The Wonder Years (1988–1993): Season 3, Episode 8 - The Pimple - full transcript

-♪ WHAT WOULD YOU DO
IF I SANG OUT OF TUNE? ♪

♪ WOULD YOU STAND UP
AND WALK OUT ON ME? ♪

♪ LEND ME YOUR EARS,
AND I'LL SING YOU A SONG ♪

♪ I WILL TRY NOT TO
SING OUT OF KEY, YEAH ♪

♪ OH, BABY, I GET BY ♪
- ♪ BY WITH A LITTLE HELP
FROM MY FRIENDS ♪

-♪ ALL I NEED IS MY BUDDIES ♪

-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪

-♪ I'M SAYIN' I'M GONNA GET HIGHER ♪ - ♪
TRY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪

-♪ WHOA-OA-OA-OA ♪

-♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪

-♪ SOMEBODY WHO
KNOWS QUITE SURE ♪



♪ BABY ♪

-♪ BY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪

-♪ SAID I'M GONNA MAKE
IT WITH MY FRIENDS ♪

-♪ TRY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪

-♪ OH, I'M GONNA
KEEP ON TRYING ♪

-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪

♪ I'M GONNA KEEP ON
TRYING NOW, BABY ♪

-♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪

-GROWING UP IN THE
SUBURBS IN THE '60s,

YOU WERE PRETTY MUCH SHELTERED
FROM THE FORCES OF CHANGE

UNLEASHED BY THE OUTSIDE WORLD.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE FORCES OF
CHANGE UNLEASHED FROM WITHIN?

[BELL RINGS]

CHANGE... NOT
ALWAYS A PRETTY SIGHT.



-AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

-IN FACT, IT COULD
GET PRETTY UGLY.

BUT THAT WAS THE STUFF
THAT MOVIES WERE MADE OF.

THAT WASN'T THE REAL WORLD.

[WOMAN SCREAMING ON TELEVISION]

OR WAS IT?

-OH, MY LORD! THEY'RE
COMING TO VISIT!

-WHO?

-THE PRUITTS... PHIL AND CLAIRE.

THEY'RE GONNA BE
IN TOWN NEXT WEEK.

IT'S BEEN EIGHT YEARS.

-ACTUALLY, IT HAD
BEEN NINE YEARS.

I REMEMBERED THE
OCCASION QUITE DISTINCTLY.

IT WAS SOMETHING I'D JUST
AS WELL HAVE FORGOTTEN.

-KEVIN, YOU REMEMBER
LITTLE GINA, DON'T YOU?

-NOT THAT ANYONE
WAS GONNA LET ME.

-GINA... GINA...

-YOU TWO WERE ALWAYS
SO CUTE TOGETHER.

YOU WERE LIKE TWINS.

-A LITTLE MORE THAN
TWINS, WEREN'T YOU, KEV?

-COME ON. WE WERE 4 YEARS OLD.

-IN BROAD DAYLIGHT, ONE LITTLE
INNOCENT GAME OF "BEN CASEY,"

AND I WAS MARKED FOR LIFE.

-GIVE THE KID A BREAK, HUH?

-PHIL LOOKS LIKE
HE'S PUT ON WEIGHT.

AND LOOK... GINA'S
REALLY GROWING UP.

-IT WAS HARD TO IMAGINE,
LITTLE GINA PRUITT...

ALWAYS A SCAB ON
HER KNEE, A DIRTY FACE...

LOVED TO MAKE MUD PIES.

HELLO!

-WHAT A PRETTY YOUNG
GIRL SHE TURNED OUT TO BE.

[DING!]
- PAGING DR. ARNOLD.

PAGING DR. ARNOLD.

-MAYBE YOU CAN SHOW HER A
NICE TIME WHEN THEY'RE HERE.

-FOR THIS GIRL?

I'D SWIM THE DEEPEST OCEAN,
CLIMB THE HIGHEST MOUNTAIN.

-WELL... IF... IF YOU
REALLY THINK I SHOULD.

-YEP. TALK ABOUT CHANGE.
THIS WAS TOTAL METAMORPHOSIS.

-JACK?

-OH.

-UH-HUH.

NATURE WAS DEFINITELY
SMILING ON ME.

[THUNDER CRASHES, WIND HOWLS]

-NATURE... A HARSH MISTRESS.

A PLANET WHICH
APPEARS TO BE ENGULFED

IN A BLUE-GREEN
DOME OF TRANQUILITY

IS, IN REALITY, A
SWIRLING MASS OF MATTER

IN THE CONSTANT
THROES OF TRANSITION.

-THIS GIRL HAD A CRUSH ON YOU?

-YEAH, WELL, IN KINDERGARTEN.

-AND SHE'S COMING TO YOUR HOUSE?

-MAYBE I WAS BRAGGING,

BUT I KNEW PAUL WOULD
APPRECIATE MY GOOD FORTUNE.

-OH, MAN. I'D BE WORRIED.

-WORRIED?

-WHAT IF SOMETHING GOES WRONG?

-WRONG? PAUL, WHAT
COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

-FOR CENTURIES, MAN
HAS TRIED TO PREDICT

WHEN AND WHERE NATURE
WILL WREAK HER HAVOC...

WITH NO SUCCESS.

-I DON'T KNOW. IT JUST
SOUNDS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.

I MEAN, THINGS LIKE
THIS DON'T JUST HAPPEN.

-APPARENTLY, CANTWELL AND
PAUL SHARED THE SAME WORLD VIEW.

-THINGS FALL APART.

-YEAH, SO, BOTTOM LINE, PAUL...

YOU HAPPY FOR ME OR NOT?

-SURE, I'M HAPPY.

-GOOD.

-I-IT'S JUST THAT...

-WHAT?

-[SIGHS] YOU NEVER KNOW, KEVIN.

THAT'S THE WORST PART...

YOU JUST... NEVER... KNOW.

-AH, WELL. THE WORLD
IS FULL OF PESSIMISTS.

[ROOSTER CROWS,
PASTORAL MUSIC PLAYS]

ME... I WAS OPTIMISTIC
ABOUT CHANGE.

I MEAN, LOOK...

EVEN OLD KEVIN ARNOLD
WASN'T TURNING OUT SO BAD.

A LITTLE TALLER, LITTLE
MORE FILLED OUT...

YEAH, PROBABLY COULDN'T GET AWAY

WITHOUT SHAVING MUCH LONGER.

YOU COULD FEEL THE WHISKERS

STARTING TO PUSH
THEIR WAY TO THE...

[MUSIC STOPS] WAIT A SECOND.

THIS WAS NO WHISKER!

THIS WAS... DOOM.

THIS WAS DISASTER. THIS WAS...

-A ZIT.

-AND NOT JUST ANY ZIT.

-A ZIT!

-MY FIRST ZIT.

[DOOR SLAMS]

BETRAYED BY MY OWN GLANDS,

I WENT THROUGH THE
FOUR CLASSIC STAGES...

DENIAL...

-NO. NO.

NO, NO!

NOT NOW! NOT ME!

- ANGER...

GUILT...

AND FINALLY...

DEPRESSION.

-KEVIN, HONEY! BREAKFAST!

-STILL, MAYBE I WAS BLOWING
THIS OUT OF PROPORTION...

MAKING A MOUNTAIN
OUT OF A MOLEHILL.

-KEVIN! HONEY!

-I MEAN, MAYBE NO ONE
WOULD EVEN NOTICE.

-HONEY, GIVE THE
OATMEAL A LITTLE STIR

AND FIX A BOWL FOR
YOURSELF, WOULD YOU, PLEASE?

-ALL RIGHT, WHAT WE NEEDED TO
DO HERE WAS TO TEST THE WATERS.

-UH, MOM... HOW
DOES THIS SHIRT LOOK?

-IT'S... PULLING
AROUND THE COLLAR.

-SO FAR, SO GOOD.

MOM COULD SPOT DIRTY
FINGERNAILS AT THE TABLE

FROM 30 YARDS AWAY.

IF I COULD GET PAST HER...

-OOH. LOOKS LIKE YOU
GOT A LITTLE PIMPLE THERE.

-MOM...

-COME ON, YOU CAN
BARELY NOTICE IT.

-REALLY?

-OH, NOW, DON'T BE
SO SELF-CONSCIOUS.

-I WAS 13 YEARS OLD.

BEING SELF-CONSCIOUS
WAS A FULL-TIME JOB.

UH-OH.

-WHAT'S WITH YOU?

-NOTHING.

-I COULDN'T BELIEVE
IT. WAYNE MISSED IT.

I WAS IN THE CLEAR.

-WHOA! CHECK OUT THE ZIT.

-A ZIT?

WELL... LET'S HAVE A
LOOK-SEE, SHALL WE?

-AS USUAL, I COULD
COUNT ON MY FAMILY

TO TREAT MY PRIVATE
ADOLESCENT PAIN WITH COMPASSION.

-LOOKS PRETTY DEEP, KEV.

-WE MIGHT HAVE TO OPERATE!

-IT'S FROM ALL THAT
JUNK FOOD YOU EAT.

YOU SHOULD STICK TO ORGANICS.

-COMPASSION... SENSITIVITY...

AND OUTRIGHT SNICKERING.

MY ONLY HOPE WAS MY FRIENDS
WOULD BE MORE FORGIVING.

-ECCH!

-PAUL.

- HAVE YOU
BEEN EATING FRIED FOOD?
- PAUL!

- CHOCOLATE?
- PAUL.

-[SIGHS] I KNOW.

- WHAT?
- STRESS.

HAVE YOU BEEN EXPERIENCING
ANY STRESS LATELY?

-YEAH... SINCE THE START
OF THIS CONVERSATION.

-CAN WE JUST FORGET ABOUT IT?

-YEAH, SURE, DON'T WORRY
ABOUT IT. I MEAN, IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

-EXACTLY, SO COULD
WE JUST FORGET...

-OH, MY GOD.

-ISN'T THAT GIRL
COMING THIS WEEK?

-LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
MY BEST FRIEND.

-ISN'T THAT ALWAYS THE WAY?

I TOLD YOU SOMETHING
WAS GONNA GO WRONG.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

[HORN HONKS]
- PAUL WAS RIGHT.

I COULDN'T STAND IDLY BY.

I NEEDED A PLAN.

THEN IT CAME TO ME.

AS LONG AS I COULD KEEP EVERYONE

ON THE RIGHT-HAND
SIDE OF MY FACE ALL DAY,

THINGS WOULD BE JUST FINE.

-[PANTING]

-HEY, THAT'S MY SEAT.

-THIS ISN'T ASSIGNED SEATING.

-YEAH, BUT I LIKE
SITTING BY THE WINDOW.

-PAUL, LIVE A LITTLE, HUH?

-[SIGHS]

-OKAY. SO FAR, SO GOOD.

NEXT PLAN.

I HAD TO GET MY MIND
OFF THIS STUPID THING.

-KRAKATOA.

FOR YEARS, A HARMLESS
SLEEPING GIANT OF A VOLCANO

RISING 6,000 FEET ABOVE THE
QUIET WATERS OF INDONESIA.

[VOLCANO RUMBLES]

[VOLCANO ERUPTS]

BOOM!

UNTOLD TONS OF ROCK AND ASH
DISGORGED INTO THE ATMOSPHERE.

MAN... THE HAPLESS VICTIM
OF CATASTROPHIC CHANGE.

-YEP. THAT WAS ME, ALL RIGHT.

[VOLCANO ERUPTS]
- BOOM!

-UNLESS...

WAIT A MINUTE. GINA
WOULDN'T BE HERE FOR A WEEK.

THIS THING WAS BOUND
TO CLEAR UP IN A WEEK.

-TWO DAYS?!

-WELL, THE PRUITTS HAD A
CHANGE OF PLANS, HONEY.

-THEY'RE COMING IN TWO DAYS?!

-[CHUCKLES]

-MOM, THEY CAN'T DO THIS!

-[Chuckling] HONEY,
WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO YOU?

I THOUGHT YOU WERE LOOKING
FORWARD TO SEEING GINA.

-TWO DAYS?

OH, GEE, THAT'S PERFECT.
SHE'LL BE HERE JUST IN TIME.

-IN TIME FOR WHAT?

-NEVER MIND.

-AW, KEV.

IT WON'T BE SO BAD.

AFTER THE FIRST FEW HOURS,
YOU PROBABLY WON'T EVEN NOTICE

ALL THE POINTING AND WHISPERING.

OH, GINA!

OH, GINA!

-ALL RIGHT, TIME WAS AGAINST ME.

BUT I WASN'T GONNA BE ONE OF
MR. CANTWELL'S HAPLESS VICTIMS.

IF IT WAS MAN AGAINST
NATURE, I'D PUT MY BETS ON ME.

I WAS GONNA BE MASTER
OF MY OWN... PORES.

- ♪ AIN'T NO MOUNTAIN
HIGH ENOUGH ♪
- ♪ UH-HUH ♪

-SO I SCRUBBED.

-♪ WHOO-OOH-OOH-OOH ♪

- ♪ AIN'T NO RIVER WIDE ENOUGH ♪
- ♪ UH-HUH ♪

-I BUFFED.

I POLISHED.

-♪ AIN'T NO MOUNTAIN
HIGH ENOUGH ♪

♪ NOTHIN' CAN KEEP ME ♪

-I TRIED EVERYTHING.

-♪ KEEP ME FROM YOU ♪

♪ AIN'T NO MOUNTAIN
HIGH ENOUGH ♪

-AND WHEN IT WAS ALL OVER...

I HAD THE MOST WELL-GROOMED
PIMPLE ON THE BLOCK.

-[SIGHS]

[BELL RINGS]

-AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

-PRESSURE...

BUILDING UP FROM
SUBTERRANEAN DEPTHS.

MAGMATIC ERUPTIONS BENEATH
THE EARTH'S FRAGILE SURFACE.

-BY THE NEXT DAY, IT WAS
NO LONGER A QUESTION

OF WHETHER THIS PIMPLE
WAS GONNA GO AWAY.

IT WAS A QUESTION OF HOW
MUCH BIGGER IT WAS GOING TO GET.

-TITANIC ERUPTIONS

EVENTUALLY CAPABLE
OF SUPPORTING LIFE.

THE MINERAL-RICH LAVA GIVING
RISE TO THICK VEGETATION.

-WELL, NO SIGN OF VEGETATION.

YET.

-HAVE YOU TRIED STEAMING
YOUR FACE IN LEMON WATER?

-PAUL...

-NO, REALLY.

MOM SAYS THE ONLY WAY TO
GET RID OF FACIAL BLEMISHES

IS HOT TOWELS AND
STEAMING LEMON WATER.

-LEMON WATER?

-YEAH. WORKS EVERY TIME.

-REALLY?

IT WORKED FOR YOU?

-WELL...

I NEVER REALLY...

WELL...

HAD A PIMPLE.

-THEN HOW WOULD
YOU KNOW ANYTHING

ABOUT GETTING RID OF THEM, HUH?

-HEY, I WAS JUST
TRYING TO HELP, OKAY?

-YEAH, WELL, THAT WAS THE
STUPIDEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD.

-BOOM!

-STUPID? MAYBE.

BUT I WAS RUNNING
OUT OF ALTERNATIVES.

SO MUCH FOR TAKING
ADVICE FROM A RANK AMATEUR.

[DOOR CLOSES]

IT WAS TIME TO ENLIST
THE HELP... OF A PRO.

-GO FOR IT!

-YOU THINK SO?

-THAT'S WHAT I WOULD DO.

-THINK WHAT YOU LIKE.

WAYNE WAS A SEASONED
VETERAN ON THIS TURF.

-SQUEEZE IT!

-I DON'T KNOW.

-IT'S THE ONLY WAY
TO GET RID OF IT.

OH, UNLESS...

IT MAKES IT ABOUT
10 TIMES BIGGER.

BUT, THEN AGAIN, IT COULD
JUST GO AWAY BY TOMORROW.

OR...

NO. OH, NO.

THE CHANCES OF THAT
HAPPENING ARE REALLY REMOTE.

- "OR" WHAT?

-WELL, IT COULD GET INFECTED
AND GO DIRECTLY TO YOUR BRAIN.

-WAYNE!

-HEY, IF YOU DON'T WANT
MY HELP, THAT'S FINE.

I'M SURE YOU'RE GONNA
FIGURE IT OUT BY YOURSELF.

-[SIGHS] WAIT.

-WAYNE'S DRAWER...

THE TOXIC WASTELAND
OF THE ARNOLD BATHROOM.

[GEIGER COUNTER CLICKING]

MADE YOU WONDER IF THE
ATOMIC ENERGY COMMISSION

KNEW ABOUT THIS.

-HERE IT IS.

DON'T EVER SAY I DIDN'T
DO ANYTHING FOR YOU.

-SURE, I WAS SUSPICIOUS.

BUT MAYBE WAYNE FINALLY
SAW A LITTLE OF HIMSELF

IN HIS YOUNGER BROTHER.

MAYBE HE'D BEEN DOWN
THIS HELLISH ROAD HIMSELF

AND UNDERSTOOD THE
SERIOUSNESS OF THE SITUATION.

-GIVE ME A BUCK.

-OR MAYBE HE NEEDED A BUCK.

-WHAT?!

-TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.

-WHAT COULD I SAY? THESE
WERE DESPERATE TIMES.

AND THE THING DID COME
WITH AN IRONCLAD GUARANTEE

TO VANQUISH EVEN
THE TOUGHEST BLEMISH.

PLUS, I HAD A DATE WITH DESTINY.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

["OVER THE RAINBOW" PLAYS]

SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW,

WHERE KIDS DON'T HAVE TO
WORRY ABOUT THEIR COMPLEXION.

[INSECT BUZZING]

[ALARM CLOCK BUZZING]

[BUZZING STOPS]

AT LEAST, THAT WAS THE DREAM.

-[SIGHS]

-OKAY, NO SENSE IN
HOPING FOR MIRACLES.

AT WORST, IT WOULD BE
REDUCED TO THE SIZE OF...

[VOLCANO ERUPTS] KRAKATOA.

IT WAS BIGGER THAN EVER!

AND IT WAS T-MINUS 12 HOURS

UNTIL GINA PRUITT AND I CAME
FACE TO DISFIGURED FACE.

-[SIGHS]

THERE WAS ONLY ONE
WAY TO SALVAGE MY DIGNITY,

MY HONOR, MY GOOD NAME.

I WAS GONNA HAVE TO LIE.

-WHAT HAPPENED?

-HAPPENED?

-TO YOUR FACE.

-YOU WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH?

-OKAY, HERE GOES.

-I... GOT INTO A FIGHT.

-YOU WHAT?

-I GOT INTO A FIGHT.

-WITH WHO?

-WITH WHO?

WITH...

-WITH...

HIM.

-YOU GOT IN A FIGHT
WITH TONY BARBELLA?

-HECK, IF YOU'RE GONNA
BREAK A COMMANDMENT,

YOU MIGHT AS WELL GET A
LITTLE MILEAGE OUT OF IT.

-YEAH.

-WHY?

-HE WAS JUST...
SAYING SOME STUFF.

-WHAT SORT OF STUFF?

-WHOOPS. GET OUT BEFORE
YOU HANG YOURSELF.

-LOOK, I'D RATHER NOT
TALK ABOUT THIS, OKAY?

-OF COURSE. I UNDERSTAND.

-THAT MUST HAVE REALLY HURT.

-YEAH, WELL...

-I MEAN, GETTING HIT
RIGHT ON THAT PIMPLE.

[THUD]

-EVER HAVE ONE OF THOSE DAYS?

-I HEAR YOU'RE TELLING PEOPLE
ME AND YOU GOT IN A FIGHT.

-WHAT?

-YOU HEARD ME!

-LISTEN, THERE MUST BE
SOME KIND OF MISTAKE.

I-I DIDN'T GET INTO
A FIGHT WITH YOU.

-SO, WHY'D YOU SAY YOU DID?

-I DIDN'T...

EXACTLY.

-BECAUSE I CAN
TELL YOU ONE THING...

IF TONY BARBELLA
EVER PUNCHED YOU,

YOU'D END UP WITH MORE THAN
JUST A BAND-AID ON YOUR CHEEK.

[LAUGHING]

-ALL RIGHT, THIS WAS
TOTALLY OUT OF HAND.

I'D ALMOST GOTTEN MYSELF KILLED

BY A GUY WHO REFERRED TO
HIMSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON.

AND FOR WHAT?

A LOUSY PIMPLE, A STUPID
LITTLE, MEANINGLESS ZIT.

WHAT DID IT MATTER IN THE
GREAT SCHEME OF THINGS?

LIFE WAS TOO SHORT.

I HAD THINGS TO
DO, PLACES TO GO...

[DOORBELL RINGS]

PEOPLE TO MEET.

-CLAIRE, PHIL, HI! COME ON IN!

[DOOR CLOSES]

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]

- WHERE'S KEVIN?
- I'LL RUN AND GET HIM.

-WELL, THE MOMENT OF
TRUTH HAD FINALLY COME.

AND I KNEW EXACTLY
WHAT I HAD TO DO.

BAR THE DOOR AND WAIT FOR
ADOLESCENCE TO RUN ITS COURSE.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]
- KEVIN?

-UH... DON'T COME IN.

-HONEY, GINA PRUITT'S HERE.

-OKAY, IT WAS TIME TO
LAY OUT MY FINAL OPTIONS.

I COULD HIT THE ROAD...

START RUNNING, KEEP
RUNNING, AND NEVER LOOK BACK.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]
- KEVIN!

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

-OR I COULD FACE REALITY.

-KEVIN, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

-NOTHING.

I... JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE
SEEING THEM RIGHT NOW, IS ALL.

I DON'T THINK I'M UP TO IT.

-IT WAS MY LAST HOPE...
UNABASHED HONESTY.

WITH JUST A LOOK, I WAS ABLE
TO CONVEY ALL THE EMOTIONS

I'D BEEN CARRYING AROUND
INSIDE ME FOR THREE DAYS.

I COULDN'T GO OUT THERE
AND HUMILIATE MYSELF.

SHE UNDERSTOOD THAT.

-KEVIN, YOU ARE GOING TO GET
OUT HERE RIGHT THIS MINUTE.

-THEN AGAIN, MAYBE NOT.

-[SIGHS]

-WELL, HERE HE IS!

-STEP RIGHT UP, FOLKS.
BEHOLD THE FREAK OF NATURE.

NOT FOR THE FAINTHEARTED.

THEN, IN A FLASH,

ALL OF MY INSECURITIES
FLEW AWAY.

I SAW BEAUTY.

I SAW GRANDEUR.

I SAW...

IT WAS TWICE AS BIG AS
THE ONE ON MY CHEEK!

["OVER THE RAINBOW" PLAYS]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

-HI!

-HI.

IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

-YEAH, YOU TOO.

-IT WAS PURPLE
MOUNTAINS MAJESTY,

TWO PIMPLES
PASSING IN THE NIGHT.

[WOMAN SCREAMING ON TELEVISION]

-AAAAAAAAAAH!

-[GROWLS]

-[SCREAMING CONTINUES]

-I GUESS WHAT I WAS FINDING OUT
WAS THAT WHEN THINGS CHANGE,

IT DOESN'T MEAN THE
END OF THE WORLD.

-AAAAAAH!

-AS A MATTER OF FACT,

SOMETIMES IT COULD
WORK OUT FOR THE BEST.

THE PRUITTS LEFT
TOWN A FEW DAYS LATER,

AND SO DID THE PIMPLE.

AND I BEGAN TO COME
TO GRIPS WITH THE FACT

THAT ON THE UNCERTAIN
ROAD THROUGH ADOLESCENCE,

THERE WERE BOUND TO BE A
FEW BUMPS ALONG THE WAY.

[WOMAN SCREAMS ON TELEVISION]