Three's Company (1976–1984): Season 7, Episode 15 - Star Struck - full transcript

Terri treats a man who is an actor on a soap opera. Later he asks her out, and she accepts. But what she doesn't know is that he prefers trashy women so the show is considering writing him off unless he appears to be respectable. After going out with him on one date, he proposes to Terri. While Janet is happy Jack is suspicious. Later he goes to Jack's restaurant with one of his girlfriends and Jack sees him.

[Man] ♪ Come and
knock on our door ♪

[Woman] ♪ Come and
knock on our door ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

[Both] ♪ Where the kisses
are hers and hers and his ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪
♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪

♪ Take a step that is new ♪
♪ Take a step that is new ♪

♪ We've a loveable space
that needs your face ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ You'll see that
life is a ball again ♪

♪ Laughter is calling for you ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

There we are, Mr. Gretski.

All finished.

Thank you, nurse.

Bye. Bye-bye.


Listen, Terri. Hmm?

Why don't you
knock off a little early?

I'll take over.

There's only one
patient left, anyway.

Oh, thanks, Marge.
You know, I'm beat.


You can come in now.

If you'll just sit
over there, please.

[sighs again]

[whispering] Marge.
That's Brett Wade.

The soap opera star.

It is? I never noticed.

I'll be with you in a
minute, Mr. Wade.

[whispering] No,
you won't. [moans]

Mr. Wade.

I see that you've
had a little accident.

It's nothing. It happened
on set today. I'll be all right.

Nothing? I bet he
broke half his ribs.

Would you wait outside, please?

But I'm his agent. Bernie.

Going. I'm going.

So. Mr. Wade.

Would you, um, take
off your shirt, please?

But we hardly know each other.

Mr. Wade.

I am a nurse.

And I can assure you
that I have seen thousands,

millions of men without their...

Oh my...

Janet! What?

Come here! Quick! Quick!

What? What's goin' on?

You will never guess who I
examined at the hospital today.


Brett Wade.

The Brett Wade?

You mean the star
of County Hospital?

Yes! Yes!

What was he doing
at the hospital?

Well, he had a little accident.

But he's okay now.

I'd like to be that okay.

The guy's out with a
different girl every night!

He is really something.

[phone rings]

I'll get that.

Hello? Speaking.


[whispers] It's him!

You want a what?


Well, let me check my calendar.

Please hold.


[laughing scream]

No, I don't seem to
have any plans tonight.

7:00 would be just about fine.

All right.


She's going out with Brett Wade!

I am going out with Brett Wade!

You are not going
out with Brett Wade.

Why not?

Didn't you hear what
I said about him?

Yeah. You said, "He
is really something."

You didn't let me finish.

I was gonna say,
he is really something

that ought to be put away.

No decent woman is safe
with him walking the streets.

Don't you have to go
to work or something?

Terri. I wanna... Listen, Jack.

I'm a big girl now.

Janet. Talk.
She'll listen to you.

Okay. Fine, Jack. I will.

Terri, honey? What?

What're ya gonna wear?

[both, screaming]

I never should
have listened to you.

I'm gonna call back and cancel
the date. Oh, no, you're not.

She's a nice,
normal, sweet girl.

The kinda girl you
oughtta be seen with.

Then you take her.

I don't like that type.

And the sponsor
don't like your type.

All those cheap floozies
you've been seen with.

Hey, hey. You're talkin'
about my girlfriends.

Excuse me.

Listen. The bottom line is,

you're sponsored
by a soap company.

And they want actors
with clean images.

Aw, come on.

Unless you wanna go back
to selling aluminum siding.

Okay. I'll date the nurse.

Good. But that's just
step one. Huh? Now...


Brett's gonna be
here any minute.

I know.

Are you not nervous?

Oh, dear Janet.

It's just a date.

[doorbell rings]

Terri, that's him!

Where ya goin'?

To throw up.

No, no, no.

You're not.

You're gonna answer the door.

I can't. I can't. Go on.

Terri, just go.
Oh, no. Oh, no...

Just stand here. Stay.


Hi, Brett.


How are your ribs?

Fine. Fine.

May I come in?

Why, of course.

Hi. Hi.

Oh! Uh...

I'd like you to meet my
roommate Jah-jah-jah...

Janet. Janet.

It's nice to meet you.

Pleasure's all mine.

That's what you think.

Why don't we sit down, Terri?


Oh, right! [laughs]

I lost my head, there.

[gasps] What am I doing here?

Right. Yeah.

I'll just... I'll just go out.

And that way, uh... well...

You'll have time to...

get to know each other better.

Oh. [laughs]

Uh... Did you have a nice day?

Nothing unusual.

I performed open heart surgery.


On today's episode
of County Hospital.

Oh. [laughs]

Oh, you are so funny.


Oh, gosh. It must
be great being a star.

Oh, well, I...

Actually, it is.


Not as nice as meeting
someone by chance and...

finding out that
you really like them.

It's him!

It's Brett Wade!

I told you!



Sounds just like him.

Brett, this is our landlord.

Mr. Furley.

Glad to meet you.

You are?

See, Larry? He's not
stuck up, like you said.


He's such a joker.


So, really, Brett. Larry Dallas.

I'm in transportation.

So, Brett, baby.
Come on. Tell me.

What is your secret
with women? Huh?

What? Is it somethin'
you're born with

or somethin' you have to take?


It's okay. It's no secret.

I just try to be open
and honest with women.

Open and honest, huh?

That's just sneaky
enough to work.

Shouldn't we be
on our way, Brett?

Of course. Wait a minute.

I wanna get a picture.

Why not? All right.

Larry! Get outta there!

It's all right. I don't mind.

Janet! You're
ruining the picture.

Mr. Furley, you can be
in a picture with Brett, too.

Oh. Good idea.

Wait a minute!

I can't take the picture
and be in it at the same time.

Give it to me, Mr. Furley.

You pose. I will
take the picture.

Well, I'm not prepared. But...

One, two, three! [camera whirs]

Mr. Furley, the
flash didn't go off.

Am I the only one around
here who can do anything right?



Would you please calm down?

Terri should have
been home hours ago.

Jack. It is not that late.

With that lover boy?
It's later than you think.

Oh. Look, even if you are right,

don't you think that Terri
knows how to say "No"?

Yes. But will she remember?

Would you stop it?

You are being ridiculous.

You are. I just... Look.
Here she is. See?

Terri? How'd it go?


Terri, what happened?

Isn't it obvious what happened?

You be quiet.

Terri, honey. It's all right.

Tell us what happened.

He... he... he...
Oh, God! I knew it!

Terri. Go on.

He... he... I don't
wanna hear it!

He asked me to marry him.

I'll kill him! He...

He... he...

He... he actually
proposed to you?

Uh-huh. That's wonderful.

That's crazy! What's
the matter with you?

I'm glad Terri has
more sense than that.

What'd you say to the creep?

I said... yes! Oh, Terri!

I know! I'm so happy...

What do you mean,
Terri, you said yes?

You just met the guy!

I know, Jack. But, gosh.

Sometimes I feel like I've
known him for such a long time.

Of course you have!
You've been watching

his dumb show for five years.

Terri? Huh?

Terri, how did he propose?

What did he say?

Well, he said, "Darling,

you are the woman that I've
always dreamed of meeting."


That's beautiful.

Then what did he say?

"I know this may seem a
little sudden to you, but..."

Yeah? Yeah?

"But I didn't wanna take
the chance of losing you."

So? So?

"Will you marry me?"


[both screaming]

I just can't believe it.

You both fell for the
oldest line in the world.

It was not a line! Yeah.

Oh, really?

Did he give you a ring?


A-ha! Did he set a date

for the wedding? No.

What was that?

No! I rest my case.

What're you gettin'
at? Don't you see?

He only proposed to her just
because he was after her body.

Well, if he marries
me, he can have it.

[doorbell rings]

Way to tell him, Terri.


You get that, Jack?

If he marries her,
he can have it.

I got more film!

Is he here?

Save it for the wedding.

What wedding?

They think that Brett
Wade is getting married.

Brett Wade can't get married.

Why not?

Because if Brett got
married, his nurse,

Gillian, would be so jealous,
she'd blab to everyone

that Brett's first wife,
Sadie, isn't really dead.

She just has amnesia.

Mr. Furley.

We're not talkin' about
some dumb TV show here.

We're talkin' about
real life, for God's sakes!

Brett Wade is gonna marry Terri!

Really? [both] Yes!

That's wonderful! [phone rings]

Wait a minute. Nobody
is gonna marry anybody.

Sounds like you're
a little jealous, Jack.


Always the bridesmaid,
never the bride?


But, Brett, I thought that...

Well, uh, yes.

[Terri] Yes. This
is it. El kiss-off.

Well, if that's the
way you want it.

All right. Good night.

[Jack] Hey, Ter?

Come here. Come here.

I know how you must feel.

And I wish I was wrong
about the guy, but look.

Isn't it better to find out
now, instead of later?

He wants to marry
me this Saturday.

[gasps] Oh!


I'm so happy for you.
Oh, thank you, Janet!

Congratulations! Oh,
thank you, Mr. Furley!

Terri, I-I guess I was wrong.

I'm sorry. I wish you all
the happiness in the world.

Oh, Jack.

Aww... [laughs]

Hold it! I wanna get
a picture! [all] Okay!

[clicks button]


Damn that drug store!

Here you are, sir. Enjoy.

Thank you. Is
everything all right?

Fine. Would you bring
me a glass of white wine?

Very dry?

Very good.

Oh. Good evening. Table for...

Wait a minute. Aren't you...

Brett Wade. County Hospital.

Brett Wade. I, uh, what
are you doing here?

Well, this is a
restaurant, isn't it?

Yes. Yes, it is.

And I have a lovely
table, for you and

uh, your sister?

Sister? Hah!

Brett, do we really
have to eat at this dump?

Shirley, I told you. The
Sea Cliff was too crowded.

One table, for the
happy couple. Right here.

Madam? Thank you.

Take your time.

Why couldn't we go someplace
where there's some action?

You expect me to
parade you all over town

the night before my wedding?

I don't see why you
gotta marry her, anyhow.

Shh. I told you.

To get my contract renewed.

Then it's off to Mexico
for a quickie annulment.


Oh! Oh!

Lucky it was dry
wine. Otherwise...

Uh, listen. You
can take off now.

I won't need you any
more tonight. Thanks.

Terri! Listen.

I need you at the
restaurant, right away.

I have no time to explain.

Look, come through
the back entrance.

Don't argue, Terri!
Get over here, quick!

All right. Bye.


[chuckling] Here we are.

Oh. There you go.

Care for some more wine?

I'll have a double scotch.

We don't serve liquor.

Let's get outta here.

There is a lot of cognac
in the duck sauce.

Cognac? Oh, you'll love it.

As a matter of fact,
that particular duck

was still flying
after it was cooked.

Because it was so high

on the alcohol...
Drink up. You'll really...

Brett. Would you
go across the street

and get me a nice
little bottle of scotch?

Sweetie, what's
wrong with the wine?

Wine makes me sleepy.

But scotch makes
me... [murmurs in ear]

I'll be right back.

Jack? Terri. It's about time.

Why'd I have to use the back?

I wanted to speak to you first.

The shock might be too much.

Would you stop playing games?

I have a million things to do.

Now what's going on?

I was trying to be
gentle with you.

Maybe it's just better

that you go out
and see for yourself.

Go ahead. Jack.

Go on. Go on.

Jack. Oh, Terri. Terri.


Let it out.

Let what out?

Didn't you see
who was out there?

Yeah. A man and a woman.


Oh, Jack. Honey, don't worry.

Business'll pick up.

There ya are, sweetie. [squeals]

I'll be right back.

Where ya goin'?

I promised Terri I'd call at 9.

Thanks a lot.

Wait a minute.
Where's your boyfriend?

I don't have a boyfriend.

He's gotta be here
somewhere. The men's room!

Oh, Jack! Come on!

What is the matter
with you, Jack?

All right. I know
you're in there!

Come out on the count of
three, or I'm gonna drag you out!



Don't hit me!

Uh, sir? I'm,
I'm terribly sorry.

I thought you were
somebody else.

When you find him,
give him my dinner.

Because I'm leaving!

No, sir. Excuse me.
No, no, wait, wait...

No! I know the guy
is here somewhere...

Jack. Jack! Have you

lost your mind?
Terri, brace yourself.

Brett Wade was here
with another woman.

I don't believe you!

Oh, yeah? What's he
doing here, then? Huh?

Brett! Terri.

Glad I found you. I
called your house,

but Janet said there
was some emergency

at your roommate's restaurant.

I was worried sick.

Oh, Brett.

You'll have to do
better than that.

You must be Jack.

Terri's told me great
things about you.

And I take them all back.

Can you believe it, Brett?

He tried to convince me

that you were here
with some other woman.


I know what I saw!

Uh, but maybe I was mistaken.

I didn't see you with
a bleached blonde

with a lot of jewelry and a dress
cut down to here. [Brett] No way.

I wouldn't be caught
dead with a girl like that.

Lemme give you some advice:

always pick a lady
with class, like Terri.

Lemme give you some advice.

Shirley. Drop dead!

One of my fans. Oh!

You can take back
your motel key.

And you can take
back your diamond ring.

What am I, crazy?

Terri... No.

Brett, don't say anything.

Just let me explain.
You don't have to.

Goodbye. Terri, please.


Terri, you don't understand.

If you don't marry me, they'll
write me out of the show.

They'll kill off my character.

You don't have any character.

Hey, Terri.

Come on. You know
these things happen.

Yeah. To dumb girls like me.

No. To nice girls like you.

Nice girls who are too trusting.

Dumb nice girls
who are too trusting.

You weren't too dumb
to find out in time.

Oh. Thanks to you.

It's nothin'. Just, uh...

Just a service I provide

to all my dumb, nice customers.


[cries] Oh, Jack.

Hey, Terri?

Lookie, lookie!

I made your favorite
double-decker ham sandwich.

Yummy yummy yummy! Yum yum yum!

No, thanks, Jack.
I'm not very hungry.

Hey, guys? You
haven't eaten all week.

Who cares?

Oh, Jack? I know
what'll cheer Terri up.

A little bit of television.

Oh, Janet. I really
don't feel like...

[Brett] Louise? What
are you doing here?

That's Brett Wade's show!

How insensitive
can you get? Shh!

[Louise] You low-down,
miserable two-timing rat.

[Brett] Wait. I can explain.

Ha! Where have I
heard that before?

[Louise] I'm paying you back for
every woman you've ever wronged.

[Brett] No! Don't shoot!


[two gunshots]

Ha ha ha!

You know, television's
gettin' better all the time!

Closed-Captioned by J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA

♪♪ [theme]

Three's Company was videotaped
in front of a studio audience.

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