Three's Company (1976–1984): Season 7, Episode 14 - Going to Pot - full transcript

[Man] ♪ Come and
knock on our door ♪

[Woman] ♪ Come and
knock on our door ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

[Both] ♪ Where the kisses
are hers and hers and his ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪
♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪

♪ Take a step that is new ♪
♪ Take a step that is new ♪

♪ We've a lovable space
that needs your face ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ You'll see that life is a ball
again Laughter is calling for you ♪



♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

Oh, did you check the
men's room? It's... Yeah.

The kitchen is
right over... Right.

Hi, Jack. Hi, Mr. Furley.

The ladies' room
is... I've already been.

One of your, uh... "friends"?

No, Mr. Furley, that's the building
inspector. What can I do for you?

It's what I can do for you.
I've been thinking, Jack.

I've got some suggestions
that's gonna help your business.

Mr. Furley, I... You know
what you oughtta do?

Serve one or two
American dishes. Like pizza.



Pizza? Yeah. Frankly, I'm
getting tired of those "ess-car-gots".

Okay, Mr. Furley, I'll consider
that, but in the meantime

if you really want to help,
you can save me a trip

by going downtown
and getting me a pot.

Pot? Yeah, it's a special
kind of pot called a tureen.

I need another one
for tomorrow night.

It has to be ceramic, and
make sure it's heat resistant.

Now, the address...
here it is. Pots R Us.

Don't give it another thought,
Jack. Once you give the ball

to Ralph Furley, your
worries are over. Thanks, R.F.

How do I get
downtown? The freeway?

The ball's in your hands.

Right.

Or would the boulevard
be faster? Mr. Furley.

You're right. I'll take
the freeway. That's good.

What exit should I
get off? North or south?

It doesn't matter! I'll
take the boulevard!

Good!

Well, Mr. Tripper, I
have some bad news.

You have a very
serious violation.

A violation? Wait a
second, I double-checked

everything. What could be wrong?

Restroom ceilings are
supposed to be eight feet high.

Yours are only seven feet,
eleven and a half inches.

Ha ha ha ha ha! You're kidding.

It's... You're not kidding.

Come on. You're talking about
half an inch. Sorry. Rules are rules.

Gee, I... Of course, I...

I may be able to smooth
things over with the department.

Oh, boy, I would
really appreciate that.

Would you, really?

Well, I imagine you could think of,
say, oooh, a hundred ways to thank me.

Thank you thank you thank
you thank you, gracias, mercí...

A hundred... green ways.

You're asking me
for a bribe? No way.

Hey, listen. I admire your integrity,
but... if you wanna stay in business...

Hey, you listen to me,
Mr. Sneff... You call me Bill.

Bill? You think it over,
and I'll see you tonight.

Well, I'm not open tonight.

No problem. I have
your home address.

I'll pick the money
up at your place.

Have a nice day.

Great.

Was that the phone, Janet?

Terri. No. That is the
second time you've asked.

Who are you expecting to call?

Mr. Johnson. You know I've been
taking that nursing psychiatric course?

Yes? Well, he's
my new assignment.

You got a man for homework?
All I ever got was algebra.

Janet, he had a
nervous breakdown.

He managed a store that had
six armed robberies in six nights.

You're kidding. That's awful.

Well, he's feeling better now,
but he's afraid to leave the hospital.

Well, I don't blame him.

Well, you see, what
my assignment is,

is to ease him back into
a normal life. [phone rings]

Oh, that's probably him.
'Scuse me, 'scuse me. Hello?

Hello, Mr. Johnson.

All right... Walter.

Well, of course I like you, Walter.
I wouldn't do it if I didn't like you.

Now, Walter, don't worry. Everyone's
a little nervous their first time.

[Terri] Trust me, Walter.

When you see how much fun it is,

you'll wonder why
we didn't do it sooner.

[Terri] See you
tomorrow night, Walter.

All right. Bye bye.

Hi, Larry. Bye, Larry.

Hi, Janet. Oh! Oh, Larry.

Hello. Janet. D-do you know
what's Terri's doing tomorrow night?

Yeah. And she better do it right
'cause she's getting graded on it.

Oh, hi, Jocko. Listen,
buddy, the rent is due

and I'm a little short, I was...
Larry, hang on a second.

Jack. What's the matter?
Nothing. Nothing at all.

Just that the building
inspector's gonna close

my restaurant if I don't come
through with a bribe. You're kidding.

No. He wants me to pay him a
hundred dollars. I wouldn't give it to him.

Good for you, Jack. I
wouldn't give him more than 50.

That way, you could
lend me the other 50.

He's not going to give
that man one dime.

Good, then you can lend
me the whole hundred.

I'll come back later.

Jack, listen. You should go to the
police. What good would that do?

It's his word against mine.
They'll never believe me.

They will if they
hear him. Right, if th...

Wait. Janet, what do
you mean? They will...

How're they gonna
hear him? Wait a minute.

With this! What,
a tape recorder?

Yeah. Yeah. Good idea.

Excuse me, Mr. Sneff, could you
speak loudly into the microphone

so everyone can hear
about the bribe? Thank you.

Jack, come on. You
will hide the microphone.

All you have to do is record him
asking for the bribe, and you got him!

Janet, you're a genius! I know! If I
can just remember how this works.

[doorbell rings]

I think... Hi, Mr. Furley.

Hi, Janet. Hey, R. F.

Jack, I'm gonna get that pot for
you tomorrow. Oh, good, Mr. Furley.

And it's the finest
quality. It's from Mexico.

And you won't have
to worry about the heat.

Yeah... that's a relief.
Course, it'll cost ya.

Yeah. Mr. Furley, I don't mind that,
but I really... Janet and I have to talk.

But I appreciate everything,
thank you very much.

All set. You got it?

Yeah, I got it. Unzip there, and
do you have an inside pocket?

Great, great. Stick it in there...
okay, wait a minute. Okay.

That looks good. He'll hardly
see that. He won't notice?

Here, here. We will tape
the microphone. Oh, good.

Right up here on your shoulder...
Tape it good so it doesn't slip.

Come on, I know what I'm doing.

Zip you up and
snap you in. Got it?

Fantastic. Yeah.
Yeah? Great, all right.

[doorbell rings] That's him!

Okay. Wait... turn
it on. Hurry up.

Okay, you're on. I'm
sorry. [Jack giggles]

Good luck!

Sneff bribery, take one.

Hello, Mr. Sneff. Come on in.

Mr. Tripper. Right this way.

We alone? Pardon me?

Are we alone?

Uh, yes. Don't
worry about a thing.

Anything you say is
just between you and me.

Ah. Good.

Uh, why don't we sit down
on the couch for a second?

Just have a seat.

Now, what did you want?

What, did you lose your
memory? I'm here for the $100.

Right.

What are you going to do if you
don't get your hundred dollars?

You'll pay me, all right.

A ha! Mm. Ah, just a second.

What is it?

It's just I got a
cramp in my foot.

Ahh. That's better.
Now, you were saying?

You give me $100 or
I close the restaurant.

That's it! I mean, uh...

I don't have the
hundred on me now.

What? Come to my
restaurant, 8:00 tomorrow night,

and I'll have the money then.

8:00. You better have it. Don't
worry. You'll get what's coming to you.

All right, Janet!

Get it? I got everything.

Wait'll the police hear
this. Isn't that great?

No, wait, Janet, it's stuck.

Sergeant Kent. Police. Oh
boy, am I glad to see you.

Well, look. Here's all
the evidence you'll need.

You'll be able to lock him
up and throw away the keys.

Here, let me just
rewind it for ya.

Oh, no. Something's
burning. I'll be right back.

[Furley] Jack, I'm gonna
get that pot for you tomorrow.

[Jack] Oh, good, Mr. Furley. [Furley] And
it's the finest quality. It's from Mexico.

[Furley] And you won't have to worry
about the heat. [Jack] That's a relief.

[Furley] Course,
it's gonna cost ya...

Did you get it all? Yeah.

You must really hate this guy to
put yourself on the line like this.

I don't care, I just wanna
get him. Don't worry.

He's gonna get exactly
what's coming to him. Good.

Throw the book at him!

Nobody messes with
Jack Tripper. Nobody!

So when Sneff shows up
at the restaurant tonight,

the police will be
there waiting for him.

So will I!

You? Yeah. Come on, Jack.
This whole idea was mine.

You don't expect me to miss
the action, do you? Okay. Okay.

You can come. Thanks, Jack.

I'm going to go take a nap. I
want to make sure I'm awake.

Well, I gotta get going too.

Janet, show up at my
bistro a little before 8. Yeah.

Mr. Johnson, please come in.

Now. This is where I live.

Very nice. Very nice indeed.

No one's going to rob you here.

Oh, hello. Oh, Jack. I'd like
you to meet Mr. Johnson.

Nice to meet you.
Ah! Don't shoot!

Mr. Johnson, it isn't loaded.

Or course not. That
was silly of me. [laughs]

It's all right, Jack, shake.

Nice to meet you. I'm sorry, I
didn't realize. Excuse me, I better...

Jack, say goodbye.
Goodbye. Nice to see you.

Sorry. Didn't mean to...

What a strange young man.

Is he a patient of yours?

Okay, Sergeant. This is where
that character Furley lives.

Uh huh. You sure
you're gonna be all right?

I'm not a rookie. All I
have to do is make a buy.

Yes?

Well. Hello.

Jack sent me. Really?

Well, wh-what can I do for you?

He said you could turn me on.

Jack said that? Well,
he couldn't help me.

Oh, well I'm not surprised.
Well... uh... come in.

Uh, Ms...? Uh, Green.

Why don't we just
have a seat here?

All right. I...

Well? Well...

You have the most
beautiful eyes. Nicest nose.

Lovely lips.

I thought you were
gonna turn me on.

I'm trying!

[doorbell rings] Don't move!

Hi, Mr. Furley. I just stopped by to
tell you I know the rent is due today.

But I just wanna tell
you I don't have it.

It's okay, it's okay. I'll
let it slide a few days.

You will? Yeah, but you
gotta do me one favor.

There's this pot I'm supposed
to drop off at Jack's bistro tonight

and I want you to pick it
up for me. Consider it done.

Here's the address of the
dealer. I still don't understand

why you're being so
nice about this... ohh.

You dirty dog, you. Beat it!

Shall we get to it?

I have to go.

Now?

I'll tell you what. Why don't
we finish what we started

at Jack's Bistro.
Say, around 8:00?

But... Damn!

Did you get it? Oh, better
than that. A deal's going down

at Jack's Bistro tonight, and
we can bust 'em all together.

Good work.

Mr. Johnson, you see? I
told you that you would like it.

You were right. This
is a nice, quiet place.

Oh. Here you go.

Terri, Bon appetít.
Thank you, Jack.

And this is for you,
sir. There you go. See?

Strange person.

Thank you very much. Come
again, any time. Bye bye.

Hi, Jack. How's it going?

I'm a little worried. If that
detective doesn't show up

before Sneff gets here,
he's gonna miss the payoff.

Anything I can do to help? Yes!

What, what? Bus this table.

Hi... ahhh! Aahh!

Mr. Johnson! Mr. Johnson,
it was just an accident!

Oh, Mr. Johnson. [hysterical]

Why don't we go outside.
I think a nice walk...

This is not the way
we bus at my bistro.

No no no no no, Janet.

He's here. Shh. Who?

Mr. Sneff. You're early.

Well, I thought I'd have
some wine first. On you.

Oh. Good idea. Right this way.

Here's a wine list for
you, sir. Thank you.

[whispering] Janet.
That's the guy.

Hi, Janet. Oh, hi, Mr. Furley.

What are you doing here?

I just happen to be taking a very
special lady out to dinner tonight.

Oh. I didn't know your
mother was in town.

Does that look like
my mother? 'Scuse me.

Hi. I was wondering whether or
not you were going to show up.

Are you kiddin'? I wouldn't
miss this for the world.

[Furley] Really
got to ya, didn't I?

Jack, another customer.

That's not a customer, that's
Sergeant Kent. Thank god.

Hah! Aah! Hot!

Right this way, sir.

Here's a menu for you.

He's here.

I see him.

I'm going to pay
him off right now.

Play it cool. Don't look at me.

I'm watching him out
of the corner of my eye.

Roger.

I'm here to pay you
off. Shh shh shh.

Go ahead.

20.40.60.80.

Hundred dollars. Thank you.

My pleasure!

Excuse me.

What's the matter? Why
didn't you arrest him?

What are you talking about?

The man I just paid!

I didn't see you pay
him. What are you, blind?

Huh?

I'm gonna have to do it again.

Just watch carefully
this time. Please?

Janet. How much money do got
on you? You gonna make me pay

for the dishes? No, no. It's
for Sneff. You'll get it back.

I don't know, Jack. Lemme see.

Don't have much.
I only got 26 bucks.

Oh, that'll do it. Listen. When I'm
over there with Sneff, you do something?

Yeah, yeah. What,
what? Take Furley's order.

Right, I'll... He did it again.

Sneff, this is so you
won't bother me again.

Here's another $26.

[laughing] Well, what
is this, a tip? I'll tell ya,

it's a pleasure doing
business with ya, "Tipper".

Ha ha ha. Yo. Oh. Wait, wait.

You can't leave yet. Why not?

Because you'll me... You'll miss
the special treat at Jack's Bistro.

Special treat. Yes, the wine cellar.
Now you just go through that back door

And pick out your favorite
bottle of champagne on me, okay?

Ah. Thank you again,
Tripper. You're a good sport.

I desperately try. Thank you.

Why didn't you nab him?
Weren't you watching?

You bet I was.

Never took my eyes off Mr. Big.

Mr. Bi...? M... m...?

What do you say, after dinner we take
a nice romantic drive along the beach?

Oh, hi. Here's your pot.

Freeze!

We don't have to
go to the beach.

Matter of fact, we can
go anywhere you want.

I said, freeze.

[Johnson] Ahh! Ahh!

[Terri] Mr. Johnson! Wait!

Hey!

[Kent] Don't touch that!
[Jack] Wait a minute!

[karate shout]

Call the police!
We are the police!

I think you dropped this.

Would somebody mind
telling me what's going on?

You mean what's going down.
All right, Sergeant. Open the bag.

It's just a pot.

Not just a pot. It's the finest
quality. It's from Mexico.

[Kent] Oh my God. If this isn't a
dope bust, what am I doing here?

I've been trying to tell you.

[Sneff] Thanks, Tripper. I'll be seeing
ya, huh? That's what you're doing here!

This man is a building inspector
and he's taking bribes. Arrest him!

Now wait, don't be ridiculous.

It's true! He has my
money. [Janet] And mine!

I don't know what
anybody's talking about.

Oh, you big liar! Hey, why?

Look.

Why don't you just
give Jack back his $500?

It was only 126!

Ha! Ha!

Think you better come
along with me. Oh, I... I...

Move! You won't need
this where you're going.

I'm sorry I had to use
you. Do you forgive me?

If you still want to go for that ride
along the beach, I get off duty at 11.

It's a little late for... What?

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

Well, Jack? Aren't
you going to thank me?

For what? For getting
Sneff to confess and getting

your money back for you! Oh, Janet. Yes...
Wait a minute. He still has my money!

Wha-Jack. Wait. He's
got my money! Jack!

What happened here tonight?

[Drunk] So I give the guy $32
for the pot. No problem so far.

I get in my car. I'm paying
for the gas. No problem.

Oh, boy. The
nerve of those guys.

Larry. You're not
gonna believe this...

I drive right here,
through traffic...

They're keeping my money as evidence.
Our money, thank you very much.

When I get here,
all hell breaks loose!

Uh, Larry... She's got
a gun, he's got a gun.

And all I've got
is a pot! Larry.

I don't understand.
We're leaving.

Uh, good night, Larry.

I'm more in the dark than ever.

Three's Company was videotaped
in front of a studio audience.

Closed-captioned by J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA