The Wonder Years (1988–1993): Season 4, Episode 17 - When Worlds Collide - full transcript
When his mom takes a job in the attendance office at his school, Kevin worries that his life is 'ruined'. After his mom embarrasses him during a fire drill, Kevin tells her to no longer talk to him while at school.
-♪ WHAT WOULD YOU DO
IF I SANG OUT OF TUNE? ♪
♪ WOULD YOU STAND UP
AND WALK OUT ON ME? ♪
♪ LEND ME YOUR EARS,
AND I'LL SING YOU A SONG ♪
♪ I WILL TRY NOT TO
SING OUT OF KEY, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, BABY, I GET BY ♪
- ♪ BY WITH A LITTLE HELP
FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ ALL I NEED IS MY BUDDIES ♪
-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ I'M SAYIN' I'M GONNA GET HIGHER ♪ - ♪
TRY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ WHOA-OA-OA-OA ♪
-♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪
-♪ SOMEBODY WHO
KNOWS QUITE SURE ♪
♪ BABY ♪
-♪ BY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ SAID I'M GONNA MAKE
IT WITH MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ TRY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ OH, I'M GONNA
KEEP ON TRYING ♪
-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
♪ I'M GONNA KEEP ON
TRYING NOW, BABY ♪
-♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪
-NO TWO WAYS ABOUT IT...
WHEN I WAS 14...
- HEY.
UH!
- I WAS A PRETTY COOL KID.
NOT IN THE 99th PERCENTILE
OF COOLNESS MAYBE,
BUT DEFINITELY TOP
THIRD OF MY CLASS.
-♪ AND WHEN YOU GET IT... ♪
-I KNEW THE WALK.
I KNEW THE TALK.
I HAD MY OWN KIND OF STYLE.
BUT LIKE A LOT OF
COOL KIDS MY AGE,
I DID HAVE ONE TRAGIC FLAW,
ONE TERRIBLE SECRET
THAT THREATENED THE VERY
FABRIC OF MY FRAGILE IMAGE.
-♪ WHOA, YEAH ♪
♪ I'M A SOUL MAN ♪
-I, KEVIN ARNOLD...
-HI, HONEY!
-HI, MOM.
- HAD A MOM.
-DID YOU HAVE A
GOOD DAY AT SCHOOL?
-YEAH.
-WELL, I'M GLAD.
-DON'T GET ME WRONG,
I LIKED MY MOTHER.
SHE WAS GOOD TO ME.
-HUNGRY?
-NAH.
WELL, A LITTLE.
-GOOD.
I MADE YOU A
GRILLED-CHEESE SANDWICH.
-SHE MADE ME
GRILLED-CHEESE SANDWICHES.
-MILK?
-THANKS.
-SHE POURED MY MILK.
-OH, AND I SEWED THAT BUTTON
ON THE SHIRT THAT YOU LIKE
SO YOU CAN WEAR IT TOMORROW.
-SHE SEWED MY BUTTONS.
-THAT'S GREAT, MOM.
-AND I WENT SHOPPING
FOR YOU TODAY.
-YOU DID?
-MM-HMM.
-FACE IT... THE WOMAN LOVED ME.
SHE KNEW ME BETTER
THAN ANYONE IN THE WORLD,
WHICH, OF COURSE,
WAS THE PROBLEM.
-LOOK! UNDERPANTS!
[HORROR MUSIC PLAYS]
YOUR FAVORITE KIND.
-SHE KNEW TOO MUCH.
[BUZZER SOUNDS ON TV]
STILL, LIKE A LOT OF
HOUSEWIVES OF HER TIME,
WHAT MOM KNEW WAS PRETTY
MUCH LIMITED TO HER DOMAIN.
-OH, JACK, THE DRYER'S
BEEN ACTING UP AGAIN.
I HAD TO CHANGE THE
FILTER ON IT TODAY.
-EHHH.
-AND I PUT A NEW SHOWER
CURTAIN UP IN THE BATHROOM.
-AND SO LONG AS WHAT
SHE DID IN HER WORLD
DIDN'T INTERFERE WITH OUR WORLD,
THAT WAS FINE WITH US.
-AND...
I'VE GOT SOME NEWS.
I WAS IN LINE THIS
MORNING AT THE A&P,
AND MARIETTA NEWBURN
WAS AHEAD OF ME.
SHE MENTIONED THAT HER NEXT-DOOR
NEIGHBOR HAD JUST QUIT HER JOB,
AND THEY NEEDED SOMEONE
TO FILL HER POSITION.
JUST TEMPORARILY.
-SO?
-SO I WENT IN.
IT'S MOSTLY JUST LIGHT TYPING
AND FILING, NOTHING DIFFICULT.
AND I'D BE HOME IN PLENTY
OF TIME TO COOK DINNER.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
-NOW, OBVIOUSLY WHAT
WAS REQUIRED HERE
WAS A SHOW OF ENTHUSIASM,
HOWEVER HALF-HEARTED.
-FINE WITH ME, THEN.
-SOUNDS GREAT, MOM.
-MOM...
YOU'RE BLOCKING THE TV!
[BUZZER SOUNDS ON TV]
-OH, GOSH! I'M SORRY!
-AND THE DECISION HAD BEEN MADE.
-WELL, THEN.
I GUESS THAT'S THAT.
-AFTER ALL, IF A LITTLE
MEANINGLESS CLERICAL WORK
COULD BRIGHTEN HER DAY,
NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.
-SO, WHERE IS THIS JOB?
-IN THE ATTENDANCE
OFFICE AT KEVIN'S SCHOOL.
[BUZZER SOUNDS ON TV]
-IT WAS THE COOL KID'S
WORST NIGHTMARE.
-MOM? LISTEN, ABOUT THIS JOB.
-GIVE ME A HAND WITH
THIS, WILL YOU, HONEY?
OH. WHEW!
IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE
I'VE ACTUALLY TYPED.
WONDER IF IT'S LIKE
RIDING A BICYCLE.
-SEEMED TO ME THIS WAS
A LITTLE MORE CRITICAL
THAN TYPEWRITERS OR BICYCLES.
-MOM, ARE YOU SURE
THIS IS A GOOD IDEA?
I MEAN, I JUST WONDERED IF,
YOU KNOW, YOU'VE
THOUGHT THIS ALL THROUGH.
-HOW DO YOU MEAN, HONEY?
-WELL, YOU KNOW, A
BIG DECISION LIKE THIS
ISN'T SOMETHING YOU
JUST WANT TO RUSH INTO.
-OH.
I SEE.
-THERE.
ALL I HAD TO DO WAS DETAIL
THE GREATER RAMIFICATIONS.
-WHICH ONE DO YOU
THINK I SHOULD WEAR?
-MOM!
-KEVIN.
YOU'RE REALLY WORRIED
ABOUT THIS, AREN'T YOU?
-GOD BLESS THE WOMAN.
-KIND OF.
-WELL, DON'T BE.
JUST BECAUSE I'M GOING TO WORK
DOESN'T MEAN THAT
I'M GONNA NEGLECT YOU.
-WHAT?
-I MAY HAVE A JOB, BUT
I'M STILL YOUR MOTHER.
AND YOU'RE STILL MY LITTLE BOY.
-IT WASN'T EXACTLY A
COMFORTING THOUGHT.
-GIVE ME THAT.
-STILL, I FIGURED
SOONER OR LATER,
MOM WOULD REALIZE
WHAT A BAD IDEA THIS WAS.
ALL SHE NEEDED WAS A
LITTLE TIME TO THINK IT OVER.
-WHAT TIME SHOULD
WE LEAVE TOMORROW?
-TOMORROW?
-I START AT 9:00. WE CAN
DRIVE TO SCHOOL TOGETHER.
-THANKS, BUT I THINK
I'LL TAKE THE BUS.
[HORN HONKS]
-THIS IS FUN, ISN'T IT?
-SO MUCH FOR PUBLIC
TRANSPORTATION.
-I HAVE NEVER SEEN
YOU DAWDLE SO LONG
GETTING READY FOR SCHOOL.
-SORRY.
-YOU THINK I'M DRESSED OKAY?
-ACTUALLY, SHE LOOKED KIND
OF LIKE AN ASTRONAUT'S WIFE.
-YOU LOOK FINE, MOM.
-NOW IF SHE COULD
ONLY LOOK INVISIBLE.
-I'M JUST SORRY THAT WE WON'T
BE ABLE TO SEE EACH OTHER MORE.
-WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
-WELL, I'LL PROBABLY
BE COOPED UP
IN THAT ATTENDANCE
OFFICE ALL DAY.
I DON'T THINK I'LL EVEN
HAVE TIME TO SAY HELLO.
-YOU WON'T?
-WELL, THEN. THINGS
WERE LOOKING UP.
MAYBE THIS WOULDN'T BE SO BAD.
MAYBE ONCE WE GOT TO SCHOOL,
NO ONE WOULD EVEN
KNOW SHE WAS THERE.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
ONCE WE ACTUALLY GOT TO SCHOOL.
-READY?
KEVIN?
-UH, YOU GO AHEAD, MOM.
I GOT A, UH... A KNOT
IN MY SHOELACE.
-YOU WANT ANY HELP?
OH, I MAY HAVE AN
EXTRA ONE IN MY...
-NO! NO, REALLY. THANKS!
-I DON'T WANT TO BE LATE.
-NO, NO, WOULDN'T WANT THAT.
- WELL, THEN.
- SEE YOU, MOM!
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
-SO, I'D PASSED THE
CRITICAL HURDLE.
I'D CROSSED THE MINE FIELD.
WITH MOM SAFELY STASHED
IN THE ATTENDANCE OFFICE,
I WAS FEELING GOOD
AGAIN, COOL AGAIN.
-HEY, KEV!
GUESS WHO I RAN INTO AT
THE ATTENDANCE OFFICE.
YOUR MOM.
OH, SHE WANTED ME
TO GIVE THIS TO YOU.
-OH, MY GOSH.
THERE WAS ONLY ONE
WAY TO HANDLE THIS.
-[LAUGHS]
THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD ONE, PAUL!
-HUH?
-MY MOTHER?
I DON'T EVEN HAVE A MOTHER.
-WHAT?
-WELL, OF COURSE
I HAVE A MOTHER,
BUT SHE'S NOT HERE, PAUL.
GIVE ME THAT.
- BUT I JUST SAW HER.
-NO, YOU DIDN'T, PAUL.
- BUT I'M SURE I...
- NO, YOU DIDN'T, PAUL.
YOU DID NOT SEE MY MOTHER,
PAUL. DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
- OH.
- TAKE YOU SEATS, PLEASE.
-[SIGHS]
-OKAY, I'D WEASELED
MY WAY OUT OF IT.
BUT IT WAS CLEAR IF I
WAS GONNA SURVIVE THIS,
I WAS GONNA HAVE TO LAY LOW...
AVOID PUBLIC SITUATIONS...
[FIRE ALARM RINGING]
LIKE, SAY...
-FIRE DRILL!
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
-NOW, ORDINARILY A
JUNIOR-HIGH-SCHOOL FIRE DRILL
HAS ALL THE EXCITEMENT
OF A FOUR-WEEK VACATION
PACKED INTO 10 MINUTES.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
BUT WHILE EVERYONE
ELSE WAS PARTYING,
I WAS BUSY KEEPING WATCH.
-THERE SHE IS.
-WHO?
-MY MOTHER.
WHAT'S SHE DOING NOW?
-OH. SHE'S TALKING
TO MR. DIPERNA.
-DIPERNA?
-GREAT. INVADING MY
TURF WASN'T BAD ENOUGH.
NOW SHE WAS FRATERNIZING
WITH THE ENEMY.
-THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.
-KEV, AREN'T YOU MAKING
KIND OF A BIG DEAL OUT OF THIS?
I MEAN, LOOK AT YOU...
HIDING FROM YOUR
OWN FLESH AND BLOOD?
-EASY FOR HIM TO SAY.
IT WASN'T HIS FLESH AND BLOOD.
-PAUL, JUST STAY
OUT OF THIS, OKAY?
-OH, COME ON.
WHAT'S SHE DOING TO HURT YOU?
-WELL...
-AND SUDDENLY, I FELT ASHAMED.
PAUL, AS USUAL, WAS RIGHT.
THIS WAS MY MOTHER, THE
WOMAN WHO COOKED MY FOOD.
AND FOR THAT ONE MOMENT,
I ACTUALLY FORGAVE HER.
-YOO-HOO!
YOO-HOO! HI, HONEY!
-JUST FOR THAT MOMENT, THOUGH.
[LAUGHTER]
-YOO-HOO! KEVIN!
-POSSIBLY IT HAD BEEN THE
LONGEST SEVEN PERIODS
OF MY LIFE IN FORMAL EDUCATION.
-HI, HONEY!
-IN ONE FELL SWOOP, I'D PLUNGED
FROM THE TOP THIRD OF COOLNESS
TO THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL.
-THIS IS YOUR FAULT!
-MINE?
-WHY DID THIS HAVE
TO HAPPEN TO ME?
-IT HAPPENED BECAUSE
YOUR MOTHER CARED ENOUGH
TO SAY HELLO WHEN SHE SAW YOU.
-BUT SOMEHOW, I DOUBTED THAT.
-PAUL, WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
-WELL, THERE'S ONLY
ONE THING TO DO...
TALK TO HER.
TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL.
-I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T... I DON'T THINK SO.
-KEVIN! YOO-HOO!
-[SMOOCHING]
[LAUGHTER]
-MOM?
WE GOT TO TALK.
-HOW DO YOU MEAN?
-WELL, SEE...
-ONE LITTLE PROBLEM HERE.
HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN COOL
TO A 40-YEAR-OLD HOUSEWIFE
WHO FOLDS YOUR SWEATSOCKS?
-HOW DID IT GO TODAY?
-WELL, I THINK IT WENT OKAY.
ACTUALLY, I WAS
A LITTLE NERVOUS.
IT WAS JUST ALL SO DIFFERENT
THAN WHAT I'D EXPECTED.
BUT IT WAS FUN...
I GUESS.
ONCE I GET MY
TYPING UP TO SPEED,
I KNOW I'LL REALLY
ENJOY THE JOB.
-OH, GOOD.
-AND THAT WAS THAT.
EXCEPT... SOMEHOW I KNEW I
HAD TO FACE THIS THING HEAD ON.
-LISTEN, MOM?
-THIS WASN'T GONNA BE EASY.
IT WAS GONNA TAKE TACT, FINESSE.
-WHEN WE'RE AT SCHOOL...
COULD YOU MAYBE JUST...
NOT TALK TO ME?
OR NOTICE ME OR EVEN LOOK AT ME?
YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE
I'D RATHER PEOPLE
DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
YOU WERE THERE AT ALL.
-WELL, OF COURSE, KEVIN.
IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'D LIKE.
-UH-HUH, WINSTON
CHURCHILL HIMSELF
COULDN'T HAVE HANDLED IT BETTER.
STILL, OVER THE NEXT FEW
DAYS, THINGS KIND OF... CHANGED.
NOW THAT WE'D
HAD OUR LITTLE TALK,
MOM WAS AS GOOD AS HER WORD.
-ALEX, LOOK AT THIS CAR.
-AND WHILE I WORKED TO
PATCH MY INJURED IMAGE...
NORMA ARNOLD TURNED
INTO A STRANGER.
-[SIGHS]
-BY FRIDAY, I GUESS I WAS
FEELING PRETTY LOUSY
ABOUT WHAT I'D DONE.
FACE IT... WHAT HARM WAS
MOM ACTUALLY DOING ME?
-HEY, BUDDY.
I HEAR YOUR OLD LADY'S
WORKING FOR THE BRASS.
[CIGARETTE SIZZLES]
-ASK A STUPID QUESTION...
-TONY.
-TONY BARBELLA... RFK's
ANSWER TO JAVA MAN.
-LISTEN, ARNOLD.
YOU DON'T MIND IF I CALL
YOU "ARNOLD," DO YOU?
-WELL...
-SEE, I NEED TO
ASK YOU A FAVOR...
IF THAT'S ALL RIGHT WITH YOU.
-WELL...
-I NEED A PASS.
YOU KNOW, THE GREEN
ONES... GET OUT OF JAIL FREE?
-OH.
-AND, UH, SINCE YOU
GOT FAMILY CONNECTIONS
IN THE FRONT OFFICE,
I FIGURED YOU WERE
THE GUY TO COME TO.
-WELL, TONY, OF COURSE
I'D LIKE TO HELP YOU,
BUT JUST 'CAUSE MY...
-I UNDERSTAND THE
PROBLEMS, THE LOGISTICS.
LISTEN, IF YOU DO
THIS, I WOULD REALLY...
REALLY... REALLY...
REALLY APPRECIATE IT.
[BOING!]
[TYPEWRITER CLACKING]
-I WAS MAD.
I'D BEEN LED TO A LIFE OF CRIME.
AND I KNEW BY WHOM.
THE REAL CULPRIT WAS
RIGHT BEHIND THAT COUNTER.
-MOM?
-OH, KEVIN.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
-I, UH...
FORGOT MY LUNCH MONEY.
-HONEY, MY PURSE IS ON
THAT DESK BACK THERE.
WOULD YOU MIND JUST
COMING IN TO GET IT?
-SURE.
-AH, THE DEVIOUS DEPTHS
OF THE CRIMINAL MIND.
OKAY, SO I KNEW IT WAS WRONG.
I HAD NO CHOICE.
BESIDES, AFTER ALL
I'D BEEN THROUGH,
WHAT COURT IN THE
WORLD WOULD CONVICT ME?
[PAPER TEARING]
-KEVIN?
-AND SUDDENLY,
COURT WAS IN SESSION.
-I, UH...
-UH, MRS. ARNOLD, COULD
I SPEAK WITH YOU, PLEASE?
-I'LL BE RIGHT IN.
-AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, PLEASE.
-WELL, I HAVE TO GET TO WORK.
-[SIGHS]
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
-MOM!
-SUDDENLY THE TONY
BARBELLAS OF THE WORLD
SEEMED LIKE SMALL POTATOES.
-MOM?
ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED...
IT WASN'T WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE.
ANYWAY, I-I DIDN'T
TAKE THAT PASS.
-I KNOW.
-SO...
-KEVIN, COULD WE
TALK ABOUT THIS LATER?
I'M JUST A LITTLE
DISTRACTED RIGHT NOW.
I JUST GOT MY WALKING PAPERS.
MR. DIPERNA JUST FIRED ME.
-OH.
-HE SAID MY TYPING
WASN'T UP TO SNUFF
AND THAT MY DICTATION
WAS LABORIOUS.
-HE SAID THAT?
-I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE HE'S RIGHT.
ANYWAY...
NOW YOU KNOW.
-I'M REALLY SORRY, MOM.
-I GUESS EVEN ASTRONAUTS' WIVES
HAD A BAD DAY ONCE IN A WHILE.
-WANT SOME COMPANY?
-NO.
[HORN HONKS]
COULD YOU TAKE THE BUS?
I THINK I'D LIKE TO
GO FOR A DRIVE.
-SURE.
[CAR DOOR CLOSES,
ENGINE TURNS OVER]
-SO, WHERE IS SHE? I'M HUNGRY.
-HOW SHOULD I KNOW?
-THAT NIGHT I DIDN'T
FEEL UP TO EXPLANATIONS.
-SOMETHING HAPPEN AT SCHOOL?
-NO!
I-I MEAN, NOTHING
THAT I KNOW OF.
-I KNEW I WAS GONNA BE IN
TROUBLE FOR WHAT I'D DONE,
BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT
TROUBLED ME MOST.
STANDING IN THAT KITCHEN
WHERE MOM HAD MADE HER
FAMILY GRILLED-CHEESE SANDWICHES
FOR PAST 18 YEARS,
I KNEW THAT SOMETHING
HAD CHANGED.
[VEHICLE APPROACHES]
-ABOUT TIME.
-MM-HMM.
-DAD, WAYNE?
-THE LEAST I COULD
DO WAS PREPARE THEM
FOR THE SHATTERED SOUL ABOUT
TO WALK THROUGH THAT DOOR.
-HI!
ANYBODY HUNGRY?
- OH.
- MM-HMM.
-SORRY. I LOST TRACK OF TIME.
WE'LL EAT IN 20 MINUTES.
JUST LET ME GET THIS
CASSEROLE IN THE OVEN.
OH, AND I STOPPED BY
AND PICKED UP THE
CRUMB CAKE YOU ALL LOVE.
- GREAT.
- OH.
-YOU NEED THAT FRESHENED, HONEY?
-THANKS.
-IT WAS INCREDIBLE.
THIS WAS THE MOST UNSHATTERED
SOUL I'D EVER LAID EYES ON.
SHE SEEMED HAPPY.
ALMOST CONFIDANT.
ALMOST...
-OH, KEVIN, DID YOU TELL YOUR
FATHER ABOUT SCHOOL TODAY?
- COMPLETELY OUT OF HER MIND.
-WHAT ABOUT SCHOOL?
-I WON'T BE WORKING
THERE ANYMORE.
-WHAT?
WHY?
-WELL, IT'S PRETTY
SIMPLE, REALLY.
-AND I KNEW SHE WAS
GONNA TELL THEM...
ABOUT EVERYTHING.
ONLY FOR SOME
REASON, SHE DIDN'T.
-IT'S JUST NOT THE
RIGHT JOB FOR ME.
NOT RIGHT NOW.
AND I THINK I CAN DO BETTER.
SO I WON'T BE GOING BACK THERE.
RIGHT, HONEY?
-WELL, THEN, IF THAT'S
WHAT YOU WANT.
-THAT'S WHAT I WANT.
-AND IN THAT MOMENT, I KNEW
BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT
ONE THING ABOUT THIS
WOMAN I'D BEEN SO ASHAMED OF.
-BY THE WAY, YOU'RE GROUNDED.
-SHE WAS PRETTY COOL.
[TYPEWRITER CLACKING]
WHEN YOU'RE 14, CHANGE
IS AN EVERYDAY THING.
YOU LIVE WITH IT EVERY
MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE.
BUT THAT NIGHT, I
UNDERSTOOD FOR THE FIRST TIME
THAT MOM'S WORLD
WAS CHANGING, TOO,
MAYBE MORE THAN MINE.
HER FAMILY WAS GROWING UP.
SHE DIDN'T HAVE KIDS IN
PAJAMAS ANYMORE, ASKING...
-MOM, DO WE HAVE ANY
MORE HOT CHOCOLATE?
-WOULD YOU LIKE ME
TO MAKE YOU SOME?
-SURE.
-STILL, SOMEHOW...
I KNEW THAT WHATEVER
CHANGE LAY AHEAD...
NORMA ARNOLD WOULD HANDLE IT.
-READY IN A MINUTE, HONEY.
IF I SANG OUT OF TUNE? ♪
♪ WOULD YOU STAND UP
AND WALK OUT ON ME? ♪
♪ LEND ME YOUR EARS,
AND I'LL SING YOU A SONG ♪
♪ I WILL TRY NOT TO
SING OUT OF KEY, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, BABY, I GET BY ♪
- ♪ BY WITH A LITTLE HELP
FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ ALL I NEED IS MY BUDDIES ♪
-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ I'M SAYIN' I'M GONNA GET HIGHER ♪ - ♪
TRY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ WHOA-OA-OA-OA ♪
-♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪
-♪ SOMEBODY WHO
KNOWS QUITE SURE ♪
♪ BABY ♪
-♪ BY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ SAID I'M GONNA MAKE
IT WITH MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ TRY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ OH, I'M GONNA
KEEP ON TRYING ♪
-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
♪ I'M GONNA KEEP ON
TRYING NOW, BABY ♪
-♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪
-NO TWO WAYS ABOUT IT...
WHEN I WAS 14...
- HEY.
UH!
- I WAS A PRETTY COOL KID.
NOT IN THE 99th PERCENTILE
OF COOLNESS MAYBE,
BUT DEFINITELY TOP
THIRD OF MY CLASS.
-♪ AND WHEN YOU GET IT... ♪
-I KNEW THE WALK.
I KNEW THE TALK.
I HAD MY OWN KIND OF STYLE.
BUT LIKE A LOT OF
COOL KIDS MY AGE,
I DID HAVE ONE TRAGIC FLAW,
ONE TERRIBLE SECRET
THAT THREATENED THE VERY
FABRIC OF MY FRAGILE IMAGE.
-♪ WHOA, YEAH ♪
♪ I'M A SOUL MAN ♪
-I, KEVIN ARNOLD...
-HI, HONEY!
-HI, MOM.
- HAD A MOM.
-DID YOU HAVE A
GOOD DAY AT SCHOOL?
-YEAH.
-WELL, I'M GLAD.
-DON'T GET ME WRONG,
I LIKED MY MOTHER.
SHE WAS GOOD TO ME.
-HUNGRY?
-NAH.
WELL, A LITTLE.
-GOOD.
I MADE YOU A
GRILLED-CHEESE SANDWICH.
-SHE MADE ME
GRILLED-CHEESE SANDWICHES.
-MILK?
-THANKS.
-SHE POURED MY MILK.
-OH, AND I SEWED THAT BUTTON
ON THE SHIRT THAT YOU LIKE
SO YOU CAN WEAR IT TOMORROW.
-SHE SEWED MY BUTTONS.
-THAT'S GREAT, MOM.
-AND I WENT SHOPPING
FOR YOU TODAY.
-YOU DID?
-MM-HMM.
-FACE IT... THE WOMAN LOVED ME.
SHE KNEW ME BETTER
THAN ANYONE IN THE WORLD,
WHICH, OF COURSE,
WAS THE PROBLEM.
-LOOK! UNDERPANTS!
[HORROR MUSIC PLAYS]
YOUR FAVORITE KIND.
-SHE KNEW TOO MUCH.
[BUZZER SOUNDS ON TV]
STILL, LIKE A LOT OF
HOUSEWIVES OF HER TIME,
WHAT MOM KNEW WAS PRETTY
MUCH LIMITED TO HER DOMAIN.
-OH, JACK, THE DRYER'S
BEEN ACTING UP AGAIN.
I HAD TO CHANGE THE
FILTER ON IT TODAY.
-EHHH.
-AND I PUT A NEW SHOWER
CURTAIN UP IN THE BATHROOM.
-AND SO LONG AS WHAT
SHE DID IN HER WORLD
DIDN'T INTERFERE WITH OUR WORLD,
THAT WAS FINE WITH US.
-AND...
I'VE GOT SOME NEWS.
I WAS IN LINE THIS
MORNING AT THE A&P,
AND MARIETTA NEWBURN
WAS AHEAD OF ME.
SHE MENTIONED THAT HER NEXT-DOOR
NEIGHBOR HAD JUST QUIT HER JOB,
AND THEY NEEDED SOMEONE
TO FILL HER POSITION.
JUST TEMPORARILY.
-SO?
-SO I WENT IN.
IT'S MOSTLY JUST LIGHT TYPING
AND FILING, NOTHING DIFFICULT.
AND I'D BE HOME IN PLENTY
OF TIME TO COOK DINNER.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
-NOW, OBVIOUSLY WHAT
WAS REQUIRED HERE
WAS A SHOW OF ENTHUSIASM,
HOWEVER HALF-HEARTED.
-FINE WITH ME, THEN.
-SOUNDS GREAT, MOM.
-MOM...
YOU'RE BLOCKING THE TV!
[BUZZER SOUNDS ON TV]
-OH, GOSH! I'M SORRY!
-AND THE DECISION HAD BEEN MADE.
-WELL, THEN.
I GUESS THAT'S THAT.
-AFTER ALL, IF A LITTLE
MEANINGLESS CLERICAL WORK
COULD BRIGHTEN HER DAY,
NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.
-SO, WHERE IS THIS JOB?
-IN THE ATTENDANCE
OFFICE AT KEVIN'S SCHOOL.
[BUZZER SOUNDS ON TV]
-IT WAS THE COOL KID'S
WORST NIGHTMARE.
-MOM? LISTEN, ABOUT THIS JOB.
-GIVE ME A HAND WITH
THIS, WILL YOU, HONEY?
OH. WHEW!
IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE
I'VE ACTUALLY TYPED.
WONDER IF IT'S LIKE
RIDING A BICYCLE.
-SEEMED TO ME THIS WAS
A LITTLE MORE CRITICAL
THAN TYPEWRITERS OR BICYCLES.
-MOM, ARE YOU SURE
THIS IS A GOOD IDEA?
I MEAN, I JUST WONDERED IF,
YOU KNOW, YOU'VE
THOUGHT THIS ALL THROUGH.
-HOW DO YOU MEAN, HONEY?
-WELL, YOU KNOW, A
BIG DECISION LIKE THIS
ISN'T SOMETHING YOU
JUST WANT TO RUSH INTO.
-OH.
I SEE.
-THERE.
ALL I HAD TO DO WAS DETAIL
THE GREATER RAMIFICATIONS.
-WHICH ONE DO YOU
THINK I SHOULD WEAR?
-MOM!
-KEVIN.
YOU'RE REALLY WORRIED
ABOUT THIS, AREN'T YOU?
-GOD BLESS THE WOMAN.
-KIND OF.
-WELL, DON'T BE.
JUST BECAUSE I'M GOING TO WORK
DOESN'T MEAN THAT
I'M GONNA NEGLECT YOU.
-WHAT?
-I MAY HAVE A JOB, BUT
I'M STILL YOUR MOTHER.
AND YOU'RE STILL MY LITTLE BOY.
-IT WASN'T EXACTLY A
COMFORTING THOUGHT.
-GIVE ME THAT.
-STILL, I FIGURED
SOONER OR LATER,
MOM WOULD REALIZE
WHAT A BAD IDEA THIS WAS.
ALL SHE NEEDED WAS A
LITTLE TIME TO THINK IT OVER.
-WHAT TIME SHOULD
WE LEAVE TOMORROW?
-TOMORROW?
-I START AT 9:00. WE CAN
DRIVE TO SCHOOL TOGETHER.
-THANKS, BUT I THINK
I'LL TAKE THE BUS.
[HORN HONKS]
-THIS IS FUN, ISN'T IT?
-SO MUCH FOR PUBLIC
TRANSPORTATION.
-I HAVE NEVER SEEN
YOU DAWDLE SO LONG
GETTING READY FOR SCHOOL.
-SORRY.
-YOU THINK I'M DRESSED OKAY?
-ACTUALLY, SHE LOOKED KIND
OF LIKE AN ASTRONAUT'S WIFE.
-YOU LOOK FINE, MOM.
-NOW IF SHE COULD
ONLY LOOK INVISIBLE.
-I'M JUST SORRY THAT WE WON'T
BE ABLE TO SEE EACH OTHER MORE.
-WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
-WELL, I'LL PROBABLY
BE COOPED UP
IN THAT ATTENDANCE
OFFICE ALL DAY.
I DON'T THINK I'LL EVEN
HAVE TIME TO SAY HELLO.
-YOU WON'T?
-WELL, THEN. THINGS
WERE LOOKING UP.
MAYBE THIS WOULDN'T BE SO BAD.
MAYBE ONCE WE GOT TO SCHOOL,
NO ONE WOULD EVEN
KNOW SHE WAS THERE.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
ONCE WE ACTUALLY GOT TO SCHOOL.
-READY?
KEVIN?
-UH, YOU GO AHEAD, MOM.
I GOT A, UH... A KNOT
IN MY SHOELACE.
-YOU WANT ANY HELP?
OH, I MAY HAVE AN
EXTRA ONE IN MY...
-NO! NO, REALLY. THANKS!
-I DON'T WANT TO BE LATE.
-NO, NO, WOULDN'T WANT THAT.
- WELL, THEN.
- SEE YOU, MOM!
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
-SO, I'D PASSED THE
CRITICAL HURDLE.
I'D CROSSED THE MINE FIELD.
WITH MOM SAFELY STASHED
IN THE ATTENDANCE OFFICE,
I WAS FEELING GOOD
AGAIN, COOL AGAIN.
-HEY, KEV!
GUESS WHO I RAN INTO AT
THE ATTENDANCE OFFICE.
YOUR MOM.
OH, SHE WANTED ME
TO GIVE THIS TO YOU.
-OH, MY GOSH.
THERE WAS ONLY ONE
WAY TO HANDLE THIS.
-[LAUGHS]
THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD ONE, PAUL!
-HUH?
-MY MOTHER?
I DON'T EVEN HAVE A MOTHER.
-WHAT?
-WELL, OF COURSE
I HAVE A MOTHER,
BUT SHE'S NOT HERE, PAUL.
GIVE ME THAT.
- BUT I JUST SAW HER.
-NO, YOU DIDN'T, PAUL.
- BUT I'M SURE I...
- NO, YOU DIDN'T, PAUL.
YOU DID NOT SEE MY MOTHER,
PAUL. DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
- OH.
- TAKE YOU SEATS, PLEASE.
-[SIGHS]
-OKAY, I'D WEASELED
MY WAY OUT OF IT.
BUT IT WAS CLEAR IF I
WAS GONNA SURVIVE THIS,
I WAS GONNA HAVE TO LAY LOW...
AVOID PUBLIC SITUATIONS...
[FIRE ALARM RINGING]
LIKE, SAY...
-FIRE DRILL!
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
-NOW, ORDINARILY A
JUNIOR-HIGH-SCHOOL FIRE DRILL
HAS ALL THE EXCITEMENT
OF A FOUR-WEEK VACATION
PACKED INTO 10 MINUTES.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
BUT WHILE EVERYONE
ELSE WAS PARTYING,
I WAS BUSY KEEPING WATCH.
-THERE SHE IS.
-WHO?
-MY MOTHER.
WHAT'S SHE DOING NOW?
-OH. SHE'S TALKING
TO MR. DIPERNA.
-DIPERNA?
-GREAT. INVADING MY
TURF WASN'T BAD ENOUGH.
NOW SHE WAS FRATERNIZING
WITH THE ENEMY.
-THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.
-KEV, AREN'T YOU MAKING
KIND OF A BIG DEAL OUT OF THIS?
I MEAN, LOOK AT YOU...
HIDING FROM YOUR
OWN FLESH AND BLOOD?
-EASY FOR HIM TO SAY.
IT WASN'T HIS FLESH AND BLOOD.
-PAUL, JUST STAY
OUT OF THIS, OKAY?
-OH, COME ON.
WHAT'S SHE DOING TO HURT YOU?
-WELL...
-AND SUDDENLY, I FELT ASHAMED.
PAUL, AS USUAL, WAS RIGHT.
THIS WAS MY MOTHER, THE
WOMAN WHO COOKED MY FOOD.
AND FOR THAT ONE MOMENT,
I ACTUALLY FORGAVE HER.
-YOO-HOO!
YOO-HOO! HI, HONEY!
-JUST FOR THAT MOMENT, THOUGH.
[LAUGHTER]
-YOO-HOO! KEVIN!
-POSSIBLY IT HAD BEEN THE
LONGEST SEVEN PERIODS
OF MY LIFE IN FORMAL EDUCATION.
-HI, HONEY!
-IN ONE FELL SWOOP, I'D PLUNGED
FROM THE TOP THIRD OF COOLNESS
TO THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL.
-THIS IS YOUR FAULT!
-MINE?
-WHY DID THIS HAVE
TO HAPPEN TO ME?
-IT HAPPENED BECAUSE
YOUR MOTHER CARED ENOUGH
TO SAY HELLO WHEN SHE SAW YOU.
-BUT SOMEHOW, I DOUBTED THAT.
-PAUL, WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
-WELL, THERE'S ONLY
ONE THING TO DO...
TALK TO HER.
TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL.
-I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T... I DON'T THINK SO.
-KEVIN! YOO-HOO!
-[SMOOCHING]
[LAUGHTER]
-MOM?
WE GOT TO TALK.
-HOW DO YOU MEAN?
-WELL, SEE...
-ONE LITTLE PROBLEM HERE.
HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN COOL
TO A 40-YEAR-OLD HOUSEWIFE
WHO FOLDS YOUR SWEATSOCKS?
-HOW DID IT GO TODAY?
-WELL, I THINK IT WENT OKAY.
ACTUALLY, I WAS
A LITTLE NERVOUS.
IT WAS JUST ALL SO DIFFERENT
THAN WHAT I'D EXPECTED.
BUT IT WAS FUN...
I GUESS.
ONCE I GET MY
TYPING UP TO SPEED,
I KNOW I'LL REALLY
ENJOY THE JOB.
-OH, GOOD.
-AND THAT WAS THAT.
EXCEPT... SOMEHOW I KNEW I
HAD TO FACE THIS THING HEAD ON.
-LISTEN, MOM?
-THIS WASN'T GONNA BE EASY.
IT WAS GONNA TAKE TACT, FINESSE.
-WHEN WE'RE AT SCHOOL...
COULD YOU MAYBE JUST...
NOT TALK TO ME?
OR NOTICE ME OR EVEN LOOK AT ME?
YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE
I'D RATHER PEOPLE
DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
YOU WERE THERE AT ALL.
-WELL, OF COURSE, KEVIN.
IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'D LIKE.
-UH-HUH, WINSTON
CHURCHILL HIMSELF
COULDN'T HAVE HANDLED IT BETTER.
STILL, OVER THE NEXT FEW
DAYS, THINGS KIND OF... CHANGED.
NOW THAT WE'D
HAD OUR LITTLE TALK,
MOM WAS AS GOOD AS HER WORD.
-ALEX, LOOK AT THIS CAR.
-AND WHILE I WORKED TO
PATCH MY INJURED IMAGE...
NORMA ARNOLD TURNED
INTO A STRANGER.
-[SIGHS]
-BY FRIDAY, I GUESS I WAS
FEELING PRETTY LOUSY
ABOUT WHAT I'D DONE.
FACE IT... WHAT HARM WAS
MOM ACTUALLY DOING ME?
-HEY, BUDDY.
I HEAR YOUR OLD LADY'S
WORKING FOR THE BRASS.
[CIGARETTE SIZZLES]
-ASK A STUPID QUESTION...
-TONY.
-TONY BARBELLA... RFK's
ANSWER TO JAVA MAN.
-LISTEN, ARNOLD.
YOU DON'T MIND IF I CALL
YOU "ARNOLD," DO YOU?
-WELL...
-SEE, I NEED TO
ASK YOU A FAVOR...
IF THAT'S ALL RIGHT WITH YOU.
-WELL...
-I NEED A PASS.
YOU KNOW, THE GREEN
ONES... GET OUT OF JAIL FREE?
-OH.
-AND, UH, SINCE YOU
GOT FAMILY CONNECTIONS
IN THE FRONT OFFICE,
I FIGURED YOU WERE
THE GUY TO COME TO.
-WELL, TONY, OF COURSE
I'D LIKE TO HELP YOU,
BUT JUST 'CAUSE MY...
-I UNDERSTAND THE
PROBLEMS, THE LOGISTICS.
LISTEN, IF YOU DO
THIS, I WOULD REALLY...
REALLY... REALLY...
REALLY APPRECIATE IT.
[BOING!]
[TYPEWRITER CLACKING]
-I WAS MAD.
I'D BEEN LED TO A LIFE OF CRIME.
AND I KNEW BY WHOM.
THE REAL CULPRIT WAS
RIGHT BEHIND THAT COUNTER.
-MOM?
-OH, KEVIN.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
-I, UH...
FORGOT MY LUNCH MONEY.
-HONEY, MY PURSE IS ON
THAT DESK BACK THERE.
WOULD YOU MIND JUST
COMING IN TO GET IT?
-SURE.
-AH, THE DEVIOUS DEPTHS
OF THE CRIMINAL MIND.
OKAY, SO I KNEW IT WAS WRONG.
I HAD NO CHOICE.
BESIDES, AFTER ALL
I'D BEEN THROUGH,
WHAT COURT IN THE
WORLD WOULD CONVICT ME?
[PAPER TEARING]
-KEVIN?
-AND SUDDENLY,
COURT WAS IN SESSION.
-I, UH...
-UH, MRS. ARNOLD, COULD
I SPEAK WITH YOU, PLEASE?
-I'LL BE RIGHT IN.
-AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, PLEASE.
-WELL, I HAVE TO GET TO WORK.
-[SIGHS]
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
-MOM!
-SUDDENLY THE TONY
BARBELLAS OF THE WORLD
SEEMED LIKE SMALL POTATOES.
-MOM?
ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED...
IT WASN'T WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE.
ANYWAY, I-I DIDN'T
TAKE THAT PASS.
-I KNOW.
-SO...
-KEVIN, COULD WE
TALK ABOUT THIS LATER?
I'M JUST A LITTLE
DISTRACTED RIGHT NOW.
I JUST GOT MY WALKING PAPERS.
MR. DIPERNA JUST FIRED ME.
-OH.
-HE SAID MY TYPING
WASN'T UP TO SNUFF
AND THAT MY DICTATION
WAS LABORIOUS.
-HE SAID THAT?
-I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE HE'S RIGHT.
ANYWAY...
NOW YOU KNOW.
-I'M REALLY SORRY, MOM.
-I GUESS EVEN ASTRONAUTS' WIVES
HAD A BAD DAY ONCE IN A WHILE.
-WANT SOME COMPANY?
-NO.
[HORN HONKS]
COULD YOU TAKE THE BUS?
I THINK I'D LIKE TO
GO FOR A DRIVE.
-SURE.
[CAR DOOR CLOSES,
ENGINE TURNS OVER]
-SO, WHERE IS SHE? I'M HUNGRY.
-HOW SHOULD I KNOW?
-THAT NIGHT I DIDN'T
FEEL UP TO EXPLANATIONS.
-SOMETHING HAPPEN AT SCHOOL?
-NO!
I-I MEAN, NOTHING
THAT I KNOW OF.
-I KNEW I WAS GONNA BE IN
TROUBLE FOR WHAT I'D DONE,
BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT
TROUBLED ME MOST.
STANDING IN THAT KITCHEN
WHERE MOM HAD MADE HER
FAMILY GRILLED-CHEESE SANDWICHES
FOR PAST 18 YEARS,
I KNEW THAT SOMETHING
HAD CHANGED.
[VEHICLE APPROACHES]
-ABOUT TIME.
-MM-HMM.
-DAD, WAYNE?
-THE LEAST I COULD
DO WAS PREPARE THEM
FOR THE SHATTERED SOUL ABOUT
TO WALK THROUGH THAT DOOR.
-HI!
ANYBODY HUNGRY?
- OH.
- MM-HMM.
-SORRY. I LOST TRACK OF TIME.
WE'LL EAT IN 20 MINUTES.
JUST LET ME GET THIS
CASSEROLE IN THE OVEN.
OH, AND I STOPPED BY
AND PICKED UP THE
CRUMB CAKE YOU ALL LOVE.
- GREAT.
- OH.
-YOU NEED THAT FRESHENED, HONEY?
-THANKS.
-IT WAS INCREDIBLE.
THIS WAS THE MOST UNSHATTERED
SOUL I'D EVER LAID EYES ON.
SHE SEEMED HAPPY.
ALMOST CONFIDANT.
ALMOST...
-OH, KEVIN, DID YOU TELL YOUR
FATHER ABOUT SCHOOL TODAY?
- COMPLETELY OUT OF HER MIND.
-WHAT ABOUT SCHOOL?
-I WON'T BE WORKING
THERE ANYMORE.
-WHAT?
WHY?
-WELL, IT'S PRETTY
SIMPLE, REALLY.
-AND I KNEW SHE WAS
GONNA TELL THEM...
ABOUT EVERYTHING.
ONLY FOR SOME
REASON, SHE DIDN'T.
-IT'S JUST NOT THE
RIGHT JOB FOR ME.
NOT RIGHT NOW.
AND I THINK I CAN DO BETTER.
SO I WON'T BE GOING BACK THERE.
RIGHT, HONEY?
-WELL, THEN, IF THAT'S
WHAT YOU WANT.
-THAT'S WHAT I WANT.
-AND IN THAT MOMENT, I KNEW
BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT
ONE THING ABOUT THIS
WOMAN I'D BEEN SO ASHAMED OF.
-BY THE WAY, YOU'RE GROUNDED.
-SHE WAS PRETTY COOL.
[TYPEWRITER CLACKING]
WHEN YOU'RE 14, CHANGE
IS AN EVERYDAY THING.
YOU LIVE WITH IT EVERY
MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE.
BUT THAT NIGHT, I
UNDERSTOOD FOR THE FIRST TIME
THAT MOM'S WORLD
WAS CHANGING, TOO,
MAYBE MORE THAN MINE.
HER FAMILY WAS GROWING UP.
SHE DIDN'T HAVE KIDS IN
PAJAMAS ANYMORE, ASKING...
-MOM, DO WE HAVE ANY
MORE HOT CHOCOLATE?
-WOULD YOU LIKE ME
TO MAKE YOU SOME?
-SURE.
-STILL, SOMEHOW...
I KNEW THAT WHATEVER
CHANGE LAY AHEAD...
NORMA ARNOLD WOULD HANDLE IT.
-READY IN A MINUTE, HONEY.