The Young Riders (1989–1992): Season 2, Episode 12 - Judgment Day - full transcript

Whoa!

- Are you hurt?
- No. Is he all right?

They're not too deep.

You can't do that! Cody,
someone's got a claim on this!

I don't think
he's gonna make it.

It's the worst kind of
hooliganism. And I won't
stand for it.

I understand.

- How dare you!
- Now, take it easy,
Mr. Drummond.

You'll be reimbursed. I
promise you. I'll take it out
of the boy's paycheck myself.

Watch me.

It's the worst kind of
hooliganism. And I won't
stand for it.



You'll be reimbursed. I
promise you. I'll take it out
of the boy's paycheck myself.

The hell you will. Teaspoon!
That wire ain't nothing
but the devil's

I understand.

- It ain't right. Teaspoon.
- And I demand
full restitution for this

wanton disregard of
property and that's all there
is to it.

Yeah, well, I'll do it again
the next time, too.

I tried. But ever since
his death, teaspoon.

I can't help but see
life through his eyes.

Handy work. And it's carving
up the whole prairie
like some

- old lady fencing
off her backyard.
- Cody!

Who gave up on it long
before he took his own.

I don't know what else to do.

The whole world is going to
hell. Teaspoon! Just like
Hezekiah said.

Cody. I know how hard
you took
Hezekiah's death,



but you've got to leave
that behind you, son.

I tried. But ever since
his death, teaspoon.

Life really is. And then when
you get to St. Joe take your
time coming back.

You have yourself
a little holiday, huh?

I can't help but see
life through his eyes.

Then you'll be looking at life
through the eyes of a man

who gave up on it long
before he took his own.

I don't know what else to do.

I mean, I've never
been this sad and angry
all rolled up into one.

I'll tell you what
you do, son. You got
a long ride ahead.

Why don't you let the
majesty of the plains remind
you of what a precious thing

Yah! Yah!

Why don't you let the
majesty of the plains remind
you of what a precious thing

life really is. And then when
you get to St. Joe take your
time coming back.

You have yourself
a little holiday, huh?

- You okay?
- I'll be fine.

That's the precious cargo
that I almost
got killed over?

Some holiday.

We all to change with the times.

Progress don't care who it
tramples on.

- You okay?
- I'll be fine.

Russell, majors
& Waddell is the one
building the telegraph?

We're just taking
advantage of it.

Yeah, and stabbing the pony
express right in the back!

That's the precious cargo
that I almost
got killed over?

This mail is damn precious to
the people who sent it, Cody.

- You ought to know that.
- Yeah, right.

What's that?

That's our latest service.

Russell, majors
& Waddell is the one
building the telegraph?

And it's the pony express
they're gonna be killing.

Progress don't care who it
tramples on.

Now, don't worry.

It will take years
for the telegraph to creep
all the way west.

Yeah, and stabbing the pony
express right in the back!

We all to change with the times.

I need to get some
bandages here, please.

It will take years
for the telegraph to creep
all the way west.

- Unless, of course,
there's war.
- Why's that?

Well, when men start killing,
they usual get
wonderful inventive.

And it's the pony express
they're gonna be killing.

- What happened to you?
- I ran into some Cheyenne
on my last run.

Oh.

What the hell are
you doing here?

Excuse me, old timer, do you
know where I can get some
bandages?

Over yonder, son.

- Thank you kindly.
- Don't mention it.

This is what I've been looking
for. This is what I was
talking about.

I need to get some
bandages here, please.

- Timmy, is that you?
- Hey! Hey! Cody!

Hey!

- Timmy! Timmy!
- What? Whoa!

- What happened to you?
- I ran into some Cheyenne
on my last run.

Can I help you?

What the hell are
you doing here?

Ain't no more express in these
parts. They cut all the short
routes I was riding.

- Why?
- Telegraph.

Finished stringing the lines
two months ago.

Clerking's the only
employment I could find.

Boy, we ain't got all day.

- Well, you take care,
all right?
- Yeah. Good to see you.

Yeah?

This is what I've been looking
for. This is what I was
talking about.

Let me get some of that there.

You buying or looking?
'Cause if you're looking, try
outside. There's more to see.

I'm buying.

You buying or looking?
'Cause if you're looking, try
outside. There's more to see.

I'm buying.

Let me get some of that there.

Sit him up!

That's right!
Yes! Yes, brother!

But for the fearful
and the unbelieving

he was a nice kid
when I knew him.

He was a great showman.

He was the best shot
I ever seen.

- Great showman.
- He was a nice kid
when I knew him.

Let go of me! Let go of me!

Just consider me
the hand of the lord.

And next thing I knew,
I was upside down
in that alley.

That's the whole story.

Not quite the whole story.

Well, a close friend
of mine died, Mr. Poole.

A great man named Hezekiah horn.

Well, a close friend
of mine died, Mr. Poole.

One minute I was
pouring down that redeye

You don't strike me as
a wastrel, Mr. Cody.

Something pretty powerful must
have driven you to dive
so deep into that bottle.

Not quite the whole story.

Excuse me?

You don't strike me as
a wastrel, Mr. Cody.

Hezekiah horn is dead?

Yes, by his own hand.

Why?

Something pretty powerful must
have driven you to dive
so deep into that bottle.

Hezekiah horn is dead?

A great man named Hezekiah horn.

He was eaten up by the way
our country's going to ruin.

And that he was powerless
to do anything about it.

Yes.

He was a great man.

Though, I have to
be honest with you, Mr. Cody.

Why?

- He shot and killed
his only son.
- Oh, dear god.

That weren't the only reason.

He was eaten up by the way
our country's going to ruin.

Though, I have to
be honest with you, Mr. Cody.

I don't share in the same
despair that Hezekiah
must have felt at his end.

Amen.

And so, do you,
Millicent irmagarde Owen,

take this man, barnett Hamilton,

and that he was powerless
to do anything about it.

Tragic end to a great man.

These are challenging times.
And I feel obliged
that good men should rise up

and overcome these
powerful influences
that are so hell bent on

oh, god! Gone and
launched into a sermon in
the middle of your dinner.

Forgive me, Mr. Cody.

I don't share in the same
despair that Hezekiah
must have felt at his end.

These are challenging times.
And I feel obliged
that good men should rise up

Get a good rest.

And overcome these
powerful influences
that are so hell bent on

destroying this beautiful land
of ours.

Oh, god! Gone and
launched into a sermon in
the middle of your dinner.

Forgive me, Mr. Cody.

Perhaps I should
be saving all this hot air
for tomorrow afternoon.

And, as
I look down on this happy
couple here today,

Take this man, barnett Hamilton,

to be your lawfully
wedded husband?

Come by if you're
so inclined. It might be
of interest to you.

Thank you. Maybe I will.

But I've lost all my money.

There's no need.
Your acquaintance
is repayment in full.

I wish I could repay
your kindness.

But I've lost all my money.

With which
I am so very familiar.

Having traveled down that
sacred road on
six occasions myself.

And, as
I look down on this happy
couple here today,

I'd like to offer a few
personal reflections

Having traveled down that
sacred road on
six occasions myself.

And, yes, though I loathe to
admit that none of those
heavenly bonds took root,

I'd like to offer a few
personal reflections

on the hallowed
institution of marriage.

And, yes, though I loathe to
admit that none of those
heavenly bonds took root,

I beseech you not to lose
faith, but to take heart.

For if nothing else,
the odds are on our side
that this will turn out good.

Amen.

I...

I...

Good. And so by the power
vested in me by the
territorial governor,

I now pronounce you
man and wife.

"Behold, the tabernacle
of god is with men.

"And he shall dwell
with them and be their god."

- I do.
- And do you, barnett Hamilton,

take this woman, Millicent
irmagarde Owen, to be your
lawfully wedded wife?

I...

Kiss the bride, barnett.

These two can't get hitched!
That's my wife!

I...

- Do.
- Do.

Good. And so by the power
vested in me by the
territorial governor,

I now pronounce you
man and wife.

And I saw
a new Jerusalem coming down
from god out of heaven

- Nor shall there be
any more pain.
- You tell it, brother!

For the former things
are washed away.

That's right!
Yes! Yes, brother!

These two can't get hitched!
That's my wife!

And god
shall wipe away all
the tears from their eyes.

- Amen!
- And there shall be
no more death.

You tell it.
Now, you listen to this man.

And I heard a great voice
coming out of heaven
from god saying,

and I saw
a new Jerusalem coming down
from god out of heaven

prepared as a bride
adorned to meet her husband.
You tell it, brother.

You tell it.
Now, you listen to this man.

And I heard a great voice
coming out of heaven
from god saying,

"behold, the tabernacle
of god is with men.

But for the fearful
and the unbelieving

and the abominable
and the whoremongers
and the murderers

and god
shall wipe away all
the tears from their eyes.

And the idolaters and
all the liars, for they
shall have their place

in the lake that burneth
with fire and brimstone.

- That's right!
- No sorrow. No crying.

- Nor shall there be
any more pain.
- You tell it, brother!

You ain't hiding a couple of
husbands on me, are you?

Mmm-mmm. Kid, I ain't lived
long enough to have
a couple of husbands.

And with mercy in my left hand
and with justice in my right,

oh.

I was taught that when a man
and woman, well, been doing
what we've been doing, that,

she accepted. We exchanged
vows. We lived together

as the most contented husband
and wife in the territory.

Until that dreadful day
when she disappeared.

And the abominable
and the whoremongers
and the murderers

and the idolaters and
all the liars, for they
shall have their place

in the lake that burneth
with fire and brimstone.

And with mercy in my left hand
and with justice in my right,

well, unless...

Excuse me, kid, but you ain't
fixing to propose?

No.

-I shall be his terrible,
swift sword
of righteousness.

She accepted. We exchanged
vows. We lived together

- Paid court.
- Where'd you do that?

- Boarding house.
- Not in her room, I assume?

- Front parlor.
- You give her gifts?

Until that dreadful day
when she disappeared.

Ever since, my life's
been utter torment.

Barnett?

Teaspoon.

You want to tell your side
of the story?

I guess.

- Where'd you meet?
- Church social.

She approached you?

- Teaspoon?
- Forgive me. You struck up
a conversation with her.

What happened then?

- Paid court.
- Where'd you do that?

- Yep.
- And she accepted?

- Made that day
the happiest of my life.
- Except, she ain't your wife.

- She wouldn't take 'em.
- And then one day
you proposed marriage.

- Yep.
- And she accepted?

- Front parlor.
- You give her gifts?

- Tried.
- But?

- She wouldn't take 'em.
- And then one day
you proposed marriage.

Now, Lucius, I hate
to inform you
but by your own logic

I wouldn't be any more married
to you than I am barnett.

You thief! You...

Boys? Boys?

Lucius, barnett, stop it!

- Made that day
the happiest of my life.
- Except, she ain't your wife.

-And she never will be.
She's mine.
-Liar!

You thief! You...

Lucius, barnett, stop it!

Now, Lucius, I hate
to inform you
but by your own logic

Whoo! Come on in, kid.

Oh, you can't imagine
how good this feels.

Why not?

Because I had seven husbands
by the time I met you.

Okay, here I come.

What's so funny?

Oh, you can't imagine
how good this feels.

Okay, here I come.

Whoa!

Okay, here I come.

What's so funny?

The long Johns, kid, it ain't
like I never seen you without
them on before.

- I just don't feel right.
- It sure feels right to me.

Well, yeah, but it just ain't
the way I was brought up.

The god-fearing men and women
who are the backbone
of this great nation.

I'm sorry if I insulted you.

No offense taken.

- That sounds like fine work.
- Indeed.

Mmm-mmm. Kid, I ain't lived
long enough to have
a couple of husbands.

No, but you're pretty enough
to have a couple hundred.

Because where I was brought up,

I was taught that when a man
comes proposing, it's supposed
to be on bended knee!

Kid, what's wrong with you?

Well, yeah, but it just ain't
the way I was brought up.

Oh.

Instead, each person needs
to assume a personal
responsibility

for doing the lord's work.

I was taught that when a man
and woman, well, been doing
what we've been doing, that,

that it ain't proper unless...

For doing the lord's work.

Making a path to
that new Jerusalem.

No.

Well, maybe. I guess not.
Well, yeah, maybe I am.

Well, then, I'm afraid I won't
be able to accept.

Why not?

Because where I was brought up,

- I love you.
- I love you, too, kid.

I was taught that when a man
comes proposing, it's supposed
to be on bended knee!

Yeah...

- I love you.
- I love you, too, kid.

I swear it was the funniest
thing I'd ever seen.

So you won't forget me,
Mr. Poole.

I swear it was the funniest
thing I'd ever seen.

How could I possibly forget
you? Thank you so much.

I don't think I'll forget any
of you ladies. Thanks again.

So you won't forget me,
Mr. Poole.

How could I possibly forget
you? Thank you so much.

I heard you speak this
afternoon. I was interested
in what you had to say.

Good. Good. I'm glad
you could make it.

- Uh, I had a question, though.
- Well, I hope I can answer it.

I don't think I'll forget any
of you ladies. Thanks again.

Ladies, good afternoon.

Mr. Poole.

What about that question
you had, William?

When you were talking about
being terrible, swift sword.
What does that mean?

Mr. Poole.

Mr. Cody. Welcome.

I heard you speak this
afternoon. I was interested
in what you had to say.

- Uh, I had a question, though.
- Well, I hope I can answer it.

- Mr. Cody, my brother, Caleb.
- Mr. Cody. Nice to meet you.

- That's quite a bounty.
- Oh, indeed. I am truly
blessed.

What about that question
you had, William?

Mr. Cody, those who poison
our society, the vermin,
the scum, the rabid animals

when you were talking about
being terrible, swift sword.
What does that mean?

It just meant that the new
world's not gonna
materialize by itself.

That it's gonna
need help a-borning.

What kind of help?

Mr. Cody, those who poison
our society, the vermin,
the scum, the rabid animals

no. Quite the opposite.
We carry warrants on
every man we pursue.

- And when you find 'em?
- We turn them over to the
proper authorities.

They must be tracked down
and rooted out.

Oh? So, then,
you're a vigilante.

No. Quite the opposite.
We carry warrants on
every man we pursue.

Like good Shepherds, Mr. Cody.

Come on. Have a seat.

- And when you find 'em?
- We turn them over to the
proper authorities.

- Do you collect the reward?
- We take our due.

Like bounty hunters?

Like good Shepherds, Mr. Cody.

Come on. Have a seat.

You see, William,
we distribute that money
to those in need.

The god-fearing men and women
who are the backbone
of this great nation.

I don't want you
with us unless
your heart is truly in it.

You know, William,
a great man once wrote,

Oh! That was one
prodigious shot, William.

- That sounds like fine work.
- Indeed.

Perhaps you'd like to join us?

- I don't think so.
- Why not?

Because I just don't think
much good can come from it,
that's all.

The only way the west
can truly be lost is

with defeatist thinking
like that.

Instead, each person needs
to assume a personal
responsibility

And you know, William, god...

God places a
special responsibility
on the exceptional

and the strong, like yourself.

Well, give me a night
to sleep on it.

You take as much
time as you like.

I don't want you
with us unless
your heart is truly in it.

Well, you look like you live
pretty good, Gideon.

You know, William,
a great man once wrote,

"the only thing necessary for
evil to triumph is for
good men to do nothing."

Gideon, you better hear this.

- My mama. They took my mama.
- It's all right, son.

- You got to help my mama!
- We're gonna help your mama.

Caleb, take the boy.
Simon, saddle up the horses.

- My mama. They took my mama.
- It's all right, son.

- His name's Matthew.
- It's all right, Matthew.

Now, stop crying, Matthew.
We can't help you

if you don't tell us
what's wrong. Now,
calm yourself and tell us.

My mom and sister,
they tied 'em up

and they did bad things
to them. And they
took them away.

Where's your father, Matthew?

The blodgetts, they killed him.

- Where's the marshal?
- He's an old drunk.

He left town the minute
he heard about it.

Are those the men, Matthew?

- You got to help my mama!
- We're gonna help your mama.

You know, I wasn't fooling
around this morning at the
swimming hole.

Caleb, take the boy.
Simon, saddle up the horses.

Regulators, let's go.

Mr. Cody, why don't you ride
with us and see what business
we are about.

You know what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about
the other thing?

What other thing?

Well, if that wasn't fooling
around. Kid, you sure
do a good job of faking.

You know what I'm talking about.

You know, I wasn't fooling
around this morning at the
swimming hole.

Well, if that wasn't fooling
around. Kid, you sure
do a good job of faking.

Well, you know what they say,
kid, haste makes waste.

- Rider up.
- That's me.

You know? The other thing.
Doing what's proper, like.
Like how we were brought up.

Well, you know what they say,
kid, haste makes waste.

What other thing?

You know? The other thing.
Doing what's proper, like.
Like how we were brought up.

What exactly did
these blodgetts do?

They violated and
murdered a 14-year-old girl
in front of her mother.

Then, they did the same
to the mother.

- Rider up.
- That's me.

- The men, they're ready
to move in.
- No. It's too dangerous.

They violated and
murdered a 14-year-old girl
in front of her mother.

Then, they did the same
to the mother.

See for yourself what kind of
men they are, William.

- The men, they're ready
to move in.
- No. It's too dangerous.

Nobody moves in
till someone can get
a clean shot at Ernest.

Get ready to give the signal.

Oh! That was one
prodigious shot, William.

Well, you look like you live
pretty good, Gideon.

Well, I'm neither profligate
nor puritan, William.

Hang on a minute.

It feels good. Like I'm doing
something right for a change.

What happens to them now?

Well, Caleb and Simon will
deliver 'em up to the federal
marshal in abilene.

I believe you, Gideon.

Well, you look like you live
pretty good, Gideon.

Well, I'm neither profligate
nor puritan, William.

Hang on a minute.

William, how's it
feel to be one of us?

Marshalin' may be my business,
but advice is my calling.

It's about Lou.
Ah, yes, Louise.

I mean, I mean real close,
like in the Bible.

Now, I know that...

It feels good. Like I'm doing
something right for a change.

Serving god is the only way
to fill the voids, William.

Believe me, I know.

Robbed a good
homesteader of
their hard-earned money.

Hold up.

- How'd it go?
- Fine.

Kid, you come
to the right place.

Marshalin' may be my business,
but advice is my calling.

- Got some more business.
- Fine.

- How'd you get back so soon?
- Oh, I, uh, ran into a
detachment of cavalry

- Teaspoon?
- Kid.

-You got a minute?
-Yeah. I got two.
What's on your mind?

And, uh, delivered up
the blodgetts
into their custody.

Excellent. Who's next, Caleb?

Horace Pullman. Wanted for
bank fraud and embezzlement.

Mr. Cody.

Robbed a good
homesteader of
their hard-earned money.

Distance, huh?

- Me and Lou,
we've been getting real close.
- Yeah. I noticed.

It's about Lou.
Ah, yes, Louise.

I don't have much experience
with women, teaspoon.

Well, she's becoming more and
more of a woman.

-You got a minute?
-Yeah. I got two.
What's on your mind?

I need some advice.

I mean, I mean real close,
like in the Bible.

We should try not
to stay as close.

But then,
to tell you the truth,
that scares me even more.

Well, she's becoming more and
more of a woman.

Time and distance, son,
that's the key to
understanding women.

I don't have much experience
with women, teaspoon.

And ever since ya'll
found out Lou ain't a boy,

- Uh, confuses you, huh?
- Yeah.

Time ain't the problem,
teaspoon. It's the distance
that I'm having trouble with.

Distance, huh?

Time and distance, son,
that's the key to
understanding women.

Time ain't the problem,
teaspoon. It's the distance
that I'm having trouble with.

I know that what we're doing
is wrong. And I've tried to do
the right thing by Lou,

but she won't take me serious,
and it confuses me.

'Cause if she cared about me,
like I know she does,

then she should take me serious.

'Cause lord knows
if we don't do things
to make things proper

now, I know that...

I know that what we're doing
is wrong. And I've tried to do
the right thing by Lou,

'Cause lord knows
if we don't do things
to make things proper

then something
terrible could happen.

And that scares me.
So, I think that maybe,

- uh, confuses you, huh?
- Yeah.

'Cause if she cared about me,
like I know she does,

Well, kid, uh, I think
you're gonna have to do
a little more thinking.

That's what I think.

And that scares me.
So, I think that maybe,

we should try not
to stay as close.

So, what do you think, teaspoon?

Well, kid, uh, I think
you're gonna have to do
a little more thinking.

Was it true?

Was what true?

I swear on my dead
mother's eyes.

Fine woman.

Except for the fact
she can't cook.

What?

- She don't know a spatula
from a spittoon.
- What?

You're fabricating this whole
story. She ain't never cooked
for you.

I swear on my dead
mother's eyes.

Oh, no? Let me tell you about
the birthday dinner
she cooked for me.

It's only the plumpest,
tenderest Turkey
you ever tasted.

Stuffed with cornbread and
chestnuts

Milly?

- She don't know a spatula
from a spittoon.
- What?

About Milly and you?

Finest I ever met.

And fresh carrots
she growed herself.

All of it washed down with a
bottle of wine from France.

What?

I said the woman is incapable
of preparing an edible meal.

But you ain't yet partaken
in Milly's greatest gifts.

- Which?
- The ones bestowed
on the marriage bed.

You're fabricating this whole
story. She ain't never cooked
for you.

Oh, no? Let me tell you about
the birthday dinner
she cooked for me.

She's only the best cook
in the territory.

Milly?

Well, she might have
cooked for you, barnett,

but you ain't yet partaken
in Milly's greatest gifts.

Stuffed with cornbread and
chestnuts

and served with lyonnaise
potatoes and them
little bitty Pearl onions

and fresh carrots
she growed herself.

Yes. Yes,
I stole that money,

and for dessert, she made
blueberry and apple pie about
yea high and covered my slices

with ice cream.
She cranked for hours.

Can't cook, eh?

Tigress, that's
what I called her.
That's what she was.

Wild and insatiable as any
jungle beast.

All of it washed down with a
bottle of wine from France.

And for dessert, she made
blueberry and apple pie about
yea high and covered my slices

Tigress, that's
what I called her.
That's what she was.

I started this bank with that
money. And I've had
a good success with it.

And I'll return every cent
I made if you'll just let me
go free to live peacefully

- with my wife
and my daughter.
- Mr. Pullman,

"thou shalt not steal,"
means just that.

- Which?
- The ones bestowed
on the marriage bed.

Wild and insatiable as any
jungle beast.

Yeah.

There can be no mercy for
those who have shown none
themselves, William.

This man has a wife and a
daughter. They are innocent
victims to all this.

Yes. Yes,
I stole that money,

but it's the only mistake I've
ever made in my whole life,
Mr. Poole. I swear it.

Not that it's permissible
to steal then return the money
with interest.

- Now, how are they gonna live?
- There's no bargaining with
the commandments, Mr. Cody.

Simon, take Mr. Pullman
to the federal marshal
in abilene.

"Thou shalt not steal,"
means just that.

Not that it's permissible
to steal then return the money
with interest.

But it's the only mistake I've
ever made in my whole life,
Mr. Poole. I swear it.

I started this bank with that
money. And I've had
a good success with it.

Cavorting with fallen women,
Mr. Cody?

Now, that really doesn't fall
into the category

of doing the lord's
work, now, does it?

She owns the silver
spoon saloon.

Now, if I take
Mr. Pullman there...

Cavorting with fallen women,
Mr. Cody?

Please, take the money.
Just let me go. I've got
a wife and a daughter.

Simon, take Mr. Pullman
to the federal marshal
in abilene.

I'll never get there alive
and you know it!

Mister, you look like
an honest man.
Please, help me.

This man has a wife and a
daughter. They are innocent
victims to all this.

- Now, how are they gonna live?
- There's no bargaining with
the commandments, Mr. Cody.

Please, take the money.
Just let me go. I've got
a wife and a daughter.

Come on, Gideon, ain't there
just a little room for some
mercy here.

There can be no mercy for
those who have shown none
themselves, William.

Mister, you look like
an honest man.
Please, help me.

Now, hold on a minute.

Now, why don't you
help Simon put Mr. Pullman
in the cage.

Caleb, do you wonder if our
new recruit has the stomach
for doing the lord's work?

Gideon, I have a friend
in abilene. Her name
is Amanda O'Connell.

She owns the silver
spoon saloon.

John! John, tell my wife
they're taking me to abilene!

Please, mister,
don't let them do this!

Just how unswerving
Mr. Cody's dedication
really is, huh?

Get in there, boy. Get on in.

Do you miss
Sweetwater, William?
Seems like a nice little town.

- About as nice as they come.
- Yeah.

Maybe it's time we did
its citizens a favor.

If there's anything you need,
don't hesitate to call
upon me. I implore you.

And we can't risk disloyalty.
Perhaps, we'd best determine

just how unswerving
Mr. Cody's dedication
really is, huh?

Caleb, do you wonder if our
new recruit has the stomach
for doing the lord's work?

- Well, he did seem to
lack sufficient ardor.
- Mmm-hmm.

John! John, tell my wife
they're taking me to abilene!

Tell her to get help!

I believe we do.

Maybe it's time we did
its citizens a favor.

Caleb, didn't we have
a warrant for a man recently
settled in Sweetwater?

I believe we do.

Ah, yes.

Why, marshal hunter, of
course. You're just
in time for tea.

Oh, well, good.

Do you miss
Sweetwater, William?
Seems like a nice little town.

If there's anything you need,
don't hesitate to call
upon me. I implore you.

But they do grind
exceedingly fine.

The wheels of justice grind
exceedingly slow, Mr. Cody.

But they do grind
exceedingly fine.

Uh, ma'am, could I talk
to you for a minute?

Why, marshal hunter, of
course. You're just
in time for tea.

While, I, of all people
can understand the desire
to have nine spouses,

I do question the advisability
of trying to have them all
at the same time.

Ma'am, I'd like to,
uh, discuss our little
predicament if I might.

Well, I'd be happy to help in
whatever way I can.

Uh, ma'am, could I talk
to you for a minute?

Ma'am, I'd like to,
uh, discuss our little
predicament if I might.

This contains a visual record
of my first marriage
to bud birch.

- He's an assayer
over in long fork.
- Still among us?

Oh, yes. Healthy as a horse.

- This is
the official portrait.
- Oh, it's very handsome.

I do question the advisability
of trying to have them all
at the same time.

I just didn't have the heart
to divorce them.

They were all so contended.
It would have been
cruel and unfeeling.

Well, I'd be happy to help in
whatever way I can.

Well, thank you.

While, I, of all people
can understand the desire
to have nine spouses,

You, uh, certainly do.

But, uh, earnestly, ma'am,

they were all so contended.
It would have been
cruel and unfeeling.

Why'd you actually have
to go and marry them all?

Such relations outside
the bonds of holy matrimony
would not be proper.

No. No. No, of course, not.
I didn't mean to suggest...

- Would you care to see
my picture albums?
- Well, ma'am, I...

Oh, I carry them with me
at all times.

This contains a visual record
of my first marriage
to bud birch.

- He's an assayer
over in long fork.
- Still among us?

Besides, I do adore weddings.

- Would you care to see
my picture albums?
- Well, ma'am, I...

No. No. No, of course, not.
I didn't mean to suggest...

Forgive me. I was, uh, just...

Teaspoon,

the unvarnished truth is
I love men.

- This is
the official portrait.
- Oh, it's very handsome.

Yes. That's one of the reasons
for all the weddings. I do
look marvelous in white.

Now you've been
married six times.

That's right. Six times.

But, uh, earnestly, ma'am,

why'd you actually have
to go and marry them all?

Yes. That's one of the reasons
for all the weddings. I do
look marvelous in white.

You, uh, certainly do.

They say seven
is a lucky number.

Ah, if you'll excuse me, ma'am.

The unvarnished truth is
I love men.

I love them all.

Ah, if you'll excuse me, ma'am.

I got to get back to work.

- Teaspoon?
- Huh?

- May I call you that?
- Uh-huh.

Teaspoon,

I'm making a mess
of this whole thing, ain't I?

- Teaspoon?
- Huh?

That's right. Six times.

They say seven
is a lucky number.

That's Pullman, all right.

I love them all.

Short, fat, bald, skinny,
toad-like, I love them all.

And it's because I love them so

I can't bear being tied down
to any single one of them.

That's Pullman, all right.

I suppose you don't have
that money he stole?

All gone. Marshal, he spent it
on beefsteak, bourbon,
and blondes.

I can't bear being tied down
to any single one of them.

Now you've been
married six times.

All gone. Marshal, he spent it
on beefsteak, bourbon,
and blondes.

That reward offer still stand?

Which resolves the
question of her current
matrimonial status.

Which leaves us with
the question of her
alleged bigamy. Now...

I got to get back to work.

Maybe we can have
that tea another time.

- And I'll make arrangements
for you to collect.
- Much obliged.

After being hit
by a bolt of lightning.

Poor bud.

That reward offer still stand?

Well, I can't see
any reason why not.

Why don't you
step over to the bank

- and I'll make arrangements
for you to collect.
- Much obliged.

I reckon she was never legally
married to anybody else,
including you two.

Which resolves the
question of her current
matrimonial status.

Reveal that Milly's first
husband. Bud birch,

Which leaves us with
the question of her
alleged bigamy. Now...

In order for there to be
criminal proceedings,
somebody must press charges.

And she is free to choose
whatever husband she likes.

Oh, I...

Lucius, you want
to press charges?

Uh, I just want Milly back.

Reveal that Milly's first
husband. Bud birch,

was killed tragically
last Tuesday

In order for there to be
criminal proceedings,
somebody must press charges.

Poor bud.

And, uh, seeing's how Milly
married him first,

I reckon she was never legally
married to anybody else,
including you two.

This court is hereby
adjourned. Buck, hickok,
clear the court, uh, the jail.

If you'll excuse me.

Well, it's been my misfortune
to kill lots of men. Which one
ore you referring to?

This court is hereby
adjourned. Buck, hickok,
clear the court, uh, the jail.

If you'll excuse me.

Uh, I just want Milly back.

Barnett, how do you feel?

I'm terribly sorry,
but I don't want either
one of youns.

Same.

Well, then, the charges of
bigamy against miss Milly Owen
are hereby dropped.

And she is free to choose
whatever husband she likes.

- I met a great man, teaspoon.
- Uh-huh.

And why is this great man
so interested in my past?

That was galveston.
Twenty years ago.

I'm terribly sorry,
but I don't want either
one of youns.

Teaspoon?

There's people saying that you
killed a man, teaspoon.

Well, it's been my misfortune
to kill lots of men. Which one
ore you referring to?

Where'd you get this?

- I met a great man, teaspoon.
- Uh-huh.

These people say that you
killed that lawman in cold
blood.

This was a hired gun for a
corrupt judge. I killed him in
a fair fight.

Cody?

Well, he tracks down men who
have escaped justice and
brings them to it.

- He's a bounty hunter?
- No. That's what I thought
too, but he ain't.

And why is this great man
so interested in my past?

Well, he tracks down men who
have escaped justice and
brings them to it.

Not exactly.

Gideon was wrong about you,
but a few of the men
that we took in,

'Cause nine times outta ten,
these ready-made
ones ain't to be trusted.

- Oh, you're wrong
about him, teaspoon.
- Am I?

I was acquitted of these
charges sixteen years ago.

That was galveston.
Twenty years ago.

These people say that you
killed that lawman in cold
blood.

Even a man half-interested
in justice could
have found that out.

Besides, you must sense
something ain't quite right
with this Gideon.

Gideon was wrong about you,
but a few of the men
that we took in,

they were as bad as they come.

Son,

you got to stop looking
for heroes and start
being your own.

No, teaspoon, I wasn't gonna
turn you over to him.

But I did question
some of his actions.

I was acquitted of these
charges sixteen years ago.

Even a man half-interested
in justice could
have found that out.

There was one man
that he wasn't so bad.

He wasn't a murderer.
He was just a thief.

He had a family.

Well, what is he then?
A self-appointing
avenging angel?

Not exactly.

He had a family.

Still, Gideon showed
him no mercy.

But I did question
some of his actions.

There was one man
that he wasn't so bad.

You got to stop looking
for heroes and start
being your own.

'Cause nine times outta ten,
these ready-made
ones ain't to be trusted.

- Where was we
supposed meet him?
- Corral at the edge of town.

Oh, yeah?

No.

What'd he ask you to do?

Have you ever seen this Gideon
hand anybody actually
over to the law?

No.

Besides, you must sense
something ain't quite right
with this Gideon.

Was you gonna turn me into him?

No, teaspoon, I wasn't gonna
turn you over to him.

- Successful mission, William?
- He'll be coming by in his
wagon any minute now.

- But you're making
a mistake, Gideon.
- Now, why do you say that?

So, you spoke to him against
my instruction?

- He's like a father to me.
- There's no room for
personal sentiment

in the new world, William.

- But you're making
a mistake, Gideon.
- Now, why do you say that?

Because I know teaspoon
hunter. He's a good man.

So, you spoke to him against
my instruction?

Oh, yeah?

Well, let's just see what kind
of justice your Gideon
is dispensing, shall we?

Besides, them charges
was dropped against him
sixteen years ago.

Is that what he told you,
William? This man is wanted
for murder.

He must be apprehended.

What'd he ask you to do?

Well, he asked me to take you
to him. So he could bring you
to trial in fort laramie.

- Where was we
supposed meet him?
- Corral at the edge of town.

He must be apprehended.

Is apprehending all you're
gonna be doing?

What are you suggesting?

He's coming of
his own free will.

Besides, them charges
was dropped against him
sixteen years ago.

Ready?

What the hell do
you think you're doing?

Hey! What way did he go?

Indeed. They were so
delivered, William.

In the new world, William.

- So, he knows we're here?
- What difference does it make?

He's coming of
his own free will.

What the hell do
you think you're doing?

The wanted poster said
dead or alive, William.

Simon.

These men must
be executed, William

I suspected you weren't strong
enough for this kind of
business, William.

I see my mistrust
was well placed!

What are you suggesting?

Did you really deliver Pullman
to the federal marshal and the
blodgetts to the army?

Indeed. They were so
delivered, William.

These men must
be executed, William

lest our eccentric judicial
system release them
back into society!

Hey! What way did he go?

Grab the horses.
Take the wagon.

Ho! Hold on there, easy!

Grab the horses.
Take the wagon.

Ho! Hold on there, easy!

Lest our eccentric judicial
system release them
back into society!

How could you do this? How
could you kill those men?

I suspected you weren't strong
enough for this kind of
business, William.

Cody!

You betrayed me, William.

Drop him, Gideon.

Put 'em down!

Whoa! Easy! Easy!

You betrayed me, William.

You forgot that.

May god forgive you for your
weakness. William.

Vengeance is the lord's.

- What a shame.
- Well...

You sure you won't
change your mind?

Uh, uh, no, I don't think so.

May god forgive you for your
weakness. William.

You sure you won't
change your mind?

We could have had such fun.

They violated and
murdered a 14-year-old girl
in front of her mother.

Then, they did the same
to the mother.