The Wonder Years (1988–1993): Season 5, Episode 6 - Triangle - full transcript

-♪ WHAT WOULD YOU DO
IF I SANG OUT OF TUNE? ♪

♪ WOULD YOU STAND UP
AND WALK OUT ON ME? ♪

♪ LEND ME YOUR EARS,
AND I'LL SING YOU A SONG ♪

♪ I WILL TRY NOT TO
SING OUT OF KEY, YEAH ♪

♪ OH, BABY, I GET BY ♪
- ♪ BY WITH A LITTLE HELP
FROM MY FRIENDS ♪

-♪ ALL I NEED IS MY BUDDIES ♪

-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪

-♪ I'M SAYIN' I'M GONNA GET HIGHER ♪ - ♪
TRY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪

-♪ WHOA-OA-OA-OA ♪

-♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪

-♪ SOMEBODY WHO
KNOWS QUITE SURE ♪



♪ BABY ♪

-♪ BY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪

-♪ SAID I'M GONNA MAKE
IT WITH MY FRIENDS ♪

-♪ TRY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪

-♪ OH, I'M GONNA
KEEP ON TRYING ♪

-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪

♪ I'M GONNA KEEP ON
TRYING NOW, BABY ♪

-♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪

-THE 1970s WERE FILLED
WITH IMPROBABLE EVENTS,

STRANGE OCCURRENCES,

UNEXPECTED HAPPENINGS.

BUT NOTHING WAS
QUITE AS IMPROBABLE

AS MY BROTHER...

AND HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND.



-WHY IS SANDY TYLER
DATING YOUR BROTHER?

GOT ME.

-WHAT IS IT, LIKE SOME KIND
OF SCIENCE EXPERIMENT?

-GOT ME.

-IT DEFIED EXPLANATION.

SANDY TYLER WAS A SEEMINGLY
INTELLIGENT 11th-GRADER.

SHE WAS SMART. SHE WAS PRETTY.

-SHE'S OUT OF HER MIND.

-SEEMED AS GOOD AN
EXPLANATION AS ANY.

-HEY, KEV. HOW'S IT GOING?

-HI, KEVIN.

-HI. HOW YOU DOING?

-GOOD.

"SCARLET LETTER," HUH?

YEAH, WE READ THAT LAST YEAR.

-YEAH. IT'S REALLY...

- THICK?
- YEAH.

IT'S REALLY THICK.

-AND STUPID.

I MEAN, THE LADY IS
TEMPTED ONCE BY LOVE,

AND SHE'S MADE A
COMPLETE OUTCAST.

I THINK THE TOWN OVERREACTED.

RIGHT, WAYNE?

-UH...

UH... INDUBITABLY.

IT WAS AMAZING.

- WELL, WE BETTER GET GOING.
- OKAY.

- COME ON.
- BYE.

-BY SOME FANTASTIC
STROKE OF COSMIC LUCK,

MY BROTHER HAD FOUND PARADISE...

A GIRL WITH CHARM,
A GIRL WITH STYLE,

A GIRL... WHO USED
HER SILVERWARE.

-THIS IS GREAT, MRS. ARNOLD.

-YES. IT'S, UH, SUPERB.

-OH, WELL, THANK YOU.

-NEEDLESS TO SAY,
IT WAS A SHOCK.

I WAS SHOCKED.

DAD WAS SHOCKED.

-ONLY MY MOTHER SEEMED
TO HAVE EXPECTED THIS.

-SO, HOW DID YOU TWO MEET?

LET ME TELL.

I WAS RUNNING TO CLASS
AND I TRIPPED ON THE STAIRS

AND I WAS FALLING
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN...

THERE WAS WAYNE.

-LUCKY ME.

- I'LL SAY.
- I'LL SAY.

-YEP, WAYNE WAS REALLY
IMPROVING HIMSELF SOCIALLY.

-NOT TO MENTION ACADEMICALLY.

-DON'T LOOK AT THE KEYS.
DON'T LOOK AT THE KEYS.

DON'T LOOK AT THE KEYS.
DON'T LOOK AT THE KEYS.

DON'T LOOK AT THE KEYS.

EXCELLENT TECHNIQUE, MR. ARNOLD.

-THANKS.

-NOT YOU.

-THANKS.

-LET'S FACE IT. THE
GUY WAS ON A ROLL.

-LET'S SEE YOUR
WORK, MR. ARNOLD.

-WHEREAS FOR ME...

THE STORY OF MY
LIFE READ MORE LIKE...

-"DODOPKLIN ERFLEMMA
MASCHMAL KLUM

SCALAMI ASTEROTERA SPALUMPKUM."

-I DIDN'T LOOK AT THE KEYS.

-SOPHOMORES.

-IT WAS TRUE.

WHILE MY WORTHLESS
BROTHER WAS HITTING HIS STRIDE,

I SEEMED TO BE LOSING
GROUND, AND FAST.

FOR ONE THING, I WAS IN A
VERY SERIOUS DATING SLUMP.

I'M NOT SURE WHY, EXACTLY.

-HEY, I'D WATCH OUT FOR
THOSE MASHED POTATOES.

I BET THERE'S A LOT
OF PARASITES IN 'EM.

-CREEP.

-POSSIBLY... JUST POSSIBLY...

IT HAD SOMETHING TO
DO WITH MY TECHNIQUE.

SEEMED THE HARDER I
TRIED, THE WORSE THINGS GOT.

-OKAY. SEE YOU LATER.

-BYE.

-BATTER UP!

-HEY, ALICE. HOW YOU DOING?

-HI, KEVIN.

-WHAT'S WRONG?

-MY GEOMETRY TEACHER
CAUGHT ME CHEATING.

I DON'T EVEN THINK
IT IS CHEATING!

- WELL, IT'S NOT!
- YOU WEREN'T THERE!

-RIGHT. BUT... I BET IT WASN'T.

-INSTEAD OF COPYING
THE NOTES FROM THE BOOK,

I COPIED FROM
SOMEONE ELSE'S PAPER.

IT'S NOT LIKE I WROTE
THE ANSWER ON MY HAND!

WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT
MAKE WHO I COPIED FROM?

NOW MY TEACHER'S
GONNA TELL MY PARENTS

AND I'M GONNA GET AN "F,"

AND IT'S GONNA BE ON
MY PERMANENT RECORD!

-YOU WANT TO GO TO THE
DANCE WITH ME ON FRIDAY?

-HUH?

-OKAY. MY TIMING MIGHT
HAVE BEEN A LITTLE OFF.

-I'M SORRY.

I KNOW YOU'RE UPSET
AND EVERYTHING.

-NO. IT'S OKAY.

I'D LIKE TO GO WITH YOU.

-GREAT.

-BUT RICHARD RACHMAN
ALREADY ASKED ME.

-OH.

YEAH. RICHARD.

-HE'S VERY SENSITIVE.

-THE GUY SNIFFED HIS GYM SOCKS.

-YEAH. HE'S... REAL SENSITIVE.

WELL, I HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER.

-THANKS.

KEVIN?

CAN I COPY YOUR HISTORY NOTES?

-IT DIDN'T MAKE SENSE.

- BYE.
- BYE.

-ALL OVER SCHOOL,

GIRLS WERE GOING OUT WITH
JERKS AND CALLING THEM "SENSITIVE"

OR DUMB GUYS AND
CALLING THEM "DEEP."

IT JUST WASN'T FAIR.

I DECIDED TO GET AWAY,
BE ALONE, BY MYSELF,

FORGET ALL ABOUT THINGS LIKE...

ROMANCE.

-HI.

-HI!

-HI.

-SORRY. I DIDN'T KNOW
ANYONE WAS DOWN HERE.

-IT'S OKAY. COME ON, SIT DOWN.

-YEAH. JOIN US.

-TALK ABOUT YOUR WARM WELCOMES.

-NO, THANKS. I GOT A
LOT OF STUFF TO DO.

-KEVIN, SIT DOWN. WE'RE
WATCHING "SONNY AND CHER."

-YEAH.

-WELL, MAYBE FOR A SECOND.

-GREAT.

-BEING... BEING SEXY IS
NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL.

-HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?

-OKAY. BEST COMEDY TEAM.

-ABBOTT AND COSTELLO.

-LAUREL AND HARDY.

-MARTIN AND LEWIS.

-THE THREE STOOGES.

"WHY, I OUGHTA..."
- "WHY, I OUGHTA..."

WOO, WOO, WOO, WOO, WOO.

-THAT'S NOT FUNNY, CHER.

-I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.

MY BROTHER, WAYNE,
WAS ACTUALLY BEING FUNNY

AND CHARMING.

-UH, I GOT TO GO TO THE CAN.

-YOU KNOW WHY YOU'RE JEALOUS?

I HAVE MORE TALENT
IN MY LITTLE FINGER...

THIS ONE HERE... THAN
MOST PEOPLE HAVE...

-THEY ARE SO GOOD TOGETHER.

-LET'S HEAR IT FOR SONNY
BONO'S LITTLE FINGER.

-I-I THINK IT'S 'CAUSE
THEY'RE SO IN LOVE.

-YEAH, YOU CAN TELL.

I MEAN, THEY REALLY LIKE
BEING AROUND EACH OTHER.

-YEAH.

-AND SUDDENLY, I FELT
VERY RELAXED WITH HER.

MAYBE BECAUSE IT WAS I DIDN'T
HAVE TO ASK HER FOR A DATE.

-DO YOU THINK...

THERE'S ONE SPECIAL
PERSON FOR EVERYONE?

-I DON'T KNOW.

I THINK YOU CAN BE HAPPY
WITH LOTS OF PEOPLE.

BUT THERE'S PROBABLY
ONE PERSON OUT THERE.

- YEAH. THAT'S
WHAT I THINK, TOO.

-BUT WHO KNOWS IF YOU'RE
EVER GONNA FIND THAT PERSON?

I MEAN, MY GIRL COULD BE
IN ALASKA, FOR ALL I KNOW.

YEAH.

-YEAH.

-IT WAS A HEAVY CONVERSATION.

-I'VE HAD IT ABOUT
UP TO HERE WITH YOU.

-THAT'S EASY. YOU'RE SHORT.

-OH, I LOVE IT WHEN SHE
MAKES THOSE SHORT JOKES.

-YEAH, IT'S FUNNY.

-I DON'T THINK SHE'S TRYING
TO BE NASTY OR ANYTHING.

-NO!

NO. YOU CAN TELL SHE'S JUST
BEING FUNNY AND EVERYTHING.

-♪ THEY SAY WE'RE YOUNG
AND WE DON'T KNOW ♪

♪ WE WON'T FIND
OUT UNTIL WE GROW ♪

-♪ WELL, I DON'T KNOW
IF ALL THAT'S TRUE ♪

♪ 'CAUSE YOU GOT ME,
AND, BABY, I GOT YOU ♪

-DID I MISS ANYTHING?

- NO.
- NO.

- ♪ I GOT YOU, BABE ♪
- ♪ I GOT YOU, BABE ♪

♪ I GOT YOU, BABE ♪
♪ I GOT YOU, BABE ♪

-THE NEXT MORNING, I WAS
FEELING EXTREMELY GUILTY.

I HAD KISSED MY
BROTHER'S GIRLFRIEND.

AT THE SAME TIME,

I KEPT PLAYING IT OVER
AND OVER AGAIN IN MY MIND.

SANDY JUST LEANED OVER AND...

-UH...

HI, DAD.

-HI.

-I-I WAS JUST...

UH...

SEEING... IF...

MAKING SURE THAT...

I... WASN'T DOING ANYTHING.

-I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING.

-OH.

-ONE THING WAS CLEAR.

I COULDN'T HANDLE
THIS THING ALONE.

-IT WAS TIME TO TALK THIS
OUT PRIVATELY, ONE ON ONE.

-HEY, SANDY.

-HI, KEVIN.

-HEY.

-HEY.

HOW YOU GUYS DOING?

-GREAT.

-WELL... I'D...

BETTER GO TO CLASS.

-AND THAT WAS THAT.

THE WHOLE THING HAD
MEANT NOTHING AT ALL,

IN WHICH CASE I FELT RELIEVED.

I FELT HAPPY.

I FELT COMPLETELY TICKED OFF.

-KEVIN?

-OH.

HI.

-WE NEED TO TALK.

-YEAH. RIGHT.

I MEAN, LAST NIGHT...

-WE KISSED.

-YEAH. WE KISSED.

AND I DON'T KNOW IF THAT
MEANT ANYTHING OR NOT.

-DID IT MEAN SOMETHING TO YOU?

-YEAH, IT MEANT SOMETHING.

-IT MEANT SOMETHING TO ME, TOO.

IT'S JUST THAT, UH, KEVIN,
I'M DATING YOUR BROTHER.

-I KNOW.

AND IT MAKES ME FEEL CREEPY.

I'VE DONE SOME STRANGE
THINGS IN MY LIFE, BUT, UH...

GOING OUT WITH TWO BROTHERS...

-IT WAS WEIRD.

HERE SHE WAS,
BARING HER SOUL TO ME,

AND ALL I COULD THINK OF WAS...
WHAT OTHER STRANGE THINGS?

-THE THING IS, I LIKE WAYNE.

I MEAN, HE'S SO...

SO...

HE'S SO BASIC.

-YEAH.

HE'S... BASIC.

AND HE'S REAL NICE.

-IT'S JUST THAT I DON'T KNOW
WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT.

YOU SEEMED SO LONELY.

-OH.

-AND... WE WERE WATCHING
"SONNY AND CHER"

AND THEY WERE TOGETHER AND...

AND WE KISSED.

AND IT WAS ALMOST LIKE
SONNY AND CHER KISSED.

THIS IS A DUMB
CONVERSATION, HUH?

-KIND OF.

-IT'S JUST ALL TOO CRAZY.

-YEAH.

IT IS.

-YEAH.

I THINK IT WOULD BE BEST

IF WE COULD, UH,
JUST BE FRIENDS.

-YEAH.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

I THINK FRIENDS IS...

DEFINITELY THE WAY TO GO.

YEAH.

-WAS THAT A FRIENDSHIP KISS?

YEAH.

WE SHOULD DEFINITELY
JUST BE FRIENDS.

-♪ THEY SAY WE'RE YOUNG
AND WE DON'T KNOW... ♪

-FOR THE REST OF THE DAY,

WE WERE FRIENDS ALL OVER SCHOOL.

-♪ WELL, I DON'T KNOW
IF THAT'S ALL TRUE ♪

♪ 'CAUSE YOU GOT ME,
AND, BABY, I GOT YOU ♪

-SURE, I KNEW IT WAS WRONG.

BUT I DIDN'T CARE.

-DAD...

CAN I BORROW A COUPLE BUCKS?

-UNTIL THAT FRIDAY.

-WELL, I'M TAKING SANDY
TO THE DANCE TONIGHT.

-OH.

-THINGS WERE GETTING
A LITTLE COMPLICATED.

-ARE YOU GOING, KEVIN?

-TO PUT IT MILDLY.

ARE YOU KIDDING?

BUTTHEAD CAN'T GET A DATE.

-YEAH, I'M GOING.

-OH. WELL, THAT'S GOOD.

MAYBE YOU'LL MEET SOMEONE THERE.

-IF ONLY SHE KNEW.

-YOU KNOW, YOUR FATHER
AND I MET AT A SCHOOL DANCE.

DO YOU REMEMBER THAT, JACK?

-UH-HUH.

-IT'S THE LAST TIME YOU EVER
TALKED TO DICK CLAIBORNE.

-GREAT.

I'M STUCK IN THIS
TERRIBLE SITUATION,

AND MY MOTHER IS
GONNA RELIVE OLD TIMES.

-HE WAS YOUR
FATHER'S BEST FRIEND.

DICK TOOK ME TO THE DANCE,

BUT I SAW YOUR FATHER THERE.

OF COURSE, I'D SEEN HIM BEFORE,

BUT HE WAS IN A NEW SUIT.

SKINNY AS A RAIL.

-ANYWAY...

THEY HAD THIS
TERRIBLE FIGHT OVER ME,

AND THEY HAVEN'T TALKED SINCE.

-SO?

-SO...

IT WAS WORTH IT.

-AND FOR SOME REASON,
SUDDENLY, I WAS LISTENING.

HAD MY FATHER REALLY SAID THAT?

SO...

IT WAS WORTH IT.

-HE HAD.

AND AS THOSE WORDS
RANG IN MY HEAD LIKE A GONG,

I MADE UP MY MIND.

NO MATTER WHAT IT DID TO WAYNE,
I WOULD HAVE TO BE WITH SANDY.

SHE WAS DEFINITELY WORTH IT.

-HEY, BUTTHEAD.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE SHIRT?

- IT LOOKS COOL.
- I'LL CHANGE.

-I BEGAN TO BUILD MY CASE.

LOOK AT HIM. HE
DIDN'T DESERVE HER.

HE WAS DISGUSTING.

"BASIC"? HE WAS SUBHUMAN.

HE WAS A CRETIN.

HE ALWAYS PICKED
ON ME, TOOK MY STUFF,

TREATED ME LIKE DIRT.

THE GUY NEVER OFFERED ME
ONE THING IN HIS ENTIRE LIFE.

-YOU NEED A RIDE TONIGHT?

-EXCEPT FOR A RIDE.

-YOU'RE TALKING TO ME?

-YEAH! YOU CAN COME
WITH SANDY AND ME.

-I DON'T KNOW, WAYNE.

-COME ON. IT'LL BE FUN.

-IT WAS HORRIBLE.

HERE I WAS, TRYING TO
KNOCK THE GUY DOWN,

AND ALL HE WAS
BEING WAS... NICE.

-YOU REALLY LIKE HER, HUH?

-DUH. YEAH.

-AND THEN HE SAID
SOMETHING I'LL NEVER FORGET.

-SANDY...

MAKES ME BETTER THAN I AM.

WHATEVER THAT MEANS.

UM... I'M LEAVING
IN A HALF-HOUR.

BE READY.

-AND THEN I REALIZED WHO
THE CRETIN REALLY WAS.

IT WAS ME.

I WAS LOWER THAN A CRETIN.

I WAS LOWER THAN SUBHUMAN.

I WAS YEAST.

-♪ IF A PICTURE... ♪

♪ IF A PICTURE PAINTS
A THOUSAND WORDS ♪

♪ THEN WHY CAN'T I PAINT YOU? ♪

-Don't do this.

-♪ WHEN I... ♪

-♪ THE WORDS WILL
NEVER SHOW... ♪

-♪ NE... MM ♪

♪ THE YOU I'VE GROWN TO KNOW ♪

-AS I SAT THERE,

FEELING THE ROMANCE IN THAT CAR,

I KNEW I'D BEEN KIDDING MYSELF.

I COULD NEVER GO
THROUGH WITH THIS.

-HMM.

LET'S BOOGIE.

-WAYNE...

LET'S JUST STAY IN
THE CAR FOR A MINUTE.

I-I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

-UNFORTUNATELY, SANDY COULD.

-YEAH! LET'S ALL STAY.

-KEVIN, I NEED TO
TALK TO WAYNE ALONE.

-WELL, I DON'T MIND
STAYING. REALLY.

-KID LIKES HANGING AROUND ME.

-KEVIN...

-♪ YOU COME AND
POUR YOURSELF ON ME ♪

-UM...

-I COULDN'T HEAR WHAT
THEY WERE SAYING,

BUT I DIDN'T HAVE TO.

I KNEW WHAT IT MEANT.

-♪ ...I'D BE WITH YOU ♪

-♪ WELL, TAKE ME BACK DOWN
WHERE COOL WATER FLOWS, YEAH ♪

-I WALKED AROUND IN A DAZE,

WORRIED THAT SANDY
HAD BROKEN UP WITH HIM...

WORRIED THAT SHE HADN'T.

-HEY!

KEVIN.

HOW YOU DOING?

-OKAY.

- LET'S GO.
- UH-HUH.

-YOUR DATES LOOK COOL.

-OH, THANKS.

I HOPE THEY COME BACK.

-♪ I CAN HEAR THE
BULLFROG CALLIN' ME ♪

-I'LL SEE YOU GUYS LATER, OKAY?

- SANDY.
- KEVIN.

-YOU CAN'T BREAK UP WITH WAYNE.

-I JUST DID. I HAD TO.

-WHAT DID HE SAY?

-HE FELT BAD. SO DID I.

-DOES HE KNOW... ABOUT US?

WE SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THIS.

-KEVIN, I REALLY
WANT TO BE WITH YOU.

-I GOT TO GO TALK TO HIM.

HEY.

HOW YOU DOING?

-♪ THEY SAY EVERY DISTANCE... ♪

-LOOK, WAYNE...

LISTEN, I...

-I BROKE UP WITH SANDY.

-WHAT?

-DUMPED HER.

-YOU DID?

-YEAH.

IT WASN'T WORKING OUT.

SHE WASN'T MY TYPE.

-♪ I SEE MY LIGHT COME SHININ' ♪

-THE THING IS, I DON'T WANT
TO GET PHILOSOPHICAL...

BUT I THINK EVEN
THOUGH SHE'S HURT,

AND...

EVEN THOUGH SHE FEELS...

LIKE NOBODY LOVES HER
AND SHE'S ALL ALONE...

-♪ I SHALL BE RELEASED ♪

- IT'S BETTER IF IT ENDED FAST

BECAUSE SHE...

HAS A BETTER CHANCE
OF GETTING OVER IT...

-♪ THEY SAY THAT
EVERY MAN MUST FALL ♪

- SOMEDAY.

-♪ YET I SWEAR I
SEE MY REFLECTION ♪

♪ SOMEWHERE SO HIGH... ♪

-AS I SAT THERE,

LISTENING TO MY BROTHER'S PAIN

AND THE LIES HE
TOLD TO COVER IT,

I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

I KNEW I WANTED
TO BE WITH SANDY,

HOLDING HER IN MY
ARMS, DANCING WITH HER.

-♪ FROM THE WEST
DOWN TO THE EAST ♪

-BUT IN THE END, I
STAYED WITH MY BROTHER.

BECAUSE, AFTER ALL...

HE WAS MY BROTHER.

-♪ NOW YONDER STANDS A
MAN IN THIS LONELY CROWD ♪

-BUTTHEAD.

-BUTTBRAIN.

-♪ A MAN WHO SWEARS
HE'S NOT TO BLAME ♪

♪ ALL DAY LONG, I HEAR
HIM SHOUTING SO LOUD ♪

♪ JUST CRYING OUT
THAT HE WAS FRAMED ♪

♪ I SEE MY LIGHT COME SHININ' ♪

♪ FROM THE WEST... ♪