Top Gear (2002–…): Season 26, Episode 5 - full transcript


Hello and welcome to Top Gear.

It is the last show of the series,
kind of like the last day of school,

do whatever the hell you want,
which is why tonight,

I got myself an Aston Martin,

Rory's rolling in a Rolls-Royce

and Chris Harris chose...

..a Ford Fiesta.


Yeah, he knows how to let
his one hair down.

But first, there's a new V8
British sports car on sale,

exciting times.

So I shut the baby gates at the top
of the stairs to stop Chris

from getting out
and went to take a look.

It comes from Aston Martin,

it replaces the old V8 Vantage,

and it's called...

..the V8 Vantage.


This is the baby Aston,
the cheapest Aston,

but the trouble is,
it's not especially baby

or cheap any more.

You see, when the old V8 Vantage
launched more than a decade ago,

it was a 400 horsepower,
£80,000 sports car.

It was up against
this kind of stuff.

Good, solid sports cars.

But this new one costs £120,000.

The middleweight Brit
has moved up a weight division.

And I hope it's been working out,
because now, the Vantage

is up against this kind of stuff.


Audi R8 V10, Porsche 911 Turbo,
even a McLaren.

Those are heavyweights!

So now with over 500 horsepower,
does this V8 Vantage have the brawn

to take on its new
sparring partners?


Wow! 0-60, well under four seconds.


Top speed, 195.

That is tickety-boo,
I mean, that is pukka, mate!

Yeah, I've been learning
some British.

So, the speed, not a problem.

But it's where that speed comes from
that might be.

Because under that very British
bonnet is a very German motor.

A turbo-charged V8, from Mercedes.


When I came to this country,
you know what I was promised?

Thatched houses,

men in top hats saying,
"Hello, guvnor,

"fog's as thick as pea soup
today, no mistake,"

and Astons with British engines.

I don't know what
to believe any more.

You know what?

I don't care.

Because this motor rocks.

No-one makes better turbo motors
than Mercedes right now.

If you steal someone's homework,

make sure it's the smartest kid
in the class.

It's noisy, it's responsive,

it's lovely bubbly.

No, it's...

..jubbly... No...

Lovely jubbly. That's it.
I fit right in.

I do, I really... I fit right in.

So the Aston's German heart
doesn't bother me at all.

But the way it looks...

..that's another matter.

It's not an ugly car,
but old Astons, they never looked

like they were trying too hard.

This is like...
like it's too dressed up, you know?

Like it's spent too much time
looking in the mirror.

For starters,
it's wearing guyliner.

And this power bulge
here in the hood,

that doesn't need to be there.

There's nothing for it
to bulge over, that's like...

..that's like stuffing
socks down your pants.

That's not cool.

And here's another problem.

It reminds me of something.


Now, you see this?

And you see this?

Now, when I see this,
all I can see is this.

I can't unsee this.

Now, don't get me wrong,
I got nothing against catfish,

but if I'm going to spend
120 grand on an Aston,

I don't want to see this.

In fact, this might just be
the first Aston ever that drives

better than it looks.

Because there's a bunch more good
stuff beneath the Aston's skin.

The suspension is double wishbone
at the front,

multi-link at the rear.

It's got a solid mounted rear
subframe for better stiffness,

and perfect 50-50
weight distribution.

So it gives you great control
on the racetrack,

but also, when you do this.


Oh, yeah!

Very stiff feeling,
very subframe-y...

In the old days, you got the feeling
Aston had 40 designers drawing

pretty pictures and one poor guy
trying to put them all together...

Oh, that is good stuff!

..but not any more.

This Vantage feels engineered.

Yeah! That is the cat's pyjamas.

So, what's not to like?

Well, it's not
the lightest sports car.

And this eight-speed auto? Meh.

I'd prefer to have a manual gearbox,
which Aston says I can have,

just not for another year.

That's like a restaurant saying,
"Sure, you can have the lobster -

"tomorrow night."

But there is a bigger problem
with the newly expensive V8 Vantage.

And it's that.

The Mercedes AMG GTS.

Because if you want a two-seat
sports car with a Mercedes engine

in the front, you could
have one of those instead.

Basically the same engine,
but £10,000 cheaper,

and really good to drive.

Time for a little race.

Now, the Merc has a little
more power, but the Aston

has a little more torque.

This should be close.

Three, two, one.

Come on!

Oh, he's getting away!

That thing's quick!

I mean, surely Merc are going

to keep their best engines
for themselves, right?

You don't invite someone
over for the weekend

and let them sleep in
the master bedroom, do you?

Oh! He got me.

Now, some might say there
is nothing more British

than losing to a German.

Obviously I would never say that.

I would say there's more
to buying a car

than its ability to win
a drag race.

So, which one should you buy?

OK, I know the deal.

The Merc might be cheaper,
and faster, and have its own engine.

But the one you want is the Aston,

because it's an Aston, right?


If you want a sports car
with a Mercedes motor,

buy a Mercedes.

I would.

Oh, yeah!



What's the problem?


We've... We've welcomed you
into our country,

we've tolerated the way
that you wilfully mispronounce

aluminium and Mazda,

- and this, this is how you thank us.
- Yeah.

Look, I know there's two things
you're not supposed to do

in Britain - ask what the meat
is in the meat pie,

and criticise an Aston.

But compared to the Mercedes,
it's slower, it's more expensive,

- I think it's worse looking...
- It doesn't matter!

You know the rules -
you're in Britain,

you have to say
the Aston Martin is great.

Go on, say it. Go on.

The Aston Martin is great.

- Good.
- But less great than the Mercedes.

What the...

Anyway, let's see how fast
the new Aston Martin V8 Vantage goes

around our test track.

Which means handing it over to...

..The Stig.

Off the line, it looks
like an Aston Martin,

it's a Mercedes-Benz underneath.

Two-wheel drive, plenty of torque,
nice hot day as well.

Bit of roll in that.

It's more of a road car
than a track car,

but still very,
very capable, look at that,

using all of the width
of the circuit, braking hard

into Chicago, tricky braking zone,
this car wants to move right

but you're taking it left.

That's a good exit,
traction looks good.

It's got one of these electric
differentials that gets

quite hot when you try and slide
the car around too much,

so, he is using all
the available grip.


Neat exit.

Oh, it looked like it was

picking a skip over that bump
there, didn't it?

Down the back straight,
casually flicking up through

the gears, follow-through is fast,
car remains flat there,

a little bit of
oversteer on the exit.

That's nice through the tyre wall,
oh, bit of brake as well, Stig.

Braking hard now, second to last,
the most difficult corner,

finding the entry point.

Rubbing all the kerb on the inside,
that was rude on the exit.

And now through Gambon.

Where do you think, then?

- I think it looks like a Mah-zda.
- Mazda! - Whatever.

All right, the new Aston Martin
V8 Vantage went around

in 1 minute 19.7.

That's there.

That's not bad, it's quicker
than a Corvette, look.

Yeah, and a whole load slower
than a Mercedes GTS.

Oh, deary me.


Now, we all know any new car comes
with a whole bunch of big claims -

the fastest, the cheapest,
the most economical-est.

But this one tops the lot,
because there's a new car out

that its manufacturers claim
is nothing less

than the best car in the world.

Here it is, the new
Rolls-Royce Phantom.

Six metres long,
weighing in at 2.5 tonnes,

and costing £360,000,
it is the biggest,

the grandest of all
the Rolls-Royces.

This pinnacle of British luxury
is extraordinary.

And also, NOT the best car
in the world.

If you're going to claim
to have the best car in the world,

it's got to beat everything that's
put in front of it, at everything.

And quite clearly,
the Phantom is more difficult

to park than, say, a Smart Fortwo
or a Toyota Aygo.

Because it's enormous!

I mean, come on, Rolls-Royce,
think about it.

Even though the Phantom
is longer than Luxembourg,

this thing only has four seats.

OK, so they're four very lovely
seats with a massaging function

and elevated footrests,
but still, the Seat Alhambra,

that's got seven seats.

Last time I checked,
seven was more than four.

The truth is, there are many cars
out there that are better

than the Phantom
in all sorts of ways.

But there is one thing that
the Rolls has absolutely sewn up.

Making a statement, drawing a crowd.

Because while once upon a time,
Rolls-Royces stood for dignified,

understated elegance, let's face it,
those days are long gone.

That's not how Rolls
rolls nowadays - oh, no.

This car is about self-confidence,
letting people know you've arrived.

It's about swagger.

This is Rolls-Royce's world now.

Less monogrammed tweed...

..more Instagram feed.

And in this world,
the Phantom is king.

You see, supercars, I mean,
they're all right and everything,

but if you really want to show off,
they're just a bit minimal,

they're all tightly packaged
for serious performance.

The Phantom, though,
is anything but minimal.

Because for screaming out,
"Get the champagne on ice,

"I've just signed a fat
record deal,"

the Phantom might just be
the best car in the world.

But when you're done
with all that shouting...

..and you want a bit of peace,

the old Rolls ways are still there.

This might be the loudest,
most big statement car in the world,

but it's also the quietest.

According to Rolls,
this is the quietest car ever made.

There is no car that
keeps you as insulated,

as isolated from the grimy
outside world as this one.

There's over 130kg
of sound deadening on board.

In fact, to make the outside world
as distant as possible,

even the tyres have been insulated.

Yup, they've decided
even air is too noisy,

so they've filled the tyres
with foam instead.

It's so quiet!

I mean, cruising along right now,

the loudest thing inside
this car is... jacket.

And of course, if you can't hear
what's going on out there,

that means out there can't hear
what's going on in here.





Ha-ha, such a banger!

And it doesn't end there.

The Phantom is packed
with engineering to make

life on board as
pulse lowering as possible.

There's an all-new aluminium
skeleton that's stiffer

than in any previous Phantom,

so there are no creaks or rattles.

Rolls says it's 30% stiffer
than the old one,

which wasn't exactly floppy.

There is a self-levelling suspension
that scans the road ahead for bumps

and adjusts itself in preparation,

while the automatic gearbox
talks to the sat nav

to see if there is a corner
coming up

and whether it needs
to change down in advance.

If you're going to build
the best car in the world,

this is the level of
engineering it takes.

And it has to be said,
the good people at Rolls are a bit

smug about it.

Because this car is actually
a little bit in love with itself.

In fact, it's not even a car.

No, no, no, it's "a creation
of great beauty and power,

"a dominant symbol of wealth
and human achievement.

"It's an icon and an artwork."

Nah, I'm pretty sure it's a car.

And then there's this.

You and I might refer to this
as a dashboard.

But not Rolls-Royce. Oh, no.

See, this is apparently
a brand-new concept

called the gallery.

Apparently many Phantom buyers
are patrons of the arts,

and they have substantial
private collections.

And Rolls reckons you should
commission your favourite artist

to create a miniature
of your favourite piece

and stick it in there and then
take it with you everywhere you go.

But I mean, what's wrong
with just taking your favourite

picture and whacking it up
against the windscreen

like a normal... normal...

..normal people?


So, the Phantom might be
a bit pleased with itself,

but then, it has a lot
to be pleased about.

Gallery aside, the cabin
is a marvel, a symphony of

fine leather, glossy wood
and cut glass.

It is truly exquisite.

As is the engine,
a 563 horsepower twin turbo V12.

0-60 takes just over five seconds.

Top speed, well,
that's limited to 155mph.

There's even a four-wheel steer,
which helps the Phantom corner

more precisely - look at that!

But rest assured, it still works
like a Rolls-Royce should.

It's like driving along on a cloud.

The suspension is so soft,
you notice none of the imperfections

in the road.

The steering is so light,
it feels like the car's

taking you where it wants to go.

And then you put your foot down,
and that power,

it just surges you along.

It is a truly wonderful
driving experience.

There is no other car like this.

I love it.

So, there you go -
the new Rolls-Royce Phantom.

A magnificently crafted,
beautifully engineered,

truly special feat of
utter, unashamed excess.

But that's the point, isn't it?

The 0.001%.

They don't buy a
massive country house

because they need that 24th bedroom.

No, they buy it because they
want to make a statement.

And if you want to make a statement,

then the Phantom really is
the best car in the world.

I brought your car back!


And I mean, just look at it.

What is not to love about this car?

Here's one thing.

What is the price of this particular
Phantom, with all its extras?



But I've thought about this, OK?

And people are living
longer nowadays.

If I can just live until
I'm 135 years old, OK,

that works out to be about
three grand a year, OK?

About the same as you'd pay
to finance a Vauxhall Corsa.

I could have a Rolls-Royce Phantom
for Vauxhall Corsa money.


I don't even know where to begin
with that! What are you...?

Look, you're mad, OK.

- Old Rolls-Royces, they were
always beautiful, right? - Yeah.

OK, sometimes they got close
to being over-the-top,

but they always pulled it back
just enough to be...tasteful.

This thing, the bling-ometer
is off the scale!

Yeah, and what's wrong with that?

That's who this car
is aimed at nowadays.

Rappers, reality TV stars,

men like Ben Baller,

Lisa Vanderpump.

I don't know who they are.
Who are they?

Well, no-one does, but that's
who this car is aimed at.

Mate, it looks like the departures
lounge at Dubai Airport.

No, it's brilliant.

I've given up on you.

OK, now, we're nearly
at the end of the series,

but we had a bunch of people saying,

"Thanks for all the supercar

"but what about telling us
which normal cars to buy?"

Well, you asked for it.

OK, car buying advice for
every budget, in every category,

as quickly as possible.
Here we go.

OK, let's start with the city cars,
the small cars, OK?

The Hyundai i10.

Now, Hyundai are making some
great cars at the moment.

Sadly, this is not one of them.

This is the Renault Twingo -
engine in the back for some reason,

the most annoying traction control
ever fitted to a road car,

and this one's in a sort of
light shade of gonorrhoea.

This is the Toyota Aygo,
built to a cost.

That's why it feels so
terribly cheap and horrible.

And this is the one you should buy -
the Volkswagen Up.

Cheap, and you get a VW badge,
and it's quite a good car.

Moving on.

Superminis. So these are slightly
bigger than city cars.

We have a Volkswagen Polo,
a Mini, a Corsa and a Fiesta.

Come back here, don't go over there.
Come back over here.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

The Polo, people think it's
a mini Golf, but it's not.

It's not quite as good.
It's a bit dull and boring.

The Mini - well, it's
got that slightly weird

German pretending
to be British thing,

like seeing a German man
wearing a Barbour jacket.

It's just wrong, isn't it?

The Corsa used to be terrible.

It's less terrible now,
but it's still not the one to buy,

because the one to buy
is the Ford Fiesta.

It's been the bestselling car
in the UK for yonks,

and there's a good reason for that.
It's brilliant.

OK. Small SUVs.


This is the VW Tiguan.

I think that's called a Mokka,
made by Vauxhall.

I think that's called
the Cougar, made by Ford.

And that's the Nissan Qashqai,
made in the

UK and a very worthy vehicle.

I wouldn't have any of them,

cos they're all
complete BLEEP boxes.

I'd have a Golf. Where's the Golf?
Ah, here's the Golf!

Right, so you can forget about all
this stuff, forget about all those

and forget these hatchbacks.
Just buy a Golf.

It does a better job than all
of these cars put together.

Golf, Golf, Golf.
Moving on.

Small executive cars.

Now, the rule book says

that the BMW 3 Series is
the one that you want to drive,

the Audi is the one that
you want to sit inside

cos it's beautifully built,

the Alfa Romeo is the one
that you want

to display just how crazy
and different you are

from every other executive
in the car park.

But the one you want
is the Mercedes C-class,

cos it's just...says
nice things about you.

And it's a great car to be in.
It rides well,

and the new diesel engines
are great, so buy a C class.

Moving on.

These are the large SUVs,

the more hateful end of the
car-owning spectrum, let's say.

This is the new
Land Rover Discovery 5,

and I think you know my opinion on
the styling of this car.

It looks terrible. Very, very
capable, but ask yourself this -

could you be seen in this thing?
It's terrible!

The Volvo XC90 -
massive, very competent.

This here is a Hyundai Santa Fe.

You can buy a Hyundai for £40,000.

Would you want to? No.

This is the BMW X5, which looks
a bit sort of police car-y to me,

and it's not as good as the last X5,
so come back here.

The one you want is the Volvo XC90.

Volvo's on a roll at the moment,

and I think the engine mounts
on this one

are better than the one
I had on the XC60.

Right, over here.

This...well, these
are the ones you want.

Forget large SUVs,
they're tasteless.

What you should have is
a classic estate car, right?

This is the Volvo V90,

a great, big lump
of Swedish loveliness.

But the engines,
they're a bit mean.

You can't buy a big, powerful,
turbo-charged six cylinder one yet,

so I think that has to be

The Jaguar XF...

Just not quite at the races
at the moment, sadly.

So, it's between these two.
Traditionally, it's always been,

do you buy an E-class

or a 5 Series?

I don't want to confuse you,
cos the other week,

I said I'd rather have
a Mercedes E63 over an M5,

but in the ordinary area,
when you're down in the diesels

and the normal petrol engines,
I'd probably have a 5 Series.

So, there you go.
Fast reviews done.

You now know which car to buy.

Can we go and drive some more
supercars now, please?

Wow, that was comprehensive, yeah.

All right, now it's time to put
a Star in a Reasonably Fast Car.

Star of Green Wing, Rush,
and Episodes,

please welcome my good friend
Stephen Mangan.

Yeah! Woo!

Thank you, everybody!

All right? How are you,
you all right?

- Have a seat, have a seat.
- Thank you very much.

- Oh, yeah! - Check this out.

- Welcome to the show. - Thank you!

What's taken you so long?
You've been saying for ages

you want to come down
and do a lap,

then you don't return my calls.

I've seen how you live.
You're used to getting your own way.

It's good for you to wait
once in a while for one thing.

So, you guys have known
each other for a long time.

- You go back a long way.
- Our middle...

Our middle son!
That would be a rumour! No, um...

My middle son, Frank, is eight,
and I think we met

just before he was born, so yeah,

we've been working together
for eight years.

So, Episodes started when?

2010? 11?

- It's so long ago.
- So, you did seven years of that.

- You have no recollection at all.
- We've done a lot, yeah.

- Episodes is a show you're in,
all right? - No, no, no. - OK?

Our first scene we shot ever
was late at night in Surrey,

not very far from here.

- We were pretending it was LA. - Yeah.

It was supposed to be very warm.

We were in shorts and T-shirts,
it was, like, -6.

Sitting in a convertible.

We had to suck on ice cubes,
do you remember that?

To stop our breath steaming up.

I don't remember sucking
on the ice cubes.

Maybe it was just me. Maybe they
were having a laugh at my expense!

"Here, suck on these ice cubes.

"You're really cold, this'll help!"
"Oh, OK."

If you think about it,
there's a lot of similarities

between Episodes and Top Gear,
cos you basically hang around

with scruffy-looking blokes
in Surrey.

- That's what we do. - That's what we...
Yeah, that's the show.

That's my favourite thing
to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Now, when you first got
here this morning... - Yeah.

- did the training
with Chris first. - Yeah.

And what did you learn? What...

What stands out in your mind
the most, from what you learned?

I've never ridden round a track,
I don't know...


Driven... Ridden?

Run, ran?

- Vroomed round the track before.
Never done that. - Yeah.

They say to you, "Learn the track,
don't worry about the car.

"The car will come next.

- "If you try and do everything at
once..." - It's too much.

I was like, "I get it, OK, I'm with

Then you get in the car, and you're

HIGH-PITCHED: "Oh! Oh, there's

And then the car, and then it turns.
And you just, your mind is going

- Did you make that actual noise?
- Yeah, yeah, several times. - Let's see
it. I want to see it.

- Let's see your training. - OK.

- Stephen, it's great
to have you here. - Thanks.

I mean, the weather's beautiful.
You don't look remotely nervous.

I'm terrified, yeah.

It's just this seat belt's so tight,
you can't see me shaking.

Well, that's a good thing.
Tight seat belt is safety.

- Now, you have one goal... - Yeah. achieve in this next session.

- Not just in this session, in life.
- What is it?

Beat Matt LeBlanc at all costs.

Despite the fact that you're in a
car that's got 50 more horsepower?

- I don't care, I just need to
beat him. - Let's face it...

I'll never, ever hear the end of it
if I don't.

- I support you in this, cos I'd quite
like you to beat him, as well. - OK.

And the fact is that history doesn't
remind us what the car was.

- Yeah. - It's just the time, isn't it?
- It's the time.

It won't say, "Stephen Mangan in the
faster Toyota," it'll just say...

- Who had the lower time.
- Yeah, exactly. - Yeah.

I can hear you both.
I can hear both of you.

- Who gave him a radio?!
- Are we going to have to...?

Get rid of him!

Let's go. Ignore him, go.

- Right. - Go.

He's nervous.

I'm in his head. He's nervous.
I can tell.

I know him.

So you look
quite well, considering...

How long have you been
working with Matt for?

A couple of years now. I mean,
it's an interesting experience.

- I did seven.
- You did seven? - Yeah.

- When did the therapy end?
- I'm actually 22, but look at me.

That's good!
Get the lock on, get the lock on.

We're going to be off otherwise.

Get the lock, otherwise we're going
to be off. That's good. That's good.


- Woohoo! - Round to the left.

- Brake hard, brake hard. - Brake...
- Mangan, brake!

- Second gear. - Second, second.

Second, that's fourth.
That's fourth!

That's fourth, that's fourth!

Yes, we can beat Matt's time.

We can definitely beat Matt's time.
That's good.

Look at the wrist position.

Look at that confident 1950s style
Stirling Moss hand position!

- Did you see that, then,
when you were just...? - Oh!

Yes, I'm feeling it, I'm feeling it!

- Fourth gear, fourth gear.
- Fourth gear. I wasn't feeling that!

Rev it out, rev it out.
Come on rev it out!

- I'm revving, I'm revving!
- Rev it out.

That's good. That's fast!

Do you feel alive?
Do you feel adrenaline?

I feel...I feel alive,
but not for much longer.

OK, flat chat. How fast
can you go through here?

I don't know. Let's find out.


OK, that was about as fast
as you can go through there.

That's quick.

Brake between the 150.
Brake, brake, brake!

Brake, brake! Stephen, brake!

Oh, that's too much speed,
I'm getting out of the way!

Brake, brake, brake!
We're super fast! We're hot!

- We're hot and we're off! - Whoa!

Flat chat, that's
a bit of grass there.

All right, stop there.
Stop, stop, stop!


You idiot!

- Crikey! - You are committed,
aren't you?

I'm not going to leave this place

until either the record goes
or I do!

You are committed!

- One of those, one of
those is getting... - Jesus Christ!

Someone bring me a towel, please!

What am I, within...?
Am I within a minute?

- You're in the ballpark. - OK.

- For an early effort, I'm not going
to tell you more than that. - OK.

But you're in the ballpark.
You are material we can work with.

OK. Good. That's all I need.

That's all I need to keep me
going at this point.

- You're in trouble, LeBlanc, I hope.
- It's a big ballpark.

It's a very big ballpark.

I've got very big ballparks.

Oh... It's funny, watching it,
you just immediately,

it comes right back.

You're like, you're there, as well,
you're right in that moment.

- So, just to be clear. - Yeah.

You're looking to beat my time,
that I set in a much slower Kia.


And you're driving the
much faster Toyota GT86. That's...

The director told me that
because your car is much slower,

you just basically go flat-out all
around, it's really easy to drive.

Whereas I'm dealing with a lot more
power, it's a lot more difficult,

- technically difficult thing to do.
- Stephen has a point.

- So... - Are you still here?

- But you've know, you...
- That doesn't make any sense.

You drive cars all day long,
fast cars. This is new for me.

I drive a BMW i3.

- What? - Yeah. - Why?


Look at it.

Cos I live right in the centre
of London, I don't need...

The only thing, the only problem
with that car is,

it's got four seats
and there's five in my family.

- So we draw lots whenever we
go out. - Draw straws! - Yeah.

Now, you were in a
proper Hollywood film

about the greatest era in
F1 ever, weren't you?

- OK, Rush. - Yes, Rush.

- There I am, there. - Yeah.

Yeah, with Chris Hemsworth playing
James Hunt, and that...

I mean, what was interesting
for us was,

they were all the original cars.

That wasn't the car he won in '76,

but it was the car
he drove the year after

and when you get in them, or look at
them, there's just nothing to them.

- Deathtrap. - They're deathtraps. don't...

I mean, stupid of me, probably,

you don't realise the feet
go all the way to the end!

Yeah, no, your feet are
in front of the front axle.

So the first thing that actually
anything hits is your feet.

It was a dangerous... They were
losing a driver a year, at that

And surrounded by fuel,
so that can explode.

And I...because I'm
playing Alastair Caldwell,

who was head of the McLaren team,
I was the guy at the pit stop

standing at the end of the car,
so the car comes in and

I'm standing right where
the nose comes up to,

which was fine when the
stunt drivers were doing it,

but when Chris was doing it, you
know, he's not a professional driver

and of course he has to make it
look like it's a race situation,

so he's driving in as fast as he can

and that front fin is
like's like a knife

and it's stopping six inches from
my shin, and I was...every day,

I was thinking, "This is it,
both my feet are going to be

"40 yards down the track!" know, fantastic
experience to be there,

with the noise,

the six wheel Tyrrell,
all that stuff,

it was just fantastic.

- They were heroes. - Yeah.
- Gladiators. - Unbelievable.

Three weeks...three or four weeks
after he was read the last rites,

Niki Lauda was back in
a Formula 1 car, racing.

- But I understand
that he couldn't blink. - Yeah.

So you can imagine driving round
the track

without being able to blink,
the pain you must be in.

He's now the team manager
at Mercedes,

so when Lewis comes in and, you
know, he's looking for sympathy

cos he's in a bit of
physical pain in the car,

can you think of a worse person
to go to than Niki Lauda?

He's been through it all, hasn't he?

All right, What do you think?
Is it time?

- OK. - I think it's time.
- You think it's time?

Let's take a look at your timed lap.

- I'm nervous. OK, let's do it.
- What do you think?

- Now, your goal was to beat me. - Yeah.

In a much faster car.

Well, I mean, nobody...
It's a time. How fast can you...

How fast can you get
round the track?

That's like saying,
"I want to ride the racehorse

"faster than you can
ride the donkey."

History will judge us
on the pure figures.

All right, well, good
luck to you, my friend.

Thank you. Nervous, I'm nervous.

Let's take a look.

So we're off the line.

Using all of first gear.

If you have tears, Matt,

prepare to shed them now.

That's all I'm saying.

You've triggered the hazard
warning lights,

that's maximum braking.

Using all the circuit, that's good.

And if I don't beat you,
it's not a big deal.

I can live with that.

I'm not sure you can.

Nice roll on the car.
Roll equals grip.

Move house,
change my phone number...

..assume a new identity.

You're wringing its neck.

You're using every single rev,
you keep triggering those lights,

that's a very good sign.

Hammerhead, the line's good,

letting the car run out wide,
like we said. That's good.

I'm doing this for Chris,
because I know what it's like

to work with Matt all those years,
and mate, I just feel for you.

It's Matt LeBlanc this,
Matt LeBlanc that.

Through the Follow-through.

Oh, over steer at, what, 90mph?

He wasn't that good in Friends.

Chandler was my favourite.

Tyre wall was quick.

This is quick, this is very fast.

A good, early turn
into second-to-last.

Bit of a wobble, there.

What's it like through Gambon?

- Oh! - A bit of grass?



- That looked good!
- Such a laugh.

That looks fast.

It was fun, I
really, really enjoyed it.

- I think he was sandbagging.
- He was fast.

- He was real fast. - Really fast.

- I enjoyed it. Really, really
good fun. - That looked fast.

All right, so there's
the leaderboard.

- Who do you want to beat?
- I want to be above you.

I'm not on this leaderboard.

OK, well, put you on,
and I want to be above you.

This leaderboard is only for
the people that drive the GT86.

- Where were you, what was your time?
- Allow me to help you.
- Have you got it?

- Just for reference, I actually have
Matt's time here. - OK. - Oh, OK.

It says here, Matt LeBlanc (Kia),


I mean, even looking at it now,
that is a good time in a Kia.

That's in a car with,
what, 50 less horsepower?

Oh, get your excuses
out of the way, all right.

- It's a good time, Matt.
- Wah, wah, wah! - Yeah, fun time...

- I don't know if I've beaten you yet,
so... - All right.

- Leave myself somewhere to go. OK.
- Are you ready? - No.

- All right, Stephen Mangan...
- Yeah.

- went around... - Yeah.

- one minute... - Yeah.

- What's the time to beat? - 42.

- You need to beat a 1:42.1. - Yeah.

- You went around in one minute...
- Yeah.


No, that's not the sound.

One minute,

- 37.2. - Oh!

Oh! Wow!

That was awesome.

- Wow! - Third-fastest.


That is good.

That is really good.

We reckon that the Toyota's about

four seconds quicker
than the Kia, Matt.

So that, with my rudimentary
mathematics, means that

he might have actually beaten you
if he'd been in the Kia, as well.


He's the expert.
I'm not the expert.

I'll give it up, I'll give
credit where credit's due.

- You got me. That is.. - Wow.

That's fantastic. Ladies and
gentlemen, Stephen Mangan.

Thank you. Cheers.

Thank you.


I can't believe it.

Good job, man.
That's great, way to go.

Thank you very much. Cheers.

Now, time for some
Top Gear consumer testing.

Most new cars have something
called automatic braking,

clever tech that's supposed to
scan the road for pedestrians,

and hit the brakes if it thinks
there's a risk of a collision.

But how reliable is it?

I headed out on
the track to find out.

This is a Volkswagen Arteon,
and it has

one of the most sophisticated
automated braking systems out there.

If there's a pedestrian to spot,
then this thing should spot it.

Problem is, none of the crew
wanted to be driven at at 40mph.

A lot of paperwork,

but I've come up with a genius

Meet my willing assistant,
Professor Brian Box!

Good luck, professor.

Going to need it.


39mph exactly.

I've got cameras, I've got
sensors all over the place,

scanning the road
ahead for obstacles.

Nothing's happening,
nothing's happening. Oh!

Turns out the braking systems

won't stop for a stationary
pile of cardboard boxes.

Otherwise, they'd be braking
at every lamp post and road sign.

Sorry, professor!


So, we need to make
Professor Box mobile.

Let's do it!

So realistic, man!

I mean that actually looks
more like a human person than...

..than a human person.

Here we go, brake, brake, brake!

Ah, dammit!

What is wrong with this car?

Well, nothing.

It turns out that the system also

my pile of cardboard boxes
disguised as a human as not human.

What it needs is an actual human.

So, in the name of science...

All right, see the legs,
see the legs, come on.

I believe in you technology,
come on.

Come at me, bro!

It's going to stop, it's...

It's not stopping!


OK, that's enough
science for one day.

I am done. I am done.

Lack of commitment, Rory!

A true scientist would've
stood his ground.

What you talking about? I literally
left it as late as I could.

So what have we learned,

other than the fact that you're
scared of being hit by a car?

OK, well, first of all, that
science is actually quite difficult.

And also, you remember
back in the old days,

if a car was heading towards
you really quite quickly,

- it was a good idea to
jump out of the way? - Yeah.

Well, nowadays, if a car's driving
towards you really quite quickly,

it remains a good idea
to jump out of the way.

- Useful. - You're welcome.

Right, it's been a great few months
for fans of fast things.

The Porsche 911 GT2,
the BMW M5, Bentley Continental,

but there's one performance car
I've been looking forward to

more than any other.

And the wait is finally over.

Yes, it's a Ford Fiesta.

But not just any Ford Fiesta.

This is the new Fiesta ST Hot-Hatch.

The old one was utterly brilliant,

so this new one is a big deal.

This thing is a proper hell-raiser.

The whole thing just
buzzes with excitement.

Into a tight corner,

and you can feel it cocking a wheel.

Absolutely fires out of corners.

Oh, yes, even more
than the old Fiesta ST,

this new one is tailor-made
for British B-roads.

Changing gear, that's
still the driver's job,

but now you can upshift without
having to lift off the throttle!

I mean, that's race car stuff.

Steering is the fastest ever
fitted to a Ford hot-hatch.

There's even an optional
limited-slip differential,

so you don't waste power
through messy wheel spin.

So it changes direction
like a Shane Warne leg break.

It's a cricket thing.

Then there's the
new rear suspension,

which uses something called
force vectoring springs.

Which basically means that
when the car leans into a turn,

they push back against it.

A bit like they're propping up a
mate who's had a few too many beers.

Ease off on the springs,
they relax a bit.

The old ST was just a bit too stiff
when you were going slowly,

but this one is much smoother.

It's innovative stuff for a

but even more innovative is
the engine.


Listen to those bangs and pops.

It's a 1.5 L turbo
three cylinder engine,

and when it thinks you
don't need all three cylinders,

to save fuel, it'll run on just two.

But don't worry,
because while it might be minuscule,

this little engine's got a kick.

A 200 horsepower kick.

Which, on a road like this,
is plenty.

0-60, 6.5 seconds.

Top speed, 144mph.

And it's got so much torque!

You don't have to wait
for everything to arrive,

it's just there immediately.

It's easy, effortless performance.

You know what?

No-one does a scrappy
hot-hatch like Ford.

I love this thing.

Not only is it better
than the old Fiesta ST,

but it's one of the most fun
new cars you can buy.

And not just the most fun
for 20 grand.

The most fun, full stop.

In the real world,
on real roads like this,

you'll have a much better time
in one of these

than you would in...oh, I don't
know... about a
Lamborghini Aventador S?

A proper supercar.

Four times the power of the Fiesta,
15 times the price.

And out here,

nowhere near as much fun.


For starters, there's
the sheer size of it.

So part of the problem is,

this thing is as wide
as Windsor Castle.

It's not ideal for
these sorts of roads.

Because when...

Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Yeah, OK. He's not moving, is he?

OK, I'll go back.

This is a really
easy car to reverse.


Oh, this is horrible.

I don't want to be doing this.

Supercars, living the dream!

And when you do get going, the next
issue is all that...performance.

Yes, I've got an engine that's four
times the size of the Fiesta's,

740 horsepower,

but right now,
I can deploy about 40 horsepower.


On paper, this car offers so much,

but on the road,
I can use so little.

Unlike the Fiesta,

the Aventador simply isn't
built for B-roads.

Oh, bumpy, scrape-y noises!

Which is a problem,
because here in the UK,

there are 215,000 miles of them.

That's 87% of our roads, right?

So on nine out of ten UK roads,

you'll have more fun in
a Fiesta than a supercar.

That's just maths.

And the equation gets even
worse for the supercar

when you reach a town.

Speedbump, ugh.

Look at that pothole there.



Persian rugs have more ground
clearance than this thing!

And when you've had enough of that,

you've still got to park the thing.

Welcome to hell.

This is going to be interesting.

I'm going to use my nose lifter.

Oh, God, it was already up. Really?

Look at your rear!

And now I can't see the kerb.

Now, you see, Lamborghini doors.

I'm going to hit
the roof now, aren't I?

Just makes you feel
like a terrible driver.

You feel like a learner again.

Finding a space isn't
exactly easy, either.

Concrete posts, can't fit in there.

I don't want to park anywhere here.

And even when you do...

There!'ve got to get in it.

I mean, the turning circle's
just terrible.

Well, that was horrible.

Absolutely horrible.


Then, of course, worst of all,

there's the anxiety of leaving your
precious 300 grand car unattended.

Yeah, that should do it.

In the Fiesta, though,
different story.

Oh, that's more like it!

Nippy, fast..

Speed bumps, easy meat!

That's the beauty of the ST.

It even makes town driving fun.

Now, I know what you're
going to say.

Of course the Fiesta makes more
sense than a Lamborghini in the

because it's a city car.

But what about...

..on a racetrack?

I mean, that's the natural
habitat of a supercar, right?


OK, I'll admit,

when you give
a supercar some space,

and let that V12 sing,

it's spectacular.

And for 300 grand,
you'd expect it to be.

But it is a bit anti-social.

The problem I have is, you don't
want to go and do a track day

with a load of 300 grand supercars.

Is that not just potentially a
really, really expensive accident?

This really is a single-player game.

In the Ford, however...'s all rather more sociable.

Look at this! It's like the
greatest hits of hot hatchbacks.

All right, you lot. Shall we?

Here we go!

Oh, let's get this Civic
round the outside.



This is what it's all about!

Get some mates in hatchbacks,
hire a cheap track,

and have yourself an
impromptu touring car race.

This is more fun than
a real race meeting!


This is madness.

Whoops, there goes the grass.

What's he doing?


I'm pushing him wide!

Oh, what's a bit of paint
between friends?

This is brilliant!

So, the Ford Fiesta ST.

It really is the
Holy Grail of hot-hatches.

A reasonable, riotous,
real world hero.


This car is so good!

And I've got to say,

it's the perfect performance
car for Britain.

Great little car, great little car.

Yeah, yeah.

It is. Yeah.

I mean, what a great little car,
small but perfectly formed.

Kind of like you.

If you were perfectly formed.

But you're right, pound for pound,
you'd have more fun in one of these

than you would in one of these.

I'm not saying this is
more fun pound for pound.

This is more fun, full stop.

Hang on, hang on, wait.

So if a bloke came up to you
in the street and offered you

a Lamborghini Aventador
or a Ford Fiesta,

which one would you take?

I'd have the Fiesta.


What you do is you take
the Aventador,

you sell it,

and then you buy 15 Fiestas.


Rory, that is...

..the first good idea
you've had this series!

Thanks, Matt! Yeah.

And it's also the end of the series.

- Oh, just as you're getting warmed
up. - Shut up.

Yeah, he's right, shut up.

OK, thank you all so much
for watching.

We've had a lot of fun
making this series,

sometimes too much fun.

So here's some outtakes. Enjoy.



Hey, wait, wait.

No, no, no, no. Move.

You stay right there, don't move.

Is that a polar bear?


- Buddy? - No.


Oh, that's...


You and I...

I mean, what's wrong with just
sticking your favourite...

..picture with the script
on the back,

and just whacking it
up there, like that?


- Do that again.

OK, and I can't
remember what to say.


OK, there's a whole world
of off-roaders up...up...


I was so close!

I can touch your nose, look.


Drive very far, very fast.

It's lighter, faster...

- Is that in the shot, if I do that?
- Yeah.

It's completely in the shot.



- What are you doing? - What...?

"What, eeh, ooh, ah, ooh!"


- Ba-a-a-a-a.

Ba-a-a-a, ba-a-a, rrrr!

Mmmm, Apex. Mmm-mmm-mmm.



Finish line.

Prepare for a series of challenges
in the land of the Vikings...

Hey, get out of my lap,
what are you doing?

- What's wrong with you?
- I didn't have a seat belt on.

It's a family show!

I didn't have a seat belt on!

Well, put it on!

You stink, that was disgusting.


You need to see a doctor.

That helicopter's had a
profound effect on your hair.

I've made a faster sheepdog.


This is Maddy.
Come here Maddy, come here!

Oh, yeah! Hi.

Matt, that's a greyhound.

That's a matter of opinion.

Can she round up sheep?

Sure. Sure.

Maddy, go get the sheep!

Hey, Maddy.

This is Maddy.

- Can she round up sheep?
- Sure.

Maddy, go get those sheep!

Go get them!

Gosh, look at her go. Yeah.


Nailed it.


So I've made a faster sheepdog, huh?

This is Flynn.

Come here, Flynn. Come here, buddy.


Get the sheep.

He's on the trail.
He's on the trail.

I can see.


Go get the sheep, go get the sheep.

Look at him go.

Ah! Look at him go!

- Whoa! - Look at him go!

He's fast.

Oh, where did that one come from?



You know what I mean?

OK, here we go, Professor Green.

One minute, forty...



I put it in the wrong spot!

What an idiot.

Wait, where does it go?
Just above James McAvoy.

Don't distract me!

Jesus, be quiet.

This is serious geometry.

Here we go...

I feel this is the one, ready?

Nope, all right.

I think that's my new style of
doing this, so I don't have to add.

I'm just going to do that.

Don't overthink it.

- I'm getting caught up in my own...
- Just let that wrist relax.

You've got a lot of
tension in that wrist.

BLEEP nailed it, man.

# Oh, Lord

# Won't you buy me

♪ A Mercedes Benz? ♪


Go easy with the car,
it's a prototype!

Don't get carried
away with your speed.

All right, Chris, I've got this.

# So Lord, won't you buy me
a Mercedes Benz?

♪ A Mercedes Benz. ♪

I reckon if we get it over,
we'll get it going again.

Yeah, it'll buff out.