Top Gear (2002–…): Season 22, Episode 4 - Episode #22.4 - full transcript

Tonight, a BMW i8 at full chat
in the Yorkshire Moors...

the cream of Hollywood
on our track...

and a pointless thing
about old Land Rovers.

Thank you, everybody, thank
you! Thank you so much.

Thank you, and welcome.

Welcome to what is, for the
first time in many years,

an actual car show.

We've packed it with many facts
and a lot of informations.

And we're starting the ball rolling
with this, the Mercedes SLS.

This was one of my favourite cars

and I was very sad when
they stopped making it.



But, happily, there
is now a replacement,

which I haven't been
driving on the track...

because James has.

This is what they've come up with.

It's called the AMG GT.

And it costs between
£97,000 and £120,000.

Now, I have to be entirely
honest with you -

when I woke up this morning and
got out of bed to come and drive

this car, it was with a certain
amount of disquiet.

I've always thought that
AMG Mercedes are a bit -

as my mother would say - unnecessary.

I don't like the
Stormtrooper body kit look.

I don't really like those
pseudo-special forces names

like "SLS" and "Black".



Jeremy likes them a lot.

With this car, however, you sense
that something is different,

that everything's
a bit more grown-up.

See, their last coupe,
the SLS, had a massive,

and again, not entirely
necessary, 6.2-litre V8.

This car also has a V8,
but it's a brand-new one

and it's a much more
modest four litres.

Because of that,

you might expect it to take a little
longer to get from A to B.

However...

The 0-60 time in that 6.2-litre
SLS was 3.8 seconds.

On this, the four-litre car, it is...

exactly the same.

The top speeds are almost
exactly the same as well,

both up in the high 190s.

Strewth!

And AMG has achieved this by
using brains to make the brawn.

This car has two turbochargers.

Normally, turbochargers would
be bolted onto the outside of

the engines, but on this car, they
live inside the V of the engine.

What this means is the
engine is more compact,

the turbos are more efficient.

So this car costs £50,000
less than the old SLS,

it uses a lot less fuel and
it still goes just as quickly.

That is what they call on
The Apprentice a "win-win".

And then there's the styling,

which also has a new
level of sophistication,

with an interior that's more James
Bond than Fast And Furious.

On the outside, it's
much the same story.

These doors are perfectly conventional

in and out sort of doors.

They are NOT like those idiotic
gull-wing things you get on the SLS,

which makes it look as if it's
sniffing its own armpits.

This rear spoiler is
actually an option,

but even that, by AMG's
standards, is quite discreet.

In fact, the whole thing is quite
pretty. Quite classic, even.

And now we must move on to
cornering, an activity where

AMG normally scores maximum
points for mentalness.

This is, when all's said and done,
a 503 horsepower rear-wheel drive

muscle car, and that sounds like
a recipe for extreme trickiness.

In fact, you can corner
quickly in this thing,

and without soiling your trousers.

Which, once again, is thanks
to intelligent engineering.

In a normal car, the
engine and the gearbox,

they're just dead weight hanging
in there and they move around a bit

and sort of spoil the balance
as you go round corners.

In this car, the mountings
for all that stuff are active.

So, as you go through a bend,

they stiffen up to keep
all that weight in check.

It's a bit like the way a cat can
walk along the top of a fence

using its tail to keep
itself in balance.

However, if, like Jeremy,

you want to devour your back tyres
in one sitting, you still can.

Yes, thank you!

And then, there's the noise.

Are you ready? Here we go.

I hate it when my prejudices
are demolished,

but this card is giving me the fizz.

What I like most of all is that
the GT is cleverly designed

to be Jekyll and Hyde.

I'm just going to quieten it down.

Turn off the manual change,
the noisy exhaust.

We'll put it back into comfort mode,
comfort suspension... There you go.

When you turn all that off, it turns
into this incredibly civilised,

long-legged cruiser.

I like what they've done.

They've got rid of the Andy McNab
names and all that nonsense

and given us an AMG for grown-ups.

I'm glad I got out
of bed this morning.

It's what I've been saying
for a long time.

So there you go, May.

Ha-ha-ha! I've been saying for
ages, AMG Mercs are brilliant.

Yes, there are couple of massive
problems with this one, though.

~ What?
~ Well, firstly, it reminds me of you.

The second one is that, to be honest,

for not much more than
half the price of this,

you could have a Nissan GT-R,
which, as we have established,

is the finest car in the world.

It's certainly up there,
I will grant you that.

But I'll tell you what we'll do,
we'll sort it out on the track, OK?

We'll see how fast this
one can get round.

That of course means handing it
over to our tame racing driver.

Some say that last week, he won
a BAFTA for Best Original Smell.

And that when he dies, he
thinks he'll go to Devon.

All we know is, he's called The Stig!

And he's... not in the car.

Oh, yes, Stig not happy about
Ricciardo's lap... He's punched him!

He's punched him! That's bad.

He's really not happy
about that fast lap.

He's in the car now, and he's
off. A wheel-spinning start.

Obviously in a furious temper.

503 horsepower thundering
through the light but strong

carbon fibre prop shaft.

Oh, he's vandalised the first corner.
He is really very annoyed.

But he is driving beautifully.

♪ You know I can't
smile without you... ♪

Another slice of the calming
Carpenters there.

Through Chicago, looking very fast
and very controlled. Now Hammerhead.

James says this car can suffer
from snap understeer,

so let's see what happens.

No, not a thing. It's worth
remembering, of course,

that James suffers
from being a moron.

♪.. I feel sad when... ♪

OK, into the Follow Through,

banging up the double clutch gearbox,

letting the perfect balance of
the transaxle layout do its stuff.

Just a stab of brakes past the tyres.

Stig pretending the pedal
is an Australian's face.

Two corners to go... Oh, he's
hot through there but very tidy.

Only Gambon left.

Laser-guided through there,
and across the line!

I have the time here.

Ready?!

It did a 1.17.5.

And that is... Well, look.

That's quicker than the
old SLS Black and, ahem,

quicker than the Nissan GT-R.

Which shows, James, that you don't
know what you're talking about.

Hmm, interesting. Didn't actually
feel like it would be that fast

when I was driving it, to be honest.

No, that's because... yeah,
YOU were driving it.

Right, and now we must do the news.
And we start with big news.

This is the biggest news we've
had in a long time, I would say.

Because Ford, for the very first
time, is making the Mustang

in right-hand drive and will be
bringing it to the UK officially.

You can buy them over
here. There it is.

Two versions - you can have a
four-cylinder EcoBoost for £28,000,

or for £33,000, a five-litre V8.

Mm, the one I want, though,
is the Shelby, the 350...

~ GT, yeah, yeah, yeah.
~ .. or something like that.
It's 520 horsepower V8.

~ That's the one. There it is, look.
~ It looks brilliant.

But you can't, they're not
bringing that one here.

~ They're not selling that one to us.
~ Why?
~ It's going to Canada in a year.

Yeah, I know, but so is
the internet, but that...

But that's not coming
here, no, we can't...

~ Why won't they sell it to us?
~ I don't know.

But you must be very looking forward to a
right-hand drive Mustang, Richard Hammond.

Yeah, you'd think... No, not really.

Because I don't want a
right-hand drive Mustang.

Once it becomes right-hand drive,
it's like it's trying too hard

to be British and sophisticated
and something it's not.

I know what you mean. It's like
when Americans come over here

and start using words like "bloody".

~ Yes!
~ Isn't it?
~ It's exactly that.
~ It is.

And they say, "I'm going
to the bloody pub!"

~ It doesn't sound right. It's the same.
~ Exactly, it is.

Or they say "mate". They try and say
"mate", but it just doesn't work.

Yes, cos they think we're
Crocodile Dundee,

~ cos it's all the same, cos
they haven't got atlases.
~ Yeah.

So that, realistically, should
be called, now it's coming here,

the "Ford Bloody Quid Mate".

Should be its name! Ooh, now...

Can I just do a survey?

How many people here enjoyed the
ambulance film we did last week?

Yes!

OK, you see, the problem we have
is that we've had an electronic

communication from a man called
Mr E36-Man-4000, who says,

"Dear so-called Top Gear, I HATED
your thing on ambulances.

"Why don't you stick to cars?"

Shall we show Mr... What's
he called, Mr Hashtag?

Shall we show him what
this show would be like

if we just talked about cars?

~ Yeah, OK.
~ Yeah, all right.

I tell you what I drove this week...

~ Volkswagen Passat diesel.
~ Did you?
~ Mm.

Surprisingly comfortable.

I also drove an Audi TT.

~ Which is much nicer than you'd think.
~ OK.

Actually, I've been driving the
new Porsche 911 Turbo, which is

very fast but surprisingly quiet.

Oh, is it? Mm-hm.

Um, Aston Martin have built
a new one-off for a Bond film.

~ It's called the DB10.
~ Yeah, mm.
~ Ooh!

~ I don't think much of that, actually.
~ I don't like the way it looks.

~ No, I don't.
~ No, I do.
~ OK.

Erm, Vauxhall...

.. has a new car, the Corsa.

I've got nothing on that.

Shall we give up on car news?

I'm going to take charge again,

because I want to talk about
something else, right?

I want to talk about some
experts who said last week

they wanted to rip up all of Britain's
railway lines and replace

them with motorways that would
then only be used by coaches.

~ And I think that would be a shame.
~ Why would that be a shame?

Because I like having
coaches on motorways.

~ Why?
~ Because you can drive alongside
them and use their Wi-Fi.

Can you?!

You can, honestly! Have you
not done that? It's fabulous.

My kids always say, "Daddy,
Daddy, slow down to 70."

~ I mean, sorry, "Speed up to 70."
~ Yeah.

"Catch the coach, quickly,

"so we can snapchat this
picture of a poo I've done."

They do!

~ So it's like a free roaming Wi-Fi?
~ Exactly! Do it on the way home.

It's incredibly cheap.

Now, a few years ago, we improved
police cars, and last week,

~ we improved ambulances.
~ Yes, we did.

We are now the emergency service
for the emergency services.

Yeah, we are. That's what we are.

Quite a lot of people have written
to us and said, "Right,

"when are you going to
improve fire engines?"

Mm! No, but there's
a... No, actually...

We've looked into this
and there's a problem,

because if you have to build
a vehicle big enough for all

the water you need and pumps
and ladders and buckets

and six burly men, and
women, in Wellingtons,

what you end up with
is a fire engine.

~ Yeah.
~ But, specifically, a British
fire engine. That's important.

Yeah, not one of those stupid
American ones where all

~ the firemen stand on the outside.
~ They do!

So you get there and there's nobody
on board to put the fire out!

Do you know what I like about
the British fire engine?

It says "Dennis" on the front.

Dennis is a reassuring name.

A Dennis would remember
to return your lawn mower.

It is interesting, actually, because American
fire engines have really stupid names.

I've got a picture of an
American fire engine here.

~ Guess what that's called?
~ Fire Engine.

No, it's called The Igniter.

It is!

~ How does...? "I've already got a fire!"
~ Exactly!

It should be called The Extinguisher.

~ They've probably got an ambulance
called The Haemorrhage.
~ Yes.

Right, earlier on, James

had a go at a proper road
test in a one-off car show

~ and now it's my turn.
~ Try not to muck it up.

No, no, no, relax, this is going
to be a blizzard of facts

because I'm going to talk
about the new BMW M3.

It has a smaller engine
than the old model,

three litres rather than four.

It has two fewer cylinders,
but it is turbo-charged,

so you get a little bit more
horsepower and 111 more torques.

That means it's four
seconds a lap faster

round our track than the old car.

And four seconds is a huge
gulf because, remember,

that was already five
seconds a lap faster

round the Ascari track in Spain

than the equivalent
Mercedes and Audi,

so this is properly quick
AND it's more economical,

but, and this is the big one,

is it nicer to drive?

Well, here it is, slithering
about on our track.

Look at that. I mean, that's
just... the M3 signature dish.

But, straightaway, I must tell
you there is a bit of a niggle.

If you stick the tail out

in a corner, which you can,
easily, because it's an M3,

you'll find it very
hard to hold the drift

because the power steering is now
electric rather than hydraulic.

Going round a corner like this

is like wrestling with the tail
of an excitable crocodile.

It's not just hard to hold the slide,

it's also hard to straighten
up again afterwards.

See what I mean?

Now, I admit, in the real world,

this isn't going to be
much of a problem...

ever, if I'm honest.

And anyway, you can solve
it by taking the steering

out of Sport Plus mode and
putting it in Comfort mode.

Then everything is fine.

Oh, yeah!

In fact, everything
is more than fine,

everything is absolutely sublime!

I'm not going to beat about
the bush, this car is...

utterly brilliant.

It's well made, it's
got seating for four,

it's got a decent-sized boot,
it's comfortable, it's quiet,

it's got lots of standard equipment.

In many ways, this car
is like the perfect dog -

it's loyal, it's cute,
it doesn't chase sheep,

it doesn't go wrong all the time

and yet, if a burglar
comes, it has the power

to rip his throat out.

"Look at me! I'm an attack dog now!

"I'm fierce and bitey!"

And that really is that.

It is a fabulous, wonderful car

and if you have £56,000 lying around,

you should buy one immediately.

Or should you?

Because today, we live
in strange times.

Environmental times.

And BMW has another new
car which reflects that.

It's one of the most talked-about
cars in years and this is it.

It's called the i8 and it's a hybrid,

which means it's powered
by an electric motor

and a tiny three cylinder, 1.5 litre,
turbo-charged petrol engine.

That doesn't sound
like much of a recipe.

It sounds like a sort of
glorified Toyota Prius,

but let me give you
the headline figures.

This car does 155mph

and 134 miles to the gallon.

And because it's so economical,

you get a £5,000 grant from
the government if you buy one,

it's exempt from the
London Congestion Charge

and the road-tax bill,
as you can see here, is...

nil.

It really does sound, then,

like this car answers everyone's
prayers, but does it?

Are pure-bred petrolheads
like me really going to say,

"Mm, yes, what I really want next
is a three-cylinder hybrid?"

Well, that is what I'm
going to try and find out.

I'm going to set the satellite
navigation for Whitby

in North Yorkshire and, obviously,
in a car as futuristic as this,

you don't push buttons to do that,

you trace the letters you
want on this pad here,

so, wuh...

.. huh...

.. ih...

tuh...

Ah-ha! OK.

'Whitby, North Yorkshire,
guidance started.'

Now, the reason I've
chosen Whitby is,

A, you get the best fish and
chips and the world there

and, B, the M3 we saw earlier
is waiting for me there,

which means, when I arrive,
I will face a simple choice.

Will I want to drive
home in that or this?

With the sat nav looking for the
most economical route to Whitby,

I put my sensible head
on and settled down

for a 200 mile fact-finding mission.

You have a choice of
three driving modes.

Number one, electric drive.

That's the electric motor only.

It gives you a range of 20 miles,
19 more than you get from a Prius

and probably enough for you
to do your morning commute.

Then, if you move the
gear lever over here,

you engage sport mode and that
means the electric motor

and the petrol engine are working
together to give 352 horsepower

and it makes the car sort of
firm and bitey and Nurburgringy.

But, since we are on the A1,
I shall go for... comfort mode.

Lovely.

'And it really was lovely.'

I know there is an electric
motor in the front,

driving the front wheels through
a two-speed automatic gearbox.

I know there's a petrol
engine at the back,

driving the rear wheels through
a six-speed automatic gearbox.

I also know there is another small
electric motor at the back,

filling in the gaps and doing
all sorts of clever things.

And yet, sitting here,

this car feels no weirder
to drive than that...

whatever it is, that
hatchback thing there.

I've got a steering wheel,
gear lever, accelerator,

brake and Ken Bruce on the radio.

How normal is that?!

♪ BBC Radio 2! ♪

But there is a problem.

If you're driving in comfort mode,
you're not really charging up

the batteries and, eventually,
they are going to go flat.

One solution is to
turn off the motorway

and charge them up at the mains,

but, as you're about to see,
this is not to be recommended.

"Connect your vehicle and validate."

Look, I can operate a Hoover!

Oh, this is stupid!

Well, it must... It must be
charging. It's plugged in, so...

I shall go and get a cup of coffee.

While we wait for the batteries
to charge, let me show you

this incredible app that you
can get with your i8, OK?

If I push that, I can
set the air conditioning

so the car is cool when
I get back into it.

How amazing is that?!

If I can also flash the headlights,

so I could find it if I've lost
it in a car park. I can lock it.

I can unlock it.

I don't know why you'd want to
do that remotely, but you can.

I wouldn't be at all surprised
to find a feature on here

that enables the i8 to find
another i8 for a good time.

'After an hour, I
went back to the car

'and found that the charging
point hadn't worked.'

If you had a pure electric car,
you would be completely stuffed,

but this is not a pure electric car.

So I'm not.

I can either drive along
without the batteries

or I can put the gear lever
over here to engage sport mode

and then they are being charged
up as I drive along.

What's more, in sport mode,
the i8 is properly fast.

I scoffed when BMW said they
were going to make a hybrid

that was as fast as a 911 or
a Chevrolet Corvette, but...

.. it really is!

'It's so fast that soon
I was in the North.'

This is Doncaster. This
is where I grew up.

It was a mining town
back then, but now look.

It's a wind farm.

Bit less romantic, the windmills,
and they employ fewer people, but...

Time moves on, I guess.

'So far, then, the i8 had done well.

'But to find out if it could truly
win the heart of the petrol head,

'I turned off the A1 and plunged into

'the beautiful North
Yorkshire Moors.'

So, let's find out.

Oh, God above, this is good!

This is a revelation!

It's the lightness that
staggers you most of all.

It's almost as though I'm steering
using nothing but thought.

And because the heavy battery pack
is located in the middle of the car,

here, low down, it has the
same centre of gravity as...

as a worm!

Couple that to the
four-wheel-drive system and, honestly,

you can go round any corner at
any speed that takes your fancy.

The harder I go, the faster I drive,

the sharper I brake,

the more electricity I'm
making for the batteries.

If you get busted for
speeding in this car,

you get a thank-you letter
from Greenpeace.

And rightly so!

'But before we get carried away
with this environmental stuff,

'there's one important point
we all need to remember.'

I've always had a fundamental
problem with hybrids.

And it's this.

We all know the world
has limited resources

and we must do all we
can to eke them out.

And you're not going to do that

if you drive around in a car that
has, effectively, two engines.

You don't solve the problem
of conspicuous consumption

by using conspicuous consumption.

The thing is, though,

while you have to rape the
world to make a car like that,

the benefits of owning
one for you and I,

in the here and now, are
immense, because that car...

That car is staggering.

It's breathtaking.

It's nearly as
breathtaking as that view.

'With the advert for Yorkshire
over, I got back on the road.'

It is incredible to think

that I'm now cruising into Whitby
in silent electric mode,

using electricity that I made
by driving quickly on the moors.

The message really is very
clear from this car.

If you want to save the
planet, drive fast.

'After a short eco drive through
the pretty fishing port of Whitby...

'.. I arrived in the harbour, where
I faced a very difficult choice.'

Cod or haddock...?

I think cod.

'Then I faced an even
more difficult choice.

'Which of these cars would
I drive back to London?'

This is the hardest decision I've
ever had to make between cars, ever.

It's like the M3 is the best
of where we've come from

and the i8 is where going.

There must have been
a moment in history...

when everybody had typewriters

and typewriters had been
around hundreds of years

and they were brilliant, and then
somebody came along with a laptop.

That is what's going on there.

No, I've made my mind up.

Bet you weren't expecting that!

~ What?
~ Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Let me make sure I got this straight.

~ You, let's be honest,
are our resident dinosaur.
~ I am.

And you prefer the i8 to the M3?

~ No.
~ But in the film...
~ Yes, I know.

I was wrong.

The thing is, I've had some time
to do some thinking since then

and there are one or two
bits and bobs on the i8

that would drive you mad.

I mean, rear visibility is atrocious,

the boot is microscopic, this window
doesn't go all the way down,

so you can't drive along
with your arm hanging out

and I discovered last week that
an i8 has just been bought

by Wayne Rooney.

Oh, no.

~ And it gets worse.
~ How can it get worse than that?

Because, in a laboratory in Munich,
it can do 134 miles to the gallon,

but have a guess how many miles
to the gallon I averaged.

~ 80?
~ No.

~ 79?
~ No!

~ 78?
~ No, James!

I averaged 31 miles to the gallon.

And other i8 owners are reporting
the same sort of thing

and it only has a tiny little
fuel tank, seven gallons,

which means you're going to be
stopping for fuel all the time.

So, when you said, "It's a laptop,"

~ it's one of those really early-days laptops?
~ It is.

They are on the right road,
make no mistake about that,

but they are not there just yet.

So, anyway, let's move on, let's put
a Star In Our Reasonably Priced Car.

Now, my guest tonight was
Jordan Belfort's wife

in The Wolf Of Wall Street,

one of my favourite films
of the modern age.

She is now in a new film and
she's brought along her co-star,

so please welcome Margot Robbie

and a man called Will Smith!

Oh, heavens above!

Look what we've got for you!

Yeah, we got you as well.

~ Good to see you.
~ Good to see you both.

Margot, I'll go round here.

And relax.

~ Have a seat! Have a seat!
~ This is fantastic!

~ Wow!
~ Is it really fantastic?
~ This is great.

Cos I was going to begin

by apologising for
the trailers we have.

~ The trailers! Oh! Those trailers, yeah.
~ They're really nice.

~ You know...
~ Will set his bar very high
with trailers, though, so...

~ Really?
~ Yes, his trailer is pimped.

I'm very serious about trailers.

The trailer, you know, it
has to be, like, you know,

you got to hook it up, have a stereo
system, you know, it has to...

Yours had mirrors on
the roof... if I recall.

I'm not insinuating anything,
I'm just saying!

That's going to get in trouble!

That's going to get us
in trouble, there we go!

Already in trouble
where my mind's gone!

~ No, cos really, not that long
ago, you were in Neighbours.
~ Yeah.

What interests me about Neighbours,
which is an Aussie TV...

~ I know what neighbours is!
~ Don't pretend you know.

Two days ago, they asked him
what show I did in Australia,

a very popular show, and
you said it started with C.

~ I couldn't remember the name.
~ There's no C in it.

I just can't see Will Smith
finishing his day going,

"You know what, I think
I'll watch Neighbours."

"Ooh, 6.30, my show's on!"

~ Russell Crowe started in that, didn't he?
~ Mm.

What's his name, Guy Pearce was
another one. Kylie is another one.

~ Yes, yes.
~ I was wondering, do you
know Coronation Street?

~ Cos that's produced...
~ I know all those shows, man!

~ You don't! And you won't because...
~ I got the DVDs and everything!

It's just unbelievable, I'm afraid.

I know all about this,
the Coronation Street

and Neighbours and all those.

EastEnders, yeah.

~ Now, em, you are over here,
obviously, to promote a film.
~ Yes.

It's called Focus, but it isn't
about the small Ford hatchback,

which will have disappointed
some people in here. It's...

Well, it's a love story between
you two, which is rather sweet.

~ Yeah.
~ It's interesting, it's...

My character plays a
conman, a master thief,

and part of being a master
thief is he's a liar and...

he meets Margot's character,
Jess, and falls madly in love

and realises quickly that lying and
loving don't go together too well.

They go together OFTEN, but
they don't go together WELL.

~ I believe we have a clip,
which we can show now.
~ OK.

~ ♪ This is a man's world... ♪
~ Are you working an angle?

~ I wouldn't trust him, if I were you.
~ But I should trust you?

~ You've got a problem.
~ I am going to kill you.
~ Kill me later.

~ You lost everyone's money, my money?!
~ Hey!

~ Wow!
~ Wow!

~ This is your mess.
~ I think you're losing it.
~ Whoa! Whoa!

~ Then why did you come up here?
~ Professional curiosity.

And I like boobs. You know,
I figured it was a win-win.

'At the end of the day,
this is a game of focus.'

Did you notice when I had my shirt
off? You noticed, didn't you?

Did you see that shot? I just want
to know if you saw the shot!

That's what everyone took
away from the trailer.

~ Margot had her trousers off.
~ Oh, yes! You saw that!

~ Slightly more distracting.
~ I get that. I get that.

And I've seen you with no shirt on
a million times, but I've never...

Well, I have seen Margot
with no clothes on.

I've never seen you...

~ This just got awkward.
~ It did.

Now, one of the things that
make it even more awkward

~ is you filmed quite a lot
of the movie in Argentina.
~ Yes. Yeah.

~ How did that go for you?
~ For me?

It was good. It was good, man.

~ Argentina's fantastic.
~ Is it?

~ What's wrong with Argentina?
~ What's wrong with Argentina? What happened?

~ Every
~ BLEEP
~ thing!

The thing is... Well, I enjoyed
it and best of luck with it.

~ Well, thank you, man.
~ When's it open?
~ When does it open?

~ 27th.
~ 27th.
~ February 27th.
~ Is it the 27th here? Yes! OK! Yes.

Now, we've got to get onto cars

because you grew up on
a farm in Australia,

so you, presumably, have been
driving since you were naught

because it's such a vast area.

Yeah, it's huge, but, yeah,
in our family, the rule was

you could drive as soon as
you could like, you know,

physically reach the pedals

and you could have the car on your
own when you reached double digits,

~ so when you were ten, you were allowed to...
~ Wow.

And I remember being nine years old

and arguing with the parents, being
like, "Guys, this is absurd.

"I'm not like..." And they're
like, "No, you're nine.

"You have to wait another year."
And I was like, "This is...

"I can't believe this.
This is ridiculous."

~ Have you been out to the outback?
~ The out... No, no, no.

I feel like you'd fit right
in. You'd just love it.

So it's a racial thing?
You went racial.

And, so, what was your first car?

It was a candy apple-red
IROC Z, a Camaro.

~ Apparently you don't have those here.
~ No, we don't. No.

We have... What's the word? Taste.

I was thinking, "Maybe this would
indicate you don't know about cars,"

and then I started to look
into some of the lyrics.

~ Are you familiar with the
lyrics of the early songs?
~ Oh, jeez.

I wasn't born.

~ In a song called Gettin' Jiggy Wit It...
~ Yes.

I remember that. Yeah,
I know that one.

I don't recognise that one.

It's got 850is.

850is if you need a lift.

~ Who's the kid in the drop?
~ Who else?

~ Will Smith.
~ Will Smith.

~ Now, drop, I presume, means drop-top.
~ Drop-top, yes.

They never did a drop-top 850.

It's a small problem.

No, no, hold on.

Now, see, he thinks
he knows everything.

He thinks he knows everything.

~ In the United States, we do a
thing where we customise our cars.
~ Yeah.

~ Can I just give you another one?
~ This is brilliant.

Just Cruisin'. The Maestro.
Do you know the next bit?

~ Yes, yes, yes.
~ Nice flow.

~ Nice flow. Hot like nitro.
~ Cool as ice, though.
~ Cool as ice, though.

~ That's a dichotomy.
~ Do you know what a Maestro is?
~ You've got one?

There you go.

Oh, my God.

It is so awkward for me to hear
you say my lyrics like that.

~ I'll bet.
~ No, it's making my eyes water.

We've done enough of this now.
We want to get onto your laps.

~ OK, yeah.
~ How did you enjoy it out there?
~ It was really fun.

~ It was really nerve-racking,
but it was really fun.
~ Was it?
~ Yeah.

~ You...
~ No, it's fantastic.

I've never... You know,
in the United States,

~ the stick is on the other side...
~ Yeah.

.. so having to drive
with the other...

That's an advantage
for you, of course,

because you're used to driving...

~ Which is why he's mentioning it right now.
~ He's already started.

Like, "In case she
beat me on the laps."

~ It's the whole switching the side thing.
~ In case her time was better.

OK. Margot, you went first and...

Well, there was a bit of an off.

Crashed. Yeah.

Who'd like to see Margot...

I said specifically, "Let's not
let Will know that that happened."

Let's have a look. Come on. Let's
play the tape. Margot's off.

Oh, wow, it's Chicago. It's
understeer at Chicago.

~ It's Ian! It's Ian!
~ Oh!

That is Ian the cameraman!

Sorry!

And he's dead!

~ Margot, we have...
~ I am sorry about that.
~ No, relax.

We've got a little present for you.

It's the landing light you hit.

You can take that home as a souvenir
of your trip to Top Gear.

I'm so sorry about that.

~ Right, now, we've got both
your laps to have a look at.
~ OK.
~ Ladies first.

~ Ladies first!
~ So, Margot, let's have a look at your lap.

This is going to end in a fist fight.

Right, here we go.

Good clean, aggressive start.

Up to third. First
corner, first corner.

Let's have a look at this.

~ Good dab of the brakes.
~ It feel so much faster in the car.

Everybody says it, but
the slower you look...

Oh, I don't know. There's a lot of
understeer there. That's ballsy.

Oh, God.

Here we go. Are going to make
it without running over Ian?

Oh, waving to Ian! There's a little
wave there. That was nice.

That was a "Sorry, Ian!"

Big corner, don't brake,
don't brake, don't brake!

Don't brake! Don't brake!

~ You do look like you're
concentrating in there.
~ Yeah.

Trying not to hit anyone
this time round.

This is good. I'm liking
the look of this.

~ Yes.
~ Phew!

Right, coming up to the fastest bit.

Foot down, foot down, foot down!

~ Confidence, that was. That
was the look of confidence.
~ Great face.

~ Through the tyres. Yes.
That does look quick.
~ Very aggressive.

That was the fun one. I liked that.

Second-to-last corner, this is
what normally catches people out.

~ Yeah, that's the one.
~ Through there easily. Through Gambon.

More understeer! A lot of understeer

and across the line! There we are.

That was very good.

And, now...

~ That was strong.
~ It is strong, Mr Will Smith.

Yeah, no, but it was on the left.

~ For me, I'm used to driving...
~ Yeah, yeah. Any more?

I had back surgery
like three days ago.

Who'd like to see the lap

with the poor man with
the back surgery himself?

Let's have a look. Here we go.

Whoa! That was some revs!

~ Yep.
~ Whoo!

~ Right, this is the one.
~ Did you do a few practices?
~ Yeah.

Yeah, I did a few practice laps.

That's a hard bit of braking
mid-corner, there.

I tell you what, though, that
car - Bubba GM's finest.

Put that power into the
road. Feeling good.

There we go. This is the spiritual
successor of the IROC Z.

I'm on the wall now. They're
putting me on the wall.

My name with all of the fastest
times on this track.

That is a confident man right there.

It's actually lovely conditions
for a fast time, this.

Keeping it in the lines nicely.

Yes. It's just like watching
Daniel Ricciardo all over again.

This is the one that
makes my children proud.

Keep it in there. No
braking. Flat out. Yeah?

~ No braking. Flat out.
~ Good man.

Yep. That's looking very tidy.

Second-to-last corner,
you have any problems?

No, that is neat. Very neat.

And through Gambon.

Still on all four wheels,
unlike some people,

~ and there we are. Across the line.
~ Whoa!

~ That was nice.
~ That was so much fun.

~ Yeah.
~ Well done, you two.

Where do you think you've
come on the board?

I'll be really psyched if I get
on the board, to be honest.

You can't not be on the
it, because, trust me,

Jack Whitehall, Ed Sheeran...

So there's space down there
for me? OK. I want 1:52.

1:52, and Will?

Well, I want, like, 1:22.

~ Oh, you're asking what I think I did?
~ Yeah, yeah.

I think I might be in the 1:50 zone.

Right in there.

~ Somewhere with the Hugh Bonneville...
~ I felt like...

These are wet times. Well,
let's have a look, shall we?

~ Let's have a look. I've got the times here.
~ Oh, jeez. OK.

~ I'm going to did you first, Will.
~ OK.

~ Oh, jeez.
~ This is really exciting.

~ Will Smith...
~ This is very exciting.

~ You did a 1...
~ That's a good start.

~ .. 40...
~ Oh!

~ ..7...
~ Whoa!

~ ..2.
~ OK. Yeah. I'm not mad at that.
~ That is not a very bad time at all.

That puts you...

~ Wow. OK, yeah.
~ That's really great.

I'm not mad at that.
I'm not mad at that.

~ That's not bad.
~ I like that.
~ That is not bad at all.
~ Yeah.

~ And, now, we must get onto your co-star.
~ OK.
~ Oh, God.

If you beat me, this is
your last day on the tour.

I will never work again after this.

It's Leo, Will Smith, and then TV.

Margot Robbie,

~ 1...
~ Oh, good!

~ ..40...
~ What?
~ She'd better not.

~ .. 7...
~ Oh!

She'd better not. She'd better not.

~ .. 1!
~ Oh!
~ Oh!

I'm not making it up.

I'm sorry!

~ Holy
~ BLEEP!

This was a bad idea.
This was a bad idea.

It's like the Academy Awards

where you've got to clap
for the other person.

~ I don't know what to say now.
~ I actually can't believe that.

Both of you have done amazing
times. There was a tenth in it.

Neither of you have got anything
to be ashamed about and it has...

Oh, no! One of us has something
to be ashamed about!

~ I was trying to end on a really high note...
~ No, no.

~ .. coming up with some nice things...
~ Yeah.

.. but you're right.

Ladies and gentlemen, I
think you'll all agree,

this has been an absolute joy.
Will Smith and Margot Robbie.

Right, now we must move
on to some very sad news.

The Land Rover Defender
is going out of production

and our producers thought that that
meant it deserved a fitting obituary

and all we needed for that was
a beach and a rural simpleton.

It's a little known fact that several
of mankind's greatest inventions

have started out as drawings
in the sand on a beach.

Henry Royce of Rolls-Royce fame

made his first sketch
of the Merlin engine,

the incredible motor that powered
the Spitfire and the Lancaster,

in the sand at his local beach.

Norman Woodland, no, I'd
never heard of him either,

was in Miami when he
revolutionised shopping

by drawing the first
barcode in the sand.

And, in 1947, here at Red
Wharf Bay in Anglesey,

it was the same story
for the Land Rover.

The sketch was done by a
chap called Maurice Wilks

who was the Technical
Director for Rover cars.

At the time, he used an old Bren gun
carrier to get around on his farm

until, one day, he swapped it for
his neighbour's old Willys Jeep

and soon thought, "Hang on. We
can make something like this."

So, he sketched out his
creation in the sand

and a first prototype was quickly
built over the following few months.

Sadly, though, there
was a bit of an issue.

You see, Maurice thought putting
the steering wheel in the middle

would mean they could sell it to right-
and left-hand drive countries,

without having to re-engineer it.

But then they realised that,
amongst other things,

that was going to make hand
signals rather tricky.

So, it was back to the drawing board.

And, a mere ten months
after that shaky start,

the first Land Rover was born.

It came in this green

because the only paint Land
Rover could lay their hands on

was surplus army leftovers
they used for Spitfires.

The body was aluminium, not for
clever engineering reasons,

but because steel
was in short supply.

If ever there was an underdog...

it was this.

Nobody back then could have predicted

what a phenomenon the underdog
would turn out to be.

The military bought
it by the thousand,

and it was used by everyone from
the Medical Corps to the SAS,

while in civilian life, it was
the very definition of versatile.

You could have a Land Rover tank,

a Land Rover train,

a Land Rover conveyer belt,

a snowplough,

a fire engine,

and, rather annoyingly...

a Land Rover hovervan.

If explorers wanted to explore,

adventurers wanted to conquer terrain
that was unconquerable...

they turned to one of these.

It was the first production vehicle

to travel 18,000 miles
from England to Singapore.

The first to cross the Bering Strait.

And the machine of choice
for Ranulph Fiennes

on his epic trans-global expedition.

In fact, at one time,

the first car ever seen by 60% of the
developing world was a Land Rover.

And, on top of that, it's been
in production for 67 years.

67 years.

Production run alone makes
this thing one of the greats.

Look at the other icons -
Beetle, I'd say 57 years.

2CV, that was a real
fly-by-night - 42 years.

So great is my love for this
machine that when, 13 years ago,

we ran a Top Gear competition
asking viewers to vote for

the greatest car of all time,

I championed the Land Rover.

And the public clearly agreed.

Because it won.

I drove a Series 1 in that film.

It was old and tatty and worn.

But I fell so completely in love
with it that I actually bought it

so I could restore it.

I'll never forget the day I
brought it home 13 years ago -

it stood in this very
yard like a lost orphan.

So I took it into the
workshop, stripped it down,

and laid it all out on the floor
so I could begin that long,

loving process of restoring
it to its former glory.

And here it is.

Yeah, I mean...

I have been REALLY busy.

And-and the thing is it's...

good to have a lot of spare parts
cos Land Rovers break down a lot,

so you never know.

Can't be too sentimental
about these things.

But because it is the
greatest car ever made,

I must now try to make amends
by giving it a fitting sendoff.

And this is the perfect
starting point.

There are many great
Land Rover TV adverts,

but what you're watching now
is the most famous of them all.

This is the one where it winches
itself up a vast, steep dam.

'Next time you're late for work

'it's worth remembering that nothing

'but nothing gets in the
way of a Land Rover.'

Now, the thing is...

that advert, as exciting as
it looked, was, I'm afraid,

the result of... shall we say,

the magic of television,

because the Land Rover
didn't winch itself up.

The winch on the front bumper
pulled it the first few feet

out of the water,

but then it was actually hauled
the rest of the way up

by a much bigger winch hidden
at the top of the dam.

So I think you can probably
see what's coming next.

As our tribute to the
Land Rover Defender

we are going to redo
that stunt properly.

Oh... God.

The dam I'll be climbing
is Claerwen in Wales.

It's 1,200 feet wide and,

more worryingly for
me, 200 feet high.

To make things worse,

the Land Rover I'll be
using is 64 years old.

So, in order to do what they
never managed in the TV advert,

we've added some bits.

When they made that advert there
wasn't a winch around big enough

to take on board all the cable
you need to go up a big dam.

So we - well, not Jeremy
and me, somebody else -

has built this ginormous one.

Then there's the matter
of the engine.

You see, when this thing starts to
go up the dam it will go vertical,

and at that point the engine
at the front will cut out.

Problem, because we need the
engine to power the winch.

Solution...

a second engine just for the winch.

Best of all this is
built so it can pivot.

As the Land Rover goes
vertical this stays level.

None of this gave me
much comfort, however,

when I was standing at the bottom.

Oh, bloody hell.

It's much steeper

than the other dam in the advert.

For a brief moment I thought
I was off the hook

because the start point looked
completely inaccessible.

Sadly, the producers
had thought of that.

I hate problem solvers.

And this is just a
little amuse-bouche.

Eventually, I was in place.

The winch cable was
attached to the top.

And it was time to begin.

That's the engine in the back
that powers the winch, remember,

cos of the angle.

Um... I'd love to think of
something else to say or do.

I can't, so I'm going
to go. So, um...

Right, here I go.

Oh, it's tensioning up.

This is OK so far.

Oh! There it is.

Oh, my God!

Oh! Oh-ho-ho! Oh!

I know it's slow.

Any faster and I risk burning out
all the winch motors and things.

Plus, there was an issue with
the face of the dam itself.

The one on the advert was smooth
concrete, this is rough stone.

I didn't take that into account.

What I've got to do is
steer between these rocks

where they stick out from the face.

Oh! It's jerking.

I'm having to read the surface.

CLANG! Oh!

This vertical off-roading
gave me another problem.

Because the Land Rover is winching
itself up on its own winch,

the cable has to feed
evenly onto the drum.

If it doesn't do that,
everything gets ruined.

I couldn't see the drum, so, up top,
the producers were spotting for me.

Straighten up, please, Richard.

Ah...

Oh...

Oh...

Because it's so slow I've got time
to think about what would happen if...

I can't, I daren't.
I am now terrified.

I am now absolutely petrified.

Oh...

Past the halfway point it
started to get even worse.

I can feel the front wheels
now going very light...

because... where it goes concave,
where it bellies in like that...

my winch cable is pulling the front
of the car off the ground. Oh!

And I can't tell you
how horrible that feels.

Oh-ho!

Stop, stop, stop.

I'm stopping, I'm stopping.

~ Honestly, mate, you've
got about 20 seconds, I'm
~ BLEEP
~ scared, OK?

And I mean it.

OK, take your mind off it, take
your mind off it. Um... this...

THUMP! Ah!

The water behind this dam
can supply Birmingham

with 79 million gallons a day.

~ Who gives a
~ BLEEP
~ right now?

It's all right, we're good.

It's really vertical now.

Oh, God.

I can hear the lines...

I can actually hear the
tension in that wire.

As I get to the top,

the cable becomes less strong.

Partly because, as well as the
weight of the Land Rover and me,

it has to be carrying the weight
of itself and the winch.

Oh, God, I'm depending so much
on things made by other people.

Every single part now - the brake
that stops the winch feeding out,

the engine - everything.

In the face of unutterable terror

I was, finally, nearing the top.

We have nearly done this,
I've nearly cracked it.

200 feet of near vertical rock.

Just a few inches, another
few turns on the winch.

What a fantastic way...

to pay tribute...

to the car... What?

It was at this point the
producers broke the bad news.

Because of where the winch
cable was attached,

the Land Rover wouldn't be able to
climb over onto the flat dam top.

And this meant only one thing.

I'm going to have to go back down.

I'm going to have to
winch it down the dam.

I really need a piss!

Thank you. It was nothing.

It was nothing.

So... you failed.

Well, I almost got to the top.

Yeah, but then you just came
straight back down again.

I'm sorry, Hammond, if I said, "I'm
going to drive to Bristol," and then

got NEARLY to Bristol and came home
again, that's NOT going to Bristol.

Look, the main thing is I
gave the Land Rover Defender

~ a fitting sendoff.
~ Yeah, but they're working
on a new Defender now

and it looks EXACTLY
the same as the old one.

So you said you'd drive to the
top of a dam, which you didn't,

to pay tribute to a car that you
said was about to die, but it's not.

Yeah.

Well, that means you're a liar and
you've completely wasted our time.

Yeah.

And on that bombshell, I'm
afraid it's time to end.

Next week normal service is resumed.

James and I have a lot
of crashes on purpose.

Hopefully we shall see you then.
Thank you for watching, good night!