Total Drama (2007–2014): Season 1, Episode 27 - The Last Episode, Really! - full transcript

It's the finals and there's a surprise in store for our two reigning champs Owen and Gwen.

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it - foodval.com
---
CHRIS:

AH, MORNING IN MUSKOKA.

THE BIRDS CHIRPING,

THE LOON CALLING,

THE MAJESTIC, GENTLE SOUNDS

OF BEAUTIFUL NORTHERN ONTARIO.

(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

WELCOME TO THE MOST DRAMATIC,

THRILLING EPISODE YET.

(NOISEMAKER BLOWS)

IT'S BEEN A LONG EIGHT WEEKS



AT CAMP WAWANAKWA,

AND "TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND"

IS ABOUT TO COME TO AN END.

TODAY,

TWO CAMPERS REMAIN.

BY SUNDOWN,

ONLY ONE WILL BE LEFT STANDING.

THAT CAMPER WILL GO HOME

WITH A CHECK FOR $100,000.

WHO WILL IT BE--

BROODING, UNTANNED

ALTERNATIVE ARTIST GWEN

OR THE LARGE

AND LOVABLE GOOFBALL OWEN?



GO GRAB A SNACK,

HAVE A PEE IF YOU HAVE TO,

SIT YOUR BUTT DOWN,

AND GET READY FOR

THE DRAMATIC FINAL CONCLUSION

OF "TOTAL... DRAMA... ISLAND"!

♪ DEAR MOM AND DAD,

I'M DOING FINE ♪

♪ YOU GUYS ARE ON MY MIND ♪

♪ YOU ASKED ME

WHAT I WANTED TO BE ♪

♪ AND NOW I THINK THE ANSWER

IS PLAIN TO SEE ♪

♪ I WANT TO BE FAMOUS ♪

♪ I WANT TO LIVE CLOSE

TO THE SUN ♪

♪ WELL, PACK YOUR BAGS

'CAUSE I'VE ALREADY WON ♪

♪ EVERYTHING TO PROVE,

NOTHING IN MY WAY ♪

♪ I'LL GET THERE ONE DAY ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I WANNA BE FAMOUS ♪

♪ NAH NAH-NAH-NAH-NAH ♪

♪ NAH-NAH NAH-NAH-NAH

NAH-NAH NAH-NAH-NAH ♪

♪ I WANNA BE,

I WANNA BE ♪

♪ I WANNA BE FAMOUS ♪

♪ I WANNA BE,

I WANNA BE ♪

♪ I WANNA BE FAMOUS ♪

(WHISTLING)

WELCOME BACK.

WE ASKED OUR FINALISTS

TO RECORD THEIR THOUGHTS

IN OUR CONFESSIONAL BOOTH

BEFORE GOING

INTO THE FINAL ROUND.

I HAD A WICKED TIME!

IT WAS AWESOME.

YEAH!

WHO'S THE MAN?!

WHAT WAS IT LIKE BEING HERE

FOR EIGHT WEEKS?

IT SUCKED,

THAT'S WHAT.

UGH!

YOU THINK IT'S EASY COOKING

FOR 22 UNGRATEFUL TEENAGERS?

MAN, I'VE HAD BETTER JOBS

IN PRISON.

THE FOOD WAS AWESOME!

AHH!

AT LEAST SOMEONE'S

APPRECIATIVE.

SLAVING ALL DAY

AT A HOT STOVE.

THE FOOD WAS DISGUSTING.

"LESS RAT DROPPINGS."

DOES THIS LOOK LIKE

A 5-STAR RESTAURANT TO YOU?

AND THE PEOPLE

WERE JUST AWESOME!

THE PEOPLE HERE SUCKED.

THEY WERE NOTHING BUT A BUNCH OF

BACKSTABBING, MANIPULATIVE,

TWO-TIMING, FAME-HUNGRY,

DIM-WITTED,

CERTIFIABLY INSANE,

REALLY WEIRD,

PSYCHOTIC, REDNECK,

OVERBEARING,

GOODY-GOODY, KNOW-IT-ALL

PARTY-OBSESSED JERKS.

(SIGHS)

I WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO MEET

FIVE PEOPLE

WHO WERE ACTUALLY SANE.

THE ONE THING

I'LL BE REMEMBERED FOR?

UH...

(FARTING)

I HOPE

MY GREAT PERSONALITY.

(FARTS)

WHAT WILL I BE REMEMBERED FOR?

UGH!

MY GREAT PERSONALITY.

OKAY, I'M DONE HERE.

NOW IT'S TIME TO WELCOME

THE 20 CAMPERS

WHO DID NOT MAKE IT

TO THE FINALS.

HEY, GUYS!

(LAUGHS) GOOD TO SEE YA!

WOULD EVERYONE WHO'S WALKED

THE DOCK OF SHAME

AND LEFT CAMP ON THE BOAT

OF LOSERS

KINDLY TAKE A SEAT IN THE PEANUT

GALLERY OF FAILURE?

THE SIDE YOU CHOOSE

SHOULD REPRESENT

WHO YOU WOULD LIKE TO CHEER

ON TO VICTORY

IN TODAY'S FINAL COMPETITION.

(CHUCKLES) NICE RUG.

OH, BITE ME.

STOP TOUCHING MY HAIR,

CRAZY GIRL.

GWEN IS GOING DOWN.

HOW DO I KNOW?

(LAUGHS)

"GOOD LUCK TODAY.

LOVE, TRENT."

IT'S AMAZING HOW EASY IT IS

TO TAMPER WITH BAKED GOODS.

♪ FAST ACTING FOR STRONG,

RELIABLE RELIEF ♪

SUCKER.

WHY IS HEATHER SMILING

LIKE THAT?

MAYBE SHE LOVES HER NEW DO.

OR SHE COULD JUST BE

REALLY HAPPY FOR US.

WOW, DO YOU EVER HAVE

ABOUT ANYONE?

GWEN, OWEN,

THIS IS YOUR CHANCE

TO TELL THE PEANUT GALLERY

OF FAILURE

WHAT YOU WOULD DO

WITH THE MONEY IF YOU WON

AND WHY YOU DESERVE IT.

WELL, I GUESS I'M PRETTY PROUD

OF GETTING THIS FAR.

I MEAN,

MAYBE IF I CAN SURVIVE HERE,

THE REST OF HIGH SCHOOL

WON'T BE SO BAD.

(LAUGHS, SNORTS)

OH, SORRY.

WELL, I'M ALWAYS GOOD

FOR MY WORD,

AND I DID PROMISE TO SPLIT

MY 100 GRAND WITH OWEN,

BUT THAT WOULD STILL

LEAVE ME A TON OF CASH.

I GUESS I'D GO TRAVELLING

AND THEN TO UNIVERSITY

TO STUDY ART HISTORY.

WHOO!

YEAH, THAT'S IT!

GIRLFRIEND'S GOT SOME GOALS!

VERY COOL.

WOW, THAT'S REALLY SWEET.

BORING BUT SWEET.

OWEN?

I'D THROW THE BIGGEST,

HUGEST, SICKEST PARTY EVER

AND INVITE EVERYONE HERE!

BOOYAH!

(CHEERING)

OWEN! WHOO! WHOO!

OWEN!

AT LEAST NOT ALL OF YOU

ARE TOTAL SELLOUTS.

OH, OH, AND I FORGOT.

IT'LL BE ON A YACHT!

NICE.

ALL RIGHT, IT'S TIME

FOR THE FINAL CHALLENGE,

HE REJECTED

OLYMPIC RELAY RACE.

EACH OF THE THREE PARTS

WAS PITCHED TO THE COMMITTEE

BUT SADLY REJECTED

AS AN OLYMPIC SPORT.

FIRST, EACH OF YOU

HAS TO PUT ON ONE OF THESE.

I THINK IT'S CLEAR WHY THIS

EVENT WASN'T ACCEPTED.

DRESSED AS A COW AND A CHICKEN,

RUN TO THE FIRST LOCATION

AND SHIMMY UP THE POLE

TO RETRIEVE YOUR FLAG.

IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE FLAG,

DON'T BOTHER COMING DOWN

OFF THAT POLE.

OH, THAT'S BE GONNA

TO TOUGH FOR THE BIG GUY.

NEXT, YOU'LL CROSS

A 300-METER BALANCE BEAM

SUSPENDED ACROSS

A MASSIVE GORGE

WHILE CARRYING

AN EAGLE'S EGG.

OH. (CHUCKLES)

IS THAT ALL?

NO.

BELOW, YOUR FRIENDS,

THE RARE BUT REAL

MAN-EATING

FRESHWATER SHARKS.

YOU HAD TO ASK.

THE FINAL LEG OF THE RACE

IS A LONG-DISTANCE RUN,

RETURNING

TO THE FINISH LINE HERE.

FIRST CAMPER

TO ARRIVE WINS.

GOOD LUCK, OWEN.

IF I HAD TO LOSE TO ANYONE HERE,

IT'D BE YOU.

AW, THAT'S SO NICE,

I HOPE YOU LOSE TO ME, TOO.

YEAH, GO, OWEN!

WE WANT TO PARTY!

YOU'RE GONNA GET ONE!

WHOO-HOO!

(CHEERING)

GO, GWEN!

KICK HIS BUTT, GIRL!

YOU CAN DO IT, GWEN!

I DON'T CHEER.

COME ON, GWEN,

YOU'VE GOT THIS!

ON YOUR MARKS.

GET SET.

GO!

YAY, OWEN!

GO, OWEN!

RUN!

IZZY'S SUCH

A GREAT CHEERLEADER,

BUT, DUDE,

SHE SCARED ME A LITTLE.

IF I IGNORE YOU,

WILL YOU GO AWAY?

NOT LIKELY.

YOU KNOW, JUST BECAUSE

YOU'RE ROOTING FOR ME

DOESN'T MEAN

I HAVE TO LIKE YOU.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE OVER

THE WHOLE

ME-KISSING-HEATHER THING.

WASN'T MY FAULT.

SHE AMBUSHED ME.

(STRAINS)

I SAID I WAS OVER IT.

I DIDN'T SAY I WANTED

TO GO OUT WITH YOU ANYMORE.

UGH!

WHY IS MY FLAGPOLE

SO SLIPPERY?!

WELL, IF YOU'RE GONNA

STAND THERE ANNOYING ME,

MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS)

LESHAWNA: YO!

LET'S GO, GIRL!

YOU DON'T HAVE TIME

FOR DAYDREAMING!

THAT'S BETTER.

THANKS.

(ALL STRAINING)

AW, MAN. (STRAINING)

OH, OH, OH!

YES! I GOT IT!

I GOT THE FLAG!

(LAUGHS)

HOW DO I GET DOWN?

SLIDE LIKE A FIREMAN,

DUDE!

(SQUEA-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-K)

AAH, POLE BURN!

THAT HURTS!

AW, CRAP, THAT'S BAD!

I HAVE CONQUERED MOUNT POLE.

THAT'S GREAT, BUT WEIRD GOTH

GIRL IS GETTING AHEAD.

GET YOUR LAZY BUTT IN GEAR

NOW, OWEN, NOW!

OKAY, THESE CHICKS ARE

ALL STARTING TO SCARE ME.

MAYBE I WON'T INVITE THEM

TO THE PARTY.

PSYCH!

OKAY, NEW INTERN,

I KNOW IT'S WEIRD THAT YOU'RE

STARTING ON OUR LAST SHOW,

BUT ALL OF THE OTHER INTERNS

DIED ALREADY.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO

IS TEST OUT THIS FINAL CHALLENGE

AND MAKE SURE

IT'S MODERATELY SAFE.

DON'T LOOK DOWN, DUDE.

(SPLASH, CHOMPING)

WELL,

THAT LOOKS SAFE ENOUGH.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO FOLLOW ME

THE WHOLE TIME, YOU KNOW.

I DON'T HAVE

ANYTHING BETTER TO DO.

WHY DON'T YOU GO CHEER

FOR OWEN?

I KNOW YOU WANT

TO GO TO HIS PARTY.

YEAH, AND I'M THINKING

OF BRINGING YOU.

HEY, CHECK IT OUT.

I'LL MEET YOU

ON THE OTHER SIDE, OKAY?

RIGHT.

LIKE YOU CARE.

I DO.

IT DOESN'T LOOK THAT BAD.

I'M GOING TO DIE NOW.

I'M GONNA FRICKIN' DIE.

OKAY,

GWEN HAS HER EAGLE'S EGG

AND IS STARTING

THE SECOND CHALLENGE.

-WHAT ARE THE EGGS FOR?

-OH, YOU'LL SEE.

(CHUCKLES)

LISTEN CLOSELY, OWEN.

I REALLY WANT YOU TO HAVE

THIS PARTY

MORE THAN ANYTHING

IN THE WORLD.

NOW, I'M HELPING YOU

AS MUCH AS I CAN,

BUT YOU'VE GOTTA LOCK IT UP,

GOT IT?!

OKAY, SURE, HEATHER.

ALEXANDER THE FRICKIN' GREAT,

THAT'S A DEEP GORGE!

WHOA, WHOA!

(ALL GASP)

(GASPS)

WHAA!

THAT'S IT, GET YOUR BALANCE BACK

AND STAY CALM.

OH, NO!

HANG ON, GWEN!

YOU CAN DO IT.

JUST DON'T FALL INTO

THE SHARK-INFESTED WATER!

YOU'RE REALLY NOT HELPING,

OWEN.

SORRY!

AND WHEN IS THAT STUPID CUPCAKE

GONNA KICK IN?

(BIRD SCREECHING)

-AAH!

-WHAT WAS THAT?!

ANGRY EAGLE PARENTS.

OH, SNAP,

THAT IS MESSED UP.

WHAT, YOU MEAN

YOU LIKE WATCHING THIS?

THEY COULD DIE.

MELLOW YOUR YELLOW, BABE.

THIS IS AWESOME TV.

DUNCAN IS SO IMMATURE.

WHAT IS IT ABOUT

ALMOST DYING

AND BODILY FUNCTIONS

THAT GUYS LOVE?

WHY WOULD I WANT TO WATCH GWEN

AND OWEN RISK THEIR LIVES?

THIS IS LIFE

AT ITS MOST RAW.

CHECK OUT ELVIS HERE

WITH HIS GUITAR.

ONE MISSTEP, AND HIS GIRLFRIEND

IS SHARK BAIT.

NOW, THAT WOULD MAKE

FOR AN INTERESTING SONG.

THEN AGAIN,

DANGER IS KIND OF HOT.

YOU'RE STILL NOT MY TYPE.

YOU MAKE ME SICK.

(SCREECHING)

SHNIKIES!

IT'S COMING THIS WAY.

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

WHAT DO WE DO?!

STEP ON IT!

INCENSED EAGLE PARENTS.

NICE TWIST.

(SCREECHES)

YOU CAN DO IT, GWEN.

YOU'RE THE MOST AWESOME GIRL

I'VE EVER MET!

IN FACT, I WAS THINKING,

I THINK I LO--

OKAY, I SO CAN'T DEAL WITH

DISTRACTIONS RIGHT NOW TRENT!

THEN YOU'RE GONNA HATE THIS!

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS)

OH, WOW.

SO BEAUTIFUL.

(GASPS) NO WORDS.

GWEN, IGNORE THE INCREDIBLY HOT

MAN CANDY AND KEEP WALKING!

HMPH,

IS THAT ALL YOU'VE GOT?

THERE YOU GO,

LITTLE EAGLE ORPHAN EGGY.

DON'T WORRY,

I'M SURE THAT--

RUN!

SHE'S GETTING THE LEAD AGAIN!

OKAY! SHEESH!

GLAD YOU DIDN'T DIE

BACK THERE.

GEE, THANKS.

OH, I ALMOST FORGOT.

THANKS FOR THE CUPCAKE.

-WHAT CUPCAKE?

-THE ONE YOU LEFT FOR ME.

I DIDN'T LEAVE YOU A CUPCAKE.

WAS IT GOOD?

I DON'T KNOW.

I DIDN'T EAT IT.

(STOMACH RUMBLING)

OH!

OH, OH, NO!

QUICK, WHERE'S THE BATHROOM

OUT HERE?!

OWEN, NO!

NOT IN THE CONFESSION CAN!

(ALL GASP)

(FARTING)

AAGHH! (WHIMPERS)

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

MORNING, FELLOW FINALIST.

(LAUGHS)

HEY, WHAT'S UP?

THAT'S A REALLY GOOD-LOOKING

CUPCAKE YOU GOT THERE.

IT'S ALL CHOCOLATY

AND GOOEY.

KNOCK YOURSELF OUT.

MMM. AW, YEAH!

THAT'S A GOOD CUPCAKE.

TRY TO AVOID THE CONFESSION

BOOTH FOR A WHILE.

THAT'S IT! GO, GIRL!

YOU GOT IT!

SO JUST TO CLARIFY,

YOU'RE NOT MAD AT ME ANYMORE?

-NO.

-BUT YOU DON'T TRUST ME EITHER.

RIGHT AGAIN.

IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO

TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU?

UM...

NOPE,

NOTHING COMES TO MIND.

(CRACK)

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

(STRAINING)

PROVING MY FEELINGS FOR YOU.

BY CARRYING A BOULDER?

UGH,

IT'S NOT EASY, YOU KNOW.

A GUY WOULD HAVE TO REALLY BE

IN LOVE TO DO THIS,

DON'T YOU THINK?

OR JUST REALLY STUPID.

I GET STRAIGHT As.

WELL, I THINK YOU'RE NUTS.

OH, NO!

GWEN IS WINNING!

OUR YACHT PARTY

IS IN JEOPARDY!

DUDES!

WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!

WAIT, I HAVE A PLAN.

HAS ANYONE SEEN A REALLY BIG

ELECTRIC FAN HERE?

-SURE, GOT ONE IN MY TRAILER.

-YOU DO?

DO YOU THINK I GET THIS

WIND-BLOWN LOOK NATURALLY?

GET IT AND MEET ME HACK HERE!

RUN!

YOU'RE GONNA KILL YOURSELF,

YOU KNOW.

I'M NOT GIVING UP ON YOU.

(PANTING)

I CAN STILL WIN THIS.

GREAT ZEUS, IT HURTS!

OOH!

THERE THEY ARE,

TWO REAL COMPETITORS,

AND IF I MAY SAY,

TRULY PERSONIFYING THE SPIRIT

OF THE REJECT OLYMPICS.

(STRAINING)

HOW'S IT GOING?

OH, GOOD.

HEY, DON'T GIVE UP.

I THINK YOU'RE GETTING

THROUGH TO HER, DUDE.

GORDY, HOW I AM TIRED.

(GASPING)

UGH! OH...

WHOO!

YEAH, ALL RIGHT!

(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

HOT BROWNIES COMING THROUGH.

LINDSAY, THE FAN, NOW!

AGH! MY WIG!

CAN'T YOU FREAKS

DO ANYTHING RIGHT?

OOH, THAT'S IT.

I'VE HAD ABOUT ENOUGH

OF THAT GIRL.

(GRUNTS) HMM.

AAH!

AAH,

LET ME OUT OF HERE!

OH! OH, MY GOSH!

OWEN, YOU ARE SO GROSS!

(GASPING)

I THINK

IT'S OVER FOR ME, DUDE.

IT'S TOO BAD, BRO.

I WOULD HAVE LIKED GOING

TO THAT PARTY.

(SNIFFING)

WAIT, IS THAT...

BROWNIES?!

MOVE!!

(CHEERING)

(CHEERING)

(CHEERING)

WHAT HAPPENED?!

WHO WON?! HELLO?!

UGH, UGH!

WHOO-HOO!

I WON! I WON!

YOU OKAY?

YEAH.

JUST REMIND ME NEVER

TO GET BETWEEN OWEN

AND A BROWNIE AGAIN.

YAY!

(SIGHS)

SO THAT'S THAT.

OWEN WON.

WHOO!

AH, LOOK AT IT THIS WAY--

IT'S GONNA BE ONE HECK OF

A PARTY.

(CLEARS THROAT) AREN'T YOU

FORGETTING SOMETHING?

(LAUGHS)

AAH! PUT ME DOWN!

SAY YOU'LL GO OUT WITH ME.

COME ON, SAY IT!

(LAUGHS) OKAY, OKAY,

I'LL GO OUT WITH YOU!

-YEAH?

-YEAH.

COOL.

YOU GUYS ARE GOING OUT?!

AWESOME!

YOU'RE COMING

TO MY PARTY TOGETHER!

WHOO-HOO!

I'M A $100,000-IONAIRE.

(LAUGHS) WHOO-HOO!

YOU REALLY STINK.

HERE WE ARE

AT THE LAST BONFIRE EVER.

AFTER EIGHT BRUTAL WEEKS,

IT IS MY PLEASURE TO ANNOUNCE

THE WINNER OF

"TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND,"

OWEN!

(ALL CHEER)

WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!

YEAH, BABY!

HEY, WHAT CAN I SAY,

CHRIS?

(CHUCKLES)

I'M SO PSYCHED!

THIS IS JUST...

ALL: AWESOME?

YES!

PARTY NEXT WEEK, EVERYONE!

(ALL CHEER)

YOU EVEN A BIT BUMMED?

I GUESS, BUT, HEY,

I CAME SECOND OUT OF 22.

THAT'S PRETTY GOOD,

RIGHT?

OWEN, AT THIS TIME,

I GIVE YOU THE ULTIMATE SYMBOL

OF SURVIVAL--

THE FINAL MARSHMALLOW.

I'LL TREASURE IT

FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

OH, SCREW IT.

I CAN BUY ALL

THE MARSHMALLOWS I WANT NOW.

YO, OWEN, YOU KNOW

WHAT IT'S TIME FOR?

N-NO, NO, GUYS!

MY HAIR!

DUDES!

BOYS: ONE...TWO...

-THREE!

-AGH!

(LAUGHTER)

I'VE BEEN WANTING TO DO THAT

ALL SUMMER.

HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT,

PRETTY BOY, HUH?

(SINGSONG) OH, CHEF.

(LAUGHS)

YOU'RE NEXT, DUDE.

(CHEF SCREAMS)

OH, COME ON,

YOU'VE GOT TO BE

A LITTLE BIT HAPPY

TO SEE HIM GET DUNKED.

NO.

YEAH. A BIT.

YOU STILL STINK, THOUGH.

(CHEF SHOUTING)