The Wonder Years (1988–1993): Season 3, Episode 6 - Odd Man Out - full transcript
When Kevin and Paul have a disagreement, they decide to find new best friends. Kevin starts hanging around with Doug Porter while Paul befriends Brady Ryland.
-♪ WHAT WOULD YOU DO
IF I SANG OUT OF TUNE? ♪
♪ WOULD YOU STAND UP
AND WALK OUT ON ME? ♪
♪ LEND ME YOUR EARS,
AND I'LL SING YOU A SONG ♪
♪ I WILL TRY NOT TO
SING OUT OF KEY, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, BABY, I GET BY ♪
- ♪ BY WITH A LITTLE HELP
FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ ALL I NEED IS MY BUDDIES ♪
-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ I'M SAYIN' I'M GONNA GET HIGHER ♪ - ♪
TRY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ WHOA-OA-OA-OA ♪
-♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪
-♪ SOMEBODY WHO
KNOWS QUITE SURE ♪
♪ BABY ♪
-♪ BY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ SAID I'M GONNA MAKE
IT WITH MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ TRY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ OH, I'M GONNA
KEEP ON TRYING ♪
-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
♪ I'M GONNA KEEP ON
TRYING NOW, BABY ♪
-♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪
[INSECTS CHIRPING]
- [LAUGHS]
- OKAY. GIVE ME AN ADJECTIVE.
-UH, "STUPID." NO... "SLIMY."
-YOU ALREADY USED "SLIMY."
-OKAY. THEN..."SMELLY."
- "SMELLY." THIS IS
GONNA BE A GOOD ONE.
-THE BEST PART OF
HAVING A BEST FRIEND
IS KNOWING THERE'S SOMEONE
WHO REALLY UNDERSTANDS YOU.
PAUL PFEIFFER AND I SHARED
MORE THAN JUST THE
LAUGHS AND THE OREOS.
-GREAT!
[LAUGHS]
-COME ON.
TRUTH OR DARE?
-UM, TRUTH.
-WE SHARED CONFIDENCES.
-I NEVER REALLY
TOLD ANYBODY THIS,
BUT I KIND OF LIKE
DEBBIE ACKERMAN.
-NO. NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
EVERYBODY LIKES DEBBIE ACKERMAN.
-[SIGHS] OKAY.
UM, OKAY, OKAY. HERE'S ONE.
ONCE, WHEN I WAS 9, I
SNUCK UP INTO OUR ATTIC,
AND I SAW MRS. ANDERSON
SUNBATHING NEXT DOOR.
-[SIGHS]
-WITH HER TOP OFF.
-NO WAY.
-OH! I DON'T BELIEVE IT!
-OKAY. YOUR TURN.
-OKAY.
YOU KNOW THAT FIRE ALARM
THAT WENT OFF THURSDAY,
FOURTH PERIOD?
-MM-HMM.
-[CLEARS THROAT]
-NO WAY!
-YES WAY.
-YOU'RE LYING.
-YOU DON'T THINK I'D DO THAT?
-LOOK ME IN THE EYE
AND SAY YOU'D DO THAT.
-IN A LOT OF WAYS, PAUL KNEW
ME BETTER THAN I KNEW MYSELF.
AND HE WOULDN'T HESITATE
TO REMIND ME IF I EVER FORGOT.
- [CHUCKLES]
- I KNEW IT.
-IT WAS A TRIED-AND-TRUE
RELATIONSHIP.
-ALL RIGHT. COME ON.
LET'S GET SOME SHUT-EYE.
[SIGHS]
-BUT LIKE ALL RELATIONSHIPS...
- [SNORING]
- PAUL?
- SOMETIMES IT
GOT A LITTLE STALE.
- [SNORING]
- PAUL!
[ "THE ADDAMS
FAMILY" THEME PLAYING]
-♪ NA-NA-NA-NA ♪
♪ NA-NA-NA-NA, NA-NA-NA-NA ♪
♪ NA-NA-NA-NA ♪
DING-DONG!
♪ NA-NA-NA-NA ♪
[CLICKS TONGUE]
♪ NA-NA-NA-NA ♪
ZIH! ZING!
- PAUL!
- HUH?
-I'M TRYING TO
WATCH. DO YOU MIND?
-HEY, IT'S A FREE COUNTRY.
-YEAH, BUT IT'S MY HOUSE! AND
I WANT YOU TO KNOCK IT OFF!
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
-WHEN PAUL AND I REACHED
A FAMILIAR DEADLOCK
OF STAGNATION,
THERE WAS GENERALLY
ONE AGREED-UPON SOLUTION.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
-HEY, GUYS! WHAT'S HAPPENING?
-DOUG PORTER.
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
HE WAS THE MOST
AGREEABLE KID WE'D EVER MET.
-ALL RIGHT! BOARDWALK!
HOW MUCH IS IT?
-IT'S 400 BIG ONES.
-YEAH. THAT'S PRETTY
EXPENSIVE, DOUG.
YOU SURE YOU WANT TO BUY IT?
-YEAH. I MEAN, LOOK HOW MUCH
IT COSTS TO PUT HOTELS ON.
[INDISTINCT TALKING
ON TELEVISION]
-WELL, MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
-YOUR TURN. YOU GOT DOUBLES.
-DOUG'S BLANDNESS
WAS LIKE BUTTERED TOAST
TO AN UPSET STOMACH.
-VROOM! VROOM! VROOM!
-BUT SO LONG AS HE GOT
TO BE THE CAR IN MONOPOLY,
HE WAS HAPPY.
AND WE WERE HAPPY
TO HAVE HIS COMPANY...
-[IMITATES TIRES SCREECHING]
- IN SMALL DOSES.
-DOUBLES AGAIN! BOY,
TODAY'S MY LUCKY DAY.
VROOM! VROOM! VROOM!
-UH, I THINK THAT'S
ABOUT IT FOR ME, GUYS.
-HUH? BUT...
-SORRY, GUYS. I GOT TO GET HOME.
YOU KNOW, STUFF TO DO.
-OH. WELL, I'LL SEE YOU, PAUL.
-YEAH. SEE YOU LATER.
[DOOR CLOSES]
-YOU WANT TO PLAY AGAIN?
-NAH. I GOT A LOT
OF HOMEWORK TO DO.
-OKAY. WELL, UM, MAYBE
I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
-YEAH, MAYBE. SEE YA.
-YEP, THREE GAMES OF MONOPOLY
WAS JUST ABOUT
THE LIMIT WITH DOUG.
AFTER THAT...
-PAUL?
-YOU CALLED?
-HOOPS?
-YOU'RE ON, SUCKER!
[BOTH LAUGH]
-WE NEVER FELT WONDERFUL
ABOUT DITCHING THE GUY.
BUT IT WAS NOTHING PERSONAL.
DOUG WAS JUST
KIND OF ODD MAN OUT,
WHEREAS PAUL AND I
WERE IN FOR THE LONG HAUL.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[SIGHS]
UNTIL THAT DAY WHEN THE
HAUL GOT JUST A TAD TOO LONG.
-ALL RIGHT. HERE'S
THE DEAL. OKAY.
I'LL GIVE YOU MY
MARICHAL AND THE TIANT...
FOR YOUR McCOVEY AND...
-NO, NO, NO. McCOVEY'S
OFF THE TABLE.
-OH, COME ON, PAUL!
BE REASONABLE!
-I AM BEING REASONABLE.
McCOVEY IS OFF THE TABLE.
- [SIGHS]
- UNLESS...
YOU'RE WILLING TO THINK
ABOUT YOUR WILLIAMS.
-OH, YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!
WILLIE McCOVEY FOR TED WILLIAMS?
THAT'S AN INSULT!
-THE McCOVEY TRADE.
A COMMON IMPASSE.
WE'D BEEN THROUGH THIS
A HUNDRED TIMES BEFORE.
-ALL RIGHT. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
YOU GOT THE MARICHAL, THE TIANT,
AND I'LL THROW IN
A DON SCHWARTZ.
-DON SCHWARTZ?
YOU'VE BEEN TRYING TO PAWN THAT
SCHWARTZ OFF ON ME FOR YEARS.
WHEN ARE YOU GONNA GIVE UP
ON THE DON SCHWARTZ ALREADY?
-WHAT'S IT GONNA TAKE, PAUL?!
-McCOVEY IS OFF THE TABLE.
-PAUL, JUST BEND A
LITTLE ON THIS ONE, HUH?
-HOW ABOUT YOU BEND A LITTLE?
-[GROANS, SIGHS]
-BUT THE FACT WAS, THAT
DAY, I WAS TIRED OF BENDING.
I WAS TIRED OF THE
ENDLESS EFFORT
SPENT HAMMERING OUT COMPROMISE.
-WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU, ANYWAY?
-NOTHING'S WRONG WITH ME.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
-SOMETIMES YOU'RE SO WEIRD.
- I HEARD THAT!
- WHAT?
-YOU CALLED ME A WEIRDO!
-ALL RIGHT. FINE!
I CALLED YOU A
WEIRDO! SATISFIED?
-I'M A WEIRDO?
I'M A WEIRDO?!
HEY, I'M NOT THE ONE
WITH CARTOON FIGURES
ON MY PILLOWCASE!
-WHAT WAS THIS? A
SLANDEROUS PERSONAL ATTACK?
-WHAT DID YOU SAY?
-I SAID AT LEAST I DON'T
HAVE CARTOON FIGURES
ON MY PILLOWCASE!
-YEAH?
WELL, AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE
STUFFED ANIMALS ON MY BED!
-OH, YEAH?
-WELL, AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE
THE HOTS FOR WINNIE COOPER.
-OKAY. THAT DID IT.
-THAT'S A LIE.
-LOOK ME IN THE
EYE AND SAY IT'S A LIE.
-I LOOKED HIM IN
THE EYE, ALL RIGHT.
BUT ALL I SAW WAS
A KNEE-JIGGLING,
SPAGHETTI-SLURPING,
GUM-CRACKING TWERP.
OF COURSE I'D NEVER SAY SO.
-WELL, AT LEAST I'M NOT
AN UGLY FOUR-EYED JERK
THAT NOBODY LIKES.
[CARDS SCATTER]
-TOTAL BUTTHEAD!
-LOSER!
[DOOR SLAMS]
-YEARS OF SUPPRESSED FRUSTRATION
HAD FINALLY REARED
THEIR UGLY HEAD.
-[GROANS]
-I WAS SICK OF IT.
WHY DID IT ALWAYS
HAVE TO BE SO DIFFICULT?
WHY DID IT HAVE TO
REQUIRE SO MUCH EFFORT?
WHY COULDN'T IT BE MORE LIKE...
[KNOCK ON WINDOW]
-HEY, YOU BUSY?
COME ON IN!
-NOW, UNDER NORMAL
CIRCUMSTANCES,
A VISIT TO DOUG PORTER'S HOUSE
WOULD HAVE WEIGHED IN JUST
UNDER THE DENTIST'S OFFICE.
-MOM! KEVIN ARNOLD'S HERE!
-THESE, HOWEVER, WERE
NOT NORMAL CIRCUMSTANCES.
AND THIS WAS DEFINITELY
NOT A NORMAL BEDROOM.
-MOM!
-HELLO, KEVIN.
-OH, HI, MRS. PORTER.
-DOUG HAS TOLD ME
SO MUCH ABOUT YOU.
IT'S ABOUT TIME
YOU CAME TO VISIT.
-HECK. MAYBE SHE WAS
RIGHT. IT WAS ABOUT TIME.
-WHY DON'T I PUT THESE
DOWN RIGHT HERE?
CAN I GET YOU BOYS
SOMETHING TO DRINK?
-SURE, MOM. UM...
HOW ABOUT YOO-HOO?
YOU LIKE YOO-HOO?
-WELL, IF IT'S ALL RIGHT WITH...
-WHATEVER YOU LIKE, KEVIN.
-YOO-HOO SOUNDS GREAT.
-YOO-HOO IT IS.
[FANFARE PLAYS]
-AND SUDDENLY I FELT
LIKE VISITING ROYALTY.
-KEV, WANT A GUM BALL?
-YEAH. THIS WAS MORE LIKE IT.
-WHAT COLOR?
-UH, HOW ABOUT RED?
-RED'S DEFINITELY THE BEST.
-HERE WAS A GUY WHO WOULD
LISTEN TO WHAT I HAD TO SAY.
-OKAY. HOLD OUT YOUR HANDS.
-A GUY WHO TREATED
ME WITH A LITTLE RESPECT.
-HERE THEY COME!
[GUM BALLS RATTLING]
-A FELLA WHO APPRECIATED ME.
-HA!
-UNLIKE SOME INGRATES I KNEW.
-[CLEARS THROAT]
-WHAT'S GOING ON
BETWEEN YOU AND PAUL?
-WHY DON'T YOU ASK HIM?
-I DID.
HE SAYS YOU'VE REALLY CHANGED.
-WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
-LOOK, I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T
GET IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS,
BUT HE SAYS YOU'VE SAID
SOME PRETTY MEAN STUFF.
-ALL RIGHT, SO THE
FOUR-EYES REMARK
WAS A LITTLE OVER THE TOP.
I WAS MAN ENOUGH TO ADMIT IT.
-WELL, HE SAID SOME STUFF
OF HIS OWN, TOO, YOU KNOW.
-[SIGHS]
ALL I KNOW IS YOU GUYS
ARE REALLY GOOD FRIENDS.
YOU SHOULDN'T BE FIGHTING.
-SO WHAT DO YOU WANT
ME TO DO ABOUT IT?
-JUST BE NICE IF HE'S NICE.
OKAY?
- "BE NICE IF HE'S NICE"?
WHAT WAS THIS, "ROMPER ROOM"?
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
STILL, THERE IT WAS...
THAT OLD GOOFY SMILE.
AW, HECK, IF HE WAS WILLING
TO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE,
WELL, I GUESS I COULD LEAVE
THE PORCH LIGHT ON FOR HIM.
-HEY!
-HEY, MAN! TAKE A SEAT!
-GOD, I THOUGHT THIS
DAY WOULD NEVER END!
-SAME HERE.
-BRADY RYLAND?
PAUL WAS HANGING OUT
WITH BRADY RYLAND?!
PBHT! TALK ABOUT DESPERATE!
RYLAND WAS A TOTAL...
-HEY, KEV! THIS SEAT TAKEN?
- LOSER.
LOOK AT THAT. REALLY PATHETIC.
-[LAUGHS]
-[LAUGHS LOUDLY]
-WHO WAS PAUL TRYING TO FOOL?
HE WASN'T HAVING FUN.
I WAS HAVING FUN.
-OKAY. WHO DO YOU
WANT FOR YOUR McCOVEY?
-I DON'T KNOW. UM...
-YEP, I WAS HANGING OUT IN
THE HEART OF FUN CENTRAL.
-HOW ABOUT THIS ONE?
-DOUG, THAT'S A DON SCHWARTZ.
-GREAT!
-NO. NO. THIS IS A
TERRIBLE TRADE.
-SORRY.
-THERE WAS JUST ONE PROBLEM.
WITH PAUL, EVERYTHING
HAD BEEN A STRUGGLE.
WITH DOUG, I PUSHED,
AND HE FELL OVER.
-WHAT IF I THROW IN WILLIE
MAYS TO SWEETEN IT UP A LITTLE?
-NO, DOUG. YOU'RE
MISSING THE POINT.
YOU HAVE TO
BARGAIN A LITTLE BIT.
-WELL, ALL RIGHT. OKAY.
I'LL THROW IN MAYS
AND JOHNNY BENCH.
-IT WAS LIKE TRYING
TO GIVE SPINE TO JELL-O.
-OKAY. LET'S FORGET ABOUT
TRADING FOR RIGHT NOW.
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
-I DON'T CARE. WHAT
DO YOU WANT TO DO?
-ISN'T THERE ANYTHING
YOU WANT TO DO?
-W-WE COULD EAT SOME MORE.
-IT TOOK ABOUT TWO HOURS
TO REALIZE THE
MISSION WAS IMPOSSIBLE.
-HOW ABOUT SOME TIDDLEDYWINKS?
-TIDDLEDYWINKS?
-DOUG WAS LOOKING DESPERATE.
NOTHING COULD SALVAGE
THIS RELATIONSHIP,
SHORT OF...
-HOW ABOUT WE FLY MY
DAD'S MODEL AIRPLANE?
-DID HE SAY AIRPLANE?
[ENGINE BUZZING,
UP-TEMPO MARCH PLAYING]
OKAY. I KNEW IT WAS WRONG.
STILL, FLYING MR. PORTER'S
INCREDIBLY EXPENSIVE
RADIO-CONTROLLED AIRPLANE
MIGHT BE JUST THE OPPORTUNITY
FOR ME AND DOUG
TO FORGE A NEW BOND.
OR SO I TOLD MYSELF.
-DOUG, ARE YOU SURE
YOU'VE DONE THIS BEFORE?
-ALL THE TIME.
WATCH. I CAN MAKE
IT DO LOOP-DE-LOOPS.
[ENGINE BUZZING]
ISN'T THAT COOL?
SURE. COOL. BUT FOOLHARDY.
-LISTEN, I THINK...
-BUT HOLD ON. WHAT HAVE WE HERE?
OLD PAUL JUST
HAPPENS TO RIDE BY?
ON DOUG'S STREET?
I THINK NOT.
WELL, TWO CAN PLAY THIS GAME.
-DOUG, COME ON. LET ME HAVE A
SHOT AT THOSE CONTROLS, HUH?
-O-OKAY, BUT YOU GOT
TO BE REAL CAREFUL.
THE STICK ON THE LEFT
MAKES IT GO UP AND DOWN.
-YEAH, ALL RIGHT, ALL
RIGHT. I KNOW, I KNOW.
-LOOKS LIKE FUN, DOESN'T IT?
WELL, READ 'EM
AND WEEP, PFEIFFER.
TELL ME... WHO'S IN
THE DRIVER'S SEAT NOW?
-KEV! LOOK OUT!
HOLY COW!
MY DAD IS GONNA KILL ME.
-UH, IT WON'T BE THAT BAD, DOUG.
-NO. YOU DON'T KNOW MY DAD.
H-HIS EYES BULGE OUT
LIKE... LIKE BOILED EGGS,
AND... AND H-HIS FOREHEAD
STARTS SWEATING,
AND HE SCRATCHES HIS NECK
LIKE HE'S GONNA RIP HIS SKIN OFF!
-LOOK, DOUG, JUST CONCENTRATE
ON WHAT YOU'RE DOING, OKAY?
-YOU'RE NOT MAD, ARE YOU?
-I WASN'T MAD.
I WAS JUST TIRED... OF
DOUG, OF THE WHOLE MESS.
IT WAS TIME TO
PUT AN END TO THIS.
TIME TO MAKE A CLEAN BREAK.
[WOOD CREAKING]
-DOUG, I THINK THAT...
-WHOA!
[BRANCH SNAPS]
[THUD]
[GROANS]
-BUT SPEAKING OF CLEAN BREAKS...
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
-GEE, IT LOOKS GREAT, KEV.
-33 DING DONGS, 2
GALLONS OF YOO-HOO,
AND ONE
RADIO-CONTROLLED AIRPLANE
HAD BROUGHT ME TO THIS.
I WAS A PRISONER OF GUILT.
-CAN'T WAIT TO SHOW
IT TO EVERYBODY.
-YEAH. SURE.
-MY ONLY CONSOLATION
WAS THERE WERE AT LEAST
TWO OTHER KEVINS IN OUR CLASS.
-HEY, EVERYBODY! KEVIN
ARNOLD SIGNED MY CAST!
-DOUG! DOUG! NO. PLEASE.
-SORRY.
-KEVIN?
PAUL HAS A MESSAGE FOR YOU.
-HE DOES?
-WHAT WAS THIS?
A LITTLE THAW IN RELATIONS?
A POSSIBLE BREAK IN THE IMPASSE?
-WHOA! WHAT HAPPENED?!
-OH, I FELL OUT OF A TREE.
-I HAD TO WEAR ONE LIKE THAT
FOR TWO MONTHS LAST YEAR.
THE ITCHING DROVE ME NUTS!
-TELL ME ABOUT IT.
-I'VE LOST TWO PLASTIC
FORKS DOWN THERE ALREADY.
- TRY A BALLPOINT PEN.
- EXCUSE ME.
WAS THERE SOME REASON YOU
CAME OVER HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE?
-NOT THAT I COULDN'T GUESS.
[CHUCKLES]
LOOK AT HIM.
SITTING THERE, REMINISCING
ABOUT THE GOOD TIMES,
WAITING FOR ME TO
GIVE HIM THE NOD.
-OH, YEAH. PAUL SAYS HE
WANTS HIS BASEBALL CARDS BACK.
-HE SAID WHAT?
-WELL, I'LL SEE YOU GUYS AROUND.
-OKAY. THAT RIPPED
IT. ONCE AND FOR ALL!
-SAY, KEV, I-I WAS THINKING...
-I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
THE LITTLE WEASEL HAD SENT
HIS LAPDOG TO DO HIS DIRTY WORK?
- THE NURSE SAID I SHOULD
FIND SOMEONE TO HELP ME...
YOU KNOW, DO STUFF
FOR ME AROUND SCHOOL.
-HE COULDN'T TREAT ME LIKE THAT.
-WELL, I WAS WONDERING IF
YOU THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA.
-YEAH. SURE.
-SO THIS WAS WHAT IT CAME TO.
STABBED IN THE BACK BY SOMEONE
WHO USED TO CALL HIMSELF
MY... HA! BEST FRIEND!
-GREAT! THEN YOU'LL DO IT?
-WHAT?
-WHAT WAS THIS
GUY TALKING ABOUT?
-WELL, YOU KNOW,
UM, CARRY MY BOOKS,
HELP PUT ON MY JACKET,
-AND MAYBE YOU COULD EVEN
HELP ME WITH MY HOMEWORK.
-DOUG!
-WAS HE NUTS? HELP
HIM WITH HIS HOMEWORK?
HADN'T I BEEN HUMILIATED ENOUGH?
WHO'D HE THINK I WAS, ANYWAY?
-WELL, YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND.
AREN'T YOU?
-LOOK, NUMBER ONE, I'M NOT
YOUR BEST FRIEND, OKAY?!
AND NUMBER TWO, CARRY
YOUR OWN STUPID BOOKS!
-KEV?
-THERE. THAT FELT BETTER.
MUCH BETTER.
THAT NIGHT, I HAD A DREAM.
[OWL HOOTS] MORE
LIKE A NIGHTMARE.
-YOU WANT MILK DUDS?
YOU WANT YOO-HOO?
YOU WANT DOUGHNUTS?
HOW ABOUT SNO BALLS?
HOW ABOUT TWINKIES?
IF I GIVE YOU TWINKIES,
WOULD YOU BE MY BEST FRIEND?
-DOUG!
-AAH! KEV!
-DOUG?!
- KEV!
- STOP!
- HELP!
- DOUG!
DOUG!
DOUG!
DOUG!
DOUG! COME BACK!
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
-I FELT AWFUL. WHAT HAD I DONE?
DOUG DID KIND OF LOOK UP TO ME.
-AND THE TRUTH IS, I
HAD ACTED, WELL, BADLY.
THERE WAS ONLY ONE
RIGHT THING TO DO.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
-OH, HI, KEVIN.
-IS DOUG AROUND?
-I'M SORRY.
H-HE CAN'T COME TO
THE DOOR RIGHT NOW.
IS THERE SOMETHING YOU WANTED?
-WELL, UH...
-I COULD TELL BY HER LOOK
THAT I'D ALL BUT CRUSHED HIM.
THE LEAST I COULD DO
WAS SHOW SOME CLASS.
-IT'S A DON SCHWARTZ.
HE LIKES DON SCHWARTZ.
-I'LL MAKE SURE HE GETS IT.
-WELL, THERE YOU HAD IT.
POOR DOUG. I'D LET HIM DOWN.
I COULD ALMOST SEE
HIM... ALONE IN HIS ROOM,
TRYING TO FIGURE OUT
WHAT HE'D DONE WRONG,
LAMENTING HIS FATE...
[DOUG LAUGHING]
OR HAVING THE TIME OF
HIS LIFE WITH BRADY RYLAND.
AS I STOOD OUTSIDE THAT WINDOW,
I WATCHED THE EASY GIVE-AND-TAKE
OF TWO NEW FRIENDS.
AND I REALIZED SOMETHING...
DOUG PORTER WAS NO
LONGER THE ODD MAN OUT.
IT WAS ME.
BUT I GUESS IN A WAY
WE'RE ALL ODD MEN OUT...
UNTIL WE FIND A MATCH
THAT MAKES US EVEN,
SOMEONE WHO CHALLENGES
US TO BE OUR BEST,
SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS
US, EVEN AT OUR WORST.
I WAS BEGINNING TO APPRECIATE
HOW RARE A THING THAT WAS.
-HEY.
-HEY.
-I WANTED TO TELL HIM I WAS A
BETTER PERSON FOR KNOWING HIM,
THAT I HOPED OUR
FRIENDSHIP WOULD ENDURE
THE TRIALS OF A LIFETIME.
-WELL... SEE YA.
-YEAH. SEE YA.
-BUT I KNEW HE UNDERSTOOD.
[INSECTS CHIRPING]
-I WAS THINKING ABOUT
THAT McCOVEY TRADE.
-YEAH?
-WELL, MAYBE I COULD DO IT
FOR THE MARICHAL AND THE TIANT.
-PAUL, COME ON.
IT'S A BAD TRADE.
-WELL, COME ON, KEVIN.
I REALLY THINK I
WANT THAT TIANT.
-I MEAN, I'VE WANTED
IT FOR A LONG TIME.
-FOR McCOVEY? COME ON.
-COME ON. DON'T BE
SUCH A JERK ABOUT IT.
I WANT TO MAKE THE TRADE!
-I CAN'T DO IT,
PAUL. IT'S STUPID.
-OH, SO NOW YOU'RE
CALLING ME STUPID?!
[DOG BARKS]
McCOVEY IS OFF THE TABLE.
IF I SANG OUT OF TUNE? ♪
♪ WOULD YOU STAND UP
AND WALK OUT ON ME? ♪
♪ LEND ME YOUR EARS,
AND I'LL SING YOU A SONG ♪
♪ I WILL TRY NOT TO
SING OUT OF KEY, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, BABY, I GET BY ♪
- ♪ BY WITH A LITTLE HELP
FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ ALL I NEED IS MY BUDDIES ♪
-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ I'M SAYIN' I'M GONNA GET HIGHER ♪ - ♪
TRY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ WHOA-OA-OA-OA ♪
-♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪
-♪ SOMEBODY WHO
KNOWS QUITE SURE ♪
♪ BABY ♪
-♪ BY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ SAID I'M GONNA MAKE
IT WITH MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ TRY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ OH, I'M GONNA
KEEP ON TRYING ♪
-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
♪ I'M GONNA KEEP ON
TRYING NOW, BABY ♪
-♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪
[INSECTS CHIRPING]
- [LAUGHS]
- OKAY. GIVE ME AN ADJECTIVE.
-UH, "STUPID." NO... "SLIMY."
-YOU ALREADY USED "SLIMY."
-OKAY. THEN..."SMELLY."
- "SMELLY." THIS IS
GONNA BE A GOOD ONE.
-THE BEST PART OF
HAVING A BEST FRIEND
IS KNOWING THERE'S SOMEONE
WHO REALLY UNDERSTANDS YOU.
PAUL PFEIFFER AND I SHARED
MORE THAN JUST THE
LAUGHS AND THE OREOS.
-GREAT!
[LAUGHS]
-COME ON.
TRUTH OR DARE?
-UM, TRUTH.
-WE SHARED CONFIDENCES.
-I NEVER REALLY
TOLD ANYBODY THIS,
BUT I KIND OF LIKE
DEBBIE ACKERMAN.
-NO. NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
EVERYBODY LIKES DEBBIE ACKERMAN.
-[SIGHS] OKAY.
UM, OKAY, OKAY. HERE'S ONE.
ONCE, WHEN I WAS 9, I
SNUCK UP INTO OUR ATTIC,
AND I SAW MRS. ANDERSON
SUNBATHING NEXT DOOR.
-[SIGHS]
-WITH HER TOP OFF.
-NO WAY.
-OH! I DON'T BELIEVE IT!
-OKAY. YOUR TURN.
-OKAY.
YOU KNOW THAT FIRE ALARM
THAT WENT OFF THURSDAY,
FOURTH PERIOD?
-MM-HMM.
-[CLEARS THROAT]
-NO WAY!
-YES WAY.
-YOU'RE LYING.
-YOU DON'T THINK I'D DO THAT?
-LOOK ME IN THE EYE
AND SAY YOU'D DO THAT.
-IN A LOT OF WAYS, PAUL KNEW
ME BETTER THAN I KNEW MYSELF.
AND HE WOULDN'T HESITATE
TO REMIND ME IF I EVER FORGOT.
- [CHUCKLES]
- I KNEW IT.
-IT WAS A TRIED-AND-TRUE
RELATIONSHIP.
-ALL RIGHT. COME ON.
LET'S GET SOME SHUT-EYE.
[SIGHS]
-BUT LIKE ALL RELATIONSHIPS...
- [SNORING]
- PAUL?
- SOMETIMES IT
GOT A LITTLE STALE.
- [SNORING]
- PAUL!
[ "THE ADDAMS
FAMILY" THEME PLAYING]
-♪ NA-NA-NA-NA ♪
♪ NA-NA-NA-NA, NA-NA-NA-NA ♪
♪ NA-NA-NA-NA ♪
DING-DONG!
♪ NA-NA-NA-NA ♪
[CLICKS TONGUE]
♪ NA-NA-NA-NA ♪
ZIH! ZING!
- PAUL!
- HUH?
-I'M TRYING TO
WATCH. DO YOU MIND?
-HEY, IT'S A FREE COUNTRY.
-YEAH, BUT IT'S MY HOUSE! AND
I WANT YOU TO KNOCK IT OFF!
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
-WHEN PAUL AND I REACHED
A FAMILIAR DEADLOCK
OF STAGNATION,
THERE WAS GENERALLY
ONE AGREED-UPON SOLUTION.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
-HEY, GUYS! WHAT'S HAPPENING?
-DOUG PORTER.
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
HE WAS THE MOST
AGREEABLE KID WE'D EVER MET.
-ALL RIGHT! BOARDWALK!
HOW MUCH IS IT?
-IT'S 400 BIG ONES.
-YEAH. THAT'S PRETTY
EXPENSIVE, DOUG.
YOU SURE YOU WANT TO BUY IT?
-YEAH. I MEAN, LOOK HOW MUCH
IT COSTS TO PUT HOTELS ON.
[INDISTINCT TALKING
ON TELEVISION]
-WELL, MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
-YOUR TURN. YOU GOT DOUBLES.
-DOUG'S BLANDNESS
WAS LIKE BUTTERED TOAST
TO AN UPSET STOMACH.
-VROOM! VROOM! VROOM!
-BUT SO LONG AS HE GOT
TO BE THE CAR IN MONOPOLY,
HE WAS HAPPY.
AND WE WERE HAPPY
TO HAVE HIS COMPANY...
-[IMITATES TIRES SCREECHING]
- IN SMALL DOSES.
-DOUBLES AGAIN! BOY,
TODAY'S MY LUCKY DAY.
VROOM! VROOM! VROOM!
-UH, I THINK THAT'S
ABOUT IT FOR ME, GUYS.
-HUH? BUT...
-SORRY, GUYS. I GOT TO GET HOME.
YOU KNOW, STUFF TO DO.
-OH. WELL, I'LL SEE YOU, PAUL.
-YEAH. SEE YOU LATER.
[DOOR CLOSES]
-YOU WANT TO PLAY AGAIN?
-NAH. I GOT A LOT
OF HOMEWORK TO DO.
-OKAY. WELL, UM, MAYBE
I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
-YEAH, MAYBE. SEE YA.
-YEP, THREE GAMES OF MONOPOLY
WAS JUST ABOUT
THE LIMIT WITH DOUG.
AFTER THAT...
-PAUL?
-YOU CALLED?
-HOOPS?
-YOU'RE ON, SUCKER!
[BOTH LAUGH]
-WE NEVER FELT WONDERFUL
ABOUT DITCHING THE GUY.
BUT IT WAS NOTHING PERSONAL.
DOUG WAS JUST
KIND OF ODD MAN OUT,
WHEREAS PAUL AND I
WERE IN FOR THE LONG HAUL.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[SIGHS]
UNTIL THAT DAY WHEN THE
HAUL GOT JUST A TAD TOO LONG.
-ALL RIGHT. HERE'S
THE DEAL. OKAY.
I'LL GIVE YOU MY
MARICHAL AND THE TIANT...
FOR YOUR McCOVEY AND...
-NO, NO, NO. McCOVEY'S
OFF THE TABLE.
-OH, COME ON, PAUL!
BE REASONABLE!
-I AM BEING REASONABLE.
McCOVEY IS OFF THE TABLE.
- [SIGHS]
- UNLESS...
YOU'RE WILLING TO THINK
ABOUT YOUR WILLIAMS.
-OH, YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!
WILLIE McCOVEY FOR TED WILLIAMS?
THAT'S AN INSULT!
-THE McCOVEY TRADE.
A COMMON IMPASSE.
WE'D BEEN THROUGH THIS
A HUNDRED TIMES BEFORE.
-ALL RIGHT. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
YOU GOT THE MARICHAL, THE TIANT,
AND I'LL THROW IN
A DON SCHWARTZ.
-DON SCHWARTZ?
YOU'VE BEEN TRYING TO PAWN THAT
SCHWARTZ OFF ON ME FOR YEARS.
WHEN ARE YOU GONNA GIVE UP
ON THE DON SCHWARTZ ALREADY?
-WHAT'S IT GONNA TAKE, PAUL?!
-McCOVEY IS OFF THE TABLE.
-PAUL, JUST BEND A
LITTLE ON THIS ONE, HUH?
-HOW ABOUT YOU BEND A LITTLE?
-[GROANS, SIGHS]
-BUT THE FACT WAS, THAT
DAY, I WAS TIRED OF BENDING.
I WAS TIRED OF THE
ENDLESS EFFORT
SPENT HAMMERING OUT COMPROMISE.
-WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU, ANYWAY?
-NOTHING'S WRONG WITH ME.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
-SOMETIMES YOU'RE SO WEIRD.
- I HEARD THAT!
- WHAT?
-YOU CALLED ME A WEIRDO!
-ALL RIGHT. FINE!
I CALLED YOU A
WEIRDO! SATISFIED?
-I'M A WEIRDO?
I'M A WEIRDO?!
HEY, I'M NOT THE ONE
WITH CARTOON FIGURES
ON MY PILLOWCASE!
-WHAT WAS THIS? A
SLANDEROUS PERSONAL ATTACK?
-WHAT DID YOU SAY?
-I SAID AT LEAST I DON'T
HAVE CARTOON FIGURES
ON MY PILLOWCASE!
-YEAH?
WELL, AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE
STUFFED ANIMALS ON MY BED!
-OH, YEAH?
-WELL, AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE
THE HOTS FOR WINNIE COOPER.
-OKAY. THAT DID IT.
-THAT'S A LIE.
-LOOK ME IN THE
EYE AND SAY IT'S A LIE.
-I LOOKED HIM IN
THE EYE, ALL RIGHT.
BUT ALL I SAW WAS
A KNEE-JIGGLING,
SPAGHETTI-SLURPING,
GUM-CRACKING TWERP.
OF COURSE I'D NEVER SAY SO.
-WELL, AT LEAST I'M NOT
AN UGLY FOUR-EYED JERK
THAT NOBODY LIKES.
[CARDS SCATTER]
-TOTAL BUTTHEAD!
-LOSER!
[DOOR SLAMS]
-YEARS OF SUPPRESSED FRUSTRATION
HAD FINALLY REARED
THEIR UGLY HEAD.
-[GROANS]
-I WAS SICK OF IT.
WHY DID IT ALWAYS
HAVE TO BE SO DIFFICULT?
WHY DID IT HAVE TO
REQUIRE SO MUCH EFFORT?
WHY COULDN'T IT BE MORE LIKE...
[KNOCK ON WINDOW]
-HEY, YOU BUSY?
COME ON IN!
-NOW, UNDER NORMAL
CIRCUMSTANCES,
A VISIT TO DOUG PORTER'S HOUSE
WOULD HAVE WEIGHED IN JUST
UNDER THE DENTIST'S OFFICE.
-MOM! KEVIN ARNOLD'S HERE!
-THESE, HOWEVER, WERE
NOT NORMAL CIRCUMSTANCES.
AND THIS WAS DEFINITELY
NOT A NORMAL BEDROOM.
-MOM!
-HELLO, KEVIN.
-OH, HI, MRS. PORTER.
-DOUG HAS TOLD ME
SO MUCH ABOUT YOU.
IT'S ABOUT TIME
YOU CAME TO VISIT.
-HECK. MAYBE SHE WAS
RIGHT. IT WAS ABOUT TIME.
-WHY DON'T I PUT THESE
DOWN RIGHT HERE?
CAN I GET YOU BOYS
SOMETHING TO DRINK?
-SURE, MOM. UM...
HOW ABOUT YOO-HOO?
YOU LIKE YOO-HOO?
-WELL, IF IT'S ALL RIGHT WITH...
-WHATEVER YOU LIKE, KEVIN.
-YOO-HOO SOUNDS GREAT.
-YOO-HOO IT IS.
[FANFARE PLAYS]
-AND SUDDENLY I FELT
LIKE VISITING ROYALTY.
-KEV, WANT A GUM BALL?
-YEAH. THIS WAS MORE LIKE IT.
-WHAT COLOR?
-UH, HOW ABOUT RED?
-RED'S DEFINITELY THE BEST.
-HERE WAS A GUY WHO WOULD
LISTEN TO WHAT I HAD TO SAY.
-OKAY. HOLD OUT YOUR HANDS.
-A GUY WHO TREATED
ME WITH A LITTLE RESPECT.
-HERE THEY COME!
[GUM BALLS RATTLING]
-A FELLA WHO APPRECIATED ME.
-HA!
-UNLIKE SOME INGRATES I KNEW.
-[CLEARS THROAT]
-WHAT'S GOING ON
BETWEEN YOU AND PAUL?
-WHY DON'T YOU ASK HIM?
-I DID.
HE SAYS YOU'VE REALLY CHANGED.
-WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
-LOOK, I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T
GET IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS,
BUT HE SAYS YOU'VE SAID
SOME PRETTY MEAN STUFF.
-ALL RIGHT, SO THE
FOUR-EYES REMARK
WAS A LITTLE OVER THE TOP.
I WAS MAN ENOUGH TO ADMIT IT.
-WELL, HE SAID SOME STUFF
OF HIS OWN, TOO, YOU KNOW.
-[SIGHS]
ALL I KNOW IS YOU GUYS
ARE REALLY GOOD FRIENDS.
YOU SHOULDN'T BE FIGHTING.
-SO WHAT DO YOU WANT
ME TO DO ABOUT IT?
-JUST BE NICE IF HE'S NICE.
OKAY?
- "BE NICE IF HE'S NICE"?
WHAT WAS THIS, "ROMPER ROOM"?
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
STILL, THERE IT WAS...
THAT OLD GOOFY SMILE.
AW, HECK, IF HE WAS WILLING
TO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE,
WELL, I GUESS I COULD LEAVE
THE PORCH LIGHT ON FOR HIM.
-HEY!
-HEY, MAN! TAKE A SEAT!
-GOD, I THOUGHT THIS
DAY WOULD NEVER END!
-SAME HERE.
-BRADY RYLAND?
PAUL WAS HANGING OUT
WITH BRADY RYLAND?!
PBHT! TALK ABOUT DESPERATE!
RYLAND WAS A TOTAL...
-HEY, KEV! THIS SEAT TAKEN?
- LOSER.
LOOK AT THAT. REALLY PATHETIC.
-[LAUGHS]
-[LAUGHS LOUDLY]
-WHO WAS PAUL TRYING TO FOOL?
HE WASN'T HAVING FUN.
I WAS HAVING FUN.
-OKAY. WHO DO YOU
WANT FOR YOUR McCOVEY?
-I DON'T KNOW. UM...
-YEP, I WAS HANGING OUT IN
THE HEART OF FUN CENTRAL.
-HOW ABOUT THIS ONE?
-DOUG, THAT'S A DON SCHWARTZ.
-GREAT!
-NO. NO. THIS IS A
TERRIBLE TRADE.
-SORRY.
-THERE WAS JUST ONE PROBLEM.
WITH PAUL, EVERYTHING
HAD BEEN A STRUGGLE.
WITH DOUG, I PUSHED,
AND HE FELL OVER.
-WHAT IF I THROW IN WILLIE
MAYS TO SWEETEN IT UP A LITTLE?
-NO, DOUG. YOU'RE
MISSING THE POINT.
YOU HAVE TO
BARGAIN A LITTLE BIT.
-WELL, ALL RIGHT. OKAY.
I'LL THROW IN MAYS
AND JOHNNY BENCH.
-IT WAS LIKE TRYING
TO GIVE SPINE TO JELL-O.
-OKAY. LET'S FORGET ABOUT
TRADING FOR RIGHT NOW.
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
-I DON'T CARE. WHAT
DO YOU WANT TO DO?
-ISN'T THERE ANYTHING
YOU WANT TO DO?
-W-WE COULD EAT SOME MORE.
-IT TOOK ABOUT TWO HOURS
TO REALIZE THE
MISSION WAS IMPOSSIBLE.
-HOW ABOUT SOME TIDDLEDYWINKS?
-TIDDLEDYWINKS?
-DOUG WAS LOOKING DESPERATE.
NOTHING COULD SALVAGE
THIS RELATIONSHIP,
SHORT OF...
-HOW ABOUT WE FLY MY
DAD'S MODEL AIRPLANE?
-DID HE SAY AIRPLANE?
[ENGINE BUZZING,
UP-TEMPO MARCH PLAYING]
OKAY. I KNEW IT WAS WRONG.
STILL, FLYING MR. PORTER'S
INCREDIBLY EXPENSIVE
RADIO-CONTROLLED AIRPLANE
MIGHT BE JUST THE OPPORTUNITY
FOR ME AND DOUG
TO FORGE A NEW BOND.
OR SO I TOLD MYSELF.
-DOUG, ARE YOU SURE
YOU'VE DONE THIS BEFORE?
-ALL THE TIME.
WATCH. I CAN MAKE
IT DO LOOP-DE-LOOPS.
[ENGINE BUZZING]
ISN'T THAT COOL?
SURE. COOL. BUT FOOLHARDY.
-LISTEN, I THINK...
-BUT HOLD ON. WHAT HAVE WE HERE?
OLD PAUL JUST
HAPPENS TO RIDE BY?
ON DOUG'S STREET?
I THINK NOT.
WELL, TWO CAN PLAY THIS GAME.
-DOUG, COME ON. LET ME HAVE A
SHOT AT THOSE CONTROLS, HUH?
-O-OKAY, BUT YOU GOT
TO BE REAL CAREFUL.
THE STICK ON THE LEFT
MAKES IT GO UP AND DOWN.
-YEAH, ALL RIGHT, ALL
RIGHT. I KNOW, I KNOW.
-LOOKS LIKE FUN, DOESN'T IT?
WELL, READ 'EM
AND WEEP, PFEIFFER.
TELL ME... WHO'S IN
THE DRIVER'S SEAT NOW?
-KEV! LOOK OUT!
HOLY COW!
MY DAD IS GONNA KILL ME.
-UH, IT WON'T BE THAT BAD, DOUG.
-NO. YOU DON'T KNOW MY DAD.
H-HIS EYES BULGE OUT
LIKE... LIKE BOILED EGGS,
AND... AND H-HIS FOREHEAD
STARTS SWEATING,
AND HE SCRATCHES HIS NECK
LIKE HE'S GONNA RIP HIS SKIN OFF!
-LOOK, DOUG, JUST CONCENTRATE
ON WHAT YOU'RE DOING, OKAY?
-YOU'RE NOT MAD, ARE YOU?
-I WASN'T MAD.
I WAS JUST TIRED... OF
DOUG, OF THE WHOLE MESS.
IT WAS TIME TO
PUT AN END TO THIS.
TIME TO MAKE A CLEAN BREAK.
[WOOD CREAKING]
-DOUG, I THINK THAT...
-WHOA!
[BRANCH SNAPS]
[THUD]
[GROANS]
-BUT SPEAKING OF CLEAN BREAKS...
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
-GEE, IT LOOKS GREAT, KEV.
-33 DING DONGS, 2
GALLONS OF YOO-HOO,
AND ONE
RADIO-CONTROLLED AIRPLANE
HAD BROUGHT ME TO THIS.
I WAS A PRISONER OF GUILT.
-CAN'T WAIT TO SHOW
IT TO EVERYBODY.
-YEAH. SURE.
-MY ONLY CONSOLATION
WAS THERE WERE AT LEAST
TWO OTHER KEVINS IN OUR CLASS.
-HEY, EVERYBODY! KEVIN
ARNOLD SIGNED MY CAST!
-DOUG! DOUG! NO. PLEASE.
-SORRY.
-KEVIN?
PAUL HAS A MESSAGE FOR YOU.
-HE DOES?
-WHAT WAS THIS?
A LITTLE THAW IN RELATIONS?
A POSSIBLE BREAK IN THE IMPASSE?
-WHOA! WHAT HAPPENED?!
-OH, I FELL OUT OF A TREE.
-I HAD TO WEAR ONE LIKE THAT
FOR TWO MONTHS LAST YEAR.
THE ITCHING DROVE ME NUTS!
-TELL ME ABOUT IT.
-I'VE LOST TWO PLASTIC
FORKS DOWN THERE ALREADY.
- TRY A BALLPOINT PEN.
- EXCUSE ME.
WAS THERE SOME REASON YOU
CAME OVER HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE?
-NOT THAT I COULDN'T GUESS.
[CHUCKLES]
LOOK AT HIM.
SITTING THERE, REMINISCING
ABOUT THE GOOD TIMES,
WAITING FOR ME TO
GIVE HIM THE NOD.
-OH, YEAH. PAUL SAYS HE
WANTS HIS BASEBALL CARDS BACK.
-HE SAID WHAT?
-WELL, I'LL SEE YOU GUYS AROUND.
-OKAY. THAT RIPPED
IT. ONCE AND FOR ALL!
-SAY, KEV, I-I WAS THINKING...
-I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
THE LITTLE WEASEL HAD SENT
HIS LAPDOG TO DO HIS DIRTY WORK?
- THE NURSE SAID I SHOULD
FIND SOMEONE TO HELP ME...
YOU KNOW, DO STUFF
FOR ME AROUND SCHOOL.
-HE COULDN'T TREAT ME LIKE THAT.
-WELL, I WAS WONDERING IF
YOU THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA.
-YEAH. SURE.
-SO THIS WAS WHAT IT CAME TO.
STABBED IN THE BACK BY SOMEONE
WHO USED TO CALL HIMSELF
MY... HA! BEST FRIEND!
-GREAT! THEN YOU'LL DO IT?
-WHAT?
-WHAT WAS THIS
GUY TALKING ABOUT?
-WELL, YOU KNOW,
UM, CARRY MY BOOKS,
HELP PUT ON MY JACKET,
-AND MAYBE YOU COULD EVEN
HELP ME WITH MY HOMEWORK.
-DOUG!
-WAS HE NUTS? HELP
HIM WITH HIS HOMEWORK?
HADN'T I BEEN HUMILIATED ENOUGH?
WHO'D HE THINK I WAS, ANYWAY?
-WELL, YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND.
AREN'T YOU?
-LOOK, NUMBER ONE, I'M NOT
YOUR BEST FRIEND, OKAY?!
AND NUMBER TWO, CARRY
YOUR OWN STUPID BOOKS!
-KEV?
-THERE. THAT FELT BETTER.
MUCH BETTER.
THAT NIGHT, I HAD A DREAM.
[OWL HOOTS] MORE
LIKE A NIGHTMARE.
-YOU WANT MILK DUDS?
YOU WANT YOO-HOO?
YOU WANT DOUGHNUTS?
HOW ABOUT SNO BALLS?
HOW ABOUT TWINKIES?
IF I GIVE YOU TWINKIES,
WOULD YOU BE MY BEST FRIEND?
-DOUG!
-AAH! KEV!
-DOUG?!
- KEV!
- STOP!
- HELP!
- DOUG!
DOUG!
DOUG!
DOUG!
DOUG! COME BACK!
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
-I FELT AWFUL. WHAT HAD I DONE?
DOUG DID KIND OF LOOK UP TO ME.
-AND THE TRUTH IS, I
HAD ACTED, WELL, BADLY.
THERE WAS ONLY ONE
RIGHT THING TO DO.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
-OH, HI, KEVIN.
-IS DOUG AROUND?
-I'M SORRY.
H-HE CAN'T COME TO
THE DOOR RIGHT NOW.
IS THERE SOMETHING YOU WANTED?
-WELL, UH...
-I COULD TELL BY HER LOOK
THAT I'D ALL BUT CRUSHED HIM.
THE LEAST I COULD DO
WAS SHOW SOME CLASS.
-IT'S A DON SCHWARTZ.
HE LIKES DON SCHWARTZ.
-I'LL MAKE SURE HE GETS IT.
-WELL, THERE YOU HAD IT.
POOR DOUG. I'D LET HIM DOWN.
I COULD ALMOST SEE
HIM... ALONE IN HIS ROOM,
TRYING TO FIGURE OUT
WHAT HE'D DONE WRONG,
LAMENTING HIS FATE...
[DOUG LAUGHING]
OR HAVING THE TIME OF
HIS LIFE WITH BRADY RYLAND.
AS I STOOD OUTSIDE THAT WINDOW,
I WATCHED THE EASY GIVE-AND-TAKE
OF TWO NEW FRIENDS.
AND I REALIZED SOMETHING...
DOUG PORTER WAS NO
LONGER THE ODD MAN OUT.
IT WAS ME.
BUT I GUESS IN A WAY
WE'RE ALL ODD MEN OUT...
UNTIL WE FIND A MATCH
THAT MAKES US EVEN,
SOMEONE WHO CHALLENGES
US TO BE OUR BEST,
SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS
US, EVEN AT OUR WORST.
I WAS BEGINNING TO APPRECIATE
HOW RARE A THING THAT WAS.
-HEY.
-HEY.
-I WANTED TO TELL HIM I WAS A
BETTER PERSON FOR KNOWING HIM,
THAT I HOPED OUR
FRIENDSHIP WOULD ENDURE
THE TRIALS OF A LIFETIME.
-WELL... SEE YA.
-YEAH. SEE YA.
-BUT I KNEW HE UNDERSTOOD.
[INSECTS CHIRPING]
-I WAS THINKING ABOUT
THAT McCOVEY TRADE.
-YEAH?
-WELL, MAYBE I COULD DO IT
FOR THE MARICHAL AND THE TIANT.
-PAUL, COME ON.
IT'S A BAD TRADE.
-WELL, COME ON, KEVIN.
I REALLY THINK I
WANT THAT TIANT.
-I MEAN, I'VE WANTED
IT FOR A LONG TIME.
-FOR McCOVEY? COME ON.
-COME ON. DON'T BE
SUCH A JERK ABOUT IT.
I WANT TO MAKE THE TRADE!
-I CAN'T DO IT,
PAUL. IT'S STUPID.
-OH, SO NOW YOU'RE
CALLING ME STUPID?!
[DOG BARKS]
McCOVEY IS OFF THE TABLE.