

TALENT EXTRAVAGANZA!

WELCOME BACK.

OKAY, SO IN A STRANGE

TURN OF EVENTS,

BRIDGETTE'S CHUNK-BLOWING

FEST REGISTERED TWO THUMBS UP

BY GRANDMASTER CHEF.

BUT IT'S NOT ENOUGH

TO PULL AHEAD

OF THE SCREAMING GOPHERS

WHO HOLD THE LEAD

WITH TRENT'S LOVE SONG.

SO WITHOUT FURTHER DELAY,

HERE SHE IS FOR THE LEADERS...

-HEATHER.

-(APPLAUSE)

ORIGINALLY, I WAS

GOING TO DANCE FOR YOU

BUT INSTEAD

I WANT TO CELEBRATE TEAM SPIRIT

WITH A COLLABORATION.

SHE WOULDN'T.

HEATHER: SO WITH WORDS BY GWEN,

PERFORMANCE BY ME,

ENJOY.

(CLEARS THROAT)

"OKAY, SO I'M TRYING

TO IGNORE HIM,

BUT HE'S JUST SO CUTE.

IF THEY HAD CUSTOM-ORDERED

A GUY

TO BE A DISTRACTION FOR ME HERE,

IT WOULD'VE BEEN 'MCHOTTIE."

(GASPS)

"WE JUST TOTALLY CONNECT.

HE'S PRETTY MUCH THE ONLY PERSON

I CAN RELATE TO HERE

AND I KNOW IT'S A CLICHE,

BUT I LOVE GUYS

WHO PLAY GUITAR."

WAIT.

I DON'T PLAY GUITAR.

THANK YOU.

THAT WAS SO MEAN.

SERIOUSLY.

WELL, THEN, IT'S DOWN TO

THE FINAL ACT OF THE NIGHT.

CAN GEOFF AND HIS RAD

STUNTS TURN IT AROUND?

I SERIOUSLY DOUBT IT.

LET'S FIND OUT.

WHOA, THAT KIND OF WRECKS

THE RIDE.

NOW WHAT?

WE HAVE TO SEND

SOMEONE OUT THERE,

OR WE'RE GOING TO LOSE THIS.

KATIE AND SADIE

ARE COVERED IN BARF.

WELL, THAT ONLY LEAVES

TYLER, DUNCAN, OR HAROLD.

WE ALREADY KNOW TYLER SUCKS.

WHAT CAN DUNCAN DO AGAIN?

CARVE A PICTURE OF HIS OWN

SKULL INTO A TREE?

WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?

JUST GO FOR IT, HAROLD.

WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOSE?

(BEATBOXING)

AWESOME.

(BEATBOXING)

GOSH.

(BEATBOXING)

AWESOME.

(BEATBOXING)

WHAT? WHAT?

UH-HUH.

WHAT? WHAT?

(BEATBOXING)

BOOYA.

(CHEERING)

THAT'S AMAZING.

THAT WAS AMAZING.

WICKED BEATBOXING, DUDE.

(DINGING)

CHECK IT OUT.

GRANDMASTER CHEF

HAS DECLARED HE'S WINNER.

EVEN THOUGH THEY HELD THE LEAD,

THE SCREAMING GOPHERS HAVE BEEN

TRAMPLED BY THE KILLER BASS.

-HAROLD, THAT WAS AMAZING.

-COURTNEY: YOU DID IT.

AND AS FOR

THE SCREAMING GOPHERS,

PICK YOUR FAVORITE LOSER,

AND I'LL SEE YOU AT THE BONFIRE.

PEOPLE THOUGHT

I WAS MEAN TO GWEN.

WHATEVER.

ALL I NEEDED WAS FOUR VOTES

AGAINST JUSTIN.

LINDSAY AND BETH WERE EASY.

IZZY'S JUST CRAZY.

AND OWEN, PIECE OF CAKE.

(LAUGHS)

PIECE OF CAKE.

CHRIS: KUDOS TO YOU

ALL FOR AN INCREDIBLE NIGHT

OF ENTERTAINMENT,

MUSIC, DRAMA, BARFING.

THERE'S ONLY ONE MARSHMALLOW

LEFT ON THIS PLATE.

JUSTIN, YOU REMINDED US

ALL THAT LOOKS MATTER A LOT.

AND, HEATHER,

YOU'RE FULL OF SURPRISES,

BUT READING ANOTHER

CHICK'S DIARY OUT LOUD

TO THE WHOLE WORLD?

MAN, THAT IS WHACK.

NO KIDDING.

THAT'S REALLY MESSED UP, DUDE.

OH, PLEASE, JUST GIVE ME

MY MARSHMALLOW ALREADY.

JUSTIN, I PERSONALLY THINK

THIS IS VERY WRONG,

BUT TONIGHT HOTNESS

JUST WASN'T ENOUGH.

THE LAST MARSHMALLOW

GOES TO HEATHER.

TIME TO CATCH THE BOAT

OF LOSERS, BRAH.

LATER, BRAH.

IF THAT EVIL LITTLE COW THINKS

SHE'S GETTING AWAY WITH THIS,

SHE HAS ANOTHER THING COMING.

DID YOU SAY YOU BROUGHT

A RED ANT FARM WITH YOU?

YES.

(HEATHER SCREAMS)

SWEET DREAMS, EVERYONE.

(GIGGLES)