Three's Company (1976–1984): Season 7, Episode 19 - The Apartment - full transcript

Jack's works extra hours at the restaurant after it closes, so he sleeps in the vacant apartment above his Bistro. He finds Mr. Angelino there with a woman, having an affair. One night, Janet and Terri stop by and find Jack with the woman.

[man] ♪ Come and
knock on our door ♪

[woman] ♪ Come and
knock on our door ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

[both] ♪ Where the kisses
are hers and hers and his ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪
♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪

♪ Take a step that is new ♪
♪ Take a step that is new ♪

♪ We've a loveable space
that needs your face ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ You'll see that
life is a ball again ♪



♪ Laughter is calling for you ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

Janet, come here!

What, Terri?

You have got to try this omelet.

Where'd you get it?

I made it!

Really?

Well, don't sound so surprised.

You know, with Jack
being so busy these days,

I mean somebody's got to cook.



Now, here. Taste.

Well?

Um... that's very interesting.

What's in it?

Eggs.

Besides eggs.

Uh, let me see, uh,
tomatoes, cabbage,

broccoli, peanut butter... Mmm!

Right, peanut butter.

A few plums and some sauerkraut.

What do you think?

I think you're pregnant.

I am not!

Well, then, what's with
all the stuff in the omelet?

You told me to clean
out the refrigerator.

Tastes like you
cleaned out the closet.

Janet Wood, that is the last
time that I cook around here.

Oh, come on. It wasn't that bad.

I'm sor... I was just kidding.

It wasn't that bad.

Hey, Jack!

Come on out and make breakfast.

Jack, are you up?

Hey, Terri. Terri, Terri. Huh?

He's not here.

Well, he must have left early.

No, no. His bed wasn't slept in.

He didn't come home last night.

Ooh, you're kidding.

I wonder why he didn't call.

I know. That's not like Jack.

Maybe something happened to him.

Like what?

Maybe he got hit by a truck,

and he's lying out
there somewhere.

Terri.

Well, those trucks
are so big and heavy.

[gasps]

No, no, no.

Jack didn't get
hit by any truck.

He's very careful when
he crosses the street.

Yeah, oh, yeah. You're right.

You're right, Janet.

Maybe he got mugged
waiting for the light to change.

How come you always
have to think the worst?

I can't help it. I
work in a hospital.

Well, stop it.
Jack is all right.

You just have to
think positive like me.

[doorbell rings]

The police! [screams]

Oh, ha! It's just Larry.

[chuckles]

I didn't hear that.

Where's Jack?

He said he might need a ride.

We don't know. He didn't
come home last night.

Why, that dirty dog.

What?

He got lucky, huh?

Is that all you ever think of?

Larry, there could
have been an accident!

Not if he was careful.

Jack!

[Jack] How you doing?

Jack, we're so glad you're home.

Are you all right?

Actually, I'm exhausted.

[laughs]

What'd I tell you?

Jack, where have you been?

And why wasn't I invited?

Larry, would you just
get out of here, please?

You're an inspiration
to us all. Whoo!

What is he talking about?

Oh, never mind.

I got to sit down.
I am so tired.

Well, Jack, how come
you're so exhausted?

Well, it's always hard for me

to get used to sleeping
in a strange bed.

What? What?

What what? I slept
at the restaurant.

The restaurant?

Yeah, you know, that little
room above the back stairs.

Yeah.

Well, I was trying to catch up

on some paperwork last night.

It got so late, I just
decided to sleep there.

Oh, oh, oh, oh,

so that was the strange bed.

Ye... yeah, wait a minute.

Did you think I was
out carousing or...

No! No. That was Larry.

We just thought you were dead.

Oh.

Well, that's much better.

Well, Jack, whatever
you do is your business,

but it was very inconsiderate
of you not to call us.

We were worried sick about you.

Hang on a sec. I was gonna call,

but it got so late
I decided not to.

I didn't want to wake you up.

Ohh. Ohh.

Okay.

Got to sleep
there again tonight.

Why?

Because it's close
to the produce market,

and I've got to be there
at 6:00 in the morning.

Oh, you poor baby. Yeah.

I'll be all alone

in a small, dingy little room.

Aw, it sounds awful.

Oh, I don't mind.

We can always squeeze a
couple more people in if we cuddle.

Jack. Jack!

Come on. Here. Go
get some sleep. Yeah.

I can't sleep.

There's a million
things I got to do,

and I don't know how I'm
gonna get through 'em all.

Well, can we help?

Yeah, what could we do?

Well, Janet, listen.

If you could go to the bank

and the post office
for me... I'd be glad to.

I'd really appreciate that.

Terri? Yeah?

Could you pick up the new
menus for me at the printers?

Sure. You're a lifesaver!

Anything else we can do?

Yeah, there is one other thing.

Okay. Just follow me.

Sure.

Wait a minute!
Where are we going?

Well, I have to shower.
You wash, you dry.

[laughing]

[Jack] Thank you very
much. Please come again.

Good night.

[sighs]

[sighs]

[keys rattling]

[both scream]

Mr. Angelino!

Tripper!

What are you doing here so late?

I thought you'd be closed.

Well, a couple of the customers

didn't want to go home.

Oh. Ohh. Oh.

What are you doing here?

Uh, well, I thought
I'd check up on you.

But you thought I was closed.

Oh, yeah, uh,

well, are you checking up on me?

No, no, no. I...

Well, I mean, if you must know,

I came here to get a
bottle of wine to take home.

You came all the way down
here for a bottle of wine?

Well, yes, you see...

Are you checking up on me again?

Oh, no, no, no.

I'll get your wine.

Mr. Angelino? Oh!

Well, you don't expect me

to drink out of
the bottle, do you?

[laughs]

I thought you were
gonna go home.

Oh, I am, I am.

But I can't drive
without my glasses.

[laughs]

[groans]

Tripper? Mr. Angelino.

You are checking up on me.

No, no, I was just
gonna go to bed.

Well, so was I.

[yawns]

Ooh, tired. Very tired.

Good night, Jack.

[Woman] Oh, Frankie.

Honey, do you think that I
could have a little more wine?

Oh, I didn't know
you had company.

I, uh, was training a new
wine steward. Uh-huh.

Stewardess. Person.

Mr. Angelino, you
don't have to explain.

This is your affair.

Business! This is your business.

I'm going. Bye.

Son, I want you to know

this is my first time ever.

First time? But you're married.

I mean with another woman.

Oh, oh, I'm...
Good night, Tripper!

See ya. Bye. Good
night. Good night.

There. Hmm.

[chuckles]

Your wife! My wife?

She's coming up
the stairs. My wife!

Your wife?

You told me you
lived with your mother.

Well, she's always
been like a mother to me.

You guys want to
talk. I'll be going.

No! No, Tripper. Wait.

Daphne, go to the bathroom.

I don't have to.

Jack.

I'll give it a shot.

No! No!

[knocking]

[Woman] Frank, open up.

All right, I'm coming in.

Just as I... Hi,
Mrs. Angelino. Jack!

Oh, but I thought...

Oh. Oh, I am so embarrassed.

Frank!

Mildred, I thought that
was your car out front.

What are you doing here?

I don't know.

What's this?

[gasps] Tripper, I'm shocked!

Mildred, don't look.

I come here to check up on you,

and I, I find you
with this, this...

Watch it.

This beautiful girl.

Oh, come, Mildred. I'm
sorry you had to see this.

By the way, where have you been?

I've been trying to
reach you all night.

That rat!

He told me he was single.

Why would he lie like that?

Uh, well, uh... [chuckles]

I don't...

If you can't believe a guy
who says "Honest Injun,"

who can you believe?

He said "Honest Injun"?

He told me I reminded
him of the Mona Lisa.

Oh, wasn't I dumb to
fall for a line like that?

Well, you do have
a very pretty smile.

[chuckles] Good night.

Um, do you really think so?

Honest Injun.

I mean, are you kidding me?

You're very, very pretty.

You got beautiful blonde hair

and big ol' blue eyes.

[chuckles]

And not that I noticed,

but I think it's a
fair assumption

that you have a terrific figure.

Aren't you sweet.

I dare say.

Well, look, uh,

looks like, uh, I
could be wrong,

but it looks like
you're ready for bed,

so I'll just be moseying
on out of here.

Oh, wait a minute.

Won't you just stay and have

a little glass of wine
with me before you go?

I really shouldn't.

I don't think
Mr. Angelino would...

Oh, please.

Oh...

Okay, just one little
sip, Miss, uh, Miss...

Smith.

That's okay, you
don't have to tell me.

Oh, that really is my name.

Daphne Smith.

Oh. Well, hello,
Daphne. I'm Jack Tripper.

Nice to meet you. How do you do?

I'm fine now.

Is this your room?

No, I live nearby
in Santa Monica.

You know, I could
tell right away

that you were a nice guy.

Could you? Yeah.

You don't look at a girl

like you only got one
thing on your mind.

Well, I am tired.

[chuckling]

Gosh. Come here.

Yeah?

You know, I should just drink

this one glass and
then go right home.

Oh, okay, but drink slowly.

O... kay.

I...

Come on.

Yeah, looks like he's still up.

The poor guy.

Wait'll he sees all this stuff.

It'll really cheer him up.

I know. Okay, are
you ready? Yeah.

Okay, one, two,
three... Surprise!

[screaming]

Here! Jack!

You... ooh!

[Jack] Wait, wait, ow!

Would you listen to me? No.

Look, I'm trying to tell you...

Lies, lies, lies! All lies.

You said you had to work late.

You said you had to get
up early to go to the market.

Yeah, to pick up a tomato.

And all the time we
were running around

getting your dry
cleaning and your menus.

And going to the bank
and the post office,

all because we
felt sorry for you.

And all the time you
were messing around.

I was... I was not
messing around!

I don't care what
you say, Jack Tripper.

I saw what I saw.

And I saw what she saw.

You did not see
what she saw. Huh?

The girl I was with
was not with me.

Oh, come on!

Janet, Daphne was
with Mr. Angelino.

Only Mrs. Angelino
thought she was with me,

which is exactly what Mr. Angelino
wanted, so he left with her.

Daphne? No, Mrs. Angelino.

I was left with Daphne,

and I was getting
ready to leave,

but Daphne said please,
so I said yes, and I stayed.

Then you came and saw us. See?

Jack, your nose is growing.

Terri, you're the
reasonable one.

Your nose is in my way.

I wa... I... Look,
girls, could I...

Hey, come on.

All right, girls, maybe
I didn't explain it right.

Will you give me another chance?

[Janet] Okay, talk.

Janet, it's not something

we can do through a door.

[Jack knocking]

Please let me in!

[Janet] No!

Please! No!

That's what I like
about you, Jack.

You never stop trying.

Larry, I'm not in the mood.

You could have fooled me.

[Jack] Hey!

Will you cut the jokes?

I'm in big trouble here.

What?

The girls are mad at me

because they
think I lied to 'em.

About what?

They think I spent
the night with a girl.

Where'd they get
an idea like that?

They found us on a bed
together drinking wine.

Sounds innocent to me.

It was. Nothing happened.

Hey, you don't have to explain.

Unless you'd like to.

There is nothing to explain.

Okay, if you say so, pal.

Look, I don't
even know the girl.

Right, you just stick
to that story. [sighs]

Hi.

What are you doing here?

Oh, Jack, you
were so nice to me.

I wanted to return the favor.

Uh, Larry...

Don't tell me. Dustin
Hoffman, right?

Daphne, how did you
find out where I lived?

I looked you up
in the phone book.

But why?

Oh, Jack, you were
so sweet to me,

and since your girlfriends
seemed a little angry,

I though that if I
explained to them...

Would you explain?

Would you? That...
You'd be a lifesaver.

By the way, they're
not my girlfriends.

They're not?

Oh, that's wonderful!

No, it isn't.

Oh, what's the matter, Jack?

Don't you like me?

Huh? Oh, sur... I, yeah, abso...

It's just that you were gonna explain
to the girls and get me off the hook.

Oh, I will. Oh, good.

Afterwards. Afterwards?

Oh, ho, ho. Wait, wait.

Daphne, you don't
under... [doorbell rings]

I got to go get the ding-dong.

Excuse me. I'll be right there.

Uh, she's not here!

Quick, in my bedroom.

You do like me!

No, just... Hey! Uh,
uh... [doorbell rings]

Okay, um... Can't you
even answer the door?

I did. No one was there.

[doorbell rings]

There's no one again.

Uh... Janet, Janet, wait. Jack!

Don't open the door.

At this hour, it
could be a maniac.

Oh!

Who is it?

Angelino.

What did I tell you?

Oh, thank you, thank you.

Listen, I'm sorry to
bother you so late,

but I just have to talk to Jack.

And I have to talk to you.

But not tonight! I'm too tired.

High five.

What's going on?

Shh.

Mr. Angelino, I'm so sorry.

That was very rude of Jack.

No, no, no, that's okay.

He has every right to be rude.

Why? What happened?

Well, I kind of put
him on the spot tonight.

Does this have anything
to do with a Daphne?

Jack told you?

Well, he tried to, but
we wouldn't listen.

Good. Good night.

Good night?

He said Daphne was with you.

Well... technically
you might say that,

but actually...

Well, see, what happened was

I met this poor little waif,

a mere child with
nowhere to stay.

And so out of the goodness
of my heart I offered her

the room above
Jack's restaurant.

Can you believe that?

Shh.

And then when I went up
to see if she was all right,

well, imagine my surprise

when she came out in a negligee.

She wasn't a little girl at all.

Uh-uh.

And when I tried to
leave, she accosted me.

Ooh, that no-good...

What does "accosted" mean?

I was shocked.

I had no idea she was
that kind of a woman.

Oh, let me at him!

Daphne. Daphne.

Come on, come on. Shh.

And when my wife came in,

well, she thought that
Daphne was Jack's

you know,

and rather than confuse
the poor woman...

I mean, I love my wife...

I just let her think that...

Ohh, I guess it
was kind of rotten.

Yeah, kind of.

I hope Jack will forgive me.

[scoffs]

In fact, I'm not leaving
till he accepts my apology.

No, actually, Daphne,
I don't... Daphne?

Yes?

Oh!

So you were
shocked, huh? No, no.

You didn't think I was
that kind of woman, huh?

No, no, please, I can explain.

Yeah? Yes.

Well, explain this. Huh? Oh!

I don't think Jack
accepted his apology.

Maybe he should have
just sent him a note.

What happened?

Nothing.

And I deserved it.

[sighs]

Well, I don't blame
Jack for being angry.

And you know what? Hmm.

We owe him an apology too.

Yeah, I just hope he
accepts our apology better.

Of course he will. He's
our roommate, Terri.

Yeah.

You go 'head.

Huh? Oh, no. Oh, no.

You feel better now?

Not yet.

Well... [Janet] Jack!

Yeah. Yes?

We want to apologize.

Uh, okay, I accept.

Now go to bed.

No, come on.

We want to do it face-to-face.

Okay... Okay, I
accept your apology.

[giggling] I told you.

What is so funny?

[Jack] I'm just so happy
about your apology.

It really tickles me.

Jack, look, either
you come out here

so we can apologize,
or we're coming in.

Okay, here I am.

[panting]

Jack, honey, well,
Terri and I... Mm-hmm?

We just... well,
we just want you

to know that we feel terrible

about not believing you.

Yeah.

Jack, because the
only thing that matters

is honesty and trust.

Yeah, if we don't have that,

we don't have anything, right?

[clears throat] Right?

Right? Right.

Right. Right.

Uh, uh... Look, I have something

to talk to you
girls about, okay?

Okay, Jack. Sure, anything.

So, uh, why don't we sit down?

Why don't we cross our legs?

Okay. Okay.

Terri, why don't you
bring yours over this way?

Oh.

Do you remember

that girl you saw
me with tonight?

Sure. Yeah.

She's in my bedroom right now.

Oh, come on.

I'm serious. Okay.

Oh, sure you are, Jack.

What are you trying to do?

Teach us a lesson because
we wouldn't believe you?

I'm telling you,

Daphne is in my
bedroom right now.

Uh-huh, oh, yeah. Really.

She came over to explain,

to get me off the
hook with you two.

She is really a very nice girl.

Then what's she
doing in your bedroom?

[laughs]

Would you get serious, Janet?

I was hiding her in there

so you two wouldn't
get the wrong idea.

The poor girl's been
hurt enough already.

[Janet and Terri chuckle]

Oh, no, we believe you, Jack.

Don't we, Janet?

Yes, we do. Oh,
you don't believe me!

I want you two to check
my room right now.

There is a girl...
Would you get off...

[Terri] Oh, come on.
Jack, this is crazy.

All right, I suppose
we will not be allowed

to get any sleep tonight
unless we go look,

so we'll go look.

All right. All right.

Well?

Oh, Jack, she's
lovely, just lovely.

And she seems very nice, too.

Good night.

Wait a minute!

Does this mean she can stay?

Of course.

Yes, of course!

Whoo!

She's gone!

And so are you, Jack.

Daphne? Daph... Daphne?

Uh, Daphne, are you in there?

Daphne? Daph...

Daphne?

Daphne?

[doorbell rings]

[sighs]

Oh, no. Oh!

Don't worry, Jack.

I'm just here
'cause I think I left

my compact in your
bedroom last night.

Oh, uh, be my guest.

Would you like to help me look?

[chuckles]

No, no, that's all right.

You can handle that.

[both talking]

Oh, hi, Jack. Morning!

We went out to get you some
doughnuts for your breakfast.

Oh, thank you. Uh, thank you.

Uh, listen, about that Daphne.

Oh, no, not that again, Jack.

Really, come on, Jack.

We all know that there was
nobody in your room last night.

[Daphne] I found it!

It was under your bed.

Have a nice day. Bye!

That was her.

Who? Daphne.

I didn't see nobody.

[no audible dialogue]

Hey, Jack! Wait a minute, Jack!

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA

Three's Company was videotaped
in front of a studio audience.