The Wonder Years (1988–1993): Season 6, Episode 8 - Kevin Delivers - full transcript

Kevin tries to make his date with Winnie, while dealing with the pressures of his Chinese Take-Out job.

-♪ BABY ♪

-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪

-♪ SAID I'M GONNA MAKE
IT WITH MY FRIENDS ♪

-♪ TRY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪

-♪ OH, OH, I'M GONNA
KEEP ON TRYIN' ♪

-♪ GET BY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪

-♪ I'M GONNA KEEP
ON TRYIN', NOW, BABE ♪

-♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪

-FOR MOST KIDS I WENT
TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH,

TUESDAY AND FRIDAY
NIGHTS MEANT HOMEWORK,

HANGING OUT, DATING...



THE USUAL AGONIES AND
ECSTASIES OF TEENAGE LIFE.

FOR ME, THOSE NIGHTS
MEANT SOMETHING ELSE...

MY HIGH-SCHOOL JOB.

I WAS "KEVIN ARNOLD,
CHINESE-FOOD DELIVERY BOY."

CHONG'S CHINESE RESTAURANT,

WHERE YOU FOUND HARRIED WAITERS,

AGILE COOKS, PEKING DUCKS,

AND OF COURSE...

-YES, SIR. YES, SIR.

- MR. CHONG.

-AFTER FOUR MONTHS ON THE JOB,

WE'D FINALLY LEARNED
HOW TO COMMUNICATE.

-HE YELLED...

-WELL, TRAFFIC
WAS A LITTLE ROUGH.



-YES, SIR. I'M SORRY, SIR.

- AND I MADE UP EXCUSES.

I'M SORRY!

-NOT THAT THE GUY WAS
SIMON LEGREE OR ANYTHING.

-HELLO! CHONG'S CHINESE.

OH, YES, WE CERTAINLY DO HAVE
RESERVATIONS FOR THIS EVENING.

MMH.

-YEAH. FUNNY, ISN'T IT?

-CAN I GO NOW?

-YES, SIR. YES, SIR.

-STILL, IN HIS OWN WAY,
I THINK HE VALUED ME.

HEY, HE DIDN'T HAVE A CHOICE.

WHO ELSE WAS GONNA WORK
FOR 8 BUCKS A WEEK PLUS TIPS?

-WINNIE?

HI, IT'S ME.

UH, LISTEN, THESE FIRST
DELIVERIES AREN'T MUCH,

SO I FIGURED IT'LL BE
A PRETTY EASY NIGHT,

AND I'LL BE OVER AT YOUR
HOUSE AROUND 9:30 OR SO?

YEAH. I LOVE YOU.

-Kevin?

-HER.

Hello?

-Kevin?

-I'M... I'M GOING.
I'M... I'M GOING!

YEAH! I-I KNOW.

-AND SO, TWICE A
WEEK, RAIN OR SHINE,

WITH EGG FOO YUNG AND
CHICKEN CHOW MEIN BY MY SIDE,

I ENTERED A WORLD UNLIKE
ANYTHING I KNEW AT HOME.

A WORLD WHERE
ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN.

A WORLD OF
ADVENTURE, EXCITEMENT...

COMPETITION.

THE FIONI'S PIZZA GUY.

EVERY WORKING
NIGHT, I RAN INTO HIM.

MAYBE HE WAS ITALIAN
AND I WAS CHINESE...

-HEY.

-HEY.

- BUT WE HAD THE MUTUAL RESPECT

OF TWO KNIGHTS OF THE ROAD.

NICE HAT!

-SIT ON IT.

-IN SHORT, I HATED THE GUY.

THE FIRST DELIVERY OF THE NIGHT.

SOMEHOW IT WAS ALWAYS TYPICAL.

- YEAH?
- CHONG'S CHINESE.

THE BEWILDERED HUSBAND.
- WE DIDN'T ORDER ANYTHING.

-ARE YOU SURE? IT'S
ON THE SLIP RIGHT HERE.

-YEAH, I'M SURE. WE
DIDN'T ORDER ANYTHING.

-HONEY? IS THAT
THE CHINESE FOOD?

-OH.

-THE INFORMED WIFE.

-HI.

-I'LL GET MY WALLET.

-NEXT CAME THE INVENTORY.

-LET'S SEE, THAT'S ONE
SHRIMP IN BLACK BEAN SAUCE,

MOO GOO GAI PAN, FRIED
RICE, AND EGG ROLLS.

-THEN THE POP QUIZ.

- IS THERE SOY SAUCE?
- ON THE BOTTOM.

- CRISPY NOODLES?
- NEXT TO THE SOY SAUCE.

- HOT MUSTARD?
- ABSOLUTELY.

- WE ORDERED TWO FRIED RICES.
- I PUT IT ALL IN ONE BIG BOX.

- OH.
- THIS WAS FOLLOWED

BY THE SELF-SERVING BROWNNOSING.

-AND I ALSO THREW IN SOME
EXTRA PLUM SAUCE FOR YOU.

-THANKS.

-OKAY, HOW MUCH DO WE OWE YOU?

-UH, $8.65.

-WHICH BROUGHT US
TO THE BOTTOM LINE.

THE TIP.

-$8.65.

-A TOTAL THAT
SCREAMED, "TIP HIM $1.35!"

-UH, YOU... YOU WANT ANY CHANGE?

-GIVE ME A BUCK BACK.

-OH.

-YOU KEEP THE REST.

THANKS...

-SPORT.

- FOR NOTHING.

-'COURSE, A DELIVERY LIKE
THIS WAS NEVER COMPLETE

WITHOUT ONE FINAL ENCOUNTER.

THE YAPPING DOG.

-OH, GREAT.

-HOW TO HANDLE THIS

WAS IN DIRECT RELATIONSHIP
TO THE SIZE OF THE TIP.

IF IT WAS A BIG TIP, YOU'D
THROW THE DOG A SPARERIB.

IN THIS CASE...

- IT WAS DOG-EAT-DOG.

-ON THE ROAD, YOUR
CAR BECAME YOUR HOME,

- YOUR RADIO YOUR COMPANION.
- ♪ I'M SO GLAD YOU... ♪

-IT WAS LIKE HAVING YOUR
OWN PRIVATE CONCERT HALL.

-♪ ...INTO MY LIFE ♪♪

-♪ I'M A SOUL MAN ♪♪

- WHERE YOU ROCKED

AND ROLLED...

AND MOVED...

AND GROOVED.

-SURE, MAYBE YOU
COULDN'T SING A NOTE.

IT DIDN'T MATTER. IT WAS
JUST YOU AND THE MUSIC.

YOU WERE NEIL DIAMOND AND
MICK JAGGER ROLLED INTO ONE.

-OH, GOD.

-HEY. MAN, NICE MAN.

VERY NICE!

-EAT IT!

-OOOH!

-IN A SITUATION LIKE THIS,

THERE WAS ONLY ONE WAY
TO REGAIN YOUR MANHOOD...

ONE WAY TO RESTORE
YOUR DIGNITY...

TOTALLY HUMILIATE THE OTHER GUY.

-PULL OVER AND TURN
OFF YOUR ENGINE.

-EVERY NIGHT HAD ITS
PITFALLS, ITS PERILS.

THESE DELIVERIES
SOMETIMES TOOK YOU

TO THE MOST MENACING
AND DANGEROUS PLACES.

-HERE GOES NOTHING.

-AND THIS NEXT DELIVERY WAS,
BY FAR, THE MOST PRECARIOUS,

THE MOST THREATENING.

105 ELM STREET.

THE HOME OF...

-OH, HELLO, KEVIN!

- FANNIE TAMBORA.

-HI, MISS TAMBORA.

-YOU KNOW CLARENCE, DON'T YOU?

-YEAH. SURE.

-HI, KEVIN!

-HI. HOW YOU DOING?

WELL, UH, LOOK, I
GOT THE FOOD HERE.

BUT I GOT TO GET...
- OH, WHY DON'T YOU BRING IT IN?

MY HANDS ARE FULL.

-NOW, ON THE SURFACE, THIS
WAS A SWEET, PLEASANT LADY.

BUT UNDERNEATH...

-WELL, I'M IN KIND OF A RUSH.

-OH, IT'LL JUST TAKE A MINUTE!

-SHE WAS A WALKING
VENUS FLYTRAP.

-WELL, JUST A MINUTE.

-THE PROBLEM WAS THAT
HER MINUTES WERE USUALLY...

-OH, WHY DON'T YOU SIT DOWN?

- AN ETERNITY.

-UH, NO. REALLY, I...

-WELL, I HAVE TO FIND MY PURSE.

OH!

-UH, WELL, MAYBE
JUST FOR A MINUTE.

I'M GONNA SIT DOWN
BUT JUST FOR A MINUTE.

-THERE'S SOME COFFEE
CANDY ON THE TABLE.

-NO, THANKS. NO, I CAN'T STAY.

-HERE.

I BROUGHT YOU A ROOT BEER!

-OH, GOOD.

IS IT VERY HOT OUT THERE?

-HOT?

-I READ SOMEWHERE THAT THE
EARTH IS MOVING CLOSER TO THE SUN.

SO THAT'S WHY IT'S
GETTING HOTTER.

I GUESS IN 50 YEARS OR
SO WE'LL ALL BE BURNED UP.

NOT THAT IT'LL AFFECT ME.

-NO, I GUESS NOT.

WELL, I-I MEAN...

I'M SURE YOU'LL BE... BURNT
UP LIKE TO REST OF US.

-MY MOTHER LIVED
TILL SHE WAS 92;

AND MY AUNT, 85.

AND MY GRANDMOTHER
WAS 106 YEARS OLD.

OOOH! CAN YOU
IMAGINE? 106 YEARS?

-NOPE.

-NO.

BUT I...

-SHE HAD A LOT OF TROUBLE
WITH HER FEET, MY GRANDMOTHER.

SHE USED TO ASK ALL
HER GRANDCHILDREN

TO GIVE HER MASSAGES.

DO YOU THINK FOOT
DOCTORS ARE REAL DOCTORS?

BECAUSE IN MY LIFETIME,

WE DIDN'T HAVE ALL
THESE SPECIALISTS.

YOU KNOW, WE WENT TO A
DOCTOR, AND HE SAW ALL OF YOU!

AND I THINK THAT...

-SO... THAT'LL BE $4.23.

-OH! OF COURSE.

HERE'S $5.00.

IT'S ALL FOR YOU.

-THANKS.

WELL, SEE YOU LATER.

-ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN'T STAY?

I HAVE PARCHEESI IN THE CLOSET!

-NOW, THE THE THING IS,
I KNEW SHE WAS LONELY.

I KNEW SHE WANTED COMPANY.

AND THERE WAS REALLY
JUST ONE THING I COULD SAY.

-I THREW IN SOME
EXTRA PLUM SAUCE.

NO CHARGE.

-OOH! PLUM SAUCE!

OOOOH!

I LOVE PLUM SAUCE!

-YOU KNOW, WHEN I
WAS A LITTLE GIRL...

-WINNIE. YEAH, HI, IT'S ME.

UH, LISTEN, I'M RUNNING A
LITTLE LATER THAN I THOUGHT.

-THE SECOND PHONE
CALL OF THE NIGHT.

-WELL, I-I HAD TO TALK
TO SOME LADY'S CAT.

-IN SOME WAYS, IT WAS PIVOTAL.

-YEAH.

YEAH, I MISS YOU, TOO.

-UNFORTUNATELY,
PRIVACY WAS AT A MINIMUM.

-YEAH, YEAH.

WINNIE, I-I CAN'T
SAY IT RIGHT NOW.

-WHAT THE HELL?

-I LOVE YOU, TOO.

- OOH!
- OOH!

-VERY FUNNY.

HEY!

-YES, SIR. OKAY.

-HEY!

-AND WITH THOSE WORDS
OF ENCOURAGEMENT,

I WAS BACK ON THE ROAD,

- READY FOR ANYTHING.
- ♪ R-E-S-P-E-C-T ♪

-♪ FIND OUT WHAT
IT MEANS TO ME ♪

♪ R-E-S-P-E-C-T ♪

♪ TAKE CARE, T-C-B ♪

♪ SOCK IT TO ME, SOCK IT TO ME,
SOCK IT TO ME, SOCK IT TO ME ♪

♪ SOCK IT TO ME, SOCK IT TO ME,
SOCK IT TO ME, SOCK IT TO ME ♪

- ♪ WHOO, YEAH ♪
- ♪ JUST A LITTLE BIT ♪

-OF COURSE, THE ROLE
OF A DELIVERY BOY

WASN'T EXACTLY FOR
THE FAINT OF HEART.

FACT IS, SOMETIMES YOU
HAD TO BE A LITTLE PUSHY

TO GET THE JOB DONE.

YOU HAD TO BE READY TO DEAL
WITH STRANGE CHARACTERS.

VERY STRANGE CHARACTERS.

-MR. KRAMER?

-YOU'RE LOOKING FOR MR. KRAMER?

-UH, YEAH.

HE ORDERED SOME FOOD
FROM CHONG'S CHINESE.

-I VERY MUCH DOUBT IT.

-NO, I HAVE THE SLIP RIGHT HERE.

LOOK, WILL YOU JUST
LET ME TALK TO THE GUY?

MY BOSS WILL GET MAD IF I
DON'T DELIVER THIS FOOD.

-AS YOU WISH.

-HEH HEH.

LIKE I SAID, SOMETIMES
YOU JUST HAD TO GET TOUGH.

NOT TAKE "NO" FOR AN ANSWER.

-HERE WE ARE.

-MR. KRAMER?

-IT WAS A DELIVERY
BOY'S WORST NIGHTMARE.

THE ULTIMATE PRACTICAL JOKE.

-I DON'T THINK HE'LL BE
NEEDING THE FORTUNE COOKIES.

-AND THERE YOU HAD IT.

DELIVERING CHINESE
FOOD WASN'T JUST A JOB.

IT WASN'T JUST AN OCCUPATION.

-HEY! YOU GOT ANY EGG ROLLS?

-IN ITS OWN WAY, IT WAS WAR.

8:00.

THE MIDPOINT OF THE EVENING.

THE RESTAURANT WAS IN HIGH GEAR.

PEOPLE COMING IN,
ORDERS GOING OUT.

-YEAH, WINNIE, I KNOW.

I'M JUST RUNNING A LITTLE
LATER THAN I THOUGHT.

WELL, I HAD THIS PROBLEM
WITH THE LAST DELIVERY.

I'LL TELL YOU ABOUT IT LATER.

YEAH, BUT...

-I'M SORRY. KEVIN CAN'T
TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW.

HE'S VERY BUSY.

BUT HE LOVES YOU.

-YEAH. THE GUY WAS ALL HEART.

HEY!

-YES, SIR.

YES, SIR.

I'M GOING, I'M GOING!

BUTTHEAD!

-SO I HEADED OUT AGAIN.

AFTER ALL, I HAD A
MISSION TO FULFILL.

IT WAS MY DUTY TO
BRING PORK LO MEIN

AND CRISPY NOODLES
TO THE GOOD...

-OH.

THANK GOD!

- THE BAD...

-WHERE YOU BEEN?!

-COME ON! LET'S EAT!

- AND, OF COURSE...

THE GIGGLY.

BUT AS THE NIGHT WORE
ON, A KIND OF MALAISE SET IN.

SMALL TIPS AND MINOR
ANNOYANCES TOOK THEIR TOLL.

SUCKER!

-STILL, SOMEHOW, YOU
KEPT YOUR SPIRITS UP.

YOU STAYED OPTIMISTIC

BECAUSE DOWN ANY
HALLWAY, AROUND ANY CORNER

COULD BE THAT ONE BIG SCORE.

-OH!

WOW!

CHINESE!

-BINGO.

-THIS IS REALLY WEIRD, MAN.

I THOUGHT I HEARD A BELL.

AND THEN, LIKE, HERE YOU ARE.

-HOW ABOUT THAT?

-HEY, GUYS!

MUNCHIES!

-ALL RIGHT. I'LL TAKE IT.

I GOT IT. I GOT IT.

-WHOO! WHOO! YEAH!

-SO...

HOW'S IT GOING, MAN?

-FORTUNATELY, I KNEW EXACTLY
HOW TO PLAY THESE GUYS.

-WELL, YOU KNOW IT'S
NOT THAT EASY, MAN.

YOU KNOW, THE JOB AND ALL.

-OH. OH, I HEAR YOU.

THE SYSTEM, RIGHT?

UH, IT CAN BRING YOU DOWN.

-YOU JUST HAD TO
KEEP THEM ON TRACK.

-EXCEPT FOR, YOU KNOW, THE
GENEROSITY OF MY CUSTOMERS.

-OH, SURE.

GENEROSITY. SURE.

-WELL, THAT'S 10 BUCKS
FOR THE ESTABLISHMENT,

PLUS, UH, ANYTHING
YOU WANT TO GIVE TO ME.

-AND THERE IT WAS.

HOOK, LINE, AND SINKER.

-OH, MAN, I WISH I COULD.

-HUH?

GIVE YOU SOMETHING
MORE MEANINGFUL.

YOU KNOW, LIKE A
SUNNY DAY OR A RAINBOW.

BUT ALL I GOT IS THIS...

MONEY.

I'M REALLY SORRY, MAN.

-THERE YOU GO.

-YEAH. ME TOO.

-ONE MAN'S TRAGEDY IS
ANOTHER MAN'S TRIUMPH.

-♪ IT'S MY PARTY, AND
I'LL CRY IF I WANT TO ♪

-I WAS ON TOP OF THE WORLD.

30 BUCKS IN MY POCKET,

AND BEST OF ALL, THE
NIGHT WAS STILL YOUNG.

SO THERE WAS NOTHING
LEFT TO DO BUT CALL WINNIE

AND LET HER KNOW WHAT
TIME I WAS GONNA PICK HER UP.

-HUH?

-JUST ONE LITTLE PROBLEM.

-NO.

NO, NO.

IF YOU CAN'T, YOU CAN'T.

OF COURSE I'M NOT MAD.

YEAH.

BYE.

-IT WAS INCREDIBLE.

IRONIC.

CRUEL.

HERE I WAS WITH A
POCKET FULL OF MONEY,

A CAR FULL OF GAS,

AND NO PLACE TO SPEND IT, BUT...

-HEY!

HEY!

HEY, WAIT!

OH, MAN.

HEY! HEY!

STOP!

-30 BUCKS.

-30?!

BUT I JUST PARKED
IT ON THE STREET.

-NO KIDDING. LIFE'S TOUGH.

-THANKS.

-AND WITH THAT, THERE
WENT MY PROFITS.

-20.

-THERE WENT MY RAINBOW.

-25.

-THERE WENT MY NIGHT.

-WANT SOME CHINESE?

-I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO
ASK WHERE HE GOT IT.

-NO, THANKS.

10:00.

I WAS OUT OF MONEY,
OUT OF MY GIRLFRIEND.

ALL IN ALL, I WAS OUT OF LUCK.

SEEMED SOMETHING HAD TO BE DONE

TO MAKE THIS EVENING WORTHWHILE.

SOMETHING UPLIFTING.

SOMETHING...

INSPIRED.

-WELL! THIS IS A SURPRISE!

-PIZZA.

-PIZZA?

DID I ORDER PIZZA?

-UH...

-WELL, WHY DON'T YOU COME
IN WHILE I GET MY PURSE?

IT'LL ONLY TAKE A MINUTE.

-OH, NO.

-OH, AND YOU MUST MEET CLARENCE.

OH, COME IN!

OHHHH!

SAY "HELLO," CLARENCE.

-HECK, AFTER AN EVENING
OF BAD LUCK AND BAD TIPS,

OF TOWED CARS AND RABID DOGS
AND UNSYMPATHETIC GIRLFRIENDS,

IT ONLY SEEMED FAIR TO
GO OUT ON A HIGH NOTE.

-WHAT?

MORE?

216 MAPLE.

- BUT IT'S 10:00. THE
RESTAURANT'S CLOSED.

216 MAPLE.

-BUT ENOUGH WAS ENOUGH.

NO MORE.

NO WAY, NO HOW.

MY DAY'S OVER.

NOW, I HAVE MY
RIGHTS. I'M NOT A SLAVE.

ALL RIGHT. IF THAT'S
HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT IT.

-I WASN'T JUST
STANDING UP FOR MYSELF.

I WAS STANDING UP FOR
OPPRESSED WORKERS EVERYWHERE.

THE DOWNTRODDEN.
THE DISADVANTAGED.

THE TOTALLY WITHOUT GUTS.

-ONE MORE. BUT THAT'S IT.

-216 MAPLE.

-216 MAPLE.

WHAT THE HEY.

AFTER A NIGHT LIKE THIS,
WHAT ELSE DID I HAVE TO DO?

216 MAPLE.

WHICH IN THIS CASE
TURNED OUT TO BE...

A DESERTED PARK.

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

-AND TO ADD
PEPPERONI TO INSULT...

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.

-I DON'T KNOW.

MAYBE IT WAS MY DESTINY

TO END UP ON A LONELY
STREET IN A DEAD-END JOB

WITH NO ONE TO SHARE
MY SORROWS WITH, BUT...

WINNIE.

HI.

DID YOU GET MY MESSAGE?

THIS IS YOUR ORDER?

I KNEW IT WAS THE ONLY WAY

I WAS GONNA GET
TO SEE YOU TONIGHT.

SO, WE STILL ON FOR DINNER?

-♪ WHEN THE NIGHT HAS COME ♪

♪ AND THE LAND IS DARK ♪
- CAN I HAVE SOME PLUM SAUCE?

- YOU GOT IT.
- ♪ AND THE MOON ♪

-AND THERE YOU HAD IT.

- ♪ IS THE ONLY LIGHT WE'LL SEE ♪
- THIS IS NICE, ISN'T IT?

-YEAH.

THIS IS NICE.
- ♪ NO, I WON'T... ♪

-WORKING FOR MR. CHONG

CERTAINLY WASN'T THE
BEST JOB I EVER HAD.

THE HOURS WERE LONG,
THE MONEY WAS POOR,

AND EMPLOYEE-MANAGEMENT
RELATIONS

LEFT A LOT TO BE DESIRED.

BUT IN ITS WAY,

EACH NIGHT HELD A PROMISE
OF RICHES AND ADVENTURE.

- ♪ STAND BY ME ♪
- YOU WANT SOME CHOW MEIN?

- ♪ OH, STAND ♪
- UH, NO THANKS.

- ♪ BY ME ♪
- I'M KIND OF SICK OF CHINESE.

-♪ OH, STAND ♪

♪ STAND BY ME ♪
- WELL...

MAYBE WE COULD ORDER SOME PIZZA.
- ♪ STAND BY ME ♪