The Wonder Years (1988–1993): Season 5, Episode 18 - Lunch Stories - full transcript

We follow several different stories during the course of one lunch period at William McKinley Senior High. Wayne Arnold tries to win a bet by finding the true identity of a kid known only ...

-♪ WHAT WOULD YOU DO
IF I SANG OUT OF TUNE? ♪

♪ WOULD YOU STAND UP
AND WALK OUT ON ME? ♪

♪ LEND ME YOUR EARS,
AND I'LL SING YOU A SONG ♪

♪ I WILL TRY NOT TO
SING OUT OF KEY, YEAH ♪

♪ OH, BABY, I GET BY ♪
- ♪ BY WITH A LITTLE HELP
FROM MY FRIENDS ♪

-♪ ALL I NEED IS MY BUDDIES ♪

-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪

-♪ I'M SAYIN' I'M GONNA GET HIGHER ♪ - ♪
TRY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪

-♪ WHOA-OA-OA-OA ♪

-♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪

-♪ SOMEBODY WHO
KNOWS QUITE SURE ♪



♪ BABY ♪

-♪ BY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪

-♪ SAID I'M GONNA MAKE
IT WITH MY FRIENDS ♪

-♪ TRY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪

-♪ OH, I'M GONNA
KEEP ON TRYING ♪

-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪

-♪ I'M GONNA KEEP ON
TRYING NOW, BABY ♪

-♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪

-IN MARCH OF 1972,

A LOT OF GREAT THINGS
WERE HAPPENING.

EVENTS THAT WOULD SHAPE
HISTORY AND ALTER THE WAY WE THINK.

-AND I BET YOU MAO TSE-TUNG

ASKING ABOUT THE BUSING
BUSINESS OVER HERE.

-YOU FELLAS KNOW I'M
RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT.



-A GOOD WOMAN...

-STILL, AMONG ALL THAT CHANGE,
THERE WAS A COMMON THREAD,

ONE EXPERIENCE
THAT UNITED US ALL...

-♪ PAPA-PAPA-PAPA-OOM-MOW-MOW ♪

♪ PAPA-OOM-MOW-MOW ♪

-LUNCH.

AT 12:05 P.M. EVERY DAY,

KIDS ALL OVER AMERICA PILED
INTO HIGH SCHOOL CAFETERIAS,

LIKE LEMMINGS TO THE MEATLOAF.

YOU REMEMBER. THE
SIGHTS, THE SOUNDS.

AND THAT SMELL.

THAT ODD COMBINATION OF
WET TRAYS, WARM SILVERWARE,

AND PALE GREEN BEANS.

BUT LUNCH AT MY SCHOOL,

LIKE MOST OTHERS,
WAS RARELY ABOUT FOOD.

IT WAS ABOUT DRAMA, LUST, POWER.

INTRIGUE.

NOT TO MENTION HUMILIATION.

IN A WAY, IT WAS KIND OF A STAGE

AND WE ITS PRINCIPAL PLAYERS.

THERE WERE THOSE
WHO COULD NEVER SEEM

TO FIND A PLACE TO SIT

AND THOSE NO ONE
WANTED TO SIT WITH.

THOSE WITH NATURAL CHARM

AND THOSE WHO
HAD TO WORK FOR IT.

-OKAY, EVERYBODY...
WATCH! ONE BITE!

- GO! GO! GO!
- GO! GO! GO!

- YEAH! YEAH!
- WHOO!

-ME, I WAS JUST AN ORDINARY JOE

BEING SERVED
SOMETHING UNIDENTIFIABLE

BY A GUY IN A HAIRNET,

STOCKING UP ON WAXY MILK AND
CONGEALED BLUE-PLATE SPECIAL.

YEAH. ALL IN ALL, LIFE WAS GOOD.

-I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

ISN'T SHE BEAUTIFUL?

-CHUCK COLEMAN HAD
ONE OBSESSION IN LIFE...

SHEILA McCAFFRY,
CLARINET PLAYER.

-I MEAN, SHE IS HOT!

-YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

-I MEAN, NOT JUST REGULAR
HOT. I MEAN, SHE IS...

- DIAPHANOUS.
- DIAPHANOUS.

-FOR THE PAST THREE WEEKS,
CHUCK HAD BEEN USING THAT WORD.

I'M PRETTY SURE HE
THOUGHT IT MEANT "STACKED."

-SO WHY DON'T YOU
JUST ASK HER OUT?

YOU CAN'T JUST MAKE A
MOVE ON A GIRL LIKE THAT!

YOU HAVE TO FIND
THE PRECISE MOMENT,

THE PERFECT THING TO SAY,

THE RIGHT SHIRT!

-FACE IT. THE GUY
WAS SCARED WITLESS.

- CHUCK?
- WHAT?

-WE'RE HERE.

-OH.

- HEY, RICKY.
- HEY, GUYS.

-THAT WAS THE
THING ABOUT LUNCH...

YOU ALWAYS SAT
WITH THE SAME PEOPLE

BECAUSE, WELL, YOU ALWAYS
SAT WITH THE SAME PEOPLE.

-HEY, I GET THE PICKLE.

- AH!
- PLEASE?

-HEY, GUYS.

- WHAT?
- NICE TIE.

- WHAT, DID YOUR MOM
DRESS YOU AGAIN?
- OH, VERY FUNNY.

LOOK, I GOT A DEBATE
TOURNAMENT THIS AFTERNOON.

I GOT TO LOOK NICE.

-NOW, OF COURSE, PAUL
WAS THE BRAIN OF OUR GROUP.

SO WE TREATED HIM WITH
THE RESPECT HE DESERVED.

-WELL, SIT DOWN BEFORE
SOMEBODY SEES YOU!

-OH, REMIND ME TO LAUGH.

-HEY, ARE YOU GONNA HAVE
THOSE MASHED POTATOES?

-RICKY, I JUST GOT HERE.

-RICKY! RICKY!

DID YOU DO YOUR REPORT
FOR KALTON'S CLASS?

-UH, REPORT? WHAT REPORT?

-THE REPORT! THE
ONE THAT'S DUE TODAY!

A THOUSAND WORDS
ON A DAY IN THE LIFE

OF A CITIZEN OF ANCIENT ROME.

AND IF I DON'T GET IT
DONE, I'M GONNA FAIL!

I'M GONNA LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT!

-ARE YOU SURE IT'S DUE TODAY?

-14 PEOPLE TOLD ME IT WAS.

-WELL... WELL, HOW COME
WE DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT IT?

-I HAVE TO GO! I HAVE
TO FIND A PENCIL.

-OH, MY GOD!

-RICKY! CALM DOWN.

-A THOUSAND WORDS.

W-WHAT AM I GONNA
DO? I... I DON'T KNOW.

-IT WAS INEVITABLE.

EVERY DAY, SOMEWHERE
BETWEEN FISH STICKS AND JELLO,

RICKY HALSENBACH WOULD HAVE
AT LEAST ONE ACADEMIC CRISIS.

-OKAY, OKAY. I CAN DO THIS.

A DAY IN THE LIFE
OF ANCIENT ROME.

BY RICKY HALSENBACH.

OKAY, 1, 2, 3, 4,
5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11.

RICKY DAVID HALSENBACH.

-SURE, WE WEREN'T
EXACTLY THE "A" TABLE...

-EXCUSE ME, I-IS THIS SEAT...

-TAKEN! -TAKEN! -TAKEN! -TAKEN!

- BUT WE HAD OUR STANDARDS...

SUCH AS THEY WERE.

LOOK AT HER, KEV.

DOESN'T SHEILA LOOK
JUST LIKE ALI MacGRAW?

-I'M GONNA GET A SODA.

-HECK, EVEN I NEEDED A
BREAK FROM THESE BOZOS

ONCE IN AWHILE...

WHICH IN THIS CASE MEANT
A TRIP TO THE SODA MACHINE.

IN OUR CAFETERIA, IT WAS...

-SO, ARNOLD... HOW'S IT HANGING?

- ON THE OTHER
SIDE OF THE TRACKS.

-HEY.

-JIMMY DONNELLY, JOEY
SPINOZA, AND NEAL PEMISH.

THEIR SCHOOL MOTTO
WAS "WE CAME, WE LEFT."

-THANKS.

-SO, ARNOLD, WE'RE, UH,
DITCHING FIFTH AND SIXTH PERIOD.

-GOOD FOR YOU.

-YEAH, WE'RE GONNA SEE
"THE DEVIL IN MISS JONES."

-YEAH, RIGHT.

-UM, W-WHAT'S THAT
SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

-IT MEANS IT'S X-RATED.

-OOOH!

- WHOA!
- WHOA.

-THAT'S NO PROBLEM.

MY COUSIN WORKS THE DOOR.
FIGURED WE'D TAKE IN A MATINEE.

-YEAH, WE THOUGHT YOU
MIGHT WANT TO COME ALONG.

-ME?

-YEAH, WE LIKE YOU.

WE THINK YOU'RE GREAT!

EVERYBODY SAYS YOU'RE
A REALLY COOL GUY.

-WELL...

-PLUS, YOU GOT A CAR.

-LOOK, UH, PEMISH'S
CARBURETOR BLEW UP AGAIN,

AND, UH, WE REALLY THOUGHT
YOU'D BE THE KIND OF GUY

WHO'D WANT TO HELP US OUT.

-WELL, I'M NOT.

-SURE. WE UNDERSTAND.

YOU, UH... YOU GOT TO GET BACK

TO YOUR GEEKY
FRIENDS OVER THERE.

-HEY, FOR YOUR INFORMATION,
MY FRIENDS ARE NOT GEEKS.

-YEAH. RIGHT.

-OH, YEAH?

-NO, NO.

-HMM.

-PROOF'S IN THE PUDDING, MAN.

-WELL, ANYWAY, I'M
NOT INTERESTED, OKAY?

-JUST THINK ABOUT IT, ARNOLD.

THAT'S ALL WE ASK.
JUST THINK ABOUT IT.

-SURE. I'LL DO THAT.

-LET'S FACE IT. I WASN'T
THE DITCHING TYPE.

I WAS MORE YOUR
AVERAGE, EVERYDAY...

- THANKS, BUTTHEAD.
- HEY!

- VICTIM.

- I NEED THIS, OKAY?
- BUY YOUR OWN!

-IT'S NOT FOR ME.

IT'S FOR... HIM.

-WE CALLED HIM "MANIAC."

YOU KNOW THE TYPE.

YOU NEVER KNEW
WHERE HE CAME FROM,

WHAT HE WAS THINKING,

HOW MANY FAMILY MEMBERS
HE MIGHT HAVE KILLED.

-SOME GUYS BET ME 20 BUCKS

I COULDN'T FIND OUT
MANIAC'S REAL NAME.

-AND YOU THINK A CAN
OF SODA'S GONNA DO IT?

-NAH, NAH, NAH, NAH. THIS
IS JUST THE ICEBREAKER.

-YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR MIND.

-HEY, FOR 20 BUCKS,

I'D LICK THE PAINT OFF OUR
HOUSE WITH MY TONGUE.

-I GOT NEWS FOR YOU.

A YEAR LATER,
HE DID IT... FOR 10.

-AH! HERE WE ARE.

HI!

UH, YOU DON'T
KNOW ME, BUT, UH...

I'M WAYNE ARNOLD,
AND YOU WOULD BE...

HERE.

BOTTOMS UP.

-KEVIN! WAIT.

- HEY, WINNIE.
- HAVE A MINUTE?

-WAS SHE KIDDING? FOR
WINNIE, I HAD A LIFETIME.

-YOU BET.

SEE, I VOLUNTEERED TO
RUN THIS DRIVE FOR McKINLEY,

AND I REALLY NEED
PEOPLE TO CONTRIBUTE.

BUT YOU KNOW HOW PEOPLE ARE.

-YEAH, I KNOW.

-THEY'RE SO APATHETIC.

SO I THOUGHT...

-WINNIE. WINNIE. COUNT ME IN.

-GREAT!

-AFTER ALL, THIS WAS
THE LOVE OF MY LIFE...

POTENTIALLY.

THE FUTURE MOTHER
OF MY CHILDREN...

POTENTIALLY.

THERE WASN'T ANYTHING
I WOULDN'T DO FOR HER.

-SO, WHAT AM I CONTRIBUTING?

-BLOOD.

-BLOOD?

-BLOOD?!

-KEVIN, I WOULDN'T ASK IF IT
WASN'T REALLY IMPORTANT.

-OH, GOD. I WAS CAUGHT
BETWEEN SEX AND DEATH.

SEX, DEATH, SEX, DEATH.

SEX.

-OKAY, I'LL DO IT.

-GREAT!

SEE YOU AFTER LUNCH.

-GREAT.

GREAT.

- GO! GO! GO! GO! GO!
- GO! GO! GO! GO! GO!

- GO! GO! GO! GO! GO!
- GO! GO! GO! GO! GO!

-MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE ZOO...

-OKAY, "AN ANCIENT ROMAN LIVED

"IN A ROMAN HOUSE
WITH A ROMAN WIFE

AND SPOKE ROMAN TO A
LOT OF ROMAN PEOPLE."

WHAT DO YOU THINK SO FAR?

-DON'T CHANGE A WORD.

-HAVE YOU NOTICED SHEILA'S SKIN?

IT'S NOT JUST LIKE REGULAR SKIN.

IT'S... IT'S LIKE
THAT THIN PAPER

THAT WE USE IN TYPING CLASS.

-SHEILA, SHEILA.

WHY DON'T YOU
JUST GO TALK TO HER?

- I CAN'T.
- WHY NOT?

-WELL... SHE'S EATING.

-IT'S A CAFETERIA, CHUCK.

-PAUL, YOU CAN'T ASK A
GIRL OUT WHEN SHE'S EATING!

IT'S LIKE A LAND MINE!

I MEAN, WHAT
HAPPENS IF SHE SMILES

AND SHE HAS ALL THESE
PARTICLES OF TUNA ON HER TEETH?

SHE'D BE HUMILIATED!

YOU CAN'T RECOVER
FROM SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

-CHUCK, WILL YOU STOP
ACTING LIKE SUCH A GEEK?

-WELL, WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

-IF YOU WANT TO ASK
HER OUT, ASK HER OUT.

-AND FROM SMALL IDEAS
DO GREAT DECISIONS GROW.

-YOU'RE RIGHT, KEVIN.

-SO BEGAN THAT LONG MARCH,

THAT TEST OF
FORTITUDE AND MANHOOD.

-WHAT'S HE DOING?

-HE'S TYING HIS SHOES.

-BUT HE'S GOT LOAFERS ON.

-OKAY, HERE WE GO.

-NOW WHAT?

-HE'S TUCKING IN HIS SHIRT.

-HEY, IT'S TUCKED, YOU DOOFUS!

-WHO'S HE WAVING AT?

-OKAY, HE'S GONNA DO IT NOW.

HE'S RUNNING AWAY.

-WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH HIM?

-DID BETTER THAN I
THOUGHT HE WOULD.

-WHAT HAPPENED?

-YOU WERE RIGHT THERE!

-MY PART WAS OFF.

-YOU'RE SO FULL OF IT.

-I'LL ASK HER OUT LATER!

-WELL, IF SHE TURNS YOU DOWN,

YOU CAN ALWAYS GO OUT
WITH THE GUY IN THE HAIRNET.

-SHUT UP, PFEIFFER!

-MAYBE YOU COULD
TAKE HIM TO THE PROM.

-BUT IT WAS ALMOST
AS IF PAUL'S SARCASM

HAD AROUSED THE ANGER
OF THE LUNCH GODS.

-MY PANTS!

-AND THEY SMOTE HIM DOWN

WITH FOUR OUNCES OF GROUND
BEEF AND A CAN OF TOMATO SAUCE.

-♪ OOM-MOW-MOW,
PAPA-OOM-MOW-MOW ♪

♪ PAPA-PA-OOM-MOW-MOW-MOW ♪

♪ PAPA-OOM-MOW-MOW ♪

♪ PAPA-PA-OOM-MOW-MOW-MOW ♪

♪ PAPA-OOM-MOW-MOW ♪

♪ PAPA-PA-OOM ♪

-IT WAS HALFWAY THROUGH LUNCH.

IN PARIS, PEACE TALKS
WERE GETTING UNDER WAY...

WHILE IN WASHINGTON,

FIVE CAMPAIGN WORKERS

WERE BREAKING IN TO
DEMOCRATIC HEADQUARTERS.

BUT WE AT McKINLEY HAD
MORE PRESSING CONCERNS.

-IT'S NOT GETTING ANY BETTER!

- PAUL, TAKE IT EASY.
- EASY?

HOW AM I GONNA
DEBATE THIS AFTERNOON

WITH SLOPPY JOE ON MY PANTS?

-PAUL, IT'S NOT THAT...

MAYBE NO ONE'LL SEE IT.

-SO, I NOTICE YOU EAT
ALONE ALL THE TIME.

BET YOU'D LIKE
SOME FRIENDS, HUH?

HEY, I GOT AN IDEA!

UM, MAYBE IF I KNEW YOUR NAME,

I COULD INTRODUCE
YOU AROUND, YOU KNOW,

GET TO KNOW SOME PEOPLE.

SO...

HAVE ANY HOBBIES?

-HEY, DO ANY OF YOU GUYS
KNOW HOW TO SPELL "ORG-Y"?

-THAT'S "ORGY," RICKY. O-R-G-Y.

-I SHOULD HAVE ASKED HER OUT.

I'M SPINELESS. THAT'S WHAT I AM.

IF THEY CUT ME OPEN, I
WOULDN'T HAVE A SPINE.

I BLEW IT. I TOTALLY BLEW IT.

-CHUCK, IT'LL BE OKAY.

-OH, NO. OH, NO.

HERE SHE COMES.

I GOT TO TALK TO HER.
I GOT TO TALK TO HER.

I CAN'T.

I'M NOT READY. I CAN'T DO IT.

I GOT TO. I CAN'T. I CAN'T.

I GOT TO. I GOT TO.

OH, I CAN'T.

I CAN'T, I CAN'T,
I CAN'T, I CAN'T.

STOP.

PLEASE.

HI.

-I'M CHUCK.

-HI.

-I WAS JUST WONDERING, UM,

IF MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO,
UH, GO OUT SOMETIME.

-AMAZING.

AFTER THREE MONTHS,
CHUCK HAD FINALLY DONE IT...

-GEE, CHUCK.

THAT'D BE NICE.

- AND HIT PAY DIRT.

-GREAT.

-AND THAT'S WHEN IT HAPPENED.

-HOW ABOUT FRIDAY?

-UH... FRIDAY.

I HAVE BAND
PRACTICE THIS FRIDAY.

-SATURDAY. UM, WE
COULD GO SKATING.

-OH, GEE... GUESTS
FROM OUT OF TOWN.

-IT WAS HORRIBLE.

RIGHT BEFORE OUR EYES,

THE KID WAS TWITCHING HIS WAY
TOWARD TOTAL SELF-DESTRUCTION.

-UH, HOW ABOUT NEXT WEEKEND?

-UH, I THINK I'M GONNA HAVE
TO STUDY THAT WEEKEND.

-THE WEEKEND AFTER THAT?

-I MAY HAVE BAND FESTIVAL.

-UM, YOU KNOW, MAYBE WE
SHOULD JUST TRY THIS, YOU KNOW,

WHEN, UH, YOU'RE NOT SO BUSY.

-YEAH.

IT WAS GREAT TALKING TO YOU.

-YEAH.

-AND IN THAT MOMENT,

I GUESS WE ALL
SEARCHED OUR HEARTS

FOR THE RIGHT THING TO SAY.

THE CARING THING.
THE SENSITIVE THING.

- KEV, YOU GOT TO TAKE ME
TO THE BATHROOM.
- WHAT?

- I CAN'T LET ANYONE
SEE ME LIKE THIS.
- PAUL.

-JUST... JUST... JUST
WALK IN FRONT OF ME.

-YOU CAN COME OUT NOW, PAUL.

-IS ANYBODY IN HERE?

-PAUL.

-I MEAN, HEY, I'D LED
THE HORSE TO WATER.

WHAT HE DID NOW WAS UP TO HIM.

-KEV, I THINK IT SPREAD.

-PAUL, STOP WORRYING.
YOU'LL GET IT OUT.

BESIDES, NO ONE'S
EVEN GONNA SEE IT.

-HEY! NICE STAIN, PFEIFFER.

-IT'S SLOPPY JOE!

-YEAH, RIGHT.

SO, ARNOLD... MADE
UP YOUR MIND YET?

-ABOUT WHAT?

-THE MOVIE.

YOU KNOW, "THE
DEVIL IN MISS JONES."

-OH.

LISTEN, GUYS, I DON'T
THINK I'M GONNA GO.

-YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR
PROBLEM IS, ARNOLD?

YOU THINK TOO MUCH.
YOU KNOW THAT?

SO YOU MISS A FEW
CLASSES. SO WHAT?

-AND FACED WITH LOGIC LIKE THAT,

THERE WAS ONLY ONE THING TO SAY.

-KEVIN, YOU CAN'T CUT SCHOOL.

YOU CAN GET INTO A LOT
OF TROUBLE THAT WAY.

OR YOU COULD GET SUSPENDED.
WHAT IF SOMEONE FINDS OUT?

WHAT ABOUT YOUR PARENTS?

JUST THINK HOW YOUR
MOTHER WILL FEEL

IF SHE FOUND OUT THAT
YOU WENT TO A DIRTY MOVIE.

-AND STANDING THERE,

LISTENING TO A GUY WITH
CHOPPED MEAT ON HIS PANTS

PREACH THE TEN
COMMANDMENTS OF GEEKDOM,

THE DECISION
SEEMED PRETTY CLEAR.

-GOOD LUCK ON THE DEBATE, PAUL.

LET'S GO, GUYS.

-AFTER ALL, I WASN'T
JUST DOING THIS FOR ME.

I WAS DOING IT FOR
THE REPUTATION

OF MY ENTIRE LUNCH TABLE.

OKAY, I WAS DOING IT FOR ME.

STILL, AS WE MARCHED
DOWN THAT HALL,

I FELT A THRILL OF EXHILARATION.

I WAS TAKING A WALK
ON THE WILD SIDE

WITH GUYS WHO KNEW THE TERRAIN.

IT WAS INTOXICATING,
DANGEROUS...

-BOYS! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

- STUPID.

-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

-WHO, US?

-YEAH, YOU.

WELL...

-GUESS IT WAS CLEAR SOMEONE
WAS GONNA TAKE THE RAP.

-WE WERE FOLLOWING HIM.

-YEAH. W-WHERE WERE
YOU TAKING US, KEVIN?

-UH...

-AND AT THAT MOMENT,

I SAW MY ENTIRE ACADEMIC
CAREER FLASH BEFORE MY EYES.

I SAW MY MOTHER
WRINGING HER HANDS.

I SAW MY FATHER
WRINGING MY NECK.

-WE WERE JUST GOING...

-KEVIN?

-WINNIE.

-KEVIN.

YOU GONNA DONATE BLOOD NOW?

-BLOOD?

-BLOOD?

-BLOOD.

-THAT AFTERNOON, WE DIDN'T
GET TO SEE "DEVIL IN MISS JONES."

BUT WE DID GET FREE
JUICE AND COOKIES.

-ARE WE FEELING
BETTER, MR. DONNELLY?

-IT WAS 10 MINUTES TO THE HOUR,

AND THE DRAMA OF LUNCH

WAS HURTLING TOWARDS
ITS FINAL CURTAIN.

-LOOK, I'LL LEVEL WITH YOU.

I MADE A BET FOR $20 THAT I
COULD FIND OUT YOUR NAME.

NOW, I'LL GIVE YOU...

10 BUCKS RIGHT NOW

IF YOU WILL JUST
TELL ME YOUR NAME!

PLEASE!

-FLORENCE.

-EXCUSE ME?

-MY NAME'S FLORENCE.

-FLORENCE.

-WELL, THANKS A LOT.

I'LL NEVER FORGET
THIS, FLORENCE.

-JUST ONE THING.

IF I FIND OUT YOU TOLD
ANYONE, I SWEAR I'LL KILL YOU.

-STILL, IN THOSE WANING SECONDS,

THERE WAS TIME FOR A MOMENT
OF TEENAGE COMPASSION.

-HEY, CHUCK.

HOW YOU DOING?

-OKAY.

I GUESS.

-YOU KNOW...

I REALLY DIDN'T THINK
SHE WAS THAT HOT ANYWAY.

-YEAH.

NEITHER DID I.

-THERE!

I DID IT. I FINISHED IT!

-A THOUSAND WORDS?

-YEAH! YOU KNOW,
IT'S PRETTY GOOD.

I THINK I MIGHT ACTUALLY
GET A "C" ON THIS.

-RICKY, RICKY! DID YOU
FINISH YOUR REPORT?!

- YEAH, I JUST GOT IT DONE.
- YOU DID?

IT'S NOT FAIR!

I COULDN'T DO MINE.
I DREW A BLANK.

-I'M SORRY, ALICE.

-I'M GONNA GET AN "F"! MY
PARENTS ARE GONNA KILL ME!

-I'M NOT GONNA GET
INTO FASHION SCHOOL!

-BUT MOST OF ALL,

THERE WAS STILL TIME
FOR HEROES TO EMERGE...

HEROES AS NOBLE AND
VIRTUOUS AS THE ROMAN GODS,

OR AS SIMPLE AS...

-HERE, ALICE. TAKE MINE.

I DON'T NEED TO GO
TO FASHION SCHOOL.

- RICKY HALSENBACH.

-YOU'D DO THAT FOR ME?

-I WANT TO.

-AND THERE YOU HAD IT. LUNCH.

WHERE ROMANCES BLOOMED
AND DIED AND RETURNED AGAIN.

LIKE LAST WEEK'S
LEFTOVER TUNA CASSEROLE.

-WHAT'S AN "ORG-Y"?

-WHERE THE FONDEST DREAMS
AND ASPIRATIONS OF YOUNG ADULTS

REACHED THEIR ZENITH...

-HEY, TOMORROW, GUYS...
TOMORROW, 18 CHILI DOGS.

AND I'M GONNA GO TO BED
WITHOUT BRUSHING MY TEETH.

- AND THE QUEST FOR KNOWLEDGE
BECAME ITS OWN REWARD.

SURE, MAYBE ALL THOSE
DRAMAS PLAYED OUT OVER LUNCH

WEREN'T REALLY DRAMAS AFTER ALL.

-DID YOU EVER NOTICE HOW HOT
SARAH BROCKMAN LOOKS IN SHORTS?

I MEAN, NOT JUST HOT
BUT... DIAPHANOUS.

-STILL, LOOKING BACK...

THEY SURE SEEMED THAT WAY.