The Wonder Years (1988–1993): Season 5, Episode 5 - Full Moon Rising - full transcript
Kevin and the guys have been waiting a long time for one of them to get their drivers license. First up to the wheel is Ricky Halsenbach, possibly the worst driver trainee ever. After a lot of praying by all the guys, Ricky unbelievably scores his license. Finally, nothing to "stand between the guys and the open road". Of course, the much anticipated "night on the town" in Ricky's mother's wagon turns sour as the night passes.
-HIT YOUR LIGHTS!
[ENGINE TURNS OVER]
-ADOLESCENCE IS KIND
OF A SCREWY TIME...
[ENGINE REVS]
A TIME OF HOPE AND CONFUSION.
[TIRES SCREECH]
IT'S A RACE TO FIND OUT
WHO YOU REALLY ARE.
BUT IF THERE'S ONE THING EVERY
TEENAGER KNOWS, IT'S THIS...
STATED SIMPLY...
IF YOU WANT TO BE A STAR...
[TIRES SCREECH]
YOU GOT TO HAVE A CAR.
-[SCREAMS]
-♪ WHAT WOULD YOU DO
IF I SANG OUT OF TUNE? ♪
♪ WOULD YOU STAND UP
AND WALK OUT ON ME? ♪
♪ LEND ME YOUR EARS,
AND I'LL SING YOU A SONG ♪
♪ I WILL TRY NOT TO
SING OUT OF KEY, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, BABY, I GET BY ♪
- ♪ BY WITH A LITTLE HELP
FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ ALL I NEED IS MY BUDDIES ♪
-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ I'M SAYIN' I'M GONNA GET HIGHER ♪ - ♪
TRY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ WHOA-OA-OA-OA ♪
-♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪
-♪ SOMEBODY WHO
KNOWS QUITE SURE ♪
♪ BABY ♪
-♪ BY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ SAID I'M GONNA MAKE
IT WITH MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ TRY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ OH, I'M GONNA
KEEP ON TRYING ♪
-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
♪ I'M GONNA KEEP ON
TRYING NOW, BABY ♪
-♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪
-♪ LITTLE GTO ♪
♪ YOU'RE REALLY LOOKING FINE ♪
-CARS... THE ULTIMATE DREAM OF
EVERY RED-BLOODED AMERICAN KID.
CARS MEANT FREEDOM,
STATUS, MATURITY.
IF YOU WERE OLD ENOUGH TO DRIVE,
THE WORLD WAS YOUR OYSTER.
BUT IF YOU WEREN'T...
YOUR WORLD WAS
MORE OF A SARDINE,
TO REALLY STRETCH AN ANALOGY.
-EXCUSE ME, CAN YOU
MOVE YOUR... INSTRUMENT?
-WITHOUT WHEELS, LIFE WAS
ONE INDIGNITY AFTER ANOTHER...
-THIS BUS SMELLS LIKE LUNCH.
-TELL ME ABOUT IT.
-OOH, I THINK I'LL STICK
AROUND HERE FOR AWHILE.
- A SERIES OF HUMILIATIONS.
-WILL YOU MOVE? CAN'T
TAKE YOU ANYWHERE.
-AND FACED WITH THESE
CONSTANT EMBARRASSMENTS,
YOU LOOK FOR ANY SMALL
WAY TO ELEVATE YOUR STATUS.
-SO, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS
DOING THIS WEEKEND?
-WHAT ABOUT YOU?
-I GOT A DATE FRIDAY NIGHT.
-ALL RIGHT, KEVIN!
-THE TRICK WAS TO KEEP
YOUR FRIENDS JEALOUS.
-SO, UH, HOW YOU,
UH, GETTING THERE?
-MY MOM'S DRIVING US.
[BOTH LAUGH]
-WHOA. WALK ON THE WILD SIDE.
-YEAH. TELL YOUR MOM NOT TO
LOOK IN THE REAR-VIEW MIRROR.
[BOTH LAUGH]
-FACT WAS, WE ALL
KNEW THE BOTTOM LINE...
TO BE TRULY FREE AND
FUNCTIONING HIGH SCHOOL MEN,
WHAT WE NEEDED... WAS A CAR.
-OKAY, YOU'RE COMING
UP TO A FOUR-WAY STOP.
-WHAT WE HAD WAS
RICKY HALSENBACH,
THE FIRST KID IN OUR
CLASS TO TURN 16.
-FOUR-WAY STOP. I'M THERE.
-ALL CARS ARRIVE
AT THE SAME TIME.
-SAME TIME. I'M THERE.
-NOW... WHICH CAR
HAS THE RIGHT-OF-WAY?
["JEOPARDY!" THEME PLAYS]
[MUSIC STOPS]
-[CHUCKLES] I DON'T KNOW!
-[SCOFFS] THE CAR ON YOUR RIGHT!
-BY QUIRK OF FATE,
AND THE FACT THAT HE'D
REPEATED 3rd GRADE TWICE,
OUR TICKET TO RIDE WAS RIDING
ON HIS ILL-EQUIPPED SHOULDERS.
-WE KNOW YOU CAN DO IT, RICKY.
-[SCOFFS]
-I CAN'T DO IT!
I JUST GOT TOO MUCH
STUFF GOING ON IN MY HEAD.
- INTERESTING THEORY.
- [CHUCKLES]
-LOOK, RICKY, IF YOU
GET YOUR LICENSE,
YOU WON'T EVER HAVE
TO BEG FOR A RIDE AGAIN.
-WE'LL BE THE COOLEST
GUYS IN 10th GRADE!
-YEAH, THE CHICKS WILL
BE CLIMBING ALL OVER US!
-[CHUCKLES]
ASK ME ANOTHER ONE.
-OKAY.
YOU'RE GOING 40 MILES AN HOUR.
HOW MANY CAR LENGTHS
SHOULD YOU ALLOW
BETWEEN YOU AND THE
CAR IN FRONT OF YOU?
-WHOA.
HUH. THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION.
[BUZZER SOUNDS]
-IT WAS ALMOST TOO MUCH TO BEAR.
[GEARS GRINDING]
HERE WE WERE,
POISED TO LEAP INTO THE
STRATOSPHERE OF MANHOOD...
-SORRY.
[TIRES SCREECH]
- AND WE COULDN'T EVEN
GET OUT OF THE PARKING LOT.
-HUH. S-SORRY.
-IS THIS AS BAD AS IT LOOKS?
-WELL, I THINK HE'S KILLED EVERY
ONE OF THOSE ORANGE CONES.
-WELL, HE'S STILL GOT A CHANCE.
I GOT HIM AT ABOUT AN 81.
-SORRY!
-ALL RIGHT, MR. HALSENBACH.
-OH, YOU CAN CALL ME RICKY.
-JUST GIVE ME A THREE-POINT
TURN, AND WE'RE DONE.
[GEARS GRINDING]
-THIS MUCH SEEMED CLEAR...
WHEN IT CAME TO HITCHING
OUR WAGON TO A STAR...
WE'D PICKED THE WRONG WAGON.
-UH. UH, SORRY.
-MAN! THIS IS AN EMBARRASSMENT!
-UNBELIEVABLE!
-WE STOOD THERE,
KNOWING IT WAS A LOST CAUSE
BUT CLINGING DESPERATELY
TO SOME HOPE FOR A MIRACLE.
-THERE YOU ARE, MR. HALSENBACH.
-AND THEN... THE
MIRACLE OCCURRED.
[BEETHOVEN'S
"SYMPHONY NO. 9" PLAYS]
- YES!
- YES!
- YES!
- YES!
- YES!
- YES!
-YEAH!
-CALL IT CHANCE, CALL IT ERROR.
THE STATE HAD ENTRUSTED
RICKY HALSENBACH
WITH A 2-TON LETHAL
WEAPON ON AN OPEN HIGHWAY.
AND WE... WERE ON OUR WAY.
-AND DID YOU SEE MY
THREE-POINT TURN?
-YEAH, THEY'RE STILL
TALKING ABOUT IT!
-OW!
-SURE, MAYBE WE
WERE STILL SARDINES,
BUT AT LEAST WE KNEW WE WERE
ABOUT TO BUST OUT OF OUR CAN.
- LOOKS LIKE... WE'RE CRUISING FOR CHICKS.
- YEAH.
- WE CAN GO ANYWHERE WE WANT.
- YEAH!
-AND EVERYBODY'S GONNA SEE US!
-ESPECIALLY THE CHICKS.
-AND THERE YOU HAD IT.
RISING UP BEFORE US WAS
THE DAWN OF A NEW ERA...
[THEME FROM
"HAWAII FIVE-O" PLAYS]
AN ERA OF FREEDOM...
AN ERA OF ADVENTURE...
AN ERA OF FUN.
-AND MY MOM SAID I CAN
HAVE THE CAR FRIDAY NIGHT!
[CRASH!]
-AN ERA OF BAD TIMING.
-FRIDAY NIGHT?
THIS FRIDAY NIGHT?
-WHAT'S WRONG?
-I TOLD YOU! I HAVE A DATE!
-LOOK, YOU CAN HAVE A
DATE ANY FRIDAY NIGHT.
-WHAT AM I SUPPOSED
TO DO ABOUT CINDY?
-EASY. DUMP HER.
-I CAN'T DO THAT!
-KEVIN, THIS IS EVERYTHING
WE'VE EVER DREAMED OF!
WE'RE TALKING US,
THE GUYS, IN A CAR!
DON'T YOU GET IT? THIS IS COOL.
-AND OF COURSE, FACED
WITH LOGIC OF THAT CALIBER,
THERE WAS REALLY
ONLY ONE THING TO DO.
-YOUR GRANDMOTHER?
-LIE.
-UH, YEAH. I'M SUCH AN IDIOT.
I COMPLETELY FORGOT
SHE WAS COMING TO VISIT.
-OH. WELL...
-YOU KNOW, SHE HASN'T BEEN WELL.
S-SHE'S GOT THIS
BAD, UH... LIVER!
-OH.
-AND... AND SO HER...
YOU KNOW, HER... LIVER
HAS BEEN ACTING UP.
-MAYBE IT WAS
BECAUSE I WAS NERVOUS,
OR MAYBE IT WAS BECAUSE
I WAS DISSECTING A FROG,
BUT THE WORD "LIVER"
SEEMED TO POP UP FREQUENTLY.
-ANYWAY, MY MOTHER WANTS
US ALL HOME FRIDAY NIGHT
TO BE WITH MY
GRANDMOTHER AND HER... LIVER.
-MAYBE I COULD
TAKE A RAIN CHECK?
-SURE! THAT'D BE GREAT!
-GREAT!
-THERE. ARTFULLY DONE.
NOW THERE WAS NOTHING
STANDING BETWEEN ME, THE GUYS,
AND THE OPEN ROAD.
-WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
-NOTHING EXCEPT A LITTLE
GAME OF 20 QUESTIONS.
-WE HAVEN'T DECIDED YET.
-WELL, WHO'S DRIVING, HONEY?
-NO ONE.
WELL... RICKY HALSENBACH.
-OH, YEAH.
I KNOW HIM.
-RIGHT! YOU KNOW RICKY.
-HE'S THAT DOPEY-LOOKING
KID. HE'S AN IDIOT.
-JACK.
-COME ON, DAD, HE'S
A VERY GOOD DRIVER.
-I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THIS.
[THUD, METAL SCRAPING]
-HE DID REALLY WELL
ON HIS DRIVER'S TEST.
YOU SHOULD SEE THIS
GUY PARALLEL PARK.
-JACK, WE HAVE TO GO.
JUST DON'T FORGET YOUR
CURFEW'S AT 11:00, HONEY.
-I WON'T.
HAVE A NICE NIGHT!
[HORN HONKS]
-AND SO THE LAST
OBSTACLE HAD BEEN CLEARED.
IT WAS TIME TO HIT THE ROAD IN
OUR VERY OWN SET OF WHEELS.
-LET'S DO IT!
-SURE, MAYBE THE WHEELS
BELONGED TO RICKY'S MOTHER,
BUT THE NIGHT BELONGED TO US.
AND THE POSSIBILITIES
SEEMED ENDLESS...
[METAL RATTLING]
-WHAT'S THAT SMELL?
- AS SOON AS RICKY
RELEASED THE PARKING BRAKE.
-SO, UH, WHERE WE GOING?
-WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
"WHERE ARE WE GOING"?
-WELL, WHAT? DOES IT MATTER?
-WELL, WE OUGHT TO GO SOMEWHERE.
-WHY?
-HEY, HOW ABOUT A MOVIE?
-COME ON. THAT IS
DEFINITELY UNCOOL.
-IT IS?
-NOBODY'S GONNA
SEE US AT A MOVIE.
-LOOK, RICKY, THE WHOLE
POINT OF DRIVING AROUND IS...
DRIVING AROUND.
-I KNOW. HEY, BUT HAVE
YOU GUYS SEEN "WILLARD"?
I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY GET
THOSE RATS TO DO THOSE THINGS.
-IT WAS OUR FIRST CRISIS.
WE WERE MOMENTARILY FLOUNDERING,
LIKE BABY EAGLES FRESHLY
SPRUNG FROM THE NEST.
WHAT WE NEEDED HERE WAS A SIGN,
INSPIRATION, DIRECTION.
[ENGINE REVVING]
-WHOA.
NICE WHEELS!
- HEY.
- HEY.
-HEY.
-WHAT WE GOT WAS...
- MOON PATROL!
- MOON PATROL!
- MOON PATROL!
[LAUGHTER]
[VIOLINS SCREECHING]
[TIRES SCREECH]
- PRESSED HAMS.
[WOLF HOWLS]
-♪ LITTLE GTO ♪
-THAT NIGHT, AS WE DROVE AROUND,
WE BEGAN TO UNDERSTAND
THE AWESOME RESPONSIBILITY
OF HAVING A CAR.
- CHINESE FIRE DRILL!
[HORN HONKING]
-♪ LISTEN TO HER WHI-I-I-NE ♪
♪ COME ON AND TURN IT ON,
WIND IT UP, BLOW IT OUT, GTO ♪
-WE WERE EXPLORING
THE UNCHARTED REGIONS
OF OUR NEW FRONTIER...
[HORN HONKS]
AND LAYING ON THE HORN A LOT.
STILL, WE KNEW WE WERE
PREPARING OURSELVES
FOR SOMETHING MUCH,
MUCH MORE MEANINGFUL.
-COME ON, GUYS. LET'S
GO PICK UP SOME CHICKS!
- YEAH, CHICKS!
- WOMEN!
-CHICKS... THE REASON
GOD INVENTED CARS.
-SO, WHERE ARE THEY?
- MAN, THEY'RE EVERYWHERE.
- YEAH!
JUST WAITING TO JUMP ON
US, GRAB US, SMOTHER US.
-IT WAS AN AWESOME THOUGHT.
-SO, WHERE ARE THEY?
-HMM. GOOD QUESTION.
FORTUNATELY, THERE
WAS AN ANSWER... ZESTY'S,
THE PLACE TO GO FOR
BURGERS, FRIES, AND...
-WHOA! CHECK OUT THE HOOTERS!
-MAN, CAN'T TAKE YOU ANYWHERE.
-STILL, THE FACT REMAINED,
IF IT WAS GIRLS WE
WERE LOOKING FOR...
-OKAY, WE FOUND 'EM.
-WELL, NOW WHAT DO WE DO?
-HMM. GOOD QUESTION.
-FOUR CHOCOLATE
SHAKES, TWO ONION RINGS,
TWO FRIES, AND EXTRA KETCHUP.
-AND THERE WAS
NOTHING LEFT TO DO
BUT STAND AROUND, LOOK
GOOD, AND GET NOTICED.
-KEVIN?
HI!
-CINDY?
-WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
-UH...
-SOMEHOW, I HAD A FEELING
"CHECKING OUT THE
HOOTERS" WASN'T GONNA FLY.
-GETTING SHAKES.
SEE, HERE THEY ARE.
-OH.
IS YOUR GRANDMOTHER HERE?
-MY GRANDMOTHER?
-YEAH.
-LIVER!
-OH! NO. SHE'S BACK
AT HOME BECAUSE OF...
- LIVER!
- HER LIVER.
YEAH, I'M... I'M JUST...
HERE WITH MY COUSINS.
AND WE HAVE TO GET
BACK WITH THE SHAKES.
LOOK, THEY'RE MELTING, SEE?
-WELL, IF YOU'RE WITH RELATIVES,
UH... I GUESS I'LL
SEE YOU ON MONDAY?
-UH... YEAH! MONDAY!
-AFTER ALL, NO REASON TO DALLY.
-SEE YA LATER.
-THE BEST THING
TO DO WAS AMSCRAY
BEFORE SHE DISCOVERED
WHO MY COUSINS...
-HEY, HEY, HEY, BA-BY!
- REALLY WERE.
-HEY, KEVIN? WHO'S THE FOX?
OW!
- INTRODUCE US, MAN!
-YEAH. COME BRING HER
OVER HERE! WE GOT ROOM!
-SHE DIDN'T ACTUALLY
SAY ANYTHING.
HER FACE DID ALL THE TALKING.
-LOOKING GOOD!
-IT SAID MY RAIN CHECK HAD
BEEN REVOKED. PERMANENTLY.
-LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!
-WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
-NOTHING! JUST LET'S
GET OUT OF HERE!
OPEN THE DOOR, WILL YA?
-HEY, WHERE'S MY CORN DOG?
-YEAH, AND YOU ONLY GOT
TWO ORDERS OF ONION RINGS.
-WILL YOU JUST OPEN
THE STUPID DOOR?!
- KEV!
- HERE!
-YOU'RE GETTING THE
SHAKES ALL OVER ME, MAN!
-GOOD. NOW, COME
ON, RICKY, DRIVE.
[CAR DOOR SHUTS]
[ENGINE TURNS OVER]
-SHEESH. WHAT A GROUCH.
-THE NIGHT WAS STILL YOUNG,
BUT SOMEHOW THIS
ADVENTURE WASN'T PANNING OUT
QUITE THE WAY WE'D IMAGINED.
NOT ONLY THAT, OUR CAR
WAS STARTING TO SMELL.
-JUST 10 MORE MINUTES, AND I
COULD HAVE HAD ANY GIRL THERE.
-JUST WHEN DID YOU
LOSE TOUCH WITH REALITY?
-DID YOU SEE THE WAY THEY
WERE LOOKING AT ME, HUH?
-THEY COULDN'T
BELIEVE YOUR SHIRT!
-WILL YOU GUYS JUST
CAN IT FOR AWHILE?
- WHAT'S EATING YOU?
- NOTHING!
I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE I BROKE
A DATE FOR THIS, THAT'S ALL.
-SURELY THESE GUYS
COULD UNDERSTAND THAT.
AFTER ALL, THEY WERE REASONABLY
INTELLIGENT HUMAN BEINGS.
-YOU GUYS EVER WONDER HOW
ONION RINGS GOT THEIR NAME?
-ON THE OTHER HAND...
-NO.
-I MEAN, I THINK ABOUT
THAT STUFF SOMETIMES.
AND WHAT ABOUT HAMBURGERS?
I MEAN, THERE'S NO
HAM IN THEM, YOU KNOW?
WHAT ABOUT SUBMARINE
SANDWICHES? AND EGGPLANT?
-JUST THINK ABOUT YOUR DRIVING.
-LET'S FACE IT... ON THE
MAIN STREET OF LIFE,
WE'D JUST ABOUT
REACHED A DEAD END.
AND THEN...
-HEY, LOOK! THERE'S THOSE GUYS!
-UH-OH. I HOPE THEY
DON'T MOON US AGAIN.
HEY! HEY, WE DON'T
WANT TO SEE IT!
[ENGINE REVS]
-BUT IT SEEMED CLEAR THERE
WAS MORE AT STAKE HERE
THAN JUST PRESSED HAMS.
-WHAT DOES HE WANT?
[ENGINE REVVING]
- HE WANTS TO DRAG.
-DRAG?
[ENGINE REVS]
- DO IT, RICKY.
- BUT MY MOM SAID...
-COME ON, MAN, JUST DO IT!
YOU'RE ON!
-LET'S DO IT!
[ENGINE REVS]
-AND THAT'S WHEN IT HAPPENED.
AS WE SAT THERE, THE ROAR
OF A 185-HORSEPOWER ENGINE
PULSING BENEATH OUR BODIES,
OUR BASIC PRIMAL
NATURE BEGAN TO ERUPT.
-LET'S TAKE 'EM, RICKY.
-I'M THERE.
-WE WEREN'T BOYS ANYMORE.
WE WERE OUTLAWS, REBELS,
GUYS WITH GUTS.
AND WE KNEW WHAT WE HAD TO DO.
[TIRES SCREECH]
-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
-THERE'S A STOP SIGN.
-WILL YOU GO?! WE
CAN STILL TAKE 'EM!
-BUT IT'S A COMMERCIAL
ZONE. 35 MILES PER HOUR.
THOSE GUYS WERE SPEEDING!
-OF COURSE THEY WERE SPEEDING!
THIS IS A DRAG RACE! NOW GO!
-FORTUNATELY, OUR DRIVER
WAS A LAW-ABIDING CITIZEN.
-OH, NO.
[HORN HONKS]
FOUR CARS, FOUR-WAY STOP.
-WILL YOU GUYS JUST GET
REAL? THIS RACE IS OVER.
-YEAH, THANKS TO HALSENBACH.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY THE HELL
WE'RE HANGING AROUND WITH YOU!
-HEY, 'CAUSE IT'S MY CAR!
-YEAH, THAT'S THE ONLY
REASON WE'D BE HANGING OUT
WITH A BOZO LIKE YOU.
- HEY, YOU'RE THE BOZO.
-I'M THE BOZO? YOU'RE THE BOZO.
- NO, I'M NOT!
- YOU'RE BOTH BOZOS!
-YOU'RE ALL BOZOS!
YOU'RE THE BIGGEST BOZO!
YOU CAN'T EVEN DRIVE!
- YOU'RE A BOZO.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "IT'S
A FOUR-WAY STOP SIGN"?!
-WE WERE REACHING
CRITICAL MASS, HERE.
OUR NIGHT WAS WEARING THIN.
SO WAS OUR VOCABULARY.
[ALL SHOUTING]
[HORN HONKS]
- WUSSIES!
- WUSSIES!
- WUSSIES!
-IT WAS THE FINAL STRAW.
IF WE WERE TO HOLD
ON TO OUR DIGNITY,
WE HAD TO STRIKE BACK.
-LET'S MOON SOMEBODY.
[FANFARE PLAYS]
- YEAH. GOOD IDEA.
-PERFECT.
-ALL RIGHT!
-IT WAS TIME TO TAKE
OUR RIGHTFUL PLACE
AMONG MEN OF THE ROAD.
WE WERE GONNA TAKE REVENGE
ON THE FIRST VICTIM
THAT CAME OUR WAY.
-ALL RIGHT! DO IT! DO IT!
- JUST ONE LITTLE PROBLEM.
- WHOA!
- MOON PATROL!
- [LAUGHS]
[VIOLINS SCREECHING]
[LAUGHTER]
-DID YOU SEE THAT GUY'S FACE?!
-WELL, MY EYES WEREN'T
LOOKING IN THE DIRECTION!
-MAN, HE WAS HAVING A COW!
-AND HIS WIFE WAS LIKE, "UH!"
-WILL YOU GUYS JUST SHUT UP?!
-WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
-WELL, FOR STARTERS,
THAT WAS MY MOM AND DAD.
-IT WAS?
-YEAH. YOU GUYS JUST
MOONED MY PARENTS.
-YOU'RE KIDDING.
-HEY, WE ALL WANTED TO DO IT.
-YEAH, BUT IT WAS YOU
WHO HAD YOUR BUTT
HANGING OUT THE WINDOW!
-OH, COME ON. LIKE HOW
WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?
-SEE, THIS IS GREAT.
THIS IS JUST GREAT.
YOU KNOW IT'S REAL GREAT HANGING
OUT WITH A BUNCH OF MORONS!
YOU KNOW WHERE THAT
WORD COMES FROM, RICKY!
I MEAN, THIS IS THE STUPIDEST,
DUMBEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE!
I MEAN, I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHY I AGREED TO COME WITH
YOU GUYS IN THE FIRST PLACE.
CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHY?!
-IT WAS THE KIND OF QUESTION
THAT COULD ONLY BE ANSWERED
BY A NOBEL PRIZE-WINNING
PHILOSOPHER.
-I KNOW!
-OR A GUY LIKE RICKY HALSENBACH.
-IT'S BECAUSE THEY'RE
ROUND, LIKE RINGS!
AND THEY'VE GOT ONIONS IN THEM.
THAT'S WHY THEY
CALL 'EM ONION RINGS!
- WHAT?
- WHAT?
-LOOKING BACK, IT MADE
ABOUT AS MUCH SENSE
AS ANYTHING ELSE THAT NIGHT.
-LET'S JUST GO HOME, GUYS.
-YEAH, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
-WHY NOT? WE WERE
VETERANS. WE'D PAID OUR DUES.
WE'D MOONED AND
BEEN MOONED. AND NOW...
[ENGINE SPUTTERS, STOPS]
- UH-OH.
-WHAT'S THE MATTER?
-WE'RE OUT OF GAS.
-HEY, CAN YOU GUYS
BELIEVE TONIGHT?
- THE WORST.
- YEAH, NO KIDDING.
-WE DIDN'T REALLY ACCOMPLISH
ANYTHING THAT NIGHT.
NOTHING OF ANY REAL
IMPORTANCE, ANYWAY.
BUT THROUGH THE HIGH
SCHOOL YEARS THAT LAY AHEAD,
THERE WOULD BE A THOUSAND
OTHER NIGHTS JUST LIKE THAT ONE...
STUPID, RIDICULOUS...
AND GLORIOUS.
-HEY, I CAN GET THE
CAR AGAIN, NEXT FRIDAY.
- I'M THERE.
- ME TOO. WOULDN'T MISS IT.
-♪ LITTLE GTO ♪
♪ YOU'RE REALLY LOOKIN' FINE ♪
♪ THREE DEUCES AND A
FOUR-SPEED AND A 389 ♪
♪ LISTEN TO HER TACHIN' UP NOW ♪
♪ LISTEN TO HER WHI-I-I-NE ♪
♪ COME ON AND TURN IT ON,
WIND IT UP, BLOW IT OUT, GTO ♪
[ENGINE TURNS OVER]
-ADOLESCENCE IS KIND
OF A SCREWY TIME...
[ENGINE REVS]
A TIME OF HOPE AND CONFUSION.
[TIRES SCREECH]
IT'S A RACE TO FIND OUT
WHO YOU REALLY ARE.
BUT IF THERE'S ONE THING EVERY
TEENAGER KNOWS, IT'S THIS...
STATED SIMPLY...
IF YOU WANT TO BE A STAR...
[TIRES SCREECH]
YOU GOT TO HAVE A CAR.
-[SCREAMS]
-♪ WHAT WOULD YOU DO
IF I SANG OUT OF TUNE? ♪
♪ WOULD YOU STAND UP
AND WALK OUT ON ME? ♪
♪ LEND ME YOUR EARS,
AND I'LL SING YOU A SONG ♪
♪ I WILL TRY NOT TO
SING OUT OF KEY, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, BABY, I GET BY ♪
- ♪ BY WITH A LITTLE HELP
FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ ALL I NEED IS MY BUDDIES ♪
-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ I'M SAYIN' I'M GONNA GET HIGHER ♪ - ♪
TRY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ WHOA-OA-OA-OA ♪
-♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪
-♪ SOMEBODY WHO
KNOWS QUITE SURE ♪
♪ BABY ♪
-♪ BY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ SAID I'M GONNA MAKE
IT WITH MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ TRY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ OH, I'M GONNA
KEEP ON TRYING ♪
-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
♪ I'M GONNA KEEP ON
TRYING NOW, BABY ♪
-♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪
-♪ LITTLE GTO ♪
♪ YOU'RE REALLY LOOKING FINE ♪
-CARS... THE ULTIMATE DREAM OF
EVERY RED-BLOODED AMERICAN KID.
CARS MEANT FREEDOM,
STATUS, MATURITY.
IF YOU WERE OLD ENOUGH TO DRIVE,
THE WORLD WAS YOUR OYSTER.
BUT IF YOU WEREN'T...
YOUR WORLD WAS
MORE OF A SARDINE,
TO REALLY STRETCH AN ANALOGY.
-EXCUSE ME, CAN YOU
MOVE YOUR... INSTRUMENT?
-WITHOUT WHEELS, LIFE WAS
ONE INDIGNITY AFTER ANOTHER...
-THIS BUS SMELLS LIKE LUNCH.
-TELL ME ABOUT IT.
-OOH, I THINK I'LL STICK
AROUND HERE FOR AWHILE.
- A SERIES OF HUMILIATIONS.
-WILL YOU MOVE? CAN'T
TAKE YOU ANYWHERE.
-AND FACED WITH THESE
CONSTANT EMBARRASSMENTS,
YOU LOOK FOR ANY SMALL
WAY TO ELEVATE YOUR STATUS.
-SO, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS
DOING THIS WEEKEND?
-WHAT ABOUT YOU?
-I GOT A DATE FRIDAY NIGHT.
-ALL RIGHT, KEVIN!
-THE TRICK WAS TO KEEP
YOUR FRIENDS JEALOUS.
-SO, UH, HOW YOU,
UH, GETTING THERE?
-MY MOM'S DRIVING US.
[BOTH LAUGH]
-WHOA. WALK ON THE WILD SIDE.
-YEAH. TELL YOUR MOM NOT TO
LOOK IN THE REAR-VIEW MIRROR.
[BOTH LAUGH]
-FACT WAS, WE ALL
KNEW THE BOTTOM LINE...
TO BE TRULY FREE AND
FUNCTIONING HIGH SCHOOL MEN,
WHAT WE NEEDED... WAS A CAR.
-OKAY, YOU'RE COMING
UP TO A FOUR-WAY STOP.
-WHAT WE HAD WAS
RICKY HALSENBACH,
THE FIRST KID IN OUR
CLASS TO TURN 16.
-FOUR-WAY STOP. I'M THERE.
-ALL CARS ARRIVE
AT THE SAME TIME.
-SAME TIME. I'M THERE.
-NOW... WHICH CAR
HAS THE RIGHT-OF-WAY?
["JEOPARDY!" THEME PLAYS]
[MUSIC STOPS]
-[CHUCKLES] I DON'T KNOW!
-[SCOFFS] THE CAR ON YOUR RIGHT!
-BY QUIRK OF FATE,
AND THE FACT THAT HE'D
REPEATED 3rd GRADE TWICE,
OUR TICKET TO RIDE WAS RIDING
ON HIS ILL-EQUIPPED SHOULDERS.
-WE KNOW YOU CAN DO IT, RICKY.
-[SCOFFS]
-I CAN'T DO IT!
I JUST GOT TOO MUCH
STUFF GOING ON IN MY HEAD.
- INTERESTING THEORY.
- [CHUCKLES]
-LOOK, RICKY, IF YOU
GET YOUR LICENSE,
YOU WON'T EVER HAVE
TO BEG FOR A RIDE AGAIN.
-WE'LL BE THE COOLEST
GUYS IN 10th GRADE!
-YEAH, THE CHICKS WILL
BE CLIMBING ALL OVER US!
-[CHUCKLES]
ASK ME ANOTHER ONE.
-OKAY.
YOU'RE GOING 40 MILES AN HOUR.
HOW MANY CAR LENGTHS
SHOULD YOU ALLOW
BETWEEN YOU AND THE
CAR IN FRONT OF YOU?
-WHOA.
HUH. THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION.
[BUZZER SOUNDS]
-IT WAS ALMOST TOO MUCH TO BEAR.
[GEARS GRINDING]
HERE WE WERE,
POISED TO LEAP INTO THE
STRATOSPHERE OF MANHOOD...
-SORRY.
[TIRES SCREECH]
- AND WE COULDN'T EVEN
GET OUT OF THE PARKING LOT.
-HUH. S-SORRY.
-IS THIS AS BAD AS IT LOOKS?
-WELL, I THINK HE'S KILLED EVERY
ONE OF THOSE ORANGE CONES.
-WELL, HE'S STILL GOT A CHANCE.
I GOT HIM AT ABOUT AN 81.
-SORRY!
-ALL RIGHT, MR. HALSENBACH.
-OH, YOU CAN CALL ME RICKY.
-JUST GIVE ME A THREE-POINT
TURN, AND WE'RE DONE.
[GEARS GRINDING]
-THIS MUCH SEEMED CLEAR...
WHEN IT CAME TO HITCHING
OUR WAGON TO A STAR...
WE'D PICKED THE WRONG WAGON.
-UH. UH, SORRY.
-MAN! THIS IS AN EMBARRASSMENT!
-UNBELIEVABLE!
-WE STOOD THERE,
KNOWING IT WAS A LOST CAUSE
BUT CLINGING DESPERATELY
TO SOME HOPE FOR A MIRACLE.
-THERE YOU ARE, MR. HALSENBACH.
-AND THEN... THE
MIRACLE OCCURRED.
[BEETHOVEN'S
"SYMPHONY NO. 9" PLAYS]
- YES!
- YES!
- YES!
- YES!
- YES!
- YES!
-YEAH!
-CALL IT CHANCE, CALL IT ERROR.
THE STATE HAD ENTRUSTED
RICKY HALSENBACH
WITH A 2-TON LETHAL
WEAPON ON AN OPEN HIGHWAY.
AND WE... WERE ON OUR WAY.
-AND DID YOU SEE MY
THREE-POINT TURN?
-YEAH, THEY'RE STILL
TALKING ABOUT IT!
-OW!
-SURE, MAYBE WE
WERE STILL SARDINES,
BUT AT LEAST WE KNEW WE WERE
ABOUT TO BUST OUT OF OUR CAN.
- LOOKS LIKE... WE'RE CRUISING FOR CHICKS.
- YEAH.
- WE CAN GO ANYWHERE WE WANT.
- YEAH!
-AND EVERYBODY'S GONNA SEE US!
-ESPECIALLY THE CHICKS.
-AND THERE YOU HAD IT.
RISING UP BEFORE US WAS
THE DAWN OF A NEW ERA...
[THEME FROM
"HAWAII FIVE-O" PLAYS]
AN ERA OF FREEDOM...
AN ERA OF ADVENTURE...
AN ERA OF FUN.
-AND MY MOM SAID I CAN
HAVE THE CAR FRIDAY NIGHT!
[CRASH!]
-AN ERA OF BAD TIMING.
-FRIDAY NIGHT?
THIS FRIDAY NIGHT?
-WHAT'S WRONG?
-I TOLD YOU! I HAVE A DATE!
-LOOK, YOU CAN HAVE A
DATE ANY FRIDAY NIGHT.
-WHAT AM I SUPPOSED
TO DO ABOUT CINDY?
-EASY. DUMP HER.
-I CAN'T DO THAT!
-KEVIN, THIS IS EVERYTHING
WE'VE EVER DREAMED OF!
WE'RE TALKING US,
THE GUYS, IN A CAR!
DON'T YOU GET IT? THIS IS COOL.
-AND OF COURSE, FACED
WITH LOGIC OF THAT CALIBER,
THERE WAS REALLY
ONLY ONE THING TO DO.
-YOUR GRANDMOTHER?
-LIE.
-UH, YEAH. I'M SUCH AN IDIOT.
I COMPLETELY FORGOT
SHE WAS COMING TO VISIT.
-OH. WELL...
-YOU KNOW, SHE HASN'T BEEN WELL.
S-SHE'S GOT THIS
BAD, UH... LIVER!
-OH.
-AND... AND SO HER...
YOU KNOW, HER... LIVER
HAS BEEN ACTING UP.
-MAYBE IT WAS
BECAUSE I WAS NERVOUS,
OR MAYBE IT WAS BECAUSE
I WAS DISSECTING A FROG,
BUT THE WORD "LIVER"
SEEMED TO POP UP FREQUENTLY.
-ANYWAY, MY MOTHER WANTS
US ALL HOME FRIDAY NIGHT
TO BE WITH MY
GRANDMOTHER AND HER... LIVER.
-MAYBE I COULD
TAKE A RAIN CHECK?
-SURE! THAT'D BE GREAT!
-GREAT!
-THERE. ARTFULLY DONE.
NOW THERE WAS NOTHING
STANDING BETWEEN ME, THE GUYS,
AND THE OPEN ROAD.
-WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
-NOTHING EXCEPT A LITTLE
GAME OF 20 QUESTIONS.
-WE HAVEN'T DECIDED YET.
-WELL, WHO'S DRIVING, HONEY?
-NO ONE.
WELL... RICKY HALSENBACH.
-OH, YEAH.
I KNOW HIM.
-RIGHT! YOU KNOW RICKY.
-HE'S THAT DOPEY-LOOKING
KID. HE'S AN IDIOT.
-JACK.
-COME ON, DAD, HE'S
A VERY GOOD DRIVER.
-I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THIS.
[THUD, METAL SCRAPING]
-HE DID REALLY WELL
ON HIS DRIVER'S TEST.
YOU SHOULD SEE THIS
GUY PARALLEL PARK.
-JACK, WE HAVE TO GO.
JUST DON'T FORGET YOUR
CURFEW'S AT 11:00, HONEY.
-I WON'T.
HAVE A NICE NIGHT!
[HORN HONKS]
-AND SO THE LAST
OBSTACLE HAD BEEN CLEARED.
IT WAS TIME TO HIT THE ROAD IN
OUR VERY OWN SET OF WHEELS.
-LET'S DO IT!
-SURE, MAYBE THE WHEELS
BELONGED TO RICKY'S MOTHER,
BUT THE NIGHT BELONGED TO US.
AND THE POSSIBILITIES
SEEMED ENDLESS...
[METAL RATTLING]
-WHAT'S THAT SMELL?
- AS SOON AS RICKY
RELEASED THE PARKING BRAKE.
-SO, UH, WHERE WE GOING?
-WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
"WHERE ARE WE GOING"?
-WELL, WHAT? DOES IT MATTER?
-WELL, WE OUGHT TO GO SOMEWHERE.
-WHY?
-HEY, HOW ABOUT A MOVIE?
-COME ON. THAT IS
DEFINITELY UNCOOL.
-IT IS?
-NOBODY'S GONNA
SEE US AT A MOVIE.
-LOOK, RICKY, THE WHOLE
POINT OF DRIVING AROUND IS...
DRIVING AROUND.
-I KNOW. HEY, BUT HAVE
YOU GUYS SEEN "WILLARD"?
I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY GET
THOSE RATS TO DO THOSE THINGS.
-IT WAS OUR FIRST CRISIS.
WE WERE MOMENTARILY FLOUNDERING,
LIKE BABY EAGLES FRESHLY
SPRUNG FROM THE NEST.
WHAT WE NEEDED HERE WAS A SIGN,
INSPIRATION, DIRECTION.
[ENGINE REVVING]
-WHOA.
NICE WHEELS!
- HEY.
- HEY.
-HEY.
-WHAT WE GOT WAS...
- MOON PATROL!
- MOON PATROL!
- MOON PATROL!
[LAUGHTER]
[VIOLINS SCREECHING]
[TIRES SCREECH]
- PRESSED HAMS.
[WOLF HOWLS]
-♪ LITTLE GTO ♪
-THAT NIGHT, AS WE DROVE AROUND,
WE BEGAN TO UNDERSTAND
THE AWESOME RESPONSIBILITY
OF HAVING A CAR.
- CHINESE FIRE DRILL!
[HORN HONKING]
-♪ LISTEN TO HER WHI-I-I-NE ♪
♪ COME ON AND TURN IT ON,
WIND IT UP, BLOW IT OUT, GTO ♪
-WE WERE EXPLORING
THE UNCHARTED REGIONS
OF OUR NEW FRONTIER...
[HORN HONKS]
AND LAYING ON THE HORN A LOT.
STILL, WE KNEW WE WERE
PREPARING OURSELVES
FOR SOMETHING MUCH,
MUCH MORE MEANINGFUL.
-COME ON, GUYS. LET'S
GO PICK UP SOME CHICKS!
- YEAH, CHICKS!
- WOMEN!
-CHICKS... THE REASON
GOD INVENTED CARS.
-SO, WHERE ARE THEY?
- MAN, THEY'RE EVERYWHERE.
- YEAH!
JUST WAITING TO JUMP ON
US, GRAB US, SMOTHER US.
-IT WAS AN AWESOME THOUGHT.
-SO, WHERE ARE THEY?
-HMM. GOOD QUESTION.
FORTUNATELY, THERE
WAS AN ANSWER... ZESTY'S,
THE PLACE TO GO FOR
BURGERS, FRIES, AND...
-WHOA! CHECK OUT THE HOOTERS!
-MAN, CAN'T TAKE YOU ANYWHERE.
-STILL, THE FACT REMAINED,
IF IT WAS GIRLS WE
WERE LOOKING FOR...
-OKAY, WE FOUND 'EM.
-WELL, NOW WHAT DO WE DO?
-HMM. GOOD QUESTION.
-FOUR CHOCOLATE
SHAKES, TWO ONION RINGS,
TWO FRIES, AND EXTRA KETCHUP.
-AND THERE WAS
NOTHING LEFT TO DO
BUT STAND AROUND, LOOK
GOOD, AND GET NOTICED.
-KEVIN?
HI!
-CINDY?
-WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
-UH...
-SOMEHOW, I HAD A FEELING
"CHECKING OUT THE
HOOTERS" WASN'T GONNA FLY.
-GETTING SHAKES.
SEE, HERE THEY ARE.
-OH.
IS YOUR GRANDMOTHER HERE?
-MY GRANDMOTHER?
-YEAH.
-LIVER!
-OH! NO. SHE'S BACK
AT HOME BECAUSE OF...
- LIVER!
- HER LIVER.
YEAH, I'M... I'M JUST...
HERE WITH MY COUSINS.
AND WE HAVE TO GET
BACK WITH THE SHAKES.
LOOK, THEY'RE MELTING, SEE?
-WELL, IF YOU'RE WITH RELATIVES,
UH... I GUESS I'LL
SEE YOU ON MONDAY?
-UH... YEAH! MONDAY!
-AFTER ALL, NO REASON TO DALLY.
-SEE YA LATER.
-THE BEST THING
TO DO WAS AMSCRAY
BEFORE SHE DISCOVERED
WHO MY COUSINS...
-HEY, HEY, HEY, BA-BY!
- REALLY WERE.
-HEY, KEVIN? WHO'S THE FOX?
OW!
- INTRODUCE US, MAN!
-YEAH. COME BRING HER
OVER HERE! WE GOT ROOM!
-SHE DIDN'T ACTUALLY
SAY ANYTHING.
HER FACE DID ALL THE TALKING.
-LOOKING GOOD!
-IT SAID MY RAIN CHECK HAD
BEEN REVOKED. PERMANENTLY.
-LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!
-WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
-NOTHING! JUST LET'S
GET OUT OF HERE!
OPEN THE DOOR, WILL YA?
-HEY, WHERE'S MY CORN DOG?
-YEAH, AND YOU ONLY GOT
TWO ORDERS OF ONION RINGS.
-WILL YOU JUST OPEN
THE STUPID DOOR?!
- KEV!
- HERE!
-YOU'RE GETTING THE
SHAKES ALL OVER ME, MAN!
-GOOD. NOW, COME
ON, RICKY, DRIVE.
[CAR DOOR SHUTS]
[ENGINE TURNS OVER]
-SHEESH. WHAT A GROUCH.
-THE NIGHT WAS STILL YOUNG,
BUT SOMEHOW THIS
ADVENTURE WASN'T PANNING OUT
QUITE THE WAY WE'D IMAGINED.
NOT ONLY THAT, OUR CAR
WAS STARTING TO SMELL.
-JUST 10 MORE MINUTES, AND I
COULD HAVE HAD ANY GIRL THERE.
-JUST WHEN DID YOU
LOSE TOUCH WITH REALITY?
-DID YOU SEE THE WAY THEY
WERE LOOKING AT ME, HUH?
-THEY COULDN'T
BELIEVE YOUR SHIRT!
-WILL YOU GUYS JUST
CAN IT FOR AWHILE?
- WHAT'S EATING YOU?
- NOTHING!
I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE I BROKE
A DATE FOR THIS, THAT'S ALL.
-SURELY THESE GUYS
COULD UNDERSTAND THAT.
AFTER ALL, THEY WERE REASONABLY
INTELLIGENT HUMAN BEINGS.
-YOU GUYS EVER WONDER HOW
ONION RINGS GOT THEIR NAME?
-ON THE OTHER HAND...
-NO.
-I MEAN, I THINK ABOUT
THAT STUFF SOMETIMES.
AND WHAT ABOUT HAMBURGERS?
I MEAN, THERE'S NO
HAM IN THEM, YOU KNOW?
WHAT ABOUT SUBMARINE
SANDWICHES? AND EGGPLANT?
-JUST THINK ABOUT YOUR DRIVING.
-LET'S FACE IT... ON THE
MAIN STREET OF LIFE,
WE'D JUST ABOUT
REACHED A DEAD END.
AND THEN...
-HEY, LOOK! THERE'S THOSE GUYS!
-UH-OH. I HOPE THEY
DON'T MOON US AGAIN.
HEY! HEY, WE DON'T
WANT TO SEE IT!
[ENGINE REVS]
-BUT IT SEEMED CLEAR THERE
WAS MORE AT STAKE HERE
THAN JUST PRESSED HAMS.
-WHAT DOES HE WANT?
[ENGINE REVVING]
- HE WANTS TO DRAG.
-DRAG?
[ENGINE REVS]
- DO IT, RICKY.
- BUT MY MOM SAID...
-COME ON, MAN, JUST DO IT!
YOU'RE ON!
-LET'S DO IT!
[ENGINE REVS]
-AND THAT'S WHEN IT HAPPENED.
AS WE SAT THERE, THE ROAR
OF A 185-HORSEPOWER ENGINE
PULSING BENEATH OUR BODIES,
OUR BASIC PRIMAL
NATURE BEGAN TO ERUPT.
-LET'S TAKE 'EM, RICKY.
-I'M THERE.
-WE WEREN'T BOYS ANYMORE.
WE WERE OUTLAWS, REBELS,
GUYS WITH GUTS.
AND WE KNEW WHAT WE HAD TO DO.
[TIRES SCREECH]
-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
-THERE'S A STOP SIGN.
-WILL YOU GO?! WE
CAN STILL TAKE 'EM!
-BUT IT'S A COMMERCIAL
ZONE. 35 MILES PER HOUR.
THOSE GUYS WERE SPEEDING!
-OF COURSE THEY WERE SPEEDING!
THIS IS A DRAG RACE! NOW GO!
-FORTUNATELY, OUR DRIVER
WAS A LAW-ABIDING CITIZEN.
-OH, NO.
[HORN HONKS]
FOUR CARS, FOUR-WAY STOP.
-WILL YOU GUYS JUST GET
REAL? THIS RACE IS OVER.
-YEAH, THANKS TO HALSENBACH.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY THE HELL
WE'RE HANGING AROUND WITH YOU!
-HEY, 'CAUSE IT'S MY CAR!
-YEAH, THAT'S THE ONLY
REASON WE'D BE HANGING OUT
WITH A BOZO LIKE YOU.
- HEY, YOU'RE THE BOZO.
-I'M THE BOZO? YOU'RE THE BOZO.
- NO, I'M NOT!
- YOU'RE BOTH BOZOS!
-YOU'RE ALL BOZOS!
YOU'RE THE BIGGEST BOZO!
YOU CAN'T EVEN DRIVE!
- YOU'RE A BOZO.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "IT'S
A FOUR-WAY STOP SIGN"?!
-WE WERE REACHING
CRITICAL MASS, HERE.
OUR NIGHT WAS WEARING THIN.
SO WAS OUR VOCABULARY.
[ALL SHOUTING]
[HORN HONKS]
- WUSSIES!
- WUSSIES!
- WUSSIES!
-IT WAS THE FINAL STRAW.
IF WE WERE TO HOLD
ON TO OUR DIGNITY,
WE HAD TO STRIKE BACK.
-LET'S MOON SOMEBODY.
[FANFARE PLAYS]
- YEAH. GOOD IDEA.
-PERFECT.
-ALL RIGHT!
-IT WAS TIME TO TAKE
OUR RIGHTFUL PLACE
AMONG MEN OF THE ROAD.
WE WERE GONNA TAKE REVENGE
ON THE FIRST VICTIM
THAT CAME OUR WAY.
-ALL RIGHT! DO IT! DO IT!
- JUST ONE LITTLE PROBLEM.
- WHOA!
- MOON PATROL!
- [LAUGHS]
[VIOLINS SCREECHING]
[LAUGHTER]
-DID YOU SEE THAT GUY'S FACE?!
-WELL, MY EYES WEREN'T
LOOKING IN THE DIRECTION!
-MAN, HE WAS HAVING A COW!
-AND HIS WIFE WAS LIKE, "UH!"
-WILL YOU GUYS JUST SHUT UP?!
-WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
-WELL, FOR STARTERS,
THAT WAS MY MOM AND DAD.
-IT WAS?
-YEAH. YOU GUYS JUST
MOONED MY PARENTS.
-YOU'RE KIDDING.
-HEY, WE ALL WANTED TO DO IT.
-YEAH, BUT IT WAS YOU
WHO HAD YOUR BUTT
HANGING OUT THE WINDOW!
-OH, COME ON. LIKE HOW
WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?
-SEE, THIS IS GREAT.
THIS IS JUST GREAT.
YOU KNOW IT'S REAL GREAT HANGING
OUT WITH A BUNCH OF MORONS!
YOU KNOW WHERE THAT
WORD COMES FROM, RICKY!
I MEAN, THIS IS THE STUPIDEST,
DUMBEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE!
I MEAN, I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHY I AGREED TO COME WITH
YOU GUYS IN THE FIRST PLACE.
CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHY?!
-IT WAS THE KIND OF QUESTION
THAT COULD ONLY BE ANSWERED
BY A NOBEL PRIZE-WINNING
PHILOSOPHER.
-I KNOW!
-OR A GUY LIKE RICKY HALSENBACH.
-IT'S BECAUSE THEY'RE
ROUND, LIKE RINGS!
AND THEY'VE GOT ONIONS IN THEM.
THAT'S WHY THEY
CALL 'EM ONION RINGS!
- WHAT?
- WHAT?
-LOOKING BACK, IT MADE
ABOUT AS MUCH SENSE
AS ANYTHING ELSE THAT NIGHT.
-LET'S JUST GO HOME, GUYS.
-YEAH, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
-WHY NOT? WE WERE
VETERANS. WE'D PAID OUR DUES.
WE'D MOONED AND
BEEN MOONED. AND NOW...
[ENGINE SPUTTERS, STOPS]
- UH-OH.
-WHAT'S THE MATTER?
-WE'RE OUT OF GAS.
-HEY, CAN YOU GUYS
BELIEVE TONIGHT?
- THE WORST.
- YEAH, NO KIDDING.
-WE DIDN'T REALLY ACCOMPLISH
ANYTHING THAT NIGHT.
NOTHING OF ANY REAL
IMPORTANCE, ANYWAY.
BUT THROUGH THE HIGH
SCHOOL YEARS THAT LAY AHEAD,
THERE WOULD BE A THOUSAND
OTHER NIGHTS JUST LIKE THAT ONE...
STUPID, RIDICULOUS...
AND GLORIOUS.
-HEY, I CAN GET THE
CAR AGAIN, NEXT FRIDAY.
- I'M THERE.
- ME TOO. WOULDN'T MISS IT.
-♪ LITTLE GTO ♪
♪ YOU'RE REALLY LOOKIN' FINE ♪
♪ THREE DEUCES AND A
FOUR-SPEED AND A 389 ♪
♪ LISTEN TO HER TACHIN' UP NOW ♪
♪ LISTEN TO HER WHI-I-I-NE ♪
♪ COME ON AND TURN IT ON,
WIND IT UP, BLOW IT OUT, GTO ♪