Three's Company (1976–1984): Season 4, Episode 14 - The Reverend Steps Out - full transcript

Reverend Snow is up for an offer as the new minister for the Santa Monica Church. This is initially great news for Chrissy when her parents would be able to move closer to her. Unfortunately, Reverend Snow tells Chrissy that the recommendation board would never approve of three kids living together; therefore, she is forced to move out. However, Jack and Janet try to prevent Chrissy from leaving.

(theme music playing)

♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪

♪ WHERE THE KISSES ARE
HERS AND HERS AND HIS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

- ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪
- ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪

♪ WE'VE A LOVABLE SPACE
THAT NEEDS YOUR FACE ♪



♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪
- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪
- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO. ♪

11, 12, 13, 14.

$5.14?

JACK, ARE YOU SURE THIS IS
ALL THE MONEY THAT WE HAVE?

ARE YOU KIDDING? I EVEN HAD
TO BREAK INTO MY PENNY LOAFERS.

LOOKS LIKE WE STAY
HOME TONIGHT, KIDDO.

WELL, I'M READY FOR
MY DATE. HOW DO I LOOK?

YOU LOOK LIKE A
HALF-PEELED BANANA.

- YOU DON'T LIKE IT?
- NO, NO, CHRISSY, I LOVE IT!

AND I WANT YOU TO ALWAYS THINK OF ME
AS A LOVE-STARVED BOWL OF CORNFLAKES.



JANET, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

GOSH, CHRISSY...
UM... IT'S A NICE DRESS.

YOU DON'T LIKE IT?

WELL, I ALWAYS THOUGHT "IT'S A
NICE DRESS" WAS A COMPLIMENT.

NOT IF YOU'RE MY
MOTHER, IT ISN'T.

- WHAT'S YOUR MOTHER
GOT TO DO WITH THIS?
- EVERYTHING.

SHE WAS VERY STRICT ABOUT THE WAY I
DRESSED WHEN I WENT OUT WITH BOYS.

YOU KNOW, IF THE DRESS
SHOWED TOO MUCH,

SHE'D SAY, "IT'S A NICE DRESS,"

WHICH MEANT I HAD TO GO
CHANGE BEFORE I COULD GO OUT.

CHRISSY, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. MY
PARENTS WERE VERY STRICT WITH ME TOO.

- THEY WERE?
- YEAH, I COULD NEVER GO OUT
IN A LOW-CUT DRESS LIKE THAT.

VERY FUNNY, JACK.

ANYWAY, NOW THAT I'M ALL
GROWN-UP, I CAN WEAR ANYTHING I WANT.

- WELL, LA DI DA!
- REALLY?

- (doorbell rings)
- I'LL GET THAT.

- IT'S PROBABLY MY DATE.
- OKAY!

- REVEREND SNOW!
- HELLO, JANET.

- COME IN. LET ME TAKE THAT.
- Reverend: HELLO, CHRISSY!

DADDY! HI!

WELL, LET ME GET A
GOOD LOOK AT YOU!

THAT'S A NICE DRESS.

- HELLO, JACK.
- NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

THANK YOU. WELL,
HOW'S MY BABY GIRL?

I'M SURPRISED. HOW COME YOU
DIDN'T TELL ME YOU WERE COMING?

IT WAS ALL KIND OF
LAST MINUTE, YOU KNOW?

I HAVE BUSINESS TO ATTEND TO, SO
I'LL BE DOWN HERE FOR A DAY OR TWO.

- YOU'RE WELCOME
TO STAY WITH US.
- THANK YOU.

ABSOLUTELY! WE'VE GOT
EXTRA SHEETS AND A BLANKET,

- AND WE'LL FIX
THIS COUCH UP REAL NICE.
- THAT'S A GREAT IDEA, JACK.

- THAT'LL MAKE YOU MORE
COMFORTABLE OUT HERE.
- RIGHT...

WHAT? HUH?

WOULD YOU ALL EXCUSE ME? I
HAVE TO FINISH UP THE DISHES.

I'LL JUST BE A MINUTE.

I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO
A NICE LONG CHAT WITH YOU.

OH, DADDY, I HAVE
A DATE TONIGHT.

OH. I WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO DISAPPOINT
THE YOUNG MAN ON MY ACCOUNT.

YEAH, WELL, ON SUCH SHORT
NOTICE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'D TELL HIM.

CHRISSY, JUST TELL
HIM YOU'RE SICK.

- I COULDN'T DO THAT.
- WHY NOT?

I'M NOT SICK. I
CAN'T TELL A LIE.

TELL HIM THAT YOUR FATHER'S IN TOWN
AND YOU WANT TO SPEND SOME TIME WITH HIM.

I CAN'T TELL HIM THE TRUTH.
HE'D THINK I WAS LYING.

OH, OF COURSE. HOW STUPID OF ME.

I'LL BE IN MY ROOM
STRAIGHTENING UP.

CHRISSY, WHILE WE
HAVE A FEW MINUTES,

THERE IS SOMETHING I
WOULD LIKE TO TELL YOU.

- (doorbell rings)
- JUST A MINUTE.

- HI, BABY.
- OH, HI, COME ON IN.

OH WOW!

YOU LOOK SENSATIONAL!

UH, RICK, THIS IS DADDY.

HOW DO YOU DO, RICK?

DADDY.

- YES, I'M HER FATHER.
- OH BROTHER!

I MEAN, FATHER.

REVEREND IS FINE.

- HOW DO YOU DO, SIR?
- HOW DO YOU DO?

- WELL, LET'S GO, RICK.
- (nervous laughter)

- AFTER YOU, MISS.
- OKAY.

- BYE-BYE, DADDY.
- GOODBYE!

- GOOD NIGHT, SIR.
- HAVE A GOOD TIME!

OH, DON'T WORRY. WE WON'T.

REVEREND, IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN
GET FOR YOU? MAYBE A CUP OF TEA?

NO, THANK YOU, JANET. YOU
DON'T HAVE TO FUSS OVER ME.

I DON'T MIND.

OH, JACK. I REALLY HOPE
IT ISN'T AN IMPOSITION,

- ME USING YOUR BED.
- DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT,
REVEREND.

LOTS OF PEOPLE SHARE MY BED.

I MEAN... WE HAVE GUESTS THAT...

I MEAN, EVERYBODY USES MY BED.

I MEAN, WHEN THEY'RE IN THERE,
I'M USUALLY SOMEPLACE ELSE.

WHY DON'T I TAKE YOUR BAG
AND JUST PUT IT IN MY MOUTH?

I MEAN...

- IF YOU NEED ME, I'LL...
- COME AND SIT DOWN.

YOU KNOW, IT'S REALLY
GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

YOU SHOULDN'T LET SO MUCH
TIME GO BETWEEN YOUR VISITS.

WELL, JANET, CHRISSY MAY BE SEEING
A LOT MORE OF ME IN THE NEAR FUTURE.

IN FACT, YOU ALL MAY BE
SEEING A LOT MORE OF ME.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- WELL, IT'S NOT
OFFICIAL YET,

BUT IF ALL GOES WELL, I MAY
BECOME THE NEW MINISTER

OF THE SANTA MONICA
COMMUNITY CHURCH.

OH, THAT'S FANTASTIC!

- CONGRATULATIONS.
- FOR WHAT?

THE REVEREND MIGHT BE
GETTING A JOB DOWN HERE,

AND THEN HE AND MRS. SNOW
WILL BE MOVING TO SANTA MONICA.

- (doorbell rings) - THAT'S
GREAT! EXCUSE ME.

THAT'S REALLY WONDERFUL.

JACK, BUDDY, HOW
CAN I EVER THANK YOU?

- WHAT DID I DO?
- DO?

YOU SET ME UP WITH ROXANNE!

WE WENT OUT LAST NIGHT AND
IT WAS A NIGHT TO REMEMBER!

- LARRY...
- THE GIRL'S NOT HUMAN, JACK.

FIRST, WE WENT OUT
FOR DRINKS, RIGHT?

THEN, BEFORE I KNOW IT,
WE'RE BACK AT HER APARTMENT.

I DON'T THINK THIS IS THE RIGHT
TIME TO BE LAYING ALL THIS ON ME.

THEN SHE SLIPS INTO SOMETHING MORE
COMFORTABLE, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

AND THEN WE GOT
DOWN... ON OUR KNEES,

AND PRAYED ALL NIGHT LONG.

LARRY, YOU CAN GET UP NOW.

REVEREND SNOW, WHAT
AN UNEXPECTED PLEASURE.

WHAT, IS IT SUNDAY ALREADY?

Janet: LARRY, REVEREND
SNOW WILL BE STAYING WITH US

- THE NEXT COUPLE
OF DAYS.
- OH.

KIDS, I REALLY HAVE SOME
IMPORTANT BUSINESS TO TAKE CARE OF.

- I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
- Janet: OKAY. BYE-BYE.

OH, LARRY.

I'M GLAD TO HEAR YOU'RE
DATING A RELIGIOUS GIRL.

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME HE
WAS HERE? HOW EMBARRASSING!

- FOR YOU OR US?
- OKAY, WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I CAME UP HERE TO TELL YOU
I'M WORKING LATE TONIGHT.

I'VE GOT THESE TWO
TICKETS FOR THE THEATER.

- DO YOU KNOW ANYBODY
WHO COULD USE THEM?
- YEAH, WE'LL TAKE THEM!

THANKS, PAL! THAT'S
REALLY NICE OF YOU!

THINK NOTHING OF IT.
IF YOU LOOK CLOSELY,

- YOU'LL NOTICE SOMETHING
VERY INTERESTING.
- WHAT?

THE PRICE. THEY'RE
15 BUCKS APIECE.

OH, LARRY, THAT'S SO
GENEROUS. THANKS A LOT, MAN!

- JACK!
- WE WANT TO MAKE
THE CURTAIN.

- THANKS A LOT, LARRY!
- BYE, LARRY!

AND WE ARE SO ALL
LOOKING FORWARD

TO THE INSPIRATION
OF OUR NEW MINISTER.

IF THE COMMITTEE APPROVES ME.

WELL, WITH YOUR
QUALIFICATIONS AND MY BACKING,

- THAT'S A MERE FORMALITY.
- THANK YOU, MRS. CLAREMONT.

I BELIEVE YOU ARE JUST WHAT
WE'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR...

AN UPSTANDING, FIRM,
NO-NONSENSE PERSON.

YOU KNOW, I'M VERY HAPPY
ABOUT MAKING THIS MOVE.

NOW MY WIFE AND I WILL BE ABLE
TO LIVE CLOSER TO OUR DAUGHTER.

- DOES YOUR DAUGHTER
LIVE HERE?
- YES.

ALONE?

NO, SHE'S LIVING
WITH TWO... FRIENDS.

OH MY. WELL, THAT IS SO NICE.

YOU KNOW, SO MANY
YOUNG PEOPLE TODAY

WANT TO MOVE AWAY FROM
HOME AND BE ON THEIR OWN,

AND THEN THEY PROCEED
TO LIVE THE WILDEST LIVES...

UNMARRIED,

LIVING WITH MEMBERS
OF THE OPPOSITE SEX.

IT'S DEPLORABLE.

- DON'T YOU AGREE?
- YES.

WOULD YOU EXCUSE ME?
I'D LIKE TO CALL MY WIFE

- AND TELL HER
THE GOOD NEWS.
- CERTAINLY, REVEREND.

- DO YOU WANT
TO SIT OVER HERE?
- SURE.

OH BOY. THAT WAS
SUCH A GOOD MOVIE.

THE MUPPETS ARE MY FAVORITES!

- THEY'RE SO LIFELIKE.
- I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

I JUST HOPE MISS PIGGY DOESN'T GET
STUCK UP NOW THAT SHE'S A BIG MOVIE STAR.

CHRISSY, ISN'T THAT YOUR FATHER?

- WHERE?
- RIGHT HERE,
BEHIND YOU.

BOY, YOUR MOTHER SURE IS PRETTY.

- THAT'S NOT MY MOTHER.
- IT'S NOT?

- DID YOU REACH YOUR WIFE?
- NO, THE PHONE HERE
WAS OUT OF ORDER.

- I'LL CALL HER LATER.
- IT'S TOO BAD YOU COULDN'T
BREAK THE NEWS TO HER NOW.

Reverend: I THINK SHE'S
BEEN EXPECTING THIS,

BUT NOW THAT IT'S OUT IN THE
OPEN, I'M SURE SHE'LL BE RELIEVED.

I HAVE BEEN SEARCHING
SO LONG FOR A MAN LIKE YOU.

AND I FEEL I HAVE
FINALLY FOUND A HOME.

THEN YOU ARE NOT HAVING
ANY SECOND THOUGHTS?

OH NO. NOT AT ALL.

I HOPE THAT THIS
IS THE BEGINNING

OF A VERY BEAUTIFUL
RELATIONSHIP.

- SHALL WE... SHALL WE GET GOING?
- CERTAINLY, REVEREND.

(knocks on door)

OH CHRISSY, I'M GLAD
I FOUND YOU HOME.

I HAVE SOMETHING I
WANT TO TELL YOU.

I KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO TELL ME,
AND THAT'S WHY I WANT TO TALK TO YOU

BEFORE YOU TELL ME, SO I
CAN TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT.

- YOU MEAN, YOU KNOW?
- YES.

DADDY, YOU AND MOMMY
CAN'T GET A DIVORCE.

I DON'T WANT TO BE AN ORPHAN.

DIVORCE? ORPHAN?

- WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
- DADDY.

I SAW YOU AT THE ICE CREAM
PARLOR WITH THAT WOMAN.

OH, CHRISSY. (laughs)

HOW CAN YOU LAUGH
AT A TIME LIKE THIS?

CHRISSY, THAT WOMAN
IS MRS. CLAREMONT.

SHE'S MARRIED, TOO?

THERE'S A GOOD
CHANCE SHE MAY HIRE ME

AS THE NEW MINISTER FOR THE
SANTA MONICA COMMUNITY CHURCH.

THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN
WANTING TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.

I MAY BE MOVING HERE.

- AND MOM TOO?
- OF COURSE!

- WE'D ALL BE TOGETHER.
- YOU AND MOM AND
MRS. CLAREMONT?

NO, HONEY. YOUR
MOTHER, YOU AND ME.

OH, DADDY! THAT'S SO WONDERFUL!

OH, DADDY!

IF YOU AND MOMMY MOVE
HERE, THAT MEANS YOU'LL BE ABLE

TO VISIT ME ANY TIME YOU WANT.

CHRISSY, YOU'VE GOT
TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME.

I'LL DO ANYTHING YOU
WANT. WHAT IS IT, DADDY?

YOU'VE GOT TO MOVE
OUT OF THIS APARTMENT.

BUT DADDY... I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

- WHY DO I HAVE
TO MOVE OUT?
- YOU KNOW,

YOU LIVING HERE
WITH JANET AND JACK,

AND JACK NOT BEING A GIRL...

YEAH, BUT YOU'VE KNOWN JACK
HASN'T BEEN A GIRL FOR A LONG TIME.

YOU SAID IT WAS ALL RIGHT.

CHRISSY...

IF THE CHURCH COMMITTEE FOUND
OUT ABOUT YOUR LIVING ARRANGEMENT,

THEY'D TURN ME DOWN.

- REALLY?
- YES.

AND THIS POSITION
MEANS A LOT TO ME.

- YEAH, BUT, DADDY, LIVING HERE...
- AND TO YOUR MOTHER.

YOU KNOW, MOVING TO A BIG CITY
WOULD MAKE A NEW WOMAN OF HER.

WELL, I LIKE THE ONE SHE IS NOW.

CHRISSY, THAT'S BEING SELFISH.

DON'T YOU WANT YOUR MOTHER
TO HAVE THE SAME OPPORTUNITY

TO LIVE IN A BIG CITY,
WITH ALL THE SHOPS,

THE MUSEUMS, THE
CULTURE, LIKE YOU HAVE?

WELL, YEAH.

OKAY, I'LL MOVE.

OH, THANK YOU, HONEY, FOR
BEING SO UNDERSTANDING.

BY THE WAY, DO YOU
REMEMBER MELINDA SIMPSON?

HOW COULD I FORGET?

WHEN WE WERE LITTLE
GIRLS, SHE USED TO EAT DIRT.

YES, WELL, I THINK SHE'S
STOPPED DOING THAT NOW.

ANYWAY, SHE'S LIVING NEAR HERE
AND SHE HAS AN EXTRA BEDROOM.

- IT WOULD BE
PERFECT FOR YOU.
- OKAY.

I'LL CALL HER TOMORROW.

THAT'S MY LITTLE GIRL.

WELL, I'VE HAD A VERY BIG DAY,
AND I THINK I WILL TURN IN EARLY.

- GOOD NIGHT, DEAR.
- GOOD NIGHT.

OH, HI, CHRISSY,
HOW WAS YOUR DATE?

OH, FINE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M PACKING.

- HEY, JANET, WHERE...
- HUH?

- ARE YOU GOING SOMEPLACE?
- I'M JUST SLEEPING OVER AT
MELINDA SIMPSON'S HOUSE.

YOU SURE ARE
PACKING AN AWFUL LOT.

- WHEN ARE YOU
PLANNING ON COMING BACK?
- OH, FIVE, MAYBE 10...

YEARS.

CHRISSY, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

- YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND.
- YES, WE WOULD.

COME ON.

OKAY.

MY FATHER MIGHT BECOME A
NEW MINISTER OF A CHURCH HERE,

AND I'M A GIRL AND YOU'RE
A GIRL, AND HE'S A BOY,

AND MY MOTHER NEVER
LIVED NEAR A MUSEUM BEFORE.

YOU'RE RIGHT, I
DON'T UNDERSTAND.

CHRISSY, WAIT A MINUTE.

YOUR FATHER WANTS YOU TO MOVE OUT BECAUSE
THE THREE OF US ARE LIVING TOGETHER?

WHO TOLD YOU?

WELL, GOSH, THAT DOESN'T
SOUND LIKE YOUR FATHER.

WELL, IT'S NOT MY
FATHER EXACTLY.

IT'S THE CHURCH
SELECTION COMMITTEE,

THEY WON'T HIRE HIM IF THEY
FIND OUT WE'RE LIVING TOGETHER.

- OH.
- WHERE ARE
YOU GOING?

I'M TELLING YOUR FATHER
EXACTLY WHAT I THINK OF ALL THIS.

NO, JACK, PLEASE, YOU'LL ONLY
MAKE IT WORSE. PLEASE DON'T!

- LET ME HANDLE IT.
- PLEASE, PLEASE, FOR ME!

- PLEASE. - CHRISSY... YES?

HI, REVEREND.

UH... UH...

YOU'RE RIGHT, CHRISSY, HE DOESN'T
WEAR HIS COLLAR WHEN HE SLEEPS.

- WHAT?
- LISTEN, I'LL SEE YOU
IN THE MORNING, OKAY?

- IN THE MORNING.
- NIGHTY-NIGHT. NIGHTY-NIGHT-NIGHT.

JANET, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M UNPACKING, CHRISSY.
YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

MY FATHER WANTS ME TO.

DIDN'T YOU EVER THINK THAT
MAYBE YOUR FATHER WAS WRONG?

WELL, IT DOESN'T MATTER.
HE'S DONE SO MUCH FOR ME.

- THIS IS THE LEAST
I CAN DO FOR HIM.
- CHRISSY!

WHAT?

YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND,
AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO.

JANET, JUST RELAX, OKAY? I'M
SURE WE CAN FIND SOME WAY

TO CONVINCE CHRISSY'S
DAD TO LET HER STAY.

- OKAY.
- I DON'T THINK SO.

IT'D BE DIFFERENT IF WE WERE
THREE GIRLS LIVING HERE TOGETHER.

THERE ARE SOME THINGS I
REFUSE TO CHANGE! DO YOU MIND?

JACK, JACK, COME ON!

THIS IS A FAMILY MATTER. IT'S NOT
YOUR FAMILY. PLEASE STAY OUT...

I'LL SPEAK TO YOUR
FATHER. YOU CAN'T STOP ME.

(shrieks)

IS IT MORNING ALREADY?

WELL, JACK WANTED TO KNOW IF
YOU NEEDED ANOTHER BLANKET.

- ANOTHER BLANKET?
- I DIDN'T THINK SO.

- WELL, GOOD NIGHT.
- SHE KICKED ME!

THAT'S NICE. GOOD NIGHT.

JANET, SHE KICKED ME!

I HAD TO STOP HIM.

YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO KICK
ME. SHE KICKED ME IN MY SHIN.

IT'S LATE, AND WE'RE ALL A
LITTLE TOO EXCITED HERE.

LET'S JUST GO TO
SLEEP AND SLEEP ON IT,

AND THEN WE'LL TALK
ABOUT IT TOMORROW.

- THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
- OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, HONEY, WE'LL...

- THE COUCH IS
IN THE LIVING ROOM.
- I HAVE A BAD SHIN.

THE COUCH IS IN THE LIVING ROOM.

I SHOULD BE OFF MY LEG.

(knocks on door)

COMING!

JACK, YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT.

I DON'T BELIEVE IT. YOU
REMEMBER THAT GIRL ROXANNE?

YOU SAID YOU HAD TO
WORK LATE TONIGHT.

I WAS, BUT WHEN I GOT HOME, ROXANNE
WAS WAITING FOR ME OUTSIDE MY APARTMENT!

- SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- I HAD TO TALK TO
AN EARTHLING.

I AM TELLING YOU,
JACK, I THINK ROXANNE

IS THE LOVE GODDESS
FROM THE PLANET VENUS!

JACK, I'M TELLING YOU, THIS
GIRL IS DYING TO GET IT ON...

♪ ... ONWARD,
CHRISTIAN SOLDIERS ♪

♪ MARCHING OUT THE DOOR! ♪

YOU ARE TRYING TO
TEST MY FAITH, IS THAT IT?

NO, I PROMISE, NO
MORE INTERRUPTIONS.

I SWEAR TO... GOODNESS.

NIGHTY-NIGHT NIGHT-NIGHT-NIGHT.

NIGHTY-NIGHT,
NIGHT-NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT. (exhales heavily)

- (knocks on door)
- NOT AGAIN!

LARRY, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
ANY MORE ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE.

NOW GO HOME!

WHY, HELLO THERE.
MAY I HELP YOU?

NO, I THINK I MUST HAVE
THE WRONG APARTMENT.

- I'M LOOKING
FOR REVEREND SNOW.
- HANG ON.

THIS IS THE RIGHT APARTMENT.
REVEREND SNOW'S DAUGHTER LIVES HERE.

WON'T YOU COME IN, PLEASE?

- THANK YOU.
- SURE.

PARDON ME FOR ASKING,
BUT WHO ARE YOU?

MY NAME'S JACK
TRIPPER. NICE DOGGIE!

TELL ME...

YOU LIVE HERE?

- YES.
- (gasps)

OH! OH, OF COURSE!

THE REVEREND DIDN'T TELL
ME HE HAD A SON-IN-LAW.

- OH...
- WHAT'S ALL THE RACKET?

AND THIS MUST BE THE
REVEREND'S DAUGHTER.

WHAT A HANDSOME COUPLE!

- WHO, US?
- YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. WE'RE NOT MARRIED.

- YOU ARE NOT MARRIED?
- NO.

- AND I'M NOT
THE REVEREND'S DAUGHTER.
- I SHOULD HOPE NOT!

- EXCUSE ME,
BUT WHO ARE YOU?
- I AM MIRIAM CLAREMONT.

I AM THE CHAIRPERSON OF
THE SELECTION COMMITTEE

FOR THE SANTA MONICA
COMMUNITY CHURCH.

IS REVEREND SNOW HERE?

- REVEREND WHO?
- REVEREND SNOW!

HE IS THE FATHER OF
THE GIRL WHO LIVES HERE.

OH.

OH, THAT REVEREND SNOW.

THEY ONLY USE THE
APARTMENT IN THE DAYTIME.

WE RENT IT OUT AT NIGHT. WE DON'T
HAVE MUCH USE FOR IT IN THE DAYTIME,

IF YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING...

- I THOUGHT WERE
GOING TO SLEEP ON IT.
- I WANT YOU TO MEET SOMEBODY.

MRS. CLAREMONT IS THE CHAIRPERSON
FOR THE CHURCH SELECTION COMMITTEE.

AND WHO ARE YOU?

I DON'T KNOW, BUT I'M NOT THE
REVEREND SNOW'S DAUGHTER.

CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHERE HE IS?

- All: WHO?
- REVEREND SNOW,
DAMN IT!

(gasps)

WHAT IS GOING ON AROUND HERE?!

- MRS. CLAREMONT?
- REVEREND SNOW!

MRS. CLAREMONT, WHAT
ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I WOULD HAVE CALLED,

BUT I WANTED TO TELL YOU
THE GOOD NEWS IN PERSON.

- THE GOOD NEWS?
- YES.

THE COMMITTEE HAS APPROVED YOUR
APPOINTMENT AS OUR NEW MINISTER.

- OH, THAT'S WONDERFUL.
- I'M NOT SO SURE.

WHO ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE?

THIS IS JACK TRIPPER,

AND THIS JANET WOOD,
AND THIS YOUNG LADY...

- IS NOT YOUR DAUGHTER!
- CHRISSY!

I'M JUST HERE BECAUSE
I'M WORKING UNDERCOVER.

- UNDERCOVER?
- YES...

THESE TWO SINNERS HERE
ARE LIVING TOGETHER IN SIN,

AND I'M JUST HERE TO CONVINCE
THEM TO MEND THEIR WAYS.

- CHRISSY, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO DO THAT.
- SIN, SIN, SIN!

SHAME! SHAME!

SHAME!

SHAME!

WELL, MY WORK IS
DONE HERE. GOODBYE.

CHRISSY!

- CHRISSY.
- WHAT?

I'M BLOWING YOUR COVER.

MRS. CLAREMONT, THIS YOUNG
LADY IS MY DAUGHTER CHRISSY,

- AND JANET AND JACK
ARE HER ROOMMATES.
- OH.

NOW, DO YOU STILL WANT
ME AS YOUR NEW MINISTER?

WELL, OF COURSE THAT'S
UP TO THE COMMITTEE,

BUT I, FOR ONE, AM TAKING
BACK MY RECOMMENDATION.

LET ME SAVE YOU THE TROUBLE.

I AM WITHDRAWING MY APPLICATION.

- GOOD NIGHT,
MRS. CLAREMONT.
- WH...

CHRISSY... I WOULD LIKE TO
TALK TO YOU FOR A MOMENT.

WE'RE LEAVING.

OH, DADDY... I'M SO SORRY.

IT'S MY FAULT YOU
DIDN'T GET THE JOB.

NO, IT'S MY FAULT FOR
PUTTING YOU IN THE POSITION

WHERE YOU FELT YOU
HAD TO LIE FOR ME.

NO JOB IS WORTH THAT.

YOU MEAN, YOU DON'T CARE
THAT I LIVE WITH JACK AND JANET?

- YES, I DO CARE.
- OH.

AND I DON'T THINK YOU COULD FIND

TWO BETTER ROOMMATES.

OH, DADDY, I LOVE YOU.

AND I LOVE YOU.

OH! JACK! JANET!

Jack: YEAH?

I CAN STAY! I CAN
STAY! I CAN STAY!

Both: AW...

- WE DON'T KNOW.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WELL, SEE, CHRISSY,
WE WERE GETTING USED

TO THE IDEA OF LIVING
HERE WITHOUT YOU.

YOU WERE?

YEAH. I'D KIND OF LIKE
TO HAVE MY OWN ROOM.

IT'D BE ONE LESS PERSON
I'D HAVE TO COOK FOR.

YEAH, AND WE WOULDN'T HAVE TO LISTEN
TO YOUR DUMB STORIES OVER AND OVER.

AND ANOTHER THING, OUR
LIVES WOULD BE SO BORING

HERE WITHOUT YOU,
WE COULDN'T STAND IT.

- YEAH, WELCOME HOME, CHRISSY.
- ARE YOU KIDDING ME,
CHRISSY?!

(all laugh)

- HAVE A GOOD TRIP, DADDY.
- HERE YOU GO.

REVEREND, I GOT
TO HAND IT TO YOU,

LAST NIGHT YOU REALLY TOLD
OFF THAT MRS. CLAREMONT.

WELL, IT WAS SOMETHING
I FELT I HAD TO DO.

WHAT I MEAN TO SAY
IS, FOR A MINISTER,

YOU'RE A PRETTY OPEN-MINDED KIND OF GUY,
THE WAY YOU STOOD UP FOR ALL THREE OF US.

THANK YOU, JACK. IT'S EASY WHEN
YOU HAVE A DAUGHTER LIKE CHRISSY.

SHE'S SO GOOD.

SHE NEVER LIES.

AND JANET, SO HONEST
AND DEPENDABLE.

- THE PERFECT
ROOMMATE FOR CHRISSY.
- (Janet laughs)

WELL, GOODBYE, EVERYBODY.

REVEREND? WHAT ABOUT ME?

TWO OUT OF THREE ISN'T BAD.

(theme music playing)

Ritter's voice: "THREE'S
COMPANY" WAS VIDEOTAPED

IN FRONT OF A STUDIO AUDIENCE.