Total Bellas (2016–…): Season 5, Episode 7 - Bella Vs. Bella - full transcript

‐ What do you think if you
took Birdie

back home to Phoenix

and I stayed in LA
for the next few days?

‐ When are we supposed
to have time together?

‐ We do both want
different things,

and we have to be
okay with that.

‐ I often wonder

if this relationship
is sustainable at all.

‐ It's something we have to
take serious

if we want
this marriage to work.

‐ Artem.
‐ I'm done.

‐ No. Why?
‐ I'm going home.

She can pick up her.

I ain't gonna put up
with this at all.

‐ Last night you said a lot
of things that‐‐

‐ More than I mean.
I'm sorry. I love you.

‐ What's going on?
‐ I'm, like, two weeks late.

‐ I hope you and Artem
are doing really good.

‐ I haven't told him.
‐ It's a pregnancy test.

‐ I have so many things
going for me.

There's no way a baby
fits into my life

right now, like, at all.

‐ Nicole.

‐ Artem and I both know
there's things in our marriage

we have to fix.

And if you want me to sit here
and be silent and go to sleep,

I will do that.

‐ I wish we could get pregnant
in a healthy way at any age.

"Why didn't I get pregnant?

Like, what if I'm not
able to have kids?"

The last thing I want
is for my boyfriend

to fly back from London
and have bitch mode,

and freakin' Bryan just
makes us all uncomfortable.

‐ Let's not play victims.

‐ Wish I never bought the house
next door to you.


‐ Nicole.
‐ Oh.


‐ Hey, Artem.

‐ What's going on, babe?

‐ I'll let you guys be.

‐ Thanks.

‐ A little something, yeah.

‐ Like what?

‐ There's nothing on it.

‐ My mom is forcing me to‐‐
‐ Is that what I think that is?

‐ No, I haven't peed on it yet.

‐ No, but I understand
that you didn't pee on it yet.

‐ Oh, yes.

'Cause I'm late.
I'm two weeks late.

‐ Should I pee?
‐ I wish.

You have no idea.
I wish it worked that way.

‐ Two weeks late?

Are you feeling
like you're pregnant?

‐ Um...

‐ Oh, really?

‐ Just give it to me,
so I can pee,

so I could just have
everyone be quiet.

‐ I'll come with you in case
you're cheating.

I always wanted
to have a family.

I always wanted to have kids,
so this is very real for me.

I love Nicole,
and I see a future with Nicole,

and part of it
is to have a family,

so, I mean,
it's kind of exciting.

‐ Just don't look me in the eye.

‐ There's mirrors everywhere.
I can see you

regardless where I look.

‐ Just don't.
‐ Ohh.

There you go. Almost there.

‐ How much do you need?

I can't believe I'm doing this.

‐ It's not like I've taken
a pregnancy test, ever,

so I don't know
how much you need.

‐ Oh, no, I can't see.

‐ Do you want me to have
light for you?

‐ Oh, my gosh. Get out of here.

And don't stare, weirdo.

I think I got it.

Well, Mom, you were all curious.

‐ Did you take it?

‐ Not funny.

‐ Well,
could I just say something?

‐ No.
‐ What?

‐ I love how my whole family
gets involved

in my vagina and my life.

‐ Nicole, just hear us out.

Bryan and I just had
a quick chitchat over crackers,

and we're willing
to adopt your baby.

And we came up
with the perfect name.

‐ What?

Artemis what?

‐ Artem, what are the results?

‐ It's negative.
‐ Negative.

‐ Oh.
‐ Let me see.

‐ Part of me is sad.
‐ Oh, my gosh, is it?

‐ Aren't part of you sad?
‐ Yeah.

‐ I had really gotten
my hopes up.

‐ How do you guys feel?

‐ Relieved.
‐ Bummed.

‐ Happy.
‐ Bummed?

‐ It's a bit sad.

You know, like,
I do want to have a family,

and I actually really do think
of that future with this woman,

so it sucks, because
there was kind of, like,

a slight hope
for something that I do know

I want, and it's negative.

‐ Why are you bummed?

‐ Is it that bad to be pregnant?

‐ It's life‐changing.
I'm so relieved.

I love our life how it is now.

‐ Okay.

‐ I feel like you get so sad.

‐ Um, well,
I'm not feeling like,

"Oh, my God, this is
the happiest day of my life."

No, absolutely not.

‐ Okay.

‐ I'm just saying.

‐ I love Artem to death,

but why would I want
to be pregnant?

My companies need
my attention 24‐7,

which is already difficult,
and then podcasts,

the YouTube channel,
and a wine tour.

Like, there's a lot of things

I need to check off my list.

By the way, I don't even know
what Artem's beliefs

are with kids.
That would freak me out.

All of the sudden I'm gonna
have a baby with this guy,

and I don't even know
his values on raising a kid?

We've only been dating for,
what, not even a year.

And I like our time alone

‐ Cool.
Well, you're not pregnant.

‐ Oh, my gosh.

Well, I'm gonna go celebrate.

I'm gonna go down
a bottle of wine.

Mom, you want to go
to happy hour?

‐ Hell yeah.
‐ With crop tops?

‐ Three, two, one, up.

Grab those hips.
No cheating.

Speed it up.
There you go.

Nice one.

How about a butter cake?

Keep going.
Who's gonna crack first?

‐ Ugh!
‐ Perfect.

‐ All right, great job, guys.
‐ Thank you. See, you John.

‐ Thank you.
‐ You're welcome.

‐ When does Bryan get back
from the road?

‐ He gets back tomorrow.

So Bryan and I both know
there's things in our marriage

we have to fix.

Like, he and I kind of
are just, like, two ships

in the night that just pass
each other, and it's like,

"Okay, like, this is our life
for the next six months,"

and kids disrupt things too.

‐ I'm with you more than anyone,

and I think vice‐versa.
I've noticed that.

I've seen the effects
it's had on your marriage.

‐ Yeah. It's just, like,
we've become best friends.

‐ The intimacy goes away
a little bit.

‐ Yeah, we still try to figure
that part out.

‐ And I don't just mean sex.

I mean, like, your attention
with each other.

‐ Right, 'cause I got
to give to Bird,

I have to give it to the dogs,
I have to give it

to my businesses,
I have to give it to everyone,

and it's a lot.
It's, like, a lot.

There's not that many hours
in the day.

Lately I feel like I've just
kind of been on this path of,

like, finding the things
I want to do for my life

and to make myself feel better.

I feel, like, free from, like,
wanting to please everyone,

and I just started to think
about stuff, and I'm like,

"Gosh, Brie, like,
what do you want out of life?"

Oh, jeez.

‐ You just got to do
what you want to do.

There's so many rules in life.

Can't we all just have fun?

‐ So one last thing.

Is Artem a rebound, or is this,
like, the real deal? What?

‐ How dare you call
my man a rebound.

‐ I mean‐‐ ‐ He's not a rebound.

You can't help when someone
waltzes into your life.

Be nice, Brie.

‐ I will be.

‐ All right,

so we're gonna just
put her hair into a ponytail,

just like that.

What are you watching?

‐ I'm learning how
to braid Bird's hair.

‐ What, are you gonna practice
on her head or my head?

‐ I was gonna use my head.
‐ Your head?

‐ Can I use your head?

‐ I don't know
if I'm gonna regret this.

‐ Sit at the edge of the bed.
Edge of the bed.

‐ At the edge? Oh, my gosh.
I'm, like, nervous.

‐ Edge of the bed.


‐ Ow. You have to be gentle.

Isn't it nice how quiet it is?

‐ It is nice.

‐ I mean, it's nice having
Artem and Nicole around.

Is it nice?

‐ Bryan.
‐ What?

‐ We love having them around.
‐ We love it.

Behind the back,
behind the back.

‐ We really need to, like,

train ourselves how
to be alone again, don't we?

‐ What do you mean?
‐ Like, do adult‐‐

‐ You're already bored
of talking to me

as I'm braiding your hair
and trying to learn something

to make me a better dad?

‐ Ouch.
‐ Hold on. Stop whining.

Ta‐da. Oh, my gosh.

‐ Is it good?
‐ It's not horrible.

‐ It feels crooked.
‐ I mean, yeah.

‐ I mean, it's not good,

but it's not horrible.
‐ It's not good.

‐ Lately with Bryan and I,
for some reason,

every lighthearted moment
we have turns into,

some competition or some dig.

‐ You should give me
a foot massage.

‐ Do you want
to massage my feet?

‐ I'll massage your feet.

‐ I say we take pictures
of our braid,

we send them to Nicole,
and then we see

who has the best braid.

That feels really good.
‐ Why are you worried

about Nicole
when we're having alone time?

‐ No, I just wanted to see,
like, you know,

who had the best braid.
‐ You can't just enjoy the fact

that your husband's
massaging your feet?

We have these moments,

like, man, we're connecting;
we're having fun.

I mean, competing over
who does the better braid is,

like‐‐that's, like, fun.

But then all of a sudden
it becomes about Nicole.

‐ I mean, if you want me
to sit here and be silent

and go to sleep,
I will gladly do that.

‐ I'd love for you guys
to get some bonding time in.

‐ Yeah, I mean, I'd love
to go fishing,

so I was wondering
if you would be even interested

in doing something like that.

‐ Not really, but thank you
for the offer.

‐ Everyone has kids
except for me.

I mean, everyone's on,
like, number two or three,

and I really want a kid,
but then I just freak out.

I know that a lot of things
change for women

when they turn 35
as far as fertility,

so in this moment right now,
I'm like,

"Why didn't I get pregnant?

Like, what if I'm not
able to have kids?"

‐ What's going on here?

‐ I thought we
were redecorating.

‐ No, you have to put
your clothes away.

Hey, you know I get irked
or however you say that.

‐ Ow. You get what?
‐ Like, it irks me.

‐ Irk? What's that, irk?
‐ Like, eww.

Artem and I have been staying
at Brie's house,

because she has a guest room.

She's right next door, so I can
keep an eye on my builders.

It's just been a little hard,
because Artem's house is in LA.

Like, he is fully based in LA,

and we've been
going back and forth.

It's becoming
a little inconvenient.

Artem, our sex life
has suffered.


Why do you give me that look?
You're the worst.

‐ Rah‐rah‐rah‐rah.

We have, like,
a good 30 minutes.

‐ We got 30 minutes?

‐ Yeah, you got,
like, 30 seconds.

‐ We got 30 minutes?
‐ Yeah.


‐ Yeah.

‐ Ohh‐hoo.
‐ Ohh.

You just cracked my back.
‐ Yeah.

‐ Thanks, Bryan.
‐ Thank you, Bryan.

‐ Ooh, Bird, look at the fire.

Ooh, how is that?

Mommy's gonna...

‐ Thank you.

‐ You know, Artem is going
to London this week for a show.

‐ It's a gig?
‐ Yeah.

‐ Artem is in the "Guinness
Book of World Records"

for doing the most
Botafogo steps‐‐

I think I'm saying that right‐‐
in 30 seconds,

and his record's
being challenged,

so Artem has to head to London
to go defend it.

It's just a few days.
‐ Yeah.

‐ You know what?
I'd love for you guys

to get some bonding time in.

What if you teach Bryan, like,
some ballroom dance moves?

‐ Bryan, it'd be really cool

if you kind of brought Artem
into your world

and then Artem brought you
into his world.

‐ Yeah, I mean,
I'd love to go fishing,

so I was wondering
if you would be even interested

in doing something like that.

‐ Not really, but thank you
for the offer.

‐ Not really?

‐ It's, like, really cute,

because I could tell that Artem

is trying to connect with Bryan.

You know, he's asking him
to go fishing,

which I was like,
"Artem, he's vegan.

Like, you shouldn't
ask him to go fishing."

But that's okay.

‐ We have this great picture
of me and my dad and my sister,

where my dad is holing
this fish, this big fish,

and my sister's big smiling,

and there's me just, like,
crying on the side.

And I just‐‐
just the idea of, like‐‐

I just always
pictured myself as the fish.

We're like,
"Oh, look, here's food."

And then I eat the food,

and then I get dragged
for forever,

and then I get dumped in water,

because it's the opposite
for fish, right,

so they come out of the water,
and they can't breathe.

‐ Oh, no. That sounds terrible.

‐ Yeah, sort of not my thing.

‐ Yeah.

‐ I feel like Nicole
is very close to Brie,

and them being so close,
it's important to me

to be more involved
in Bryan's life as well,

but unfortunately, we like to do

different things in life.

‐ Well, maybe something else.
‐ Yeah.

‐ Did I tell you
about the house?

‐ No.

‐ That it got postponed for,
like, three more weeks.

‐ No way.

‐ Um...

‐ So you guys will probably
still need to stay with us

and use the closet and stuff?

‐ You don't care
if we stay longer?

‐ To stay in our house?

‐ If that's okay with you guys.

‐ Yeah, for sure.

I was gonna take stuff
out of storage to put back

in that closet, but I'm fine.

How many more weeks?

‐ Probably, like, three.

‐ I'm okay with Artem
and Nicole staying with us.

When it becomes an issue
is when it's all the time,

and then Brie
is doing more with them,

so that's when their presence
in our house

is a sacrifice
to our relationship.

‐ Okay, we should
probably get going.

You ready, sweet face?
‐ Bye, little monkey.

‐ I am not a monkey.

‐ That is so cute.

‐ Bye. Thank you.

Well, that dinner was nice.
‐ Yeah.

‐ The food was really good.
‐ The veggies were great.

Staying at our house
another three weeks, huh?

‐ I mean,
it's not what we planned,

but I'm not too upset by it.

‐ I think mostly
because you don't care

if we get alone time or not.

‐ Bryan, that is not why.
‐ Yeah.

It's just a little frustrating
to me when we're getting

so little alone time
together already.

‐ Which sucks, but it's okay.

I mean, on the bright side,
I have my wine buddy with me.

‐ Oh, boy.

Yeah, my favorite thing is,
like, when I come out at night,

and the three of you
are watching TV,

and all of you are staring
at your phones.

‐ You know what's gonna be nice
about having them there is,

I have some people on my side.

I feel like I have my people.

‐ People alongside with you
averaging seven hours plus

of screen time a day.

‐ I'm ignoring you.

‐ This is a weird‐‐
‐ I'm ignoring you.

‐ It's a weird thing to happen.
‐ I'm ignoring you.

I feel like Bryan and I are
drifting further apart,

and we both look
at relaxing differently,

and I can tell it bothers him.

‐ Do you want me
to grab your food?

‐ No, just give me a piece
of chicken and I'll be fine.

‐ Do you want‐‐
I can give you more.

‐ No, that's good.

‐ Are you sure?
‐ Yeah. Gonna go pack.

‐ Hey, do you have to bring
any special outfits?

‐ For what, for going to London?

‐ London.
‐ Yeah.

I mean,
I got to bring my tights,

like, special dancing tights
to give me, like,

aerodynamic movement, you know,

so I can get a lot of‐‐
‐ That'd be smart.

‐ Thanks.
‐ Let me see

what you're bringing.

I don't know about this.
‐ Why?

It's a very nice shirt,
by the way.

‐ Mm‐hmm.

Maybe you should FaceTime Bryan
and have him help you pack.

It's gonna be all flannels.

You love flannels.

Oh, my God, there's something
you guys connect with.

You both wear flannels a lot.

‐ I'm trying to figure it out,
how to bond with Bryan,

and the things that I like

to do he doesn't
necessarily like to do.

‐ Ask him to, like,
construct something.

I don't know. That's, like,
what bros like to do, right?

‐ He likes yoga.
I don't like yoga.

‐ Maybe talk about podcasts.

Listen to one together.

‐ That is the strangest thing.

"Hey, do you want to listen
to a podcast together?

Because I think
it's gonna be a lot of fun."

‐ Why don't you go cha‐cha
your way in there

and pick out some more outfits?
‐ Oh, I will.

Don't worry about it.

‐ Yeah.

‐ Aww, Artem.

Look how cute you look.

‐ Aww.

‐ Look at my eyes.

‐ Wow, hot.

‐ Lookit, I'm at the shoot
right now.

‐ It's today?
‐ Yeah.

‐ Oh, that's amazing.
‐ All right, A.

Well, I love you.
I'll call you later, okay?

‐ Oh, I see. Okay.

Well, I love you,
and I miss you.

‐ I love you too.
I miss you too.

‐ Okay. Bye.

‐ Okay. I'll call you in a bit.

‐ Okay. Bye.
‐ Okay. Bye.

‐ Bye.
‐ How you feeling, Brie?

‐ Good. I'm excited.
‐ Me too.

‐ How about you?
How are you feeling?

‐ Good.

My skin.

‐ You've been dealing
with some breakouts

the last month, I feel like.

‐ I wonder the day
I get pregnant,

how big my boobs are gonna get.

‐ I'd be so interested to see
you as, like, a pregnant lady.

‐ Yeah, I'm about to be 36,

so everyone has kids
except for me.

I mean, everyone's on, like,
number two or three.

‐ Right.

‐ And I really want a kid,
and I feel like, like, lately

I've had a little bit
of baby fever,

but then I just freak out of,

‐ Having your own?
‐ Yeah, and just, like,

I really love my career.

That's my baby.
‐ Right, yeah.

‐ And so I have
a live‐in boyfriend.

We're very serious, but‐‐

‐ You're not there yet.
‐ Yeah, it just freaks me out.

Nothing keeps you attached.

‐ Really? 46?

‐ Healthy, everything fine.

‐ Everything perfect?
‐ Wow, that gives me hope.

‐ Yeah.
‐ That's amazing.

‐ I know.
‐ Now, did you sister

want kids?
‐ Yeah.

‐ I just wish there
wasn't time on it.

I wish we could get pregnant,

in a healthy way at any age.

‐ After having the pregnancy

it started to make me think
of my age.

Like, okay, I'm 35 years old,

and I know that a lot of things
change for women

when they turn 35
as far as fertility,

so in this moment
right now, I'm like,

"Why didn't I get pregnant?

Like, what if I'm not
able to have kids?"

Sometimes that mind
Fs the out of me.

‐ Nicole?

I thought you were
getting in tonight.

‐ No, I got in early.
I wanted to beat traffic.

‐ Just next time let me know
exactly the game plan.

‐ I told you
I was coming in today.

I didn't know that I had
to send you an exact ETA.

‐ Can Daddy color with you?

‐ You use purple.

‐ ‐ I use purple.

Daddy's gonna
color this bubble purple.

Do you want Daddy
to be a bear for Halloween?

‐ Bear says roar.
‐ Bear says roar.

‐ Bryan.
‐ Yes.

‐ I just did our calendar.

It's horrible.

‐ Better or worse than
my coloring of bubbles?


‐ So I was trying to look
for a free date night,

and I'm having a hard time
trying to find a free day,

because if you look...
‐ Okay.

‐ The red dots
are when I'm busy.

The blue dots
are when you're busy.

‐ Look at the 28th.
‐ Oh, my gosh, no.

I just booked something
with Lionsgate on the 28th.

What's the 25th? The 25th
you're headed to Australia.

‐ Oh, you're‐‐oh.

What about the‐‐what about the
following Saturday?

‐ So I have "USA Today."
‐ Uh‐huh.

‐ And then I have to do
a dinner thing at Buck & Rider.

I really miss date nights.

I really miss when Bryan
and I would be spontaneous

and go do something fun,

but Bryan and I are in this
weird part in our marriage

where we're just kind of

with what we're doing,
but I'm a little nervous

that it's gonna be
like this forever

and we're gonna really start

to drift away from each other
and disconnect.

‐ But you do stuff with Birdie
all the time.

‐ Oh, my God,
she's ruining my calendar.

This might be our issue
in our marriage.

We always put Birdie first,
but, you know,

we just never have alone time.

Like, it would be nice
if this was our calendar.

‐ Yeah, it's fine
that Birdie comes first.

It's just not great
when Daddy comes number four.

That's how Daddy
feels sometimes.

‐ What the?

‐ Hey.
‐ Nicole?

Jesus. I thought you were
getting in tonight.

‐ No, I got in early.
I wanted to beat traffic,

so I got on the road
really early.

You all right?

‐ Yeah.
‐ You want help?

‐ Just next time,
you probably want to put

your luggage in your room.

‐ Sorry, I just literally
just drove in,

had to pee so bad,
and I'm starving.

‐ Yeah, just...
Room's down the hall.

‐ I know. I stay here a lot.

‐ Are you eating the turkey?
‐ Yeah, why?

‐ 'Cause Bird was gonna
eat that for lunch.

I totally forgot
to get you more.

‐ There's, like, a whole thing.
‐ Okay, perfect.

I just forgot to buy some.

What made you want
to come in early?

‐ I told you, because I wanted
to beat traffic.

If I would've left later,
it would've taken me, like,

probably eight or nine hours.

I wanted to get here in, like,
five to six.

‐ Okay.

‐ Plus, Artem's gonna fly
straight from London to here.

‐ Oh. I put some of
the blankets back in.

Do I need to take them out now?

‐ What do you mean?

‐ 'Cause they were just hanging
out in my bedroom closet.

‐ Well, I mean, I would like
to have the full closet.

Like, I had to bring
even more stuff,

'cause now I'm in here for,
like, three weeks

because of my house.

‐ Well‐‐
‐ Dude, what's your deal?

‐ Nothing. It's just‐‐
I didn't even think‐‐I‐‐

I didn't get enough groceries,
and I didn't even think‐‐

‐ Well,
I'll get my own groceries.

I never asked you
to buy me groceries.

‐ It's not that you have to get
your own groceries.

Just next time let me know
exactly the game plan.


‐ I told you
I was coming in today.

I didn't know that I had
to send you an exact ETA.

‐ Well, I just like
to get stuff done without,

like, everyone in my house,
and, like,

I didn't realize you were
parking your car in my garage,

and then you left your luggage
right at the front.

I have all my‐‐ I asked you.

I have all my in the car.

What do you want me to do,
leave it on the street?

You bitch about robbery.
You bitch about

all this.
I asked you if I could put it

in the garage, and you said yes.

‐ All you have to do is call
and ask me that.

‐ I asked you,
but you never listen.

‐ Okay, whatever, Nicole.
‐ What?

‐ I said whatever, Nicole.

‐ If I leave, like,
a dish in the sink for,

like, more than ten minutes,
you get on me.

‐ Because I like
when the dishes are clean.

That is not true.
You're such a liar.

‐ I mean, I like when
my dishes are done,

and I feel like
when you and Artem stay,

I'm always cleaning up
after you guys.

‐ I always clean my dishes.
You know that.

‐ Artem doesn't.
‐ And yours.

Well, then discuss
that with Artem.

That's not my fault.
I'm not his mom.

I'm his girlfriend.
Big difference.

‐ This is so not like Brie.

Like, she's getting so mad
at people

for leaving a dish,
and I'm like,

"Okay, I know my sister really,
really well."

Like, something else
has to be going on,

because this whole thing

it's just
not making sense to me.

This is perfect
that you acted this way,

because you know what?
‐ I acted?

‐ Artem and I
are just gonna get an Airbnb.

It's not like Bryan's
even reached out

and tried to, like,
make friends with Artem

or make him feel comfortable;
or you're being a bitch.

‐ Are you serious?
‐ So the last thing I want

is for my boyfriend
to fly back from London

and have bitch mode,

and freakin' Bryan just makes
us all uncomfortable, so...

‐ Okay, let's not play victims.
Maybe you and Artem‐‐

‐ I'm not playing
a victim, Brie.

‐ Yeah.
‐ I'm being honest.

I would never
treat you like this.

‐ You have.

‐ You're such a bitch.

I'm out of here.

Wish I never bought the house
next door to you. Bye.

‐ Whatever. That's her dish,
and that's her dish,

and that's her dish,
so she left.

Bryan, I think you need
to put a little effort

then with Artem.
‐ Why?

‐ Because obviously you make
him feel, like, not wanted.

‐ I can only give so much.

‐ I have a question for you.

Will you answer it honestly?

If I couldn't have kids,
would you still be with me?

‐ Oops.
Smarter than the door.

‐ Yeah.

‐ Ooh.

Be very careful.

There's just way
too many cute things in here.

‐ Oh, my gosh
you cannot do that.

Birdie, you're gentle
with the plant.

‐ Be gentle.
‐ For the meditation garden,

these are the kind of plants
we should get.


Okay, here's, like,
a Bird‐Bird hat.

Want to try this one on?
You got to be careful.

‐ Whoa, sweet girl.

‐ Now Da‐Da wears the hat?

‐ Guess who I got
in a fight with.

‐ Uh, I would be shocked if
you got in a fight with Nicole.

‐ I did. When I came home,
she got home earlier.

She left the luggage
right at the front door.

She didn't tell me
she was getting there early.

I just wanted to get everything
all nice and ready,

but she said something.

Artem doesn't feel
comfortable in the house,

'cause I think he's trying to
get close to you or hang out,

and he says you always kind of,
like‐‐it's, like,

you don't really open up or,
like, kind of care to engage.

‐ Yeah, good.
That's how I like to keep it.

‐ What do you mean? You do not.

‐ That's how I like to keep it.
What's that?

‐ You purposely do that?
‐ No, of course not.

‐ Well, why does he
feel like that?

‐ I don't know.

‐ Well, Bryan, I think you need

to put a little effort
then with Artem.

‐ Why?

‐ Because obviously you make
him feel, like, not wanted.

‐ Listen, I can only
give so much.

‐ Well, do something with him.

‐ I can't believe
that we can barely

find time for each other,

and now you're asking me
to find time for Artem.

It's like you're trying
to hand me off to Artem,

hand off our date nights.
You're so worried about‐‐

I'm not listening to you.

‐ I'm not listening to this.
‐ You're like, "I don't want

"to do date nights
with my husband.

Why don't you go
hang out with Artem?"

‐ Well, at least you put effort
with making someone

feel part of the family.

‐ So do you want me
to just call Artem up,

and we can just chat?

‐ Yeah, that would be awesome,
and then ask him

if you guys can build
where I want the daybed,

like, a little patio meditation
where you can do yoga.

‐ A is in London, sweet girl,

and Mama wants me
to be better friends with A.

‐ That's right.

Bryan, I need your advice.

‐ I'm in the middle of
being kicked by our daughter.

‐ Oh, okay.

‐ Hey, you. You're back.

‐ You're not too busy for me?
‐ I'm sorry.


‐ I have no idea.

‐ What do you mean,
you have no idea?

‐ Well, everything that I was
supposed to do,

I ended up not doing, because

all they wanted me in the end

just to be there and say, like,
"I'm the current holder,

and there's people gonna
attempt to beat my record,"

and I have no say in it.

‐ I'm so sorry. That sucks.

I have a surprise for you.

‐ Whoa, what kind of surprise?

‐ We're gonna go
on a date night,

straight to it right now,
because I know

if I take you home first,
you're just gonna pass out

'cause you're jet‐lagged,
so instead

I'm gonna give you some wine,
so I can get you buzzed,

and we can make love
before you pass out.

‐ Got it. Good plan.

‐ Just can't make love
at the table,

but we can do it
when we get back.

‐ Aw, good plan.

‐ Hi.
How are you guys?

‐ Thank you.

This is a much‐needed
date night.

Artem is back from London.

I am so happy
to just have a date night

and connect with him
and spend time with him,

because I need to know
where we're at exactly.

Can I ask one thing?

‐ Yeah.
‐ When my hair's slicked back

like this, I look like a boy.

I need a part
in the middle, don't I?

‐ No. I like it.

‐ Are you sure?
‐ Yeah.

‐ I feel like I need a part
that separates, like,

I'm a woman and not a boy.

‐ So what you're trying to say
is that guys

don't do part in the middle?


‐ Your appetizers are here.

‐ Oh.
‐ Oh, thank you.

‐ Siberian caviar, chives,
egg whites, and egg yolk.

‐ Can you take a photo of me,
so I can post it

on my IG and get Brie jealous?

‐ So you do talk.

‐ Oh, no, she'll stalk my IG,

and then it'll get her jealous.


‐ Well, I think you should
make up and be back to,

you know, being best sisters.

‐ Best sisters.

She kicked my luggage down.

Like, boom.

‐ Well, I'm hoping that the
house is gonna be done soon.

‐ You and me both.

I really missed you.

‐ I missed you too.

‐ I like when you're around.

‐ I like to be around.

So what else have I missed?

‐ Um...

Nothing really.
I've just been doing

a lot of stuff.
I don't know.

I have a question for you.
Will you answer it honestly?

‐ Well, I always do.

‐ I mean, 100%
will you answer it honestly?

‐ Yeah.

‐ I have always wanted
to have a kid,

but if I couldn't have kids,
would you still be with me?

‐ I feel like I'm way more

in this relationship than you.

‐ Why do you say that?

‐ You don't ever say anything,
and I know‐‐

I can see in your eyes
that you're feeling things,

and you want to say them to me,
but you just don't want to deal

with whatever wrath you think
I'm gonna give you.

‐ Well, that's fair.

‐ We have to stop
and work on this,

because if we don't,

I feel like Bryan
and our marriage will end.

- I have a question for you.
Will you answer it honestly?

‐ Well, I always do.

‐ I think after having
the pregnancy scare

and seeing the disappointment
on Artem's face,

I've just been thinking of,

would he, you know,

like, really want to be with me
for me

or does Artem really
just want a family.

If I couldn't have kids,
would you still be with me?

‐ I don't know.

‐ It's okay to say no,

'cause I know
you want to be a dad.

‐ No, I don't know,
because I don't know

if it's something
that I will regret

for the rest of my life later
on in my life‐‐in our life.

I don't know.

‐ I've just been curious.

‐ I mean, look, family
is very important to me,

and you knew that
from the very beginning.

‐ No, yeah.
‐ So‐‐

‐ And I've always wanted
to have a kid.

‐ So why are we having
the kid conversation?

‐ Johnny would love
this dish, though.

I am, like, in the middle of,

the biggest clicking talk.

‐ Clicking what?

Ticking clock ever..

‐ Clicking talk.

‐ Oh, that's okay.
‐ I'm so sorry.

‐ Don't even worry.
‐ Oh, my goodness.

Are you all right?
‐ It's okay.

Don't even...
I'm gonna go like this.

‐ I'm so sorry. Let me get some
for you.

‐ No, I was literally taking
a sip as you‐‐don't even worry.

‐ You all right?
‐ I promise. Poor guy.

‐ Oh, you're‐‐
oh, my God, you're so wet.

I didn't even see it.
‐ Don't even.

‐ Oh, my God.

You're soaking.

‐ I shouldn't have sipped
when he was grabbing the wine.

It's my fault.

It's not, but I feel terrible.

‐ I feel like
I should say something.

‐ I'll be mad
if you say something.

‐ Well, stay wet then.
It's fine.

‐ Good. I want to stay wet.

That's actually what I prefer,
is staying wet.

‐ Oh.
‐ Anyways.

‐ Bird‐Bird, what are you doing?

‐ Yeah?

You're playing with
your Mickey choo‐choo?

‐ How many eggs do you
want to do?

‐ Four or five if we're gonna
do two trays.

Speaking of me being proactive
and doing incredible things,

do you know what else I've done?

‐ All the laundry.

‐ Um, no. I planned us a trip.

‐ Where are we going?
‐ Let it just be a surprise.

‐ Well, who's gonna watch Bird?
‐ Your mother.

We'll go next week,
and I've scheduled a bunch of

fun things to bring us together.

‐ Oh, my gosh.
Do you know this is,

like, the first time
we've ever done this.

‐ My thing is, maybe I haven't
been responsible enough

in contributing
to our relationship,

and this is my fix.

You sound so excited.

‐ Well, it's 'cause‐‐
you know me,

I don't like surprises.
I want to know.

‐ Yeah, you sound so excited.

‐ I honestly have been wanting

to go on a trip
with you forever.

‐ My idea has always been,
if we get time together,

we spend time around the house,
or we spend time

in the Phoenix area
and all that kind of stuff,

but maybe that is
what we need to do.

Maybe what we need to do
is plan a trip

to go do something fun,
just the two of us.

So here we go.
Let's see if this works.

Let's see if this
helps us connect.

‐ What made you, like,
really want to do this trip?

‐ Well, the fact that we haven't

been connecting very much.

We seem to be on completely
different wavelengths,

except for with Bird.

‐ Yeah.

‐ And I just thought
it would be nice for us

to have some time

where we're not worried about
Birdie falling off the counter.

‐ So do you want to give me a
little hint where we're going?

Can I guess?
‐ No.

Well, it's within
driving distance,

and it's a place from our past.

‐ Are we going to Sedona?
‐ I can't tell you,

and by "I can't tell you,"
I mean yes.

‐ Okay.
‐ No.

‐ Poor Mama.
‐ Poor Mama.

‐ Mommy will come down,
but she's still helping you.

Well, that makes me happy
you want to do that.

‐ But I do hope this trip, like,

we can just kind of be really
honest with each other...

‐ Mm‐hmm.

‐ And tell each other
what we both want.

‐ Well,
that's little bit scarier...

‐ Oh, yeah...
‐ Because that implies to me

that you have something
super honest

that you want to say
that you haven't told me yet,

but I'll deal
with whatever it is,

but you can be honest
with me anytime.

‐ I know I can.

I feel like I'm way more honest
in this relationship than you.

‐ Why do you say that?

‐ Because I feel like I'm
always, like, sound like I'm‐‐

not that I'm complaining,
but like, "Hey, Bryan, this.

Hey, Bryan, that.
Hey, this, this, this."

Where I feel like you don't
ever say anything,

and I know‐‐
I can see in your eyes

that you're feeling things,
and you want to say them to me,

but you just don't want
to deal with whatever wrath

you think I'm gonna give you.

‐ Well, that's fair.

‐ I'm surprised,
because I don't think

Bryan's ever done this,
but it makes me feel like

he's on the same page as I am.

Like, he knows, like, we have
to stop and work on this,

because if we don't,

I feel like Bryan
and our marriage will end.

‐ Ohh, come out.

‐ Have you ever read
the Dr. Seuss book "The Lorax?"

‐ Mm‐mm.

‐ Oh.
‐ Is it good?

‐ It's really good.

‐ So when I was in London,
me and Bryan talked,

and apparently
Bryan promised Brie

a long time ago a garden.

‐ Sorry, friend, but, you know,
when mama wants a daybed,

‐ plants have to die.
‐ That's so sad.

‐ It is sad.

‐ It's definitely
very unexpected

but in the best possible way.

‐ As if we don't have
enough spaces

to meditate inside, outside.

‐ Grass is not enough.

‐ You have to have
the perfect setting,

which involves
destroying living things

and putting up inanimate things.

It does look nice, though.

I kind of think this
whole thing has always been

about Nicole and Brie
rather than Artem and I.

They have this really
bizarre relationship,

and I suppose
it's not even bizarre.

It's just they're twins
who work together,

who are around each other
all the time,

and so they have
some of the wildest fights

I've ever seen, but then they‐‐

then they come back together.

‐ You guys, this looks amazing.
‐ Yeah.

‐ Lookit, Birdie helps
with the wa‐wa.

‐ Oh, thank you, sweet girl.

‐ Aw, thank you.

‐ Yeah, Win‐Win goes poo‐poo.
Do you need to go poo‐poo?

You need to go poo‐poo.‐

‐ Artem, I can't believe this.

‐ You like it so far?
‐ This is incredible.

‐ Artem, your food's here
that I got you.

‐ Thank you.
‐ Oh, hey.

‐ Hi.
‐ How are you?

‐ Isn't that creepy
that her head just popped up?

‐ I know.
‐ To get a kiss.

‐ How long were you
right there listening to us?

‐ I was eating my food,
'cause I got Artem a sandwich.

‐ Mwah.
‐ I love you.

‐ I love you too.

‐ What are you guys
doing over here?

‐ As you can see,
Artem and Brian

have been building me
a meditation garden.

‐ Hopefully someone's grateful.

‐ Nicole, we'll let them finish,

but I wanted to talk
to you real quick.

‐ Here, Birdie, hold this drill.

‐ About what?
‐ Meet me at the playground,

and I'll tell you.

You didn't even pick that up.
‐ No, don't give her the drill.

‐ Bryan, thank you for having
an amazing time with my man.

‐ You're welcome.
‐ It means a lot to me.

‐ I'll let you guys finish up.
Mama wants to talk to Do‐Do.

‐ Okay, I'll swing here.

‐ But first Mama is gonna talk
to Do‐Do real quick, Bird‐Bird.

I want you to know, like,
never once did Bryan and I

ever feel like
you and Artem were,

too much here at the house.

Like, we loved
having you guys here,

and we enjoyed your company.

‐ You made it feel that way.

You started to make it
feel uncomfortable.

‐ Okay. No, I didn't
make it uncomfortable.

Yes, I got frustrated.
‐ No, no, no.

I'm telling you my feelings.

‐ I'm sorry that I made you
feel that way.

Thank you. So I didn't mean it.
I was just being angry.

‐ So that's an apology?

‐ I'm sorry.
I already‐‐

I'm saying sorry
for all of this,

because obviously
this all stemmed

because I got super frustrated
with Bryan.

‐ Okay. Well, I forgive you.
‐ Thank you.

I'm really mad at myself
that I lashed out at Nicole.

It was never my intention,
and I feel like

when you get super tired
and super frustrated,

you could say
really hurtful things,

and it's not against Nicole,

and I should've never
yelled at sister.

I just‐‐
I'm in a really tough place.

We both have to forgive
each other,

because when you and I fight,
we can get really mean.

It's not good. I think we need
to go to therapy.

Like, forget couples' therapy.
We need sister therapy.

‐ Oh, I'll never do
sister therapy with you.

‐ Why?
‐ There's no point.

‐ You and I can cut each other
down pretty bad.

‐ We're always gonna fight.
It's our life.

‐ Okay, so you and Artem,
we can do a sleepover.

We'll get pizza, wine,
and it'll be like old times.

‐ Oh, yeah.
See, I knew you'd like it.

Whoa, girl, that's good.


‐ Welcome to my casa.

I'm officially Brie's
next‐door neighbor.

‐ I absolutely love that name.

‐ I definitely want
to have kids.

‐ You have baby fever.

‐ I want more.

I'm ready for more.

‐ Artem thinks he's gonna
marry you.

He thinks he's gonna
have your babies.

If Artem were to propose to you
tomorrow, would you say yes?

‐ I don't know.

Look, I want to marry Artem,
but not today.