The Wonder Years (1988–1993): Season 4, Episode 4 - The Cost of Living - full transcript
With his allowance not going as far as he hopes, Kevin takes a job as a caddy at a local golf course...
-♪ WHAT WOULD YOU DO
IF I SANG OUT OF TUNE? ♪
♪ WOULD YOU STAND UP
AND WALK OUT ON ME? ♪
♪ LEND ME YOUR EARS,
AND I'LL SING YOU A SONG ♪
♪ I WILL TRY NOT TO
SING OUT OF KEY, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, BABY, I GET BY ♪
- ♪ BY WITH A LITTLE HELP
FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ ALL I NEED IS MY BUDDIES ♪
-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ I'M SAYIN' I'M GONNA GET HIGHER ♪ - ♪
TRY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
- ♪ WHOA-OA-OA-OA, YEAH ♪
- ♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪
-WHILE ALL INDICATORS
SUGGEST THE U.S. ECONOMY
IS AN OCEAN OF PROSPERITY,
THERE STILL EXIST
ISLANDS OF STAGNATION,
WHERE GROWTH IS AT
A VIRTUAL STANDSTILL.
WE'LL BE BACK WITH MORE NEWS.
-40 BUCKS?
UNBELIEVABLE.
-EVERY SUNDAY NIGHT, ONCE
THE DISHES WERE CLEARED,
MY FATHER WOULD REFEREE
A BATTLE BETWEEN HIS INCOME
AND HIS OUTGO.
-$16.34 FOR THE DAMN
PHONE COMPANY?
-AND FROM THE LOOKS OF IT,
THE OUTGO PACKED SOME
PRETTY FAIR PUNCHES.
-WHO THE HELL'S BEEN
LEAVING THE LIGHTS ON?!
-SPECTATORS WHO KNEW
THE CIRCUIT LAID LOW.
-HIGHWAY ROBBERY.
-BY THE TIME THE
FINAL BLOW HAD LANDED,
THAT OLD INCOME WOULD BE REDUCED
TO SUCH A MEASLY BALANCE
THAT, IN OUR HOUSE,
WE HAD A WORD
FOR THAT NEGLIGIBLE
CHUNK OF CHANGE.
-ALLOWANCE!
-THERE'S THE WORD.
[METAL SCRAPING]
[CREAKS]
"ALLOWANCE"...
-1...
- THE LIFEBLOOD OF ADOLESCENCE.
- 2...
3...
-THE FINE LINE
BETWEEN EXPECTATION...
- 4...
- AND REALITY.
-4 BUCKS AGAIN?
-NOT TO IMPLY WE WEREN'T
GRATEFUL FOR DAD'S LARGESSE.
WE JUST... WEREN'T.
-COME ON, DAD. GIVE
ME A BREAK HERE.
I GOT TO LIVE, YOU
KNOW... GAS, GIRLS.
-BUT WHEN IT CAME TO TAKING PITY
ON OUR FINANCIAL LIFESTYLES,
DAD WAS IMPERVIOUS.
-YOU KNOW WHAT THE
PROBLEM WITH YOU BOYS IS?
-UH-OH.
[WHIP CRACKS]
- YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
THE VALUE OF THE DOLLAR.
[WHIP CRACKS] WHEN
I WAS YOUR AGE,
I HAD TO WALK TO
SCHOOL 30 MILES!
BLIZZARDS! OUTDOOR PLUMBING!
-FACED WITH A BARRAGE
OF THIS MAGNITUDE,
RESISTANCE WAS FUTILE.
-4 BEANS?
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.
[SCOFFS]
-KEV?
-STILL, NO SENSE LOOKING
A GIFT HORSE IN THE MOUTH,
ESPECIALLY ONE THE
SIZE OF MY FATHER.
-HERE, DAD.
-1...
2...
[CREAKS]
[SLAMS]
[METAL SCRAPING]
[LOCK CLICKS]
-NO GETTING AROUND IT...
-THANKS.
- THE BUCK STOPPED HERE.
I MEAN, HEY...
YOU CAN'T SQUEEZE
SYMPATHY FROM A STONE.
-20 CENTS FOR A NUTTY BUDDY?
-SYMPATHY FROM THOSE IN
MY TAX BRACKET, HOWEVER,
WAS EASIER TO COME BY.
-I'M BARELY GETTING BY AS IT IS.
-UNBELIEVABLE.
-BY THE FALL OF 9th GRADE,
POVERTY WAS MAKING
PAUPERS OF US ALL...
MOST OF US, ANYWAY.
-WHOA!
CHECK OUT KOVINSKY!
-MARK KOVINSKY... THE
HOWARD HUGHES OF RFK.
HE HAD MORE MONEY
THAN GENERAL MOTORS.
NATURALLY, WE ALL ADMIRED HIM.
-I HATE HIM.
-THAT JACKET MUST
HAVE COST A FORTUNE.
-WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE
FOR THAT WARDROBE.
-ON OUR ALLOWANCES?
FORGET IT!
-FACTS WERE FACTS... IN
MACROECONOMIC TERMS.
-5 BUCKS A WEEK JUST DOESN'T
GO AS FAR AS IT USED TO.
-WAIT A MINUTE. DID HE SAY...
-5 BUCKS A WEEK?
-PRETTY DISGUSTING, HUH?
-YEAH, I'LL SAY.
-PRETTY SOON I'M GONNA HAVE
TO DIP INTO MY SAVINGS ACCOUNT.
-PAUL WAS BUILDING AN
INVESTMENT PORTFOLIO
WHILE I WAS LIVING
ON COLD BEANS.
-[SIGHS] 5 BUCKS A WEEK.
-WHY? WHAT ARE YOU GETTING?
-OH, UH... IT'S IN
THE $5 BALLPARK.
-UH-HUH, IF THE BALLPARK
WAS THE SIZE OF KANSAS.
-IT'S ALMOST EMBARRASSING!
OH, BUT DON'T TELL ANYONE, OKAY?
I DON'T WANT THEM TO
THINK MY FATHER'S CHEAP.
[CREAKS, SLAMS]
-OH, NO. NOT A WORD.
-BUT, SUDDENLY, ONE
THING WAS CLEAR...
DAD AND I HAD
BUSINESS TO CONDUCT.
RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW.
[BRIEFCASE SLAMS]
OR MAYBE IT COULD WAIT.
-HI, HONEY. WHY SO LATE?
-KEN STEIN.
NEW FOOL IN MANAGEMENT.
HE'S BUSTING MY HUMP, NORMA.
-AW, JACK.
-AHH.
HE'S WORKING ME LIKE A DOG.
WHAT DOES HE THINK I AM,
HIS OWN PERSONAL LACKEY?
[GRUMBLING]
-BUT HOLD ON.
MAYBE THIS WASN'T
GONNA BE SO HARD.
-DAD?
-MAYBE DAD AND I WERE THINKING
ALONG THE SAME LINES HERE.
MAYBE HE'D BE SYMPATHETIC TO
THE PLIGHT OF THE DOWNTRODDEN.
-I-IT'S ABOUT MY ALLOWANCE.
YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN THINKING...
I-I'M IN 9th GRADE
NOW, AND, UH, WELL...
-OKAY. TIME FOR A CLINCHER.
SOMETHING TELLING,
SOMETHING TACTFUL.
-PAUL'S FATHER
GIVES HIM $5 A WEEK.
[BUZZER]
-UH-OH.
I'D JUST BROKEN
THE CARDINAL RULE
OF CHILD-PARENT NEGOTIATIONS...
NEVER COMPARE
THEM TO THEIR PEERS.
-YOU WANT A RAISE
IN YOUR ALLOWANCE?
- FINE.
- HUH?
-BUT YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO DO SOME MORE CHORES.
-CHORES?
-CHORES? I CAN DO CHORES.
-I WORK HARD FOR MY PAYCHECK.
YOU CAN WORK HARD FOR YOURS.
-HARD WORK?
NO PROBLEM!
-♪ WORKIN' IN A COAL MINE ♪
♪ GOIN' DOWN, DOWN, DOWN ♪
♪ WORKIN' IN A COAL MINE ♪
♪ WHOOP! ABOUT TO SLIP DOWN ♪
-NOPE, HARD WORK
NEVER HURT ANYBODY.
-♪ WORKIN' IN A COAL MINE ♪
♪ WHOOP! ABOUT TO SLIP DOWN ♪
HARD WORK... GOOD FOR THE
BODY, GOOD FOR THE SOUL.
-♪ I'M ALREADY UP AND GONE ♪
-IT'S WHAT THIS COUNTRY
WAS FOUNDED ON.
-♪ LORD, I'M SO TIRED ♪
♪ HOW LONG CAN THIS GO ON? ♪
-♪ DADA WORKIN' IN A COAL MINE ♪
♪ GOIN' DOWN, DOWN, DOWN ♪
♪ WORKIN' IN A COAL MINE ♪
-BUT BEYOND ALL THE BLOOD,
SWEAT, AND BACKBREAKING LABOR,
THERE WAS A SENSE
OF SATISFACTION...
-LET'S SEE...
- ACCOMPLISHMENT...
-1... 2...
- IMPENDING WEALTH.
[CHANGE JINGLES]
- 3.
-CHINTZ.
[CASH REGISTER DINGS]
-I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
I PRACTICALLY REBUILT
THE WHOLE HOUSE!
-ALL RIGHT, WELL, HOW
MUCH DID HE PAY YOU?
-THAT'S NOT THE POINT!
THE POINT IS THE
GUY'S BUSTING MY HUMP!
THE POINT IS...
-WORKING FOR YOUR DAD, HUH?
[CHUCKLES]
-GREAT... "DIAMOND"
JIM KOVINSKY HIMSELF.
-KOVINSKY, WHAT DO
YOU KNOW ABOUT IT?
-ARE YOU KIDDING?
I STARTED OUT THE
SAME WAY YOU DID...
BUCKING FOR ALLOWANCE,
WORKING FOR PEANUTS.
AND THEN ONE DAY, I WOKE UP.
-HUH?
-WHAT'S YOUR DAD DO?
-NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
-A WORKING MAN. MINE TOO.
-YEAH. SO?
-SO...
WHO SAYS YOU HAVE
TO BE LIKE YOUR DAD?
[CASH REGISTER DINGS]
-ADOLESCENCE IS FILLED WITH
MOMENTS OF GREAT REVELATION.
THIS WAS ONE OF THEM.
-WHERE'D YOU GET THAT?
-ON THE 18th GREEN OF THE
WHISPERING GRASS GOLF COURSE.
-YOU MADE 20 BUCKS CADDYING?
-CASH TIP.
NOT BAD FOR FOUR
HOURS IN THE FRESH AIR.
YOU'VE GOT TWO
CHOICES, ARNOLD...
BE LIKE YOUR DAD...
OR BE YOUR OWN MAN.
SEE YA.
-I HAD ONLY ONE QUESTION.
-DAD, CAN I BE A CADDIE?
-HUH?
-WELL, YOU SEE, THERE'S
THIS GUY AT SCHOOL WHO...
-WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT GOLF?
-SEEMED TO ME HE WAS
MISSING THE POINT HERE.
-WELL, UH, MAYBE
I-I COULD LEARN.
-CADDIE? [CHUCKLES]
A WUSS LIKE YOU?
-SHUT UP, WAYNE.
-HONEY, DON'T CADDIES
HAVE TO CARRY AROUND
ALL THOSE HEAVY BAGS?
-SEEMED LIKE EVERYONE
WAS MISSING THE POINT.
-LOOK, MARK KOVINSKY MAKES
20 BUCKS A ROUND, OKAY?
-THERE... 'NUFF SAID!
THE OLD BOTTOM LINE.
TRY SAYING NO TO THAT!
-I DON'T THINK SO.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
- WHAT?!
-HELLO?
-I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT!
-JACK? IT'S KEN.
-HERE I'D LAID OUT A PLAN
FOR TOTAL LIFETIME
FINANCIAL SOLVENCY,
AND HE TURNS ME DOWN?
-THANKS. [CLEARS THROAT]
YEAH, KEN.
NO, NO. DON'T WORRY ABOUT
IT. THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR.
WHATEVER YOU SAY, KEN.
YEAH. YEAH. BYE.
[CLEARS THROAT]
DAMN.
-AND THAT'S WHEN IT HIT ME...
KOVINSKY WAS RIGHT.
I HAD TWO CHOICES...
BE LIKE MY DAD...
OR BE MY OWN MAN.
-WHERE DO I SIGN UP?
-A FREE AGENT. A MAN OF WEALTH.
A CADDIE.
BEHOLD THE WORKING MAN.
-WHATEVER YOU SAY, KEN.
-BEHOLD THE FUTURE MILLIONAIRE.
-IT'S SATURDAY.
YOU SURE WE NEED TO WORK ON...
[SIGHS]
OKAY, FINE. WHERE?
-BY THE NEXT WEEKEND,
THIS MUCH WAS OBVIOUS...
MY DAD AND I WERE HEADED
IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS.
-FINE. YEAH, BYE.
-WISH ME LUCK, DAD?
-NOT THAT I DIDN'T
WANT HIS BLESSINGS.
-DON'T FALL IN THE LAKE.
-BUT IF THAT'S THE WAY HE
WANTED IT, I COULD HANDLE IT.
I WAS MY OWN MAN NOW.
A MAN AMONG... MANY
MORE EXPERIENCED MEN.
-CHANDLER, MEET YOUR
GOLFER AT THE FIRST TEE.
-GO GET HIM, EDDIE.
-STILL, I WASN'T WORRIED.
I WAS A DEDICATED
PROFESSIONAL...
-CULVER, YOU'RE UP!
- A HIGHLY TRAINED SPECIALIST...
-COLEMAN!
NORKLEN!
FOWLER!
- AN OBVIOUS UNEMPLOYABLE.
IT WAS BEGINNING TO LOOK LIKE
I WAS GONNA LOSE
MONEY ON THE DAY.
-ARNOLD!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
-OH.
I-I, UH...
-I GET IT. [CHUCKLES]
YOU'RE WAITING FOR
THE BIG ONE, AREN'T YOU?
REMEMBER THAT $20
TIP I TOLD YOU ABOUT?
WELL... THAT'S THE BAG.
[DING! DING! DING! DING! DING!]
-AND SUDDENLY, I KNEW.
THAT BAG WAS DESTINED FOR
JUST ONE PAIR OF SHOULDERS.
-ARNOLD!
-MINE!
YEP, MY FORTUNE WAS MADE,
THANKS TO PATIENCE,
TENACITY, AND, OF COURSE...
-KEN STEIN.
LOOKS LIKE WE'RE
TOGETHER FOR 18.
-KEVIN.
-GOT A FIRM GRIP THERE, KEVIN.
I LIKE A MAN WITH A FIRM GRIP.
-LET'S SEE... FIRM GRIP?
THAT'D PROBABLY BE WORTH
AT LEAST $3.75 RIGHT THERE.
-THANKS, MR. STEIN.
-CALL ME KEN!
- "KEN."
IT WAS A GOOD NAME...
A GOLFER'S NAME.
THE NAME...
-SON, WE'RE GONNA HAVE
KIND OF A WORKING SESSION.
YOU DON'T MIND A
LITTLE SHOPTALK, DO YOU?
- OF MY FATHER'S BOSS.
-JACK, COME OVER HERE
AND MEET YOUNG KEVIN.
-KEVIN.
-IT WAS A CRITICAL JUNCTURE.
-JACK.
-BUT WE HANDLED IT WELL,
LIKE TOTAL STRANGERS.
LIVE AND LET LIVE.
-ISN'T HE A LITTLE
SMALL TO BE A CADDIE?
-MAKE THAT EVERY
MAN FOR HIMSELF.
-HEY!
I CAN CARRY MY WEIGHT.
-THAT'S THE SPIRIT
I LIKE TO SEE.
ARNOLD, YOU WANT
TO DO THE HONORS?
-[CLEARS THROAT]
-SO, THE PRELIMS WERE
OVER. WE WERE ON OUR WAY.
ME, HEADING FOR EASY STREET...
MY DAD...
[ZOOM!]
[CLUNK!]
HEADING FOR THE ROUGH.
-TOUGH WAY TO START, ARNOLD.
YOU WOULDN'T MIND IF I
KEPT SCORE, WOULD YOU?
-WHATEVER YOU SAY, KEN.
-LET'S PLAY GOLF.
-OVER THE FIRST FEW HOLES,
IT BECAME APPARENT THIS
WASN'T MY FATHER'S DAY.
I, ON THE OTHER HAND,
WAS BASKING IN THE
SUNLIGHT OF FUTURE RICHES.
-NICE SHOT, SIR.
-KEN.
CALL ME KEN.
-KEN.
-YEP, 20 BUCKS A
LOOP, 4 LOOPS A WEEK...
CARRY THE 4...
EASY MONEY...
-DAGNABIT!
- FOR A GUY WHO KNEW HOW TO
SMOOTH OUT THE ROUGH SPOTS.
-YOU KNOW, THEY DON'T CLIP
THESE GREENS VERY WELL.
-YOU'RE DARN RIGHT.
-FACE IT.
WHEN IT CAME TO DEALING
WITH MANAGEMENT PROBLEMS,
I HAD A CERTAIN... FLAIR.
-AH, NICE.
-I BELIEVE THAT
PUTS US 2 AHEAD, KEN.
-YOU KNOW, I GOT
MY START AS A CADDIE.
-REALLY?
-YEP, I FELT KIND OF
A KINSHIP TO THIS GUY.
HE REMINDED ME OF... ME...
A REAL WINNER...
[DUCKS QUACKING]
-DAMN!
- IN CONTRAST TO MY
PREVIOUS ROLE MODEL.
IN FACT, BY THE TIME WE
REACHED THE HALFWAY POINT,
I WAS ALMOST FEELING
SORRY FOR THE OLD MAN.
-I FIGURE YOU ABOUT 7
STROKES OFF THE PACE, ARNOLD.
TELL YOU WHAT...
MAYBE I OUGHT TO PLAY
LEFT-HANDED A FEW HOLES.
[LAUGHS]
- WHATEVER YOU SAY, KEN.
-TELL YOU WHAT...
WHAT SAY I BUY US
ALL SOME SODAS, HUH?
-I'M ALL RIGHT.
-YOU?
-SURE.
-THAT'S THE SPIRIT.
-AHA!
SPIRIT, I HAD...
PLUS A SHOULDER
THAT WAS KILLING ME.
-HOW YOU HOLDING UP?
-WHAT?
-IT'S A BIG BAG...
MUST BE HEAVY.
-W-WELL...
-YOU DON'T HAVE TO KILL
YOURSELF, YOU KNOW?
HE CAN FINISH WITH
ANOTHER CADDIE.
-ANOTHER CADDIE?
SO, THAT WAS HIS GAME.
-HEY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO
WORRY ABOUT ME, ALL RIGHT?
-SUIT YOURSELF.
-AND I WOULD. I
DIDN'T NEED HIS HELP.
-HERE WE GO.
I HAD UPPER MANAGEMENT.
-SAY, JACK, I'VE
BEEN THINKING...
-AND THEN UPPER MANAGEMENT
MADE ONE LITTLE MISTAKE.
MAYBE IT'S YOUR CLUBS.
THEY'RE TOO OLD.
CHEAP, YOU KNOW?
- [GROANS]
-MAYBE IF YOU PUT A
LITTLE MONEY IN YOUR BAG,
YOU MIGHT GIVE US
MORE OF A MATCH, HUH?
-AND SUDDENLY ALL BETS WERE OFF.
-WELL [SIGHS]
LET'S JUST SEE WHAT
THESE OLD CLUBS CAN DO.
-OUCH!
MAMA!
GOODBYE!
-NOT BAD THERE, ARNOLD.
-NOT BAD? NOT BAD?!
THOSE OLD CLUBS HAD BANGED OUT
SOME OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
SHOTS IN THE ANNALS OF GOLF.
[WINGS FLAPPING]
AND AS DAD'S GAME
TURNED INTO GOLD,
MR. STEIN TURNED
INTO... MR. HYDE.
-HELL!
-UH, IT... IT WAS
A DIFFICULT SHOT.
-LOOK, WHEN I WANT YOUR
ADVICE, I'LL ASK FOR IT.
JUST KEEP THE CLUBS
CLEAN, WILL YOU?
-OKAY.
-THE FUNNY THING IS, THE
SMALLER MY TIP BEGAN TO LOOK,
THE HEAVIER THAT BAG GOT.
[BIRDS SCREECHING]
BY THE 18th FAIRWAY, I'D
LEARNED SOMETHING INTERESTING.
THE WHISPERING GRASS BACK
NINE MEASURES EXACTLY 4,000 MILES
TEE TO GREEN.
-CADDIE!
LET'S HUSTLE IT UP, HUH?!
-BUT I WASN'T GIVING UP.
I WAS GONNA MAKE THAT
EASY MONEY OR DIE TRYING.
WHICHEVER CAME FIRST.
-TOUGH LIE, KEN.
-STILL, THERE WAS
NO REASON TO PANIC.
IT WAS THE LAST HOLE, AND
DAD WAS 3 STROKES BEHIND.
MAKE THAT 2.
MAKE THAT 1.
AND THEN... IT HAPPENED.
-DAMN IT ALL!
-BUT IT WAS MORE THAN JUST A $51
COPPER-FACED, BILLY
CASPER, ALL-PRO SAND WEDGE
THAT DISAPPEARED INTO THAT LAKE.
-GET IT!
-IT WAS MY DIGNITY.
-PARDON?
-YOU HEARD ME.
BRING IT TO ME.
-AND SUDDENLY I FELT VERY ALONE.
-WELL, SON?
-IT WAS UP TO ME.
I DIDN'T HAVE TO GO FETCH.
I COULD HAVE TOLD THAT
GUY WHAT I THOUGHT OF HIM
RIGHT THERE, RIGHT THEN.
-I...
-BUT FOR SOME REASON,
AT THAT MOMENT,
I HEARD MYSELF UTTER FOUR
WORDS I'D HEARD SOMEWHERE BEFORE.
-WHATEVER YOU SAY, KEN.
-AND SO, AFTER 18 HOLES
SPENT COUNTING FUTURE RICHES,
IT ALL CAME DOWN TO THIS.
-YOU SINK THIS ONE AND
YOU BEAT ME, ARNOLD.
-HERE I WAS, UP TO
MY KNEES IN MUD,
WHILE MY WORKADAY DAD WAS
ABOUT TO CARRY OFF THE PRIZE.
IT WAS THE EASIEST
PUTT HE'D HAD ALL DAY...
AND HE MISSED IT
BY A GOOD 3 FEET.
BUT THAT WASN'T ALL.
-[SIGHS]
-HE MISSED THE NEXT ONE, TOO.
-THAT WAS A LONG, LONG DAY...
-[CHUCKLES]
-AND SOMEHOW, ALL OF A
SUDDEN, I UNDERSTOOD WHY.
-READY?
-UH, YEAH. READY.
-THAT DAY, I BEGAN TO REALIZE
SOMETHING ABOUT THIS MAN
I WAS TRYING SO
HARD NOT TO BE LIKE.
-HOW YOU HOLDING UP?
-I'M A LITTLE TIRED.
-HE UNDERSTOOD
THE VALUE OF MONEY
AND THE COST OF IT.
-HEY, IT'S TOO BAD
ABOUT THAT PUTT.
-A PUTT'S A PUTT.
-YOU COULD HAVE MADE IT, DAD.
-MAYBE.
-I GUESS DAD KNEW
HE COULD LOSE A GAME
AND STILL NOT LOSE HIS MANHOOD.
HIS PRIDE DIDN'T
HINGE ON A STUPID SHOT
OR SOME SHINY, NEW CLUBS.
AND I SUDDENLY KNEW
EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED
TO USE MY MONEY FOR.
-DAD?
CAN I BUY YOU LUNCH?
-WHATEVER YOU SAY, KEV.
-IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I
EVER REALLY SAID THANK YOU
TO THE MAN FOR
ALL HE'D GIVEN ME.
IF I SANG OUT OF TUNE? ♪
♪ WOULD YOU STAND UP
AND WALK OUT ON ME? ♪
♪ LEND ME YOUR EARS,
AND I'LL SING YOU A SONG ♪
♪ I WILL TRY NOT TO
SING OUT OF KEY, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, BABY, I GET BY ♪
- ♪ BY WITH A LITTLE HELP
FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ ALL I NEED IS MY BUDDIES ♪
-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ I'M SAYIN' I'M GONNA GET HIGHER ♪ - ♪
TRY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
- ♪ WHOA-OA-OA-OA, YEAH ♪
- ♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪
-WHILE ALL INDICATORS
SUGGEST THE U.S. ECONOMY
IS AN OCEAN OF PROSPERITY,
THERE STILL EXIST
ISLANDS OF STAGNATION,
WHERE GROWTH IS AT
A VIRTUAL STANDSTILL.
WE'LL BE BACK WITH MORE NEWS.
-40 BUCKS?
UNBELIEVABLE.
-EVERY SUNDAY NIGHT, ONCE
THE DISHES WERE CLEARED,
MY FATHER WOULD REFEREE
A BATTLE BETWEEN HIS INCOME
AND HIS OUTGO.
-$16.34 FOR THE DAMN
PHONE COMPANY?
-AND FROM THE LOOKS OF IT,
THE OUTGO PACKED SOME
PRETTY FAIR PUNCHES.
-WHO THE HELL'S BEEN
LEAVING THE LIGHTS ON?!
-SPECTATORS WHO KNEW
THE CIRCUIT LAID LOW.
-HIGHWAY ROBBERY.
-BY THE TIME THE
FINAL BLOW HAD LANDED,
THAT OLD INCOME WOULD BE REDUCED
TO SUCH A MEASLY BALANCE
THAT, IN OUR HOUSE,
WE HAD A WORD
FOR THAT NEGLIGIBLE
CHUNK OF CHANGE.
-ALLOWANCE!
-THERE'S THE WORD.
[METAL SCRAPING]
[CREAKS]
"ALLOWANCE"...
-1...
- THE LIFEBLOOD OF ADOLESCENCE.
- 2...
3...
-THE FINE LINE
BETWEEN EXPECTATION...
- 4...
- AND REALITY.
-4 BUCKS AGAIN?
-NOT TO IMPLY WE WEREN'T
GRATEFUL FOR DAD'S LARGESSE.
WE JUST... WEREN'T.
-COME ON, DAD. GIVE
ME A BREAK HERE.
I GOT TO LIVE, YOU
KNOW... GAS, GIRLS.
-BUT WHEN IT CAME TO TAKING PITY
ON OUR FINANCIAL LIFESTYLES,
DAD WAS IMPERVIOUS.
-YOU KNOW WHAT THE
PROBLEM WITH YOU BOYS IS?
-UH-OH.
[WHIP CRACKS]
- YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
THE VALUE OF THE DOLLAR.
[WHIP CRACKS] WHEN
I WAS YOUR AGE,
I HAD TO WALK TO
SCHOOL 30 MILES!
BLIZZARDS! OUTDOOR PLUMBING!
-FACED WITH A BARRAGE
OF THIS MAGNITUDE,
RESISTANCE WAS FUTILE.
-4 BEANS?
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.
[SCOFFS]
-KEV?
-STILL, NO SENSE LOOKING
A GIFT HORSE IN THE MOUTH,
ESPECIALLY ONE THE
SIZE OF MY FATHER.
-HERE, DAD.
-1...
2...
[CREAKS]
[SLAMS]
[METAL SCRAPING]
[LOCK CLICKS]
-NO GETTING AROUND IT...
-THANKS.
- THE BUCK STOPPED HERE.
I MEAN, HEY...
YOU CAN'T SQUEEZE
SYMPATHY FROM A STONE.
-20 CENTS FOR A NUTTY BUDDY?
-SYMPATHY FROM THOSE IN
MY TAX BRACKET, HOWEVER,
WAS EASIER TO COME BY.
-I'M BARELY GETTING BY AS IT IS.
-UNBELIEVABLE.
-BY THE FALL OF 9th GRADE,
POVERTY WAS MAKING
PAUPERS OF US ALL...
MOST OF US, ANYWAY.
-WHOA!
CHECK OUT KOVINSKY!
-MARK KOVINSKY... THE
HOWARD HUGHES OF RFK.
HE HAD MORE MONEY
THAN GENERAL MOTORS.
NATURALLY, WE ALL ADMIRED HIM.
-I HATE HIM.
-THAT JACKET MUST
HAVE COST A FORTUNE.
-WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE
FOR THAT WARDROBE.
-ON OUR ALLOWANCES?
FORGET IT!
-FACTS WERE FACTS... IN
MACROECONOMIC TERMS.
-5 BUCKS A WEEK JUST DOESN'T
GO AS FAR AS IT USED TO.
-WAIT A MINUTE. DID HE SAY...
-5 BUCKS A WEEK?
-PRETTY DISGUSTING, HUH?
-YEAH, I'LL SAY.
-PRETTY SOON I'M GONNA HAVE
TO DIP INTO MY SAVINGS ACCOUNT.
-PAUL WAS BUILDING AN
INVESTMENT PORTFOLIO
WHILE I WAS LIVING
ON COLD BEANS.
-[SIGHS] 5 BUCKS A WEEK.
-WHY? WHAT ARE YOU GETTING?
-OH, UH... IT'S IN
THE $5 BALLPARK.
-UH-HUH, IF THE BALLPARK
WAS THE SIZE OF KANSAS.
-IT'S ALMOST EMBARRASSING!
OH, BUT DON'T TELL ANYONE, OKAY?
I DON'T WANT THEM TO
THINK MY FATHER'S CHEAP.
[CREAKS, SLAMS]
-OH, NO. NOT A WORD.
-BUT, SUDDENLY, ONE
THING WAS CLEAR...
DAD AND I HAD
BUSINESS TO CONDUCT.
RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW.
[BRIEFCASE SLAMS]
OR MAYBE IT COULD WAIT.
-HI, HONEY. WHY SO LATE?
-KEN STEIN.
NEW FOOL IN MANAGEMENT.
HE'S BUSTING MY HUMP, NORMA.
-AW, JACK.
-AHH.
HE'S WORKING ME LIKE A DOG.
WHAT DOES HE THINK I AM,
HIS OWN PERSONAL LACKEY?
[GRUMBLING]
-BUT HOLD ON.
MAYBE THIS WASN'T
GONNA BE SO HARD.
-DAD?
-MAYBE DAD AND I WERE THINKING
ALONG THE SAME LINES HERE.
MAYBE HE'D BE SYMPATHETIC TO
THE PLIGHT OF THE DOWNTRODDEN.
-I-IT'S ABOUT MY ALLOWANCE.
YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN THINKING...
I-I'M IN 9th GRADE
NOW, AND, UH, WELL...
-OKAY. TIME FOR A CLINCHER.
SOMETHING TELLING,
SOMETHING TACTFUL.
-PAUL'S FATHER
GIVES HIM $5 A WEEK.
[BUZZER]
-UH-OH.
I'D JUST BROKEN
THE CARDINAL RULE
OF CHILD-PARENT NEGOTIATIONS...
NEVER COMPARE
THEM TO THEIR PEERS.
-YOU WANT A RAISE
IN YOUR ALLOWANCE?
- FINE.
- HUH?
-BUT YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO DO SOME MORE CHORES.
-CHORES?
-CHORES? I CAN DO CHORES.
-I WORK HARD FOR MY PAYCHECK.
YOU CAN WORK HARD FOR YOURS.
-HARD WORK?
NO PROBLEM!
-♪ WORKIN' IN A COAL MINE ♪
♪ GOIN' DOWN, DOWN, DOWN ♪
♪ WORKIN' IN A COAL MINE ♪
♪ WHOOP! ABOUT TO SLIP DOWN ♪
-NOPE, HARD WORK
NEVER HURT ANYBODY.
-♪ WORKIN' IN A COAL MINE ♪
♪ WHOOP! ABOUT TO SLIP DOWN ♪
HARD WORK... GOOD FOR THE
BODY, GOOD FOR THE SOUL.
-♪ I'M ALREADY UP AND GONE ♪
-IT'S WHAT THIS COUNTRY
WAS FOUNDED ON.
-♪ LORD, I'M SO TIRED ♪
♪ HOW LONG CAN THIS GO ON? ♪
-♪ DADA WORKIN' IN A COAL MINE ♪
♪ GOIN' DOWN, DOWN, DOWN ♪
♪ WORKIN' IN A COAL MINE ♪
-BUT BEYOND ALL THE BLOOD,
SWEAT, AND BACKBREAKING LABOR,
THERE WAS A SENSE
OF SATISFACTION...
-LET'S SEE...
- ACCOMPLISHMENT...
-1... 2...
- IMPENDING WEALTH.
[CHANGE JINGLES]
- 3.
-CHINTZ.
[CASH REGISTER DINGS]
-I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
I PRACTICALLY REBUILT
THE WHOLE HOUSE!
-ALL RIGHT, WELL, HOW
MUCH DID HE PAY YOU?
-THAT'S NOT THE POINT!
THE POINT IS THE
GUY'S BUSTING MY HUMP!
THE POINT IS...
-WORKING FOR YOUR DAD, HUH?
[CHUCKLES]
-GREAT... "DIAMOND"
JIM KOVINSKY HIMSELF.
-KOVINSKY, WHAT DO
YOU KNOW ABOUT IT?
-ARE YOU KIDDING?
I STARTED OUT THE
SAME WAY YOU DID...
BUCKING FOR ALLOWANCE,
WORKING FOR PEANUTS.
AND THEN ONE DAY, I WOKE UP.
-HUH?
-WHAT'S YOUR DAD DO?
-NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
-A WORKING MAN. MINE TOO.
-YEAH. SO?
-SO...
WHO SAYS YOU HAVE
TO BE LIKE YOUR DAD?
[CASH REGISTER DINGS]
-ADOLESCENCE IS FILLED WITH
MOMENTS OF GREAT REVELATION.
THIS WAS ONE OF THEM.
-WHERE'D YOU GET THAT?
-ON THE 18th GREEN OF THE
WHISPERING GRASS GOLF COURSE.
-YOU MADE 20 BUCKS CADDYING?
-CASH TIP.
NOT BAD FOR FOUR
HOURS IN THE FRESH AIR.
YOU'VE GOT TWO
CHOICES, ARNOLD...
BE LIKE YOUR DAD...
OR BE YOUR OWN MAN.
SEE YA.
-I HAD ONLY ONE QUESTION.
-DAD, CAN I BE A CADDIE?
-HUH?
-WELL, YOU SEE, THERE'S
THIS GUY AT SCHOOL WHO...
-WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT GOLF?
-SEEMED TO ME HE WAS
MISSING THE POINT HERE.
-WELL, UH, MAYBE
I-I COULD LEARN.
-CADDIE? [CHUCKLES]
A WUSS LIKE YOU?
-SHUT UP, WAYNE.
-HONEY, DON'T CADDIES
HAVE TO CARRY AROUND
ALL THOSE HEAVY BAGS?
-SEEMED LIKE EVERYONE
WAS MISSING THE POINT.
-LOOK, MARK KOVINSKY MAKES
20 BUCKS A ROUND, OKAY?
-THERE... 'NUFF SAID!
THE OLD BOTTOM LINE.
TRY SAYING NO TO THAT!
-I DON'T THINK SO.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
- WHAT?!
-HELLO?
-I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT!
-JACK? IT'S KEN.
-HERE I'D LAID OUT A PLAN
FOR TOTAL LIFETIME
FINANCIAL SOLVENCY,
AND HE TURNS ME DOWN?
-THANKS. [CLEARS THROAT]
YEAH, KEN.
NO, NO. DON'T WORRY ABOUT
IT. THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR.
WHATEVER YOU SAY, KEN.
YEAH. YEAH. BYE.
[CLEARS THROAT]
DAMN.
-AND THAT'S WHEN IT HIT ME...
KOVINSKY WAS RIGHT.
I HAD TWO CHOICES...
BE LIKE MY DAD...
OR BE MY OWN MAN.
-WHERE DO I SIGN UP?
-A FREE AGENT. A MAN OF WEALTH.
A CADDIE.
BEHOLD THE WORKING MAN.
-WHATEVER YOU SAY, KEN.
-BEHOLD THE FUTURE MILLIONAIRE.
-IT'S SATURDAY.
YOU SURE WE NEED TO WORK ON...
[SIGHS]
OKAY, FINE. WHERE?
-BY THE NEXT WEEKEND,
THIS MUCH WAS OBVIOUS...
MY DAD AND I WERE HEADED
IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS.
-FINE. YEAH, BYE.
-WISH ME LUCK, DAD?
-NOT THAT I DIDN'T
WANT HIS BLESSINGS.
-DON'T FALL IN THE LAKE.
-BUT IF THAT'S THE WAY HE
WANTED IT, I COULD HANDLE IT.
I WAS MY OWN MAN NOW.
A MAN AMONG... MANY
MORE EXPERIENCED MEN.
-CHANDLER, MEET YOUR
GOLFER AT THE FIRST TEE.
-GO GET HIM, EDDIE.
-STILL, I WASN'T WORRIED.
I WAS A DEDICATED
PROFESSIONAL...
-CULVER, YOU'RE UP!
- A HIGHLY TRAINED SPECIALIST...
-COLEMAN!
NORKLEN!
FOWLER!
- AN OBVIOUS UNEMPLOYABLE.
IT WAS BEGINNING TO LOOK LIKE
I WAS GONNA LOSE
MONEY ON THE DAY.
-ARNOLD!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
-OH.
I-I, UH...
-I GET IT. [CHUCKLES]
YOU'RE WAITING FOR
THE BIG ONE, AREN'T YOU?
REMEMBER THAT $20
TIP I TOLD YOU ABOUT?
WELL... THAT'S THE BAG.
[DING! DING! DING! DING! DING!]
-AND SUDDENLY, I KNEW.
THAT BAG WAS DESTINED FOR
JUST ONE PAIR OF SHOULDERS.
-ARNOLD!
-MINE!
YEP, MY FORTUNE WAS MADE,
THANKS TO PATIENCE,
TENACITY, AND, OF COURSE...
-KEN STEIN.
LOOKS LIKE WE'RE
TOGETHER FOR 18.
-KEVIN.
-GOT A FIRM GRIP THERE, KEVIN.
I LIKE A MAN WITH A FIRM GRIP.
-LET'S SEE... FIRM GRIP?
THAT'D PROBABLY BE WORTH
AT LEAST $3.75 RIGHT THERE.
-THANKS, MR. STEIN.
-CALL ME KEN!
- "KEN."
IT WAS A GOOD NAME...
A GOLFER'S NAME.
THE NAME...
-SON, WE'RE GONNA HAVE
KIND OF A WORKING SESSION.
YOU DON'T MIND A
LITTLE SHOPTALK, DO YOU?
- OF MY FATHER'S BOSS.
-JACK, COME OVER HERE
AND MEET YOUNG KEVIN.
-KEVIN.
-IT WAS A CRITICAL JUNCTURE.
-JACK.
-BUT WE HANDLED IT WELL,
LIKE TOTAL STRANGERS.
LIVE AND LET LIVE.
-ISN'T HE A LITTLE
SMALL TO BE A CADDIE?
-MAKE THAT EVERY
MAN FOR HIMSELF.
-HEY!
I CAN CARRY MY WEIGHT.
-THAT'S THE SPIRIT
I LIKE TO SEE.
ARNOLD, YOU WANT
TO DO THE HONORS?
-[CLEARS THROAT]
-SO, THE PRELIMS WERE
OVER. WE WERE ON OUR WAY.
ME, HEADING FOR EASY STREET...
MY DAD...
[ZOOM!]
[CLUNK!]
HEADING FOR THE ROUGH.
-TOUGH WAY TO START, ARNOLD.
YOU WOULDN'T MIND IF I
KEPT SCORE, WOULD YOU?
-WHATEVER YOU SAY, KEN.
-LET'S PLAY GOLF.
-OVER THE FIRST FEW HOLES,
IT BECAME APPARENT THIS
WASN'T MY FATHER'S DAY.
I, ON THE OTHER HAND,
WAS BASKING IN THE
SUNLIGHT OF FUTURE RICHES.
-NICE SHOT, SIR.
-KEN.
CALL ME KEN.
-KEN.
-YEP, 20 BUCKS A
LOOP, 4 LOOPS A WEEK...
CARRY THE 4...
EASY MONEY...
-DAGNABIT!
- FOR A GUY WHO KNEW HOW TO
SMOOTH OUT THE ROUGH SPOTS.
-YOU KNOW, THEY DON'T CLIP
THESE GREENS VERY WELL.
-YOU'RE DARN RIGHT.
-FACE IT.
WHEN IT CAME TO DEALING
WITH MANAGEMENT PROBLEMS,
I HAD A CERTAIN... FLAIR.
-AH, NICE.
-I BELIEVE THAT
PUTS US 2 AHEAD, KEN.
-YOU KNOW, I GOT
MY START AS A CADDIE.
-REALLY?
-YEP, I FELT KIND OF
A KINSHIP TO THIS GUY.
HE REMINDED ME OF... ME...
A REAL WINNER...
[DUCKS QUACKING]
-DAMN!
- IN CONTRAST TO MY
PREVIOUS ROLE MODEL.
IN FACT, BY THE TIME WE
REACHED THE HALFWAY POINT,
I WAS ALMOST FEELING
SORRY FOR THE OLD MAN.
-I FIGURE YOU ABOUT 7
STROKES OFF THE PACE, ARNOLD.
TELL YOU WHAT...
MAYBE I OUGHT TO PLAY
LEFT-HANDED A FEW HOLES.
[LAUGHS]
- WHATEVER YOU SAY, KEN.
-TELL YOU WHAT...
WHAT SAY I BUY US
ALL SOME SODAS, HUH?
-I'M ALL RIGHT.
-YOU?
-SURE.
-THAT'S THE SPIRIT.
-AHA!
SPIRIT, I HAD...
PLUS A SHOULDER
THAT WAS KILLING ME.
-HOW YOU HOLDING UP?
-WHAT?
-IT'S A BIG BAG...
MUST BE HEAVY.
-W-WELL...
-YOU DON'T HAVE TO KILL
YOURSELF, YOU KNOW?
HE CAN FINISH WITH
ANOTHER CADDIE.
-ANOTHER CADDIE?
SO, THAT WAS HIS GAME.
-HEY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO
WORRY ABOUT ME, ALL RIGHT?
-SUIT YOURSELF.
-AND I WOULD. I
DIDN'T NEED HIS HELP.
-HERE WE GO.
I HAD UPPER MANAGEMENT.
-SAY, JACK, I'VE
BEEN THINKING...
-AND THEN UPPER MANAGEMENT
MADE ONE LITTLE MISTAKE.
MAYBE IT'S YOUR CLUBS.
THEY'RE TOO OLD.
CHEAP, YOU KNOW?
- [GROANS]
-MAYBE IF YOU PUT A
LITTLE MONEY IN YOUR BAG,
YOU MIGHT GIVE US
MORE OF A MATCH, HUH?
-AND SUDDENLY ALL BETS WERE OFF.
-WELL [SIGHS]
LET'S JUST SEE WHAT
THESE OLD CLUBS CAN DO.
-OUCH!
MAMA!
GOODBYE!
-NOT BAD THERE, ARNOLD.
-NOT BAD? NOT BAD?!
THOSE OLD CLUBS HAD BANGED OUT
SOME OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
SHOTS IN THE ANNALS OF GOLF.
[WINGS FLAPPING]
AND AS DAD'S GAME
TURNED INTO GOLD,
MR. STEIN TURNED
INTO... MR. HYDE.
-HELL!
-UH, IT... IT WAS
A DIFFICULT SHOT.
-LOOK, WHEN I WANT YOUR
ADVICE, I'LL ASK FOR IT.
JUST KEEP THE CLUBS
CLEAN, WILL YOU?
-OKAY.
-THE FUNNY THING IS, THE
SMALLER MY TIP BEGAN TO LOOK,
THE HEAVIER THAT BAG GOT.
[BIRDS SCREECHING]
BY THE 18th FAIRWAY, I'D
LEARNED SOMETHING INTERESTING.
THE WHISPERING GRASS BACK
NINE MEASURES EXACTLY 4,000 MILES
TEE TO GREEN.
-CADDIE!
LET'S HUSTLE IT UP, HUH?!
-BUT I WASN'T GIVING UP.
I WAS GONNA MAKE THAT
EASY MONEY OR DIE TRYING.
WHICHEVER CAME FIRST.
-TOUGH LIE, KEN.
-STILL, THERE WAS
NO REASON TO PANIC.
IT WAS THE LAST HOLE, AND
DAD WAS 3 STROKES BEHIND.
MAKE THAT 2.
MAKE THAT 1.
AND THEN... IT HAPPENED.
-DAMN IT ALL!
-BUT IT WAS MORE THAN JUST A $51
COPPER-FACED, BILLY
CASPER, ALL-PRO SAND WEDGE
THAT DISAPPEARED INTO THAT LAKE.
-GET IT!
-IT WAS MY DIGNITY.
-PARDON?
-YOU HEARD ME.
BRING IT TO ME.
-AND SUDDENLY I FELT VERY ALONE.
-WELL, SON?
-IT WAS UP TO ME.
I DIDN'T HAVE TO GO FETCH.
I COULD HAVE TOLD THAT
GUY WHAT I THOUGHT OF HIM
RIGHT THERE, RIGHT THEN.
-I...
-BUT FOR SOME REASON,
AT THAT MOMENT,
I HEARD MYSELF UTTER FOUR
WORDS I'D HEARD SOMEWHERE BEFORE.
-WHATEVER YOU SAY, KEN.
-AND SO, AFTER 18 HOLES
SPENT COUNTING FUTURE RICHES,
IT ALL CAME DOWN TO THIS.
-YOU SINK THIS ONE AND
YOU BEAT ME, ARNOLD.
-HERE I WAS, UP TO
MY KNEES IN MUD,
WHILE MY WORKADAY DAD WAS
ABOUT TO CARRY OFF THE PRIZE.
IT WAS THE EASIEST
PUTT HE'D HAD ALL DAY...
AND HE MISSED IT
BY A GOOD 3 FEET.
BUT THAT WASN'T ALL.
-[SIGHS]
-HE MISSED THE NEXT ONE, TOO.
-THAT WAS A LONG, LONG DAY...
-[CHUCKLES]
-AND SOMEHOW, ALL OF A
SUDDEN, I UNDERSTOOD WHY.
-READY?
-UH, YEAH. READY.
-THAT DAY, I BEGAN TO REALIZE
SOMETHING ABOUT THIS MAN
I WAS TRYING SO
HARD NOT TO BE LIKE.
-HOW YOU HOLDING UP?
-I'M A LITTLE TIRED.
-HE UNDERSTOOD
THE VALUE OF MONEY
AND THE COST OF IT.
-HEY, IT'S TOO BAD
ABOUT THAT PUTT.
-A PUTT'S A PUTT.
-YOU COULD HAVE MADE IT, DAD.
-MAYBE.
-I GUESS DAD KNEW
HE COULD LOSE A GAME
AND STILL NOT LOSE HIS MANHOOD.
HIS PRIDE DIDN'T
HINGE ON A STUPID SHOT
OR SOME SHINY, NEW CLUBS.
AND I SUDDENLY KNEW
EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED
TO USE MY MONEY FOR.
-DAD?
CAN I BUY YOU LUNCH?
-WHATEVER YOU SAY, KEV.
-IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I
EVER REALLY SAID THANK YOU
TO THE MAN FOR
ALL HE'D GIVEN ME.