The Young Pope (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - Episode #1.2 - full transcript
Cardinal Voiello continues his investigations, while tensions arise between the Pope and Sister Mary.
- Say something, Esther.
- I love you.
Say something else.
No.
You don't love me.
Yes, I do.
But love's not enough for you.
Sex has its own rules.
Sex only has one rule:
procreation.
No...
- Are you Sister Mary?
- Never call me Sister Mary.
Call me Ma'.
Ok.
You've aged, Andrew,
but you've kept your good looks.
You've aged too, Ma,
but you haven't.
I should have followed my instincts
and broken open the alms box
and then spent all the money
on a good plastic surgeon.
You have ever regretted
becoming a nun?
No! If I hadn't become a nun,
I never would have raised
my two precious jewels:
you and Lenny.
The Pope is a jewel. I'm just
a bungling missionary priest.
You're both jewels, Andrew.
And besides, you're a cardinal.
Yeah. Which means nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
But we aren't here to talk
about me, Ma. How's our pope?
In seventh heaven!
In seventh heaven, right.
I mean, who would ever imagined
that Lenny would become pope!
Me.
I should go now.
It's never a good idea for a
nun to be in a cardinal's room.
Well, if you see our Pope, tell him
to hurry up and give his address,
because I would like to
get back to my good works.
Or bad ones,
that remains to be seen.
Don't you like it here?
This place smells like
incense and death.
I prefer the smell
of shit and life.
You haven't changed at all,
I see.
And you, Ma?
Will you change?
Now that you've become
a powerful woman?
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
I don't know if it's a good idea,
Sofia.
- I'm afraid it's premature.
- Premature, Your Eminence?
The time it takes to develop
and update the merchandise,
it means we have
to move right away,
before the fakes
start appearing.
The crooks are always so much
faster, who knows how they do it.
Criminal organizations
are faster
because they don't
forgive inefficiency.
At the risk of seeming too
materialistic, Your Eminence,
do you know how much the Vatican
coffers lose for every day
that passes without any new papal
merchandizing on the market?
Not exactly.
Wow.
Now do you understand why I need the
Holy Father's immediate approval?
Yes, I do.
But you don't know him.
And believe me,
he's not an easy one.
He's a difficult,
unpredictable man.
So? I'm a difficult,
unpredictable woman.
True. Which is precisely
why I'm worried.
Let me handle it.
You'll see, it'll go fine.
- Help us, Pipita.
- Who's Saint Pipita?
He's not a saint, he's the
center forward for Napoli.
What a lame joke.
I see you've lost your optimism
along with your sense of humor.
Sense of humor is irrelevant
for the Secretary of State.
May I smoke as well,
Holy Father?
Unfortunately not.
His Holiness John Paul II,
in his day, forbid it.
May I tell you something,
Holy Father?
- That's why we're here.
- With all due respect,
seen from up close, you are an
extraordinarily handsome man.
I had asked to meet the Prefect
for the Congregation for the Clergy
before anyone else, and you,
I think it's safe to deduce,
are not the Prefect for the
Congregation for the Clergy.
No, but I would like to be.
So would I. But they
made me Pope, instead.
I'm in charge of marketing
here in Vatican City.
Did you study
marketing in college?
At Harvard, to be precise.
Don't sound so cocky.
The word "Harvard"
may impress people around here,
but to an American,
it means one thing only: decline.
Did you know that when
the Archbishop of Boston
would visit Harvard,
he'd boast to everyone that
he never washed his feet?
It was public knowledge, and at
Easter, at the washing of the feet,
everyone was terrified that
the Archbishop of Boston
might be chosen.
As soon as I became his superior,
I sent him three envelopes.
In the first was a letter
transferring him to Alaska,
in the second was some soap,
and in the third a note card
on which I'd written: "choose".
And what did he choose?
- The soap.
- I imagined.
Right. But what you couldn't
possibly have imagined
was the fourth
letter I sent him.
"Excellent choice,
Archbishop", I wrote.
"You'll find plenty
of water in Alaska."
A most edifying anecdote,
Holy Father.
But I don't want
to waste your time,
so let me come right to
the point of my visit.
- Please.
- As you know, Your Holiness,
the Vatican holds a monopoly
on the production of
any and all merchandise
with an image of the Pope on it.
Today's papal turnover requires
us to come up with new designs,
which we will then need to get into
production as quickly as possible.
All those items with the Holy
Father's picture on them,
which the faithful just love
and which make up a sizable
slice of the Vatican budget.
I see. Go on.
What would be required then
is a brief photo shoot,
which will then enable us to get
into production as soon as possible
a series of items displaying
Your Holiness's picture:
key chains, postcards, ashtrays,
lighters, picture cards, plates...
- Plates?
- Yes, of course, Holy Father, plates too.
In addition to the usual plastic
plates, which sell for five euro,
we were thinking of
something more refined.
It occurred to us that we might
commission a special plate
from Vietri, in Campania.
The craftsmen there do the
most marvelous decorations,
so naturally we were thinking
of creating a plate with your
portrait right in the center,
painted by the very
best Vietri's craftsmen.
Nice.
And how much would it sell for?
Forty-five euro, at least. Ah,
a reasonable price.
I would say so, considering
that we're talking about
a craftsmanship,
Holy Father, handmade,
not some cheap
factory production.
Perhaps we could send one
to all the heads of State.
An excellent idea,
Your Eminence.
Good, very good.
Very good.
- Good. - Very good.
- Yes, very, very good.
- Very, very good.
- Good.
Wait a minute.
I'll be right back.
Good.
Where did he go?
To get a gun, I imagine.
Come on! It went fine.
Do you see this plate, ma'am?
Yes... of course I see it.
Good.
This is the sort of merchandise
I'm prepared to authorize.
But it doesn't have
your image on it!
I do not have an image, my
good lady, because I am no one.
Do you understand? No one.
Only Christ exists.
Only Christ.
And I'm not worth forty-five,
or even five euros.
I am worth nothing.
I don't understand, Holy Father.
Of course you don't,
because, as you said earlier,
you studied at Harvard.
And Harvard is a
place in decline,
where you were taught
to lower yourselves.
Whereas here, in the Vatican,
we try to elevate ourselves.
Who exactly is in charge of
curating the image of the Pope?
The Secretary of State entrusted
that delicate task to me,
Holy Father, two years ago.
Very good. And now I'm
going to tell you what you,
as curator of the image of
the Holy Father, are gonna do.
You are gonna fire the Vatican's
official photographer immediately.
No photographs of the
Pope are to be issued.
Just as there were none when
I was a cardinal or a bishop.
Do you know why? I never
allowed my picture to be taken.
And when someone manage to
sneak a photograph of me,
I always bought them up before
they could be published.
Now that I think about it,
I've been training my whole
life to be an invisible pope.
And so, for my first address,
you will see to it
that the light is so dim,
no photographer,
no TV cameraman,
and not even the faithful
will see anything of me but
a dark shadow, my silhouette.
They will not see me
because I do not exist.
If I may, Holy Father,
what you are proposing
is nothing short of suicide,
media suicide.
Media suicide, you say?
Fine, now try to keep up with me,
if you can.
- I'm right with you, Holy Father.
- Good.
Ok, so, who is the most important
author of the last twenty years?
Careful now, not the best,
virtuosity is for the arrogant,
the most important,
the author who has sparked
so much morbid curiosity that
he became the most important?
I wouldn't know.
I'd say... Philip Roth.
No. Salinger.
The most important
film director?
- Spielberg.
- No. Kubrick.
Contemporary artist?
Jeff Koons. Or Marina Abramovic.
Banksy. Electronic music group?
I don't know the first thing
about electronic music.
You say Harvard is a good
university! Anyway, Daft Punk.
The best Italian
female vocalist?
- Mina?
- Very good!
Now do you know what it is,
what the invisible red thread
is that connects them all,
all these most important figures
in their respective fields?
None of them let
themselves be seen.
None of them let
themselves be photographed.
But you're not an artist, Holy
Father. You are a head of State.
Yes, of a city state so small
that it has no outlet to the sea,
and in order to survive,
its leader has to make himself
as unreachable as a rock star.
The Vatican survives
thanks to hyperbole.
So we,
we shall generate hyperbole,
but this time in reverse.
I'm beginning to get your point,
Holy Father.
Yes, not only am I
beginning to get it,
I'm beginning to like it, too.
Good, very good.
Childhood?
His parents, both hippies,
abandon him at an orphanage, and
they give fake names to Sister Mary
making it impossible
for Lenny to find them.
Sister Mary's orphanage has ties
to Cardinal Spencer's university.
Spencer at that time
was in New York.
Of all her little orphans,
the only one she recommends
to him was Lenny.
A British newspaper
got the scoop
with the headline
"The Pope smokes".
And this is how the
world responded.
At Spencer's side we're familiar
with the direction
his career takes.
Lenny succeeds him when
Spencer is called to the Curia.
Very young, he takes over the
entire Archdiocese of New York.
He is a cardinal
at the age of 42.
But if Lenny was so submissive,
so dull...
why did Spencer
favor him so much?
Precisely because he never
threatened Spencer's boundless ego.
And besides, Spencer has always
preferred servile underlings.
But now, he's the one who
has to serve that little boy.
- Lenny's moral conduct?
- Irreproachable.
No gossip, no insinuations even.
No love affairs. Nothing.
- Sexual orientation?
- Unknown.
And what do you think his
sexual orientation is?
None.
He only cares about the Church.
And the Church is female.
"Dear Pope, what do I have
to do to believe in God?"
Tommy, Amarillo, Texas".
I want us to write back
to all the children.
Of course, Holy Father.
And how would you respond
to this child, Eminence?
- I....
- You'd write back and say:
"Dear Tommy,
think of all the things you like.
There, that's what God is".
I knew it,
there are mice in here.
That's no mouse.
A gift from the Australian
Foreign Minister, Holy Father.
We thought we would
donate it to the bio park.
- What do you mean "bio park"?
- The zoo.
Not on your life.
You can come out, sweetie.
We'll set him free
in the gardens.
Do you intend to follow me even
in my more private moments?
I wasn't following you. I too
enjoy communing with nature.
Well, what do you know?
Just one day,
and we've already discovered
we have something in common.
- Don't be funny with me.
- I've never been more serious.
And worried. About the Pope.
The Pope is a saint. Let him
be the one to worry about you.
Yes, I've been told he
chats with kangaroos,
a San Francis of Sydney.
By "saint" I don't mean
"a good man".
I mean he's literally a saint.
The Holy Father and you would do
well to be a little more humble.
The Vatican is a State.
There is politics, finances,
there are delicate balances
and grave dangers,
if those balances are upset.
Yes, but there are also lobbies,
internal tensions, scandals,
vendettas, and threats.
All of this the Holy Father
understands only too well.
His bizarre refusal to show
himself in public is just crazy.
To reveal his eyes, right now,
maybe too much,
too much for the world.
- I'm afraid I don't follow you.
- You will, one day.
At any rate, let me reassure
you that we intend to tackle
all the concerns that you
have raised, one by one.
We? Who's we? You and the Pope?
Do we have two popes now?
We also intended tackle the
question of the Secretary of State.
It's a good thing you've come,
Sister Mary,
I was getting bored.
I must admit,
you're a first-class adversary.
At any rate, here is the
address I wrote for him.
I worked on it all night long.
It's a good address.
It's well balanced, prudent,
and takes account of
various positions.
It's diplomatic, in other words.
Haven't you realized the Pope
is indifferent to diplomacy?
Yes, and wrongly so.
We are an anomalous State,
and diplomacy is the
only thing we have,
other than a handful of
buildings and some works of art.
Let me say again,
it's a good address.
I have infused it with all my
the commitment, all my passion.
- Have you already seen Dussolier?
- Ehm... no. Not yet.
Do you have any ideas
for your first address?
Because you could ask
Spencer for advice.
I don't need Spencer's advice.
That incident today,
with the kangaroo was...
Stop it. It was nothing.
- Just chance.
- Okay, just chance.
- And that time when we were...
- Stop it.
- Good evening, Eminence.
- Good evening.
Yes?
Really?
So, how are you?
I have to tell you a wonderful
thing that happened to Higuain.
My dear faithful ones,
I'm sorry I'm late.
Laughter from the audience.
But here I am.
Look at me.
Only don't look at me. Look up.
The Pope points to
the sky and the stars.
Do you see the sky?
Do you see God? No?
You don't see Him?
No matter.
Now look at the
person next to you.
Look joyfully upon him,
and remember what
Saint Augustine said:
"If you want to see God,
you have the means to do it.
God is love."
Thank you, Sister Mary.
So, I finally get to meet
the Prefect for the
Congregation for the Clergy.
I've been anxious to see you.
Here I am, Holy Father.
Did you vote for me in the
Conclave, Your Eminence?
Not even once.
Why not?
Even though I don't
know your ideas,
in truth, no one does,
you are a pupil of
Cardinal Spencer.
Cardinal Spencer
is a conservative,
a moderate one,
but a conservative nonetheless.
I am not a conservative.
I figured that you were
probably a conservative as well.
Are you, Holy Father?
What do you think?
I think that if the name
you have chosen, Pius XIII,
is intended to signal a
continuity with Pius XII,
then there is the
reason for concern.
Let's not forget that Pius
XI considered Mussolini
to be a man of
divine providence.
At any rate, the College
of Cardinals was very rash
to elect a pontiff
whose ideas and...
orientation they did not know.
I agree with you.
It was rash.
At any rate, Holy Father, please
do not take this as a criticism,
or think that this will in
any way dampen my obedience.
You asked me a question
I considered it my duty
to respond truthfully.
I appreciate your sincerity.
I'm going to ask you
another question,
and you will grant me the courtesy
of another sincere answer.
Of course, Holy Father.
Are you homosexual,
Your Eminence?
Yes, Holy Father.
Time for your snack,
Holy Father.
- My snack?
- Yes, Holy Father, your snack.
Right, that's what she calls it.
I have to have my snack now.
Goodbye, Your Eminence.
I saw Sister Mary coming out
of Cardinal Dussolier's room.
What else?
People are saying that Sister
Mary is the real Pope, not you.
Who's saying that?
Cardinal Ozolins.
He's heard it said
that Sister Mary
uses "we"
when she talks about the Pope.
"We will do, we will tackle..."
I overheard him talking to the
Vatican Secretary of State:
"Lenny semper puer", he said.
And how did the Vatican
Secretary of State react?
He was impassive.
He's a clever devil, that one.
But it's a lie,
what Ozolins says.
It is a lie.
Isn't it, Holy Father?
Of course it's a lie.
A woman will never
become the pope.
I am the Pope.
Good morning, Mrs. Patanè.
Good morning, Cardinal Ozolins.
This office is falling apart,
I'm quite fed up.
Give me a hand, Mrs. Patanè.
How many times have I said
it needs to be renovated?
Ah, here you are. What alacrity.
It's enough to raise
one's voice around here
for things to get resolved.
The door won't open.
The door, the key.
Aguirre!
How can I thank you,
Holy Father,
for having entrusted the
Vatican Museums to me?
There's no need to thank me.
What made you enter the Church,
Your Eminence?
Life is so short.
I decided to opt for eternity.
Did you receive your
calling as an adult?
No, I heard the call.
Right here, when I was sixteen.
Right here,
where May afternoons land.
That light spoke to me and said:
"Be calm, Bernardo, be calm."
The boy had become a man.
My mother, my father,
they were here with me.
They looked at me,
but they were no
longer themselves.
I was no longer myself.
"Where do afternoons land?"
the voice of conscience asked.
"They land here", I replied.
And the voice responded calmly,
"Yes, it's true,
but I will continue
to protect the boy."
What have we forgotten?
We have forgotten...
We have forgotten...
What have we forgotten?
We have forgotten...
We have forgotten...
What have we forgotten?
We have forgotten...
We have forgotten...
_
What do you think, Holy Father?
I thought it was beautiful,
I thought it was full...
Did I ask your opinion,
Sister Mary?
What? No, I just thought...
Keep quiet then.
Your address is really beautiful,
Eminence.
Balanced, yes,
but a balance of love.
Which is exactly what love should
be when it is full and resolved.
I, on the other hand, have
never truly known what love is.
I have never really lived.
But I've come to the right place,
though:
a city state filled with lost
souls who have never really lived.
Sister Mary?
Sister Mary preferred to dine
in her apartment this evening.
What is it you
wanted to say to me?
What have you decided
about your address?
I've got some very
clear ideas about it.
Do you think you might use some of
what the Secretary of State wrote?
No.
It's rather weak.
I thought it was beautiful.
What a shame, Lenny!
- Sister Mary.
- Yes, Lenny.
From now on,
you are to call me Your Holiness.
As you wish, Your Holiness.
I remembered now what it
was I wanted to say to you.
What?
You can let everyone know...
that tomorrow evening,
at 9:00 p.m.,
Pope Pius XIII will appear on the
balcony of Saint Peter's Basilica
and deliver his first
official address.
I love you, Michael.
I'm so happy you asked
me to come see you.
I couldn't wait to talk with you,
Michael,
to thank you,
and to tell you I owe it all to
you that I've gotten this far.
You taught me about life,
you taught me about Theology.
I was supposed to be pope.
I know.
But that was your mistake.
You could have refused the
deal Voiello offered you:
me trair para se eleger.
What are you talking about?
No one ever offered me a deal.
You liar!
But I don't expect
anything from you.
You don't know how to love. Don't
talk to me like that. Please.
If you think I'm gonna talk to you
differently now that you're Pope,
let me tell you something, Lenny,
that's never going to happen. Never!
Don't talk to me like that,
you're hurting me.
I'm hurting you?
You've ruined my life.
You destroyed any sense
of destiny in my life.
So I spoke with Assente.
He confessed to being gay.
It's unacceptable
that a homosexual
heads the congregation that
trains priests. He's out.
- That's nuts.
- I want you to take his place.
We'll work together side by side,
every day.
You can continue to mentor me,
just like you've always done.
Are you crazy?
People will say you are just
doing a favor for a friend.
Who have you taken me for?
Did you really think
I'd accept your charity?
Charity? I don't have the power
to make you pope, Michael.
It's not true that you don't have
the power to make me pope. You do.
- What?
- Resign.
I'll win in the next Conclave.
I wouldn't be so sure.
The Conclave is mysterious.
You don't know shit!
You're just the blue-eyed kid.
The Conclave is merely a
place where games get played.
Games in which you
were never included.
- You're just saying that to hurt me.
- I'm saying it...
because I'm the one who
invented all the games
that get played
during Conclaves.
If you invented them,
then why aren't you pope?
I shall soon find out.
Things went the way they did,
Michael.
Please, just accept it and
accept the post as Prefect
for the Congregation
for the Clergy.
You'll be the most powerful
man in the whole Church.
And Michael, help me.
I'm begging you,
help me write my first speech.
- I need you.
- But I don't need you, Lenny.
Help me write my speech,
I need your advice.
I have no more advice.
Get out of my house, Lenny.
Why did you have me come here,
Michael?
To remind you that
you're the Pope now.
And you are all alone.
Just as you have always been.
And that you're a nothing.
Nothing!
Your Holiness Pius XIII...
EU SOU VIRGEM MAS
ESTA CAMISETA ? VELHA
Tell me about my parents.
Your parents left
you at the orphanage,
saying they couldn't
keep you anymore
because they had
to go to Venice.
And you didn't ask them what
they had to do in Venice?
We didn't ask questions.
- What were they like?
- I don't remember, Lenny.
I must have seen
thousands of parents
leave their children with us,
I can't remember them all.
I remember them. At least I
remember them in my dreams.
In theory,
they might still be alive.
Yes. They'd be just
over seventy now.
And, in theory,
they might still be in Venice.
- They could be anywhere, Lenny.
- I search everywhere,
I pray everywhere.
But I don't see God.
Because I don't see my father.
Because I don't see my mother.
I, on the other hand,
see everything.
- What do you see?
- God's plan.
A complex architecture that
depends on you, Your Holiness.
Everything is so clear.
Who's in there?
No one.
Go see for yourself if
you don't believe me.
All of Vatican City is yours,
Holy Father,
and so is this apartment.
No one loves me,
which is why I am prepared
for every kind of vileness,
from everyone.
Holy Father,
I see Christ's reflection in you.
And in Dussolier?
I see Christ's
reflection in him too.
A paler reflection.
Acqua siamo noi
Dall'antica sorgente veniamo
Fiumi siamo noi
Se i ruscelli
si mettono insieme
Mari siamo noi
se i torrenti si danno la mano
Vita nuova c'?
se Ges? ? in mezzo a noi
E allora diamoci la mano
e tutti insieme camminiamo
Ed un oceano
di pace nascer?
E l'egoismo cancelliamo,
un cuore limpido sentiamo
? Dio che bagna
del suo amor l'umanit?
Nuova umanit?
Oggi nasce da chi crede in lui,
Nuovi siamo noi
My dear faithful ones,
I'm sorry I'm late.
But here I am.
Look at me.
Only don't look at me. Look up.
Do you see the sky?
Do you see God?
No?
No matter.
Now look at the
person next to you.
Look joyfully upon him,
and remember what
Saint Augustine said:
"If you want to see God,
you have the means to do it.
God is love."
Pius! Pius! Pius!
Not now.
Let yourself go, Your Holiness.
And if the saint here were you,
Gutierrez?
What have we forgotten?
What have we forgotten?
We have forgotten God.
You! You have forgotten God.
I want to be very
clear with you.
You have to be closer to
God than to each other.
I am closer to God
than I am to you.
You need to know that I
will never be close to you.
Because everyone is
alone before God.
I have nothing to say to those
who have even the
slightest doubt about God.
All I can do is remind
them of my scorn.
And their wretchedness.
I don't have the proof
of God existence,
it is up to you to
prove that He doesn't.
Are you capable of proving
that God does not exist?
If you aren't able to prove it,
then it means that God does exist.
God exists.
And He isn't interested in us
until we become interested
in Him, in Him exclusively.
Do you understand
what I am saying?
Ex-clu-sive-ly!
Twenty-four hours a day.
Your hearts and minds
filled only with God.
There's no room
for anything else.
No room for free will,
no room for liberty,
no room for emancipation.
"Free yourself from God",
I've heard people say.
"Liberate yourself from God."
But the pain of
liberation is unbearable,
sharp enough to kill.
Without God...
you are as good as dead.
Dead, abandoned strays
wandering the streets.
We want to look you in the face.
You want to look me in my face?
Go see God first!
I won't help you.
I'm not gonna show you the way.
Search for it.
Find Him.
And when you have found God,
perhaps you will see me as well.
Stop it! How dare you
shine a light on your Pope?
What you are doing is more
than a simple lack of respect.
I don't know if you deserve me.
I don't know. At this point...
I don't know if you are worthy
of me... I don't know...
Help me.
Help me, God.
Help me atone for all the wrong I'll
have to do in order to save the Church.
- I love you.
Say something else.
No.
You don't love me.
Yes, I do.
But love's not enough for you.
Sex has its own rules.
Sex only has one rule:
procreation.
No...
- Are you Sister Mary?
- Never call me Sister Mary.
Call me Ma'.
Ok.
You've aged, Andrew,
but you've kept your good looks.
You've aged too, Ma,
but you haven't.
I should have followed my instincts
and broken open the alms box
and then spent all the money
on a good plastic surgeon.
You have ever regretted
becoming a nun?
No! If I hadn't become a nun,
I never would have raised
my two precious jewels:
you and Lenny.
The Pope is a jewel. I'm just
a bungling missionary priest.
You're both jewels, Andrew.
And besides, you're a cardinal.
Yeah. Which means nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
But we aren't here to talk
about me, Ma. How's our pope?
In seventh heaven!
In seventh heaven, right.
I mean, who would ever imagined
that Lenny would become pope!
Me.
I should go now.
It's never a good idea for a
nun to be in a cardinal's room.
Well, if you see our Pope, tell him
to hurry up and give his address,
because I would like to
get back to my good works.
Or bad ones,
that remains to be seen.
Don't you like it here?
This place smells like
incense and death.
I prefer the smell
of shit and life.
You haven't changed at all,
I see.
And you, Ma?
Will you change?
Now that you've become
a powerful woman?
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
I don't know if it's a good idea,
Sofia.
- I'm afraid it's premature.
- Premature, Your Eminence?
The time it takes to develop
and update the merchandise,
it means we have
to move right away,
before the fakes
start appearing.
The crooks are always so much
faster, who knows how they do it.
Criminal organizations
are faster
because they don't
forgive inefficiency.
At the risk of seeming too
materialistic, Your Eminence,
do you know how much the Vatican
coffers lose for every day
that passes without any new papal
merchandizing on the market?
Not exactly.
Wow.
Now do you understand why I need the
Holy Father's immediate approval?
Yes, I do.
But you don't know him.
And believe me,
he's not an easy one.
He's a difficult,
unpredictable man.
So? I'm a difficult,
unpredictable woman.
True. Which is precisely
why I'm worried.
Let me handle it.
You'll see, it'll go fine.
- Help us, Pipita.
- Who's Saint Pipita?
He's not a saint, he's the
center forward for Napoli.
What a lame joke.
I see you've lost your optimism
along with your sense of humor.
Sense of humor is irrelevant
for the Secretary of State.
May I smoke as well,
Holy Father?
Unfortunately not.
His Holiness John Paul II,
in his day, forbid it.
May I tell you something,
Holy Father?
- That's why we're here.
- With all due respect,
seen from up close, you are an
extraordinarily handsome man.
I had asked to meet the Prefect
for the Congregation for the Clergy
before anyone else, and you,
I think it's safe to deduce,
are not the Prefect for the
Congregation for the Clergy.
No, but I would like to be.
So would I. But they
made me Pope, instead.
I'm in charge of marketing
here in Vatican City.
Did you study
marketing in college?
At Harvard, to be precise.
Don't sound so cocky.
The word "Harvard"
may impress people around here,
but to an American,
it means one thing only: decline.
Did you know that when
the Archbishop of Boston
would visit Harvard,
he'd boast to everyone that
he never washed his feet?
It was public knowledge, and at
Easter, at the washing of the feet,
everyone was terrified that
the Archbishop of Boston
might be chosen.
As soon as I became his superior,
I sent him three envelopes.
In the first was a letter
transferring him to Alaska,
in the second was some soap,
and in the third a note card
on which I'd written: "choose".
And what did he choose?
- The soap.
- I imagined.
Right. But what you couldn't
possibly have imagined
was the fourth
letter I sent him.
"Excellent choice,
Archbishop", I wrote.
"You'll find plenty
of water in Alaska."
A most edifying anecdote,
Holy Father.
But I don't want
to waste your time,
so let me come right to
the point of my visit.
- Please.
- As you know, Your Holiness,
the Vatican holds a monopoly
on the production of
any and all merchandise
with an image of the Pope on it.
Today's papal turnover requires
us to come up with new designs,
which we will then need to get into
production as quickly as possible.
All those items with the Holy
Father's picture on them,
which the faithful just love
and which make up a sizable
slice of the Vatican budget.
I see. Go on.
What would be required then
is a brief photo shoot,
which will then enable us to get
into production as soon as possible
a series of items displaying
Your Holiness's picture:
key chains, postcards, ashtrays,
lighters, picture cards, plates...
- Plates?
- Yes, of course, Holy Father, plates too.
In addition to the usual plastic
plates, which sell for five euro,
we were thinking of
something more refined.
It occurred to us that we might
commission a special plate
from Vietri, in Campania.
The craftsmen there do the
most marvelous decorations,
so naturally we were thinking
of creating a plate with your
portrait right in the center,
painted by the very
best Vietri's craftsmen.
Nice.
And how much would it sell for?
Forty-five euro, at least. Ah,
a reasonable price.
I would say so, considering
that we're talking about
a craftsmanship,
Holy Father, handmade,
not some cheap
factory production.
Perhaps we could send one
to all the heads of State.
An excellent idea,
Your Eminence.
Good, very good.
Very good.
- Good. - Very good.
- Yes, very, very good.
- Very, very good.
- Good.
Wait a minute.
I'll be right back.
Good.
Where did he go?
To get a gun, I imagine.
Come on! It went fine.
Do you see this plate, ma'am?
Yes... of course I see it.
Good.
This is the sort of merchandise
I'm prepared to authorize.
But it doesn't have
your image on it!
I do not have an image, my
good lady, because I am no one.
Do you understand? No one.
Only Christ exists.
Only Christ.
And I'm not worth forty-five,
or even five euros.
I am worth nothing.
I don't understand, Holy Father.
Of course you don't,
because, as you said earlier,
you studied at Harvard.
And Harvard is a
place in decline,
where you were taught
to lower yourselves.
Whereas here, in the Vatican,
we try to elevate ourselves.
Who exactly is in charge of
curating the image of the Pope?
The Secretary of State entrusted
that delicate task to me,
Holy Father, two years ago.
Very good. And now I'm
going to tell you what you,
as curator of the image of
the Holy Father, are gonna do.
You are gonna fire the Vatican's
official photographer immediately.
No photographs of the
Pope are to be issued.
Just as there were none when
I was a cardinal or a bishop.
Do you know why? I never
allowed my picture to be taken.
And when someone manage to
sneak a photograph of me,
I always bought them up before
they could be published.
Now that I think about it,
I've been training my whole
life to be an invisible pope.
And so, for my first address,
you will see to it
that the light is so dim,
no photographer,
no TV cameraman,
and not even the faithful
will see anything of me but
a dark shadow, my silhouette.
They will not see me
because I do not exist.
If I may, Holy Father,
what you are proposing
is nothing short of suicide,
media suicide.
Media suicide, you say?
Fine, now try to keep up with me,
if you can.
- I'm right with you, Holy Father.
- Good.
Ok, so, who is the most important
author of the last twenty years?
Careful now, not the best,
virtuosity is for the arrogant,
the most important,
the author who has sparked
so much morbid curiosity that
he became the most important?
I wouldn't know.
I'd say... Philip Roth.
No. Salinger.
The most important
film director?
- Spielberg.
- No. Kubrick.
Contemporary artist?
Jeff Koons. Or Marina Abramovic.
Banksy. Electronic music group?
I don't know the first thing
about electronic music.
You say Harvard is a good
university! Anyway, Daft Punk.
The best Italian
female vocalist?
- Mina?
- Very good!
Now do you know what it is,
what the invisible red thread
is that connects them all,
all these most important figures
in their respective fields?
None of them let
themselves be seen.
None of them let
themselves be photographed.
But you're not an artist, Holy
Father. You are a head of State.
Yes, of a city state so small
that it has no outlet to the sea,
and in order to survive,
its leader has to make himself
as unreachable as a rock star.
The Vatican survives
thanks to hyperbole.
So we,
we shall generate hyperbole,
but this time in reverse.
I'm beginning to get your point,
Holy Father.
Yes, not only am I
beginning to get it,
I'm beginning to like it, too.
Good, very good.
Childhood?
His parents, both hippies,
abandon him at an orphanage, and
they give fake names to Sister Mary
making it impossible
for Lenny to find them.
Sister Mary's orphanage has ties
to Cardinal Spencer's university.
Spencer at that time
was in New York.
Of all her little orphans,
the only one she recommends
to him was Lenny.
A British newspaper
got the scoop
with the headline
"The Pope smokes".
And this is how the
world responded.
At Spencer's side we're familiar
with the direction
his career takes.
Lenny succeeds him when
Spencer is called to the Curia.
Very young, he takes over the
entire Archdiocese of New York.
He is a cardinal
at the age of 42.
But if Lenny was so submissive,
so dull...
why did Spencer
favor him so much?
Precisely because he never
threatened Spencer's boundless ego.
And besides, Spencer has always
preferred servile underlings.
But now, he's the one who
has to serve that little boy.
- Lenny's moral conduct?
- Irreproachable.
No gossip, no insinuations even.
No love affairs. Nothing.
- Sexual orientation?
- Unknown.
And what do you think his
sexual orientation is?
None.
He only cares about the Church.
And the Church is female.
"Dear Pope, what do I have
to do to believe in God?"
Tommy, Amarillo, Texas".
I want us to write back
to all the children.
Of course, Holy Father.
And how would you respond
to this child, Eminence?
- I....
- You'd write back and say:
"Dear Tommy,
think of all the things you like.
There, that's what God is".
I knew it,
there are mice in here.
That's no mouse.
A gift from the Australian
Foreign Minister, Holy Father.
We thought we would
donate it to the bio park.
- What do you mean "bio park"?
- The zoo.
Not on your life.
You can come out, sweetie.
We'll set him free
in the gardens.
Do you intend to follow me even
in my more private moments?
I wasn't following you. I too
enjoy communing with nature.
Well, what do you know?
Just one day,
and we've already discovered
we have something in common.
- Don't be funny with me.
- I've never been more serious.
And worried. About the Pope.
The Pope is a saint. Let him
be the one to worry about you.
Yes, I've been told he
chats with kangaroos,
a San Francis of Sydney.
By "saint" I don't mean
"a good man".
I mean he's literally a saint.
The Holy Father and you would do
well to be a little more humble.
The Vatican is a State.
There is politics, finances,
there are delicate balances
and grave dangers,
if those balances are upset.
Yes, but there are also lobbies,
internal tensions, scandals,
vendettas, and threats.
All of this the Holy Father
understands only too well.
His bizarre refusal to show
himself in public is just crazy.
To reveal his eyes, right now,
maybe too much,
too much for the world.
- I'm afraid I don't follow you.
- You will, one day.
At any rate, let me reassure
you that we intend to tackle
all the concerns that you
have raised, one by one.
We? Who's we? You and the Pope?
Do we have two popes now?
We also intended tackle the
question of the Secretary of State.
It's a good thing you've come,
Sister Mary,
I was getting bored.
I must admit,
you're a first-class adversary.
At any rate, here is the
address I wrote for him.
I worked on it all night long.
It's a good address.
It's well balanced, prudent,
and takes account of
various positions.
It's diplomatic, in other words.
Haven't you realized the Pope
is indifferent to diplomacy?
Yes, and wrongly so.
We are an anomalous State,
and diplomacy is the
only thing we have,
other than a handful of
buildings and some works of art.
Let me say again,
it's a good address.
I have infused it with all my
the commitment, all my passion.
- Have you already seen Dussolier?
- Ehm... no. Not yet.
Do you have any ideas
for your first address?
Because you could ask
Spencer for advice.
I don't need Spencer's advice.
That incident today,
with the kangaroo was...
Stop it. It was nothing.
- Just chance.
- Okay, just chance.
- And that time when we were...
- Stop it.
- Good evening, Eminence.
- Good evening.
Yes?
Really?
So, how are you?
I have to tell you a wonderful
thing that happened to Higuain.
My dear faithful ones,
I'm sorry I'm late.
Laughter from the audience.
But here I am.
Look at me.
Only don't look at me. Look up.
The Pope points to
the sky and the stars.
Do you see the sky?
Do you see God? No?
You don't see Him?
No matter.
Now look at the
person next to you.
Look joyfully upon him,
and remember what
Saint Augustine said:
"If you want to see God,
you have the means to do it.
God is love."
Thank you, Sister Mary.
So, I finally get to meet
the Prefect for the
Congregation for the Clergy.
I've been anxious to see you.
Here I am, Holy Father.
Did you vote for me in the
Conclave, Your Eminence?
Not even once.
Why not?
Even though I don't
know your ideas,
in truth, no one does,
you are a pupil of
Cardinal Spencer.
Cardinal Spencer
is a conservative,
a moderate one,
but a conservative nonetheless.
I am not a conservative.
I figured that you were
probably a conservative as well.
Are you, Holy Father?
What do you think?
I think that if the name
you have chosen, Pius XIII,
is intended to signal a
continuity with Pius XII,
then there is the
reason for concern.
Let's not forget that Pius
XI considered Mussolini
to be a man of
divine providence.
At any rate, the College
of Cardinals was very rash
to elect a pontiff
whose ideas and...
orientation they did not know.
I agree with you.
It was rash.
At any rate, Holy Father, please
do not take this as a criticism,
or think that this will in
any way dampen my obedience.
You asked me a question
I considered it my duty
to respond truthfully.
I appreciate your sincerity.
I'm going to ask you
another question,
and you will grant me the courtesy
of another sincere answer.
Of course, Holy Father.
Are you homosexual,
Your Eminence?
Yes, Holy Father.
Time for your snack,
Holy Father.
- My snack?
- Yes, Holy Father, your snack.
Right, that's what she calls it.
I have to have my snack now.
Goodbye, Your Eminence.
I saw Sister Mary coming out
of Cardinal Dussolier's room.
What else?
People are saying that Sister
Mary is the real Pope, not you.
Who's saying that?
Cardinal Ozolins.
He's heard it said
that Sister Mary
uses "we"
when she talks about the Pope.
"We will do, we will tackle..."
I overheard him talking to the
Vatican Secretary of State:
"Lenny semper puer", he said.
And how did the Vatican
Secretary of State react?
He was impassive.
He's a clever devil, that one.
But it's a lie,
what Ozolins says.
It is a lie.
Isn't it, Holy Father?
Of course it's a lie.
A woman will never
become the pope.
I am the Pope.
Good morning, Mrs. Patanè.
Good morning, Cardinal Ozolins.
This office is falling apart,
I'm quite fed up.
Give me a hand, Mrs. Patanè.
How many times have I said
it needs to be renovated?
Ah, here you are. What alacrity.
It's enough to raise
one's voice around here
for things to get resolved.
The door won't open.
The door, the key.
Aguirre!
How can I thank you,
Holy Father,
for having entrusted the
Vatican Museums to me?
There's no need to thank me.
What made you enter the Church,
Your Eminence?
Life is so short.
I decided to opt for eternity.
Did you receive your
calling as an adult?
No, I heard the call.
Right here, when I was sixteen.
Right here,
where May afternoons land.
That light spoke to me and said:
"Be calm, Bernardo, be calm."
The boy had become a man.
My mother, my father,
they were here with me.
They looked at me,
but they were no
longer themselves.
I was no longer myself.
"Where do afternoons land?"
the voice of conscience asked.
"They land here", I replied.
And the voice responded calmly,
"Yes, it's true,
but I will continue
to protect the boy."
What have we forgotten?
We have forgotten...
We have forgotten...
What have we forgotten?
We have forgotten...
We have forgotten...
What have we forgotten?
We have forgotten...
We have forgotten...
_
What do you think, Holy Father?
I thought it was beautiful,
I thought it was full...
Did I ask your opinion,
Sister Mary?
What? No, I just thought...
Keep quiet then.
Your address is really beautiful,
Eminence.
Balanced, yes,
but a balance of love.
Which is exactly what love should
be when it is full and resolved.
I, on the other hand, have
never truly known what love is.
I have never really lived.
But I've come to the right place,
though:
a city state filled with lost
souls who have never really lived.
Sister Mary?
Sister Mary preferred to dine
in her apartment this evening.
What is it you
wanted to say to me?
What have you decided
about your address?
I've got some very
clear ideas about it.
Do you think you might use some of
what the Secretary of State wrote?
No.
It's rather weak.
I thought it was beautiful.
What a shame, Lenny!
- Sister Mary.
- Yes, Lenny.
From now on,
you are to call me Your Holiness.
As you wish, Your Holiness.
I remembered now what it
was I wanted to say to you.
What?
You can let everyone know...
that tomorrow evening,
at 9:00 p.m.,
Pope Pius XIII will appear on the
balcony of Saint Peter's Basilica
and deliver his first
official address.
I love you, Michael.
I'm so happy you asked
me to come see you.
I couldn't wait to talk with you,
Michael,
to thank you,
and to tell you I owe it all to
you that I've gotten this far.
You taught me about life,
you taught me about Theology.
I was supposed to be pope.
I know.
But that was your mistake.
You could have refused the
deal Voiello offered you:
me trair para se eleger.
What are you talking about?
No one ever offered me a deal.
You liar!
But I don't expect
anything from you.
You don't know how to love. Don't
talk to me like that. Please.
If you think I'm gonna talk to you
differently now that you're Pope,
let me tell you something, Lenny,
that's never going to happen. Never!
Don't talk to me like that,
you're hurting me.
I'm hurting you?
You've ruined my life.
You destroyed any sense
of destiny in my life.
So I spoke with Assente.
He confessed to being gay.
It's unacceptable
that a homosexual
heads the congregation that
trains priests. He's out.
- That's nuts.
- I want you to take his place.
We'll work together side by side,
every day.
You can continue to mentor me,
just like you've always done.
Are you crazy?
People will say you are just
doing a favor for a friend.
Who have you taken me for?
Did you really think
I'd accept your charity?
Charity? I don't have the power
to make you pope, Michael.
It's not true that you don't have
the power to make me pope. You do.
- What?
- Resign.
I'll win in the next Conclave.
I wouldn't be so sure.
The Conclave is mysterious.
You don't know shit!
You're just the blue-eyed kid.
The Conclave is merely a
place where games get played.
Games in which you
were never included.
- You're just saying that to hurt me.
- I'm saying it...
because I'm the one who
invented all the games
that get played
during Conclaves.
If you invented them,
then why aren't you pope?
I shall soon find out.
Things went the way they did,
Michael.
Please, just accept it and
accept the post as Prefect
for the Congregation
for the Clergy.
You'll be the most powerful
man in the whole Church.
And Michael, help me.
I'm begging you,
help me write my first speech.
- I need you.
- But I don't need you, Lenny.
Help me write my speech,
I need your advice.
I have no more advice.
Get out of my house, Lenny.
Why did you have me come here,
Michael?
To remind you that
you're the Pope now.
And you are all alone.
Just as you have always been.
And that you're a nothing.
Nothing!
Your Holiness Pius XIII...
EU SOU VIRGEM MAS
ESTA CAMISETA ? VELHA
Tell me about my parents.
Your parents left
you at the orphanage,
saying they couldn't
keep you anymore
because they had
to go to Venice.
And you didn't ask them what
they had to do in Venice?
We didn't ask questions.
- What were they like?
- I don't remember, Lenny.
I must have seen
thousands of parents
leave their children with us,
I can't remember them all.
I remember them. At least I
remember them in my dreams.
In theory,
they might still be alive.
Yes. They'd be just
over seventy now.
And, in theory,
they might still be in Venice.
- They could be anywhere, Lenny.
- I search everywhere,
I pray everywhere.
But I don't see God.
Because I don't see my father.
Because I don't see my mother.
I, on the other hand,
see everything.
- What do you see?
- God's plan.
A complex architecture that
depends on you, Your Holiness.
Everything is so clear.
Who's in there?
No one.
Go see for yourself if
you don't believe me.
All of Vatican City is yours,
Holy Father,
and so is this apartment.
No one loves me,
which is why I am prepared
for every kind of vileness,
from everyone.
Holy Father,
I see Christ's reflection in you.
And in Dussolier?
I see Christ's
reflection in him too.
A paler reflection.
Acqua siamo noi
Dall'antica sorgente veniamo
Fiumi siamo noi
Se i ruscelli
si mettono insieme
Mari siamo noi
se i torrenti si danno la mano
Vita nuova c'?
se Ges? ? in mezzo a noi
E allora diamoci la mano
e tutti insieme camminiamo
Ed un oceano
di pace nascer?
E l'egoismo cancelliamo,
un cuore limpido sentiamo
? Dio che bagna
del suo amor l'umanit?
Nuova umanit?
Oggi nasce da chi crede in lui,
Nuovi siamo noi
My dear faithful ones,
I'm sorry I'm late.
But here I am.
Look at me.
Only don't look at me. Look up.
Do you see the sky?
Do you see God?
No?
No matter.
Now look at the
person next to you.
Look joyfully upon him,
and remember what
Saint Augustine said:
"If you want to see God,
you have the means to do it.
God is love."
Pius! Pius! Pius!
Not now.
Let yourself go, Your Holiness.
And if the saint here were you,
Gutierrez?
What have we forgotten?
What have we forgotten?
We have forgotten God.
You! You have forgotten God.
I want to be very
clear with you.
You have to be closer to
God than to each other.
I am closer to God
than I am to you.
You need to know that I
will never be close to you.
Because everyone is
alone before God.
I have nothing to say to those
who have even the
slightest doubt about God.
All I can do is remind
them of my scorn.
And their wretchedness.
I don't have the proof
of God existence,
it is up to you to
prove that He doesn't.
Are you capable of proving
that God does not exist?
If you aren't able to prove it,
then it means that God does exist.
God exists.
And He isn't interested in us
until we become interested
in Him, in Him exclusively.
Do you understand
what I am saying?
Ex-clu-sive-ly!
Twenty-four hours a day.
Your hearts and minds
filled only with God.
There's no room
for anything else.
No room for free will,
no room for liberty,
no room for emancipation.
"Free yourself from God",
I've heard people say.
"Liberate yourself from God."
But the pain of
liberation is unbearable,
sharp enough to kill.
Without God...
you are as good as dead.
Dead, abandoned strays
wandering the streets.
We want to look you in the face.
You want to look me in my face?
Go see God first!
I won't help you.
I'm not gonna show you the way.
Search for it.
Find Him.
And when you have found God,
perhaps you will see me as well.
Stop it! How dare you
shine a light on your Pope?
What you are doing is more
than a simple lack of respect.
I don't know if you deserve me.
I don't know. At this point...
I don't know if you are worthy
of me... I don't know...
Help me.
Help me, God.
Help me atone for all the wrong I'll
have to do in order to save the Church.