Three's Company (1976–1984): Season 2, Episode 3 - Janet's Promotion - full transcript

When the manager at the flower shop quits, Jack and Chrissy tell Janet that she should try to get the manager's spot. However, the owner of the shop hires a girl with large breasts as manager. Janet decides to fight fire with fire and announces that she's going to have her figure enhanced.

♪ Come and knock on our door

♪ we've been waiting for you

♪ where the kisses are hers and hers and his

♪ three's company too

♪ come and dance on our floor

♪ take a step that is new

♪ we've a lovable space that needs your face

♪ three's company too

♪ you'll see that life is a ball again

♪ laughter is calling for you

♪ down at our rendezvous



♪ three's company too

Hey Stanley you want to hear something?

Was that a yes or a no...

That's what I thought you said

- What was that?
- Oh that's just the kids upstairs

They got no respect for this property

The man who built this place had no respect for this property

Well not yet Helen

This house means a lot to me

How come you never say that about me?

You're not in a rising market

Neither are you

There goes that banging again

Oh..., come on a little of
that never hurt anybody



Well it gives me a headache

- I go up there
- Oh come, on Stanley come on sit down

I want to show you something

In the magazine

Look now this is an article about

- Cosmetic surgery
- Cosmetic surgery?

- Yeah,
- You mean they have to operate

To remove your makeup?

It's about face lifting

See they're doing marvelous things

At this year sunset Pines hospital

they, they remove the bags from under your eyes

They take away the sag under your chin

What can They do about your mouth?

Seriously Stanley wouldn't you like to

- To look younger?
- Me? what can I

Look at this face

Does this face look like it needs lifting?

It's a derrick

Well I'm gonna keep it just the way it is

If you don't mind I'm sure you've
heard the old saying

you don't ever fool around
with mother nature

Then how did she get to be a mother

what are those girls doing up there?

What do you mean
Jack lives up there too you know?

know that's what I said what
are those girls doing up

- What's that?
- It's not ferocious enough Chrissy

And karate you have to make
your opponent think

You are totally without
fear and I'd do it again

let me see some anger this one

Get mad

Oh, you scared me
I'm supposed to scare you

In the martial arts there's got
to be an element of surprise

okay surprise me but first let me know

when you're gonna do it

Let me show you how karate can really come in handy all right

All right I'll be a weak
helpless girl at a bus stop

- And you be a rough drunken sailor
- Okay

Now you spring out of nowhere
and try to attack me all right

Okay, but don't let me hurt you

Here we go
Oh, where's that bus?

- Hallo, baby
- That's it. Now force me down, yeah!

Oh!

You're not resisting

I happen to be one of those girls

Who likes rough drunken sailors Chrissy let go me let go

Jack! Jack! Oh, don't.....

All right, Breakin' up, breakin' up, breakin' up!

Oh, sorry!

Chrissy, let go, me! Let go, Chrissy!

It wasn't what it looked like really

Right I was just showing Chrissy

A foolproof defense against
the sex-crazed attacker

Oh that's very useful especially while
we're living with one

No kidding okay I think every girl should learn it

Now Janet, suppose some good guy grabs
you like this what are you gonna do

This...

You did that all wrong Janet oh you were

- Yeah, you were supposed to yeid, yaaa...!
- Oh, I'll remeber that next time

Why you have tell her that?
She'll kill me the next time

Aw aw, uhhh... I may never slice carrots again

Oh, hi mr. Roper

would you two mind not jumping on a ceiling

We'e not jumping on the ceiling

we're jumping on the floor

Well your heappen to be over my ceiling

And my ceiling is over my head

So when you were jumping on your floor

you are jumping on my head

We will be more careful next time

- What are you doing
- I'm loosening up my wrist

I didn't know you
guys had a practice

Oh, here comes that big bully again

Oh, that is a bundle of over
time to take home Janet

Oh, yes. Tell me about it

When that creep manager quit the flower
shop he left everything in a real mess

Now I gotta straighten it out

Well I hope your boss appreciates
what you're doing especially

- When he picks the new manager
- Oh, come on guys...

- That'll say the chance of getting that job
- Oh, why not

mr. Compton is a galloping male chauvinist

every single store in his
chain is a man for a manager

- Come on Janet, he's a businessman isn't he?
- Yeah?

And when he compares your ability
to others

He won't care if you're male or female

He's naturally gonna pick the best man

orders anyone

Got a little cheese to tide you ladies over until dinner

Whoo thank you

You know Janet, you shouldn't give up that
manager's job

Without a fight, you've got to think positive

Come on Jack I can't buck the system

I'm surprised at you where would
all the great women of history be

If they thought like that look at Joan of Arc

And what she accomplished and and

Florence Nightingale and Madame Curie

and Lucretia Borgia

She poisoned people

Yeah, but she was very good at it

Here chew, don't talk

Now Janet, listen to me.
You've got everything it takes

To make a sensational manager, you've got
knowledge experience aggressiveness

- Your boss has got to see that
- Jack you don't know him like

You can do it! You can do it!

Yeah, you can do it!

You can do it! You can do it!
You can...., you can

You can do it! You can do it!
You can...., you can

Hitck a cik kaboom! Hitck a cik kaboom!
Right, Janet, you got to stay positive

Wow wo wow..

Ask it, wee, wee,
Ask it run......

I don't know the rest though, ha, ha, ha!

Chrissy, Chrissy chew chew, ra, bra, bra...

Seriously Janet, Chrissy and I believe in you

Why can't you you're right you are

You right

You are right, Gee,there's no reason
why I can't get that job

- All right
- Oh thank you Jack, you're a dog huh

Oh you find out, huh?

- That's enough, Jack!
- I'm a dog, Lady hound

Jack, thats enough oh... Jack, uh!

She got what a stroke....

Hey,hey. I don't care what you say
mister Panatela

The tulips you delivered
are not the same ones I picked out

At the market this morning

These look like they just swam
over from Holland

Hey mister Panatela I'm not gonna pay you

One set for these flowers

Meet in the middle?

Oh, all right all right you take
half off the bill for Goodwill

And I'll take the other half
off the lousy flowers. Thank you

Janet, will you look at these

Oh Chloe, those look great

- You are really getting the hang of it
- Oh thank you

Yeah, just one little problem Chloe

The rest in peace goes to the cemetery

And the have fun goes to the Mexican cruise ship was

Oh...
, sorry down wasn't it

Wait, it was down wasn't it?

Oh come on Chloe you're doing terrific

For somebody who's only been here a week

Really, easy a,hmmm...

Just stay out of the refrigerator Chloe
in that outfit you catch pneumonia

Excuse me can I help you with something madam

- Huh, don't like these not at all
- E..why not?

They don't look natural you got
the other kind?

- The other kind?
- The plastic ones

Now they look natural

Well we had a few but they all died

Oh, that so pitty

Usually they last forever

- Janet baby
- Oh, hi mr. Compton

How's the little girl with the big brown eyes

My eyes are up here mr. Compton

So I got bad day

Soon how's the new girl I sent you
she's shaping up?

She shaped up before she got here

- What's that?
- Ah, oh she's great she's fine

I really like her she's very conscientious

Listen Janet, I appreciate what you've been doing is

Since that jerk walked out you're a champ

- A real champ
- Really?

Absolutely and I got a big surprise for you

- A surprise?
- Hm

- Oh
- Hi, how is it kind nice to see you again

Oh Chloe you look terrifico

- And I love that dress
- Oh, it isn't that much

I know

E... by the way Chloe, Janet tells me

- You're doing a good job here
- Oh, I'm trying but Janet's been a big help

She's a terrific person

Oh, mr. Compton what about that surprised?

Right, well I decided not to hire a guy

- To run this place after all
- No kidding?

- So Janet
- Yes, mr. Compton

Meet your new manager

A little wine for the occasion

Chateau supermarket

Hey, aren't we jumping the gun
with the celebration dinner

I mean, suppose Janet didn't get the job

think positive she got the job

Aha, there she is!

Miss Rose Pedal of 1977

- You try to be funny
- I'm sorry, mr. Roper

I thought you were Janet

I've come on klog you

You're not touching me with that thing

You really a very strange person

You see, Come on!

Think she got the job

It's hard to tell who are

Huuu, are you ready for this?

That creep Compton gave the job to Chloe Scoutmyer!

Oh No, who's Chloe's Scoutmyers!

She's a girl we just hired!

Oh what she got, that you haven't got?

Arthritis?

Oh you, you and your positive thinking

Jack I didn't need your help here

- I needed it down here
- Oh, that is terrible

- What a dumb way to pick a new manager
- Yeah yeah yeah

You probably would have done the same
thing you men are all alike

You know wait a minute it just so happens

I hardly notice boss at all

I never think about that stuff

As far as I'm concerned this girl
who got the manager's job, this Chesty

- That's Chloe
- I mean Chloe

Oh, Janet is right your manner, all right

Would you two stop exaggerating Janet
you're making mountains out of mole hills

I wish I hadn't said that eh.....

I'll make the salad for you and...

Oh Janet I am so sorry

- You didn't get the job
- Oh Thank You Chrissy

You know when I first started high school

I had absolutely no figure at all

I kept praying I would blossom one day

One day the teacher asked the class to locate

The great American flatlands

Every single boy in class pointed to me boy

Oh boy, you must have die

You know is that stupid male
attitude we had to grow up with

I know I know
if we didn't need training bras

by the time we were 10 our lives were ruined

Why are guys so hung up on a big bosom?

It's because they're all brainwashed

Hey look in this magazine here

There's not an ad in here
that doesn't have cleavage

Do you honestly need a blonde in a bikini

to sell a sports car

Aha, or a redhead in a wet t-shirt
to sell a lawn sprinkler or

Well look at this one,

I mean is it really necessary to show a woman

In her underwear?

That's an ad for underwear

Oh....

Well this whole thing is giving me a headache

I think I'll go lie down for a while

- Oh, Janet
- No please Chrissy

I really don't want to talk about it anymore

Okay

Oh, hi Chrissy look I wondered if I could
ask you kids,

- To do me a favor
- Oh sure come on in

- Hi, mrs. Ropper
- oh oh oh hi jack

Well look, I just, I just came up
to let you know

That I might be going away

For a week or so to visit relatives

Oh how nice, where?

- Sunset Pines hospital
- Hah?

I mean San Francisco
And, oh.... well, anyway

I just thought you might, e...

Keep an eye on Stanley while I'm gone

- Why? What's he gonna do?
- Nothing as usual

You see he might get lonely

Do you know that he's never been left alone

- Since he was a child
- He was left alone as a child?

Yes, but then the police went

And found his parents and made them
come back home

Mrs. Ropper, you said something about
visiting relatives in a hospital

uh oh. yeah...... oh well
I guess I can tell you

but I want to keep it a secret
from mr. Roper

see, I want to surprise him

Oh, I don't think that
you should tell us then either

Tell us, tell us...

Well I'm thinking about having a facelift

A facelift?

I got the idea from this magazine here

Oh That's kind of a big step to take isn't it?

Yeah, but it'll be worth it

I... I'll come back looking like a new woman

And then, and then Stanley
will feel like he's cheating on me and

That always turns a man on, right?

- Have you gone nuts?
- Oh, Stanley

- I didn't know you were up here
- Obviously

I'm doing it for you
I'll come back all smooth and pretty

If I wanted somebody smooth and pretty

I would have married somebody like that

I think he meant that as a compliment

Look Helen maybe I don't say it often enough

But I love you just the way you are

So don't change, huh.....

Oh......

So come down tair as
quickly as you can, huh

If you know what I mean

There's no hurry Hellen
Name that to doesn't go on for help, you know?

I better go see about the rest of dinner

- Oh you made your wife real happy
- Yeah,

I mean you'd really be upset
if she had a facelift wouldn't you?

Go on right you know what those things cost?

What's going on out here

Oh mr. mrs. Roper were having an argument

About her having a facelift

Where does she get a dumb idea like that?

In this magazine it's all about

How women can completely
make themselves over

Get a new nose new rear-ends
a new bust to...

the new bust?

Let me see that dumb magazine

- Hi
- Hi

how things go work today with a new manager

Oh, I didn't go to work today I went to see a doctor

- What about
- A bust job

- What
- Bust job bust job...!

I'm gonna fight fire with fire

- Oh, that is crazy
- Oh, yeah?

What? Just look at these photos
the doctor gave me

Before and after

Wow what a difference

Yeah, yes. See what I mean?

Look in just a few hours

Rags to riches

This one looks like she should be flying

Over the Coliseum doing a football game

- I'ts now what you want?
- Oh come on Chrissy

If I'm gonna compete out
there I need all the help I can get

Yeah, but if you do this you're gonna
need help just standing up in the morning

Okay if you can't understand

- Let's just forget it
Oh all I'm saying is

Just think about how it might turn out

You right, you right,

Maybe I should think about how to feel huh..., yeah

- Hi Chrissy
- Hi

- What you got there?
- You can't see them

- Why not?
- Well they're the doctors pictures

You see that ugly

No, Janet got them from a plastic surgeon

Oh what..... hold it!

She's not thinking of getting one of those

- Chest jobs is she?
- I did tell you that

So don't ask me

well that's ridiculous
I'm not gonna let Janet do that

Oh, no! She already did

well what do you think

Huh, I didn't think

you could get it done that fast

Do you like them?

Oh, yeah, Tthey're tremendous I mean...

Good, good...

Then you can hold them
while I take a shower

- Hi, I mean hi
- Hi

Is Janet here I'm Chloe Scoutmyre

Oh you're Chloe, yeah...

I should have known you anywhere
Come on in

- Oh Chrissy this is Chloe, Chloe Chrissy
- How nice

Janet you have a visitor

It's your manager

Chloe?

Oh, well. I suppose you want to know
why I wasn't at work today

No, I came to say goodbye

- I'm quitting
- You quitting?

would you like to sit down Chloe

- Thank you,
- Sure

I know now why I got that managers job

Mr. Compton invited me up to his apartment

After work to go over some forms

And he started with mine

Oh, that's Compton all right

He didn't even ask me

A moon you're built like me

man just take it for granted
you'll say yes

You know Janet?

I can't remember the last time
a man looked at my eyes

they could be hard-boiled eggs
For all they'd notice

Oh you have lovely eyes
I'm sure lots of men notice

- Right jack?
- oh right

I noticed that she lovely eggs of... eyes...

I am so tired of whistles and dumb remarks

Hey baby how about coming over here

And keeping the rain off of me

What did they say on sunny days?

Now listen to me,

There's nothing wrong
with having a great body

There shouldn't be but
it gets in the way sometimes

Oh Janet, I wish I was like you

What?

To get respect, you get hired
because you know your job

- Well yes but I..
- When you talk men listen

they're interested in your viewpoint

when I talk they're only interested in
the view

See how lucky you are, Janet

- Oh, I have to go
-Oh, okay

and would you tell mr. Compton

- I don't want to play
- Sure Chloe sure

It was nice working with you

- I learned a lot
- So did I

- Bye
- Bye

Well...?

Wow, ups....

I guess I'll just stay the way I am

Small but sincere

That's my girl

You know she's right men can be
really lousy to girls built like her

- We should learn to ignore the body
- You right, right

And you girls should learn to ignore
my body

Hah, what?

I've noticed the way you've been
looking at me

- Undressing me with your eyes
- Ah.....

I'm not gonna wear that Jersey pullover
anymore I know what clings

- But I want to drive you mad
- Well, let have the peek...!

Twice! Get back! Resist!

- Hy
- Hy

How was your first day as Compton's
new acting manager, yeeee...

Oh,long hard and exhausting

- Didn't you like it?
- I love it

Did you find a replacement for Chloe?

Oh, sure yet got somebody

Whos very bright nice-looking
and has a wonderful body

Why'd you hire a girl like that

Who said I hired a girl

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