Three's Company (1976–1984): Season 3, Episode 6 - My Sister's Keeper - full transcript

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♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪

♪ WHERE THE KISSES ARE
HERS AND HERS AND HIS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

- ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪
- ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪

♪ WE'VE A LOVABLE SPACE
THAT NEEDS YOUR FACE ♪



♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ YOU'LL SEE THAT
LIFE IS A BALL AGAIN ♪

♪ LAUGHTER IS CALLING FOR YOU ♪

- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪
- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO. ♪

- OKAY, CHRISSY, OKAY,
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
- WHAT IS IT?

CHRISSY, THIS IS A STUART
JACKSON FROM HIS EARLY PERIOD.

I HOPE HE GOT BETTER LATER ON.

OH WELL, ANYWAY, I THOUGHT IT
WOULD LOOK A LOT MORE FEMININE

THAN THAT BASEBALL PICTURE
JACK HAD HANGING HERE.

OKAY, CHRISSY, NOW WHAT
DO YOU THINK OF THESE?

- OH, THEY'RE CUTE.
- YEAH.



BOY, JACK'S ROOM
LOOKS SO TERRIFIC NOW

HE WOULDN'T RECOGNIZE IT.

DO YOU THINK MY LITTLE
SISTER IS GONNA LIKE IT?

- SHE'LL LOVE IT.
- REALLY, CHRISSY?

- YEAH.
- IT STILL LOOKS
SO MASCULINE TO ME.

MAYBE WE COULD TAKE JACK'S
JOCKEY SHORTS OFF THE DOOR.

GOOD THINKING.

- (phone ringing)
- I'LL GET IT.

I HOPE JACK ISN'T GONNA MIND
GIVING UP HIS ROOM FOR JENNY.

HE'LL PROBABLY FIND
THE COACH PRETTY LUMPY

AFTER SLEEPING ON HIS BED.

OH, TONIGHT... OH NO, I CAN'T.

MY ROOMMATE'S SISTER'S COMING
TONIGHT. I THINK WE SHOULD BE HERE.

CHRISSY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO
GIVE UP A DATE BECAUSE OF THAT.

- I DON'T?
- NO.

MAYBE I CAN MAKE IT AFTER ALL.

THAT WAS SO SWEET OF YOU THOUGH.

I STILL CAN'T MAKE IT.

NO, CHRISSY, SHE'S GONNA
BE HERE FOR A WHOLE WEEK,

THERE'S PLENTY OF
TIME TO BE TOGETHER.

ON THE OTHER HAND, WHAT
TIME CAN YOU PICK ME UP?

EVEN THOUGH IT WOULD BE SO NICE

TO HAVE EVERYBODY
HERE FOR HER FIRST NIGHT.

NOT THAT I WANT
YOU TO PICK ME UP,

I JUST WONDERED WHAT
TIME YOU WOULD IF YOU COULD.

CHRISSY, IF YOU
REALLY WANT TO GO...

I'LL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.

NO, NO, NOT YOU, TOM.

TOM?

HE HUNG UP.

CHRISSY, I'M SORRY.

THAT'S OKAY, I DON'T LIKE PEOPLE

WHO CAN'T MAKE UP
THEIR MINDS ANYWAY.

I GUESS THAT MEANS

IT'S GONNA BE YOU AND JACK,
AND ME AND MY LITTLE BABY SISTER.

OH, CHRISSY, I'M SO
PROUD OF MY LITTLE FAMILY.

HEY, ANYBODY FOR THE BEACH?

- THE BEACH?
- YEAH, LARRY SAYS THE WAVES
ARE 12 FEET HIGH.

- JACK.
- I'M GONNA GET
MY SURFBOARD.

JACK, HAVEN'T YOU
FORGOTTEN SOMETHING?

OH, MY SWIM TRUNKS.
THANKS CHRISSY.

I WOULD HAVE LOOKED AWFULLY
SILLY GOING OUT THERE NUDE.

JACK, I THINK WE ALL SHOULD BE
HERE TO WELCOME JANET'S SISTER.

OH CHRISSY, I PROMISED LARRY.

- JACK!
- OKAY.

OKAY, THANK YOU, JACK!

- (doorbell rings)
- OH, THAT MUST BE HER.

OKAY.

- JANET. - JENNY! OH... JENNY!

OH, LET ME LOOK AT YOU.

PUT YOUR THINGS DOWN.

GUYS, ISN'T SHE BEAUTIFUL?

YEAH!

AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT IS
NOT JUST ANOTHER PRETTY FACE.

AT COLLEGE, THIS KID
IS ON THE DEAN'S LIST.

OH REALLY, I USED TO GET IN A
LOT OF TROUBLE AT SCHOOL TOO.

NO, CHRISSY, THAT MEANS
THAT MY LITTLE SISTER

- IS A VERY BRIGHT
LITTLE GIRL.
- JANET.

OH GOSH, JENNY. OH, I'M
FORGETTING, I'M FORGETTING...

JENNY, THIS IS CHRISSY.

BUT YOU KNOW, I WROTE YOU
ALL ABOUT MY ROOMMATES.

AND THIS MUST BE JACK.

ISN'T IT CLEVER THE
WAY I FIGURED THAT OUT?

YOU KNOW, I'M NOT ON THE
DEAN'S LIST FOR NOTHING.

I'M GLAD YOU CAME,
JENNY. IT'LL BE NICE TO HAVE

A BRAIN AROUND HERE TO
TALK TO ONCE IN A WHILE.

JANET AND CHRISSY ARE
TERRIFIC, BUT THEY'RE NOT

NEARLY AS WELL INFORMED AS ME.

YOU MEAN "AS I."

YEAH, AS YOU TOO. (laughs)

LISTEN, WHY DON'T I
TAKE YOUR HAIR AND...

I MEAN TAKE YOUR... I'LL JUST
PUT EVERYTHING IN MY ROOM.

I MEAN YOUR ROOM. WHOOPS.

I'LL GET IT RIGHT. EXCUSE ME.

I'LL PUT IT RIGHT IN HERE.

OH, JENNY, GOLLY.

COME ON, COME ON, SIT
DOWN. COME ON, CHRISSY.

THERE IS SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT,
I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START.

IT IS SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.

IT IS GREAT TO SEE
YOU TOO, JANET.

THANK YOU. HEY,
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

I THINK MAYBE YOU HAVE ON
JUST A LITTLE TOO MUCH BLUSH.

YEAH, OH YEAH,
THIS IS MUCH BETTER.

ARE YOU PLANNING TO
TRANSFER TO U.C.L.A.?

YES, IF I DECIDE TO
MAJOR IN ANTHROPOLOGY.

ANTHROPOLOGY?

THE STUDY OF MAN.

THEY'RE TEACHING
COURSES IN THAT NOW?

OH, I WISH THEY WOULD. CAN
YOU IMAGINE THE HOMEWORK?

- (both laughing)
- OH, WELL...

YOU'LL HAVE PLENTY OF TIME FOR
MEN AFTER YOU FINISH YOUR STUDIES.

OH GEE, JENNY, I WISH I DIDN'T
HAVE TO WORK TOMORROW,

- THEN I COULD
SHOW YOU ALL AROUND.
- YEAH, I HAVE TO WORK TOO.

I GET HOME FROM SCHOOL AROUND
3:00. I COULD SHOW YOU AROUND.

- TERRIFIC.
- YEAH, TERRIFIC.

YEAH, TERRIFIC. COULD I SEE
YOU IN THE KITCHEN, JACK?

- HUH?
- IN THE KITCHEN.

OH, EXCUSE ME, I'LL
BE BACK IN A MINUTE.

- WHAT'S UP?
- UM... JACK...

- SHE'S MY SISTER.
- YEAH.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

- YOU BOTH HAD
THE SAME MOTHER.
- (laughs)

- NO.
- YOU DIDN'T HAVE
THE SAME MOTHER?

- OH JANET,
I'M SO SORRY.
- JACK, CUT IT...

CUT IT OUT. LOOK... WHO DID
YOU GO OUT WITH LAST NIGHT?

NAOMI.

AND THE NIGHT BEFORE THAT?

- KATHY, BUT WHAT DOES THAT...
- BEFORE THAT IT WAS CINDY, AND SAMANTHA.

YOU'VE BEEN OUT WITH FOUR
DIFFERENT WOMEN IN SEVEN DAYS.

- DOESN'T THAT
TELL YOU SOMETHING?
- YEAH, IT'S BEEN A SLOW WEEK.

(laughs) JACK.

- COME ON.
- WHAT ARE YOU
TRYING TO SAY?

I'M JUST... MY SISTER
IS VERY YOUNG

AND VULNERABLE.

- AND YOU, YOU'RE...
- AND I'M JACK THE RIPPER?

- NO, JACK,
I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.
- I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

IF THAT'S HOW YOU FEEL
ABOUT ME, I WON'T ASK HER OUT

- I WON'T EVEN
GO NEAR HER, OKAY?
- OH NO, JACK, WAIT.

OH GOSH, EVERYTHING I
SAID CAME OUT ALL WRONG.

- YOU KNOW...
- IT'S JUST SHE'S
MY YOUNGER SISTER

- SO I WORRY. NOW YOU
CAN UNDERSTAND THAT.
- YEAH, ALL RIGHT.

TAKE HER OUT, JACK. I WANT
HER TO HAVE A REALLY GOOD TIME

WHILE SHE'S HERE. TAKE HER OUT.

MOI, THE AX MURDERER,
TAKING OUT YOUR SISTER?

- OH JACK, PLEASE.
- OKAY, I'LL DO IT.

- THANK YOU, JACK.
- AS A FAVOR.

- MMM... YOU'RE A DOLL.
- OOH, HEY, YOU KNOW
SOMETHING?

AFTER I BRING THE KID BACK,
MAYBE I'LL TAKE YOU OUT.

I MEAN YOU MAY BE A
LITTLE OVER THE HILL,

BUT YOU GOT A LOT OF LIFE LEFT
IN YOU. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

JANET, YOU WANT TO
LET GO OF THE NOSE?

OKAY, CHRISSY, WHERE CAN THEY
BE? WHAT COULD THEY BE DOING?

DON'T WORRY, JACK
WILL THINK OF SOMETHING.

YOU'RE NOT HELPING, CHRISSY.

YEAH, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
SO WORRIED ABOUT ANYWAY.

- IT'S ONLY 10:00.
- ONLY 10:00?

CHRISSY, THEY LEFT HERE AT 3:00.

DO KNOW HOW MANY HOURS
THAT MEANS THEY'VE BEEN GONE?

THREE FROM 10 IS...

SEVEN. HEY, SEVEN'S
A LUCKY NUMBER.

IT BETTER NOT BE FOR JACK.

- (Jack and Jenny laugh)
- (Janet snickers)

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU KIDS
DOING HOME SO EARLY?

LISTEN, DO WE HAVE ANY
MORE ANTIHISTAMINES?

YOU KNOW, I FEEL
A COLD COMING ON.

IN THE BATHROOM, BUT BE CAREFUL,
THEY MAKE YOU VERY DROWSY.

THAT'S OKAY, CHRISSY,
I'M GOING RIGHT TO SLEEP.

THAT DOESN'T MATTER. THEY
STILL MAKE YOU VERY DROWSY.

WELL, I BETTER TAKE A COUPLE.

SO... WHAT DID YOU
TWO CRAZY KIDS DO?

JACK BORROWED LARRY'S
CAR AND WE WENT FOR A DRIVE.

THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN.
HOW FAR DID YOU GO?

- JUST UP THE COAST.
- HOW FAR DID JACK GO?

I MEAN MALIBU OR ZUMA...

WE DROVE FOR ABOUT 25 MINUTES.

THEN WE STOPPED OFF AT THE
BLUE CORRAL FOR A HAMBURGER.

- THEN WE DECIDED...
- OH, NOW JENNY, COME ON,

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE ACCOUNTING
FOR EVERY SINGLE SECOND.

WHAT DID YOU DO NEXT?

HEY, YOU GIRLS WANT TO
WATCH ME GET UNDRESSED?

- WHAT?
- IF YOU DON'T, YOU BETTER
GET OUT OF MY BEDROOM,

- BECAUSE ON THE COUNT
OF THREE IT'S COMING OFF.
- NOW JACK...

- ONE, TWO, TWO AND
A HALF, - NO, JENNY...

- HERE'S THE BIG THREE.
- COME ON, CLOSE YOUR DOOR.

I'M NAKED!

(chuckles)

(yawns)

STANLEY, HOW COME EVERY
TIMETIME YOU GET INSOMNIA,

I GET TO STAY AWAKE?

I'M SORRY, HELEN, I JUST THOUGHT THAT
READING WOULD HELP ME FALL ASLEEP,

BUT THIS BOOK IS
TOO INTERESTING.

HAVE YOU GOT ANYTHING IN
THE HOUSE THAT'S BORING?

YES AND I WISH IT WOULD TURN
OUT THE LIGHTS AND GO TO SLEEP.

THANKS A LOT. I HAVEN'T
SLEPT IN ALMOST A WEEK

AND ALL YOU CAN DO
IS MAKE WISECRACKS.

OH, ALL RIGHT.

COME ON, STANLEY, TURN OVER.

- WHAT?
- TURN OVER.

COME ON.

THERE, NOW THAT'S IT.

THAT'LL MAKE YOU RELAX.

HOW IS IT, STANLEY?

IT'S FINE, BUT YOU STARTED
TALKING AND YOU WOKE ME UP.

OH GEE, I'M SORRY, I
WON'T SAY ANOTHER WORD.

- THERE NOW...
- AH, YOU DID IT AGAIN.

I'LL BE UP ALL NIGHT NOW.

SAY STANLEY, I'VE GOT AN IDEA.

YOU KNOW I WAS READING
IN THE PAPER THIS MORNING

ABOUT HOW PEOPLE

WHO HAVE A NORMAL
ACTIVE LOVE LIFE

ARE HAPPIER, THEY LIVE LONGER,

THEY'RE MORE RELAXED
AND MORE CONTENTED.

WELL NATURALLY, PEOPLE
WHO ARE MORE RELAXED

ARE ABLE TO SLEEP BETTER.

SO, ANYWAY, STANLEY,
HERE'S MY PLAN.

MOMMY.

(exhales)

(whispering) JACK, YOU IN THERE?

JACK?

(yawning)

JENNY, JENNY. (screams)

- JACK!
- (Jack grunts)

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- THIS ISN'T WHAT
YOU'RE SEEING.

JACK,

AFTER YOU PROMISED ME. I CAN'T
BELIEVE IT. THIS IS DESPICABLE.

JANET, OF COURSE YOU
KNOW THIS IS A MISTAKE HERE.

IT SURE IS, BUSTER. YOU'RE
THE ONE WHO MADE IT!

- WAIT, WAIT.
- WHAT IS GOING ON?

- WHAT'S GOING ON?
- TAKE A NUMBER.

I FOUND THEM IN BED TOGETHER.

JANET, I GOT UP FOR A DRINK.

I WAS HALF ASLEEP AND I MUST
HAVE COME IN HERE BY ACCIDENT.

DO YOU EXPECT ME
TO BELIEVE THAT?

THE LAST THING IN THE WORLD I WANTED
WAS GO TO BED WITH YOUR SISTER.

- WHAT?
- WELL, NO, NO...

- YOU'RE VERY
ATTRACTIVE.
- ANIMAL.

- WHAT?
- THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE. HE'S AN ANIMAL!

I'M A PUSSY-CAT, MEOW.

I CAME IN HERE, AND
WITH MY OWN TWO EYES

I SAW YOU TWO SLEEPING TOGETHER.

- OF COURSE WE WERE
SLEEPING TOGETHER.
- (screams)

THAT DOESN'T MEAN WE
WERE SLEEPING TOGETHER.

JACK, - WERE YOU IN THIS ROOM?
- YES.

- WAS MY SISTER SLEEPING
IN THIS BED?
- YES.

- WERE YOU SLEEPING
IN THIS BED?
- YES.

THEN YOU WERE SLEEPING TOGETHER!

JANET, YOU'D MAKE A
GREAT PERRY MASON.

- CHRISSY...
- JANET, JANET.

- I WANT TO EXPLAIN.
- I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU
WANT, JACK, I DON'T CARE.

I WANT YOU TO GET DRESSED AND
I WANT YOU TO PACK YOUR THINGS,

AND I WANT YOU TO GO AWAY!

- JANET, JANET,
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
- YES.

- JA...
- (door slams)

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.
THIS IS A NIGHTMARE.

JANET!

JANET! ALL RIGHT, COME ON.

I'M SORRY ABOUT THIS. IT'S USUALLY
PRETTY QUIET AROUND HERE AT NIGHT.

I SHOULD HAVE SLEPT ON THE SOFA.
THEN NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED.

OF COURSE IT WOULD. JACK
WAS ALREADY SLEEPING THERE.

JANET, I WANT TO
TALK TO YOU. OPEN UP.

- WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?
- NOW LOOK HERE, JANET.

- JACK, GOODBYE.
- JA...

THIS IS CRAZY. I'M THE ONE WHO
SHOULD BE MAD AROUND HERE.

- TELL HER THAT.
- SHE WON'T LISTEN
TO ME.

SHE BETTER LISTEN TO ME. I'M
JANET'S SISTER, NOT HER DAUGHTER.

AND IT'S TIME SHE STOPPED
TREATING ME LIKE I WAS A CHILD.

- JANET,
COME ON, IT'S ME!
- WHAT IS IT, JENNY?

- DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE
BEING UNREASONABLE?
- (gasps)

WELL...

I WONDER WHAT SHE MEANT BY THAT?

CHRISSY, YOU'RE HER BEST
FRIEND, YOU TALK TO HER.

- YOU TELL HER.
- OKAY.

- TELL HER WHAT?
- TELL HER THAT
NOTHING HAPPENED.

THERE WAS A PERFECTLY GOOD
REASON WHY I WAS IN BED WITH JENNY.

YOU REALLY WANT
ME TO TELL HER THAT?

CHRISSY, I WANDERED
INTO MY BEDROOM

THROUGH FORCE OF HABIT.

OH...
- JANET.
- YES, CHRISSY?

THERE'S A PERFECTLY GOOD REASON
WHY JACK WAS IN BED WITH YOUR SISTER.

- OH, REALLY?
- YEAH, IT WAS JUST
A FORCE OF HABIT.

- I DON'T THINK
SHE BOUGHT IT.
- NO.

THANKS ANYWAY, CHRISSY.

YOU KNOW, SOME PEOPLE
ARE VERY STUBBORN.

AND THOSE STUBBORN PEOPLE
KNOW VERY WELL WHO THEY ARE.

DON'T THEY, JANET?

OKAY, OKAY, JACK,

NOBODY IS GOING TO
SAY THAT I AM UNFAIR.

I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT
WENT ON IN THAT BEDROOM.

AND I JUST WANT THE TRUTH.

OKAY, NOW HERE'S
THE TRUTH... LIAR!

MAYBE YOU'LL BELIEVE
YOUR OWN SISTER.

TELL HER, JENNY. YOU OWN
SISTER WON'T LIE. GO AHEAD.

- OKAY, LET'S HAVE IT.
- HOLD IT.

I DON'T WANT TO BE TALKED
TO IN THAT TONE OF VOICE.

NEVER MIND THE TONE. JUST
TELL HER WHAT HAPPENED.

ALL MY LIFE YOU'VE BEEN
TREATING ME LIKE I WAS A KID.

- HOW I TOOK THE ANTIHISTAMINE.
- THAT WAS OKAY WHEN
I WAS A KID,

- I WAS SO GROGGY...
- BUT I AM NOT A KID
ANYMORE.

- AND THE SLEEPWALKING.
- I AM A GROWN UP

- WITH A MIND OF MY OWN.
- STICK TO THE FACTS... JUST THE FACTS.

- YOU WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH?
- YEAH, THE TRUTH. LAY IT ON HER.

- MAYBE SOMETHING DID HAPPEN.
- Jack and Janet: WHAT?

MAYBE IT DIDN'T. THE
IMPORTANT THING IS

THAT'S MY BUSINESS NOT YOURS.

(silent)

WELL, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO
BELIEVE YOUR OWN SISTER, ARE YOU?

- (doorbell rings)
- I'LL GET IT.

HOLD IT. WAS THAT THE DOORBELL?

WAIT A MINUTE. IT MUST
BE 3:00 IN THE MORNING.

WHAT KIND OF CREEP
WOULD WANDER AROUND

RINGING DOORBELLS
AT 3:00 IN THE MORNING?

- Mr. Roper: IT'S MR. ROPER.
- THAT ANSWERS MY QUESTION.

I JUST CAME UP TO TELL
YOU IT'S 3:00 IN THE MORNING.

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE RIGHT, JACK IT
IS 3:00 IN THE MORNING.

(door banging)

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?

ONE THING I DON'T LIKE IS TO BE
AWAKENED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.

I CAN VOUCH FOR THAT.

I WAS ENJOYING THE FIRST
GOOD NIGHT SLEEP I HAD IN A WEEK,

AND SUDDENLY I
HEAR A DOOR SLAM...

THEN ANOTHER, THEN ANOTHER.

SLAM... SLAM... BANG.

- OKAY, OKAY.
- SLAM, BANG, SLAM,

- ALL RIGHT,
STANLEY, ALL RIGHT.
- SLAM, SLAM, BANG.

THEY GET THE PICTURE.

SLAM.

- I'M SORRY, MR. ROPER,
IT WAS ALL MY FAULT.
- IT WAS MINE TOO.

NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE
HAPPENED IF I HADN'T BEEN HERE.

THAT'S OKAY, JENNY, I
CAN TAKE CARE OF THIS.

WOULD YOU STOP TREATING
ME LIKE I WAS A CHILD!

- WHO WAS THAT?
- THAT WAS MY SISTER.

OKAY, STANLEY, NOW YOU KNOW
WHERE THE NOISE WAS COMING FROM.

- CAN WE PLEASE
GO BACK TO BED?
- WAIT, WAIT JUST A MINUTE.

- WHAT IS SHE DOING
IN JACK'S ROOM?
- VISITING.

(snickers)

WHAT NUMBER DO I
CALL TO GET A CAB?

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE,
JENNY, WAIT A MINUTE.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE STAYING HERE.

I WAS UNTIL MY DEAR BIG SISTER
ACCUSED ME OF SLEEPING WITH JACK!

Janet: JENNY...

OKAY, NOW HANG ON
A SECOND, MR. ROPER.

SEE, I CAN EXPLAIN.

NOTHING HAPPENED,
BUT NO ONE BELIEVES ME.

- I BELIEVE YOU.
- YOU SEE.

(silent)

AFTER ALL, WHAT COULD HAPPEN?

COME ON, HELEN, LET'S GO TO BED.

OKAY. GOOD NIGHT, KIDS.

AND BELIEVE ME, NOTHING WILL
HAPPEN DOWN THERE EITHER.

HEY, JANET,

YOU KNOW... I DON'T
KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

- WHY DON'T YOU
TRY GOODBYE, JACK?
- I'M CALLING A CAB.

A CAB? WAIT A MINUTE. DO
YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?

I CAN'T LET YOU GO
OUT AT THIS HOUR.

JANET, CAN I TALK TO
YOU FOR A SECOND?

- CHRISSY, PLEASE, NOT NOW.
- IT WON'T TAKE LONG.

CHRISSY, LOOK... CHRISSY!

PROMISE ME YOU WON'T DO
ANYTHING UNTIL I GET BACK...

- CHRISSY, WHAT?
- WITH THE PHONE.

OKAY, CHRISSY, WHAT IS IT?

- I HAVE A STORY TO TELL YOU.
- PLEASE, I'M NOT INTERESTED
IN STORIES NOW,

I'M ONLY INTERESTED IN
WHAT WENT ON IN JACK'S ROOM.

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT
THIS STORY IS ABOUT.

OKAY, HURRY UP.

WHEN I WAS A LITTLE GIRL

WE USED TO GO TO CHURCH EVERY
SUNDAY TO HEAR MY FATHER PREACH.

SO ONE SUNDAY MY FATHER
CAME TO ME AND HE SAID

"CHRISSY, WERE YOU
SLEEPING DURING MY SERMON?"

AND I SAID "YES, FATHER I WAS."

SO?

DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?
I WASN'T SLEEPING.

(laughs, snorts)

SO YOU TOLD YOUR
FATHER YOU WERE?

BOY, DO I HAVE TO
SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU?

THAT WOULD HELP.

- B-O-Y.
- WHAT?

I WAS THINKING OF A BOY.

I COULDN'T TELL MY FATHER I WAS
THINKING OF A BOY DURING HIS SERMON.

CHRISSY, PLEASE, WHAT
DOES THIS HAVE TO DO

WITH WHAT WENT ON
IN JACK'S BEDROOM?

WEREN'T YOU PAYING ATTENTION?

JUST BECAUSE MY EYES WERE CLOSED

DIDN'T MEAN I WAS SLEEPING.

AND JUST BECAUSE YOU EYES WERE OPEN
DIDN'T MEAN YOU WERE SEEING WHAT YOU SAW.

I MEAN SOMETIMES SEEING IS
SHUTTING YOUR EYES TO WHAT YOU SAW.

SEE?

- CHRISSY, LISTEN...
- LOOK...

SUPPOSE YOU CAME
HOME... JUST SUPPOSE...

- AND YOU FOUND JACK
AND ME IN BED TOGETHER.
- YEAH.

AND I SAID THAT
NOTHING WAS GOING ON.

- WOULD YOU BELIEVE ME?
- OF COURSE.

THEN WHY WON'T YOU
BELIEVE YOUR OWN SISTER?

CHRISSY... (groans)

- JENNY...
- YEAH?

I'M ASHAMED OF MYSELF.

I HOPE YOU AND
JACK WILL FORGIVE ME.

- OH, JANET.
- OH, JENNY,
I'M SO SORRY.

OH, EXCUSE ME.

JACK... FRIENDS?

- YES.
- YEAH.

- HEY.
- OH JACK,
I'M SO SORRY.

- I'M SO SORRY.
- OH...

CHRISSY, I'M SO SORRY.

- WHAT FOR?
- WHO CARES? I JUST LOVE
THIS KIND OF APOLOGIES.

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU
GUYS, BUT I'M GOING TO BED.

- OH, YEAH, ME TOO.
- YEAH, GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT EVERYBODY.

- Janet: GOOD NIGHT, JENNY.
- (Jack groans)

I'M SO EXHAUSTED.

(theme music playing)

Ritter's voice: "THREE'S
COMPANY" WAS VIDEOTAPED

IN FRONT OF A STUDIO AUDIENCE.