The Wonder Years (1988–1993): Season 3, Episode 9 - Math Class Squared - full transcript
While still having problem in his math class, Kevin makes the decision that the only way to get good grades is to cheat.
-♪ WHAT WOULD YOU DO
IF I SANG OUT OF TUNE? ♪
♪ WOULD YOU STAND UP
AND WALK OUT ON ME? ♪
♪ LEND ME YOUR EARS,
AND I'LL SING YOU A SONG ♪
♪ I WILL TRY NOT TO
SING OUT OF KEY, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, BABY, I GET BY ♪
- ♪ BY WITH A LITTLE HELP
FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ ALL I NEED IS MY BUDDIES ♪
-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ I'M SAYIN' I'M GONNA GET HIGHER ♪ - ♪
TRY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ WHOA-OA-OA-OA ♪
-♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪
-♪ SOMEBODY WHO
KNOWS QUITE SURE ♪
♪ BABY ♪
-♪ BY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ SAID I'M GONNA MAKE
IT WITH MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ TRY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ OH, I'M GONNA
KEEP ON TRYING ♪
-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
♪ I'M GONNA KEEP ON
TRYING NOW, BABY ♪
-♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪
-EVERY KID NEEDS A HERO.
EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT.
THEY TEACH US ABOUT COURAGE...
ABOUT IDEALS...
ABOUT LIFE.
SOMETIMES HEROES
ARE EASY TO SPOT.
BUT SOMETIMES... THEY
TURN UP IN UNLIKELY PLACES.
-SQUARE BOTH SIDES
OF THE EQUATION,
AND COMPLETE YOUR
SOLUTION, AND THEN PROVE IT
BY SUBSTITUTING BOTH ROOTS
IN THE ORIGINAL EQUATION.
-MR. COLLINS AND I HAD BEEN
THROUGH A LOT TOGETHER...
A LOT OF MATH, ANYWAY.
-THE SQUARE ROOT OF X MINUS
2 IS X MINUS 2 TIMES X MINUS 2.
X EQUALS X SQUARED...
-WE'D KIND OF STARTED
OUT ON THE WRONG FOOT,
BUT THE MORE I GOT TO
KNOW HIM, THE MORE I...
WELL... I LIKED THE GUY.
-AND THAT IS HOW
WE SOLVE EQUATIONS
INVOLVING A SINGLE RADICAL.
-HE WASN'T EXACTLY
WHAT YOU'D CALL "COOL"...
-QUESTIONS?
MR. McCORMICK.
-IS THERE ANY OF THIS STUFF
WE SHOULD KNOW FOR THE TEST?
-ALL OF IT.
-ALL OF IT?
-I WOULDN'T TEACH IT IF I DIDN'T
THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW IT.
- BUT HE WAS FAIR.
-I SUGGEST, IN PARTICULAR,
THAT YOU STUDY THE
EQUATION ON THE BOARD.
THAT IS LIKELY TO
BE ON YOUR QUIZ.
-YOU HAD TO RESPECT THE GUY.
AT LEAST I DID.
AND I'D LIKE TO THINK
THAT RESPECT WAS MUTUAL.
-MR. ARNOLD.
DO YOU FIND SOMETHING AMUSING?
-UH... NO. NOTHING.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
-FOR TOMORROW...
REVIEW UNIT 14...
"ROOTS AND RADICALS."
-WHAT A DOOFUS!
[LAUGHTER]
-MAYBE TO SOME,
BUT TO ME, THE MAN
WAS KIND OF A HERO.
HE MADE ME WANT TO DO MY BEST.
NOT THAT MY BEST WAS
ANYTHING TO BRAG ABOUT, BUT...
-[SIGHS]
THIS IS A BEAR.
WHY'D I EVER LET MR. COLLINS
TALK ME INTO ADVANCED MATH?
-OH, COME ON, PAUL.
YOU'RE DOING FINE.
-AT LEAST I DIDN'T HAVE
TO SUFFER THE ANXIETIES
OF A MAJOR-LEAGUE MATH JOCK.
-[SIGHS] I DON'T KNOW.
LOOK WHAT I GOT ON MY LAST QUIZ.
A "B."
-SO, WHAT'S WRONG WITH A "B"?
-A "B" IS LIKE
KISSING YOUR SISTER.
-SO, WHO AM I KISSING?
-UH... LOOK, I-I
DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE...
-NO, IT'S ALL RIGHT, PAUL.
I'M FINE ABOUT IT, REALLY.
-I'M GONNA GO CHECK
OUT SOME BOOKS.
-FACT WAS, I WAS KIND OF
PROUD OF MY PALTRY "C."
I'D WORKED HARD FOR IT,
AND, HECK, WE CAN'T
ALL BE "JOE ALGEBRA."
BESIDES, WHO KNEW?
WITH A LITTLE MORE EFFORT
AND A TEACHER LIKE COLLINS...
-RIGHT. COLLINS?
THE GUY LIVES ON THE
PLANET PYTHAGORAS.
HE COULDN'T FIND HIS NOSE WITH
BOTH HANDS AND A SLIDE RULE.
[LAUGHTER]
-WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT WAS THIS?
-I DON'T KNOW. SOUNDS RISKY.
-YOU KIDDING? IT'S
EASY. NOTHING TO IT.
LOOK AT THIS.
-IT'S OUR MATH BOOK. SO WHAT?
-YOU SURE ABOUT THAT?
-WHOA! IT'S THE
TEACHER'S EDITION.
WHERE'D YOU GET IT?
- HEY, I GOT IT, OKAY?
COLLINS' QUIZZES ARE
STRAIGHT OUT OF THE BOOK.
AND THIS BOOK...
HAS ALL THE ANSWERS.
-IT WAS WEIRD.
I'D NEVER FIGURED
McCORMICK FOR A... CHEATER.
-I DON'T KNOW.
-HEY, YOU WERE THE ONES
COMPLAINING ABOUT YOUR GRADES.
IF YOU WANT TO START
PULLING B's INSTEAD OF D's...
-WELL, HOW WOULD WE DO IT?
-OKAY, UM, FIRST WE NEED A CODE.
SO, WHENEVER WE TALK
ABOUT IT, WE'LL SAY, UM...
"HOW 'BOUT THOSE METS?"
- "HOW 'BOUT THOSE METS?"
HEY, THAT'S GREAT.
- COOL.
-SO, UH... BACK TO
THE GRIND, HUH?
- YEAH, LET'S GO.
- YEAH. SEE YA, EDDIE.
-Shh!
-I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
WERE THESE GUYS CRAZY?
CHEATING IN COLLINS' CLASS?
THAT DIDN'T SEEM RIGHT.
-MORALITY IS A
LUXURY IN COMBAT, MEN.
AND "FAIR"...IS FOR FAIRY TALES.
THE LAWS OF SURVIVAL...
CUNNING... WITS...
KILL... OR BE KILLED.
GENTLEMEN...
I GIVE YOU... DODGEBALL.
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
BINGO! DIRECT HIT!
-OF COURSE, IN
JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL,
YOU'RE NEVER TOO FAR FROM
THE OUTER EDGE OF CIVILIZATION.
- HEY, ARNOLD!
- McCORMICK.
-YOU DIDN'T HAPPEN TO
OVERHEAR OUR CONVERSATION
IN THE LIBRARY TODAY, DID YOU?
-WHY? WORRIED ABOUT SOMETHING?
-NAH. I KNOW YOU'D
NEVER RAT ON US.
-JUNGLE TACTICS, MEN.
SHOW NO MERCY.
-UGH!
-I WAS JUST GONNA
SAY, UH, IF YOU WANT IN...
-WAS HE JOKING?
-NO... NOT INTERESTED.
-HAVE IT YOUR WAY.
-COME ON. LET'S SEE
A LITTLE OFFENSE.
VERY NICE, McCORMICK.
-YOU'RE NEVER GONNA GET
AWAY WITH IT. YOU KNOW THAT.
-WHY IS THAT?
-'CAUSE YOU KNOW
COLLINS... HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT.
AND THEN HE'LL EAT
YOU FOR BREAKFAST.
-[Sarcastically] WELL,
WHAT WAS I THINKING?
IT WAS A DUMB IDEA.
YOU'RE RIGHT, KEVIN.
-COME ON! FOCUS!
CONCENTRATION, COMMITMENT!
-ALL I'M SAYING
IS THAT COLLINS...
-COME ON, ARNOLD.
DON'T BE A DUNCE.
COLLINS ISN'T GOD.
HE'S A MIDDLE-AGED ALGEBRA
TEACHER IN A BAD SUIT.
-OH, YEAH?
WELL, THIS GUY WAS
IN FOR A SURPRISE.
-ALL RIGHT, IT'S YOUR FUNERAL.
-WE'LL SEE.
-YEAH, WE'D SEE.
AT LEAST HE COULDN'T
SAY I HADN'T WARNED HIM.
NOW IT WAS UP TO HIM
IF HE WANTED TO GET...
-UGH!
-YOU'RE OUT, ARNOLD!
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
-HAVE YOUR PENCILS
READY. BOOKS OFF THE DESK.
YOU HAVE 20 MINUTES
TO COMPLETE THIS QUIZ.
-ALL RIGHT, DODGEBALL
WAS ONE THING.
MR. COLLINS WAS QUITE ANOTHER.
I ALMOST FELT SORRY
FOR THESE GUYS.
DID THEY ACTUALLY BELIEVE
THEY COULD PULL THIS OFF?
-BEGIN.
-WELL, THAT DIDN'T TAKE LONG.
HERE IT CAME.
TARGET SIGHTED.
LOCK ON RADAR, AND...
I BELIEVE WE HAVE CONTACT.
-HUH?
-I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
COLLINS HAD MISSED IT.
RIGHT UNDER HIS
NOSE, AND HE MISSED IT.
-MR. ARNOLD.
IS SOMETHING DISTRACTING YOU?
-UH... NO, SIR.
-THEN I WOULD SUGGEST YOU
CONCENTRATE ON YOUR OWN WORK.
-YES, SIR.
-OKAY, SURE, IF THAT'S
THE WAY HE WANTED IT.
LET McCORMICK CHEAT.
WASN'T MY PROBLEM, ANYWAY.
NOPE, I'D JUST GO ABOUT
GETTING MY USUAL C's, HERE.
-A "D"?!
YOU GOT A "D"?
-I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I MEAN, I GOT A 72.
LAST WEEK, I GOT A
72, AND IT WAS A "C."
-LET ME SEE THIS.
HMM. HE MUST BE
GRADING ON THE CURVE.
-THE CURVE... YOU
HEARD STORIES ABOUT IT,
BUT YOU NEVER THOUGHT
IT'D HAPPEN TO YOU.
-IT'S KIND OF A PARABOLIC
WAY OF GRADING.
IMAGINE THE GRADE
DISTRIBUTION OF YOUR CLASS
IS LIKE A BELL...
-PAUL, I KNOW WHAT A CURVE IS.
-AT LEAST, I KNEW ENOUGH
ABOUT IT TO SMELL A RAT.
-[LAUGHS] YEAH. LOOK AT THAT.
-SO, WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS,
IF THERE WERE SOME STUDENTS
THAT WERE GETTING
C's AND D's LAST WEEK
AND THIS WEEK ARE
GETTING A's AND B's...
-THAT'S IT! THAT COULD
AFFECT YOUR GRADE!
-WHAT'D YOU GET?
-GREAT.
-BUT I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
I MEAN, I'M SURE IT'S
JUST TEMPORARY.
-WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT?
-WELL, AN ENTIRE GRADE AVERAGE
DOESN'T CHANGE OVERNIGHT.
THAT MUCH IS OBVIOUS.
-UH-HUH. OBVIOUS TO PAUL, MAYBE.
BUT WHAT ABOUT TO MR. COLLINS?
IT WAS TIME FOR
MR. "TOUGH BUT FAIR"
TO PUT A STOP TO THIS.
-Oh, come on.
-IT WAS SO OBVIOUS!
RIGHT OUT IN THE OPEN.
COULD MR. COLLINS
REALLY BE SO... BLIND?
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
IT WAS TIME TO
HAVE A LITTLE TALK.
-MR. COLLINS?
-YES?
-IT'S ABOUT THE QUIZZES, SIR.
-WHAT ABOUT THEM?
-WELL, DO THEY ALWAYS
HAVE TO COME FROM THE BOOK?
-THAT IS WHAT I TOLD THE CLASS
AT THE BEGINNING OF THE TERM.
-YEAH, WELL...
-ISN'T THAT A LITTLE
BIT PREDICTABLE?
-THERE. NOW HE WAS CATCHING ON.
I KNEW I COULD COUNT ON HIM.
-KEVIN... ARE YOU
HAVING A PROBLEM?
-UH... NO.
IT'S JUST THIS... CURVE, SIR.
WELL, DON'T YOU THINK
IT'S A LITTLE UNFAIR?
-NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
-WELL...
IT JUST SEEMS TO ME THAT...
THIS SYSTEM MIGHT
NOT BE RIGHT...
FOR... THIS CLASS, ANYWAY.
-THERE. I'D PRACTICALLY
DRAWN HIM A MAP.
WHAT WAS HE GONNA SAY TO THAT?
-THANK YOU FOR YOUR
FEEDBACK, MR. ARNOLD.
BUT I WOULD SUGGEST THAT
YOU NOT CONCERN YOURSELF
WITH THE REST OF THE CLASS.
-HUH?
-EVERY PROBLEM...
CONTAINS ITS OWN
SOLUTION, MR. ARNOLD.
-WHAT WAS THIS GUY SAYING?
IT WAS LIKE TALKING
TO A FORTUNE COOKIE,
WHILE MY GRADE
WAS SINKING LIKE A...
-IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE?
-NO.
-AND THAT'S WHEN I REALIZED
I'D BEEN WRONG ABOUT THE MAN.
THIS WAS NO HERO.
THIS WAS JUST A
MIDDLE-AGED GUY IN A BAD SUIT
TEACHING JUNIOR-HIGH ALGEBRA.
[BLOWS NOSE]
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
IT WASN'T FAIR.
THOSE JOKERS WERE
GETTING A FREE RIDE
WHILE THE CONDUCTOR
WAS ASLEEP AT THE SWITCH.
-HEY, McCORMICK!
-YEAH?
-IT WAS TIME TO
PUT THINGS RIGHT.
I WAS GOING TO TAKE
CONTROL OF THE SITUATION.
-WHAT?!
-IT WAS NOW OR NEVER.
-HOW 'BOUT THOSE METS?
-[CHUCKLES]
-YEAH. ALL RIGHT.
-AND SO BEGAN MY LIFE OF CRIME.
THE FUNNY THING IS, I
THOUGHT IT'D BE HARD, BUT...
McCORMICK WAS RIGHT.
IT WAS EASY.
AT FIRST.
-A "B."
KEVIN, THIS IS WONDERFUL.
I'M SO PROUD OF YOU.
-PRETTY SOON, THOUGH...
-SEE?
WHEN YOU APPLY YOURSELF,
YOU GET WHAT YOU DESERVE.
- THINGS STARTED TO
GET MORE COMPLICATED.
-YOU GOT A B-PLUS?
KEVIN, YOU MATH STUD, YOU!
-THEN AGAIN...
-HEY, MAYBE I SHOULD
STUDY WITH YOU.
-WHAT CAN I SAY?
-WHAT COULD I SAY?
-A-MINUS.
KEVIN, I'M SO PROUD OF YOU.
-IT WAS ALL A LITTLE CONFUSING.
-I HEAR MR. COLLINS
IS REALLY HARD.
-WELL, YEAH, BUT IT...
-YOU'RE SO SMART.
-I MEAN, WHERE WAS
IT ALL GONNA LEAD?
-MAYBE YOU COULD HELP
ME WITH SOME OF MY MATH.
-AN "A."
-OKAY, MAYBE I'D GONE TOO FAR.
BUT I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF.
AFTER ALL, IT WAS PRETTY CLEAR
NOBODY WAS MINDING
THE STORE HERE.
IF COLLINS DIDN'T
CARE, WHY SHOULD I?
-MR. ARNOLD.
MAY I SPEAK TO YOU FOR A MOMENT?
-AND THEN, SUDDENLY, I CARED.
OKAY, THE IMPORTANT THING
HERE IS NOT TO WHIMPER.
JUST PUT YOUR HEAD
ON THE CHOPPING BLOCK
AND PRAY FOR A CLEAN STROKE.
-I'VE JUST BEEN LOOKING
AT YOUR GRADES.
-YES, SIR?
-YOU SHOT UP FROM
A 72 TWO WEEKS AGO
TO AN 85, TO AN 87, TO
A 92, AND TODAY A 96.
NOW, WOULDN'T YOU SAY
THAT WAS PRETTY REMARKABLE?
-WELL...
I GUESS SO.
-I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT
WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT.
-IN A WAY, IT WAS A RELIEF.
I GUESS, ON SOME LEVEL,
I JUST WANTED THE
WHOLE THING TO BE OVER.
-I'D LIKE TO PUT YOU IN
MY HONORS MATH CLASS.
-E-EXCUSE ME?
-WE'D HAVE TO JUGGLE
YOUR SCHEDULE,
BUT I THINK WE
COULD MANAGE THAT.
IT'S A VERY DEMANDING CLASS,
BUT, UH, BASED ON
YOUR WORK IN HERE,
I THINK YOU'RE READY FOR IT.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
-SOUNDS LIKE FUN.
-GOOD.
YOU CAN START TOMORROW.
-[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
-WELL, THERE YOU HAD IT.
-THEN PROVE IT...
-I WAS UP THE PROVERBIAL
CREEK WITHOUT A SLIDE RULE.
- IN THE ORIGINAL
EQUATION, THUS...
-THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT, HUH?
-YEAH.
-YEAH, "GREAT" WAS THE WORD.
-IN ORDER TO REMOVE
THE DENOMINATORS,
WE MULTIPLY BOTH
SIDES OF THE EQUATION
BY 5X TIMES X MINUS 3.
AND THE RESULT IS...
-I WAS A STRANGER
IN A STRANGE LAND.
-OF COURSE, WHEN WE
SOLVE QUADRATIC EQUATIONS
BY COMPLETING THE SQUARE,
IT IS NECESSARY TO MAKE
ONE MEMBER OF THE EQUATION
A PERFECT SQUARE TRINOMIAL.
BOTH SIDES OF THE EQUATION...
-DID YOU GET WHAT HE JUST SAID?
-WHEN YOU SOLVE QUADRATIC
EQUATIONS BY COMPLETING THE SQUARE,
YOU HAVE TO MAKE ONE
MEMBER OF THE EQUATION
A PERFECT SQUARE TRINOMIAL.
-YEAH.
THAT'S, UH...
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT HE SAID.
- 4X PLUS 4.
ALL RIGHT, WHO CAN
SOLVE THE EQUATION?
-OOH!
-UH, ISAAC NEWTON?
ENRICO FERMI?
-KEVIN ARNOLD?
-UH...
UH...
UH...
-PUT YOUR HANDS DOWN.
MR. ARNOLD?
-I WAS TRAPPED!
-COULD YOU REPEAT THE QUESTION?
-73, 286, 12, 12.
-WHAT?
-13, 440, 11, 57.
-WHAT'S HE TALKING ABOUT?
-4, 7, 615, 42.
- WHAT?!
- 5, 68, 93.
-I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE SAYING!
-[ALL SAYING NUMBERS]
-WHAT?!
-69, 1,000, 200...
-I DON'T KNOW THIS STUFF!
-44, 96, 27, 92.
-I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
-2-3-0-5, 172.
-THE SQUARE ROOT OF
14 BILLION, 3,000, 622,000...
-STOP! NO! PLEASE!
-89, 17, 67, 24.
-STOP! N-O-O-O!
-SUBMITTED FOR YOUR APPROVAL...
A BOY SUFFERING THE
TORTURES OF ALGEBRA.
HE WENT LOOKING
FOR EASY ANSWERS,
BUT SOMEHOW IT DIDN'T ADD UP.
LET "X" EQUAL AN
UNKNOWN QUANTITY.
LET "Y" GO LEFT UNANSWERED.
IF SIX BALD MEN GET ON A TRAIN
GOING A HUNDRED MILES PER HOUR,
HOW MANY STOPS
BEFORE YOU REACH...
THE TWILIGHT ZONE?
-WELL, I'D LEARNED ONE
THING IN ADVANCED MATH.
I'D LEARNED I WAS GOING TO FAIL.
MAYBE NOT TODAY,
MAYBE NOT TOMORROW,
BUT SOON... AND FOR
THE REST OF MY LIFE.
-HEY, McCORMICK, WAIT UP!
-HEY, GUYS...
-HEY, McCORMICK.
I GOT A PROBLEM.
-HEY, MAN, I GOT
MY OWN PROBLEMS.
-WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
-DIDN'T YOU HEAR?!
-WE ALL GOT F's
ON THE UNIT TEST,
AND THE UNIT TEST COUNTS
FOR 50% OF THE GRADE.
-IT'S COLLINS, MAN. HE'S
TOTALLY OUT TO LUNCH.
HE'S SUPPOSED TO TAKE
THE TESTS OUT OF THE BOOK,
JUST LIKE THE QUIZZES.
HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE'S DOING.
-MAYBE.
BUT SUDDENLY, I WAS
BEGINNING TO WONDER...
-YOU'RE DEAD, EDDIE!
-COME ON, GUYS,
GET OUT OF MY WAY.
- HOLD IT, McCORMICK.
- WE'RE NOT DONE WITH YOU YET.
- ABOUT A LOT OF THINGS.
I BEGAN TO REALIZE
THAT WITH THE CURVE,
IF I'D JUST STAYED PUT,
THEN MY "C" COULD
HAVE BEEN A "B"...
A REAL "B"...
ONE THAT I EARNED.
THE FUNNY THING IS,
McCORMICK AND THE
OTHERS HAD PAID THEIR PRICE,
WHILE I WAS LEFT ALONE...
[CLOCK TICKING]
WITH NOTHING BUT
MY CONSCIENCE...
STARING ME IN THE FACE.
THIS WASN'T GONNA BE EASY.
-MR. COLLINS?
-HAD ENOUGH?
-BUT... HOW...
-EVERY PROBLEM CONTAINS
ITS OWN SOLUTION, MR. ARNOLD.
ALL RIGHT, NOW, PLEASE TAKE
YOUR SEATS AND SETTLE DOWN.
-SO, IT WAS BACK TO
LONG HOURS, HARD WORK,
AND RESPECTABLE C's.
IT FELT GOOD.
-YOU MAY BEGIN.
-AS FOR WHY COLLINS
HAD SINGLED ME OUT,
I COULD ONLY GUESS.
BUT THE MAN HAD SAID,
"EVERY PROBLEM CONTAINS
ITS OWN SOLUTION."
-MR. ARNOLD.
DO YOU HAVE A QUESTION?
-UH... NO.
NO.
-SO, I GUESS HE'D WANTED
ME TO SOLVE THIS ONE...
ON MY OWN.
[PAUL SIMON'S
"AMERICAN TUNE" PLAYS]
-♪ MANY'S THE TIME
I'VE BEEN MISTAKEN ♪
♪ AND MANY TIMES CONFUSED ♪
♪ YES, AND I'VE OFTEN
FELT FORSAKEN ♪
♪ AND CERTAINLY MISUSED ♪
♪ OH, BUT I'M ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ I'M ALL RIGHT ♪
IF I SANG OUT OF TUNE? ♪
♪ WOULD YOU STAND UP
AND WALK OUT ON ME? ♪
♪ LEND ME YOUR EARS,
AND I'LL SING YOU A SONG ♪
♪ I WILL TRY NOT TO
SING OUT OF KEY, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, BABY, I GET BY ♪
- ♪ BY WITH A LITTLE HELP
FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ ALL I NEED IS MY BUDDIES ♪
-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ I'M SAYIN' I'M GONNA GET HIGHER ♪ - ♪
TRY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ WHOA-OA-OA-OA ♪
-♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪
-♪ SOMEBODY WHO
KNOWS QUITE SURE ♪
♪ BABY ♪
-♪ BY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ SAID I'M GONNA MAKE
IT WITH MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ TRY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ OH, I'M GONNA
KEEP ON TRYING ♪
-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
♪ I'M GONNA KEEP ON
TRYING NOW, BABY ♪
-♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪
-EVERY KID NEEDS A HERO.
EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT.
THEY TEACH US ABOUT COURAGE...
ABOUT IDEALS...
ABOUT LIFE.
SOMETIMES HEROES
ARE EASY TO SPOT.
BUT SOMETIMES... THEY
TURN UP IN UNLIKELY PLACES.
-SQUARE BOTH SIDES
OF THE EQUATION,
AND COMPLETE YOUR
SOLUTION, AND THEN PROVE IT
BY SUBSTITUTING BOTH ROOTS
IN THE ORIGINAL EQUATION.
-MR. COLLINS AND I HAD BEEN
THROUGH A LOT TOGETHER...
A LOT OF MATH, ANYWAY.
-THE SQUARE ROOT OF X MINUS
2 IS X MINUS 2 TIMES X MINUS 2.
X EQUALS X SQUARED...
-WE'D KIND OF STARTED
OUT ON THE WRONG FOOT,
BUT THE MORE I GOT TO
KNOW HIM, THE MORE I...
WELL... I LIKED THE GUY.
-AND THAT IS HOW
WE SOLVE EQUATIONS
INVOLVING A SINGLE RADICAL.
-HE WASN'T EXACTLY
WHAT YOU'D CALL "COOL"...
-QUESTIONS?
MR. McCORMICK.
-IS THERE ANY OF THIS STUFF
WE SHOULD KNOW FOR THE TEST?
-ALL OF IT.
-ALL OF IT?
-I WOULDN'T TEACH IT IF I DIDN'T
THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW IT.
- BUT HE WAS FAIR.
-I SUGGEST, IN PARTICULAR,
THAT YOU STUDY THE
EQUATION ON THE BOARD.
THAT IS LIKELY TO
BE ON YOUR QUIZ.
-YOU HAD TO RESPECT THE GUY.
AT LEAST I DID.
AND I'D LIKE TO THINK
THAT RESPECT WAS MUTUAL.
-MR. ARNOLD.
DO YOU FIND SOMETHING AMUSING?
-UH... NO. NOTHING.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
-FOR TOMORROW...
REVIEW UNIT 14...
"ROOTS AND RADICALS."
-WHAT A DOOFUS!
[LAUGHTER]
-MAYBE TO SOME,
BUT TO ME, THE MAN
WAS KIND OF A HERO.
HE MADE ME WANT TO DO MY BEST.
NOT THAT MY BEST WAS
ANYTHING TO BRAG ABOUT, BUT...
-[SIGHS]
THIS IS A BEAR.
WHY'D I EVER LET MR. COLLINS
TALK ME INTO ADVANCED MATH?
-OH, COME ON, PAUL.
YOU'RE DOING FINE.
-AT LEAST I DIDN'T HAVE
TO SUFFER THE ANXIETIES
OF A MAJOR-LEAGUE MATH JOCK.
-[SIGHS] I DON'T KNOW.
LOOK WHAT I GOT ON MY LAST QUIZ.
A "B."
-SO, WHAT'S WRONG WITH A "B"?
-A "B" IS LIKE
KISSING YOUR SISTER.
-SO, WHO AM I KISSING?
-UH... LOOK, I-I
DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE...
-NO, IT'S ALL RIGHT, PAUL.
I'M FINE ABOUT IT, REALLY.
-I'M GONNA GO CHECK
OUT SOME BOOKS.
-FACT WAS, I WAS KIND OF
PROUD OF MY PALTRY "C."
I'D WORKED HARD FOR IT,
AND, HECK, WE CAN'T
ALL BE "JOE ALGEBRA."
BESIDES, WHO KNEW?
WITH A LITTLE MORE EFFORT
AND A TEACHER LIKE COLLINS...
-RIGHT. COLLINS?
THE GUY LIVES ON THE
PLANET PYTHAGORAS.
HE COULDN'T FIND HIS NOSE WITH
BOTH HANDS AND A SLIDE RULE.
[LAUGHTER]
-WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT WAS THIS?
-I DON'T KNOW. SOUNDS RISKY.
-YOU KIDDING? IT'S
EASY. NOTHING TO IT.
LOOK AT THIS.
-IT'S OUR MATH BOOK. SO WHAT?
-YOU SURE ABOUT THAT?
-WHOA! IT'S THE
TEACHER'S EDITION.
WHERE'D YOU GET IT?
- HEY, I GOT IT, OKAY?
COLLINS' QUIZZES ARE
STRAIGHT OUT OF THE BOOK.
AND THIS BOOK...
HAS ALL THE ANSWERS.
-IT WAS WEIRD.
I'D NEVER FIGURED
McCORMICK FOR A... CHEATER.
-I DON'T KNOW.
-HEY, YOU WERE THE ONES
COMPLAINING ABOUT YOUR GRADES.
IF YOU WANT TO START
PULLING B's INSTEAD OF D's...
-WELL, HOW WOULD WE DO IT?
-OKAY, UM, FIRST WE NEED A CODE.
SO, WHENEVER WE TALK
ABOUT IT, WE'LL SAY, UM...
"HOW 'BOUT THOSE METS?"
- "HOW 'BOUT THOSE METS?"
HEY, THAT'S GREAT.
- COOL.
-SO, UH... BACK TO
THE GRIND, HUH?
- YEAH, LET'S GO.
- YEAH. SEE YA, EDDIE.
-Shh!
-I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
WERE THESE GUYS CRAZY?
CHEATING IN COLLINS' CLASS?
THAT DIDN'T SEEM RIGHT.
-MORALITY IS A
LUXURY IN COMBAT, MEN.
AND "FAIR"...IS FOR FAIRY TALES.
THE LAWS OF SURVIVAL...
CUNNING... WITS...
KILL... OR BE KILLED.
GENTLEMEN...
I GIVE YOU... DODGEBALL.
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
BINGO! DIRECT HIT!
-OF COURSE, IN
JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL,
YOU'RE NEVER TOO FAR FROM
THE OUTER EDGE OF CIVILIZATION.
- HEY, ARNOLD!
- McCORMICK.
-YOU DIDN'T HAPPEN TO
OVERHEAR OUR CONVERSATION
IN THE LIBRARY TODAY, DID YOU?
-WHY? WORRIED ABOUT SOMETHING?
-NAH. I KNOW YOU'D
NEVER RAT ON US.
-JUNGLE TACTICS, MEN.
SHOW NO MERCY.
-UGH!
-I WAS JUST GONNA
SAY, UH, IF YOU WANT IN...
-WAS HE JOKING?
-NO... NOT INTERESTED.
-HAVE IT YOUR WAY.
-COME ON. LET'S SEE
A LITTLE OFFENSE.
VERY NICE, McCORMICK.
-YOU'RE NEVER GONNA GET
AWAY WITH IT. YOU KNOW THAT.
-WHY IS THAT?
-'CAUSE YOU KNOW
COLLINS... HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT.
AND THEN HE'LL EAT
YOU FOR BREAKFAST.
-[Sarcastically] WELL,
WHAT WAS I THINKING?
IT WAS A DUMB IDEA.
YOU'RE RIGHT, KEVIN.
-COME ON! FOCUS!
CONCENTRATION, COMMITMENT!
-ALL I'M SAYING
IS THAT COLLINS...
-COME ON, ARNOLD.
DON'T BE A DUNCE.
COLLINS ISN'T GOD.
HE'S A MIDDLE-AGED ALGEBRA
TEACHER IN A BAD SUIT.
-OH, YEAH?
WELL, THIS GUY WAS
IN FOR A SURPRISE.
-ALL RIGHT, IT'S YOUR FUNERAL.
-WE'LL SEE.
-YEAH, WE'D SEE.
AT LEAST HE COULDN'T
SAY I HADN'T WARNED HIM.
NOW IT WAS UP TO HIM
IF HE WANTED TO GET...
-UGH!
-YOU'RE OUT, ARNOLD!
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
-HAVE YOUR PENCILS
READY. BOOKS OFF THE DESK.
YOU HAVE 20 MINUTES
TO COMPLETE THIS QUIZ.
-ALL RIGHT, DODGEBALL
WAS ONE THING.
MR. COLLINS WAS QUITE ANOTHER.
I ALMOST FELT SORRY
FOR THESE GUYS.
DID THEY ACTUALLY BELIEVE
THEY COULD PULL THIS OFF?
-BEGIN.
-WELL, THAT DIDN'T TAKE LONG.
HERE IT CAME.
TARGET SIGHTED.
LOCK ON RADAR, AND...
I BELIEVE WE HAVE CONTACT.
-HUH?
-I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
COLLINS HAD MISSED IT.
RIGHT UNDER HIS
NOSE, AND HE MISSED IT.
-MR. ARNOLD.
IS SOMETHING DISTRACTING YOU?
-UH... NO, SIR.
-THEN I WOULD SUGGEST YOU
CONCENTRATE ON YOUR OWN WORK.
-YES, SIR.
-OKAY, SURE, IF THAT'S
THE WAY HE WANTED IT.
LET McCORMICK CHEAT.
WASN'T MY PROBLEM, ANYWAY.
NOPE, I'D JUST GO ABOUT
GETTING MY USUAL C's, HERE.
-A "D"?!
YOU GOT A "D"?
-I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I MEAN, I GOT A 72.
LAST WEEK, I GOT A
72, AND IT WAS A "C."
-LET ME SEE THIS.
HMM. HE MUST BE
GRADING ON THE CURVE.
-THE CURVE... YOU
HEARD STORIES ABOUT IT,
BUT YOU NEVER THOUGHT
IT'D HAPPEN TO YOU.
-IT'S KIND OF A PARABOLIC
WAY OF GRADING.
IMAGINE THE GRADE
DISTRIBUTION OF YOUR CLASS
IS LIKE A BELL...
-PAUL, I KNOW WHAT A CURVE IS.
-AT LEAST, I KNEW ENOUGH
ABOUT IT TO SMELL A RAT.
-[LAUGHS] YEAH. LOOK AT THAT.
-SO, WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS,
IF THERE WERE SOME STUDENTS
THAT WERE GETTING
C's AND D's LAST WEEK
AND THIS WEEK ARE
GETTING A's AND B's...
-THAT'S IT! THAT COULD
AFFECT YOUR GRADE!
-WHAT'D YOU GET?
-GREAT.
-BUT I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
I MEAN, I'M SURE IT'S
JUST TEMPORARY.
-WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT?
-WELL, AN ENTIRE GRADE AVERAGE
DOESN'T CHANGE OVERNIGHT.
THAT MUCH IS OBVIOUS.
-UH-HUH. OBVIOUS TO PAUL, MAYBE.
BUT WHAT ABOUT TO MR. COLLINS?
IT WAS TIME FOR
MR. "TOUGH BUT FAIR"
TO PUT A STOP TO THIS.
-Oh, come on.
-IT WAS SO OBVIOUS!
RIGHT OUT IN THE OPEN.
COULD MR. COLLINS
REALLY BE SO... BLIND?
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
IT WAS TIME TO
HAVE A LITTLE TALK.
-MR. COLLINS?
-YES?
-IT'S ABOUT THE QUIZZES, SIR.
-WHAT ABOUT THEM?
-WELL, DO THEY ALWAYS
HAVE TO COME FROM THE BOOK?
-THAT IS WHAT I TOLD THE CLASS
AT THE BEGINNING OF THE TERM.
-YEAH, WELL...
-ISN'T THAT A LITTLE
BIT PREDICTABLE?
-THERE. NOW HE WAS CATCHING ON.
I KNEW I COULD COUNT ON HIM.
-KEVIN... ARE YOU
HAVING A PROBLEM?
-UH... NO.
IT'S JUST THIS... CURVE, SIR.
WELL, DON'T YOU THINK
IT'S A LITTLE UNFAIR?
-NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
-WELL...
IT JUST SEEMS TO ME THAT...
THIS SYSTEM MIGHT
NOT BE RIGHT...
FOR... THIS CLASS, ANYWAY.
-THERE. I'D PRACTICALLY
DRAWN HIM A MAP.
WHAT WAS HE GONNA SAY TO THAT?
-THANK YOU FOR YOUR
FEEDBACK, MR. ARNOLD.
BUT I WOULD SUGGEST THAT
YOU NOT CONCERN YOURSELF
WITH THE REST OF THE CLASS.
-HUH?
-EVERY PROBLEM...
CONTAINS ITS OWN
SOLUTION, MR. ARNOLD.
-WHAT WAS THIS GUY SAYING?
IT WAS LIKE TALKING
TO A FORTUNE COOKIE,
WHILE MY GRADE
WAS SINKING LIKE A...
-IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE?
-NO.
-AND THAT'S WHEN I REALIZED
I'D BEEN WRONG ABOUT THE MAN.
THIS WAS NO HERO.
THIS WAS JUST A
MIDDLE-AGED GUY IN A BAD SUIT
TEACHING JUNIOR-HIGH ALGEBRA.
[BLOWS NOSE]
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
IT WASN'T FAIR.
THOSE JOKERS WERE
GETTING A FREE RIDE
WHILE THE CONDUCTOR
WAS ASLEEP AT THE SWITCH.
-HEY, McCORMICK!
-YEAH?
-IT WAS TIME TO
PUT THINGS RIGHT.
I WAS GOING TO TAKE
CONTROL OF THE SITUATION.
-WHAT?!
-IT WAS NOW OR NEVER.
-HOW 'BOUT THOSE METS?
-[CHUCKLES]
-YEAH. ALL RIGHT.
-AND SO BEGAN MY LIFE OF CRIME.
THE FUNNY THING IS, I
THOUGHT IT'D BE HARD, BUT...
McCORMICK WAS RIGHT.
IT WAS EASY.
AT FIRST.
-A "B."
KEVIN, THIS IS WONDERFUL.
I'M SO PROUD OF YOU.
-PRETTY SOON, THOUGH...
-SEE?
WHEN YOU APPLY YOURSELF,
YOU GET WHAT YOU DESERVE.
- THINGS STARTED TO
GET MORE COMPLICATED.
-YOU GOT A B-PLUS?
KEVIN, YOU MATH STUD, YOU!
-THEN AGAIN...
-HEY, MAYBE I SHOULD
STUDY WITH YOU.
-WHAT CAN I SAY?
-WHAT COULD I SAY?
-A-MINUS.
KEVIN, I'M SO PROUD OF YOU.
-IT WAS ALL A LITTLE CONFUSING.
-I HEAR MR. COLLINS
IS REALLY HARD.
-WELL, YEAH, BUT IT...
-YOU'RE SO SMART.
-I MEAN, WHERE WAS
IT ALL GONNA LEAD?
-MAYBE YOU COULD HELP
ME WITH SOME OF MY MATH.
-AN "A."
-OKAY, MAYBE I'D GONE TOO FAR.
BUT I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF.
AFTER ALL, IT WAS PRETTY CLEAR
NOBODY WAS MINDING
THE STORE HERE.
IF COLLINS DIDN'T
CARE, WHY SHOULD I?
-MR. ARNOLD.
MAY I SPEAK TO YOU FOR A MOMENT?
-AND THEN, SUDDENLY, I CARED.
OKAY, THE IMPORTANT THING
HERE IS NOT TO WHIMPER.
JUST PUT YOUR HEAD
ON THE CHOPPING BLOCK
AND PRAY FOR A CLEAN STROKE.
-I'VE JUST BEEN LOOKING
AT YOUR GRADES.
-YES, SIR?
-YOU SHOT UP FROM
A 72 TWO WEEKS AGO
TO AN 85, TO AN 87, TO
A 92, AND TODAY A 96.
NOW, WOULDN'T YOU SAY
THAT WAS PRETTY REMARKABLE?
-WELL...
I GUESS SO.
-I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT
WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT.
-IN A WAY, IT WAS A RELIEF.
I GUESS, ON SOME LEVEL,
I JUST WANTED THE
WHOLE THING TO BE OVER.
-I'D LIKE TO PUT YOU IN
MY HONORS MATH CLASS.
-E-EXCUSE ME?
-WE'D HAVE TO JUGGLE
YOUR SCHEDULE,
BUT I THINK WE
COULD MANAGE THAT.
IT'S A VERY DEMANDING CLASS,
BUT, UH, BASED ON
YOUR WORK IN HERE,
I THINK YOU'RE READY FOR IT.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
-SOUNDS LIKE FUN.
-GOOD.
YOU CAN START TOMORROW.
-[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
-WELL, THERE YOU HAD IT.
-THEN PROVE IT...
-I WAS UP THE PROVERBIAL
CREEK WITHOUT A SLIDE RULE.
- IN THE ORIGINAL
EQUATION, THUS...
-THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT, HUH?
-YEAH.
-YEAH, "GREAT" WAS THE WORD.
-IN ORDER TO REMOVE
THE DENOMINATORS,
WE MULTIPLY BOTH
SIDES OF THE EQUATION
BY 5X TIMES X MINUS 3.
AND THE RESULT IS...
-I WAS A STRANGER
IN A STRANGE LAND.
-OF COURSE, WHEN WE
SOLVE QUADRATIC EQUATIONS
BY COMPLETING THE SQUARE,
IT IS NECESSARY TO MAKE
ONE MEMBER OF THE EQUATION
A PERFECT SQUARE TRINOMIAL.
BOTH SIDES OF THE EQUATION...
-DID YOU GET WHAT HE JUST SAID?
-WHEN YOU SOLVE QUADRATIC
EQUATIONS BY COMPLETING THE SQUARE,
YOU HAVE TO MAKE ONE
MEMBER OF THE EQUATION
A PERFECT SQUARE TRINOMIAL.
-YEAH.
THAT'S, UH...
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT HE SAID.
- 4X PLUS 4.
ALL RIGHT, WHO CAN
SOLVE THE EQUATION?
-OOH!
-UH, ISAAC NEWTON?
ENRICO FERMI?
-KEVIN ARNOLD?
-UH...
UH...
UH...
-PUT YOUR HANDS DOWN.
MR. ARNOLD?
-I WAS TRAPPED!
-COULD YOU REPEAT THE QUESTION?
-73, 286, 12, 12.
-WHAT?
-13, 440, 11, 57.
-WHAT'S HE TALKING ABOUT?
-4, 7, 615, 42.
- WHAT?!
- 5, 68, 93.
-I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE SAYING!
-[ALL SAYING NUMBERS]
-WHAT?!
-69, 1,000, 200...
-I DON'T KNOW THIS STUFF!
-44, 96, 27, 92.
-I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
-2-3-0-5, 172.
-THE SQUARE ROOT OF
14 BILLION, 3,000, 622,000...
-STOP! NO! PLEASE!
-89, 17, 67, 24.
-STOP! N-O-O-O!
-SUBMITTED FOR YOUR APPROVAL...
A BOY SUFFERING THE
TORTURES OF ALGEBRA.
HE WENT LOOKING
FOR EASY ANSWERS,
BUT SOMEHOW IT DIDN'T ADD UP.
LET "X" EQUAL AN
UNKNOWN QUANTITY.
LET "Y" GO LEFT UNANSWERED.
IF SIX BALD MEN GET ON A TRAIN
GOING A HUNDRED MILES PER HOUR,
HOW MANY STOPS
BEFORE YOU REACH...
THE TWILIGHT ZONE?
-WELL, I'D LEARNED ONE
THING IN ADVANCED MATH.
I'D LEARNED I WAS GOING TO FAIL.
MAYBE NOT TODAY,
MAYBE NOT TOMORROW,
BUT SOON... AND FOR
THE REST OF MY LIFE.
-HEY, McCORMICK, WAIT UP!
-HEY, GUYS...
-HEY, McCORMICK.
I GOT A PROBLEM.
-HEY, MAN, I GOT
MY OWN PROBLEMS.
-WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
-DIDN'T YOU HEAR?!
-WE ALL GOT F's
ON THE UNIT TEST,
AND THE UNIT TEST COUNTS
FOR 50% OF THE GRADE.
-IT'S COLLINS, MAN. HE'S
TOTALLY OUT TO LUNCH.
HE'S SUPPOSED TO TAKE
THE TESTS OUT OF THE BOOK,
JUST LIKE THE QUIZZES.
HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE'S DOING.
-MAYBE.
BUT SUDDENLY, I WAS
BEGINNING TO WONDER...
-YOU'RE DEAD, EDDIE!
-COME ON, GUYS,
GET OUT OF MY WAY.
- HOLD IT, McCORMICK.
- WE'RE NOT DONE WITH YOU YET.
- ABOUT A LOT OF THINGS.
I BEGAN TO REALIZE
THAT WITH THE CURVE,
IF I'D JUST STAYED PUT,
THEN MY "C" COULD
HAVE BEEN A "B"...
A REAL "B"...
ONE THAT I EARNED.
THE FUNNY THING IS,
McCORMICK AND THE
OTHERS HAD PAID THEIR PRICE,
WHILE I WAS LEFT ALONE...
[CLOCK TICKING]
WITH NOTHING BUT
MY CONSCIENCE...
STARING ME IN THE FACE.
THIS WASN'T GONNA BE EASY.
-MR. COLLINS?
-HAD ENOUGH?
-BUT... HOW...
-EVERY PROBLEM CONTAINS
ITS OWN SOLUTION, MR. ARNOLD.
ALL RIGHT, NOW, PLEASE TAKE
YOUR SEATS AND SETTLE DOWN.
-SO, IT WAS BACK TO
LONG HOURS, HARD WORK,
AND RESPECTABLE C's.
IT FELT GOOD.
-YOU MAY BEGIN.
-AS FOR WHY COLLINS
HAD SINGLED ME OUT,
I COULD ONLY GUESS.
BUT THE MAN HAD SAID,
"EVERY PROBLEM CONTAINS
ITS OWN SOLUTION."
-MR. ARNOLD.
DO YOU HAVE A QUESTION?
-UH... NO.
NO.
-SO, I GUESS HE'D WANTED
ME TO SOLVE THIS ONE...
ON MY OWN.
[PAUL SIMON'S
"AMERICAN TUNE" PLAYS]
-♪ MANY'S THE TIME
I'VE BEEN MISTAKEN ♪
♪ AND MANY TIMES CONFUSED ♪
♪ YES, AND I'VE OFTEN
FELT FORSAKEN ♪
♪ AND CERTAINLY MISUSED ♪
♪ OH, BUT I'M ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ I'M ALL RIGHT ♪