Top Gear (2002–…): Season 23, Episode 6 - Episode #23.6 - full transcript

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

CHRIS EVANS:
Tonight, I get dangerous.

Not really dangerous,
but, you know,
dangerous enough.

Sabine tastes the local brew.

(SPITTING, GROANS)

CHRIS: And Matt
gets a bit too into...

-Oh!
-CHRIS: ...his latest review.

Oh, that's nice!

I'm good.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Hi, welcome to Top Gear.



So, do you remember
what happened

when Honda asked Ayrton Senna

to help them
develop a sports car?

They came up with this.

The iconic NSX.

The underdog that went
head-to-head against
the big dogs from Italy.

Indeed it did.
So, having pulled it off once,

they thought, "What the heck?
Let's have another go."

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

CHRIS HARRIS: Honda was always
a pioneering car company.

It took risks,
pushed boundaries.

In the 1960s, it became
the first Japanese team

to enter and win
in Formula One.

By the late '80s, their
engines dominated the sport.



Then there was
the revolutionary,
all-aluminium NSX,

developed by
Ayrton Senna himself.

It took the fight to
the likes of Ferrari.

Speed became
practical, reliable.

If you wanted it fast
and brilliantly engineered,

you went to Honda.

But then, after the
turn of the millennium,

it all started to
go a bit wobbly.

Honda's faster, more
stimulating cars were replaced

by a beige parade of stuff
your gran would drive.

Like this one.

Truth is, we've not
seen a proper Honda
sports car in a decade.

Now though, Honda
has a new revolution,

with a familiar name.

The new NSX is here.

Here, but not
especially Japanese.

In fact, this new NSX
was designed and built
in America,

which is why
I've come stateside
to test the first one...

and why it's wearing
this funny badge.

(TYRES SCREECHING)

In America, posh Hondas
are called Acuras.

When this comes to the UK,
it will be called a Honda,
do not worry.

So, now that's cleared up,

what exactly
are we looking at?

Behind my head, there's
a three-and-a-half litre
V6 turbo petrol engine.

Driving the rear wheels
through a nine-speed gearbox.

And that's not all.

There's a battery under here
that provides electricity to

one motor at the back
and two more at the front.

So it's a four-wheel drive
hybrid powered by four motors.

If that isn't
complicated enough,

the brakes aren't actually
connected to anything.

Much like the
youth of today,

they only communicate
virtually.

Basically, the NSX
brakes by Snapchatting

and it does its steering
via Instagram or something.

Doesn't sound promising.

So, have they gone
and made a mess of it?

Sixty under three seconds.

A hundred three seconds later.

120, 130, 140, 150!

(ZOOMING)

Combined, that V6
and those electric motors

provide 573 horsepower!

That's not sports car power,
that's supercar power!

Top speed is
supercar speed as well!

191 miles an hour!

Wow!

Hey, the technology
may be complicated,

but the effect
is brutally simple.

That is fast!
(CHUCKLING) Really fast.

But this best part
of this hybrid setup?

It doesn't feel
disjointed and digital.

The brakes may be
e-brakes, and the steering
may be e-steering,

but it gives you a real
sense of what's going on.

Obviously, you can't skid it
about like a Ferrari 488

cos those electric motors

are always trying
to drag it straight,

but you can skid it about.

(TYRES SCREECHING)

(CHUCKLES) Oh, yes you can!

(TYRES SCREECHING)

(LAUGHING)

(TYRES SCREECHING)

Wow! It's way more fun
than I thought possible,

for something that
is so complicated.

Look at that!

So, Honda's new NSX
really does have

genuine super car credentials.

But, before you go
and trade in the Lambo,

there are one or two
things to point out,

like the interior.

Okay, they've made
a great effort, but it's still
recognisably Honda.

If I'm being
a real nit-picker,

I don't like the way
these paddles move.

They feel a bit cheap.

It should feel like
turning the bezel on
an expensive watch

and it doesn't.
It just feels like you're
pulling a plastic paddle

on a 40 quid
gaming steering wheel.

And as for the styling, well,

it does look a bit like
an R8 and a McLaren
have face-swapped.

But I think it's stunning.

Here's the thing, though.

The NSX feels like
it's been engineered,

been calibrated by people
who care about driving.

And that's what Honda
was always about.

(TYRES SCREECHING)

Some people, they're gonna
make the mistake of saying
it's characterless.

But you know what?
They're wrong.

I think it's dripping
with character.

There's nothing else
quite like it!

(TYRES SQUEALING)

Oh, it's awesome!
Really special.

Special, however,
does mean expensive.

The new NSX is £130,000.

But don't think of it
as an expensive Honda,

think of it as a cut-price
Porsche 918 hypercar.

Because that's what it is.

Okay, so it isn't as
brain-pokingly fast
as the Porsche.

It is, however,
the same technology.

And the same trick of
using that technology

to warp your sense
of what's possible
in a fast car.

It's a machine that's greater
than the sum of its parts.

The NSX is
a pioneering supercar.

Its creators, once again,
pushing boundaries.

If you want it fast and
brilliantly engineered,

at last, you can
go back to Honda.

(APPLAUSE)

And here it is,

the brand-new
Honda NSX reimagined,

how very dare they.

Have they pulled it off,
Chris Harris?

Absolutely.
It's been a long, long wait,

but totally worth it.

Yeah? So, what,
in your opinion,

is it better than the old NSX?

It's sacrilege to say, but I
wasn't that much of a fan

of the way the
original NSX drove.

I ought to duck
before people throw
rotten fruit at me.

So, yeah, in my opinion,

that's a better,
more interesting car.

But this is a super
technological, super
complicated car

with all kinds of
systems on it.

Does that take away from
the actual driving experience?

No, that's the
genius of this car.

It takes the technology
and it fashions it

into something great.

So you've got
front electric motors,

you've got torque vectoring,

all that technology,
more efficiency,

but it's better fun to drive.

And crucially,
it's faster still.

All right,
to find out how fast,

we need to hand it over
to our tame racing driver.

Some say his earwax
is British racing green.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

And that he has
a pierced Brosnan.

(ALL LAUGHING)

All we know is he's called...

ALL: The Stig!

CHRIS: The NSX and The Stig,

complicated supercar,
simple racing driver.

No wheelspin
at the start there.

-Not a lot of noise
apart from the tyre squeal.
-(TYRES SQUEALING)

And plenty of lean!

The NSX tilting
like a sailboat in a storm.

Secretive, brooding,
brooding, secretive,
that's The Stig.

You can run the NSX
in electric-only mode,
but The Stig, of course,

has petrol and battery power
set to maximum attack.

No dramas through Hammerhead.

Time to rev that V6 out now
to 7,500 RPM and...

Stig, brooding, secretive,
secretive, brooding.

Wow! Look at that big wobble
before the tyre wall,

you don't often see cars
get out of shape there.

Into the second last, the NSX
harvesting, back in power now,

from the brakes,
just like an F1 car, clever.

Pushing hard round the final
corner and across the line!

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

All right, the Honda NSX,
what a lap! Load of fun there.

The Stig almost out of shape,
especially on the last corner,

but not quite, of course.

So, how's it done?

We know that Honda targeted
this rebirth of a legend

somewhere towards
the Ferrari 458,

of course that's now been
supplanted by the 488.

So, it would have to be
quicker than 1:19.1. Is it?

Yes, it is! The Honda NSX

1:17.6! There you go!

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Very good job!
Very beautiful car.

Okay, let's talk
great American inventions.

I don't wanna boast,
but US innovations
have changed the world.

-The swivel chair,
spandex, dental floss.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

The spork, huh?

But, most importantly,
there's this, the muscle car.

The symbol of '60s optimism,
cruising the highways,

the freedom of the open road.

But, how does Uncle Sam's
finest fare away from Route 66

and on the A835,

just north of
Ullapool, Scotland?

RORY: This... This is as
good as it gets, right here.

Open roads, blue skies.

Oh, and one of history's
most iconic muscle cars,

the original Ford Mustang.

'Course, if you want to live
the American dream,

you gotta be
prepared for some pain.

This thing corners
with all the precision

of a greased hippopotamus.

And the brakes?
Well, I wouldn't go as far
as calling them brakes.

They're more like
novelty items.

They are that bad.

But that's what
Mustangs are about,

getting the blood flowing,

the adrenaline pumping.

But the big problem
with old Mustangs is this.

The steering wheel,
which, as you can see,

is in the traditional
muscle car position.

The wrong side.

Which makes overtaking
a complete nightmare.

Too young to die,
too young to die!

-(RORY SCREAMING)
-(HORN HONKING)

Whew! (LAUGHING)

But now, maybe,
there's a way to have

your main course of muscle car

without the
side order of terror.

Because for the first time
in five decades,

Ford has given us
a Mustang fit for Britain.

The brand-new Mustang GT.

As you can see,
the steering wheel
is in the right place,

on the right.

This is big. The Mustang,
the American patriot,

it is a British citizen now!

Under this big bonnet
is a proper Mustang engine,

a five litre,
412 horsepower V8.

(ENGINE REVVING)

(RORY LAUGHING)

And to deal with that whole
"can't go around corners"
issue,

this car boasts
another Mustang first,

independent rear suspension.

In technical terms,
that means the back wheels
are no longer holding hands.

Each one can do
exactly what it wants.

In non-technical terms,
you now have a Mustang
that can do this.

Look! You can
go around corners,

without all that
inconvenient dying stuff.

And, I'm glad to report...

Sheep!

...the brakes are good, too.

(SHEEP BLEATING)

Now, since we've stopped,
I might as well demonstrate

one of the Mustang's
more childish features.

It's called "line lock".

-(TYRES SCREECHING)
-(ENGINE REVVING)

While I'm here,

it gives me an opportunity
to maybe talk about
the interior.

-(TYRES SCREECHING)
-(ENGINE REVVING)

It's kind of reminiscent
of the old '67 Mustang,

but a lot more futuristic.

Some of the materials
are a little bit on the
plasticky side,

but, on the whole,
I like this.

Oh, and if you're wondering
whether line lock has any
purpose whatsoever,

nope.

So, it's playful, it sounds
like a Mustang should,

and comes with a steering
wheel on the correct side.

It's affordable, too.

This car,
massive V8 and all,

is under £35,000.

That's less than half the
price of the V8 Jaguar F-Type.

So, is this, at last,

the muscle car
to conquer Europe?

Well, there are
a couple of things.

It just doesn't
actually feel that fast.

And, currently averaging
13 miles to the gallon,

it's not exactly
economical either.

This car makes
Volkswagen look green.

Ford, though, know
this is a problem,

so they've come up
with a solution.

Ladies and gentlemen,
introducing the low-fat,

dairy-free, gluten-free,
no added sugar,

Ford Mustang EcoBoost.

Yes, they've gelded
the Mustang,

and binned the V8.

This enviro-Stang is powered
by... Are you ready for this?

A 2.3 litre, turbo-charged,
four-cylinder engine.

But hold on, Billy Bob.

It's not as bad as you think.

It has the same engine
as the Ford Focus RS.

Over 300 horsepower.

Which also means naught to 60
in five and a bit seconds.

Because it's modern
and clever, it will also do
30 miles to the gallon.

And it's four grand cheaper
than the V8.

So, you get pretty much
all the fastness,

all the Mustang-ness,
but with a clear conscience.

This is it, then.
The perfect Mustang
for Britain.

Well, maybe not.

The engine...
It kind of grumbles.

It does its best to give you
an aggressive sound,

but it doesn't quite work.

And, at the end of the day,

can you really see yourself
walking into a dealership
and saying,

"Hmm, yeah. I'll have
the EcoBoost, please."

When your friends get in
for the first time,

they're gonna look at you like
you bought the wrong car.

And that's the problem.

Maybe the new Mustang,
either of them,

is just too nice.

Yeah, it's fit for Britain,
it's easy to live with,

but, if you want a Mustang
that's easy to live with,

do you want a Mustang at all?

Ford's changed the recipe.

They've taken an
American institution,

and added British flavour,

like pouring gravy
on apple pie.

So, which one would I have?

Easy, it's the one that's
a complete nightmare,

and yet still, somehow,
the stuff of dreams.

-(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
-MATT: Yeah, very nice.

Very nice, very nice.

Okay, Rory. Now, you went for
the old car, and that's great.

But time for some
consumer advice.

Which of these would you have,
the V8 or the EcoBoost?

Ah, V8 all day long, man.

The EcoBoost, it's just a
cheap marketing exercise.

Yeah, I agree, I agree.
V8 for sure.

But, I mean,
over 400 horsepower
for under £35,000?

Yeah, sounds good on paper,

but it's just not
a great Mustang.

It's too simple,
too accessible, too easy.

Part of the joy of
owning a Mustang in Britain

was having the pain
of owning a Mustang.

You had to make sacrifices,
be part of a club.

Nowadays, it's becoming

more like a BMW,
or an Audi, man.

Look, I don't want to live in
a world where my mom will
consider buying a Mustang.

And that is that Mustang.

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-Yeah, but on the plus side,

there's your next
Mother's Day gift sorted.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Let's give it up for
Mrs Reid's new car.

(APPLAUSE)

RORY: You should try it.

It's time now for tonight's
stars in a rallycross car.

Please welcome Greg Davies
and Patrick Dempsey.

(APPLAUSE, CHEERS)

-Hello, Patrick.
How are you doing?
-I'm doing fine.

Hi, Greg. How are you?
It's nice to see you.

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERS CONTINUE)

-Nice crowd. Wow.
-Very nice crowd.

So, you're both actors,

and one of you
is a racing driver.

-What?
-(LAUGHTER)

I'm sorry,
he's genuinely
a racing driver?

-Yeah, he is. Yeah.
-You kept that
quiet backstage.

-Well, we just... We just met.
-No, he's driven at Le Mans.

Came second.

-Great.
-(LAUGHTER)

I mean, essentially I've been
asked on this show to be
humiliated, haven't I?

-Yep.
-"What car are we
driving?" "A Mini."

-"Good luck, tall boy."
-(LAUGHTER)

-Did you see me
sitting in the car?
-CHRIS: No, no.

They had to get me in
with a giant shoehorn.

(LAUGHTER)

My face hasn't been that
close to my genitals since
I was 13.

(LAUGHTER)

Okay, so do me a favour, Greg,

tell us why
Patrick's here, please.

Patrick Dempsey stars in
the latest instalment of the
Bridget Jones saga,

Bridget Jones's Baby,

-set... Hey.
-(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Thank you.

What's that?

They love him.
They love Bridget Jones.

Oh. Just seemed a strange
place for the applause.

(LAUGHTER)

Here he is, in a
worldwide exclusive,

being irritatingly handsome.

-Let's take a look.
-Okay.

(BRIDGET GROANING)

JACK: Okay, I'm here.
Okay. I can...

-I can take it
from here. I'm here.
-BRIDGET: Ooh! Ow!

-Okay. I got this. I got this.
-(GRUNTS) Oh! Thank you!

-(GROANING)
-Okay.

Jesus.

-Jesus!
-Ooh!

Jesus! This is a...
This is a two-man job.

I'm here. Okay.

JACK: Take her! Take her!
Jesus, do something!

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

-Thank you.
-So, she had the baby.

She has a baby, yeah.

And it's either yours,
or Colin Firth's, yeah?

Yes. There's, I think, two
or three different endings.

-Right. And you don't
know yet, either?
-PATRICK: I don't know.

I didn't know
when I was making it,
who the baby was.

Well, we get told this
all the time from actors
that come in,

and there's a cliffhanger,

and they say
they filmed a million endings,

and we honestly
don't know. Do you
honestly not know?

-No, I honestly don't know.
-Well, what do you think?

-I don't want
to spoil it, but...
-But you know?

(SIGHS) I'm the father.

(LAUGHTER)

GREG: Turns out.
PATRICK: That's right.

GREG: Turns out.
PATRICK: That's right.

Well, thanks for
the interjection.

(LAUGHTER)

It's out in September.
We're all so excited
about this.

I had a good time making it.

It was fun to be here
in England shooting it.

Were you a fan of
Bridget Jones anyhow?

Uh, yes, of course I was.

-I was, uh...
-(LAUGHTER)

-(LAUGHS) Yes...
-Do you want to
try that again?

-Yeah, no, I love...
-For your sake,
let's do it again.

Were you a fan
of Bridget Jones?

I was a huge fan
of the movie.

CHRIS: You know what?
I could tell that.

I watched it 12 times
before starting production.

Excellent. Okay, why is
our friend Greg here?

Greg Davies is here because
he's written and stars in, uh,

Man Down, third season,
I believe.

-That's right.
-And then there's
a nice clip here,

where you wreak havoc
on a bus.

Do you mind?

Sorry?

Oh, no, this is my chair.

Well, you have to give up
your seat for pensioners.

You're not listening.
The chair belongs to me.
It's my chair.

Give the lady the seat!

You don't understand.
It's not a bus seat!

It's my little chair.

Show a bit of respect!

(ALL CLAMOURING)

What's wrong
with his eyebrows?

I hate him!

-He's got a rash!
-Hey, hey, hey, hey!

To be clear,
if it's a bus seat,
I have to give it up!

But it's not!
It's my little chair.

In fact, it's all I own. So,
with the greatest of respect,

I'll be (BLEEP) if I'm gonna
give up my legacy

to so some old lady to have
a lazy cruise to the bingo!

I'll give you a
bloody legacy, mate!

-(THUDS)
-(SCREAMS)

-(APPLAUSE)
-It's good, isn't it?

That's very good.
That's funny.

PATRICK: That's good.
CHRIS: Happy?

You are, aren't you?

Are you still persisting
with the fact that Dan
isn't based on you?

-(LAUGHING) Yeah.
-Come on.

It was based on the
20, 30-something me,
for sure, yeah.

So what kind of fates
befall him in this series?

I mean, it's more what
he does to other people
in this series.

He accidentally ruins the
career of a gay vicar.

Uh, he sets fire
to an American flag

-in front of an
American embassy.
-PATRICK: Mmm.

-No offence, Patrick.
-No, no, no. None taken.

He, uh, accidentally
watches a middle-aged
lady have a poop.

(LAUGHTER)

-CHRIS: Okay.
-It's good family fun, Chris.

-Not based on your
life whatsoever.
-Not based...

-Well, actually, that bit...
-(LAUGHTER)

Should I say that?
I should say that.

I was up in my parents'
loft, when I was a kid,

and they were having a party.

And I realised
there was a hole

through into the toilet,
and I thought...

(LAUGHTER)

I thought, "Hijinks,
I'll have a look,"

and a lady came in
and had a poop.

And, um, to this day,
she doesn't know.

(LAUGHTER)

-Well, now she does.
-Really sorry, Karen.

(LAUGHTER)

-Now...
-Jenkins.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

All right, cars, boys. Cars.

Oh, yeah.

First cars.
Okay, first of all...

Okay, now, Greg,
I've got to warn you, okay?

Patrick's very much
into his cars.

Patrick, your first car,
please.

It was a 1963
356 Porsche convertible.

-Look at this!
-(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)

-(APPLAUSE)
-GREG: Oh, my God!

CHRIS: Patrick...

If that was your first car,
don't tell me your first pet
was a unicorn,

and your first girlfriend
was a supermodel?

-(LAUGHTER)
-No, no.

What happened was
I did a movie called
Can't Buy Me Love,

and my entire pay cheque

went to purchase that car.
It was a dream car to have.

That was your
first pay cheque?

That was my first pay cheque,
and that was it.

My first job was
stacking peat,

I got £5 an hour, so...

-(LAUGHTER)
-And that's how I bought
my first car. Sorry, carry on.

No, no, no.
That's good. Um...

And I still have
the car today.

Well, that's the thing. He
still has the car today!

Look at that. That's one of
the coolest photographs
I've ever seen.

I mean, I don't have
a gay bone in my body, but...

-GREG: You would. Yeah?
-I'm just saying, Greg.
What do you think?

Oh, I'm in.

(LAUGHTER)

And, uh, I'm sure Patrick...

-Patrick would be delighted.
-Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

Well, seriously,
the coolest first car ever.

-The fact that you've
still got it is brilliant.
-Yeah. I love the car.

It's fun to drive,

and just incredibly reliable.

So, Greg...

(LAUGHTER)

Oh, me. It's awful.
This is awful.

Greg, your first car, please.

It was, um, lovely.

I'd been working digging
peat out of the moss.

I'd earned £15,
and I thought,

"I'll treat myself
to a lovely Renault 18."

Perfect. Let's have a look.

-CHRIS: Look at that.
-(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

-(LAUGHING)
-PATRICK: Handsome,
handsome devil.

A Renault 18, baby.

GREG: I can't remember
how much I paid for it,

but I know that I bought it,
I drove it to a garage,

cos I think, like, it needed
a tyre change or something,

and I left it with him.
And when I went back,

um, the guy went,
(CHUCKLES) he put
his hand on me,

-like this, he went...
-Oh!

"Don't drive this
back to London.

"You can't. It's dangerous."

(LAUGHTER)

That was, like,
the first day I owned it.

-(LAUGHTER)
-Okay, so, best first car,

-let's hear it for, please,
Greg Davies' Renault 18!
-GREG: Come on!

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Or Patrick Dempsey's
1963 Porsche 356,
which he still owns.

(LOUD CHEERING)

GREG: Congratulations.
CHRIS: Sorry. Sorry, Greg.

Sorry.

I mean, 100% fair fight.

Okay, but...
No, of course not.

But I fear it's only
going to get worse.

Okay, so, Patrick,

best car ever.

I think the RSR is
probably the best one.

Okay, so the
Porsche 911 RSR.
Here we go.

-Greg?
-Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

Now, this is the
car that you race.
This is a competition car.

This is a car with which
we won in Japan,

in the WEC, which is the
World Endurance Championship,

and were on the podium
at Le Mans last year.

-That's worth
a round of applause.
-(APPLAUSE)

Second on the podium
at Le Mans.

Yeah. Yeah.

Tick. That was a big tick.

Huge tick.

Okay. Greg.

Congratulations.

(LAUGHTER)

So, best car ever,
against the 911 RSR.

My best ever car,
and I'm so sorry
about this, Patrick,

was a 1972 VW Campervan.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

CHRIS: You might
have edged it.

It's a good car.
That's a good one.

That car is popular.

That actually is a
very popular car.

So, come on.
Where, why, when, how?

I think it was sort of
in the early '90s I had it,

and it's by far the most fun
I've ever had in a vehicle.

-And I bought...
-(LAUGHTER)

Oh...

I mean, we're all
better than that, mate.

-Oh, yeah?
-No, no, we're not.

There's a lot of
people smiling here.
You've got them glowing.

-This is great.
-I stand by it.

Going angling.

Okay, so let's hear it,
best car ever,

let's hear it, first of all,
for Patrick Dempsey's
911 RSR!

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

You might have this one.

Let's hear it for Greg Davies'
1972 VW Camper.

(LOUD CHEERING)

Thank you, God.

So let's talk about
driving, shall we?

Yeah, I mean, I see no reason
why I won't win this lap.

-(LAUGHTER)
-It was tough, though.
Today was, uh...

And, Patrick,
how was it out there?

It was wet, and muddy,
and a lot of fun.

It was great to be here
to be able to do it.

Okay. How was it
for you, Greg?

I mean, it was horrific.

-(LAUGHTER)
-I was a fat giraffe
forced into a tiny car.

And I drove as fast
as I could,

but I suspect that was
incredibly slow.

Well, would you like
to see the laps?

AUDIENCE: Yes!

Greg's first, I think.
Here we go, right.

On the line.

Greg Davies is a big man
in our not so very big
rallycross car.

I mean, I'm extra weight.

The others should be
given a handicap.

CHRIS: Stop winging.
It's doesn't work like
that, Greg, I'm afraid.

At least the tarmac's dry.

But we're going
off-road for the
first time, and...

-The mud is the best bit.
-(CAR RUMBLING)

Okay, this should be
a water splash,

but it's just a river today,
isn't it?

And Greg Davies is now
on the grass, whoa!

Get the foot
off the accelerator,
you fat (BLEEP)!

CHRIS: Taking it wide
around Hammerhead.

Was that a tactic?

I mean, I don't know
what I'm doing. (LAUGHS)

I will not stop.
You will not beat me.

CHRIS: Okay,
let's have a look
at the hairpin.

-Nice bit of
opposite lock there.
-(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)

-Very wise, cleaned the tyres.
-(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Will he get any air?

No air whatsoever. Zero air.

-Okay, back onto terra firma.
-I saw Jesse Eisenberg,

and thought,
"Yeah, I can do that.

"I can beat that."

-CHRIS: Tyre wall,
follow through.
-Apparently not.

CHRIS: And through Gambon,
final corner, here we go,

windscreen wipers
going faster than the car.

And across the line.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

What do you think?

I thought I was flying
around that track,

and then you just see

a man, a fat man's
tits wobbling

-(LAUGHTER)
-as he drives through mud

moderately quickly.

Well, it's touch and go,
could be close.

-Would you like to see
Patrick's lap? Yay!
-(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Patrick on the line now.

The conditions are
officially abysmal

for both these laps.

CHRIS: Patrick
off the line there.
Hollywood heartthrob.

All right, here we go.

Rain's picking up
a little bit, which is
always nice.

CHRIS: Facing the worse
conditions in the history

of our rallycross
course, honestly.

Look how wet it is there.

It's like driving in the
swamps of Florida, here.

CHRIS: Once again, through
the river, that should just be
one solitary water splash.

That is the splash there.

(SNIFFS) I can smell
something funny.

I don't know what that is.

I might have just
(BLEEP) myself.
I'm not sure.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

CHRIS: Now, nice and tight
round Hammerhead.

Come on, that is good.
Look at that white line.
That's very good.

Oh, this is much
easier over here.

CHRIS: Don't speak
too soon, Patrick,

because we have the hairpin.

And... Oh, very nice!
Very, very nice!

Very nice!

Far too good.
And almost some air!

No lift, no lift, no lift,
no lift, no lift, no lift,
no lift!

CHRIS: Oh, God!
Through the tyre wall.

Here we go, first time.

CHRIS: Tight at the apex,
very nice, very neat,
very tidy.

And let's have
a look at Gambon.
Sliding into the grass

(CHUCKLES) and over the line.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

You're very kind.

So how was that,
watching that back?

It was tough.
(STAMMERS)

Front-wheel drive cars
are a lot...

I'm used to rear-wheel drive.

It's a completely
different sensation.

It was tough because...

As soon
as you hit the water,
everything slowed down.

Well, I think
you did really well.
Once again, honestly,

the worst conditions,
officially,

not just saying this to
make you feel better, Greg.

Yeah, which doesn't
bode well for the time,
does it, Chris?

(LAUGHTER)

Paul Hollywood, last week,
very wet, 02:16:04.

Jennifer Saunders, appalling,
02:21:16.

Honestly, your conditions
were worse.

We thought they couldn't
get any worse, but they did.

Okay, so under three minutes,

-I would be happy
with that, Greg.
-(LAUGHS)

No, I would. I would
be happy with that.
However...

-No, don't...
-(LAUGHTER)

Greg Davies,
abysmal conditions,

02:27:01!

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

CHRIS: At the bottom,
but it's okay.

Okay, so Patrick,
in monsoon conditions,

-okay?
-Uh-huh.

This is incredible.

02:12:00, dead.
Unbelievable.

-(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
-Unbelievable.

-PATRICK: Thank you.
-I mean, you're still there,

but you're more up
there than down there.

-Fantastic. Happy?
-Thank you.

-Yeah, I would have been...
-You wanna come back
when it's dry?

I wanna come back again.

-You wanna come
back when it's dry?
-Yeah.

Let's hear it for
Patrick Dempsey
and Greg Davies!

-(APPLAUSE, CHEERS)
-Thank you.

PATRICK: Thank you. Thank you.
CHRIS: You're welcome.

Okay, so I'm six weeks
into my Top Gear job,

and look, I've done
some memorable stuff.

I got hypothermia
on a Gold Wing over the Alps,

I got frostbite in a Rialto
on the way to Blackpool,

and I got sand blasted
in Morocco.

-Good times.
-(LAUGHTER)

But one thing I haven't got
is time on that test track
out there in something fast.

So I sent a polite note
pointing this out to
the producers

and they sent me
one back saying,

"Shut your face, LeBlanc."

So I sent a slightly less
polite note to the producers,
and this happened.

-I love those guys.
-(LAUGHTER)

MATT: Ask me to picture
my ultimate road car,

and it might look
something like this.

The Porsche 911 R.

It's a greatest hits album
of the greatest 911s
ever made.

It has a 500 horsepower,
naturally aspirated engine

developed by
Porsche Motorsport.

It has a proper
manual gearbox,

and it has rear-wheel drive.

Ooh, yeah! (CHUCKLES)

Hello! (CHUCKLING) Oh, yeah.

(WINCES)

But, you see, I don't
think I can drive this,

because in my head
this is perfection.

However great this
car is, it's got to be a
disappointment, right?

I mean, it's gotta be.

Yeah, I think
I'll just leave it.

Yeah, just leave it.

(TSKS)

I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm s...

I'm not sorry at all!

I have no willpower
whatsoever, none.

This thing is great.

The whole car is just
sparkling with energy.

It's so mechanical,
it's so oily,

it's so good!

Whoo!

With no turbos
to dull its progress,

the 911 R's
four litre flat-6

spins up to
a mighty 8,800 RPM.

This is a full, fat,
500 horsepower sports car.

Deploy it on public roads
with extreme caution.

Second gear will take you
past UK motorway speeds.

Drive this thing hard,
and you're going to jail.

Which is bad news because
the soundtrack that comes
with burying your right foot

well, it's addictive.

(ENGINE ROARING)

Oh!

-Just listen to that.
-(ENGINE REVVING)

Oh, that's nice.

It really has that character
of the older Porsches.

It has that raw,
visceral feel to it.

You couldn't be more involved
or engaged with this car

if you were
strapped onto the motor.

Some people will tell you that
because the engine in this car

is way out back,
like it is in all 911s,

that's it's inherently
unbalanced and butt heavy,

I'm here to tell you
they're wrong.

I mean, sure you have to adapt
to the unique way that 911's
go around corners

but that makes them all the
more absorbing to drive.

And by "absorbing" I mean
engaging, inviting, exciting,
awesome-ing.

Yeah! (EXCLAIMS)

(TYRES SCREECHING)

When you get it right,
it's so rewarding.

(TYRES SCREECHING)

Whoo!

My hand's shaking
a little bit.

I'm good.

So, you probably
guessed by now,

I like this car.

But it does have
a few problems.

Firstly, and ridiculously,
Porsche hasn't developed
an infinite gas tank, yet.

Come on, Porsche,
let's sort this out.

And while we're here,

there's another little
problem with this 911 R.

It costs £137,000. That's...

That's a lot of pounds.

Okay, have a look at this.

All that cash
doesn't buy you a radio
or air conditioning.

It does, however,
get you a place to
keep your sandwich.

Mmm.

Now, to be fair,

Porsche will fit the
air con and the radio at no
extra charge, if you want.

But I'd skip the radio
and definitely go for the
air con,

cos it's hot enough to
roast a chicken in here.

-(DINGING)
-It's done.

But there is another
more pressing problem
facing the 911 R...

and it comes from Porsche.

(GRUNTS) Ooh!

That is the 911 GT3 RS,

this car's evil twin.

It has exactly the
same engine as this car,

but it also has a giant wing,
a super-fast double-clutch
gearbox,

fatter tyres
and a sharper suspension.

And how much more
do you pay for all that

extra track-bred performance?

Well, that's the thing.

The GT3 RS is about six
grand cheaper than this car.

I know.
Doesn't make sense, does it?

So, what happens
when you put them

head to head in a drag race?

(ENGINES REVVING)

(ENGINES REVVING)

(TYRES SCREECHING)

Don't be stupid.
I'm not racing him.

That car will go 0 to 60
in 3.3 seconds,

a full half second
quicker than this car.

It's faster around
any race track you'd
care to mention.

This car is slower,
that's the whole point.

Manufacturers are
so preoccupied with
lap times these days,

they've forgotten about
the most important thing,

us, the ones behind the wheel.

You see, cars like
the GT3 RS have
become so fast,

so capable that
you'd have to be a Stig

to access the performance
of the cars.

Aw, look at him go.

(TYRES SCREECHING)

They're too clever.

The driver has been
dealt out of the equation.

Less of a cog
and more of a weakest link.

He's not gonna stop
until he runs out of tyres.

(TYRES SCREECHING)

(TYRE BURSTS)

He's run out of tyres.

I wonder how
he's getting home.

I wonder if he has a home.

(CHUCKLES)

The 911 R is all
about giving driving
back to the driver.

This car relies on me
to make the downshift.

It relies on me
to quickly upshift

so the revs
don't drop too far.

It relies on me to
keep the butt in line.

And it's you and the car
that work together as a team.

Eh... Missed the shift there,
but that's okay.

The car needs me
to be a good driver.

There's nowhere to hide.
(CHUCKLES)

It says, "Okay,
what do you got?"

I like that.

They say you shouldn't
meet your heroes.

But they're wrong.
You should totally
meet your heroes.

I highly recommend it.

For years, fast cars
have been getting
faster and faster.

But they haven't necessarily

been getting more
exciting to drive.

The 911 R takes things
back to basics.

It reminds us that
sports cars aren't all
about the stopwatch,

but the sensation,
the experience, the moment.

They're about
making us feel connected,

making us feel alive.

And maybe, just maybe,
the 911 R is perfection.

(ENGINE STARTING, REVVING)

(TYRES SCREECH)

You better not
eat my sandwich!

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Happy? Yeah? How happy?

-I am. Very happy.
I'm in my happy place now.
-You're in your happy place?

I can tell.
All right, good for him.

So Matt's had
his Porsche fix,

time now for my
classic Brit fix.

Cars that have always
looked gorgeous,

but have never been so
gorgeous to actually drive...

until now.

CHRIS: In the past,
cars were designed
with the free-flowing hand

of an actual human being.

Curves were king.

Creations brimming
with fantasy and escapism,
genius and artistry.

The only problem was,
they broke down a lot,

they leaked a lot,
all over your drive.

They were noisy,
they were cold

and they were uncomfortable.

Nowadays though,
more and more companies

are specialising in
remaking old stuff

better than when it was new.

Cars like this DB5

from Aston Martin Works
in Newport Pagnell.

This exquisite being

has enjoyed a full
nut and bolt rebuild

to bring it bang up to date.

Now, the engine
in this spectacular specimen

has been what they call
"blueprinted,"

rebuilt from the bare bones
of the original

with loads and loads of
clever tweaks and twists
and tricks

to massively improve
performance,

but most importantly,

in a classic car, reliability.

You can't even expect
your 1960s Aston

with power steering,
air conditioning
and satnav.

Unfortunately, all this
heritage restoration business

doesn't come cheap.

The cost on the road...

one million pounds.

Which is quite a lot.

So how about a less expensive
alternative from Eagle,

who provide a similar bespoke
service for fans of the Jag?

This E-Type was
in intensive care
for over a year

for what they call
a zero-mile restoration.

The result? A car now
superior to when it
first left the factory.

But again,

the cost is 435,000 pounds.

(TYRES SCREECHING)

And yes, I know, I know
we've featured Eagle before
on Top Gear,

but frankly, I just wanted
to go in one

because these cars
are just awesome.

Whoo-hoo!

(TYRES SCREECHING)

There's no doubt that
these are extraordinary cars

with equally extraordinary
price tags.

However, you can
get into this world
for quite a lot less.

This is an MGB Roadster,
a true style icon,

re-imagined and re-engineered
by a company called Frontline,

who are based in MG's
original birthplace.

Hence the name,
the MG Abingdon Edition.

But craftsmanship
comes at a cost.

This MG is £100,000.

But for a quarter of the price
of the Eagle,

you get the same recipe.

Classic face,

modern pace.

This super roadster's
brand-new

two-and-a-half litre engine
produces 304 brake horsepower.

That means it's packing
three times more power
than the original

1.8 litre MGB,

which means it's quicker,
much, much quicker.

Where originally, it would
have done naught to 60
in 11 seconds,

now, 3.10.

And a top speed of,
wait for this,

168 miles per hour!

Which means
it also needs massively
uprated modern brakes!

But to really experience
this car properly,

we have to return to
its natural habitat.

And so you join us,
the Abingdon and I,

in the quintessential
English countryside.

And straightaway,
I can sense the difference,

the improvement that all the
mods Frontline have added

make to this car.

The handling, for a start,

is so unrecognisable
as an MGB.

The modern
dampers and springs,

and the aluminium uprights,

that have replaced
all the tractor bits
from the '60s

that were originally on
this car. Tractor bits.

The glorious result is
an MGB that finally
delivers the drive

the looks always promised.

(ENGINE REVVING)

I think what I like
about it most is that
it feels old

even though it's basically
brand-new,

and that's such a hard trick
to pull off.

I mean, you know,

no recreation or replica

ever feels like that.

(STAMMERING)
It's almost impossible,
it's almost not allowed.

That's the one thing
you're not allowed to achieve.

But this does achieve it.

It feels so authentic
and dangerous.

I mean, not really dangerous,

but, you know,
dangerous enough.

You can definitely confirm
that the live axle

is still very much live.

Especially if you boot it

a bit too much around a...

...um, a tight corner
like that.

(LAUGHS)

Sure, the MGB isn't as
refined as the E-Type
or the Aston,

but nor should it be.

MGs were never
about refinement.

This car remains
true to its roots.

A straightforward drop-top
two-seater,

built simply to put
a smile on your face.

Four decades later,

this is now the car MG
wanted you to have.

I'm trying to find something
that's wrong with this car,

but it's pretty much perfect.

I mean, there's a speck
of dirt on the windscreen

and the wing mirrors
are a bit too round.

I think the clock might be
a minute slow.

Even the heater works.

The heaters never work
in MGBs.

I bet the demister
doesn't, though.

That's impossible.
That would be a miracle.

Windy road bit coming up.
Oh, yes.

This is what it's
all about, isn't it?

This is the pure magic
of wheels and pistons

and petrol encapsulated

in one gorgeous,
new-old MGB.

And I wish you were
in this car with me now.

This is superb.

Ace is what this car is.

Totally ace.

What a motor car.

(AUDIENCE CHEERS, APPLAUDS)

MATT: That was great. Wow.

-Was it fun?
-I had a lot of fun, Matt.

-Yeah?
-Yeah.

-Do you love it?
-I love this car.

This car is not only
my favourite car of the show,

but of the series,
ladies and gentlemen,
I have to say that.

-Oh.
-Because it's true.

However, bizarrely,

also, relatively, in a way,
the most expensive

because this car, this DB5,
this gorgeous DB5,

unrestored,
half a million quid.

Restored, a million pounds.
That's double.

The gorgeous Eagle E-Type,
which you love, don't you?

-MATT: Yeah, I do,
I like this one.
-Okay.

Unrestored, 100 grand.
Restored, half a million quid.

That's five times.

This gorgeous MG,
168 miles an hour,

naught to 60 in 3.8 seconds.

Unrestored, five grand.
Restored, 100 grand.

That's 20 times.

Ooh, okay. All right.

So let me ask you,
which one would you choose?

-To look at, this car. Okay?
-Yeah.

-To drive, this car.
-Okay.

To look at and to drive,
if I can only have one,

the E-Type.

-That sounds
like a good plan.
-Talking of plans,

do we have a plan
for the end of series
season finale?

-As a matter of fact, we do.
-Perfect!

Okay, it's time for
some end-of-term fun.

All series,
we've watched our stars
in this rallycross car

take on our big jump.

But it got us wondering,

which of us presenters
could go the longest?

Love a presenter's contest.

Yes, it's long jump time.
Winner gets...

Eddie?

The keys to the Mini

for one last drive
through the water splash.

While the other five
get a pac-a-mack,

-and a big old soaking.
-Ooh!

Ahh!

The rules? There are no rules.

That way, Eddie can't cheat.

(LAUGHTER)
Me? Cheat?

-Never!
-(LAUGHTER)

MATT: This is the
Top Gear -end-of-term-

rally-cross-sports-day
long-jump challenge.

Six will jump,
just one will triumph.

CHRIS: Now your Coxes,
your Joshuas, your Ramsays,

yep, your average celebrity
gets pretty good air
off this thing.

So the competition
will be fierce.

Harris said, your v-max
is gonna be higher here
than over there.

-What's v-max?
-I don't know.

Did you know
he was here all day
yesterday practising?

-No.
-CHRIS: It was
in his contract.

CHRIS: It was in his contract.
RORY: It's written in?

I was here two days.

(LAUGHING)

CHRIS: Luckily,
to keep us all in check...

(SHOUTING) Presenters, ready?

MATT: Hey, look who's back!

I love this guy.

First up, Rory.

Driver, ready?

Ready, man from Gladiators.

(ENGINE REVVING)

Three, two, one.

(BLOWS WHISTLE)

-Go!
-MATT: Okay,
enthusiastic start.

-Great determination
from Reid.
-Cut the corner.

MATT: Way to go,
this should be big!

RORY: Come on, baby!

Yeah!

MATT: Oh...

Come on!

That felt good.

(LAUGHS)

MATT: Well, he liked it.

What was the distance?

Doh! Ooh! He's not
gonna like that.

HARRIS: That doesn't
register as a jump.

-(SABINE LAUGHS)
-Was it that bad?

-MATT: Well, it's a start.
-(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

MATT: Sabine up next.

And it looks like
she has a strategy.

Little Mini,
time to go on a diet.

MATT: Ah, yes, less fuel,
less weight.

Did she drink some?

(SPITTING)

-No, she's good.
-(GROANS)

(BLOWS WHISTLE)

MATT: Now, as a
professional racing driver,

this should be something
really special.

SABINE: Whoo! (LAUGHING)
MATT: Oh...

MATT: That's pretty short.

Oh. Even shorter than yours?

Oh, not even two meters?

It wasn't a great jump, Sab.

I don't know...
I don't think it was a jump.

SABINE: Oh, (BLEEP)!

CHRIS: Apparently,
this is harder than it looks,

so I employed
a two-stage plan.

Stage one, even less weight.

CHRIS: Okay, I think
what you've got to do is

you've just got
to take the hairpin

out of the equation.

-He's actually
stopped. He's stopped.
-SABINE: He's stopping.

CHRIS:
Since there were no rules...

HARRIS: What is he doing?

CHRIS: Stage two,
a massive run up.

CHRIS: Now,
he's got more speed,
he's got more speed.

(LAUGHING) Yay!

CHRIS: It's huge!

8.9 meters.

That's Rory taken care of.

Chris Evans is a dirty
great big cheat.

CHRIS: Come join me
up here, LeBlanc.

MATT: No problem.

Matt! You will go
on my first whistle.

Three, two,

one! (BLOWS WHISTLE)

MATT: I've given this some
thought, and you know what
this competition needs?

A bit of science.

I'm waiting on
a nice tail wind.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

Almost there.

Yeah, now we're talking.

MATT: Conditions optimal.

Here we go.

Oh, look at that!

MATT: 8.9 to beat.

That's far?
That is not far.

SABINE: Over eight.

HARRIS: Rory, do you think
he went further than you?

-Shut up.
-(HARRIS LAUGHING)

-Less than you?
-HARRIS: I think
a little bit less than him.

Not bad for a fat American.

(ALL LAUGHING)

CHRIS: "A fat American"?

MATT: Well,
so much for science.

Evans' lead is looking
pretty unassailable.

Come on, Harris.
What have you got
in the locker?

Now, you've seen
your racing on the telly,

and it's all about
aerodynamics.

So I'm gonna make some
modifications to the Mini

by getting rid of some
of these panel gaps.

It could prove
crucial, I think,

between 20 and
50 miles an hour.

Look at that.
Oh, and one other flourish.

Wing mirrors in.

MATT: Sure, that will help.

(BLOWS WHISTLE)

Ooh, now that is a big run up.

But it's looking fast.

ALL: Whoa!

MATT: Ooh, yes!

Let's see that again!

CHRIS: Fourteen meters!
Well, there goes my win.

Frankly, beating that is
gonna take a cunning plan.

The plan of a man
whose entire career
was built around strategy.

A plan honed in
the cut-throat world
of Formula One.

Come on, Jordan,
what is that plan?

It's simple.

Start last.

CHRIS: Right. Well,
at least the driving
should be good.

Three, two...

(ENGINE STOPS)

-(LAUGHTER)
-CHRIS: Okay.

-(APPLAUSE)
-The jump then?

Come on, Eddie, let's go!

MATT: Look at him fly!

But in the end,

the nine-metre jump from Eddie
hands him second place.

Making our long jump champion
Chris Harris.

CHRIS: Sorry, Eddie.

EDDIE: I went too
far into the grass...

I think.

-Give me a hug.
-Come on. Aw.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING,
APPLAUDING)

Okay, so the undisputed king
of the Top Gear long jump,
Chris Harris.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Okay, come on,
everyone outside.

I want to get you wet,
and I'm not going to
enjoy this too much.

-Come on, come on.
-Okay, fine.

-Have a great summer!
-Bye-bye! Thank you, everyone!

(AUDIENCE CHEERING,
APPLAUDING)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)