This Is Us (2016–…): Season 2, Episode 16 - Vegas, Baby - full transcript
Kate and Toby go to Las Vegas for their bachelor/bachelorette parties; Jack and Rebecca celebrate their anniversary.
Previously on This Is Us...
You know, when I was a kid,
I was obsessed with Star Wars.
Luke, Vader,
Leia, Obi-Wan.
(SIGHS) They were on the inside.
Action!
(GROANS)
KATE: Kev's in rehab.
I let Kevin get sent to rehab.
BARBARA: You know what,
I'm very proud of you, Kevin,
but in here is in here, but out there,
- just takes one second to slip up.
- Yeah.
My foster dad helped me with that.
SHAUNA: And if you want to know
what's best for her,
it's me, and the second
I get out of here,
I'm coming back for her.
Hey, girl.
BETH: I'm gonna miss her.
RANDALL: Me, too.
- (PHONE RINGS)
- Hello.
♪ As around the sun the Earth
knows she's revolving ♪
♪ And the rosebuds know to bloom... ♪
- Oh-ho-ho!
- (REBECCA WHOOPING)
- JACK: Another...
- (REBECCA LAUGHS)
- five-seven split by my wife.
- (REBECCA WHOOPS)
I love it. My husband knows
all the bowling lingo.
JACK: (LAUGHS) Wow.
This is the best first anniversary ever.
- Hey, babe?
- Mm-hmm?
Are you ready for your gift?
Mm-hmm.
♪ Just as all is born is new ♪
♪ Do know what I say is true ♪
- ♪ That I'll be loving you always ♪
- Oh.
♪ Until the... ♪
Because you're always scribbling
on all those scraps of paper,
I started collecting them
and then I had them bound.
- Uh-huh. (JACK LAUGHS)
- Is it stupid?
'Cause in my mind, when
I was doing it, - What?
it was really romantic.
Rebecca, th-this is
the most romantic gift ever.
Oh, I love you.
MAN (OVER P.A.): Mr. and Mrs. Pearson,
please make your way to lane 30
for a very special dance.
- (APPLAUSE)
- (REBECCA GIGGLES)
(JACK LAUGHS)
♪ As around the sun the Earth knows... ♪
Holy crap, Jack.
Happy anniversary.
♪ ...to bloom in early May ♪
♪ Just as hate knows love's the cure ♪
♪ You can rest your mind assure ♪
♪ That I'll be loving you always... ♪
- To four years.
- Mm. To four years.
Do you want your gift?
- Yeah. (LAUGHS)
- Yeah? It's time?
All right.
(SINGSONGY): I've been
waiting to give this to you.
- Oh, wow.
- Open it.
- (CHUCKLES) Silly.
- ♪ I'll be loving you ♪
- ♪ Always ♪
- ♪ Until the rainbow... ♪
Because you're always talking about
how the new guys on the job
sites take your hammer.
Oh. That is beautiful.
Babe, I love it.
♪ Always ♪
♪ Until the dolphin flies
and parrots live at sea ♪
♪ Always ♪
♪ Until the earth just for
the sun denies itself ♪
I love this piano so much.
♪ Until dear Mother Nature
says her work is through ♪
♪ Until the day that you
are me and I am you... ♪
- (WHISPERS): Jack.
- (JACK SNORTS)
Happy anniversary.
Oh, happy anniversary, babe.
- Mm.
- Hey.
(JACK SNIFFS, SIGHS)
Can you promise me there aren't any
big grand gestures planned this morning?
No. No, not this year.
Okay. 'Cause you promised,
and I didn't get you anything.
Oh, I know. I know.
Patrick Swayze's not gonna pop out
- of our closet, is he?
- (LAUGHS)
- It's always Swayze with you.
- I don't know.
- Sorry.
- No. No big grand gestures.
No gifts.
No guilt.
That's what you asked for
this year, and I'm obeying.
Thank you.
We'll get the kids to bed early.
Say around...
- 8:30 Eastern Standard Time.
- Yeah.
And then we'll be right back here in bed
- watching The Commish finale.
- Yes. Thank you.
- That's all I want, just one year.
- Mm-hmm.
My two favourite guys:
you and The Commish.
Yeah.
♪
BETH: What's going on, honey?
My mom doesn't know I'm here.
We're past due on our gas.
We haven't had heat
in a couple of weeks.
We need $89.34.
I didn't know where else to go.
It's okay.
Hey, uh, I'm gonna call your mom
and I'm gonna set up a recurring
direct deposit until...
- Randall.
- No. She won't take it.
Look, I don't need extra,
but it needs to be cash
so I can tell her
that I saved up my allowance
from when I was here.
We need the heat back on before
Miss Linda does her next visit.
(RANDALL SNIFFS, SIGHS)
Come on. I'll give you a ride home.
I won't come up.
But you got to promise me
something, Deja.
If something like this
ever happens again,
or if you need anything,
you call us, okay?
You don't wait for the heat
to go off. You call us.
Come on.
BETH: The girls are at your mom's.
Everything I own with glitter is packed.
It is T-minus 30 minutes to departure.
Vegas, baby!
- Hey.
- Hmm?
Where are the neat piles organized by
size, color and material, man?
- Maybe we shouldn't go.
- Huh? What?
No. You can't bail
on Toby's bachelor party.
And I can't bail
on Kate's bachelorette, so...
Look, what if Deja needs us
and we're on the other side
of the country?
Hey. It's been weeks. She hasn't called.
Okay? That's a good thing.
That means her mom is doing good.
And if she's not, then
Linda will step in, you know?
That's all we can do, or we're
gonna drive ourselves crazy.
Okay? It is what it is.
Okay.
All right? Now, come on.
Baby, you love Vegas.
Do Rain Man blackjack for me.
I don't feel like doing
Rain Man blackjack.
Okay.
You know we're pity invites, right?
Nobody wants their
brother- or sister-in-law
watching them go wild in Vegas.
Hey. I'm totally down
with a pity invite, okay?
I deserve a pity invite.
I have two children,
work a full-time job,
and manage a tenement,
because you saw a mural
and imagined a cat.
Hey, I deserve this.
Definitely have a 16 against a nine.
- Definitely gonna hit. 16 plus five is 21.
- (LAUGHS)
It's definitely a winning hand.
- Definitely a winning hand.
- (LAUGHING)
- (POUNDING THE BED)
- Vegas, baby!
Vegas!
MADISON: It's a live Magic Mike show.
Like the movie but in real life.
They say it's like literally
being inside of Magic Mike.
Hm, Madison, I don't know. I don't
know. Like, what's all the oil and...
- TOBY: Hey, hon.
- Yeah.
I was just... Oh. Madison's here, again.
Hey, Toblerone.
I really don't like that.
Uh, I'm packing for
this Vegas bromance-a-thon,
and I'm trying to figure out if I go
Clooney Ocean or Sinatra Ocean.
- Hmm.
- I need fiancée wisdom.
Toby.
You're a thief and a liar.
I only lied about being a thief.
Yep, you're right. Clooney Ocean.
You're always right. I like it.
That's why I put a ring on it.
MADISON: You guys are so Mike and Molly,
- I can't stand it.
- (WHISPERS): I hate you so much.
Okay, I am out.
Kate, I will see you at the airport.
Don't stress. I'm all over this.
That's what I'm stressed about.
Later, Toby Bryant!
You know what?
You got to stop doing that,
'cause that's... (SIGHS)
You know, I like Toby Bryant.
That's good.
What's going on? You okay?
- Yeah. Come on.
- Yeah?
Joint belly rub?
- You or the dog?
- Uh, dog first. Come here, buddy.
- Flip it. Flipper pup.
- (KATE LAUGHS)
I wish we were doing
our Vegas parties together.
Me, too. But that's exactly why
we should be doing them apart.
Because we are wildly
codependent, all right?
I had to scrape the bottom
of a very nerdy friend barrel
to even have a bachelor party.
Madison is running point on yours,
for God's sake. Madison.
Well, at least you get Randall at yours.
- Randall can make anything fun.
- Yeah, he can.
At least I... that's how I remember it,
when I actually, you know,
used to see him.
And I get Beth, who I've spent
a sum total of seven minutes
alone with my entire life.
- Come on, Beth is great.
- Okay, you take her.
- And I'll take Randall.
- Oh, no-no-no-no-no.
The Brothers Pearson
are all mine this weekend.
I got one scoop
of dark chocolate Pearson,
and one scoop of creamy vanilla Pearson,
and I'm gonna be the ruddy strawberry
that brings it all together, baby.
(TOBY SIGHS)
I'm sorry that your
brother couldn't make it.
Yeah, well, that's an understatement.
He had a hundred excuses before
I even got the question out.
But good news is
we'll be back here in no time,
- laying in bed with this big fella.
- (CHUCKLES)
Huh? Recounting our Vegas war stories.
- (LAUGHS)
- Huh? And then we won't have to have
another external relationship
for at least another year.
(SIGHS) See, you always
know what to say.
Yeah. All right. (CLEARS THROAT)
Scoot that. My turn.
- (SIGHS) Oh.
- What, what?
- Right here? Right here?
- (TOBY PANTING)
All right, Katie girl,
what shape should I try?
Mm, Texas.
Texas.
Okay.
- Dad.
- Yeah.
Aren't you supposed to do
special stuff today
to show Mom that you
love her, or whatever?
We're taking the year off
from the special stuff,
but I love your mom always.
But you always do something.
Yeah, I know. I'm just,
I'm not allowed to this year.
- What if we did something for you guys?
- KATE AND RANDALL: Yeah!
- Huh?
- We'd do everything. We promise.
Okay, so if you do everything,
then technically
I'm not breaking the rules.
- Okay, what'd you have in mind?
- Uh, we'll make dinner.
- (KIDS CHATTERING EXCITEDLY)
- Hey. What is going on?
- What are you guys conspiring about?
- (JACK CLEARS THROAT)
We're gonna throw you guys
a big anniversary party!
- KEVIN: Yeah!
- KATE: Yay!
I'm ready for pancakes!
- RANDALL: Me, too!
- KEVIN: With chocolate chips!
- I...
- REBECCA: Jack.
No. Wasn't me.
Yes!
(HORN HONKS)
Damn, baby!
I am feeling Vegas right now!
Let's do something crazy.
- Let's go skydiving.
- Okay.
Oh, let's go take Ecstasy and
see the magician that got ate
- by the lion.
- I think I'm just gonna call Deja.
Real quick. Let her know we're in Vegas.
Hey, hey.
- Just...
- No, no, no. This is a Deja-free zone.
Um, what if she comes to
the house and we're not there?
Randall, are you serious?
Sorry.
I guess I just can't,
what, detach like you can.
- Detach?
- Come on, man, cut me some slack.
You know you're the head, I'm the heart.
Deja's no longer
a part of our home, okay?
It's not fair to anyone involved
to keep acting like she is.
You know that.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're right.
Well, the head is always right, I guess.
I said you were able to detach
from this Deja situation,
- not that you were detached.
- Yep.
Calling you the head was a compliment.
I meant it as a compliment.
Thank you for the compliment.
(SIGHS)
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
- Fresh towels.
- Come on in.
I didn't just call you in here
for fresh towels. I, uh...
I want to show you something.
- And what's your name?
- Renata.
Renata. Look at this right here.
You know what that is?
There's 27 bottles of alcohol in there.
Since I was 18,
I've been to Vegas probably...
I don't know... 50 times.
And of those 50 times,
I want you to guess
how many I've been
absolutely blackout drunk for.
- All of them.
- All of them. Yes.
Every single one of 'em.
Good job. You're good at this
game. How did you know that?
You're Rehab Manny who got drunk
and ran over his daughter with a car.
Renata, you can't believe
everything you read.
But, anyway, uh, coming to Vegas
at this point in my life
is like, um... it's like
my Mount Everest, okay?
And I'm gonna conquer it.
So, tomorrow,
when you come in here, right,
you're gonna walk over here,
you're gonna count 27 bottles
of unopened alcohol,
you're gonna reach over here,
you're gonna grab that $100 tip
that I'm leaving for you,
and you're gonna feel so good
about being part
of this stranger's journey, all right?
The, uh, the Rehab Manny,
as you so lovingly called him,
that you witnessed conquer
his personal Mount Everest.
Do you still want towels?
(EXHALES) Sure.
♪ Say, say, say, hey, hey now, baby ♪
♪ Oh, Mama, don't play now... ♪
- Beth! You made it!
- Hey! Yeah, we just got in.
Do you want to come in?
- Yeah.
- Okay. (CHUCKLES)
Ah, Randall! My main man!
- How you doing? I'm all right.
- Boom!
These are my girls from
the support group.
- It's Liz, and this is Laurie.
- Nice to meet you. Beth.
- Gorgeous.
- This is, uh, Shooter.
- How you doing? Pleasure.
- We got Rick and Stu, my stud buds
- from the I.T. office.
- What up, Rick?
- Stu! Sorry! This is Rick. Pleasure.
- Bill.
- (WOMEN GASPING)
- And there she is.
This is Madison, the mastermind.
- Oh. You did all this?
- I've been dying to meet you!
- Come here. Give me a hug.
- Oh!
- Hey-o! Here we are!
- Oh! Think you know that guy.
- How you doing, bro?
- Good. You?
- I'm doing well, thanks.
- All right. Good to see you.
- Celebrating this guy.
- You know what, can I?
- Yeah.
- You mind if I get in here?
When Kate sent out the guest
list, I followed you on Insta.
Your hair is always different,
and I am obsessed.
Girls, I've got party gifts.
- (RANDALL GROWLS, CHUCKLES)
- Look at these guys.
- Modern day Rat Pack, huh?
- Hey!
I'm-I'm not ready.
- Ah!
- (LAUGHTER)
Classy. (CHUCKLES) Literary.
- To Toby!
- ALL: Toby! (WHOOPING)
- To Kate!
- ALL: To Kate!
Oh, straight from the bottle.
Okay. Straight from the bottle.
What's Herbes de Provence?
I don't know, bud.
But are you sure you just
don't want to make spaghetti
- or something?
- Didn't Mom say at Kate's piano recital
that she always wanted
to try Cornish hens?
She did.
Then get in the game, Dad.
(GROANS SOFTLY)
- Just stick with me, kid.
- BOY: Hey, Randall.
Andrew, Bryce, in my hood.
♪
Hey, where are you guys gonna be
doing this top secret research?
- Research station is in the back.
- Okay.
- Come on, Kate!
- Well, find me if you need any help.
Okay, Mom!
(CHUCKLES)
TOBY: Hey, so I'm thinking,
after we settle up here,
we hit the "clurb," and then,
uh, and then maybe we go do
some gambling down in gritty Old Vegas,
- like in Swingers.
- Yeah!
'Cause the Strip is hip,
but downtown is where it's at.
Something else to drink, gentlemen?
I will do another soda water
with a lime, please.
TOBY: I'm all set. Thanks.
- Uh, I'm good...
Uh, hey, listen, thanks for coming out.
I-I know this alcohol thing
can be kind of...
No, don't worry about it.
Don't worry about it.
- It's fine. Thank you.
- Okay.
Oh, guys, check this out.
Randall's bachelor party,
- which I was in charge of, okay...
- ALL: Ooh!
It's fine. I'm gonna tell the
story. So, I bring him to this,
uh, this pretty seedy
strip club, you know,
- to make a man out of him, right?
- (CHUCKLING)
That's what you do. I'm his brother.
Uh, we get there, and Randall,
within 20 minutes, has
convinced two of the strippers
to quit their jobs
and go back to school.
(LAUGHTER)
- He takes care of other people.
- I appreciate it.
You know what, at-at least
I didn't date one of 'em
- for a year.
- ALL: Ooh!
It was... it was nice.
- She was really sweet. She...
- (TOBY GUFFAWS)
- She was a sweetheart.
- I bet it was.
See, what you are witnessing here
is the Kevin/Randall rivalry.
It is a tale as old as time.
(LAUGHTER)
RANDALL: I didn't know
you knew about it.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, that's
one of my costars.
- Oh!
- That's one of my costars.
I'm gonna go, uh,
I'm gonna go say hi. All right?
Be right back.
- So, Randall, hey...
- You know what, Tobe,
I got to make a quick call.
I'll be right back.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
(LAUGHTER, CHATTER CONTINUES)
Emma.
- Hey. How are you?
- Kevin. (CHUCKLES)
- How you doing? Yeah?
- Hey. I'm good.
- How are you?
- Really good, actually. I'm really good.
- Good. That's really good.
- Thank you. Thanks.
I heard about the rehab.
(INHALES SHARPLY) Hollywood.
- Where everyone's a mess!
- Right?
- (LAUGHS)
- (LAUGHS)
Yeah.
I'm-I'm, uh, I'm looking forward
to Hill 400 coming out.
I'm actually counting down
the days until it's released.
It's been a, uh...
(DRAMATICALLY): "beacon of light
at the end of a very dark,
very long year."
You haven't heard?
Haven't heard what?
They cut me out of the movie.
- Wait, they... I'm sorry...
- Ron sent a really nice note.
Handwritten, so at least
I got a nice memento.
He's, um... (CLEARS THROAT)
he's going in a different direction.
Said some characters just fell out,
others were substantially cut down.
I was in the "fell out" category.
- Half my scenes were with you.
- Well, maybe you're in
the "substantially cut down" category.
Hey, let's have lunch soon.
(DISTORTED ICE CLACKING)
(DISTORTED CLINKING, LAUGHTER)
BILL (DISTORTED):
Hey, Kevin, you coming back?
Kevin? Hey.
(CLEARLY): Kevin?
- You coming back?
- Stu. How are you?
Uh, Bill, but Stu's fine.
- Um, anyway...
- Huh? Listen, can you, can you,
- can you just do me a favor?
- Yeah.
Can you tell Toby that I'm not,
I'm not feeling well?
- I'm not, um...
- Oh.
I'm gonna call it early.
Can-can you, can you
tell him that for me?
O-Okay. You're just not...
Okay, um...
RANDALL: Deja.
It's Randall. I saw you called.
DEJA: Uh, yeah. Um...
the Bill Nye guy you love was on TV.
- I just thought of you.
- Oh. Okay.
Well, uh, we're in Las Vegas,
but I'm keeping my phone on me, okay?
- If you need anything.
- Okay.
So your heat's back on? It's all good?
Yeah. Um, I'm sorry.
It's hard to call when my mom's around.
We just want to make sure
that you're safe
and you're well taken care of.
- Deja?
- (TRAFFIC PASSING)
Uh, we're making it work.
Good.
Yeah.
I got to go. My mom's coming back.
- Bye.
- Bye.
♪
Thank you.
Hey.
Hey, there he is! You
ready to hit the clurb?
- (CHUCKLING)
- I think I'm gonna skip the clurb tonight.
I'm feeling a little jet-lagged.
But you go. Right?
Have fun with your friends.
Get rowdy. You don't need
your brother-in-law
weighing you down. I'll see you.
("BRAND NEW WAY TO BE ME"
BY DAVID TOBIN PLAYING)
♪ I've got a shine ♪
♪ Got a brand-new look about me ♪
- (WOMEN CHEERING)
- ♪ A new peace of mind ♪
♪ With a chill I've never known ♪
♪ Planets so high ♪
- ♪ Now revolve around me ♪
- (SCREAMS)
♪ It's the new, it's the new ♪
♪ It's the brand-new way to be me ♪
♪ Brand-new way to be me ♪
(WOMEN CHEERING)
♪ All that you can dream ♪
♪ I can make come true ♪
♪ I will help you read
your favorite bedtime story ♪
♪ I'm the one that belongs,
right, never wrong for you ♪
(WOMEN CHEERING)
♪ I've got a shine,
got a brand-new look about me ♪
♪ New peace of mind
with a chill I've never known ♪
♪ Those planets so high
now revolve around me ♪
♪ It's the new ♪
♪ It's the brand-new way to be me. ♪
Dad, the hens go right there,
so I'd chop your onion.
- Okay. Yeah, I know. These are...
- REBECCA: Hi, guys.
How's dinner looking? 'Cause
it's getting kind of late.
My entree had to marinate
for three hours!
- Okay, bud. Is this the one?
- Mom, this isn't the good china.
This is going to be my seventh
and final trip down to the basement.
What else do you guys need?
The Christmas lights,
the white pretty ones.
Those are in the hallway closet.
- Okay.
- I'll get them.
And we need help
lighting all the candles.
Okay.
- Mom?
- Yes, babe.
I think Dad should wear a tux,
and you should look like this.
- (WOMEN CHEERING)
- (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
(BETH GIGGLES)
Oh, my God, that was so fun! Thank you!
Randall, what are you doing here?
- Hey! No boys allowed. Strip or split.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- I needed to talk to you.
I didn't expect to see you
getting your freak on with Magic Mike.
His name is Anton, actually.
It's not important. What's up?
Deja called.
She did? Is everything okay?
- No.
- What happened?
Well, she said everything was okay,
but she kept taking these long
pauses like it was Morse code.
My parental bells rang hard, Beth.
So nothing's wrong?
Well, she said she was calling
just to check in on me,
- but I think that...
- Oh, my God, Randall!
You seriously crashed your sister's
bachelorette party to tell me that?
Beth, I know what this sounds like,
- but my gut tells me...
- One night.
You couldn't give me one night.
I sit inside your anxiety every
damn minute of every damn day,
- Excuse me, Beth.
- and you can't give me one night...
I didn't realize that it was so
difficult being married to me.
Hey, it's not always a party, husband.
Well, I'll tell you something, wife.
You know, I may lead with my
heart, but at least I've got...
What? No. What? Say it.
You're gonna say I'm heartless?
- No, not my words.
- No, because you said I was detached.
You said I was the head,
and now you're trying to say
I'm heartless because
I just want a break from this?
- From all this?
- From all of this?
You know what, Beth? You're right.
The way that you're reacting
to everything that's happened
is perfectly normal.
You're all heart.
I should've kept this
a "Deja-free zone,"
as you so heartwarmingly called it.
- It is what it is, right?
- You know what? Screw you!
- RANDALL: Screw you, Beth.
- Oh, okay, okay, okay.
Everybody take it easy.
Let's just take it easy.
- Hey.
- Hey, please stay out of this.
This is between me and Randall.
This doesn't have anything
to do with you right now.
I understand that. I...
But can you understand
- where he's coming from?
- Please just sit back down,
- all right?
- I'm not gonna sit down.
Kate, this is not a Big Three moment.
I know that, but he's my brother.
- He's also my husband.
- Oh, I know.
Randall has made it very clear
who's more important to him.
I don't know why I just said that.
I'm gonna get some air.
Kate?
- (BELL DINGS)
- Thank God!
Okay, great.
- So we're eating here?
- Yes, eat in here.
- In here? Okay, great.
- I think we should.
Oh, no!
- JACK: What's wrong, Kev?
- REBECCA: What?
Dad never turned the oven on!
- I never what?
- Jack, really?
Well, I had to go wash my hands
- 'cause he had me cutting the onions.
- Oh, no.
- I forgot. I'm sorry.
- No, it's ruined!
Kev, I will cook that and we
can eat it tomorrow.
(CRYING): No, now we're never,
never gonna have dinner,
and you're gonna divorce him!
- What?
- What?
Sophie's parents are getting divorced.
And you guys don't even want
to celebrate your anniversary.
- Oh.
- So you're probably getting divorced, too.
- No, no, no, we're...
- No, Kev, we're not.
- Kevin, come here.
- Okay?
Kevin, no, your dad and I
are not getting divorced.
- No?
- No, never, ever.
- Look at me. Never.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Never.
Oh. Okay.
Um, we're gonna go to bed now!
Good night.
- Come on!
- What?
- (SLOT MACHINE CHIMES)
- What? Come on!
Oh. Oh, you know what?
Gonna give you that. Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
RANDALL: Kate?
You found me.
It wasn't very hard.
Only person still
drinking Cosmos in 2018.
Carrie Bradshaw...
that girl is timeless,
okay, and so are her favorite cocktails.
Right. (CHUCKLES)
Are you and Beth okay?
Oh, we'll be fine.
We have a blow-out like this
every few years.
Never surrounded by
so much greased-up man meat,
but, you know,
first time for everything.
She wanted to make sure you were okay.
I just want you to know, okay,
that I like to pride myself
on being the first person to realize
that Randall Pearson
was the coolest human ever.
I've known that since we were kids.
You know, everyone thinks that
it was always Kevin and Kate.
But the year after Dad died,
it was Kate and Randall
eating Hot Pockets and watching
Mom pretending to be okay.
And binge-watching Sex and the City
when binge-watching wasn't even a thing.
And I knew that one day
that I was gonna lose you
to somebody who was as cool as Beth.
But that someday... it happened so fast.
And, God, she is spectacular.
I-I get it, I know it.
But then, when I did,
when I lost you, I...
First off, you can never lose me.
Not even if you tried.
You basically got brother LoJack on me.
Okay? Kate, I was
a straight, black teenage boy.
Do you really think I liked watching
Sex and the City that much?
(BOTH LAUGHING)
I just watched it because you loved it.
- Really?
- Yeah.
(SCOFFS) I thought
that you were such a Miranda.
- (LAUGHS)
- Okay, okay.
All right, all right. Enough. Whoa.
I'm not crying at
my bachelorette party, again.
That's my bad.
So how is Toby?
Uh, did you guys, like, bond?
Did you, um, do the secret handshake?
'Cause I think he really wants
a secret handshake.
(LAUGHS) What? No. We... I just...
We left him with his friends.
(SIGHS) Okay.
What?
It's just that
his friends were the fillers.
And he just wanted this weekend
to be about, you know,
you and Kevin, and...
- Hey, man.
- Uh, hey.
I thought you guys had
gone to bed or something.
Yeah, about that. We, uh...
- We're sorry we bailed on you tonight.
- Right.
Honestly, we didn't think you'd miss us.
Oh, honestly, I didn't, so...
- Want to go for a walk?
- Yeah, let me get my jacket.
- (BELL DINGS)
- Yes.
(JACK CLEARS THROAT)
Ugh. No, I am way too tired
to sit at the table and eat right now.
Why don't you just put it out,
and I'll come back downstairs
and wrap it up later.
Yeah, I'm just gonna let it
cool off a little bit.
Wow. I mean, they really did try.
- Yeah. (CHUCKLES)
- I mean...
Got to work on
the follow-through, but...
Well, it's hard to live up
to your standard. It is.
- Hey, babe?
- Mm-hmm.
I really missed
giving you a gift this year.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Even if it wasn't gonna be as great
as the one you would have given me.
I'm sorry for...
de-Jacking you.
De-Jacking me?
(LAUGHS)
- Yeah.
- Yes?
- Hey.
- Yeah.
- Let's never do nothing again.
- No. Yeah.
- Deal?
- Deal.
Come on, let's go upstairs.
What? Jack.
- No...
- Is this you?
No, this is not me, I swear.
(CHUCKLES): I swear.
What is that?
"Mom and Dad."
"Dear Mom and Dad, go out on the roof,
lie down, look up, hold hands
and wait. Love, the Big Three."
- "Meteor shower."
- Oh.
(LAUGHS)
Well, you did it, babe.
- You created mini yous.
- We did.
You did.
Look at this.
Madison is drunk snoring
in my room. (CHUCKLES)
Who knew that such a loud sound
could come from such a tiny person?
- Can I come in?
- Sure.
(TV PLAYING QUIETLY)
(TV TURNS OFF)
Oh, when I'm upset, I eat candy.
And when I'm drunk.
I didn't know that.
(CLEARS THROAT)
It's really hard for me to make friends.
My brothers were my friends.
I was always, um, self-conscious
and, um...
defensive around strong women.
I mean, look no further than my mother.
And so when Randall met you,
I was, I was intimidated.
Intimidated? Why?
Because you're flawless.
Because when I was a waitress,
you were getting a master's
and building a house.
And then you...
you have a meaningful job.
You bought a building
and you foster kids.
And I-I sing and I-I adopted a dog.
Kate... (SCOFFS)
Man, I am so far
from doing what I actually want to do
in my job that I agreed to buy
a building with your brother,
which is exhausting.
And that is nothing
compared to fostering,
which is the hardest thing
I have ever done in my life.
And I went and got myself
attached to this little girl,
and now she's gone.
And...
I've been trying not to think about her,
but it's... I can't. It's like...
I just keep wondering, like,
is she okay, you know?
Is she cold?
Is she stressed?
Does her science teacher
know how smart she is?
Oh, Beth.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Such is life.
So I-I had this whole new plan
for my life, you know,
and for my career, actually.
And then the movie fell apart,
then the plan fell apart,
so I don't want to talk
about it anymore.
Randall, you go.
Uh... I got to let go of Deja.
I got to move on, mentally,
and not put it on my wife
to be the only strong one.
You came up with that all by yourself?
Listen, man, he... that's his thing.
He does that. What about you?
Whew. I'm just wondering if it
was worth dropping a few grand
to fly three strangers out here
so I didn't look lame
in front of my future brothers-in-law.
- You guys know I have a brother?
- No.
Yeah. He, uh, couldn't
make it this weekend.
I doubt he even tried.
I was ten when he was born,
so I adored the kid since birth.
I-I remember, I was 16,
I was such a nerd.
I was like a...
like a Dungeons & Dragons
by myself kind of nerd.
Ugh.
You do not want to
know what it feels like
to be a 16-year-old when
your six-year-old brother says
he doesn't want
to play with you anymore.
And you know that he means it.
Look, I'm sorry I brought
you guys all this way
with everything you got going on.
I just got excited about
having a second chance at...
two new brothers, you know?
I wanted to impress you,
and not-and not just because
my gal loves you,
but because you guys
impress the hell out of me.
Kevin Costner.
Kevin Costner was cut out of
The Big Chill.
Four years later, he went on
to star in The Untouchables
with Connery, Garcia and De Niro.
Do you have Ron Howard's phone number
in that fancy phone of yours?
Yeah.
- Call him.
- No.
- Y-Yeah.
- No.
You call him,
and you tell him he has made
a Pretty Woman sized mistake. Big.
Huge. All right?
Y-You-You thank him for the opportunity,
but you let him know that it's his loss.
You make him believe it
because you believe it.
- Now, Randy. Can I call you Randy?
- No.
Okay. I'm not gonna give you
any advice about Deja.
But know this: if you, Randall Pearson,
are beating yourself up about anything,
then the rest of the world
should collectively
be jumping in front of a train.
You gonna be good to our sister?
Of course I will.
Welcome to the family, brother.
- (GROWLS): Yeah. Awesome.
- (LAUGHTER)
All right, so two
takeaways from tonight.
Mm-hmm.
- Uh, Cornish hens are delicious.
- God, so good.
And I'm pretty sure that Kevin's
gonna be a famous chef one day.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
(BOTH LAUGH)
I mean...
Hey, do you want to hear
what Randall told me
about meteor showers?
- Yeah, I do.
- Well, he kind of told me a lot.
- Like, a lot. (LAUGHS)
- (LAUGHS) Of course.
But what he told me, at least the...
the part that I understood,
was that meteors are always up there,
whizzing around.
We just... we never notice them.
REBECCA: Hmm.
It's only once in a while
that we actually see one.
You know, see...
just how spectacular they really are.
Wow.
- Hey, Bec?
- Yeah.
I don't need anniversaries to see you.
I see you every day.
You are my daily meteor shower.
Ah, babe.
Thank you for marrying me.
Mm. Thank you for asking me.
("SEDONA" BY HOUNDMOUTH PLAYING)
(REBECCA SIGHS, CHUCKLES)
YOUNG KEVIN: Hey, Dad,
could I ask you something?
Do you think the hens are big enough?
It's not about the hens, kiddo.
A big, grand gesture... it's not about
the actual thing that you do.
RANDALL: Tobias, may I present
seedy old Vegas.
(LAUGHING)
♪ Right smack on top ♪
♪ Of Sedona Arabelle... ♪
It's not about what you say,
it's about intent.
(GASPS) Oh!
- Whoa.
- Wow.
- REBECCA: Did you see that one?
- (LAUGHS) Yeah.
It's about taking the time
to tell the person
you care about, "I see you. I hear you.
♪ Whoa, whoa... ♪
"I know exactly what you need right now,
and I'm showing how important
that is to me."
Never hurts to have
a couple of big-ass hens.
(CHUCKLES) No, it never hurts
to have a couple big-ass hens.
♪ Hey there, Sedona,
let me cut you a deal ♪
♪ I'm a little hungover ♪
♪ And I may have to steal your soul... ♪
(LINE RINGING)
RON HOWARD: Hey, Kevin,
how the hell are ya?
Ron... uh...
Uh, first of all, obviously,
thank you for the opportunity,
but I'm telling you, it was wrong
to cut me out of the movie.
Okay? It's special.
I'm telling you, I can
feel it in my gut, it's special.
And even if I'm wrong,
you know, you could've
picked up the phone,
you could've called me.
I would expect that
common courtesy from you.
- You done?
- Yeah.
Obviously, you've heard that the movie
could not sustain
the weight of a romance.
But I didn't cut you out
of the movie, Kevin.
Your work with Sly is truly remarkable.
I mean the father/son
story is the movie.
Truthfully, this might be
one of the best things
that I've ever done.
- That's why I didn't call you.
- Oh.
- Well, that's, you know...
- Kevin,
just take care of yourself
and be healthy.
And... you might want to think about
going ahead and buying
yourself a tuxedo.
A tux. Okay. (CHUCKLES)
Talk soon.
♪ And you shot the plot,
and I remember... ♪
Ron, thank you.
Thank you, Ron.
- ♪ So bright and pink ♪
- ♪ So bright and pink ♪
♪ Saturday night kind of pink. ♪
It's not fair of me to keep
putting you in a position
where you have to be the realist.
We made a decision about Deja,
the both of us,
and now I'm questioning it, and...
it's not fair.
I love that you're all heart.
I married you for your heart.
And your abs, but mostly your heart.
(BETH CHUCKLES)
We did what we thought was right.
And I can't keep bringing it up,
bringing it all back.
I'm sorry.
It's time to move forward.
Excuse me, can you make
this left up here, please?
Thanks.
I think I'm gonna be the heart today.
- You looking for Shauna?
- Uh, yes, ma'am.
She doesn't live here anymore.
♪
You know, when I was a kid,
I was obsessed with Star Wars.
Luke, Vader,
Leia, Obi-Wan.
(SIGHS) They were on the inside.
Action!
(GROANS)
KATE: Kev's in rehab.
I let Kevin get sent to rehab.
BARBARA: You know what,
I'm very proud of you, Kevin,
but in here is in here, but out there,
- just takes one second to slip up.
- Yeah.
My foster dad helped me with that.
SHAUNA: And if you want to know
what's best for her,
it's me, and the second
I get out of here,
I'm coming back for her.
Hey, girl.
BETH: I'm gonna miss her.
RANDALL: Me, too.
- (PHONE RINGS)
- Hello.
♪ As around the sun the Earth
knows she's revolving ♪
♪ And the rosebuds know to bloom... ♪
- Oh-ho-ho!
- (REBECCA WHOOPING)
- JACK: Another...
- (REBECCA LAUGHS)
- five-seven split by my wife.
- (REBECCA WHOOPS)
I love it. My husband knows
all the bowling lingo.
JACK: (LAUGHS) Wow.
This is the best first anniversary ever.
- Hey, babe?
- Mm-hmm?
Are you ready for your gift?
Mm-hmm.
♪ Just as all is born is new ♪
♪ Do know what I say is true ♪
- ♪ That I'll be loving you always ♪
- Oh.
♪ Until the... ♪
Because you're always scribbling
on all those scraps of paper,
I started collecting them
and then I had them bound.
- Uh-huh. (JACK LAUGHS)
- Is it stupid?
'Cause in my mind, when
I was doing it, - What?
it was really romantic.
Rebecca, th-this is
the most romantic gift ever.
Oh, I love you.
MAN (OVER P.A.): Mr. and Mrs. Pearson,
please make your way to lane 30
for a very special dance.
- (APPLAUSE)
- (REBECCA GIGGLES)
(JACK LAUGHS)
♪ As around the sun the Earth knows... ♪
Holy crap, Jack.
Happy anniversary.
♪ ...to bloom in early May ♪
♪ Just as hate knows love's the cure ♪
♪ You can rest your mind assure ♪
♪ That I'll be loving you always... ♪
- To four years.
- Mm. To four years.
Do you want your gift?
- Yeah. (LAUGHS)
- Yeah? It's time?
All right.
(SINGSONGY): I've been
waiting to give this to you.
- Oh, wow.
- Open it.
- (CHUCKLES) Silly.
- ♪ I'll be loving you ♪
- ♪ Always ♪
- ♪ Until the rainbow... ♪
Because you're always talking about
how the new guys on the job
sites take your hammer.
Oh. That is beautiful.
Babe, I love it.
♪ Always ♪
♪ Until the dolphin flies
and parrots live at sea ♪
♪ Always ♪
♪ Until the earth just for
the sun denies itself ♪
I love this piano so much.
♪ Until dear Mother Nature
says her work is through ♪
♪ Until the day that you
are me and I am you... ♪
- (WHISPERS): Jack.
- (JACK SNORTS)
Happy anniversary.
Oh, happy anniversary, babe.
- Mm.
- Hey.
(JACK SNIFFS, SIGHS)
Can you promise me there aren't any
big grand gestures planned this morning?
No. No, not this year.
Okay. 'Cause you promised,
and I didn't get you anything.
Oh, I know. I know.
Patrick Swayze's not gonna pop out
- of our closet, is he?
- (LAUGHS)
- It's always Swayze with you.
- I don't know.
- Sorry.
- No. No big grand gestures.
No gifts.
No guilt.
That's what you asked for
this year, and I'm obeying.
Thank you.
We'll get the kids to bed early.
Say around...
- 8:30 Eastern Standard Time.
- Yeah.
And then we'll be right back here in bed
- watching The Commish finale.
- Yes. Thank you.
- That's all I want, just one year.
- Mm-hmm.
My two favourite guys:
you and The Commish.
Yeah.
♪
BETH: What's going on, honey?
My mom doesn't know I'm here.
We're past due on our gas.
We haven't had heat
in a couple of weeks.
We need $89.34.
I didn't know where else to go.
It's okay.
Hey, uh, I'm gonna call your mom
and I'm gonna set up a recurring
direct deposit until...
- Randall.
- No. She won't take it.
Look, I don't need extra,
but it needs to be cash
so I can tell her
that I saved up my allowance
from when I was here.
We need the heat back on before
Miss Linda does her next visit.
(RANDALL SNIFFS, SIGHS)
Come on. I'll give you a ride home.
I won't come up.
But you got to promise me
something, Deja.
If something like this
ever happens again,
or if you need anything,
you call us, okay?
You don't wait for the heat
to go off. You call us.
Come on.
BETH: The girls are at your mom's.
Everything I own with glitter is packed.
It is T-minus 30 minutes to departure.
Vegas, baby!
- Hey.
- Hmm?
Where are the neat piles organized by
size, color and material, man?
- Maybe we shouldn't go.
- Huh? What?
No. You can't bail
on Toby's bachelor party.
And I can't bail
on Kate's bachelorette, so...
Look, what if Deja needs us
and we're on the other side
of the country?
Hey. It's been weeks. She hasn't called.
Okay? That's a good thing.
That means her mom is doing good.
And if she's not, then
Linda will step in, you know?
That's all we can do, or we're
gonna drive ourselves crazy.
Okay? It is what it is.
Okay.
All right? Now, come on.
Baby, you love Vegas.
Do Rain Man blackjack for me.
I don't feel like doing
Rain Man blackjack.
Okay.
You know we're pity invites, right?
Nobody wants their
brother- or sister-in-law
watching them go wild in Vegas.
Hey. I'm totally down
with a pity invite, okay?
I deserve a pity invite.
I have two children,
work a full-time job,
and manage a tenement,
because you saw a mural
and imagined a cat.
Hey, I deserve this.
Definitely have a 16 against a nine.
- Definitely gonna hit. 16 plus five is 21.
- (LAUGHS)
It's definitely a winning hand.
- Definitely a winning hand.
- (LAUGHING)
- (POUNDING THE BED)
- Vegas, baby!
Vegas!
MADISON: It's a live Magic Mike show.
Like the movie but in real life.
They say it's like literally
being inside of Magic Mike.
Hm, Madison, I don't know. I don't
know. Like, what's all the oil and...
- TOBY: Hey, hon.
- Yeah.
I was just... Oh. Madison's here, again.
Hey, Toblerone.
I really don't like that.
Uh, I'm packing for
this Vegas bromance-a-thon,
and I'm trying to figure out if I go
Clooney Ocean or Sinatra Ocean.
- Hmm.
- I need fiancée wisdom.
Toby.
You're a thief and a liar.
I only lied about being a thief.
Yep, you're right. Clooney Ocean.
You're always right. I like it.
That's why I put a ring on it.
MADISON: You guys are so Mike and Molly,
- I can't stand it.
- (WHISPERS): I hate you so much.
Okay, I am out.
Kate, I will see you at the airport.
Don't stress. I'm all over this.
That's what I'm stressed about.
Later, Toby Bryant!
You know what?
You got to stop doing that,
'cause that's... (SIGHS)
You know, I like Toby Bryant.
That's good.
What's going on? You okay?
- Yeah. Come on.
- Yeah?
Joint belly rub?
- You or the dog?
- Uh, dog first. Come here, buddy.
- Flip it. Flipper pup.
- (KATE LAUGHS)
I wish we were doing
our Vegas parties together.
Me, too. But that's exactly why
we should be doing them apart.
Because we are wildly
codependent, all right?
I had to scrape the bottom
of a very nerdy friend barrel
to even have a bachelor party.
Madison is running point on yours,
for God's sake. Madison.
Well, at least you get Randall at yours.
- Randall can make anything fun.
- Yeah, he can.
At least I... that's how I remember it,
when I actually, you know,
used to see him.
And I get Beth, who I've spent
a sum total of seven minutes
alone with my entire life.
- Come on, Beth is great.
- Okay, you take her.
- And I'll take Randall.
- Oh, no-no-no-no-no.
The Brothers Pearson
are all mine this weekend.
I got one scoop
of dark chocolate Pearson,
and one scoop of creamy vanilla Pearson,
and I'm gonna be the ruddy strawberry
that brings it all together, baby.
(TOBY SIGHS)
I'm sorry that your
brother couldn't make it.
Yeah, well, that's an understatement.
He had a hundred excuses before
I even got the question out.
But good news is
we'll be back here in no time,
- laying in bed with this big fella.
- (CHUCKLES)
Huh? Recounting our Vegas war stories.
- (LAUGHS)
- Huh? And then we won't have to have
another external relationship
for at least another year.
(SIGHS) See, you always
know what to say.
Yeah. All right. (CLEARS THROAT)
Scoot that. My turn.
- (SIGHS) Oh.
- What, what?
- Right here? Right here?
- (TOBY PANTING)
All right, Katie girl,
what shape should I try?
Mm, Texas.
Texas.
Okay.
- Dad.
- Yeah.
Aren't you supposed to do
special stuff today
to show Mom that you
love her, or whatever?
We're taking the year off
from the special stuff,
but I love your mom always.
But you always do something.
Yeah, I know. I'm just,
I'm not allowed to this year.
- What if we did something for you guys?
- KATE AND RANDALL: Yeah!
- Huh?
- We'd do everything. We promise.
Okay, so if you do everything,
then technically
I'm not breaking the rules.
- Okay, what'd you have in mind?
- Uh, we'll make dinner.
- (KIDS CHATTERING EXCITEDLY)
- Hey. What is going on?
- What are you guys conspiring about?
- (JACK CLEARS THROAT)
We're gonna throw you guys
a big anniversary party!
- KEVIN: Yeah!
- KATE: Yay!
I'm ready for pancakes!
- RANDALL: Me, too!
- KEVIN: With chocolate chips!
- I...
- REBECCA: Jack.
No. Wasn't me.
Yes!
(HORN HONKS)
Damn, baby!
I am feeling Vegas right now!
Let's do something crazy.
- Let's go skydiving.
- Okay.
Oh, let's go take Ecstasy and
see the magician that got ate
- by the lion.
- I think I'm just gonna call Deja.
Real quick. Let her know we're in Vegas.
Hey, hey.
- Just...
- No, no, no. This is a Deja-free zone.
Um, what if she comes to
the house and we're not there?
Randall, are you serious?
Sorry.
I guess I just can't,
what, detach like you can.
- Detach?
- Come on, man, cut me some slack.
You know you're the head, I'm the heart.
Deja's no longer
a part of our home, okay?
It's not fair to anyone involved
to keep acting like she is.
You know that.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're right.
Well, the head is always right, I guess.
I said you were able to detach
from this Deja situation,
- not that you were detached.
- Yep.
Calling you the head was a compliment.
I meant it as a compliment.
Thank you for the compliment.
(SIGHS)
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
- Fresh towels.
- Come on in.
I didn't just call you in here
for fresh towels. I, uh...
I want to show you something.
- And what's your name?
- Renata.
Renata. Look at this right here.
You know what that is?
There's 27 bottles of alcohol in there.
Since I was 18,
I've been to Vegas probably...
I don't know... 50 times.
And of those 50 times,
I want you to guess
how many I've been
absolutely blackout drunk for.
- All of them.
- All of them. Yes.
Every single one of 'em.
Good job. You're good at this
game. How did you know that?
You're Rehab Manny who got drunk
and ran over his daughter with a car.
Renata, you can't believe
everything you read.
But, anyway, uh, coming to Vegas
at this point in my life
is like, um... it's like
my Mount Everest, okay?
And I'm gonna conquer it.
So, tomorrow,
when you come in here, right,
you're gonna walk over here,
you're gonna count 27 bottles
of unopened alcohol,
you're gonna reach over here,
you're gonna grab that $100 tip
that I'm leaving for you,
and you're gonna feel so good
about being part
of this stranger's journey, all right?
The, uh, the Rehab Manny,
as you so lovingly called him,
that you witnessed conquer
his personal Mount Everest.
Do you still want towels?
(EXHALES) Sure.
♪ Say, say, say, hey, hey now, baby ♪
♪ Oh, Mama, don't play now... ♪
- Beth! You made it!
- Hey! Yeah, we just got in.
Do you want to come in?
- Yeah.
- Okay. (CHUCKLES)
Ah, Randall! My main man!
- How you doing? I'm all right.
- Boom!
These are my girls from
the support group.
- It's Liz, and this is Laurie.
- Nice to meet you. Beth.
- Gorgeous.
- This is, uh, Shooter.
- How you doing? Pleasure.
- We got Rick and Stu, my stud buds
- from the I.T. office.
- What up, Rick?
- Stu! Sorry! This is Rick. Pleasure.
- Bill.
- (WOMEN GASPING)
- And there she is.
This is Madison, the mastermind.
- Oh. You did all this?
- I've been dying to meet you!
- Come here. Give me a hug.
- Oh!
- Hey-o! Here we are!
- Oh! Think you know that guy.
- How you doing, bro?
- Good. You?
- I'm doing well, thanks.
- All right. Good to see you.
- Celebrating this guy.
- You know what, can I?
- Yeah.
- You mind if I get in here?
When Kate sent out the guest
list, I followed you on Insta.
Your hair is always different,
and I am obsessed.
Girls, I've got party gifts.
- (RANDALL GROWLS, CHUCKLES)
- Look at these guys.
- Modern day Rat Pack, huh?
- Hey!
I'm-I'm not ready.
- Ah!
- (LAUGHTER)
Classy. (CHUCKLES) Literary.
- To Toby!
- ALL: Toby! (WHOOPING)
- To Kate!
- ALL: To Kate!
Oh, straight from the bottle.
Okay. Straight from the bottle.
What's Herbes de Provence?
I don't know, bud.
But are you sure you just
don't want to make spaghetti
- or something?
- Didn't Mom say at Kate's piano recital
that she always wanted
to try Cornish hens?
She did.
Then get in the game, Dad.
(GROANS SOFTLY)
- Just stick with me, kid.
- BOY: Hey, Randall.
Andrew, Bryce, in my hood.
♪
Hey, where are you guys gonna be
doing this top secret research?
- Research station is in the back.
- Okay.
- Come on, Kate!
- Well, find me if you need any help.
Okay, Mom!
(CHUCKLES)
TOBY: Hey, so I'm thinking,
after we settle up here,
we hit the "clurb," and then,
uh, and then maybe we go do
some gambling down in gritty Old Vegas,
- like in Swingers.
- Yeah!
'Cause the Strip is hip,
but downtown is where it's at.
Something else to drink, gentlemen?
I will do another soda water
with a lime, please.
TOBY: I'm all set. Thanks.
- Uh, I'm good...
Uh, hey, listen, thanks for coming out.
I-I know this alcohol thing
can be kind of...
No, don't worry about it.
Don't worry about it.
- It's fine. Thank you.
- Okay.
Oh, guys, check this out.
Randall's bachelor party,
- which I was in charge of, okay...
- ALL: Ooh!
It's fine. I'm gonna tell the
story. So, I bring him to this,
uh, this pretty seedy
strip club, you know,
- to make a man out of him, right?
- (CHUCKLING)
That's what you do. I'm his brother.
Uh, we get there, and Randall,
within 20 minutes, has
convinced two of the strippers
to quit their jobs
and go back to school.
(LAUGHTER)
- He takes care of other people.
- I appreciate it.
You know what, at-at least
I didn't date one of 'em
- for a year.
- ALL: Ooh!
It was... it was nice.
- She was really sweet. She...
- (TOBY GUFFAWS)
- She was a sweetheart.
- I bet it was.
See, what you are witnessing here
is the Kevin/Randall rivalry.
It is a tale as old as time.
(LAUGHTER)
RANDALL: I didn't know
you knew about it.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, that's
one of my costars.
- Oh!
- That's one of my costars.
I'm gonna go, uh,
I'm gonna go say hi. All right?
Be right back.
- So, Randall, hey...
- You know what, Tobe,
I got to make a quick call.
I'll be right back.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
(LAUGHTER, CHATTER CONTINUES)
Emma.
- Hey. How are you?
- Kevin. (CHUCKLES)
- How you doing? Yeah?
- Hey. I'm good.
- How are you?
- Really good, actually. I'm really good.
- Good. That's really good.
- Thank you. Thanks.
I heard about the rehab.
(INHALES SHARPLY) Hollywood.
- Where everyone's a mess!
- Right?
- (LAUGHS)
- (LAUGHS)
Yeah.
I'm-I'm, uh, I'm looking forward
to Hill 400 coming out.
I'm actually counting down
the days until it's released.
It's been a, uh...
(DRAMATICALLY): "beacon of light
at the end of a very dark,
very long year."
You haven't heard?
Haven't heard what?
They cut me out of the movie.
- Wait, they... I'm sorry...
- Ron sent a really nice note.
Handwritten, so at least
I got a nice memento.
He's, um... (CLEARS THROAT)
he's going in a different direction.
Said some characters just fell out,
others were substantially cut down.
I was in the "fell out" category.
- Half my scenes were with you.
- Well, maybe you're in
the "substantially cut down" category.
Hey, let's have lunch soon.
(DISTORTED ICE CLACKING)
(DISTORTED CLINKING, LAUGHTER)
BILL (DISTORTED):
Hey, Kevin, you coming back?
Kevin? Hey.
(CLEARLY): Kevin?
- You coming back?
- Stu. How are you?
Uh, Bill, but Stu's fine.
- Um, anyway...
- Huh? Listen, can you, can you,
- can you just do me a favor?
- Yeah.
Can you tell Toby that I'm not,
I'm not feeling well?
- I'm not, um...
- Oh.
I'm gonna call it early.
Can-can you, can you
tell him that for me?
O-Okay. You're just not...
Okay, um...
RANDALL: Deja.
It's Randall. I saw you called.
DEJA: Uh, yeah. Um...
the Bill Nye guy you love was on TV.
- I just thought of you.
- Oh. Okay.
Well, uh, we're in Las Vegas,
but I'm keeping my phone on me, okay?
- If you need anything.
- Okay.
So your heat's back on? It's all good?
Yeah. Um, I'm sorry.
It's hard to call when my mom's around.
We just want to make sure
that you're safe
and you're well taken care of.
- Deja?
- (TRAFFIC PASSING)
Uh, we're making it work.
Good.
Yeah.
I got to go. My mom's coming back.
- Bye.
- Bye.
♪
Thank you.
Hey.
Hey, there he is! You
ready to hit the clurb?
- (CHUCKLING)
- I think I'm gonna skip the clurb tonight.
I'm feeling a little jet-lagged.
But you go. Right?
Have fun with your friends.
Get rowdy. You don't need
your brother-in-law
weighing you down. I'll see you.
("BRAND NEW WAY TO BE ME"
BY DAVID TOBIN PLAYING)
♪ I've got a shine ♪
♪ Got a brand-new look about me ♪
- (WOMEN CHEERING)
- ♪ A new peace of mind ♪
♪ With a chill I've never known ♪
♪ Planets so high ♪
- ♪ Now revolve around me ♪
- (SCREAMS)
♪ It's the new, it's the new ♪
♪ It's the brand-new way to be me ♪
♪ Brand-new way to be me ♪
(WOMEN CHEERING)
♪ All that you can dream ♪
♪ I can make come true ♪
♪ I will help you read
your favorite bedtime story ♪
♪ I'm the one that belongs,
right, never wrong for you ♪
(WOMEN CHEERING)
♪ I've got a shine,
got a brand-new look about me ♪
♪ New peace of mind
with a chill I've never known ♪
♪ Those planets so high
now revolve around me ♪
♪ It's the new ♪
♪ It's the brand-new way to be me. ♪
Dad, the hens go right there,
so I'd chop your onion.
- Okay. Yeah, I know. These are...
- REBECCA: Hi, guys.
How's dinner looking? 'Cause
it's getting kind of late.
My entree had to marinate
for three hours!
- Okay, bud. Is this the one?
- Mom, this isn't the good china.
This is going to be my seventh
and final trip down to the basement.
What else do you guys need?
The Christmas lights,
the white pretty ones.
Those are in the hallway closet.
- Okay.
- I'll get them.
And we need help
lighting all the candles.
Okay.
- Mom?
- Yes, babe.
I think Dad should wear a tux,
and you should look like this.
- (WOMEN CHEERING)
- (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
(BETH GIGGLES)
Oh, my God, that was so fun! Thank you!
Randall, what are you doing here?
- Hey! No boys allowed. Strip or split.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- I needed to talk to you.
I didn't expect to see you
getting your freak on with Magic Mike.
His name is Anton, actually.
It's not important. What's up?
Deja called.
She did? Is everything okay?
- No.
- What happened?
Well, she said everything was okay,
but she kept taking these long
pauses like it was Morse code.
My parental bells rang hard, Beth.
So nothing's wrong?
Well, she said she was calling
just to check in on me,
- but I think that...
- Oh, my God, Randall!
You seriously crashed your sister's
bachelorette party to tell me that?
Beth, I know what this sounds like,
- but my gut tells me...
- One night.
You couldn't give me one night.
I sit inside your anxiety every
damn minute of every damn day,
- Excuse me, Beth.
- and you can't give me one night...
I didn't realize that it was so
difficult being married to me.
Hey, it's not always a party, husband.
Well, I'll tell you something, wife.
You know, I may lead with my
heart, but at least I've got...
What? No. What? Say it.
You're gonna say I'm heartless?
- No, not my words.
- No, because you said I was detached.
You said I was the head,
and now you're trying to say
I'm heartless because
I just want a break from this?
- From all this?
- From all of this?
You know what, Beth? You're right.
The way that you're reacting
to everything that's happened
is perfectly normal.
You're all heart.
I should've kept this
a "Deja-free zone,"
as you so heartwarmingly called it.
- It is what it is, right?
- You know what? Screw you!
- RANDALL: Screw you, Beth.
- Oh, okay, okay, okay.
Everybody take it easy.
Let's just take it easy.
- Hey.
- Hey, please stay out of this.
This is between me and Randall.
This doesn't have anything
to do with you right now.
I understand that. I...
But can you understand
- where he's coming from?
- Please just sit back down,
- all right?
- I'm not gonna sit down.
Kate, this is not a Big Three moment.
I know that, but he's my brother.
- He's also my husband.
- Oh, I know.
Randall has made it very clear
who's more important to him.
I don't know why I just said that.
I'm gonna get some air.
Kate?
- (BELL DINGS)
- Thank God!
Okay, great.
- So we're eating here?
- Yes, eat in here.
- In here? Okay, great.
- I think we should.
Oh, no!
- JACK: What's wrong, Kev?
- REBECCA: What?
Dad never turned the oven on!
- I never what?
- Jack, really?
Well, I had to go wash my hands
- 'cause he had me cutting the onions.
- Oh, no.
- I forgot. I'm sorry.
- No, it's ruined!
Kev, I will cook that and we
can eat it tomorrow.
(CRYING): No, now we're never,
never gonna have dinner,
and you're gonna divorce him!
- What?
- What?
Sophie's parents are getting divorced.
And you guys don't even want
to celebrate your anniversary.
- Oh.
- So you're probably getting divorced, too.
- No, no, no, we're...
- No, Kev, we're not.
- Kevin, come here.
- Okay?
Kevin, no, your dad and I
are not getting divorced.
- No?
- No, never, ever.
- Look at me. Never.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Never.
Oh. Okay.
Um, we're gonna go to bed now!
Good night.
- Come on!
- What?
- (SLOT MACHINE CHIMES)
- What? Come on!
Oh. Oh, you know what?
Gonna give you that. Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
RANDALL: Kate?
You found me.
It wasn't very hard.
Only person still
drinking Cosmos in 2018.
Carrie Bradshaw...
that girl is timeless,
okay, and so are her favorite cocktails.
Right. (CHUCKLES)
Are you and Beth okay?
Oh, we'll be fine.
We have a blow-out like this
every few years.
Never surrounded by
so much greased-up man meat,
but, you know,
first time for everything.
She wanted to make sure you were okay.
I just want you to know, okay,
that I like to pride myself
on being the first person to realize
that Randall Pearson
was the coolest human ever.
I've known that since we were kids.
You know, everyone thinks that
it was always Kevin and Kate.
But the year after Dad died,
it was Kate and Randall
eating Hot Pockets and watching
Mom pretending to be okay.
And binge-watching Sex and the City
when binge-watching wasn't even a thing.
And I knew that one day
that I was gonna lose you
to somebody who was as cool as Beth.
But that someday... it happened so fast.
And, God, she is spectacular.
I-I get it, I know it.
But then, when I did,
when I lost you, I...
First off, you can never lose me.
Not even if you tried.
You basically got brother LoJack on me.
Okay? Kate, I was
a straight, black teenage boy.
Do you really think I liked watching
Sex and the City that much?
(BOTH LAUGHING)
I just watched it because you loved it.
- Really?
- Yeah.
(SCOFFS) I thought
that you were such a Miranda.
- (LAUGHS)
- Okay, okay.
All right, all right. Enough. Whoa.
I'm not crying at
my bachelorette party, again.
That's my bad.
So how is Toby?
Uh, did you guys, like, bond?
Did you, um, do the secret handshake?
'Cause I think he really wants
a secret handshake.
(LAUGHS) What? No. We... I just...
We left him with his friends.
(SIGHS) Okay.
What?
It's just that
his friends were the fillers.
And he just wanted this weekend
to be about, you know,
you and Kevin, and...
- Hey, man.
- Uh, hey.
I thought you guys had
gone to bed or something.
Yeah, about that. We, uh...
- We're sorry we bailed on you tonight.
- Right.
Honestly, we didn't think you'd miss us.
Oh, honestly, I didn't, so...
- Want to go for a walk?
- Yeah, let me get my jacket.
- (BELL DINGS)
- Yes.
(JACK CLEARS THROAT)
Ugh. No, I am way too tired
to sit at the table and eat right now.
Why don't you just put it out,
and I'll come back downstairs
and wrap it up later.
Yeah, I'm just gonna let it
cool off a little bit.
Wow. I mean, they really did try.
- Yeah. (CHUCKLES)
- I mean...
Got to work on
the follow-through, but...
Well, it's hard to live up
to your standard. It is.
- Hey, babe?
- Mm-hmm.
I really missed
giving you a gift this year.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Even if it wasn't gonna be as great
as the one you would have given me.
I'm sorry for...
de-Jacking you.
De-Jacking me?
(LAUGHS)
- Yeah.
- Yes?
- Hey.
- Yeah.
- Let's never do nothing again.
- No. Yeah.
- Deal?
- Deal.
Come on, let's go upstairs.
What? Jack.
- No...
- Is this you?
No, this is not me, I swear.
(CHUCKLES): I swear.
What is that?
"Mom and Dad."
"Dear Mom and Dad, go out on the roof,
lie down, look up, hold hands
and wait. Love, the Big Three."
- "Meteor shower."
- Oh.
(LAUGHS)
Well, you did it, babe.
- You created mini yous.
- We did.
You did.
Look at this.
Madison is drunk snoring
in my room. (CHUCKLES)
Who knew that such a loud sound
could come from such a tiny person?
- Can I come in?
- Sure.
(TV PLAYING QUIETLY)
(TV TURNS OFF)
Oh, when I'm upset, I eat candy.
And when I'm drunk.
I didn't know that.
(CLEARS THROAT)
It's really hard for me to make friends.
My brothers were my friends.
I was always, um, self-conscious
and, um...
defensive around strong women.
I mean, look no further than my mother.
And so when Randall met you,
I was, I was intimidated.
Intimidated? Why?
Because you're flawless.
Because when I was a waitress,
you were getting a master's
and building a house.
And then you...
you have a meaningful job.
You bought a building
and you foster kids.
And I-I sing and I-I adopted a dog.
Kate... (SCOFFS)
Man, I am so far
from doing what I actually want to do
in my job that I agreed to buy
a building with your brother,
which is exhausting.
And that is nothing
compared to fostering,
which is the hardest thing
I have ever done in my life.
And I went and got myself
attached to this little girl,
and now she's gone.
And...
I've been trying not to think about her,
but it's... I can't. It's like...
I just keep wondering, like,
is she okay, you know?
Is she cold?
Is she stressed?
Does her science teacher
know how smart she is?
Oh, Beth.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Such is life.
So I-I had this whole new plan
for my life, you know,
and for my career, actually.
And then the movie fell apart,
then the plan fell apart,
so I don't want to talk
about it anymore.
Randall, you go.
Uh... I got to let go of Deja.
I got to move on, mentally,
and not put it on my wife
to be the only strong one.
You came up with that all by yourself?
Listen, man, he... that's his thing.
He does that. What about you?
Whew. I'm just wondering if it
was worth dropping a few grand
to fly three strangers out here
so I didn't look lame
in front of my future brothers-in-law.
- You guys know I have a brother?
- No.
Yeah. He, uh, couldn't
make it this weekend.
I doubt he even tried.
I was ten when he was born,
so I adored the kid since birth.
I-I remember, I was 16,
I was such a nerd.
I was like a...
like a Dungeons & Dragons
by myself kind of nerd.
Ugh.
You do not want to
know what it feels like
to be a 16-year-old when
your six-year-old brother says
he doesn't want
to play with you anymore.
And you know that he means it.
Look, I'm sorry I brought
you guys all this way
with everything you got going on.
I just got excited about
having a second chance at...
two new brothers, you know?
I wanted to impress you,
and not-and not just because
my gal loves you,
but because you guys
impress the hell out of me.
Kevin Costner.
Kevin Costner was cut out of
The Big Chill.
Four years later, he went on
to star in The Untouchables
with Connery, Garcia and De Niro.
Do you have Ron Howard's phone number
in that fancy phone of yours?
Yeah.
- Call him.
- No.
- Y-Yeah.
- No.
You call him,
and you tell him he has made
a Pretty Woman sized mistake. Big.
Huge. All right?
Y-You-You thank him for the opportunity,
but you let him know that it's his loss.
You make him believe it
because you believe it.
- Now, Randy. Can I call you Randy?
- No.
Okay. I'm not gonna give you
any advice about Deja.
But know this: if you, Randall Pearson,
are beating yourself up about anything,
then the rest of the world
should collectively
be jumping in front of a train.
You gonna be good to our sister?
Of course I will.
Welcome to the family, brother.
- (GROWLS): Yeah. Awesome.
- (LAUGHTER)
All right, so two
takeaways from tonight.
Mm-hmm.
- Uh, Cornish hens are delicious.
- God, so good.
And I'm pretty sure that Kevin's
gonna be a famous chef one day.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
(BOTH LAUGH)
I mean...
Hey, do you want to hear
what Randall told me
about meteor showers?
- Yeah, I do.
- Well, he kind of told me a lot.
- Like, a lot. (LAUGHS)
- (LAUGHS) Of course.
But what he told me, at least the...
the part that I understood,
was that meteors are always up there,
whizzing around.
We just... we never notice them.
REBECCA: Hmm.
It's only once in a while
that we actually see one.
You know, see...
just how spectacular they really are.
Wow.
- Hey, Bec?
- Yeah.
I don't need anniversaries to see you.
I see you every day.
You are my daily meteor shower.
Ah, babe.
Thank you for marrying me.
Mm. Thank you for asking me.
("SEDONA" BY HOUNDMOUTH PLAYING)
(REBECCA SIGHS, CHUCKLES)
YOUNG KEVIN: Hey, Dad,
could I ask you something?
Do you think the hens are big enough?
It's not about the hens, kiddo.
A big, grand gesture... it's not about
the actual thing that you do.
RANDALL: Tobias, may I present
seedy old Vegas.
(LAUGHING)
♪ Right smack on top ♪
♪ Of Sedona Arabelle... ♪
It's not about what you say,
it's about intent.
(GASPS) Oh!
- Whoa.
- Wow.
- REBECCA: Did you see that one?
- (LAUGHS) Yeah.
It's about taking the time
to tell the person
you care about, "I see you. I hear you.
♪ Whoa, whoa... ♪
"I know exactly what you need right now,
and I'm showing how important
that is to me."
Never hurts to have
a couple of big-ass hens.
(CHUCKLES) No, it never hurts
to have a couple big-ass hens.
♪ Hey there, Sedona,
let me cut you a deal ♪
♪ I'm a little hungover ♪
♪ And I may have to steal your soul... ♪
(LINE RINGING)
RON HOWARD: Hey, Kevin,
how the hell are ya?
Ron... uh...
Uh, first of all, obviously,
thank you for the opportunity,
but I'm telling you, it was wrong
to cut me out of the movie.
Okay? It's special.
I'm telling you, I can
feel it in my gut, it's special.
And even if I'm wrong,
you know, you could've
picked up the phone,
you could've called me.
I would expect that
common courtesy from you.
- You done?
- Yeah.
Obviously, you've heard that the movie
could not sustain
the weight of a romance.
But I didn't cut you out
of the movie, Kevin.
Your work with Sly is truly remarkable.
I mean the father/son
story is the movie.
Truthfully, this might be
one of the best things
that I've ever done.
- That's why I didn't call you.
- Oh.
- Well, that's, you know...
- Kevin,
just take care of yourself
and be healthy.
And... you might want to think about
going ahead and buying
yourself a tuxedo.
A tux. Okay. (CHUCKLES)
Talk soon.
♪ And you shot the plot,
and I remember... ♪
Ron, thank you.
Thank you, Ron.
- ♪ So bright and pink ♪
- ♪ So bright and pink ♪
♪ Saturday night kind of pink. ♪
It's not fair of me to keep
putting you in a position
where you have to be the realist.
We made a decision about Deja,
the both of us,
and now I'm questioning it, and...
it's not fair.
I love that you're all heart.
I married you for your heart.
And your abs, but mostly your heart.
(BETH CHUCKLES)
We did what we thought was right.
And I can't keep bringing it up,
bringing it all back.
I'm sorry.
It's time to move forward.
Excuse me, can you make
this left up here, please?
Thanks.
I think I'm gonna be the heart today.
- You looking for Shauna?
- Uh, yes, ma'am.
She doesn't live here anymore.
♪