Three's Company (1976–1984): Season 7, Episode 20 - Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow - full transcript
Jack goes to the bar and tries to pick up a woman by using an old line. She turns him down. Larry shows up with a fake mustache, he says he thinks it'll make him more appealing to the women. Jack thinks he's crazy. Larry approaches the woman Jack tried to pick up and she leaves with him. He says he used the same line Jack tried. Thinking that a mustache might help Jack decides to get one. When he goes home, Janet thinks he looks silly. But Terri throws herself at Jack. Janet tells Jack that Terri's infatuated with him. He thinks she's crazy till Terri kisses him. She tells Jack they have to find a way to make him less appealing and she thinks she knows what will work. So as Jack goes to see Terri, her mother shows up and tells Janet why Terri is behaving the way she is and that Janet's plan won't work.
[man] ♪ Come and
knock on our door ♪
[woman] ♪ Come and
knock on our door ♪
♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪
♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪
[both] ♪ Where the kisses
are hers and hers and his ♪
♪ Three's company too ♪
♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪
♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪
♪ Take a step that is new ♪
♪ Take a step that is new ♪
♪ We've a loveable space
that needs your face ♪
♪ Three's company too ♪
♪ You'll see that
life is a ball again ♪
♪ Laughter is calling for you ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Three's company too ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Three's company too ♪
[chatter]
Hey, guys.
Mike, the beer-tender.
How ya doin', Jack?
I'd like a brew,
thank you. Right.
Here's your beer.
And there's my fantasy.
Uh-uh. Forget it, Jack.
She's a real iceberg.
Oh, really? Yeah.
Well, just watch Sonny Jack
Tripper melt her down, lad!
Haven't I seen you
someplace before?
That's so original. Would
you mind if I wrote it down?
[laughs]
That's so funny!
But seriously. It's, uh,
it's just that I never
know what to say
to a beautiful woman.
How about "Goodbye"?
[laughs]
Well...
That's a very good book.
Everybody dies at the end.
Hope you enjoy it.
Whoa. What'd I tell ya?
I don't wanna talk about
it. I tried to warn you.
I don't want to talk about it.
Hi, Jack.
Larry, what is that?
What's what?
You know what.
Oh! You noticed!
Whaddaya think?
I think it's strange. You
didn't have it yesterday.
Shh.
I just bought it.
You bought it? Yeah.
At Layne's Hair
Salon, in Beverly Hills.
They get any kind you want.
But why, Larry?
Women, Jack!
That's what they go for today!
Guys with mustaches!
Come on. No, no, no. Look.
Look at Tom Selleck.
Burt Reynolds. Hey.
Did it ever occur to
you that those guys
have something going for
them besides mustaches?
Yeah. Women. Money.
Talent!
Give me time, Jack. I just
put this on an hour ago.
[laughs]
Yo, Mike!
Beer me.
What? Well, well.
What have we here?
You're wasting
your time, Lawrence.
I already tried. Had
a major strikeout.
I'm not surprised.
Excuse me.
You're just in time, Mike.
Larry'll be right
back. Take a look.
I'm looking.
Is she giving him
the cold shoulder?
Yeah. I knew it.
And all the rest
of her, too. Huh?
Larry!
I hope this won't take long.
What did you say to her?
I came up with a beaut.
I said, "Haven't I seen
you someplace before?"
I don't get her.
Not tonight, you won't.
How could she fall for
a stupid line like that?
Maybe it sounds better
through a mustache.
Michael, that's the
dumbest thing you ever said.
Mustache. Right.
Hello.
I'm Jack Tripper. I think
I have an appointment.
You're mine.
Pardon me?
I'm Layne. Lane?
With a "Y".
Oh, hi. I'm Jack,
with a "J". Mm-hm.
Uh, I'm here to...
Uh-uh-uh! Say nothing.
Mm-hm.
[Layne] Mm-hm.
Mm-hm. Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
Mm-hm.
Yes. We can do something. Huh?
Lighten up that
mousy color. What?
And perm away
that stringy texture.
But, uh... Oh, we'll
have a brand-new you.
No, no, no, no. I
like me the way I am.
You're kidding.
I'm just here for a mustache.
Well, every little
bit helps. Sit.
Oh, sure. Uh, Mr. Layne,
the kind of mustache
I'm interested in is...
Pick. Oh. Uh...
Boy, this is gonna be
a hairy decision, isn't it?
[laughs] [phone rings]
Excuse me.
[door closes]
[Country accent] Howdy, boy. Yeah,
why don't you come on up to the bar?
Wait a minute.
Ain't you Billy the Kid?
I can tell by the diapers.
Just a joke, son. Watch out.
[hair dryer whirs]
You're dead, but you're dry.
Maybe not.
[French accent] Oh, darling...
I cannot live without you.
Come with me to the Kasbah.
Just say the word.
You know, I-I-I gotta tell you.
I don't think these
are quite right.
Do you have anything
that would, uh,
be attractive to women?
Well, Robert Redford, but he
doesn't come in 'til Thursday.
No, I was... Ooh, ooh!
Excuse me. I didn't, uh...
Hi!
Anybody home?
[Janet] I am!
I'll be out in a
couple of minutes!
[sighs]
[doorbell rings]
Uh, come in, it's open!
Hi, Jack.
I just saw Larry,
and you wouldn't believe
what he's got on his face.
No, not you too!
Mr. Furley, the reason
I got this mustache...
I understand. You
don't have to tell me.
I think it's a good idea.
You do? Sure.
There's nothing like
a macho mustache.
You could fool a lot
of people with that.
Mr. Furley...
Might not be a bad
idea to get a tattoo.
Something manly, like an anchor,
a dagger, a screeching eagle.
Mr. Furley, I got
things I gotta...
But stay away from
angels and kewpie dolls!
Don't you have something
you should fix, Mr. Furley?
Did I ever tell you about the
trouble I had with a mustache?
Look, I... What...
What kind of trouble?
Well, I had this little
chick down in Phoenix.
We'd probably still
be going hot and heavy
except for one little thing.
She didn't like your mustache?
No, I didn't like hers.
Thank you,
Mr. Furley. I'll see you.
Thank you very much.
It was a ticklish situation.
I bet it was.
Thank you very much, Mr. Furley.
Okay, Jack.
Well?
Don't you notice anything
different about me?
What?
My dress, silly.
Look, Jack. I bought
it on sale at Kruegers.
What's that?
It's called a mustache.
I know what it's called,
but what's it doing
on your face?
Janet, I bought it on a
whim 'cause I felt like it.
Same reason you
bought that new dress.
What, you got a date
with Gary McDonald?
I wa... Don't touch it, Janet.
No, I just wanted a change.
Thought I'd try
a different look.
Oh, I'm very glad that you did.
Thank you.
Gave me the best
laugh I've had in weeks.
Don't ever touch
it. Don't touch it. No.
Oh, hi, Janet. Hi, Jack.
What a day. I'm exhausted.
Terri, Terri, honey,
you want to see
something really funny?
I can hardly keep my eyes open.
You hear that? She's too tired
to laugh. Let's forget it, okay?
Oh, forget what? This.
Look.
[laughs]
Doesn't he look silly?
Terri can come up with a better word
than that. How 'bout stupid or weird?
Let's not forget moss-mouth
or pushbroom-lip.
Anything you want, Terri.
Go ahead, pick one. Step on me.
[chuckling] Go
ahead, Terri. Tell him.
Do you see this, Jack?
She is speechless.
I wish I could say
the same for you.
[laughing]
I'm going to the Beagle.
Jack? What?
Can I go with you?
Huh?
Please?
Sure, if you want to.
Terri, whoa, whoa, wait.
I thought you were really tired.
Not anymore.
Oh.
[both laughing]
Oh, Jack, what a terrible pun.
Oh, I know. If I keep this up,
they're gonna send
me to the pun-itentiary,
where I'll be
severely pun-ished.
Stop, stop, you're too funny!
What's so funny?
What are you doing up?
I heard you guys come in.
What's so funny?
Oh, you wouldn't understand.
Yeah, Janet, it's
too punny for you.
How was the Beagle?
We didn't go to the Beagle,
Janet. It was too crowded. Oh?
We decided to take a
long walk on the beach. Oh.
Oh, yes, you know there
are so many things about Jack
that I never knew before.
Go on with you.
He's really deep.
Pshaw, pshaw.
No, really, he said so many
interesting, interesting things.
Oh, really?
Well, Jack, I'd love to hear
something interesting from you.
[scoffs]
Sorry, Janet, I'm all interesting
thing'd out, I must say.
I have to go to bed. Okay.
Oh, Jack, thank you
for a wonderful evening.
Any time, Terence, any time.
Well, thanks again.
Sure. Okay.
Oh! Ooh, ooh!
Hey, are you okay? You okay?
I am now.
Take it easy.
You know, and don't trip
over those beds, okay?
Leave that to me.
[laughs]
What happened with you two?
Nothing.
Something must
have happened, Jack.
She couldn't take
her eyes off you.
Lots of girls have that problem.
No, I got to tell you,
that Larry was right.
This mustache
works like a charm.
Get out. It's not
your silly mustache.
What do you think?
Terri's a child?
No, no, she's all grown up.
That's right,
Jack. That's right.
So it must be something
else making her act that way.
Act what way?
You know. Like...
Like she's in love with you.
Like she's in love
with me? Yeah.
That's stupid.
Of course it's stupid!
But you saw her.
Will you get off it?
One little walk and you
think she's in love with me?
Janet, your imagination
is working overtime.
Oh, Jack. Yeah?
I forgot to give you
a goodnight kiss.
How sweet. Nighty night.
Goodnight.
She's in love with me!
♪♪ [scatting]
Oh, Jack.
Hi, Janet, isn't it a
beautiful morning?
Did you sleep in
that thing last night?
Well, yeah, I didn't
want my lip to get cold.
You know, the blankets
only come up to here.
Jack.
What are we gonna
do about our problem?
Problem? What problem?
Terri!
She's in love with
you, remember?
Oh, that. Don't worry about it.
Don't worry about it?
That's right. It's just a
momentary weakness.
She was tired last night,
so she couldn't think straight.
Oh, maybe so... And
don't forget, Janet,
there was a full
moon last night.
That affects people
in strange ways.
So you think... Just trust me.
This morning she will have
forgotten the whole thing.
Oh, I hope you're
right. Yeah, I'm right.
Come on, pumpkin,
I'll make you breakfast.
Thanks, I'm starving.
You want a big waffle? Yeah.
Hey, Terri. Hi, what you up to?
Good morning, Jack. Morning.
I made you breakfast.
Well, thank you.
Oh, you don't have to thank me.
I loved doing it.
So where's your full moon now?
See what I made?
Bacon and eggs.
Oh! Which is which?
The yellow runny
things are the eggs,
and the little black
things are the bacon.
Terrific.
Ah, toast!
That's Jack's.
Well, where's mine?
Here.
You're not eating.
Oh, oh, oh. Excuse me.
Oh, I should have made you more.
You made enough.
Well, I wanted you
to save room for lunch.
Lunch?
Yes, I'm taking
Jack to the Beagle.
Around noon okay?
No! Noon, uh...
Well... Jack mentioned
that he was very busy today.
Isn't that right?
I'm busy today.
I'm really sorry.
Jack, it'll just
be a quick lunch.
Please, please,
please, please, please.
Okay, I'll go. Oh!
As long as it's quick.
Oh, yes, it'll be quick.
Oh, Jack, thank you
for making my day.
Oh, my goodness.
Oh, isn't she...
getting to be a problem.
What?
You've got a problem, Jack,
and you had better
think of something
to do to cool her off.
Like what?
For starters, don't show
up for that lunch date.
You mean stand Terri up?
Yes!
Yeah, but that's so mean, Janet.
Exactly. Oh, Jack, look. If
somebody did that to me,
I'd be mad enough to kill him.
Oh, I see. Okay, I'll do it.
Good, good.
But, Janet? What?
Can I tell her it was your idea?
Why aren't you at work?
The phone was off the hook!
You came all the way
home to tell me that?
I've been trying to
call you for two hours.
Well, Janet, I didn't
want to be interrupted...
Jack, please, I've
got to talk to you
about your lunch
date with Terri.
Janet, I thought we settled
that. I'm not gonna show up.
No, that won't be enough.
The way she feels about you,
she'll just forgive
you in no time.
All right, so what are
we gonna do now?
Well, look, I've
been thinking, Jack.
What was the first thing
that we noticed about Terri?
I don't know about you,
but I sort of like
the way her little...
Jack!
That she was very independent.
Oh, yeah, right. That too.
And she didn't like to be
bossed around. Who does?
Would you shut up and listen?
Sorry, boss.
Okay, look. All I'm saying is
if you really want
to turn Terri off,
then you're just gonna have
to be real bossy with her.
Just start ordering
her around constantly.
Gee, that sounds a
little nasty. I don't think I...
Would you rather be married?
I could be nasty.
Even a little rotten.
You know, I'll just boss
her around and pick on her.
Good. Criticize her.
Janet, you'll be so proud of me.
I will be so obnoxious.
[doorbell rings]
I knew you had it in you.
Oh, Mrs. Alden. Come on in.
Hello, Janet. Is Terri in?
Well, no.
I just stopped by to
drop off some footies.
A girl can't have too many.
Hi, Mrs. Alden. What?
I said hi.
Ah, you're Jack!
Yes, I know.
Listen, I have to go, but
nice seeing you again.
Well, nice to see you!
Oh, my, for a minute there,
I thought he was David.
David?
Well, yes. With that mustache,
Jack could pass for
David's twin brother.
Mrs. Alden, who is David?
Didn't Terri ever
tell you? Uh-uh.
He was her first love.
He was a resident when
she was a student nurse. Oh.
Yeah, she was crazy about him.
Oh, bet he was really something.
Oh, he certainly was.
Arrogant, conceited,
nasty, domineering.
Always telling her what to do.
You mean that he was bossy?
Bossy. That's the word for him.
Oh, oh, I can't imagine Terri
with somebody like that.
Well, you know what they say:
love is blind.
Why, the worse he treated her,
the harder she
tried to please him.
What?
I got to go.
Well, was it something I said?
Yes!
Oh. Oh, hi, Jack!
You're late!
I'm sorry. There was an
accident and this bus turned over.
I don't want any excuses, Terri.
Oh, I'm sorry, Jack.
It won't happen again.
Oh. Good. That's better.
Better not.
Boy, I'm hungry.
Listen, I already
ordered for you.
Oh, good, I'm starved. I hope you
ordered me a big, juicy hamburger.
I ordered you a Beagle salad.
But I feel like...
I don't care what
you feel like, Terri.
A salad's better for you.
But, Jack... Don't
argue with me, Terri!
I'm sorry.
I was just gonna say thank you.
Oh.
Here's your salad, Terri.
Jack, your double hamburger
will be up in just a minute.
Thanks, Mike.
You ordered a hamburger?
Yeah. If you have
any objections,
would you care
to voice them now?
No, no, no.
You're a man, and
you need your protein.
That's right, that's right.
I'm all man, all protein.
You better believe it.
Oh, starved.
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
What?
How dare you begin eating
before I'm even served.
What did you do, leave
your manners at home?
I've never seen you
like this before, Jack.
Get used to it 'cause this is the
real me. This is the real Tripper.
Jack, you're so-so-so...
So bossy and obnoxious?
No, so... masterful.
Terri, what am I
gonna do with you?
Anything you want.
Agh!
What did you do that for?
I was trying to save your skin.
I don't think there's any left.
Go wash your lip.
Ooh!
Oh!
Why did you do that?
Well, I just thought it was time
that you got rid of David forever.
David? Yeah. Your mom
told me all about him.
Oh. But what's
David got to do with...
[laughs] Oh. You didn't
think that I thought...
I mean, that I... Oh, my God.
Why didn't I see it?
Well, you probably just
blocked David out of your mind.
Oh, I'm so embarrassed.
I must have acted
like a complete fool.
Oh... Janet, thanks for caring.
Oh, don't thank me. Jack's
the one who was nasty to you.
[laughing]
What a guy. Yeah.
You know, a lot of men would have
taken advantage of me. But not Jack.
Un-unh. He is a real friend.
Terri.
Why don't you tell him?
Listen, we gotta set
something straight.
I'm not right for you.
It just would not work.
You'd be making
a terrible mistake.
Oh, Jack, I love you!
Sorry, Janet, I tried!
Mmm-mm. This
cheeseburger is so good.
Can't I have one bite?
Nope. Eat your salad.
Yeah, it's good
for you. [laughs]
You know something,
Terri, it really hurts.
First of all, you tell me the
only reason you liked me
is 'cause I reminded
you of someone else.
And now the two of you
steal my Beagle burger.
You two aren't very good
for the old ego, you know.
But there is someone who is.
Excuse me. What?
Watch this.
What are you doing?
Don't talk to me
while I'm working. Excuse me.
Hiya.
Hi.
Mind if I sit down? Not at all.
You know, uh... Haven't I
seen you somewhere before?
Well, if you had, I would
have never forgotten.
Oh, thank you.
Say, tell me something. Do
you like to walk along the beach?
Oh, I love to. You do?
Well... Hey, hi there, Ginger.
Hi, sweetheart. Hey, thanks for
keeping my girl company, Jacko.
We're gonna take a nice,
long walk along the beach.
Wait a minute, Larry.
What happened to your mustache?
Some guys just don't need it.
Closed-Captioned by J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
♪♪ [theme]
Three's Company was videotaped
in front of a studio audience.
knock on our door ♪
[woman] ♪ Come and
knock on our door ♪
♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪
♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪
[both] ♪ Where the kisses
are hers and hers and his ♪
♪ Three's company too ♪
♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪
♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪
♪ Take a step that is new ♪
♪ Take a step that is new ♪
♪ We've a loveable space
that needs your face ♪
♪ Three's company too ♪
♪ You'll see that
life is a ball again ♪
♪ Laughter is calling for you ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Three's company too ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Three's company too ♪
[chatter]
Hey, guys.
Mike, the beer-tender.
How ya doin', Jack?
I'd like a brew,
thank you. Right.
Here's your beer.
And there's my fantasy.
Uh-uh. Forget it, Jack.
She's a real iceberg.
Oh, really? Yeah.
Well, just watch Sonny Jack
Tripper melt her down, lad!
Haven't I seen you
someplace before?
That's so original. Would
you mind if I wrote it down?
[laughs]
That's so funny!
But seriously. It's, uh,
it's just that I never
know what to say
to a beautiful woman.
How about "Goodbye"?
[laughs]
Well...
That's a very good book.
Everybody dies at the end.
Hope you enjoy it.
Whoa. What'd I tell ya?
I don't wanna talk about
it. I tried to warn you.
I don't want to talk about it.
Hi, Jack.
Larry, what is that?
What's what?
You know what.
Oh! You noticed!
Whaddaya think?
I think it's strange. You
didn't have it yesterday.
Shh.
I just bought it.
You bought it? Yeah.
At Layne's Hair
Salon, in Beverly Hills.
They get any kind you want.
But why, Larry?
Women, Jack!
That's what they go for today!
Guys with mustaches!
Come on. No, no, no. Look.
Look at Tom Selleck.
Burt Reynolds. Hey.
Did it ever occur to
you that those guys
have something going for
them besides mustaches?
Yeah. Women. Money.
Talent!
Give me time, Jack. I just
put this on an hour ago.
[laughs]
Yo, Mike!
Beer me.
What? Well, well.
What have we here?
You're wasting
your time, Lawrence.
I already tried. Had
a major strikeout.
I'm not surprised.
Excuse me.
You're just in time, Mike.
Larry'll be right
back. Take a look.
I'm looking.
Is she giving him
the cold shoulder?
Yeah. I knew it.
And all the rest
of her, too. Huh?
Larry!
I hope this won't take long.
What did you say to her?
I came up with a beaut.
I said, "Haven't I seen
you someplace before?"
I don't get her.
Not tonight, you won't.
How could she fall for
a stupid line like that?
Maybe it sounds better
through a mustache.
Michael, that's the
dumbest thing you ever said.
Mustache. Right.
Hello.
I'm Jack Tripper. I think
I have an appointment.
You're mine.
Pardon me?
I'm Layne. Lane?
With a "Y".
Oh, hi. I'm Jack,
with a "J". Mm-hm.
Uh, I'm here to...
Uh-uh-uh! Say nothing.
Mm-hm.
[Layne] Mm-hm.
Mm-hm. Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
Mm-hm.
Yes. We can do something. Huh?
Lighten up that
mousy color. What?
And perm away
that stringy texture.
But, uh... Oh, we'll
have a brand-new you.
No, no, no, no. I
like me the way I am.
You're kidding.
I'm just here for a mustache.
Well, every little
bit helps. Sit.
Oh, sure. Uh, Mr. Layne,
the kind of mustache
I'm interested in is...
Pick. Oh. Uh...
Boy, this is gonna be
a hairy decision, isn't it?
[laughs] [phone rings]
Excuse me.
[door closes]
[Country accent] Howdy, boy. Yeah,
why don't you come on up to the bar?
Wait a minute.
Ain't you Billy the Kid?
I can tell by the diapers.
Just a joke, son. Watch out.
[hair dryer whirs]
You're dead, but you're dry.
Maybe not.
[French accent] Oh, darling...
I cannot live without you.
Come with me to the Kasbah.
Just say the word.
You know, I-I-I gotta tell you.
I don't think these
are quite right.
Do you have anything
that would, uh,
be attractive to women?
Well, Robert Redford, but he
doesn't come in 'til Thursday.
No, I was... Ooh, ooh!
Excuse me. I didn't, uh...
Hi!
Anybody home?
[Janet] I am!
I'll be out in a
couple of minutes!
[sighs]
[doorbell rings]
Uh, come in, it's open!
Hi, Jack.
I just saw Larry,
and you wouldn't believe
what he's got on his face.
No, not you too!
Mr. Furley, the reason
I got this mustache...
I understand. You
don't have to tell me.
I think it's a good idea.
You do? Sure.
There's nothing like
a macho mustache.
You could fool a lot
of people with that.
Mr. Furley...
Might not be a bad
idea to get a tattoo.
Something manly, like an anchor,
a dagger, a screeching eagle.
Mr. Furley, I got
things I gotta...
But stay away from
angels and kewpie dolls!
Don't you have something
you should fix, Mr. Furley?
Did I ever tell you about the
trouble I had with a mustache?
Look, I... What...
What kind of trouble?
Well, I had this little
chick down in Phoenix.
We'd probably still
be going hot and heavy
except for one little thing.
She didn't like your mustache?
No, I didn't like hers.
Thank you,
Mr. Furley. I'll see you.
Thank you very much.
It was a ticklish situation.
I bet it was.
Thank you very much, Mr. Furley.
Okay, Jack.
Well?
Don't you notice anything
different about me?
What?
My dress, silly.
Look, Jack. I bought
it on sale at Kruegers.
What's that?
It's called a mustache.
I know what it's called,
but what's it doing
on your face?
Janet, I bought it on a
whim 'cause I felt like it.
Same reason you
bought that new dress.
What, you got a date
with Gary McDonald?
I wa... Don't touch it, Janet.
No, I just wanted a change.
Thought I'd try
a different look.
Oh, I'm very glad that you did.
Thank you.
Gave me the best
laugh I've had in weeks.
Don't ever touch
it. Don't touch it. No.
Oh, hi, Janet. Hi, Jack.
What a day. I'm exhausted.
Terri, Terri, honey,
you want to see
something really funny?
I can hardly keep my eyes open.
You hear that? She's too tired
to laugh. Let's forget it, okay?
Oh, forget what? This.
Look.
[laughs]
Doesn't he look silly?
Terri can come up with a better word
than that. How 'bout stupid or weird?
Let's not forget moss-mouth
or pushbroom-lip.
Anything you want, Terri.
Go ahead, pick one. Step on me.
[chuckling] Go
ahead, Terri. Tell him.
Do you see this, Jack?
She is speechless.
I wish I could say
the same for you.
[laughing]
I'm going to the Beagle.
Jack? What?
Can I go with you?
Huh?
Please?
Sure, if you want to.
Terri, whoa, whoa, wait.
I thought you were really tired.
Not anymore.
Oh.
[both laughing]
Oh, Jack, what a terrible pun.
Oh, I know. If I keep this up,
they're gonna send
me to the pun-itentiary,
where I'll be
severely pun-ished.
Stop, stop, you're too funny!
What's so funny?
What are you doing up?
I heard you guys come in.
What's so funny?
Oh, you wouldn't understand.
Yeah, Janet, it's
too punny for you.
How was the Beagle?
We didn't go to the Beagle,
Janet. It was too crowded. Oh?
We decided to take a
long walk on the beach. Oh.
Oh, yes, you know there
are so many things about Jack
that I never knew before.
Go on with you.
He's really deep.
Pshaw, pshaw.
No, really, he said so many
interesting, interesting things.
Oh, really?
Well, Jack, I'd love to hear
something interesting from you.
[scoffs]
Sorry, Janet, I'm all interesting
thing'd out, I must say.
I have to go to bed. Okay.
Oh, Jack, thank you
for a wonderful evening.
Any time, Terence, any time.
Well, thanks again.
Sure. Okay.
Oh! Ooh, ooh!
Hey, are you okay? You okay?
I am now.
Take it easy.
You know, and don't trip
over those beds, okay?
Leave that to me.
[laughs]
What happened with you two?
Nothing.
Something must
have happened, Jack.
She couldn't take
her eyes off you.
Lots of girls have that problem.
No, I got to tell you,
that Larry was right.
This mustache
works like a charm.
Get out. It's not
your silly mustache.
What do you think?
Terri's a child?
No, no, she's all grown up.
That's right,
Jack. That's right.
So it must be something
else making her act that way.
Act what way?
You know. Like...
Like she's in love with you.
Like she's in love
with me? Yeah.
That's stupid.
Of course it's stupid!
But you saw her.
Will you get off it?
One little walk and you
think she's in love with me?
Janet, your imagination
is working overtime.
Oh, Jack. Yeah?
I forgot to give you
a goodnight kiss.
How sweet. Nighty night.
Goodnight.
She's in love with me!
♪♪ [scatting]
Oh, Jack.
Hi, Janet, isn't it a
beautiful morning?
Did you sleep in
that thing last night?
Well, yeah, I didn't
want my lip to get cold.
You know, the blankets
only come up to here.
Jack.
What are we gonna
do about our problem?
Problem? What problem?
Terri!
She's in love with
you, remember?
Oh, that. Don't worry about it.
Don't worry about it?
That's right. It's just a
momentary weakness.
She was tired last night,
so she couldn't think straight.
Oh, maybe so... And
don't forget, Janet,
there was a full
moon last night.
That affects people
in strange ways.
So you think... Just trust me.
This morning she will have
forgotten the whole thing.
Oh, I hope you're
right. Yeah, I'm right.
Come on, pumpkin,
I'll make you breakfast.
Thanks, I'm starving.
You want a big waffle? Yeah.
Hey, Terri. Hi, what you up to?
Good morning, Jack. Morning.
I made you breakfast.
Well, thank you.
Oh, you don't have to thank me.
I loved doing it.
So where's your full moon now?
See what I made?
Bacon and eggs.
Oh! Which is which?
The yellow runny
things are the eggs,
and the little black
things are the bacon.
Terrific.
Ah, toast!
That's Jack's.
Well, where's mine?
Here.
You're not eating.
Oh, oh, oh. Excuse me.
Oh, I should have made you more.
You made enough.
Well, I wanted you
to save room for lunch.
Lunch?
Yes, I'm taking
Jack to the Beagle.
Around noon okay?
No! Noon, uh...
Well... Jack mentioned
that he was very busy today.
Isn't that right?
I'm busy today.
I'm really sorry.
Jack, it'll just
be a quick lunch.
Please, please,
please, please, please.
Okay, I'll go. Oh!
As long as it's quick.
Oh, yes, it'll be quick.
Oh, Jack, thank you
for making my day.
Oh, my goodness.
Oh, isn't she...
getting to be a problem.
What?
You've got a problem, Jack,
and you had better
think of something
to do to cool her off.
Like what?
For starters, don't show
up for that lunch date.
You mean stand Terri up?
Yes!
Yeah, but that's so mean, Janet.
Exactly. Oh, Jack, look. If
somebody did that to me,
I'd be mad enough to kill him.
Oh, I see. Okay, I'll do it.
Good, good.
But, Janet? What?
Can I tell her it was your idea?
Why aren't you at work?
The phone was off the hook!
You came all the way
home to tell me that?
I've been trying to
call you for two hours.
Well, Janet, I didn't
want to be interrupted...
Jack, please, I've
got to talk to you
about your lunch
date with Terri.
Janet, I thought we settled
that. I'm not gonna show up.
No, that won't be enough.
The way she feels about you,
she'll just forgive
you in no time.
All right, so what are
we gonna do now?
Well, look, I've
been thinking, Jack.
What was the first thing
that we noticed about Terri?
I don't know about you,
but I sort of like
the way her little...
Jack!
That she was very independent.
Oh, yeah, right. That too.
And she didn't like to be
bossed around. Who does?
Would you shut up and listen?
Sorry, boss.
Okay, look. All I'm saying is
if you really want
to turn Terri off,
then you're just gonna have
to be real bossy with her.
Just start ordering
her around constantly.
Gee, that sounds a
little nasty. I don't think I...
Would you rather be married?
I could be nasty.
Even a little rotten.
You know, I'll just boss
her around and pick on her.
Good. Criticize her.
Janet, you'll be so proud of me.
I will be so obnoxious.
[doorbell rings]
I knew you had it in you.
Oh, Mrs. Alden. Come on in.
Hello, Janet. Is Terri in?
Well, no.
I just stopped by to
drop off some footies.
A girl can't have too many.
Hi, Mrs. Alden. What?
I said hi.
Ah, you're Jack!
Yes, I know.
Listen, I have to go, but
nice seeing you again.
Well, nice to see you!
Oh, my, for a minute there,
I thought he was David.
David?
Well, yes. With that mustache,
Jack could pass for
David's twin brother.
Mrs. Alden, who is David?
Didn't Terri ever
tell you? Uh-uh.
He was her first love.
He was a resident when
she was a student nurse. Oh.
Yeah, she was crazy about him.
Oh, bet he was really something.
Oh, he certainly was.
Arrogant, conceited,
nasty, domineering.
Always telling her what to do.
You mean that he was bossy?
Bossy. That's the word for him.
Oh, oh, I can't imagine Terri
with somebody like that.
Well, you know what they say:
love is blind.
Why, the worse he treated her,
the harder she
tried to please him.
What?
I got to go.
Well, was it something I said?
Yes!
Oh. Oh, hi, Jack!
You're late!
I'm sorry. There was an
accident and this bus turned over.
I don't want any excuses, Terri.
Oh, I'm sorry, Jack.
It won't happen again.
Oh. Good. That's better.
Better not.
Boy, I'm hungry.
Listen, I already
ordered for you.
Oh, good, I'm starved. I hope you
ordered me a big, juicy hamburger.
I ordered you a Beagle salad.
But I feel like...
I don't care what
you feel like, Terri.
A salad's better for you.
But, Jack... Don't
argue with me, Terri!
I'm sorry.
I was just gonna say thank you.
Oh.
Here's your salad, Terri.
Jack, your double hamburger
will be up in just a minute.
Thanks, Mike.
You ordered a hamburger?
Yeah. If you have
any objections,
would you care
to voice them now?
No, no, no.
You're a man, and
you need your protein.
That's right, that's right.
I'm all man, all protein.
You better believe it.
Oh, starved.
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
What?
How dare you begin eating
before I'm even served.
What did you do, leave
your manners at home?
I've never seen you
like this before, Jack.
Get used to it 'cause this is the
real me. This is the real Tripper.
Jack, you're so-so-so...
So bossy and obnoxious?
No, so... masterful.
Terri, what am I
gonna do with you?
Anything you want.
Agh!
What did you do that for?
I was trying to save your skin.
I don't think there's any left.
Go wash your lip.
Ooh!
Oh!
Why did you do that?
Well, I just thought it was time
that you got rid of David forever.
David? Yeah. Your mom
told me all about him.
Oh. But what's
David got to do with...
[laughs] Oh. You didn't
think that I thought...
I mean, that I... Oh, my God.
Why didn't I see it?
Well, you probably just
blocked David out of your mind.
Oh, I'm so embarrassed.
I must have acted
like a complete fool.
Oh... Janet, thanks for caring.
Oh, don't thank me. Jack's
the one who was nasty to you.
[laughing]
What a guy. Yeah.
You know, a lot of men would have
taken advantage of me. But not Jack.
Un-unh. He is a real friend.
Terri.
Why don't you tell him?
Listen, we gotta set
something straight.
I'm not right for you.
It just would not work.
You'd be making
a terrible mistake.
Oh, Jack, I love you!
Sorry, Janet, I tried!
Mmm-mm. This
cheeseburger is so good.
Can't I have one bite?
Nope. Eat your salad.
Yeah, it's good
for you. [laughs]
You know something,
Terri, it really hurts.
First of all, you tell me the
only reason you liked me
is 'cause I reminded
you of someone else.
And now the two of you
steal my Beagle burger.
You two aren't very good
for the old ego, you know.
But there is someone who is.
Excuse me. What?
Watch this.
What are you doing?
Don't talk to me
while I'm working. Excuse me.
Hiya.
Hi.
Mind if I sit down? Not at all.
You know, uh... Haven't I
seen you somewhere before?
Well, if you had, I would
have never forgotten.
Oh, thank you.
Say, tell me something. Do
you like to walk along the beach?
Oh, I love to. You do?
Well... Hey, hi there, Ginger.
Hi, sweetheart. Hey, thanks for
keeping my girl company, Jacko.
We're gonna take a nice,
long walk along the beach.
Wait a minute, Larry.
What happened to your mustache?
Some guys just don't need it.
Closed-Captioned by J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
♪♪ [theme]
Three's Company was videotaped
in front of a studio audience.