Top Gear (2002–…): Season 6, Episode 10 - Episode #6.10 - full transcript
Jeremy tests the BMW 535d. Richard goes to Iceland to see whether is it possible to drive over a lake. James travels to Dubai to test the Bentley Continental Flying Spur. The boys test various off-road toys (buggies, ATV quad bikes, hover-crafts, etc.) to see which is the most fun.
JEREMY CLARKSON: Tonight, James May thinks he's a racing driver.
Richard Hammond thinks he's Jesus.
And I think I'm going to be killed.
Hello and welcome!
Now, we have very strict rules about what is and what is not allowed
on our track.
And this week, um, we're ignoring them.
Here's the rule breaker.
It appears to be a normal BMW 5 Series
until you start it up.
Yes, Lucifer has come to our little world of milk and petrol.
For the first time ever, we have a diesel on our track.
Why? Well, BMW say that the diesel engine in this car
is not just more economical than the equivalent petrol engines,
but more powerful as well.
They say it'll get you from naught to 60 in six seconds.
And that it's so fast at the top end, they've had to peg it back to 155.
That sounds like a bold claim.
So to see if it really is possible,
I had to come on to our 1.7-mile runway,
carrying as much speed as I possibly could.
Let's find out.
Yes, that's so much, we've lost the camera.
That's got it.
Oh! At 50 mph, foot hard down.
It doesn't feel electric.
But it is relentless.
That Jag diesel I drove around the Nurburgring,
all of the power from that came in one big lump.
And then, well, you're out revs at 4000.
This revs right up to 5,000.
One hundred and twenty!
One hundred and twenty five! Come on, come on!
Come on! That's 140!
Come on! 145 miles an hour.
I'm running out of runway!
There is no doubt in my mind this is a 155-mph car.
So how have they managed such a remarkable feat?
Obviously, I appreciate that lots of you
aren't going to be particularly interested.
So, on the left-hand side of the screen now,
we have some fluffy kittens for you to look at.
anyone can make a big 3-litre diesel engine like that,
produce a lot of power, you just give it a big turbo.
But if you do that, you have a lot of turbo lag.
Put your foot down, nothing, and then it girds its loins and then you go.
What BMW have done is given it a small turbo, no lag,
and then as the revs build, a big turbo kicks in.
So it's got, like, two turbo chargers a little one, a big one.
Can you imagine going out for dinner with the man who thought of that?
Of course, a diesel engine has to be made from steel,
which means it's going to be heavy.
So to stop the front of the car from sagging,
BMW have had to toughen up the suspension.
The thing is though, this big heavy engine and altered suspension
haven't affected the handling unduly.
Bit of a pudding, but what big saloon car isn't?
There's more good news too.
At less than £40,000, this is 10% cheaper
than the equivalent petrol model.
And obviously, it's cheaper to run as well.
After half a day and a hundred miles on the track,
we found it had done 12 miles to the gallon.
I know that sounds terrible, but out here, doing this, it's not bad at all.
And then there's the question of noise.
At 70 mph, a petrol-powered V8 5 Series BMW,
and I know because I've tested this, is producing 70 decibels.
So, using this health and safety-ometer here,
let's find out how noisy the diesel is.
Let's just build it up to 70.
I'm going to have to shut up now to get a reading.
Here we go.
(WHISPERS) That's amazing. That's only 66 decibels.
(WHISPERS) This is actually a little bit quieter.
The news just keeps getting better and better.
The 535 V is cheaper to buy than the petrol version, cheaper to run,
quieter, as far as I can tell, and just as competent in the bends.
But now it's time to answer the big one.
Round our track, could this diesel keep up
with its petrol-powered brother?
And this is the full banana, the 4.5-litre V8.
So, what do we think?
The petrol car has more bhp, it's a bit lighter
and it has the Stig at the wheel.
The diesel will have me at the wheel,
but it has 416 torques.
That's 80 more torques than this has.
It's actually 50 more than you get from a Ferrari 360.
Here we go.
My foot's welded to the floor here
and you can see, the petrol car has roared off to an early lead.
Oh, both slithering a bit here.
Come on, you big pudding!
He's just got so much more power coming out of that corner,
even though I've got all the torque.
Oh! Nearly got him there, though.
He's gone a bit wide there.
If I can get through on the inside...
Whoa! Fish-tailing! I don't need that.
This is good.
This is relentless and smooth and amazing for a diesel,
but it just lacks the crispness and the electric response
that you get from a petrol car.
And so, is the new diesel really as fast as the V8?
Well, here's the finish line.
And here's the answer.
Hang on. Did you really say 12 miles to the gallon?
-I did. Yes. Yes. -In a diesel.
-Right. -The track is a thirsty place.
-Remember the Ford GT? -Yes.
-Four miles to the gallon. -That's true.
And a new record was set the other day with the Mitsubishi Evo 8 FQ400.
-Yeah. -3.6 miles to the gallon.
-Ouch. -Anyway, forget the economy, not important.
What I want to know is how fast this will go round our track when it's dry,
and when it's got a Stig at the wheel.
Right. Away he goes, tyres smoking
under the mighty force of all those torques.
Down to the first corner.
How's it going to look through there?
Ooh. A bit of under steer on the way in.
Doesn't sound too sporty, but looking pretty neat so far.
Ah, yes. Stig particularly happy today
because he's been given the new album by Camel.
This car is so quiet, he can hear every last noodly synth styling.
He's into the Hammerhead.
Heavy diesel engine could mean serious under steer.
No, Stig's taken the tail out.
Look at the inside tyres smoking!
This car could really do with a limited-slip diff.
Here's the follow through.
Yeah. Lots of composure through there.
Looking quite unspectacular, actually.
Probably being quite economical, though.
Two corners left.
Here we go. Last one. That's very good.
Dragged round by the anvil in the nose.
Slithering in to Gambon and across the line.
I have the time.
I have the time.
And... It is?
I have the time here and it is,
1 minute 31.8.
Hey. That's very good!
That's the same as a Nissan 350, that thing you like.
-That Datsun with a Renault engine. -Yeah. It's a very nice car.
Same as a Mazda RX8.
A diesel is faster than a Focus RS.
I am now officially going to shoot myself.
And so, to the news.
Now, if you go into a dealership these days
to buy a new car, you'll probably get something free thrown in
like a sun roof or some alloy wheels
or something like that, but anyway it's all rubbish,
because Proton who make the Gen-2,
have come up with the best special offer ever.
Well, you need a special offer with a Gen-2.
It's brilliant. It's free dual controls.
-Like they have at driving schools? -Yeah.
-Extra peddles and stuff. -Yeah.
And it's great, 'cause if you go on a long journey with a mate,
you can share the driving.
Think how much fun you could have with dual controls!
Every speed camera...
(IMITATES REVVING) "Sorry, mate."
-And who do they prosecute? -When the policeman comes.
CLARKSON: Who was driving?
Both of us.
That's just breathtaking. How much is it?
Well, it's £8,795, which is reasonably cheap.
The best thing about it is, you can get one of those with a £1 deposit.
-A quid? I want one! -We should have one of those.
And you know the car roster thing,
we all have to come down here, share cars to come down here when we do the show.
Put him in the driver seat and the Stig in the passenger seat.
I'd pay a lot of money to see his face when he got to work that day.
"He made me go 60!"
The other week, we decided that convertibles
are best when they're built from scratch as a convertible,
rather than just sawing the roof off an ordinary car.
Well, this is the new Astra convertible from Vauxhall.
They say it's been built from the ground up as a convertible.
How do you design it from not the ground up?
If you start from the top, you might start here and then it would be too low.
You'd never get it here.
If you're designing a car, here's a tip, always start from the bottom.
That's a Top Gear--top tip.
And don't start too near the left-hand side of the paper,
or otherwise, you'll end up with a really ugly back.
How much is it?
£17,000. Goes on sale in spring.
You can get the two-litre turbo engine.
-That would be the most powerful... -CLARKSON: Oh, not the VXR!
No, it's one of the SR, but it's still pretty barmy.
So, yes, if you like wind in your hair and frantic torque steer,
that's the way forwards for you.
I think it looks brilliant, actually.
Yeah, now look.
You know now we've got speed cameras to catch us speeding?
You know all the hair-dryers they used to use in the olden days, yeah?
-RICHARD HAMMOND: What, the radar ones? -Yeah, the radar ones.
-Do you know what they're doing with them now? -Throwing them away.
No, it's not like the law enforcement agaencies are busy at the moment,
to be honest, but anyway,
they were out and about the other day catching people speeding on the river.
Well, the speed limit we were told is 7.4 kilometres an hour.
-What's that, four and a half? -Walking pace.
I could swim faster than that.
They're going to be prosecuting Poohsticks.
That stick is speeding.
It's this obsession everybody's got now that speed kills.
It doesn't. Speed has never killed anyone.
Suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.
-That's the killer. -That will do it.
Now, I don't know if you're aware of this, but I am officially
Top Gear's--map correspondent --it seems to have turned out.
-Every week. -Every week?
I don't know how this happened.
But every week, I'm sent a map.
This week's map is this one.
And somebody has decided to send this,
because they claim that it is untearable.
-CLARKSON: Rubbish! -No!
-I could tear it. -I've seen that one coming.
So I've given you... There you go.
It's untearable, apparently, can't be done.
HAMMOND: You see... Look. JAMES MAY: That's true.
It says, "No biting."
Yeah, well... It's aimed at bikers, so that's what...
They are waterproof as well, which I think is quite a good idea.
That's actually excellent on a bike, a waterproof map.
Precisely, 'cause if you've ever tried to use a soggy one on a bike,
I think that is actually quite a good idea.
I know the one in my car gets mangled.
What are you doing?
CLARKSON: I'm just seeing if...
Yeah, you can burn the map.
So you can't tear it, but you can burn it.
That's my map!
I wanted to keep that!
I'm covered in molten plastic.
And it's stuck to the sole of your...
What am I going to do if I want to go...
-That's Birmingham! -CLARKSON: It was.
You've completely ruined it. Right. What's next?
Hey, hey, you know those old radiators
that you used to get in schools and hospitals, those old Victorian ones?
-Big cast-iron ones? -Yeah the ones that actually work.
You know what I'm talking about.
Audi has decided to put one of those on the front of its next car.
HAMMOND: Look at that!
MAY: That is a radiator. HAMMOND: It is. It's enormous.
It is. Other things you can get on it are a chimney, mullioned windows,
horse brasses, it's got a cellar.
HAMMOND: That's not a tree behind it. It's got a thatched roof.
I know what the engine is as well, it's an Aga.
Have you got any proper facts on it for us, Jeremy?
-Uh, no. -Right.
All they're saying is this might be the next Audi all-road,
which was the stupidest car ever, the last one.
I never got that.
Well, it was an Audi estate that was little bit taller and massively more expensive.
What was that all about?
Somebody tell somebody in a boardroom at Audi somewhere, "That is hideous."
--It is. Oh, now, Top Gear--survey.
Yes. Very, very important. This is the biggest survey of its kind.
Last year, we had 54,000 people,
you or you people, responding to it.
Yeah. It's critical because you tell us
what the cars are like to own, how often they go wrong with the dealers,
and everything like that.
And then, we compile all the information and pass it on.
So it's very critical that you get in touch with us on this.
It is. And there are rules, though.
Your car has to be registered between 2002 on an 02 plate,
and 2004 on a 53 plate, that's very important.
And it's very easy to do as well, you go onto the interweb site,
then you click buttons, easy.
Yes. Please do that. It was the biggest survey in the world last year.
It's worthwhile, join in.
The other week we, well, bored the pants off everybody, frankly.
We did a beautiful, but dull test of some cabriolets in Iceland.
-Did you see it? -BOTH: Yeah.
It was dreary, wasn't it? We got it into our heads
that if we talked about the Nissan 350Z
and the Chrysler Crossfire for long enough, they'd become interesting.
-Which they didn't. -No.
No. Not at all.
So we were so embarrassed, in fact, that I was sent back to Iceland
and told I couldn't come home until I'd filmed something better.
This is Iceland's idea of a jeep.
It's basically a load of metal tubes welded together,
couple of old-fashioned truck axles underneath,
a big Chevy V8 engine at the front.
You see these headlights?
They're not real, they're painted on.
Frankly, it's not going to give Range Rover any worries in the luxury department.
But then, a Range Rover can't do this.
The Icelandics love throwing their nitrous-injected,
1,000-horsepower jeeps up the landscape.
They're like one huge toddler group,
always looking for new and ingenious ways of damaging themselves.
And their latest location is this...
The very wet water of Lake Kleifarvatn.
And they're not driving in it.
They're driving on it.
Yes. They reckon they can take this big block, V8-powered, solid-girder-framed,
1.5-tonne off-roader and drive it across this lake.
The theory is that the huge treads
on these tyres will act like the scoops on a paddle steamer,
grabbing at the surface and powering the jeep along.
Thing is though, if a paddle steamer stops,
it's still a boat and it floats.
If this thing stops, it's not a boat,
it's still a big, heavy car and it will sink.
Our driver for this feat of world-class craziness is Gisli Gunnar Jonsson.
When it comes to Icelandic 4x4 racing, he is the Michael Schumacher,
only without the money, private jet, yacht, mansions or sponsorship deals.
But otherwise, peas in a pod.
Right, this is the plan.
Gisli's going to get up as much speed as he possibly can on the beach,
before he enters the water about here.
And the finishing line is over .5 km away over there, on the other side of the bay.
This is going to demand some serious commitment.
Gisli has to keep his foot flat to the floor for the whole run,
or he'll lose momentum, and if that happens, he'll also lose his jeep.
Now, nitrous-oxide has to be injected into that engine constantly
to boost the power from the 600 to the 800 that is needed.
If that fails at any point, he sinks.
When I say he sinks, I mean we sink.
(GRAND OPERATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
Yeah! That's pretty good!
That was unbelievable!
You can feel the moment when it hits the water and it just takes a pounding
and your helmet comes down.
My only worry is,
it's not going to be enough, you see, now he's proved his theory.
He wants to turn it into a race.
A race against this.
Now, you're looking at this, thinking, "Well, that's a jet ski."
This is Iceland, remember? They think Bjork is normal here.
So, no. It's actually a snowmobile, a vehicle designed to go on, well, snow.
Once again, our jeep driver has to maintain maximum commitment
once he's on the lake.
But the same applies to Jami Helderson, our snowmobile rider.
The merest lift, the tiniest hesitation, the slightest loss of nerve,
and even perpetual sunlight won't dry them out in a hurry.
That was incredible!
But I can categorically tell you if you find yourself near an Icelandic lake
and you don't have any sort of waterborne transport,
you're best off going for a snowmobile.
I have to admit, that was better than our other Iceland film.
I thought so, too.
But what intrigues me is, how did they ever find out that that was possible?
Ah, well, they developed the thing.
Basically, they were at one of their off-road courses with those jeeps,
and it had flooded.
But rather than abandon it, they thought, "We'll just drive through the water
"in the dips."
But they discovered they didn't go through,
they skipped over the top and then they thought,
"Well, if it works on shallow water,
"it'll work on deep water, like that lake", and they discovered it.
How many jeeps are in the bottom of that lake?
In fact, we weren't driving on the water, we were skipping over sunken jeeps.
Anyway, the greatest driving song in the world of all time.
Over the past five weeks, we've been showing you little films
about our finalists here.
And, in fact, you only have a few days left in which to vote.
But in case you haven't made your mind up yet,
here's a little reminder.
♪ When she is lonely and the longing gets too much ♪
MAY: From the crazy Dutch, we have Golden Earring's--Radar Love,
the ultimate track for love-struck insomniacs.
♪ We've got a thing that's called radar love ♪
♪ Get your motor runnin' ♪
MAY: If you like your driving American style, no nonsense and no bends,
then it has to be the Hell's Angels' favourite,
Steppenwolf's--Born To Be Wild.
♪ Yeah, it's a mad hurricane
♪ Alright, hold tight ♪
MAY: Next, the head-banger of the pack, Deep Purple's--Highway Star.
Beneath the dandruff storm, this is the anthem for the speed freaks.
♪ I'm a highway star ♪
♪ Like a bat out of hell
♪ I'll be gone when the morning comes ♪
--MAY: But if good music isn't your thing,
then there's always Meat Loaf's--Bat Out of Hell.
You can vote for it, but we'll come around and cut off your electricity.
♪ I'll be gone when the morning comes ♪
♪ Don't stop me now
♪ I'm having such a good time I'm having a ball ♪
MAY: And finally, please be upstanding for his majesty, the Queen.
If you want driving pop for a perfect summer's day,
look no further than Freddy's--Don't Stop Me Now.
♪ ...a good time I don't wanna stop at all ♪
So to vote for any of these songs you telephone, 09011986363.
That call will cost you 10 pence.
Now, you have only until lunchtime
on Tuesday, the 2nd, to get your vote in.
Unless it's for Meatloaf, in which case leave it till Wednesday.
And actually, it is neck and neck
at the moment between Golden Earring and Queen
so your vote really will make a difference.
Now, we've got to put a star in our reasonably-priced car.
She presents something called Big Brother,--apparently,
which, so far as I can tell, involves,
escorting a load of cretinous louts out
of a televised prison every week.
Let's find out. Ladies and gentlemen, Davina McCall!
-How are you? -Good. Thank you.
-Have a seat. -Thank you.
-Oh, now. -Stretch out.
Now, this Big Brother malarkey, what is it?
It's a fantastic programme. Have you ever seen it?
-No. No. -Never?
You are so out of touch with popular culture.
Listen, I think the producers would pay extremely good money
to have you in Celebrity Big Brother.
I'd watch it, wouldn't you?
What, I go in a house for a week and not do anything?
I'm up for that!
So long as you don't make me dress up as a giant cock.
We can't promise you...
You've got to go into Celebrity Big Brother, you'd so be great!
Really? Because they're all lesbians in there, aren't they?
-Oh, yes. -I love lesbians.
Now, if we just move it slightly more toward cars here.
You are a legendary reporter on Grand Prix scene, I understand.
I am a legendary reporter.
It's a little-known fact, um, but when I was at MTV, we...
MTV sponsored a team that was only around for one season...
-Simtek. -Possibly two. Yes.
And we were allowed to go and cover the races.
But only a couple, because you know what Bernie Ecclestone's like.
And I had no idea who any of the drivers were.
I was just under strict instructions to try and interview anybody
that was wearing a racing outfit.
So I'd literally run up to some bloke in a racing costume,
go, "Hi! Davina from MTV,"
waiting for the camera man to go, "Barrichello."
"Mr Barrichello, I don't know what your first name is."
I interviewed some great people,
I interviewed Damon, David Coulthard and Hakkinen,
Oh, well, Schumacher...
There was one time when they'd done all the qualifying
and he'd got pole.
And the world's press were surrounding Michael Schumacher.
So I literally was elbowing the world's press out of the way,
"Get out of the way, get out", shoved my MTV microphone in front of his mouth...
And there was the MTV cube, you could see it there.
And I said, "Davina McCall, MTV."
And he goes, "Yeah?"
And I say, "What video would you like to request?"
All the world's press are looking at me, going...
"We want to know about tyre-degradation!"
"For pity's sake!"
And do you know what he asked for?
What? It won't be any good, I bet you.
Heal The World --by Michael Jackson.
I mean, really!
That said, you know, I once got a lift with Mika Hakkinen.
His glove box, I went fiddling through, Celine Dion!
That's the same, I interviewed Rubens Barrichello and I said,
" What do you want to hear?"
And he is the locksmith of love.
He's like, "Mr Mr Romantic", "Mr Lover Lover".
-I'm sorry. -But he requested Mariah Carey.
Any of the drivers come on to you in your Grand Prix reporting days?
This is what was deeply, deeply distressing.
That there I was trying my best to prance up and down the paddocks
in the shortest skirt you've ever seen and the tightest T-shirt,
and nobody, nobody...
CLARKSON: None of them?
Are you trying to tell me you went to the Monaco Grand Prix
and Gerhard Berger never hit on you?
Well, he got me in a neck lock
and sought of dragged me down the paddock, but that was about it.
I found it mildly exciting I have to say, but it wasn't a date.
But Mark Blundell?
Ah, well, Mark Blundell, it wasn't so much that he asked me out,
but I did show him my pierced nipple.
Did he just say "Have you got pierced nipples? Can I see?"
He said, "I've heard you've got a pierced nipple, is it true?" I went "Yes."
-And then I put it away. -So, I hear you've got pierced nipples.
I'm telling you, mate, I've had two babies you really don't want to see.
-Do you? -Mm, no, I do.
It's got to be relevant.
Actually, talking of babies...
They're not pierced any more, anyway, becasue the milk would go everywhere.
That would be probably like a colander.
-It is a bit. -Poor children.
It would have been a bit like that, but...
Coming out everywhere!
Now, listen, I just want to talk about something else.
I gather you're trying to buy a new car, presently.
Well, actually, I have to tell you something, I've got it.
But I'm almost ashamed to say what it is.
...a Range Rover.
What's the matter with that, then?
Because it's very, very un-environmentally friendly.
Oh, for crying out loud, woman!
It's pouring with rain because not enough people have Range Rovers.
If more people drive Range Rovers,
you get sunshine and a decent summer going down.
You're not one of these people who's got guilt, are you?
I have to say, actually, joking apart, I have guilt.
Ok, now, sit there, Davina, I'm going to counsel you.
-You have children? -I have children.
-You love them? -I love them.
You want them to be as safe as humanly possible
and they are when they're in a Range Rover.
You've done the sensible...
Yes. You could drive around in some crummy paper bag like a Toyota Prius
and everywhere people would be going, "Well done, Davina!
"You're saving the planet. Here, have one of my South African Peace Crisps."
But your children may well be killed in an accident.
You don't want that.
And that was actually the winning argument that won me over
and now, I have one.
You've got one, don't sell it.
In fact, buy a Hummer.
Now, your lap, how was it?
Oh, it was a piece of cake.
You know, with the Stig helping me out.
-(MOUTHING) -Was he nice? Was he kind?
-I tell you what, he's just so kind. -Is he?
Yeah, he was really lovely and very, very patient,
because I did I few spins and stuff.
Really? We've actually, I'm afraid, filmed those spins.
Who'd like to see them? Yes?
Let's have a look at the practice laps.
Yeah. This is going to be the second to last corner...
CLARKSON: Off you go there.
That's good. Now, watch this one. Last corner.
Lost it. Oh, neatly parked!
Shall we have a look at how the actual lap went?
Are we ready for this? Play the tape.
CLARKSON: That is a soaking wet track without a doubt. DAVINA: Oh!
Come on! This is for the Stig.
-CLARKSON: What's for the Stig? -I can do it. Am I in five?
-(McCALL CHUCKLES) -CLARKSON: Round we go. looking very...
-Now, this is the frightening bit. -That's not bad.
This is where I've got to do my hard braking.
CLARKSON: That's... Oh, it's really just good.
McCALL: I know that's ridiculous but that was quite frightening.
CLARKSON: It is! 'Cause of the way it's pouring with rain.
I'm safe. I'm safe. I'm safe.
I'm safe. Brake!
-(AUDIENCE LAUGH) -(TYRES SCREECHING)
CLARKSON: It is so difficult to make that car behave itself when it's raining,
'cause even though it's only got, like, 100 horsepower...
This is the bit that I like.
CLARKSON: This is the bit you like? DAVINA: Yeah.
-Even in the rain? -Yeah.
CLARKSON: I'm impressed!
I'm very impressed!
McCALL: It looks quite fast in the rain I would imagine because of the spray.
--CLARKSON: It is. It is. I know it. Just you are...
Hang on, why are you going so slowly there?
-You've stopped. -It felt...
--McCALL: Well, I was doing that since I kept spinning.
--CLARKSON: It is just dawdling now.
You could have done a fast time and there you are across the line.
I mean, it was pouring with rain, so don't bother looking up there.
So, let's think with the worst...
The wet ones start about here, okay?
-Sort of, 1.51. -Whoa, whoa, whoa. Trinny!
-Trinny was 1.54.1. -She's my mate.
And she insisted on that being called, "very wet."
Oh. Was she in the wet as well?
Very, very, very.
-It says, "VW." She insisted on that.
Well, I'd like to be somewhere near Trinny.
-We'll call that very wet, which it was. -(CLEARS THROAT)
-I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you. -Oh, no!
Your last two corners were too slow.
-Oh! -...point one!
-It's a disaster! It's right down here. -It is a disaster.
You're slower than Jonathan Ross who even got lost.
He actually stopped and didn't know which way it went.
It was the last two corners, you were so quick. -But... But...
But it was... But it was very wet.
Well, anyway, it's been an absolute pleasure having you here.
And I'm sorry that took so long for you to get around.
-Oh! I loved it. -So, I'm really sorry.
And then I'm glad you liked it. So, there we are.
-Ladies and gentlemen, Davina McCall! -Thank you.
Now, this is the Bentley Continental GT.
This has been with us for a few years
and they've now decided to make a four-door version of it.
Now obviously, I had to go somewhere appropriate to test it
so, of course, I went to Dubai.
This is it.
It's called the Flying Spur.
And there's a good reason why I've brought it to the Arab Emirates.
It just, sort of, feels right.
These days, everything about Bentley is new.
It's got a new owner, VW.
And you can forget all that "scruffy toffs in their tweed jackets" nonsense
because today Bentleys are bought with new money.
And that's why it seemed right to bring it here.
I mean, it wasn't so long ago that this was a desert wilderness,
but now look at it.
I've got shirts older than this city.
But there's another good reason for coming here,
which is that when you get bored of these urban roads,
and you really want to stretch your Bentley's legs,
all you have to do is slip out of the back door.
So, the Flying Spur, then.
It costs £115,000 and as I said earlier,
it's basically a four-door version of the Continental GT.
So that's not a very good start, really,
because, when we tested that car a while back,
we weren't exactly bowled over by it.
It didn't feel as exciting or as special as a Bentley should.
And that's probably because, underneath,
the GT was actually just a big German saloon, the Volkswagen Phaeton.
And at first, sitting in the Flying Spur, you think,
"Oh, no! Here we go again."
For example, you still get, here on the console,
the Phaeton computer which has rather too many buttons for my liking.
It makes it seem a bit nerdy.
And, as with the GT, you can press a button
and fiddle about with the suspension settings, which is just not British.
And, like the Continental, the Spur isn't exactly pretty.
The back looks like it's come from a Toyota Avensis,
inside you're swamped in switches
and the headlamps appear to have had their eyebrows singed off.
But when you've spent some time with it out here on the sun's anvil,
things start to look up.
For one thing, the Flying Spur is a lot more pleasant to drive.
Bentley have fiddled around with the basic suspension settings a bit.
As a result of this, while the GT ride
just got on my nerves after a while,
the Spur is cosseting, relaxing.
It soothes your brow.
But then again, you get it on a road like this
with bends and what have you and it really is rather nice.
It's not like a Rolls Royce.
It doesn't float from crest to crest.
What it is, is it's taut, yet supple.
It's like the belly of the dancer.
But the handling is not the really impressive thing.
No, the really impressive thing is the power.
Under the bonnet is a 6-litre W12 engine,
two V6s bolted together to give 553 bhp.
Which means this two-and-a-half tonne car will go from naught to 60 mph
in under five seconds.
And that's Ferrari territory.
Meanwhile, here at the back of your luxury four-door saloon,
just behind this little grill is something called a diffuser.
Now, normally, these are found on racing cars
and they're there to stop them taking off at really high speed.
And there's a good reason for this.
It's the Flying Spur's party piece,
a top speed of...
One hundred and ninety-five miles an hour.
And that makes it the fastest four-door saloon in the world.
So, there's another good reason for coming out here.
You see, the locals love speed.
And Mohammed Al Brunstrom didn't mind closing off a stretch of road
so that we could give the old girl a bit of welly.
That's just a nice Bentley surge.
A big, heavy car, four-wheel drive as well of course,
stable, no drama.
That's 100 mph already.
God! This thing just keeps going!
(GUFFAWS) That's 160 mph.
This really is hell for leather!
And there is 180.
I can't believe that.
Now, the Continental GT can reach that sort of speed
but in that car, it's sort of, no big deal.
It's somehow, when you do it in this stately,
grown-up four-door saloon,
it feels more thrilling and outrageous.
And that's how it should be in a Bentley.
It's funny what a difference a few changes can make.
Two doors and a GT badge, this car just doesn't quite stack up.
But double the number of doors,
sort the ride out, and you're there.
That awesome straight-line speed suddenly makes sense.
What you're left with is an exquisitely made luxury saloon
that in the blink of an eye can turn into a monster.
And that makes the Flying Spur feel like a proper Bentley.
-Do you like it? -No. No.
I think this is the most dreary piece of styling I've ever seen.
It has no presence.
No, I have to say rather the thing is they made it feel like a Bentley.
But it looks as though it was designed by a Belgian.
-Well, it was designed by a Belgian. -Oh, yeah.
And the funny thing is, is that for £45,000 less
you can have a VW Phaeton which has got the same basic engine,
the same four-wheel drive system.
That is a really cool car.
Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, we had Damon Hill here.
And he set a time round our track.
And I jokingly said, "Look, if there is any Formula One drivers watching,
"you want to come and give it a whirl, get in touch."
Well, we have been literally inundated with a phone call.
And I'd like you to meet the man who made it.
From BMW-Williams, Mark Webber!
Not some old racing driver.
Current racing driver, that's what we've got down here.
-Thanks very much for coming. -No problem.
Was it your idea or did Frank order you to come down?
-No, I thought it was a good idea. -You did?
Yeah. I was pretty impressed you got the car here today. It's good.
I don't think it's a real one.
I think, it's one of those fake ones
that businessmen buy to put in their offices
when you're finished with it, isn't it?
-I think you are right, yeah. -Yeah, I don't think it would mind.
-It's probably faster than your one this year. -Oi!
It's not been your best season.
Uh, it's been tough.
-Yeah? -It's been tough.
Clearly the pace is fast at the front and...
William's a winning team. We wanna get back up there as fast as we can.
At the factory, they're burying themselves to get back up there.
But at the moment we're not there.
Do you ever get fed up with the amount of business involved in it?
Well, you know, you've to turn up looking like a business card.
-(LAUGHS) -I'm mean, you look a little like that.
-Have you got pajamas worn, with RBS in them? -Yeah.
-HP Invent and... -Better than wearing what you've got on, anyway.
-Yes, it is certainly. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
Did you hear that?
I've got the pink lining, check that out!
Check that out!
Um, anyway, listen. This lap, how did it go out there?
Well, I hear Damon's lap was in the dry, is that right?
Oh, here we go!
-Here we go. -No, it was in the dry.
-Yeah. -So that is...
There's not much dry time here, are there?
But I think it went fantastic.
You reckon it was okay?
I drove like a legend.
'Cause you are a bit of a specialist on the old one-lap business.
No, well. It's... I really enjoyed it.
It was fantastic. The track is pretty tricky in places
and I thought the car was...
...not a handful.
-It's 106 bhp. -I know.
Lot of aquaplaning, all over the place in the straight lines.
-Well, shall we have a look? -ALL: Yes.
Shall we have a look at this lap? Here we go.
-First time I've seen it. -(TYRES SCREECHING)
Plenty of wheel-spin off the line, here we go.
CLARKSON: Now, were you concentrating hard? Let's have a look.
Same line that Damon took through that corner.
The Stig's is different.
WEBBER: Oh, is it? CLARKSON: Yeah, he doesn't do that.
WEBBER: Look at that. CLARKSON: Oh, that.
Just that little bit more grip than I thought.
CLARKSON: Let's have a look through. Why isn't it under-steering?
--WEBBER: Uh, it's called throttle control.
--CLARKSON: Well, it's always, actually.
--CLARKSON: Okay, into the Hammerhead.
This is what normally gets everyone caught out.
-CLARKSON: Oh, you nearly hit the cameraman! -(WEBBER CHUCKLES)
--CLARKSON: That's a pretty wide line through there!
Waving to the camera got the rev a little bit there.
CLARKSON: You're not really giving this your full attention, are you?
--WEBBER: Well, we are. This is brilliant, really.
CLARKSON: Did you actually go on the road and vomit, though?
-CLARKSON: 'Cause that's really slippery. Oh-ho! -(WEBBER LAUGHS)
-(AUDIENCE GASPS) -CLARKSON: That's impressive.
And that's it, cutting that corner nicely,
you didn't go off unlike all our normal guests.
And... Whoa! There you go! That would be the line!
CLARKSON: Oh, boy!
So where do you think you've come?
-WEBBER: Ah! -(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
Well, definitely below Damon.
-You reckon? -Yeah.
-You're right. -Yeah.
-Do you want to know how much below? -Uh, yeah.
One minute, forty-seven point one.
Which... No, seriously...
God, he's slow, isn't he?
-CLARKSON: I was going... -(AUDIENCE LAUGH)
I was going to mock you. We reckon that...
We've always reckoned that the wet,
which I will admit does slow you down a bit, it's about four seconds.
-Hmm. -So that would be a 1.43.
I don't think so.
I think with that car, with that power,
uh, it's worth a bit but not four seconds.
I'll probably... Hopefully, I'll give Damon a nudge from there, but after that...
You're arguing with me now.
-It's four seconds. -Four seconds, okay.
-Four seconds. I'm giving you a 1.43 on that basis, which... -Okay.
No, I think that's a pretty impressive time.
And the great thing is, of course, you know what tyres that's on?
-Bridgestone. So think... -That's a loaded question.
Think of the data you can now take back to your Michelin team.
Uh, I really think you've been a great sport
and I'd like to present you, if I may,
with one of our special t-shirts.
Look, you can wear that.
In the paddock.
-I will. -Yeah.
The only thing is, though...
The only thing is...
The only thing you've gotta bear in mind
is don't let Michael see you in it.
Michael will be jealous of this.
Well, Michael doesn't always wear red.
-You know what I'm saying? -Yeah. Exactly.
-People want to know why he's off form a bit this year. -Exactly.
Spending a bit too much time here.
-I'll say no more than that! -(ALL LAUGH)
-Anyway, Mark, it's fantastic that you could come down. -Pleasure.
And you're the first one to have called us and that's brilliant.
And thank you very much. Ladies and gentlemen, Mark Webber!
As I'm sure you know, you can't really have fun on the roads any more.
You know, there's too many speed cameras,
there's a civil servant in a van in every bush.
Uh, so, we've got a tip.
Don't buy a Ferrari, buy a field.
This field looks good.
We could have fun here.
MAY: Welcome, then, to--Top Gear's round-up of outdoor toys.
At the core of this scene, we have the quad bike.
A simple device used by hill farmers to round up their sheep.
They started out about 30 years ago in Australia
as three-wheeled machines,
but the accident rate was absolutely appalling.
So bad, in fact, that in the States they were completely banned.
But then about 20 years ago, someone at Suzuki had a great idea.
He said, "What if we put four wheels on it?"
And at that moment, the quad bike, as we know it, was born.
--HAMMOND: Today the choice is endless.
Prices start at basic stuff like this for four grand
and then go from there, well, into space.
You can have two-wheel drive, four-wheel drive
and that one has even got the same four-wheel drive system
as a Lamborghini Murcielago.
They even make giant ones, like this.
Of course, quads are all very well,
but as Ozzy Osbourne and Rik Mayall will testify,
even the fourth wheel doesn't stop them
turning over and breaking every bone in your body.
So for scaredy cats, there's this...
CLARKSON: At £12,000, it is pretty expensive.
And with a top speed of 22 mph,
it's not exactly fast.
But, because you steer by braking the wheels on one side,
it can turn in its own length.
And because it has eight-wheel drive,
it's pretty much unstoppable when the going gets rough.
And not only will it climb every mountain,
but also, it'll ford every stream.
CLARKSON: It's not deep water.
Oh, but wait, it's gone all smooth,
I suspect it is deep water now.
And we're floating!
You don't actually get a propeller,
or you can put an outboard on the back, up to 10 horsepower.
The drive is just coming from the wheels turning.
It even steers...
MAY: I'd give the rest of my year's salary
to see that sink.
If he'd driven it and it'd just gone to the bottom
and there were just bubbles.
MAY: I want him to keep talking as it goes down.
HAMMOND: Yeah. MAY: Like the captain of the Titanic.
(MIMICS GURGLING) Buried in the water.
What did you say?
HAMMOND: We're just saying we hope it sinks. MAY: Yeah.
-It can't sink. It's made of polyethylene. -Really? Oh.
CLARKSON: Of course, these workhorses are all very well,
but it took the young men of the world about five seconds to think,
"Great, but what if we fitted stuff like this
"with really big engines?"
The result is that today we face a huge choice of machinery
designed specifically to put a smile on your face
and half a tonne of mud up each nostril.
And the question we have is simple.
Which one do we like the most?
-This has got a kick-start... -(ENGINE STARTS)
...which is James' sort of thing.
-Am I in gear? Yes. -You are.
-I'm in gear now. -(ENGINE STARTS)
I have no idea what gear I'm in
and it won't engage neutral.
Well done, Mr Molehusband, you're off.
I hate this quad!
HAMMOND: This Honda has a single-cylinder 450 cc engine
that makes 1,000 million horsepower.
And it's faster than light.
The power is instantaneous. Watch.
CLARKSON: This has a top speed and I know this 'cause I've done it,
of 1 million mph. A million!
What worries me most of all
is that Hammond's going to go, "Hey, it's really brilliant,
"I can ride standing up and everything."
And I can't, 'cause I'm too tall
and I'm too old and I'm too fat and I hate it.
I'll never, ever tell Jeremy, but I'm terrified! (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
HAMMOND: After a while, even Jeremy got the hang of his two-wheel drive,
-Yamaha 450 Racer. ---(LAUGHS)
But we both agreed, for around £6,000,
there are cheaper ways of getting dirty
Where's James gone?
Um, I think he was, um, polishing his shoes.
I just can't see James looking like this.
I can't see anything!
MAY: No, in fact, I was looking at something far more sensible.
It's the Qpod, built by the Unique Motor Company.
Chairman, Noel Edmonds, and he's very famous,
'cause he used to present--Top Gear.
It's got a 340 cc... Whoa!
Uh, single-cylinder engine,
and a twist-and-go automatic transmission, just like a scooter.
Interestingly, the Devonshire Constabulary use these
for what they call "off-road pursuits,"
which is presumably pursuing yobbos on quad bikes.
You know why James is being even more sedate than usual, don't you?
-Tired? Scared? I don't know. -He's had an operation.
Has he? Where?
(WHISPERS) On his arse.
(LAUGHS) Oh, that's...
-It's why he hasn't been with us. -It's got to hurt.
-On a saddle, yeah. -Yeah.
-Oh! -That would be... sore.
MAY: It's true. I was much happier in my Qpod Sport.
You get seatbelts, headrests and two comfy chairs,
all for £5,000.
And, now, here's the thing I like best.
It is completely road-legal.
Completely! And it'll do 45 mph.
You need never, ever, drive it off-road.
MAY: Of course, the ultimate off-road toys are the buggies.
This idea began with the Honda Pilot.
Brilliant, but it didn't have a differential.
And that meant cornering was tricky.
This scared a lot of Americans, and Honda, being a big company,
frightened of lawsuits, dropped it,
which opened the floodgates for everyone else.
And now, if you don't mind,
I'll leave you to my colleagues, so they can explain.
Oh, my God!
At the bottom end of the scale, we have this.
13 hp, called a Bocart.
Now, my wife actually bought me one of these,
and it was a bit like having one Japanese fighting fish,
so now, we've got another.
And every child that comes to our house has to have a go.
And some of them haven't been killed.
HAMMOND: At the other end of the scale, we have stuff like this.
This is the Drakart, which will set you back £12,500.
That's 600 cc snowmobile engine,
no clutch to bother with, left foot for the brake,
right foot for the throttle.
Does naught to 60 in under three seconds.
And it's good for 110 mph.
CLARKSON: This Rage buggy costs about the same as Hamster's Drakart,
and looks similar too.
But this has 900 cc Honda Fireblade engine,
and it's a lot more sophisticated.
Six-speed sequential box.
Goes from naught to 60 in under three seconds.
It's quicker than a Ferrari Enzo.
I've got disc brakes from Brembo.
It's like a little Formula One car.
It's just got everything you want.
-How's yours? -I'm tingling!
-The speed is just one of those... -Yeah.
"Whoa! I going to the fancy dress!"
-You know the quads? -Yeah.
-No. It's so comfortable! -Yeah.
MAY: Like I said, yobbos.
Well, my voice is ruined, my clothes are ruined...
-My, um... I'm ruined. -The yobbos. Yes.
Yes, but look at the field. That is ruined.
-CLARKSON: Yes, we did that in just one day. -Oops.
And there are eco-mentalists who will tell you
that that will take about 25,000 years to recover.
-Because of our damage. -Because of our damage.
So, to finish off, I've brought along a toy
that causes no damage whatsoever.
CLARKSON: Yup, a hovercraft.
You build them yourself for around £6,000.
This one actually belongs to a vicar.
And he's very kindly brought along two more,
so we can all have a play.
Now, listen, chaps, I have had
the pleasure of driving one of these before.
And there are one or two things I just need to tell you.
-First of all, okay, if you see an obstacle... -Yeah.
Like, if we're going over there, you see one of these trees
coming towards you, it's too late.
-You're gonna hit it. -Oh, right, okay.
You're not worried about that?
Well, if that's what happens...
-I don't know what will... -You see, you'll turn the handlebars,
-that won't make any difference. -Right.
Straight on, okay?
So you think, "All right, I'll lift off the power,"
the air will come out of the sack,
it'll dig in and you'll be jettisoned
at 50 mph into the tree.
Oh, so, you hit the tree with or without the hovercraft.
Yes, if that's the choice.
--CLARKSON: They really are tricky.
But they ride on a cushion of air
which one of us, at least, thought was brilliant.
And look, they didn't damage the field in any way.
I've been killed.
I've definitely been killed.
sadly, he wasn't actually, completely killed.
No, but we were nearly killed in a rather unusual way,
because you know that big mud bath
-that we were charging around in? -Yeah. Yeah.
We ate quite a lot of it, you couldn't help it.
And we were told, when we were going home,
that it wasn't mud and it'd all come out of...
-Out of the back of a deer, actually. -(ALL LAUGH)
-Yes, yes. -So, that's what we ate a lot of.
What was favourite from the day?
Well, I have to say, the hovercraft was the most bottom-friendly, I suppose,
but actually I'd have the Qpod.
I mean, it's a bit expensive but it is a proper car.
You know, if I was going for utilitarian, it'd have to be one of these.
-Put a V8 in it, fantastic. -Yeah.
But, enough of the utilitarian stuff.
If we were to go to one of those off-road centres
that are springing up all over the place,
where you can rent stuff out and do what we did...
-Yeah? -What would you have?
And I'm telling you straightaway, it wouldn't be the racing quads,
because you might as well just say, "I'd like to rent some death, please!"
Yeah, the death.
"I want to be dead within the hour."
"Certainly, sir, have one of these."
I would say, from the day, it would be the buggies.
The two buggies we finished up with. They're fantastic.
I do agree with you on that. The question is, which one?
'Cause your Drakart, great fun, lots of sideways action...
HAMMOND: Hooligan stuff. CLARKSON: But quite unsophisticated.
-It was like going sideways in scaffolding. -(CHUCKLING)
Now this one, the Rage.
-Lovely piece of engineering. -HAMMOND: It's beautifully built.
-And for that reason I'd have the Rage. -That's the one I'd have.
-Yeah. -He must have healed.
-Well, on that "bumshell" it's time to end the show. -(CROWD LAUGH)
Thank you very much for watching.
-See you next week. Good night! -(ALL CHEER)