The Wonder Years (1988–1993): Season 3, Episode 3 - Wayne on Wheels - full transcript
Wayne finally gets his driver's license, but doesn't sit well with his new job of driving Kevin and Paul around.
-♪ WHAT WOULD YOU DO
IF I SANG OUT OF TUNE? ♪
♪ WOULD YOU STAND UP
AND WALK OUT ON ME? ♪
♪ LEND ME YOUR EARS,
AND I'LL SING YOU A SONG ♪
♪ I WILL TRY NOT TO
SING OUT OF KEY, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, BABY, I GET BY ♪
- ♪ BY WITH A LITTLE HELP
FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ ALL I NEED IS MY BUDDIES ♪
-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ I'M SAYIN' I'M GONNA GET HIGHER ♪ - ♪
TRY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ WHOA-OA-OA-OA ♪
-♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪
-♪ SOMEBODY WHO
KNOWS QUITE SURE ♪
♪ BABY ♪
-♪ BY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ SAID I'M GONNA MAKE
IT WITH MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ TRY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ OH, I'M GONNA
KEEP ON TRYING ♪
-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
♪ I'M GONNA KEEP ON
TRYING NOW, BABY ♪
-♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪
-ONCE UPON A TIME, I
LIVED IN A GREAT BIG HOUSE
WITH A GREAT BIG YARD
AND A GREAT BIG BEDROOM...
AND A GREAT BIG OLDER BROTHER.
BUT BY THE MIDDLE OF 1969,
THE HOUSE AND THE
YARD AND THE BEDROOM
WERE ARE ALL GETTING... SMALLER.
-INSIDE EVERY WOMAN, THERE'S
A WOMAN WHO LONGS TO BE FREE.
-OR MAYBE WAYNE AND I
WERE GETTING LARGER.
ONE THING WAS CERTAIN... WE
WERE RUNNING OUT OF ROOM.
THE PRESSURE WAS BUILDING.
THEN, JUST WHEN THINGS SEEMED
NEAR THE POINT OF NO RETURN,
SOMETHING HAPPENED...
SOMETHING
UNEXPECTED, SOMETHING...
TERRIFYING.
-DAMN IT, WAYNE!
-I HAD MY BLINKER ON.
-I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.
WAYNE IS DRIVING?
-YEAH.
-HE GOT HIS LEARNER'S
PERMIT YESTERDAY.
-OKAY, WAYNE.
SLOWER THIS TIME.
-GOTCHA.
-MAN, CLEAR THE STREETS!
HE'S A MENACE!
MAYBE THAT WAS TRUE.
BUT I COULDN'T BE BOTHERED
WITH THE OVERALL
THREAT TO SOCIETY.
THE FACT IS, THIS WAS THE
SOLUTION I'D BEEN PRAYING FOR.
SIMPLY STATED, WAYNE ON
WHEELS MEANT JUST ONE THING...
WAYNE OUT OF MY LIFE.
-OKAY.
"WHEN A TRAFFIC SIGNAL IS
OUT OF ORDER, YOU SHOULD...
"'A, ' USE CAUTION AND PROCEED
THROUGH THE INTERSECTION,
"'B, ' SLOW DOWN, THEN
TAKE THE RIGHT OF WAY,
'C, ' TREAT THE INTERSECTION
AS A FOUR-WAY STOP?"
-UH, LET'S SEE.
FOUR-WAY STOP.
- YES!
-IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I
EVER ROOTED FOR MY BROTHER.
-OKAY.
THE SPEED LIMIT IN
A SCHOOL ZONE IS...
"'A, ' 5 MILES PER HOUR,
'B, ' 15 MILES PER HOUR,
'C, ' 20 MILES PER HOUR?"
-THE WAY I SAW IT,
IT WAS MY FUTURE
HANGING IN THE BALANCE.
-WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
I KNOW THIS ONE.
-IT'S "B," WAYNE.
- "B." RIGHT.
- YOU BETTER STUDY HARDER.
- DELORES, I DON'T...
-IF YOU DON'T PASS THIS TEST
AND YOU DON'T GET THIS LICENSE,
YOU KNOW WHAT
ELSE YOU DON'T GET.
-THE WOMAN WAS
OBVIOUSLY A KEEN STUDENT
OF MOTIVATIONAL DYNAMICS.
-OKAY. OKAY.
-YEP. WITH A LITTLE LUCK,
WAYNE WAS ON HIS WAY,
LEAVING ME ON THE THRESHOLD
OF A BRAVE NEW WORLD,
WHICH, IN 13-YEAR-OLD
TERMS, MEANT...
THE MALL...
400,000 SQUARE FEET OF
UNSUPERVISED OPPORTUNITY.
OF COURSE, YOU NEEDED A
RIDE FROM MOM TO GET THERE.
BUT ONCE YOU WERE THERE,
IT WAS ADOLESCENT PARADISE.
PIZZA. MOVIES.
GIRLS...
EXOTIC GIRLS... GIRLS
FROM OTHER SCHOOLS.
-BOY! SOME PAIR, HUH?
-WHAT?
-HOW DO YOU THINK
I'D LOOK IN THEM?
-LOOK, PAUL, WE'VE
WASTED AN ENTIRE SATURDAY
LOOKING AT SHOES.
-HEY, I JUST NEED
AN OPINION, OKAY?
I CAN PLAY IT SAFE
WITH THESE, BUT...
AND I WANT YOU TO BE
PERFECTLY HONEST WITH ME, OKAY?
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THESE?
-UH-OH.
THIS WASN'T JUST A
QUESTION ABOUT SHOES.
THIS WAS A QUESTION
ABOUT MANHOOD.
-WELL?
-PBHT!
-YOU DON'T THINK I
CAN CARRY THESE OFF?
-I MEAN, BRUCE GAINES
WORE 'EM LAST WEEK,
AND HE LOOKED PRETTY COOL.
-BUT SUDDENLY, PAUL
WASN'T THERE ANYMORE.
IT WAS JUST ME AND A VISION
HOVERING JUST
BEYOND THE P.F. FLYERS.
I'D JUST SEEN MY FUTURE
THROUGH A SHOE STORE WINDOW.
-KEVIN?
-I GOT TO GO.
-THERE WAS NO
ROOM FOR HESITATION.
IT WAS TIME TO SEIZE THE MOMENT,
LET NO OBSTACLE STAND IN MY WAY.
I WAS CHASING A FANTASY,
A DREAM, A VISION...
THAT HAD VANISHED INTO THIN AIR.
-KEVIN, WHAT HAPPENED?
NEVER MIND.
-IT DIDN'T SEEM FAIR.
-THERE'S ALWAYS NEXT WEEKEND.
THE BOOTS. I CAN GET
THEM NEXT WEEKEND.
-WELL, MAYBE PAUL WAS RIGHT.
MAYBE WE'D GET
THEM NEXT WEEKEND.
AFTER ALL, ANYTHING
WAS POSSIBLE...
NOW THAT I WAS ABOUT
TO BE A FREE MAN.
-YES.
YES! YES!
YES!
- YES!
- YES! WHOO!
- YES!
-IT WAS A MOMENT TO REMEMBER.
FOR ONE BRIEF INSTANT,
MY BROTHER AND I WERE
IN TOTAL AGREEMENT.
- CONGRATULATIONS, WAYNE.
- THANKS, BUTTHEAD.
-EXCUSE ME.
-AND THEN IT HAPPENED.
- MOM, I NEED A RIDE TO THE MALL.
- I GOT TO GO PICK UP DELORES.
-UH-OH.
-WAIT, MOM. IT'S SATURDAY.
YOU PROMISED TO
TAKE ME TO THE MALL.
-AND YOU SAID AS SOON AS I
GOT THIS, I COULD HAVE THE CAR.
-IT WAS A CASE FOR KING SOLOMON.
MOM, HOWEVER, ROSE
TO THE OCCASION.
-WELL, I HAVE TO TAKE YOUR
FATHER'S SUITS TO THE CLEANER'S.
- MOM!
- MOM!
-UNH-UNH. UNACCEPTABLE.
-WELL, THEN...
-HERE IT CAME... A
LANDMARK DECISION.
-I KNOW.
WAYNE, YOU TAKE
KEVIN TO THE MALL,
AND THEN YOU CAN HAVE THE CAR.
- WHAT?!
- WHAT?!
-MOM!
-MOM, IT'S TOTALLY
OUT OF MY WAY!
-BUT, HONEY, NOW THAT YOU HAVE
A LICENSE AND CAR PRIVILEGES,
YOU HAVE TO ASSUME SOME
OF THE RESPONSIBILITIES,
AND ONE OF THOSE
IS DRIVING KEVIN.
-THIS WAS UNBELIEVABLE,
A TERRIBLE TWIST OF FATE!
THE HOPED-FOR BOON HAD
INSTANTLY TURNED INTO A CURSE.
WAYNE AND I WERE THROWN
TOGETHER ONCE AGAIN.
-OKAY, BUTTHEADS. OUT!
-HERE?
-HEY, MOM SAID THE MALL.
I MEAN, TECHNICALLY,
THIS IS THE MALL.
-COME ON, KEV. LET'S JUST GO.
-HEY.
BE ON THE CURB AT
6:30 OR SPEND THE NIGHT.
HAVE FUN SHOPPING, GIRLS.
-HEY, DON'T LET IT GET TO YOU.
COME ON. LET'S
GO GET SOME PIZZA.
-WELL, MAYBE HE WAS RIGHT.
I HAD OTHER MATTERS
TO ATTEND TO.
-HEY, IS THAT HER?
HOW ABOUT THAT ONE?
-PAUL, TRUST ME. I'LL
KNOW HER IF I SEE HER.
-BUT THINGS WERE LOOKING GRIM.
WE'D BEEN AROUND THE MALL
SEVEN TIMES IN THREE HOURS.
NOT A SIGN OF THE
GIRL IN THE WINDOW.
-THAT'S HER.
-AND THEN...
-PAUL, IT CAN'T BE!
-BINGO!
-ONE, PLEASE.
-KEVIN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
-I'M GOING TO THE MOVIES.
-IT'S "ROMEO AND JULIET."
-YES, I KNOW WHAT IT IS.
-I'M NOT SEEING
"ROMEO AND JUL..."
KEVIN!
ONE, PLEASE.
SORRY.
-Shh!
-TWO HOUSEHOLDS,
BOTH ALIKE IN DIGNITY,
IN FAIR VERONA, WHERE
WE LAY OUR SCENE.
-EXCUSE ME.
-FROM ANCIENT GRUDGE
BREAK TO NEW MUTINY.
THEIR CIVIL BLOOD
MAKES CIVIL HANDS...
-AT LAST I HAD COME
TO REALIZE MY QUEST.
-FROM FORTH THE FATAL
LOINS OF THESE TWO FOES...
- A PAIR OF STAR-CROSSED
LOVERS TAKE THEIR LIFE...
-I HAD MANAGED TO
TURN MY DREAM WORLD
INTO FLESH, BONES, AND
STRAWBERRY-SCENTED HAIR.
SHE WAS MINE FOR THE TAKING.
- BURY THEIR PARENTS' STRIFE.
FOR NEVER WAS A
STORY OF MORE WOE...
THAN THIS OF JULIET
AND HER ROMEO.
-COME ON, PAUL. LET'S GO.
-PAUL?
-MY ALLERGIES.
THIS IS STUPID.
WE COULD SPEND ALL NIGHT
FOLLOWING HER AROUND.
ARE YOU GONNA
TALK TO HER OR NOT?
BECAUSE IF YOU ARE, YOU
COULD GO UP AND TALK TO HER.
IF YOU'RE NOT, WE
MIGHT AS WELL LEAVE.
-AND THEN, IN A
FLASH, OUR EYES MET.
OUR SOULS DANCED.
AND ALL ELSE FADED
TO THE BACKGROUND.
IT WAS JUST ME, MY DREAM
GIRL, AND 40 FEET OF SIDEWALK.
I WAS GOING TO OPEN MY MOUTH
AND LET LOVE SPEAK FOR ITSELF.
"MY LIPS...
"TWO BLUSHING
PILGRIMS, READY STAND
TO SMOOTH THAT ROUGH
TOUCH WITH A TENDER KISS."
HI.
-WELL, WELL, WELL.
WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE? A
NEW GIRLFRIEND, PERHAPS?
GETTING A LITTLE SMOOCH-A-ROO
AT THE MOVIES, BABY BROTHER?
-THERE WAS ONLY
ONE THING TO DO...
-BYE.
-BYE.
- SALVAGE WHAT I
COULD OF MY DIGNITY.
OOPS.
-WAYNE!
WAYNE, DON'T DO THIS TO ME.
- DO WHAT?
I'M JUST HAVING A LITTLE TROUBLE
WITH THE BRAKES, THAT'S ALL.
I SWEAR... I WON'T
DO IT THIS TIME.
-WAYNE!
-HEY!
OKAY. I SWEAR I WON'T DO IT.
JUST GET IN.
WAYNE!
-REALLY. COME ON.
I-I GOT TO GET HOME.
WAYNE!
WAYNE! WAYNE!
-I DON'T GET IT!
I MEAN, WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
HEY, I TRIED TO PICK THEM
UP. THEY JUST WOULDN'T GET IN.
-WAYNE...
WE ARE VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU.
ACTUALLY, I THINK DAD
WAS A WEE BIT MORE
THAN DISAPPOINTED.
-A CAR IS NOT A TOY.
AND THE PRIVILEGE OF DRIVING
IS NOT SOMETHING
TO BE TAKEN LIGHTLY.
-NOW, ANYONE WITH HALF A BRAIN
WOULD HAVE SETTLED
FOR A LECTURE.
BUT, WELL... WAYNE WAS WAYNE.
-WELL, WHAT GOOD
IS HAVING A LICENSE
IF ALL I GET TO DO IS
DRIVE KEVIN AROUND?
-YOU'RE RIGHT.
-HUH?
-NO MORE DRIVING FOR YOU.
PRIVILEGES SUSPENDED...
INDEFINITELY.
-A FUNNY THING
HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE 13
AND YOUR BROTHER GETS PUNISHED.
YOU KIND OF ENJOY IT.
-WHAT ARE YOU GRINNING AT?
-IN FACT, YOU REVEL IN IT.
SURE, I FELT SOME PITY.
BUT SOMEHOW I KNEW,
DEEP DOWN, IT WAS HIM OR ME.
-YOU'RE NOT GONNA
BELIEVE THIS. IT'S TOO COOL!
-WHAT?
-REMEMBER THAT
GIRL FROM THE MALL?
-REMEMBER?
I'D SPENT THE WHOLE
WEEK TRYING TO FORGET
HOW IDIOTIC I MUST HAVE LOOKED
TO HER IN THAT PARKING LOT.
-WHAT ABOUT HER?
-WELL... I TALKED TO HER FRIEND.
-YOU DID? WHERE?
-I SAW HER WALKING
OUT OF THE MOVIE AGAIN.
-YOU WENT BACK TO
SEE "ROMEO AND JULIET"?
-HEY, I TOOK CARLA, OKAY?
-SO, WHAT HAPPENED?
-WELL, IT TURNS OUT
THAT THE PRETTY GIRL,
SHE USED TO GO TO JERICHO,
AND HER BROTHER JOHN WENT
STEADY WITH CARLA'S FRIEND CATHY
BACK IN THE SIXTH GRADE.
- PAUL.
-WELL, THESE TWO USED
TO HANG OUT TOGETHER.
THEY USED TO MAKE
MUD PIES AND STUFF...
-PAUL, WILL YOU
GET TO THE POINT?
-WELL, SHE TOLD CARLA THAT SHE'S
GONNA BE AT THE MALL TONIGHT,
-AND WE MIGHT KIND
OF... RUN INTO HER.
- RUN INTO HER?
- MM-HMM.
-WHAT ELSE DID SHE SAY?
-NOTHING.
-EXCEPT THE PRETTY
ONE THINKS YOU'RE CUTE.
-SHE SAID THAT?
REALLY?
MOM?
HEY, MOM?
CAN YOU TAKE ME TO THE M...
MALL?
OH, NO.
-WAYNE WILL DRIVE YOU.
WON'T YOU, WAYNE?
-SURE. I'D BE GLAD TO.
-BUT I...
-YOUR BROTHER AND I HAD A
LITTLE TALK ABOUT RESPONSIBILITY.
RIGHT, WAYNE?
-RIGHT, DAD. READY TO GO, KEV?
- "KEV"?
THIS WAS NUTS.
DID THEY REALLY BELIEVE
WAYNE HAD CHANGED HIS SPOTS?
-WOULD 6:00 BE
OKAY FOR YOU, KEV?
-STILL, IT WAS POSSIBLE...
IN THEORY.
-GET OUT.
-NOTE I SAID "IN THEORY."
-WHAT?
-HERE. HERE'S 10 BUCKS.
-WHY DON'T YOU GO HANG OUT AT
PAUL'S HOUSE FOR A COUPLE HOURS?
-NO WAY!
WE'RE GOING TO THE MALL.
- NO, YOU'RE NOT.
- YES, WE ARE.
-LOOK, I HAVE A DATE WITH
DELORES, AND I DON'T HAVE TIME
TO DRIVE YOU ALL
THE WAY TO THE MALL.
-WELL, I HAVE A DATE, TOO.
- OH, RIGHT. COME
ON. I'M ALREADY LATE.
-SO ARE WE.
-WE'RE NOT GETTING OUT, WAYNE.
-FINE.
THEN WE'LL JUST SIT HERE.
-FINE.
-KEVIN, QUIT FOOLING AROUND!
JUST TAKE THE MONEY AND GET OUT!
-NO. YOU PROMISED DAD.
-HEY, I DIDN'T GET MY LICENSE
SO I COULD BE YOUR CHAUFFEUR.
-OKAY. SO WHAT ARE
WE SUPPOSED TO DO?
-I'LL GIVE YOU A CHOICE...
GET OUT OF THE CAR...
OR DIE.
-I-IS TODAY FRIDAY?
I JUST REMEMBERED.
I-I GOTTA TAKE MY
SISTER TO, UH, KIDDIE CITY.
MAYBE I'LL JUST WALK
HOME FROM HERE.
-WELL?
-JUST TAKE ME TO
THE STUPID MALL!
-KEVIN, I'M NOT KIDDING!
- I'M NOT EITHER!
- GET OUT OF THE DAMN CAR!
-MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE.
BUT I KNEW IF I GAVE IN NOW,
I'D BE RIDING A BIKE
FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
-LOOK, WAYNE, WILL YOU JUST
STOP ACTING LIKE A SELFISH JERK?!
-FINE. YOU WANT
TO GO TO THE MALL?
-WELL, LET'S GO TO THE MALL.
-INSTINCTIVELY, I KNEW
I HAD TO SHOW NO FEAR.
I KNEW WAYNE WOULD NEVER
PUSH IT PAST A CERTAIN LIMIT.
I WAS WRONG.
-WAYNE.
WAYNE, LOOK OUT!
-AT THAT MOMENT,
ALL I COULD THINK OF
WAS THAT GREAT BIG HOUSE
WITH THE GREAT BIG YARD
I'D NEVER SEE AGAIN.
-WAYNE!
WAYNE! YOU'RE CRAZY!
YOU KNOW THAT?!
YOU COULD HAVE GOT US KILLED!
-ARE YOU OKAY?
-IT WAS THE FIRST TIME HE
HAD ASKED ME THAT QUESTION
IN 13 YEARS.
-YEAH, I THINK SO.
-AS WE DROVE HOME IN SILENCE,
WE BEGAN TO REALIZE THE
ABSURDITY OF OUR SITUATION.
WE WERE TWO PEOPLE WITH
ALMOST NOTHING IN COMMON
THROWN TOGETHER BY CIRCUMSTANCE.
THE HARDER WE STRUGGLED
AGAINST THAT FACT,
THE MORE TIGHTLY WE
WERE BOUND TOGETHER.
-THAT NIGHT, THE GAP
BETWEEN 13 AND 16
GOT A LITTLE SMALLER.
-WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?
-THE TIRE BLEW, DAD.
-THE SPARE WAS FLAT.
-HOW FAST WERE YOU GOING?
-ONLY ABOUT 30.
-35.
-I DIDN'T MAKE IT BACK TO
THE MALL FOR SEVERAL WEEKS.
SOMEHOW, I JUST DIDN'T
FEEL LIKE GETTING IN A CAR.
-WANT A LIFT?
-NO. I'LL WALK.
-AW, COME ON. GET IN.
-AS FOR WAYNE AND ME, WE'D
REACHED A NEW UNDERSTANDING.
-WAYNE.
COME ON. GET IN.
-WE DIDN'T HAVE TO BE
FRIENDS OR ANYTHING.
-WAYNE!
-NO. NO. REALLY.
-BUT WE'D ALWAYS BE BROTHERS.
-♪ 'ROUND, 'ROUND, GET
AROUND, I GET AROUND ♪
♪ YEAH, GET AROUND,
'ROUND, 'ROUND ♪
♪ I GET AROUND ♪
♪ GET AROUND, 'ROUND, 'ROUND ♪
I GET AROUND ♪
-♪ FROM TOWN TO TOWN ♪
-♪ GET AROUND, 'ROUND,
'ROUND, I GET AROUND ♪
-♪ I'M A REAL COOL HEAD ♪
-♪ GET AROUND, 'ROUND,
'ROUND, I GET AROUND ♪
-♪ I'M MAKING REAL GOOD BREAD ♪
-♪ GET AROUND, 'ROUND,
'ROUND, I GET AROUND ♪
-♪ I'M GETTIN' BUGGED DRIVIN' UP
AND DOWN THE SAME, OLD STRIP ♪
-♪ I GOTTA FIND A NEW PLACE
WHERE THE KIDS ARE HIP ♪
♪ MY BUDDIES AND ME ARE
GETTIN' REAL WELL KNOWN ♪
♪ YEAH, THE BAD GUYS KNOW
US, AND THEY LEAVE US ALONE ♪
IF I SANG OUT OF TUNE? ♪
♪ WOULD YOU STAND UP
AND WALK OUT ON ME? ♪
♪ LEND ME YOUR EARS,
AND I'LL SING YOU A SONG ♪
♪ I WILL TRY NOT TO
SING OUT OF KEY, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, BABY, I GET BY ♪
- ♪ BY WITH A LITTLE HELP
FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ ALL I NEED IS MY BUDDIES ♪
-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ I'M SAYIN' I'M GONNA GET HIGHER ♪ - ♪
TRY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ WHOA-OA-OA-OA ♪
-♪ OH, OH, OH, OH ♪
-♪ SOMEBODY WHO
KNOWS QUITE SURE ♪
♪ BABY ♪
-♪ BY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ SAID I'M GONNA MAKE
IT WITH MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ TRY WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ OH, I'M GONNA
KEEP ON TRYING ♪
-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
♪ I'M GONNA KEEP ON
TRYING NOW, BABY ♪
-♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪
-ONCE UPON A TIME, I
LIVED IN A GREAT BIG HOUSE
WITH A GREAT BIG YARD
AND A GREAT BIG BEDROOM...
AND A GREAT BIG OLDER BROTHER.
BUT BY THE MIDDLE OF 1969,
THE HOUSE AND THE
YARD AND THE BEDROOM
WERE ARE ALL GETTING... SMALLER.
-INSIDE EVERY WOMAN, THERE'S
A WOMAN WHO LONGS TO BE FREE.
-OR MAYBE WAYNE AND I
WERE GETTING LARGER.
ONE THING WAS CERTAIN... WE
WERE RUNNING OUT OF ROOM.
THE PRESSURE WAS BUILDING.
THEN, JUST WHEN THINGS SEEMED
NEAR THE POINT OF NO RETURN,
SOMETHING HAPPENED...
SOMETHING
UNEXPECTED, SOMETHING...
TERRIFYING.
-DAMN IT, WAYNE!
-I HAD MY BLINKER ON.
-I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.
WAYNE IS DRIVING?
-YEAH.
-HE GOT HIS LEARNER'S
PERMIT YESTERDAY.
-OKAY, WAYNE.
SLOWER THIS TIME.
-GOTCHA.
-MAN, CLEAR THE STREETS!
HE'S A MENACE!
MAYBE THAT WAS TRUE.
BUT I COULDN'T BE BOTHERED
WITH THE OVERALL
THREAT TO SOCIETY.
THE FACT IS, THIS WAS THE
SOLUTION I'D BEEN PRAYING FOR.
SIMPLY STATED, WAYNE ON
WHEELS MEANT JUST ONE THING...
WAYNE OUT OF MY LIFE.
-OKAY.
"WHEN A TRAFFIC SIGNAL IS
OUT OF ORDER, YOU SHOULD...
"'A, ' USE CAUTION AND PROCEED
THROUGH THE INTERSECTION,
"'B, ' SLOW DOWN, THEN
TAKE THE RIGHT OF WAY,
'C, ' TREAT THE INTERSECTION
AS A FOUR-WAY STOP?"
-UH, LET'S SEE.
FOUR-WAY STOP.
- YES!
-IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I
EVER ROOTED FOR MY BROTHER.
-OKAY.
THE SPEED LIMIT IN
A SCHOOL ZONE IS...
"'A, ' 5 MILES PER HOUR,
'B, ' 15 MILES PER HOUR,
'C, ' 20 MILES PER HOUR?"
-THE WAY I SAW IT,
IT WAS MY FUTURE
HANGING IN THE BALANCE.
-WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
I KNOW THIS ONE.
-IT'S "B," WAYNE.
- "B." RIGHT.
- YOU BETTER STUDY HARDER.
- DELORES, I DON'T...
-IF YOU DON'T PASS THIS TEST
AND YOU DON'T GET THIS LICENSE,
YOU KNOW WHAT
ELSE YOU DON'T GET.
-THE WOMAN WAS
OBVIOUSLY A KEEN STUDENT
OF MOTIVATIONAL DYNAMICS.
-OKAY. OKAY.
-YEP. WITH A LITTLE LUCK,
WAYNE WAS ON HIS WAY,
LEAVING ME ON THE THRESHOLD
OF A BRAVE NEW WORLD,
WHICH, IN 13-YEAR-OLD
TERMS, MEANT...
THE MALL...
400,000 SQUARE FEET OF
UNSUPERVISED OPPORTUNITY.
OF COURSE, YOU NEEDED A
RIDE FROM MOM TO GET THERE.
BUT ONCE YOU WERE THERE,
IT WAS ADOLESCENT PARADISE.
PIZZA. MOVIES.
GIRLS...
EXOTIC GIRLS... GIRLS
FROM OTHER SCHOOLS.
-BOY! SOME PAIR, HUH?
-WHAT?
-HOW DO YOU THINK
I'D LOOK IN THEM?
-LOOK, PAUL, WE'VE
WASTED AN ENTIRE SATURDAY
LOOKING AT SHOES.
-HEY, I JUST NEED
AN OPINION, OKAY?
I CAN PLAY IT SAFE
WITH THESE, BUT...
AND I WANT YOU TO BE
PERFECTLY HONEST WITH ME, OKAY?
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THESE?
-UH-OH.
THIS WASN'T JUST A
QUESTION ABOUT SHOES.
THIS WAS A QUESTION
ABOUT MANHOOD.
-WELL?
-PBHT!
-YOU DON'T THINK I
CAN CARRY THESE OFF?
-I MEAN, BRUCE GAINES
WORE 'EM LAST WEEK,
AND HE LOOKED PRETTY COOL.
-BUT SUDDENLY, PAUL
WASN'T THERE ANYMORE.
IT WAS JUST ME AND A VISION
HOVERING JUST
BEYOND THE P.F. FLYERS.
I'D JUST SEEN MY FUTURE
THROUGH A SHOE STORE WINDOW.
-KEVIN?
-I GOT TO GO.
-THERE WAS NO
ROOM FOR HESITATION.
IT WAS TIME TO SEIZE THE MOMENT,
LET NO OBSTACLE STAND IN MY WAY.
I WAS CHASING A FANTASY,
A DREAM, A VISION...
THAT HAD VANISHED INTO THIN AIR.
-KEVIN, WHAT HAPPENED?
NEVER MIND.
-IT DIDN'T SEEM FAIR.
-THERE'S ALWAYS NEXT WEEKEND.
THE BOOTS. I CAN GET
THEM NEXT WEEKEND.
-WELL, MAYBE PAUL WAS RIGHT.
MAYBE WE'D GET
THEM NEXT WEEKEND.
AFTER ALL, ANYTHING
WAS POSSIBLE...
NOW THAT I WAS ABOUT
TO BE A FREE MAN.
-YES.
YES! YES!
YES!
- YES!
- YES! WHOO!
- YES!
-IT WAS A MOMENT TO REMEMBER.
FOR ONE BRIEF INSTANT,
MY BROTHER AND I WERE
IN TOTAL AGREEMENT.
- CONGRATULATIONS, WAYNE.
- THANKS, BUTTHEAD.
-EXCUSE ME.
-AND THEN IT HAPPENED.
- MOM, I NEED A RIDE TO THE MALL.
- I GOT TO GO PICK UP DELORES.
-UH-OH.
-WAIT, MOM. IT'S SATURDAY.
YOU PROMISED TO
TAKE ME TO THE MALL.
-AND YOU SAID AS SOON AS I
GOT THIS, I COULD HAVE THE CAR.
-IT WAS A CASE FOR KING SOLOMON.
MOM, HOWEVER, ROSE
TO THE OCCASION.
-WELL, I HAVE TO TAKE YOUR
FATHER'S SUITS TO THE CLEANER'S.
- MOM!
- MOM!
-UNH-UNH. UNACCEPTABLE.
-WELL, THEN...
-HERE IT CAME... A
LANDMARK DECISION.
-I KNOW.
WAYNE, YOU TAKE
KEVIN TO THE MALL,
AND THEN YOU CAN HAVE THE CAR.
- WHAT?!
- WHAT?!
-MOM!
-MOM, IT'S TOTALLY
OUT OF MY WAY!
-BUT, HONEY, NOW THAT YOU HAVE
A LICENSE AND CAR PRIVILEGES,
YOU HAVE TO ASSUME SOME
OF THE RESPONSIBILITIES,
AND ONE OF THOSE
IS DRIVING KEVIN.
-THIS WAS UNBELIEVABLE,
A TERRIBLE TWIST OF FATE!
THE HOPED-FOR BOON HAD
INSTANTLY TURNED INTO A CURSE.
WAYNE AND I WERE THROWN
TOGETHER ONCE AGAIN.
-OKAY, BUTTHEADS. OUT!
-HERE?
-HEY, MOM SAID THE MALL.
I MEAN, TECHNICALLY,
THIS IS THE MALL.
-COME ON, KEV. LET'S JUST GO.
-HEY.
BE ON THE CURB AT
6:30 OR SPEND THE NIGHT.
HAVE FUN SHOPPING, GIRLS.
-HEY, DON'T LET IT GET TO YOU.
COME ON. LET'S
GO GET SOME PIZZA.
-WELL, MAYBE HE WAS RIGHT.
I HAD OTHER MATTERS
TO ATTEND TO.
-HEY, IS THAT HER?
HOW ABOUT THAT ONE?
-PAUL, TRUST ME. I'LL
KNOW HER IF I SEE HER.
-BUT THINGS WERE LOOKING GRIM.
WE'D BEEN AROUND THE MALL
SEVEN TIMES IN THREE HOURS.
NOT A SIGN OF THE
GIRL IN THE WINDOW.
-THAT'S HER.
-AND THEN...
-PAUL, IT CAN'T BE!
-BINGO!
-ONE, PLEASE.
-KEVIN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
-I'M GOING TO THE MOVIES.
-IT'S "ROMEO AND JULIET."
-YES, I KNOW WHAT IT IS.
-I'M NOT SEEING
"ROMEO AND JUL..."
KEVIN!
ONE, PLEASE.
SORRY.
-Shh!
-TWO HOUSEHOLDS,
BOTH ALIKE IN DIGNITY,
IN FAIR VERONA, WHERE
WE LAY OUR SCENE.
-EXCUSE ME.
-FROM ANCIENT GRUDGE
BREAK TO NEW MUTINY.
THEIR CIVIL BLOOD
MAKES CIVIL HANDS...
-AT LAST I HAD COME
TO REALIZE MY QUEST.
-FROM FORTH THE FATAL
LOINS OF THESE TWO FOES...
- A PAIR OF STAR-CROSSED
LOVERS TAKE THEIR LIFE...
-I HAD MANAGED TO
TURN MY DREAM WORLD
INTO FLESH, BONES, AND
STRAWBERRY-SCENTED HAIR.
SHE WAS MINE FOR THE TAKING.
- BURY THEIR PARENTS' STRIFE.
FOR NEVER WAS A
STORY OF MORE WOE...
THAN THIS OF JULIET
AND HER ROMEO.
-COME ON, PAUL. LET'S GO.
-PAUL?
-MY ALLERGIES.
THIS IS STUPID.
WE COULD SPEND ALL NIGHT
FOLLOWING HER AROUND.
ARE YOU GONNA
TALK TO HER OR NOT?
BECAUSE IF YOU ARE, YOU
COULD GO UP AND TALK TO HER.
IF YOU'RE NOT, WE
MIGHT AS WELL LEAVE.
-AND THEN, IN A
FLASH, OUR EYES MET.
OUR SOULS DANCED.
AND ALL ELSE FADED
TO THE BACKGROUND.
IT WAS JUST ME, MY DREAM
GIRL, AND 40 FEET OF SIDEWALK.
I WAS GOING TO OPEN MY MOUTH
AND LET LOVE SPEAK FOR ITSELF.
"MY LIPS...
"TWO BLUSHING
PILGRIMS, READY STAND
TO SMOOTH THAT ROUGH
TOUCH WITH A TENDER KISS."
HI.
-WELL, WELL, WELL.
WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE? A
NEW GIRLFRIEND, PERHAPS?
GETTING A LITTLE SMOOCH-A-ROO
AT THE MOVIES, BABY BROTHER?
-THERE WAS ONLY
ONE THING TO DO...
-BYE.
-BYE.
- SALVAGE WHAT I
COULD OF MY DIGNITY.
OOPS.
-WAYNE!
WAYNE, DON'T DO THIS TO ME.
- DO WHAT?
I'M JUST HAVING A LITTLE TROUBLE
WITH THE BRAKES, THAT'S ALL.
I SWEAR... I WON'T
DO IT THIS TIME.
-WAYNE!
-HEY!
OKAY. I SWEAR I WON'T DO IT.
JUST GET IN.
WAYNE!
-REALLY. COME ON.
I-I GOT TO GET HOME.
WAYNE!
WAYNE! WAYNE!
-I DON'T GET IT!
I MEAN, WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
HEY, I TRIED TO PICK THEM
UP. THEY JUST WOULDN'T GET IN.
-WAYNE...
WE ARE VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU.
ACTUALLY, I THINK DAD
WAS A WEE BIT MORE
THAN DISAPPOINTED.
-A CAR IS NOT A TOY.
AND THE PRIVILEGE OF DRIVING
IS NOT SOMETHING
TO BE TAKEN LIGHTLY.
-NOW, ANYONE WITH HALF A BRAIN
WOULD HAVE SETTLED
FOR A LECTURE.
BUT, WELL... WAYNE WAS WAYNE.
-WELL, WHAT GOOD
IS HAVING A LICENSE
IF ALL I GET TO DO IS
DRIVE KEVIN AROUND?
-YOU'RE RIGHT.
-HUH?
-NO MORE DRIVING FOR YOU.
PRIVILEGES SUSPENDED...
INDEFINITELY.
-A FUNNY THING
HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE 13
AND YOUR BROTHER GETS PUNISHED.
YOU KIND OF ENJOY IT.
-WHAT ARE YOU GRINNING AT?
-IN FACT, YOU REVEL IN IT.
SURE, I FELT SOME PITY.
BUT SOMEHOW I KNEW,
DEEP DOWN, IT WAS HIM OR ME.
-YOU'RE NOT GONNA
BELIEVE THIS. IT'S TOO COOL!
-WHAT?
-REMEMBER THAT
GIRL FROM THE MALL?
-REMEMBER?
I'D SPENT THE WHOLE
WEEK TRYING TO FORGET
HOW IDIOTIC I MUST HAVE LOOKED
TO HER IN THAT PARKING LOT.
-WHAT ABOUT HER?
-WELL... I TALKED TO HER FRIEND.
-YOU DID? WHERE?
-I SAW HER WALKING
OUT OF THE MOVIE AGAIN.
-YOU WENT BACK TO
SEE "ROMEO AND JULIET"?
-HEY, I TOOK CARLA, OKAY?
-SO, WHAT HAPPENED?
-WELL, IT TURNS OUT
THAT THE PRETTY GIRL,
SHE USED TO GO TO JERICHO,
AND HER BROTHER JOHN WENT
STEADY WITH CARLA'S FRIEND CATHY
BACK IN THE SIXTH GRADE.
- PAUL.
-WELL, THESE TWO USED
TO HANG OUT TOGETHER.
THEY USED TO MAKE
MUD PIES AND STUFF...
-PAUL, WILL YOU
GET TO THE POINT?
-WELL, SHE TOLD CARLA THAT SHE'S
GONNA BE AT THE MALL TONIGHT,
-AND WE MIGHT KIND
OF... RUN INTO HER.
- RUN INTO HER?
- MM-HMM.
-WHAT ELSE DID SHE SAY?
-NOTHING.
-EXCEPT THE PRETTY
ONE THINKS YOU'RE CUTE.
-SHE SAID THAT?
REALLY?
MOM?
HEY, MOM?
CAN YOU TAKE ME TO THE M...
MALL?
OH, NO.
-WAYNE WILL DRIVE YOU.
WON'T YOU, WAYNE?
-SURE. I'D BE GLAD TO.
-BUT I...
-YOUR BROTHER AND I HAD A
LITTLE TALK ABOUT RESPONSIBILITY.
RIGHT, WAYNE?
-RIGHT, DAD. READY TO GO, KEV?
- "KEV"?
THIS WAS NUTS.
DID THEY REALLY BELIEVE
WAYNE HAD CHANGED HIS SPOTS?
-WOULD 6:00 BE
OKAY FOR YOU, KEV?
-STILL, IT WAS POSSIBLE...
IN THEORY.
-GET OUT.
-NOTE I SAID "IN THEORY."
-WHAT?
-HERE. HERE'S 10 BUCKS.
-WHY DON'T YOU GO HANG OUT AT
PAUL'S HOUSE FOR A COUPLE HOURS?
-NO WAY!
WE'RE GOING TO THE MALL.
- NO, YOU'RE NOT.
- YES, WE ARE.
-LOOK, I HAVE A DATE WITH
DELORES, AND I DON'T HAVE TIME
TO DRIVE YOU ALL
THE WAY TO THE MALL.
-WELL, I HAVE A DATE, TOO.
- OH, RIGHT. COME
ON. I'M ALREADY LATE.
-SO ARE WE.
-WE'RE NOT GETTING OUT, WAYNE.
-FINE.
THEN WE'LL JUST SIT HERE.
-FINE.
-KEVIN, QUIT FOOLING AROUND!
JUST TAKE THE MONEY AND GET OUT!
-NO. YOU PROMISED DAD.
-HEY, I DIDN'T GET MY LICENSE
SO I COULD BE YOUR CHAUFFEUR.
-OKAY. SO WHAT ARE
WE SUPPOSED TO DO?
-I'LL GIVE YOU A CHOICE...
GET OUT OF THE CAR...
OR DIE.
-I-IS TODAY FRIDAY?
I JUST REMEMBERED.
I-I GOTTA TAKE MY
SISTER TO, UH, KIDDIE CITY.
MAYBE I'LL JUST WALK
HOME FROM HERE.
-WELL?
-JUST TAKE ME TO
THE STUPID MALL!
-KEVIN, I'M NOT KIDDING!
- I'M NOT EITHER!
- GET OUT OF THE DAMN CAR!
-MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE.
BUT I KNEW IF I GAVE IN NOW,
I'D BE RIDING A BIKE
FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
-LOOK, WAYNE, WILL YOU JUST
STOP ACTING LIKE A SELFISH JERK?!
-FINE. YOU WANT
TO GO TO THE MALL?
-WELL, LET'S GO TO THE MALL.
-INSTINCTIVELY, I KNEW
I HAD TO SHOW NO FEAR.
I KNEW WAYNE WOULD NEVER
PUSH IT PAST A CERTAIN LIMIT.
I WAS WRONG.
-WAYNE.
WAYNE, LOOK OUT!
-AT THAT MOMENT,
ALL I COULD THINK OF
WAS THAT GREAT BIG HOUSE
WITH THE GREAT BIG YARD
I'D NEVER SEE AGAIN.
-WAYNE!
WAYNE! YOU'RE CRAZY!
YOU KNOW THAT?!
YOU COULD HAVE GOT US KILLED!
-ARE YOU OKAY?
-IT WAS THE FIRST TIME HE
HAD ASKED ME THAT QUESTION
IN 13 YEARS.
-YEAH, I THINK SO.
-AS WE DROVE HOME IN SILENCE,
WE BEGAN TO REALIZE THE
ABSURDITY OF OUR SITUATION.
WE WERE TWO PEOPLE WITH
ALMOST NOTHING IN COMMON
THROWN TOGETHER BY CIRCUMSTANCE.
THE HARDER WE STRUGGLED
AGAINST THAT FACT,
THE MORE TIGHTLY WE
WERE BOUND TOGETHER.
-THAT NIGHT, THE GAP
BETWEEN 13 AND 16
GOT A LITTLE SMALLER.
-WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?
-THE TIRE BLEW, DAD.
-THE SPARE WAS FLAT.
-HOW FAST WERE YOU GOING?
-ONLY ABOUT 30.
-35.
-I DIDN'T MAKE IT BACK TO
THE MALL FOR SEVERAL WEEKS.
SOMEHOW, I JUST DIDN'T
FEEL LIKE GETTING IN A CAR.
-WANT A LIFT?
-NO. I'LL WALK.
-AW, COME ON. GET IN.
-AS FOR WAYNE AND ME, WE'D
REACHED A NEW UNDERSTANDING.
-WAYNE.
COME ON. GET IN.
-WE DIDN'T HAVE TO BE
FRIENDS OR ANYTHING.
-WAYNE!
-NO. NO. REALLY.
-BUT WE'D ALWAYS BE BROTHERS.
-♪ 'ROUND, 'ROUND, GET
AROUND, I GET AROUND ♪
♪ YEAH, GET AROUND,
'ROUND, 'ROUND ♪
♪ I GET AROUND ♪
♪ GET AROUND, 'ROUND, 'ROUND ♪
I GET AROUND ♪
-♪ FROM TOWN TO TOWN ♪
-♪ GET AROUND, 'ROUND,
'ROUND, I GET AROUND ♪
-♪ I'M A REAL COOL HEAD ♪
-♪ GET AROUND, 'ROUND,
'ROUND, I GET AROUND ♪
-♪ I'M MAKING REAL GOOD BREAD ♪
-♪ GET AROUND, 'ROUND,
'ROUND, I GET AROUND ♪
-♪ I'M GETTIN' BUGGED DRIVIN' UP
AND DOWN THE SAME, OLD STRIP ♪
-♪ I GOTTA FIND A NEW PLACE
WHERE THE KIDS ARE HIP ♪
♪ MY BUDDIES AND ME ARE
GETTIN' REAL WELL KNOWN ♪
♪ YEAH, THE BAD GUYS KNOW
US, AND THEY LEAVE US ALONE ♪