The Young Pope (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - Episode #1.6 - full transcript

Edgar!

What did he die of?

The same thing our Church
is going to die of.

Old age.

NINE MONTHS LATER

...et apostolicae fidei cultoribus.

What is it about that statuette
that you find so sensual?

I'd prefer not to delve
into my psyche.

Holy Father,
donations have declined.

Revenues from religious taxes,

which our bishops and dioceses
depend on for their survival,



have declined, tourist visits
to the Vatican have declined,

greatly reducing the influx
of funds to Vatican City.

There is not much
that the Vatican Bank can do.

Our days of free willing
finances are over.

Changes in banking regulations mean
that our hands are now tied.

If we continue on this course,

we'll be forced to start selling
off our artistic patrimony

simply to survive.

The faithful will return.

It's a natural cycle.

For now, the faithful
are not returning.

And small but dangerous enclaves
of Catholic fundamentalism

are starting to spring up,
just like in Islam.

Islam has more followers
than the Catholic Church.



Don't you find it a burden to take
on the responsibility

of such risky
and unpopular decisions?

No.

Your Holiness, who are you, really?

subs: sookie
sync and corrections: othelo

Therefore, by the authority
of the almighty God

of Saint Peter
and Paul and by our Own,

this venerable brother of ours,

we create and solemnly proclaim

of the Holy Roman Church,

Cardinal Bernardo Alonso Gutierrez.

Receive the ring
from the hands of Peter.

And know that through the love
of the Prince of the Apostles

your love for the Church
is strengthened.

Push. Push more.

Push! Pushing, ok.

Ok, Esther.

Ok, Esther.

Push more.

Push.
Very good, Very good.

Ok, Esther, ok, ok, ok.

Keep pushing, keep pushing now.

Ok.

Ok, ok.

Now let us offer the prayer

that Christ has given us
as the model of all prayers:

Kyrie El?ison.

Christe El?ison.

Kyrie El?ison.

Pater Noster, qui es in Caelis,

sanctificetur Nomen Tuum.

Adveniat Regnum Tuum.

Fiat voluntas Tua,

sicut in Caelo, et in Terra.

Panem nostrum quotidianum

da nobis hodie,

et dimitte nobis debita nostra,

sicut et nos dimittimus

debitoribus nostris.

Et ne nos inducas in tentationem,

sed libera nos a malo.

Let us pray.

The Pope told me
I would become a cardinal.

He didn't keep his promise.

I don't know...

This Pope...

I don't know... I don't know...

But I know so many things...

If I were to speak...

I don't know...

And now it's time for me
to bid you all farewell.

I should have done it before,

but the Holy Father kept me in Rome

so I could begin work
on my new responsibilities.

I beg your pardon for only coming
back here after nine months to...

to say goodbye and turn right
around and head back to Rome.

But before I leave,

I'd like to introduce you to
the new bishop of San Pedro Sula,

Monsignor Jorge Aguero.

I know Monsignor Aguero very well.

He's a hero.

From this pulpit
he will shout at you

to forsake evil,
to fight against the gangs,

to say no to death,

to violence

and the narcotrafficking
that infests Honduras.

He will refuse to give communion
to crime bosses

and he will refuse to perform
weddings for their daughters.

Yes, he will do all the things
that I have failed to do.

Yes, because I'm not a hero.

Because...

I'm afraid.

Like you.

Perhaps that is why you have
loved me, just a little. No?

Because I didn't make you
uncomfortable.

I never asked you to choose.

I never blackmailed you by saying
that in order to be good Christians

you had to let yourselves
be murdered

by the henchmen
of the drug cartels.

I loved you for the way you were...

not for the way you ought to be.

Now I bid you farewell.
I'm going to Rome.

But that's not going home for me.

I want you to know that,

as far as I'm concerned,

Honduras is and always will be

...my home.

Attention!

Flowers!

This is for the baby.

Oh, you shouldn't have,
Holy Father.

It's a Bible that belonged to
Thomas Jefferson,

the President of the United States,

but it's like new,
he never opened it.

We certainly can't blame Jefferson,
the Bible isn't light reading.

We named him Pius.

A name for a bird.

He'll fly high!

Do you want to hold him,
Your Holiness?

That really would be
an unusual experience for me.

And for Peter and I
would be an honor.

Pleasure to make
your acquaintance, Mr. Pius XIV.

It's a pity we can't remember
what we smelled like

when we were babies.

I do remember
what my parents smelled like.

He takes after you.

But if you look closely,
he also takes a little...

No.
He's a very good-looking baby.

He resembles his mother.

Holy Father.

Forgive me. I'm such a fool.

My hands only know
how to bless people.

- It's all right, nothing happened.
- I'm such an idiot.

We all have to get used
to new things, Holy Father.

- Nothing happened.
- Yes, yes you're right, Peter.

Valente, was there something you
wanted to tell me?

Holy Father,
the Italian Prime Minister

is waiting for you in the Vatican.

Of course, it slipped my mind.

Esther, I must go.

In my head,
I'll be at this audience

but in my heart I'll
never have left this room.

It's surprising to see
how a young woman,

just moments after having a child,
can be transformed into a mother.

Mr. Prime Minister, please allow me
to recommend extreme caution

with the Pope.

The information I've received

suggests that he's more
diabolical than saintly.

Excellent!
He's finally meeting his match.

Eminence!

Welcome, Mr. Prime Minister,
the Holy Father is expecting you.

- Thanks.
- This way please.

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

Good morning.

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

We'll be late for the audience!

Good morning.

Are you asleep, Holy Father?

No, Mr. Prime Minister.
I'm praying for you,

That's very thoughtful of you.

And thanks very much
for giving me this audience,

after just nine months.

I didn't think you'd be running
the Country this long.

I said to myself: why bother?

But I was wrong.

Well, how is this Italy of ours
doing?

Much better, thanks to me.

- You think so?
- Yes.

I think just the opposite.

If you wanted to do "much better",

perhaps you should keep firmly
in mind this list of requests.

I jotted it down in a hurry
just a few minutes ago.

If there's anything I've left off,
I can certainly add it to the list.

I make sure you receive
it promptly.

Greater assistance
to Catholic families,

no to common law marriages,

no to gay marriages,

more money to Catholic schools,

further tax and banking benefits
to the Holy See,

absolute prohibition
of abortion in all cases,

absolute prohibition
of divorce in all cases,

no to any temptation
to accept euthanasia,

restrictions
on the religious freedom

of Muslims and Hindus,

a reopening of discussions
on the Lateran Pacts,

a full review of the territorial
boundaries of the Vatican State.

This last request really is
remarkable, I have to admit.

I didn't know that you had
expansionistic ambitions.

But I was told before coming that
this new Pope is a very funny man.

But did they forget to inform you
that this new Pope

is a man who's
far more intelligent than you?

No. Because it isn't true.

Do you know what the difference is
between me and you, Holy Father?

Let's hear.

The difference is that I was
elected with 41% of the votes.

That 41% exists.

You were elected by God.

And it's not a sure thing
that God exists.

Fine!

There's another element worthy
of your consideration:

just in case God
does happen to exist,

do you know how long
it would take Him to wipe

that 41% off the face of the earth?

And where will God eradicate
that 41%?

At the polls in the next election?

Or in their homes
while they're watching TV?

Or perhaps in their sleep!

At the polls in the next election.

And what's more:
I, as the vicar of Christ,

will be happy to help God
eradicating that 41%.

And if don't stop
playing the idiot,

I'm gonna be forced to prove to you
that God does exists.

Let me explain something
to you, Holy Father.

- Please.
- Your demands...

might have some basis in fact
at any other point in history.

At a point in history
when the Church was stronger

than it is right now,

the Italian political equation
would have been obliged

to take your demands
under serious consideration.

The way it always has in the past.

But now let us briefly analyze
your Papacy, Holy Father.

In the past nine months you have
never shown yourself to the faithful,

you have not recited a single
Angelus in St. Peter's Square,

you have not communicated with anyone,

you have simply retreated
into your palace on the hill

and you have threatened and
terrorized the faithful,

through your terse
and telegraphic communiqu?s

in L'Osservatore Vaticano,

with obscurantist
and retrograde theses.

The result has been that,

according to a number
of highly respected studies,

Italian Catholics have turned away
from the Church en masse.

This new development not only
allows me to ignore your requests,

but it gives me
an even greater opportunity:

finally to modernize Italy.

Without fear of retaliation or the
risk of losing support among voters,

I can review the colossal fraud

of the eight per
thousand Church tax,

finally imposing punitive
taxes on the dioceses,

and, most important of all,

I can finally free the
country from the pork barrels,

stumbling blocks, and vetoes
of the Holy Roman Church

in the areas of euthanasia,
common law marriages,

gay couples, abortion,
scientific research.

To cut a long story short,
Holy Father,

thanks to you I can start
a revolution.

A very persuasive speech.

I'm glad we're finally beginning
to talk sense.

Persuasive and stupid,

I might add,
like every politicians' speech.

And what's more, unrealizable.

Unrealizable?

We shall see about that!

Now, if you'd care to listen to me,

I'll show you that God exists,

and how God and I can annihilate
that 41% of the population

that makes you feel so cheerful
and full of yourself.

I am very eager to hear what you
have to say, Holy Father.

I'm glad.

You see, Mr. Prime Minister,

in the Sixties the young people
that protested in the streets

spouted all kind of heresies,
all except one:

power to the imagination.

In that, they were correct.

The only problem was they had
no imagination.

And neither do you.

But God and I have plenty.

God and I are simply dripping
with imagination.

Now, just try and imagine
something with me:

in six months, Italy will hold
the general elections,

and you will try to maintain
or increase

your 41% share of the electorate.

And right now everything indeed

points to your ability
to maintain that 41%.

- Yeah.
- But just imagine,

a few weeks before the election,
it comes an announcement.

Pope Pius XIII has decided
to appear in public

for the very first time.

To talk to the Italian Catholics.

What morbid curiosity!

The whole world
is dying of curiosity.

And it is absolutely
to be expected,

it's normal, we all want to see
that which is hidden,

we all want to stare
the forbidden in the face.

Pius XIII appears and so
do his beautiful blue-eyes...

and this soft, round mouth.

A dazzling image,
so dazzling it blinds people.

In other words, a powerful,
an evocative image,

not unlike that of Christ.

But Pius XIII
doesn't merely dazzle,

he offers reassurance as well.

With a magnificent speech,
full of quotations in Latin,

it tells them that they,
the faithful, must not be afraid.

And how could they be afraid,
with a Pope as handsome

and reassuring as Christ?

Last of all, just a few short
weeks before the elections,

the Pope says just two words:

"non expedit".

- Do you know what that means?
- No.

No, of course you don't.
You're far too young.

The "non expedit" was first issued
by Pius IX in 1868.

It was eliminated by Benedict XV
in 1919,

but guess what I can do?

What I, who am not answerable
to 41% of the Italians,

but only to God who, by the way,
does not express His displeasure

on social networks
if I make a mistake.

Guess what I can do?

I can restore the "non expedit".

The Catholics will all rush
to Google those words.

What do they mean?

The "non expedit" means
that the Holy Father

decrees it is unacceptable
for Catholics

to vote in the Italian elections.

And do you know what the surveys
that you have commissioned tell us?

They tell us that the number
of Italians who identify themselves

as Catholics are 87.8%
of the population.

Now you may say to me:
"they could simply disobey you."

True.

But while a Catholic
might disobey the Pope,

they'd never disobey Christ.

I'm already the former,

but believe me,
if I want to,

I can have myself accredited
as the latter as well,

and when I do,
you'll lose your election.

Here's how it works:

since you get 31% of your votes
from the Catholic electorate,

ah, you'd wind up with
a mere 10%.

I wouldn't be so sure
of those numbers, if I were you.

Mr. Prime Minister,

take a look in this mirror.

What do you see?

Two young men.

One of whom is dressed
in a slightly odd style.

I, on the other hand,
see two media events.

One has already taken place,
that's you.

The other is about to happen.

Now, having set out...

to prove to you
the existence of God,

I believe I'm done.

But in that case, why...

why haven't you appeared
in public yet?

Because there's still no need.

You weren't all that wrong:
this Pope is diabolical.

Good morning.

This Pope is a saint.

I can say that much after
my meeting with the Holy Father.

A warm, productive
and stimulating meeting.

Nonetheless,
substantial disagreements

remain with the Holy See.

The Italian government,
despite the Pontiff's misgivings,

will continue the efforts to
legalize common law marriages,

no matter what the sexual
orientation is.

And, as you know,

the revision of the eight per
thousand Church tax is approaching

and will be the subject of our
next cabinet meeting.

Holy Father, would you like me
to see what I can do

to mend the relations
with the Italian Government?

- He's bluffing.
- Who?

The young man in a hurry who's
speaking on TV right now.

He's selling smoke and mirrors.

He won't do a thing he says.

Holy Father,
I've read the draft bills

that have already been approved
by the various commissions.

These people are deadly serious.

The revision of the eight
per thousand Church tax

would threaten the survival
of the Italian bishops.

Would that be such a bad thing?

What do we care?
You and I are the Holy See.

The Italian bishops
can take care of themselves.

Holy Father, I beg you,
this is no laughing matter.

Rest easy, he's bluffing.

Holy Father, believe me,
political awareness

is an archetypal emotion
for the Secretary of State.

Soccer mania is an archetypal
emotion for the Secretary of State.

I want to let you know that I've
been working hard on something new.

On what?

A measure forbidding priests
from giving absolution

in the confessional
to women who have had abortions.

Its a kind of soft,
disguised form of excommunication.

Holy Father, we will wake up
and find the women of the world,

led by the Femen, rushing
the walls of the Vatican,

hammers in hand,
bent on destruction.

Fine. We'll rebuild those walls,
taller and finer.

Old and unreliable Rorschach tests

orders to investigate intrusively
into the past of aspiring priests,

young men paid bounties
to lure those aspiring priests

into compromising sexual situations

as soon as they're allowed
out into the world.

That's what I read in the directive
I found on my desk this morning,

drawn up by who knows what renegade
underling while I was in Honduras.

Drawn up by me!

Every candidate for priesthood
takes a vow of chastity.

Their sexual predilections
are irrelevant.

Every candidate for priesthood

takes a vow of chastity
and none of them respect them.

That's the truth.

Well, I'm telling you no.

Lenny, I'm not okay with this.

I didn't go looking for my parents.

Instead, I went back
to the orphanage,

in order to be with my friend
Andrew Dussolier,

who was all I had left
in the world.

That was the beginning.

You owe me, as a friend,
as a man of the cloth

who acknowledges my authority,
you must do what I ask.

Here you are: Sanchez Angelo.

My superiors have determined
that you are neither suited for

nor worthy of the priesthood.

You are prohibited from requesting
admission to a seminary,

in your home diocese
or in any other, for seven years.

Why?

Put in simpler terms, the sexual
disturbances afflicting you

are unacceptable
in terms of our standards.

What do you want?

Your resignation.

Otherwise...

our order will threaten a schism.

A schism?

Just try it.

I'll strip you of all you have.

Everything.

Your beds, your tunics,
your underpants,

all those wonderful
monasteries you have

in the most wonderful,
loveliest places on earth.

Because all that belongs to me.

Are you ready to live on the
street? Like St. Francis of Assisi?

Are you ready to
sleep on the ground,

kicked and spat upon by junkies,
and homeless people, and drunks?

I'm ready to wage a war
without end against you.

Are you ready
to wage that war,

armed with nothing
but bottomless poverty?

I didn't think so.

And in that case,
stop talking bullshit

and get yourselves some shoes,

because the air in
here is unbreathable.

Angelo Voiello?

Jesus.

Who sent you? Pius XIII?

No, Raffaele Esposito,
the magistrate.

Captain Becchi is here and he would
like to ask you a few questions.

And I'll be happy to provide
him with some answers.

This is for you.

Read it!

DEVOTED FAN

THE MAN BEHIND THE SCENES

What do you recommend?

Father Antonello did a great job
with "A Great Little Soul",

So did Liliana with "A Man"...

I'll take "1001 Illustrious Names
Blackmailed by Angelo Voiello."

There, only there.

PLEASE DO NOT SIT

May I have some cane sugar?

We don't have any cane sugar,
Captain.

Eminence, do you have any idea
why I'm here?

The owner of the
"Er Core de Roma" restaurant...

must have filed a
complaint against me.

Last week he claimed that Maradona
is still on drugs,

and I really lashed out at him.

I said: "You ugly shit,
don't you dare

take the Lord's name
in vain again."

No, Your Eminence, we're here about
Tonino Pettola. Do you know him?

- Who?
- Tonino Pettola.

Ah, yes. Of course,
I know his reputation,

a lousy reputation, let me add.

He's a notorious con artist
who claims he can pick out

the Blessed Virgin Mary
amid his flock of sheep.

The Congregation for the Causes
of Saints has repeatedly

and vehemently rejected
his applications.

Have you ever met him personally?

Never.

Pettola's relatives claim
the exact opposite.

They say that Tonino Pettola,

one evening a few months ago,
in his home

met with you,
the Pope and other Cardinals.

From that moment
on he seemed shocked

and obsessed with your meeting
because they say

that you threatened to throw
him in quicksand.

Does it strike you as plausible,
Captain,

that the Cardinals,
the Secretary of State and the Pope

would all go
to Tonino Pettola's house

and threaten
to throw him in quicksand?

It does seem strange
but not implausible.

Why? What happened
to Tonino Pettola?

He disappeared.

His relatives claim
he was being persecuted

by persons high up in the Vatican.

Do you really think we'd waste
our time on a poor raving lunatic?

That poor man had followers
all around the world

and was about
to found his own Church.

He's not the only one, Captain.

At least two crazies
pop up every day.

If the Vatican were to persecute
and threaten them all,

it wouldn't have time to do
anything else.

Phone records reveal that numerous
calls from inside the Vatican

were made to Pettola.

I believe it.

People are always making
calls from the Vatican.

I've been fighting for years
against such wasteful behavior.

Waste is not the point,
Your Eminence.

Don't you think it's a contradiction?

If Pettola was an insignificant
artist and you had no interest in him,

why all the phone calls?

The Congregation for the Causes
of Saints was in contact with him,

doing their best to check
his urgent demands.

The calls not only came

from the Congregation
for the Causes of Saints

but also from Your Eminence's
offices and from the Pope's.

In the Secretary of State
and the Pope's offices

there are about 250 employees.

I can't rule out that someone
might have had a reason

to call Tonino Pettola.

Perhaps someone that believed all
his fibs and wanted to meet him.

Do you have any idea where
Tonino Pettola might be?

He's probably in some far-flung
monastery praying and repenting.

You have an answer for everything,
Eminence.

That's my job, Captain.

- I've heard the same thing.
- What, Captain?

That Maradona is still doing drugs.
A friend of mine told me,

he's in Intelligence
and stationed in Dubai.

Why do you want to hurt me,
Captain? Why?

Because I'm a fan of Inter,
Your Eminence.

Cardinal Dussolier.

I know you, but you don't know me.

I'm Contessa Emma Meraviglia,
the wife of General Meraviglia.

Good evening.

You know, I don't like seeing you
all on your own.

I'm accustomed to it, signora.

That's a bad custom to get into.

My girlfriends would compete
to keep you company.

And so would I.

In any case, my husband and I
will be hosting a party

Thursday at our villa.

If you're at loose ends,
please come.

It would be an honor
for my husband and me.

Ok, thank you.
I'll keep it in mind.

Bye.

My name is Angelo Sanchez.

I was born in Alicante
into a family of manual laborers

and I am not a homosexual.

I had such a simple dream:
to serve God.

You murdered my dream.

You are nothing more
than a pathetic,

miserable, cowardly murderer.

I could have been
an excellent priest.

Yeah, you could have.

I want to go home.

What do you mean, home?

We're both orphans.

- You too?
- Me too.

I was abandoned by my parents
when I was just three years old.

Children are so lovely
when they are three years of age.

How can anyone abandon
a three year old?

Where do you find the nerve?

I never knew you were an orphan,
too.

Well... now you know.

- Does Lenny know?
- No.

And he never will.

Why not?

Because you don't steal
the stage from the Pope.

And you don't interfere
with his sorrow.