The Wonder Years (1988–1993): Season 5, Episode 11 - Road Test - full transcript
Kevin seems to be doing okay trying to pass his driver's test, with one exception: his parallel parking skills need some work.
-♪ WHAT WOULD YOU DO
IF I SANG OUT OF TUNE? ♪
♪ WOULD YOU STAND UP
AND WALK OUT ON ME? ♪
♪ LEND ME YOUR EARS,
AND I'LL SING YOU A SONG ♪
♪ I WILL TRY NOT TO
SING OUT OF KEY, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, BABY, I GET BY ♪
- ♪ BY WITH A LITTLE HELP
FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ ALL I NEED IS MY BUDDIES ♪
-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ I'M SAYIN' I'M GONNA GET HIGHER ♪ - ♪
TRY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ WHOA-OA-OA-OA ♪
-♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪
-♪ SOMEBODY WHO
KNOWS QUITE SURE ♪
♪ BABY ♪
-♪ BY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ SAID I'M GONNA MAKE
IT WITH MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ TRY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ OH, I'M GONNA
KEEP ON TRYING ♪
-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ I'M GONNA KEEP ON
TRYING NOW, BABY ♪
-♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪
-EVERY CULTURE HAS ITS
OWN RITES OF PASSAGE,
WAYS OF MARKING THAT
LEAP FROM CHILDHOOD...
TO MANHOOD.
COMPLEX RITUALS, WEIRD DANCES,
ACTS OF COURAGE AND SURVIVAL.
IT'S A TRADITION AS
OLD AS CIVILIZATION OR...
AS RECENT AS CRABGRASS.
FACT... IN THE SUBURBS,
A BOY'S FIRST STEPS
TOWARDS MANHOOD
START BEHIND A LAWNMOWER.
-HEY, KEVIN!
WATCH WHERE YOU'RE
GOING. YOU MISSED A PATCH.
-SORRY, DAD.
-STILL, FOR ME, AT 16,
LAWN CARE HAD GIVEN WAY
TO SOMETHING MUCH,
MUCH MORE IMPORTANT.
[HORN HONKS]
THE DRIVER'S LICENSE.
[HORN HONKS]
THE THING THAT
SEPARATES THE BOYS...
-LUCKY STIFF.
- FROM THE MEN.
AND SO ON AND SO FORTH.
-KEV!
KEV!
WHAT THE HELL ARE
YOU DOING THERE?
-I WAS JUST...
-YOU'RE BURNING
A HOLE IN THE YARD.
-RIGHT, DAD.
-AND DON'T FORGET TO PUT THE
MOWER AWAY WHEN YOU'RE FINISHED.
-OKAY, I WILL!
[ENGINE IDLING]
-BUT THE TRUTH WAS, BY
THE SPRING OF 10th GRADE,
IT WAS TIME TO PUT THE
MOWER IN MOTHBALLS.
FORGET THE CRABGRASS.
MAKE THE JUMP FROM
TWO CYLINDERS...
[BRAKES SQUEAL]
TO REAL HORSEPOWER.
[BRAKES SQUEAL, THUMP]
-[SIGHS]
OKAY, NOW, MISS
PEDERMEIR, LET'S TRY IT AGAIN.
-OKAY.
-ONLY THIS TIME, EASY
ON THE BRAKE, OKAY?
-WHICH ONE'S THE BRAKE?
-DRIVER'S ED...
THE FINAL DEMARCATION LINE
BETWEEN THOSE WHO COULD...
AND THOSE WHO
PROBABLY SHOULDN'T.
-EASY GAS.
[BRAKES SQUEAL] EASY BRAKE.
EASY GAS.
[BRAKES SQUEAL, THUMP]
-BY THE SECOND WEEK
OF ON-THE-ROAD TRAINING,
ONE THING WAS BECOMING CLEAR.
-LOOK... OLD GUM.
-YEAH? [CHUCKLES] WHAT FLAVOR?
-WHEN IT CAME TO
OPERATING A MOTOR VEHICLE,
THESE OTHER KIDS WERE
GONNA NEED A LOT OF HELP.
-THAT'S FINE FOR
TODAY, MISS PEDERMEIR.
-I THOUGHT YOU SAID WE
WERE GONNA DO FREEWAYS.
I WANT TO DO FREEWAYS!
-FORTUNATELY, IN THIS
CAR FULL OF JOKERS,
THE COACH HAD ONE
ACE UP HIS SLEEVE.
-ARNOLD... YOU READY?
-SURE AM.
-A MAN...
WHO WAS BORN TO DRIVE.
-NICE LANE CHANGE.
-WELL, I DID MY BEST.
-AND, PUT SIMPLY,
MY BEST WAS A LOT
BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE'S.
-I'D LIKE EVERYONE TO
NOTE HOW ARNOLD HERE
LOOKED OVER HIS LEFT
SHOULDER BEFORE MERGING.
THAT'S, UH, THIS ONE, SLOVOSKI.
[CHUCKLES]
AND LOOK AT THAT
HAND POSITION...
A PERFECT 10:00 AND 2:00.
THE MOTOR-VEHICLE PEOPLE
ARE GONNA BE LOOKING FOR THAT.
-THANKS, COACH.
-YEAH, I DIDN'T WANT TO
BRAG, BUT LET'S FACE IT,
I HAD IT ALL... THE REFLEXES,
THE INSTINCTS, THE TIMING...
THE WHOLE REPERTOIRE.
WELL, ALMOST THE
WHOLE REPERTOIRE.
-OKAY, WE GOT A
COUPLE OF MINUTES HERE,
SO WHY DON'T WE JUMP
AHEAD TO OUR NEXT SECTION?
PARALLEL PARKING.
IT WILL BE ON YOUR ROAD TEST.
I REPEAT, IT WILL
BE ON THE TEST.
-[ CHUCKLES] YOU ALMOST HAD TO
FEEL SORRY FOR THE POOR SAPS.
-ARNOLD, WHY DON'T WE
SHOW 'EM HOW IT'S DONE?
SHE'S ALL YOURS.
-SURE.
-'COURSE, IT WAS ONLY
RIGHT I SHOULD BE THE FIRST.
-LEFT HAND AT NOON.
RIGHT ARM OVER THE BENCH.
-AFTER ALL, I WAS THE NATURAL.
-NOW, EASE HER ON IN.
-YEP, HERE IT WAS...
THE FINAL FRONTIER.
-YOU GOT IT.
-THE LAST THING STANDING
BETWEEN ME AND THE OPEN ROAD.
GET THIS, AND I WAS HOME FREE.
AND THAT'S WHEN IT HAPPENED.
-WHAT HAPPENED?
-YOU KNOCKED OVER A CONE!
HE KNOCKED OVER A CONE!
-I DID?
-YOU CREAMED IT!
[LAUGHTER]
-WOW!
-'COURSE, IT COULD HAVE
HAPPENED TO ANYBODY.
STILL, FOR SOME
REASON, IT RATTLED ME.
-LET ME DO THAT AGAIN.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
-SORRY. WE'RE OUT OF TIME.
WE'LL TRY IT AGAIN NEXT TIME.
SEE YOU ALL ON THURSDAY!
-OH.
-AND THAT WAS THAT.
A SMALL MISCALCULATION...
NOTHING MORE.
NOT EVEN WORTH A SECOND THOUGHT.
-SO? YOU RAN OVER A
CONE. WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
-OKAY, TWO THOUGHTS,
BUT THAT'S ALL.
-YEAH, IT'S NOT
LIKE YOU RAN OVER
SOMEONE'S PET SCHNAUZER
OR ANYTHING. [CHUCKLES]
-THAT'S DISGUSTING.
-YEAH, YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.
-LISTEN, I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE SO WORRIED ABOUT, KEVIN.
YOU'RE A REALLY GOOD
DRIVER. I'VE SEEN YOU.
-THANKS.
-'COURSE, HE'S
NEVER SEEN YOU PARK.
-[LAUGHS]
-WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
-NOTHING. IT'S A JOKE.
-BOY, KEV, ARE YOU JUMPY!
-COME ON, I MEAN,
ANYBODY COULD FLUB UP
THE FIRST COUPLE TIMES
THEY PARALLEL-PARK.
- RIGHT?
- ABSOLUTELY.
-TROUBLE WAS, THIS WASN'T JUST
ANYBODY WE WERE TALKING ABOUT.
THIS WAS... ME.
-HEY, I NEVER SAID
"A COUPLE OF TIMES."
IT WAS ONCE, OKAY?
SO LET'S DROP IT!
-FINE.
-BESIDES, NO ONE'S EVER
FAILED THEIR DRIVER'S TEST
JUST 'CAUSE THEY COULDN'T
PARALLEL-PARK, RIGHT?
-RIGHT.
-RIGHT.
-AND THERE YOU HAD IT.
SOLID LOGIC...
IN THEORY, ANYWAY.
-OKAY, WE'LL TRY IT AGAIN.
LEFT HAND AT NOON.
RIGHT ARM OVER THE BENCH.
YOU READY, ARNOLD?
-HA!
-GOT IT.
-'COURSE I WAS READY.
-SLOVOSKI, MOVE YOUR HEAD!
-I WAS JUST A LITTLE...
TENSE, THAT'S ALL.
AFTER ALL, I HAD A
REPUTATION AT STAKE HERE.
STILL, WITH THE PROPER
AMOUNT OF CONCENTRATION...
-YOU GOT IT.
- PLUS THE OLD GOD-GIVEN
NATURAL INSTINCTS...
-YOU GOT IT.
-YEAH. WHAT A COMEBACK.
FROM HERE ON IN, IT WAS
GONNA BE SMOOTH SAILIN'.
[BELL CLANGING, SHIP HORN BLOWS]
IF YOU DIDN'T MIND
SWIMMING TO THE CURB.
-HE MISSED! [LAUGHS]
-GOOD, ARNOLD!
MAYBE NEXT TIME, WE CAN TRY
PARKING THE REST OF THE CAR.
[LAUGHTER]
-HMM.
THAT WEEKEND, FOR SOME REASON,
THE OLD LAWNMOWER FELT
KIND OF... GOOD, FAMILIAR.
NOT LIKE DRIVING.
-KEVIN?
-I KNOW, I KNOW.
I'M PUTTING IT AWAY.
-NAH, WE GOT TO GO PICK
UP NEW SHOWER DOORS.
-OH.
-HERE... YOU DRIVE.
-OH.
-YOU GOT YOUR
DRIVER'S TEST COMING UP.
YOU WANT TO PRACTICE, DON'T YOU?
-SURE, BUT, UH...
-'COURSE, ANY OTHER DAY, I'D
HAVE JUMPED AT THE CHANCE
TO HIT THE ROAD IN
DAD'S GAS-GUZZLER, BUT...
-I DON'T KNOW, DAD.
MAYBE I'LL JUST STAY HERE.
-WHY? SOMETHING WRONG?
-NO! NO, IT'S JUST...
-I SHOULD'VE TOLD HIM.
I SHOULD'VE TOLD
HIM... BUT I DIDN'T.
-NEVER MIND.
-THEN COME ON. LET'S GO.
-I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE I JUST NEEDED
SOME TIME TO THINK IT OVER.
-NOT BAD.
YOU'RE OKAY.
-THANKS.
-OR MAYBE I NEEDED A
LITTLE CONFIDENCE-BUILDING
FROM THE BIG MAN.
IN ANY EVENT, BY THE
TIME WE REACHED TOWN,
I WAS BACK ON MY GAME
AGAIN, READY FOR ANYTHING.
-WHY DON'T YOU PULL
HER IN OVER THERE?
-YIKES.
-GO AHEAD. SLIP HER IN.
-UH... SURE.
I'M ON IT, DAD.
-'COURSE, THIS WAS NO
TIME TO PANIC. I KNEW THAT.
THIS WAS SIMPLE...
JUST A MATTER OF
WEDGING 2 TONS OF STEEL
IN A 12x4 PARKING SPACE.
NOTHING TO IT.
NOPE.
ALL I HAD TO DO WAS
THINK IT THROUGH CALMLY...
RATIONALLY.
AND THAT'S WHEN I
MADE MY FATAL MISTAKE.
I THOUGHT ABOUT IT
A SECOND TOO LONG.
-KEV?
-HUH?
-WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
-UH...
[HORN HONKS]
NOTHING.
-BUT AS I SAT THERE,
COMPLETELY PARALYZED,
I KNEW ONE THING.
ONLY A MIRACLE WAS GONNA
GET ME OUT OF THIS NOW.
[HORN HONKS]
OR... A 1970 VOLKSWAGEN
SUPER BEETLE.
-WHAT DOES THAT
GUY THINK HE'S DOING?
DIDN'T HE SEE THE BLINKER?
IDIOT SHOULDN'T BE
ALLOWED ON THE ROAD.
-TELL ME ABOUT IT.
-[SIGHS]
WELL, THEN, JUST... GO AROUND.
-SURE, DAD.
[HORN HONKS]
-BUT EVEN THOUGH
I'D ESCAPED THIS TIME,
THE TRUTH SEEMED
CLEARER THAN EVER.
INSTEAD OF LIVING
LIFE IN THE FAST LANE,
I WAS DOOMED TO
SPEND THE REST OF MINE...
CIRCLING THE BLOCK.
COMING OF AGE IN SUBURBIA...
THE RITUAL, THE
CEREMONY, THE GRANDEUR.
[HORN HONKS]
FOR ANYBODY WHO COULD
PARALLEL-PARK, ANYWAY.
WITH MY DRIVER'S TEST
ONLY A FEW DAYS AWAY...
-HEY, KEVIN.
DON'T FORGET TO PUT THAT AWAY.
-YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
- IT WAS BEGINNING TO SEEM
LIKE THE ONLY WHEELS
I'D EVER BE IN CHARGE OF
WOULD COME WITH A LEAF
BAG AND A MULCH ATTACHMENT.
-OKAY, NOW, EASE HER ON IN.
AND... PERFECT.
-THE THING WAS, THE HARDER I
TRIED, THE WORSE THINGS GOT.
-GOOD, GRUTNER.
-GUESS YOU COULD SAY
IT WAS STARTING TO
AFFECT MY SELF-IMAGE.
-THAT'S ALMOST EVERYONE.
YOUR TURN, BO PEEP.
[LAUGHS]
["MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB" PLAYS]
-IT WAS CLEAR IF I WAS
GONNA PULL OUT OF THIS,
I NEEDED TO RE-ESTABLISH
MY TERRITORY,
ASSERT MY MASCULINITY.
THE QUESTION WAS, HOW?
-HI, KEVIN.
-HELLO!
-JESSICA. HI.
-JESSICA THOMAS...
JUST THE KIND OF WOMAN
WHO COULD TURN A MAN AROUND.
-I, UH, WAS WONDERING
IF I COULD BORROW YOUR
BIO NOTES FROM YESTERDAY?
-AND I HAD SOMETHING SHE WANTED.
-SURE.
SO, YOU, UH...
BUSY FRIDAY NIGHT?
-MAYBE.
MAYBE NOT.
-WELL, THERE'S A
DANCE. WANT TO GO?
-I'M NOT BIG ON DANCES.
-OR... WE COULD DITCH IT.
-I MIGHT HAVE PLANS.
-CANCEL 'EM.
-OKAY, IT WAS A RISK, BUT...
-ALL RIGHT. I WILL.
-BINGO!
-SO, FRIDAY, THEN?
-FRIDAY.
-YES. I SAW THE
MOUNTAIN, AND I TOOK IT.
-SO PICK ME UP AT 8:00? YOU
CAN PARK THE CAR OUT FRONT.
-PARK?
-CAR?
-AND HONK?
-OH, NO. OH, NO. OH, NO!
[SHEEP BLEATING]
["MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB" PLAYS]
-[SIGHS]
I'VE COME TO TAKE MY ROAD TEST.
NOW.
-I'D HAD IT.
I WASN'T GONNA SPEND THE REST
OF MY LIFE AS A SHEPHERDESS.
-TAKE A SEAT. WAIT YOUR TURN.
-OKAY. BE RUDE
ABOUT IT. I DIDN'T CARE.
IT WAS TIME TO TAKE
THE BULL BY THE HORNS...
NO MATTER WHO WAS WATCHING.
-VOGEL!
-AND THE THING IS,
NOW THAT I WAS THERE, I
ACTUALLY FELT KIND OF CALM.
-DONLEVY!
-NO QUESTION ABOUT IT.
FROM HERE ON IN, IT WAS
JUST A MATTER OF TIME.
[CLOCK TICKING]
-ECKHART!
[TICKING CONTINUES]
REARDON!
-UH-HUH.
NOTHING TO DO BUT WAIT.
[TICKING CONTINUES]
-CHANG!
-[ CLEARS THROAT]
ANY MINUTE NOW.
[TICKING INTENSIFIES]
-BURNS!
-AND THEN THE WHEELS CAME OFF.
-ARNOLD?
[TICKING STOPS, BELL TOLLING]
-[BREATHES DEEPLY]
-NOW, I SWEAR TO YOU...
I SWEAR I WAS READY.
TO THE DEEPEST
FIBER IN MY BEING,
I WAS FOCUSSED,
CONFIDENT, I WAS...
-GOOD LUCK.
-I WAS OUT OF THERE.
- EXCUSE ME!
- HEY!
- OW! WATCH IT!
- CAREFUL!
-OH. FINISHED, HONEY?
-YEAH. COME ON.
-HOW'D IT GO?
-PIECE OF CAKE.
-YOU HEARD IT.
[DOOR CLOSES, ECHOES]
PIECE OF CAKE.
-CONGRATULATIONS, KEV.
-YOU DID IT, HONEY.
-THANKS, MOM. THANKS, DAD.
THIS IS REALLY... GREAT.
-BUT IT WAS HORRIBLE.
I WAS A FAILURE AND A LIAR...
IN FRONT OF MY WHOLE FAMILY.
-WELL, LET'S SEE IT, BUTTHEAD.
-SEE WHAT?
-THE DRIVER'S
LICENSE. WHERE IS IT?
-UH...
-YOU DIDN'T LOSE
IT ALREADY, DID YOU?
-NO! NO!
I JUST LEFT IT
IN MY OTHER PANTS...
IN MY OTHER WALLET.
BESIDES, IT'S JUST A TEMPORARY.
-I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
I CAN STILL REMEMBER YOUR FATHER
TEACHING YOU TO RIDE A BIKE.
NOW YOU'RE DRIVING.
I GUESS I DIDN'T EXPECT YOU
KIDS TO GROW UP SO FAST.
-I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
MY PARENTS WERE
GETTING SPONGY ON ME,
WASHING AWAY IN SENTIMENTALITY.
SO THERE WAS ONLY
ONE THING TO SAY.
-I GOT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.
-NOT... SO... FAST.
-YEAH, DAD?
-HERE.
YOUR MOTHER AND I
GOT YOU SOMETHING.
YOU'RE GONNA NEED THESE.
IT'S YOUR OWN SET
OF KEYS TO THE CAR.
-AH, GEEZ.
-THANKS.
-I'M PROUD OF YOU, SON.
-YEAH.
I COULDN'T GET TO
SLEEP THAT NIGHT.
I KEPT THINKING
ABOUT MY FUTURE...
HOW I WAS GONNA GROW UP,
GO TO COLLEGE, RAISE A FAMILY,
AND BE THE ONLY
ALL-PRO QUARTERBACK
WHO EVER HAD TO RIDE HIS
BICYCLE TO THE SUPER BOWL.
-I'M PROUD OF YOU, SON.
-I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
-IT'S YOUR OWN SET
OF KEYS TO THE CAR.
-YOU DID IT, HONEY.
-THE DRIVER'S
LICENSE. WHERE IS IT?
-YOUR TURN, BO PEEP.
-PROUD OF YOU, SON...
PROUD OF YOU, SON...
[ SHEEP BLEATING]
-[BREATHES DEEPLY]
[DOG BARKS IN DISTANCE]
-AND THAT'S WHEN I
KNEW WHAT I HAD TO DO.
LIKE THE YOUNG WARRIOR CAST OUT
INTO THE DARKNESS OF THE JUNGLE
TO PROVE HIS MANHOOD,
I WAS GOING TO LEARN
HOW TO PARALLEL-PARK
THE ONLY WAY I KNEW HOW...
ALONE.
-[SIGHS] THIS IS IT.
-SURE, I WAS COMMITTING
GRAND-THEFT AUTO,
BUT THERE WAS A
GREATER NEED HERE.
I HAD TO TAKE THE CHANCE,
AND I HAD TO DO IT NOW.
AND THE PATH WAS CLEAR AHEAD.
[METAL CRUNCHES]
[DOG BARKS]
OR SO I THOUGHT.
AT THAT MOMENT, I
HIT ROCK BOTTOM.
I COULDN'T DRIVE.
I COULDN'T PARK.
I COULDN'T EVEN REMEMBER TO
PUT AWAY MY FATHER'S LAWNMOWER.
I DIDN'T THINK I COULD
FEEL ANY WORSE.
[DOOR OPENS]
-HEY! WHO'S OUT THERE?
-EXCEPT THEN I DID.
THE FUNNY THING
IS, FOR A SECOND,
I ACTUALLY THOUGHT
ABOUT RUNNING FOR MY LIFE.
-WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON HERE?
-BUT SOMEHOW I GUESS I KNEW...
I JUST COULDN'T RUN ANYMORE.
IT WAS TIME TO FACE THE TRUTH.
-I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PARK.
I LIED ABOUT MY LICENSE.
I NEVER TOOK THE TEST.
[KEYS JINGLE]
HERE.
TAKE 'EM. I DON'T WANT 'EM.
-AND MAYBE IN THAT MOMENT,
I LEARNED SOMETHING...
ABOUT BEING A MAN.
-YEAH, YOU DO.
COME ON. LET'S GO.
-WHERE?
-YOU GOT TO START SOMEWHERE.
-AND I LEARNED IT...
FROM THE GUY WHO WROTE THE BOOK.
[CAR DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
-LITTLE BIT MORE.
THAT'S GOOD.
ALL RIGHT. ALL
RIGHT. ALL RIGHT, NOW.
STRAIGHTEN IT OUT,
STRAIGHTEN IT OUT.
GOOD! GOOD! ALL RIGHT!
-THAT NIGHT, MY
DAD TAUGHT ME A LOT.
HOW TO PARALLEL-PARK...
WHY YOU PUT AWAY
THE LAWNMOWER...
AND, IN SOME SMALL WAY,
WHAT IT TAKES TO GROW UP.
THAT MONDAY, HE TOOK
THE AFTERNOON OFF,
AND WE WENT AND GOT MY LICENSE.
HE WAS SO PROUD.
THEN HE TOOK IT AWAY AND
GROUNDED ME FOR A MONTH.
IF I SANG OUT OF TUNE? ♪
♪ WOULD YOU STAND UP
AND WALK OUT ON ME? ♪
♪ LEND ME YOUR EARS,
AND I'LL SING YOU A SONG ♪
♪ I WILL TRY NOT TO
SING OUT OF KEY, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, BABY, I GET BY ♪
- ♪ BY WITH A LITTLE HELP
FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ ALL I NEED IS MY BUDDIES ♪
-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ I'M SAYIN' I'M GONNA GET HIGHER ♪ - ♪
TRY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ WHOA-OA-OA-OA ♪
-♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪
-♪ SOMEBODY WHO
KNOWS QUITE SURE ♪
♪ BABY ♪
-♪ BY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ SAID I'M GONNA MAKE
IT WITH MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ TRY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ OH, I'M GONNA
KEEP ON TRYING ♪
-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ I'M GONNA KEEP ON
TRYING NOW, BABY ♪
-♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪
-EVERY CULTURE HAS ITS
OWN RITES OF PASSAGE,
WAYS OF MARKING THAT
LEAP FROM CHILDHOOD...
TO MANHOOD.
COMPLEX RITUALS, WEIRD DANCES,
ACTS OF COURAGE AND SURVIVAL.
IT'S A TRADITION AS
OLD AS CIVILIZATION OR...
AS RECENT AS CRABGRASS.
FACT... IN THE SUBURBS,
A BOY'S FIRST STEPS
TOWARDS MANHOOD
START BEHIND A LAWNMOWER.
-HEY, KEVIN!
WATCH WHERE YOU'RE
GOING. YOU MISSED A PATCH.
-SORRY, DAD.
-STILL, FOR ME, AT 16,
LAWN CARE HAD GIVEN WAY
TO SOMETHING MUCH,
MUCH MORE IMPORTANT.
[HORN HONKS]
THE DRIVER'S LICENSE.
[HORN HONKS]
THE THING THAT
SEPARATES THE BOYS...
-LUCKY STIFF.
- FROM THE MEN.
AND SO ON AND SO FORTH.
-KEV!
KEV!
WHAT THE HELL ARE
YOU DOING THERE?
-I WAS JUST...
-YOU'RE BURNING
A HOLE IN THE YARD.
-RIGHT, DAD.
-AND DON'T FORGET TO PUT THE
MOWER AWAY WHEN YOU'RE FINISHED.
-OKAY, I WILL!
[ENGINE IDLING]
-BUT THE TRUTH WAS, BY
THE SPRING OF 10th GRADE,
IT WAS TIME TO PUT THE
MOWER IN MOTHBALLS.
FORGET THE CRABGRASS.
MAKE THE JUMP FROM
TWO CYLINDERS...
[BRAKES SQUEAL]
TO REAL HORSEPOWER.
[BRAKES SQUEAL, THUMP]
-[SIGHS]
OKAY, NOW, MISS
PEDERMEIR, LET'S TRY IT AGAIN.
-OKAY.
-ONLY THIS TIME, EASY
ON THE BRAKE, OKAY?
-WHICH ONE'S THE BRAKE?
-DRIVER'S ED...
THE FINAL DEMARCATION LINE
BETWEEN THOSE WHO COULD...
AND THOSE WHO
PROBABLY SHOULDN'T.
-EASY GAS.
[BRAKES SQUEAL] EASY BRAKE.
EASY GAS.
[BRAKES SQUEAL, THUMP]
-BY THE SECOND WEEK
OF ON-THE-ROAD TRAINING,
ONE THING WAS BECOMING CLEAR.
-LOOK... OLD GUM.
-YEAH? [CHUCKLES] WHAT FLAVOR?
-WHEN IT CAME TO
OPERATING A MOTOR VEHICLE,
THESE OTHER KIDS WERE
GONNA NEED A LOT OF HELP.
-THAT'S FINE FOR
TODAY, MISS PEDERMEIR.
-I THOUGHT YOU SAID WE
WERE GONNA DO FREEWAYS.
I WANT TO DO FREEWAYS!
-FORTUNATELY, IN THIS
CAR FULL OF JOKERS,
THE COACH HAD ONE
ACE UP HIS SLEEVE.
-ARNOLD... YOU READY?
-SURE AM.
-A MAN...
WHO WAS BORN TO DRIVE.
-NICE LANE CHANGE.
-WELL, I DID MY BEST.
-AND, PUT SIMPLY,
MY BEST WAS A LOT
BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE'S.
-I'D LIKE EVERYONE TO
NOTE HOW ARNOLD HERE
LOOKED OVER HIS LEFT
SHOULDER BEFORE MERGING.
THAT'S, UH, THIS ONE, SLOVOSKI.
[CHUCKLES]
AND LOOK AT THAT
HAND POSITION...
A PERFECT 10:00 AND 2:00.
THE MOTOR-VEHICLE PEOPLE
ARE GONNA BE LOOKING FOR THAT.
-THANKS, COACH.
-YEAH, I DIDN'T WANT TO
BRAG, BUT LET'S FACE IT,
I HAD IT ALL... THE REFLEXES,
THE INSTINCTS, THE TIMING...
THE WHOLE REPERTOIRE.
WELL, ALMOST THE
WHOLE REPERTOIRE.
-OKAY, WE GOT A
COUPLE OF MINUTES HERE,
SO WHY DON'T WE JUMP
AHEAD TO OUR NEXT SECTION?
PARALLEL PARKING.
IT WILL BE ON YOUR ROAD TEST.
I REPEAT, IT WILL
BE ON THE TEST.
-[ CHUCKLES] YOU ALMOST HAD TO
FEEL SORRY FOR THE POOR SAPS.
-ARNOLD, WHY DON'T WE
SHOW 'EM HOW IT'S DONE?
SHE'S ALL YOURS.
-SURE.
-'COURSE, IT WAS ONLY
RIGHT I SHOULD BE THE FIRST.
-LEFT HAND AT NOON.
RIGHT ARM OVER THE BENCH.
-AFTER ALL, I WAS THE NATURAL.
-NOW, EASE HER ON IN.
-YEP, HERE IT WAS...
THE FINAL FRONTIER.
-YOU GOT IT.
-THE LAST THING STANDING
BETWEEN ME AND THE OPEN ROAD.
GET THIS, AND I WAS HOME FREE.
AND THAT'S WHEN IT HAPPENED.
-WHAT HAPPENED?
-YOU KNOCKED OVER A CONE!
HE KNOCKED OVER A CONE!
-I DID?
-YOU CREAMED IT!
[LAUGHTER]
-WOW!
-'COURSE, IT COULD HAVE
HAPPENED TO ANYBODY.
STILL, FOR SOME
REASON, IT RATTLED ME.
-LET ME DO THAT AGAIN.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
-SORRY. WE'RE OUT OF TIME.
WE'LL TRY IT AGAIN NEXT TIME.
SEE YOU ALL ON THURSDAY!
-OH.
-AND THAT WAS THAT.
A SMALL MISCALCULATION...
NOTHING MORE.
NOT EVEN WORTH A SECOND THOUGHT.
-SO? YOU RAN OVER A
CONE. WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
-OKAY, TWO THOUGHTS,
BUT THAT'S ALL.
-YEAH, IT'S NOT
LIKE YOU RAN OVER
SOMEONE'S PET SCHNAUZER
OR ANYTHING. [CHUCKLES]
-THAT'S DISGUSTING.
-YEAH, YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.
-LISTEN, I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE SO WORRIED ABOUT, KEVIN.
YOU'RE A REALLY GOOD
DRIVER. I'VE SEEN YOU.
-THANKS.
-'COURSE, HE'S
NEVER SEEN YOU PARK.
-[LAUGHS]
-WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
-NOTHING. IT'S A JOKE.
-BOY, KEV, ARE YOU JUMPY!
-COME ON, I MEAN,
ANYBODY COULD FLUB UP
THE FIRST COUPLE TIMES
THEY PARALLEL-PARK.
- RIGHT?
- ABSOLUTELY.
-TROUBLE WAS, THIS WASN'T JUST
ANYBODY WE WERE TALKING ABOUT.
THIS WAS... ME.
-HEY, I NEVER SAID
"A COUPLE OF TIMES."
IT WAS ONCE, OKAY?
SO LET'S DROP IT!
-FINE.
-BESIDES, NO ONE'S EVER
FAILED THEIR DRIVER'S TEST
JUST 'CAUSE THEY COULDN'T
PARALLEL-PARK, RIGHT?
-RIGHT.
-RIGHT.
-AND THERE YOU HAD IT.
SOLID LOGIC...
IN THEORY, ANYWAY.
-OKAY, WE'LL TRY IT AGAIN.
LEFT HAND AT NOON.
RIGHT ARM OVER THE BENCH.
YOU READY, ARNOLD?
-HA!
-GOT IT.
-'COURSE I WAS READY.
-SLOVOSKI, MOVE YOUR HEAD!
-I WAS JUST A LITTLE...
TENSE, THAT'S ALL.
AFTER ALL, I HAD A
REPUTATION AT STAKE HERE.
STILL, WITH THE PROPER
AMOUNT OF CONCENTRATION...
-YOU GOT IT.
- PLUS THE OLD GOD-GIVEN
NATURAL INSTINCTS...
-YOU GOT IT.
-YEAH. WHAT A COMEBACK.
FROM HERE ON IN, IT WAS
GONNA BE SMOOTH SAILIN'.
[BELL CLANGING, SHIP HORN BLOWS]
IF YOU DIDN'T MIND
SWIMMING TO THE CURB.
-HE MISSED! [LAUGHS]
-GOOD, ARNOLD!
MAYBE NEXT TIME, WE CAN TRY
PARKING THE REST OF THE CAR.
[LAUGHTER]
-HMM.
THAT WEEKEND, FOR SOME REASON,
THE OLD LAWNMOWER FELT
KIND OF... GOOD, FAMILIAR.
NOT LIKE DRIVING.
-KEVIN?
-I KNOW, I KNOW.
I'M PUTTING IT AWAY.
-NAH, WE GOT TO GO PICK
UP NEW SHOWER DOORS.
-OH.
-HERE... YOU DRIVE.
-OH.
-YOU GOT YOUR
DRIVER'S TEST COMING UP.
YOU WANT TO PRACTICE, DON'T YOU?
-SURE, BUT, UH...
-'COURSE, ANY OTHER DAY, I'D
HAVE JUMPED AT THE CHANCE
TO HIT THE ROAD IN
DAD'S GAS-GUZZLER, BUT...
-I DON'T KNOW, DAD.
MAYBE I'LL JUST STAY HERE.
-WHY? SOMETHING WRONG?
-NO! NO, IT'S JUST...
-I SHOULD'VE TOLD HIM.
I SHOULD'VE TOLD
HIM... BUT I DIDN'T.
-NEVER MIND.
-THEN COME ON. LET'S GO.
-I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE I JUST NEEDED
SOME TIME TO THINK IT OVER.
-NOT BAD.
YOU'RE OKAY.
-THANKS.
-OR MAYBE I NEEDED A
LITTLE CONFIDENCE-BUILDING
FROM THE BIG MAN.
IN ANY EVENT, BY THE
TIME WE REACHED TOWN,
I WAS BACK ON MY GAME
AGAIN, READY FOR ANYTHING.
-WHY DON'T YOU PULL
HER IN OVER THERE?
-YIKES.
-GO AHEAD. SLIP HER IN.
-UH... SURE.
I'M ON IT, DAD.
-'COURSE, THIS WAS NO
TIME TO PANIC. I KNEW THAT.
THIS WAS SIMPLE...
JUST A MATTER OF
WEDGING 2 TONS OF STEEL
IN A 12x4 PARKING SPACE.
NOTHING TO IT.
NOPE.
ALL I HAD TO DO WAS
THINK IT THROUGH CALMLY...
RATIONALLY.
AND THAT'S WHEN I
MADE MY FATAL MISTAKE.
I THOUGHT ABOUT IT
A SECOND TOO LONG.
-KEV?
-HUH?
-WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
-UH...
[HORN HONKS]
NOTHING.
-BUT AS I SAT THERE,
COMPLETELY PARALYZED,
I KNEW ONE THING.
ONLY A MIRACLE WAS GONNA
GET ME OUT OF THIS NOW.
[HORN HONKS]
OR... A 1970 VOLKSWAGEN
SUPER BEETLE.
-WHAT DOES THAT
GUY THINK HE'S DOING?
DIDN'T HE SEE THE BLINKER?
IDIOT SHOULDN'T BE
ALLOWED ON THE ROAD.
-TELL ME ABOUT IT.
-[SIGHS]
WELL, THEN, JUST... GO AROUND.
-SURE, DAD.
[HORN HONKS]
-BUT EVEN THOUGH
I'D ESCAPED THIS TIME,
THE TRUTH SEEMED
CLEARER THAN EVER.
INSTEAD OF LIVING
LIFE IN THE FAST LANE,
I WAS DOOMED TO
SPEND THE REST OF MINE...
CIRCLING THE BLOCK.
COMING OF AGE IN SUBURBIA...
THE RITUAL, THE
CEREMONY, THE GRANDEUR.
[HORN HONKS]
FOR ANYBODY WHO COULD
PARALLEL-PARK, ANYWAY.
WITH MY DRIVER'S TEST
ONLY A FEW DAYS AWAY...
-HEY, KEVIN.
DON'T FORGET TO PUT THAT AWAY.
-YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
- IT WAS BEGINNING TO SEEM
LIKE THE ONLY WHEELS
I'D EVER BE IN CHARGE OF
WOULD COME WITH A LEAF
BAG AND A MULCH ATTACHMENT.
-OKAY, NOW, EASE HER ON IN.
AND... PERFECT.
-THE THING WAS, THE HARDER I
TRIED, THE WORSE THINGS GOT.
-GOOD, GRUTNER.
-GUESS YOU COULD SAY
IT WAS STARTING TO
AFFECT MY SELF-IMAGE.
-THAT'S ALMOST EVERYONE.
YOUR TURN, BO PEEP.
[LAUGHS]
["MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB" PLAYS]
-IT WAS CLEAR IF I WAS
GONNA PULL OUT OF THIS,
I NEEDED TO RE-ESTABLISH
MY TERRITORY,
ASSERT MY MASCULINITY.
THE QUESTION WAS, HOW?
-HI, KEVIN.
-HELLO!
-JESSICA. HI.
-JESSICA THOMAS...
JUST THE KIND OF WOMAN
WHO COULD TURN A MAN AROUND.
-I, UH, WAS WONDERING
IF I COULD BORROW YOUR
BIO NOTES FROM YESTERDAY?
-AND I HAD SOMETHING SHE WANTED.
-SURE.
SO, YOU, UH...
BUSY FRIDAY NIGHT?
-MAYBE.
MAYBE NOT.
-WELL, THERE'S A
DANCE. WANT TO GO?
-I'M NOT BIG ON DANCES.
-OR... WE COULD DITCH IT.
-I MIGHT HAVE PLANS.
-CANCEL 'EM.
-OKAY, IT WAS A RISK, BUT...
-ALL RIGHT. I WILL.
-BINGO!
-SO, FRIDAY, THEN?
-FRIDAY.
-YES. I SAW THE
MOUNTAIN, AND I TOOK IT.
-SO PICK ME UP AT 8:00? YOU
CAN PARK THE CAR OUT FRONT.
-PARK?
-CAR?
-AND HONK?
-OH, NO. OH, NO. OH, NO!
[SHEEP BLEATING]
["MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB" PLAYS]
-[SIGHS]
I'VE COME TO TAKE MY ROAD TEST.
NOW.
-I'D HAD IT.
I WASN'T GONNA SPEND THE REST
OF MY LIFE AS A SHEPHERDESS.
-TAKE A SEAT. WAIT YOUR TURN.
-OKAY. BE RUDE
ABOUT IT. I DIDN'T CARE.
IT WAS TIME TO TAKE
THE BULL BY THE HORNS...
NO MATTER WHO WAS WATCHING.
-VOGEL!
-AND THE THING IS,
NOW THAT I WAS THERE, I
ACTUALLY FELT KIND OF CALM.
-DONLEVY!
-NO QUESTION ABOUT IT.
FROM HERE ON IN, IT WAS
JUST A MATTER OF TIME.
[CLOCK TICKING]
-ECKHART!
[TICKING CONTINUES]
REARDON!
-UH-HUH.
NOTHING TO DO BUT WAIT.
[TICKING CONTINUES]
-CHANG!
-[ CLEARS THROAT]
ANY MINUTE NOW.
[TICKING INTENSIFIES]
-BURNS!
-AND THEN THE WHEELS CAME OFF.
-ARNOLD?
[TICKING STOPS, BELL TOLLING]
-[BREATHES DEEPLY]
-NOW, I SWEAR TO YOU...
I SWEAR I WAS READY.
TO THE DEEPEST
FIBER IN MY BEING,
I WAS FOCUSSED,
CONFIDENT, I WAS...
-GOOD LUCK.
-I WAS OUT OF THERE.
- EXCUSE ME!
- HEY!
- OW! WATCH IT!
- CAREFUL!
-OH. FINISHED, HONEY?
-YEAH. COME ON.
-HOW'D IT GO?
-PIECE OF CAKE.
-YOU HEARD IT.
[DOOR CLOSES, ECHOES]
PIECE OF CAKE.
-CONGRATULATIONS, KEV.
-YOU DID IT, HONEY.
-THANKS, MOM. THANKS, DAD.
THIS IS REALLY... GREAT.
-BUT IT WAS HORRIBLE.
I WAS A FAILURE AND A LIAR...
IN FRONT OF MY WHOLE FAMILY.
-WELL, LET'S SEE IT, BUTTHEAD.
-SEE WHAT?
-THE DRIVER'S
LICENSE. WHERE IS IT?
-UH...
-YOU DIDN'T LOSE
IT ALREADY, DID YOU?
-NO! NO!
I JUST LEFT IT
IN MY OTHER PANTS...
IN MY OTHER WALLET.
BESIDES, IT'S JUST A TEMPORARY.
-I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
I CAN STILL REMEMBER YOUR FATHER
TEACHING YOU TO RIDE A BIKE.
NOW YOU'RE DRIVING.
I GUESS I DIDN'T EXPECT YOU
KIDS TO GROW UP SO FAST.
-I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
MY PARENTS WERE
GETTING SPONGY ON ME,
WASHING AWAY IN SENTIMENTALITY.
SO THERE WAS ONLY
ONE THING TO SAY.
-I GOT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.
-NOT... SO... FAST.
-YEAH, DAD?
-HERE.
YOUR MOTHER AND I
GOT YOU SOMETHING.
YOU'RE GONNA NEED THESE.
IT'S YOUR OWN SET
OF KEYS TO THE CAR.
-AH, GEEZ.
-THANKS.
-I'M PROUD OF YOU, SON.
-YEAH.
I COULDN'T GET TO
SLEEP THAT NIGHT.
I KEPT THINKING
ABOUT MY FUTURE...
HOW I WAS GONNA GROW UP,
GO TO COLLEGE, RAISE A FAMILY,
AND BE THE ONLY
ALL-PRO QUARTERBACK
WHO EVER HAD TO RIDE HIS
BICYCLE TO THE SUPER BOWL.
-I'M PROUD OF YOU, SON.
-I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
-IT'S YOUR OWN SET
OF KEYS TO THE CAR.
-YOU DID IT, HONEY.
-THE DRIVER'S
LICENSE. WHERE IS IT?
-YOUR TURN, BO PEEP.
-PROUD OF YOU, SON...
PROUD OF YOU, SON...
[ SHEEP BLEATING]
-[BREATHES DEEPLY]
[DOG BARKS IN DISTANCE]
-AND THAT'S WHEN I
KNEW WHAT I HAD TO DO.
LIKE THE YOUNG WARRIOR CAST OUT
INTO THE DARKNESS OF THE JUNGLE
TO PROVE HIS MANHOOD,
I WAS GOING TO LEARN
HOW TO PARALLEL-PARK
THE ONLY WAY I KNEW HOW...
ALONE.
-[SIGHS] THIS IS IT.
-SURE, I WAS COMMITTING
GRAND-THEFT AUTO,
BUT THERE WAS A
GREATER NEED HERE.
I HAD TO TAKE THE CHANCE,
AND I HAD TO DO IT NOW.
AND THE PATH WAS CLEAR AHEAD.
[METAL CRUNCHES]
[DOG BARKS]
OR SO I THOUGHT.
AT THAT MOMENT, I
HIT ROCK BOTTOM.
I COULDN'T DRIVE.
I COULDN'T PARK.
I COULDN'T EVEN REMEMBER TO
PUT AWAY MY FATHER'S LAWNMOWER.
I DIDN'T THINK I COULD
FEEL ANY WORSE.
[DOOR OPENS]
-HEY! WHO'S OUT THERE?
-EXCEPT THEN I DID.
THE FUNNY THING
IS, FOR A SECOND,
I ACTUALLY THOUGHT
ABOUT RUNNING FOR MY LIFE.
-WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON HERE?
-BUT SOMEHOW I GUESS I KNEW...
I JUST COULDN'T RUN ANYMORE.
IT WAS TIME TO FACE THE TRUTH.
-I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PARK.
I LIED ABOUT MY LICENSE.
I NEVER TOOK THE TEST.
[KEYS JINGLE]
HERE.
TAKE 'EM. I DON'T WANT 'EM.
-AND MAYBE IN THAT MOMENT,
I LEARNED SOMETHING...
ABOUT BEING A MAN.
-YEAH, YOU DO.
COME ON. LET'S GO.
-WHERE?
-YOU GOT TO START SOMEWHERE.
-AND I LEARNED IT...
FROM THE GUY WHO WROTE THE BOOK.
[CAR DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
-LITTLE BIT MORE.
THAT'S GOOD.
ALL RIGHT. ALL
RIGHT. ALL RIGHT, NOW.
STRAIGHTEN IT OUT,
STRAIGHTEN IT OUT.
GOOD! GOOD! ALL RIGHT!
-THAT NIGHT, MY
DAD TAUGHT ME A LOT.
HOW TO PARALLEL-PARK...
WHY YOU PUT AWAY
THE LAWNMOWER...
AND, IN SOME SMALL WAY,
WHAT IT TAKES TO GROW UP.
THAT MONDAY, HE TOOK
THE AFTERNOON OFF,
AND WE WENT AND GOT MY LICENSE.
HE WAS SO PROUD.
THEN HE TOOK IT AWAY AND
GROUNDED ME FOR A MONTH.