Top Gear (2002–…): Season 23, Episode 3 - Episode #23.3 - full transcript

Chris Evans struggles to keep his lunch down as he rides with Sabine Schmitz in the new Audi R8. Elsewhere, Rory Reid tests the new Ford Focus RS, Chris Harris attempts to tame Ferrari's ...


CHRIS EVANS:
Tonight, I speak German.

Vorsprung durch...

Ze German speaks English.

Go out, go out, go out!

CHRIS: And Matt
takes a tour of London

with superstar wheelman
Ken Block.

Oh, Westminster Bridge.

[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]

Hello,
and welcome to Top Gear.

This is it, the wait is over.
Tonight is the night.

Yes, the night
where more cars go sideways

than ever before
on Top Gear.

No, no, no.

No, that's not
what I'm talking about.
[CHUCKLES]

No, I'm talking about
you guys

finally getting to see Chris
enjoy his breakfast twice.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

Once on the way down
and once again
on the way back up.

Can we just get this
over with, please?

Sure, yeah.
Let's roll the Audi R8 film.

CHRIS:
Here is the brand new R8 2.0.

And it's gunning
for the big boys.

Cost, £135,000.

Engine, the V10 from the
Lamborghini Huracan.

Horsepower, over 600!

[ENGINE ROARS]

And there's no cheat-y turbo
charging here,

which means you can
rev this engine
all the way to 8,700 rpm.

Even the slightest tickle
of that accelerator

delivers all that power
right to the back
of your head.

Nought to 60 in 3.2 seconds.

And she will not
run out of puff

until she hits
205 miles an hour,

which makes it
the fastest, most powerful

road-going Audi of all time.

Vorsprung durch...

Have some of that!

The engine might be
supercar old school,

but everything else
about the R8

is reassuringly
state-of-the-art.

There's aluminium
and carbon fibre
all over the shop,

which makes it a bit lighter,
but a lot stiffer than before.

And as far as looks go,
it's completely an R8 still,
obviously.

However, it's just subtly
so much sharper
and better sculpted.

Miles better looking.
I love it.

Physical dials? No chance.

The entire dash
is a high-def widescreen telly

that can be configured
as you desire.

And then, there's the stuff
you can't see.

And at your fingertips here
is a seven-speed twin-clutch
gearbox,

changing gear faster
than you can say,

"Does it come in manual?"

Which it doesn't,
by the way.

And because it's a
bonkers-fast Audi,

naturally it has to have
4-wheel drive.

This, though, is especially
clever 4-wheel drive,

which can shove 100%
of the engine's power
front or back,

depending on which end
wants it most.

Every single second,
this R8 is making
a gazillion calculations

based on information drawn
from hundreds of sensors

to help it to decide
exactly where to push
and what to shove.

One of the results of which
is that it grips so well
through the corners,

your internal organs
will have to apologise
to each other.

Quite a lot.

Here we go again.

So the R8 will
change gear for you,

it will alter the suspension
stiffness and steering
response for you,

it will decide how to divvy up
the power for you,

all to give you
the optimum performance.

There's no doubt
that the R8
is a brilliant car,

an amazing bit of kit.

But... Is it just a bit
too friendly

to be a genuine supercar?

Or does it have a dark side?

To test whether
the Audi computers

have removed the V10's venom,

we've come to
one of the most extreme,

intimidating race circuits
on the planet.

Laguna Seca.

Home to the infamous
corkscrew.

A high-speed
descending helter-skelter
over a blind crest

that throws you
into a sheer 30-metre drop.

Clearly, there was only one
person inTop Gear's arsenal
to take to the wheel.

Sabine Schmitz.

-Sab.
-Mmm?

How about a challenge?

Challenge, what do you mean?

Your brain versus
Audi's brain.

-Two flying laps.
-Mmm-hmm...

First lap,

the car's in control,

all the computers,
all the race aids on,

gear box in automatic,
you're just a driving monkey.

-Okay?
-[CHUCKLING] Yeah, Okay.

Second lap,

you're in charge
of everything,
gearbox in manual.

Sabine versus the machine.

Oh, cool.

Let's go!

CHRIS: First lap,
dynamic mode.

That means all of the R8's
driver's aids are on.

Launch control,
dynamic steering,

track spec damping
and traction control,

faster throttle response
and a quicker gear change.

Three, two, one, go!

I'm just the monkey
behind the wheel,
I do nothing!

It's shifting itself.

CHRIS: Whoa!

[SCREAMING]

Corner number three!

Look! No gear shift at all.

Are you still there?

CHRIS:
We're going up the hill.

-Corkscrew! Oh, what!
-Whoo-hoo!

That was fun... [SCREAMS]

[LAUGHING]

The car has
everything under control.

Coming to the final bend.

CHRIS: Oh, baby!

Home straight.

-[EXCLAIMING]
-Oh, slow down, Sabine,
please.

You need some fresh air.

-[BLEEPING]
-[LAUGHING]

CHRIS: After putting
a few pounds
in the swear jar,

it was time for lap two.

This time,
all driver's aids off.

Okay, 1.46.78 to beat.

Can Sabine beat
the Audi machine?

In three, two, one, go!

[ENGINE REVVING]

This is the real deal now.

Hairpin bend.
Go on, Sabine!

Feels better from
a passenger point of view,
if that matters.

Yes, corner number three,

-going well!
-Yeah!

Come on, Sabine!

Oh!

CHRIS: Feels smoother.
SABINE: Yeah! Good traction,
good traction.

CHRIS: Up the hill, come on!
All you can see is sky!

Oh, lots of brake,
much quicker into the
corkscrew this time.

-Ahh!
-Whoo!

Hold on tight
to your balls, honey!

-[SCREAMS]
-Hey!

CHRIS: My stomach
wants a divorce.

Whoa!

-CHRIS: Whoa! Whoa, no!
-Whoo!

Two more corners left!

SABINE: This is great stuff!
Yeah!

Very late breaking
into the last corner.

Come on, Sabine,
you can do it!

Sideways into
the home straight.

[COUGHING]

-Come on, Sabine!
-Here is the finish line!

CHRIS: And...

-Whoo!
-Stop, stop, stop...

Oh, please stop!

-[WRETCHING]
-Oh, oh... Go out, go out,
go out!

[VOMITING]

-[GROANS]
-Why is it red?

-Strawberries...
-[LAUGHING] Strawberries!

For breakfast.

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

The new Audi R8
and Sabine Schmitz,
everyone!

-[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
-Whoo!

Who did beat the machine
by seven seconds.
Seven seconds!

Yeah! Danke schoen,
thank you very much.
Danke!

So, Sabine,
the Audi R8 V10 plus,

Audi's fastest road car ever.

A hit or a miss?

I like the suspension,
I like the response
of the steering wheel,

I like the power
and the brakes.
Everything perfect.

I have a little problem
with all the technics inside,
you know, the computer stuff.

Doesn't work so easy.

You really have to
think about it,
what you are doing.

-So, thumbs up?
-Thumbs up! I love it!

But I'm not so sure
about strawberry boy.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

CHRIS: I'm not here.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Okay, didn't say you were.

Now it's time to hand the R8
over to our tame
racing driver.

Some say...
[SPEAKING IN GERMAN]

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Oh, it gets me every time!
I'll tell you.

-Okay, all we know is
he's called "the Stig."
-AUDIENCE: The Stig!

CHRIS:
All right, let's do this.

Off the line,
the Audi R8 V10 plus,

Italian heart,
German suit, Stig,

with all the computers firmly
switched off,
just like Sabine.

Of course. Up to the first
corner and a very, very tidy
nip and tuck from the Stig.

Stealthy focus,
focus stealthy.

Immaculate through Chicago.

Oh, so precise,
oh, so accurate.

Very Teutonic.

Into Hammerhead now.

Will there be any
oversteer whatsoever?

Of course there won't.

The RS 4-wheel drive system
keeping everything pointed
in the right direction.

Time to open up the taps
now and step on that gas.

Up to the tyre wall, then.

Bit of a slide
on the exit there.

Second to last corner,
Stig stamping on those
carbon ceramic brakes,

still no dramas,
why would there be?

Round Gambon, clean as a
choirboy's conscience

and across the line.

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

So, we have the car here
and we have the time here.

The Audi R8 V10 plus,
basically a
Lamborghini Huracan

dressed for dinner as opposed
to ragging it
around the track,

so it should be pretty close.

There's the
Lamborghini Huracan at 1.15.8.

And it is 1.15.7.
There they are together.

[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]

Happy together!

Okay, Okay.

Now here's a film
that's made all of us
the most jealous,

because we didn't
get to make it.

Driving the new
Ferrari F12 TdF,
it's that damn Chris Harris.

-Hate that guy!
-Yeah.

This is the Ferrari 250 GT
Berlinetta Tour De France.

It's a care named
after the legendary race.

No, not that one.
The other one.

The Tour De France Automobile.

HARRIS:
They called it the toughest
car race in history.

An entire lap of France,

4,000-odd gruelling miles
over ten days on road,
track and dirt.

The Tour De France made the
Le Mans 24 Hours look like
a Sunday fun-run.

It ran for nearly a century,

but its glory days were
the end of the 1950s,

where this Ferrari 250
Tour De France cleaned up,

winning every year
it competed.

Only 77 were ever made
and this one is worth
£5 million.

They were easy
to drive long distance
and they were reliable,

but they were also quick.

This one can do
160 miles an hour.

Which is thanks to a 3-litre
V12 producing 250 horsepower

which, by 1950s standards,
was a lot.

What's it like
into this hairpin?

Second heel
and toe, first. Wow!

Bit of understeer.
Get on the gas early,
grab second.

Listen to the noise!

My first day on the job,
I can't believe
they've given me

a £5 million Ferrari
to throw around.

It wouldn't make
the best introduction

to the BBC insurance
department, would it?

Hi, yeah, Chris here,
new bloke.

The Tour De France race
didn't just run on road.

They'd also stop off
for a blast around any track
they found along the way.

Tracks like this one...

Circuit Paul Ricard.

Fast,

technical,

and boasting one of
the longest straights
of any track on the planet.

Just the place, then,
to let the old girl
off the leash.

My first chance to open it up.

Yes.

Doesn't get any better,
that engine, that gearbox.

It's really hard
not to imagine yourself

as some gentleman racer
from the late '50s.

What a life to lead.

Whoa, bit of oversteer.

So good was the 250 TdF

that when it reached
racing retirement,

Ferrari retired its name, too.

Now, 50 years later,
the Tour De France is back.

Whoa! [CHUCKLES]

Welcome to the
Ferrari F12 TdF.

Seven hundred and seventy
brake horsepower
of brain-melting V12...

Fury.

The basic recipe is the same
as the TdF from the '50s,

a normally aspirated
V12 up front,
motivation from the back.

But this is another world.

Okay, this isn't officially
called the Tour De France

because those pesky men in
Lycra now own the full name.

So, tdf, lowercase, it is.

What Ferrari's done here,
basically, is take the F12
and sharpened it.

More power, less weight.

A pretty standard recipe
for going quicker.

But taking a car as savage
as the Ferrari F12
and making it sharper

is like taking a hydrogen bomb
and making it more "explodey."

It is bonkers-fast.

Does nought to 60
in under three seconds.

Top speed, 211 miles an hour.

But the tdf
isn't really about speed.

It's about downforce.

The dark art of gluing
a car to the ground through
the power of air alone.

It's not pretty,
but it's all functional.

This big mouth
gulps in the air,

then extracts it
through this nostril,

then in again
into this intake here,

where it gets accelerated
down the side of the car.

And these gills
are fully functional,

'cause they reduce
the pressure
in that wheel arch,

and then everything
gets kicked over
this new rear spoiler

and there are even flaps
down there underneath

that adjust to give you
more downforce.

But, of course,
it's also an excuse
for some beautiful details.

Everything's carbon
and little bits
that stick out everywhere.

This car also has
something Ferrari calls
Passo Corto Virtuale,

where the tdf's rear wheels
turn slightly in the opposite
direction to its front's.

They say this makes
cornering more nimble.

I say more scary.

Ferrari said it created this
car to be challenging,

to be a bit of an animal.

By George, it is!

I'm using about a quarter
throttle here, in third gear,

and I'm completely sideways.

I don't think
I've driven a car

that wants to oversteer
more readily.

That was 90 miles an hour
and I absolutely love it.

It's a difficult car
to control,

but would you
want it any other way?

Should Ferrari make cars that
everyone can drive?

All supercars now can be
driven by complete idiots.

The world needs cars
that are difficult to drive.

Compared to the normal F12,
then, the tdf
is easier to crash

and less easy on the eye.

And it costs £100,000 more.

But none of that matters.

You want a car
that makes the hairs
on your neck stand up

and makes every nerve
in your body dance,

like it's at some insane
'90s rave, every time
you push the throttle.

This is it. This is that car.

Ferrari has hinted
this might be
its last proper V12

without some sort of
artificial power boost.

Maybe turbos, more likely
hybrid electrical power.

So the F12 tdf could be
the end of the road
for that grand pure engine,

and a road stretching back
to the 250 Tour De France
and before.

The V12,
the very soul of Ferrari.

If this is indeed a send-off,

it's an unforgettable one.

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

MATT LeBLANC:
Very nice, very nice.
Very nice.

All right, okay, okay, okay.

So, Chris, just between
you and me,

you've driven every supercar,
hypercar, super hypercar,
hyper supercar on the planet.

-How does it compare?
-Well, it's scarier.

It looks angry,
it sounds angry.

Everything about it is angry.

I can't believe
you need a licence
to buy a gun,

-but you can just walk in
and buy one of these.
-[CHUCKLES]

Okay, so, then,
where does Ferrari
go from here?

Oh, I don't know,
but it probably
involves electricity

and hybridity and
four-wheel drive.

It'll be a new recipe.

This is the last
of the old kind.

It's pure, it's vivid,
it's just wonderful.

-So you like it.
-Yes.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

-Would you date it?
-[LAUGHS] I'd marry it.

Oh, okay,
ladies and gentlemen,
the future Mr and Mrs Harris.

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

And keep that applause going
for tonight's superstars in a
rally cross car,

Kevin Hart and Anthony Joshua!

[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

CHRIS: Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, my friends.

-All right, Kevin,
how are you?
-How are you, sir?

-Anthony, how are you?
-Hello, hello, hello.

Kev there, Anthony there.

-What about this?
-Wow. Amazing, amazing.

So cool.

When we announced
that you two were gonna be
on the same show,

people became so excited
they literally started
to fall apart.

-Is that what happened?
-Seriously.

Can those people in the back,
can they see me? Is this...

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

Should I sit up?
I feel like this is unfair.

I feel like they all
lost sight of me

as soon as I did this,
right here, it's like...

I was here, then I wasn't.

Okay, so Anthony,
do me a favour.

Tell everybody
all about Kevin, please.

Well, Mr Kevin Hart, currently
seated to my left,

is starring in the
Central Intelligencealongside
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.

-The film is out
the 29th of June...
-Mmm-hmm.

...and here is a clip,

where the Rock,
who plays a CIA Agent,
Bob Stone,

is pretending to be Kevin
and his wife's therapist.

Yeah, that's good.
You did really good.

-Thank you.
-[ALL LAUGHING]

It's called soul gazing.

Stare into my soul
and I'll stare into yours.

-Maggie this...
-Hey, shh.

There's no talking
and don't look away.

[WHISPERING]
Stare into my soul.

-[WHISPERS] You are not my...
-Shh, there's no talking.

Babe, I'm not standing...

Me and you, stay with me.
I'm your wife.

You are not my wife. Don't...

[GASPS]

How could you hit your wife?

-How could I...
How could I what?
-You hit your wife!

-No, I...
-He hit me!

-He hit you!
-Okay. Okay.

You hit us!

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

CHRIS: Excellent.

Okay, so...

If you look very carefully
at the clip,

it looks like you're trying
not to laugh all the time.

No, that was a long day.
We laughed... We laughed...

I would say 90% of that
was... Was broken up
by laughter.

First of all, Dwayne's hands
are the size of my face,

-so him smacking me...
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

My whole face was numb
by the end of that day.

'Cause I just
couldn't stop laughing,

so he had to keep smacking me.

And he said...

When I smack him,
he was like, "Just go for it."

And I said, "All right."

And I smacked the
[BLEEP] out of Dwayne.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

And I'm like,
"You wanna smack?"

Even though we're acting,
I smacked him,

and I knew we were acting,
but I still got scared.

I was like, "All right, man.
Come on, don't you be for
real. That's my character."

And are you movies now?

Is that what
you're focused on?

Yeah, man. You know,
I'm like a sex symbol.

-Here's the thing.
-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

Here's the thing, man.

The big screen
makes me look tall,

-so I'm in love...
-Does you a favour.

Yeah, I'm in love
with the fact

that I just look tall
on the big screen.

And then, it's a shock
when people see how
small I really am.

-I'm like, "Gotcha!"
-CHRIS: Okay,
'cause you are...

I mean, I knew you were small

because I've seen
you on other shows,
but I didn't...

You are really, really
small, aren't you?

You know, I don't say "small,"
I say "petite."

-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
-That's a better word.

It's just
a better word to use.

Petitejust means
I'm put together

in a smaller package than
your average-sized male,
that's all.

But I got a nice smile,
so it takes your attention
off of my size.

-CHRIS: Yeah.
-You gotta learn...
It's tricks of the trade, man.

If you're gonna be small,
there are certain things
you gotta do.

I'm a good clapper.
See that, right there?

When you think
about me being small,

if I give you a good clap,
you out of there.

You forgot about that fast.

If I was tall,
I wouldn't be cool.

If I had this size,
I'd look stupid.

-Just a second.
-I'd look stupid.

I'd look stupid if
I came out here

with the same voice,
all big like this.

Yeah. That'd be
no fun for us, either.

Yeah, it'd be like, "Kevin,
get your dumb ass out of here.

"Looking all stupid."

Can't move my neck.

-Oh, you...
-It'd be weird.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

Do me a favour. Can you tell
us what Anthony's up to?

Oh, man, no problem.

Uh, Mr Anthony Joshua
to my right here.

Um, if you do not know,
this man will be defending

his IBF Heavyweight Title
against Dominic Breazeale.

-Yes, yes.
-[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

It's going down on the
25th of June at the O2.

You know what? I don't need
to talk about this man to show
you how incredible Anthony is.

Here's the punch that won him
the belt in this first place.

Well, this is the punch
that won him the belt
in the first place.

-Take a look yourself, people.
-[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

See that,
that was beautiful.

COMMENTATOR: And
there's still 1:40 left
in this second round.

-And he's down again!
-[CROWD CHEERING]

And Joshua on the brink here.

Strolls into the corner.

KEVIN: Well done.

The IBF Heavyweight Champion
of the world!

KEVIN: Yes, yes!
CHRIS: Wow.

-CHRIS: Wow!
-Thank you.

So, Anthony, you're
gonna defend your title
on the 25th of June.

And of course, in that fight
it was all over in the
second round.

Don't you sometimes
feel a bit guilty when you
end the fights too early?

Don't you feel like... For the
advertisers, the sponsors...

Just drag it out
a little bit longer?

I leave that down to the
promoters of the job.

And even though you do get the
glitz and glamour and stuff,

like coming on
this beautiful show

and meeting legends like
Kevin and yourself,

it is a gladiator
sport as well,

and it's kill or be killed.

So at the same time
there is the longevity,

in the entertainment and
the advertisement of it,

but people are coming out to
see someone get knocked out,

and I'd rather
that be him than me.

-CHRIS: Okay.
-You know?

I get it now.

ANTHONY: So you understand.
Yeah, it's serious business.

CHRIS: Stupid.

So that was in
the second round.

Now, he went down just
before the knockout punch.

-He got up to
a mandatory count of eight.
-ANTHONY: Yeah. Correct.

And so there were
two big punches.

When you sort of sense
that moment coming,

is the punch
fizzing in your hand

or does it come from nowhere?

It's second nature 'cause
it's just an instinct now

that I've picked up
through training constantly
over the years.

I love it because
you see it in their eyes.

When they get hit...
Everyone has a plan.

They come to the ring
with so many plans,

"I'm gonna do this,
I'm gonna do that."

And then, as soon as you
hit them with a certain shot,

everything goes
out the window.

And it's funny to see it
in their eyes and then...

You know.

-Yeah, I know.
I relate to that.
-You can relate.

Yeah, I relate.

So, yeah. And then it
goes out the window.
All plans out the window.

-Okay, so let's talk
about cars, shall we?
-Okay, yes, let's do it.

Okay, so best first car.

Now, be ready for this,
Anthony, okay?

-This guy is so into his cars,
it's not funny, all right?
-ANTHONY: Oh, yeah?

-Just be prepared.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, this may be your first
knockout for a while, okay?

-My first...
-In the wrong direction.

Okay, so first car ever.
Ladies and gentlemen,
take a look at this.

This is... You're about to
see a Pontiac, man.

A Pontiac Firebird.

First of all, what happened
to my chest in that picture?

But it was
a Firebird Trans Am, man.

This is my first baby.

I remember getting this car.

My mom couldn't
afford to get me a car.

This is when my dad
wasn't really in my life

as much as he
should have been,

so my brother, he went and
mustered up some money,

and brought me a car.

At the time, it wasn't new,

you know, it didn't
start all the time,

but it was my baby.
It was my first car, man.

-But the first car,
a Pontiac Firebird Trans Am!
-Yeah, yeah.

What a brother!

Have you sort of returned
the favour since then?

Absolutely not. Uh...

-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
-No, I have not.

No, of course, man.
I've gotten my brother
some cars to date,

but nothing is ever gonna
surpass what he did for me.

Anthony, you're up
against a Pontiac Firebird.
This is a tough call.

-All right.
-Yeah, that is a tough call.

And it must be
your genuine first car.
Anthony, what is it?

-My first car was a
Vauxhall Astra 1.6.
-CHRIS: All right!

KEVIN: Look at that.

-Look how skinny I look.
-KEVIN: Yeah.

...looks like it would
go through my body.

Why do you look
like a boxing coach
that didn't make it?

It looks like he
has no training!

Okay. Well, we've gotta fight
the corner for the Astra
against the Pontiac.

Yeah.

Because the Vauxhall Astra
is the third best-selling car
ever in the UK!

-Really? Wow!
-That's what I'm saying.

I know what I'm talking about.
I know what I'm talking about.

CHRIS: Seriously.
ANTHONY: Yeah.

One in four drivers in the UK,
they may not want to admit it,

-but has driven
a Vauxhall Astra.
-Yeah.

All right, we've gotta
find out best first car.

Audience, you decide.

Let's hear it for
the 1980 Pontiac Firebird!

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING
AND CHEERING]

Or the Vauxhall Astra!

[AUDIENCE CHEERING SOFTLY]

Okay, Kevin wins round one.

Round one, round one.

-Now, now, now.
Best car ever.
-Well deserved.

-Okay?
-Best car ever?

Have to warn you, Anthony,
he currently owns
nine brilliant cars.

-Nine? [LAUGHS]
-Okay?

So let's just see
the nine cars
he currently owns, okay?

-[KEVIN LAUGHING]
-CHRIS: Okay, look at those.

Just take us, uh,
from the top left
to bottom right, please, Kev.

-Okay, that's, uh, my Ferrari,
that's a 458 Italia.
-ANTHONY: Beautiful.

I told myself
when I get to a point
in my career

where I can afford one,
I was gonna get one.

This is after I bought it.

And this is my sexy pose

-that I chose to do
in front of it.
-[ALL LAUGHING]

So you've got a G-Wagon.
Is that a '63?

KEVIN: It's a '65.

CHRIS: Then you've got an SLS
and then you've got
a Wrangler.

-Is that a Rubicon?
-Uh, yes, it is.

And you know the great thing
that I did with this?

People,
if you look close, right?

You see that step ladder
on the bottom of it?

-[ALL LAUGHING]
-That didn't come with that.

-I put that on there.
-CHRIS: Good for you!

KEVIN: I put that on there.
Yeah, true stuff.

I jump in and out
of it, actually.

It's funny, when you jump out,
in front of girls,

'cause they just say,
"What happened to his knees?"

-Uh...
-[ALL LAUGHING]

But it's a good truck, man.

It's like that opening scene
in Trading Places.

Yeah, pretty much,
where Eddie Murphy's
down on his knees.

All right, back to the grid.
All right, now, um,
the van is interesting.

'Cause a lot of people
don't know about these vans.

KEVIN: Oh,
it's my pride and joy.

This is a Jet Sprinter.
Now, educate people
about this van.

Okay, so, um, I work a lot.

I have a crazy schedule,
so I built a mobile office.

What this is,

it's basically equipped
to have everything I need

from Wi-Fi, uh,
a living room setting,

a closet, a bed,

-yeah, there she is. See that?
-[WHISTLES]

KEVIN: That right there...
That's called,
"Peanut butter insides."

-I like peanut butter.
I love peanut butter.
-[ALL LAUGHING]

So those seats recline
just like an aeroplane.

Uh, they go full back.

That back row reclines
all the way down into a bed.

This is what I'm in,
more than anything at all,
pretty much.

Let's go to the final car now,
because I do believe

the final car you're gonna
cite as your best car ever.

-This is...
-And I don't understand why,
but please tell me.

All right, so, this car here

is a Pontiac GTO,

uh, 1966.

Um, there's a story
behind this car.

My dad loved the Pontiac GTO.

You know, he loved it.
He said, "Son, this is
the best car of all cars."

My dad was
in and out of rehab,

in and out of jail
throughout my life.

And just as a testimonial
to my dad

and my dad
having meaning to me,

when I could afford it
and I found it,

I bought what my dad's
favourite car was,

and built it up
in mint condition.

And then it was kind of
a hypocrite move

'cause my dad
came to my house.

He was like, "Can I drive it?"
And I said, "Absolutely not."

[ALL LAUGHING]

I have not let my dad
near the car.

But that nickname
for the car is, "Dad."

That's what I call it,
that's just after my father.

-All right, so best car ever?
-Best car, right there.

-That's it.
That's it right there.
-Right, now, Anthony.

Sorry, forgive me,
I forgot you were here,
actually...

[ALL LAUGHING]

That took a while,
but see what I'm saying
about Kevin here?

So you're going up against
this 1966 Pontiac GTO.

-Yes.
-Yeah.

Uh, good luck.
Uh, what do we have?

My best car ever would be
the Range Rover Sport.

Why?

Well, it's the car
that I bought for my mom.

ALL: Aw!

[LAUGHING]

[ALL LAUGHING]

[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]

I wanted my mom
to feel like her son,
who's an Olympian,

she'll be proud
to tell everyone,

she can live up
to those expectations,

so the day before I fought
for the British title,

I made sure my mom
got her car delivered.

She come out and this was
parked downstairs,

and she's crying,
she's over the moon,

-and that's why
this is my favourite car.
-Wow. Wow.

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

-It's a good play!
-I like it.

CHRIS: 'Cause it's only
about winning.

Don't care
about anything else.

-I like it.
-Yeah?

He bought the car for his mum!

Beautiful mom.

It's a beautiful mom.

So it is Mrs Joshua's
Range Rover up against

Mr Hart's '66 Pontiac GTO.

Let's hear it for

Kevin Hart's beautiful

1966 Pontiac GTO
called "Dad,"

that he won't
let his dad drive.

[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

Or, let's hear it
for brand new IBF

heavyweight world champion,
from Britain...

[ALL LAUGHING]

...the car that he bought
for his mum.

The Range Rover,
Anthony Joshua!

-[KEVIN BOOING]
-[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

Who buys a car
for their mother?

Boo!

-Boo, moms!
-[ALL LAUGHING]

Nobody else? Just me?

So, it's one all.
Should we go to the laps?

[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

Kevin, how'd you
think yours went?

Oh, man, I think
mines was amazing.

You know, you're looking
at a semi-pro.

So, it's not something
that's difficult for me.

This stuff comes easy.

Yeah, ate that track up.

Yeah, that's what I did.
I made the track my [BLEEP].

[ALL LAUGHING]

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING
AND CHEERING]

CHRIS: We'll see.

Anthony,
how'd you think it went?

As long as it went
half as good as Kevin's,
I'm happy.

-[ALL LAUGHING]
-I'm happy.

CHRIS: Very wise answer.

Would you like
to see Kevin's lap, yes?

-[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
-CHRIS: He loves his cars,
how can he drive?

Let's find out, here we go.

CHRIS: On the line,
Kevin Hart.

30 million Twitter followers.

But that counts for nothing
on our rally cross course.

I can feel it.

Ricky Bobby.

If you're not first,
you're last.

CHRIS: Bit of
Talladega Nights there.

Time to shake and bake, Kevin.

Now, good conditions
on the course today,
so no excuses there.

Dry, but cool.
Should be quick.

Let's kill the rest of it.
Let's go.

Let's go. Give it to me.

CHRIS: Big splash? Yay!
[CHUCKLES]

The Mini's wipers going crazy.

Now, this is
very promising so far.

Here comes Hammerhead.
And I like the look of that.

Oh, that's very nice,
that is very nice.

Ooh, good turn, Kevin.

-Good turn.
-CHRIS: Good turn, indeed.

Off road now,
for the second time.

Let's have a look
at the hairpin.

Very telling, this.

Oh, again, very nice,
ladies and gentlemen!

And the jump, air, yes!

Big air! Nearly there, Kev.

-Just a few more corners.
-Let's go.

We there.

Don't overthink it, Kevin.

CHRIS: The second American
on our rally cross track.

Will he be faster
than Jesse Eisenberg?
Let's hope so.

Into the last corner and...

Across the line!

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

CHRIS: What do you think?

That was great driving.

That was great driving.

Yeah, but you know
when you see yourself
back on screen?

You think one thing
or the other.

What do you think
of that, seriously?

Well, a lot of you guys
can tell I have experience
behind the wheel.

You know, uh,

it was very quick,
honestly it could be a record.
I don't know what it was, but,

I'm curious to know
what the fastest times
around here were.

-I'm quite sure I'm up there.
-CHRIS: All right.

Well, we're about to find out.
Shall we see Anthony's lap?

[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

World champion of the ring,
how does he do
out on the track?

Let's have a look now.

All right, Anthony Joshua,
the first MBE in
our rally cross Mini.

-Let's go, baby!
-[ALL LAUGHING]

CHRIS: Not at all
motivated there.

Olympic gold, easy.
Serious competition
now, Anthony.

There, there, grip.
Give me some grip. Lovely!

CHRIS: Through
the water splash. Yay!

And time for
the tricky left hander.

This isn't easy, at all. Nice.

If you're too hard
on the brakes there,
it's all over.

Hammerhead, look at that,
yes, come on, opposite lock.

This is looking good.
This is looking rapid.

Come on, let's pick it up!

-Huh!
-CHRIS: Back off-road.

And this is so slippery,
there's so little grip here.

Did you give it
some handbrake?

I think he did,
ladies and gentlemen.

Higher revs! Oh!

CHRIS: Good air!

Excellent air
for such a big guy.

-Right, tyre wall.
-This is the one.
This is the one.

Whoo!

CHRIS: Look at that,
look at that!

16 fights, undefeated,
will he retain
his perfect record here?

Bouncing into the last corner
big chunk of grass there,
and he's over the line!

-[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
-That was a great drive.

-Well done. Well done.
-That was a great drive.

That was a great drive.

-May the best man win.
-That was a great drive.

-May the best man win.
-[ALL LAUGHING]

-As long as it's you.
-That's what
I'm saying deep down.

That was a great drive.

I thought they were
both great drives.

Very, very, good.

Uh, Kevin, to go top,
1.53.9 to beat.

Kevin Hart completed our lap
in one-fifty...

Seven point seven!

CHRIS: There you go.
That's all right.
ANTHONY: Top three.

-There you go. You go third.
-KEVIN: Top three.

-That's not too bad.
-I'm not mad at that.

Top three.

Did you beat Anthony?
Did Anthony beat you?

Anthony Joshua.

Your time around
the Top Geartrack

in the rally cross car
as one of our superstars

is one-fifty...

Two point six!
You're the brand new leader!

There he goes! There he goes!
It's okay!

-KEVIN: This is racist!
-You've been beaten
by the new champ!

CHRIS: No, it's fine!
KEVIN: No!

-This is... No!
-It's fine!

Let's hear it for
Anthony Joshua
and Kevin Hart!

No!

This is racism!

This is racism
at its best right now.

He won because he's black!

[ALL LAUGHING]

Let's hear it again
for Kevin Hart
and Anthony Joshua!

[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

Moving! You were moving!

Okay, our next film
is about Rory Reid

and a little blue hatchback.

RORY: This is the new
Ford Focus RS.

It looks like a five-door
family hatchback,

that's been down the gym.

Scratch the surface, though,
and it's got substance.

A Cosworth-tuned
2.3 litre turbo engine

that bangs out 345 horsepower.

345.

In a Ford Focus.

That's like fitting
a retirement bungalow

with its own
surface-to-air missile system.

Nought to 60 happens
in 4.7 seconds.

Quicker than the Lamborghini
Countach every managed it.

People, this isn't a Focus.

It's a blur.

And to prevent this blur
becoming a smear,

it's got massive brakes
and adaptive suspension

to cope with British B roads.

Even in its most
unyielding setting,

this isn't a hot hatch
that's gonna grind your spine

to talcum powder
the minute you see
some bumpy tarmac.

The ride is firm,
but it's forgiving.

But more importantly,

it's fast.

And then there's the best bit.

The focus RS
now has 4-wheel drive.

That's not exactly
revolutionary
in a modern hot hatch,

but this version
is a bit special.

Most 4-wheel drive hot hatches

send pretty much
all their power
to their front wheels.

But the Focus RS sends 70%
of its power to the rear.

Sensors monitor speed, yaw,
steering angle and G-force,

sending data
to the rear drive unit

where two clutch packs employ
side-to-side torque vectoring

to send power
to the left or right wheel.

You got all that?

Me neither.

But what it all
adds up to is this button.

You press it four times,

and this happens.

Whoo!

Yeah!

Come on!

Whoo!

Pointing forward
is so last century.

Sideways.

That's the new forwards.

And if you're thinking,
"Well, that's immature."

-Yeah, it is.
-[TYRES SCREECHING]

But so am I!

[LAUGHING]

Drifting just makes
everything better.

Imagine how much happier
we'd be as a nation

if we could get everywhere
like that.

And it's not because I've been
taking lessons off the Stig.

I haven't.

Sliding this car is so easy.

I reckon even a child
could do it.

Wicked.

My granny could drift this.

See what I mean?

If I have to find a problem,

the seating position
is a little bit high,

the gear change
is a tiny bit woolly
around the edges,

and from some angles
the RS does look tame.

Sure, they're minor flaws,

but the world of hot hatches
is cut-throat right now.

Especially when it contains
bruisers like this.

The Honda Civic Type R.

Like the Focus,
it costs £30,000.

But unlike the Focus,

it's all big arches,
big wing, big attitude.

However...

It looks great.

And it drives okay.

So why does it feel
a bit out of date?

In the Ford Focus,
your 30 grand
buys you 4-wheel drive.

In here, it's two
for the price of four.

There's more power
than before,

but it's all
in the front wheels.

Now, where's my drift button?

Even though it was
only out last year,

the Civic just feels
old-fashioned.

Like Honda had been so busy
perfecting the old formula,

they didn't notice
that the world's moved on.

The game's become
more grown up.

More sophisticated.

Uh-oh. [CHUCKLES]
I'm in serious trouble here.

The Mercedes AMG A45.

Yep, the current kings
of Formula 1

have gone and built
a hot hatch.

And the results
are predictable.

Go!

No, no, no!

Oh, it's just like Formula 1!

Honda, down on power,

languishing at the back.

Civic, you failed me!

I like your look,

but if I need power,

I need the A45,

with an engine developed
by Merc's F1 team.

40 horsepower more
than the Focus,

70 more than the Civic,

that's 376 horsepower

from a 2-litre engine.

Unprecedented.

Like the Focus,
the A45 also has
4-wheel drive.

It's got a fancy-pants
double clutch gearbox.

It nought-to-60s
in barely four seconds.

And with the limiter removed,

it'll hit 169 miles an hour.

It's just as you'd expect
from an F1 team.

All very impressive.

And all a bit dull.

Look, here I am,
going 'round the Hammerhead

at serious speed.

But, you just don't feel
as part of the action
as you do in the Focus.

This wins Top Trumps
every time.

Most power, tick,
drag race, tick.

But who needs Top Trumps
if it's not exciting?

You excited?

Take that as a no.

And that's the point.

The A45 is just a bit grown up
for a hot hatch.

It's like...

Something your
dad might drive.

Here's the other kicker.

This A45 is 10 grand
more expensive

than the Focus and the Type R.

In hot hatch world,
in any world,

that's a lot.

Which is why
I choose the Focus.

10 grand buys you 200 days'
worth of B road petrol.

Or 50 tyres to turn
into dust clouds.

Even if it were
the same price.

The RS is more interactive,

more hands on,
more joyful.

This is the best hot hatch
on the planet.

Maybe even the best
fast car you can buy.

Full stop.

Keep your Ferraris, man,
keep your Porsches
and your Paganis.

I'm taking the Focus RS.

I love this thing.

I do.

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING
AND CHEERING]

And here they are, Rory Reid
and his little blue hatchback.

That's a pretty hard sell
you gave the Focus there,
Rory.

But seriously,
"Keep your Paganis,
keep your Porches," really?

Really, really, man.
This car does the mundane,

it does the astonishing.

You can take this to
the shops, you can drift it,
you can race it.

It's like having
a three-car garage
in one car.

Name me one other car
that's as much fun to drive.

Well, your Paganis,
your Porsches, all the stuff
you just said to keep!

Yeah, I'm talking about
in the real world
though, okay?

On real roads, the Focus RS

is just more of a laugh, man.

[STAMMERS] It's more super
than most supercars.

-Oh, you sure?
-Yeah, I said it. I said it.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Ford salesmen
of the month, Rory Reid!

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING
AND CHEERING]

So, not too long ago,
I had a day off

and I wanted to do
a bit of sight seeing
around London.

And here's a tip for you,
don't go with one of those
open top bus tours.

You want to see London?
You feeling brave?

Go with Top Geartours.

[WHISPERS] Ask for Ken.

[ENGINE REVVING]

[INDISTINCT TALKING
OVER RADIO]

[TYRES SCREECHING]

-Ken?
-That's right.

I don't think I...
I need a helmet?

-I would suggest it.
-All right. All right.

-Okay, look, you know
what I was thinking...
-[ENGINE REVVING]

I'm not in a big rush,
you know.

We could talk about
some of these sights
I'd like to see.

When you get a minute.

I really wanna see
Buckingham Palace.

And I'd also like to see
Tower Bridge.

Oh, and the Houses
of Parliament.

You know where that is?

Oh, Canary Wharf!

Did you know...

That, that right there

is the second tallest
building in London?

Yeah, that one over there,
back there, way back there.

That was it.

-Whoa, wait a minute.
-[TYRES SCREECHING]

KEN: What? What?
MATT: It's Tom Odell?

[TOM ODELL
SINGING INDISTINCTLY]

-KEN: Who's that?
-Let's listen to him,
he's a great piano player.

-I can't hear anything.
-I can't hear anything.

You know what, though?
Let's give him a little money.

Here.

-That's very nice of you.
-Yeah.

[COINS FALLING]

[ENGINE ROARING]

MATT: Do you drink
a lot of coffee?

Oh, cool, so this is
Lloyd's of London.

Where we goin'?

Secret route.

[WHISTLES]

-What's this button do?
-Don't.

Okay.

Don't touch anything.

Not touching anything.

[ENGINE REVVING]

Do you know that most
of the London Underground
is actually above ground?

Whoa, oh!

This is a good shortcut.

[CHURCH BELLS RINGING]

MATT: Oh, cool, this is
St Paul's Cathedral.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
turn around.

[TYRES SCREECHING]

Turn around again.

A lot of famous people
get married here.

Do they look familiar?

Congratulations!

MATT: This is
a fascinating city, really.

Did you know that
a lot of people think
this is London Bridge

but it's actually called
the Tower Bridge

because of the, uh,
the towers.

Interesting, huh?

[ENGINE REVVING]

[TYRES SCREECHING]

Is this another shortcut?

This is interesting.

Very colourful.

KEN: It's the least I can do.
MATT:
You're all right, Ken.

Oh, look, look, look!

What is that?

KEN: Um, I think
that is a Stigsie.

MATT: Oh, cool!

-Can I just...
-No.

[BELL TOLLING]

Oh, Westminster Bridge!

Did you know
that it's illegal to die

in the Houses of Parliament,
so maybe be careful.

Oh, does Winston approve?

It doesn't look like it,
does it?

Sorry.

[ENGINE ROARING]

Whoa, whoa, slow down!
Five-o.

-[POLICE SIREN WAILS]
-See the police right there?
They're right behind us.

Is this thing street legal?

I think so.

MATT: Did you know

that if the flag
on top of Buckingham Palace
is all the way at the top,

that means the Queen is home?

So she's home.

We better, uh,

better be on our
best behaviour.

I wonder what room she's in.

KEN: Well, let's find out.

[ENGINE REVVING]

MATT: Hey, there she is!

So we saw the Queen.

That was awesome.

So check London off the list,
thanks, Ken.

You're very welcome.

So where to next?

Next?

-I'm ready.
-Yeah. [CHUCKLES]

MATT: Let's go.

Okay, I gotta ask you,

-what does the red button do?
-[CHUCKLES]

KEN: Oh...
MATT: Come on.

Not this time,
maybe next time.

Oh...

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING
AND CHEERING]

-Wow.
-What a ride.

-What a ride.
-What a ride.

Thanks to the RAF...

[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

...and the city of London
and to the amazing Ken Block.

-He is something else,
isn't he?
-Unbelievable.

Oh, uh, by the way,
he said whenever you want,
he's ready to take you.

Oh, no, no, no,
I'm fine, thanks.

All right,
on next week's show,

the mighty
Aston Martin Vulcan,

the Tesla Model X!

And second-hand luxury
takes on Eddie Jordan

on a super posh train.

See you next week, everyone,
thanks for watching!

-Bye-bye!
-[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

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