Three's Company (1976–1984): Season 3, Episode 2 - Good Old Reliable Janet - full transcript
Janet begins to feel like her life is lacking something due to her reliable image. The last straw comes when Larry invites her, Jack and Chrissy to brunch at a Persian restaurant, but she can't go because she has to wait for the telephone repairman to arrive. She then decides to break away from her wholesome image by joining a bunch of nudists at the beach with Mrs. Roper, who also feels neglected, especially when she finds out that Stanley was ogling all the nude women. Unfortunately, the police arrive and break up the protest and when Jack, Chrissy, Larry and Mr. Roper find out they rush to the police station to see if they can bail Janet and Helen out of jail.
(theme music playing)
♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪
♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪
♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪
♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪
♪ WHERE THE KISSES ARE
HERS AND HERS AND HIS ♪
♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪
♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪
♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪
- ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪
- ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪
♪ WE'VE A LOVABLE SPACE
THAT NEEDS YOUR FACE ♪
♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪
♪ YOU'LL SEE THAT
LIFE IS A BALL AGAIN ♪
♪ LAUGHTER IS CALLING FOR YOU ♪
- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪
- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪
♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪
♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪
♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO. ♪
HELLO?
HELLO?!
HELLO? (sighs)
JANET, THE PHONE'S NOT WORKING.
- OH YEAH, CHRISSY, I KNOW.
- WHEN ARE YOU GONNA
GET IT FIXED?
WELL, I... WAIT A
MINUTE, CHRISSY.
WHY SHOULD I BE THE
ONE TO HAVE IT FIXED?
'CAUSE YOU ALWAYS
TAKE CARE OF IT.
BUT THE TELEPHONE HAS NEVER
BEEN OUT OF ORDER BEFORE.
NO, BUT THE TV WAS.
RIGHT, CHRISSY. AS A
MATTER OF FACT, I DID CALL,
- AND THE TELEPHONE
COMPANY'LL SEND A MAN OVER.
- I KNEW YOU'D TAKE CARE OF IT.
- WHEN IS HE COMING?
- THIS AFTERNOON.
THIS AFTERNOON? I
CAN'T WAIT THAT LONG.
- I'M EXPECTING A CALL
FOR MY DATE.
- OH YEAH?
- WHO YOU GOING OUT WITH?
- I DON'T KNOW, HE HASN'T
CALLED YET.
YOU KNOW WHAT? I
KIND OF LIKE IT THIS WAY.
IT'S NICE AND QUIET
FOR A CHANGE.
- OH, JANET, I CAN'T LIVE
WITHOUT A TELEPHONE.
- OH PLEASE!
PEOPLE GOT ALONG FOR THOUSANDS
OF YEARS WITHOUT A TELEPHONE.
WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE THEY DID?
PROBABLY SAT AROUND WONDERING
WHAT THE YELLOW PAGES WERE FOR.
(laughs, snorts)
GIRLS... GIRLS!
YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE
WHAT JUST HAPPENED.
- WHAT?
- WELL, I WAS
JOGGING ALONG...
- I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.
- NEITHER DO I!
OKAY, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO
HEAR ABOUT THE NAKED GIRL I SAW...
WAIT. WHAT NAKED GIRL?
I DON'T KNOW HER NAME. I
WAS RUNNING ALONG THE BEACH,
AND I TURNED AND SAID HI, AND
I TRIPPED OVER ANOTHER ONE!
- ANOTHER NAKED GIRL?
- YES! EVERYONE ON THAT
BEACH WAS NUDE.
THEY WEREN'T WEARING ANYTHING?
RIGHT. THAT'S NUDE. THAT'S GOOD.
THEY WERE JUST
WEARING SUNTAN LOTION.
CAN YOU IMAGINE?
EVERYWHERE I LOOKED,
ALL I SAW WERE SHINY HILLS.
YOU MEAN, RIGHT DOWN
HERE, ON OUR BEACH?
- YES!
- COME ON, JACK,
YOU'RE PUTTING US ON!
IT'S TRUE! I SPENT
THE LAST HALF HOUR
TALKING TO A NAKED REDHEAD...
JUST TO MAKE SURE.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND. I THOUGHT
THEY HAD THEIR OWN BEACH.
THEY WERE THROWN OFF, AND
THEY HAD TO MOVE TO OURS.
THEY'RE FIGHTING FOR THEIR
RIGHTS. THEY GOT PICKET SIGNS.
IT'S A BIG DEMONSTRATION!
YOU MEAN, IT'S REALLY ORGANIZED?
- YEAH!
- THERE WERE NUDE MEN
DOWN THERE TOO?
MMM... THERE MUST HAVE BEEN.
BOY, CHRISSY, I CAN SURE THINK
OF A FEW PEOPLE IN THIS
NEIGHBORHOOD WHO WON'T LIKE THIS.
WHY? PEOPLE HAVE THE RIGHT TO
SUNBATHE NUDE IF THEY WANT TO.
- YEAH, OF COURSE THEY DO.
- TAKING THEIR BEACH AWAY
FROM THEM WAS WRONG.
- I AGREE.
- AND I THINK THEY SHOULD BE
SUPPORTED IN THEIR FIGHT.
- RIGHT!
- GOOD, LET'S GO DOWN
AND WE'LL HELP THEM...
- SHOW THEM WE'RE
ON THEIR SIDE.
- ALL RIGHT!
- WE CAN TAKE OUR CLOTHES OFF
WHEN WE GET THERE.
- WRONG!
- TAKE OUR CLOTHES OFF?
- YOU CAN'T PICKET WITH
YOUR CLOTHES ON.
WHY NOT? IT WORKS
FOR THE TEAMSTERS.
JANET, IT'S A NUDE BEACH.
THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT.
YEAH, BUT... NAKED!
CHRISSY, YOU WOULDN'T
BE EMBARRASSED?
NO! IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE.
WELL, SEND THEM A DONATION.
JANET, THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!
- CHRISSY, YOU...
- LIKE GOING TO THE DOCTOR.
YOU WOULDN'T BE EMBARRASSED TAKING
YOUR CLOTHES OFF IN FRONT OF THE DOCTOR?
WELL, NO, BUT...
JUST THINK OF ALL THESE PEOPLE
LOOKING AT YOU AS DOCTORS.
- CHRISSY...
- HOW DO YOU DO? MY NAME IS DR. TRIPPER.
OH, JACK... SEE, LOOK...
- CHRISSY, NO,
I CAN'T DO IT.
- HEY, CHRISSY?
- I'LL GO WITH YOU.
- FORGET IT.
WAIT A MINUTE, YOU MEAN YOU'D
UNDRESS IF FRONT OF STRANGERS,
- BUT NOT IN FRONT OF MOI?
- RIGHT.
- THAT DOESN'T
MAKE ANY SENSE!
- OF COURSE IT DOES.
IF THEY SEE ME NUDE,
IT DOESN'T MATTER
BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW THEM
AND THEY DON'T KNOW ME,
AND I DON'T KNOW WHO'S SEEING ME,
AND THEY DON'T KNOW WHO THEY'RE SEEING.
BUT I KNOW YOU, AND YOU KNOW ME.
AND I KNOW WHO YOU'LL BE SEEING,
AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU'LL BE SEEING,
AND BOTH OF THEM ARE ME.
- SEE?
- NO, I DON'T SEE.
AND YOU'RE NOT GOING TO, EITHER.
I'D UNDRESS IN FRONT OF YOU!
LATER, JACK, WHEN
WE NEED A GOOD LAUGH.
HEY, LOOK WHO'S TALKING. I KNOW
YOU'D NEVER GO TO A NUDE BEACH.
OH YEAH? AND WHAT
MAKES YOU SO SURE?
WELL, YOU DON'T DO WILD THINGS
LIKE THAT. YOU'RE NOT THE TYPE.
OH REALLY, JACK?
- AND JUST WHAT TYPE AM I?
- OH COME... YOU KNOW. YOU'RE SOLID...
- RELIABLE, DEPENDABLE.
- YOU MAKE ME SOUND LIKE
A USED CAR.
JANET! I'M COMPLIMENTING YOU.
AND BY THE WAY, I
LOVE YOUR DASHBOARD.
- OH JACK...
- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
LISTEN, YOU... I DO A
LOT OF CRAZY THINGS.
OH YEAH, LIKE WHAT?
WELL, LIKE...
- LIKE LAST NIGHT.
- UH-HUH?
YOU... YEAH, YOU SHOULD HAVE
SEEN WHAT I DID TO ROY LAST NIGHT.
- OH YEAH,
WHAT DID YOU DO?
- WELL, FIRST I GRABBED HIM.
- MERCY.
- YEAH. AND THEN
I BROUGHT HIM BACK
- AND I BENT HIM
DEEP LIKE THIS...
- OH YEAH, YEAH.
- AND JACK...
- YES.
I JUST STARED
DEEPLY INTO HIS EYES.
- YEAH, YEAH.
- AND THEN, I'LL
TELL YOU, JACK...
- YEAH.
- I COULD HAVE DONE
ANYTHING I WANTED TO.
- SO TELL ME,
WHAT DID YOU DO?
- NOTHING.
WHY?
WELL, HE WAS FOAMING AT THE
MOUTH, JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.
SO I DROPPED HIM.
I LOVE IT WHEN YOU'RE PHYSICAL.
- HI, STANLEY.
- HI, HELEN.
- WHERE YOU BEEN
ALL MORNING?
- WALKING ON THE BEACH.
REALLY? WE'VE
LIVED HERE 20 YEARS,
YOU NEVER WALK ON THE BEACH.
WELL, IT'S TIME I STARTED.
YOU SEE MY BINOCULARS ANYPLACE?
THEY'RE IN THE DESK DRAWER. WHY?
OH, I SAW SOME THINGS
OUT THERE THAT...
I NEVER SAW BEFORE.
WHAT KIND OF THINGS?
SHELLS. SEASHELLS.
OH, I LOVE LOOKING AT SEASHELLS.
- OH, SO DO I.
- THEY COME IN SUCH
BEAUTIFUL SHAPES.
OH, I KNOW.
OH, HERE THEY ARE.
SO WHERE ARE YOU GOING NOW?
TO LOOK AT SOME MORE SHELLS.
WITH BINOCULARS?
WELL, SURE, SEE, THIS WAY, YOU CAN
LOOK AT THEM WITHOUT DISTURBING THEM.
- WHAT?
- IT'S... IT'S...
ECOLOGY.
YOU KNOW, "SAVE OUR SEASHELLS"?
- THANK YOU.
- SURE.
- CHECK AND MATE.
- (Jack groans)
- (doorbell rings)
- I'LL GET IT.
DID SHE WIN?
- HI, LAR.
- JANET.
HELLO, LARRY, AND HOW ARE YOU?
- I'M JUST TERRIFIC.
- Chrissy: HI, LARRY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I
THOUGHT YOU'D BE ALL DAY AT THE BEACH.
COME ON, JACK, THAT'S
THE MINOR LEAGUES.
A BUNCH OF NAKED
CHICKS STANDING AROUND
IS NO CHALLENGE
FOR A GUY LIKE ME.
THEY ALL TURNED YOU DOWN, HUH?
EVERY ONE OF THEM.
- I COULDN'T...
- HOW ABOUT A GAME OF CHESS WITH THE CHAMP?
OH NO, THANKS. I JUST DROPPED BY TO
INVITE YOU LOVELY PEOPLE TO BRUNCH.
All: WHAT?
- IT IS MY TURN, REMEMBER?
- WE FORGET. IT'S BEEN
YOUR TURN FOR MONTHS.
I KNOW, I KNOW. IT'S
TAKEN ME THIS LONG
BECAUSE I'VE BEEN SEARCHING
FOR THE PERFECT PLACE
- TO TAKE
ALL OF YOU TO BRUNCH.
- WHAT PLACE IS THAT?
ONE TO MATCH MY STYLE.
- A CHEAP DUMP.
- THAT'S UNKIND, TRIPPER.
IT HAPPENS TO BE A
GREAT GREEK RESTAURANT
- JUST OPENED
DOWN ON THE BEACH.
- Jack: GREEK?
- All: YEAH!
- GREAT ATMOSPHERE.
OH NO, WAIT, GUYS, WE
CAN'T GO. THE TELEPHONE.
OH YEAH, SHE'S RIGHT.
OUR PHONE'S OUT OF ORDER. WE HAVE
TO BE HERE AND LET THE REPAIR MAN IN.
ALL THREE OF YOU? IT ONLY TAKES
ONE PERSON TO OPEN THE DOOR.
YEAH, BUT WHO WANTS TO DO IT?
JANET WILL TAKE CARE OF IT.
YOU CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON JANET!
Jack: YEAH, WE'LL BRING
HER BACK SOMETHING TO EAT.
HEY, CHRISSY! HEY, JACK!
- ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T MIND?
- MIND? SHE LOVES DOING
THINGS LIKE THIS.
GOOD OLD RELIABLE
JANET. LOVE YOU.
UH... (scoffs)
"GOOD OLD RELIABLE JANET"?
- (knock on door)
- IT'S OPEN!
COME ON IN!
- HI.
- OH, HI, JANET.
MRS. ROPER? COULD I
PLEASE ASK YOU A QUESTION?
OH SURE, HONEY, WHAT IS IT?
AM I... AM I RELIABLE?
OF COURSE, YOU ARE.
THAT'S A TERRIBLE THING TO SAY.
- WHAT?
- DON'T YOU SEE,
MRS. ROPER?
RELIABLE IS DULL.
AND DULL IS BORING.
BORING'S NO FUN.
DO YOU LIKE PEOPLE WHO ARE
DULL AND BORING AND NO FUN?
I MUST. I MARRIED ONE.
I'M TIRED OF BEING
TAKEN FOR GRANTED.
OH, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
I DON'T WANT TO SIT AROUND
AND WAIT FOR THE TELEPHONE MAN.
I WANT TO GO OUT AND DO
SOMETHING THAT'S WILD AND CRAZY!
ME TOO!
I JUST DON'T KNOW
WHAT IT IS YET.
I DO.
BUT IT DOESN'T HELP.
- HI, JANET.
- OH, HI.
WHERE ARE THE OTHER GIRLS?
THEY ARE DOWN AT
THE BEACH, MR. ROPER.
THEY WENT OUT THERE TO TRY
OUT THAT NEW GREEK RESTAURANT.
OH, SPEAKING OF BEACHES, STANLEY,
HOW'S YOUR NEW HOBBY COMING ALONG?
OH, FINE. I SAW SOME
BEAUTIES TODAY.
STANLEY'S BEEN OUT ALL
DAY LOOKING FOR SEASHELLS.
OH YEAH? HE GOT TIRED
OF THE NUDE BEACH?
SHH!
NUDE BEACH?
(stutters)
DIDN'T MR. ROPER TELL YOU?
OUR BEACH HAS GONE NUDE.
REALLY?
I DIDN'T NOTICE ANYTHING.
SO YOU'VE BEEN OUT
LOOKING FOR SHELLS, HUH?!
WHAT KIND OF SHELLS, STANLEY?
BLONDE BOMBSHELLS?
I'M A MARRIED MAN, HELEN!
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH A
BEACH FULL OF NAKED WOMEN?
GOOD LORD, HE'S
EVEN FORGOTTEN THAT.
- WILL YOU LISTEN TO ME?
- NO, YOU LISTEN
TO ME, STANLEY!
NOW, DON'T YOU GO
NEAR THAT BEACH!
I FIND ONE GRAIN OF
SAND IN YOUR SHOES,
AND YOU'RE GOING TO GET IT!
WHATEVER YOU SAY, HELEN.
I'M GONNA GO TAKE A NAP.
OH...
YOU THINK YOU'RE BEING
TAKEN FOR GRANTED.
I KNOW. IT'S AWFUL.
I HAVE EVERYTHING THOSE
WOMEN ON THE BEACH HAVE.
OF COURSE, YOU DO.
AND HE DOESN'T NEED
BINOCULARS TO SEE IT EITHER.
OH, MRS. ROPER...
MRS. ROPER, I THINK YOU'VE HIT
ON THE ANSWER FOR BOTH OF US.
- I HAVE?
- YES, REMEMBER
WE WERE TALKING,
- WE SAID WE WANTED TO DO
SOMETHING WILD AND CRAZY?
- YEAH.
WELL, LET'S GO DOWN
TO THAT NUDE BEACH
AND LET'S JOIN THE
DEMONSTRATION.
COME ON, LET'S GO DOWN AND
PROVE THAT WE'RE PEOPLE TOO!
OH JANET, THAT'S
A TERRIFIC IDEA!
- IS IT?
- OH YEAH!
- ABSOLUTELY!
- YEAH, ALL RIGHT.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- I'M WRITING A NOTE
TO STANLEY.
- WHY?
- IF I'M GOING TO DO
SOMETHING BEHIND HIS BACK,
- I WANT HIM TO KNOW
ABOUT IT.
- COME ON.
- LET'S GO!
- OH, OH, OH... MY GLASSES.
I JUST THOUGHT YOU
USED THOSE FOR DRIVING.
IF WE'RE LOOKING AT SEASHELLS...
THEY DO COME IN
BOTH SEXES, YOU KNOW?
(doorbell rings)
Stanley: HELEN, WILL
YOU ANSWER THE DOOR?
(doorbell rings)
I'M COMING.
- (doorbell rings)
- COMING! COMING.
- HI, CAN I COME IN? THANKS!
- (stutters)
- WAIT A MINUTE.
- I JUST WANT TO USE
YOUR PHONE.
I DON'T THINK I... HELEN!
I JUST WANNA USE YOUR PHONE
AND CALL FOR A RIDE HOME.
I WAS DEMONSTRATING ON THE
BEACH... THE COPS RAIDED US.
- YOU WERE ONE
OF THE DEMONSTRATORS?
- UH-HUH.
- IN THE...
- NUDE!
SHH!
WHY DO THEY ALWAYS HASSLE US?
ALL WE WANT TO DO IS LIVE
A LIFE WITHOUT HANG-UPS,
JUST BE OPEN AND TRUTHFUL...
I KNOW WHAT YOU
MEAN. I'M THE SAME WAY.
HELLO, TOM? CAN YOU PICK ME UP?
IT'S A LONG STORY.
I'LL BE AT THE CORNER
OF OCEAN AND DAMORRA.
OKAY. BYE.
HE'LL ONLY BE A FEW MINUTES.
CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING?
COFFEE? A RAINCOAT?
NO, THANKS.
WHAT A DAY!
- YOU KNOW IT WAS INCREDIBLE
ON THAT BEACH.
- SURE WAS.
I MEAN, WAS IT?
YOU KNOW, SOME WEIRDOS ACTUALLY
CAME DOWN THERE JUST TO STARE AT US!
YOU'RE KIDDING?
SOME OF THEM EVEN
HAD BINOCULARS.
YOU KNOW... YOU LOOK FAMILIAR.
HAVEN'T I SEEN YOU SOMEPLACE?
NO, I'VE NEVER BEEN THERE.
DID I SEE YOU EARLIER TODAY?
YOU MIGHT HAVE.
WERE YOU IN CHURCH?
YOU'RE CUTE.
HEY, YOU KNOW, IT'S
A LITTLE HOT IN HERE.
- DO YOU MIND IF
I JUST TAKE THIS OFF?
- NO, PLEASE DON'T DO THAT.
DON'T DO THAT!
- IS SOMETHING THE MATTER?
- NO, NOTHING.
WAIT A MINUTE.
DID YOU SAY THE POLICE ARRESTED
EVERYBODY AT THE NUDE BEACH TODAY?
OH YEAH, MOSTLY THE WOMEN.
MY WIFE WAS THERE!
SHE'S A WOMAN.
DID YOU SEE HER...
TALL, REDHEAD,
LOOKS LIKE HER STOCKINGS ARE HANGING
DOWN BUT SHE'S NOT WEARING ANY?
NO.
SHE'S PROBABLY
IN JAIL RIGHT NOW.
COME ON, LET'S
GO! OH, EXCUSE ME.
WHAT AM I GOING TO TELL MY GUY?
JUST DON'T TELL HIM
YOU WERE EVER IN HERE.
OOH... EXCUSE ME.
- HEY, THIS IS FUN!
- DID I TELL YOU, JACK?
DID I TELL YOU THIS
PLACE HAD ATMOSPHERE?
- SURE, BUT WHAT
ABOUT THE FOOD?
- TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
I'VE BEEN HERE FIVE TIMES, I DON'T
KNOW IF THEY EVEN SERVE FOOD.
- YOU MEAN, THIS IS BRUNCH?
- FOR SOME PEOPLE, YES.
AM I DOING IT RIGHT?
YOU ARE, IF YOU'RE TRYING
TO CLEAN OFF THE CHAIR.
JACK, THEY SAY THAT EVERY
MOVEMENT HAS MEANING.
THEY TALK WITH THEIR BODIES.
I THINK SHE'S STUTTERING.
- HEY, MAN, HUH? HUH?
- SHE LIKES YOU, LARRY.
HEY, LOOK AT THAT!
(Jack laughs)
REAL CLASSY. CANNOT
TAKE HIM ANYWHERE.
- THANKS A LOT.
- YOU GET A LITTLE
NERV... HI.
- NO, THANKS. NO. I'M WITH HER.
- OH JACK!
- COME ON, JACK!
- I'M JUST...
GO AHEAD, JACK.
- GO AHEAD, JACK!
- COME ON!
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
OH YEAH. THANK YOU!
- I'LL BE OVER HERE
IF YOU NEED ME.
- YOU WERE GOOD.
- WHY DID YOU STOP?
- SHE SHOOTS FROM THE HIP.
HUGE STRAWBERRY!
- CHRISSY, LARRY,
AM I GLAD TO SEE YOU!
- HI, MR. ROPER.
- SOMETHING HAPPENED TODAY
AT THE NUDE BEACH.
- WHAT WAS THAT?
WHAT IS IT? WHAT'S GOING ON?
- SHE WANTS YOU
TO DANCE WITH HER.
- WHO?
OH MY GOD!
I DON'T THINK YOU
UNDERSTAND. I'M JUST VISITING.
I DON'T WORK HERE.
I THINK YOU'D BETTER
DANCE WITH HER, MR. ROPER.
YEAH, BUT YOU'D
BETTER LET HER LEAD.
BUT I WANTED TO TELL...
OH, DON'T HOLD BACK.
ALL RIGHT.
(Larry cheers)
Jack: SHAKE YOUR BOOTY!
BE HAPPY! BRAVO!
IT'S NOT BAD, HUH?
WHAT DID YOU WANT
TO TELL US, MR. ROPER?
- THEY RAIDED
THE NUDE BEACH TODAY.
- THEY DID?!
AND THAT'S NOT THE WORST PART.
HELEN AND JANET WERE THERE.
- Jack: WHAT?!
- THEY SAW IT?
THEY WERE IT. THEY'RE
PROBABLY IN JAIL RIGHT NOW.
COME ON, WE'VE GOT
TO GO GET THEM OUT!
HEY, WAIT FOR ME!
HERE. THANK YOU VERY
MUCH. I APPRECIATE IT.
LET'S KEEP IN TOUCH.
BOY, THAT POLICE STATION SURE
WAS CROWDED WITH NUDISTS!
I KNOW. EVERY TIME THEY SAT DOWN,
IT SOUNDED LIKE A ROUND OF APPLAUSE.
AT LEAST THE POLICE GAVE THEM
BLANKETS TO COVER THEMSELVES.
YEAH, BUT DID YOU NOTICE
THE GREAT-LOOKING GIRLS
- GOT ALL
THE MOTH-EATEN BLANKETS!
- OH, YOU WOULD.
WHY WEREN'T HELEN
AND JANET THERE?
MAYBE THEY DIDN'T GO
TO THE BEACH AFTER ALL.
- THEN WHERE ARE THEY?
- PSST!
- WHAT WAS THAT?
- WHAT WAS WHAT?
- THAT "PSST"!
- PSST!
FANTASTIC! HOW DID YOU DO THAT?
STANLEY!
OVER HERE!
- HELEN, HOW'D YOU GET...
- DON'T COME ANY CLOSER!
- I'M NOT DECENT.
- I KNOW THAT. I'M YOUR HUSBAND.
WHAT AM I GONNA SEE
THAT I HAVEN'T SEEN BEFORE?
- ME!
- Chrissy and Jack:
JANET!
HELLO, EVERYONE. COULD SOMEONE
GET US SOMETHING TO COVER UP WITH?
I'LL GET YOU SOMETHING.
YOU'VE GOT NO CLOTHES ON?
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING
BACK THERE ANYWAY?
- GIVING THE AZALEAS A THRILL.
- WHERE ARE YOU CLOTHES?
- WE LEFT THEM ON THE BEACH.
WHEN THE POLICE
CAME, WE JUST TOOK OFF.
BUT THAT'S THREE BLOCKS AWAY.
- HOW DID YOU GET
HERE FROM THE BEACH?
- FASTER THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE.
WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST
GO RIGHT IN THE HOUSE?
THE DOOR'S LOCKED!
YOU DON'T HAVE A KEY?
WHERE WOULD I CARRY IT, STANLEY?
WHY, I REALLY ADMIRE YOU, JANET.
YOU DO?
YEAH, I WAS THE ONE
WHO WAS TALKING
ABOUT STRIPPING
FOR A GOOD CAUSE,
AND YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WENT
OUT AND DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
- YOU BARED YOUR SOUL...
- AMONG OTHER THINGS.
I GUESS I'M JUST A
TALKER, AND YOU'RE A DOER.
HEY, IT'S NOT TOO
LATE, LITTLE CHRISSY.
- IT'S NOT?
- NO.
YOU WANT ME TO HOLD YOUR
CLOTHES FOR YOU? NO, I'M SORRY!
JACK, COME ON, IT'S NO JOKE.
- HEY, JANET, I'M SORRY...
- NO, JACK!
SORRY, I FORGOT.
OKAY, HERE WE GO. THE TOWEL
MAN. HERE'S ONE FOR YOU.
- THANKS, LARRY.
- AND ONE FOR YOU, JANET.
(both cheer)
- LARRY, YOU THREW
THAT HIGH ON PURPOSE.
- IT WAS WORTH A TRY!
- I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
- ALL RIGHT, LARRY.
OH, LOOK HERE.
HERE'S LEAH AND LANA, THE
TWO HAWAIIAN PINEAPPLES.
(mimics Hawaiian music)
OH STOP IT.
BOY, I WISH I HAD THE NERVE TO
DO CRAZY, WILD THINGS LIKE THAT.
OH WELL, CHRISSY,
YOU KNOW IT WAS REALLY NOTHING.
I JUST DECIDED THAT FROM NOW ON,
NOTHING IS GOING TO FAZE ME.
BOY, THAT LARRY
SHOULD GET NEW TOWELS.
EITHER THAT, OR SOW UP THOSE
HOLES IN THE BACK OF THIS ONE.
- RIGHT THERE.
- (screams)
- (laughs)
- ALRIGHT, HELEN,
LET'S GO.
NEXT TIME YOU WANT TO TAKE
YOUR CLOTHES OFF AND RUN AROUND,
MAKE SURE IT'S IN OUR APARTMENT.
OH STANLEY, DO YOU MEAN IT?
BUT JUST WARN ME AHEAD OF TIME.
I'LL GO TO THE MOVIES OR SOMETHING.
- JACK?
- HUH?
I STILL THINK WE SHOULD HAVE
WAITED FOR THE PHONE MAN.
YEAH, THE NOTE SAID
HE'D BE HERE ON MONDAY.
LOOK, ANY IDIOT CAN FIX A PHONE.
IT'S VERY SIMPLE. THE
RED WIRE GOES THERE.
THE GREEN WIRE GOES
THERE. AND THE BLACK WIRE...
- (electric buzz)
- SHOULDN'T BE TOUCHED.
- OKAY. HANG IT UP.
- I'LL HANG IT UP.
ALL RIGHT. NOW...
- WHO WANTS TO MAKE
THE FIRST CALL?
- (phone rings)
SOMEBODY'S CALLING US!
- HELLO?
- (continued ringing)
HELLO?
- HELLO?
- (continued ringing)
I CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING. HELLO...
MAYBE IT'S NOT FOR YOU.
WHAT DO WE DO?
I'M SURE YOU'LL
THINK OF SOMETHING.
YEAH... "ANY IDIOT
CAN FIX A PHONE."
- GOOD NIGHT, JACK.
- GOOD NIGHT, JACK.
- (continued ringing)
- SHUT UP!
(muffled ringing)
(screams)
(theme music playing)
Ritter's voice: "THREE'S
COMPANY" WAS VIDEOTAPED
IN FRONT OF A STUDIO AUDIENCE.
♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪
♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪
♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪
♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪
♪ WHERE THE KISSES ARE
HERS AND HERS AND HIS ♪
♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪
♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪
♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪
- ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪
- ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪
♪ WE'VE A LOVABLE SPACE
THAT NEEDS YOUR FACE ♪
♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪
♪ YOU'LL SEE THAT
LIFE IS A BALL AGAIN ♪
♪ LAUGHTER IS CALLING FOR YOU ♪
- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪
- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪
♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪
♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪
♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO. ♪
HELLO?
HELLO?!
HELLO? (sighs)
JANET, THE PHONE'S NOT WORKING.
- OH YEAH, CHRISSY, I KNOW.
- WHEN ARE YOU GONNA
GET IT FIXED?
WELL, I... WAIT A
MINUTE, CHRISSY.
WHY SHOULD I BE THE
ONE TO HAVE IT FIXED?
'CAUSE YOU ALWAYS
TAKE CARE OF IT.
BUT THE TELEPHONE HAS NEVER
BEEN OUT OF ORDER BEFORE.
NO, BUT THE TV WAS.
RIGHT, CHRISSY. AS A
MATTER OF FACT, I DID CALL,
- AND THE TELEPHONE
COMPANY'LL SEND A MAN OVER.
- I KNEW YOU'D TAKE CARE OF IT.
- WHEN IS HE COMING?
- THIS AFTERNOON.
THIS AFTERNOON? I
CAN'T WAIT THAT LONG.
- I'M EXPECTING A CALL
FOR MY DATE.
- OH YEAH?
- WHO YOU GOING OUT WITH?
- I DON'T KNOW, HE HASN'T
CALLED YET.
YOU KNOW WHAT? I
KIND OF LIKE IT THIS WAY.
IT'S NICE AND QUIET
FOR A CHANGE.
- OH, JANET, I CAN'T LIVE
WITHOUT A TELEPHONE.
- OH PLEASE!
PEOPLE GOT ALONG FOR THOUSANDS
OF YEARS WITHOUT A TELEPHONE.
WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE THEY DID?
PROBABLY SAT AROUND WONDERING
WHAT THE YELLOW PAGES WERE FOR.
(laughs, snorts)
GIRLS... GIRLS!
YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE
WHAT JUST HAPPENED.
- WHAT?
- WELL, I WAS
JOGGING ALONG...
- I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.
- NEITHER DO I!
OKAY, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO
HEAR ABOUT THE NAKED GIRL I SAW...
WAIT. WHAT NAKED GIRL?
I DON'T KNOW HER NAME. I
WAS RUNNING ALONG THE BEACH,
AND I TURNED AND SAID HI, AND
I TRIPPED OVER ANOTHER ONE!
- ANOTHER NAKED GIRL?
- YES! EVERYONE ON THAT
BEACH WAS NUDE.
THEY WEREN'T WEARING ANYTHING?
RIGHT. THAT'S NUDE. THAT'S GOOD.
THEY WERE JUST
WEARING SUNTAN LOTION.
CAN YOU IMAGINE?
EVERYWHERE I LOOKED,
ALL I SAW WERE SHINY HILLS.
YOU MEAN, RIGHT DOWN
HERE, ON OUR BEACH?
- YES!
- COME ON, JACK,
YOU'RE PUTTING US ON!
IT'S TRUE! I SPENT
THE LAST HALF HOUR
TALKING TO A NAKED REDHEAD...
JUST TO MAKE SURE.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND. I THOUGHT
THEY HAD THEIR OWN BEACH.
THEY WERE THROWN OFF, AND
THEY HAD TO MOVE TO OURS.
THEY'RE FIGHTING FOR THEIR
RIGHTS. THEY GOT PICKET SIGNS.
IT'S A BIG DEMONSTRATION!
YOU MEAN, IT'S REALLY ORGANIZED?
- YEAH!
- THERE WERE NUDE MEN
DOWN THERE TOO?
MMM... THERE MUST HAVE BEEN.
BOY, CHRISSY, I CAN SURE THINK
OF A FEW PEOPLE IN THIS
NEIGHBORHOOD WHO WON'T LIKE THIS.
WHY? PEOPLE HAVE THE RIGHT TO
SUNBATHE NUDE IF THEY WANT TO.
- YEAH, OF COURSE THEY DO.
- TAKING THEIR BEACH AWAY
FROM THEM WAS WRONG.
- I AGREE.
- AND I THINK THEY SHOULD BE
SUPPORTED IN THEIR FIGHT.
- RIGHT!
- GOOD, LET'S GO DOWN
AND WE'LL HELP THEM...
- SHOW THEM WE'RE
ON THEIR SIDE.
- ALL RIGHT!
- WE CAN TAKE OUR CLOTHES OFF
WHEN WE GET THERE.
- WRONG!
- TAKE OUR CLOTHES OFF?
- YOU CAN'T PICKET WITH
YOUR CLOTHES ON.
WHY NOT? IT WORKS
FOR THE TEAMSTERS.
JANET, IT'S A NUDE BEACH.
THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT.
YEAH, BUT... NAKED!
CHRISSY, YOU WOULDN'T
BE EMBARRASSED?
NO! IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE.
WELL, SEND THEM A DONATION.
JANET, THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!
- CHRISSY, YOU...
- LIKE GOING TO THE DOCTOR.
YOU WOULDN'T BE EMBARRASSED TAKING
YOUR CLOTHES OFF IN FRONT OF THE DOCTOR?
WELL, NO, BUT...
JUST THINK OF ALL THESE PEOPLE
LOOKING AT YOU AS DOCTORS.
- CHRISSY...
- HOW DO YOU DO? MY NAME IS DR. TRIPPER.
OH, JACK... SEE, LOOK...
- CHRISSY, NO,
I CAN'T DO IT.
- HEY, CHRISSY?
- I'LL GO WITH YOU.
- FORGET IT.
WAIT A MINUTE, YOU MEAN YOU'D
UNDRESS IF FRONT OF STRANGERS,
- BUT NOT IN FRONT OF MOI?
- RIGHT.
- THAT DOESN'T
MAKE ANY SENSE!
- OF COURSE IT DOES.
IF THEY SEE ME NUDE,
IT DOESN'T MATTER
BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW THEM
AND THEY DON'T KNOW ME,
AND I DON'T KNOW WHO'S SEEING ME,
AND THEY DON'T KNOW WHO THEY'RE SEEING.
BUT I KNOW YOU, AND YOU KNOW ME.
AND I KNOW WHO YOU'LL BE SEEING,
AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU'LL BE SEEING,
AND BOTH OF THEM ARE ME.
- SEE?
- NO, I DON'T SEE.
AND YOU'RE NOT GOING TO, EITHER.
I'D UNDRESS IN FRONT OF YOU!
LATER, JACK, WHEN
WE NEED A GOOD LAUGH.
HEY, LOOK WHO'S TALKING. I KNOW
YOU'D NEVER GO TO A NUDE BEACH.
OH YEAH? AND WHAT
MAKES YOU SO SURE?
WELL, YOU DON'T DO WILD THINGS
LIKE THAT. YOU'RE NOT THE TYPE.
OH REALLY, JACK?
- AND JUST WHAT TYPE AM I?
- OH COME... YOU KNOW. YOU'RE SOLID...
- RELIABLE, DEPENDABLE.
- YOU MAKE ME SOUND LIKE
A USED CAR.
JANET! I'M COMPLIMENTING YOU.
AND BY THE WAY, I
LOVE YOUR DASHBOARD.
- OH JACK...
- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
LISTEN, YOU... I DO A
LOT OF CRAZY THINGS.
OH YEAH, LIKE WHAT?
WELL, LIKE...
- LIKE LAST NIGHT.
- UH-HUH?
YOU... YEAH, YOU SHOULD HAVE
SEEN WHAT I DID TO ROY LAST NIGHT.
- OH YEAH,
WHAT DID YOU DO?
- WELL, FIRST I GRABBED HIM.
- MERCY.
- YEAH. AND THEN
I BROUGHT HIM BACK
- AND I BENT HIM
DEEP LIKE THIS...
- OH YEAH, YEAH.
- AND JACK...
- YES.
I JUST STARED
DEEPLY INTO HIS EYES.
- YEAH, YEAH.
- AND THEN, I'LL
TELL YOU, JACK...
- YEAH.
- I COULD HAVE DONE
ANYTHING I WANTED TO.
- SO TELL ME,
WHAT DID YOU DO?
- NOTHING.
WHY?
WELL, HE WAS FOAMING AT THE
MOUTH, JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.
SO I DROPPED HIM.
I LOVE IT WHEN YOU'RE PHYSICAL.
- HI, STANLEY.
- HI, HELEN.
- WHERE YOU BEEN
ALL MORNING?
- WALKING ON THE BEACH.
REALLY? WE'VE
LIVED HERE 20 YEARS,
YOU NEVER WALK ON THE BEACH.
WELL, IT'S TIME I STARTED.
YOU SEE MY BINOCULARS ANYPLACE?
THEY'RE IN THE DESK DRAWER. WHY?
OH, I SAW SOME THINGS
OUT THERE THAT...
I NEVER SAW BEFORE.
WHAT KIND OF THINGS?
SHELLS. SEASHELLS.
OH, I LOVE LOOKING AT SEASHELLS.
- OH, SO DO I.
- THEY COME IN SUCH
BEAUTIFUL SHAPES.
OH, I KNOW.
OH, HERE THEY ARE.
SO WHERE ARE YOU GOING NOW?
TO LOOK AT SOME MORE SHELLS.
WITH BINOCULARS?
WELL, SURE, SEE, THIS WAY, YOU CAN
LOOK AT THEM WITHOUT DISTURBING THEM.
- WHAT?
- IT'S... IT'S...
ECOLOGY.
YOU KNOW, "SAVE OUR SEASHELLS"?
- THANK YOU.
- SURE.
- CHECK AND MATE.
- (Jack groans)
- (doorbell rings)
- I'LL GET IT.
DID SHE WIN?
- HI, LAR.
- JANET.
HELLO, LARRY, AND HOW ARE YOU?
- I'M JUST TERRIFIC.
- Chrissy: HI, LARRY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I
THOUGHT YOU'D BE ALL DAY AT THE BEACH.
COME ON, JACK, THAT'S
THE MINOR LEAGUES.
A BUNCH OF NAKED
CHICKS STANDING AROUND
IS NO CHALLENGE
FOR A GUY LIKE ME.
THEY ALL TURNED YOU DOWN, HUH?
EVERY ONE OF THEM.
- I COULDN'T...
- HOW ABOUT A GAME OF CHESS WITH THE CHAMP?
OH NO, THANKS. I JUST DROPPED BY TO
INVITE YOU LOVELY PEOPLE TO BRUNCH.
All: WHAT?
- IT IS MY TURN, REMEMBER?
- WE FORGET. IT'S BEEN
YOUR TURN FOR MONTHS.
I KNOW, I KNOW. IT'S
TAKEN ME THIS LONG
BECAUSE I'VE BEEN SEARCHING
FOR THE PERFECT PLACE
- TO TAKE
ALL OF YOU TO BRUNCH.
- WHAT PLACE IS THAT?
ONE TO MATCH MY STYLE.
- A CHEAP DUMP.
- THAT'S UNKIND, TRIPPER.
IT HAPPENS TO BE A
GREAT GREEK RESTAURANT
- JUST OPENED
DOWN ON THE BEACH.
- Jack: GREEK?
- All: YEAH!
- GREAT ATMOSPHERE.
OH NO, WAIT, GUYS, WE
CAN'T GO. THE TELEPHONE.
OH YEAH, SHE'S RIGHT.
OUR PHONE'S OUT OF ORDER. WE HAVE
TO BE HERE AND LET THE REPAIR MAN IN.
ALL THREE OF YOU? IT ONLY TAKES
ONE PERSON TO OPEN THE DOOR.
YEAH, BUT WHO WANTS TO DO IT?
JANET WILL TAKE CARE OF IT.
YOU CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON JANET!
Jack: YEAH, WE'LL BRING
HER BACK SOMETHING TO EAT.
HEY, CHRISSY! HEY, JACK!
- ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T MIND?
- MIND? SHE LOVES DOING
THINGS LIKE THIS.
GOOD OLD RELIABLE
JANET. LOVE YOU.
UH... (scoffs)
"GOOD OLD RELIABLE JANET"?
- (knock on door)
- IT'S OPEN!
COME ON IN!
- HI.
- OH, HI, JANET.
MRS. ROPER? COULD I
PLEASE ASK YOU A QUESTION?
OH SURE, HONEY, WHAT IS IT?
AM I... AM I RELIABLE?
OF COURSE, YOU ARE.
THAT'S A TERRIBLE THING TO SAY.
- WHAT?
- DON'T YOU SEE,
MRS. ROPER?
RELIABLE IS DULL.
AND DULL IS BORING.
BORING'S NO FUN.
DO YOU LIKE PEOPLE WHO ARE
DULL AND BORING AND NO FUN?
I MUST. I MARRIED ONE.
I'M TIRED OF BEING
TAKEN FOR GRANTED.
OH, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
I DON'T WANT TO SIT AROUND
AND WAIT FOR THE TELEPHONE MAN.
I WANT TO GO OUT AND DO
SOMETHING THAT'S WILD AND CRAZY!
ME TOO!
I JUST DON'T KNOW
WHAT IT IS YET.
I DO.
BUT IT DOESN'T HELP.
- HI, JANET.
- OH, HI.
WHERE ARE THE OTHER GIRLS?
THEY ARE DOWN AT
THE BEACH, MR. ROPER.
THEY WENT OUT THERE TO TRY
OUT THAT NEW GREEK RESTAURANT.
OH, SPEAKING OF BEACHES, STANLEY,
HOW'S YOUR NEW HOBBY COMING ALONG?
OH, FINE. I SAW SOME
BEAUTIES TODAY.
STANLEY'S BEEN OUT ALL
DAY LOOKING FOR SEASHELLS.
OH YEAH? HE GOT TIRED
OF THE NUDE BEACH?
SHH!
NUDE BEACH?
(stutters)
DIDN'T MR. ROPER TELL YOU?
OUR BEACH HAS GONE NUDE.
REALLY?
I DIDN'T NOTICE ANYTHING.
SO YOU'VE BEEN OUT
LOOKING FOR SHELLS, HUH?!
WHAT KIND OF SHELLS, STANLEY?
BLONDE BOMBSHELLS?
I'M A MARRIED MAN, HELEN!
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH A
BEACH FULL OF NAKED WOMEN?
GOOD LORD, HE'S
EVEN FORGOTTEN THAT.
- WILL YOU LISTEN TO ME?
- NO, YOU LISTEN
TO ME, STANLEY!
NOW, DON'T YOU GO
NEAR THAT BEACH!
I FIND ONE GRAIN OF
SAND IN YOUR SHOES,
AND YOU'RE GOING TO GET IT!
WHATEVER YOU SAY, HELEN.
I'M GONNA GO TAKE A NAP.
OH...
YOU THINK YOU'RE BEING
TAKEN FOR GRANTED.
I KNOW. IT'S AWFUL.
I HAVE EVERYTHING THOSE
WOMEN ON THE BEACH HAVE.
OF COURSE, YOU DO.
AND HE DOESN'T NEED
BINOCULARS TO SEE IT EITHER.
OH, MRS. ROPER...
MRS. ROPER, I THINK YOU'VE HIT
ON THE ANSWER FOR BOTH OF US.
- I HAVE?
- YES, REMEMBER
WE WERE TALKING,
- WE SAID WE WANTED TO DO
SOMETHING WILD AND CRAZY?
- YEAH.
WELL, LET'S GO DOWN
TO THAT NUDE BEACH
AND LET'S JOIN THE
DEMONSTRATION.
COME ON, LET'S GO DOWN AND
PROVE THAT WE'RE PEOPLE TOO!
OH JANET, THAT'S
A TERRIFIC IDEA!
- IS IT?
- OH YEAH!
- ABSOLUTELY!
- YEAH, ALL RIGHT.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- I'M WRITING A NOTE
TO STANLEY.
- WHY?
- IF I'M GOING TO DO
SOMETHING BEHIND HIS BACK,
- I WANT HIM TO KNOW
ABOUT IT.
- COME ON.
- LET'S GO!
- OH, OH, OH... MY GLASSES.
I JUST THOUGHT YOU
USED THOSE FOR DRIVING.
IF WE'RE LOOKING AT SEASHELLS...
THEY DO COME IN
BOTH SEXES, YOU KNOW?
(doorbell rings)
Stanley: HELEN, WILL
YOU ANSWER THE DOOR?
(doorbell rings)
I'M COMING.
- (doorbell rings)
- COMING! COMING.
- HI, CAN I COME IN? THANKS!
- (stutters)
- WAIT A MINUTE.
- I JUST WANT TO USE
YOUR PHONE.
I DON'T THINK I... HELEN!
I JUST WANNA USE YOUR PHONE
AND CALL FOR A RIDE HOME.
I WAS DEMONSTRATING ON THE
BEACH... THE COPS RAIDED US.
- YOU WERE ONE
OF THE DEMONSTRATORS?
- UH-HUH.
- IN THE...
- NUDE!
SHH!
WHY DO THEY ALWAYS HASSLE US?
ALL WE WANT TO DO IS LIVE
A LIFE WITHOUT HANG-UPS,
JUST BE OPEN AND TRUTHFUL...
I KNOW WHAT YOU
MEAN. I'M THE SAME WAY.
HELLO, TOM? CAN YOU PICK ME UP?
IT'S A LONG STORY.
I'LL BE AT THE CORNER
OF OCEAN AND DAMORRA.
OKAY. BYE.
HE'LL ONLY BE A FEW MINUTES.
CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING?
COFFEE? A RAINCOAT?
NO, THANKS.
WHAT A DAY!
- YOU KNOW IT WAS INCREDIBLE
ON THAT BEACH.
- SURE WAS.
I MEAN, WAS IT?
YOU KNOW, SOME WEIRDOS ACTUALLY
CAME DOWN THERE JUST TO STARE AT US!
YOU'RE KIDDING?
SOME OF THEM EVEN
HAD BINOCULARS.
YOU KNOW... YOU LOOK FAMILIAR.
HAVEN'T I SEEN YOU SOMEPLACE?
NO, I'VE NEVER BEEN THERE.
DID I SEE YOU EARLIER TODAY?
YOU MIGHT HAVE.
WERE YOU IN CHURCH?
YOU'RE CUTE.
HEY, YOU KNOW, IT'S
A LITTLE HOT IN HERE.
- DO YOU MIND IF
I JUST TAKE THIS OFF?
- NO, PLEASE DON'T DO THAT.
DON'T DO THAT!
- IS SOMETHING THE MATTER?
- NO, NOTHING.
WAIT A MINUTE.
DID YOU SAY THE POLICE ARRESTED
EVERYBODY AT THE NUDE BEACH TODAY?
OH YEAH, MOSTLY THE WOMEN.
MY WIFE WAS THERE!
SHE'S A WOMAN.
DID YOU SEE HER...
TALL, REDHEAD,
LOOKS LIKE HER STOCKINGS ARE HANGING
DOWN BUT SHE'S NOT WEARING ANY?
NO.
SHE'S PROBABLY
IN JAIL RIGHT NOW.
COME ON, LET'S
GO! OH, EXCUSE ME.
WHAT AM I GOING TO TELL MY GUY?
JUST DON'T TELL HIM
YOU WERE EVER IN HERE.
OOH... EXCUSE ME.
- HEY, THIS IS FUN!
- DID I TELL YOU, JACK?
DID I TELL YOU THIS
PLACE HAD ATMOSPHERE?
- SURE, BUT WHAT
ABOUT THE FOOD?
- TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
I'VE BEEN HERE FIVE TIMES, I DON'T
KNOW IF THEY EVEN SERVE FOOD.
- YOU MEAN, THIS IS BRUNCH?
- FOR SOME PEOPLE, YES.
AM I DOING IT RIGHT?
YOU ARE, IF YOU'RE TRYING
TO CLEAN OFF THE CHAIR.
JACK, THEY SAY THAT EVERY
MOVEMENT HAS MEANING.
THEY TALK WITH THEIR BODIES.
I THINK SHE'S STUTTERING.
- HEY, MAN, HUH? HUH?
- SHE LIKES YOU, LARRY.
HEY, LOOK AT THAT!
(Jack laughs)
REAL CLASSY. CANNOT
TAKE HIM ANYWHERE.
- THANKS A LOT.
- YOU GET A LITTLE
NERV... HI.
- NO, THANKS. NO. I'M WITH HER.
- OH JACK!
- COME ON, JACK!
- I'M JUST...
GO AHEAD, JACK.
- GO AHEAD, JACK!
- COME ON!
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
OH YEAH. THANK YOU!
- I'LL BE OVER HERE
IF YOU NEED ME.
- YOU WERE GOOD.
- WHY DID YOU STOP?
- SHE SHOOTS FROM THE HIP.
HUGE STRAWBERRY!
- CHRISSY, LARRY,
AM I GLAD TO SEE YOU!
- HI, MR. ROPER.
- SOMETHING HAPPENED TODAY
AT THE NUDE BEACH.
- WHAT WAS THAT?
WHAT IS IT? WHAT'S GOING ON?
- SHE WANTS YOU
TO DANCE WITH HER.
- WHO?
OH MY GOD!
I DON'T THINK YOU
UNDERSTAND. I'M JUST VISITING.
I DON'T WORK HERE.
I THINK YOU'D BETTER
DANCE WITH HER, MR. ROPER.
YEAH, BUT YOU'D
BETTER LET HER LEAD.
BUT I WANTED TO TELL...
OH, DON'T HOLD BACK.
ALL RIGHT.
(Larry cheers)
Jack: SHAKE YOUR BOOTY!
BE HAPPY! BRAVO!
IT'S NOT BAD, HUH?
WHAT DID YOU WANT
TO TELL US, MR. ROPER?
- THEY RAIDED
THE NUDE BEACH TODAY.
- THEY DID?!
AND THAT'S NOT THE WORST PART.
HELEN AND JANET WERE THERE.
- Jack: WHAT?!
- THEY SAW IT?
THEY WERE IT. THEY'RE
PROBABLY IN JAIL RIGHT NOW.
COME ON, WE'VE GOT
TO GO GET THEM OUT!
HEY, WAIT FOR ME!
HERE. THANK YOU VERY
MUCH. I APPRECIATE IT.
LET'S KEEP IN TOUCH.
BOY, THAT POLICE STATION SURE
WAS CROWDED WITH NUDISTS!
I KNOW. EVERY TIME THEY SAT DOWN,
IT SOUNDED LIKE A ROUND OF APPLAUSE.
AT LEAST THE POLICE GAVE THEM
BLANKETS TO COVER THEMSELVES.
YEAH, BUT DID YOU NOTICE
THE GREAT-LOOKING GIRLS
- GOT ALL
THE MOTH-EATEN BLANKETS!
- OH, YOU WOULD.
WHY WEREN'T HELEN
AND JANET THERE?
MAYBE THEY DIDN'T GO
TO THE BEACH AFTER ALL.
- THEN WHERE ARE THEY?
- PSST!
- WHAT WAS THAT?
- WHAT WAS WHAT?
- THAT "PSST"!
- PSST!
FANTASTIC! HOW DID YOU DO THAT?
STANLEY!
OVER HERE!
- HELEN, HOW'D YOU GET...
- DON'T COME ANY CLOSER!
- I'M NOT DECENT.
- I KNOW THAT. I'M YOUR HUSBAND.
WHAT AM I GONNA SEE
THAT I HAVEN'T SEEN BEFORE?
- ME!
- Chrissy and Jack:
JANET!
HELLO, EVERYONE. COULD SOMEONE
GET US SOMETHING TO COVER UP WITH?
I'LL GET YOU SOMETHING.
YOU'VE GOT NO CLOTHES ON?
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING
BACK THERE ANYWAY?
- GIVING THE AZALEAS A THRILL.
- WHERE ARE YOU CLOTHES?
- WE LEFT THEM ON THE BEACH.
WHEN THE POLICE
CAME, WE JUST TOOK OFF.
BUT THAT'S THREE BLOCKS AWAY.
- HOW DID YOU GET
HERE FROM THE BEACH?
- FASTER THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE.
WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST
GO RIGHT IN THE HOUSE?
THE DOOR'S LOCKED!
YOU DON'T HAVE A KEY?
WHERE WOULD I CARRY IT, STANLEY?
WHY, I REALLY ADMIRE YOU, JANET.
YOU DO?
YEAH, I WAS THE ONE
WHO WAS TALKING
ABOUT STRIPPING
FOR A GOOD CAUSE,
AND YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WENT
OUT AND DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
- YOU BARED YOUR SOUL...
- AMONG OTHER THINGS.
I GUESS I'M JUST A
TALKER, AND YOU'RE A DOER.
HEY, IT'S NOT TOO
LATE, LITTLE CHRISSY.
- IT'S NOT?
- NO.
YOU WANT ME TO HOLD YOUR
CLOTHES FOR YOU? NO, I'M SORRY!
JACK, COME ON, IT'S NO JOKE.
- HEY, JANET, I'M SORRY...
- NO, JACK!
SORRY, I FORGOT.
OKAY, HERE WE GO. THE TOWEL
MAN. HERE'S ONE FOR YOU.
- THANKS, LARRY.
- AND ONE FOR YOU, JANET.
(both cheer)
- LARRY, YOU THREW
THAT HIGH ON PURPOSE.
- IT WAS WORTH A TRY!
- I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
- ALL RIGHT, LARRY.
OH, LOOK HERE.
HERE'S LEAH AND LANA, THE
TWO HAWAIIAN PINEAPPLES.
(mimics Hawaiian music)
OH STOP IT.
BOY, I WISH I HAD THE NERVE TO
DO CRAZY, WILD THINGS LIKE THAT.
OH WELL, CHRISSY,
YOU KNOW IT WAS REALLY NOTHING.
I JUST DECIDED THAT FROM NOW ON,
NOTHING IS GOING TO FAZE ME.
BOY, THAT LARRY
SHOULD GET NEW TOWELS.
EITHER THAT, OR SOW UP THOSE
HOLES IN THE BACK OF THIS ONE.
- RIGHT THERE.
- (screams)
- (laughs)
- ALRIGHT, HELEN,
LET'S GO.
NEXT TIME YOU WANT TO TAKE
YOUR CLOTHES OFF AND RUN AROUND,
MAKE SURE IT'S IN OUR APARTMENT.
OH STANLEY, DO YOU MEAN IT?
BUT JUST WARN ME AHEAD OF TIME.
I'LL GO TO THE MOVIES OR SOMETHING.
- JACK?
- HUH?
I STILL THINK WE SHOULD HAVE
WAITED FOR THE PHONE MAN.
YEAH, THE NOTE SAID
HE'D BE HERE ON MONDAY.
LOOK, ANY IDIOT CAN FIX A PHONE.
IT'S VERY SIMPLE. THE
RED WIRE GOES THERE.
THE GREEN WIRE GOES
THERE. AND THE BLACK WIRE...
- (electric buzz)
- SHOULDN'T BE TOUCHED.
- OKAY. HANG IT UP.
- I'LL HANG IT UP.
ALL RIGHT. NOW...
- WHO WANTS TO MAKE
THE FIRST CALL?
- (phone rings)
SOMEBODY'S CALLING US!
- HELLO?
- (continued ringing)
HELLO?
- HELLO?
- (continued ringing)
I CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING. HELLO...
MAYBE IT'S NOT FOR YOU.
WHAT DO WE DO?
I'M SURE YOU'LL
THINK OF SOMETHING.
YEAH... "ANY IDIOT
CAN FIX A PHONE."
- GOOD NIGHT, JACK.
- GOOD NIGHT, JACK.
- (continued ringing)
- SHUT UP!
(muffled ringing)
(screams)
(theme music playing)
Ritter's voice: "THREE'S
COMPANY" WAS VIDEOTAPED
IN FRONT OF A STUDIO AUDIENCE.