This Is Us (2016–…): Season 3, Episode 1 - Nine Bucks - full transcript

Previously on This Is Us...

- Toby!
- What? What?

I know how difficult this is.

The good news is that you got pregnant,
which means you can try again

in as soon as in four weeks.

Thank you for doing this wedding, Lady.

Any family of yours is mine, right?

- I liked your toast.
- Thank you.

Sorry it's the couch for tonight.

Good night, Deja.

Good night.



I got to go.

And I can't take her with me.

You're not just
my great love story, Rebecca.

You were my big break.

And our love story...

I know it may not feel like it

right now, but I promise you,

it's just getting started.

Yeah, Ma.

I-I'll just rent a car at the
airport tonight, drive to you.

I make lasagna, ah? Your favorite.

Right now I got nerves so bad,

I-I can't even think about eating.

Don't have nerves. You will be great.



Dad and the boys excited about today?

Your father, your brothers, everybody,

so very excited about today.

What about you, Ma?

I just cook. You know this.

Ma, I'm going out with Michael.

Don't get pregnant, ah?

- Tobe?
- Mmm.

Let's make a baby.

I'm your huckleberry.

So the pregnancy was a fluke.

No, no. But it's good
we're looking into this now.

The tests show you have PCOS.

It could be linked to your weight

and causing fertility problems.

I'd also like to have you checked, Toby.

Deja... what is this?

What did you do?

I'm sorry.

We've been working through a lot
this summer since your mom left.

Those feelings don't just
go away overnight.

Whew! Wearing out my running shoes

keeping up with you, girl.

Ms. Andrews,

do you understand that you are
voluntarily giving up

all of your rights as a parent

- and that this decision is permanent?
- Yes.

And the father was given notice
of today's hearing.

No objection there.

He's not gonna object.

He made it clear he wants no part.

So I say to her, "Babe, I can't tonight.

You know my rule:
no hanky-panky before work."

Oh, God, I can't.

Beth would kill me.

Beth doesn't need to know everything.

- Oh.
- It's good!

The crowd goes crazy!

- What's up?
- Nothing.

The pro football playoffs began today,

and the American Football
Conference Pittsburgh

defeated Oakland by the score
of 13 to seven.

The game ended
in very remarkable fashion...

I've never seen a game end like that.

Crazy. Just crazy.

I love this song.

♪ I'm bein' followed by a moonshadow ♪

♪ Moonshadow, moonshadow ♪

♪ Leapin' and hoppin' on a moonshadow ♪

♪ Moonshadow, moonshadow ♪

Hey, look at this guy.

He's done for.

♪ Lose my plow and lose my land ♪

♪ Oh, if I ever lose my hands ♪

My mother says that at a certain point

I have to get realistic about my life.

But I just... I don't know
if I agree with that.

You know what I mean?
Because I'm a singer.

Wow, I said that
out loud, that I'm a singer.

I'm a singer.

I have been sending my demo off,

and I have this dream of signing with

Reprise Records out in Los Angeles.

They're the ones who put out

- the last Joni Mitchell album, Blue.
- Oh...

I'm sorry, I feel like
I'm talking too much.

Am I talking too much?

'Cause I feel like I'm talking too much.

Please tell me something about you.

Uh... well... my name's Jack.

Okay, that's a good place
to start, Jack.

Do you...

Do you maybe want to get out of here?

I don't mean that
the way that it sounded.

- I just...
- Yeah.

- The food here is terrible.
- No, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no,

- let's get out of here.
- Okay, great.

I'm gonna go get my jacket.

All right.

- I'll meet you outside.
- Okay.

Jesus, what the hell happened, man?

I met the girl.

You met a girl while...

No, no, no, no. The girl.

Hey, h-how much money you got?

None. Which is why
we're here in the first place.

Hurry up. How much money you got on you?

All right, I got...

I got four bucks.

Four bucks? Okay. I-I got five.

Nine bucks to show my dream
girl the night of her life.

Okay, I'll call you tomorrow.

- Hi.
- Hey.

- Are you ready?
- Yeah.

I didn't get him anything.

Please. You're a kid.

Just paint some macaroni,
throw it on a piece of string,

and call it a day.

- Mm-mm.
- Aw, damn.

I wanted to surprise you
with breakfast in bed.

Happy birthday, baby. Mmm.

- Thank you.
- Mmm.

I just finished working out.
Sorry, I stink.

- I love your stink.
- Mm-hmm.

Oh... oh...

- Damn.
- Hey, I warned you.

Oh, you did.

Yo, it's a good thing Zoe's staying here

while she's making her documentary.

Otherwise, Deja might never smile again.

You really want to have
the talk with her today?

Can't keep avoiding it.

Plus, I got a plan.

I can connect with her on this.

Oh, hon, uh, don't shoot,
I'm just the messenger,

but Kevin has requested

a gluten-free birthday cake tonight.

Kevin's coming tonight?

It's cool. It's cool.

Now I'm sure of it.

Your brother and my cousin
are knockin' boots.

What you talking about, Beth?

It's an expression from the '90s.

It means that they are having sex.

I'm familiar with the expression, woman.

I'm just asking why are you so positive?

- Because I know.
- But you don't.

- You need to talk to him.
- And say what?

Tell him to "get the hell
off of Beth's cousin

before I kill you in the face."

I will say no such thing,

especially when we have
no evidence to prove it.

And I need you to swear that
you won't say anything tonight.

Hey-hey-hey, it is my birthday.

And I need you to swear to it on Oprah.

- I'm not doing that.
- Beth.

Fine. I will swear on Oprah.

Thank you.

Hey, Deja, come on, let's take a ride.

Even Gayle let Oprah down sometimes.

Heard it was your birthday.
What are you turning?

Oh, yeah, I'm turning
30-none-of-your-business.

That's how old I'm turning. Thank you.

Few of my colleagues screened
the movie last night.

They were raving about it.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Oh, man, I hope so.
I haven't seen it yet.

You know, truth be told,
I'm, uh, scared to see it.

I'm just gonna wait
till the premiere next week.

I'm gonna watch it then
and just rip the Band-Aid off.

- Do you mind if I...?
- Sure. Go ahead.

- Is that okay? I'll be right back. Okay.
- Yeah.

Hey. So, what am I, just an
afternoon booty call to you?

Because that would be amazing.

You can't come
to your birthday party tonight.

Oh, um...

If she sees us together,
Beth is gonna figure it out.

She's already been sniffing things out.

She is like a secret bloodhound.

Meaning she sniffs out secrets
like a bloodhound,

or she's actually secretly a bloodhound?

- You have to cancel.
- I'm not canceling.

This is my birthday party, okay?

I'm not canceling... you cancel.

Okay. No touching,

no flirting, and, um,
don't do that thing

where you half smile,
'cause automatically,

it makes me full smile, and she'll see.

Fine. But you know what?
You can't dress all crazy, okay?

Because for some reason, the
more you dress like Mia Farrow,

the hotter I get.

- Fine.
- Fine.

Oh, and you know what?

Don't talk about your weird documentary.

Okay? Because it makes
you sound really smart,

and when you sound really smart,
I half smile,

and when I half smile,
it makes you full smile.

You hung up on "fine," didn't you?

Yeah, you did. Hung up on "fine."

Fine.

"In vitro fertilization..."

Stop with the notebook.

I am writing down key words
so I can remember stuff.

As you can see, I have
polycystic ovary syndrome.

- And Toby...
- Yeah.

I-I have sperm, just not a lot of them.

You know, and none of them are
breaking 40-yard dash records

at the NFL Combine,
if you know what I'm saying.

You've been on the
antidepressant how long?

Uh, six years.

Well, it's possible

they're causing
the decreased sperm count.

Uh, it's also possible
that they're preventing me

from crying all the time, so...

Look, Doc, this is why we're
here, okay? To start IVF.

You are the best and Kate is the best

and I am the best.

So...

Um, it's my 38th birthday,

and sometimes, I swear, I can
hear the clock just ticking.

Uh, but when we got
this appointment with you,

on my birthday no less,

I feel like the universe
just intervened.

I know this isn't what you want to hear,

but I'm not going to be able
to take you on as a patient.

Wh-What? Why?

At your weight, the chances of a
successful pregnancy are very slim,

even if you go through in vitro.

Yeah, we know. And we don't
care, and we, we want to try.

And I admire that.

But egg retrieval is invasive.

At your BMI, going under anesthesia

for an elective procedure
is not advisable.

Yeah, we know all the risks.

We've talked about it for hours on end.

All right? But we, we want
to take our chances.

It's not just up to me, unfortunately.

I have partners at my practice,
there are liability issues.

I'm not gonna be able
to help you here, Kate.

And I fear you'll be hard-pressed

to find anyone who will.

Okay. Got it.

Thank you for explaining that to us.

Um, my friend is throwing me
a birthday brunch, so...

I know it's difficult.

Yeah.

Is that it?

Okay, uh, it was
really nice to meet you.

Excuse me.

I would not have taken you
for a carnival type of guy.

Oh, yeah. Love a good carnival.

Two tickets? That'll be, uh, five bucks.

No, no, no. I, I got it.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.

- You see the game?
- Crazy.

- Crazy.
- Did-did you see the game?

What game?

New to America. Yeah.

They have candy apples?

- I love candy apples.
- Oh.

When I was a little girl,

- I lost a baby tooth in a candy apple...
- Uh-huh?

and I put the whole thing
underneath my pillow

for the tooth fairy.
My mother was furious,

because, of course,
I ruined a set of pillowcases.

Well, how-how about we, uh,
how about we get you one

for old times' sake?

Yeah.

- Okay.
- Sure.

Oh, and a hot chocolate.

- Sure.
- Thank you.

Um, one hot chocolate
and one candy apple?

That'll be two dollars.

- See the game?
- Insane.

Thank you.

You didn't want anything?

- No, I'm okay.
- Oh.

- Yeah.
- Thanks.

Mmm.

What?

You, uh, you got something

- on your, on your...
- What?

- It's a piece of candy.
- Can you get it?

- May I? Yeah...
- Yeah.

Thank you.

Uh-huh.

Hello, hello. Cool uncle in the house.

- Kevin. Hey! How are you?
- Good.

- It's been a while, huh?
- Yeah.

- Since the wedding.
- What-what are we doing?

You swore on Oprah, you swore
on Oprah, you swore on Oprah.

I've been hanging out here
a lot, seeing the girls.

- Okay.
- Cutting my documentary in the city.

Oh, hey, Beth.

We just ran into each other out here.

Cool, cool.

You two are knocking boots.

- Oh.
- Uh...

You know, we don't have
to go to this thing.

We can just call and tell 'em
you're not feeling well.

Tobe, I can't bail on my own party.

Honestly. And I'm fine.

It's not the first time
I caught a bad break.

Hey. Hi.

Hi!

Okay. We're here.

So...

this is the apartment building
Beth and I bought last year.

It's where I found my biological father.

Knocked on the door
of that building two years ago.

Two years ago to the day.

Came in hot, too.

Banging on that mug
like a Real Housewife,

ready to throw down,
you know what I'm saying?

You see, my father...
my biological father...

was standing on the other side
of that door.

Wound up getting
less than a year with him.

I found him, then I lost him
all over again.

Then I bought his building.

Guess you don't have to drop
a hundo an hour on a therapist

to crack that case, huh?

It has defined my life, being adopted.

It's defined my life,
even when I didn't realize

it was defining it.

And I think the part of that,
at least for me,

is that this big giant thing
happened to me,

and I didn't have any say in it.

And I don't want that
to be the case for you.

Deja, we'd like to formally adopt you.

They're saying we can't
foster you forever,

that we got to sign some papers
and start a process.

And as much as we would love that,

we don't want it to happen
unless it's your choice.

You want me to say something, I know.

No, I'm okay with whatever you decide,

just as long as it's your choice.

My choice.

Look, you're a very nice person

and you have a very nice family,

and I'm real grateful for...
what you've done for me,

but when you try and pretend
like we're the same...

- I'm not trying to pretend...
- You're not?

'Cause I feel like we just drove an hour

just so you could show me
how the same we are.

You had one family your whole life.

Two dads who loved you.

I had one dad who never wanted me.

One mom who left me.

So don't tell me
we're the same, Randall.

Don't tell me that I have
a choice in anything.

I'd like to leave now if that's okay.

I'm sorry to keep rambling.

Will you please tell me
something about you?

Like, I don't even know what do you do.

I'm kind of in between jobs right now.

- Mm-hmm.
- I just...

I just... I got, I got back from Vietnam

- not too long ago.
- Really?

- Yeah.
- Wow.

Yeah.

Oh, God, was it just awful?

I mean, of course it was.

I'm so sorry that I asked.

No, no. No, no, no.

I was just a mechanic.

- Huh.
- Yeah.

Do you have any siblings?

I had a brother.

He died in the war.

- Oh, wow.
- Yeah.

God, I'm so sorry.

I had no idea.

Of course you didn't.

- I'm sorry.
- No, it's...

You know what? Can we try something?

Let's answer at the same time.

- Yeah, okay.
- Okay.

Cats or dogs?

- Dogs.
- Cats.

- Okay. How about one more time?
- Sure.

- Um, pizza toppings.
- Okay.

Mushrooms or pepperoni?

- Pepperoni.
- Mushrooms.

Is that rain?

I think it's raining.

Yeah, I think it is raining.

Oh, wow, look.

That guy's already selling umbrellas.

Should we go get one?

I-I don't think it's raining
that bad, right?

Uh... uh, I guess not.

I mean, if you want,
I can buy you an umbrella,

but... I don't think
it's raining that hard is all.

Yeah, no, I'm fine.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

Zoe, you could be with any other guy.

- You're gonna be with Kevin?
- Yes, I'm gonna be with Kevin.

- What in the holy hell are you thinking?
- What?

- What am I thinking?
- Yes.

I'm thinking he looks like Batman

and he is built like a truck.

- Will you stop with the honesty?
- That's why.

- Uncle Kevin?
- Yeah.

Are you dating Zoe?

I think I can make
my own decisions on who I date.

- Okay, but Kevin?! Kevin?!
- Yes, Kevin!

You know, we've been hanging out.

We've been hanging out a lot, actually.

You know, we don't, uh...

we don't talk about
anything real or intense.

And for me, you know,
that's-that's sort of

the barometer of dating, right?

Then again, I did date
Jennifer Love Hewitt

for the better part of a year,

and we talked about nothing intense.

Do you know that he dated
the woman from Party of Five?

Well, I love Neve Campbell.

Can you keep a secret?
Just between us gals?

Huh? Huh.

I, uh... I was gonna invite her
to my premiere.

You know, sort of like
I was asking her to prom.

You know what I mean? I thought
it'd be kind of, kind of cute.

What do you think? Do you
think she'd like that?

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

Why do you want to
sit where you eat, Zoe?!

Well, I'm gonna go check that out. Okay?

I'm gonna brave that one.

- Zoe, you're acting like a child.
- I am not.

- Hey.
- You know what?

You, out. You, sit.

- Enjoy.
- Thank you.

Nope. Can't even look at you.

Get out again.

♪ Happy birthday, dear Kate ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you. ♪

All right. Make a wish.

Do you want to know what I wished for?

Uh, Kate, you can't say that
or it won't come true.

I wished for a baby.

But you're right, Madison,
it won't come true.

And not because I said it out loud,

but because we can't.

I can't.

Do you know that I've lost 40 pounds?

Yep. Slow and steady.
No fad diets, no pills.

No slipups.

I have been trapped...

in this body for so long.

Trapped.

And I try to stay positive.

God, I really do.

And I try not to ask myself:
is my weight

the reason why I had my miscarriage,

or is it the reason why
we can't get pregnant again?

It's like this black cloud...

follows me around, and
every time I get away from it,

it catches up to me.

I am so tired. I'm tired...

of smiling and pretending
that it's sunny out.

I'm done.

Ooh.

When is the universe
gonna give me a damn break?

So, it's, um, a carrot cake.

Thank you.

Bad idea. Bad, bad idea.

Deja, I'm sorry.

I really screwed that up.

Planned it for weeks, taking
you there, talking to you.

- Kind of memorized my speech.
- I know.

It was lame of me
to compare our situations.

But it's only because I really
want all of this to work out.

I think you're
an exceptional person, Deja.

I miss talking to you.

I'm sorry I screwed up
your birthday, Randall.

No, it...

You didn't...

You didn't screw up my birthday.

It didn't go so great.

Yeah?

I was really hoping for a win today.

I know.

Zoe and Kevin are doing it.

Yeah?

I had to say something.

I know.

I don't know how you're gonna
make this right with Oprah,

but I know.

I made a donation to her foundation.

Well, that's a start.

You don't have to pretend
like you don't know who I am.

You don't have to pretend like you do.
I really don't care.

I just came here to say

I'm gonna do something
really great with my life

and you're gonna miss it.

And my mom's gonna miss it, too,
but that's okay

'cause I met these people.

They think I'm exceptional.

That's the word they use about me.

And they actually want me.

Like, they want me so bad

that they plan out
weird conversations to tell me.

So... I came here to tell you that.

Actually, I came here
to ask you for something.

One thing and then you'll never
have to hear from me again.

You sure you don't want
to play one of the games?

Nah, I'm okay.

Thank you.

- I should probably get home.
- I mean, we could take a walk.

Well, it was very nice
to meet you, Jack.

Thank you for a nice night.

I couldn't pay for the umbrella.

I...

I started the night with nine bucks.

Five bucks to get in,
two bucks for a candy apple

and a hot chocolate, which is
kind of a rip-off in my opinion,

but that's neither here nor there.

That left me with two dollars.

And if I bought the umbrella,

then I wouldn't have enough
for any of the games.

I didn't know if you wanted
to play any games,

but I couldn't take that chance

because, well,
I-I-I brought you to a carnival,

and you don't bring a girl to a carnival

and-and not let her play any games.

I've been having...

a hard time since I got back.

Making money... finding my place.

I don't like talking about the war.

Or my brother.

It makes me sad.

It makes me... angry.

But I like talking to you.

A lot.

You make me feel like I'm home.

And I, and I never really
felt like that before.

I'm sorry it was such
a lousy first date.

I mean...

I'm really, very sorry.

- It's a hard no on cats?
- Allergic.

Oh. And mushrooms?

Oh, I hate 'em.

No, like, I passionately hate them.

Okay.

Oh, yeah, it was a...

pretty bad first date.

I know.

My girlfriends told me

I'm supposed to pretend

to forget something in the car

if it's a really great first date.

That way the guy has to come

and return it the next day, but...

this was not that kind of first date,

and I'm not that kind of girl.

Plus, the mushrooms are
a non-starter for me.

Oh, but the way
that you look at me, wow.

I never, ever do this.

Good night, Jack.

- Hey, listen...
- Nope. Me.

All right.

You haven't seen through
a romantic relationship

in your entire life.

- Beth...
- Kevin... Uh-uh, still me.

Look, I adore you, bro-in-law.

Okay? I know I don't
always say it out loud

because it kind of ruins
my schtick, but I do.

You know, you're the only person
who talks to my kids

like they're people and not just kids.

You're kind. You're funny.

And...

everything about the way you look

says people should hate you,
but somehow everybody loves you.

I love you.

She will break you, Kevin.

I have known you for 20 years.

I have known her all of her life.

Her background is complicated.

She eats men up and spits them out,

and you won't stand a chance.

I can't believe you know how
to use the word "schtick."

I know a lot of things, Kevin.

There are other ways to have children.

Yeah, I know.

The whole IVF thing
was stressing me out.

I didn't like hearing
the doctor talk about

how it was dangerous for you.

I was scared, too.

And it probably wouldn't have
worked anyway.

I was hoping you'd change
your mind on the whole thing.

You know, the-the expense,
the hormones, all of it.

I just wasn't feeling it.

Me either.

Look, I can pare back
on my antidepressants,

you know, get my sperm count up.

Maybe we get lucky?
It only takes a couple months

- to get the counts back up.
- No. No way.

So... screw IVF.

Screw IVF.

- Yeah, screw it.
- Yeah.

Hello.

Oh, hi. Um, yes.

5:00. Um, okay. Yeah, thank you.

What 5:00?

That was Dr. Jasper.
She wants us to come back in.

Uh...

All right, everybody,
T-minus five minutes

until the birthday festivities begin.

Hey, Deja, that means you, too.

Yo, Kev, Zoe!

- Show yourselves before you get too...
- Really? Stop it.

I snuck out.

I went back to my old neighborhood.

Hey, Deja, there are rules here.

I don't care how upset you are with us,

you don't get to just
climb out of your window

and go... Oh... my God, is that for me?

I like surprises.

It's about damn time. I need the car.

What's with you?

When earlier today, we witnessed

one of the most remarkable
comebacks in history.

After Oakland's late touchdown,

it looked like all was lost.

I didn't like this morning.

Watching you leave like that,

crushing you like that.

I got into this to make
the impossible possible,

not more impossible.

I've spoken to my partners.

I've spoken to colleagues
who have had success

with IVF at your weight.

Realistically, there's about
a 90% chance of failure here,

but I'm choosing to look

at the ten percent side today.

So, if you want to move forward,

knowing that,

I will take you on as a patient.

- Really?
- Really.

Really, really?

With just seconds left to play,

Terry Bradshaw's pass was deflected.

All seemed lost for Pittsburgh

until, in a miraculous turn of events,

the ball fell right into the hands

of star running back Franco Harris,

who ran it in for
the game-winning touchdown

as time expired.

Franco Harris has it!

And it's over! He grabbed it

with five seconds to go and scored!

Deja, are these expensive?

- Like, how did you even...?
- I had a connection.

It's no big deal.

Oh, and you could sign
those papers if you want.

You talk about Christmas miracles,

here's the miracle of all miracles.

Franco, you remember now
the ball coming to you?

I don't know, like, I seen it bounce off

and I just, you know, looked up

and I just put my hands out and...

Apparently, you're gonna have to

shoot me up with hormones every day.

It's gonna be like
Requiem for a Dream up in here!

That sounds good, hon.

It's just one
of those plays that'll go down

in history, a single moment

that changed destiny forever.

It's time to go see her, Tess.

I'm not ready.

I'm just gonna run to the
restroom before we head over.

I'll be right here.

- Hey, Randall.
- Hey.

You coming down?

Yeah, I don't know if I should.

She wants you to be there, too.

All right, I'll see you soon.

All right, bye.

And while there may be heartbreak

tonight in Oakland, here in Pittsburgh,

they're calling it
the Immaculate Reception.

A reminder for all of us, I think,

that sometimes a ball
has to bounce off one person

a few times to wind up
in the hands of the right guy

and make a story truly immortal.