Three's Company (1976–1984): Season 3, Episode 17 - The Best Laid Plans - full transcript

(theme music playing)

♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪

♪ WHERE THE KISSES ARE
HERS AND HERS AND HIS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

- ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪
- ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪

♪ WE'VE A LOVABLE SPACE
THAT NEEDS YOUR FACE ♪



♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ YOU'LL SEE THAT
LIFE IS A BALL AGAIN ♪

♪ LAUGHTER IS CALLING FOR YOU ♪

- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪
- ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO. ♪

OKAY, LET'S GO. IT'S 7:30.
RISE AND SHINE, GIRLS.

(knocking)

I'M UP, JACK. I'M UP!

PROVE IT, JANET. KNOCK ON
THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS DOOR.

OH, JACK, PLEASE! I'M
OUT OF BED, HONESTLY.

WELL, THAT'S A VERY
SEXY NIGHTIE, JANET.

- WHAT?!
- I NEVER NOTICED
THAT DIMPLE BEFORE.



WHA... JACK, COME ON!

JANET!

CHRISSY, JACK CAN
SEE INTO OUR BEDROOM.

- HE CAN?
- (screams)

- NO.
- CHRISSY, IF YOU
KEEP WEARING THAT

YOU'RE GONNA CATCH A
NASTY CHEST COLD. (laughs)

- OH, JACK.
- YEAH?

HOW MANY FINGERS
AM I HOLDING UP?

SHAME ON YOU, JANET. I
THOUGHT YOU WERE A LADY.

YOU CAN'T SEE A THING, JACK.

TOO TRUE, BUT BREAKFAST
IS READY. COME AND GET IT.

OH, GOOD. I COULD USE
SOME COFFEE. WHAT TIME IS IT?

(gasps) 7:30! CHRISSY,
YOUR ALARM DIDN'T GO OFF.

IT NEVER DOES BY ITSELF,
YOU HAVE TO SHAKE IT FIRST.

- (alarm buzzes)
- (gasps)

- MORNING, JACK.
- GOOD MORNING,
LITTLE CHRISSY.

- (Jack whistles)
- (Janet screams)

- WHAT WAS THAT?
- Jack: JANET?

(screaming) JACK! OH, JACK,
PLEASE. YOU GOT TO HELP ME.

- I NEED YOU.
- IN FRONT OF CHRISSY?

JACK... OUR MY BEDROOM... IT
RAN RIGHT ACROSS MY FOOT...

- A MOUSE.
- JANET, WAIT A SECOND. SIT DOWN.

- OH, JACK.
- JANET, LET GO... OW.

- ARE YOU SURE IT WAS A MOUSE?
- OH, YES, JACK. IT SQUEAKED.

DON'T JUST STAND THERE,
JACK. GO OIL IT. (laughs)

CHRISSY, COME ON.
THIS IS VERY SERIOUS.

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY.
RELAX, I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? COOK IT?

- (doorbell rings)
- I'LL GET IT.

- NO, CHRISSY,
DON'T LEAVE ME.
- JANET!

LISTEN TO ME. THIS THING
COULD COME RUNNING OUT

ACROSS THE FLOOR OR SOMETHING.

JANET, IT'S NOT AFTER
YOU. IT WANTS OUR FOOD.

FOOD ATTRACTS PESTS!

HI. CAN I BORROW SOME MILK?

- I SEE WHAT YOU MEAN.
- JUST ENOUGH TO PUT
IN MY COFFEE...

- WHICH I'M ALSO
GONNA HAVE TO BORROW.
- OH, LARRY.

- HEY, LARRY.
- OH, JACK. ANY LUCK?

NO, JANET. I'M SORRY. IF
HE'S IN THERE, I CAN'T FIND HIM.

YOU LOST A GUY IN YOUR BEDROOM?!

LARRY, A MOUSE!

JACK WAS LOOKING FOR
A MOUSE IN MY BEDROOM.

NO. NO PROBLEM, THERE'S
ONE UP IN MY PLACE.

I WAS CHASING IT THIS
MORNING. YOU CAN HAVE IT.

LARRY, THIS COULD
BE THE SAME MOUSE.

MINE WAS DARK BROWN.
WHAT WAS YOURS?

IT DOESN'T MATTER. I THINK
MICE ARE COLOR-BLIND.

MAYBE THAT WILL MAKE
SENSE AFTER MY COFFEE.

- LATER.
- BYE, LARRY. GIRLS, I DON'T
WANT BREAKFAST TO BURN.

- JACK, DID YOU SEE
WHERE IT WENT?
- WHAT?

- THE MOUSE?
- OH, THE MOUSE? (chuckles)

- I HATE TO TELL YOU THIS, JANET...
- WHAT?

BUT THERE'S A LITTLE HOLE IN THE
BASEBOARD, RIGHT BY YOUR BED.

- (gasps)
- (laughs)

OH, JACK. DO YOU
THINK THAT MAYBE

THAT MOUSE LIVES IN THE
LITTLE HOLE RIGHT BY MY BED?

WELL, JANET, I'M NOT SURE.

YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T SEE
A NAMEPLATE OUTSIDE.

(whimpers)

JANET, WOULD YOU CALM DOWN?

HE'S JUST A TINY LITTLE MOUSE.

COME ON, CHRISSY,
DON'T GIVE ME THAT.

DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE
NOT SCARED OF THIS THING.

I'M NOT. I WAS PRACTICALLY
RAISED ON MY GRANDFATHER'S FARM.

HE HAD LOTS OF MICE.

AND LOTS TINY MILKING
STOOLS. (mimicking mice)

- Janet: THANK YOU, CHRISSY.
- THANK YOU, CHRISSY.

- ANYTIME.
- JANET, DON'T WORRY. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT,

I WILL BUY A
MOUSETRAP AFTER CLASS.

OH, THANKS, JACK. THANKS A LOT.

- ANYTHING TO MAKE YOU STOP
WALKING ON THE FURNITURE.
- HMM?

- AREN'T YOU FINISHED
PAYING THE BILLS YET?
- NO.

YOU BETTER START
EXPLAINING THIS ONE.

$45 FOR A NIGHTGOWN?

THAT'S RIGHT.

WHO WAS IN IT, RAQUEL WELCH?

IT HAPPENS TO BE A VERY
BEAUTIFUL NIGHTGOWN, STANLEY.

I WORE IT TO BED LAST NIGHT.

THAT WAS IT?

FOR 45 BUCKS YOU COULD AT LEAST BUY
SOMETHING THAT I CAN'T SEE THROUGH.

I'LL BE IN THE KITCHEN, STANLEY.

WHEN YOU'RE IN A GOOD
MOOD YOU JUST LET ME KNOW.

- WHY?
- BECAUSE I HAVE
A SURPRISE FOR YOU.

I'M IN A GOOD MOOD, SEE?

OKAY, MY MOTHER IS
COMING TO STAY FOR A WEEK.

OVER MY DEAD BODY.

LET'S LEAVE OUR
SEX LIFE OUT OF THIS.

IT'S MOMMA'S TURN, STANLEY.

WE WENT TO HER HOUSE LAST YEAR.

YEAH, AND I SPENT THE WHOLE
WEEK WORKING ON HER PLUMBING.

SHE STUCK A PLUNGER IN MY HAND
BEFORE I EVEN GOT OUT OF THE CAR.

SHE DIDN'T WANT
YOU TO BE LONELY.

- (doorbell rings)
- SHE'S COMING, STANLEY,

AND THAT'S THAT.

- OH, HI, JANET.
- GOOD EVENING, MRS. ROPER.

I'M TERRIBLY SORRY TO INTERRUPT,

BUT I THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE TO
KNOW... WE HAVE A MOUSE UPSTAIRS.

THAT'S NOT ALLOWED.
I TOLD YOU... NO PETS.

MR. ROPER, I THOUGHT PERHAPS YOU
MIGHT LIKE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

THIS MORNING, THIS MOUSE WAS
ALSO SEEN IN LARRY'S APARTMENT.

OH, YOU KNOW, JANET,
I'M REALLY AFRAID OF MICE.

I THINK I GOT IT FROM MY MOTHER.

MY MOTHER IS ABSOLUTELY
TERRIFIED OF MICE.

- WHY DON'T YOU BUY
SOME MOUSETRAPS?
- LISTEN,

MY MOTHER WON'T EVEN GO

INSIDE OF A HOUSE IF SHE
THINKS IT MIGHT HAVE MICE.

ON THE OTHER HAND,

WHY BE CRUEL TO A LITTLE MOUSE?

THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP.

- STANLEY!
- OF COURSE YOUR MOTHER
IS NOT GONNA COME HERE,

NOW THAT WE ARE
OVERRUN WITH GIANT MICE.

JUST ONE LITTLE MOUSE.

NOBODY HAS MOUSE.
PEOPLE HAVE MICE.

MAYBE IF WE DIDN'T TELL MOMMA...

NO, I WOULDN'T FEEL RIGHT
ABOUT NOT TELLING HER.

IT'S A SHAME.

LOOKS LIKE WE'RE GONNA
HAVE TO CANCEL MOM.

OKAY, NOW WATCH
THIS. (high-pitched scream)

(high-pitched voice)
SORRY, MICKEY.

- JACK?
- YEAH?

HOW LONG DO YOU THINK IT'S
GONNA TAKE TO CATCH THIS THING?

THAT DEPENDS ON WHETHER
HE GOES QUIETLY OR NOT.

I'LL TELL YOU, I
HAVE NO INTENTION

OF SLEEPING IN MY
ROOM UNTIL HE'S GONE.

OH, JANET, I DON'T BLAME YOU.

- I'LL TELL YOU WHAT...
- HMM?

YOU CAN SLEEP IN MY BED.

WHY, JACK, THANK YOU!

- BUT WHERE WILL YOU SLEEP?
- HUH? OH.

YOU KNOW, IF YOU'RE
SLEEPING IN MY BED...

I MEAN, MICE DON'T BOTHER
ME... SO, YOU KNOW, I...

I CAN SLEEP IN YOUR BED.

WELL, THAT SETTLES...

- HOLD IT, JACK.
- HUH?

YOU'RE NOT SLEEPING IN
THE SAME BEDROOM WITH ME.

- STILL DON'T TRUST
YOURSELF, HUH, CHRISSY?
- (snickers)

- WHY DON'T WE DISCUSS THIS
OVER A CUP OF COFFEE?
- OH, WE CAN'T.

- WHY NOT?
- BECAUSE LARRY BORROWED
OUR COFFEE THIS MORNING.

I'LL GO GET IT. IN THE MEANTIME,
DON'T MOVE, DON'T MAKE A DECISION,

AND ABOVE ALL DON'T GO TO BED.

- (knocking)
- (Larry exhales)

EXCUSE ME. (chuckles)

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

- TRY TO REMEMBER WHERE
MY LIPS WERE, DEBBIE.
- DIANE.

DIANE.

- JACK, UH... WHAT DO YOU WANT?
- OUR COFFEE.

NOW? CAN I BRING IT
TO YOU TOMORROW, OR...

NO, I WANT IT
RIGHT... OH, I'M...

I'M SORRY. HI. I DIDN'T...

I JUST CAME TO
BUTTON UP MY COFFEE...

I MEAN, TO... UH... UH...

- THIS IS DONNA.
- DIANE.

- DIANE.
- HI, I'M VERY CHARMING
TO MEET YOU.

(Larry chuckles)

THIS IS JACK. HE WON'T
BE STAYING. (chuckles)

HI. ARE YOU IN THE SAME
BUSINESS AS REGINALD?

REGINALD? WHO'S REGGIE... OH...

REGINALD... OH, SURE,
YEAH, SAME, SAME BUSINESS...

NO, AS A MATTER OF FACT, JACK
IS NOT A TALENT SCOUT FOR M.G.M.

(gasps) NO, NO, NO ONE CAN SPOT
TALENT LIKE OLD REGGIE HERE.

YEAH. HERE YOU ARE.
TOO BAD YOU HAVE TO GO.

OH... YEAH. WELL, NICE
MEETING YOU, DENISE.

- DOROTHY.
- DIANE.

- Both: DIANE.
- SORRY, LARRY.

REGINALD.

SEE WHAT I MEAN, CHRISSY? IT WOULD
BE SILLY FOR ME TO SLEEP ON THE SOFA

WHEN THERE'S A PERFECTLY
GOOD BED IN YOUR ROOM.

YOU CAN EVEN LOCK
THE DOOR IF YOU WANT.

OH, OKAY.

- BUT YOU'D BE INSIDE.
- MMM...

OH, YEAH, BUT THAT'S
JUST A TECHNICALITY.

OH, COME ON, JACK.
YOU DON'T FOOL ME.

NOW JUST A SEC... CHRISSY,
WE'RE NOT FINISHED,

- WILL YOU WAIT A SECOND?
- OH, GOOD NIGHT, JACK.

I'M GOING TO SLEEP ALONE.

YEAH, ME TOO.

- OH, JACK?
- YEAH?

THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR GIVING ME YOUR ROOM.

WELL, LOOKS LIKE
IT'S YOU AND ME.

Chrissy: OH, JACK...

- COULD YOU COME HERE
FOR A MINUTE?
- YEAH.

YOU CAN HAVE MY PILLOW.

GOOD MORNING, JACK.

TIME TO GET UP.

(retches)

- GET UP, JACK.
- HMM?

(screams) MY LEG...

- WHAT'S THE MATTER?
- MY... IT FELL ASLEEP.

IT'S THE ONLY PART OF ME
THAT DID THOUGH. (groans)

OH, OH, NOW THE
NEEDLES... NOW THE NEEDLES.

(groans)

OH, WAS THE COUCH REALLY
THAT UNCOMFORTABLE?

I'LL LET YOU KNOW AS SOON
AS MY STIFF NECK GOES AWAY.

- OH, JACK.
- (grunts)

THE MOUSETRAP'S STILL EMPTY.

I DON'T CARE, CHRISSY. I
CAN'T TAKE THIS SOFA ANYMORE.

I GOTTA HAVE A BED.

- WELL, WE'LL SEE.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

- WELL, I DO FEEL
A LITTLE GUILTY.
- YOU DO?

- OH, MY KNEE,
CHRISSY.
- OH.

- MY BACK.
- YEAH?

- OH, THE PAIN...
- OH.

I GUESS YOU COULD'VE
SLEPT ON JANET'S BED.

WELL, IT'S STILL NOT TOO LATE.
I CAN SLEEP THERE TONIGHT.

WELL, WE'LL SEE.

"WE'LL SEE."

I CANNOT ASK FOR MORE THAN THAT.

YET.

- (yawns) GOOD MORNING, JACK.
- HI.

- DID YOU CATCH THAT MOUSE?
- NOT YET.

- (doorbell rings)
- WHAT?!

IT'S STILL LOOSE, RUNNING
AROUND SOMEWHERE?

I WONDER WHERE
WAS IT LAST NIGHT?

PROBABLY SLEPT OVER
HIS GIRLFRIEND'S HOUSE.

- HI, JANET.
- HI.

- CAN I BORROW
A PIECE OF BREAD?
- LARRY, COME ON.

- EVERY MORNING, KNOCKING...
- HOLD ON A SECOND, WAIT... WHOA...

I'M GETTING PAID TODAY.
I NEVER WILL BORROW

ANYTHING AGAIN, I PROMISE.

- ONE PIECE OF BREAD, RIGHT?
- RIGHT.

- ALL RIGHT.
- OKAY.

- I DON'T WANNA
PUT YOU INTO TROUBLE.
- LARRY, IT'S NO TROUBLE.

WOULD MARMALADE BE ANY TROUBLE?

- CHRISSY, MR. MOOCH IS BACK.
- HEY, LARRY.

- HOW DID YOU MAKE OUT WITH THAT...
- WHAT'S HER NAME?

- YEAH.
- STRUCK OUT.

ARE YOU KIDDING?
YOU HAD IT ALL SET UP?

THE ONLY QUESTION LEFT
WAS "WHO GETS THE PILLOW?"

I KNOW. EVERYTHING
WAS GOING GREAT,

THEN SHE SAW THAT
STUPID MOUSE OF YOURS.

(chuckles) OH, SO
THAT'S WHERE IT WENT.

YEAH, SHE GOT HYSTERICAL. I
HAD TO SLAP HER IN THE FACE.

AND SHE SLAPPED ME BACK.

IT KIND OF SPOILED THE MOOD.

- WELL, THAT WILL DO IT.
- YEAH, AT LEAST I GOT
THE LITTLE PEST.

- YOU'RE KILLED IT?!
- IT'S DEAD.

- SHH... LARRY,
NOT SO LOUD.
- HMM?

LARRY, DO ME A FAVOR. I DON'T WANT
JANET AND CHRISSY TO HEAR ABOUT THIS.

I WANT THEM TO THINK THAT
THE MOUSE IS STILL ALIVE.

- WHY?
- HERE YOU GO, LARRY.

OH, THANKS. LATER.

OH, JACK, ABOUT THAT
FAVOR YOU JUST ASKED ME,

DON'T YOU WORRY, MUM'S THE WORD.

MUM'S THE WORD FOR WHAT?

CHRYSANTHEMUMS, DON'T
YOU KNOW ANYTHING?

(phone ringing)

HELLO.

OH, MOMMA!

HEY, I WAS GONNA CALL YOU TODAY.

YEAH, IT'S ABOUT YOUR VISIT.

I'M AFRAID I HAVE BAD NEWS.

THERE'S A MOUSE IN THE HOUSE.

NO, I DON'T MEAN STANLEY.

NO, I KNOW, MOMMA.

- (thumps) - (screams)
LARRY, DON'T DO THAT.

I'M SORRY, MR. ROPER.
HAVE A NICE DAY.

WAIT, WAIT... WAIT A MINUTE.

- IS THAT MOUSE STILL UPSTAIRS?
- OH, NO. I KILLED IT
LAST NIGHT.

SHH.

LISTEN, DO ME A FAVOR, WILL YOU?

DON'T MENTION ANYTHING ABOUT
KILLING THAT MOUSE TO MRS. ROPER,

'CAUSE I WANT HER TO THINK
THAT MOUSE IS STILL ALIVE.

WAS THIS MOUSE
SOMEBODY IMPORTANT?

LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY,
IF THAT LITTLE MOUSE DIES,

I GOTTA SPEND A
WEEK WITH AN OLD BAT.

OH, I KNOW, MOMMA.

I'M SORRY TOO.

OH, IT IS A SHAME.

STANLEY IS SO DISAPPOINTED.

YEAH, BUT HE UNDERSTANDS
HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT MICE.

OH, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA!

WE'LL DO THAT.

- WE'LL DO WHAT?
- OH, I'M LOOKING FORWARD
TO IT TOO, MOMMA.

BYE-BYE. (screams)

- WE'LL DO WHAT?
- WE'RE GOING TO HER HOUSE
FOR A WEEK.

NOT SACRAMENTO, HELEN.
SHE'S ONLY GOT ONE BEDROOM.

I'LL WIND UP SLEEPING ON THE
PORCH WITH THAT DOG AGAIN.

THE DOG DIDN'T MIND,
WHY SHOULD YOU?

NO, WE'RE NOT GOING. THAT'S IT.

YES, WE ARE.

MOMMA ISN'T YOUNG ANYMORE.

COULD BE NOW OR NEVER.

I CAN WAIT TILL THEN.

- STANLEY, WE'RE GOING!
- WHOA, WHOA, WAIT,

- I JUST REMEMBERED... ABOUT THE MOUSE?
- YEAH?

- LARRY KILLED IT.
- (laughs)

HONESTLY, HE JUST
TOLD ME. HE KILLED IT.

THE MOUSE IS DEAD. NOW
YOUR MOTHER CAN COME HERE.

OH, YOU'RE NOT A VERY
GOOD LIAR, STANLEY.

- COME ON, LET'S START PACKING.
- WHY DON'T YOU EVER
BELIEVE ME?

- I DON'T WANNA
SLEEP WITH THAT DOG.
- THAT'S A NICE DOG.

HE LIKES YOU.

- ALL RIGHT!
- (Chrissy whimpers)

(tapping feet)

(Janet giggles) YOUR
TURN, CHRISSY.

(loud yawn)

JACK, MUST YOU YAWN LIKE THAT?

YAWN? DID I YAWN? I'M
SORRY, I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT.

(gasps) GO AHEAD, FINISH.

(loud yawn)

THERE, I JUST HEARD MYSELF YAWN.

I'M SORRY. IT JUST CAME OFF.

DO YOU THINK MAYBE HE'S
TRYING TO GIVE US A SUBTLE HINT?

YEAH. WELL, IT IS GETTING LATE.

I'M PRETTY TIRED. WE'LL
FINISH UP TOMORROW.

- OKAY.
- ALL RIGHT.

- GOOD NIGHT, JACK.
- GOOD NIGHT, JANET.

- GOOD NIGHT, CHRISSY.
- GOOD NIGHT, JANET.

BOY, CHRISSY, I SURE HOPE
THAT I'M ABLE TO SLEEP TONIGHT.

OTHERWISE I'LL NEVER PASS
THOSE EXAMS TOMORROW.

JACK, YOU HAVE EXAMS TOMORROW?!

OH, YEAH, YEAH, BUT
IT'S OKAY, CHRISSY,

IF I FAIL IT'S JUST AN EXTRA YEAR,
IT'S ONLY MY LIFE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.

IT'S... LISTEN, I'LL GO
GET THE BLANKETS.

- JACK!
- YEAH?

YOU CAN SLEEP IN
JANET'S BED TONIGHT.

- REALLY?! REALLY?
- YEAH.

- I'LL SLEEP ON THE COUCH.
- FANTAST... NO, NO,

CHRISSY, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO DO THAT.

- WHY NOT?
- WELL, BECAUSE...

IF... UH... ALL RIGHT, I'M
GONNA LEVEL WITH YOU.

YOU AND I HAVE KNOWN EACH
OTHER FOR A LONG TIME, RIGHT?

WELL, IF... IF YOU THINK
THAT I'M THAT KIND OF GUY

WHO WOULD TAKE ADVANTAGE
OF A SITUATION LIKE...

THEN I'M AFRAID THAT YOU
DON'T THINK VERY HIGHLY OF ME,

AND IT HURTS ME,
CHRISSY, I'M WOUNDED, BUT...

I'LL GET OVER IT.

WELL, IF YOU PROMISE
TO BEHAVE YOURSELF...

- DO YOU?
- I DO, I DO, I DO,
I DO, I DO, I DO.

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY,
I GUESS IT'S OKAY.

OH, GREAT. I THINK I'LL
SHAVE BEFORE I TURN IN.

- (knocking)
- Jack: CHRISSY?

- YEAH?
- ARE YOU DECENT?

- UH-HUH.
- (door opens)

GOOD, GOOD.

(whistling)

WELL... (chuckles)

HERE WE ARE.

OH, THIS IS NICE AND SPRINGY.

GOOD MATTRESS... NOT TOO FIRM.

(sighs) WELL, HERE WE GO.

(high-pitched scream)

LET'S SEE... (grunts)

OH, CHRISSY, THIS IS SO NICE.

(exhales deeply)

LORDY, LORDY, LORDY,
LORDY, LORDY, LORDY.

(moans)

IS THAT A GOOD BOOK?

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

THIS SMELL? ME.

WELL, YOU KNOW, MY AFTERSHAVE.

IT MIGHT BE MY MOUTHWASH.
COULD BE MY DEODORANT.

BUT I DON'T THINK
IT'S MY HAIRSPRAY.

(exaggerated laugh)

OH, I NEVER NOTICED THAT
PICTURE OF YOUR PARENTS BEFORE.

- MM-HMM.
- YEAH, WITH YOUR FATHER

IN HIS MINISTER'S COLLAR.

LIKE HE'S WATCHING...

ALMOST GUARDING.

WELL... IT'S A NICE BED.

- IS YOURS THIS NICE?
- YOU KEEP YOUR MIND
OFF MY BED!

RIGHT. SURE, I'M SORRY.

WELL, NIGHTIE NIGHT,
NIGHT, NIGHT, NIGHT.

- CHRISSY?
- NO, JACK?!

I HAVEN'T ASKED
YOU ANYTHING YET.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO.

JACK, I THINK THAT
MAYBE THIS IS A MISTAKE.

THIS IS THE WAY A GIRL
CAN LOSE A GUY'S RESPECT.

OH, NO, CHRISSY, NO!

NO, I HAVE A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT

OF RESPECT FOR YOU.

I THINK OF YOU AS A SISTER...
NOT MINE OF COURSE, BUT...

(laughs) Teasing...

JACK, WHAT CAN I DO TO
GET YOU TO GO TO SLEEP?

WELL, AS A MATTER OF
FACT, THERE IS SOMETHING...

JACK, WHY DON'T YOU READ A BOOK?

OH, GOOD IDEA.

- WHAT PAGE ARE WE ON?
- JACK, GET INTO BED!

- I THOUGHT YOU'D
NEVER ASK.
- YOUR BED!

OKAY, OKAY.

- (snaps)
- (screams)

(screaming)

TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT OFF.

LEAVE THE CHEESE.

AND THEN HE STEPPED
ON THE MOUSETRAP

- AND IT SNAPPED SHUT
ON HIS TOE.
- BOY.

IT SERVES YOU RIGHT, JACK, FOR
TRYING TO SLEEP IN OUR ROOM.

- IF I HAD KNOWN...
- (knocking)

IT WAS COMPLETELY INNOCENT. WHY
DON'T YOU GIRLS EVER TRUST ME? GOD...

HI. I SAW YOUR
LIGHT ON, AND I...

HEY, JACK, WHAT HAPPENED?

- HE GOT HIS FOOT
CAUGHT IN A MOUSETRAP.
- A MOUSETRAP?

YOU STILL HAVE THAT
THING LAYING AROUND?

I TOLD YOU, I KILLED
THAT MOUSE LAST NIGHT.

- OH, LARRY. YOU...
- YOU WHAT?

(gasps) YOU TOLD ME NOT TO
TELL ANYBODY, DIDN'T YOU?

- LET ME TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED...
- WHAT DID YOU SAY?

(screaming) OW.

HEY, STANLEY, HURRY UP.

MOMMA IS EXPECTING
US THIS AFTERNOON.

YOU KNOW, I STILL THINK WE SHOULD
TAKE A PLANE TO SACRAMENTO.

THE PLANE IS TOO
EXPENSIVE. WE'RE DRIVING,

AND THAT'S FINAL.

YEAH, MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT,

IT WILL GIVE US A CHANCE TO
SEE SOME OF THE COUNTRYSIDE.

- SURE, SURE.
- AND THEN WHEN
WE GET TIRED,

- WE CAN CHECK
IN AT A MOTEL.
- OH, TERRIFIC.

AND STANLEY,

WE CAN GET ONE
WITH THE WATERBED.

FORGET THE CAR.
WE'RE TAKING THE PLANE.

(theme music playing)

Ritter's voice: "THREE'S
COMPANY" WAS VIDEOTAPED

IN FRONT OF A STUDIO AUDIENCE.