The Wonder Years (1988–1993): Season 4, Episode 16 - Road Trip - full transcript
Kevin is forced to take a one-hour drive with his dad to get fitted for a new suit. Things don't go as planned when his dad gets them lost and refuses to listen to Kevin, who desperately tries to help.
-♪ WHAT WOULD YOU DO
IF I SANG OUT OF TUNE? ♪
♪ WOULD YOU STAND UP
AND WALK OUT ON ME? ♪
♪ LEND ME YOUR EARS,
AND I'LL SING YOU A SONG ♪
♪ I WILL TRY NOT TO
SING OUT OF KEY, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, BABY, I GET BY ♪
- ♪ BY WITH A LITTLE HELP
FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ ALL I NEED IS MY BUDDIES ♪
-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ I'M SAYIN' I'M GONNA GET HIGHER ♪ - ♪
TRY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ WHOA-OA-OA-OA ♪
-♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪
-THE BIGGEST THING IN
A YOUNG BOY'S WORLD...
IS HIS DAD.
THE "BIG ENCHILADA."
YOU DO WHAT HE SAYS.
YOU DO WHAT HE DOES.
HE'S YOUR GUIDE THROUGH
THE MYSTERIES OF MANHOOD,
YOUR CONFIDANT, YOUR PAL.
UNTIL THE DAY COMES WHEN...
[DOOR OPENS]
-OH.
-UH...
-YOU IN HERE?
- FOR SOME REASON,
THINGS CHANGE.
-[WHISTLES]
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ON TV]
-YOUR CONFIDANT BECOMES
THAT GUY ON THE
OTHER END OF THE COUCH.
YOU STOP COMMUNICATING,
EXCEPT THROUGH AN INTERPRETER.
-KEVIN, HOW'D YOU DO
ON YOUR TEST TODAY?
-FINE, MOM.
-DO YOU HEAR THAT, HONEY?
KEVIN DID WELL ON
HIS FRENCH TEST.
-GOOD GOIN'.
-JACK, DID YOU TELL KEVIN
ABOUT YOUR TRIP TO CINCINNATI?
-RAINED.
-UH-HUH.
-COLD.
-UH-HUH.
-WELL, I GUESS THAT ROASTING
PAN HAS SOAKED LONG ENOUGH.
-BUT EVEN A SKILLED MEDIATOR
CAN'T ALWAYS BRIDGE
THE WIDENING GULF.
-♪ YOU'RE REALLY, REALLY,
VERY GROOVY, BABY ♪
♪ YOU REALLY,
REALLY TURN ME ON ♪
♪ BABY ♪
-TRUTH IS, WHEN YOU'RE 14,
THE ABSOLUTE WORST PART
OF BEING WITH YOUR DAD...
-♪ I CAN'T STAND IT ♪
♪ TRY TO KEEP THE
GROOVE A-MOVIN', BABY ♪
- IS BEING WITH YOUR DAD.
- I GOT TO STUDY.
- YEAH, I GOT TO WORK. [SIGHS]
-AND MOST OF ALL,
YOU NEVER, EVER WANT TO
BE ALONE WITH EACH OTHER.
-OH, MY GOODNESS! LOOK AT THIS!
IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE!
-WHAT IS IT?
-IT'S A SALE.
ON SUITS, AT RANDOLPH'S.
ROUTE 9-B IN MILLBROOK.
-'COURSE, WHEN YOU'RE
14, ALMOST ANY SITUATION
CAN BE FRAUGHT
WITH POTENTIAL PERIL.
-THEY'RE SLASHING PRICES.
"EVERYTHING MUST GO."
JACK, WHAT DO YOU SAY?
-'BOUT WHAT?
-ABOUT THESE SUITS.
-FORTUNATELY, THIS
WAS DAD'S PROBLEM.
-I GOT ALL THE SUITS I NEED.
-NOT OURS.
-NO. I MEANT FOR KEVIN.
-WHAT?
WHY ME?
-WELL, YOU'RE
GETTING OLDER, HONEY,
AND YOU DON'T HAVE
ONE THAT FITS YOU.
AND YOU LOOK SO MANLY IN A SUIT.
BESIDES, THEY COME
WITH TWO PAIRS OF PANTS!
-POWERFUL REASONING,
REQUIRING A POWERFUL RESPONSE.
-MOM, I DON'T WANT A SUIT, OKAY?
-THEY'RE OPEN TILL 5:00. AND
THEY'RE ONLY AN HOUR AWAY.
-MOM!
-WHAT DO YOU THINK, JACK?
-KID NEEDS A SUIT,
KID NEEDS A SUIT.
-[CHUCKLES] HAVE FUN, SUCKER.
[LAUGHS]
-GREAT. A WHOLE
SUNDAY DOWN THE TUBES.
WHAT COULD BE WORSE?
-SO, WHAT TIME WILL YOU
TWO FELLAS BE LEAVING?
-HUH?
-TO BUY THAT SUIT!
-HIM?
-ME?
-US?
-WHY NOT?
A BOY SHOULD BUY A
SUIT WITH HIS FATHER.
-[CHUCKLES]
NORMA...
-[CHUCKLES] MOM...
-IT WAS PRETTY CLEAR THIS
IDEA WASN'T GONNA FLOAT.
NOT IN A MONTH OF SUNDAYS.
-NOW, YOU SURE YOU
KNOW HOW TO GET THERE?
-'COURSE I KNOW
HOW TO GET THERE.
-YOU TAKE 15 TO THE
EXIT FOR 22-B, AND THEN...
-NORMA.
I KNOW HOW TO GET THERE.
-WELL, THEN...
YOU TWO HAVE A GOOD TIME.
-DAD, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO DO THIS, YOU KNOW.
-THE HELL WE DON'T.
-BYE-BYE!
[ENGINE TURNS OVER]
-YEP, THIS WAS
GONNA BE SOME FUN.
ME AND THE BIG GUY.
SHARIN' A LITTLE QUALITY TIME.
STILL, OUT HERE
ON THE OPEN ROAD...
MAYBE THIS WAS A CHANCE TO
RE-ESTABLISH COMMUNICATIONS.
- SO, HOW'S SCHOOL?
- GOOD.
- PAUL?
- GOOD.
-BOUNCE AROUND PHILOSOPHIES,
SINK OUR TEETH INTO
THE BIG QUESTIONS.
-HOW'S WORK?
-LOUSY.
-UH-HUH.
-THE THING IS, I KNEW
IT WAS JUST A MATTER OF
FINDING A COMMON GROUND,
SOMETHING WE WERE
BOTH PASSIONATE ABOUT,
SOMETHING LIKE...
[ SLOW INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYS]
EASY-LISTENIN' MUSIC.
-YOU MIND IF WE TURN THAT DOWN?!
-WHAT?
-NEVER MIND.
-AT LEAST IT SOLVED THE
COMMUNICATION PROBLEM.
IF NOT THE NAVIGATIONAL ONE.
-DAD!
[VOLUME DECREASES]
-WHAT IS IT NOW?
-I THINK WE JUST
PASSED OUR EXIT.
-NAH.
-NO.
REMEMBER, MOM SAID TAKE
THE 15 TO THE 22-B, AND...
-WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
IT'S NOT FOR ANOTHER 8
MILES. I'M TRACKING IT HERE.
- YEAH, BUT MOM SAID THAT IT'S...
- HEY!
YOUR MOTHER NEVER
DROVE A HALF-TRACK
HALFWAY ACROSS KOREA, OKAY?
-MAYBE SO.
BUT UNLESS I WAS MISTAKEN,
THIS WAS NOT KOREA.
-DAD, I REALLY THINK
THAT THAT WAS...
-TRUST ME.
IT'S THE NEXT ONE.
-WHATEVER YOU SAY.
-[WHISTLING]
-SO WE TOOK THE NEXT EXIT.
-WHAT'S THIS?
-I THINK IT'S A DEAD END.
-THIS ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.
-TRUE... THEORETICALLY SPEAKING.
-WELL...
MAYBE WE SHOULD
JUST TURN AROUND.
-TURN AROUND?
-YEAH.
YOU KNOW, GO BACK TO THE HIGHWAY
AND FOLLOW MOM'S DIRECTIONS.
-I'M NOT TURNIN' AROUND.
-WELL, WE CAN'T
KEEP GOING, CAN WE?
-HMM. SEEMED WE'D
REACHED A STAND-OFF HERE.
THE IRRESISTIBLE FORCE.
THE IMMOVABLE OBJECT.
-DAD?
-UNTIL THE IMMOVABLE
OBJECT BLINKED.
-HAND ME A MAP.
-OF COURSE!
MAPS!
MY FATHER HAD CHARTS
OF EVERY STREET, EVERY
TOWN, EVERY COUNTY
IN THE KNOWN FREE WORLD.
-GOT IT!
-IT WAS TIME TO SCOUT
OUT THE TERRAIN.
TOGETHER.
-LET'S... TAKE A LOOK.
-ONE LITTLE PROBLEM.
-DAD?
I-I CAN'T SEE IT.
-WHAT DO YOU NEED TO SEE IT FOR?
-WELL, I JUST THOUGHT I'D...
-LET'S SEE.
WE MUST BE NEAR LOUDENVILLE.
-IT WAS HARD TO TELL, STANDING
4 FEET BELOW SEA LEVEL.
-[SCOFFS] COME ON, DAD.
-HUH?
-CAN I HELP?
-OH, SURE.
FOLD IT UP FOR ME, WILL YOU?
-BUT, I...
-COME ON. WE'RE WASTING TIME.
-NOW, WE ALL KNOW MAP
COMPANIES HIRE GUYS WHO SPECIALIZE
IN MAKING MAP-FOLDING
A PHYSICAL IMPOSSIBILITY.
-OH, HERE.
SEE, THIS GOES RIGHT HERE...
-GET IN. WE GOT TO GO.
[SIGHS]
[ENGINE TURNS OVER]
TWO RIGHTS, THREE LEFTS,
AND WE'RE BACK IN BUSINESS.
RIGHT, SPORT?
- RIGHT, DAD.
-MAYBE SO, MAYBE NOT.
SEEMED PRETTY CLEAR IT WAS TIME
FOR ME AND THE BIG
GUY TO HAVE A CHAT.
-DAD?
-HMM?
-CAN WE TALK?
-'BOUT WHAT?
-IT'S JUST...
I WANTED TO FOLD THE MAP.
-AND I GUESS THAT
KIND OF SUMMED IT UP.
[ENGINE REVS]
IN A WORD...
-I THINK WE'RE STUCK.
-WE'RE NOT STUCK.
[ENGINE REVVING]
-BUT WE WERE.
BY 2:00, WE WERE
ON OUR WAY AGAIN.
MUDDIER, BUT WISER.
[BELL DINGS]
STILL, AT LEAST, NOW WE
KNEW WHERE WE WERE.
-LOUDENVILLE.
-WELCOME TO HILLSDALE.
CAN I HELP YOU?
-UH, YEAH, PLEASE.
WE NEED SOME...
-GAS. FILL IT UP.
- AND SOME...
- OIL. CHECK IT.
-GOTCHA!
-DAD, SHOULDN'T WE
ASK FOR DIRECTIONS?
-WHY?
WE KNOW WHERE WE ARE.
HILLSDALE.
-'COURSE, I SHOULD
HAVE KNOWN BETTER.
MY FATHER WOULD
FACE A FIRING SQUAD
BEFORE HE'D ASK A QUALIFIED
STRANGER FOR INFORMATION.
-SAY, YOU KNOW, THAT
FRONT-RIGHT TIRE OF YOURS...
-TIRE'S FINE!
COME ON. LET'S WASH UP.
-FINE WITH ME.
-GOTCHA.
-ANYTHING WAS BETTER THAN
SITTING IN THAT CAR TOGETHER.
BESIDES, MAYBE HERE,
IN THIS HUMBLE INN,
WE COULD REFRESH OUR WEARY
SPIRITS, SIT DOWN AS EQUALS.
-GET ME SOME COFFEE, HUH?
-What do I look
like, your slave?
-CAN I GET YOU SOMETHING?
-ONE COFFEE, PLEASE.
-SURE, HANDSOME.
-HOLD THE PHONE.
-MAKE THAT TWO COFFEES.
-ARE YOU FROM AROUND HERE?
-UH...
-HAVEN'T SEEN YOU
IN HERE BEFORE.
-WELL...
I...
MOSTLY HANG OUT...
SOMEWHERE ELSE.
-LIKE JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL.
BUT WHY QUIBBLE?
-TWO COFFEES.
ANYTHING ELSE?
-HMM...
LET'S SEE, HERE...
-SCRAMBLED EGGS, BACON... CRISP,
WHEAT TOAST, HOME
FRIES, APPLESAUCE,
AND A COUPLE OF CORN MUFFINS.
-UH-HUH.
-CAN I WARM THAT UP FOR YOU?
-OH. THANKS.
-SO, I'D GONE A
LITTLE OVERBOARD.
TRUE LOVE DOES THAT TO YOU.
AND I KNEW DAD WOULD UNDERSTAND.
-WHAT THE HELL IS ALL THIS?
-Dad.
-OH.
[CHUCKLES] WELL...
-AND SUDDENLY, WE
WERE... CONNECTING.
THIS WAS SOMETHING THAT
WENT BEYOND MERE WORDS,
THE THING GUYS UNDERSTAND.
-HI, HANDSOME.
-[CHUCKLES] HI.
-THE THING GREEK
TRAGEDIES ARE MADE OF.
-CAN I WARM THAT UP FOR YOU?
-OH, SURE.
AND, UH, GET THE
KID A GINGER ALE.
- "KID"?
"GINGER ALE"?
-Dad, I'm drinking coffee, okay?
-OH! RIGHT.
HE'S DRINKING COFFEE. [CHUCKLES]
-[CHUCKLES]
-I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT. THE
BIG LUMMOX HAD SOLD ME OUT.
-[SLURPS]
-OKAY, THEN.
IF HE WANTED TO PLAY ROUGH...
-SO, DAD?
-HMM?
-THINK MOM'S EXPECTING US?
-HUH?
-YOU KNOW.
MY MOM.
YOUR WIFE?!
-WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?
-'COURSE, YOU CAN'T GET US HOME
BECAUSE YOU GOT US LOST!
RIGHT?!
-[CHUCKLES]
-[CHUCKLES]
-[ CHUCKLES] TAKE THAT!
GULP.
[TIRES SCREECH]
[COW MOOING]
[ SLOW INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYS]
AND SO THE BATTLE-LINES
WERE DRAWN.
WORDS HAD FAILED US.
NEGOTIATIONS HAD BROKEN DOWN.
HOSTILITIES HAD BROKEN OUT.
[ ROCK 'N' ROLL MUSIC PLAYS]
[ CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS]
-[WHISTLING]
[ UP-TEMPO ROCK
'N' ROLL MUSIC PLAYS]
[ CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS]
[ UP-TEMPO ROCK
'N' ROLL MUSIC PLAYS]
♪ MY DOG'S BETTER
THAN YOUR DOG ♪
[ COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS]
Man: TO FIND HIS LIGHT, I SAY...
[ ROCK 'N' ROLL MUSIC PLAYS]
[ ITALIAN OPERA MUSIC PLAYS]
AND THIS TIME, NO
ONE WAS BLINKING.
THREE HOURS, SIX WRONG TURNS,
AND TWO GAS STATIONS LATER...
[ MUSIC STOPS]
[AIR HISSES]
-[SIGHS]
- SOMEBODY FINALLY SPOKE.
-I'LL GET THE JACK.
[SIGHS]
-DID YOU NEED ANY
HELP WITH THAT?
-I CAN HANDLE IT.
- DAD, CAN'T YOU JUST LET ME...
- I SAID I CAN HANDLE IT.
-I STOOD THERE, FEELING LIKE...
A FIFTH WHEEL.
NOT EVEN THAT.
-ALL RIGHT. GIVE ME
SOME ROOM HERE.
GREAT. [BREATHING HEAVILY]
LUG NUT'S JAMMED.
DAMN THING WON'T BUDGE.
[Straining] IT MIGHT AS WELL
BE... WELDED ON... SOLID.
HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED?
-COURSE, HE PROBABLY
MEANT THAT TO BE RHETORICAL.
STILL...
-MAYBE 'CAUSE YOU DIDN'T LISTEN
TO THAT GUY BACK
AT THE GAS STATION!
-I SEEMED TO FEEL THE NEED
TO SHOOT OFF MY BIG MOUTH.
-WHAT?
-WELL... YOU SHOULD HAVE.
-LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING, KEVIN.
WE WOULDN'T BE HERE IF IT WASN'T
FOR THAT DAMN SUIT OF YOURS.
-MY SUIT?!
LOOK, I DIDN'T EVEN
WANT TO COME HERE!
-WELL, NEITHER DID I!
TRAVELIN' HALFWAY
AROUND THE COUNTRY.
-YEAH, WELL, THAT'S JUST
'CAUSE YOU GOT US LOST!
-I DID NOT GET US LOST!
- DID SO!
- I DID NOT!
- DID SO!
- DAMN IT!
DOES THIS LOOK LIKE WE'RE LOST?!
-BUT THE AWFUL
TRUTH WAS, WE WERE.
HE KNEW IT, AND I KNEW IT.
WE WERE LOST... IN A WAY
THAT HAD NOTHING TO DO
WITH RAND McNALLY OR ROUTE 22-B.
AND I GUESS THAT'S WHEN
I KNEW WHAT I HAD TO DO.
-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
-I'M CHANGING THE TIRE.
-WHAT?
-YOU HEARD ME!
-ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?
-MAYBE I WAS, BUT I DIDN'T CARE.
I WAS GONNA BUDGE THAT LUG NUT
IF IT WAS THE LAST
THING I EVER DID.
[KEVIN STRAINING]
I WAS GONNA BUDGE
IT OR DIE TRYING.
BUDGE IT OR GIVE UP THE GHOST.
AND THEN, SOMETHING
COMPLETELY UNEXPECTED HAPPENED.
I BUDGED THE LUG NUT.
[LUG NUT SQUEAKING]
IT WAS KIND OF A BIG MOMENT.
-GO AHEAD.
[CROSBY, STILLS, NASH, & YOUNG'S
"TEACH YOUR CHILDREN" PLAYS]
-♪ YOU, WHO ARE ON THE ROAD ♪
♪ MUST HAVE A CODE
THAT YOU CAN LIVE BY ♪
♪ AND SO... ♪
-WE DIDN'T TALK ANY
MORE ON THE WAY HOME
THAN WE DID ON THE WAY OUT.
BUT MAYBE WE
LISTENED A LITTLE MORE
TO WHAT WAS BEING
SAID IN THE SILENCE.
-♪ TEACH YOUR CHILDREN WELL ♪
♪ THEIR FATHER'S HELL ♪
♪ DID SLOWLY GO BY ♪
♪ AND FEED THEM ON YOUR DREAMS ♪
-TIRED?
-A LITTLE.
-HM.
YOUR MOM'S GONNA KILL US,
COMING HOME WITHOUT A SUIT.
GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO
FACE THE MUSIC, THOUGH.
-YEAH.
-HM. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
I HEARD OF THIS PLACE
OUT ON THE HIGHWAY.
SUPPOSED TO HAVE
GREAT APPLE PIE.
MAYBE WE'LL GO AND TRY IT.
WE COULD GET OUR STORIES
STRAIGHT, HAVE A CUP OF JOE.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
-♪ AND YOU OF TENDER YEARS ♪
♪ CAN'T KNOW THE FEARS ♪
♪ THAT YOUR ELDERS GREW BY ♪
♪ AND SO PLEASE HELP... ♪
-WHAT'S THAT FOR?
-IN CASE WE GET LOST.
-[CHUCKLES]
WE WON'T NEED IT.
WE'LL FIND OUR OWN WAY.
-♪ TEACH YOUR PARENTS WELL ♪
[ENGINE TURNS OVER] ♪
THEIR CHILDREN'S HELL... ♪
-MAYBE HE WAS RIGHT.
WHERE WE WERE HEADED,
THERE WERE NO MAPS.
IT WAS UNCHARTED TERRITORY.
FROM NOW ON...
WE WERE FLYING BY
THE SEAT OF OUR PANTS.
-♪ DON'T YOU EVER ASK THEM WHY ♪
♪ IF THEY TOLD YOU,
YOU WOULD CRY ♪
♪ SO JUST LOOK
AT THEM AND SIGH ♪
♪ AND KNOW THEY LOVE YOU ♪
IF I SANG OUT OF TUNE? ♪
♪ WOULD YOU STAND UP
AND WALK OUT ON ME? ♪
♪ LEND ME YOUR EARS,
AND I'LL SING YOU A SONG ♪
♪ I WILL TRY NOT TO
SING OUT OF KEY, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, BABY, I GET BY ♪
- ♪ BY WITH A LITTLE HELP
FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ ALL I NEED IS MY BUDDIES ♪
-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ I'M SAYIN' I'M GONNA GET HIGHER ♪ - ♪
TRY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ WHOA-OA-OA-OA ♪
-♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪
-THE BIGGEST THING IN
A YOUNG BOY'S WORLD...
IS HIS DAD.
THE "BIG ENCHILADA."
YOU DO WHAT HE SAYS.
YOU DO WHAT HE DOES.
HE'S YOUR GUIDE THROUGH
THE MYSTERIES OF MANHOOD,
YOUR CONFIDANT, YOUR PAL.
UNTIL THE DAY COMES WHEN...
[DOOR OPENS]
-OH.
-UH...
-YOU IN HERE?
- FOR SOME REASON,
THINGS CHANGE.
-[WHISTLES]
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ON TV]
-YOUR CONFIDANT BECOMES
THAT GUY ON THE
OTHER END OF THE COUCH.
YOU STOP COMMUNICATING,
EXCEPT THROUGH AN INTERPRETER.
-KEVIN, HOW'D YOU DO
ON YOUR TEST TODAY?
-FINE, MOM.
-DO YOU HEAR THAT, HONEY?
KEVIN DID WELL ON
HIS FRENCH TEST.
-GOOD GOIN'.
-JACK, DID YOU TELL KEVIN
ABOUT YOUR TRIP TO CINCINNATI?
-RAINED.
-UH-HUH.
-COLD.
-UH-HUH.
-WELL, I GUESS THAT ROASTING
PAN HAS SOAKED LONG ENOUGH.
-BUT EVEN A SKILLED MEDIATOR
CAN'T ALWAYS BRIDGE
THE WIDENING GULF.
-♪ YOU'RE REALLY, REALLY,
VERY GROOVY, BABY ♪
♪ YOU REALLY,
REALLY TURN ME ON ♪
♪ BABY ♪
-TRUTH IS, WHEN YOU'RE 14,
THE ABSOLUTE WORST PART
OF BEING WITH YOUR DAD...
-♪ I CAN'T STAND IT ♪
♪ TRY TO KEEP THE
GROOVE A-MOVIN', BABY ♪
- IS BEING WITH YOUR DAD.
- I GOT TO STUDY.
- YEAH, I GOT TO WORK. [SIGHS]
-AND MOST OF ALL,
YOU NEVER, EVER WANT TO
BE ALONE WITH EACH OTHER.
-OH, MY GOODNESS! LOOK AT THIS!
IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE!
-WHAT IS IT?
-IT'S A SALE.
ON SUITS, AT RANDOLPH'S.
ROUTE 9-B IN MILLBROOK.
-'COURSE, WHEN YOU'RE
14, ALMOST ANY SITUATION
CAN BE FRAUGHT
WITH POTENTIAL PERIL.
-THEY'RE SLASHING PRICES.
"EVERYTHING MUST GO."
JACK, WHAT DO YOU SAY?
-'BOUT WHAT?
-ABOUT THESE SUITS.
-FORTUNATELY, THIS
WAS DAD'S PROBLEM.
-I GOT ALL THE SUITS I NEED.
-NOT OURS.
-NO. I MEANT FOR KEVIN.
-WHAT?
WHY ME?
-WELL, YOU'RE
GETTING OLDER, HONEY,
AND YOU DON'T HAVE
ONE THAT FITS YOU.
AND YOU LOOK SO MANLY IN A SUIT.
BESIDES, THEY COME
WITH TWO PAIRS OF PANTS!
-POWERFUL REASONING,
REQUIRING A POWERFUL RESPONSE.
-MOM, I DON'T WANT A SUIT, OKAY?
-THEY'RE OPEN TILL 5:00. AND
THEY'RE ONLY AN HOUR AWAY.
-MOM!
-WHAT DO YOU THINK, JACK?
-KID NEEDS A SUIT,
KID NEEDS A SUIT.
-[CHUCKLES] HAVE FUN, SUCKER.
[LAUGHS]
-GREAT. A WHOLE
SUNDAY DOWN THE TUBES.
WHAT COULD BE WORSE?
-SO, WHAT TIME WILL YOU
TWO FELLAS BE LEAVING?
-HUH?
-TO BUY THAT SUIT!
-HIM?
-ME?
-US?
-WHY NOT?
A BOY SHOULD BUY A
SUIT WITH HIS FATHER.
-[CHUCKLES]
NORMA...
-[CHUCKLES] MOM...
-IT WAS PRETTY CLEAR THIS
IDEA WASN'T GONNA FLOAT.
NOT IN A MONTH OF SUNDAYS.
-NOW, YOU SURE YOU
KNOW HOW TO GET THERE?
-'COURSE I KNOW
HOW TO GET THERE.
-YOU TAKE 15 TO THE
EXIT FOR 22-B, AND THEN...
-NORMA.
I KNOW HOW TO GET THERE.
-WELL, THEN...
YOU TWO HAVE A GOOD TIME.
-DAD, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO DO THIS, YOU KNOW.
-THE HELL WE DON'T.
-BYE-BYE!
[ENGINE TURNS OVER]
-YEP, THIS WAS
GONNA BE SOME FUN.
ME AND THE BIG GUY.
SHARIN' A LITTLE QUALITY TIME.
STILL, OUT HERE
ON THE OPEN ROAD...
MAYBE THIS WAS A CHANCE TO
RE-ESTABLISH COMMUNICATIONS.
- SO, HOW'S SCHOOL?
- GOOD.
- PAUL?
- GOOD.
-BOUNCE AROUND PHILOSOPHIES,
SINK OUR TEETH INTO
THE BIG QUESTIONS.
-HOW'S WORK?
-LOUSY.
-UH-HUH.
-THE THING IS, I KNEW
IT WAS JUST A MATTER OF
FINDING A COMMON GROUND,
SOMETHING WE WERE
BOTH PASSIONATE ABOUT,
SOMETHING LIKE...
[ SLOW INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYS]
EASY-LISTENIN' MUSIC.
-YOU MIND IF WE TURN THAT DOWN?!
-WHAT?
-NEVER MIND.
-AT LEAST IT SOLVED THE
COMMUNICATION PROBLEM.
IF NOT THE NAVIGATIONAL ONE.
-DAD!
[VOLUME DECREASES]
-WHAT IS IT NOW?
-I THINK WE JUST
PASSED OUR EXIT.
-NAH.
-NO.
REMEMBER, MOM SAID TAKE
THE 15 TO THE 22-B, AND...
-WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
IT'S NOT FOR ANOTHER 8
MILES. I'M TRACKING IT HERE.
- YEAH, BUT MOM SAID THAT IT'S...
- HEY!
YOUR MOTHER NEVER
DROVE A HALF-TRACK
HALFWAY ACROSS KOREA, OKAY?
-MAYBE SO.
BUT UNLESS I WAS MISTAKEN,
THIS WAS NOT KOREA.
-DAD, I REALLY THINK
THAT THAT WAS...
-TRUST ME.
IT'S THE NEXT ONE.
-WHATEVER YOU SAY.
-[WHISTLING]
-SO WE TOOK THE NEXT EXIT.
-WHAT'S THIS?
-I THINK IT'S A DEAD END.
-THIS ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.
-TRUE... THEORETICALLY SPEAKING.
-WELL...
MAYBE WE SHOULD
JUST TURN AROUND.
-TURN AROUND?
-YEAH.
YOU KNOW, GO BACK TO THE HIGHWAY
AND FOLLOW MOM'S DIRECTIONS.
-I'M NOT TURNIN' AROUND.
-WELL, WE CAN'T
KEEP GOING, CAN WE?
-HMM. SEEMED WE'D
REACHED A STAND-OFF HERE.
THE IRRESISTIBLE FORCE.
THE IMMOVABLE OBJECT.
-DAD?
-UNTIL THE IMMOVABLE
OBJECT BLINKED.
-HAND ME A MAP.
-OF COURSE!
MAPS!
MY FATHER HAD CHARTS
OF EVERY STREET, EVERY
TOWN, EVERY COUNTY
IN THE KNOWN FREE WORLD.
-GOT IT!
-IT WAS TIME TO SCOUT
OUT THE TERRAIN.
TOGETHER.
-LET'S... TAKE A LOOK.
-ONE LITTLE PROBLEM.
-DAD?
I-I CAN'T SEE IT.
-WHAT DO YOU NEED TO SEE IT FOR?
-WELL, I JUST THOUGHT I'D...
-LET'S SEE.
WE MUST BE NEAR LOUDENVILLE.
-IT WAS HARD TO TELL, STANDING
4 FEET BELOW SEA LEVEL.
-[SCOFFS] COME ON, DAD.
-HUH?
-CAN I HELP?
-OH, SURE.
FOLD IT UP FOR ME, WILL YOU?
-BUT, I...
-COME ON. WE'RE WASTING TIME.
-NOW, WE ALL KNOW MAP
COMPANIES HIRE GUYS WHO SPECIALIZE
IN MAKING MAP-FOLDING
A PHYSICAL IMPOSSIBILITY.
-OH, HERE.
SEE, THIS GOES RIGHT HERE...
-GET IN. WE GOT TO GO.
[SIGHS]
[ENGINE TURNS OVER]
TWO RIGHTS, THREE LEFTS,
AND WE'RE BACK IN BUSINESS.
RIGHT, SPORT?
- RIGHT, DAD.
-MAYBE SO, MAYBE NOT.
SEEMED PRETTY CLEAR IT WAS TIME
FOR ME AND THE BIG
GUY TO HAVE A CHAT.
-DAD?
-HMM?
-CAN WE TALK?
-'BOUT WHAT?
-IT'S JUST...
I WANTED TO FOLD THE MAP.
-AND I GUESS THAT
KIND OF SUMMED IT UP.
[ENGINE REVS]
IN A WORD...
-I THINK WE'RE STUCK.
-WE'RE NOT STUCK.
[ENGINE REVVING]
-BUT WE WERE.
BY 2:00, WE WERE
ON OUR WAY AGAIN.
MUDDIER, BUT WISER.
[BELL DINGS]
STILL, AT LEAST, NOW WE
KNEW WHERE WE WERE.
-LOUDENVILLE.
-WELCOME TO HILLSDALE.
CAN I HELP YOU?
-UH, YEAH, PLEASE.
WE NEED SOME...
-GAS. FILL IT UP.
- AND SOME...
- OIL. CHECK IT.
-GOTCHA!
-DAD, SHOULDN'T WE
ASK FOR DIRECTIONS?
-WHY?
WE KNOW WHERE WE ARE.
HILLSDALE.
-'COURSE, I SHOULD
HAVE KNOWN BETTER.
MY FATHER WOULD
FACE A FIRING SQUAD
BEFORE HE'D ASK A QUALIFIED
STRANGER FOR INFORMATION.
-SAY, YOU KNOW, THAT
FRONT-RIGHT TIRE OF YOURS...
-TIRE'S FINE!
COME ON. LET'S WASH UP.
-FINE WITH ME.
-GOTCHA.
-ANYTHING WAS BETTER THAN
SITTING IN THAT CAR TOGETHER.
BESIDES, MAYBE HERE,
IN THIS HUMBLE INN,
WE COULD REFRESH OUR WEARY
SPIRITS, SIT DOWN AS EQUALS.
-GET ME SOME COFFEE, HUH?
-What do I look
like, your slave?
-CAN I GET YOU SOMETHING?
-ONE COFFEE, PLEASE.
-SURE, HANDSOME.
-HOLD THE PHONE.
-MAKE THAT TWO COFFEES.
-ARE YOU FROM AROUND HERE?
-UH...
-HAVEN'T SEEN YOU
IN HERE BEFORE.
-WELL...
I...
MOSTLY HANG OUT...
SOMEWHERE ELSE.
-LIKE JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL.
BUT WHY QUIBBLE?
-TWO COFFEES.
ANYTHING ELSE?
-HMM...
LET'S SEE, HERE...
-SCRAMBLED EGGS, BACON... CRISP,
WHEAT TOAST, HOME
FRIES, APPLESAUCE,
AND A COUPLE OF CORN MUFFINS.
-UH-HUH.
-CAN I WARM THAT UP FOR YOU?
-OH. THANKS.
-SO, I'D GONE A
LITTLE OVERBOARD.
TRUE LOVE DOES THAT TO YOU.
AND I KNEW DAD WOULD UNDERSTAND.
-WHAT THE HELL IS ALL THIS?
-Dad.
-OH.
[CHUCKLES] WELL...
-AND SUDDENLY, WE
WERE... CONNECTING.
THIS WAS SOMETHING THAT
WENT BEYOND MERE WORDS,
THE THING GUYS UNDERSTAND.
-HI, HANDSOME.
-[CHUCKLES] HI.
-THE THING GREEK
TRAGEDIES ARE MADE OF.
-CAN I WARM THAT UP FOR YOU?
-OH, SURE.
AND, UH, GET THE
KID A GINGER ALE.
- "KID"?
"GINGER ALE"?
-Dad, I'm drinking coffee, okay?
-OH! RIGHT.
HE'S DRINKING COFFEE. [CHUCKLES]
-[CHUCKLES]
-I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT. THE
BIG LUMMOX HAD SOLD ME OUT.
-[SLURPS]
-OKAY, THEN.
IF HE WANTED TO PLAY ROUGH...
-SO, DAD?
-HMM?
-THINK MOM'S EXPECTING US?
-HUH?
-YOU KNOW.
MY MOM.
YOUR WIFE?!
-WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?
-'COURSE, YOU CAN'T GET US HOME
BECAUSE YOU GOT US LOST!
RIGHT?!
-[CHUCKLES]
-[CHUCKLES]
-[ CHUCKLES] TAKE THAT!
GULP.
[TIRES SCREECH]
[COW MOOING]
[ SLOW INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYS]
AND SO THE BATTLE-LINES
WERE DRAWN.
WORDS HAD FAILED US.
NEGOTIATIONS HAD BROKEN DOWN.
HOSTILITIES HAD BROKEN OUT.
[ ROCK 'N' ROLL MUSIC PLAYS]
[ CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS]
-[WHISTLING]
[ UP-TEMPO ROCK
'N' ROLL MUSIC PLAYS]
[ CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS]
[ UP-TEMPO ROCK
'N' ROLL MUSIC PLAYS]
♪ MY DOG'S BETTER
THAN YOUR DOG ♪
[ COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS]
Man: TO FIND HIS LIGHT, I SAY...
[ ROCK 'N' ROLL MUSIC PLAYS]
[ ITALIAN OPERA MUSIC PLAYS]
AND THIS TIME, NO
ONE WAS BLINKING.
THREE HOURS, SIX WRONG TURNS,
AND TWO GAS STATIONS LATER...
[ MUSIC STOPS]
[AIR HISSES]
-[SIGHS]
- SOMEBODY FINALLY SPOKE.
-I'LL GET THE JACK.
[SIGHS]
-DID YOU NEED ANY
HELP WITH THAT?
-I CAN HANDLE IT.
- DAD, CAN'T YOU JUST LET ME...
- I SAID I CAN HANDLE IT.
-I STOOD THERE, FEELING LIKE...
A FIFTH WHEEL.
NOT EVEN THAT.
-ALL RIGHT. GIVE ME
SOME ROOM HERE.
GREAT. [BREATHING HEAVILY]
LUG NUT'S JAMMED.
DAMN THING WON'T BUDGE.
[Straining] IT MIGHT AS WELL
BE... WELDED ON... SOLID.
HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED?
-COURSE, HE PROBABLY
MEANT THAT TO BE RHETORICAL.
STILL...
-MAYBE 'CAUSE YOU DIDN'T LISTEN
TO THAT GUY BACK
AT THE GAS STATION!
-I SEEMED TO FEEL THE NEED
TO SHOOT OFF MY BIG MOUTH.
-WHAT?
-WELL... YOU SHOULD HAVE.
-LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING, KEVIN.
WE WOULDN'T BE HERE IF IT WASN'T
FOR THAT DAMN SUIT OF YOURS.
-MY SUIT?!
LOOK, I DIDN'T EVEN
WANT TO COME HERE!
-WELL, NEITHER DID I!
TRAVELIN' HALFWAY
AROUND THE COUNTRY.
-YEAH, WELL, THAT'S JUST
'CAUSE YOU GOT US LOST!
-I DID NOT GET US LOST!
- DID SO!
- I DID NOT!
- DID SO!
- DAMN IT!
DOES THIS LOOK LIKE WE'RE LOST?!
-BUT THE AWFUL
TRUTH WAS, WE WERE.
HE KNEW IT, AND I KNEW IT.
WE WERE LOST... IN A WAY
THAT HAD NOTHING TO DO
WITH RAND McNALLY OR ROUTE 22-B.
AND I GUESS THAT'S WHEN
I KNEW WHAT I HAD TO DO.
-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
-I'M CHANGING THE TIRE.
-WHAT?
-YOU HEARD ME!
-ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?
-MAYBE I WAS, BUT I DIDN'T CARE.
I WAS GONNA BUDGE THAT LUG NUT
IF IT WAS THE LAST
THING I EVER DID.
[KEVIN STRAINING]
I WAS GONNA BUDGE
IT OR DIE TRYING.
BUDGE IT OR GIVE UP THE GHOST.
AND THEN, SOMETHING
COMPLETELY UNEXPECTED HAPPENED.
I BUDGED THE LUG NUT.
[LUG NUT SQUEAKING]
IT WAS KIND OF A BIG MOMENT.
-GO AHEAD.
[CROSBY, STILLS, NASH, & YOUNG'S
"TEACH YOUR CHILDREN" PLAYS]
-♪ YOU, WHO ARE ON THE ROAD ♪
♪ MUST HAVE A CODE
THAT YOU CAN LIVE BY ♪
♪ AND SO... ♪
-WE DIDN'T TALK ANY
MORE ON THE WAY HOME
THAN WE DID ON THE WAY OUT.
BUT MAYBE WE
LISTENED A LITTLE MORE
TO WHAT WAS BEING
SAID IN THE SILENCE.
-♪ TEACH YOUR CHILDREN WELL ♪
♪ THEIR FATHER'S HELL ♪
♪ DID SLOWLY GO BY ♪
♪ AND FEED THEM ON YOUR DREAMS ♪
-TIRED?
-A LITTLE.
-HM.
YOUR MOM'S GONNA KILL US,
COMING HOME WITHOUT A SUIT.
GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO
FACE THE MUSIC, THOUGH.
-YEAH.
-HM. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
I HEARD OF THIS PLACE
OUT ON THE HIGHWAY.
SUPPOSED TO HAVE
GREAT APPLE PIE.
MAYBE WE'LL GO AND TRY IT.
WE COULD GET OUR STORIES
STRAIGHT, HAVE A CUP OF JOE.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
-♪ AND YOU OF TENDER YEARS ♪
♪ CAN'T KNOW THE FEARS ♪
♪ THAT YOUR ELDERS GREW BY ♪
♪ AND SO PLEASE HELP... ♪
-WHAT'S THAT FOR?
-IN CASE WE GET LOST.
-[CHUCKLES]
WE WON'T NEED IT.
WE'LL FIND OUR OWN WAY.
-♪ TEACH YOUR PARENTS WELL ♪
[ENGINE TURNS OVER] ♪
THEIR CHILDREN'S HELL... ♪
-MAYBE HE WAS RIGHT.
WHERE WE WERE HEADED,
THERE WERE NO MAPS.
IT WAS UNCHARTED TERRITORY.
FROM NOW ON...
WE WERE FLYING BY
THE SEAT OF OUR PANTS.
-♪ DON'T YOU EVER ASK THEM WHY ♪
♪ IF THEY TOLD YOU,
YOU WOULD CRY ♪
♪ SO JUST LOOK
AT THEM AND SIGH ♪
♪ AND KNOW THEY LOVE YOU ♪