Torchwood (2006–2011): Season 1, Episode 9 - Random Shoes - full transcript

Torchwood.

Outside the government,
beyond the police.

Tracking down alien life on Earth and
arming the human race against the future.

The 21st century is
when everything changes.

And you've gotta be ready.

The speed of light is
299,792,458 metres per second.

Pain travels through the
body at 350 feet per second.

Even a sneeze can reach
100 miles per hour.

And as for life, well,
that just bloody whizzes by.

So then, this is me,

Eugene Jones.



Hey, Gwen, Jack, er... Tosh,

the guys at the rope just
let me through, so...

I'd say at least 50 miles per hour.

Travelled on the bonnet, bounced,
maybe rolled, smashed his face on the road.

Eh? Uh, excuse me,
but that looks a lot like me.

Couldn't even cross the
road without messing it up.

No bag, nothing.
I mean, what was he doing here?

Perhaps he was hit deliberately. Maybe
he really did have something important.

- Like what?
- I don't know.

He was always trying to talk to us,
show us stuff.

- Perhaps we shouldn't have been so...
- Gwen, I think it's just an ordinary RTA.

- Guys,...
- It was a red car.

There's red paint
under his fingernails.

Am I dead?



Am I dead?

Am I dead?

- Yes?
- Hello, love.

I've just been to the
shops and forgot tea bags.

- Hello? Eugene?
- Hi, Mrs Jones.

Something's happened.
We need to talk to you.

What happened?
How did I end up here?

I mean, I'm dead?
But I'm not dead. So, shit...

So, what, am I a ghost or a zombie?

Oh, God. Right, calm.

- Gwen?
- Yeah?

- Stick with the team.
- What? You're driving.

This is Torchwood,
it's gonna be okay.

Oh, what? Of course, I'm invisible.
Why am I invisible?

- Anything on his phone from today?
- Just some pictures of random shoes.

Mind you, it feels
kind of familiar.

You know what? Whatever's happened,
all of a sudden,

I'm somewhere I've
always wanted to be.

Let's back up a bit. I mean,
every story's got a beginning.

I think mine began here.

The final of the Interschool
Maths Competition, 1992.

I used to be a maths-head.

Binary coding, topology, quadratics,
I loved stuff like that,

and I'm supposed to
be really good at it.

And Rushmore, a mountainous 42.

So, we congratulate the
winning team, Rushmore...

Dad took the day off
work to come and see me,

but when the moment mattered,
I blanked.

Let the side down,
made a mess of it.

See ya.

Everyone blamed me
for losing the final.

Useless.

But it must have been what happened
afterwards that started this whole thing off.

- Have you ever had a proper look at the collection?
- No, sir.

- Would you like to?
- No, sir.

- I play golf.
- Oh, good, sir.

I play golf, and one day,
when I was playing really badly,

I was stuck in the first bunker
whacking away at all the sand

and this fell out of the sky,
and landed, plop, beside me.

- From the sky?
- Yeah.

I mean, it looks a bit like a golf ball,
so I picked it up and put it in my pocket.

But when I had a proper
look later... Here.

I realised it was an eye.

I thought, "Well,
where could that have come from?"

It fell from the sky.
Isn't that amazing?

Have it.

Where the bloody
hell have you been?

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

Come on, Eugene.

Have you got everything?

Yes, thanks, sir.

I went to the school, didn't I?

Dad was mad at me for
losing the final.

But now I had the eye,
and what I realised was,

if it fell from the sky,
it probably... No.

No, it almost certainly
belonged to an alien.

No! I'm off!

That was the night dad went away.

But it was okay because I had the eye and
the possibility of an alien encounter.

I mean, if you leave something
really important behind,

you come back and get it,
don't you?

God, I wanted that alien to
come back and claim his eye

more than I wanted
anything in my life.

I worked out the
possible provenance,

the life form and galaxy, planetary
escape velocities, launch windows,

necessary fuel capacities
and then I waited.

My dad never came back.

As I got older, I became interested in UFOs,
collected alien artifacts,

watched the stars and
waited alone for my alien.

And then...

- Hi, uh... Hi, um...
- I found you, Gwen Cooper.

I'm Eugene Jones, and, um,
I've... I've a keen interest in your work,

and, uh, I've got something to...
I'd just like to show...

Hi.

- Hi. Um...
- Gwen, come on.

- Okay, what are these... These...
- Look, I've got to go.

Please, these...

But I couldn't quite make contact.

Hmm. You again.

Gwen, I've got this thing
I really need to show you.

Sorry, that sounded...

I couldn't get you interested in the eye,
no matter how hard I tried.

Are you sure it's my Eugene?

- Yes, Mrs Jones.
- Perhaps you couldn't really identify him.

We could.

That's his tea there.

Shit!

- What are we doing here?
- Look at this.

Do you understand what's
happened to your brother, Terry?

- Yep.
- What?

He walked onto a road
and got run over.

- Where's your dad?
- He works for a big corporation in America.

Gwen.

That's pre-gorgon
Pilurian currency.

- I had them authenticated.
- Are these Roman coins?

Hey, look, Rice Krispies.
Man, there are some rogues out there.

Oh, hang on, there's
something missing here.

Mrs Jones, do you know what's
missing from Eugene's collection?

Why didn't they stop?
They killed my boy and just drove on.

Excuse me.

I am sorry, Mrs Jones.

Look, Mum, I'm sorry,

but we've got the best team ever
working on this. Torchwood, me, top.

We'll get it sorted, Mum.

See, I think there's
probably been some mistake.

So, uh, so... I gotta go.

I want to know what he last ate,
where he'd been.

Oh, wow.

Oh, this is... This is...

I am totally... Christ Almighty,
the head of Vexor Eleven.

No way! And... Wow!

A hand in a jar.

- What was he doing out on that road?
- Oh, fuck knows. Categorizing chevrons.

He was a geek.

Oh, this is truly legendary.

Gwen, he had a bit of a thing about
you and now you're feeling guilty.

- Sod off, Owen.
- You do it, then.

- I do it, the autopsy?
- Yes. I've got a stack of admin.

Okay, good.

- You're sure?
- Yes.

- Really?
- Yes.

I am in heaven.

Am I?

Is that...

Number three scalpel.
Start at the sternum. Piece of piss.

Okay, here we go.

This is also new to me,
but in an investigation like this...

Okay, a red Vauxhall has been
stopped outside Caernarfon.

Very drunk guy has admitted
knocking a man over near Cardiff,

fits Eugene's description.

The man says he thought
he'd be okay so he drove on.

Ah, he was a sweet guy.
That's very sad.

Now, can we get on with
some proper work, please?

Do you think Eugene
committed suicide?

It was a road accident and
there was no alien involved.

See, I'm not so sure because
something seems really odd.

I mean, I just... I just feel
that there's something going on.

Marvelous. Thank you for that Disney
moment. Now, who's making the tea?

Yeah, well, I suppose Eugene's a bit odd
and a real local and amateur for you, Owen.

Now, why is it that only
Gwen seems to have a heart?

Yeah, I don't know if you've noticed,
but the rest of us are human,

and amazingly, we still manage
to get on with our jobs.

- Okay, you two.
- Okay, fine. Leave it, forget it.

I have.

- Everything to do with it.
- Then why the hell did you have...

Why do people behave like they do?

Because they feel compelled. Because they...
They're tied by what they consider a...

- Is that Eugene's DVD?
- No.

Yes. It was on loan
from a video store.

- You were nicking his stuff?
- I was gonna take it back.

- I'll do it.
- Suits me. There'll be a fine.

- I'm gonna go for some lunch.
- All right.

Hi. Do you know when the video
shop round the corner opens?

- No. He's a law unto himself.
- Gwen?

Gwen, what are you doing here? This is
my lunch cafe. This is where I come to...

Do you know someone
called Eugene Jones?

- That's me, mate. That's me.
- Middle height, sandy hair, ordinary-looking.

No. What can I do you for, love?

I come in here every day.
Two eggs, ham and chips, every day.

Two eggs, ham and chips, please.

So... So... Wow, this is so weird.

I used to follow you around.

Now you're following me. Yeah.

No, you see, I don't
know whose those are.

I can't remember anything except...

Phone Gary, he might know
something. Phone Gary.

Phone Gary. Phone Gary.

Hi, this is Gary.
Please leave a message.

Hi, my name is Gwen Cooper.

I have some very bad
news for you, Gary.

- I'll give you a call back later.
- That is so beautiful.

But these ancient creatures
have had their day.

All over these lush, fern prairies

a grim evolutionary battle has broken
out among the newer types of reptile.

- Hello.
- Hey, gorgeous.

- Want to borrow a dream?
- No, thank you.

I want to return some DVDs on
behalf of someone who's deceased.

- Deceased? No shit. That's pretty final.
- Eugene Jones?

Hey, I think he used to come in here,
with a mate. Bit of a dreamer.

- Kind of...
- Irresistible?

- Ordinary-looking.
- Yeah.

- He was killed in a road accident.
- That's bad. Sweet guy.

£34, please.

- £34?
- £34?

Yeah, sorry.

He's had them out ages.
I haven't seen him in months.

I don't think I can bend the
rules just 'cause he's dead.

- Bread head bastard. Sorry, Gwen.
- That's okay.

Did he...

Did he... Did he
"walk into oncoming traffic?"

See, lot a people come in here.

They don't want to be themselves any more.
They want to be someone else.

They want me to transport them.

- How about you, baby?
- Oh, leave it out.

- I'm fine, thank you. How about you?
- Me? I'm out of here.

Moving to London in a couple of months.
You know what I'm saying?

You see, no disrespect,
but Eugene had loser written through him

like Brighton in a stick of rock.

Maybe he just couldn't
live with his... failure.

You wanna write the cheque?

Failure. Is that right?
Has my life just been one big failure?

I mean, maybe I never quite lived up
to my early promises of maths genius

but that's because I was waiting for the
alien to collect his eye and change my life.

And while I was waiting,
I joined Passmore Telesales.

Oh, yes. This is all
nauseatingly familiar.

Selling kitchens, home insurance, barbeque
sets. Selling life and still waiting.

Jason, Kevin.

The guy with the personal hygiene problem.
Nothing changes, really.

Hi, Morag. Me and
Morag used to go out.

So, how come I can remember the
details of my fascinating daily life

but the vital couple of weeks before I
die are still a complete mystery to me?

- Are you Gary?
- Yeah, yeah. How do you... Oh, are you...

Gwen, yes, I was just wondering whether
you saw Eugene the day he died?

No. Sorry. Just doing a card,
you know?

"Good luck in your new job."
He's dead!

- No.
- Who's it for, then?

- His mum, you idiot!
- Shit.

- Can you rub it out?
- It's in biro.

People just don't understand.

Don't worry,
mate, it's okay.

Is it true? He got run over?

- Yeah.
- Oh, God.

Sorry. I'm Linda.
I'm the silver seller.

It's all about belief, see? If necessary,
I am Kitchens for a Lifetime.

Eugene was only ever himself.

- He wasn't the best salesman, then?
- No.

I think Craig kept him on out
of the goodness of his heart.

Have you met Craig?

Is he your boss? You two an item?

A snog in the ladies
at the Christmas party.

But I can't really talk about it here
'cause of Craig's, you know, position.

Do you want to meet at
lunchtime for a chat?

Okay. Where does Gary sit?

- Number 50.
- Okay, thank you. Thanks.

- Owen.
- Gwen, Jack wants to know where you are.

Yeah, sorry, I had a few things
to sort out. I'll be back later.

Yeah, well, make it quick.

- Well, one day Eugene came in very low.
- Why? Why was he low?

He wouldn't talk about it.

Anyway, I was fed up,
too, 'cause Craig had...

Well, anyway, I said I'd love to get
away from it all and go to Australia.

And Eugene suddenly got very excited,
he said, "Yes. You've got to go."

I said, " But I haven't got the money."
And he said he'd get it for me.

So he was gonna pay for a ticket

- for you to go to Australia with him?
- Mmm.

- Was he in love with you?
- Oh, no.

He loved someone who he
said was unattainable.

He was just trying
to look after me.

He said, " Don't stay here and waste your life
waiting for something that may never happen."

- But where was he gonna get the money from?
- Exactly.

You said, "You haven't bought a
new pair of socks in six years."

I said, "You haven't even had a
new pair of socks in six years."

He stood up, and he said...

That's... That's your phone.

- Yeah, he said?
- He said, "I'm going to sell it."

I said, "What?"

He said, "My alien artifact."

- So...
- So?

So, he brought it into work.

It's a plastic eye.

It's an alien body part,
and I'm gonna sell it on eBay.

Eugene, it's very nice of you, but I don't
think that's gonna get me the bus into town

let alone a flight to Sydney.

Some people laughed.

But he went ahead, and,
of course, it just sat there.

She said, "Maybe a photo, you know,
bit more of a description." So...

Then out of the blue, £2.
50, a kid from Birmingham.

And then...

Eugene, you've got
a couple more bids.

Bloody hell. 75 quid.

That was just the beginning.
200, 300, 1,000.

It just kept on going up.

£3,000 for a spare body part.

Pete said you could get a bathroom suite with
a celebrity appearance for less than that.

And then, one day it just jumped.

Oh, my God, Eugene, you're rich!

£15,005. 50.

- So, who bought it?
- Who bought it?

I've no idea. Is it all my fault?

No, of course it's not.

I'm sorry. Hello?

- Hi, it's Eugene's mum.
- Mrs Jones.

- There's something I think you should see.
- Okay, I'll come over.

That was Eugene's mum. I'm sorry, Linda,
I'm gonna have to go. I'm sorry.

There he is,
my son at the Interschool Maths Final.

Big moment. Youngest
contestant in Wales.

So, it's down to the wire.
The last question will settle the final.

What curve is represented
by Y²=4AX?

Come on, Eugene.

You got a brain the size of Cardiff
Arms Park. What's the frigging problem?

What curve is represented by Y²=4AX?

Don't do this.
Don't let me down, boy.

No, time's up.
No additional points.

The final scores are...

I don't understand. Someone gave
him the eye as a consolation prize?

Yeah, it was that Mr Garrett,
the science teacher.

A plastic eye as a consolation prize.
Still, Eugene treasured it.

- That was the night dad walked out.
- Went away.

- You can stop now, Mam.
- What do you mean?

He's dead. He may have been able to square
the root of the square frigging root

- but he couldn't cross the frigging road.
- Terry, please!

He sold the eye online.
So something must have happened.

Dad left when he found out Eugene was a
failure. That's what Eugene always said.

That's not true.
None of that's true.

He went 'cause of his job.

- He has a very important job.
- Does Mr Jones know about Eugene?

Well, you see, he works for a
big corporation in America.

Stop giving us that shit.
He's not Superman, Mam.

He works at a garage on Filey Road.

Eugene found him
about two weeks ago.

He found him on the Internet.
He's a cashier, works nights.

Oh, God, now I remember
why I sold the eye.

Life can be such a letdown,
can't it?

All those years I'd believed my dad had
gone to America because I was a failure,

and here he was all along, doing his
important, secret work in Filey Road, Cardiff.

When I found him,
I couldn't even bear to say hello.

I'd spent my life believing
in stupid stories, fantasies.

I'd wasted my life.

Once I'd seen him there, everything
I'd dreamed about was like rubbish,

it was just a crock of shit,
including the eye.

So why not sell it?

Along with the woodworm
treatment and loft insulation

and all the other crap
floating around the world.

Linda was welcome to the money.
No! No, don't, Gwen!

I don't want anything
to do with him.

- I'm sorry.
- It's okay.

You turned your phone off.

It was Eugene.

He didn't understand
why his father left.

- He just needs a bit of help.
- To do what? He's dead.

- Yes, Jack, I know he's dead, but...
- This is not sounding good, Gwen.

- I've got work to do.
- Okay.

Eh? No. You can't just stop.
I mean, what about the £15,000?

- Gwen, Gwen...
- Okay, listen to this.

Eugene had an alien eye in his
collection. He sold it online.

What, like a Sixth Eye?

- A Dogon Sixth Eye?
- Maybe.

It's possible.
There was a trade in them.

- Who's got it?
- I don't know but I've nearly tracked it down.

- What exactly is a Sixth Eye, I mean, exactly?
- It's one in the back.

Let's you see behind
you where you've been.

Kind of puts things in perspective.

It's useful, fun, slightly terrifying,
that's why they were in demand.

- See? See, I told you.
- I can get it for you.

My alien, see? See?

Okay, you've got the weekend.

- But keep your phone on.
- God, you are brilliant.

And I'm brilliant, too.
Oh, yeah, of course.

Gary and me were gonna go
to that talk in Aberystwyth.

Black holes and antimatter were
pretty important to me and Gary.

But if I'm gonna spend a night by the sea,
I know who I'd rather be with.

I'd trust you with my life if,
you know, I still had one.

Gary.

I'm not proud of what I've done.

You hiked the bid?

I created three or four online aliases
and used them to inflate the price.

- But why?
- At first, just to cheer him up. He was miserable.

Then the bidding took off and we
got... I mean, I was involved at first.

I was just helping Eugene make money,
and then one morning...

Gary.

Gary.

- I think it's him.
- Who?

The alien. My alien.

I think he's come back to
claim what's rightfully his.

Gary, I'd stopped believing in him.
I mean, I thought I was a total sucker,

but who else would be bidding this
kind of money for a prosthetic eye?

I mean, he couldn't contact
me any other way, so...

- So he chose eBay?
- Well, cyberspace.

I mean, even an online auction
has a certain elegant symmetry.

I think I'm finally gonna meet him.

Well, I was doubtful at first, you know, and
then suddenly, out of nowhere, bam, £15,000.

I mean, the bid jumped to a cool,
cowing £15,000.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I remember us talking.

- I thought it was £15,005. 50.
- Yeah, it was, yeah.

Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't
spend that kind of money

unless it was my own personal,
private body part or something.

- Would you?
- No.

- No.
- No way.

I remember, yes, I waited a couple
of days and then I got an email

telling me to come to...
Come to a restaurant.

You saw Eugene the day he died,
didn't you?

Yeah, I met up with him before
he went to meet the alien.

- I had a cup of coffee. He was scared.
- Was I? Course I was.

So, he went to make the exchange.
£15,005. 50 for the eye, right?

And this was somewhere
on the A48, perhaps?

- Or not.
- Or not?

Eugene was very secretive.
Could have been in Splott.

Splott?

- That doesn't sound right, mate.
- Who are these people with you, Gary?

Why would Eugene take a photo of your shoes?
And whose are the other shoes?

They're just random shoes,
I should think.

I miss him.

Yes, yes, I can remember. I called a taxi,
and then I put the eye in a freezer bag.

And then there was... Yes. I was walking
up this road, going up towards, um...

A shiny building with a great door
which said something about, um...

Oh, something about, uh, happiness.

Happiness. Happiness.

I don't want you to
find out what happened.

I don't want this to end.

I love you.

I love you. I love you.

I thought we were on holiday.

Yes. Yes, this is it.

We came up the hill and there it was.
There it was, the...

The Happy Cook.

Yeah, yeah, I walked towards the door
wondering who exactly I'd be meeting,

excited, quite stressed,
shitting myself, frankly.

I opened the door. I walked in

and saw...

I've been looking for a pair
of shoes like that for ages.

And saw...

And saw... my mates.

Hi, guys. Good to see you,
but I've got the rendezvous.

- It's us.
- Yeah, I know, but he won't want a crowd.

I'm meeting the buyer.
I'm meeting the alien.

We are the alien, man.
We bought it.

- What?
- Here.

- What are you having?
- Um, I'll have a milkshake, thank you. Banana.

Yeah. So, we are the
official buyers.

Can we see the merchandise?

I don't quite know what
you're trying to tell me here.

See, we did it as a joke to cheer you up. I
mean, we didn't think we'd be the actual buyers.

Then he said you said you thought
it was the alien, and we thought,

"Well, that's funny, innit? Come on,
Eugene, get real."

But then we thought,
" Let him dream, man.

" Life's short and really boring."

So, then we went on
betting and then...

You bid £15,000 for the eye?

Not us. No, no way. It turns
out there was real interest.

Someone else bid the 15 thou,
but then he got greedy.

Ketchup, please.

Just couldn't resist one more
measly little bid. £15,005. 50.

And then, well, nothing.
Nada. Endville.

Okay, shut the fuck up, Gary.

Point is, we bought it.

We are the purchasers.

Ta-da!

So you've got £15,005.
50 on you, have you?

- We've got £34.
- £34, Eugene.

- That's not a poke in the eye, so to speak.
- I'm calling a cab.

Hey, slow down.

- Banana milkshake?
- Thank you.

If it's all such a sodding joke,
why do you even want it?

I got a friend with
a visual impairment.

You're gonna re-sell it online,
aren't you? You cheap little gits!

- You know he's out there.
- Who's out there?

The alien and he'll pay anything.
He'll pay anything.

Eugene, man. I'm as partial as the
next guy to a bit of sci-fi but, what?

A green geezer with six eyes?
Get real, guy.

I checked the bid history.

Mr C Blackstaff is a collector of
alien ephemera and Nazi memorabilia.

Also Beanie Babies.

Teeny bit cuckoo but
endearingly rich.

And if he's willing
to pay £15,000...

Oi!

- So, now they're inconveniencing customers.
- You stepped in?

Well, I tried.

I didn't really know
what the eye was any more

but I was damned if I was gonna let
it go for £34 and a banana milkshake.

- Heimlich! Heimlich!
- What are you doing?

Getting the goods,
idiot! Get the milkshake!

Well, that's just not acceptable
behaviour, not at a Happy Cook.

They were making a public
spectacle of themselves.

And that was it.
He was out the door and gone.

- Oh, my god. That is so weird.
- You bastards, you are so dead.

I mean, Josh, you're just a dickhead, but,
Gary, we were... I mean, we were mates.

- Hi, doll.
- Are you talking to me?

Yeah. Sorry. Look, I don't know whether
you remember us from last week.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, now the thing is,

there may be people coming
in to ask questions.

- A woman specifically, and I think...
- Josh.

It would be in your
best interests if...

- Shut up, Josh.
- The woman is complying, man.

Okay. Cool.

- What did you do that for, twat?
- I miss him.

So, he ran out the door
and you two ran after him?

Yeah, we chased him across the car park,
but Eugene was quite fast.

- Josh had new shoes. He was making a fuss.
- Hey, hey, you are overweight.

He hared across the road and
we lost him. Honest to God.

- Okay.
- That's it.

Okay.

All those cars. All those
lives moving through space.

Hello? Can you give me the number for
Filey Garage, Filey Road, Cardiff, please?

All that humanity whizzing by in
a frenzy of burgers and chips,

bank holiday fun,
burst tyres, screaming kids

- and sudden heart attacks.
- Put me through, thanks.

Mr Jones?

You don't know me, but I'm a
friend of your son, Eugene.

I've got some bad news, I'm afraid.

Now I remember.

Apart from a buzzing in my ear
where Josh whacked me, I felt good.

I was running across a field
on a Saturday morning.

The smell of exhaust and banana
milkshake, a slight nausea,

heart beating too fast
'cause I wasn't that fit.

All the stuff that tells you,
you're alive.

By rights, I should
be well pissed off.

My mates had cheated on me and I
didn't get to meet any aliens.

But I realised that when I swallowed
the eye at the Happy Cook,

I was given a chance to look back on my
life and see it for what it really was.

Gary, I'm gonna miss you.

Not the biggest turnout you
could hope for, but still...

I wish I could... God, Gwen,
I wish I could say thank you.

And here he is,

my dad, only 14 years late.

So, now I know it wasn't
my fault my dad left,

and that, of course,
he wasn't Superman or even an alien.

He's just an ordinary bloke.

Uh...

Eugene...

He was a good boy,

but somehow things went wrong.

I wasn't there.

I wish I could have
seen him before.

An ordinary bloke who
made a mess of things.

♪ Oh Danny boy

♪ The pipes, the pipes are calling

♪ From glen to glen and
down the mountainside

♪ The summer's gone and
all the flowers dying

♪ 'Tis you must go and I must stay behind

♪ But come ye back

♪ when summer's in the meadow

♪ Or when the valley's
hushed and white with snow

♪ And I'll be there in
sunshine and in shadow ♪

♪ Oh Danny boy

No.

Not yet.

Dad made a mess of
things and went away,

and that's a shame, really,
it's a terrible pity,

because we missed each other

completely.

You know, 28 is one of those perfect numbers.
It's equal to the sum of its divisors.

I'm 28. I was 28.

I think I'm gonna
have to go soon, Gwen.

- Oh, God.
- Yeah.

Also 28 centimetres per second is
the top speed of a lone lobster.

Oh, hi, thank you.

- I'm sorry I had to ask you to do that.
- Yeah, no problem.

Hello, love.

So, if it's the eye that's
been keeping me here,

now it's no longer inside me,
why the hell am I still hanging around?

Eugene?

The eye is in the bag
now rather than in you.

Are you...

- Hello, stranger.
- Did you get it?

Yeah, I got it.

Impressive.

- Well, we haven't done the tests yet, so...
- Come on, we've got to go.

- Jack, can you give me five?
- Yeah.

In an average lifetime, the human
heart will beat two million times.

You'll produce over 8,000 gallons of
saliva and grow 350 miles of hair.

You'll eat the equivalent
in weight of six elephants.

Oh, isn't life amazing?

Gwen. Gwen!

Gwen!

Oh!

She just...

- Hi.
- Hi.

Oh, my God.

- Eugene.
- Are you okay?

It is so good to see you.

- Eugene, you're on my leg.
- Oh, sorry.

No, no, it's fine. It's fine.

It's fine. It's fine.

Can he see me?

- Eugene.
- He can see me.

- Thanks.
- No, thank you.

- Thank you. You just saved my life.
- That's okay.

That's unbelievable.
That's un-bloody-believable.

Oh, God. I think that's it.

Goodbye, Gwen.

Don't go now, Eugene.

Eugene, please don't go now.

Eugene, please.

Please!

The average life is full of
near misses and absolute hits,

of great love and small disasters.

It's made up of banana milkshakes,
loft insulation and random shoes.

Its dead ordinary and truly,
truly amazing.

What you've got to realise is, it's all here,
now. So breathe deep and swallow it whole.

Because, take it from me, life just whizzes
by, and then, all of a sudden, it's...

At least it wasn't a
spaceship full of aliens.

- Which year? I need to know.
- 195 3.

Just three lost people who've
somehow become our responsibility.

A man like you, out of his time,
alone and scared.

I hate this filthy, stinking place!

I died once.

It's like two separate worlds,

there's Torchwood,
then there's real life.

I'm scared.