Three's Company (1976–1984): Season 6, Episode 6 - Lies My Roommate Told Me - full transcript

[MAN] ♪ COME AND
KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

[WOMAN] ♪ COME AND
KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITIN' FOR YOU ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITIN' FOR YOU ♪

[BOTH] ♪ WHERE THE KISSES
ARE HERS AND HERS AND HIS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪
♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪
♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪

♪ WE'VE A LOVEABLE SPACE
THAT NEEDS YOUR FACE ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ YOU'LL SEE THAT LIFE IS A BALL
AGAIN LAUGHTER IS CALLING FOR YOU ♪



♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪
♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪
♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

JACK? HUH?

ARE YOU SURE THERE
WAS A LEAK HERE?

IT KEPT ME AWAKE ALL NIGHT.
YOU SHOULD HAVE HEARD IT!

WHAT DID IT SOUND LIKE?

WELL, WHAT DIFFERENCE
DOES IT MAKE?

WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE? IT
MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD!

YOU SEE, IF IT'S A SOFT,
GENTLE KIND OF LEAK THAT GOES,

"DRIP... DRIP...
DRIP... DRIP... DRIP..."

ALL I HAVE TO DO IS
CHANGE THE WASHER.

BUT IF IT GOES, "DRIP,
DRIP, DRIP, DRIP!"



THEN I HAVE TO FINISH OFF
THE WHOLE BUSHING TOO!

ON THE OTHER HAND,

IF IT'S A FAINT, DISTANT MURMUR

THAT GOES, "DRI-P, DRI-P,

DRI-P," THEN ALL I
HAVE TO DO IS JUST...

SORRY, MR. FURLEY.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

[JANET] JACK, I'M HOME!

THAT SOUNDED LIKE JANET.
I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU.

DON'T HURRY!

JANET, I'LL BE WITH YOU IN
A MINUTE. WHY? WHAT'S UP?

I'M TRYING TO GET RID OF
THE DRIP IN THE KITCHEN.

SHH!

I CAN'T HANG AROUND ALL DAY.

I'VE GOT OTHER THINGS TO
DO. WHAT ABOUT THE LEAK?

I TOOK CARE OF IT. YOU DID?

YEAH, I TURNED YOUR WATER OFF.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT GUY?

NEVER MIND HIM, JACK. I HAD TO
WORK OVERTIME. IF WE DON'T GET GOING,

WE'LL BE LATE FOR THE
MOVIE. RIGHT... WHAT MOVIE?

YOU'RE TAKING ME TO SEE DR. ZHIVAGO AT
THE NUART. THE UNCUT VERSION, REMEMBER?

OH NO. I CAN'T TONIGHT,
JANET. I'M TOO TIRED. WHAT?

I HAD A DATE LAST
NIGHT WITH CAROL GREEN,

AND BEFORE I KNEW IT, IT
WAS 3:00 IN THE MORNING!

THERE IS NOTHING MORE EXHAUSTING
THAN SEVEN STRAIGHT HOURS OF... JACK!

BEGGING AND PLEADING!

OH, COME ON. YOU PROMISED ME
YOU'D TAKE ME TO THIS PICTURE.

AND I WILL. DR. ZHIVAGO
IS MY ALL-TIME FAVORITE.

I'VE BEEN WAITING
TO SEE IT FOR MONTHS.

I WOULDN'T MISS IT FOR ANYTHING.
I'LL TAKE YOU TOMORROW NIGHT.

TONIGHT IS THE LAST NIGHT.

WELL, IT'S NOT THAT
GOOD OF A MOVIE.

OH, JUST FORGET IT,
JACK. YOU BIG WELCHER!

JANET, JANET, WAIT, WAIT!

I PROMISE I'LL MAKE IT
UP TO YOU. YOU COULDN'T.

I WAS GOING TO MAKE YOU A VERY
SPECIAL DINNER TONIGHT... CHICKEN KIEV.

YOU KNOW VERY WELL
THAT I AM ON A DIET.

WITH CHERRIES FOR DESSERT!

CHERRIES JUBILEE?

OH, I FORGOT THAT'S
PROBABLY NOT ON YOUR DIET.

WHAT DIET? I'LL START COOKING!

THANKS, JACK.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

HI, JACK.

NOTICE ANYTHING
DIFFERENT ABOUT ME?

YOU'RE LETTING YOUR NAILS DRY.

NO. LOOK A LITTLE CLOSER.

THEY'RE DRY ALREADY.

NO, NOT ON THE
OUTSIDE; ON THE INSIDE.

I'M IN LOVE!

[YAWNS] I KNOW, I KNOW...

YOU'RE THINKING,
"HERE WE GO AGAIN."

AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND...
NO, NO, NO MORE, JACK. NO.

THIS IS THE ONE. THIS
GIRL IS REALLY DIFFERENT.

SOUNDS LIKE ALL YOUR OTHER
GIRLS. OKAY, LAR, WHO IS SHE?

HI, JACK. HI, TERRI.

LARRY. OH, HEY,
LOVE THAT SWEATER.

OKAY, LAR, WHO'S THE GIRL?

SHE LOVES MY SWEATER.

LAR, LARRY, YOU WERE
TELLING ME WHO THE...

THE, UH... OH, NO!

LARRY! I'M SORRY, WHAT
WERE YOU ASKING ME?

FORGET IT. I KNOW THE
ANSWER, AND I DON'T LIKE IT.

YOU'RE THINKING I'M NOT
GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER.

EXACTLY.

WHAT COULD A
NICE GIRL LIKE TERRI

SEE IN A GUY WHO'S SO UNWORTHY?

LECHEROUS...
INFERIOR... DEPRAVED...

SCHEMING...

FEEL FREE TO STOP
ME ANYTIME, JACK.

NOT WHEN YOU'RE ON A ROLL.

I'M SERIOUS. ARE YOU
GONNA HELP ME OUT OR NOT?

ME? WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?

I WANT YOU TO ASK
HER TO GO OUT WITH ME.

WHY DON'T YOU? I
CAN'T STAND REJECTION.

WHAT MAKES YOU SO SURE
SHE'LL TURN YOU DOWN?

THE WAY SHE LOOKS AT ME... SUSPICIOUS-LIKE,
OUT OF THE CORNER OF HER EYE.

LARRY, ALL THE GIRLS
LOOK AT YOU LIKE THAT.

I'M NOT INTERESTED
IN ALL THE GIRLS.

I'M JUST INTERESTED
IN ONE! THAT ONE! TERRI!

CALM DOWN.

IF I GET A CHANCE,
I'LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO.

OH, THANKS, JACK.

AND, DON'T FORGET...
BUILD ME UP. BUILD YOU UP.

YEAH, YOU KNOW, REALLY MAKE
ME LOOK GOOD. REALLY LAY IT ON.

THERE'S NO OTHER WAY, PAL.

I'M COUNTING ON YOU, JACK.

LARRY, WAIT. LOOK,
IN THE MEANTIME,

JUST ACT COOL.

COOL. VERY COOL.

GOT YA. OKAY?

COOL.

[CLATTERING DOWN STAIRS]

TIMBER!

HEY, LARRY, YOU LIVE
UPSTAIRS. REMEMBER?

THAT WAS VERY COOL.

VERY COOL.

TERRI, CAN I TALK TO
YOU FOR A MINUTE?

SURE, COME ON IN. CAN I? THANKS.

HAVE A SEAT.

THANK YOU.

YOU KNOW, IT'S...
I THINK I'LL STAND.

TERRI, HOW WOULD YOU
LIKE TO GO OUT WITH A GUY...

WHO'S TALL AND HANDSOME...

STRONG, YET SENSITIVE...
WITTY, AND SHY...

AND BRAINY?

GO OUT WITH HIM?

I'D MARRY HIM!

WHOA, WAIT, WAIT,
DON'T RUSH THINGS!

SUPPOSE HE'S NOT
AT ALL THAT TALL?

I'VE BEEN OUT WITH TALL
GUYS BEFORE. IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

RIGHT. NOW JUST SUPPOSE
HE'S NOT THAT MUCH OF A BRAIN.

WELL... OR SENSITIVE.

HOW ABOUT HANDSOME? NYAHHH.

LET'S SEE IF I'VE
GOT THIS RIGHT.

HE'S NOT TOO TALL.
HIS LOOKS ARE "NYAHH"...

AND HE'S NOT TOO SENSITIVE
AND NOT TOO BRIGHT...

SO HOW WOULD YOU LIKE
TO GO OUT WITH LARRY?

LARRY? I KNOW IT SOUNDS
CRAZY, BUT HE REALLY LIKES YOU,

AND HE'S DYING TO TAKE YOU OUT.

TAKE ME OUT? TONIGHT.

[TERRI] YOU WANT ME
TO GO OUT TONIGHT?

[JACK] JUST ONE
DATE, TERRI, PLEASE.

PLEEEEASE...

WELL, I DON'T HAVE ANY OTHER
PLANS... OH, THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

YOU'VE JUST MADE ONE GUY VERY,
VERY HAPPY. I'LL LET YOU GET READY.

UH, JANET!

GUESS WHAT? YOU'RE
NOT TIRED ANYMORE.

JANET, WHAT'S... WAIT!
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHAT'S THE
MATTER WITH ME, JACK TRIPPER?

YOU MAKE A DATE WITH TERRI FIVE
MINUTES AFTER YOU BREAK ONE WITH ME?

OH, IS THAT ALL? IS THAT ALL?

I WAS MAKING A DATE FOR LARRY.

HE WAS TOO BASHFUL TO ASK HER.

LARRY, BASHFUL?

GET OUT OF HERE, JACK TRIPPER!

WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM, STUPID?

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE. TERRI,
CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?

NOT NOW, JANET, I HAVE TO GET
READY FOR MY DATE WITH LARRY.

[WHISTLES]

I FEEL REALLY SILLY.

I THINK "STUPID" WAS THE
WORD, REMEMBER, JANET?

JANET, JANET, JANET.

DID YOU ACTUALLY THINK THAT I
WOULD BREAK MY PROMISE TO YOU?

WELL...

DID YOU REALLY THINK THAT I'D
ROMANCE ONE OF MY ROOMMATES?

THAT GOES AGAINST
OUR GROUND RULES.

YEAH, I KNOW, I KNOW.

BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT AFTER
DINNER, WE CAN'T FOOL AROUND A LITTLE.

YES, IT DOES!

I'LL START COOKING.

I WONDER WHAT IT'LL BE
LIKE, GOING OUT WITH LARRY.

OH, YOU'LL HAVE FUN.

LARRY CAN BE REAL NICE
WHEN HE WANTS TO BE.

YEAH, BUT SUPPOSE
HE DOESN'T WANT TO?

WELL, YOU'VE BEEN OUT
WITH GUYS LIKE THAT BEFORE.

OH, YEAH, YOU MEAN THOSE KIND OF
CLOWNS THAT CAN'T TAKE "NO" FOR AN ANSWER.

CLOWNS? YOU MEAN
"CREEPS." ANIMALS!

THAT KIND OF GUY
JUST MAKES ME SO MAD!

THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY
TO HANDLE A GUY LIKE THAT.

HOW ABOUT A NICE SPINACH SALAD?

YOU JUST GIVE HIM THE OL'... OY!

WHAT I LIKE TO DO...
I GO... EXCELLENT!

IF IT REQUIRES DRASTIC MEASURES,
YOU JUST DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

HEY, IF YOU DON'T LIKE
SPINACH, JUST TELL ME!

JACK! OH, HONEY,
DID WE HURT YOU?

THIS IS NOT THE GREATEST
FEELING IN THE WORLD.

NO, NO, NO, I'M ALL RIGHT.

I'M ALL RIGHT, BUT DON'T STOP.

WAIT, CAN I JUST...

WELL, I'M GOING TO GO
AHEAD AND SET THE TABLE.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[JANET] JACK, CAN YOU GET THAT?

I'LL GET THE DOOR, JUST
DON'T HURT ME ANYMORE!

COME IN. [DOORBELL RINGS]

[JANET] JACK!

WHAT?

GO GET THE DOOR!

I'M GETTING A LOT OF DOORS.

SO, WHAT DID TERRI SAY?

YOU'VE GOT YOURSELF A DATE, PAL!

THAT'S JUST GREAT!

THANKS A LOT, JACK. THAT'S FABULOUS.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE.

NOW THAT I KNOW SHE'S INTERESTED, I'LL
DAZZLE HER WITH A LITTLE SMOOTH TALKIN'.

GO FOR IT, LAWRENCE!

HIYA, LARRY.

H... HI.

I'M REALLY LOOKING
FORWARD TO TONIGHT.

YOU ARE? YES.

I MEAN... ARE YOU?

I MEAN... YOU DON'T
HAVE TO ANSWER THAT.

OF COURSE, UNLESS YOU WANT TO.

I MEAN, UH... IF
YOU WANT... UH..

UH, LARRY, WHAT SHOULD I WEAR
TONIGHT? DON'T WEAR ANYTHING.

WHAT?

NO, I MEAN, YOU DON'T HAVE TO
WEAR CLOTHES ON MY ACCOUNT.

I MEAN... UH...

NOT WHERE I'M GOING TO TAKE YOU.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET
DRESSED UP. WEAR... WEAR... WEAR...

I'LL WEAR SOMETHING CASUAL.

[GIGGLES] OKAY. I'LL
SEE YOU TONIGHT.

T... T... T...

JACK, ABOUT THIS DATE... YEAH?

CANCEL IT! ARE YOU NUTS?

AFTER WHAT I WENT
THROUGH? NO WAY!

YOU HEARD ME. I COULDN'T
EVEN PUT TWO WORDS TOGETHER!

I'M JUST GOING TO MAKE A
FOOL OUT OF MYSELF! LARRY...

NO! FORGET IT, JACK! I
CAN'T BE ALONE WITH TERRI.

I'M JUST GONNA FREEZE UP.

WHAT, DO YOU WANT SOMEONE TO GO
ALONG WITH YOU AND HOLD YOUR HAND?

OH, WHAT A PAL! LARRY, LARRY.

NO, NO, THIS JUST MIGHT
WORK. ARE YOU CRAZY?

I'M NOT GOING TO GO SITTING IN A
RESTAURANT WITH YOU AND YOUR DATE!

YOU'LL BE SITTING
WITH YOUR DATE.

I'M GOING TO FIX YOU
UP WITH GRETCHEN.

NO WAY! I'M TOO TIRED!

GRETCHEN?

GREEDY GRETCHEN?

THAT WOKE YOU UP.

UH... NO, I CAN'T. I
PROMISED JANET DINNER.

YOU'RE AFRAID SHE'LL
BE DISAPPOINTED?

I'M AFRAID SHE'LL KILL ME!

NO PROBLEM. JANET
WILL GET HER DINNER.

AND YOU WILL GET
GREEDY GRETCHEN.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO,
WORK A MIRACLE? NO, A FURLEY.

RIGHT. FURLEY.

FURLEY? WAIT A MINUTE! HE
CAN'T EVEN FIX A LEAK! LARRY!

JACK, LOOK. I HAD THIS HIDDEN. I WAS
SAVING IT FOR A SPECIAL OCCASION.

HUH? YEAH, I'M
GOING TO CHILL IT.

IT'LL BE READY FOR
OUR SPECIAL DINNER.

OH, NO.

OH, JANET. OH, GRETCHEN!

[DOORBELL RINGS]

WILL YOU GET IN HERE!
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

GETTING DRESSED! HOW DO I LOOK?

FORGET HOW YOU LOOK!
WHAT ABOUT TONIGHT?

DON'T WORRY! FURLEY'S
COMING RIGHT UP.

EVERYTHING'S ALL SET.

WHAT'S ALL SET?
LARRY'S DATE WITH TERRI.

WHAT DID YOU THINK,
SILLY JANET? YEAH,

I EVEN MADE RESERVATIONS AT
A GREAT FRENCH RESTAURANT.

REALLY? GOSH, ORDINARILY, I'D
BE PRETTY JEALOUS ABOUT THAT,

BUT TONIGHT, I'M HAVING A
PRETTY SPECIAL DINNER MYSELF.

YOU CERTAINLY ARE!

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I WONDER WHO THAT COULD BE?

I'LL GO SEE.

PLEASE! ALLOW ME.

WELL, IT'S MR. FURLEY!

WHAT BRINGS YOU UP HERE?

YOU TOLD ME TO COME UP... SHH!

LOOK EVERYBODY! IT'S MR. FURLEY!

WELL, HOW NOW, MR. FURLEY. HI!

WHAT'S UP, MR. FURLEY?

OH, NOTHING MUCH.

JUST THAT I HAPPENED TO
HAVE A FREE EVENING TONIGHT.

SO, I'VE DECIDED TO INVITE
SOME LUCKY CHICK OUT TO DINNER.

HOW NICE.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU SAY?

TO WHAT?

TO DINNER TONIGHT. WITH ME!

OH.

WELL... MR. FURLEY,
I'M SO FLATTERED.

BUT YOU SEE, JACK
HAS SPENT MANY HOURS

PREPARING A TERRIFIC
DINNER FOR ME. RIGHT, JACK?

WELL, ACTUALLY, I
HAVEN'T STARTED IT YET.

GOOD! GOOD, THEN
IT'S ALL SETTLED!

WELL, SEE, WHAT HE MEANS IS, HE HASN'T
STARTED THE ACTUAL COOKING PART OF IT YET.

BUT HE'S BEEN DOING
HEAVY PLANNING ALL DAY.

SO HE'D REALLY BE DISAPPOINTED.

RIGHT JACK? NO, I WOULDN'T.

IT'S JUST THAT...

I'M JUST SO TERRIBLY
TIRED. THAT'S THE TRUTH.

JACK TOLD ME IF HE DIDN'T HAVE TO
COOK DINNER, HE'D GO STRAIGHT TO BED.

WELL, EXCUSE ME, JACK.

I WOULDN'T WANT TO KEEP YOU UP!

THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
MR. FURLEY. I ACCEPT. TERRIFIC!

I'LL GET MY PURSE.

THE OLD FURLEY
CHARM STRIKES AGAIN.

LET'S GO! OKAY.

JACK, KEEP YOUR HANDS
OFF MY CHAMPAGNE!

GO FOR IT, MR. FURLEY!

LARRY!

OH, OF COURSE, SIR.

UH, WAIT A MINUTE.

I'M GOING TO NEED THIS FOR
THE CLUB PETIT. THE CLUB WHAT?

PETIT. IT'S THE NEW IN SPOT.

OH YEAH, I KNEW THAT.

I WAS JUST TESTING YOU.

HEY!

YOU DO WANT JANET TO HAVE A
FIRST-CLASS EVENING, DON'T YOU?

OF COURSE! GOOD.

WE'LL GO TO THE
BEACH FOR SOME MUSIC,

A FEW COCKTAILS, "ESCAR-GOTS."

THERE'S NOTHING LIKE A
ROMANTIC VIEW OF THE OCEAN

AS THE SUN DIPS
SLOWLY INTO THE SEA.

GIRLS JUST LOVE
THAT KIND OF JUNK!

JACK, WE BETTER BE
MAKING TRACKS OURSELVES.

JACK?

JACK? GRETCHEN... HURT ME.

COME ON, JACK! WAKE UP!

GET DRESSED! LARRY,
I GOTTA TELL YOU,

I CAN'T MAKE IT TONIGHT.
I'M JUST TOO TIRED.

AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
ANOTHER WORD ABOUT GRETCHEN.

OKAY.

I'LL JUST SAY THREE MORE WORDS.

36-24-36.

HIKE! HE'S UP!

I'M GETTING DRESSED.

[LAUGHING]

OH, LARRY, YOU KNOW, YOU
DO SAY THE CLEVEREST THINGS.

YEAH, WELL... I GUESS
THAT'S JUST MY STYLE.

BUT SERIOUSLY, TERRI,

I'M NOT THE KIND OF A GUY THAT GOES
FOR A GIRL JUST BECAUSE SHE'S BEAUTIFUL.

YOU'RE NOT?

[QUIETLY] I LIKE A
GIRL WITH BRAINS.

I LIKE A GIRL WITH BRAINS.

YOU KNOW, I'M SURPRISED
TO HEAR YOU SAY THAT.

SO AM I.

WHAT?

NOTHING, NOTHING AT ALL.

TERRI, TERRI, TERRI.

TERRI, TERRI, TERRI.

LARRY, LARRY, LARRY.

EAT!

TERRI, TERRI...

UH, A BEAUTIFUL NAME
FOR A BEAUTIFUL GIRL.

A BEAUTIFUL NAME
FOR A BEAUTIFUL GIRL.

OH, COME ON, LARRY. IT SOUNDS
LIKE YOU'RE FEEDING ME A LINE.

IT DOES?

YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME TRYING TO
USE A LINE ON A GIRL AS SMART AS YOU.

YOU'D NEVER CATCH A LINE
LIKE ME TRYING TO SMART A...

WHAT?

UH... I JUST THINK
YOU'RE VERY SMART.

OH. NO, NO, NO.

AND LOVELY, AND
DELIGHTFUL, AND CHARMING.

DON'T OVERDO IT, LARRY.

FORGET THE "CHARMING."

FORGET THE "CHARMING"?

JUST KIDDING.

BRAINS AND BEAUTY,
WHAT A COMBINATION.

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME. GREEDY!

I MEAN, UH... GRETCHEN!

I'M SORRY I'M LATE.

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER.

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER.

WHY? WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?

I DON'T KNOW.

WHEN LARRY SAID YOU
WANTED A DATE WITH ME,

I BECAME VERY EXCITED.

SO DID I.

LARRY? LARRY.

HUH? ALL OF A SUDDEN,
YOU'RE SO QUIET.

OH, I'M SORRY, I
WAS JUST LISTENING.

UH, THINKING.

ARE YOU HUNGRY?

OH, NOT FOR FOOD.

MMMMM.

MMMMM.

WHAT'S WRONG?

UH, IT'S MY BACK. MMMM.

UH, WHY DON'T WE
GO BACK TO MY PLACE?

I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK.

MAYBE WE OUGHT TO GO HOME.

SHH!

OH, NO!

OH, HEY. I'LL PUT THIS
BACK ON FOR YOU.

OH, DON'T BOTHER.
WE'LL GET IT ON AT HOME.

MAYBE WE SHOULD LEAVE, LARRY.

YOU'RE THE BOSS,
WE'LL GET IT ON AT HOME.

YOU'RE THE BOSS,
WE'LL GET IT ON AT HOME.

WHAT?

I THINK YOU BETTER COOL OFF!

WHAT DID I SAY?

YOU KNOW PERFECTLY
WELL WHAT YOU JUST SAID.

I DIDN'T SAY IT, HE DID!

WHO DID?

JACK!

WHAT? WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

JACK WILL EXPLAIN EVERYTHING.

OH, LARRY, I... JACK!

WELL, HI, TERRI, HOW ARE
YOU? OKAY, I'LL TRY TO...

WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT?
I'LL EXPLAIN TO HER,

YOU EXPLAIN TO HER.

TERRI, YOU LOOK TENSE.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST
SIT DOWN AND RELAX.

SIT RIGHT DOWN THERE.
HI, TERRI. JUST SIT DOWN.

UH, TERRI. UM...

THIS IS NOT TOO EASY TO EXPLAIN,

SO, PLEASE BEAR WITH ME. MM-HMM.

GRETCHEN, THIS IS SO SIMPLE, YOU'RE
JUST GONNA LAUGH WHEN YOU HEAR IT.

WOW, THE CLUB PETIT.

MR. FURLEY, THIS IS
REALLY EXPENSIVE.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT
IT. MONEY IS NO OBJECT.

TONIGHT, THAT IS.

I'M GLAD WE WENT TO THE
OCEAN VIEW, THOUGH, AREN'T YOU?

MM-HMM. ISN'T THAT
PLACE ROMANTIC?

ROMANTIC?

OH, I GUESS IT WOULD DEPEND
ON THE COMPANY YOU'RE WITH.

HEY, HEY, DON'T BE
SO HARD ON YOURSELF.

RIGHT THIS WAY,
PLEASE. THANK YOU.

WELL, WELL, WELL...
ISN'T THIS SWEET?

JANET, MR... JANET!

YOU BIG FINK!

NO, IT'S NOT WHAT
YOU THINK, JANET.

YOU'D NEVER, NEVER ROMANCE A
ROOMMATE, HUH? NO, NO, JANET...

JANET, YOU DON'T HONESTLY THINK
THAT JACK AND I WERE ON A DATE?

JANET, DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE
BARKING UP THE WRONG TREE?

I MEAN, WHY WOULD
JACK BE DATING TERRI?

MR. FURLEY, JUST STAY
OUT OF THIS. JANET,

IF YOU'D STOP YOUR BARKING LONG
ENOUGH TO ASK LARRY WHO'S DATING TERRI.

OKAY, FINE, WHERE IS HE?

[GRETCHEN] LARRY, THIS IS THE
STUPIDEST STORY I EVER HEARD.

I THINK HE'S IN TROUBLE.

LARRY. LARRY. I'M SORRY,
JACK. I TOLD HER THE TRUTH

AND SHE DIDN'T BELIEVE ME.

I'M NEVER GOING
TO TRY THAT AGAIN.

OH, HI, FOLKS. WOULD YOU PLEASE

TELL JANET WHO'S DATING TERRI?

WHEN? TONIGHT, YOU IDIOT!

OH, WELL, THAT'S EASY. TERRI
AND I WERE OUT ON OUR FIRST DATE.

AND OUR LAST.

I'M SORRY, JACK.
I AM. I'M SORRY.

I REALLY DID THINK YOU WERE
OUT ON A DATE WITH TERRI.

HOW COULD THAT
BE? I WAS JACK'S DATE.

YOU WERE JACK'S DATE?

THAT'S RIGHT. AND I'VE NEVER
BEEN SO DISAPPOINTED IN MY LIFE!

I COULD HAVE TOLD YOU THAT!

I'D LOVE TO TELL YOU
WHAT I THINK OF YOU,

BUT I'M TOO MUCH OF A LADY
TO USE THAT LANGUAGE IN PUBLIC!

I APPRECIATE THAT... BUT
WAIT TILL I GET YOU HOME!

COME ON, MR. FURLEY, LET'S JUST LEAVE
THESE TWO LOSERS AND GO ON WITH OUR DATE.

WHY NOT? IT WOULD BE A WASTE
OF LARRY'S MONEY IF WE DIDN'T.

WHAT?

NOTHING.

WELL, LET'S MAKE
THAT THREE LOSERS!

SLEEPY, SLEAZY AND DOPEY.

WHICH ONE OF YOU GUYS IS DOPEY?

JANET?

OH, HI.

FOR YOU.

FOR ME?

YEAH, JANET, I KNEW YOU
DIDN'T HAVE ANY DINNER,

SO I STOPPED OFF
TO GET YOU A PIZZA.

THAT'S REALLY SWEET, JACK.

SOMETIMES YOU DO
THE NICEST... IT'S COLD.

IS IT?

IT'S ICE COLD.

DID YOU COME STRAIGHT
HOME WITH THIS?

WELL, ACTUALLY, I
RAN INTO GREEDY...

UH, GRETCHEN AND...

NATURALLY, I HAD TO EXPLAIN.

WELL, HOW LONG DID THAT TAKE?

UH, WELL, LET'S SEE, BY THE
TIME WE GOT UP TO HER PLACE...

YOU WENT UP TO HER
PLACE WITH MY PIZZA?

WELL, JANET, YOU KNOW, THE
STREETS AREN'T SAFE AT NIGHT.

YOU KNOW WHERE ELSE ISN'T SAFE?

EASY, JANET, EASY! HOLD
IT! TOMATO SAUCE STAINS!

CLOSED-CAPTIONED BY JR
MEDIA SERVICES, INC. BURBANK, CA

THREE'S COMPANY WAS VIDEOTAPED
IN FRONT OF A STUDIO AUDIENCE.