Three's Company (1976–1984): Season 4, Episode 7 - Old Folks at Home - full transcript

(theme music playing)

♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪

♪ WHERE THE KISSES ARE
HERS AND HERS AND HIS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

- ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪
- ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪

♪ WE'VE A LOVABLE SPACE
THAT NEEDS YOUR FACE ♪



♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪
- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪
- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO. ♪

- TRIPPER?
- (screams)

- WHY DON'T YOU KNOCK?
- WELL, I WOULD HAVE,

BUT THE FRONT DOOR WAS OPEN.

SO YOU JUST WALKED
RIGHT IN, HUH?

- BOY, ARE YOU STRANGE.
- I'M STRANGE?

YOU'RE THE ONE
WEARING A CHICKEN.

EXCUSE ME.

LISTEN, DO YOU HAVE ANY COFFEE?

I'M SORRY, MR. FURLEY. I
JUST DRANK THE LAST CUP.



OH GOOD. CAN I HAVE THE GROUNDS?

- WHAT FOR?
- FOR MY ROSES.

SURE, WOULD YOU
LIKE A PRUNE DANISH

TO GO WITH YOUR PETUNIAS?

I PUT THE COFFEE GROUNDS IN THE
SOIL TO HELP MY ROSES GROW, OKAY?

DOESN'T IT KEEP
THEM AWAKE AT NIGHT?

NO, THEY NEVER GET
OUT OF THEIR LITTLE BEDS.

I COULD REPARTEE WITH THE
BEST OF THEM, IF I HAVE TO.

BUT I LOVE MY ROSES, JACK.

I HAVE RAISED THEM
UP FROM TINY CUTTINGS,

NURSED THEM THROUGH BUDHOOD,
AND WATCHED THEM MATURE

INTO HEALTHY, BEAUTIFUL FLOWERS.

NEXT WEEK, I'M GONNA ENTER
THEM IN A FLOWER SHOW.

THEY'RE GONNA WIN,
TOO. I CAN TELL YOU THAT.

GOOD LUCK TO YOU.

HERE'S YOUR COFFEE. WANT ME TO
THROW IN SOME CREAM AND SUGAR TOO?

(laughs)

- OH HI,
MR. FURLEY.
- HI.

- WHAT DO YOU GOT THERE?
- I'D RATHER NOT TELL YOU.

- WHY NOT?
- BECAUSE IF I TELL YOU THESE
ARE GROUNDS FOR MY ROSES,

YOU'LL SAY, "I'VE HEARD
OF GROUNDS FOR A DIVORCE,

BUT NEVER GROUNDS FOR MY ROSES."

THEN SHE'LL SAY, "WHY ARE
YOU DIVORCING YOUR ROSES?"

- WE WOULDN'T DO A THING
LIKE THAT TO YOU.
- OF COURSE NOT.

AS LONG AS YOU'VE GOT THAT NEWSPAPER,
WHY DON'T YOU GIVE THAT TO YOUR ROSES TOO?

WHAT GOOD WOULD THAT DO?

IF THE COFFEE KEEPS
THEM AWAKE AT NIGHT,

AT LEAST THEY'LL HAVE
SOMETHING TO READ.

SEE?! SEE?!

I BET YOU JACK'S IN THE KITCHEN.

- HEY, HOTTIE!
- HEY, LADIES.

HI. GEE, I WISH I
COULD SEW LIKE THAT.

GO CATCH A CHICKEN AND PRACTICE.

DO YOU GIRLS HAVE ANY
PLANS TOMORROW NIGHT?

- I HOPE, I HOPE.
- WHY?

WHY? BECAUSE IT'S MY
NIGHT AND I'M GOING TO HAVE

THE WORLD'S MOST GORGEOUS
GIRL OVER FOR DINNER.

OH, JACK, THANK
YOU. YOU'RE SO SWEET!

BUT I THINK WE SHOULD
ASK CHRISSY TOO.

IT'S NANCY NORWOOD.

Both: NANCY NORWOOD?

- YOU KNOW HER?
- (doorbell rings)

YEAH, SHE'S A STUCK-UP,
CONCEITED SNOB

WHO ONLY THINKS OF HERSELF.

(yelling) WELL,
NOBODY'S PERFECT!

- HELLO.
- I WONDER IF
YOU COULD HELP ME.

- WELL, I'LL TRY.
- MAY I COME IN?

- MY FEET ARE KILLING ME.
- OH SURE.

THANK YOU. I'M LOOKING
FOR THE MANAGER.

OH, MR. FURLEY? HE
LIVES DOWNSTAIRS.

I KNOW, BUT HE'S NOT IN. DO YOU
HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE I COULD FIND HIM?

- MAYBE HE WENT
TO THE HARDWARE STORE.
- OH.

OH WELL... (clears throat)

DO YOU MIND IF I SIT
DOWN? THANK YOU.

MAYBE HE WENT TO THE PET STORE.

DO YOU MIND IF I SMOKE?

THEY HAVE THE CUTEST
LITTLE PUPPY IN THAT WINDOW.

SAY, DO YOU HAVE AN ASHTRAY?

IT IS SO CUTE! IT'S
WHITE AND BROWN

WITH SPOTS AND BIG FLOPPY EARS.

YOU WOULDN'T HAVE
A MATCH, WOULD YOU?

I HOPE MR. FURLEY
DOESN'T BUY THAT PUPPY.

- WHY NOT?
- BECAUSE HE DOESN'T
ALLOW DOGS IN THE BUILDING.

I'LL GO SEE IF I CAN
FIND HIM FOR YOU.

ALL I'M ASKING IS FOR YOU TO STAY OUT
TOMORROW NIGHT UNTIL YOU GET MY SIGNAL.

OH! WHAT SIGNAL?

THE BIG SMILE ON MY FACE.

- YOU'RE DISGUSTING.
- WELL, I HAVE TO BE ME.

(growls)

- OH, HI.
- WHO ARE YOU?

THE NAME IS LEO MORAN.

- I JUST REMEMBERED I LEFT YOU
SITTING HERE, DIDN'T I?
- YES.

WHO IS HE?

OH, JANET, JACK, I'D
LIKE YOU TO MEET...

- LEO MORAN.
- YOU KNOW EACH OTHER?

WHAT A COINCIDENCE.

CHRISSY, WHY IS THIS MAN HERE?

I'M LOOKING FOR AN APARTMENT.

YOU SEE, I GOT KICKED
OUT OF MY OLD ONE.

- WHAT HAPPENED?
- CONDOMINIUM, THAT'S
WHAT HAPPENED.

CON-DAMN-MINIUM!

YOU MEAN, THEY TURNED
YOUR APARTMENT BUILDING

- INTO CONDOMINIUMS?
- YEAH.

YOU HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO
FIND ANOTHER APARTMENT?

I FOUND PLENTY OF THEM,
BUT I CAN'T AFFORD THEM.

OH... WELL, WHAT
ABOUT YOUR FAMILY?

- I DON'T HAVE ONE.
- YOU MUST HAVE FRIENDS.

WELL, THEY LIVE
WITH THEIR FAMILIES.

YOU MEAN, YOU HAVE
NO PLACE TO GO?

NO.

WHY DON'T YOU STAY HERE UNTIL
YOU FIND YOURSELF AN APARTMENT?

OH, I CAN'T DO THAT.

- SURE, YOU CAN! WE HAVE LOTS OF ROOM!
- YEAH?

CHRISSY, COULD I SPEAK
TO YOU FOR ONE MOMENT?

ARE YOU CRAZY?!
HE CAN'T STAY HERE!

OH, ALL RIGHT, JACK.
THEN YOU TELL HIM.

YOU TELL THAT POOR OLD
MAN HE HAS TO GET OUT.

RIGHT.

EXCUSE ME, SIR, WE'VE
BEEN TALKING IT OVER AND...

YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT,
I'D JUST BE IN THE WAY.

HUH? UH...

WELL, YEAH, SEE,
THE THREE OF US...

LOOK, LOOK, DO YOU
HAVE ANY OLD NEWSPAPERS

I COULD STUFF INSIDE MY SHIRT?

YOU SEE, IT GETS PRETTY CHILLY
AT NIGHT ON THOSE PARK BENCHES.

- ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT OUTSIDE?
- I'LL MANAGE.

THEY SAY IT'S NOT GONNA RAIN
FOR THE NEXT FEW DAYS, SO...

(coughs)

EXCUSE ME.

WELL... HEY, LOOK,

AS LONG AS YOU
HAVE NO PLACE TO GO,

MAYBE YOU SHOULD
SPEND ONE NIGHT HERE.

NOT ON YOUR LIFE. LEO MORAN NEVER
STAYS WHERE HE'S NOT WELCOME.

- YOU'RE WELCOME.
- THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

JACK, YOU'RE THE BEST
ROOMMATE WE EVER HAD!

YOU'RE WELCOME.

DO YOU LIVE HERE
WITH THESE TWO GIRLS?

- OH YEAH.
- (clicks tongue)

LISTEN, LEO, I HOPE YOU DON'T
MIND SLEEPING ON THE COUCH.

THE COUCH?!

IS THAT ANY WAY
TO TREAT A GUEST?

DO YOU MIND IF I SLEEP
ON THIS SIDE OF THE BED?

I'M SORRY, LEO, BUT I
ALWAYS SLEEP ON THIS SIDE.

EVER SINCE I WAS A LITTLE
KID, I'VE SLEPT ON THIS SIDE.

NOT ONCE IN MY WHOLE LIFE
HAVE I EVER SLEPT ON THAT SIDE.

IT'S JUST THAT I NEED TO BE AS
CLOSE TO THE BATHROOM AS POSSIBLE.

YOU GOT IT.

OH, MY.

- DO YOU MIND IF I READ?
- GO RIGHT AHEAD.

LEO, DO YOU MIND?

I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T
MEAN TO BOTHER YOU.

OKAY. IT'S OKAY.

- HERE, LEO, TAKE IT.
- UH...

- I DON'T WANNA READ.
- GOOD.

- I'D LIKE TO TALK.
- IT'S LATE. I'M TIRED.

- YOU'RE TIRED.
- NO, I'M NOT TIRED.

EVERYONE NEEDS THEIR
SLEEP, ESPECIALLY AT YOUR AGE.

WHAT SORT OF AGE DO YOU
THINK THAT IS, THE STONE AGE?

OH NO, LEO, WHAT I
MEANT TO SAY WAS...

LOOK, I'M 75. DO YOU
THINK THAT'S SO OLD?

- NO, NO, IT'S NOT OLD.
- WELL, THEN, YOU'RE STUPID
BECAUSE IT IS OLD.

- WHO ARE YOU
CALLING STUPID?
- WHO ARE YOU CALLING OLD?

I'M NOT SLEEPING IN
THE SAME BED WITH YOU.

I'M NOT GONNA SLEEP
WITH YOU EITHER.

WHO ASKED TO SLEEP IN
THIS BED IN THE FIRST PLACE?

- YOU STARTED IT...
- I DIDN'T START ANYTHING!

- HEY, WHAT'S
GOING ON IN HERE?
- ASK HIM.

ALL I KNOW IS, A MAN AS
OLD AS I AM NEEDS HIS SLEEP.

WHAT?

- A MINUTE AGO, HE SAID...
- JACK!

YOU SHOULD BE
ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.

- NO, WAIT A MINUTE, I...
- Janet: JACK.

YOU TWO ARE ACTING
LIKE A COUPLE OF CHILDREN.

YES. NOW, GO TO SLEEP
LIKE GOOD LITTLE BOYS.

- JACK?
- WHAT?

I'M SORRY FOR
CALLING YOU STUPID.

IT'S OKAY.

- I'M SORRY FOR
CALLING YOU OLD.
- (chuckles)

HEY, YOU KNOW, JACK?

I THINK YOU'RE ALL
RIGHT IN MY BOOK.

I LIKE YOU TOO, LEO.

YOU KNOW, YOU REMIND ME
OF ME WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE.

- YEAH?
- ONLY I WAS
BETTER LOOKING.

- GOOD MORNING!
- HI, JACK!

MMM, PERFECTAMENTE.

I CANNOT WAIT TILL
NANCY GETS HERE TONIGHT.

HEY, WHERE'S LEO?

HE WENT OUT FOR A WALK. I
LEARNED A LOT ABOUT LEO LAST NIGHT.

WELL, IT IS A SMALL
BED. (laughs, snorts)

- Leo:
ANYBODY HOME?
- WE'RE IN HERE.

HEY, LEO! WHAT'S HAPPENING?

- HI, LEO.
- HI.

WELL, I THOUGHT I'D GET YOU KIDS
SOMETHING TO SHOW MY APPRECIATION.

- HERE.
- LEO, YOU DIDN'T
HAVE TO BUY US ANYTHING.

OH, I DIDN'T BUY
'EM. I PICKED 'EM.

ROSES... YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE.

THEY'RE SO BEAUTIFUL!

AND THEY SMELL LIKE... (sniffs)

COFFEE.

- THESE ARE FURLEY'S
PRIZE ROSES!
- (both gasp)

THEY ARE? I HOPE NOBODY SAW YOU.

- (knocking)
- OPEN UP, IT'S R.F.!

OPEN UP! I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU!

QUICK, GET RID OF THESE
ROSES! EVERYBODY IN THERE!

- TRIPPER, LET ME IN!
- COMING.

HERE, PUT THEM IN
THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL.

OH, GOOD IDEA.

(gasps) IT'S A BAD IDEA!

MY PRIZE ROSES GONE!

WHAT A SHAME. I'M
SO SORRY, MR. FURLEY.

A LADY ACROSS THE STREET
TOLD ME SHE SAW AN OLD MAN

SNEAKING AROUND THEM AND
THEN COMING UP THE STAIRS HERE.

- DID YOU SEE HIM?
- AN OLD MAN?

NO, I HAVEN'T SEEN AN OLD
MAN NEAR YOUR ROSE BUSHES.

NO, SIR, NO OLD MAN.

Leo: WHO ARE YOU CALLING OLD?

♪ MacDONALD HAD
A FARM E-I-E-I-O ♪

♪ ON THAT FARM HE HAD
A COW, E-I-E-I... MOO! ♪

- WAIT, MR. FURLEY...
- (yells) ALL RIGHT!

OH.

SOMETHING WE COULD
DO FOR YOU, MR. FURLEY?

WELL, SOMEBODY STOLE MY ROSES.
NOW, HAVE YOU GIRLS SEEN THEM?

WHAT DO THEY LOOK LIKE?

WELL, THEY'RE RED, WITH
PETALS, LONG STEMS...

THEY'RE ROSES!
THEY LOOK LIKE ROSES!

- NO, WE HAVEN'T
SEEN THEM.
- (clank)

- WHAT'S THAT IN THERE?
- HERE? IN THIS PLACE HERE?

OH, NOTHING. NOTHING'S IN THERE.

THERE'S JUST BROOMS
AND DUSTPANS.

(Leo coughing)

IS HE A BROOM OR A DUSTPAN?

(stammering) I-I DON'T
KNOW IF YOU'VE MET.

MR. FURLEY, THIS
IS MY UNCLE LEO.

YOUR UNCLE, HUH? HAS
HE BEEN PICKING MY ROSES?

HIM? HAS HE? MR. FURLEY,
JACK'S UNCLE HAS BEEN

IN THE CLOSET ALL MORNING.

- WHY?
- UH... IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY.

OH.

WELL, I BETTER BE GOING.

WHAT'S THIS?! IS THIS A ROSEBUD?

NO, NO, NO... THIS
IS NOT A ROSEBUD.

IT'S A... IT'S A CAKE
DECORATION. MM!

UM, MR. FURLEY. I THINK YOU BETTER
RUN AFTER THOSE ROSE THIEVES

WHILE THEIR TRAIL IS STILL HOT.

- RIGHT.
- YEAH.

- JACK!
- ARE YOU OKAY?

I'M FINE. IT WAS DELICIOUS.

CHRISSY, YOU AND JANET
GET LEO AN APARTMENT.

FIND HIM ONE NOW!

OKAY, COME ON, LEO.

(clears throat) CHRISSY?

- WHERE'D YOU
PUT THE ROSES?
- OVER THERE!

(screams)

CHRISS...

HEY, LEO. ANY LUCK?

NO.

BUT DON'T WORRY.

OH, I'LL FIND SOMETHING.

YOU KNOW, THERE ARE PLACES
THAT TAKE PEOPLE LIKE ME.

- YOU DON'T MEAN
AN OLD-AGE HOME, DO YOU?
- YEAH.

I CAN PLAY CHECKERS AND
LEARN TO LOVE OATMEAL.

HEY, WHERE ARE THE GIRLS?

THEY WENT TO THE MOVIES.

WHY DIDN'T YOU GO WITH THEM?

THEY ASKED ME,
BUT I WAS TOO TIRED.

LEO, YOU CAN'T STAY HERE. I
GOT A GIRL COMING ANY SECOND.

BOY, CAN YOU OPERATE!

YOU SEND OUT THE HOME
TEAM AND BRING IN THE VISITORS.

HOO, HOO, HOO... (clicks tongue)

LOOK, LEO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

- SEE, WE WANNA BE ALONE!
- I UNDERSTAND.

LISTEN, I'LL GO INTO
YOUR BEDROOM.

YOU AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND
WILL NEVER KNOW I'M HERE.

- THANK YOU.
- GREAT.

- (doorbell rings)
- THAT'LL BE HER.

- I'LL GET IT.
- NO, LEO!

GET IN THAT BEDROOM,
WOULD YOU? OKAY?

I'M NOT MESSING AROUND.
PLEASE STAY IN THE ROOM.

- (coughing)
- SHH!

OKAY.

HELLO, JACK.

HI... HI, NANCY. COME ON IN.

OH, YOU LOOK SO... SO...

- BEAUTIFUL?
- YEAH, I-I...

- CAN'T TAKE
YOUR EYES OFF ME?
- RIGHT. EXACTLY.

YOU CAN KISS ME NOW.

THANK YOU.

- WOULD YOU LIKE
TO SIT DOWN?
- THANK YOU.

WELL... HOW ABOUT A LITTLE WINE?

(whines)

YOUR WHINE.

- IN A GLASS
WOULD BE NICE.
- OF COURSE. I WAS JUST...

I HOPE YOU'LL FIND THIS
WINE TO YOUR LIKING.

HMM, WE'LL SEE.

THE WINE HAS TO BREATHE.
OUT WITH THE BAD AIR,

IN WITH THE GOOD AIR.

THAT SMELLS READY. (chuckles)

WHO WAS THAT?

OH, OH, OH! WELL,
THAT'S... THAT'S LEO.

HE... HE'S A FRIEND.

BOY, YOU HANG AROUND
WITH THE FAST CROWD.

- (coughing)
- UH, NANCY.

NANCY, DON'T PAY
ANY ATTENTION TO HIM.

HE'S GONNA STAY IN
THAT ROOM ALL NIGHT.

YES, AND WE'LL HAVE THE REST
OF THE APARTMENT TO OURSELVES.

TO YOU, NANCY.

(coughing)

OH, I'M SORRY.

JACK, COULD YOU DO
SOMETHING ABOUT HIM?

LEO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

THAT'LL BE YOUR
THIRD GLASS OF WATER.

NO, THIS IS MY FIRST GLASS.

YOU KNOW, FIGHTING FIRE
SURE MAKES YOU THIRSTY.

- FIRE?!
- OH YEAH, IT'S JUST
A LITTLE ONE.

I DROPPED A
CIGARETTE IN THE BED.

- MY BED IS ON FIRE?!
- NO, NO, JUST THE BLANKET.

IT'S OUT NOW. YOU KNOW, YOU
COULD USE AN ASHTRAY IN THERE.

I WOULDN'T NEED AN ASHTRAY
IN THERE IF YOU WEREN'T HERE.

- I'LL HELP YOU.
- NO, YOU'VE DONE
ENOUGH ALREADY.

OH.

OH DEAR.

I GUESS HE'S MAD AT ME.

IF IT WAS ME, I'D HAVE THROWN
YOU OUT A LONG TIME AGO.

HUH?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE ANYWAY?

- JACK INVITED ME.
- OUT OF PITY,
NO DOUBT.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT? JACK LIKES ME.

HE'S JUST TOO SOFT-HEARTED
TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH.

WHAT TRUTH?

THAT YOU'RE NOTHING
BUT A NUISANCE.

OH.

WELL...

I DON'T NEED A
BUILDING TO FALL ON ME.

I'M SORRY, NANCY. IT REALLY
WASN'T MUCH OF A FIRE.

- WOULD YOU LIKE
DINNER NOW?
- I'D LOVE IT.

- WHERE'S LEO?
- HE LEFT.

JUST LIKE THAT? WAS
I TOO ROUGH ON HIM?

FORGET ABOUT HIM.

- I'M STILL HERE.
- WHY WOULD HE LEAVE?

I TOLD HIM HE WAS A
NUISANCE AND IN THE WAY.

I DID YOU A FAVOR.
I GOT RID OF HIM.

YOU WHAT?

COME ON, JACK.

WHO WOULD YOU
RATHER HAVE AROUND,

A BROKEN-DOWN OLD MAN OR ME?

- NO CONTEST, NANCY.
- I THOUGHT NOT.

GET OUT.

- WHAT?
- EXCUSE ME. GET OUT, PLEASE.

- YOU'RE KIDDING.
- OH NO, I'M NOT
KIDDING.

- JACK...
- GOODBYE.

- ANY LUCK?
- NO, I LOOKED
EVERYWHERE...

THE BUS STATION,
THE MOTELS, THE PIER.

NOBODY'S SEEN LEO.

WELL, JACK, DON'T WORRY.

HE'S BOUND TO TURN UP.

HELLO, MISSING PERSONS?

I'M LOOKING FOR A
PERSON'S MISSING.

HE'S BEEN GONE ALL
NIGHT. WHERE COULD HE BE?

I DON'T KNOW.

HIS NAME IS LEO MORAN.

DESCRIBE HIM?
WELL, HE'S ABOUT 5'7",

HE'S GOT GRAY HAIR,

HE'S WEARING A PLAID SHIRT,

AND PANTS. BROWN SOCKS ON.

LEO!

- LEO!
- HEY, YOU GUYS
ARE REALLY FAST!

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? WE'VE
BEEN WORRIED SICK ABOUT YOU.

YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO
WORRY ABOUT ME. I'M FINE.

I JUST CAME BACK TO GET MY BAG,
THANK YOU ALL, AND SAY GOODBYE.

LEO, LOOK, YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO.

IT'S NICE OF YOU
TO SAY THAT, JANET,

BUT I DON'T BELONG HERE.

LEO, WE DON'T WANT YOU
LIVING IN AN OLD-AGE HOME.

OLD-AGE HOME? ME?

WELL, THAT'S FOR OLD FOLKS.

I'VE GOT MYSELF A
REAL SWINGIN' PAD.

- WHAT?
- WHILE I WAS OUT
WALKING THIS MORNING,

I RAN INTO TWO OLD BUDDIES, AND
WE DECIDED TO BECOME ROOMMATES.

- OH, CONGRATULATIONS.
- THANK YOU.

- I'D LIKE YOU
TO MEET THEM.
- Janet: OKAY, SWELL!

COME ON IN, GIRLS.

- NOW, THIS IS LILI.
- HI.

- AND THAT'S ALICE.
- WE'RE GONNA TAKE CARE
OF EACH OTHER.

- THAT'S GREAT.
- THEY'VE GOT
A TWO-BEDROOM APARTMENT,

JUST LIKE YOU. AND WHO
KNOWS? WITH A LITTLE BIT OF LUCK,

OUR RELATIONSHIP COULD BE
JUST AS INNOCENT AS YOURS.

- LET'S GO, GIRLS!
- BYE.

HEY, LEO.

(both click tongues)

(sighs) WHAT A LONG NIGHT.

BOY, THAT LEO WAS REALLY
A CHARACTER, WASN'T HE?

YEAH, YOU SHOULD
TRY SLEEPING WITH HIM.

OH, COME ON!

I MEAN... YOU...

- YOU KNOW WHAT? HE GOT ME THINKING.
- WHAT?

I WAS WONDERING WHAT WE'LL
BE DOING 50 YEARS FROM NOW.

50 YEARS FROM NOW? THAT'S EASY.

I'LL BE A FAMOUS CHEF,

YOU'LL BE A WORLD-RENOWNED
HORTICULTURIST.

CHRISSY, YOU'LL STILL BE
HOGGING THE BATHROOM.

JACK!

DON'T BE SILLY. ANYWAY,
WE'RE NOT GOING

TO BE LIVING
TOGETHER IN 50 YEARS.

- WE WON'T?
- OF COURSE NOT.

WELL, HURT ME. LET'S
NOT WASTE ANY MORE TIME!

HEY, HEY, HEY!

YOU'RE NOT FIGHTING BACK!

- YOU'RE NOT...
- WE KNOW.

WAIT A MINUTE! YOU
ALWAYS FIGHT ME OFF!

YEAH, BUT WE WERE IN A RUT.

- YEAH, COME ON.
- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!

(theme music playing)

Ritter's voice: "THREE'S
COMPANY" WAS VIDEOTAPED

IN FRONT OF A STUDIO AUDIENCE.