The Wonder Years (1988–1993): Season 6, Episode 13 - Ladies and Gentlemen... the Rolling Stones - full transcript
Rumors spread through the school that The Rolling Stones may be playing at a small venue somewhere nearby. Kevin, Winnie, and their friends try to find the concert's location.
[JOE COCKER'S "WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS" PLAYS]
-♪ BABY ♪
-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ SAID I'M GONNA MAKE
IT WITH MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ TRY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ OH, OH, I'M GONNA
KEEP ON TRYIN' ♪
-♪ GET BY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ I'M GONNA KEEP
ON TRYIN', NOW, BABE ♪
-♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
-AND SO I FIGURED,
SINCE THE PROGRAM
WAS ABOUT INDIANS,
THAT I SHOULD WATCH IT,
E-EVEN THOUGH IT MEANT
SKIPPIN' THE HOMEWORK.
-TEEN LOGIC...
AT 16, IT WAS A TOOL
WE USED WITH ABANDON.
-'CAUSE REMEMBER...
YOU SAID THERE'D BE
INDIAN STUFF ON THE TEST.
-AND AT WHAT POINT
DID YOU REALIZE
"KOJAK" WAS NOT AN INDIAN NAME?
-UM...
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
-AND THIS LOGIC CAME
IN ALL SHAPES AND SIZES.
-I DON'T CARE WHO HE TAKES.
WHO WANTS A STEADY
BOYFRIEND, ANYWAY?
-WE USED IT TO HELP US
THROUGH LIFE'S TOUGH MOMENTS.
-I MEAN, ALL THAT MAKING OUT
JUST GETS YOUR HAIR ALL SWEATY!
-SO, WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
-IT HELPED EXPLAIN OUR
BEHAVIORAL ODDITIES.
-IF THEY DON'T
WANT A FEW LAUGHS,
THEN THEY SHOULDN'T
HAND OUT FROGS IN BIOLOGY.
-BUT NEVER WAS OUR
LOGIC MORE USEFUL
THAN WHEN IT LENT CREDENCE
TO A REALLY HOT RUMOR.
-THIS IS TOTALLY
RIDICULOUS, CHUCK.
-I SWEAR TO GOD, IT'S TRUE.
-I'M SORRY... THE ROLLING
STONES DO NOT COME
WITHIN 300 MILES OF THIS TOWN.
-IT WAS A DULL WEEK
IN THE WINTER OF '73,
SO THE RUMOR HAD
SPREAD LIKE WILDFIRE.
-I'M TELLIN' YA... FRIDAY NIGHT,
THE STONES ARE GONNA
BE AT A PLACE CALLED JOE'S
OUT ON HIGHWAY 9.
-RIGHT.
-BY JUNIOR YEAR, I'D BEEN
DOWN THE OLD RUMOR TRAIL
ONE TOO MANY TIMES.
-THERE'S NO WAY. PAUL, TELL HIM.
-IT'S A ZILLION TO 1.
IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
-I REST MY CASE.
-MAYBE I WAS A LITTLE
TOUGH ON THE GUY,
BUT IT WAS SO CLEAR TO ANYONE
WITH EVEN A SEMBLANCE
OF INTELLIGENCE.
-HEY, YOU GUYS HEAR
ABOUT THE STONES?
UNFORTUNATELY, A
SEMBLANCE OF INTELLIGENCE
WAS IN SHORT SUPPLY.
-I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.
-OKAY, I'M SORRY.
I LOST MY MIND.
-FINE.
-IT'S JUST, I-I HEARD
THAT FOR A WHILE,
THIS JOE WAS LIKE THE SIXTH
ROLLING STONE, YOU KNOW?
-GREAT... INSANITY HAD
TAKEN OVER MY SCHOOL...
[SIREN WAILS]
AND THE LAW HAD
TAKEN OVER VINE STREET.
-OH, MAN.
[SIREN FADES]
-WHY DON'T YOU
PLEAD INSANITY, KEV?
-SHUT UP.
-MAY I SEE YOUR LICENSE, PLEASE?
-OF COURSE, A SITUATION LIKE
THIS REQUIRED I REACH BACK
FOR A LITTLE OF
MY OWN TEEN LOGIC.
-YOU REALIZE THAT
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE
TO GO THE SPEED
LIMIT ON THIS STREET?
-IS THAT A FACT?
-OKAY...
HERE'S THE THING...
GRADES ARE REALLY
IMPORTANT TO ME.
SO I WAS REALLY
TRYING TO GET HOME...
TO STUDY.
BECAUSE... I KNOW THAT...
A LOT OF CRIMINALS GOT
BAD GRADES IN SCHOOL.
S-SO THAT IF... KIDS
GOT BETTER GRADES...
BY STUDYING HARD, THEN
THERE WOULD BE LESS...
CRIMINALS AROUND.
-WOW. YEAH.
-BUT WHEN IT CAME TO LOGIC,
SOME GUYS HAD THE KNACK...
-YOU MUST MAKE
YOUR PARENTS PROUD.
- AND SOME GUYS HAD THE TICKET.
-HAVE A NICE DAY.
-ALL OF WHICH ADDED
UP TO ONE THING.
-YOU HAD ME SOLD.
-SOMEHOW, I WAS GONNA
HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS TO...
-IT WAS GREAT!
- MY DAD.
-THIS GUY, ZEKE, COMES IN
WITH A COWBOY HAT, A STRING TIE,
AND HE TELLS ME HE NEEDS
A TRUCKLOAD OF FURNITURE.
-[CHUCKLES] THAT'S
WONDERFUL, HONEY.
-IT WAS OUR BIGGEST ORDER YET!
-STILL, THAT NIGHT,
THE FURNITURE GODS
WERE SMILING ON ME.
-DAD?
-YEAH.
-YEP, THIS WAS GONNA
BE A PIECE OF CAKE.
-Y-YOU KNOW THAT...
S-STRETCH OF ROAD
ON VINE STREET?
- MM-HMM.
- WELL...
I WAS DRIVING THERE
THIS AFTERNOON, AND...
-YOU KNOW, NOW IT'S LIKE THE
GUY WANTS TO BE MY BEST FRIEND.
-[Chuckling] I KNOW. HIS
WIFE CALLED THIS MORNING.
- SHE DID?
- MM-HMM.
THEY WANT TO TAKE US
DANCING TOMORROW NIGHT.
-OH.
-SQUARE DANCING.
-WHAT?
-UH-OH.
-[CHORTLES]
SQUARE DANCING?! [LAUGHS]
[UTENSIL CLANKS]
-FORGET IT. WE'RE NOT GOIN'.
-SUDDENLY, I WATCHED
HIS MOOD CHANGE
FASTER THAN YOU COULD
SAY "SONS OF THE PIONEERS."
-ARE YOU SURE, HONEY? IT
MIGHT BE GOOD FOR BUSINESS.
-OH, BROTHER.
[WAYNE CLAPPING]
-♪ GRAB YOUR PARTNER, DO-SI-DO ♪
SORRY.
[HUMMING]
-WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT?
-NOTHING.
-NOW, I MAY HAVE
BEEN A CRIMINAL,
BUT I WASN'T STUPID ENOUGH
TO TRY MY LUCK RIGHT THEN.
NOTHING AT ALL.
IT JUST WOULDN'T BE LOGICAL.
SPEAKING OF WHICH...
-ABSOLUTE CONFIRMATION.
ALL RIGHT, GARY
ZERWINSKI'S SISTER...
SHE'S A STEWARDESS, RIGHT?
SHE MET KEITH RICHARDS ON A
FLIGHT TO NEW YORK LAST YEAR.
-OOH!
-YEAH, SO? SO?
-I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.
-ANYWAYS, THEY GOT TO NEW YORK,
THEY HAD A COUPLE
DRINKS... PLURAL...
AND NOW THE STONES
ARE BACK IN THE U.S. OF A.,
AND WHO DOES KEITH
RICHARDS WANT TO SEE?
-SHIRLEY...
-ZERWINSKI.
-VOILà!
-I'D HAD ENOUGH.
I WAS THE LONE
BASTION OF REASON.
-WHAT?!
YOU PEOPLE ARE ALL CRAZY.
-KEVIN, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
-HUH?
-I MEAN, WHAT IF
IT COULD HAPPEN?
AND WHAT IF WE
COULD BE A PART OF IT?
-NOW, KEEP IN MIND,
THIS WAS MY BEST GIRL,
MY ONE TRUE LOVE.
-THINK OF IT, KEVIN.
A NIGHT WE COULD
SHARE WITH EACH OTHER
FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES,
AND MAYBE SOMEDAY
TELL OUR CHILDREN ABOUT.
-CHILDREN?
-SO, WHEN SHE SPUN HER
DREAMS ABOUT MAGICAL NIGHTS
AND MIRACLES AND CHILDREN...
-I COULD NEVER RISK
MISSING SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
- WHAT ELSE COULD I SAY
TO THOSE BIG BROWN EYES,
EXCEPT...
-WHO'S PAYING FOR GAS?
- ALL RIGHT!
- WHAT THE HECK?
THERE WAS A CERTAIN
LOGIC TO THIS WHOLE THING.
AND WHAT DID I HAVE TO LOSE?
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
-KEVIN? IS THIS YOURS?
-EXCEPT MY LIFE.
-IT WENT THROUGH
THE WASH, AND I...
-HONEY, COULD YOU, UH...
-OH.
-OH, WHAT'S THIS?
-IT'S... NOTHING.
IT'S...
-IT'S A SPEEDING
TICKET. IS THIS YOURS?
-I-I DON'T THINK SO.
-IT'S GOT YOUR NAME ON IT.
-OH, YEAH. THAT... THAT'S MINE.
-YOU WANT TO TELL ME ABOUT IT?
-NOPE.
-WELL... DAD, YOU
KNOW VINE STREET?
-EVERYONE SPEEDS THERE.
-I DON'T.
-STAY OUT OF IT, WAYNE.
-[CHORTLING]
-SO, WHAT HAPPENED?
-IT'S JUST... SOME TICKETS
ARE REALLY UNFAIR.
-YEAH. I KNOW THEY ARE.
SO HOW FAST WERE YOU GOIN'?
-WELL, THAT'S THE THING.
THAT COP DIDN'T
EVEN HAVE A RADAR.
HE JUST... GUESSED!
-COME ON, KEV. HOW FAST?
-I FIGURED, THIS WAS MY FATHER.
HE'D BEEN IN A FEW
SCRAPES IN HIS LIFE.
HE'D UNDERSTAND.
-JUST... TELL ME THE TRUTH.
-AND EVEN THOUGH LOGIC
SCREAMED AT ME NOT TO...
-50... TOPS.
- I WENT WITH THE FACTS.
-50?!
IN A 30-MILE ZONE?!
YOU'RE GROUNDED!
-I MAY HAVE MISCALCULATED.
-DAD, CAN WE AT
LEAST TALK ABOUT THIS?
-I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
- BUT...
- I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT.
-DAD, I HAVE TO GO OUT TONIGHT.
-WHY?
-I KNEW I HAD TO CAPTURE
THE MAGIC THE WAY WINNIE HAD.
THIS WASN'T ABOUT
ONE LITTLE NIGHT OUT.
IT WAS ABOUT OUR
DREAMS, OUR CHILDREN.
-THE ROLLING STONES ARE
PLAYING AT SOME DIVE CALLED JOE'S.
-HMMM.
AND IF THAT STIRRING
TRIBUTE WASN'T ENOUGH...
[CAR HORN PLAYS "DIXIE"]
-WHAT WAS THAT?
-HEY, YOU, ARNOLD!
GET ON OUT HERE!
-[Chuckling] WHOA, DAD, UH...
ROY AND DALE ARE
HERE. [CHORTLES]
-GREAT.
- SO, UH...
- [SIGHS]
- DAD, WHAT DO YOU SAY?
-KEVIN, I'M GOING
SQUARE DANCING,
AND WHEN I GET HOME,
THAT CAR OF YOURS
BETTER NOT HAVE MOVED
ONE INCH OFF ITS OIL SPOT.
-AND SOMEHOW, I KNEW THE
MAN MEANT EVERY SINGLE WORD.
HE EVEN SAID IT
IN SIGN LANGUAGE.
-WELL... SEE YA, SCRUM.
HAVE FUN. [CHORTLES]
[DOOR CLOSES]
-RIGHT.
-AND THERE WASN'T ANYTHING
MORE I COULD SAY, EXCEPT...
-HELLO. MRS. COOPER?
IS WINNIE THERE?
-I HAD NO CHOICE. I
WOULD HAVE TO CANCEL.
AND THAT'S WHEN I DISCOVERED
A CATASTROPHE IN THE MAKING,
AN EVENT OF
MONUMENTAL SIGNIFICANCE,
A POTENTIAL DISASTER
THAT COULD ALTER THE
COURSE OF THE UNIVERSE.
AND THE REASON WAS...
-WE'RE OUT OF MILK.
- WE WERE OUT OF MILK.
BUT IT WASN'T JUST THAT
WE WERE OUT OF MILK.
IF MY DAD GOT UP
THE NEXT MORNING
AND COULDN'T HAVE HIS CEREAL...
THINGS LIKE THIS
DIDN'T JUST HAPPEN.
-Kevin?
-THERE WERE FORCES AT WORK HERE.
-Hello?
-FORCES THAT
DEMANDED I GO OUT AND...
-Kevin?!
-WINNIE? I'LL PICK
YOU UP IN 10 MINUTES.
[ENGINE TURNS OVER]
-OKAY, I'D GET THE
MILK AFTERWARDS.
THAT WAY, IT WOULD BE FRESHER.
HEY, IT WASN'T LIKE I
WAS DEFYING MY FATHER.
HE NEEDED THE MILK
FOR HIS MORNING CEREAL.
AND EVEN IF IT WAS
STRETCHING TEENAGE LOGIC
TO ITS MAXIMUM...
[BRAKES SQUEAL]
HE HAD SPECIFICALLY
SAID NOT TO MOVE MY CAR.
AND SO THAT NIGHT,
IN A SEMI-STOLEN CAR,
WE WERE EN ROUTE TO THE
EXPERIENCE OF A LIFETIME...
ME, MY GIRL, AND
LARRY, MOE, AND CURLY.
-HEY, YOU WANT SOME?
-HEY, NO FOOD IN THE CAR!
-THIS ISN'T FOOD! HERE.
-THANKS.
[HORNS HONKING]
-WHOOPS. [LAUGHS]
-OH, MAN. NICE MOVE.
-HEY, COME ON, KEVIN.
LIGHTEN UP, MAN.
-YEAH, I MEAN, IT'S NOT
LIKE IT'S YOUR CAR ANYWAY.
-GREAT... I WAS
GROWING CONCERNED
FOR MY FATHER'S CAR,
AND MY FRIENDS WERE
TURNING IT INTO A CHEAP MOTEL.
-WHERE IS THIS PLACE, ANYWAY?
-JUST OUTSIDE OF HINCKLEY.
-HINCKLEY? WELL,
THAT'S AN HOUR AWAY.
-WELL, THERE'S NO WAY
I'M DRIVING TO HINCKLEY.
-WELL, WHAT DID YOU EXPECT, KEV?
THE ROLLING STONES ARE
GONNA COME TO YOUR DOOR?
[LAUGHTER]
-NO, PAUL, I DIDN'T EXPECT
THEM TO COME AT ALL. REMEMBER?
-FINE... YOU TRY TO MAINTAIN
SOME KIND OF MATURITY,
AND YOU'RE SUDDENLY THE BAD GUY.
-GEEZ. WHAT A DOWNER.
-OKAY. WE'LL GO TO HINCKLEY.
[LAUGHTER]
-AFTER ALL, I WAS IN THIS DEEP.
SO, 47 MILES, 3 PIT STOPS,
AND ANY NUMBER OF
SQUASHED RAISINETS LATER,
WE ARRIVED AT...
-HERE IT IS... "JOE'S PLACE."
[OWL HOOTING]
-JUST ONE LITTLE PROBLEM.
-THE WHO?
-NOT THE WHO...
THE ROLLING STONES.
[SLOW-TEMPO
COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING]
-HEY, JOE.
-HMM?
-YOU GOT THE ROLLING
STONES COMIN' HERE?
-THE WHO?
-I RECKON NOT.
-AND, FACED WITH THE
FIRST DISAPPOINTMENT
OF THE EVENING...
- [EXHALES SHARPLY]
- WE DID WHAT RED-BLOODED
TEENAGERS DID BEST.
-YOU MEAN WE
DROVE OVER AN HOUR...
AND THERE'S NO ROLLING STONES?
-WE TURNED ON EACH OTHER.
-WELL, DON'T LOOK AT
ME. IT'S NOT MY FAULT.
-AND THEN WE PASSED THE BUCK.
-WHAT? IT'S NOT MINE, EITHER.
-AND WE POINTED FINGERS.
-NO WAY! IT WAS CHUCK!
-HEY, LOOK AT THIS! THERE
ARE A WHOLE MESS OF "JOE'S"!
-HEY, YOU!
THAT'S MY YELLOW PAGES!
-WHOOPS. UH, YEAH, LET'S HIT IT.
-YEAH. COME ON.
-BYE!
-COME BACK HERE!
-COME ON! GUN IT!
-AND WITH THAT, WE WERE
ONCE AGAIN OFF ON OUR MISSION.
[SIREN WAILING]
ONLY THIS TIME...
WE HAD COMPANY.
[SIREN CONTINUES]
-[Amplified] PULL YOUR VEHICLE
TO THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!
- I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!
- NOW!
-HOLY COW.
-IT WAS ALMOST IRONIC.
WE HAD TRAVELED
HALFWAY ACROSS THE WORLD
TO GET BUSTED FOR
STEALING PAGE 219
OF THE BELL TELEPHONE BOOK.
-KIND OF A JACKRABBIT
START THERE, WASN'T IT, PAL?
-UH, UH...
NO, SIR.
I-I MEAN... YES, SIR.
-MAY I SEE YOUR
DRIVER'S LICENSE, PLEASE?
-AND NO AMOUNT OF LOGIC WAS
GONNA GET ME OUT OF THIS ONE.
-[MOOING]
-I WAS STUCK... DEAD.
-[SIGHS]
-OFFICER?
I CAN EXPLAIN.
-UNTIL...
-THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.
KEVIN IS THE BEST
DRIVER WE KNOW.
AND HE WAS GONNA
STAY HOME TONIGHT,
BUT HE KNEW THAT IF HE DID,
WE MAY HAVE GOTTEN RIDES TO...
GO SEE MY GRANDMOTHER
IN THE HOSPITAL
WITH SOMEONE WHO ISN'T
A VERY GOOD DRIVER AT ALL.
AND I KNOW HE WAS AFRAID
THAT WE MIGHT END UP
IN SOME TERRIBLE CRASH...
OR WORSE, AND...
THAT HE MIGHT SPEND
THE REST OF HIS LIFE
WONDERING WHAT MIGHT HAVE
BEEN IF ONLY... HE HAD BEEN DRIVING.
-IT WAS THE MOST
OBVIOUSLY TRANSPARENT,
CLUMSY PIECE OF TEEN LOGIC
I HAD EVER HEARD
IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
-OKAY, I UNDERSTAND.
YOU DRIVE CAREFUL, SON.
-AND HE BOUGHT IT.
-Y-YES, SIR.
-AND TAKE CARE OF
THIS YOUNG LADY.
AND YOU... SAY HI
TO YOUR GRANDMA.
-IT WAS INCREDIBLE.
IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE.
IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE.
-[LAUGHS]
-AND SUDDENLY, IT WAS CLEAR...
THAT THIS NIGHT WAS SPECIAL.
IT WAS A MATTER OF DESTINY.
SOMETHING MAGICAL
WAS AWAITING US.
AND AS WE WENT FROM SMOKEY JOE'S
TO BILLY JOE'S TO
JOE JOE'S TO HO JOE'S,
WE NEVER GAVE UP.
BECAUSE IT ALL BOILED
DOWN TO ONE THING...
THE ROLLING STONES...
-I KNEW IT!
I KNEW IT.
- WOULD BE AT WALLY'S.
AND WE'D FOUND
IT. IT WAS AMAZING.
OUR VERY OWN...
- THIS IS IT!
WOODSTOCK.
-THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.
-I TOLD YOU, KEVIN. I TOLD YOU.
-YEAH.
EACH OF US KNEW EVERY MOMENT
OF OUR YOUTH WOULD BE DEFINED
BY ITS RELATIONSHIP
IN TIME TO THIS ONE.
IT WAS OUR MOMENT,
AND WE WERE THERE.
[CROWD CHANTING "MICK!"]
-THERE HE IS!
[CHANTING CONTINUES]
-WHO IS THAT?
-AND, OF COURSE, IT WASN'T MICK.
IT WAS WALLY...
-NOW, LISTEN, YOU KIDS! THIS IS
THE LAST TIME I'M GONNA TELL YA!
- AND HIS BULLHORN.
-THE ROLLING STONES AIN'T HERE,
AND THEY AIN'T GONNA BE HERE!
[CROWD GROANS]
-AND WALLY LET US KNOW,
IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS,
THAT THE CROWNING
EVENT OF OUR YOUTH...
-THE ONLY PEOPLE GONNA
BE HERE IS THE POLICE!
- WAS A BUST.
-KEVIN, I'M REALLY SORRY.
-[CHUCKLES] NAH,
FORGET ABOUT IT.
-WHAT THE HECK.
THIS WASN'T THE TIME
FOR "I TOLD YOU SOs"
OR RUBBING IT IN.
-NO, YOU WERE THE
ONLY ONE WHO KNEW
HOW RIDICULOUS WE SOUNDED.
-AH, COME ON.
I MEAN, WE CAME HERE,
WE HAD A GOOD TIME.
WHAT MORE COULD YOU ASK?
RIGHT, GUYS?
-IT FELT PRETTY GOOD.
I WAS GENEROUS.
[ENGINE TURNS OVER]
I WAS NONCHALANT.
[TIRES SCREECH] I WAS...
[CRASH]
AN IDIOT!
SUDDENLY, MY GOODWILL EBBED.
-NOW LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!
-HEY! WE WEREN'T DRIVING.
-AND I NO LONGER FELT GENEROUS.
-NO! I WAS DRIVING.
AND YOU KNOW WHY?
-I FELT RAGE.
-BECAUSE I'M CRAZY!
I KNEW THE ROLLING STONES
WOULD NEVER SHOW UP!
[HUBCAP RATTLES]
-I WAS REALLY MAD.
AND MY FOOT HURT A LOT.
ON THE WAY HOME,
EVERYONE WAS
FEELING PRETTY ROTTEN,
LOST IN THEIR OWN THOUGHTS
ABOUT MISSED OPPORTUNITIES.
ME? I JUST HAD ONE THOUGHT.
WHILE THE REST OF THE WORLD
WOULD GO ON TO COLLEGE,
HAVE CAREERS, JOBS,
FAMILIES, A LIFE OF THEIR OWN...
I WOULD BE SPENDING
THE REST OF THE '70s...
GROUNDED.
[SIGHS]
FACE IT... I WAS A YOUNG
MAN WITHOUT A FUTURE.
AND NOT ONLY THAT, I'D
EVEN FORGOTTEN THE MILK.
[CAR HORN PLAYS "DIXIE"]
[KEYS CLATTER]
MY FATE HUNG ON
MY DAD'S REAR END.
AND AS SOON AS HE SAW
IT, NO STORY, NO TALE,
NO OCEAN OF LOGIC
WAS GOING TO HELP.
NOTHING WOULD SAVE ME NOW.
-WHOA!
[HUBCAP RATTLES]
-EXCEPT...
-IS EVERYBODY OKAY?
-HOLY COW!
[DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE]
-I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
IT WAS NOTHING BUT A
MASS OF BROKEN METAL
AND BUSTED BOLTS.
-BOY, I DID IT THIS TIME.
GUESS I'M JUST GONNA HAVE
TO LEARN TO STOP SPINNIN' YARNS
WHEN I'M SUPPOSED
TO BE APPLYING BRAKE.
-YEAH.
-IN ONE CLUMSY MOVE, THE
COWBOY HAD GIVEN ME BACK MY LIFE.
-I BET SHE'S... YOUR
PRIDE AND JOY, TOO.
-YEAH.
-AND, OF COURSE, THERE WAS
ONLY ONE APPROPRIATE THING TO SAY.
-SORRY, DAD.
-YEAH.
-I'LL TELL YA WHAT.
I'M GONNA MAKE THIS UP
TO YA, WESTERN-STYLE.
OUR PLACE UP NORTH
IS IN SORROWFUL NEED
OF FURNISHIN' RIGHT NOW.
AND WE'LL TAKE ALL THE
FURNITURE YOU CAN MAKE.
-UH...
WHAT'S A LITTLE BUMPER
BETWEEN FRIENDS, HUH?
[CHUCKLES]
-AND JUST LIKE THAT...
-I'M GLAD YOU FEEL
THAT WAY ABOUT IT.
-AH, SURE.
NOW, ABOUT THAT FURNITURE...
- MY FATHER'S HEARTACHE
TURNED INTO PROFIT.
BUT THE TRUTH WAS, IT
WASN'T ALL THIS GUY'S FAULT.
AND SOMEHOW I COULDN'T
HELP BUT FEEL A LITTLE GUILTY.
-YOU KNOW, I FEEL
A LITTLE GUILTY.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
-WHY?
WELL, IT'S JUST THAT
I KNOW THAT SOME OF THAT
DAMAGE WAS ALREADY THERE.
-UH-OH.
-YOU DO?
-YEAH.
I RAN INTO THE WALL OF
THE MARKET YESTERDAY.
-AND THAT'S WHEN I REALIZED
THERE'S ALL KINDS OF
LOGIC IN THIS WORLD.
-WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING?
-I DON'T KNOW.
I... GUESS I JUST THOUGHT
NOBODY WOULD NOTICE.
-NORMA, WE'RE
FIXIN' TO LEAVE NOW.
-WE HAD A WONDERFUL
TIME, BETTY LYNN.
-AND A LOT OF IT
DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.
THAT NIGHT, MOVED BY
THE FORCES OF TEEN LOGIC,
I'D STOLEN MY DAD'S CAR,
HAD A RUN-IN WITH THE POLICE,
A FIGHT WITH MY
FRIENDS, AND AN ACCIDENT.
ALL IN ALL, IT WAS
A GREAT EVENING.
EVEN IF THERE WERE
NO ROLLING STONES.
[FEEDBACK]
Man: [British accent] HEY, JOE?
COULD I GET SOME MORE VOLUME?
[THE ROLLING STONES'
"BROWN SUGAR" PLAYS]
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS" PLAYS]
-♪ BABY ♪
-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ SAID I'M GONNA MAKE
IT WITH MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ TRY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ OH, OH, I'M GONNA
KEEP ON TRYIN' ♪
-♪ GET BY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ I'M GONNA KEEP
ON TRYIN', NOW, BABE ♪
-♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
-AND SO I FIGURED,
SINCE THE PROGRAM
WAS ABOUT INDIANS,
THAT I SHOULD WATCH IT,
E-EVEN THOUGH IT MEANT
SKIPPIN' THE HOMEWORK.
-TEEN LOGIC...
AT 16, IT WAS A TOOL
WE USED WITH ABANDON.
-'CAUSE REMEMBER...
YOU SAID THERE'D BE
INDIAN STUFF ON THE TEST.
-AND AT WHAT POINT
DID YOU REALIZE
"KOJAK" WAS NOT AN INDIAN NAME?
-UM...
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
-AND THIS LOGIC CAME
IN ALL SHAPES AND SIZES.
-I DON'T CARE WHO HE TAKES.
WHO WANTS A STEADY
BOYFRIEND, ANYWAY?
-WE USED IT TO HELP US
THROUGH LIFE'S TOUGH MOMENTS.
-I MEAN, ALL THAT MAKING OUT
JUST GETS YOUR HAIR ALL SWEATY!
-SO, WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
-IT HELPED EXPLAIN OUR
BEHAVIORAL ODDITIES.
-IF THEY DON'T
WANT A FEW LAUGHS,
THEN THEY SHOULDN'T
HAND OUT FROGS IN BIOLOGY.
-BUT NEVER WAS OUR
LOGIC MORE USEFUL
THAN WHEN IT LENT CREDENCE
TO A REALLY HOT RUMOR.
-THIS IS TOTALLY
RIDICULOUS, CHUCK.
-I SWEAR TO GOD, IT'S TRUE.
-I'M SORRY... THE ROLLING
STONES DO NOT COME
WITHIN 300 MILES OF THIS TOWN.
-IT WAS A DULL WEEK
IN THE WINTER OF '73,
SO THE RUMOR HAD
SPREAD LIKE WILDFIRE.
-I'M TELLIN' YA... FRIDAY NIGHT,
THE STONES ARE GONNA
BE AT A PLACE CALLED JOE'S
OUT ON HIGHWAY 9.
-RIGHT.
-BY JUNIOR YEAR, I'D BEEN
DOWN THE OLD RUMOR TRAIL
ONE TOO MANY TIMES.
-THERE'S NO WAY. PAUL, TELL HIM.
-IT'S A ZILLION TO 1.
IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
-I REST MY CASE.
-MAYBE I WAS A LITTLE
TOUGH ON THE GUY,
BUT IT WAS SO CLEAR TO ANYONE
WITH EVEN A SEMBLANCE
OF INTELLIGENCE.
-HEY, YOU GUYS HEAR
ABOUT THE STONES?
UNFORTUNATELY, A
SEMBLANCE OF INTELLIGENCE
WAS IN SHORT SUPPLY.
-I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.
-OKAY, I'M SORRY.
I LOST MY MIND.
-FINE.
-IT'S JUST, I-I HEARD
THAT FOR A WHILE,
THIS JOE WAS LIKE THE SIXTH
ROLLING STONE, YOU KNOW?
-GREAT... INSANITY HAD
TAKEN OVER MY SCHOOL...
[SIREN WAILS]
AND THE LAW HAD
TAKEN OVER VINE STREET.
-OH, MAN.
[SIREN FADES]
-WHY DON'T YOU
PLEAD INSANITY, KEV?
-SHUT UP.
-MAY I SEE YOUR LICENSE, PLEASE?
-OF COURSE, A SITUATION LIKE
THIS REQUIRED I REACH BACK
FOR A LITTLE OF
MY OWN TEEN LOGIC.
-YOU REALIZE THAT
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE
TO GO THE SPEED
LIMIT ON THIS STREET?
-IS THAT A FACT?
-OKAY...
HERE'S THE THING...
GRADES ARE REALLY
IMPORTANT TO ME.
SO I WAS REALLY
TRYING TO GET HOME...
TO STUDY.
BECAUSE... I KNOW THAT...
A LOT OF CRIMINALS GOT
BAD GRADES IN SCHOOL.
S-SO THAT IF... KIDS
GOT BETTER GRADES...
BY STUDYING HARD, THEN
THERE WOULD BE LESS...
CRIMINALS AROUND.
-WOW. YEAH.
-BUT WHEN IT CAME TO LOGIC,
SOME GUYS HAD THE KNACK...
-YOU MUST MAKE
YOUR PARENTS PROUD.
- AND SOME GUYS HAD THE TICKET.
-HAVE A NICE DAY.
-ALL OF WHICH ADDED
UP TO ONE THING.
-YOU HAD ME SOLD.
-SOMEHOW, I WAS GONNA
HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS TO...
-IT WAS GREAT!
- MY DAD.
-THIS GUY, ZEKE, COMES IN
WITH A COWBOY HAT, A STRING TIE,
AND HE TELLS ME HE NEEDS
A TRUCKLOAD OF FURNITURE.
-[CHUCKLES] THAT'S
WONDERFUL, HONEY.
-IT WAS OUR BIGGEST ORDER YET!
-STILL, THAT NIGHT,
THE FURNITURE GODS
WERE SMILING ON ME.
-DAD?
-YEAH.
-YEP, THIS WAS GONNA
BE A PIECE OF CAKE.
-Y-YOU KNOW THAT...
S-STRETCH OF ROAD
ON VINE STREET?
- MM-HMM.
- WELL...
I WAS DRIVING THERE
THIS AFTERNOON, AND...
-YOU KNOW, NOW IT'S LIKE THE
GUY WANTS TO BE MY BEST FRIEND.
-[Chuckling] I KNOW. HIS
WIFE CALLED THIS MORNING.
- SHE DID?
- MM-HMM.
THEY WANT TO TAKE US
DANCING TOMORROW NIGHT.
-OH.
-SQUARE DANCING.
-WHAT?
-UH-OH.
-[CHORTLES]
SQUARE DANCING?! [LAUGHS]
[UTENSIL CLANKS]
-FORGET IT. WE'RE NOT GOIN'.
-SUDDENLY, I WATCHED
HIS MOOD CHANGE
FASTER THAN YOU COULD
SAY "SONS OF THE PIONEERS."
-ARE YOU SURE, HONEY? IT
MIGHT BE GOOD FOR BUSINESS.
-OH, BROTHER.
[WAYNE CLAPPING]
-♪ GRAB YOUR PARTNER, DO-SI-DO ♪
SORRY.
[HUMMING]
-WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT?
-NOTHING.
-NOW, I MAY HAVE
BEEN A CRIMINAL,
BUT I WASN'T STUPID ENOUGH
TO TRY MY LUCK RIGHT THEN.
NOTHING AT ALL.
IT JUST WOULDN'T BE LOGICAL.
SPEAKING OF WHICH...
-ABSOLUTE CONFIRMATION.
ALL RIGHT, GARY
ZERWINSKI'S SISTER...
SHE'S A STEWARDESS, RIGHT?
SHE MET KEITH RICHARDS ON A
FLIGHT TO NEW YORK LAST YEAR.
-OOH!
-YEAH, SO? SO?
-I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.
-ANYWAYS, THEY GOT TO NEW YORK,
THEY HAD A COUPLE
DRINKS... PLURAL...
AND NOW THE STONES
ARE BACK IN THE U.S. OF A.,
AND WHO DOES KEITH
RICHARDS WANT TO SEE?
-SHIRLEY...
-ZERWINSKI.
-VOILà!
-I'D HAD ENOUGH.
I WAS THE LONE
BASTION OF REASON.
-WHAT?!
YOU PEOPLE ARE ALL CRAZY.
-KEVIN, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
-HUH?
-I MEAN, WHAT IF
IT COULD HAPPEN?
AND WHAT IF WE
COULD BE A PART OF IT?
-NOW, KEEP IN MIND,
THIS WAS MY BEST GIRL,
MY ONE TRUE LOVE.
-THINK OF IT, KEVIN.
A NIGHT WE COULD
SHARE WITH EACH OTHER
FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES,
AND MAYBE SOMEDAY
TELL OUR CHILDREN ABOUT.
-CHILDREN?
-SO, WHEN SHE SPUN HER
DREAMS ABOUT MAGICAL NIGHTS
AND MIRACLES AND CHILDREN...
-I COULD NEVER RISK
MISSING SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
- WHAT ELSE COULD I SAY
TO THOSE BIG BROWN EYES,
EXCEPT...
-WHO'S PAYING FOR GAS?
- ALL RIGHT!
- WHAT THE HECK?
THERE WAS A CERTAIN
LOGIC TO THIS WHOLE THING.
AND WHAT DID I HAVE TO LOSE?
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
-KEVIN? IS THIS YOURS?
-EXCEPT MY LIFE.
-IT WENT THROUGH
THE WASH, AND I...
-HONEY, COULD YOU, UH...
-OH.
-OH, WHAT'S THIS?
-IT'S... NOTHING.
IT'S...
-IT'S A SPEEDING
TICKET. IS THIS YOURS?
-I-I DON'T THINK SO.
-IT'S GOT YOUR NAME ON IT.
-OH, YEAH. THAT... THAT'S MINE.
-YOU WANT TO TELL ME ABOUT IT?
-NOPE.
-WELL... DAD, YOU
KNOW VINE STREET?
-EVERYONE SPEEDS THERE.
-I DON'T.
-STAY OUT OF IT, WAYNE.
-[CHORTLING]
-SO, WHAT HAPPENED?
-IT'S JUST... SOME TICKETS
ARE REALLY UNFAIR.
-YEAH. I KNOW THEY ARE.
SO HOW FAST WERE YOU GOIN'?
-WELL, THAT'S THE THING.
THAT COP DIDN'T
EVEN HAVE A RADAR.
HE JUST... GUESSED!
-COME ON, KEV. HOW FAST?
-I FIGURED, THIS WAS MY FATHER.
HE'D BEEN IN A FEW
SCRAPES IN HIS LIFE.
HE'D UNDERSTAND.
-JUST... TELL ME THE TRUTH.
-AND EVEN THOUGH LOGIC
SCREAMED AT ME NOT TO...
-50... TOPS.
- I WENT WITH THE FACTS.
-50?!
IN A 30-MILE ZONE?!
YOU'RE GROUNDED!
-I MAY HAVE MISCALCULATED.
-DAD, CAN WE AT
LEAST TALK ABOUT THIS?
-I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
- BUT...
- I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT.
-DAD, I HAVE TO GO OUT TONIGHT.
-WHY?
-I KNEW I HAD TO CAPTURE
THE MAGIC THE WAY WINNIE HAD.
THIS WASN'T ABOUT
ONE LITTLE NIGHT OUT.
IT WAS ABOUT OUR
DREAMS, OUR CHILDREN.
-THE ROLLING STONES ARE
PLAYING AT SOME DIVE CALLED JOE'S.
-HMMM.
AND IF THAT STIRRING
TRIBUTE WASN'T ENOUGH...
[CAR HORN PLAYS "DIXIE"]
-WHAT WAS THAT?
-HEY, YOU, ARNOLD!
GET ON OUT HERE!
-[Chuckling] WHOA, DAD, UH...
ROY AND DALE ARE
HERE. [CHORTLES]
-GREAT.
- SO, UH...
- [SIGHS]
- DAD, WHAT DO YOU SAY?
-KEVIN, I'M GOING
SQUARE DANCING,
AND WHEN I GET HOME,
THAT CAR OF YOURS
BETTER NOT HAVE MOVED
ONE INCH OFF ITS OIL SPOT.
-AND SOMEHOW, I KNEW THE
MAN MEANT EVERY SINGLE WORD.
HE EVEN SAID IT
IN SIGN LANGUAGE.
-WELL... SEE YA, SCRUM.
HAVE FUN. [CHORTLES]
[DOOR CLOSES]
-RIGHT.
-AND THERE WASN'T ANYTHING
MORE I COULD SAY, EXCEPT...
-HELLO. MRS. COOPER?
IS WINNIE THERE?
-I HAD NO CHOICE. I
WOULD HAVE TO CANCEL.
AND THAT'S WHEN I DISCOVERED
A CATASTROPHE IN THE MAKING,
AN EVENT OF
MONUMENTAL SIGNIFICANCE,
A POTENTIAL DISASTER
THAT COULD ALTER THE
COURSE OF THE UNIVERSE.
AND THE REASON WAS...
-WE'RE OUT OF MILK.
- WE WERE OUT OF MILK.
BUT IT WASN'T JUST THAT
WE WERE OUT OF MILK.
IF MY DAD GOT UP
THE NEXT MORNING
AND COULDN'T HAVE HIS CEREAL...
THINGS LIKE THIS
DIDN'T JUST HAPPEN.
-Kevin?
-THERE WERE FORCES AT WORK HERE.
-Hello?
-FORCES THAT
DEMANDED I GO OUT AND...
-Kevin?!
-WINNIE? I'LL PICK
YOU UP IN 10 MINUTES.
[ENGINE TURNS OVER]
-OKAY, I'D GET THE
MILK AFTERWARDS.
THAT WAY, IT WOULD BE FRESHER.
HEY, IT WASN'T LIKE I
WAS DEFYING MY FATHER.
HE NEEDED THE MILK
FOR HIS MORNING CEREAL.
AND EVEN IF IT WAS
STRETCHING TEENAGE LOGIC
TO ITS MAXIMUM...
[BRAKES SQUEAL]
HE HAD SPECIFICALLY
SAID NOT TO MOVE MY CAR.
AND SO THAT NIGHT,
IN A SEMI-STOLEN CAR,
WE WERE EN ROUTE TO THE
EXPERIENCE OF A LIFETIME...
ME, MY GIRL, AND
LARRY, MOE, AND CURLY.
-HEY, YOU WANT SOME?
-HEY, NO FOOD IN THE CAR!
-THIS ISN'T FOOD! HERE.
-THANKS.
[HORNS HONKING]
-WHOOPS. [LAUGHS]
-OH, MAN. NICE MOVE.
-HEY, COME ON, KEVIN.
LIGHTEN UP, MAN.
-YEAH, I MEAN, IT'S NOT
LIKE IT'S YOUR CAR ANYWAY.
-GREAT... I WAS
GROWING CONCERNED
FOR MY FATHER'S CAR,
AND MY FRIENDS WERE
TURNING IT INTO A CHEAP MOTEL.
-WHERE IS THIS PLACE, ANYWAY?
-JUST OUTSIDE OF HINCKLEY.
-HINCKLEY? WELL,
THAT'S AN HOUR AWAY.
-WELL, THERE'S NO WAY
I'M DRIVING TO HINCKLEY.
-WELL, WHAT DID YOU EXPECT, KEV?
THE ROLLING STONES ARE
GONNA COME TO YOUR DOOR?
[LAUGHTER]
-NO, PAUL, I DIDN'T EXPECT
THEM TO COME AT ALL. REMEMBER?
-FINE... YOU TRY TO MAINTAIN
SOME KIND OF MATURITY,
AND YOU'RE SUDDENLY THE BAD GUY.
-GEEZ. WHAT A DOWNER.
-OKAY. WE'LL GO TO HINCKLEY.
[LAUGHTER]
-AFTER ALL, I WAS IN THIS DEEP.
SO, 47 MILES, 3 PIT STOPS,
AND ANY NUMBER OF
SQUASHED RAISINETS LATER,
WE ARRIVED AT...
-HERE IT IS... "JOE'S PLACE."
[OWL HOOTING]
-JUST ONE LITTLE PROBLEM.
-THE WHO?
-NOT THE WHO...
THE ROLLING STONES.
[SLOW-TEMPO
COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING]
-HEY, JOE.
-HMM?
-YOU GOT THE ROLLING
STONES COMIN' HERE?
-THE WHO?
-I RECKON NOT.
-AND, FACED WITH THE
FIRST DISAPPOINTMENT
OF THE EVENING...
- [EXHALES SHARPLY]
- WE DID WHAT RED-BLOODED
TEENAGERS DID BEST.
-YOU MEAN WE
DROVE OVER AN HOUR...
AND THERE'S NO ROLLING STONES?
-WE TURNED ON EACH OTHER.
-WELL, DON'T LOOK AT
ME. IT'S NOT MY FAULT.
-AND THEN WE PASSED THE BUCK.
-WHAT? IT'S NOT MINE, EITHER.
-AND WE POINTED FINGERS.
-NO WAY! IT WAS CHUCK!
-HEY, LOOK AT THIS! THERE
ARE A WHOLE MESS OF "JOE'S"!
-HEY, YOU!
THAT'S MY YELLOW PAGES!
-WHOOPS. UH, YEAH, LET'S HIT IT.
-YEAH. COME ON.
-BYE!
-COME BACK HERE!
-COME ON! GUN IT!
-AND WITH THAT, WE WERE
ONCE AGAIN OFF ON OUR MISSION.
[SIREN WAILING]
ONLY THIS TIME...
WE HAD COMPANY.
[SIREN CONTINUES]
-[Amplified] PULL YOUR VEHICLE
TO THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!
- I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!
- NOW!
-HOLY COW.
-IT WAS ALMOST IRONIC.
WE HAD TRAVELED
HALFWAY ACROSS THE WORLD
TO GET BUSTED FOR
STEALING PAGE 219
OF THE BELL TELEPHONE BOOK.
-KIND OF A JACKRABBIT
START THERE, WASN'T IT, PAL?
-UH, UH...
NO, SIR.
I-I MEAN... YES, SIR.
-MAY I SEE YOUR
DRIVER'S LICENSE, PLEASE?
-AND NO AMOUNT OF LOGIC WAS
GONNA GET ME OUT OF THIS ONE.
-[MOOING]
-I WAS STUCK... DEAD.
-[SIGHS]
-OFFICER?
I CAN EXPLAIN.
-UNTIL...
-THIS IS ALL MY FAULT.
KEVIN IS THE BEST
DRIVER WE KNOW.
AND HE WAS GONNA
STAY HOME TONIGHT,
BUT HE KNEW THAT IF HE DID,
WE MAY HAVE GOTTEN RIDES TO...
GO SEE MY GRANDMOTHER
IN THE HOSPITAL
WITH SOMEONE WHO ISN'T
A VERY GOOD DRIVER AT ALL.
AND I KNOW HE WAS AFRAID
THAT WE MIGHT END UP
IN SOME TERRIBLE CRASH...
OR WORSE, AND...
THAT HE MIGHT SPEND
THE REST OF HIS LIFE
WONDERING WHAT MIGHT HAVE
BEEN IF ONLY... HE HAD BEEN DRIVING.
-IT WAS THE MOST
OBVIOUSLY TRANSPARENT,
CLUMSY PIECE OF TEEN LOGIC
I HAD EVER HEARD
IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
-OKAY, I UNDERSTAND.
YOU DRIVE CAREFUL, SON.
-AND HE BOUGHT IT.
-Y-YES, SIR.
-AND TAKE CARE OF
THIS YOUNG LADY.
AND YOU... SAY HI
TO YOUR GRANDMA.
-IT WAS INCREDIBLE.
IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE.
IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE.
-[LAUGHS]
-AND SUDDENLY, IT WAS CLEAR...
THAT THIS NIGHT WAS SPECIAL.
IT WAS A MATTER OF DESTINY.
SOMETHING MAGICAL
WAS AWAITING US.
AND AS WE WENT FROM SMOKEY JOE'S
TO BILLY JOE'S TO
JOE JOE'S TO HO JOE'S,
WE NEVER GAVE UP.
BECAUSE IT ALL BOILED
DOWN TO ONE THING...
THE ROLLING STONES...
-I KNEW IT!
I KNEW IT.
- WOULD BE AT WALLY'S.
AND WE'D FOUND
IT. IT WAS AMAZING.
OUR VERY OWN...
- THIS IS IT!
WOODSTOCK.
-THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.
-I TOLD YOU, KEVIN. I TOLD YOU.
-YEAH.
EACH OF US KNEW EVERY MOMENT
OF OUR YOUTH WOULD BE DEFINED
BY ITS RELATIONSHIP
IN TIME TO THIS ONE.
IT WAS OUR MOMENT,
AND WE WERE THERE.
[CROWD CHANTING "MICK!"]
-THERE HE IS!
[CHANTING CONTINUES]
-WHO IS THAT?
-AND, OF COURSE, IT WASN'T MICK.
IT WAS WALLY...
-NOW, LISTEN, YOU KIDS! THIS IS
THE LAST TIME I'M GONNA TELL YA!
- AND HIS BULLHORN.
-THE ROLLING STONES AIN'T HERE,
AND THEY AIN'T GONNA BE HERE!
[CROWD GROANS]
-AND WALLY LET US KNOW,
IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS,
THAT THE CROWNING
EVENT OF OUR YOUTH...
-THE ONLY PEOPLE GONNA
BE HERE IS THE POLICE!
- WAS A BUST.
-KEVIN, I'M REALLY SORRY.
-[CHUCKLES] NAH,
FORGET ABOUT IT.
-WHAT THE HECK.
THIS WASN'T THE TIME
FOR "I TOLD YOU SOs"
OR RUBBING IT IN.
-NO, YOU WERE THE
ONLY ONE WHO KNEW
HOW RIDICULOUS WE SOUNDED.
-AH, COME ON.
I MEAN, WE CAME HERE,
WE HAD A GOOD TIME.
WHAT MORE COULD YOU ASK?
RIGHT, GUYS?
-IT FELT PRETTY GOOD.
I WAS GENEROUS.
[ENGINE TURNS OVER]
I WAS NONCHALANT.
[TIRES SCREECH] I WAS...
[CRASH]
AN IDIOT!
SUDDENLY, MY GOODWILL EBBED.
-NOW LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!
-HEY! WE WEREN'T DRIVING.
-AND I NO LONGER FELT GENEROUS.
-NO! I WAS DRIVING.
AND YOU KNOW WHY?
-I FELT RAGE.
-BECAUSE I'M CRAZY!
I KNEW THE ROLLING STONES
WOULD NEVER SHOW UP!
[HUBCAP RATTLES]
-I WAS REALLY MAD.
AND MY FOOT HURT A LOT.
ON THE WAY HOME,
EVERYONE WAS
FEELING PRETTY ROTTEN,
LOST IN THEIR OWN THOUGHTS
ABOUT MISSED OPPORTUNITIES.
ME? I JUST HAD ONE THOUGHT.
WHILE THE REST OF THE WORLD
WOULD GO ON TO COLLEGE,
HAVE CAREERS, JOBS,
FAMILIES, A LIFE OF THEIR OWN...
I WOULD BE SPENDING
THE REST OF THE '70s...
GROUNDED.
[SIGHS]
FACE IT... I WAS A YOUNG
MAN WITHOUT A FUTURE.
AND NOT ONLY THAT, I'D
EVEN FORGOTTEN THE MILK.
[CAR HORN PLAYS "DIXIE"]
[KEYS CLATTER]
MY FATE HUNG ON
MY DAD'S REAR END.
AND AS SOON AS HE SAW
IT, NO STORY, NO TALE,
NO OCEAN OF LOGIC
WAS GOING TO HELP.
NOTHING WOULD SAVE ME NOW.
-WHOA!
[HUBCAP RATTLES]
-EXCEPT...
-IS EVERYBODY OKAY?
-HOLY COW!
[DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE]
-I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
IT WAS NOTHING BUT A
MASS OF BROKEN METAL
AND BUSTED BOLTS.
-BOY, I DID IT THIS TIME.
GUESS I'M JUST GONNA HAVE
TO LEARN TO STOP SPINNIN' YARNS
WHEN I'M SUPPOSED
TO BE APPLYING BRAKE.
-YEAH.
-IN ONE CLUMSY MOVE, THE
COWBOY HAD GIVEN ME BACK MY LIFE.
-I BET SHE'S... YOUR
PRIDE AND JOY, TOO.
-YEAH.
-AND, OF COURSE, THERE WAS
ONLY ONE APPROPRIATE THING TO SAY.
-SORRY, DAD.
-YEAH.
-I'LL TELL YA WHAT.
I'M GONNA MAKE THIS UP
TO YA, WESTERN-STYLE.
OUR PLACE UP NORTH
IS IN SORROWFUL NEED
OF FURNISHIN' RIGHT NOW.
AND WE'LL TAKE ALL THE
FURNITURE YOU CAN MAKE.
-UH...
WHAT'S A LITTLE BUMPER
BETWEEN FRIENDS, HUH?
[CHUCKLES]
-AND JUST LIKE THAT...
-I'M GLAD YOU FEEL
THAT WAY ABOUT IT.
-AH, SURE.
NOW, ABOUT THAT FURNITURE...
- MY FATHER'S HEARTACHE
TURNED INTO PROFIT.
BUT THE TRUTH WAS, IT
WASN'T ALL THIS GUY'S FAULT.
AND SOMEHOW I COULDN'T
HELP BUT FEEL A LITTLE GUILTY.
-YOU KNOW, I FEEL
A LITTLE GUILTY.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
-WHY?
WELL, IT'S JUST THAT
I KNOW THAT SOME OF THAT
DAMAGE WAS ALREADY THERE.
-UH-OH.
-YOU DO?
-YEAH.
I RAN INTO THE WALL OF
THE MARKET YESTERDAY.
-AND THAT'S WHEN I REALIZED
THERE'S ALL KINDS OF
LOGIC IN THIS WORLD.
-WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING?
-I DON'T KNOW.
I... GUESS I JUST THOUGHT
NOBODY WOULD NOTICE.
-NORMA, WE'RE
FIXIN' TO LEAVE NOW.
-WE HAD A WONDERFUL
TIME, BETTY LYNN.
-AND A LOT OF IT
DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.
THAT NIGHT, MOVED BY
THE FORCES OF TEEN LOGIC,
I'D STOLEN MY DAD'S CAR,
HAD A RUN-IN WITH THE POLICE,
A FIGHT WITH MY
FRIENDS, AND AN ACCIDENT.
ALL IN ALL, IT WAS
A GREAT EVENING.
EVEN IF THERE WERE
NO ROLLING STONES.
[FEEDBACK]
Man: [British accent] HEY, JOE?
COULD I GET SOME MORE VOLUME?
[THE ROLLING STONES'
"BROWN SUGAR" PLAYS]