Three's Company (1976–1984): Season 4, Episode 23 - Secret Admirer - full transcript

A secret admirer has been sending letters to Chrissy at work. One day, Chrissy decides to meet him and leaves a note for the admirer to meet her at the Reagle Beagle. When he didn't show, but responded to Chrissy's note, she invites him over to meet her at the apartment. When he arrives, however, Jack and Janet think Chrissy might not like him and try to break their date.

(theme music playing)

♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪

♪ WHERE THE KISSES ARE
HERS AND HERS AND HIS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

- ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪
- ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪

♪ WE'VE A LOVABLE SPACE
THAT NEEDS YOUR FACE ♪



♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪
- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪
- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO. ♪

NOW YOU HAVE TO GET UP,
'CAUSE I GOTTA DO THE CUSHIONS.

JACK?

(vacuum roars)

(groaning)

OKAY, NOW YOU
HAVE TO GET UP, JACK,

BECAUSE I HAVE TO DO UNDER
THE CUSHIONS AND I... HEY!

AYE, GEE WHIZ.

- (straining)
- MOMMY!

BREATHE! BREATHE!



JANET! JANET!

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT...

I GOT ANOTHER NOTE AT WORK,
SIGNED MY "SECRET ADMIRER."

YOU DID? WHAT IS THIS,
LIKE THE FIFTH OR SIXTH?

SEVENTH!

- WHAT'S JACK
DOING DOWN THERE?
- SLEEPING.

- OH.
- NO KIDDING, THIS MAN
HERE IS AMAZING.

- NOTHING WAKES HIM UP!
- OH YEAH?

- YEAH.
- I KNOW HOW
TO WAKE HIM UP.

KNOW WHO I BUMPED INTO TODAY?

THAT REDHEAD, VALERIE MARCUM?

WHERE?

- WHAT AM I DOING
DOWN HERE?
- SLEEPING.

OH.

- JACK, COME ON, GET UP.
- I'M UP, CHRISSY, I'M UP.

I GOT ANOTHER NOTE
FROM THAT SECRET ADMIRER.

AND SHE STILL HAS NO
IDEA WHO'S SENDING THEM.

IT COULD BE FROM ANYBODY
IN THE WHOLE OFFICE BUILDING.

LISTEN TO THIS:

"ROSES ARE RED,
VIOLETS ARE BLUE,

YOUR SMILE IS LIKE SUNSHINE,

AND YOU ALWAYS COME TO
WORK DRESSED VERY NICELY ALSO."

WELL, I THINK WE CAN RULE
OUT ANY PROFESSIONAL POETS.

WHO'S EVER LEAVING THEM
ON MY DESK IN THE MORNING

GETS THERE BEFORE ANYBODY ELSE.

SO YOU KNOW IT'S
NONE OF YOUR BOSSES.

JACK, COME ON.

NOW YOU GET SERIOUS. CAN'T
YOU SEE THAT CHRISSY'S WORRIED?

YES, IT'S NOT EASY HAVING
SOMEONE ADMIRE YOU.

- I HOPE YOU NEVER HAVE
TO EXPERIENCE THAT.
- YEAH.

OKAY, SO IF YOUR
SECRET ADMIRER IS SHY,

MAYBE IT WOULD BE EASIER
FOR HIM TO MEET YOU IN A CROWD.

OH, THAT'S GREAT. HOW CAN HE
TALK TO ME IF HE CAN'T EVEN FIND ME?

COME ON, CHRISSY, I'M NOT
TALKING ABOUT THE SUPERBOWL!

I GOT AN IDEA. WHY DON'T YOU

LEAVE A NOTE ON THE BULLETIN
BOARD AT WORK TOMORROW

ADDRESSED TO SECRET ADMIRER?

IN IT, YOU SAY THAT YOU'LL BE AT
THE REGAL BEAGLE TOMORROW NIGHT.

YEAH, BUT IF HE WALKS IN AND
HE SEES THAT I'M NOT THERE,

HE'S GONNA BE MAD AT ME.

CHRISSY, COME ON!

JACK MEANT THAT
YOU WOULD BE THERE.

YEAH, BUT I WASN'T PLANNING...

OH, I GET IT.

- THE MEDICINE MUST
BE WORKING.
- JUST GO ON.

IN THE NOTE, YOU ALSO SAY IT
WOULD BE NICE IF THE SECRET ADMIRER

- HAPPENED TO DROP BY
THE REGAL BEAGLE TOO.
- WELL, YEAH, BUT LOOK,

WE DON'T KNOW WHO
THIS GUYS IS, RIGHT?

WHAT IF IT'S A CREEP CHRISSY
DOESN'T WANT TO GO OUT WITH?

THEN JANET, YOU'LL BE
ALONG TO SCARE HIM OFF.

GOSH... THIS PLACE
IS EMPTY TONIGHT.

OH, NO! NOW HE'LL NEVER COME IN.

- HE'LL FEEL TOO CONSPICUOUS.
- WHAT ABOUT THAT GUY
AT THE BAR?

YOU KNOW, HE DOES
LOOK KIND OF FAMILIAR.

- I KNEW IT. IS HE SOMEONE
FROM YOUR OFFICE?
- NO, HE LOOKS LIKE

MY UNCLE MAX.

- CHRISSY...
- ONLY MY UNCLE MAX IS MUCH OLDER.

CHRISSY... CHRISSY!

HE HAS A BEARD TOO.
HE'S TALLER THAN THAT.

CHRISSY!

THIS GUY COULD BE
YOUR SECRET ADMIRER.

HOW DO I FIND OUT? ASK HIM
FOR A HANDWRITING SAMPLE?

CHRISSY, THINK.

NO, THAT MIGHT TAKE TOO LONG.

LISTEN, WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO ON
OVER THERE AND START A CONVERSATION?

YOU CAN DO IT, CHRISSY, GO ON.

- IT'S THE ONLY WAY.
- GO ON.

GIVE IT YOUR BEST SHOT. COME ON.

- OKAY.
- THATTAGIRL!

- HI!
- HI, CHRISSY, I'LL BE
WITH YOU IN A MINUTE.

- I'M SORRY IT'S
SO DEAD IN HERE TONIGHT.
- OH, I LIKE IT QUIET.

IT MAKES IT EASIER
TO SHARE... SECRETS.

HI, CHRISSY.

- HI.
- YOU KNOW SOMETHING?

I WAS ABOUT TO SCRIBBLE YOU A
MESSAGE ON A COCKTAIL NAPKIN.

THEN YOU ARE HIM!

OH, I'M SO GLAD I
FINALLY MET YOU!

CONGRATULATIONS!

- HAVE SOME DIP!
- (chuckles)

NAME'S BRAD.

- KIND OF CLAMMY, HUH?
- OH, IT'S OKAY, I DON'T
MIND SWEATY PALMS.

NO, I MEANT, THE DIP IS
CLAMMY. IT'S CLAM DIP.

OH! (giggles)

ANYWAY, I'M GLAD YOU
MADE THE FIRST MOVE.

I WAS A LITTLE NERVOUS
ABOUT GOING OVER THERE.

OH, BRAD, YOU SHOULD
NEVER BE AFRAID

TO TELL A GIRL WHAT
YOU'RE THINKING.

- YOU MEAN THAT?
- OF COURSE!

OKAY. HOW ABOUT A MIDNIGHT
CRUISE IN MY HOT TUB?

HOLD IT.

- DO YOU KNOW
WHERE I WORK?
- NO.

AND I DON'T CARE, GORGEOUS.

- HOW DID YOU KNOW MY NAME?
- THE BARTENDER CALLED YOU
CHRISSY.

COME ON, LET'S HAVE
SOME DIP AND A DRINK.

THEN WE'LL GO HOME
FOR DRINKS AND A DIP...

SKINNY DIP, HUH?

IF YOU LIKE DIP
SO MUCH, TRY THIS!

BOY, JACK, NEXT TIME I LISTEN
TO ONE OF YOUR DUMB IDEAS,

I HOPE I'M NOT
AROUND TO HEAR IT.

CHRISSY, YOU'D BETTER
START APOLOGIZING.

SECRET ADMIRER JUST
GLIDED IN, I THINK. LOOK.

KAZOOMSKY!

CHRISSY, DOES HE
WORK AT YOUR OFFICE?

NO, BUT I WISH HE DID.

I'VE GOT A MESSAGE FOR A
PHIL DURKIN. IS THAT YOU?

- YEAH, SURE IS. WAS IT FROM BARBARA?
- YEAH, SHE CALLED

- AND SAID SHE'S
BE A LITTLE LATE.
- AH, THANKS.

CHRISSY, HE SMILED AT YOU.

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING
FOR? GET OVER THERE.

- BUT WHAT DO I SAY TO HIM?
- USE ONE OF THE LINES
GUYS USE ON YOU.

BUT LEAVE OUT THE PART
WHERE YOU SLAP THEM.

- OKAY.
- GO ON.

- HI!
- HELLO.

WELL... SURE IS CROWDED IN HERE!

- MIND IF I
SHARE YOUR TABLE?
- WHAT? NO.

- FOR A LITTLE BIT. YEAH, SURE.
- OH, GOOD.

LISTEN, WHY DON'T WE JUST PUT
THE CARDS ON THE TABLE, HUH?

ARE YOU MY ADMIRER?

ADMIRER?

OH, YEAH. OH, YOU BETCHA.

OH, GOOD!

I WAS SO AFRAID
I MADE A MISTAKE.

- LET'S GET ACQUAINTED.
- TELL ME,

DO YOU ALWAYS COME HERE
TO MEET FELLAS LIKE THIS?

OF COURSE NOT.

ONLY WHEN I PUT AN INVITATION
UP ON THE BULLETIN BOARD!

- BULLETIN BOARD?
- YEAH.

OH, YEAH...

PHIL!

BARBARA! HI!

UH, LOOK, THIS IS A... FRIEND.

- ACTUALLY, SHE'S JUST
AN ACQUAINTANCE.
- SO?

YOUR NOTE INVITED
ME FOR A DRINK,

NOT A SHOW AND TELL!

HIS NOTE?

HE'S BEEN LEAVING
THEM ON YOUR DESK TOO?

WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND
OF PEN PAL SEX MANIAC?!

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

- BARBARA IS MY DATE
FOR TONIGHT.
- HMPH!

YOU MEAN... YOU'RE NOT MY...

YOU'RE NOT MY ADMIRER?

TRY THE BAR ON
THE CORNER, HONEY.

OVER THERE, YOU GOTTA
BEAT THEM OFF WITH A STICK.

(whines)

- JACK, I COULD
JUST KILL YOU!
- CHRISSY...

- I'M SO EMBARRASSED!
- WHO WAS THE GIRL?

JANET, JACK!

- I GOT IT! I GOT IT! - WHAT?

JACK, YOU DID IT!

THE SECRET ADMIRER PEEKED
INTO THE REGAL BEAGLE LAST NIGHT

- AND SAW ME SITTING WITH THAT
DIPPING GUY, SO HE LEFT.
- OH DARN!

NO, NO, NOW THAT HE'S GOT
MY NOTE ENCOURAGING HIM,

HE'S GONNA STOP BY OUR HOUSE TONIGHT,
JUST ON THE CHANCE THAT I MIGHT BE HOME!

CHRISSY, THEN YOU
MUST HAVE TALKED TO HIM.

NO, NO, HE LEFT A NOTE.

GOSH, HE'S GOING TO
BE HERE ANY MINUTE.

I'M SO LATE. I STOPPED
TO BUY A NEW BLOUSE.

I'M SO EXCITED! I JUST KNOW
HE'S THE ANSWER TO MY DREAMS!

- (doorbell rings)
- Janet: OH MY GOSH!

- THAT MUST BE HIM.
- I'LL GET IT.

HELLO.

MY NAME IS GILBERT LARWIN.

- I'M SORRY. PARDON ME?
- GILBERT LARWIN.

OH, YOU WOULDN'T BE...

- NO, YOU COULDN'T BE...
- IS CHRISSY HERE?

I WROTE HER I'D STOP BY.

YOU ARE. YEAH, COME IN.

- WELL, WOULD YOU
LIKE TO SIT DOWN?
- YES, THANK YOU.

- HELLO. - HELLO... (yelps)

COME ON, UP YOU GO.

- ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
- YES, I'M FINE.

YEAH, WE'LL TRY TO FIX WHATEVER
IT WAS YOU TRIPPED OVER.

YOU CAN'T. IT WAS MY FEET.

OH. UM... WOULD YOU
LIKE TO SIT DOWN?

- YES, THANK YOU.
- GOOD.

OH!

- OOPS!
- I'LL GET THAT
OUT OF YOUR WAY.

JUST A CUSHION!

UH... COULD WE GET YOU ANYTHING?

OH, NO. THANK YOU.

WELL...

- WHAT DO YOU DO,
MR. LARWIN?
- HOW DO YOU DO?

NO... I SAID...
- WHAT DO YOU DO?
- OH.

- I'M A NEWSPAPER MAN.
- OH.

- I SEE. A WRITER?
- NO, A SELLER.

- OH, CHRISSY!
- THANK GOD...

I MEAN, CHRISSY! YOU
HAVE A VISITOR, MR. LARVA.

- LARWIN.
- LARWIN.

AW... HOW NICE TO
FINALLY MEET YOU!

SO, YOU'RE MR. SECRET ADMIRER.

WELL, JUST CALL ME SECRET.

I MEAN, GILBERT.

- LISTEN, WHY DON'T WE
SIT DOWN, GILBERT?
- FINE.

- YEAH, WE'LL JUST
EXCUSE OURSELVES.
- YEAH. BYE-BYE.

YOU KNOW, I DON'T REMEMBER
SEEING YOU AROUND BEFORE.

OH, WELL, I SEE
YOU. TWICE A DAY.

SEE, I WORK AT THE NEWSSTAND
IN YOUR OFFICE BUILDING.

- OH, I NEVER STOP
AT THAT STAND.
- YEAH, I KNOW.

I'VE HAD A PAPER WAITING FOR
YOU EVERY DAY FOR THREE YEARS.

REALLY? THEY MUST BE PILING UP!

YOU KNOW, EVERY
TIME YOU PASSED BY,

I ALWAYS WANTED
TO CALL OUT TO YOU...

"YOO-HOO! BEAUTIFUL LADY!

YOO-HOO!"

NO, THAT WAS NOT
HIS MATING CALL, JANET.

HE WAS JUST SHOWING
HER HOW HE WAVES BYE-BYE.

LOOK, JACK, CHRISSY IS TOO
NICE TO HURT HIS FEELINGS.

SHE'LL BE STUCK IN THERE WITH
HIM "YOO-HOO-ING" ALL NIGHT

IF WE DON'T GET HER OUT OF
THERE. PLEASE THINK OF SOMETHING.

- LARRY!
- WHAT LARRY?

RUN UP AND TELL LARRY TO COME DOWN
HERE AND PICK UP CHRISSY FOR THEIR DATE.

NO, NO, LARRY DOESN'T
HAVE A DATE WITH CHRISSY.

IT'S FINALLY HAPPENED. YOU'VE
STARTED TO SOUND LIKE HER.

WHEN ARE YOU GOING
TO START GOING... (snorts)

OH!

- YOU MEAN THAT LARRY
WILL BE PRETENDING.
- THAT'S GOOD.

JOHNNY, LET'S TELL HER
WHAT SHE'S WON FOR THAT!

A TRIP TO HAWAII AND
A FREEZER, THANK YOU.

COME ON, I GET IT. YOU MEAN THAT WHAT
MR. LARWIN DOESN'T KNOW WON'T HURT HIM.

THAT'S BRILLIANT. YOU GO UP AND
GET LARRY AND TELL HIM TO COME DOWN.

MEANWHILE, I'LL TRY TO NUDGE
THE PERSONALITY KID OUT OF HERE.

YOU KNOW, I ONCE WANTED TO
MARRY A GUY WHO SOLD NEWSPAPERS.

- REALLY?
- YEAH.

HE HAD A PAPER
ROUTE. I WAS ONLY 10!

(snorts)

I LOVE YOUR LAUGH.

- (snorts)
- EXCUSE ME.

I THINK I LOST A PIZZA CUTTER AROUND
HERE SOMEWHERE. SORRY. EXCUSE ME.

- WOW.
- IT'S OKAY. I'LL FIND IT.

- I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
- WHAT, YOU NEVER LOST
A PIZZA CUTTER BEFORE?

HERE I AM, I'M ACTUALLY
SITTING HERE. I'M...

I'M TALKING TO YOU IN PERSON.

MOM AND DAD WON'T
BELIEVE IT WHEN I GET HOME.

I DON'T BELIEVE
IT, AND I'M HERE!

- (doorbell rings)
- OH, AFRAID THE PARTY'S
OVER, GIMLET.

- GILBERT.
- GILBERT.

CHRISSY'S DATE HAS
JUST ARRIVED. EXCUSE ME.

LARRY, WHAT'S THE
IDEA OF THIS GETUP?

JANET EXPLAINED
THE WORK TO BE DONE.

THESE ARE MY WORKING CLOTHES.

- OKAY, LET'S GET GOING.
- HEY! DON'T WORRY ABOUT
A THING, KIDS, HUH?

JUST WATCH OLD
LARRY TAKE CHARGE.

I'VE NEVER DONE
ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE.

I'M USUALLY VERY,
VERY SHY WITH GIRLS.

(seductively) CHRISSY...

- I THINK MY PROBLEM IS...
- IS BIGGER THAN BOTH OF YOU.

EXCUSE ME, PAL, ALL
RIGHT? CHRISSY, BABY.

FORGET THE LARRY
YOU'VE KNOWN BEFORE.

THIS LARRY WANTS
YOU TO FOLLOW HIM

TO A PASSION PARADISE.

OH, LARRY, YOU'RE SO FUNNY!

- DON'T YOU JUST
LOVE HER LAUGH?
- (Chrissy snorts)

- SHE LAUGHED AT ME.
- GIVE UP, LAR.

- SHE'S NUTS,
BUT NICE TRY.
- ARE YOU KIDDING?

THIS IS THE BIGGEST
CHALLENGE OF MY LIFE!

I JUST NEED MY BIG GUNS.

SO... CHRISSY... MY
HEART WEEPS FOR YOU.

MY SOUL CRIES OUT FOR YOU.

COME AWAY WITH ME,
WHERE I CAN KISS YOU...

KISS YOU... KISS YOU.

ANYWAY, WHAT I WAS SAYING
BEFORE I WAS INTERRUPTED...

IT'S OKAY, LARRY.
YOU WERE GREAT.

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING
TO DO, BREAK ME?!

I WAS ALL READY TO
WRITE A HOW-TO BOOK.

NOW I'LL HAVE TO BUY ONE.

GIVE ME THAT!

EXCUSE US, CHRISSY. EXCUSE ME.

COULD I SEE YOU IN THE
KITCHEN FOR JUST A MO'?

THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

- GILBERT, WOULD YOU
EXCUSE ME FOR A MINUTE?
- OF COURSE.

- ALL RIGHT.
- WE'LL JUST BE
A TEENY MINUTE.

WE ARE BREAKING OUR BACKS

TRYING TO GET RID OF
SECRET ADMIRER FOR YOU.

- WILL YOU PLEASE HELP?
- NO.

- GOOD. NOW,
THE FIRST... NO?!
- NO, I WANT TO TALK TO HIM.

- YOU DO?
- YEAH.

HE'S HONEST AND WARM.

I MEAN, GILBERT IS THE
ONLY MAN I'VE MET IN MONTHS

WHO'S WANTED TO BE WITH ME,

RATHER THAN WANTING ME TO BE
WITH HIM, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

OH, BOY, DO I.

WELL, I DON'T, BUT
WHY BREAK A HABIT?

- I WOULD LIKE TO GO
TALK TO MY FRIEND.
- OKAY.

(yawns) I PERSONALLY AM GOING
TO GET OUT OF THESE CLOTHES

- AND GO TO BED.
- I'LL HELP YOU.

GOOD MORNING.

(screams)

- IT'S YOU!
- OH, YES.

SEE, CHRISSY AND I WERE
TALKING TILL THE WEE SMALL HOURS,

SO SHE SAID I SHOULD JUST SLEEP
HERE AND HAVE SOME BREAKFAST.

REALLY?

OH, IT'S OKAY. I
CALLED MY FOLKS.

GOOD. I WAS WORRIED.

BOY, CHRISSY'S THE
MOST WONDERFUL GIRL.

- I JUST LOVE HER.
- YOU DO?

LOVE IS TOO WEAK A WORD.

I WORSHIP HER.

SHE'S SO GENTLE
AND SWEET AND KIND.

- AND THAT'S NOT ALL...
- TAKE IT EASY, GIBLETS.

- I MEANT JAILBAIT...
- GILBERT.

SORRY, GILBERT. LISTEN,
HANG ON A SECOND.

I'LL GO GET CHRISSY.
IT WON'T BE LONG.

(softly) CHRISSY?

OH MY, I WONDER
WHAT HE SEES IN HER.

- HI, JACK. JACK! - HI.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?

I'M JUST TRYING TO SAVE THAT
GUY GILBERT FROM A BROKEN HEART.

YOU MUST MEAN,
FROM A BROKEN BACK!

HE SLEPT ON OUR SOFA LAST NIGHT.

HE FELL IN LOVE
WITH YOU LAST NIGHT.

WHAT?

WE DIDN'T TALK THAT LONG.

CHRISSY, WHAT'S "LONG"?

SOME PEOPLE CAN FALL IN
LOVE BETWEEN TRAFFIC LIGHTS.

- I THINK HE'S GOING
TO ASK YOU TO MARRY HIM.
- OH NO!

- OH YES!
- WHAT AM I
GOING TO DO?!

- YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO DISILLUSION HIM.
- GOOD IDEA. THAT'LL WORK.

GO OUT THERE, JACK, AND TELL HIM

THAT CHRISSY WILL BE OUT IN A COUPLE
OF MINUTES. WE GOT TO WORK FAST!

OKAY.

♪ I GOTTA BE ME! ♪

♪ I GOTTA BE ME! ♪

♪ WHAT ELSE CAN... ♪

IT'S OKAY.

CHRISSY'S GONNA BE OUT IN
A COUPLE OF MINUTES, OKAY?

- OKAY.
- THANK YOU.

♪ ...I BE BUT WHAT I AM? ♪

- GOOD MORNING, CHRISSY.
- OKAY, GILBERT,

IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST,
JUST HAUL YOURSELF OUT HERE!

SIT DOWN!

I'M NOT REALLY VERY HUNGRY.

HA! JUST WAIT! HOW DO
YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?

NO, I DON'T WANT ANY...

HOPE YOU LIKE THEM CRUNCHY.
I GOT A FEW SHELLS IN THERE.

- IT'S OKAY.
- I SUPPOSE YOU WANT
SOME ORANGE JUICE TOO?

SOME PEOPLE, YOU'VE GOT TO
WAIT ON THEM HAND AND FOOT!

JEEZ!

I SUPPOSE YOU GOTTA
HAVE SOME TOAST NOW, HUH?

- CHRISSY,
JUST NEVER MIND.
- NEVER MIND?!

I GO TO ALL THIS FUSS AND
YOU TELL ME TO NEVER MIND?!

NO, NO, I MEANT,
JUST STAND THERE.

SEE... I WANT TO PROPOSE...

NO, DON'T SAY IT!

- CHRISSY!
- I'M NOT WHO
YOU THINK I AM!

I JUST WANTED TO
PROPOSE A TOAST.

I'M NOT READY FOR MARRIAGE!

WHAT?

A TOAST.

TO CHRISSY.

I DON'T WANT TO MARRY YOU.

- YOU DON'T?
- NO.

I JUST WANTED TO MEET
YOU AND TALK WITH YOU.

AND IT WAS WONDERFUL.

I MEAN, YOU MADE
ME FEEL... SO GOOD.

OH, GILBERT.

YOU MADE ME FEEL SO GOOD TOO.

THEN, WE CAN BE FRIENDS?

WE ARE FRIENDS.

GEE... THANKS.

UM... I GOTTA GET TO WORK NOW.

I'LL SAVE YOU A PAPER.

WAIT!

GOODBYE, GILBERT.

I'D BETTER NOT
MUSS UP YOUR HAIR.

BYE.

- BYE, GILBERT.
- GOODBYE, GILBERT.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?

- YOU.
- YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

DON'T MAKE FUN OF ME. I
KNOW WHAT I LOOK LIKE.

INSIDE, CHRISSY. INSIDE.

- HI, JANET.
- HI, JACK.

HEY, CHRISSY, JACK'S HERE!

JACK, I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU

I THINK IT WAS SO SWEET OF YOU TO
BAKE THAT BIRTHDAY CAKE FOR GILBERT.

OH, HEY, I LIKE GILBERT. I WAS
HAPPY TO DO IT. DID YOU SEE IT?

YEAH, I DID. AND CHRISSY'S IN
THERE DECORATING IT RIGHT NOW.

WHAT?!

LAST TIME CHRISSY
DECORATED A CAKE, IT LOOKED

AS IF SOMEBODY HAD
BEEN SHOOTING AT IT!

I KNOW, I KNOW...

CHRISSY, STOP WHATEVER
IT IS YOU'RE DOING.

Chrissy: DON'T COME IN. I
WANT TO SURPRISE YOU!

CHRISSY...

I PUT IT IN THE BOX YOU
BOUGHT AND EVERYTHING!

- LOOK, CHRISSY...
- YOU'LL BE SO PROUD!

- CHRISSY, LET ME HELP, OKAY?
- BE CAREFUL,

YOU'LL MAKE ME
LOSE IT! (screams)

OH NO!

- GET UP, CHRISSY.
- I'M OKAY, I'M OKAY.

WHO CARES ABOUT YOU? YOU KNOW
HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO BAKE THIS CAKE?

WELL, IT'S EMPTY.

- OH, A LITTLE
PRACTICAL JOKE?
- YEAH!

YOU GIRLS ARE SO HUMOR-FILLED!

IT REMINDS ME OF THE TIME I
SMEARED ICING ALL OVER YOUR HAIR.

- YOU NEVER SMEARED
ICING ALL OVER OUR HAIR.
- THEN LET'S DO IT NOW!

(theme music playing)

Ritter's voice: "THREE'S
COMPANY" WAS VIDEOTAPED

IN FRONT OF A STUDIO AUDIENCE.