Three's Company (1976–1984): Season 4, Episode 20 - Jack's Bad Boy - full transcript

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- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪
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♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO. ♪

Jack: YEAH AND THE
ONLY SEAT ON THE BUS

- WAS NEXT TO THIS CUTE
LITTLE REDHEAD.
- YEAH?

SO I SADDLED UP
TO HER AND I SAID...

CHRISSY, DID YOU FORGET TO
LOCK THE DOOR THIS MORNING?

(gasps) HER NAME
WAS CHRISSY TOO?

COME ON, LOOK, LOOK.

CHRISSY, DID YOU FORGET
TO LOCK THE DOOR?

WHY IS IT ALWAYS "CHRISSY, DID
YOU FORGET TO LOCK THE DOOR?"

WHY ISN'T IT "JACK, DID YOU
FORGET TO LOCK THE DOOR?"



OR "JANET, DID YOU
FORGET TO LOCK THE DOOR?"

NO, IT'S ALWAYS "CHRISSY,
CHRISSY, CHRISSY."

DID YOU FORGET TO LOCK THE DOOR?

YES.

HA! STAY WHERE YOU ARE!

- WHAT'S GOING ON?
- YEAH, WHAT'S THE MATTER?

WELL, I CAME UP HERE TO COLLECT
THE $100 YOU STILL OWE ME ON THE RENT.

WELL, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO THREATEN US.

WILL YOU LISTEN? I
JUST CAUGHT A BURGLAR.

(both gasping)

WHY IS A BURGLAR
IN OUR BATHROOM?

WELL, JACK, EVEN
BURGLARS HAVE TO...

CHRISSY!

NO, NO, NO, HE
WAS IN JACK'S ROOM.

BUT HE HEARD ME AND HE RAN IN
THERE. SO I BLOCKED THE DOOR.

MY MIND WORKS WITH LIGHTNING
SPEED IN THESE SITUATIONS.

YEAH? HOW'S YOUR RUNNING SPEED?

BECAUSE THE DOOR
YOU BLOCKED OPENS IN.

IT DOES, DOESN'T IT?

JACK, JACK, THE DOORKNOB'S
TURNING. HE'S COMING OUT.

- GET BACK, GIRLS.
- OOH-OOH.

NOT YOU, MR. FURLEY.

RIGHT. RELAX, EVERYBODY.
I'LL HANDLE THIS.

(screams) NOT RELAXED.

OKAY, COME ON OUT.

WE'RE THE POLICE. WE'VE
GOT YOU SURROUNDED.

- (girls scream)
- WAIT!

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A BURGLAR.

WELL, I'M NOT. YOU'RE
SUPPOSED TO BE A POLICEMAN?

UH, ONLY ON RAINY DAYS.

- Furley: BETTER STAY BACK.
- Janet: HUH?

HE'S PROBABLY VERY
STRONG FOR HIS SIZE.

MR. FURLEY, HE'S JUST A KID.

THAT COULD BE A DISGUISE.

HOW OLD ARE YOU?

12. GEE, I'M SORRY. BUT
THE FRONT DOOR WAS OPEN.

WHY'D YOU COME UPSTAIRS
IN THE FIRST PLACE?

WELL, I THOUGHT A
FRIEND OF MINE LIVED HERE.

AND I SAW THE OPEN
DOOR AND WALKED IN.

OH, HE'S STONEWALLING.

THE POLICE WILL
GET IT OUT OF HIM.

- THE POLICE?
- NO, MR. FURLEY, NO NEED
TO CALL THE POLICE.

- WE CAN HANDLE THIS.
- REALLY. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

- BILLY TODSON.
- HI, BILLY. I'M JANET.

- THIS IS CHRISSY - HI.

AND THAT'S MR. FURLEY AND JACK.

WHAT IS THIS, A WELCOME WAGON?

HE'S A HOUSEBREAKER.
THE KID'S A CRIMINAL.

LET'S HEAR HIM OUT, MR. FURLEY.

I DON'T THINK WE'RE IN
ANY IMMEDIATE DANGER.

WHERE DO YOU LIVE?

WITH SOME FOSTER PARENTS.

I RAN AWAY 'CAUSE I
JUST HAD TO GET OUTSIDE.

YOUR FOSTER PARENTS
DON'T LET YOU GO OUTSIDE?

WELL THEY ALWAYS SAY I CAN GO
OUT WHEN I'M DONE WITH MY CHORES.

BUT THERE ARE SO MANY
I NEVER GET FINISHED.

WELL, HOW DID YOU GET AWAY?

I HAD TO JUMP FROM
A BEDROOM WINDOW.

I HURT MY KNEE. OW!

Both: OH!

WELL, COME ON OVER HERE.

TAKE IT EASY. THERE
YOU GO... EASY, EASY.

COME ON, MOVE OVER
HERE. NOW SIT DOWN.

SIT DOWN?! THE KID'S A CROOK!

HEY, WHY DON'T YOU CALL
YOUR FOSTER PARENTS?

THEY'RE PROBABLY
WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

UH, NO, THEY GO TO
THE RACETRACK ALL DAY.

THEY WON'T BE HOME FOR HOURS.

Chrissy and Janet: OH!

WELL, IN THAT CASE

YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO STAY RIGHT
HERE WITH US TILL THEY GET HOME.

RIGHT, JACK?

- YEAH, I GUESS SO.
- NOW WAIT A MINUTE...

RIGHT BELOW US IS MY APARTMENT
JUST FULL OF PRICELESS ART.

PRICELESS MEANS IT'S
NOT WORTH ANYTHING.

LOOK, WE'LL MAKE SURE THAT
THE KID STAYS UP HERE WITH US.

ALL RIGHT, HE'S
YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.

BUT I WANT HIM BACK WHERE
HE BELONGS BEFORE DARK.

I'VE GOT MY OTHER
TENANTS TO THINK OF.

- ALL RIGHT.
- ALL RIGHT, WE WILL.

AND I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU HAD
THE REST OF THE RENT TONIGHT.

UH, OH, YEAH. $100
COMING YOUR WAY.

IT'S NOT EASY BEING A
LANDLORD, YOU KNOW.

IT GIVES YOU AN IDEA OF WHAT
THE PRESIDENCY MUST BE LIKE.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH ME?

WELL, HOW ABOUT IF WE
COOK YOU A NICE HOT DINNER?

SUPER!

I ONLY GET ONE MEAL
A DAY WHERE I LIVE.

Chrissy and Janet: OH!

GOLLY, IN THAT CASE, YOU BETTER
GET ON IN THAT BATHROOM AND WASH UP.

'CAUSE WE'RE GONNA
STUFF YOU FULL OF HOT FOOD.

- THANKS.
- OH, SURE.

Both: OH!

HAVE YOU EVER HEARD ANYTHING
SO TRAGIC IN YOUR WHOLE LIFE?

OH SURE... OLIVER TWIST,
LITTLE ORPHAN ANNIE.

COME ON. YOU THINK THAT
SWEET LITTLE BOY IS LYING?

WELL, PLEASE. I MEAN...

- OH, MEN ARE ALWAYS
SO UNSYMPATHETIC.
- YEAH.

- BOLOGNA.
- OH YEAH?

WELL THEN HOW COME THERE ARE
MORE WOMEN NURSES THAN MEN?

BECAUSE THERE ARE MORE MEN

WHO GET SICK BECAUSE OF WOMEN.

OH YEAH? WELL, HERE ARE TWO
WOMEN GETTING SICK BECAUSE OF A MAN.

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. LET'S
NOT START, ALL RIGHT?

THERE'S SOME BEEF STEW ON THE STOVE.
WHY DON'T YOU TWO GO GET DINNER READY?

I WANT TO TALK TO BILLY, SEE IF I
CAN GET THE TRUTH OUT OF HIM.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO,
TORTURE HIM? THAT ALWAYS WORKS.

(groans) I'LL TALK! I'LL TALK!

- GET HER IN THE KITCHEN.
- (groaning continues)

- HI, LET ME HANG
YOUR JACKET UP.
- WAIT!

WAIT A MINUTE.

THIS IS MY HIGH-SCHOOL TRACK
TROPHY. IT WAS IN MY CLOSET.

HOW DID IT GET IN MY JACKET?

ARE YOU SURE IT'S YOURS?

OF COURSE I'M SURE. WHY WOULD YOU
WANT TO STEAL AN OLD TRACK TROPHY?

IT'S THE ONLY THING I WANTED.

BESIDE, I'M TOO SLOW
TO WIN ONE MYSELF.

NOW, YOU LISTEN TO
ME, FELLA, YOU CAN'T BE...

PLEASE, DON'T BEAT ME! DON'T BEAT
ME, DON'T HURT ME. LEAVE ME ALONE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU
SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.

(Chrissy gasps)

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, HONEY?

OH YEAH, NOW THAT YOU'RE HERE.

HE YELLED AT ME JUST
'CAUSE I DIDN'T WANT

TO TALK ABOUT HIS OLD
HIGH-SCHOOL TROPHY.

OH, WELL... I DON'T BLAME YOU.

- OH, JACK!
- HE TOOK THIS OUT
OF MY CLOSET.

OH SURE, I BET HE'S BEEN
SEARCHING FOR IT FOR WEEKS.

NOW WAIT A MINUTE, CHRISSY...

YOU BE NICE TO HIM, JACK.

HERE, HERE'S SOMETHING TO TIDE
YOU OVER UNTIL YOU GET YOUR DINNER.

OH, GOOD.

NOT YOU. YOU ALREADY HAD
MORE THAN ONE MEAL TODAY.

(loud sigh)

THANKS, CHRISSY. YOU'RE
JUST LIKE A REAL MOM.

AW.

WELL YOU KNOW, JACK'S
REALLY A NICE PERSON.

HE JUST HASN'T BEEN
AROUND CHILDREN VERY MUCH.

I LIVE WITH YOU, DON'T I?

I'LL PUT THESE OVER
HERE FOR YOU, BILLY.

YOU OUGHTA BE IN POLITICS.

NAH, IT'S TOO CROOKED.

LISTEN, COME HERE. SIT DOWN.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

- I WANT THE TRUTH.
- HUH?

- FIRST OF ALL, HOW DID YOUR
FOSTER PARENTS GET YOU?
- WHAT?

I MEAN, DID THEY BUY YOU AT THE
SUPERMARKET OR RENT YOU FROM HERTZ OR WHAT?

THEY GOT ME AT AN ORPHANAGE

AND THEY BEAT ME AND
MAKE ME WORK ALL DAY LONG.

WAIT A SECOND... YOU SAID THAT
THEY WERE THE TRACK ALL DAY LONG.

WHY DO THEY DO? RUN
HOME BETWEEN RACES?

- NO.
- WELL, WHAT IS IT?

- YEAH, BUT...
- NO, YEAH, WHAT'S THE STORY, MAN?

I... YOU'RE GETTING
ME ALL MIXED UP.

OH I AM? WELL LET'S GO TELL THE
LITTLE GIRLS YOUR FAIRY TALE. COME ON.

NO, NO, DON'T LOCK ME IN THE
CLOSET WITHOUT DINNER. I'M SO HUNGRY.

JACK!

OH, TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF HIM.

I... LOOK, JANET,
I'M NOT... I'M NOT...

YOU'RE NOT WHAT? I SAW WITH MY
OWN EYES WHAT YOU WERE DOING.

- JACK!
- LISTEN, I WANNA
TALK TO YOU.

I'LL BE BACK, BILLY.

ALL RIGHT NOW, THERE'S SOMETHING
THAT SMELLS FISHY AROUND HERE.

I THOUGHT YOU SAID
WE'RE HAVING BEEF STEW.

GET OVER HERE!

I'M TALKING ABOUT BILLY. I
THINK WE SHOULD CHECK OUT

HIS STORY WITH HIS FOSTER
PARENTS AND CALL THEM RIGHT NOW.

- NO.
- WHY?

WE'RE GONNA WAIT UNTIL HE
HAS AT LEAST ONE DECENT MEAL.

YEAH.

HOPE IT'S OKAY I FOUND
THESE. ARE THEY YOURS?

- NO, THEY'RE CHRISSY'S.
- REALLY?

OH YEAH, SHE WEARS
THEM ON DATES.

STOP KIDDING ME. WILL
YOU TEACH ME HOW TO BOX?

AFTER WHAT YOU JUST PULLED?

IF YOU TEACH ME HOW
TO BOX I'LL BE NICE.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

I'LL SHOW YOU A
LITTLE SAMPLE, OKAY?

BUT I'LL TAKE IT EASY ON YOU
AND NOT BE TOO FANCY, OKAY?

ALL RIGHT.

NO, YOU STAND SIDEWAYS.

BEND YOUR KNEES A
LITTLE BIT, OKAY? SEE... YEAH.

NOW THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS
YOU KEEP UP YOUR GUARD LIKE THIS.

THAT MAKES IT
IMPOSSIBLE TO GET HIT.

- REALLY?
- YEAH.

- (grunts)
- THIS IS A CINCH.

THAT'S CHEATING, YOU LITTLE
MONSTER. WHERE DO YOU GET OFF...

OH, OH, MY STOMACH!
MY HEAD! MY CHIN!

OH, JACK!

HONEY, OH... JACK, YOU MONSTER!

WHY DON'T YOU PICK ON SOMEBODY
YOUR OWN SIZE, YOU BIG BULLY?

ALL RIGHT, JANET AND CHRISSY,

I WANT YOU TO CALL HIS
FOSTER PARENTS RIGHT NOW.

YOU BETTER DO IT, CHRISSY,
BEFORE BILLY GETS KILLED.

YEAH.

WHAT'S YOUR NUMBER, BILLY?

555-4945.

555-4945.

555-4945.

- 555... JUST DIAL IT!

555-4945.

YOU CAN CALL 'EM,
BUT THEY WON'T CARE.

THEY HAVE OTHER FOSTER KIDS

AND SOMETIMES THEY
EVEN FORGET WHO I AM.

- OH, THAT'S TERRIBLE.
- OH, JANET, DON'T LISTEN
TO HIM.

IF HE STICKS OUT HIS TONGUE, YOU
CAN SEE IT'S PERMANENTLY FORKED.

HELLO? HI.

WE HAVE A LITTLE BOY OF
YOURS HERE NAMED BILLY TODSON.

BILLY TODSON.

TODSON.

REALLY? OH, WELL...
THEY HUNG UP ON ME.

I TOLD YOU.

OH, YOU POOR LITTLE THING.

THAT'S SETTLE IT. YOU'RE
NOT GOING BACK THERE.

WHAT? HE CAN'T STAY HERE.

- OF COURSE HE CAN.
- AND YOU BE NICE
TO HIM, JACK.

OR YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE FOLD-AWAY TEETH.

GOSH, THAT LITTLE BOY,

HE ATE SO MUCH DINNER HE
COULDN'T WAIT TO TAKE A NAP.

THAT WAS ONE
SLEEPY LITTLE ORPHAN.

I BET HE'S NOT EVEN AN ORPHAN.

HIS PARENTS ARE JUST HIDING.

LOOK, JACK, NO MATTER WHAT
YOU SAY, BILLY IS STAYING WITH US

UNTIL WE'RE SURE HE HAS THE
RIGHT KIND OF FOSTER PARENTS.

TOO BAD BONNIE AND
CLYDE AREN'T AVAILABLE.

(groans)

OH, WE BETTER GET GOING.
THEY'RE GONNA BE CLOSING SOON.

- WAIT, WAIT A MINUTE - WHAT?

- WHERE ARE YOU GUYS GOING?
- TO THE MARKET.

WE HAVE TO GET MILK
FOR BILLY'S BREAKFAST.

CAN YOU THINK OF
ANYTHING ELSE HE NEEDS?

YEAH, A MUZZLE
AND A STRONG LEASH.

IS IT SAFE TO LEAVE HIM
ALONE WITH LITTLE BILLY?

WELL YEAH, AS LONG AS HE'S
ASLEEP HE WON'T HURT ME.

OH, JACK. YOU'RE TERRIBLE.

OH COME ON, DON'T WORRY.

I'LL LOOK AFTER
THE LITTLE ANGEL.

(Chrissy and Janet scream)

- I'M HERE FOR THE $100.
- OH.

LOOK, MY BROTHER
GETS DOWNRIGHT VICIOUS

WHEN I'M LATE WITH
THE RENT RECEIPTS.

WELL, UH... THAT'S
JACK'S DEPARTMENT.

YES, MR. FURLEY. SPEAK TO JACK.

OH, BUT WOULD YOU
WHISPER, PLEASE?

- (whispering) ALL RIGHT.
- THANK YOU.

- JACK?
- YES?

THAT LITTLE BOY'S
GONE, ISN'T HE?

UH... WELL, YOU DON'T SEE
HIM AROUND HERE, DO YOU?

WELL THEN WHY ARE WE WHISPERING?

- SHH, YOU'LL WAKE HIM.
- HE'S STILL HERE!

I TOLD YOU I WANTED
HIM OUT OF HERE.

ACTUALLY, THE GIRLS
THOUGHT IT'D BE OKAY WITH YOU

- IF HE COULD JUST HANG AROUND HERE...
- ARE YOU KIDDING?

MY BROTHER WOULD CUT
OFF MY ALLOWANCE LIKE THAT.

- (door slams)
- OH, HI, BILLY.

I HEARD WHAT YOU SAID
ABOUT ME HAVING TO GET LOST.

- WELL, NOW...
- NO, NO, IT'S OKAY.

I CAN'T STAY HERE
FREELOADING OFF YOU ANYWAY.

IT'S TIME I GET OUT IN THE WORLD AND
GOT STARTED ON MY LIFE'S AMBITION.

WHAT'S THAT?

WELL, SEE ALL MY LIFE
I'VE HAD THIS DREAM.

I THINK IT'S THE MOST
BEST, MOST IMPORTANT JOB

IN THIS WHOLE WIDE WORLD.

I WANT TO MANAGE AN
APARTMENT BUILDING.

WAIT A SECOND, YOU MEAN
YOU WANT TO BE A LANDLORD?

OH YEAH, I'M JUST NOT
SURE I'M SMART ENOUGH.

BELIEVE ME, YOU'RE SMART ENOUGH.

DO YOU REALLY WANT
TO BE A LANDLORD?

OH YES, SIR. I READ A
BOOK ONCE THAT SAID

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO
SHOOT FOR THE STARS.

(chuckles)

WELL, THIS MAY SHAKE YOU UP,

BUT I JUST HAPPEN TO BE
AN APARTMENT MANAGER.

A LANDLORD.

WOW!

A REAL LIVE LANDLORD!

- OH, COME OFF IT, BILLY...
- WILL YOU STOP INTERRUPTING?

I'M TRYING TO TALK TO
THIS NICE YOUNG MAN.

YOU KNOW, BILLY,

BEING A LANDLORD
IS FASCINATING WORK.

BUT IT TAKES A LOT OF KNOW-HOW.

I WISH I COULD STAY
AND LEARN FROM YOU.

BUT I HAVE TO GET OUT, SO...

NOW WAIT A MINUTE. IF IT
MEANS THAT MUCH TO YOU...

WAIT, LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING ABOUT THIS KID.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO
TELL ME ANYTHING.

I CAN SEE WHAT A
BRIGHT SINCERE BOY HE IS.

BILLY, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE ME

TO TEACH YOU THE
TRICKS OF THE TRADE?

WOULD YOU REALLY, MR. FURLEY?

YOU BET I WOULD.

I'M GONNA START BY SHOWING YOU
THE NERVE CENTER OF THIS COMPLEX...

MY APARTMENT. COME ON.

WOW! A DREAM COME TRUE.

OH, AND JACK,

DON'T THINK I FORGOT ABOUT
THE RENT MONEY YOU OWE.

$100 DUE TONIGHT!

THAT'S YOUR FIRST LESSON.

- OH, HI.
- HI.

- WE GOT THE STUFF FOR BILLY.
- OH YEAH?

DON'T TOUCH!

Chrissy: JANET, COME QUICK.

WHAT, CHRISSY?
CHRISSY, WHAT IS IT?

BILLY'S GONE. JACK,
WHAT DID YOU DO WITH HIM?

WELL, HE GOT A LITTLE TOO CLOSE
TO THE EDGE OF THE BALCONY

AND I JUST... (screams)

JACK, STOP KIDDING.

OKAY, NO, SERI... HE'S
DOWNSTAIRS WITH FURLEY.

FURLEY IS TEACHING HIM
HOW TO BE A LANDLORD.

- JACK, STOP KIDDING.
- NO, IT'S TRUE.

- (doorbell rings)
- JACK... I'LL GET THE DOOR.

BILLY! COME ON IN. YOU OKAY?

- SURE.
- OH, GOOD.

OH, JACK, CAN I TALK TO
YOU ALONE FOR A MINUTE?

WHAT'RE YOU GONNA DO TO ME?

WILL YOU JUST COME ON?

YOU HEARD HIM, IT WAS HIS IDEA.

ALL RIGHT, NOW, NO
MORE TRICKS, MAN.

- YOU CAN FOOL FURLEY,
BUT NOT ME, ALL RIGHT?
- LISTEN.

I KNOW YOU'RE SHORT 100
BUCKS FOR RENT MONEY, SO...

I WANT YOU TO HAVE THIS.

A HUN... WHERE DID
YOU GET THIS 100 BUCKS?

IT JUST SORT OF
FELL INTO MY HANDS.

- YOU DIDN'T. TELL ME YOU DIDN'T.
- I DIDN'T.

OH GOD, YOU DID. COME HERE.

SIT RIGHT DOWN THERE AND DON'T
MOVE A MUSCLE. NOT EVEN A LITTLE FINGER.

YOU'RE LIABLE TO HOOK
SOMETHING WITH IT.

GIRLS, THIS IS IT. HE'S
REALLY DONE IT THIS TIME

LOOK AT THIS. HE TOOK $100
FROM FURLEY TO PAY OUR RENT.

OH, HOW THOUGHTFUL.

CHRISSY, HE STOLE IT.

ARE YOU SURE?

HOW WOULD I GET 100 BUCKS?

THIS IS TERRIBLE. WHAT
ARE WE GONNA DO?

I KNOW. I CAN SNEAK DOWN
TO FURLEY'S APARTMENT

AND SLIP IT INTO HIS DESK
BEFORE HE EVEN MISSES IT.

OH, GREAT, WE'LL SEE YOU
IN THREE TO FIVE YEARS.

COME ON, CHRISSY,
THIS IS ROBBERY.

NOT WHEN YOU'RE PUTTING
IT BACK. THEN IT'S GIVERY.

- HERE'S WHAT
WE'RE GONNA DO.
- WHAT?

- OKAY, THE THREE
OF US ARE GONNA GO...
- (doorbell rings)

DARN.

OH, HI. LOOK KIDS,

I DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME. I'M
HAVING DINNER WITH MY BROTHER

AND IF I'M LATE HE MAKES
ME WASH THE DISHES.

MR. FURLEY, WE WON'T
BE LONG. COME ON.

WE JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU
HOW GRATEFUL WE ARE TO YOU

- FOR HELPING LITTLE BILLY.
- YEAH, HOW NICE.

OH, NO, THAT WAS A
PLEASURE. LOOK, HE'S A FINE LAD.

YOU SURE LOOK
UPTIGHT, MR. FURLEY.

- I'M ALWAYS TENSE WHEN
I'M GONNA SEE MY BROTHER.
- TENSE? HE SAID TENSE.

(chuckles) WE HAPPEN TO HAVE
JUST THE THING FOR TENSE.

- RIGHT, CHRISSY?
- RIGHT.

WHAT?

- YOGA.
- OH RIGHT, YOGA!

- COME WITH US.
- COME ON, MR. FURLEY.

- WAIT A MINUTE!
- MR. FURLEY, FIRST,

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO
TRY STANDING ON YOUR HEAD?

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO
TRY TAKING A FLYING LEAP?

(chuckling) OKAY, SIT
DOWN AND RELAX.

(desk items thumping)

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

THIS IS HOW I RELAX.

THAT FIGURES, TIPPY-TOES.

- MR. FURLEY, PLEASE, WILL
YOU CONCENTRATE, OKAY?
- YEAH.

NOW, CLOSE YOUR EYES

AND LOOK INSIDE YOUR HEAD!

- DO YOU SEE ANYTHING?
- Furley: NO.

- GET RID OF IT!
- GET RID OF WHAT?

AH, UH, YOUR
RESISTANCE, OF COURSE.

MR. FURLEY, PLEASE,
JUST CONCENTRATE.

- NOW DO YOU SEE ANYTHING?
- NO, I TOLD YOU.

- THERE'S NOTHING
INSIDE MY HEAD.
- (drawer slams)

- WHAT WAS THAT?
- WHAT WAS WHAT?

- I HEARD A SLAM.
- OH, A SLAM!

THAT'S VERY GOOD! THAT'S
VERY GOOD TO HEAR A SLAM

BECAUSE THAT'S
PROGRESS! THAT'S PROGRESS.

IT MEANS YOU HAVE SLAMMED THE
DOOR TO YOUR OUTER CONSCIOUSNESS

- AND THE ROAD TO YOUR INNER
CONSCIOUSNESS IS WIDE OPEN.
- SOUNDS LIKE A LONG TRIP

AND I DON'T HAVE TIME.
I'VE GOTTA GET GOING!

(screams)

AHH! I CAUGHT YOU!

UH, NO, NO, NO, MR. FURLEY.

WE WEREN'T STEALING
ANY MONEY FROM YOU.

OH YEAH? THEN WHAT WERE YOU
DOING WITH YOUR HAND IN MY DRAWERS?

WELL... OKAY, OH.

I DIDN'T WANT TO TELL
YOU THIS, MR. FURLEY.

BUT LITTLE BILLY
STOLE $100 FROM YOU

AND GAVE IT TO ME. SO I WAS...

OH, HOW LOW CAN YOU GET?

TRYING TO GET
OUT OF A TIGHT SPOT

BY PUTTING THE BLAME
ON AN INNOCENT LITTLE KID.

IT'S TRUE, BELIEVE ME.

BELIEVE YOU?! AFTER
ALL THE YOGI BEAR STUFF!

I HAD $1600 IN HERE.

LET'S JUST SEE HOW MUCH IS LEFT.

- (indistinct chatting)
- (Chrissy gasps)

15, 16, 17.1700? AH-HA!

THERE'S AN EXTRA $100 IN HERE!

AN EXTRA $100? HOW
DID THAT HAPPEN?

INFLATION?

UH, MR. FURLEY?

I PUT THAT $100 IN THERE.

WELL, WHY DIDN'T
YOU GIVE IT TO ME?

THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION.

- ISN'T THAT A GREAT QUESTION?
- Girls: GREAT.

YOU KNOW, WHEN THE CHIPS ARE DOWN
YOU COME UP WITH GREAT QUESTIONS.

WELL, THANK YOU.

- (Janet chuckles)
- WHAT'S THE ANSWER?

WELL...

COME ON! YOU DON'T
FOOL ME FOR A MINUTE.

I'VE GOTTA GET OVER
TO MY BROTHER'S.

WE'LL TAKE THIS
UP WHEN I GET BACK!

OH HI, BILLY. KEEP AN EYE
ON THEM FOR ME, WILL YOU?

- WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?
- LISTEN TO ME, BILLY.

IF YOU DIDN'T STEAL THE $100
FROM FURLEY, WHERE DID YOU GET IT?

MY CHAUFFER BROUGHT IT.

MY CHAUFFER... CAN'T
YOU EVER TELL THE TRUTH?

HE IS TELLING THE TRUTH, SIR.

MASTER BILLY CALLED AND SAID
HE NEEDED THIS WEEK'S ALLOWANCE.

YOU'RE...

- YOU'RE HIS CHAUFFER?
- FOR THE TODSON FAMILY.

BOY, THEY MUST BE PAYING
FOSTER PARENTS A BUNDLE NOW.

(laughs)

LOOK, I DON'T HAVE
ANY FOSTER PARENTS.

I MADE THE WHOLE STORY UP
SO I'D KEEP OUT OF TROUBLE.

AND THEN I HAD TO KEEP GOING ON
WITH IT SO THAT YOU'D KEEP LIKING ME.

(mocking) AW!

HE RUNS AWAY A LOT.

SOMETIMES IT'S THREE OR FOUR
DAYS BEFORE WE TRACK HIM DOWN.

YOU NEVER WOULD HAVE GOT ME THIS
TIME IF I DIDN'T CALL ABOUT THE MONEY.

- THE $100?
- BILLY.

BUT HOW COME YOU RUN AWAY?

- HE GETS BORED.
- BORED?

I MEAN, YOU MUST HAVE A BIG
HOUSE. YOU GOT A CHAUFFER.

WITH ALL THAT MONEY HOW
COULD YOU POSSIBLY GET BORED?

- WOULDN'T YOU?
- WELL, IF I...

I MEAN IF... YEAH, I SUPPOSE.

WE HAVE TO BE LEAVING
NOW, MASTER BILLY.

WELL, THAT'S THE
STORY OF MY LIFE.

SO LONG.

HEY, I HAD A GREAT
TIME. AND THANKS A LOT.

BYE, BILLY.

HEY, HANG ON, BILLY.
HANG ON A SECOND, OKAY?

I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LIKE
THAT OLD TRACK TROPHY OF MINE.

SO I'LL TELL YOU WHAT,
I'LL LET YOU HAVE IT.

WOW, THANKS!

I KNEW YOU WERE GOING
TO SAY THAT SO I TOOK IT. BYE.

ARE YOU SURE, BILLY?

OH, WELL THANK YOU
VERY MUCH... HEY LISTEN,

YOU COME AND VISIT
WITH US SOMETIME, OKAY?

ALL RIGHT, BYE-BYE.

HOW ABOUT THAT BILLY? HE
WON'T LET US PAY BACK THE $100.

- OH!
- OH, WHAT A TERRIFIC KID.

OH, YEAH.

GOSH, IT WAS SUCH
FUN TAKING CARE OF HIM.

TUCKING HIM IN AT NIGHT

AND KISSING HIM AND EVERYTHING.

IT WAS KINDA LIKE HAVING A
LITTLE BROTHER AROUND THE HOUSE.

- YEAH, I'M GONNA MISS HIM.
- ME TOO.

AW, I HATE TO SEE YOU
GIRLS FEELING SO DOWN.

IF YOU REALLY WANT
A LITTLE BROTHER...

(high-pitched voice)
HERE I AM. HI, SIS!

HI, BLONDE SISTER.

CAN YOU HELP ME GET
UNDRESSED AND TUCK ME INTO BED?

- NO!
- WHY!

HOW ABOUT YOU,
DARK-HAIRED SISTER?

- HELP ME DO ALL THAT.
- OH, OKAY, LITTLE JACKY.

- THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
- SURE.

BUT FIRST, WE BETTER GO
WASH BEHIND YOUR EARS.

DON'T PULL THE HAIR.
DON'T PULL THE HAIR!

- AND THEN...
- COME ON!

(theme music playing)

Ritter's voice: "THREE'S
COMPANY" WAS VIDEOTAPED

IN FRONT OF A STUDIO AUDIENCE.