Top Gear (2002–…): Season 28, Episode 6 - Episode #28.6 - full transcript

Paddy, Freddie and Chris find out which is the fastest of the emergency services. Fire, police or ambulance? Chris celebrates legendary rally driver Colin McRae, while Paddy tests the new BMW M8. Tom Allen is this week's studio guest.


Hello, and welcome to Top Gear.

It's the last show of the series,
but what a series it's been.

We've scaled the Andes,
we've raced a fighter jet,

and we've strapped Fred in a car
and thrown him off a dam.

Couldn't have gone better,
folks, let me tell you.

It could have gone better for you.
You bought the worst car

in the history of Top Gear

and you made the worst off-roader
in the history of...


You've not been the same since
we dressed you as a dinosaur

and threw golf balls at you.

Anyhow, tonight we are going out
in a blaze of flashing blue lights.

We've got police, we've got fire,
we've got the Ambulance Service.

AUDIENCE: Ooh! Are you doing
another bungee? Oh, no.

Tonight, we've got
the emergency services showdown.

Oh, yes, we have!

But before that, there's a new
600-horsepower performance car out.

And I'd had enough of Harris
snaffling all the shiny new

stuff, so I went
to take a look for meself.

This... the new BMW M8.

And at over £120,000,
this Competition version is

the most expensive car that BMW's
legendary M division has ever made,

which means it should be
pretty special.

Oh-ho-ho! Yes, indeed! I have been
looking forward to this!

Now, this isn't just
a very expensive car,

it's also a very fast car.

In fact, they say this is
the fastest BMW ever.

Shall we find out?



Here we go.


It's got a 4.4-litre V8 engine
that gives you 616 brake horsepower.

That's just as much as a McLaren F1.

It'll do 0-60 in just over three
seconds, and it just keeps going

all the way up to 189mph!

BMW, you've lost your minds!

And like all fast BMWs, this kind of
pace means the M8 will easily

find its natural place
on Britain's roads,

planted firmly in the outside lane
of the motorway

six inches from your back bumper.

But the M8 isn't just
a top-speed hero.

The good folk at BMW have been doing
this for a while. They're no mugs.

They know roads and tracks
don't just have straight bits,

they've got bendy bits, as well...

..which means the M8 is more than
capable to do things like this.



It's got a genius four-wheel-drive
system that puts the power

exactly where you need it.

And this isn't a light car.
It's almost two tonnes, this thing.

Two tonnes!

But there's so much grip
it feels so much smaller.

And it's got all the good stuff
on it, as well -

active differentials, adaptive
damping, carbon ceramic brakes...

I mean, for 120 grand, it should do.
For 120 grand, actually,

it should be ironing me shirts.

Now, if you're feeling brave,
you can switch your M8 from

sensible four-wheel drive to much
less sensible rear-wheel drive...

..which does make things
a little bit livelier.



It turns out 600 brake horsepower...

..isn't that easy to control.


Once that four-wheel drive
comes off,

it's a lottery.

Not so good for the ol' ticker,

but a lot of fun.


This might look like immature fun,

but trust me...

..this is important
consumer testing!


Yep! Definitely two-wheel drive.

And when you've got all that
out of your system,

you'll find the M8 is
a lovely place to kick back.

It's very cushy in here.
It's all got all the mod cons.

It's even got this thing
called gesture control.

I'll show you how it works.
Just wiggle me finger that way.


# It's the loverman

# It's the loverman... #
Wiggle it the other way.


I mean, I've got to be honest,

it's just as easy to do that,
but it's a bit of fun.

All's you've got to do is get your
finger just in the right position.

# It's the loverman
Shabba! #

Weird finger thing aside...

..the M8 is no question
an impressive piece of engineering.

The trouble with it
is it's a piece of engineering

with a serious identity crisis.

You see, BMW reckon
this is a supercar,

their answer to the Audi R8
and the Honda NSX.

They've got a point.

It's around about the same price,
and it's just as quick.

But it's not a supercar.

If you're in the car with the kids
and one of them drives past,

they're at the window.
"What's that, Daddy?"

"That, kids, is a supercar."

This drives past, they're not
looking up from their iPads.

Besides, supercars
really ought to have just two seats

and their engine behind the driver.

The M8 has four seats...ish,

and its engine is up front.

So maybe BMW's got it wrong.

Maybe the M8 is actually

a grand tourer.

Well, yeah.
It's spacious, luxurious.

I can see millionaires
driving this up to their big,

fancy houses in Davos.

If I knew where Davos was.

But even as a grand tourer,
the M8's still got a problem...

..because for around about
the same money,

you could have one of these... Aston Martin DB11
or a Bentley Continental,

properly grand grand tourers.

And it's not as though this car
isn't as fast or has

got as much tech as those cars,
because it has.

The problem is the badge.

For over £100,000,

are you going to choose a BMW
over a Bentley or an Aston?

Let me answer that for you.

No, you're not.

You're...You're definitely not.

Don't get me wrong, this IS
a good car. It just doesn't add up.

I mean, surely if they dropped
the whole supercar thing

and just took the engine

and all the four-wheel-drive bits
out of this

and dropped it into
something a little bit bigger

and a little bit more practical
and a lot cheaper,

then surely that'd be a proper car.

In fact, that IS a proper car.

The BMW M5.

Same engine,
same four-wheel-drive bits,

but this has got space for five,
AND it's 20 grand cheaper.

It's a no-brainer.
If you want one of these,

get yourself one of these.

Another McGuinness money-saving tip.
Thank me later, world.



I like your Shabba.

Shabba! Shabba.
Yeah. Yeah.

Now, after all that, Paddy,
I'm actually none the wiser.

Did you like it or not?

Well, the thing with the M8...

Yeah, I did like the car, but,
you know, the smart money, you get

yourself an M5 and use
that loose change to put

a conservatory
on the back of your house.

A conservatory?! Absolutely.
Do they not have them down south?

Oh, they're all the rage
where I am, let me tell you.

I'm with you, Paddy.
I like the car.

But the one thing
I can't get me head round

is 120 grand for a BMW.
It doesn't compute.

No. BMW has history here, as well.
It struggles over 100 grand.

The badge just doesn't quite work.

Actually, more bad news,
cos the one I tested in the film,

not 120 grand.

It was actually £165,000.

Shut the front door!

There's someone passed out
over there!

That is... That's a lot of money.
That is ridiculous.

All right, well, price aside,
it's now time to find out

how fast it went round our track.

Paddy, how surprised will you be
if it's near the top?

Well, not really. I mean,
the car is an absolute beast,

so it wouldn't be surprising me
if it's up there.

It's just a beast dressed in
Colin-from-accounts clothing.

Is it?
It's all trouble.

So I reckon it's got to be...

It's got to be kind of around
the Mercedes AMG GTS, I reckon.

All right, well, the Stig
took it out earlier today.

You can see the lap online, but
I can tell you the BMW - and you're

going to be surprised at this,
Paddy, maybe for not the right

reason... Oh, God.
..went round our track

in one minute...


..point two,

which puts it right down the bottom!

165 grand!
It's a little bit...

165 grand!


Stop. Stop.
I did not expect that.

165 grand!
Stop it. 165 grand!

Stop it. All of you, stop clapping.
Right, there's some sensationalist

journalism going on here. It's all
a bit tabloid from these two.

The track... The track was soaking
wet, and it's still done a 26.2.

I reckon there's ten seconds
to come off that,

so you're up here
with the big guns.

It's a fast car, but it was
a wet track, middle of December.

Thank you, Christopher. Well saved.

And now we must move on
to a celebration,

because this year marks
the 25th anniversary of one

of the greatest moments
in British sport, where one

driver of otherworldly talent
beat the odds to make history.

The year is 1995...

..and the World Rally
Championship is rocking...

..some of the coolest cars
in motorsport battling it

out on mud, snow, ice and gravel...

..Mitsubishi Evos...

..Escort Cosworths...

..Toyota Celicas,

and a blue Subaru Impreza driven
by a ridiculously talented young

Scot called Colin McRae.

Whenever you went
to watch Colin on a rally,

you knew that you were going to
get to see something spectacular.

You knew he'd always be the highest
and the furthest on the jumps.


Whatever the circumstances,
he was going flat out.

The new kid on the block
had already gained a reputation

for going hard...

..or going home.

He was a do-or-die driver.
You know, he would go for it.

How much of a threat's Colin going
to be? Aye, he's not a threat yet.

He's too young, inexperienced.

He wouldn't let me have
a quick enough car!

He used to have some spectacular
accidents, but, hell, he was fast!

Colin was never more than
a few days away from another crash.

In just his third season
in the World Rally Championship,

McRae has one aim -
to become world champion.

But two big hurdles
stand in McRae's way.

First, Toyota. Winning four
of the last five championships,

the Japanese company has dominated
rallying throughout the nineties and

has a budget three times the size
of McRae's Prodrive Subaru team.

At the start of the 1995 season,
Toyota had a wealth of experience.

They'd won so many rallies.

And Subaru, they were
a little behind in experience.

Also in his way, Carlos Sainz,

already a double world champion
and undisputed top dog at Subaru.

Obviously, in the '95 season,
Carlos was the favourite.

You know, Colin was
still the youngster,

he was still learning the ropes.

And the two Subaru drivers are as
distant in attitude as experience.

Carlos would work all day long. He'd
be there first time in the morning,

he'd be there at the end
of the afternoon,

and Colin would get in the car
at four o'clock in the afternoon,

five o'clock in the afternoon,
drive it once, say,

"Yeah, that'll do for me.
Don't you worry about it."

And off he'd go home. And I think
it used to really annoy Carlos!

Everything was perfectly set up

for one of the most exciting
motorsport seasons ever.

The season starts badly for McRae.
At the first rally, in Monte Carlo,

he crashes out, letting Sainz
take the win.

Then, in Sweden, engine failure

forces him to retire,

while in Portugal,

Sainz wins again,
with McRae back in third.

By Corsica,

with Toyota taking a dominant win,

Sainz sits at the top
of the championship.

And four races down, with no wins
on the board, Colin is on the ropes.

McRae is now 30 points behind
in the championship.

Halfway through the season,

not even his own team thinks
he has a shot at the title.

I don't really think
that we imagined Colin was

a championship contender.

It's probably the end
of any championship aspiration.

So we're now clearly in a mind-set
of taking each rally as it comes.

But McRae isn't giving up
that easily.

You're never out of it
until the last event,

until the season's finished.

And his team-mate is about to
give him a lucky break.

Riding his enduro bike
in the woods on a day off,

Carlos hurts himself - badly.

I fell off the bike,
and I have really a serious injury.

Really, really very... One of the
worst injuries you can have, which

is I tear all the rotator cuff,

all the three tendons
in the shoulder.

With Sainz temporarily
out of action,

McRae can get back
in the title race,

and the next rally is his favourite
of the bunch, New Zealand.

New Zealand was always
one of Colin's favourite rallies.

I don't know what it was about it,

but nobody could get
anywhere near him.


On the Kiwi gravel,
McRae is untouchable,

winning by nearly a minute
from the chasing Toyotas.

At last, the Scot and his Subaru
are up and running.


His good fortune
is short-lived, though,

because at the next rally,
in Australia, Sainz is back.

I had to really, really fight
like crazy to recover, you know?

Every day. I remember
long, long days.

I was only focused, only, only,
only, only focusing on recovery.

And worse still, rival team Toyota
has suddenly found

an unbelievable turn of pace.

The stage started with a drag race,

two cars at a time
over about 250 metres.

The lights turned to green.

And after 200 metres, the Toyota
is two car lengths ahead.

I can remember David Richards
giving me a hard time, you know,

"How can our engine be so rubbish?"
and me saying to him,

"Our engine can't be that rubbish.

"There's got to be
another explanation."

At the next race, in Catalunya,

with Toyota now at the top
of the leaderboard

and in pole position to win the
championship, the answer emerges.

We're getting now down to
the last two events,

so championship-critical now.

Toyota could win
the World Championship.

There are moments in your life

when you remember where you were
at a particular time.

That Toyota message was
one of those occasions,

because it was like a bombshell.

At the end of a day's racing,
as Toyota engineers

are dismantling their engine, a race
official seizes a turbocharger.

What he discovers inside
is the most ingenious,

perfectly disguised device
to increase engine power.

Now, I'd love to show you
one of those turbochargers,

but, understandably,
Toyota's got rid of them all.

However, in true BBC fashion,

here's one we made earlier.

Now, for the 1995
World Rally Championship,

you had to run a 34-millimetre
intake restrictor.

That restricts the amount of air
that can go into the turbocharger

and restricts the power. That is
34 millimetres across there.

However, when you tighten
the jubilee clip on this particular

version, what happens is
this intake nozzle steps proud

and allows air to go in
either side of the nozzle,

therefore increasing
the amount of air that went

into the turbocharger and giving
them about 50 horsepower more.

Look at that. And then, when you
released it, it would go back down

again. It's been referred to
as one of the most ingenious

cheats in motorsport history.

It was a fantastic way
of getting extra power.

So once they'd nobbled Toyota
and got rid of that,

it was a level playing field.

Toyota and their drivers
are immediately kicked

out of the championship,

leaving Sainz and McRae
to battle it out for the title.

But with two days of
the Catalunya rally to go

and their nearest rivals

team boss David Richards realises

Subaru can wrap up
the constructors' championship

simply by getting both cars
safely to the finish.

So he tells his drivers,
"OK, you can

"race until the end of the day,
but tomorrow you hold position.

"No racing. It's team orders.

"Whoever's in the lead tonight
wins the rally."

That day, both Subaru drivers
give it everything.

By nightfall, Sainz leads
by a few seconds,

and, race settled, the next day
will be a procession.

In theory.

Carlos was a little bit in the lead,
and so I sat down with Colin.

I said, "Look here, I'm sorry,
this has got to stop now.

"We're going to make it safe.
I want you to get to the finish.

"I want both cars to the finish,
manufacturers' title.

"You'll go to the final round
of the championship on your home

"territory on virtually equal points
and the best man will win."

And, erm...the message got through,
but I think it, y'know,

wasn't comfortably received.

Clearly, drivers don't like
those sort of messages.

As the last day
of the rally unfolded,

it became apparent that the drivers
had a different view of it.

Carlos had a view that, erm,

it was agreed,

and Colin had a view that Carlos
didn't actually agree to it.

"And if he's not going to
agree to it, then nor am I."

Believing Sainz is also
racing flat out,

McRae sets a series of
blistering times on the final day.

From sort of 20 seconds,
30 seconds down, whatever it was,

he quietly inches away
and then goes into the lead.

And this is not
according to the plan.

"Radio, get people to slow him
down, get a message to him."

The last stage, he has to slow down.

Subaru mechanics line the road,
trying to slow McRae down.

They fail. McRae crosses
the finish line ahead of Sainz.

And then it all kicks off.

Obviously, I was upset.

And I said to Colin after the race,
I say, you know,

"Man, we have been, you know,
five people in a room.

"It was very clear what we say,
and now it is looking different,

"and this is not..."

"Yeah, but it's not fair!"

I say, "It's fair -
we ALL said it's not fair."

Subaru bosses order McRae
to take a one-minute time penalty,

handing the win back to Sainz
at his home rally.

This doesn't go down well.

We've had to book in a minute
late now, so we're second.

So this was categoric team orders?
Yeah, that's what it was.

I don't agree with it,
but that's the way it is.

He wasn't happy.
He wasn't a happy man.


I think he kicked the first bucket
he saw on the way out!

And didn't smile!

I think that made him more
determined to win the championship.

With McRae and Sainz
now level on points, it all comes

down to the final event of the year,
here at Chatsworth House.

It's Rally GB, McRae's home event
and, at the time, one

of the biggest fixtures
on the British sporting calendar.

The atmosphere was
just unbelievable.

There were crowds everywhere
and there were people waving flags,

and it was mind-boggling,
the people that came.


Despite suffering an early puncture
and falling more than

a minute behind Sainz, McRae is
on a higher plane of driving.


I remember Carlos coming in
and saying, "That time is not real.

"It's not possible."

McRae is imperious, carving seconds
out of Sainz on every stage.

When Sainz smashes his radiator

on Chatsworth's infamous
water splash...

..McRae pounces and takes the lead.

The Scot is simply unstoppable.


He put in some incredible times, and
the Subaru, it never missed a beat.

After more than
five hours of battle,

McRae takes victory over Sainz
by half a minute.

In front of nearly two million
home spectators,

he is world champion.

Three cheers for
the new world champion!

I can always remember
when he came out the car and said,

"The world's a big place,
and I'm champion."

Even today, I get goose bumps
thinking about it,

because it was not just
the sports pages of newspapers,

this was the front page
of newspapers.

It was just tears,
and it was a special moment,

a very special moment.

McRae had become Britain's
first world rally champion,

the youngest ever driver
to win the championship.

1995 was the year the world
was introduced to a truly

remarkable talent...

..a remarkable talent that the world
tragically lost too soon.

12 years later,
at the age of just 39,

Colin McRae died.

I can remember...

I can remember it.
I don't want to talk about it.


say that, for me,

he was my best friend
in the World Rally Championship.

And I want to say that very,
very, very often I remember him.

For me, Colin McRae in an Impreza... THAT Impreza...

..well, that's rallying.

This is the actual
championship-winning car from 1995.

It's still owned by Colin's family.

I don't think it's been driven by
many people outside of the family.

I think it is, for me,
the most important car in my...

..motorsport history.

In the 30 years
that I've loved racing,

I can't think of a more significant
piece of automotive history.

This was the last time, I think,
that motorsport showed that you

could win on a Sunday
and sell on a Monday.

It was an instant cult. People kept
buying them. They were everywhere!

And it was all because
a Scottish driver went out

and drove it like a madman
and they painted it blue.

An instant icon.

Well, it's here now.

And I've been told

that I can drive it.


So, they say never meet your heroes.



Already it's as good as I had hoped.

The steering is so fast.
It's just between your shoulders.

The gearbox is sensational.

Oh, the traction! It's so short
wheelbase that it's just agile.

I want one of these.

Ohhh, ho-ho!



Imagining I'm Colin on the RAC.

I think a lot of young drivers
want to be a Colin McRae.

Ohhh! OK, this is up there, for me.

This is one of the best things
I've ever done in a car.

Colin was always 100% committed.

There was no chance
that he was going to give up or

he was going to slow down.

And you wonder
what he'd be doing now.

You could guarantee it'd be
something to do with four wheels.

He would probably be
going sideways really quickly.



Well done.


Wow, Colin McRae,
what an absolute legend.

Yeah, he's...
He's one of the greats, isn't he?

And I think the key word
in that story's "commitment".

You just knew
he was always flat out,

regardless of the consequences,

and it made the car
so exciting to watch.

I can't believe it's 25 years
since he won that title,

and it still...
It feels like yesterday.

But like it said in the film there,
it was front-page news.

When I was a kid, I used to have
Colin McRae's Rally.

I used to play it on the console.
And that kind of got me into cars.

Yeah. And also, watching
that film, as well,

it was lovely to see you happy
for a couple of minutes,

cos we don't normally see that.
There's two things there.

I'm in the presence of my ultimate
hero, four-wheeled hero -

in fact, any kind of hero -

and you two goons
weren't around to spoil it.

I was on my own!
It was just perfect.

And you were the first person
outside the McRae family

to drive this car.

I can only imagine
what that means to you, Chris.

It's the best thing I've ever done
or probably ever will do,

and I want to say a big thank you
to Alison and Jimmy,

who are over there, and the family.


Lovely stuff. And now it's time
to meet our studio guest,

who tonight is comedian Tom Allen.

Here's what happened when we met him
out on the track earlier today.

Tom! Hello, the lads! Hello! Good
to see you, sir! Good to see you.

How are you? Nice to see you.
Thank you for having me. Hiya, Tom.

Hi, babe. How's it going?
Good, thank you. This is nice here,

isn't it?
The sun's out.

Welcome to the Top Gear
width-restrictor challenge.

We've got a classic Jag
and we've got some bollards.

Oh, two of my favourite things.

Very simple challenge, this.

It's just basically what speed
you leave the bollards at.

OK? Now, the series record
is 110mph, set by Laurence Fox,

so pretty fast. How do you think
you're going to do?

Oh, 112, at least. Oh, yes, Tom!
Just two miles an hour faster.

Now, you've got to pick someone
to go into the car.

You can pick anyone you like. Who
would you like to go in with you?

Freddie. Oh, thank you, Tom.

because I love the tennis,
and so...

That'd be great.
Right, OK! Get yourself in.

Do you drive fast?
No, I'm very good. Are you?

I've only been driving for
about two years. What do you drive?

My mum and dad's Ford Focus.

Three, two, one!

Right to the bottom.
Just floor it, go on.

Ooh! Now, they're quite revvy.
This could be up there.

The key is, Tom, do not
let off that accelerator.

OK. You're up to 70 already. I
reckon we can do this, Tom. Come on,

Tom! They're giving it some, mate.
He's giving it some

beans here. Not leaving much
on the table, is he?

Don't make me nervous, Freddie.
A bit further over.

We're going through these ones here.
Just straighten up a little bit.

On 100 already. 101.

Don't let up! Don't let up!
Go on, Tom!

Ohhh! Ooh!


That was close!
That was good, right?

Ah. That's not a wing mirror,
is it? That's a bit of...

Is that a bit of Fred's tooth?

He doesn't look too bothered,
Tom, does he? Look. Stop. Brake.

Out you get. Thanks, everybody!
That was quick.

That was quick.
It was quick! Very quick.

At one point, though,
he was coming in this bit

and half the car was
pointing at the bollard.

You had a bit of a correction
at the end, didn't you?

Well, you said,
"Don't steer," though.

But, Tom, slight problem
what we didn't mention.

If you lose any part of the car...

Quite frankly, you've lost
quite a bit of the car!

So, unfortunately,
the speed is void.



101 on the way in,
103 on the way out.

Well done! That's impressive.
You got faster going through.

We actually pushed ourselves along
using those bollards.

Right, are you ready? You're
driving, McGuinness. Oh, here we go.

There you go.

OK, guys, give us the go, please.
We're ready. We're primed.

That's it. All right, well,
go on, then, do it, then.

Not a very motivational start,
that, is it? No.

Three, two, one,

go, go, go!

Right, 50 already.
What's the strategy?

We've just got to pin it,
haven't we?

He'll be touching 100 here,
I reckon.

She is moving.

Here we go. 110.
Concentrate. 111.

That was 120 on the thing,

Right, lads. Paddy...
Oh! What a result! Chris... Whoo!

What a result! To beat Laurence Fox,
110 on a clear run.

I can tell you,
on the official gun,

you went through

in 113.

Paddy, wait. Whoa, whoa, Paddy!
Paddy, Paddy, Paddy. What's up?

What's up? That's what's up.

What? Laurence went through clear.
You have lost...


So, you do beat Tom today,
but unfortunately, Paddy,

you've not got the Top Gear record.

It's a clear run.
It's still owned by Laurence Fox.


Tom? Tom... Tom, Tom...

Don't lower yourself to his level.

You've been in the car
and look what's happened to you.

It was actually really fun
to be a lad for a moment there.

I really enjoyed it.


Ladies and gentlemen,
give it up for Tom Allen!


Hi! Hi!

You guys!

The lads! The lads!

Are you all right? The lads!


Tom, Tom, I've got to say,

you've been on the show for two
minutes, you've already gone feral.

You've gone quite laddy.
Yeah. I know.

Well, as soon as I arrived,
I felt like I was one of the lads,

taking the mickey out of you lot.
And how did you feel

with the width restrictor?
Cos, I mean, it was a good speed.

Cos I just saw it back,
and I really loved doing it,

but do you know,
we were quite close.

I say "we" - I was the one driving.
And it was just so close.

We were probably, like, probably
six inches too far over.

And what's six inches
between friends?

Is that the fastest
you reckon you've driven?

Definitely. Well, I only passed
my test two years ago.

Yeah, you were quite late
to driving.

Well, new, you might say, yeah.

Right! And I was always
so underconfident.

I thought, "I'll never be able
to do it." Yeah.

And then I learned to drive.
But I'm always very diligent about

driving within the speed limit.
I don't like to break the rules.

I'm always scared that
I'll go to prison or something.

Did you pick it up very quickly?
I know your parents are involved.

Your dad used to sell cars.
My dad used to be a car salesman,

and then, before he retired,
he was a coach driver.

So one way or another, there's
always been driving in the family.

Right, OK. So we always had, like,
the newest Nissan Primera,

for example. Ooh!

Tell us about your driving lessons,
the experience of learning to drive.

Well, it took me about 500 years
to learn how to drive,

and I do blame the teachers.

And I'm quite a nervous driver.
I do like to have the seat

quite close to the steering wheel,
cos it's important, isn't it?

Yes, I noticed that. The closer to
the windshield, the closer to God...

Yeah! ..literally, I think,
the way I drive.

And as well, it's quite
an interesting experience,

isn't it, when you learn to drive?

And I'd have these moments
where I'd be with one driving

instructor who'd tell me a lot
about her life and she'd be like,

"Oh, you know, well,
my husband left me.

"A lot of my friends were telling me
he was cheating,

"but I wouldn't be told.

"And up to third."

So it was quite harrowing!
Did you pass first time?

I did pass the first time

after two practice tests.

And I'm glad, I think if I'd passed
on my first time, I would have been,

like, even more nervous than I am...
Right, OK. ..cos I am very nervous.

I'm just always just scared.
I'm scared of road rage,

I'm scared of roundabouts.
Sat navs are so confusing.

You're scared of roundabouts?

Well, because you go on a roundabout
in a place you don't know...

A - how do they work?
How does a roundabout work?

Don't think about it.
You'll never go on them.

And then don't get me started
on a motorway.

Why is there always a gap
when you come on? One of the days,

I'm going to go down that ramp
and there's not going to be a gap,

and then what's going to happen?
Do I stop? Do I give way? Who knows?

You go on a roundabout, though,
and you've got all the signs up,

and the sat nav goes,
"Take the third

"exit for the B2173892
Barnsley via Dartford via..."

You're going, "What's the sign?"

You sort of slow down to read
all the signs, and then some...

.."person" behind you...

..will end up like,
"Beep! Beep-beep-beep!"

If only I had a flashing sign,
I could press a button and go,

"I'm sorry, I don't know my way
round your bloody roundabouts."

Did you not do roundabouts
on your test?

Actually, I did have to go
on a roundabout on my test,

and that was when I saw
the examiner scrabbling at the door.

And so I'd do it, and I went,
"Well, why have you...?

"I've done it wrong, haven't I?
I've failed already.

"We'll go back now.
I can't bear this. We'll go back."

"It's all right, it's just that I
asked you to take the fifth exit off

"the roundabout and you took
the fourth exit off the roundabout."

I said, "I've failed, then,
haven't I? Let's go back."

She said, "No, it's all right,

"we can't fail you
for not being able to count."

True. That happened.

You did come here to do a lap
in our reasonably fast car, Tom.

How did it go out there?

You know what? I loved it.

For somebody who out of instinct
mirrors, signals and manoeuvres,

it's quite different when you're

on a track, cos, you know,
you grow up watching motorsports.

My dad always had it
on the television on Sundays,

and I was always, like,
"It's so boring. Neow, neow, neow!"

More like bees. And when
you do it, you realise,

actually, it's quite clever,
isn't it? Yes!

I think we've got to have
a look at Tom's lap.

Well, this should be something else.
Here we go, off the line.

Yeah, come on, come on!
Round we go!

He's clearly loving it. And he's
using all the revs, as well.

That's good entry speed.
It's a damp track, don't forget,

not the easiest conditions.
Carrying good speed there, Tom.

A bit of intervention
on the electronics.


Yes, very calm, very calm.

Now, this is a tricky
direction change into Chicago.

It's so thrilling! I didn't know
life could be like this.

Finally, I'm alive, I'm alive!

This looks good. This looks...

Oh, that's a bit wide there.
A little bit wide.

I used to get very upset as a child
if I couldn't do something.

I'd get terrible tantrums,
stamp my feet and everything.

The follow-through, pretty good
speed. Now through the tyre wall.

It's how we check
your speed and commitment.

Cos no-one likes being made to think
they can't do something.

Oh, it's so exciting, so thrilling.

Then you realise you CAN do it.
You can, Tom, you can!

You're just one of the lads, really.

Really nasty surface change here.
The grip falls away from you,

the car slides. Yes, come on,
come on, come on!

You're going to do it.
Through Gambon.

Oh, BLEEP! I pressed the wrong one
at the end.


It's good.

Good, Tom.

So fun! And remember,
that was a wet lap, OK?

It was a damp lap. It was damp,
right? Yeah, it was damp.

You looked relaxed. I loved it.
I really... It's so thrilling.

I mean, you do start talking
to yourself in a kind of...

It is like an epiphany, like...

Cos, in a sense, it might be
the last thing you say.

So... But it's really exciting
to know that you can go really fast.

"I can control a car.
I can do this."

Where would you like to be?
Is there anybody you want to beat?

I would like... I would like to...

Ooh, I like Gregory Porter.
I'd like to be near him.

My mum and dad have got all
his albums. So that would be nice.

But I don't know, cos I know
I did slow down a bit,

so I think I might have lost
a bit of speed there.

Looked tidy. Yeah, it looked good.
OK. Are you ready, Tom?

Yeah. I mean...
OK, Tom Allen...

..I can tell you you went round... one minute...

Oh, it's not Gregory Porter.


..1:51.1, but in the damp...
In the damp! ..which puts you...


..just above Jon Culshaw.

That's all right.
Good effort, Tom.

Good effort.
Pleased I did it.

Ladies and gentlemen,
give it up for Tom Allen!


Thank you. Thank you.

Thanks, Tom.
Thank you very much.

And now it's time for
a little competition.

Y'see, last series, we received a
tweet from a police officer, saying,

"Why don't you find out which police
force is fastest round your track?"

And then a load of firefighters
piled on, saying,

"Hang on, what about us?
We're quicker than the police."

And then the ambulance drivers
got involved,

and it all got a bit fighty.

Turns out there's quite a lot
of rivalry between the old blues

and twos, so we decided
to settle once

and for all which is
the fastest emergency service.

Right. Police, fire...


I didn't even... I didn't even...
You just... What?

I've got the Ambulance Service,

Yeah, but if anything happens to me,
please, no mouth-to-mouth.



That sound still scares me.

You must have been in t'back
of one of them police vans!

That used to get me to sleep
back in Bolton, as a child.

Here they are.

I think, actually, I think
you've got the short straw here.

Look at the size of that thing.
Let's go and meet our teams, anyway.

Our teams were the absolute best
of the best.

Of those available at short notice.

On a Wednesday afternoon.

Representing the Fire Service,
Scottish Fire and Rescue.

Representing the police,

Surrey Police.

And representing
the Ambulance Service,

the North West...

..Ambulance Service.

Yes, the A team! Paddy. Stubbsy.
Stubbsy, nice to meet you.

Steph. Steph,
nice to meet you, Steph.

Chris Evans. I beg your pardon?
I know. Wow.

Now, I chose the Fire Service
straight away,

because everybody wants to be
a fire-engine driver.

If they're not good at that, they
get the police and the ambulance.

That's how it works.
Anybody can drive a van.

You've got to get a licence
to drive a truck, haven't you?

Police. Highest level of driver
training of any of the emergency

services, and I knew you'd have
a smaller, lighter vehicle.

Although...a bit disappointed
you've not come in a car.

Why did you have to come in a riot
van? When you guys are together,

do you comment about the other
emergency services' drivers?

Do you ever see them on their own
and go, "Oh, what are they doing?"?

The Fire Service are always
sleeping. They're always asleep!

Yes, I like that. I've seen
London's Burning. I know.


They're either asleep

or they're in the canteen.
This is for proper bragging rights.

Yeah. For me, as well.
I want to beat Paddy and Chris.

What is the best police car ever?
For me, my generation, Volvo T5.

Oh, yeah. Favourite car
that we use. Hello.

Right, here we go.
Boys, got a challenge here.

Emergency services, today
you will face three challenges

designed to rigorously test
your driving abilities.

First up, precision driving.

Not your strength.

A timed lap around the track,

which has been littered with
urban obstacles. Fastest lap wins.

Well, that's all well and good,
but look at the size of that.

Ah-ah, there's more. All right.
But because the fire truck is

considerably heavier, it will get
a ten-second time advantage.

What?! Quite right, too, Paddy.
Ten seconds?!

Yes, to test our services'
precision driving skills,

they'd each take turns
to tackle one lap of our track,

which had been scattered
with real-world driving hazards.

And Team Fire and Rescue,
with our ten-second head start,

would be up first.

Three, two, one,

Go on, David.


David, what happened? There's
your ten seconds! Go, go, go!


It's an automatic, as well!


First up, coming, the slalom.

They're quite tight
in-between the...

Whoa. Bloomin' heck,
they're surprisingly agile, these.

Bloody hell, he was
confident through there.


He's really chucking it about.
Look at it!

Here we go. Whoa-ho-ho-ho!

Got to get that back out.
Get that back out!

See, there's a barrier coming up
here, but it's not moving.

Let's just go through it.
Brace yourself.


Tyre wall? He'll just bash
the tyres out the way, won't he?

Oh, he's gone! He's going for it!
Oh, look at him bouncing about!

Here is the width restrictor.

I don't know if we're going to
fit through this!


He could easily be off here.
He could easily be off here.


And the last turn
right round to the left.

This is the one.
This is slippery.

Oh, we're going round.
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!



There it is!

Impressive. That is impressive.
I enjoyed that so much.

And I've got to say, it needed
to be impressive after that start.

What did we get? What did we get?
Three minutes...

..four seconds.

But we're going to knock ten seconds
off that. Two minutes 54.

Can we just confirm
that it's an automatic, as well,

so all you had to do
was put it in D?

I was driving that in gears.
Were you?

So, it's got an on-off shift box,
so I was using it to restrict

the gears in the corners.
And did you restrict your own start?

Pretty much.

Right, who's up next?

Right, good luck.

It was time for my new friends

in Surrey Police to show
what they were made of.

Three, two, one, go!

Oh, smoother start, Dave.
It's high-sided and it's very light.

I reckon it might go over.

Good work. Big, big!

It's much faster.

Yeah, definitely.

That's it. I've wanted to do this
with a police officer all my life.

Fourth gear, straight through it.
For the Queen.

Full gas now!

Good work.
Width restrictor.

Look at this accuracy,
look at this accuracy.


Oh, he's done well there. Here he
comes, here he comes, here he comes.

Great work, boss. Great work.

Whoa! Now then...! Ah, here he is.
Very well done indeed.

Impressive in these conditions.
2:54 to beat. Yes!

You did it in...

Smashed it! Smashed it!

Off you go! That was the good news.
The bad news is I'm going to have to

do a citizen's arrest for speeding.
Come on, son.

And with the police
now the service to beat,

last up were the paramedics.

All good, fellas?

Pair of gloves.
Pair of gloves.

Oh, God.
Shall I start the clock?

Are you doing a lap
or are you doing a cavity search?

Safety first
with the paramedics, son.

Three, two, one,

Go on!

That's it! All with you,
this, now, Stubbsy.

What are you expecting, Chris?
Is he going to be faster?

I don't know. The driver looks like

he could be capable of anything.

Yes, lovely.

Go on, Stubbsy! Get her round, get
her round. He's going slower here.

Have a look
who he's being coached by.

Gun it, gun it, gun it,
gun it, gun it.

Lovely stuff.

We're in the right vehicle
if we have an accident, anyhow.

Don't let off. Don't let off. Go on!




Doing me best, mate. It was
all right. It was OK. Steady.

You reckon you beat them?
What was the two to beat?

2:38 was the fastest.

I'm going to hazard a guess,
Stubbsy, at about


No, you're doing yourself down,


Slow and steady! Get in, Stubbsy!

That's what I say!
Fast and furious, boys.

So it was round one
to the ambulance crew,

and next up was a pursuit challenge.

Top Gear's trusty old Suzuki Liana
would be driven by the Stig,

who would get
a five-second head start.

All we'd have to do
was catch and overtake him

in the reasonably fast car
as quickly as possible.

Although, of course, with the police
up first, they'd be chasing down...

..Criminal Stig.

OK, we've got this in the bag.
This is what you guys do, catching

baddies. And we've got
a faster car. We're sorted.

If they don't win this, that lad
at the side here'll never be able

to show his face in the station
again. But no pressure.

OK. Are there two of you
in that suit?

It is a bit snug. Stig, you've got
a five-second head start.


Harris, five, four...
Rev it up. ..three, two...

Go. Go., go!

All right, third. Don't brake,
don't brake, just coax it through.

Now, it's fair to say
this didn't go quite as expected...

This is where the GT
makes up the time.

Yeah, but he'll be faster
in the corners, I reckon, Stig.

..because in spite of -
or perhaps thanks to -

Harris's excellent driving tips...

Now get on the gas, get on the gas.

A bit of oversteer. You're fine.

Third gear, third gear.

..Surrey Police had
an absolute shocker.

Bloody ASBO!

I think he's getting away from us!
Right, keep going, keep going!

Get your foot down!
He's getting away!

He's off! He's going to be in Mexico
by the time he gets him.

And with Criminal Stig
still very much at large...

Is he your best driver?
No, the best driver was unavailable. the end, we had to
call off the chase.

Halt. Halt.

Er, listen, top tip
for the police force.

Get yourself one of these Suzukis,

cos he's actually going
further away. But he lives here...


..and he's a racing driver.

No! We've had to call it.
Come on. No!

Come on, out you get.

Before Harris could come up
with any more excuses,

it was North West Ambulance's turn.

And with ace driver Chris Evans
at the wheel,

this time we'd be going after...

..Badly Injured Stig.

Three, two, one,


Five, four, three, two...

Go. Go. Go, Paddy!

That's it, Chris! That's a better
start. That was a jump start.

Right, the Stig is very poorly.

We'll have him back on his feet
in no time.

Now, straight away it was obvious.

Ambulance drivers will stop
at nothing to get the job done.

Yes, and we love that, Chris.
Nip that corner. Yes, yes.

He's cut the bloody corner!

Or, to put it another way, winning.

He's going to get him, Chris.
He's going to get him!

Stayed inside of the tyres.
Round we go.

We've got him, we've got him.
He's just cut the corner.

He's just cutting the corners.
You can't do that.

We've got him! Whoohoo!
Love it!

We stick to the law.

The Ambulance Service, faster than
the police. Well, no, they're not.

They're better at cheating.
He's on one. The paramedics!

There's nothing we can't do!
Come on in here!

Come on, get in! This is
where the police are going wrong.

We should be getting the Ambulance
Service to catch the thieves!

Did you use the circuit at any
point? All right, Fred, get yourself

in. Did you use the circuit at any
point? Chris, when you're saving

lives, you can't be nipping
and tucking. You're saving a life!

Chris Evans! You are the best
Chris Evans we've ever had.

Go on, lad! Go on, Chrissy!
Go on, Evans! Go on, son.

Get in, Chris. Have an early night.
You've got t'radio in t'morning.

So, with the Ambulance Service
the team to beat again,

last up was Team Fire and Rescue,
this time chasing down...

..Flaming Stig.

Three, two, one, go!

Oh, he's off! He's on fire!
Get behind him! Quick! Quick, Neil!

Fire, fire!

He's only gone, the cheating sod!

An impressive start
from Scottish Fire and Rescue.

Go on, Neil,
we've got the Stig here.

There we are.

Oh, just feeling a little bit of
back end coming out then.

But the problem with setting
a car on fire is things tend to

escalate VERY quickly.

Oh, look, he's melted. It's back on
fire properly! The bumper's melted!

We might actually need
the Ambulance Service in a minute,

cos he's still on fire.

Despite Neil doing everything
he could to catch up to the blaze...

Oh, Neil! Oh-ho!

..with Flaming Stig
now in very real danger...

..we were forced
to stop the pursuit...

He's properly on fire!

..and Team Fire and Rescue's
chances were extinguished.

That's a win for the Ambulance
Service again! Come on!

Suffice to say, my team was flying.

But there was still the small
matter of the last challenge.

Yes, to test our emergency services'
communication and teamwork,

they'd now be competing
in Top Gear's favourite motorsport,

figure-of-eight chain-car racing.

Harris, Flintoff and I would each
be in charge of the brakes in our

teams' rear cars,
while up front, our blues

and twos team-mates would take care
of the steering and acceleration.

Most laps in ten minutes wins.

And to spice things up,
the producers had also

invited along Stig
and his reprobate teenage cousins.

Should be lively.

Let's go! Go, go, go!
Go on, Steph! All right, Paddy!

Now, things started out
gently enough.

Look at that. Police officer
of the law being sensible.

Go, Kerry. Go on, Kerry, go, go!

But it wasn't long before
the Ambulance Service started to

show their class.

Whoa! Go on! Get a move on!
Go on, Steph, girl.

Steph, we're undertaking the police!


Yes, four minutes in,

and once again it was Team Ambulance
laying down the gauntlet.

And with the ASBO Stigs making life
difficult for the police...

..and then deciding they didn't like
the Fire Service, either...

Whoa! Getting rear-ended here! looked like we were heading for
another big win.

The Ambulance Service
are flying here!


But with a few minutes
still left on the clock...

Oh, God!

..the young offenders stopped
toying with the backmarkers

and came after the leaders instead.


Off the bloody... BLEEP hell!

The police and Fire Service
were on the charge,

and now it'd just be
a good old-fashioned brawl...

..all the way to the finish.

It's McGuinness!
Yes! What a knobhead!


They're coming in
from all angles now.

It's the coppers.
What are you doing? You're police!

What are you doing?

The emergency services,
we have got the best in the world,

let me tell you!

Come on, Officer.

This is barmy!


Well done, Kerry. Great effort.

Our teams had left it all
on the field.

But the question now
was who had triumphed.

Right! In third place,
with 15 and a half laps,

the Ambulance Service.
That's a surprise.

Doesn't matter about that.
Far superior driver.

I reckon most aggressive.

So, first and second place. Well, I
can tell you there's one lap in it.

One team had 17 laps,
the other team had 18 laps.

Come on! Come on.

In first place...

Book 'em, Danno! It's the police!
They've gone and done it!

Well done! Finally,
justice is served.


I genuinely think all disputes

should be settled
with chained-car racing.

I agree. You can forget
Judge Rinder.

Just strap a couple of cars together
and crash it out all day long.

Yeah, ladies and gentlemen, let's
have a massive round of applause

for our amazing
emergency services. Yes!


Absolute heroes!

Thank you very much.
Thank you. Thank you.

All right, everybody.
Down to business.

Can we please have the priceless
Top Gear blues and twos trophy?

There it is. Whoa, you've pushed
the boat out there, Paddy, lad!

Oh, 'ey, Fred, you've not seen
the best yet.


I take it back. I take it back.

Who wants the F1 championship

when you can get your hands
on this bad boy?

OK. So, the fastest
emergency service is...

it's the Ambulance Service!


There you go! There you go!

Come on! Come on!

Come here. And that's the end of the
series. We've had an amazing time,

and we hope you've enjoyed it, too.
We'll be back later on in the year.

Thank you so much for watching.
Goodnight! Goodnight.