Third Watch (1999–2005): Season 3, Episode 1 - In Their Own Words - full transcript

I mean, every guy in
the issue I worked with..

I mean, in every one of them..

I mean, there's a horror story behind.

You know, who's gonna
get engaged in a week, uh..

Who just had a baby..

Who has three kids, who
is gonna retire this year.

The stories of kids asking mommy everyday

"When's daddy comin' home?"

I'm sure along with..

Thousands of other families.

Rodney Gillis worked
with us on "Third Watch".



Sgt. Rodney Gillis.

I've lost two of my officers

Bobby-Bobby Fazio and Warren Smith.

Tommy Langone, from 10th truck.

Chief Downey.

Al Fuentes.

Bill Feehan.

Chief Ganci.

Santos Valentin.

Terry Hatton.

Patty Lyons.

Carlos Lillo.

Richard Quinn.

Eddie D'Atri.



- Jack Fanning. - Mike Curtin.

Mike Kiefer.

- Pete Carroll. - Dennis Mojico.

- Ronnie Kloepfer. - Gregg Froehner.

Hector Tirado.

Brian McDonnell.

- Joe Navas. - Capt. James Amato.

Andre Fletcher.

- Liam Callahan. - J. Lennon.

Yamel Merino.

John D'Allara.

Lt. Mike Esposito.

James Pappageorge.

My friend Brian Bilcher,
works in squad one.

You know, my brother Lt. Robert Regan.

He was a great father.

Adam Rand and..

And Brian Sweeney.

I'd love to sit and talk about Pete and

Espo and all the other guys
and all the crazy shit they did..

You're not gonna get to everybody.

And I'd like you to know..

Everybody.

That's impossible.

So, take this as a whole.

In the aftermath of the tragic
events of September 11th

all of us at "Third Watch"

were struggling with the same question

that was troubling many
people in our nation.

"How to continue with our daily lives

in the face of so much loss and grief?"

Like many New Yorkers we
had friends, family members

co-workers, unaccounted for.

And we spent the long
hours of that first day

the days that followed and the weeks

waiting for word of their
safety and well being.

In our case

we have worked very closely for years

with the wonderful firefighters
and paramedics of New York's

Fire Department.

And with the officers of

the New York City Police Department.

They were technical advisors

actors, background actors and

crew member on our sets
and were an integral part

of the extended "Third Watch" family.

So, after hours of discussion and debate

we decided that the only
appropriate way to continue

was to first honor these people

by giving them the opportunity
to tell their own stories

in their own words

before we return to

telling our fictional stories.

So we asked them to tell
us what happened to them

on September 11th.

And the days and the weeks that followed.

Now, these interviews

were shot in active fire houses

and police stations throughout

Manhattan and Brooklyn
in the first week of October.

So, you're gonna hear people
talking in the background.

Telephones ringing.

And occasionally, an alarm going off

calling the men and women away to work.

It's the real thing.

So, we ask for your patience
with these small intrusions.

We thank you for being
with us this evening.

These are the people we
portray on "Third Watch."

And this is the reason we portray them.

On the 11th, I'd just finished

my midnight tour.

So, I left here about

ten after 8:00 in the morning, 8:15.

And I was just..

Normal day.

You know, leave work.

Dry cleaners, post
office that type of stuff.

Runnin' a few errands.

And I heard on the car radio

that a small

airplane had crashed
into the World trade Center.

I was on the New Jersey
turnpike, comin' down to uh..

The turnpike extension
comin' into Jersey.

Uh, when my wife called me, she goes

"Have you heard the news?"

As I'm answerin' the
phone, I'm lookin' over

and I can see the smoke comin' out of..

Out of the North Tower.

Initially we thought it
might've been a small aircraft

or maybe one of these stunt people.

Like the guy that landed
on the Statue of Liberty.

We really didn't know what we had.

I was totally unprepared for
the magnitude of what I saw

when I turned the news on.

And I realized immediately, I said to them

"I hate to cut you short but
I think I better get to work."

I drove a couple blocks
to where I could see

the Trade Center.

And what I saw

I could tell that was no small aircraft

that hit that building.

I said, have somebody
close down the HOV lane.

Have them close down
the Brooklyn-Battery Tunnel

except for emergency vehicles and..

..uh, started out some
additional equipment.

Guys came runnin' down

I said I'm jumpin' back in the truck.

I grabbed my bag, some
uniforms, my gun belt.

Got in the back of the truck.

And I had everything but my pants.

All of a sudden, the..

The city-wide
frequencies just started to

get extremely busy with units.

Sayin' they're 63s.

Which means they're en route.

I tried to get on the air to
find out what was going on

and finally they toned out..

An assignment of an explosion

signaled 10-30 at the World Trade Center.

Of course, you don't believe them.

You know, everybody
breaking each other's chops.

You know?

I'm like "Yeah, okay, sure."

And it's really! And..

She looked quite hysterical.

I was sitting on my couch

having coffee in the morning
reading the newspaper

and the phone rang.

It was a friend of mine,
said turn on the TV.

I was like, "Okay." I turned the TV on and

there it was..

The Twin Towers was..

Was burning.

At first, they said it's
a twin engine plane..

So I thought, "Meh.."

You know, this happened to the
Empire State Building years ago.

It's not that.. How bad could it be?

I went and called my battalion,
an EMT picked up the phone

my co-worker, Lt. Bill Milleranio

who is a very dear friend of mine

he was just screaming,
"Come in! Get in here!"

I went down the hall to the window

and I look out.

And sure enough.

You saw..

..th-the hole in the building.

We thought it was an accident.

Probably like a small
plane, accidentally crashed

into the World Trade Center or whatever.

And then he turns on
the radio as we're going in.

You know, we started listening
to the news and everything..

They were sayin' how
it was a terrorist attack.

You know, big... one of those 747 planes.

And I was like "Whoa!"

So I got partially dressed and..

And I actually ran
barefoot to my kid's school.

I had my car but I ran
into the school barefoot

to find my husband because

I don't know why, I thought he
should know where I was going.

He couldn't find him, so I left from there.

And... when he came home, he saw the TV on

I didn't leave him a note,
but he knew I was there.

And I had a very bad feeling about it.

Actually guys in the fire house
were standing on the front ramp

and uh, they were waiting for role calls

about quarter to nine, I guess.

And they actually saw the plane dive

towards the World Trade Center.

I had heard somethin', I
didn't know what it was.

I ran downstairs, ran out on to the pier

where the boat was berthed

And I saw the North
Tower pushin' heavy smoke.

Incident like this everybody goes.

If you can't get on board the apparatus

you got in the private car.

But you-you got there,
everybody took in this alarm.

I called the dispatchers
on a cell phone and I said

"Do you have a job at the Twin Towers?"

He said, "Yeah, a small
plane crashed into the tower."

And as I watched, it just got worse.

I could tell from my experiences
that... it was a job and a half.

We could see heavy fire

from the north and the west
sides of the North Tower.

Heavy fire, through the exterior skin.

That's a bad sign in high rise buildings

when fires' through the exterior skin.

I saw the hole in the building.

And you know, I just..

Just knew there was a
lot of people up there, and..

You know, say a little
prayer on the way down.

Tried to keep myself calm
and think about what we'd to do.

The only thing on my mind was

"You gotta get there. You
gotta get there. Get there.

Get there. Get there now,
get there faster, get there."

We threw our tools in there, Scott bottles

anything we could find,
we loaded into the truck

and we packed everybody in uh..

Into this truck and we headed out.

I called fire house on the phone.

And Lt. Higgins had answered the phone.

And I said, "Lou, are..

You guys goin' to this?"

And he said to me

"Jimmy, as soon as I hang up the phone

we're on our way."

I said, "Okay, Lou, we'll see you there.

We're on our way in."

He said, "Okay, I'll see you there."

And that was the last
that I had heard from..

Lt. Higgins.

I couldn't tell you how many

um, guys and how many fire
houses and how many homes.

Firemen, police officers

um, emergency medical technicians

how many people

like, didn't wait for the call

didn't wait to find out what was goin' on

just went.

Pretty much ran every light

all the way to Staten Island.

I got to the bridge just as they closed it.

I was three cars behind the
car and I jumped out, ran up

showed 'em my ID and said,
"I gotta get over the bridge."

Two cars in front of me were
fireman also, they did the same.

And they let us go.

We sorta formed a convoy

and we're going down the streets

and we come up the intersections

and we're doin'..

Like, Popeye Doyle in
the "French Connection."

He's hittin' the horn and then
he's.. Got an unmarked car..

And everybody's saying, "What the heck?"

And we're takin' the lights..

We know we gotta get there safely

but as quickly as possible

They dispatched us to the
midtown tunnel at that point.

An-and it's probably what saved um, my life

and the life of my company.

I have a tough time
feelin' good about that, but..

Everybody got to the fire
house, they looked at the board.

A board that lists all
the guy that work and..

Went to the office and looked in the book

to see who was comin' in..

Bein' there, that it was 9
o'clock in the morning we knew

that it was change of
tour, everybody was here.

And everybody went.

Uh, comin' over the bridge

Verrazano bridge when I
was comin' back into work.

Um, Rescue 5 from the fire
department for Staten Island

was just ahead of me,
comin' over the bridge.

And they had shut down the..

Staten Island bound, Verrazano Bridge

for emergency vehicles,
so... they cut across

and I was tryin' to get to
work and there was traffic, so I..

Identified myself and
followed them over the bridge.

And I remember lookin'
at the back of the truck.

Normally... the rescue
companies ride with five or six guys.

I remember lookin' at the
guy hangin' out of the truck

He was lookin' down at me.

I was thinkin', "Wow, there's
a lotta guys in that truck."

The-they were ridin' heavy there.

And uh..

Not realizing it was
their change of their shift.

It was 9 o'clock, they
were just swappin' shifts.

So, I guess, everybody jumped on the truck.

And I followed them over
on the Verrazano Bridge.

And they never came back,
not one guy in that truck.

The alarms started to roll in

at 8:43 on Tuesday morning.

Fire and police units from
all five boroughs responded.

With Manhattan, Brooklyn and Staten Island

the first to arrive on the scene.

We were up there at 8 o'clock
in the morning on the 77th floor

and uh, had a meeting
there for about half hour.

Went downstairs, got in our car.

We exited the..

Parking garage.

And I was driving west,
uh, south on West Street.

And we heard a roar.

Next thing we looked up and it was a..

Big ball of flame above our heads.

Uh, and I began noticing debris

was falling down on to
the street-on to West Street.

And some of that debris
was hitting vehicles.

We figured, we'd hold the wall and..

The stuff would bounce
off the wall behind us.

We heard, bing-bing and then plop-plops

and the plop-plops were body parts.

And it was like..

Seein' decapitated people

and just pieces of bodies.

You know, ribs... unbelievable.

Our normal procedure would be
that we have a command pulses

of fires safety station in the building.

So our first arriving units
would go there to the chief.

There's a chief, that
would assemble them there.

Then send them up to the upper floors

in this case, for an evacuation.

Our objective as emergency service

in that scenario would be

to try to, uh, get people out of building.

Of course, you know..

Try to, uh

get people away from the scene,
and set up some sort of triage.

On the way, I had the radio
on and it was developing now

where they're talking commercial airlines

still thinking accident.

Now, we pulled up, our staging area

was Church and Vesey.

I was on mobilization point

for all the emergency service units.

I jumped outta the truck.

That was the first time I
looked up, I saw her and I said

This is big!

We grabbed a lot of equipment.

Scott packs, breathing apparatuses.

Then we had entry tools in case
we had to open up some doors.

He looks down in the ground and he says

"Oh, you know, oh, look at the birds

you know, they didn't make it."

And I looked and I said
him, "Those are not birds

you know, that's, you
know, human body parts."

Kenny Winkler, who's on
the site already, eh, he told me

that there was a person down
around a corner on Vesey street.

Uh, so I grabbed the first aid medical bag

and I ran over to him

along with, who came right after me

was Brian McDonald
who is missing right now.

Uh, apparently, yeah, he had, it looked

like he had gotten struck
by a, uh, airplane parts.

There were pieces of aircraft
engine laying around them.

We carry extra equipment
for high-rise fires.

Cylinders and search
ropes and things like that.

So as we're getting our
equipment off the truck

there was actually small
explosions taking place

above our heads.

Lot of people were
running around the street.

And a lot of people were panicking.

Ah, some were going north,
some were going south.

People had already abandoned
their vehicles in the street.

Brooklyn-Battery Tunnel, uh

uh, was slowed down, I
guess they were setting up

the detours and everything.

And traffic had actually
stopped at one point.

And, uh, suddenly I saw
a low-flying jet comin' in.

And then it started to...
incline and pick up speed

And then I thought to myself, well, maybe

the pilot is a good pilot

and he's taking his
passengers for a wild ride

but he's flying around the
smoke rather than through it.

And instead he just, uh..

He just banked to the left

and drove her right into one of the towers.

And we saw this huge, uh, fireball.

I remember looking up at it and seeing

pieces coming out of the building.

And it actually looked like
confetti or ribbin, ribbon.

And watching this, it was,
it was like in slow motion.

Just standing there looking up at it.

And I realized it's, it's not, you know

it's not paper that's comin' down.

I grabbed the woman, uh,
who was just staring up at it also.

I grabbed her, I threw
her behind the ambulance

And the metal had started
falling, hittin' the ambulance

all around us.

And it was pieces of
metal 15, 20 feet long.

The second plane hit and sharp metal

started coming all over us.

Um, from the plane and..

We dove under a overhang and, uh..

When the second plane hit,
uh, we actually took cover.

Because there was, at that point

there was heavy falling
debris that was coming down

Uh, I noticed a large airplane
tire fall right in front of us.

It was burning, the rubber
on the tire was burning.

Uh, there was some, uh,
actual torsos and body parts

that were coming off
and falling in front of us.

As I was walking, uh,
towards the command post..

Uh, I was trying to size up the situation.

And then I'm looking up
and, you know, both towers

are fully involved on the upper floors

and people were, people were jumpin'.

So I, I knew that somethin', you know

this wasn't gonna be
a... normal assignment.

Just started rescuing
people again tellin' them

"Get away from here."

People started to walk toward west.

You can't go there, some
people said "My car's down there."

I said, "Get outta here,
you gonna get killed.

Something's gonna fall on you."

And as I was running out, I
saw, what, for some reason

my mind thought was a mannequin.

And it was a jumper down.

And it was just your
mind playing tricks on you.

It was just 'cause you're not
ready to see that, you know.

And, you know, in that split
seksh, in that split second

that I thought it was, you
thought it was a mannequin

and then your mind,
you know, then, you know

the reality kicked in.

If it was a tenth of a second,
but I just remember thinkin'

mannequin, no mannequin, you know.

And I've seen, you know, in this job

in the years that I've
done it, I've seen jumpers.

But not in the amounts that I saw.

These are things that my
dreams bring back to me.

Lot of radio traffic. Don't
know how clear it was

but some people said that
they heard the message

and like they said, you know

"Central, we're under,
we're under terrorist attack."

And to notify the military,
and to notify the Pentagon.

I got to Journal Square, my lieutenant said

"Don't bother putting on uniform

just get something that
identifies you as an officer."

The chiefs were kinda overwhelmed.

It was big, and they said

"Right. We're start working
our way up the B Stairwell."

And, you know, I, I kinda
knew as we were going

that we were gonna be walking upstairs..

I'm just thinking to
myself that's 95 floors.

You know, this is gonna, this is bad.

Once we got through the
doorway of the stairwell

It was actually pretty orderly
and the people were coming down.

Them stayed to their
right, we stayed to our right.

They were very orderly,
um, you know, to be expected.

Of course, some of them were in shock

and, you know, just distraught
about the whole thing.

They were passing us, they
were making comments like

"God bless you, guys. We really
appreciate what you guys do."

I saw people carrying
people down in chairs.

You know, people would, eh,
offer to help me carry something

they even wanted to help me
carry something up the stairs.

I was like, "Thanks anyway."

They were actually
handing us bottles of water

and things like that for, for the walk up.

As we're going up, we're giving the water

to the injured people, so people
could put them on their burns.

They were telling us, uh, what
floors they were coming from

and we were asking them what
damage was on that floor if any?

I remember somebody saying

"Be advised, it's a one
hour climb to the 31st floor."

I hear a lady asking people
what floor you came from

and I remember the last
person was a female said 81.

People being evacuated, uh,
people walking with like one

shoe and just no shirts on,
you know, just running out of the

building, the fear on their faces, and..

We stayed together as a group
as our company, our six guys

but a lot of, uh, lot of people
go separated because as people

were bringing down the injured,
uh, lot of these people were

burnt, uh, they were
actually burnt very badly

and some people to the point where they had

uh, virtually no clothes on.

Horrific injuries. I have never..

I'm a medic in the city 18 years.

And I have never ever seen
traumatic injuries like this.

Uh, burns coupled with massive open traumas

bones, lacerations, evulsions.

Men in sport coats were
actually taking their coats off

wrapping the women up so they
would, eh, have some privacy.

And basically just leading them
down but as they were leading

them down, it would take
a person to help this person

that'd stop us because we'd
have to wait till they passed us.

So, we all kinda got separated.

Uh, eventually there
were companies on about

the 42nd or 44th floor that I know of and

we were only, we only ever got up to

about the 27th or 28th floor.

I remember speaking to one lady and saying

she was havin' trouble breathing.

"How long have you been walking?"

And she said, "I've been
walking about a half hour."

I said, "Really? So what
floor were you coming from?"

She said, "The 50th floor."

And and it-it's weird, 'cause
in the midst of all this madness

I say to myself

"Uh, wow, those people on
the top, they got no chance."

Very proud of a lot of people
'cause they were strong people

helping those who were injured or weak.

Um, everybody stayed together, very good.

Workin' our way down and,
you know, as we were going down

we were opening doors
to see if there were people

in the hallways. There
was a couple of doors

we couldn't open from the stairwell

so we forced open few
doors, we didn't see anybody.

About after a half hour,
some of the people that it's..

The flow of people had came to a trickle.

A lot of people got out of the North Tower.

All the people in that that area had been

uh, they were coming out, had come out.

'There was no others in the
building that we could see.

I was engrossed in trying
to organize the patient care

in the units and the other
supervisors, EMTs and paramedics

and you just heard this..

Horrendous thunderous roar.

I never experienced an
earthquake but from what I've

seen that's what it felt
like, uh, the floor shook

the ceilings fell, the lights went out.

I heard this thundering

uh, I mean, somethin'
I've never heard it before.

It was just this thundering
sound, continuous thunder.

Sounded like a jet engine
was coming down on us.

It was unbelievable.

And I turned and I looked up and I saw

building number two began coming down.

And again, you hear people yelling

"The building is leaning".

By the time, I turned around
and looked, this is how fast

I didn't see no building.

I just saw like a roar and a
wave, for lack of a better word

of debris and dust come in our direction.

Vesey Street on the north,
Church Street on the east

Liberty Street on the south
and West Street to the west.

Units from all over the city
and now off duty firemen

and policeman had
arrived at hastily assembled

command centers and staging areas

directly underneath the towers.

Dark acrid smoke was pouring from

the upper floors of both buildings.

I was talking to Tommy Urban.

He's the sergeant from
the apprehension team.

We were just going over our plans

and he was saying he didn't think

that the tower looked too stable.

We're waving to people

"Let's go, let's move it, let's move it"

and I'd say, like, maybe
less than a minute had passed

and that's when the
lights started flickering

and it felt like, like an earthquake.

That's when we heard
this unbelievable roar.

Sounded like a jet engine
was coming down on us.

It sounded like the turbines on a jet.

Like I was standing on a
runway and jets were just landing..

Right over my head.

I remember, I looked up at
the tower and I said to myself

"What the hell am I doing here?"

I heard people scream.

And what you hear is, what I
heard was this giant rumble.

I could see in the corner of
my eye, get dark real quick

and you heard a rumble and people scream.

But with that I turn to
my right to look down

and I could see the wind
come across this way.

Which was odd. You're
not used to see the wind.

But it was just full of such
papers and dust and debris

but it was just a force
of burst and things swung

in the wind, and all of
a sudden, glass broke.

And I-I look down and
they started screamin'.

I heard this people screamin'.

I remember a lady yell, "Oh, my God".

We could see this giant cloud
forming and coming towards us

Few of us hit the deck,
we tried seeking cover

behind a truck 6 and truck 8,
the two large emergency trucks.

And the ceiling started falling,
plus the walls started falling.

I knew somethin' was wrong.
This shouldn't be happening.

Then it dawned to me
this building's collapsing.

Seemed it's just this smoke
that was a thousand feet high

started to descend.

And it came down slowly in the beginning

then it started picking up speed.

A few guys ran that we kind of got

everybody in a different way.

I wasn't really sure what
happened to everybody.

Then I was laying down on the ground.

I really thought it was, you know..

Uh... you know, I-I didn't think
it was going to be anything good

was gonna happen. So..

Of course, the firemen
were all over the street.

Port authority, police, New York
City Police Department, eh, EMS

Many, you know, many office workers.

So, uh, I recall we started
yellin' out, "Run, run".

So most of us bailed out of the truck.

And like everybody else
who was on West Street

we just started running
away as fast as we could.

We took cover against the walls.

Any place we could possibly get cover

against the walls and everything.

I turned to run. I took about three steps.

But that the sound like
the freight train heavy

sounded like a freight train coming

and just threw me right down to the ground.

And I braced myself coming down.

I remember screamin' my
daughter's name "Elizabeth"

maybe I was looking for help

or encouragement or something
or the courage to do this.

I just bam, I hit the floor.

Knocked my glasses off. Knocked
my helmet off. Kinda stunned me.

Uh, my, I was little bit
winded from the-the impact.

Remember getting up. I
immediately looked to my left..

And saw this... enormous
debris, smoke, black cloud

coming right on top of us.

So, you ran.

It it was like in slow motion.

It was a gray cloud followed by this dark..

Black cloud of smoke

and I could see debris in the air.

Like it was coming down in slow motion.

I could see beams and glass coming down.

I mean, there was a big
chunk of aluminum in the air.

I saw a 13th Precinct cop
standing not sure where to go.

I mean there was no way
of outrunning this cloud

that was coming towards you.

Very quickly, before I even
got to the next intersection

like about two-thirds maybe
down that block, I was running.

And that was when the cloud overtook us

and, uh, and when I
really believed I would die.

It was first like a white smoke

and then instantly utter darkness.

And with that the suffocation.

It was so thick it felt like

a rag was being stuffed
stuffed down my throat.

We found out later as
they pulverized cement.

We were inhaling, uh,
pieces, uh, of scrabbled tiles

cement in your throat.

Felt like a volcano coming through there.

With all the debris going up your nose.

It was like you're drownin'.

With all the stuff in your nose
and your mouth and you just..

I'm just sitting there sayin',
"This is it. I'm gonna die."

He goes to me,
"Lieutenant, I lost my radio."

And we're like that and I'm like, "What?"

Yeah, like your radio? We're about to die.

And now you can start to
feel things come down on you.

You can taste it, you can
smell this ash, this soot.

I don't know what it is.

And I'm thinking, "I
mean, I gonna die here."

You know, and I'm thinking
about, I'm thinking to myself..

This doesn't happen to
me. I'm not supposed to die.

There was a tidal wave
of, uh, dust and debris

and some some heavy objects
were actually, I could actually

see the heavy objects flying past us.

Fitzie and I jumped down
the station, got to the first level

and then a couple of steps going left

we held on to the rail and got blown in.

I couldn't hear any
of the noises after that.

It just got so... quiet.

I mean it just very eerie
just sitting under that car

and sitting under the car

laying under the car
and not hearing anything.

All you heard was firemen
and cops screaming.

They can't breathe and
you couldn't even find them.

Nevertheless, breathe on your own.

Uh, for a moment there I
thought I was dead already.

I thought that's how it happened.

I-I got this calming feeling.

I thought about my wife.

And I got this calming
feeling that this was the time.

This was it.

I said, uh, you know, this one..

Dude, I gotta make it out of..

For some reason, I couldn't open my eyes.

They were encrusted.

I walk and I see instead of pitch black

it started turning gray.

I said, "Fitzie, Fitzie, where are you?"

Called out my name,
"Fitz, Fitz, this is Jimmy

I can't breathe, I can't breathe."

And at the time I thought
that was gonna be it for me.

Then about after a minute or so..

I realized I was still around and had to do

something to save my own life

and, uh, I just drew my face in my shirt

and went down to the ground.

"I'm over here," I said,
"Keep talking." and I found

him by his hand that, grabbed
his hand, said, "Come on

we gotta get outta here,"
and we felt our way up.

When they tell you,
when you think something

when you think it's the end, you
know, I thought about my mother

thought about my wife

and my three daughters

and, uh, I just can't
expect that I try to get down

as slow to the ground as I could

every time I opened my eyes
everything was pitch black.

And I was trying to restrict
my breath and try to breath.

Most air had the asphalt.

I don't know how long it
went on, it seemed like

it went on for a while, you know.

And then I started hearing,
you know, voices again

on then the, not radio voice, but rep..

Voices and... things seemed
like they were starting to clear up.

Went down to, Broadway and Church

and went to the pan store,
that aided people, were great

they were just giving us water
for flushin' our eyes and face

and throwin' up all the
stuff in our lungs and..

The South Tower collapsed.

At that point it was like
an earthquake was hitting

the, the North Tower.

I just got in, I get on my
radio and I immediately start

calling people out..

Of the tower.

"I said, we just lost the South Tower.

Everybody out."

We, uh, we were still at the stairwell

with this crowd of people coming down.

And, about.. it took
about 25-30 minutes later

for that whole stairwell to be empty.

So, I said to Sergeant..

"go over " and "how bad is the collapse?"

And Kenny goes, uh,
"The whole building is down

it's down to the ground."

I was tryin' to get
team one from 31st floor

down to Sergeant Curtin's team.

We got down to about the 12th
floor, picked up some equipment

we left on the 12th floor

and right around the 12th or 14th floor

is where we picked up, we
picked up the civilian, Josephine.

Lieutenant Murphy sustained severe injury

to his hand where a piece
of debris had fallen off

the building as he was on the radio

and nearly severing his hand.

Um, he was injured.

He was still able to group
his team and lead 'em out.

We were able to make it to the ground floor

and once we got to the ground floor

uh, the building started to let go.

At that point, it was just
run-for-you-life scenario.

Part of Sergeant Curtin's team

didn't make it out.

Sergeant Curtin was out.

But then he went back in

to get rest of his team.

It was at this point

that North Tower collapsed.

Well, we heard this tremendous
rubble, uh, rumble again.

And the only way I can
describe it, would be like laying

between... railroad tracks.

And have a freight train
come at you... full force.

It, uh, threw me..

Threw me down into the half landing

against the wall and I was
kinda pinned in a standing position

against the wall.

I, I dove for the floor,
where the floor met the wall

uh, face down and... you could
fear, hear everything breakin'

the glass breakin', the ceiling
comin' down, the walls crashin'.

I started to try to run,
but you couldn't run

because of the rubble,
so I was just getting away

from the North Tower
and from this terrible sound

I heard behind me and the
great dust that was comin' again.

Josephine ended up..

I would find her after the collapse stopped

I would find her covered in debris.

There was debris across my
legs. I was pinned against the wall.

Then, she was actually at my feet.

She would later tell me that
she was holding on to my boot.

As I was layin' on the floor,
all these noises, uh, around us

uh, I could feel debris
starting to pile up on my back.

Uh, and I said to myself, I
say, "Well, I guess this is it."

I said, and I said..

I said goodbye to my wife and my kids.

And I'm firmly convinced..

That it was an act of God

because I got knocked
off my feet to the ground.

I remember laying down on my stomach.

I put my hands over my head..

And I said a prayer.

And I said to God,
"Please protect my family.

"And if you gonna take me, make this quick.

Because I don't wanna suffer."

We uncovered the debris
off her and she kinda like rose

out of the dust.

And, uh, we figured out
that I was okay, she was okay

and we started, you
know, calling other people

and, uh, everybody in my company was alive.

My first thought was,
I'm not gonna make it.

My second thought was
6 truck is, is behind me.

They're not gonna, you know, that's..

You know, your second
thought, and then I just thought

there are thousands of
people in that building.

I just.. It was just, horrifying.

And all I saw was that that silhouette

of maybe 20 stories high..

And I realized that that
the towers were gone.

And I said to them, "Guys.."
I said, "They're gone."

And, uh... you know,
it struck me then that..

That means all our guys are in there.

And when the sound ended..

The rumble, the roar..

I was still here.

And it wasn't because..

The reason I think.. I
know it was an act of God

because it was nothin' I did
that made me a better fireman

than all the other
people that didn't make it.

Chief Downey, Al Fuentes

Bill Feehan, Chief Ganci.

They didn't make it, and
they were on that same street.

I know there was nothin' I did
that made me better than them.

That's why I know, it was an act of God..

That protected me.

A fire chief's car pulled up to the corner

and stopped right in front of us

and couple of guys
jumped out, one was a chief

and he asked if there were any-any bosses

are there any bosses here.

And, uh, three of the guys
in our group were lieutenants

and they said, "Yeah we're lieutenants.

"Squad 252."

And they said, uh.. So
the one chief walked up

to one of the lieutenants and
grabbed him by the shoulders

and he said, "I need you to
find me a chief that's alive."

It had been a brilliant late summer day.

Bright sunlight, not a cloud in the sky.

Now it was black.

Utter darkness.

A darkness filled with dust and smoke.

45 fire engines and trucks
were crushed and burning.

Police cars were destroyed,
command posts were wiped out.

The most experienced man,
the man in charge went missing.

The World Trade Center was
just now a pile, a pile of rubble.

And you were lookin' at that and-and..

It was still buried in, it was very hot

and you just walked down and..

I just couldn't believe that
the whole lower Manhattan

like we once knew, it was..

It was not there anymore.

By now, the dust had kinda cleared

and you were lookin',
and there was no towers.

Then that, that's when it
hit me that, through it all

I knew somethin' terrible had happened..

Maybe the top half of
the building fell down.

I looked and the towers were gone.

It's too much information to absorb.

It's too colossal to take in.

What we saw was, uh..

Debris everywhere, dust,
and, uh, people basically walking

in and around circles and they're dazed.

And we walked around ever
block, and we turned every corner

and every time it was the same

there was... nothing but twisted..

Twisted metal and steel

and, uh, and one of eerie things that..

That you realize later on..

Was that there was..

No glass.

There was no broken glass.

There was no large chunks of
concrete other than what was

in the street.

The largest piece of concrete
you found was about this big.

You know that the entire
building was built of concrete

and steel, and glass.

It was like walkin'
through, through a warzone.

I mean there were fire trucks that were..

I mean crushed, there's
aerial ladders snapped..

Uh, police cars just
overturned and burned.

City buses that were just shells.

It looks like somebody came
there, took two pieces of steel

from the WTC and threw
it through these buildings.

Pieces of steel were sticking
in those buildings down there.

We knew that we had
put in, I mean, as at least

say for most of the fifth alarm assignment

had been in the tower that came down.

And it's reduced to rubbles,
so we know that, uh..

I don't if at the time we
could, you know, really grasp it

but we knew, that there
was few hundred firefighters

there's a hundred and
something firefighters in here..

For sure in this one.

There were rigs on fire.
There was rigs crushed

but it was... eerily silent.

It was eerily silent, and that scared me.

I don't if it was just our ears
or.. Several people said it

that when came out it
was almost like comin'

out of your house after a big snowstorm.

You know, there must
have been noise happenin'

but it just got very quiet, you know.

And you hear an occasional
"Help me," somebody sayin' that

and you certainly couldn't
because you couldn't see them

and you, you just..

You had no idea where
they were calling from.

I found this guy, Ramos, EMT Ramos.

And, uh, we saw each other, we..

I supervised him, we hugged each other

we held on, and I grab and I told him..

"What we can't do
alone, we can do together

"we could get outta here."

The street was lined with, you know

six inches, a foot of paper.

Now, when the North Tower collapses

all that paper begins to ignite.

So now we have trucks on
fire. We have fire trucks on fire.

We have police vehicles on fire.

We have large trucks
startin' to take on fire.

Everything was on fire.

Everything was on fire.

The entire place was on fire.

I mean, there were fires
raging around, and there's ash.

It was now turning to, like, mud.

It's grey mud, so you're walking through

the streets with this grey mud.

And at that moment, you
just stood there and you felt

like the gates of hell opened up.

You were standing right there.

You didn't know what to do first.

I..

You felt like it was Armageddon,

like it was the end of the world.

I don't know how else to describe it.

It was like hell.

Hell-hell on earth.

From inside the vehicle, um..

I could see the ashes just..

It was like-like, snowing
you know, but just ashes

like-like as if a volcano had
just erupted and all that is

just comin' down.

It was somethin' out of the movies

you know, I've never seen, uh..

The dust, or dirt was on the street

and it was like three inches thick.

And every floor above the third floor

was just engulfed in flame.

Not the kinda flame that you see

comin' out the windows, you know, that..

That's dramatic, but I
mean, it was all within.

Sort of like you were looking
through a giant barbecue.

7 World Trade Center was like..

Fully, like it was just..

The entire building was
like, you looked at the building

there was all kinds
of fire in every window.

And nobody was like even
dealing with it, it was just like..

There were flames,
firefighters, just exhausted

and... you know some even crying

you know, what I mean, they lost..

I mean so many people in there.

But just the things you
were seeing, like there was..

Like fire trucks burning.

I said to one guy, "This is
like the American flag burnin'."

"This is not supposed to be happenin'."

We started diggin' underneath the cars

and we started comin' out with
bodies from underneath the cars.

I guess people had come
down to see what was goin' on

and then realized that they were in danger.

Me and, uh, and an officer,
we went and opened the door

and you could just... see
her partner was laying..

He was limped over the,
you know, the passenger seat

and it was, he was burned
and it was so obvious

that he was dead, and you
know, that's when it hit me

this is real.

It felt like you were watching a movie.

And, uh..

And then when you came to your senses

you didn't even know where to start.

You look around and you
said, "Where do I even begin?"

You know, I knew where I was at.

Everything that had happened,
I was aware of everything

but I seemed so confused.

I guess as everyone else did, you know?

By the time I got to my
mask, I had already ingested

most of the, uh, debris and concrete dust

that was flying through the air.

I was trying to purge the mask
and really vomit out of the side

of the mask to try to get a breath.

Our eyes were just encrusted with debris.

I heard a PASS alarm.

One of our PASS alarms..

I was like, "Wait, wait, wait, listen."

You could hear it, I
don't know where it was.

It's very difficult to tell where they are

when they're goin' on.

It's like not easy, it's not
an easy sound to pinpoint

you know, like to lock into.

And it was just really, really faint.

Somewhere, but it was
somewhere like in there.

Then we heard that there was
a PASS alarm goin' on which is

safety device that we
wear on our masks inside.

One of the trade center, uh, buildings

the smaller trade center buildings.

So we made our way up into
that, we tried to get into that area.

I believe they were
ammunition rounds... goin' off.

So the fire had... grew in intensity..

And it was a lot more fire

and there were rounds goin'
on, pow-pow-pow, pow-pow-pow

like that, and I said,
"This is where I heard it."

We all stopped, listened
and I couldn't hear it anymore.

We tried to pick her up and
slide her down the-the debris

that kept fallin'

we slid her down to the
guys below us thinking

"Okay, small collapse,
we'll get outta here.

Let's get her outta here."

And we can't come to find
out that later on that the..

As soon as we got her
down to the next level

the guys there said that
there was no way to get out.

As these alarms came
in, and the person, the chief

in the lobby, who was running
that command post in the lobby

would have known who he
assigned but now that they were all

trapped in the lobby there at that one.

The commanding officer
of Emergency Services

Inspector Watson was comin' down the block

and Eddie and I were walkin' up

and, uh, I said, "Hey, boss
where's the command post?"

As the same time I was sayin'
"Hey, boss", he said, "Mike

"oh, my God", and guys I work
with started comin' towards me

they grabbed on my arm,
goin' "Get the scrap pile off him."

I'm sayin', "I'm alright."

and they're sayin', "No, you're not."

I think I started worryin' I
had somethin' stickin' outta

my head, or my ear was hangin'
off, the way they were reacting.

As soon as you saw somebody
that you knew that you hadn't seen..

Came out and you said,
"Thank God, you're alive."

In the middle of all
this thing when we were

goin' out, doin' some
searches, I ran into my brother.

My brother's a fireman, he-he was, uh..

He wasn't working that morning

he had gotten off a short time before.

I ran into him in the middle
of the smoke and I saw him.

So it was a pretty tearful reunion.

And, uh, the girl put up oxygen on me

the paramedic, she came
over to put oxygen on me

so I had to take a couple,
stay here few minutes and..

I said, "Well, okay." And, uh..

I didn't feel anything.

And I said to her, "I am not
getting anything." And she said

"Oh, it's empty, we have no more left."

I was like, "Boy, I don't
have the luck of the Irish here.

Triage center was set up,
we got help from everybody, uh

but one thing that was striking
was that there were no patients.

There was nobody.

A few police officers, a few
firemen started to show up.

Then I started running into a
couple of EMTs and paramedics

who were in the sector.

I said, "Have you seen.. Did
you see that fireman that went

in with us?" "No." "Did you see that crew?

The 18 Charlie Crew," "No.",
"What about Chief Brown?"

"What about his aid?" "No."

And you look around, there's nobody around

except for all those debris.

It was TAC 2, which is a..

Kind of a special equipment vehicle.

Almost like, a..

Like one of these big Con Ed trucks.

You know, um..

And it-it was twisted like a pretzel.

Like a pretzel.

I looked at that and I said

"My God, who is operating TAC 2?"

If we got ourselves together
with all the emergency service..

Units regrouped, uh, to
get some kind of our account

who might be missin'.

And then, the names started
coming in of everyone that was

working, all our friends

and all the people that we worked with

and, and as the names
kept rolling in, it was..

One after the other,
after the other, it was..

It was overwhelming.

Naturally, we all just kinda gravitated

towards West Street then

once we started findin' out
that that's where our truck was

and we knew it then, that's
where they had gone in.

I don't know what time it was,
we lost track, really, of time

at that point, but a few
hours later, we all ended up

in front of our rig.

The chaos of the first hours
slowly gave way to organization.

As men and women picked

through the mountains of rubble and steel.

Fires broke out underneath
them as they worked

and raged in the building
surrounding them as night fell.

As other buildings threatened to collapse

rescue workers were constantly on the move

looking for any signs of life.

You know the size of the..

I don't even know how
to describe it, the pile

of, uh, busted up building went blocks.

Truck companies, engine companies

squads, rescues, whoever
was there they tried to get

all the forces together

to get into make some
kind of search to find

any of our brothers.

We knew the guys were there,
we were hearing different stories

on where they might have been.

We wanted to get in that
area and start lookin' for them.

Make a search, see if
anybody's around, we checked

all the buses, fire trucks,
looked under the fire trucks

but there was just steel layin' everywhere.

And we just kept lookin'
for... a real long time.

And a few hours later we
all ended up back together

and we're in front of our rig
and somebody had already..

'Cause the rig was crushed
and it was full of dust and..

Somebody had written
the names of the guys

who were working, in-in the dust.

But there was a lot of
fire goin' on, lotta chaos.

People were worried about
the rescuers gettin' hurt.

We figured the first few days was

when we had the best chance
of finding, uh, people alive

We were searchin' through the pile and..

We got into some voids...
where the steel makes

when it comes down it
doesn't actually collapse.

It makes different kinds of openings

where you would crawl into
and see if anybody was in there.

Some were... hot and smoky..

But most of them were... just stock.

Crawlin' around on hot
steel was... glowin' red still

in all other places, it
wasn't crawlin' through

any visible fire but
everything was still hot enough

that you didn't wanna stand still.

You go over this piece
of steel, under that piece

of steel, around this piece of steel, go..

Down two steps, up and around..

You have to remember how to get out.

You went as far as you
could till you could fit no more..

Then you came out
and went into another hole.

I got into a couple of
real deep voids and..

Still nobody.

And at the bottom of the subway
tunnel, there were two cars

completely crushed and
all the debris on top of them

and the water was up to our waist.

We were hopin' to find
a void, hopin' to get in

hopin' to save a brother.

There was a bar down there,
searched the bar and found

some helmets, and heard
some PASS alarms in the rubble

but, you know, just couldn't get to them.

There was a dead end
search rope that we found

just dead end, and under a pile of rubble

so we started pullin' the rubble apart.

Got to a certain point where we couldn't..

We couldn't move the steel.

But... we didn't come up with anything.

Then the ironworkers showed up

and I got give them credit,
they did an incredible job.

We were just lookin' for
anything, any survivors.

5000, 6000 people, there should be

people, victims everywhere.

And we were all kinda shocked
that we're not findin' nobody.

Where are they?

Where are all these people?

I'm diggin' by hand for three days

and I had found no one.

We were at our worst... feeling..

And I look up to have a camera..

Put in my face..

And the woman didn't move,
she sat there and focused..

To capture the moment..

And I said to her..

In a few choice words,
how intrusive... that was.

And not only..

She snapped her picture
and said, "Oh, okay."

Thinkin' she was walkin' away..

She took two steps
back, sat down and said

"Just one more."

And to me that was..

You know, why not take
a knife out and stab me?

Uh, I put my left hand on the wall..

And I was walkin' in total darkness

I know I had people behind
me because they were

holdin' on to my shirt and belt.

We tried to pick her up and
slide her down the, uh, debris

that had kept fallin'

and we slid her down to
the guys below. I was thinking

"Okay, small collapse, we'll get outta here

"let's get her outta here."

So I had my hand on the edge
which I thought was the doorway

and I went to take a step,
and I didn't feel anything.

There was no floor right where my foot was.

We finally, gave a Mayday over our radio

but initially people weren't
hearing our Maydays.

I-I was yelling to the others to backup

you know, go back the other way.

So we managed to turn
around and with our hands

hands on the wall, walk a distance back.

During the whole time we were
trapped, they must've asked us

probably about 12 times..

Where we were.

We kept saying to them,
we're in the front, you go

through the front door, you make
a right, you go about 50 yards

and that's where the stairwell is.

Not having any idea that
there was no more front door

there was no more lobby.

There was really
probably no more stairwell.

There was a little spots of fire

that had broken out which
illuminated near to the area.

And... I was thinkin' to myself

I said, "The collapse doesn't kill me.."

I said, "That hole what was over there.."

I got outta that, I said, "Now
we're gonna burn to death."

I have no idea where they came from

but they kinda rose outta the debris pile

and they came and they met us

and they initially tried
to, uh, tried to lead us out

and the way that they had
come in was now engulfed in fire.

Through the fires, somebody thought

they had seen-seen light.

I didn't see no light

I thought it was a little
fire that had broke out.

We'd no idea that we'd eventually

be able to make it out
until the smoke cleared

and we saw we were actually
at the top of the debris pile.

I don't know who exactly had seen us first

but somebody said
there's a way out over here.

I mean we were thinking

you know, I'm out, I'm
thinkin' okay, I'm out in the air

you know, in the fresh air

but I'm still not out of this thing.

If this building falls down further

you know, we're all dead still.

So, we started makin' our way
out, at one point we had to clip

a rope onto a beam and slide
down this beam, probably..

I don't know, two,
three, four stories down

into the rubble, into like a cavern.

We-we went across the
cavern and then someone

on the other side of this cavern
lowered the rope down to us

and we actually..

Again walking, you know,
beams were in this shape

walking along the beams
using the rope to pull us up

we were able to make it up on..

What was originally,
I guess West Street.

And it was at this point,
we still had probably another

200 yards till we were out of this thing.

It was just amazing
because of the size of it

it was just.. Everyday you
just kinda stand and you look up

and you'd be, like awestruck,
and say "This is amazing."

We had.. I think every FEMA team

in the United States was activated

and at times, you wouldn't see them.

When we got to a certain point
goin' across to the debris pile

guys were like, "Where
are you guys coming from?"

We were like, "We are the guys
from 6 truck that were trapped."

And guys just couldn't believe
it, they wanted to carry us out

and we said, "Okay, we're okay.

"You don't have to carry us out."

The guys from 263 Engine..
I tripped over a piece of metal

and I fell and they thought I
was collapsing or something

and they're all great guys,
I can't say enough for 'em.

They put an arm.. I'm a pretty
big guy and they picked me up

they were two smaller guys

they picked me up and carried me out.

But unfortunately, out of the
18 or so people that I started

with at that location,
only six of us walked out.

We have one good story to tell, but there's

just for the fire department
alone there's 343

other bad stories.

As I was going toward the pile..

I was aware that, um,
Chief Ganci had died..

At the scene, and somebody
had said to me that, um..

That Deputy Commissioner
Feehan also had died.

And his son John is assigned in 252..

And, um, John was comin' down the pile

as I was goin' up.

And he um..

He asked me

He says, "Jeff, have you seen my father?"

And I tried not to
betray what I... was told.

I said, "No, John I just
got here a few minutes ago

"I-I don't know where he is."

And, um..

So, he made his way back

and we sort of... passed.

But, um, I didn't wanna
tell him what could've been

maybe a rumor or a conjecture.

I've been working for about 20 hours.

I looked down at my foot and I saw

this-this half severed hand of a woman

with a wedding ring on.

And that's all there was but..

I didn't know her, but I
knew something about her then.

I knew that she loved somebody,
and somebody loved her

and that's when I really thought, you know

this is, this is not a dream, this is real.

The next several days and weeks..

They're just, uh, one
repetition after another.

Goin' back to that trade center

and lookin' for the six members of 252.

This helmet's been sittin'
here on my lap for awhile.

This is Tommy Kuveikis' helmet.

He's still down there.

He's still in somewhere in the rubble.

We still got guys down
there today lookin' for him.

We've had guys down there
every day lookin' for Tommy

for Pete Langone, for Tarel Coleman

for Patty Lyons.

We found Lieutenant Timmy Higgins.

We found Firefighter Kevin Prior.

On the first day, we
got a woman outta there.

And, um, we bein' the whole fire department

you know, it was a, um..

A team effort and, uh..

Y-you were like a human chain.

And we were handin' the woman down

and it was probably maybe 100 yards or so

that you had to go down ladders

up ladders, slide steel..

I went off for four days. We kinda worked..

For like four days straight.

We worked 24 hours there.

For.. I ended up getting home..

Thursday.

We stayed straight down there for, um..

I think it was eight days straight.

When I got home at 3:30 in
the morning, I'd to be back at

6 or 7 o'clock.

I caught like two hours
of sleep and got back.

We all wanted to come
back, we had friends in there.

We know their families.

My wife said.. I-I was off duty

the night I went in, she said

"Why are you goin' in today?"

I said, "Because when they find the guys

"I wanna help to carry them out."

Uh, sometime I think on
Wednesday or Thursday

we found, uh, Pete Carroll

who was probably one of my best friends.

Uh, lookin' back now it's, you know..

I'm glad we found him.

At least we got to put him to rest.

And then we found the captain and they were

in... an area..

Fairly close to each other.

So we tried and put two and two together

and maybe they were together.

You know, we..

We spent several days..

Searching in that area

to see if we'd find anybody else.

Fathers digging for sons,
sons are digging for fathers.

We had brothers digging for other brothers.

The other day they found I think 16.

That was, uh..

You know, we're hopin' for the call.

You know, might be somebody from here to

ease the pain but... it wasn't.

I-I don't think we'll
actually feel any normal

until we get all of our guys.

All of our guys out.

The company that the-the
member's from they'll try and..

Contact that company,
so they can come and..

And either dig the member out or, uh..

You know, carry the member down.

Somethin' about shrouding
the guys in the American flag

givin' 'em dignity, and carryin' them out.

It's just somethin' about
that, that's healin' for me.

There're so many victims of this tragedy.

Thousands of families
who've lost loved ones.

Thousands of children
who've lost their parents.

In the chaos that followed the collapse

families waited for a phone call

not knowing if their
loved ones were missing.

Uh, it was our anniversary.

And my husband was
coming off a 24-hour shift.

And he was gonna start his vacation.

So, um, I woke up late

to bring my son to school.

I called him, he said, "I'm finished

and I'll met you at the
coffee shop in 10 minutes."

So I brought my son to school

and I waited in the coffee shop.

And it was a beautiful blue day

I don't know, it was blue sky

and I started to see a plume of smoke

coming and, um..

I immediately got annoyed

'cause I said, "Oh, he's
gonna go that I know", 'cause

all the fireman, "if it's a
big fire, it's a good fire."

When I saw what was goin' on

I called my wife and told her I was goin'

and she was on the phone screamin'

"You can't go, you're not workin'!"

And I hung up on her.

The last message I left
my wife was from the truck

before I jumped in the vehicle, I said

"I got out of election duty

and I'm on my way to
WTC, I'll call you later."

I didn't wind up callin' my wife till

about 4:30, 4:45 that afternoon.

Which was.. She was kinda upset.

He called me on his way to Brooklyn

and told me that, he was just
gonna go and get changed.

And probably go straight to
Manhattan, he'd call me later.

I kept on beeping him.

I kept on calling his cell phone.

I was getting through.

All the phone lines are down and..

Uh, one guy had a cell phone.

I think it was.. We had
a cell phone in the truck.

And Franco Barberio was the truck chauffer.

And there was a line of
guys there to make calls quick.

I've seen one person take a
cell phone out of his pocket

then it clicked, I said,
"I gotta call my wife."

"Are you okay?" I said, "Don't
ask a lot of questions now."

I said, "We're trapped in the WTC."

I said, "I think we're on
the top of the debris pile."

Can you please make a phone call for us?"

Told her I was alright.
I got all arms and legs.

I said, "I'm fine."

And she was, to say the
least, a nervous wreck.

And she started to
whimper a little bit, I said

"Don't cry now. Now is not the time to cry.

"You gotta do this for
us, because we're not sure

they're getting our radio messages."

I kept telling him

to be careful, like I always do.

And he says "I'll be fine."

I say, "You don't know what else is there."

And he says, "There's
nothing else, the worst is over."

Really, I panicked

when Joey finally got to me
and I realized where he was.

Joey called me an
hour after Lorraine called

and he was crying.

He was crying.

He said that the call just came over

and they're gonna dispatch us down there.

That was the last time
that I talked to him and

he went down there and then I'm watching

and the buildings are collapsing and, um..

And then they keep reporting, you know

hundreds of firefighters
are missing, presumed dead.

In the hospital, I guess

a social worker, hospital
worker called my wife.

Which I knew, once she got the call

finally then, she knows I'm fine or alive.

But she's still... she's a worrier my wife.

The six hours or so

that I waited was..

Torture because I thought
he'd have called before then.

He says, "Ma, there're
body parts all over the place."

He says, "I'm tripping over body parts."

I said, "Listen to me,
you listen to me carefully.

Do what you have to
do, but get outta there."

All that my wife could say to
me on the phone, she was cryin'.

"Please come home, just
come home, just come home."

And.

That's the hardest thing.

To tell her, uh..

I can't come home right now.

I just can't.

Uh, about 7:30, quarter
to eight the next mornin'

he came in... exhausted.

And just went straight in the shower.

He walked in with his uniform in-in a bag.

And, um, I just.. I didn't know what to do.

I-I was thanking God..

That he came home.

About four days later, I went home.

And you can imagine, uh..

A pregnant wife at home

and her husband's not
home and circumstances

she was pretty upset.

She, uh, fell asleep with
my picture in her hand.

I was surprised. I just, uh..

..I woke her up, next, uh, she was cryin'.

I just kinda held it together
all the way drivin' home.

All I wanted to do was get
into the house and hug my kids.

That's what I did.

Then I went upstairs, and
just sat by myself and... cried.

I was furious and I wanted
him to leave and come home.

I'm sure every person did that had somebody

down there that they loved.

But I had the luxury of he did come home.

And as soon as I opened the
door, my wife heard the door..

And I walked in.

And we hugged.

She was never more beautiful

or more precious in
my life than that night.

And... I went upstairs and
without waking the kids up

I gave them all a kiss and a hug.

I came back downstairs

I talked to my wife again
for about a half hour.

And I said to her, "Hon... I've
been here, I've been home..

I gotta go back."

She was, uh.. She hugged me and she said

"I thought you were exaggerating."

I was a given a number yesterday

that kinda stopped me in
my tracks, and that was that

there's close to 15,000
kids who have lost a parent..

In this event.

You know, and that is... that's just like..

You know, you can't fathom that.

We have 27..

Children from this firehouse
alone that lost... a father.

It's a difficult situation
because we don't have a body.

We don't have any... closure for us.

- So... you know, it makes it..
- 'How do you explain?'

How do you explain
that... you know, I mean, I..

My son doesn't believe me.

He still thinks he's
gonna come out of the..

From out from under
the rocks and be fine.

I picked up my kids..

And, uh, I went home

and it was just an eerie feeling.

Just do quiet and..

I went to my in-laws and
just everyone was there.

And, uh, it still didn't hit.

"Oh, well, he's... he's probably
there and helping people out.

That's just the way they are."

And, uh, it still hasn't really sunken in.

What... everything that has happened.

It's like a tunnel.

Just, um... very dark
and everything's going

at a hundred miles an hour.

Half of the company was at my wedding

and I now look at my wedding video

and unfortunately,
see a lot of people who..

Who aren't there now.

And with everyone that we bury...

..if we don't... and I
know everybody agrees

that, um, if we don't get
our husbands back physically

that they're all together.
And they need to know

that we're together
for each other. Forever.

We've been together 17
years, we met in college.

He was a sculpture major.

So I had no idea I'd
be the wife of a fireman.

Um..

After he, he's always
been into saving lives.

He was a lifeguard, um..

He... um..

Sorry, this is hard.

He's, he was everybody's, I
just borrowed him for a little while.

So that was Mike. He was everything.

I called him my moon-man.
He's a Cancer, I'm a Leo.

He was the... he was the moon.

'Tom.'

He was also in the Navy Reserves.

It's very important to
him serving his country.

Actually, uh..

He'd be upset with everyone

that they're waving their flags now.

They should have been
waving their flags all along.

When we were driving home from a vacation

we kind of had a thing where
we go, "If you could do anything

what would you do?" If you had money..

Or everything the way you wanted it, um..

I'd said I would go to
graduate school for writing

and I would go to Columbia.

And I said, "But, you know

"we don't have time and we're too busy..

You know, the money, and.."

He, uh... I received a catalog
two days ago in the mail

that he must have called for.

So..

I felt like that was a sign.

Mike was Mr. Mom. I never
knew where he was with the baby.

He was at all the local shops.

He was walking around the block.

I'd ask, "What did you do today?"

Well, he was in a million places.

And part of me is sad

because he may not remember,
he won't remember his father.

But I'll make sure that
he will in several ways.

Keeping everything... preserving a jacket.

Keeping newspaper clippings. Um...

So, in one way, it's a mixed blessing.

It's a mixed blessing.

I wanna use this time to promote..

Firemen, so that they can..

..make more money.
They don't get paid a lot.

I think they need to make more money.

Uh, we struggled in our lives.

Um, and they shouldn't have to struggle.

I think people are now
aware that these guys..

Are the bravest guys in the world.

They would do anything for anybody.

And it's time for the country
to support that financially.

It's always bothered me that someone can..

Make a million dollars
on Wall Street in 10 minutes

but none of those people
would run into a burning building.

It's overwhelming, the amount of support

from the city, from neighbors,
from friends, from family.

And I wanted to say, thank you.

I had to tell my kids, uh..

They knew something was going on.

And, uh..

Just from family members
and friends and support. Um..

And I just told them that
we all love him... and her.

All our family, friends and..

Daddy's a hero.

They're all heroes.

They helped many, many people..

From that building. And they would..

He... they would... not
wanna be anywhere else.

That was their job, that was their calling.

Just helping everyone and..

They're all together.

All the brothers are together.

They're all looking at us and..

..and together, how we are now.

'It's true.'

They're all there. Together too.

Like everyone else in the nation

we find ourselves asking, "What now?"

How do we return to normal?

Will we return to normal
and... what will normal be?

The statistics are shocking, numbing.

Nearly 6,000 innocent people murdered.

Tens of thousands of others injured.

There numbers obscure the
thousands of individual stories.

The lives lost. Who they were.

Their families who loved them.

Friends... hobbies, foibles
and maddening idiosyncrasies.

They were like all of us.

They are... all of us.

I remember driving over
the Verrazano Bridge..

Looking to my left.

And... it wasn't there anymore.

The Manhattan skyline
was just not the same.

And I j... it was like a big void.

And I remember looking to the right..

And seeing a coast
guard ship... gunship..

Sitting... under the Verrazano Bridge..

With the gun on the bow of the boat.

You know, this is not something that..

A year from now, we're back to normal.

It's... our way of life has changed.

When you can't drive into Manhattan

without stopping at a checkpoint

your life has changed.

When you have fighter jets flying over

your life has changed.

Not just 6,000 people,

one person died 6,000 times that day

and... it's really the truth.

And why? Why?

For what? People at their desk?

That's your big... you know..

That's your big..

Political statement is
killing a person at a desk?

I mean, what do you know?

It's that about us, you
know. How'd you do that?

Where's the glory?
Where's the honor in that?

And I've had a couple of nightmares and..

Usually when I was going to sleep

I was so exhausted, I didn't remember..

The couple of nights I
had some nightmares..

They were pretty scary.

I hope they go away soon

and I don't have to worry about them.

My wife says that... you know..

I wake up and I jump up.
I don't remember a lot of it.

No, I haven't been getting that much sleep.

Not one of 'em, not one of 'em hesitated

when it came time to go into that building.

Were they scared, were they nervous?

I'm sure they were.

But not one of 'em hesitated.

Those were the guys
that went that extra step.

That went that extra floor.

That were gonna get
those extra civilians out.

And... and that's what they did.

They got 25,000 people
out of those buildings.

And it's, uh... it's
something that... that can't..

Be overlooked and can't be forgotten.

Those guys that ran into that
building and... and are missing.

They're heroes, and
they were heroes before..

They went in there.

Only now are they being appreciated.

Now that they're gone.

Timmy Higgins, Kevin Prior..

Tom Kuveikis..

Pat Lyons..

Pete Langone... Tarel Coleman.

I've never been prouder...
to say I knew them.

And I worked with them.

I feel lucky to be alive,
but I feel, uh, I feel guilty..

That..

You know, that so
many others had to, uh..

Had to die.

You just look at, you
look at the posters inside

and you'll see..

There's, there's a father and a son.

There are brothers.

There's..

There's a guy, Joseph Viggiano,
who works up in truck too.

Not only is he missing,
but his brother's missing.

Those are firemen. They live in Brookline.

There's two sons, their
father's a retired battalion chief.

He's there every night

digging for two sons, is that right?

I don't remember, this department lost

just about every-every..

Apart from every operational component.

EMTs, paramedics, firefighters.

Fire marshals.

Lieutenants, captains

battalion chiefs, division chiefs.

Chief of the department
and first deputy commissioner.

I've a picture here that Brian
McDonald's daughter drew.

Um... this photo actually was a logic photo

that she'd drawn herself

and then it was so
moving that one of the guys

had it trunked down and laminated

for everybody in the unit.

Um, when you see things
like this, that's so personal..

Uh, she drew another photo
and we put on the back there.

When you see things
like that, it's-it's almost..

Just heart wrenching.

These guys will never
be forgotten. Never ever.

I knew all of their families.
This, we'll take care of them

you know, for the rest
of our lives, we'll always..

They'll always be
members of this firehouse

whether they're here or not.

Their kids will always be welcome here.

And, you know, you just have
to get... you know, it's not easy.

We're never, we're
never gonna get over this.

That's... you'll never get over that thing.

No matter where you go

people thank you for what you do.

Um, they-they show sorrow for what..

You know, who you've lost.

And... it means a lot.

You know, people are waving signs at you.

You know, and clapping and
cheering as you're goin' down..

You know, down West Street though

you could be driving here,
coming down the block

and you pull out.

They're waving American flags
and they're cheering the police.

We've literally pushed people
out the door to shut the door

at 12 o' clock at night.

I mean, they were just
coming, people donating.

You can look around quarters

there's thousands of cards from schools.

People are stopping by even now with..

Six grade letters from their kids.

And just to let them
know, they're being read,

they're being looked at

they're hanging... some of them
are hanging up in the quarters.

When we come in for a break,
we're havin' a cup of coffee

if we're havin' something
to eat, as we're doin' that

we'll just go through a
stack of cards or letters.

It's just gives an extra little boost

that they need for that day.

They get through it.

People ask you, "How you
doin'?" And that they really mean it.

"How are you?" you know?

And then they'll ask you,
"How is your family too?"

So, you know, people are concerned.

And you know, it's something
good, it's nice to see, you know

Americans, you know, together

and everyday people
looking out for each other too.

When I got back that night, there was a..

I was out by the house watch.. And, uh..

There is a kid, he came
running up the house watch.

He was having difficulty in breathing.

And I'm trying to talk to
him. "You okay? you okay?"

And he says, "I run, I run."
I'm like, "Are you okay?"

Like, what happened? I
thought either saw a fire

or somebody was in trouble or somethin'?

He said, "I run, I run, I
run. Make sure you're okay."

Where are we going from
here, I.. Hopefully, forward.

And... but, I really don't know.

You gotta hope things get better
and I don't know when they will.

And how much better they will get.

We're entitled to live
our lives as free people.

The way we always have.

The fire department suffered a great loss.

With all the people that we have lost.

I mean we-we have lost great firefighters.

Young, up-and-coming people.

People with knowledge and expertise.

We will recover from it, but, uh..

Yeah, we'll recover because
we will not dishonor the memory

of the people who are still,
you know, that are missing.

You know, the day by day things that happen

I mean that they're gonna
keep happening and..

We'll get back to work and..

See our kids and spent time
with them as much as possible.

Hug 'em. Hug each other.

And... remember that
the most important thing..

Is your wife, your children..

Your family and there's nothing else.

Nothing.

He's got a cowboy outfit,
got a box full of outfits

that he runs through every day.

And he hasn't worn anything, but work shoes

long pants and fireman shirts..

Since this happened.

And my wife is kind of like,
"Cookie.." We call 'em Cookie.

'Cause you got character.

Say, "Cookie, you have
to wear something else

besides work shoes, long
pants, and fireman shirts."

He's like "nope!

Wear long pants, work
shoes and fireman shirt."

I said, "you know what, honey?

I gotta go with him on this one."

Am I upset and devastated
by what happened? Yes.

I'm gonna continue to, uh..

Live my life to its fullest and, uh..

Be a productive member of society.

Be a, be a good chief.

Be a good father.

Be a good husband.

Yeah, definitely I'm
gonna be able to do that.

That's the way I feel.

Do I need help doing it? I-I probably will.

Someday you miss people,
who-who survived the first one

and ran out and got out.

Went right back.

They drifted back... to the
area to see if they could help.

And...

..they're already carrying on,
it's just an instinct to do that

I think that what's
gonna, what it's gonna be.

We just went to a fire and it was like..

Nothing can happen to us here.

And this is, this is piece of cake.

It just felt good.

Felt good to get back, uh,
to some sense of normalcy.

This tragedy, you're never,
you're never gonna forget this.

You know, I spent two
years in Vietnam, '17 to '19.

Saw lot of stuff over there, but..

Not like this.

I haven't gone back.

I didn't wanna go back.

I had that option and
I, and I choose not to.

I guess for my own... my own mental health.

As a paramedic..

I help people.

I treat and care for.

And there was nothing for me to do.

And I was done.

What would I say to them if I could?

I'd say, "you didn't break our spirit.

"We paid a terrible
price with over 6,000 lives

"but you didn't break our damn spirit.

And you won't."

I've a lot of hatred inside
of me for these people.

'Cause I can't..

Uh, believe that..

People would hate some..

Hate people so much
to do something like that.

They're innocent people.

And somebody said it
earlier, "It's a holy war!"

I'm a catholic, nobody
ever told me in church

to go out and kill somebody.

It's not about money, it's not about hate.

Just love each other, let's
just love each other, you know.

People gotta learn just
to live and love each other.

You know, that's-that's
what it's all about, you know.

A lot of men, women and
children and families, for what?

You know, same thing with war for what?

You know.

Say your prayers, and
hopefully, God will help us all out.

You know, that's what we have to do.

It's just so far beyond..

My comprehension how someone..

Someones could do something like that.

And to innocent... individuals.

I mean whatever beef you have..

That was just outrageous.

And, uh..

..it shouldn't have been.