This Is Us (2016–…): Season 4, Episode 3 - Unhinged - full transcript
Randall is confronted with a tough choice. Kate and Toby adjust to their new home. Miguel and Jack's friendship solidifies.
Previously on "This Is Us"...
Babe, are you sure that you want to go
- to the grocery store now?
- Yeah, I like going
- when the store's not so crowded.
- Mm.
I know you don't have
a campaign manager.
- I want the gig.
- Happy to have you on board, Jae-won.
I know you want to fix things.
Fix me.
But you and your family...
It's just too painful.
_
- Hi, Nicky.
- _
It's nice to meet you.
I'm Dr. Ruiz.
I've been working with the
vets here for two years.
So, what's been going on with you?
_
Therapy works better if you talk.
I hate this sad, little room.
How's that?
You know we're only
80 miles from Canada?
I've never been.
I almost went once, with my brother.
But I didn't.
Why haven't you ever gone?
I can't stand maple syrup.
There's things that happened there
that you can't come back from.
You know, they... they
make you less human.
- Hey, Doc.
- Hi, Nicky.
So, listen, I was thinking...
Before we start today,
I have some bad news.
I'm being transferred to
a vet center in Arizona.
Our centers all over the
country are understaffed.
But you'll be working with Dr. Patterson
and I hear he is exceptional.
Nicky.
Watch your head.
You watch your head, Officer Krupke.
I didn't need you to come.
Good morning.
Hey, Randall, slow down.
You're gonna choke.
It's the first day of junior high,
I want to get there early.
Well, you're not gonna be
early if you're in the ER
with Count Chocula lodged
in your throat. Chew.
Why do fancy schools start
earlier than normal ones?
Because we have bigger brains to fill.
Okay, nerd. Well, have fun
while we're home all day.
Mom, do we have any cucumber slices?
Why do you need cucumber slices?
I'm taking a me day.
Okay, so if I give you
a cucumber and a knife,
can I trust that you're
not gonna cut yourself?
I wouldn't count on it.
Mm-hmm.
Hey, Katie girl. Whatcha reading?
Do you think Cindy Crawford's pretty?
She's no Kate Pearson.
Oh, my God, Kate,
look, it's Suzanne Somers,
It's the thigh master lady.
- She's in our home.
- Ha, ha. Yeah.
Shelley lent me some new aerobics video
that I'm gonna try out in a little bit.
Oh. That's good.
Hey, what's wrong? Are you okay?
I'm just, I'm in a mood.
You know? Mondays are hard.
I know that I've got, like, five days
of the red tape factory ahead of me.
Mmm. Well, I will be here
waiting at the end of every one.
Oh. I like that.
Can you guys be gross later?
Come on, Dad, seventh grade's calling.
- Seventh grade is calling.
- Seventh grade.
- Okay, bye.
- Bye.
Have a great first day.
Thanks for the big hug.
Hi.
Hey.
- I'm Mr. Lawrence.
- I know.
I-I mean, cool. I'm Randall.
Nice to meet you, Randall.
- Please, have a seat.
- Yeah.
All right, kids, let's open
our books to chapter one.
Hey.
- What happened to Jae-won?
- He fell a little behind
at mile eight.
You say "mile eight" so casually.
You caught that, huh? Oh!
The Clarke School of
Dance grand opening flyers,
- hot off the press.
- Yes.
Everybody, take a stack
and give it to anyone
who looks like they need
a little rhythm in their life.
Hey, Tess?
I know you're nervous, but,
uh, it's gonna be great.
I know. I'm good.
Thanks, Mom.
Oh, you see my article in there?
You mean "Councilman Pearson Unhinged?"
Mm-hmm.
"Pearson takes his open door policy
to a new level by
removing his office door
from its hinges to show that
all are welcome for a sit-down.
Pearson spends every Monday
listening to constituents..."
Is that the article?
Yeah.
Hey, you think I come off as crazy?
No way, man. They called you bold.
They called me different.
- It says you're unhinged.
- Well, maybe I am.
- Boom.
- Boom!
Oh, uh, sometime today,
uh, I'd like to talk to you
about my proposal, if you've got time.
I always got time for you, J-Dubs.
- All right.
- I got to hit the shower.
Girls, you have an amazing first day.
You are all radiant women and
this town is lucky to have you.
Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah. Love you guys.
- Love you, too.
- I was talking to my girls.
Sorry. Reflex.
Okay, so this is the brown velvet.
Do you like the soft fabric?
We're gonna have Daddy put up
these curtains this weekend.
So gurgle once if you like the velvet.
Can you do that? Can you do that?
Oh, wait, I thought, I was gonna
get to see you all dressed up
in your new client-wooing suit.
What, and risk sweat stains
before I even get to the office?
I'm not a daredevil. I
know my body's limits.
But you'll get to see it today at lunch.
Thanks again for agreeing to come.
They really wanted to meet my wife.
- Of course. Mwah.
- Mwah.
Okay, bye. Can you say bye-bye?
Bye. Aww...
- Hey.
- Hi.
Hi. We haven't had a chance
to introduce ourselves.
We just, um... just moved in.
Could you please tell your
husband to stop parking
in the middle of the sidewalk?
Yeah. Oh, I'm so sorry.
It's just that we have
this storage pod that we're unpacking,
so his car doesn't fit, you know,
- in the driveway.
- So park on the street
before I start calling
to have your car towed.
Okay. Wow.
We are never going to let Audio
poop in that man's yard.
Damn it. Damn it!
What's going on?
- You know the Marlin property?
- Mm-hmm.
- We laid the new foundation last week.
- Uh-huh.
20 minutes ago, Pritchard
got a call from the city.
Someone on our end forgot to schedule
the city water line inspection.
So now, we got to tear everything out,
have the city come take a look
and then start all over from scratch.
Whoever signed off on that
permit is done for, no question.
Oh, God. I hope it was Donovan.
I would love to see him go down.
You know, he microwaves fish
sticks in the break room?
Who does that?
I signed off on the
Marlin permit, Miguel.
- What?
- That was me.
Sir, my uncle Nicky
is extremely remorseful
about throwing that
chair through your window.
Isn't that right, Uncle Nicky?
Yes.
See?
It says here you have a hearing
in veterans' court in two months.
Um, he's facing, uh,
up to $250,000 in fines.
Or, uh, ten years in
prison. Sir, I mean...
... the man threw a chair, right?
It's not like he, uh, shredded a Banksy.
Right?
Um, anyway,
his-his court-appointed attorney, um,
said that if he could show
that he was committed
to continuing treatment
here at this facility,
um, that his sentence could be reduced.
Perhaps even pardoned.
I can have Dr. Patterson
do an evaluation today,
and we'll assess if Nicky
poses a further threat.
If he doesn't, I'll allow him
to continue his treatments here
on a probationary basis.
Batman, Robin,
how was your run today?
- Deadly.
- Invigorating.
Great job getting the
article out there, Shay.
Clearly it got us buzz.
Buzz? They called you "unhinged".
What was that, Bernice?
You have drinks with
Councilmen Wilkins and Ramirez
at 6:30 tonight to discuss
Wilkins' housing initiative.
Don't let this stunt make you late.
I wouldn't miss it.
And it's not a stunt.
Hi.
Wow. Good morning, everyone.
Uh, thanks for coming
here to talk to us.
I'm looking forward to
speaking with you all.
Uh, excuse me.
You want me to talk to
Bernice about the attitude?
Or find an aide with less attitude?
I can deal with a little attitude.
Bernice has more experience
than the rest of us combined.
We need somebody like her around.
Don't worry, my friend,
she'll learn to adore
me as much as you do.
All right, who's first?
Hey, my man, hold up a sec.
Is this your first year here, too?
Nope, my third.
And I read in your
teacher bio that you just
moved here from Chicago.
And you love the Bulls. Well, me, too.
Mm.
Well, if it's your third year,
then you should know the rules.
I got to write you a yellow slip
for being out of dress
code with those shoes.
Yeah, but they're Air Jordans.
Like Michael Jordan wears.
Yeah, but Michael Jordan doesn't
have to abide by our dress code.
See, look, you want to
be in a place like this,
you got to look the part, okay.
That's why I rock a suit.
You know, like Arsenio Hall.
Sorry, man.
There he is.
- And this is Jack.
- Oh, my God.
- He's just six months old.
- Oh, God, those eyelashes.
Right?
That's pretty amazing.
We named him after his grandpa.
Oh, and here she is.
This is my wife Kate.
- Kate, please meet Debbie and Arjun.
- Hi, how are you?
Toby was just showing
us photos of your son.
He's ridiculously cute.
Oh, thank you.
Yeah, thankfully, 'cause
there's no return policy.
No, there's not.
But we are not here to talk about him.
We are here to talk
about database servers
and all of your other IT needs. So...
Your table is ready, folks.
- Come with me.
- Great.
Thank you.
You look great.
Thanks. So do you.
Oh, actually, you know what. Sorry.
I hate to be a pain, but it looks like
we're right below a vent here,
and a cool breeze can really
ruin a hot lobster bisque.
They have an amazing lobster bisque.
Uh, do you think we could
sit at a different table,
like that one over there?
Sorry, sir, those are reserved.
This is fine. We don't eat bisque.
I was gonna have bisque.
I love bisque...
He's actually asking because
I... can't fit in the booth.
I should come with a label, right?
"May contain uncomfortable moments".
I'm so sorry. There's a table this way.
Thank you. I love you.
Hey, boss, you, uh... you got a sec?
Pearson, yeah. What's up?
I was the one that signed
off on the Marlin property.
I don't know how I missed that
we didn't have the
water line inspection.
Do you know how much your
mistake is gonna cost?
20,000. That's money
straight out of my pocket.
I'm-I'm sorry. Okay, I don't
know how this happened.
I've never made a
mistake like this before.
Yeah, but now you have.
It's colossal.
I'm sorry, Jack,
you don't come back from this one.
Walk it out, shake it down...
Hey, Bug.
Do you want to try this with me?
- Sure.
- Really?
Well, sashay on in here, little cutie.
I'll show you how it's
done. It's really easy.
All we're gonna do is just follow along.
And don't worry if you mess up. Right?
- Mm-hmm.
- See?
See what she's doing? There you go.
Step, touch. Oh.
Now she's going back here.
Hey, Kev, can you get that?
This is interrupting my me time.
Hello?
Hey, hey, Kev, it's me.
Um, can you get Mom?
What's wrong?
I-I got in trouble,
and Mom and Dad have
to sign a yellow slip.
And I just feel like I can't breathe.
I'm really freaking out.
And do you think telling
Mom you got in trouble
- will make it better?
- Well, I don't know what's happening.
I don't know what to do.
Mom, it's Dylan.
I'm going to his house.
I'll meet you by the
side door of your school.
Don't call back here.
Come on.
Blanket, panda, Bradshaw.
That one's broken.
You have to use the
one around the corner.
Hmm.
You know your way
around this place, huh?
I come with my mom here.
She's seeing a therapist.
My dad said it's good for her.
Gotcha.
Want to play something?
I'll crush Mario Kart. Let's go.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
- Oh...
- Ah, you bit it.
- Your turn.
- Yep. Funyun?
- Yeah.
- All right. Time for me to shine.
I gave you a chance to drive.
You give me a chance to drive.
I can't do very well when
you're backseat driving,
chirping in my ear the whole time...
No, I-I'm putting on
your rocket booster.
No, no, no! Oh, okay. Well,
that helped. All right.
Yeah, but you can't block the
screen, because I'm trying...
- Who are you?
- Hey, Mom.
This is my friend, Kevin.
- Oh.
- Kevin Pearson.
You are not at all what I pictured
when your son said his mom was a vet.
Well, you're not at all what I picture
when my son says he has a friend.
For the record, a 40-year-old man
hanging out with a
nine-year-old boy is...
- it's creepy.
- Oh, definitely not 40.
Well, definitely nine.
Let's get your backpack on, bud.
- Come on.
- Okay.
How do I know you? Oh,
you were on a television show.
Um... Who's the Boss?
Who's the Boss?
I'm 39 years old, lady.
I was on a show called The Manny.
- You ever see that?
- Uh...
and you're a vet.
No, no, my... Oh, my uncle,
right here, he's a vet.
You're the guy who threw a chair at me.
Well, don't flatter yourself, I
wasn't throwing it at you.
Mom, can they come
to the arcade with us?
Absolutely not. Come on, bud, let's go.
Goodbye now.
- So?
- Hmm?
- Well, how'd it go?
- Oh.
He thinks I'm a delight.
Welcome back anytime.
You wouldn't be offended if I
cross-checked that, would you?
Hey, Doc, hi.
Uh, I was just wondering
how that went with my uncle.
Yes, I'm gonna recommend
that we allow him
to resume receiving services.
Great.
But I don't want you
to get your hopes up.
None of us can help someone
who doesn't want to be helped.
Excuse me.
Oh, come on. Great.
Robot, giraffe... diapers.
I mean, I busted a ball joint on my car
- on one of those potholes.
- I got you.
I'll bring it to the school board.
Hey, Jae-won, can we make
a note of that, please?
- Yeah.
- Councilman Pearson's office.
Oh, one moment.
Councilman Martell's on the line.
Uh, please keep holding
my calls till 6:00.
So, I first noticed it...
Have a great night, Miss Perez.
And that is how we
govern in District 12.
You need to leave for your drinks.
I hear you, Bernice, and
I'm one foot out the door.
J, you can prep me on the way?
Yep. And maybe we can talk about
my proposal, if there's time?
Oh, Batman would love
nothing more, Robin.
Can I be someone other than Robin?
I mean, he looks Asian,
but he isn't Asian.
- Amadeus Cho, maybe.
- Sure, buddy.
You can be Amadeus Cho.
Councilman Pearson, can I have a word?
No, we need to wrap him up by 6:00.
Well, I would have been here at 5:15,
but the number two bus was late,
so I had to walk 20 blocks to get here,
just to complain to you about
how the bus system is jacked.
- And it's only 5:59 by my watch.
- Sir,
why don't you come into my office?
Jae-won, please extend my apologies
to the other councilmen.
Tell them I will be there soon.
Yeah, I know.
Yes! Those nerds loved us.
Huh? You should help me
woo clients all the time.
We could star in,
like, a TNT procedural,
where we close IT deals.
We'd be cancelled after one season,
but the fans would
elevate us to cult status.
- Toby.
- Yeah?
- Take your shirt off.
- Yeah, bossy.
- Yeah, I like that for your character.
- Toby.
Look, I've got, like, a
half-day's worth of sweat
under this bad boy.
Trust me, you do not want to see
my matted chest rug.
Uh, holy crap.
Like, I knew that you
lost weight, but I d...
I guess I just haven't
seen you fully undressed.
I've just been so focused on Jack.
Yeah, I mean, I mean,
you've had a lot going on.
So have you.
New-mom stress has me up ten pounds.
New-dad stress means
that you have Popeye arms?
That doesn't make any sense.
Okay, I-I've been going to the gym
over the last few months.
On my lunch break, mostly.
Sometimes before or-or after work.
I've been doing CrossFit.
Why didn't you tell me?
Because you were being
this rock star mom,
and I didn't want to make you feel bad
for not having the energy
to go to the gym, or
stick to a diet right now, or...
Look, Kate, I had a
heart attack at age 38.
And with Jack...
He... his life is gonna
be challenging enough,
he doesn't need to have a dad
who's gonna drop dead one day
trying to teach him
how to tie his shoes.
Oh, like his mom might.
I didn't say that.
- Kate...
- I get it.
This just caught me a little off guard.
Jack?
Jack, what happened?
He fired me.
Yeah, I'm done.
Miguel... Hey. Hey. Where you going?
Miguel?
Rivas, not now...
Jack has been with this
company for almost 20 years.
He's a hard worker.
Has a great relationship with our crews,
and he brings the best chili
to the company cookouts.
- So if he goes, I go.
- Miguel, look, you don't have to...
I am your most successful
upper-level account manager.
Five of the eight most lucrative deals
we made last year, I
brought those clients in.
So I want you to ask yourself,
Pritchard, what's worth more:
the $20,000 that we're gonna lose today,
or the hundreds of thousands
that you will lose
when me, Jack, and all
my cash-rich clients
walk out of here. 'Cause I will do it.
I will walk out of here today,
and I will not look back.
Whew! That was so fun, right, Bug?
I would love to do
another one of these tapes
- with you sometime.
- Yeah, that would be awesome.
I'm gonna go get some
water. Do you want some?
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay.
What part of "tell your husband
not to block the sidewalk"
didn't you understand?
Really? Not now. Okay, dude?
I just found out my husband
has been sneaking off to get ripped,
while I'm just here at home
taking care of our son.
So really, I'm not in the mood
for your stupid curb drama.
I'm sorry you're having a bad day.
I had a massive stroke
two and a half years ago.
Almost punched my ticket.
I had to relearn how to do everything.
How to walk, talk, even
how to chew and swallow.
I finally did it, though.
And a week later, I lost my job.
Oh, I'm so sorry. It's awful...
Not done yet.
My only goal right now
is to be able to walk
just one pathetic mile.
So every morning, I
walk around this block.
I'm not fast, but I do it.
Unless your husband blocks the sidewalk,
and I can't get past.
If he does again tomorrow,
I'm keying his car.
This hand still works fine.
This is me storming away!
Don't blink, you'll miss it.
All right, little mamas...
chicken parm is in the oven,
we have 30 minutes on the timer,
catch me up on your days.
I want to know everything.
My math teacher looks like Zendaya.
Wait, cute Spider-Man Zendaya
- or HBO drugged-out Zendaya?
- Wait, I'll be right back.
What about you, huh?
How was your day?
You make any friends you
want to tell me about?
Not really. It was pretty average.
People, classes, you know.
Hey.
You got my text?
Yeah, I'm pretty good
at using the phone.
Listen, um...
You hear anything about me in school?
No. Like what?
I mean, you running for student council
or something lame like that?
No, no. Not quite. Um...
Thing is, I-I, I have a daughter.
She's six months old.
I knew you might hear
about it at school,
and I didn't want to tell you over text.
Her-her, her mom and I were
together for a while, and...
... well, she got pregnant.
See, her-her parents
wanted to put Janelle...
that's my girl, Janelle, um...
wanted to put her up for adoption,
but me, me and my
parents didn't want that,
so... so we got her.
- ♪ Oh, yeah ♪
- Hey, I did the session.
You want to go to jail?
Is that what you want?
Because that's what your future holds
if you don't start
taking this seriously.
Yeah, well, at least if I go to jail,
you won't keep coming
around to bust my balls.
Hey! What?!
Did you know that I was
sober for over a year?
And then I came here and I met you,
and then, guess what, I
started drinking again.
- Did you know that?
- I didn't ask you to come back.
Well, I did.
I'm your brother's son, all right?
And I have come here twice now for you.
And if you're not gonna show
me a little bit of gratitude,
perhaps you can search
deep down inside somewhere,
and find, like, an
ounce of understanding.
Damn, I need a meeting.
You know, this...
I'm going to a meeting, and
you're coming with me, okay?
And I don't give a damn if
you wait in the car or not,
but I'm not leaving you
here, and I need a meeting,
so let's go.
Get up. Let's go.
Hey. You okay?
What'd you do?
I was out of dress code.
That's what you're freaking out about?
What, was your shirt
not tucked deep enough
- into your old man pants?
- This is not funny!
Come on. Let me see your slip.
You want Mom in a hurry
or Mom before bed?
Never mind.
- Wait, you can't do that!
- It's fine.
I do this all the time.
This way Mom and Dad will never know
you got in trouble.
Come on, man, just calm down.
It's gonna be okay. Calm down.
I don't know how
they let the quarterback
who won them the Super
Bowl become a free agent.
You sure the Eagles roster
is outside your purview?
Mr. Morris, I'm gonna
take your experiences
to the Transportation Committee.
- I really appreciate it, Councilman.
- I appreciate you, sir.
- Take care.
- 6:52.
Oh, my goodness, I know, Bernice.
I'm headed over there now.
Uh, excuse me.
Sir, that door's off
the hinges on purpose.
I just got a call about putting it back.
Having the door off is a fire hazard.
Uh, excuse me, everyone,
could you, could you give us the room?
Please.
I think I've been pretty
patient with all the eye rolls
and the sighs and the attitude.
To be clear...
I am the councilman here. Not you.
Then you need to start acting like it.
Excuse me?
You're a politician, not a therapist.
You're new, naive, and you
have no track record here.
You need to spend your time
trying to get the 16 people
you govern with on your side.
Not gabbing with every
Joe Schmoe off the street.
But I shouldn't be telling you this.
Your chief of staff should.
And what are you saying?
You really want to serve
these people, hmm?
You need someone who understands
how city council works.
And who's not pulling double duty
as your best friend.
So what am I saying?
Let me be clear: You
need to fire Jae-won.
Our son soils an incredible amount
- of clothing for a 14-pound being.
- Yeah.
His main passion in
life is making things
inside his body suddenly appear
outside of his body, so...
Yeah.
Hey, look, I'm, uh...
I'm sorry I kept all that
CrossFit stuff from you.
I shouldn't have done that.
It's just hard.
You know, seeing you
lose so much weight,
and I'm doing the opposite.
And it took me by surprise.
Seeing you in all
those new clothes today,
it really shook me.
But that's my problem.
I'm so happy that
you're getting healthy,
and you look amazing.
Seriously, you look like
Vin Diesel's body double.
You know that The Pacifier's
my guilty pleasure.
Yes. All too well.
So no more secrets, okay?
No more secrets.
I'm glad you decided to come.
I'm just here for the snacks.
- Drinking gives me a salt tooth.
- Got it.
I mean, of all the AA meetings
in all the towns in all the world.
- You gonna really sit next to me?
- No, I'm sitting over there.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Can I sit?
The boy I like has a baby.
Damn.
I know.
Do you still like him?
It's... I don't know.
It's complicated.
You know, you seemed
pretty complicated, too,
when you showed up.
Okay.
Now it's your turn.
I thought the one good
thing about a new school
would be that I didn't have to come out.
I could just be out.
But a girl I was sitting with at lunch
asked me if I thought this
football player was hot
and I said yes.
I don't know why.
And it sucks, like,
I used to want to talk
to my mom about stuff,
- but it's harder now.
- Yeah.
Well, sometimes,
even when you don't say anything,
they're still there, you know?
I mean, even when they
don't know what's going on,
Randall and Beth are just there.
That's one thing that's
really cool about this house.
- Man, a baby!
- Oh, God.
- Please.
- Oh, stepmom?
Hey.
Hey.
So you good?
You were really freaking out today.
Randall, for real.
Um...
It felt like my heart was gonna explode.
Do you think it was,
like, a heart attack?
Kevin told me.
Maybe it was just, like, puberty.
They say your body does
a bunch of weird stuff.
Thanks for coming today.
Whatever. I was bored.
I kissed Stewart Alberghini at the pool.
Stewart Alberghini?
Would you ever like a
girl who's bigger than you?
I'm gonna marry Cindy Crawford.
She's, like, 5'9" and
way bigger than me.
Hey, do you know who Arsenio Hall is?
Randall, you really need
to stop spending all your time reading.
So...
Stewart Alberghini.
Okay, guys, thank you.
This is Miguel.
Hey, man, you busy?
Uh, no, I'm-I... Well, yeah,
I'm-I'm just going through
a-a mountain of paperwork here.
You doing okay?
Yeah, I'm still employed, so...
Hey, look,
I know we don't ever say
any mushy things to each other, but
I mean, if we did,
th-this would definitely
be one of those times.
Jack, are you... are you trying
to tell me that you love me?
Is that what you're trying to do here?
Because I got to tell you, man,
- I'm a married man, so...
- No.
No, what I'm trying to tell you is
if you ever need anything, big or small,
and I, and I hear that you
went to anyone other than me,
I'm gonna kick your sorry ass.
Well, I love you, too, snookums,
and I appreciate that.
You know what, I'm-I'm hanging up now.
No, wait, Jack, Jack.
Any time, man.
Hey, Kev, what are you doing?
You should be in bed.
There's something we
all need to do right now.
I think it's important.
I'm off to a good start, huh?
What are you guys doing?
I thought we could all watch
The Arsenio Hall Show together.
Just tonight.
Come on.
Hey. Did I miss Wilkins and Ramirez?
Yeah, no, they left,
like, ten minutes ago.
How'd it go at the office?
Oh...
J?
Now I'm gonna go tell that handyman
to put the door back on the hinges.
You have a lot of
experience that I don't.
I know the value of what
you bring to the table,
but I can't have someone on my
staff who openly disrespects me,
my policies, and my friend.
You mean your chief of staff.
I'm sorry, Bernice,
today will be your last day.
Okay. I'll start getting
résumés tomorrow.
She called us naive. She right?
Yes. We are naive.
We're unhinged, right?
That's what Bernice and all
those old-school guys think.
If, at the end of your
term, you've maybe made
a couple good changes,
and you spent most of your
time just playing power games
in city hall, is that what you want?
We're not career politicians, Randall.
And this isn't some stepping
stone to some bigger gig for us.
This is the gig.
We're gonna have to
get a doorstop tomorrow.
Apparently having it off
its hinges is a fire hazard.
Oh, well, in that case, we're done for.
Hey,
- let's talk about your proposal.
- Yeah?
Okay.
So, um, Hannah comes in,
and I'm gonna have the candles lit,
a martini in hand,
and "Everlong" by the
Foo Fighters playing.
The Foo Fighters, really?
Dude, the acoustic version?
Come... That is, like, the most
romantic song on the planet.
I will take your word for it.
That's my posse right here.
Give 'em a couple of these.
Honestly, I've been
struggling quite a bit today.
I've been wanting to drink pretty badly.
So, uh, I've been using this
technique that I learned.
They say you picture your...
your reasons not to drink
and then you, um, you just
sort of use them as a mantra.
Like, for me, I-I picture, um,
I picture my nephew's room.
I picture, uh, his-his robot poster,
panda lamp.
He's got this, um, this
handmade mini football stadium,
complete with a tiny Terry Bradshaw.
I wasn't sober when my nephew was born,
but I have been sober every day since.
But sometimes I wonder why.
I'm not really doing
anything with my life
where I need to stay sober.
I just thought, at this point,
my life would have a
little more purpose.
I just broke up with this
really wonderful woman.
I just turned down this
really wonderful movie.
Was that a mistake?
I don't know.
I'm not getting any
younger, that's for sure.
You know, hopefully, with age,
just comes a little
more, uh, gravitas, right?
But it's not up to us.
I mean, it could be, you know...
"Welcome to Jowl City" at
50, right? And then what?
I'm-I'm the guy in the
AARP ads that's, like, uh,
just thrilled to death that
he can still wipe his own ass.
I mean, if that's why
I'm staying sober, I...
I'm sorry, it's just
this is really stupid.
I mean, right?
Excuse me,
I need you two to calm yourselves.
If you can't be respectful,
you three need to leave.
I'm not fast, either.
We're gonna look like the toughest gang
in this neighborhood.
Babe, are you sure that you want to go
- to the grocery store now?
- Yeah, I like going
- when the store's not so crowded.
- Mm.
I know you don't have
a campaign manager.
- I want the gig.
- Happy to have you on board, Jae-won.
I know you want to fix things.
Fix me.
But you and your family...
It's just too painful.
_
- Hi, Nicky.
- _
It's nice to meet you.
I'm Dr. Ruiz.
I've been working with the
vets here for two years.
So, what's been going on with you?
_
Therapy works better if you talk.
I hate this sad, little room.
How's that?
You know we're only
80 miles from Canada?
I've never been.
I almost went once, with my brother.
But I didn't.
Why haven't you ever gone?
I can't stand maple syrup.
There's things that happened there
that you can't come back from.
You know, they... they
make you less human.
- Hey, Doc.
- Hi, Nicky.
So, listen, I was thinking...
Before we start today,
I have some bad news.
I'm being transferred to
a vet center in Arizona.
Our centers all over the
country are understaffed.
But you'll be working with Dr. Patterson
and I hear he is exceptional.
Nicky.
Watch your head.
You watch your head, Officer Krupke.
I didn't need you to come.
Good morning.
Hey, Randall, slow down.
You're gonna choke.
It's the first day of junior high,
I want to get there early.
Well, you're not gonna be
early if you're in the ER
with Count Chocula lodged
in your throat. Chew.
Why do fancy schools start
earlier than normal ones?
Because we have bigger brains to fill.
Okay, nerd. Well, have fun
while we're home all day.
Mom, do we have any cucumber slices?
Why do you need cucumber slices?
I'm taking a me day.
Okay, so if I give you
a cucumber and a knife,
can I trust that you're
not gonna cut yourself?
I wouldn't count on it.
Mm-hmm.
Hey, Katie girl. Whatcha reading?
Do you think Cindy Crawford's pretty?
She's no Kate Pearson.
Oh, my God, Kate,
look, it's Suzanne Somers,
It's the thigh master lady.
- She's in our home.
- Ha, ha. Yeah.
Shelley lent me some new aerobics video
that I'm gonna try out in a little bit.
Oh. That's good.
Hey, what's wrong? Are you okay?
I'm just, I'm in a mood.
You know? Mondays are hard.
I know that I've got, like, five days
of the red tape factory ahead of me.
Mmm. Well, I will be here
waiting at the end of every one.
Oh. I like that.
Can you guys be gross later?
Come on, Dad, seventh grade's calling.
- Seventh grade is calling.
- Seventh grade.
- Okay, bye.
- Bye.
Have a great first day.
Thanks for the big hug.
Hi.
Hey.
- I'm Mr. Lawrence.
- I know.
I-I mean, cool. I'm Randall.
Nice to meet you, Randall.
- Please, have a seat.
- Yeah.
All right, kids, let's open
our books to chapter one.
Hey.
- What happened to Jae-won?
- He fell a little behind
at mile eight.
You say "mile eight" so casually.
You caught that, huh? Oh!
The Clarke School of
Dance grand opening flyers,
- hot off the press.
- Yes.
Everybody, take a stack
and give it to anyone
who looks like they need
a little rhythm in their life.
Hey, Tess?
I know you're nervous, but,
uh, it's gonna be great.
I know. I'm good.
Thanks, Mom.
Oh, you see my article in there?
You mean "Councilman Pearson Unhinged?"
Mm-hmm.
"Pearson takes his open door policy
to a new level by
removing his office door
from its hinges to show that
all are welcome for a sit-down.
Pearson spends every Monday
listening to constituents..."
Is that the article?
Yeah.
Hey, you think I come off as crazy?
No way, man. They called you bold.
They called me different.
- It says you're unhinged.
- Well, maybe I am.
- Boom.
- Boom!
Oh, uh, sometime today,
uh, I'd like to talk to you
about my proposal, if you've got time.
I always got time for you, J-Dubs.
- All right.
- I got to hit the shower.
Girls, you have an amazing first day.
You are all radiant women and
this town is lucky to have you.
Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah. Love you guys.
- Love you, too.
- I was talking to my girls.
Sorry. Reflex.
Okay, so this is the brown velvet.
Do you like the soft fabric?
We're gonna have Daddy put up
these curtains this weekend.
So gurgle once if you like the velvet.
Can you do that? Can you do that?
Oh, wait, I thought, I was gonna
get to see you all dressed up
in your new client-wooing suit.
What, and risk sweat stains
before I even get to the office?
I'm not a daredevil. I
know my body's limits.
But you'll get to see it today at lunch.
Thanks again for agreeing to come.
They really wanted to meet my wife.
- Of course. Mwah.
- Mwah.
Okay, bye. Can you say bye-bye?
Bye. Aww...
- Hey.
- Hi.
Hi. We haven't had a chance
to introduce ourselves.
We just, um... just moved in.
Could you please tell your
husband to stop parking
in the middle of the sidewalk?
Yeah. Oh, I'm so sorry.
It's just that we have
this storage pod that we're unpacking,
so his car doesn't fit, you know,
- in the driveway.
- So park on the street
before I start calling
to have your car towed.
Okay. Wow.
We are never going to let Audio
poop in that man's yard.
Damn it. Damn it!
What's going on?
- You know the Marlin property?
- Mm-hmm.
- We laid the new foundation last week.
- Uh-huh.
20 minutes ago, Pritchard
got a call from the city.
Someone on our end forgot to schedule
the city water line inspection.
So now, we got to tear everything out,
have the city come take a look
and then start all over from scratch.
Whoever signed off on that
permit is done for, no question.
Oh, God. I hope it was Donovan.
I would love to see him go down.
You know, he microwaves fish
sticks in the break room?
Who does that?
I signed off on the
Marlin permit, Miguel.
- What?
- That was me.
Sir, my uncle Nicky
is extremely remorseful
about throwing that
chair through your window.
Isn't that right, Uncle Nicky?
Yes.
See?
It says here you have a hearing
in veterans' court in two months.
Um, he's facing, uh,
up to $250,000 in fines.
Or, uh, ten years in
prison. Sir, I mean...
... the man threw a chair, right?
It's not like he, uh, shredded a Banksy.
Right?
Um, anyway,
his-his court-appointed attorney, um,
said that if he could show
that he was committed
to continuing treatment
here at this facility,
um, that his sentence could be reduced.
Perhaps even pardoned.
I can have Dr. Patterson
do an evaluation today,
and we'll assess if Nicky
poses a further threat.
If he doesn't, I'll allow him
to continue his treatments here
on a probationary basis.
Batman, Robin,
how was your run today?
- Deadly.
- Invigorating.
Great job getting the
article out there, Shay.
Clearly it got us buzz.
Buzz? They called you "unhinged".
What was that, Bernice?
You have drinks with
Councilmen Wilkins and Ramirez
at 6:30 tonight to discuss
Wilkins' housing initiative.
Don't let this stunt make you late.
I wouldn't miss it.
And it's not a stunt.
Hi.
Wow. Good morning, everyone.
Uh, thanks for coming
here to talk to us.
I'm looking forward to
speaking with you all.
Uh, excuse me.
You want me to talk to
Bernice about the attitude?
Or find an aide with less attitude?
I can deal with a little attitude.
Bernice has more experience
than the rest of us combined.
We need somebody like her around.
Don't worry, my friend,
she'll learn to adore
me as much as you do.
All right, who's first?
Hey, my man, hold up a sec.
Is this your first year here, too?
Nope, my third.
And I read in your
teacher bio that you just
moved here from Chicago.
And you love the Bulls. Well, me, too.
Mm.
Well, if it's your third year,
then you should know the rules.
I got to write you a yellow slip
for being out of dress
code with those shoes.
Yeah, but they're Air Jordans.
Like Michael Jordan wears.
Yeah, but Michael Jordan doesn't
have to abide by our dress code.
See, look, you want to
be in a place like this,
you got to look the part, okay.
That's why I rock a suit.
You know, like Arsenio Hall.
Sorry, man.
There he is.
- And this is Jack.
- Oh, my God.
- He's just six months old.
- Oh, God, those eyelashes.
Right?
That's pretty amazing.
We named him after his grandpa.
Oh, and here she is.
This is my wife Kate.
- Kate, please meet Debbie and Arjun.
- Hi, how are you?
Toby was just showing
us photos of your son.
He's ridiculously cute.
Oh, thank you.
Yeah, thankfully, 'cause
there's no return policy.
No, there's not.
But we are not here to talk about him.
We are here to talk
about database servers
and all of your other IT needs. So...
Your table is ready, folks.
- Come with me.
- Great.
Thank you.
You look great.
Thanks. So do you.
Oh, actually, you know what. Sorry.
I hate to be a pain, but it looks like
we're right below a vent here,
and a cool breeze can really
ruin a hot lobster bisque.
They have an amazing lobster bisque.
Uh, do you think we could
sit at a different table,
like that one over there?
Sorry, sir, those are reserved.
This is fine. We don't eat bisque.
I was gonna have bisque.
I love bisque...
He's actually asking because
I... can't fit in the booth.
I should come with a label, right?
"May contain uncomfortable moments".
I'm so sorry. There's a table this way.
Thank you. I love you.
Hey, boss, you, uh... you got a sec?
Pearson, yeah. What's up?
I was the one that signed
off on the Marlin property.
I don't know how I missed that
we didn't have the
water line inspection.
Do you know how much your
mistake is gonna cost?
20,000. That's money
straight out of my pocket.
I'm-I'm sorry. Okay, I don't
know how this happened.
I've never made a
mistake like this before.
Yeah, but now you have.
It's colossal.
I'm sorry, Jack,
you don't come back from this one.
Walk it out, shake it down...
Hey, Bug.
Do you want to try this with me?
- Sure.
- Really?
Well, sashay on in here, little cutie.
I'll show you how it's
done. It's really easy.
All we're gonna do is just follow along.
And don't worry if you mess up. Right?
- Mm-hmm.
- See?
See what she's doing? There you go.
Step, touch. Oh.
Now she's going back here.
Hey, Kev, can you get that?
This is interrupting my me time.
Hello?
Hey, hey, Kev, it's me.
Um, can you get Mom?
What's wrong?
I-I got in trouble,
and Mom and Dad have
to sign a yellow slip.
And I just feel like I can't breathe.
I'm really freaking out.
And do you think telling
Mom you got in trouble
- will make it better?
- Well, I don't know what's happening.
I don't know what to do.
Mom, it's Dylan.
I'm going to his house.
I'll meet you by the
side door of your school.
Don't call back here.
Come on.
Blanket, panda, Bradshaw.
That one's broken.
You have to use the
one around the corner.
Hmm.
You know your way
around this place, huh?
I come with my mom here.
She's seeing a therapist.
My dad said it's good for her.
Gotcha.
Want to play something?
I'll crush Mario Kart. Let's go.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
- Oh...
- Ah, you bit it.
- Your turn.
- Yep. Funyun?
- Yeah.
- All right. Time for me to shine.
I gave you a chance to drive.
You give me a chance to drive.
I can't do very well when
you're backseat driving,
chirping in my ear the whole time...
No, I-I'm putting on
your rocket booster.
No, no, no! Oh, okay. Well,
that helped. All right.
Yeah, but you can't block the
screen, because I'm trying...
- Who are you?
- Hey, Mom.
This is my friend, Kevin.
- Oh.
- Kevin Pearson.
You are not at all what I pictured
when your son said his mom was a vet.
Well, you're not at all what I picture
when my son says he has a friend.
For the record, a 40-year-old man
hanging out with a
nine-year-old boy is...
- it's creepy.
- Oh, definitely not 40.
Well, definitely nine.
Let's get your backpack on, bud.
- Come on.
- Okay.
How do I know you? Oh,
you were on a television show.
Um... Who's the Boss?
Who's the Boss?
I'm 39 years old, lady.
I was on a show called The Manny.
- You ever see that?
- Uh...
and you're a vet.
No, no, my... Oh, my uncle,
right here, he's a vet.
You're the guy who threw a chair at me.
Well, don't flatter yourself, I
wasn't throwing it at you.
Mom, can they come
to the arcade with us?
Absolutely not. Come on, bud, let's go.
Goodbye now.
- So?
- Hmm?
- Well, how'd it go?
- Oh.
He thinks I'm a delight.
Welcome back anytime.
You wouldn't be offended if I
cross-checked that, would you?
Hey, Doc, hi.
Uh, I was just wondering
how that went with my uncle.
Yes, I'm gonna recommend
that we allow him
to resume receiving services.
Great.
But I don't want you
to get your hopes up.
None of us can help someone
who doesn't want to be helped.
Excuse me.
Oh, come on. Great.
Robot, giraffe... diapers.
I mean, I busted a ball joint on my car
- on one of those potholes.
- I got you.
I'll bring it to the school board.
Hey, Jae-won, can we make
a note of that, please?
- Yeah.
- Councilman Pearson's office.
Oh, one moment.
Councilman Martell's on the line.
Uh, please keep holding
my calls till 6:00.
So, I first noticed it...
Have a great night, Miss Perez.
And that is how we
govern in District 12.
You need to leave for your drinks.
I hear you, Bernice, and
I'm one foot out the door.
J, you can prep me on the way?
Yep. And maybe we can talk about
my proposal, if there's time?
Oh, Batman would love
nothing more, Robin.
Can I be someone other than Robin?
I mean, he looks Asian,
but he isn't Asian.
- Amadeus Cho, maybe.
- Sure, buddy.
You can be Amadeus Cho.
Councilman Pearson, can I have a word?
No, we need to wrap him up by 6:00.
Well, I would have been here at 5:15,
but the number two bus was late,
so I had to walk 20 blocks to get here,
just to complain to you about
how the bus system is jacked.
- And it's only 5:59 by my watch.
- Sir,
why don't you come into my office?
Jae-won, please extend my apologies
to the other councilmen.
Tell them I will be there soon.
Yeah, I know.
Yes! Those nerds loved us.
Huh? You should help me
woo clients all the time.
We could star in,
like, a TNT procedural,
where we close IT deals.
We'd be cancelled after one season,
but the fans would
elevate us to cult status.
- Toby.
- Yeah?
- Take your shirt off.
- Yeah, bossy.
- Yeah, I like that for your character.
- Toby.
Look, I've got, like, a
half-day's worth of sweat
under this bad boy.
Trust me, you do not want to see
my matted chest rug.
Uh, holy crap.
Like, I knew that you
lost weight, but I d...
I guess I just haven't
seen you fully undressed.
I've just been so focused on Jack.
Yeah, I mean, I mean,
you've had a lot going on.
So have you.
New-mom stress has me up ten pounds.
New-dad stress means
that you have Popeye arms?
That doesn't make any sense.
Okay, I-I've been going to the gym
over the last few months.
On my lunch break, mostly.
Sometimes before or-or after work.
I've been doing CrossFit.
Why didn't you tell me?
Because you were being
this rock star mom,
and I didn't want to make you feel bad
for not having the energy
to go to the gym, or
stick to a diet right now, or...
Look, Kate, I had a
heart attack at age 38.
And with Jack...
He... his life is gonna
be challenging enough,
he doesn't need to have a dad
who's gonna drop dead one day
trying to teach him
how to tie his shoes.
Oh, like his mom might.
I didn't say that.
- Kate...
- I get it.
This just caught me a little off guard.
Jack?
Jack, what happened?
He fired me.
Yeah, I'm done.
Miguel... Hey. Hey. Where you going?
Miguel?
Rivas, not now...
Jack has been with this
company for almost 20 years.
He's a hard worker.
Has a great relationship with our crews,
and he brings the best chili
to the company cookouts.
- So if he goes, I go.
- Miguel, look, you don't have to...
I am your most successful
upper-level account manager.
Five of the eight most lucrative deals
we made last year, I
brought those clients in.
So I want you to ask yourself,
Pritchard, what's worth more:
the $20,000 that we're gonna lose today,
or the hundreds of thousands
that you will lose
when me, Jack, and all
my cash-rich clients
walk out of here. 'Cause I will do it.
I will walk out of here today,
and I will not look back.
Whew! That was so fun, right, Bug?
I would love to do
another one of these tapes
- with you sometime.
- Yeah, that would be awesome.
I'm gonna go get some
water. Do you want some?
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay.
What part of "tell your husband
not to block the sidewalk"
didn't you understand?
Really? Not now. Okay, dude?
I just found out my husband
has been sneaking off to get ripped,
while I'm just here at home
taking care of our son.
So really, I'm not in the mood
for your stupid curb drama.
I'm sorry you're having a bad day.
I had a massive stroke
two and a half years ago.
Almost punched my ticket.
I had to relearn how to do everything.
How to walk, talk, even
how to chew and swallow.
I finally did it, though.
And a week later, I lost my job.
Oh, I'm so sorry. It's awful...
Not done yet.
My only goal right now
is to be able to walk
just one pathetic mile.
So every morning, I
walk around this block.
I'm not fast, but I do it.
Unless your husband blocks the sidewalk,
and I can't get past.
If he does again tomorrow,
I'm keying his car.
This hand still works fine.
This is me storming away!
Don't blink, you'll miss it.
All right, little mamas...
chicken parm is in the oven,
we have 30 minutes on the timer,
catch me up on your days.
I want to know everything.
My math teacher looks like Zendaya.
Wait, cute Spider-Man Zendaya
- or HBO drugged-out Zendaya?
- Wait, I'll be right back.
What about you, huh?
How was your day?
You make any friends you
want to tell me about?
Not really. It was pretty average.
People, classes, you know.
Hey.
You got my text?
Yeah, I'm pretty good
at using the phone.
Listen, um...
You hear anything about me in school?
No. Like what?
I mean, you running for student council
or something lame like that?
No, no. Not quite. Um...
Thing is, I-I, I have a daughter.
She's six months old.
I knew you might hear
about it at school,
and I didn't want to tell you over text.
Her-her, her mom and I were
together for a while, and...
... well, she got pregnant.
See, her-her parents
wanted to put Janelle...
that's my girl, Janelle, um...
wanted to put her up for adoption,
but me, me and my
parents didn't want that,
so... so we got her.
- ♪ Oh, yeah ♪
- Hey, I did the session.
You want to go to jail?
Is that what you want?
Because that's what your future holds
if you don't start
taking this seriously.
Yeah, well, at least if I go to jail,
you won't keep coming
around to bust my balls.
Hey! What?!
Did you know that I was
sober for over a year?
And then I came here and I met you,
and then, guess what, I
started drinking again.
- Did you know that?
- I didn't ask you to come back.
Well, I did.
I'm your brother's son, all right?
And I have come here twice now for you.
And if you're not gonna show
me a little bit of gratitude,
perhaps you can search
deep down inside somewhere,
and find, like, an
ounce of understanding.
Damn, I need a meeting.
You know, this...
I'm going to a meeting, and
you're coming with me, okay?
And I don't give a damn if
you wait in the car or not,
but I'm not leaving you
here, and I need a meeting,
so let's go.
Get up. Let's go.
Hey. You okay?
What'd you do?
I was out of dress code.
That's what you're freaking out about?
What, was your shirt
not tucked deep enough
- into your old man pants?
- This is not funny!
Come on. Let me see your slip.
You want Mom in a hurry
or Mom before bed?
Never mind.
- Wait, you can't do that!
- It's fine.
I do this all the time.
This way Mom and Dad will never know
you got in trouble.
Come on, man, just calm down.
It's gonna be okay. Calm down.
I don't know how
they let the quarterback
who won them the Super
Bowl become a free agent.
You sure the Eagles roster
is outside your purview?
Mr. Morris, I'm gonna
take your experiences
to the Transportation Committee.
- I really appreciate it, Councilman.
- I appreciate you, sir.
- Take care.
- 6:52.
Oh, my goodness, I know, Bernice.
I'm headed over there now.
Uh, excuse me.
Sir, that door's off
the hinges on purpose.
I just got a call about putting it back.
Having the door off is a fire hazard.
Uh, excuse me, everyone,
could you, could you give us the room?
Please.
I think I've been pretty
patient with all the eye rolls
and the sighs and the attitude.
To be clear...
I am the councilman here. Not you.
Then you need to start acting like it.
Excuse me?
You're a politician, not a therapist.
You're new, naive, and you
have no track record here.
You need to spend your time
trying to get the 16 people
you govern with on your side.
Not gabbing with every
Joe Schmoe off the street.
But I shouldn't be telling you this.
Your chief of staff should.
And what are you saying?
You really want to serve
these people, hmm?
You need someone who understands
how city council works.
And who's not pulling double duty
as your best friend.
So what am I saying?
Let me be clear: You
need to fire Jae-won.
Our son soils an incredible amount
- of clothing for a 14-pound being.
- Yeah.
His main passion in
life is making things
inside his body suddenly appear
outside of his body, so...
Yeah.
Hey, look, I'm, uh...
I'm sorry I kept all that
CrossFit stuff from you.
I shouldn't have done that.
It's just hard.
You know, seeing you
lose so much weight,
and I'm doing the opposite.
And it took me by surprise.
Seeing you in all
those new clothes today,
it really shook me.
But that's my problem.
I'm so happy that
you're getting healthy,
and you look amazing.
Seriously, you look like
Vin Diesel's body double.
You know that The Pacifier's
my guilty pleasure.
Yes. All too well.
So no more secrets, okay?
No more secrets.
I'm glad you decided to come.
I'm just here for the snacks.
- Drinking gives me a salt tooth.
- Got it.
I mean, of all the AA meetings
in all the towns in all the world.
- You gonna really sit next to me?
- No, I'm sitting over there.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Can I sit?
The boy I like has a baby.
Damn.
I know.
Do you still like him?
It's... I don't know.
It's complicated.
You know, you seemed
pretty complicated, too,
when you showed up.
Okay.
Now it's your turn.
I thought the one good
thing about a new school
would be that I didn't have to come out.
I could just be out.
But a girl I was sitting with at lunch
asked me if I thought this
football player was hot
and I said yes.
I don't know why.
And it sucks, like,
I used to want to talk
to my mom about stuff,
- but it's harder now.
- Yeah.
Well, sometimes,
even when you don't say anything,
they're still there, you know?
I mean, even when they
don't know what's going on,
Randall and Beth are just there.
That's one thing that's
really cool about this house.
- Man, a baby!
- Oh, God.
- Please.
- Oh, stepmom?
Hey.
Hey.
So you good?
You were really freaking out today.
Randall, for real.
Um...
It felt like my heart was gonna explode.
Do you think it was,
like, a heart attack?
Kevin told me.
Maybe it was just, like, puberty.
They say your body does
a bunch of weird stuff.
Thanks for coming today.
Whatever. I was bored.
I kissed Stewart Alberghini at the pool.
Stewart Alberghini?
Would you ever like a
girl who's bigger than you?
I'm gonna marry Cindy Crawford.
She's, like, 5'9" and
way bigger than me.
Hey, do you know who Arsenio Hall is?
Randall, you really need
to stop spending all your time reading.
So...
Stewart Alberghini.
Okay, guys, thank you.
This is Miguel.
Hey, man, you busy?
Uh, no, I'm-I... Well, yeah,
I'm-I'm just going through
a-a mountain of paperwork here.
You doing okay?
Yeah, I'm still employed, so...
Hey, look,
I know we don't ever say
any mushy things to each other, but
I mean, if we did,
th-this would definitely
be one of those times.
Jack, are you... are you trying
to tell me that you love me?
Is that what you're trying to do here?
Because I got to tell you, man,
- I'm a married man, so...
- No.
No, what I'm trying to tell you is
if you ever need anything, big or small,
and I, and I hear that you
went to anyone other than me,
I'm gonna kick your sorry ass.
Well, I love you, too, snookums,
and I appreciate that.
You know what, I'm-I'm hanging up now.
No, wait, Jack, Jack.
Any time, man.
Hey, Kev, what are you doing?
You should be in bed.
There's something we
all need to do right now.
I think it's important.
I'm off to a good start, huh?
What are you guys doing?
I thought we could all watch
The Arsenio Hall Show together.
Just tonight.
Come on.
Hey. Did I miss Wilkins and Ramirez?
Yeah, no, they left,
like, ten minutes ago.
How'd it go at the office?
Oh...
J?
Now I'm gonna go tell that handyman
to put the door back on the hinges.
You have a lot of
experience that I don't.
I know the value of what
you bring to the table,
but I can't have someone on my
staff who openly disrespects me,
my policies, and my friend.
You mean your chief of staff.
I'm sorry, Bernice,
today will be your last day.
Okay. I'll start getting
résumés tomorrow.
She called us naive. She right?
Yes. We are naive.
We're unhinged, right?
That's what Bernice and all
those old-school guys think.
If, at the end of your
term, you've maybe made
a couple good changes,
and you spent most of your
time just playing power games
in city hall, is that what you want?
We're not career politicians, Randall.
And this isn't some stepping
stone to some bigger gig for us.
This is the gig.
We're gonna have to
get a doorstop tomorrow.
Apparently having it off
its hinges is a fire hazard.
Oh, well, in that case, we're done for.
Hey,
- let's talk about your proposal.
- Yeah?
Okay.
So, um, Hannah comes in,
and I'm gonna have the candles lit,
a martini in hand,
and "Everlong" by the
Foo Fighters playing.
The Foo Fighters, really?
Dude, the acoustic version?
Come... That is, like, the most
romantic song on the planet.
I will take your word for it.
That's my posse right here.
Give 'em a couple of these.
Honestly, I've been
struggling quite a bit today.
I've been wanting to drink pretty badly.
So, uh, I've been using this
technique that I learned.
They say you picture your...
your reasons not to drink
and then you, um, you just
sort of use them as a mantra.
Like, for me, I-I picture, um,
I picture my nephew's room.
I picture, uh, his-his robot poster,
panda lamp.
He's got this, um, this
handmade mini football stadium,
complete with a tiny Terry Bradshaw.
I wasn't sober when my nephew was born,
but I have been sober every day since.
But sometimes I wonder why.
I'm not really doing
anything with my life
where I need to stay sober.
I just thought, at this point,
my life would have a
little more purpose.
I just broke up with this
really wonderful woman.
I just turned down this
really wonderful movie.
Was that a mistake?
I don't know.
I'm not getting any
younger, that's for sure.
You know, hopefully, with age,
just comes a little
more, uh, gravitas, right?
But it's not up to us.
I mean, it could be, you know...
"Welcome to Jowl City" at
50, right? And then what?
I'm-I'm the guy in the
AARP ads that's, like, uh,
just thrilled to death that
he can still wipe his own ass.
I mean, if that's why
I'm staying sober, I...
I'm sorry, it's just
this is really stupid.
I mean, right?
Excuse me,
I need you two to calm yourselves.
If you can't be respectful,
you three need to leave.
I'm not fast, either.
We're gonna look like the toughest gang
in this neighborhood.