Total Drama (2007–2014): Season 1, Episode 19 - Hook Line and Screamer - full transcript

Chris and Chef are nowhere to be found in this spooky episode that has campers watching a horror movie about an escaped chainsaw psycho killer who lives in the woods.

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CHRIS: PREVIOUSLY ON

TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND.

CAMPERS HAD TO BUILD

THEIR OWN HOT WHEELS

IN A MOTORCROSS CHALLENGE

TO RACE FOR INVINCIBILITY.

THERE WERE BIG WINNERS

AND BIG-TIME LOSERS.

AND THERE WAS EVEN SOME WICKED,

OFF-THE-TRACK

MOTORCROSS STUNTS.



BUT IN THE END,

IT WAS HEATHER

WHO CROSSED THE FINISH LINE

AND DOUBLE-CROSSED LINDSAY

BY DESTROYING HER BIKE

AND THEIR ALLIANCE,

PROVING HEATHER REALLY

IS A BACKSTABBING USER

WHO'LL DO ANYTHING TO WIN.

LINDSAY ULTIMATELY LOST

THE RACE AND THE CHALLENGE,

WHICH MEANT GOODBYE TO LINDSAY

AND HER LUXURY LUGGAGE.

WHO WILL BE THE NEXT WINNER?



WHO WILL BE THE NEXT LOSER?

WHO WILL RENEW MY CONTRACT

FOR NEXT SEASON?

ALL THESE MIND-PROBING QUESTIONS

REVEALED ON THIS EPISODE OF

TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND.

CHORUS: ♪ DEAR MOM AND DAD,

I'M DOING FINE ♪

♪ YOU GUYS ARE ON MY MIND ♪

♪ YOU ASKED ME

WHAT I WANTED TO BE ♪

♪ AND NOW I THINK THE ANSWER

IS PLAIN TO SEE ♪

♪ I WANT TO BE FAMOUS ♪

♪ I WANT TO LIVE CLOSE

TO THE SUN ♪

♪ WELL PACK YOUR BAGS

'CAUSE I'VE ALREADY WON ♪

♪ EVERYTHING TO PROVE

NOTHING IN MY WAY ♪

♪ I'LL GET THERE ONE DAY ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I WANT TO BE FAMOUS ♪

♪ NANA NA'NA NAANA NANA NANA

NA NANA NANA NA ♪

♪ I WANT TO BE, I WANT TO BE,

I WANT TO BE FAMOUS ♪

♪ I WANT TO BE, I WANT TO BE,

I WANT TO BE FAMOUS ♪

(WHISTLING

I WANT TO BE FAMOUS)

HE'S COMING OUT OF THE WOODS

WITH A BIG, HACKING CHAINSAW.

THAT'S SO COOL.

OH, NO.

PSYCHO KILLER MAN'S

GOING FOR THE CAR.

YO, FOOL COUPLE, STOP MAKING OUT

AND START THE CAR.

THEY'RE GONNA BE

CHAIN SAW SUSHI.

(LAUGHING)

(WOMAN SCREAMING)

GREAT CANADIAN CHEESE.

NOW THE CAR WON'T START.

OH, MAN, I HATE SCARY MOVIES.

RUN.

THE PSYCHO'S GONNA GET YOU.

(GASPS)

HERE COMES THE BLOOD FEST.

(CHAINSAW REVVING)

(GASPS)

YEAH, RIGHT ON.

HA HA.

-GROSS.

AW, THE CHAIN SAW PSYCHO'S

GOING BACK TO THE WOODS.

HE'S GETTING AWAY.

YAH! GOOD ENDING.

IZZY LOVES SCARY MOVIES.

SO DOES OWEN.

WHOO!

AM I EVER GLAD THAT'S OVER.

I REALLY HATE SCARY MOVIES.

OH, YEAH.

WHAT SCARES YOU MOST?

THE PART WHERE EVERYONE

MEETS A GRISLY DEATH

OR THE PSYCHO KILLER

WITH A HOOK.

(SCREAMING)

(ALL LAUGHING)

DUDE, THAT WAS NOT COOL.

AH, COME ON, DEEJ,

FOR A SLASHER FLICK,

IT WAS PRETTY TAME.

YEAH, THERE WAS

HARDLY ANY HACKING.

NOT LIKE BLOODBATH 2,

SUMMER CAMP REIGN OF TERROR.

NO WAY.

THAT'S MY FAVORITE MOVIE.

I LOVE WHEN THE KILLER JAMS THAT

GUY'S HAND INTO THE LAWN MOWER.

OR WHEN HE PUSHES

THE CHICK OFF THE DOCK

AND THEN SHE LANDS

ON A PROPELLER BLADE

THAT SLICES HER IN HALF.

BOTH: OR WHEN HE SHOVES

THAT BIG DUDE'S HEAD

INSIDE THE WOOD CHIPPER.

(GASPING)

AW, LOOKS LIKE GWEN AND DUNCAN

HAVE MORE IN COMMON

THAN BAD FASHION SENSE.

IT'S JUST MINDLESS

GUTS AND GORE.

HORROR MOVIES AREN'T MINDLESS.

YEAH, THEY'RE LOADED

WITH PSYCHOLOGICAL TRAUMA.

LOOK AT D.J.

WHATEVER.

DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY IDEA

WHAT OUR CHALLENGE

WILL BE THIS WEEK?

YEAH.

WHERE'S THE CHRIS-MEISTER?

HEY, YO, CHEF,

WHERE'S THE FIRE?

DUDE, YOU FORGOT THIS.

HUH?

"ESCAPED PSYCHO KILLER

ON THE LOOSE.

BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR A MAN

WEARING A HOCKEY MASK

WITH A HOOKED HAND

AND CARRYING A CHAIN SAW."

HA, HA.

HE'S ON THE LOOSE.

OH, COME ON.

THEY DON'T EXPECT US

TO FALL FOR THIS.

SCARY MOVIE

FOLLOWED BY HASTY EXIT,

FOLLOWED BY STRATEGICALLY

PLACED LAME PROP.

I-I DON'T KNOW.

HE LOOKED PRETTY SPOOKED.

P-LEASE.

IT'S ALL PART OF THEIR

LITTLE STUNT TO FREAK US OUT.

IF THIS WAS A STUNT,

WOULD CHRIS LEAVE

BEHIND HIS HAIR GEL?

(GASPS)

WHOA.

THIS IS FOR REAL.

LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

CHRIS LEFT US FOR DEAD,

AND NOW WE'RE ALONE,

WHILE THAT ESCAPED

PSYCHO KILLER

WITH THE CHAIN SAW

IS ON THE LOOSE?

NO, WE'RE ALONE

WHILE THAT ESCAPED PSYCHO KILLER

WITH A CHAIN SAW

AND A HOOK IS ON THE LOOSE.

(SCREAMING)

-I TOLD YOU, DUDE, NOT FUNNY.

-UGH.

NEITHER IS YOUR

CHICKEN-LITTLE ROUTINE.

GET A GRIP, BRO.

I CAN'T HELP IT.

I FEEL LIKE I'M BEING WATCHED.

DUH.

IT'S A REALITY SHOW.

WE'RE ALWAYS BEING WATCHED.

(LAUGHING)

HEATHER'S RIGHT.

AND TONIGHT

WE'RE WATCHING TO SEE

WHO CAN SURVIVE

A REAL-LIFE SCARY MOVIE

WITH SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCE

BY THE ESCAPED PSYCHO KILLER

WITH THE CHAIN SAW AND A HOOK.

OKAY, LOOK.

IT DOESN'T MATTER WHETHER

THIS IS REAL OR A CHALLENGE.

WE NEED A GAME PLAN.

YEAH, YEAH, WE NEED A GAME PLAN.

YOU LITTLE FRIGHT WIGS

MIGHT NEED A GAME PLAN,

BUT I NEED A FACIAL.

ARE YOU CRAZY?

FIRST RULE OF SLASHER FILMS,

NEVER GO OFF ALONE.

I MIGHT ACTUALLY LISTEN TO YOU

IF I WERE IN A MOVIE.

WE'RE BEING PUNKED.

YOU'RE SO GULLIBLE.

HEY, CHRIS, IF YOU'RE LISTENING,

NEXT TIME RENT ONE THAT

TAKES PLACE AT A SUMMER CAMP.

I TRIED,

BUT THEY WERE ALL RENTED.

IF YOU LOSERS WANT TO HANG

AROUND AND PLAY BOOGEYMAN,

GO AHEAD.

BUT I HAVE GOT A DATE

WITH EXFOLIATION.

AND THE BOSSY,

MEAN CHICK SEALS HER FATE.

(MAKING SLICING NOISE)

WOW.

YOU'RE REALLY

GOOD AT SOUND EFFECTS.

I SAY WE GO BACK TO CAMP

AND TALK STRATEGY.

WHO'S IN?

(WOLVES HOWLING)

SO THAT'S HOW OWEN

WON THE HOT-DOG-A-THON.

OWEN ATE 200 DOGS.

WELL, 198, ACTUALLY.

THE JUDGES WOULDN'T

COUNT THE LAST TWO

SINCE THEY SQUIRTED

BACK UP OWEN'S NOSE.

WICKED.

IZZY'S IMPRESSED.

HEY, WHERE'RE WE GOING?

IZZY'S WALKING IN THE WOODS.

AH, COOL.

THE WOODS?

HUH, THE WOODS?

WHY DOES THAT FEEL WRONG?

OKAY, RULE NUMBER ONE,

DO NOT GO OFF ON YOUR OWN.

RULE NUMBER TWO,

IF YOU DO GO OFF ON YOUR OWN,

NEVER GO IN THE WOODS.

RULE NUMBER THREE,

IF YOU DO GO IN THE WOODS,

NEVER, EVER,

EVER MAKE OUT IN THE WOODS,

OR YOU WILL DIE IN THE WOODS.

WHERE'S IZZY AND OWEN?

BREAKING RULES ONE,

THROUGH THREE.

DOES THIS FEEL WRONG TO YOU?

NO, YOUR HEAD'S GOOD AND HOLLOW,

SO IT'S GOT A GREAT BEAT.

AND ALL YOUR YAKKING

IS KEEPING MY MIND OFF

THE ESCAPED PSYCHO KILLER

WITH THE CHAIN SAW AND A HOOK.

GREAT BALLS OF FIRE.

THAT'S IT

THE PSYCHO KILLER!

REMEMBER HOW HE LEFT THE WOODS

TO HACK APART THE COUPLE

WHO WERE MAKING OUT.

BUT WE'RE NOT MAKING OUT.

OH, YEAH.

-YOU WANT TO MAKE OUT?

-YES.

OH.

(KISSING)

(INHALES SHARPLY)

(CHAIN SAW REVVING)

(SCREAMING)

THIS FEELS SO MUCH

LONGER AND FLATTER

THAN HOW WE GOT HERE.

THAT'S BECAUSE HORROR MOVIES

EXTEND THE RUNNING SCENES.

REALLY?

WHY?

IT GIVES THEM TIME

TO FILM A GOOD WIPEOUT.

OH! OW!

AH! AH!

AH! OW!

OH! OW!

OH, MY SPINE.

OWEN, I'M COMING!

OH! OW!

HEY, OWEN.

HI.

OWEN'S TOO YOUNG TO DIE.

HERE, TAKE IZZY.

(CHAIN SAW REVVING)

(SCREAMING)

DUDE, DUDE.

THERE'S A GUY

WITH A HOCKEY MASK

AND A CHAIN SAW AND A HOOK,

AND HE'S AFTER US.

AND--YEAH, YEAH,

RIGHT THERE, HE IS RIGHT--

(SCREAMING)

WE'RE FREAKING DEAD.

OWEN, STOP SCREAMING.

IT'S CHEF.

OH, COOL.

(LAUGHS)

GREAT COSTUME.

WOW, YOU TOTALLY GOT ME.

YOU DID.

I WAS FREAKED OUT.

-YOU PUNKED US?

-YES AND NO.

IT WAS YOUR CHALLENGE

TO WATCH A SCARY MOVIE,

THEN SURVIVE ONE.

(LAUGHING)

DID YOU HEAR THAT?

HE WAS PUNKING US.

IT WAS A JOKE.

TOO FUNNY.

OH, I WAS ALL, AHH!

AND THEN YOU WERE ALL, EEE!

FOR THE LOVE

OF PETER PUMPKIN EATER,

THAT WAS SOME FUN GOING ON.

AM I RIGHT?

OH, YOU'RE STILL ON THE PART

WHERE OWEN SHOVED

IZZY INTO THE KILLER?

THE GOOD NEWS IS YOU'RE SAFE.

THE BAD NEWS IS,

YOU LOST THE CHALLENGE.

BUT NOW YOU GET TO WATCH

OUR FAKE PSYCHO TERRORIZE

THE REST OF THE CAMPERS.

FUN, HUH?

YES.

TOTALLY AWESOME TV VIEWING.

OWEN'S NOT GETTING

TO SECOND BASE, IS HE?

FIRST BASE?

DIDN'T THINK SO.

DOES HE GET ENOUGH TO--

GREAT WORK, CHEF.

BUT NEXT TIME

TRY TO REALLY WORK

THE HOOK-HAND ANGLE

A BIT MORE.

(CHAINSAW REVVING)

OKAY, NOW THAT I'VE DRAWN

A CHART OF ALL THE PLAYERS,

WE CAN--WHERE IS

D.J. AND GEOFF?

D.J. HAD TO TAKE A LEAK,

SO HE TOOK PARTY BOY WITH HIM.

CHEF: (INHALES SHARPLY)

OKAY, NO MATTER WHAT,

YOU DO NOT LEAVE,

NOT IF YOU HEAR A PSYCHO,

NOT IF YOU SEE A PSYCHO,

NOT IF A PSYCHO IS

SLASHING YOU TO BITS.

DUDE, NO WORRIES.

I GOT YOUR BACK.

CUE THE ICE-CREAM TRUCK.

ICE CREAM?

NO WAY.

HELLO.

(GASPS)

(SCREAMING)

D.J., IT'S ME.

HEATHER.

(SCREAMING)

(GURGLING)

(SCREAMING)

DUDE, YOU'RE SAFE.

I AM? (SIGHS)

IT'S JUST CHEF.

HE WAS GONNA SCARE

THE BEJABBERS OUT OF YOU,

BUT APPARENTLY HEATHER

BEAT HIM TO IT.

BRO, DID YOU SEE HER FACE?

THAT WAS SOME SERIOUS

UGLY GOING ON.

TRUE, BUT YOU STILL BAILED

BEFORE CHEF EVEN

GOT A CRACK AT YOU.

SPEAKING OF WHICH,

YOU'RE UP, PSYCHO MAN.

ARE YOU OKAY?

I HEARD SCREAMING.

I'M FINE.

BUT YOU MIGHT WANT

TO CHECK ON D.J.

HE RAN OUT OF HERE

LIKE HE SAW A GHOST.

CAN I HAVE MY SHOWER

IN PEACE, PLEASE?

OOH, I WOULDN'T DO THAT

IF I...

FINE, SUIT YOURSELF.

BY THE WAY,

THAT'S A GREAT LOOK ON YOU.

HELLO, I'M IN THE SHOWER.

VERY FUNNY, DUNCAN.

NOW GET LOST.

I'M SERIOUS, DUDE.

GET LOST.

(SCREAMING)

MAYBE IF YOU PAID ATTENTION

TO THE SCARY MOVIES,

YOU'D KNOW THAT A,

YOU NEVER GO OFF ALONE

AND B, YOU CERTAINLY

NEVER SHOWER ALONE.

WHERE'S LESHAWNA?

SHE WENT TO GET SOME CHOW.

DOESN'T ANYONE LISTEN TO ME?

(GASPS)

NOW THAT'S WHAT

I'M TALKING ABOUT.

CHEF: (WHISPERING) LESHAWNA,

LESHAWNA, LESHAWNA.

BROWNIES, BROWNIES, BROWNIES.

LESHAWNA, LESHAWNA, LESHAWNA.

(CHAIN SAW REVVING)

YEAH?

I GOT 16 YEARS

IN THE PROJECTS.

BRING IT.

WHOO-HOO.

I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING.

-NO WAY.

-MMM.

AND CHALLENGING THE KILLER,

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

BUT YOU SCORE MAJOR POINTS

FOR SCOOPING UP

THESE DELICIOUS MUNCHIES.

CHRIS, CAN I JUST LEAVE

FOR FIVE MINUTES?

THIS MASK IS CHAFING.

YEAH, YEAH, LET HER LEAVE.

SORRY, WE GOT TO WAIT

TILL EVERYONE'S SLASHED.

AND IT LOOKS LIKE OUR

BUDDY GEOFF IS UP NEXT.

TURN AROUND.

HE'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU.

HEY, DUDE, DO YOU SEE

AN ICE-CREAM TRUCK?

(SCREAMING)

BY FAR, THE WORST BLUNDER YET.

NOT TO MENTION BAILING ON ME.

DON'T YOU KNOW

YOU NEVER LEAVE A BROTHER

WHEN HE'S TAKING A LEAK?

OKAY, EVEN I KNOW

THAT DOESN'T SOUND RIGHT.

GWEN: WHERE'S GEOFF?

DUNCAN:

PROBABLY BIT IT WITH D.J.

WELL, IT'S NO SURPRISE.

RULE NUMBER EIGHT,

THE PARTY GUY

IS A PRIME TARGET

FOR PSYCHO KILLERS,

RIGHT AFTER THE BIG,

LOVABLE JOCK.

NOW SHE TELLS ME.

YOU KNOW WHAT

REALLY TICKS ME OFF?

THAT I WAS TRYING TO HELP THEM.

LIVE AND LEARN, SWEETHEART.

YOU REALLY ARE A PYRO,

AREN'T YOU?

SO?

I LIKE BURNING STUFF.

IS THAT WHAT YOU

WENT TO JUVIE FOR?

LIKE I'D TELL YOU

WHY I WENT TO JUVIE.

HOLY CRAP.

I'LL GET WATER.

AND THEN THERE WAS ONE.

CHEF: (WHISPERING):

DUNCAN, DUNCAN, DUNCAN.

JUVIE, JUVIE, JUVIE.

YOU AND ME, PSYCHO.

(SCREAMING)

DUNCAN?

DUNCAN.

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M GETTING A SANDWICH.

MOTHER OF PEARL,

HE'S GOING TO FACE OFF

WITH THE ESCAPED PSYCHO KILLER

WITH THE CHAIN SAW AND A HOOK.

WHEN YOU GOT

AN ALL-OUT PRIZEFIGHT,

YOU WAIT

UNTIL THE FIGHT IS OVER.

ONE GUY'S LEFT STANDING,

AND THAT'S HOW

YOU KNOW WHO WON.

OH, THIS IS GONNA BE FUN.

COME AND GET IT, GOALIE BOY.

(CHAIN SAW REVVING)

WHAT?

I RAN OUT OF STUFF TO THROW.

(SCREAMING)

THOUGHT YOU COULD SCARE ME?

HA, NOW LET'S SEE

WHO'S BEHIND THE MASK.

I WASN'T BORN YESTERDAY, DUDE.

PLEASE, WE WATCH A SCARY MOVIE

WITH AN ESCAPED PSYCHO KILLER

WITH A CHAIN SAW AND A HOOK,

AND HERE YOU ARE RUNNING AROUND.

SOMEONE LOSE THIS?

WAY TO GO, DUNCAN.

HEY, COOLIO.

GWEN'S TAKING ON THE PSYCHO

ALL BY HERSELF.

WAIT A SEC.

IF CHEF'S IN HERE THEN WHO'S

IN THE LODGE WITH GWEN?

HOLY, LOLA.

IT'S THE REAL ESCAPED

PSYCHO KILLER

WITH THE CHAIN SAW AND A HOOK.

(SCREAMING)

GWEN!

THIS COULD BE REALLY,

REALLY GOOD FOR RATINGS,

BUT REALLY, REALLY BAD

FOR LAWSUITS.

OKAY, I KNOW ACTORS

WITHOUT SPEAKING PARTS

DON'T GET PAID MUCH,

BUT, SERIOUSLY, DUDE,

INVEST IN A DENTAL PLAN

AND SOME TOOTHPASTE.

HEY, YOU WANT A SANDWICH

BEFORE YOU IMPALE ME

WITH YOUR BIG, SCARY HOOK?

OKAY.

LOOK, YOU CAN DROP

THE CHARADE, OKAY?

I KNOW YOU'RE AN ACTOR

WITH A HOOK PROP,

BUT FRANKLY,

YOU'RE NOT THAT SCARY.

EW, GROSS.

HOW DID THEY GET IT TO

GO ALL SCABBY LIKE THAT?

ALL: GWEN, HE'S THE REAL

ESCAPED PSYCHO KILLER

WITH A CHAIN SAW AND A HOOK.

WHAT?

(SCREAMING)

OW!

OH, THAT WAS

TOTALLY UNCALLED FOR.

MAN, I AM SO OUT OF HERE.

I WAS TREATED

WAY BETTER IN PRISON.

WELL, IT'S OBVIOUS TO EVERYONE

THAT GWEN WINS INVINCIBILITY.

AND, SADLY,

IT'S EQUALLY UNANIMOUS

THAT D.J. WALK

THE DOCK OF SHAME

SINCE HE WAS THE ONLY ONE

WHO SCREAMED AND BOLTED

WITHOUT THE ESCAPED PSYCHO

KILLER EVEN BEING THERE.

BUT NO HARD FEELINGS, DUDE.

YOU WILL BE MISSED.

AW!

GROUP HUG.

GWEN: BYE D.J.

PSYCHO KILLER (WHISPERING):

TOTAL, TOTAL, TOTAL.

DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA.

ISLAND, ISLAND.

TOTAL, TOTAL, TOTAL.

DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA.

ISLAND--OH, MAN.

THAT REALLY HURTS.

I THINK IT'S BLEEDING.

IS IT BLEEDING?