The Wonder Years (1988–1993): Season 4, Episode 23 - The Wonder Years - full transcript

A highlight montage of the past seasons. Examines Kevin Arnold's relationship with Winnie Cooper in particular and touches on all the main characters and story lines that have been present so far in the season.

-♪ DUM-DO-DUM, DOOBY-DO ♪

♪ DUM DUM, DUM-OOH-DUM ♪

♪ MM DOOBY-DO ♪

♪ COME SOFTLY, DARLING ♪

♪ COME SOFTLY, DARLING ♪

♪ COME SOFTLY, DARLING ♪

-ONCE UPON A TIME,
LIFE WAS SIMPLE.

CARS WERE BIG.

GAS WAS CHEAP.

FRONT LAWNS WERE GREEN.

AND EVERYBODY LIKED IKE.



-♪ YOU'RE MY OBSESSION... ♪

-THE GOOD GUYS WERE GOOD...

AND THE BAD GUYS WERE BAD.

YOU KNEW WHERE YOU STOOD.

THEN IN 1968,
SOMETHING HAPPENED...

SOMETHING BIG.

I TURNED 12 YEARS OLD.

I ENTERED JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL.

THAT WAS ME.

-♪ WHAT WOULD YOU DO
IF I SANG OUT OF TUNE? ♪

♪ WOULD YOU STAND UP
AND WALK OUT ON ME? ♪

♪ LEND ME YOUR EARS,
AND I'LL SING YOU A SONG ♪

♪ I WILL TRY NOT TO
SING OUT OF KEY, YEAH ♪

♪ OH, BABY, I GET BY ♪
- ♪ BY WITH A LITTLE HELP
FROM MY FRIENDS ♪



-♪ ALL I NEED IS MY BUDDIES ♪

-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪

-♪ I'M SAYIN' I'M GONNA GET HIGHER ♪ - ♪
TRY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪

-♪ WHOA-OA-OA-OA ♪

-♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪

-♪ SOMEBODY WHO
KNOWS QUITE SURE ♪

♪ BABY ♪

-♪ BY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪

-♪ SAID I'M GONNA MAKE
IT WITH MY FRIENDS ♪

-♪ TRY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪

-♪ OH, I'M GONNA
KEEP ON TRYING ♪

-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪

♪ I'M GONNA KEEP ON
TRYING NOW, BABY ♪

-♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪♪

-♪ THERE'S SOMETHIN'
HAPPENIN' HERE... ♪

-FOR THREE YEARS BETWEEN
1968 AND 1971, I WENT TO SCHOOL...

HERE, ROBERT F.
KENNEDY JUNIOR HIGH.

THROUGH THOSE
PORTALS LAY A WORLD

THE LIKES OF WHICH
WE'D NEVER SEEN BEFORE.

THE WORLD OF...

HIGHER EDUCATION.

-NOW, IF I HEAR ANY GIGGLING,

IF I SEE ANY SMIRKING,
THIS CLASS IS OVER.

DO YOU READ ME, PEOPLE?

OVER.

-SEX-ED CLASS... 7th GRADE.

-NOW...

THE FEMALE REPRODUCTIVE
ORGANS LOOK LIKE THIS.

-All right!

-UNFORTUNATELY, IT LOOKED
MORE LIKE A COW'S HEAD TO ME.

-NOW...

WHO CAN TELL ME WHAT THESE ARE?

YES?

-THE EARS?

-APPARENTLY, I WASN'T ALONE.

-THE...

OVARIES.

THE EARS WOULD BE...

UP HERE.

-UH, W-WHY DON'T YOU
DRAW THE WHOLE LADY

S-SO WE KNOW WHERE
EVERYTHING GOES?

-YEAH, THE WHOLE LADY.

-YEAH, THE WHOLE LADY.

-ALL RIGHT.

-FACT WAS, THE
TEACHERS I HAD AT RFK

RANGED FROM THE RIDICULOUS...

TO THE SUBLIME.

-HELLO, KEVIN.

-HI, MISS WHITE.

-♪ WA... ♪

♪ WA... ♪

TO SUSTAIN THE NOTE...

-FROM THE EXASPERATING...

- AIR FLOW OUT GENTLY.

- TO THE INTIMIDATING.

-KEVIN ARNOLD.

YOU'RE WAYNE'S
BROTHER, AREN'T YOU?

-WELL...

-YOU'VE GOT A TOUGH
ROW TO HOE, YOUNG MAN.

A TOUGH ROW TO HOE.

-FROM THE INEFFECTUAL...

-DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME.

- TO THE INDECIPHERABLE.

-YES?

-UM...

I HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT MY QUIZ.

ABOUT THE GRADE.

WELL, IT'S A "D."

-YES, IT IS.

-WELL, I... THINK IT
MIGHT BE WRONG.

-YOU'RE RIGHT.

NUMBER FIVE SHOULD BE -1/2.

THAT'S HALF OFF.

THIS IS A D-.

-NOT THAT I DIDN'T LEARN
ANYTHING FROM MY TEACHERS.

-THANK YOU FOR CALLING
THAT TO MY ATTENTION.

-OH.

-IT'S JUST THAT, AS WITH
MOST ADOLESCENTS...

MOM?

MY REAL EDUCATION BEGAN
AT HOME, FROM MY FAMILY.

MOM?!

YEAH?

-I-I WAS JUST ASKING YOU

ABOUT WHERE OUR
FAMILY CAME FROM.

I MEAN, WHAT ARE WE?

-WHAT ARE WE?

-YEAH. YOU KNOW,
LIKE, PAUL'S JEWISH,

AND WINNIE'S IRISH,
SO WHAT ARE WE?

-OH. WELL, GOSH, KEVIN.

THAT'S KIND OF HARD TO...

WELL, LET ME... LET ME SEE.

JACK'S MOTHER IS ITALIAN.

WELL, ACTUALLY,
SHE'S HALF-ITALIAN

'CAUSE HER MOTHER'S ROMANIAN.

AND THEN, HIS FATHER'S
POLISH. PRETTY SURE ABOUT THAT.

THEN, MY GREAT-GRANDFATHER
CAME OVER FROM SCANDINAVIA.

HE CAME OVER A LONG TIME AGO

AND MARRIED MY
GREAT-GRANDMOTHER,

WHOSE PARENTS WERE WELSH.

BUT, OF COURSE,
SHE GREW UP IN OHIO

BEFORE THEY MOVED TO DETROIT.

-MY MOTHER INSTILLED IN
ME A DEEP APPRECIATION

FOR THE IMPORTANCE OF
FAMILY AND KNOWING YOUR ROOTS.

-OR WAS IT NORWAY?

-THEN, OF COURSE...
THERE WAS MY FATHER.

DAD? WE'VE GOT TO TALK.

-HUH?

-THE MAN WHO TAUGHT ME

THE INTRICACIES OF
PROGRESSIVE PARENTING.

CAN YOU THINK OF ONE GOOD REASON

WHY I SHOULDN'T BE ABLE TO PLAY
FOOTBALL WITH THE OTHER GUYS?

I MEAN, I BET YOU PLAYED
FOOTBALL WITHOUT ANY EQUIPMENT

WHEN YOU WERE A LITTLE KID,

AND I'VE BEEN PLAYING
FOR A VERY LONG TIME NOW,

AND NOTHING'S EVER
REALLY HAPPENED.

AND THE GUYS ARE REALLY
COUNTING ON ME TO PLAY TONIGHT.

-SO?

-SO, CAN WE PLAY OR NOT?

-SURE. GO AHEAD.

-TOUCHDOWN!

-I DON'T THINK IT'S
A GOOD IDEA, JACK.

-YOU HEARD YOUR MOTHER.

-I'LL TELL YOU WHAT TO DO.

-MY SISTER TAUGHT ME THE
CONCEPT OF INDEPENDENCE.

-THIS IS A DEMOCRACY, ISN'T IT?

THEN EXERCISE YOUR RIGHTS!

-BUT HOW DO WE DO THAT?

-SIMPLE.

THERE'S A PLANNING BOARD MEETING
EVERY SUNDAY NIGHT, DOWNTOWN.

YOU SHOULD DEMAND TO BE HEARD.

YOU SHOULD FIGHT
FOR WHAT'S IMPORTANT.

YOU HAVE TO TAKE ACTION.

KEVIN, WE ARE THE PEOPLE.

-I THINK WE SHOULD DO IT.

-YEAH.

-GREAT! LET'S GO!

CAN YOU GIVE US A RIDE?

-NOT ME.

I GOT A DATE.

-THIS LOUIS GUY'S
A MAJOR BUTTHEAD!

AND, BY ACCIDENT OF BIRTH...

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
MY BROTHER, WAYNE...

A PILLAR OF SUPPORT
IN TIMES OF CRISIS.

-SO HE'S A BUTTHEAD.
IT'S JUST KAREN.

-SO, HE SAID STUFF TO MOM.

-SO?

-AND HE'S A RADICAL...

YOU KNOW, LIKE AT COLLEGE?

-SO?

-AND HE AND KAREN ARE LOVERS.

AND I'M NOT SURE IF
KAREN KNOWS ABOUT THIS,

BUT HE'S GOT ANOTHER
LOVER... NAMED MARISA.

-WHOA!

TWO LOVERS?

YOU KNOW, I BET THEY
DO IT IN THE MICROBUS.

I MEAN, I SWEAR I SAW IT
ROCKING BACK AND FORTH BEFORE.

YOU KNOW WHAT WE COULD DO?

WE COULD DRILL A HOLE
IN IT AND SET UP A CAMERA.

YOU KNOW, I BET SOMETIMES,
WHEN HE'S DOING IT WITH KAREN,

HE SHOUTS, "OH, GOD, MARISA!

OH, GOD! OH!"

HAMSTER PATROL.
- STAY OUT OF HERE, WAYNE.

"STAY OUT OF HERE, WAYNE."

NOW, MOTHER TOLD YOU TO BE SURE

TO CLEAN UP AFTER
THOSE LITTLE DEVILS.

-GIVE ME THAT. STOP IT.

WAYNE.

-WHOO-HOO!

-WAYNE, GET OUT OF HERE!

-WORK, WORK, WORK. THAT'S
ALL I EVER DO AROUND HERE.

- GET OUT OF HERE.
- JUST TRYING TO HELP...

-GET OUT OF HERE!
YOU'RE GONNA HURT THEM!

-NOW, WOULD I DO
SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

I'M JUST TRYING TO...

-NO! WHEEZER!

-TONIGHT, WHILE YOU SLEEP, PAL!

-ALL IN ALL, I GUESS
YOU COULD SAY

MY FAMILY WAS KIND OF A PROVING
GROUND FOR THE LESSONS OF LIFE.

DAD, HAVE YOU EVER
THOUGHT ABOUT YOUR LIFE?

-HUH?

-I MEAN, IF YOU HAD
TO WRITE ABOUT IT,

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY?

-I GET UP AT 5:00
IN THE MORNING.

I FIGHT TRAFFIC.

I BUST MY HUMP ALL DAY.

I FIGHT TRAFFIC AGAIN.

AND I COME HOME.

THEN I PAY MY TAXES.

THE END.

-I LEARNED A LOT OF THINGS
FROM A LOT OF PEOPLE.

- "FRIENDS"?!

- UNH!
- I'LL GIVE YOU "FRIENDS"!

-UNH!

TOO BAD I NEVER LEARNED HOW
TO DEAL WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX.

I REALLY DIDN'T
UNDERSTAND GIRLS.

I MEAN... AND LET ME
BE ABSOLUTELY CLEAR

ABOUT WHAT I MEAN.

I REALLY... DIDN'T...
UNDERSTAND... GIRLS.

SPOCK, WHERE ARE WE?

-IT APPEARS, CAPTAIN,

THAT WE ARE ON AN ALIEN PLANET

INHABITED BY STRANGE
BEINGS WITH LONG HAIR

AND VERY SHORT SKIRTS.

-WHO ARE YOU? WHAT
DO YOU WANT FROM US?

WE'RE MEN! MEN!

-HI, KEVIN.

-WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

-I WAS JUST TAKING A WALK.

IT'S A LITTLE HECTIC AT
MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW.

DO YOU NEED ANY HELP WITH THIS?

-NO, THAT'S OKAY.
I CAN HANDLE IT.

IT'S PART OF MY
"REALLY NEAT SUMMER."

-OH.

WELL, MAYBE WE CAN
TALK ABOUT IT TONIGHT,

AT THE PARTY.

-YEAH, WELL, I DON'T
THINK I'M GONNA BE THERE.

-OH.

-WELL? DID YOU
SHOW IT TO ANYBODY?

-SHOW WHAT?

-WELL, THE YEARBOOK.

YOU KNOW, WHAT I WROTE?

-OH.

-YEAH, WELL, YOU CAN JUST
FORGET ABOUT IT, OKAY?

'CAUSE I DIDN'T
MEAN A WORD OF IT.

I MEAN, YOU CAN
JUST RIP OUT THE PAGE

AND THROW IT IN THE
GARBAGE BECAUSE...

LET'S FACE IT... WOMEN
WERE AN ENIGMA.

BUT IN A LOT OF
WAYS... SO WAS LIFE.

AND I WAS ONLY IN JUNIOR HIGH.

-THIS IS THE TIME AND THIS
IS THE PLACE TO BE ALIVE.

-♪ PEOPLE TRY TO PUT US D-DOWN ♪

-♪ TALKIN' 'BOUT
MY GENERATION... ♪

-IN THE YEARS
BETWEEN 1968 AND 1971,

A LOT OF PEOPLE WERE TUNING
IN, TURNING ON, AND DROPPING OUT.

-♪ ...AWFUL C-C-COLD ♪

-♪ TALKIN' 'BOUT MY GENERATION ♪

-♪ I HOPE I DIE
BEFORE I GET OLD ♪

-♪ TALKIN' 'BOUT MY GENERATION ♪

- AS FOR ME,

I WAS BUSY JUST TRYING TO
SURVIVE JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL.

AND IT WASN'T EASY.

PROBABLY WOULDN'T HAVE MADE IT

WITHOUT MY BEST
FRIEND, PAUL PFEIFFER.

-HOLY COW!

-TRY NOT TO DROOL ON IT, OKAY?

IF KAREN FINDS OUT I
HAVE THIS, SHE'LL KILL ME.

-PAUL, YOUR MOTHER CALLED.

SHE WANTS YOU TO
COME HOME RIGHT AWAY.

-OKAY.

WELL, I GUESS I'LL SEE
YOU AT THE BUS STOP.

-YEAH.

-LAST NIGHT I HAD A DREAM

THAT WHEN I GOT TO SCHOOL, I
REALIZED I HAD NO CLOTHES ON.

-IF YOU'RE NAKED WHEN
YOU GET TO THE BUS STOP,

I'LL TELL YOU.

-THANKS.

-PAUL AND I WERE INSEPARABLE.

-I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU!

-PAUL, LOOK, I KNOW I
HURT YOUR FEELINGS,

AND I'M REALLY, REALLY SORRY.

AND I'M GONNA MAKE IT UP
TO YOU REALLY, REALLY SOON.

-I SAID I DON'T WANT
TO TALK TO YOU!

ANYBODY WHO COULD
BE SO MEAN AND...

HEY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!

-OH, I'M GONNA BE RIGHT BACK,

AND THEN YOU CAN BE AS
MEAN TO ME AS YOU WANT.

-HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!

FINE! GO!

HEIDI WORE PERFUME TODAY,
THE KIND I'M ALLERGIC TO.

BUT WHEN I SNEEZED,
SHE SAID, "GESUNDHEIT."

SHE COULD HAVE
JUST SAID "BLESS YOU,"

BUT SHE GAVE IT TO ME IN GERMAN.

-YOU'RE AN ANIMAL, PAUL.

-YEAH.

I'M GONNA GO GET AN
ICE-CREAM SANDWICH.

GOT TO KEEP UP THAT STRENGTH.

-IT WAS A RELATIONSHIP
BASED ON MUTUAL SUPPORT.

WELL, AT LEAST I'M NOT
AN UGLY, FOUR-EYED JERK

THAT NOBODY LIKES!

-TOTAL BUTTHEAD!

-LOSER!

OKAY, SO WE HAD THE
OCCASIONAL DIFFERENCE OF OPINION.

SOMEHOW, WE ALWAYS MANAGED

TO FIND OUR WAY
HOME TO EACH OTHER.

WE DIDN'T REALLY HAVE A CHOICE.

LIKE IT OR NOT, WE WERE FRIENDS.

HI, YOU GUYS.

-PAUL, ME... NOT TO
MENTION WINNIE COOPER.

-HI.

-HI.

-ARE YOU GUYS MAD AT ME?

-WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

-WELL, YESTERDAY IN THE HALL...

YOU JUST LOOKED LIKE
YOU WERE MAD AT ME.

-I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

-YEAH, ME NEITHER.

-OKAY. FORGET IT.

-HEY, WINNIE.

UM...

HOW COME YOU'RE
WEARING YOUR GLASSES?

-HUH?

-HOW COME YOU'RE
WEARING YOUR GLASSES?

-OH. I LOST ONE OF MY CONTACTS.

I LOOK SO STUPID
IN THESE THINGS.

-NO, YOU DON'T.

YOU LOOK GOOD.

I'M SERIOUS!

YOU LOOK MUCH SMARTER.

IN FACT, PAUL AND I WERE
JUST SAYING THE OTHER DAY

HOW DUMB YOU LOOK IN CONTACTS.

WEREN'T WE, PAUL?

-OH, YEAH. TELL ME ABOUT IT.

-NO, REALLY.

I'M SURPRISED YOUR TEACHERS
HAVEN'T STARTED GRADING YOU DOWN

JUST BECAUSE YOU LOOK DUMB.

-OH, YOU'RE ONE TO TALK.

-HEY, I'M JUST BEING HONEST.
I WOULD NOT LIE ABOUT THIS.

WOULD I LIE ABOUT THIS, PAUL?

-I'VE KNOWN HIM FOR 12 YEARS,
AND HE WOULD NOT LIE ABOUT THIS.

YOU DEFINITELY LOOK
STUPID IN CONTACTS.

-YOU GUYS!

-WHO'S GONNA TELL YOU THESE
THINGS, IF NOT YOUR FRIENDS?

BUT, OF COURSE, WINNIE AND
I WERE MORE THAN FRIENDS.

-"HI, I'M KEVIN ARNOLD.

"AND I'M REALLY NICE
TO PEOPLE'S FACES,

AND THEN I CUT THEM
DOWN BEHIND THEIR BACKS!"

OH, ARE YOU SICK?

HERE... I'LL TAKE CARE OF YOU!

- WINNIE...
- WHAT'S THE MATTER?

STOMACH FEELING A
LITTLE QUEASY, IS IT?

FEELS LIKE THE LEAST LITTLE
THING MIGHT SET IT OFF?

-WINNIE, PLEASE.

-MAYBE I SHOULD GET
YOU SOMETHING TO EAT!

HOW ABOUT SOME COLESLAW?

LIVER?

FRIED SQUID?!

KEVIN!

-WINNIE... I JUST WANT
YOU TO KNOW THAT...

I KNOW.

NO, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO SAY ANYTHING.

JUST... KNOW THAT I KNOW. OKAY?

-KNOW WHAT?

-WINNIE! PAUL TOLD ME!

AND I'M GLAD HE DID!

-PAUL TOLD YOU?

-WELL, YEAH! ISN'T THAT GREAT?!

-PAUL TOLD YOU?!

-HE SAYS YOU'RE CRAZY ABOUT ME!

THOSE YEARS WERE LIKE
A LONG JOURNEY FOR ME.

LOOKING BACK,

IT WAS A TIME WHEN WE
WERE STILL VERY SMALL...

AND THE WORLD SEEMED VERY BIG.

AND I THINK ABOUT THOSE
DAYS AGAIN AND AGAIN...

WHENEVER SOME BLOWHARD

STARTS TALKING ABOUT THE
ANONYMITY OF THE SUBURBS

OR THE MINDLESSNESS
OF THE TV GENERATION...

BECAUSE I KNOW I'LL NEVER
FORGET THOSE TIMES...

THOSE YEARS OF WONDER.

I'M SORRY.

ABOUT BRIAN.

AND I'M SORRY...

ABOUT WHAT I SAID TODAY.

IT WASN'T TRUE.

-I KNOW.

-♪ THERE ARE PLACES I REMEMBER ♪

♪ ALL MY LIFE ♪

♪ THOUGH SOME HAVE CHANGED ♪

♪ SOME FOREVER, NOT FOR BETTER ♪

♪ SOME ARE GONE,
AND SOME REMAIN ♪

♪ ALL THESE PLACES
HAD THEIR MEANINGS ♪

♪ WITH LOVERS AND
FRIENDS I STILL CAN RECALL ♪

♪ SOME ARE DEAD
AND SOME ARE LIVING ♪

♪ IN MY LIFE, I'VE
LOVED THEM ALL ♪

♪ BUT OF ALL THESE
FRIENDS AND LOVERS ♪

♪ THERE IS NO ONE
COMPARES WITH YOU ♪

♪ AND THESE MEMORIES
LOSE THEIR MEANING ♪

♪ WHEN I THINK OF LOVE
AS SOMETHING NEW ♪

♪ THOUGH I KNOW I'LL
NEVER LOSE AFFECTION ♪

♪ FOR PEOPLE AND THINGS
THAT WENT BEFORE ♪

♪ I KNOW I'LL OFTEN STOP
AND THINK ABOUT THEM ♪

♪ IN MY LIFE, I LOVE YOU MORE ♪

♪ THOUGH I KNOW I'LL
NEVER LOSE AFFECTION ♪

♪ FOR PEOPLE AND THINGS
THAT WENT BEFORE ♪

♪ I KNOW I'LL OFTEN STOP
AND THINK ABOUT THEM ♪

♪ IN MY LIFE, I LOVE YOU MORE ♪