Three's Company (1976–1984): Season 4, Episode 9 - Chrissy's Hospitality - full transcript

(theme music playing)

♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪

♪ WHERE THE KISSES ARE
HERS AND HERS AND HIS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

- ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪
- ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪

♪ WE'VE A LOVABLE SPACE
THAT NEEDS YOUR FACE ♪



♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪
- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪
- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO. ♪

- OKAY.
- YEAH.

LET ME GET THIS.

HI, HONEYS, I'M HOME.

- WHY DIDN'T YOU
KNOCK FIRST?
- YEAH.

WHY?

'CAUSE WE MIGHT NOT
HAVE BEEN DECENT.

IT'S ALL RIGHT, I LOOKED
FIRST TO MAKE SURE.

WELL, THAT'S OKAY THEN.

HERE, JACK, AS
LONG AS YOU'RE HERE,



WHY DON'T YOU HELP CHRISSY
PUT UP THE NEW SHOWER CURTAIN?

I NEED TO GET SOMETHING
OUT OF THE OVEN.

HEY, WAIT, WHEN DID
YOU TAKE UP COOKING?

I HAVEN'T, I'VE GOT SOME
UNDERWEAR DRYING.

WHAT?

JACK, JUST HAND ME THE NEW
CURTAIN, AND THEN YOU CAN GO, OKAY?

- NO, CHRISSY,
I'LL HELP.
- AWW.

- (doorbell rings)
- Janet: I'LL GET IT!

OH, HI MR. FURLEY,
IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU.

DON'T GET YOUR HOPES UP.
THIS IS NOT A SOCIAL CALL.

AW, SHUCKS.

TODAY, I'M WEARING
MY LANDLORD HAT,

AND I WANT TO SEE
THE MAN OF THE HOUSE...

UNLESS HE'S
PAINTING HIS TOENAILS.

JACK IS IN THE BATHROOM.
WOULD YOU EXCUSE ME?

SURELY.

THANK YOU.

Jack: OKAY, CHRISSY, I'LL
GET IN THE TUB WITH YOU,

THEN WE CAN GET IT ON.

Chrissy: GET NEXT TO ME,
I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT TO DO.

THIS ISN'T EXACTLY THE
FIRST TIME I'VE EVER DONE THIS.

MAYBE SO, BUT GIRLS

ARE BETTER AT THIS THAN BOYS.

COME ON, CHRISSY,
A LITTLE LESS TALK,

AND A LITTLE MORE ACTION, OKAY?

OKAY, YOU DO YOUR
PART, I'LL DO MINE.

I DON'T THINK IT'LL REACH.

OF COURSE NOT, YOU'VE
GOTTA UNFOLD IT FIRST.

MR. FURLEY? MR. FURLEY,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

NEVER MIND WHAT I'M
DOING. WHAT ARE THEY DOING?

NOTHING.

OH, DON'T GIVE ME THAT, I HEARD.

RUB-A-DUB-DUB,
COME HOP IN MY TUB.

- I HEARD ALL OF IT.
- YOU HEARD ALL OF WHAT?

- WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE?
- YEAH, I WAS JUST ASKING...

HOW'D YOU GET YOUR
CLOTHES ON SO FAST?

- WHAT?
- "WHAT"!

DON'T ACT SO INNOCENT.
I KNOW WHAT'S WHAT.

BUT HOW'D YOU GET
YOUR CLOTHES ON SO FAST?

EXCUSE ME, WHAT
IS HE TALKING ABOUT?

I DON'T KNOW. "RUB-A-DUB-DUB,
COME HOP IN MY TUB."

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

JACK, ARE YOU GONNA
HELP ME, OR NOT?

AHA!

HOW'D YOU GET YOUR
CLOTHES ON SO FAST?

- WHAT?
- ANOTHER INNOCENT. I KNOW
WHAT YOU WERE DOING.

- PUTTING UP
A SHOWER CURTAIN?
- THAT'S RIGHT. YOU WERE...

PUTTING UP A SHOWER CURTAIN?

WELL, OF COURSE, WHAT'D
YOU THINK WE WERE DOING?

WELL, IT SOUNDED
LIKE YOU WERE...

(Janet gasps)

MR. FURLEY, YOU OUGHT TO
BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.

- WHY? WHAT DID HE DO?
- NOTHING, NOTHING.

I'M SORRY, I APOLOGIZE, I'M...

I'M SO ASHAMED.

Jack: WAIT A SECOND, MR. FURLEY.

WHAT DID YOU COME
UP HERE FOR ANYWAY?

I CAN'T REMEMBER.

BOY, I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYONE
SO ASHAMED OF DOING NOTHING.

I'LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU. CAN
YOU BELIEVE THAT FURLEY?

- IN A WAY, I CAN.
- HE THOUGHT CHRISSY...

- (ceramic clunk)
- Chrissy: OW! OW.

- CHRISSY?
- WHAT HAPPENED?

- ARE YOU OKAY? WHAT HAPPENED?
- OW, OW.

OH, I SLIPPED IN THE TUB,

AND I BANGED MY HEAD.

CHRISSY, I TOLD YOU NEVER TO
WEAR YOUR BOOTS IN THE BATHTUB.

Jack: LET'S GO SIT DOWN.

I WAS FIXING THE
SHOWER CURTAIN...

- COME SIT DOWN
ON THE SOFA.
- JUST SIT DOWN.

- OW. OW.
- SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN,
COME ON.

- ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
- YEAH, I'M OKAY.

I'LL DECIDE HOW OKAY
YOU ARE. COME ON, CHRISSY,

FOCUS IN NOW. HOW
MANY FINGERS DO YOU SEE?

FIVE.

Jack and Janet: FIVE?!

TWO IN A "V" AND
THREE FOLDED DOWN.

IT'S OKAY, SHE'S NORMAL.

- YEAH.
- YEAH.

NORMAL, EXCEPT
FOR THIS. FEEL THAT.

OH MY GOODNESS!

- OW.
- YOU HAVE GOT
A GOOSE-EGG.

I KNOW.

CHRISSY, LOOK, YOU BETTER
GO RIGHT TO BED AND REST.

IT'S ONLY 8:00, IT'S TOO
EARLY TO GO TO BED.

WELL, IF IT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL ANY
BETTER, WE'LL ALL GO TO BED EARLY.

- YEAH, I'LL GO TO BED
WITH YOU.
- WHAT?

NO, I MEAN AT THE SAME TIME.

(sniffs) IS SOMETHING BURNING?

BURNING? OH! I FORGOT
MY UNDERWEAR IN THE OVEN!

IT'S TOO BAD HOT
PANTS ARE OUT OF STYLE.

OH, CHRISSY.

- OW.
- OH, I'M SORRY.

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING OUT HERE?

IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT
AND I COULDN'T SLEEP, SO I...

CHRISSY, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE IN BED.
YOU JUST HAD A BAD WHACK ON THE HEAD.

WILL YOU QUIT BABYING
ME? I'M A BIG GIRL NOW.

OH, YOU'RE A BIG GIRL NOW?
WELL, YOU'RE ACTING LIKE A BABY

AND I'M GONNA
TREAT YOU LIKE ONE.

- COME HERE.
- JACK, WILL YOU
PUT ME DOWN!

NO WAY, I'M TAKING YOU TO
BED WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.

AHA! THIS TIME, I GOT
YOU DEAD TO RIGHTS.

MR. FURLEY, YOU
DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I DON'T HAVE TO UNDERSTAND,
I CAUGHT YOU RED-HANDED.

- IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.
- DON'T GIVE ME THAT INNOCENT
STUFF AGAIN.

YOU GOT THE EVIDENCE
RIGHT IN YOUR HANDS.

- LOOK, MR. FURLEY...
- MR. FURLEY!

MR. FURLEY, JACK WAS NOT
DOING ANYTHING WRONG,

- HE WAS HELPING ME.
- I'LL JUST BET!

HONEST, I WAS. CHRISSY...

HANG ON A SECOND. WHAT ARE
YOU DOING UP HERE, ANYWAY?

WELL, I REMEMBERED WHY
I CAME UP HERE BEFORE.

- WHY?
- I...

I FORGOT AGAIN!

IT WENT CLEAR OUT OF MY HEAD.
YOU PEOPLE ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY!

HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON? I THOUGHT WE
WERE ALL GONNA GO TO BED TOGETHER.

AHA!

I KNEW IT! NOW,
YOU LISTEN TO ME.

THIS IS A RESPECTABLE PLACE.

NO ROMAN ORGIES HERE, OR ELSE!

(sighs)

BOY...

WHEN MY HEAD'S NOT RIGHT, YOU
BOTH SURE GET INTO A LOT OF TROUBLE.

- FURLEY'S GOING
OFF THE DEEP END.
- I KNOW, HE'S...

- CHRISSY? WHOA, WHOA!
- Jack: CHRISSY!

CHRISSY. JACK, I DON'T THINK
CHRISSY'S FEELING TOO WELL.

- YOU OKAY?
- OH BOY,

EVERYTHING JUST GOT SORT
OF BLURRY THERE FOR A MINUTE.

THAT'S IT. WE'RE NOT TAKING ANY MORE
CHANCES. LET'S GET HER TO A HOSPITAL.

- RIGHT. YOU CALL A CAB,
I'LL GET HER DRESSED.
- RIGHT.

JACK!

OKAY, OKAY. I'LL GET HER
DRESSED, YOU CALL THE CAB.

RIGHT. WRONG!

OKAY, OKAY, YOU TAKE CARE
OF HER, I'M SORRY, I WAS JUST...

- (Jack shouts)
- OH, CHRISSY, IT'S
ALL RIGHT, HONEY.

OKAY, I'LL CALL THE
DRESS, THEN YOU...

WHAT... HELP.

I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY I
HAVE TO STAY HERE OVERNIGHT.

COME ON, CHRISSY, JUST RELAX.

THE DOCTOR SAID HE'D COME UP
AND TALK TO US AS SOON AS HE COULD,

- THEN WE'LL ALL KNOW.
- WHY'D HE HAVE TO TAKE
SO MUCH BLOOD?

IT'S MY HEAD THAT
GOT HIT, NOT MY BLOOD.

- LET ME SEE IF I CAN
GO FIND THE DOCTOR, OKAY?
- THANKS, JACK.

(sighs)

WELL, IF I HAVE TO
STAY HERE OVERNIGHT,

- I'M GONNA NEED
SOME THINGS FROM HOME.
- OH, OKAY. WHAT?

WELL, GET DOWN THOSE TWO
BIG SUITCASES FROM OUR CLOSET...

CHRISSY!

HELLO.

HOW ARE WE FEELING TODAY?

- I'M FEELING KIND OF...
- THAT'S GOOD.

NOW, I NEED YOUR FULL NAME.

CHRISTMAS SNOW.

OH YES, AND SNOW IS A FUN PART

OF CHRISTMAS, ISN'T IT?

NOW, YOUR REAL NAME, PLEASE.

CHRISTMAS SNOW.

THAT IS MY REAL NAME.
IT'S MY DAD'S NAME, TOO.

I SEE, YOUR FATHER'S
NAME IS CHRISTMAS.

- FATHER CHRISTMAS?
- NO, IT'S SNOW,

BUT HE'S NOT CHRISTMAS,
HE'S REVEREND.

WELL, REALLY, HE'S LUTHER,
BUT NOBODY EVER CALLS HIM THAT.

I SEE.

I WAS NAMED CHRISTMAS EVEN THOUGH
I WASN'T BORN ON CHRISTMAS DAY,

BECAUSE MY DAD SAID I WAS
THE BEST PRESENT HE EVER GOT.

- (Chrissy laughs)
- YES, ALL RIGHT, I'LL
PUT THAT DOWN.

CHRISTMAS SNOW?

NOBODY EVER CALLS
ME CHRISTMAS, THOUGH.

WELL, IN SCHOOL, THEY USED
TO CALL ME CHRISTMAS EVE,

AND CHRISTMAS SALE
AND CHRISTMAS STOCKING...

EVEN XMAS, BUT NOW...

NOW, EVERYBODY JUST
CALLS HER CHRISSY,

C-H-R-I-S-S-Y.

OH, NOW I... C-H-R-I-S-S-Y.

MY MOTHER SAID IT'S A GOOD
THING I WASN'T BORN IN JUNE,

BECAUSE THEN I'D BE
NAMED AFTER FATHER'S DAY,

AND WHEN MY DAD INTRODUCED ME,
HE'D SAY, "MEET MY DAUGHTER FATHER."

(snorts)

OH, NOW I UNDERSTAND.

SHE'S HAD A HEAD INJURY.

CHRISSY, WOULD YOU EXCUSE ME
FOR A MINUTE? I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

OH, JANET, JANET, I
JUST FOUND DR. TODSON.

- OH, HELLO AGAIN.
- HELLO.

- HOW'S CHRISSY?
- WELL, I DON'T
REALLY KNOW YET.

THE HEADACHE AND
THE OTHER SYMPTOMS

COULD BE DUE TO AN
INNER EAR DISTURBANCE.

THAT WOULD BE
RELATIVELY GOOD NEWS.

AND THE BAD NEWS?

WELL, IT'S GOING TO TAKE
MORE TESTS AND PICTURES

- AND MAYBE EVEN
A BRAIN SCAN TO FIND OUT.
- WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE?

A CRANIAL HEMORRHAGE OR CLOT.

THERE IS A POSSIBILITY.

AND THAT COULD BE VERY BAD.

HOW BAD?

THE WORST.

IT'S LATE, JANET. WHY DON'T
YOU TRY TO GET SOME SLEEP?

HOW COULD I SLEEP?

CHRISSY'S IN THE HOSPITAL AND
WE DON'T KNOW HOW BAD IT IS.

NO WAY.

- I'LL MAKE SOME NICE,
WARM MILK. THAT'LL DO IT.
- NO, JACK,

THAT'S NOT GONNA DO IT. NOTHING'S
GONNA MAKE ME SHUT MY EYES TONIGHT.

HOW ABOUT SOME NICE SCOTCH
TAPE OVER YOUR EYELIDS?

- (chuckles)
- OH, JACK,

I KNOW YOU'RE JUST TRYING
TO LIGHTEN UP THE MOOD,

BUT IT WON'T WORK. I'M SCARED.

JANET, REMEMBER, THE DOCTOR SAID

IT'S JUST A
POSSIBILITY, THAT'S ALL.

WELL, THAT'S ENOUGH.

I MEAN, THAT'S QUITE ENOUGH.

GOSH, CHRISSY ISN'T
JUST MY ROOMMATE,

SHE'S MY KID SISTER,

SHE'S MY BIGGEST AGGRAVATION,

AND SHE'S THE
SWEETEST BUBBLEHEAD

THAT EVER WAS MY
BEST, BEST FRIEND.

OH, JANET, CHRISSY'S
GONNA BE FINE.

SHE BETTER BE, OR I'M
GONNA BREAK HER NECK.

THAT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING
CHRISSY MIGHT HAVE SAID.

YEAH. YOU KNOW, I'D GIVE ANYTHING TO
HEAR ONE OF HER DUMB STORIES RIGHT NOW.

ME TOO. OR HER... (snorts)

(both laughing)

- (Janet crying)
- AWW, JANET.

OH, COME ON, JANET.

TRY NOT TO CRY. THAT'S NOT GONNA
DO CHRISSY ANY GOOD NOW, OKAY?

YOU'RE RIGHT,
JACK. YOU'RE RIGHT.

YOU'RE RIGHT. I'M SORRY.

(laughing)

BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO LAUGH.

SORRY. I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT...

I WAS JUST THINKING
ABOUT THE TIME...

- WHAT?
- THAT THE TELEPHONE MAN

CAME TO PUT IN OUR
PUSH-BUTTON PHONE.

OH YEAH, AND HE ASKED CHRISSY
IF SHE WANTED AN EXTENSION.

- YEAH.
- AND SHE SAID, "NO,
THANK YOU, WE'LL PAY NOW."

- RIGHT.
- (both laughing)

BUT THE REALLY FUNNY PART

WAS WHEN HE SAID, "DO YOU WANT
A 20-FOOT OR A 10-FOOT CORD?"

YEAH, AND SHE SAID, "NO, A
TWO-FOOT CORD WILL BE FINE.

- IT ONLY HAS TO REACH
UP TO MY EAR."
- YEAH.

OH, SHE WAS REALLY SOMETHING.

- WAS?
- IS! IS!

- IT SLIPPED. I CAN'T
BELIEVE I SAID THAT.
- JACK!

JACK, SHE IS GONNA BE OKAY,

- ISN'T SHE? NOW YOU TELL ME.
- YES.

NO FOOLING.

SHE'S GONNA BE OKAY.

SOMEBODY ALWAYS WATCHES
OUT FOR KIDS LIKE CHRISSY.

THEY DO?

WELL, IN THAT CASE,

IF YOU HAVE ANY
FAVORS COMING, JACK,

YOU ASK FOR THEM NOW, OKAY?

I ALREADY HAVE,
JANET, I ALREADY HAVE.

(knocks)

I'LL GET IT, I'LL GET IT.

- I KNOW IT'S LATE.
- GOOD THINKING,
MR. FURLEY.

NOW HOLD ON A MINUTE.

I FINALLY REMEMBERED
WHY I CAME UP HERE BEFORE.

IT'S REALLY NOTHING AND I KNOW

I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T BE
BOTHERING YOU AT THIS HOUR.

Jack: RIGHT AGAIN.

BUT YOU CAN'T BLAME
ME FOR FORGETTING

AFTER SEEING WHAT I SAW AND
YOU GETTING MAD AT ME AND ALL.

WHAT YOU SAW WAS NOT
WHAT YOU THOUGHT IT WAS.

WHAT ELSE COULD IT HAVE BEEN?

THERE YOU WERE, CARRYING
CHRISSY, HEADING FOR THE BEDROOM

WEARING THAT FRILLY
LITTLE HALF-NIGHTIE.

I MEAN, SHE WAS
WEARING IT. YOU WEREN'T.

- ALL RIGHT, MR. FURLEY.
- MR. FURLEY,

FOR YOUR INFORMATION,
CHRISSY IS IN SEAPORT HOSPITAL.

- SEAPORT HOSPITAL?
- YEAH,

SHE FELL DOWN AND
SHE HIT HER HEAD,

AND THERE'S COMPLICATIONS
AND THERE'S MAYBE EVEN WORSE.

AND SEE, JACK WAS JUST TRYING
TO MAKE HER GO IN AND REST,

- THAT'S WHAT YOU SAW.
- CHRISSY'S IN THE HOSPITAL?

- YEAH.
- AND WE WON'T KNOW THE TEST
RESULTS UNTIL MORNING.

WELL, I'M SORRY.

THE POOR KID.

IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO?

WELL, YOU CAN TELL US
WHY YOU CAME UP HERE.

OH YEAH.

I'M SO UPSET, I FORGOT AGAIN.

THE TESTS CAME BACK NEGATIVE
AND THE X-RAYS SHOWED NOTHING.

- YOU'RE FINE.
- WELL, I COULD'VE
TOLD YOU THAT,

AND I WOULDN'T HAVE
CHARGED YOU ANYTHING.

- HERE'S THE SECOND
BREAKFAST YOU ORDERED.
- OH, THANK YOU.

CHRISSY, YOU
SHOULDN'T EAT ALL THAT.

YOU OUGHT TO THANK ME FOR
GETTING RID OF THIS HOSPITAL FOOD

BEFORE ANY SICK PEOPLE EAT IT.

(laughing)

THERE WAS NO ANSWER WHEN
I CALLED YOUR ROOMMATES.

- THEY MUST'VE LEFT ALREADY.
- OH, OKAY. THANKS A LOT.

WELL, THEY WON'T MIND WHEN
THEY HEAR THE GOOD NEWS.

ARE YOU SURE I'M OKAY?
I'M NOT GONNA FALL

- ON MY FACE SOMEWHERE?
- NO.

NOT EVEN WHEN I TRIP?

OH, YES, OF COURSE
WHEN YOU TRIP.

(laughs)

AND WHEN YOU
GET MY BILL. (laughing)

THAT'S MY LITTLE JOKE.

(laughs)

YES, WELL, THE DIZZINESS

WAS CAUSED BY AN
INNER EAR DISTURBANCE,

BUT I CAN SAY DEFINITELY THAT
NOW YOU'RE PERFECTLY NORMAL.

WELL, YOU MUST
BE A GREAT DOCTOR,

'CAUSE I NEVER WAS BEFORE.

OH, CHRISSY, YOU'RE
SOME CHARACTER.

YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS
THINKING LAST NIGHT, DOCTOR?

I CAN HARDLY WAIT TO HEAR.

I WAS LYING HERE LAST NIGHT,

AND I WAS THINKING HOW PRACTICAL
GOD WAS WHEN HE MADE US.

- HOW DO YOU MEAN?
- WELL,

FOR INSTANCE, TAKE OUR EARS.

NOT ONLY ARE THEY
GOOD TO HEAR FROM,

THEY'RE IN THE PERFECT PLACE
FOR HOLDING UP OUR GLASSES.

I CAN'T ARGUE WITH THAT.

AND HE GAVE US NOT NINE, NOT 11,

BUT 10 FINGERS, WHICH IS THE
PERFECT AMOUNT FOR COUNTING ON.

AND ISN'T IT WONDERFUL THAT HE
PUT OUR ARMS ON TOP OF OUR HANDS?

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

WELL, IF IT WEREN'T
FOR OUR ARMS,

OUR HANDS WOULD HANG
FROM OUR SHOULDERS LIKE THIS.

WE WOULDN'T BE ABLE
TO SCRATCH OUR BACKS.

- ARE YOU JACK AND JANET?
- Both: YES.

- IS THERE ANY NEWS
ABOUT CHRISSY SNOW?
- I TRIED TO CALL.

THE DOCTOR BETTER TELL
YOU. HE'S WITH HER NOW.

Janet: THANK YOU.

DOCTOR, HOW'S CHRISSY?

OH, SHE CAN GO AT ANY TIME.

- SHE CAN GO?
- AT ANY TIME?

YES, I'M SORRY, I WAS JUST...

- Jack: DOES CHRISSY KNOW?
- YES, I JUST TOLD HER. I'M
GONNA MISS THAT GIRL.

Both: HI, CHRISSY.

OH, HI. I'M SO HAPPY
TO SEE YOU BOTH.

OH GOSH.

WE'RE GLAD TO SEE YOU, TOO.

DID YOU TALK TO THE DOCTOR?

- YES.
- THEN YOU KNOW?

YEAH. HOW DO YOU FEEL?

FINE. THE NOT KNOWING
WAS THE WORST PART OF IT.

OH, CHRISSY. (cries)

I'M SORRY.

HEY, HOW ARE YOU GUYS?

YOU'VE BEEN SO TERRIFIC
THROUGH ALL OF THIS.

CHRISSY, YOU SHOULDN'T
BE THINKING ABOUT US NOW.

OH YEAH... YOU KNOW,

AS LONG AS I LIVE, I'LL NEVER
FORGET HOW SUPER YOU BOTH WERE.

CHRISSY... IS THERE
ANYTHING THAT YOU WANT?

- I MEAN, ANYTHING?
- YOU NAME IT.

WELL...

BEFORE I GO, I WOULD LIKE TO GO AROUND
AND SAY GOODBYE TO ALL THE NURSES.

THEY MADE IT LOTS EASIER.

OH, SURE, HONEY.

OH, JACK... WELL,
IT'S ALMOST OVER.

NO MORE HOSPITALS,

NO MORE WORRYING ABOUT ME.

SOON, THIS'LL ALL
JUST BE A MEMORY.

JACK. WHAT'S WRONG?

(huskily) JUST
SOMETHING IN MY EYE.

CHRISSY... (clears throat)

DID THE DOCTOR SAY...

WHEN?

WHEN WHAT?

UH...

WHEN...

YOU'D BE...

- GOING.
- HE SAID AROUND NOON.

NOON?!

SO FAST, SO FAST.

YOU KNOW, I WISH THIS
WEREN'T A HOSPITAL.

I'D JUST LOVE TO SHOOT
OFF SOME FIRECRACKERS,

REALLY GO OUT WITH A BANG.

DON'T WORRY, YOU GUYS,
I WOULDN'T REALLY DO IT.

(huskily) EXCUSE ME.

ME TOO. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

- WHERE ARE YOU GUYS...
- (door closes)

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU GUYS?

JACK...

WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE
TO HAPPEN TO THE GOOD ONES?

I HAVE NEVER SEEN
ANYBODY SO BRAVE.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO BE BRAVE FOR CHRISSY,
OKAY? CAN YOU PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER?

- I CAN DO THAT.
- HI, I GOT HERE
AS QUICKLY AS I COULD.

I BROUGHT THESE FOR CHRISSY.

I'M SURE SHE'LL APPRECIATE THEM.

YEAH, THE NURSE TOLD
ME ABOUT CHRISSY.

MAKE SURE THESE GO WITH HER.

YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT WHAT
HAPPENS TO THE FLOWERS?

SURE, THERE'S NO SENSE
IN LEAVING THEM BEHIND.

OH, AND IF YOU WRAP
THINGS UP HERE BY 12:00,

YOU WON'T HAVE TO
PAY FOR ANOTHER DAY.

THE MONEY ISN'T IMPORTANT.

YOU MEAN SHE'S
COVERED BY INSURANCE?

MR. FURLEY, PLEASE STOP
TALKING ABOUT THINGS LIKE THAT.

WELL, IT DOESN'T HURT
TO BE A LITTLE PRACTICAL.

WOULD YOU JUST DROP IT? THE
IMPORTANT THING IS CHRISSY.

WE WANNA SPEND EVERY
MOMENT WE CAN WITH HER.

WELL, FINE, BUT WHEN
IT'S ALL OVER HERE,

YOU CAN TAKE HER HOME, PROP HER
UP ON THE SOFA WITH SOME PILLOWS

AND STARE AT HER ALL DAY.

IT WON'T COST YOU A CENT.

IN A MINUTE, I'M
GONNA CHOKE THIS MAN.

NO, JACK.

I'M GONNA CHOKE HIM.
I'M GONNA PUT MY HANDS

AROUND THE MAN'S NECK...

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH
YOU GUYS? OH, HI, MR. FURLEY.

OH, CHRISSY. BEST WISHES.

OH, THANK YOU,
THEY'RE SO LOVELY.

EXCUSE ME.

CHRISSY, YOU SHOULD
BE BACK IN BED.

WHY? I HAVE TO GET DRESSED
SO I'LL BE READY TO LEAVE.

LEAVE? YOU CAN'T LEAVE, CHRISSY,

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE CARRIED.

WHAT, ARE YOU
STILL HERE, CHRISSY?

HOSPITALS ARE ONLY
FOR SICK PEOPLE.

WELL, YES, BUT YOU KNOW SHE'S...

THIS GIRL IS THE FUNNIEST
PATIENT I'VE EVER HAD.

SHE HAD ME LAUGHING
SO HARD I WAS CRYING.

- YOU WEREN'T CRYING?
- YOU MEAN, SHE'S ALL RIGHT?

ALL RIGHT? IF ALL MY PATIENTS
WERE LIKE HER, I'D BE OUT OF BUSINESS.

WELL, HAVE A NICE TRIP
HOME. GOODBYE, EVERYBODY.

- BYE, DOCTOR, THANK YOU.
- I'LL CALL A CAB.

THANKS.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

OH, EVERYTHING IS ALL RIGHT!

YOU'RE WELL, CHRISSY?
YOU'RE WELL! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

OH, CHRISSY, YOU'RE WELL.

OF COURSE I'M WELL, WHAT
ARE YOU SO EXCITED ABOUT?

WELL, YOU SEE, WE THOUGHT...

WELL... WE THOUGHT
THAT WE'D LOST YOU.

WHERE?

NOT WHERE, WHEN. JANET
THOUGHT IT WAS FOREVER.

YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN
HER LAST NIGHT, BANANAS.

- SHE ACTED LIKE
IT WAS THE END.
- NO, COME ON.

- IT WAS HIM. I DIDN'T, I DIDN'T.
- ME?!

IT WAS HIM. YOU KNOW,
HE WAS A NERVOUS WRECK,

CHRISSY, BUT YOU KNOW
ME. I'M THE CALM ONE.

I'M ALWAYS VERY CALM. I
KNEW IN MY HEART EVERYTH...

JANET? JANET, QUIT CLOWNING.

- JANET.
- SHE'S PASSED OUT.

- OH, JANET, NO.
- WAIT, LET ME
PUT HER IN YOUR BED.

COME HERE.

I CALLED A CA...

DON'T YOU EVER STOP?

MR. FURLEY, WAIT...
JUST GET THE...

- JACK. WILL YOU COME
HELP ME WITH THE DISHES?
- OH, SURE.

- (doorbell rings)
- I'LL GET IT.

- OH, HI, MR. FURLEY,
COME ON IN.
- HI, CHRISSY.

WELL, I FINALLY REMEMBERED WHAT IT IS
I'VE BEEN COMING UP HERE TO TELL YOU.

OH YEAH? WHAT?

(sighs)

OH, THE RENT IS 10 DAYS OVERDUE.

MR. FURLEY, WE'RE SORRY...

DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT IT. AFTER
WHAT YOU KIDS HAVE BEEN THROUGH,

- YOU CAN JUST
FORGET ABOUT IT.
- OH, THANK YOU.

UNTIL TOMORROW.

(theme music playing)

(theme music continues)

Ritter's voice: "THREE'S
COMPANY" WAS VIDEOTAPED

IN FRONT OF A STUDIO AUDIENCE.