The Wonder Years (1988–1993): Season 3, Episode 15 - The Tree House - full transcript
Kevin and his Dad decide to build a tree house in the backyard. However, their father/son bonding is soon derailed when their work gives them a birds-eye view of an attractive female neighbor.
-♪ WHAT WOULD YOU DO
IF I SANG OUT OF TUNE? ♪
♪ WOULD YOU STAND UP
AND WALK OUT ON ME? ♪
♪ LEND ME YOUR EARS,
AND I'LL SING YOU A SONG ♪
♪ I WILL TRY NOT TO
SING OUT OF KEY, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, BABY, I GET BY ♪
- ♪ BY WITH A LITTLE HELP
FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ ALL I NEED IS MY BUDDIES ♪
-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ I'M SAYIN' I'M GONNA GET HIGHER ♪ - ♪
TRY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ WHOA-OA-OA-OA, YEAH ♪
-♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪
[CHORAL SINGING]
-IN JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL,
LOOKS MEAN A LOT.
THERE'S THE LOOK OF LOVE...
THE LOOK OF REJECTION...
THE THRILL OF VICTORY...
THE AGONY OF DEFEAT.
BUT THERE WAS ONE
LOOK THAT WAS DIFFERENT,
A ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME LOOK...
A LOOK THAT SAID THINGS
WOULD NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN.
-DOUG?
DOUG?
YOU OKAY?
-ONE GLANCE AT A FACE
LIKE THAT, AND YOU KNEW.
-OH, MAN. WHEN DID IT HAPPEN?
-LAST NIGHT.
-WAS IT YOUR DAD?
-HE GAVE YOU...
"THE TALK."
- "THE TALK." THE
OLD BIRDS AND BEES.
-I ACTUALLY HAD TO LISTEN
TO MY DAD SAY "GENITALS."
- UGH!
- UGH!
-IT WAS HORRIBLE,
TOO HORRIBLE TO CONTEMPLATE.
THE WORST THING WAS,
NO ONE WAS IMMUNE.
IT COULD STRIKE
ANYTIME, ANYWHERE.
THE FATAL COMMUNICATION.
-KEVIN?
[Distorted] IT ALL
BEGINS WITH AN EGG.
-OH, NO.
-SO, WHEN A MAN AND A
WOMAN GET TOGETHER...
-OH, GOSH!
-WHEN YOUR MOTHER AND I...
-NO, NO, DON'T
DRAG MOM INTO THIS!
-[Normal voice] KEVIN!
-HUH?
-SHOVE OVER.
-FORTUNATELY, MY
FATHER PREFERRED
TO COMMUNICATE WITH HIS
KIDS AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE.
STILL, YOU NEVER KNEW IF
YOUR LUCK WAS GONNA RUN OUT.
OR WHEN.
-LOOKS LIKE IT'S WEARING
PRETTY THIN TO ME.
-JACK...
-DAY THREE OF MY DAD'S WEEK OFF.
SO FAR, HE'D
TIGHTENED EVERY SCREW
ON EVERY KITCHEN CABINET,
RE-WIRED ALL OUR LAMPS,
AND ADDED ANOTHER LAYER
OF INSULATION TO THE ATTIC.
IN SHORT, HE WAS LAYING
SIEGE TO MY MOM'S DOMAIN.
-HONEY, IT'S JUST
A LITTLE CRACK.
-EH... IT'S FALLIN' APART.
WHERE'S MY GLUE?
-OF COURSE, AFTER
YEARS OF EXPERIENCE,
MOM HAD LEARNED TO PLAY DAD
LIKE A MATADOR
DEALING WITH A BULL.
-HONEY?
YOU WANT THIS LAST
PIECE OF BACON?
[TRUMPET FANFARE PLAYS]
[CROWD CHEERING]
[BULL MOOS]
-OLé, MOM!
[WATER DRIPPING]
[DRIPPING ECHOES]
-DAMN IT! I JUST PUT A
NEW WASHER IN THIS THING.
-DID THE PAPER COME YET?
I KNOW YOU WANTED TO
LOOK AT THOSE TIRE SALES.
-OH.
I HOPE HE HIT THE
PORCH THIS TIME.
- YEP. MOM HAD ALL THE MOVES.
- [SIGHS]
-WHAT THE...
-YOU WANT ANOTHER MUFFIN, HONEY?
[RATTLING]
-UNTIL, THAT IS...
-JACK!
- THE BULL GOT
INTO THE CHINA SHOP.
-THESE HINGES ARE GOING, NORMA.
-JACK... NOT MY GOOD CRYSTAL.
-KEVIN, GET MY TOOLBOX
FROM THE CELLAR.
-NOW, THIS WAS SERIOUS.
THIS WAS MOM'S STEMWARE.
[HINGE SQUEAKING]
-WAIT.
-YOU COULD SEE HER REACHING BACK
FOR SOME WAY TO
SAVE THE SITUATION,
SOME WAY TO...
-I KNOW. WHY DON'T YOU
DO SOMETHING WITH KEVIN?
- STAB ME IN THE BACK.
-HUH?
-YOU COULD GO TO A
MOVIE OR... PLAY CATCH.
[GLASSES RATTLE]
-WELL, I BETTER GET GOING.
-NO, WAIT.
I'VE GOT IT.
JACK, WOULDN'T THIS
BE THE PERFECT TIME
TO BUILD THAT TREE HOUSE
THAT YOU TWO HAVE
ALWAYS TALKED ABOUT?
- A TREE HOUSE?
- A TREE HOUSE?
-A TREE HOUSE?
-I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
AFTER ALL I'D DONE FOR HER...
SLEPT IN HER HOUSE,
EATEN HER FOOD!
-WHY NOT? I THINK IT WOULD
BE FUN FOR BOTH OF YOU.
-COME ON, MOM. I'M TOO
OLD FOR A TREE HOUSE.
RIGHT, DAD?
-I WAS SORRY TO
BAIL OUT ON OLD MOM,
BUT THE FACT WAS...
-NONSENSE.
[HINGE SQUEAKS]
YOU'RE NEVER TOO
OLD FOR A TREE HOUSE.
- I WAS A DEAD MAN.
SEE, IT WASN'T JUST A MATTER OF
BEING TOO OLD FOR A TREE HOUSE.
BUILDING SOMETHING...
BUILDING ANYTHING...
WITH MY DAD DIDN'T
REALLY MEAN "BUILDING."
IT MEANT SITTING AROUND...
-KEV.
- HOLDING TWINE...
BEING IN THE WAY...
EATING SAWDUST...
AND WATCHING HIM BUILD.
-WELL, STARTIN'
TO LOSE THE LIGHT.
LET'S KNOCK OFF FOR
TODAY, HUH, TIGER?
- "TIGER"? I DIDN'T
FEEL LIKE A TIGER.
I FELT MORE LIKE... AN ELF.
-WE'LL PICK IT UP TOMORROW.
-I CAN'T.
I'VE GOT SCHOOL TOMORROW.
-I'LL PICK YOU UP.
-GREAT.
-IT DIDN'T SEEM FAIR.
I WAS 13 YEARS OLD,
AND MY FATHER WAS STILL
TREATING ME LIKE A KID.
I MEAN, WHAT WAS
IT GONNA TAKE HERE?
-CHECK THIS OUT.
-PUT THAT AWAY!
-SORRY, PFEIFF. DIDN'T
MEAN TO SCARE YOU.
-GROW UP, HOBSON.
-WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT?
MY DAD LOOKS AT THIS STUFF.
-YEAH, YOUR DAD, MAYBE.
-UH-HUH. LIKE YOURS DOESN'T.
-OF COURSE NOT.
MY DAD'S AN OPTOMETRIST!
-[SCOFFS]
-WELL, HE DOESN'T.
-I DON'T WANT THIS TO COME
AS A SHOCK TO YOU, PFEIFF,
BUT MEN LOOK AT WOMEN.
-NO, DUH.
-YOU'RE SUCH A
BABE IN THE WOODS.
-CRAIG HOBSON... THE "MASTERS
AND JOHNSON" OF THE LUNCH LINE.
-SO, ARNOLD, HOW'S
THE BIG PROJECT COMIN'?
-WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
-SAW YOU AND YOUR DAD DRIVIN'
BY WITH A CAR FULL OF LUMBER.
WHATCHA BUILDIN',
A NEW SAND BOX?
-FOR YOUR INFORMATION, HOBSON,
THEY'RE WORKING ON
SOMETHING VERY BIG.
-REALLY? LIKE WHAT?
- PAUL...
- I CAN HANDLE THIS.
IT'S A TREE HOUSE.
-THANKS, PAUL. REALLY.
-WELL, IT'S NOT REALLY...
-A TREE HOUSE, HUH? AREN'T
YOU A LITTLE OLD FOR THAT?
-AT LEAST HIS DAD DOESN'T
SIT AROUND THE HOUSE
LOOKING AT MAGAZINES.
THEY'RE BUILDING IT TOGETHER.
-A TREE HOUSE, HUH?
WHAT ARE YOU, THE LADDER HOLDER?
-[SCOFFS]
YEAH, RIGHT.
-THE NERVE OF THIS GUY.
"LADDER HOLDER"? I
WAS NO LADDER HOLDER.
I WAS...
HOLDING A LADDER.
-DAMN!
I CUT IT TOO LONG.
WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING OF?
-OKAY, THIS HAD GONE FAR ENOUGH.
IT WAS TIME TO DECLARE
MY INDEPENDENCE.
- I'LL CUT IT FOR YOU, DAD.
- HUH?
-HECK, WHAT DID I HAVE TO LOSE?
-NAH, I BETTER DO IT.
-DAD, I WANT TO DO
IT. I WANT TO HELP.
-YOU ARE HELPIN'.
-HOLDING A LADDER?
OH, COME ON, DAD. I WANT TO SAW.
-OKAY, ONE OF TWO THINGS
WAS GONNA HAPPEN HERE...
EITHER DAD WAS GONNA
LAUGH IN MY FACE, OR...
-YOU THINK YOU CAN SHAVE
1 3/8 INCH OFF OF THAT?
- HE WAS GONNA LET ME SAW!
OKAY, I WAS ON MY WAY.
THERE WAS JUST ONE
LITTLE PROBLEM HERE...
I'D NEVER ACTUALLY USED
A POWER SAW BEFORE.
IT LOOKED... SHARP.
[SHING!]
SAW-LIKE.
[THWONG!]
-MAKE SURE THAT
SAFETY GUARD IS DOWN.
THIS THING CAN BACK UP ON YOU.
-I KNOW.
-"BACK UP"? "SAFETY GUARD"?
OKAY, NO TURNING BACK NOW.
IT WAS SAW OR BE SAWED.
[SAW WHIRS]
[RICHARD WAGNER'S "FLIGHT
OF THE VALKYRIES" PLAYS]
[WOOD CLATTERS]
[SAW STOPS]
-NOT BAD.
-IT WAS A SMALL STEP...
1 3/8 INCH, TO BE EXACT.
-COME ON.
-BUT IT FELT LIKE WE'D
TURNED SOME KIND OF CORNER,
MY DAD AND I.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]
-WHAT I THINK WE
SHOULD DO IS 4 1/2 FEET.
-RIGHT.
-AND HAVE A ROUNDED STAIRCASE.
-RIGHT.
-AND OUR TREE HOUSE... AT
LEAST THE GROUND FLOOR...
WAS LOOKIN' PRETTY DARN GOOD.
-FEELS SOLID, DAD.
-YEAH, IT DOES.
-AS DAD AND I KICKED BACK
AND HOISTED
A COUPLE OF COOL ONES...
- HERE YOU GO.
-I HAD THE STRANGEST
EXPERIENCE...
DAD WAS TALKING TO ME,
AND I WAS LISTENING.
-A ROPE LADDER.
-WE WERE... COMMUNICATING.
-NOT EVERYONE... MOM
CAN'T GET UP A ROPE LADDER.
-THAT'S THE IDEA. [CHUCKLES]
-IT WAS ONE OF THE NICEST
MOMENTS WE'D EVER SHARED.
AND IT LASTED...
[WOMAN HUMMING]
ABOUT 12 SECONDS.
NOW, SHE WAS JUST A WOMAN,
WORKING IN HER GARDEN,
WEEDING HER TOMATOES.
SHE DIDN'T KNOW WE WERE THERE.
AND WE'D CERTAINLY
NEVER SEEN HER BEFORE.
IT WAS ALL JUST KIND
OF A COINCIDENCE.
-♪ BUM BAAAAAAHM ♪
♪ BA DA DA DA DA DA ♪
♪ BA BA BA DA DA ♪
♪ BUM BAAAAAHM ♪
♪ BA BA BA BA-BUM BUM ♪
-[CHUCKLES]
-♪ BA-DA-DUM, BA-DA-DUM,
BA-DA-DUM DA DA DUM ♪
♪ DA-DUM, DA-DA-DUM, BA-DA-DUM ♪
-THE WEIRD THING WAS, IT
WAS REALLY NO BIG DEAL.
EXCEPT FOR SOME
REASON, AT THAT MOMENT,
IT WAS A BIG DEAL.
IT WAS HORRIBLE.
WE'D BEEN TWO MEN AT WORK,
AND SUDDENLY,
EVERYTHING HAD CHANGED.
SUDDENLY, WE WERE
A FATHER AND A SON.
AND A NEIGHBOR.
AND THERE DIDN'T SEEM
TO BE ROOM UP THERE
FOR THE THREE OF US.
-UM... KEV?
KEV, UM...
-DOWN WENT THE LINES
OF COMMUNICATION.
-LET'S TAKE A BREAK.
-YEAH.
-♪ DO-DO, DO-DO-DO, DO-DO-DO ♪
- OKAY.
- YEAH.
-AND THERE YOU HAD IT.
ONE MINUTE WE WERE
ON TOP OF THE WORLD,
THE NEXT MINUTE...
- OH!
-WE WERE UP A TREE...
[LADDER CLANGS]
WITHOUT A LADDER.
[RAGTIME MUSIC PLAYS]
-TELL ME, IS THIS THING
REALLY A STRAWBERRY?
-YES. AND THESE ARE TOMATOES.
THIS, WE HOPE, IS THE FUTURE
OF THE AMERICAN FARMER.
-FOR THE NEXT DAY OR SO,
DAD AND I DIDN'T TALK MUCH.
-LET ME AMEND THAT...
WE DIDN'T TALK AT ALL.
-TO MOST OF THE PUBLIC,
THESE GIANT FREAKS OF NATURE...
-OH, DO WE HAVE TO WATCH THIS?
-WELL, HOW DO THEY GET SO BIG?
-'COURSE, I WASN'T REALLY
SURE IF DAD KNEW THAT I KNEW
THAT HE SAW THAT
I SAW WHAT HE SAW.
OR VICE VERSA.
ALL WE BOTH KNEW WAS WE
WEREN'T GOING BACK UP THAT TREE.
-WHAT'S HAPPENING
WITH THE TREE HOUSE?
-UH, WE, UM...
-WELL, WHAT'S THE
MATTER WITH YOU TWO?
YOU WERE HAVING SO
MUCH FUN UP THERE.
I'VE NEVER SEEN THE TWO OF
YOU WORK SO WELL TOGETHER.
-DAD, YOU WANT TO TAKE THIS ONE?
-WELL, UH...
THE FORECAST SAID
THERE WAS A, UM...
POSSIBILITY OF RAIN.
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
-YEAH.
IT SAID ZERO POSSIBILITY.
-WELL, AS LONG AS I
HAVE YOU TWO IN HERE,
MAYBE YOU CAN HELP ME
CHOOSE A TABLE SETTING.
WE COULD GO WITH THE GINGHAM
OR THE STRIPES OR THE DUCKS.
OR WE COULD MIX AND MATCH.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
-LOOKS LIKE IT'S
CLEARIN' UP, KEV.
[CLEARS THROAT]
-HAVE FUN. [CHUCKLES]
-SURE, FUN.
WE GAVE IT THE OLD COLLEGE TRY.
[WOMAN HUMMING]
WE TRIED TO IGNORE IT.
[SAW WHIRS]
BUT WE WERE OVER-MATCHED, SO
WE DID THE ONLY THING POSSIBLE...
WE TURNED ON EACH OTHER.
-NOT LIKE THAT, KEV.
-WHY? WHAT'S WRONG?
-YOU'RE OVER THE LINE.
- NO, I'M NOT!
- YES, YOU ARE!
LOOK, I'LL DO THIS.
JUST GO GET MY HAMMER.
WHAT?!
NEVER MIND. WHERE'S YOUR HAMMER?
-I THINK I LEFT IT
IN THE GARAGE.
-HOW MANY TIMES I TELL YOU NOT
TO LEAVE YOUR TOOLS LYING AROUND?
- WELL, I DIDN'T THINK...
- LOOK, JUST GO GET IT!
-[SCOFFS]
-FACE IT... WE NEEDED HELP.
SOMEONE SYMPATHETIC,
SOMEONE WHO'D UNDERSTAND.
-YOU LUCKY DOG.
-I DON'T BELIEVE IT!
-NO, YOU GUYS DON'T UNDERSTAND.
-I THINK WE DO.
-WILL YOU CUT IT OUT, HOBSON?!
I COULD USE A LITTLE HELP HERE.
-YOU DON'T NEED HELP.
YOU NEED BINOCULARS.
-WHY?
-PFEIFFER, YOU'RE HOPELESS.
-LOOK, ALL I KNOW
IS THIS CAN'T GO ON.
MY DAD AND I ARE AT
EACH OTHER'S THROATS.
-IN THAT CASE, THERE'S
ONLY ONE THING TO DO.
-AT LAST, A LITTLE COUNSEL.
-LET ME BUILD THAT TREE HOUSE.
-WELL, ONE THING WAS CLEAR...
DAD AND I WERE IN THIS
TOGETHER, FOR BETTER OR WORSE.
BUT WAIT A MINUTE.
-[SIGHS]
-ALL RIGHT. LET'S
GET GOIN' HERE.
WE GOT WORK TO DO, HUH?
- YEAH!
-YEAH, LET'S LAP UP SOME
STUDS, MAKE SOME NOISE!
-♪ COME HERE, SISTER ♪
♪ PAPA'S IN THE SWING ♪
♪ HE AIN'T TOO HIP ♪
♪ 'BOUT THAT NEW-BREED BABE ♪
♪ HE AIN'T NO DRAG ♪
♪ PAPA'S GOT A BRAND-NEW BAG ♪
♪ COME HERE, MAMA ♪
-YEP, WE WERE ROLLIN' NOW...
LIKE A SMOOTHLY OILED MACHINE.
-♪ HE'S NOT TOO FANCY ♪
♪ BUT HIS LINE IS PRETTY CLEAN ♪
-AND WHO KNEW?
WE MIGHT EVEN FINISH IT BY
TOMORROW, IF OUR LUCK HELD OUT.
-♪ PAPA'S GOT A BRAND-NEW BAG ♪
-AND WE DIDN'T GET
ANOTHER VISIT FROM...
[MUSIC SLOWS]
-LOOK AT THE SIZE OF
THOSE TOMATOES, JACK!
- THE SINGING GARDENER.
-YEAH.
-THIS IS DONNA.
MY HUSBAND, JACK.
-AH, NAH, MY HANDS ARE
DIRTY. I'VE BEEN WORKING.
-THAT'S OKAY. MY HANDS
HAVE BEEN IN THE DIRT ALL DAY.
-AND THAT'S MY YOUNGEST, KEVIN.
-WELL, HI, KEVIN.
-UH... HI.
-DONNA AND I MET
AT THE SUPERMARKET.
WE STARTED TALKING IN
THE CHECKOUT COUNTER.
AND IT TURNS OUT
DONNA LIVES ON OAKDALE
ALMOST RIGHT BEHIND US.
-YEAH, JUST A LITTLE
OVER FROM HERE.
-SO SHE TOLD ME
ABOUT HER TOMATOES
AND SAID SHE'D BRING ME SOME.
-UH-HUH.
-AND I TOLD THE CHECKER
JUST TO PUT MINE BACK.
[Laughing] DIDN'T I?
-WELL, THEN, I GUESS I
JUST HAD TO BRING 'EM, HUH?
[BOTH LAUGH]
- [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
-WELL, THIS WAS HOMEY.
I JUST SORT OF STOOD THERE,
BUT FORTUNATELY, MY DAD WAS
A LITTLE MORE SOCIALLY ADEPT.
-WE, UM... BREAK.
-WHAT, HONEY?
-KEVIN AND ME.
-SO, A LITTLE SMALL TALK...
THE ARNOLD CHARM...
- LET'S GO, KEV.
-IT WAS NICE TO MEET YOU!
- AND WE WERE OUT THE DOOR.
BY MUTUAL UNSPOKEN CONSENT,
MY DAD AND I FELL INTO A PLAN...
WORK AS HARD AS WE
COULD AS FAST AS WE COULD
AND GET OUT OF THAT TREE.
AS OUR HAMMERS RANG IN THE AIR,
BENDING METAL AND
STEEL TO OUR WILLS,
AN AMAZING THING HAPPENED...
WE FOUND A COMMON BOND.
- NAILS.
- HERE.
PRY-BAR.
-YO.
I NEED A, UH...
-BRACKET.
-YEAH, AND SOME, UH...
- WOOD SCREWS.
- YEAH.
DAMN, WHERE'S THE...
- PENCIL.
-YEAH.
-IT WAS ALMOST... HEROIC.
THERE WE WERE,
TWO MEN, SIDE-BY-SIDE,
STRUGGLING WITHOUT WORDS
AGAINST THE THING WE COULDN'T TALK ABOUT...
- KEV?
-RUNNING FROM A COMMON ENEMY.
RUNNING FROM...
-READY OR NOT, HERE I COME!
- MOM.
- NORMA.
[DONNA HUMMING]
-WELL! THIS IS FUN!
[HUMMING CONTINUES]
-UH, NORMA, THE FOOTING
UP HERE IS A LITTLE TRICKY.
-YEAH, IT'S NOT ALL NAILED
OFF. YOU DON'T WANT TO FALL.
-OH, DON'T BE SILLY.
IT FEELS STURDY TO ME.
OH, AND JUST LOOK AT THIS VIEW!
-YEAH.
-EXCUSE ME.
[HUMMING INTENSIFIES]
-[SIGHS]
-OH.
-NOW, AT THAT MOMENT,
IT'S POSSIBLE A SIMPLE
EXPLANATION WOULD HAVE HELPED.
BUT OF COURSE, WE
COULDN'T EXPLAIN.
WE COULDN'T TALK
ABOUT IT AT ALL.
-OH.
-[CHUCKLES]
-WELL, I SHOULD START DINNER.
-AND THAT WAS THAT.
WE'D BEEN ACCUSED,
TRIED, AND CONVICTED.
AND SUDDENLY I HAD
THIS AWFUL FEELING,
THAT I KNEW WHAT THAT
SENTENCE WOULD BE.
-SON...
[HUMMING CONTINUES]
WE HAVE TO TALK.
-THERE WAS NO ESCAPE.
IT HAD COME DOWN TO THIS...
"THE TALK."
-I ACTUALLY HAD TO LISTEN
TO MY DAD SAY "GENITALS."
-SON...
I THINK YOU'RE TOO
OLD FOR A TREE HOUSE.
-HUH?
-I'M GOIN' INSIDE.
[PENCIL CLATTERS]
-[SIGHS]
-MY DAD AND I NEVER
HAD "THE TALK."
AND WE NEVER FINISHED
THE TREE HOUSE.
I GUESS SOME THINGS
BETWEEN FATHERS AND SONS
ARE LEFT UNSPOKEN
AND UNFINISHED.
-DON'T WE HAVE ANY VEGETABLES?
-AND FOR YEARS AFTER THAT,
MY MOTHER COULD NEVER
SAY THE WORD "TOMATO"
WITHOUT GIVING MY
DAD A FUNNY LOOK.
-♪ LET ME TELL YOU 'BOUT
THE BIRDS AND THE BEES ♪
♪ AND THE FLOWERS
AND THE TREES ♪
♪ AND THE MOON UP ABOVE ♪
♪ AND A THING CALLED LO-O-VE ♪
♪ LET ME TELL YOU 'BOUT
THE STARS IN THE SKY ♪
♪ AND A GIRL AND A GUY ♪
♪ AND THE WAY THEY COULD KISS ♪
[WOOD CREAKS]
♪ ON A NIGHT LIKE THIS ♪
♪ YEAH ♪
IF I SANG OUT OF TUNE? ♪
♪ WOULD YOU STAND UP
AND WALK OUT ON ME? ♪
♪ LEND ME YOUR EARS,
AND I'LL SING YOU A SONG ♪
♪ I WILL TRY NOT TO
SING OUT OF KEY, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, BABY, I GET BY ♪
- ♪ BY WITH A LITTLE HELP
FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ ALL I NEED IS MY BUDDIES ♪
-♪ HIGH WITH A LITTLE
HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ I'M SAYIN' I'M GONNA GET HIGHER ♪ - ♪
TRY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS ♪
-♪ WHOA-OA-OA-OA, YEAH ♪
-♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪
[CHORAL SINGING]
-IN JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL,
LOOKS MEAN A LOT.
THERE'S THE LOOK OF LOVE...
THE LOOK OF REJECTION...
THE THRILL OF VICTORY...
THE AGONY OF DEFEAT.
BUT THERE WAS ONE
LOOK THAT WAS DIFFERENT,
A ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME LOOK...
A LOOK THAT SAID THINGS
WOULD NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN.
-DOUG?
DOUG?
YOU OKAY?
-ONE GLANCE AT A FACE
LIKE THAT, AND YOU KNEW.
-OH, MAN. WHEN DID IT HAPPEN?
-LAST NIGHT.
-WAS IT YOUR DAD?
-HE GAVE YOU...
"THE TALK."
- "THE TALK." THE
OLD BIRDS AND BEES.
-I ACTUALLY HAD TO LISTEN
TO MY DAD SAY "GENITALS."
- UGH!
- UGH!
-IT WAS HORRIBLE,
TOO HORRIBLE TO CONTEMPLATE.
THE WORST THING WAS,
NO ONE WAS IMMUNE.
IT COULD STRIKE
ANYTIME, ANYWHERE.
THE FATAL COMMUNICATION.
-KEVIN?
[Distorted] IT ALL
BEGINS WITH AN EGG.
-OH, NO.
-SO, WHEN A MAN AND A
WOMAN GET TOGETHER...
-OH, GOSH!
-WHEN YOUR MOTHER AND I...
-NO, NO, DON'T
DRAG MOM INTO THIS!
-[Normal voice] KEVIN!
-HUH?
-SHOVE OVER.
-FORTUNATELY, MY
FATHER PREFERRED
TO COMMUNICATE WITH HIS
KIDS AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE.
STILL, YOU NEVER KNEW IF
YOUR LUCK WAS GONNA RUN OUT.
OR WHEN.
-LOOKS LIKE IT'S WEARING
PRETTY THIN TO ME.
-JACK...
-DAY THREE OF MY DAD'S WEEK OFF.
SO FAR, HE'D
TIGHTENED EVERY SCREW
ON EVERY KITCHEN CABINET,
RE-WIRED ALL OUR LAMPS,
AND ADDED ANOTHER LAYER
OF INSULATION TO THE ATTIC.
IN SHORT, HE WAS LAYING
SIEGE TO MY MOM'S DOMAIN.
-HONEY, IT'S JUST
A LITTLE CRACK.
-EH... IT'S FALLIN' APART.
WHERE'S MY GLUE?
-OF COURSE, AFTER
YEARS OF EXPERIENCE,
MOM HAD LEARNED TO PLAY DAD
LIKE A MATADOR
DEALING WITH A BULL.
-HONEY?
YOU WANT THIS LAST
PIECE OF BACON?
[TRUMPET FANFARE PLAYS]
[CROWD CHEERING]
[BULL MOOS]
-OLé, MOM!
[WATER DRIPPING]
[DRIPPING ECHOES]
-DAMN IT! I JUST PUT A
NEW WASHER IN THIS THING.
-DID THE PAPER COME YET?
I KNOW YOU WANTED TO
LOOK AT THOSE TIRE SALES.
-OH.
I HOPE HE HIT THE
PORCH THIS TIME.
- YEP. MOM HAD ALL THE MOVES.
- [SIGHS]
-WHAT THE...
-YOU WANT ANOTHER MUFFIN, HONEY?
[RATTLING]
-UNTIL, THAT IS...
-JACK!
- THE BULL GOT
INTO THE CHINA SHOP.
-THESE HINGES ARE GOING, NORMA.
-JACK... NOT MY GOOD CRYSTAL.
-KEVIN, GET MY TOOLBOX
FROM THE CELLAR.
-NOW, THIS WAS SERIOUS.
THIS WAS MOM'S STEMWARE.
[HINGE SQUEAKING]
-WAIT.
-YOU COULD SEE HER REACHING BACK
FOR SOME WAY TO
SAVE THE SITUATION,
SOME WAY TO...
-I KNOW. WHY DON'T YOU
DO SOMETHING WITH KEVIN?
- STAB ME IN THE BACK.
-HUH?
-YOU COULD GO TO A
MOVIE OR... PLAY CATCH.
[GLASSES RATTLE]
-WELL, I BETTER GET GOING.
-NO, WAIT.
I'VE GOT IT.
JACK, WOULDN'T THIS
BE THE PERFECT TIME
TO BUILD THAT TREE HOUSE
THAT YOU TWO HAVE
ALWAYS TALKED ABOUT?
- A TREE HOUSE?
- A TREE HOUSE?
-A TREE HOUSE?
-I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
AFTER ALL I'D DONE FOR HER...
SLEPT IN HER HOUSE,
EATEN HER FOOD!
-WHY NOT? I THINK IT WOULD
BE FUN FOR BOTH OF YOU.
-COME ON, MOM. I'M TOO
OLD FOR A TREE HOUSE.
RIGHT, DAD?
-I WAS SORRY TO
BAIL OUT ON OLD MOM,
BUT THE FACT WAS...
-NONSENSE.
[HINGE SQUEAKS]
YOU'RE NEVER TOO
OLD FOR A TREE HOUSE.
- I WAS A DEAD MAN.
SEE, IT WASN'T JUST A MATTER OF
BEING TOO OLD FOR A TREE HOUSE.
BUILDING SOMETHING...
BUILDING ANYTHING...
WITH MY DAD DIDN'T
REALLY MEAN "BUILDING."
IT MEANT SITTING AROUND...
-KEV.
- HOLDING TWINE...
BEING IN THE WAY...
EATING SAWDUST...
AND WATCHING HIM BUILD.
-WELL, STARTIN'
TO LOSE THE LIGHT.
LET'S KNOCK OFF FOR
TODAY, HUH, TIGER?
- "TIGER"? I DIDN'T
FEEL LIKE A TIGER.
I FELT MORE LIKE... AN ELF.
-WE'LL PICK IT UP TOMORROW.
-I CAN'T.
I'VE GOT SCHOOL TOMORROW.
-I'LL PICK YOU UP.
-GREAT.
-IT DIDN'T SEEM FAIR.
I WAS 13 YEARS OLD,
AND MY FATHER WAS STILL
TREATING ME LIKE A KID.
I MEAN, WHAT WAS
IT GONNA TAKE HERE?
-CHECK THIS OUT.
-PUT THAT AWAY!
-SORRY, PFEIFF. DIDN'T
MEAN TO SCARE YOU.
-GROW UP, HOBSON.
-WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT?
MY DAD LOOKS AT THIS STUFF.
-YEAH, YOUR DAD, MAYBE.
-UH-HUH. LIKE YOURS DOESN'T.
-OF COURSE NOT.
MY DAD'S AN OPTOMETRIST!
-[SCOFFS]
-WELL, HE DOESN'T.
-I DON'T WANT THIS TO COME
AS A SHOCK TO YOU, PFEIFF,
BUT MEN LOOK AT WOMEN.
-NO, DUH.
-YOU'RE SUCH A
BABE IN THE WOODS.
-CRAIG HOBSON... THE "MASTERS
AND JOHNSON" OF THE LUNCH LINE.
-SO, ARNOLD, HOW'S
THE BIG PROJECT COMIN'?
-WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
-SAW YOU AND YOUR DAD DRIVIN'
BY WITH A CAR FULL OF LUMBER.
WHATCHA BUILDIN',
A NEW SAND BOX?
-FOR YOUR INFORMATION, HOBSON,
THEY'RE WORKING ON
SOMETHING VERY BIG.
-REALLY? LIKE WHAT?
- PAUL...
- I CAN HANDLE THIS.
IT'S A TREE HOUSE.
-THANKS, PAUL. REALLY.
-WELL, IT'S NOT REALLY...
-A TREE HOUSE, HUH? AREN'T
YOU A LITTLE OLD FOR THAT?
-AT LEAST HIS DAD DOESN'T
SIT AROUND THE HOUSE
LOOKING AT MAGAZINES.
THEY'RE BUILDING IT TOGETHER.
-A TREE HOUSE, HUH?
WHAT ARE YOU, THE LADDER HOLDER?
-[SCOFFS]
YEAH, RIGHT.
-THE NERVE OF THIS GUY.
"LADDER HOLDER"? I
WAS NO LADDER HOLDER.
I WAS...
HOLDING A LADDER.
-DAMN!
I CUT IT TOO LONG.
WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING OF?
-OKAY, THIS HAD GONE FAR ENOUGH.
IT WAS TIME TO DECLARE
MY INDEPENDENCE.
- I'LL CUT IT FOR YOU, DAD.
- HUH?
-HECK, WHAT DID I HAVE TO LOSE?
-NAH, I BETTER DO IT.
-DAD, I WANT TO DO
IT. I WANT TO HELP.
-YOU ARE HELPIN'.
-HOLDING A LADDER?
OH, COME ON, DAD. I WANT TO SAW.
-OKAY, ONE OF TWO THINGS
WAS GONNA HAPPEN HERE...
EITHER DAD WAS GONNA
LAUGH IN MY FACE, OR...
-YOU THINK YOU CAN SHAVE
1 3/8 INCH OFF OF THAT?
- HE WAS GONNA LET ME SAW!
OKAY, I WAS ON MY WAY.
THERE WAS JUST ONE
LITTLE PROBLEM HERE...
I'D NEVER ACTUALLY USED
A POWER SAW BEFORE.
IT LOOKED... SHARP.
[SHING!]
SAW-LIKE.
[THWONG!]
-MAKE SURE THAT
SAFETY GUARD IS DOWN.
THIS THING CAN BACK UP ON YOU.
-I KNOW.
-"BACK UP"? "SAFETY GUARD"?
OKAY, NO TURNING BACK NOW.
IT WAS SAW OR BE SAWED.
[SAW WHIRS]
[RICHARD WAGNER'S "FLIGHT
OF THE VALKYRIES" PLAYS]
[WOOD CLATTERS]
[SAW STOPS]
-NOT BAD.
-IT WAS A SMALL STEP...
1 3/8 INCH, TO BE EXACT.
-COME ON.
-BUT IT FELT LIKE WE'D
TURNED SOME KIND OF CORNER,
MY DAD AND I.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]
-WHAT I THINK WE
SHOULD DO IS 4 1/2 FEET.
-RIGHT.
-AND HAVE A ROUNDED STAIRCASE.
-RIGHT.
-AND OUR TREE HOUSE... AT
LEAST THE GROUND FLOOR...
WAS LOOKIN' PRETTY DARN GOOD.
-FEELS SOLID, DAD.
-YEAH, IT DOES.
-AS DAD AND I KICKED BACK
AND HOISTED
A COUPLE OF COOL ONES...
- HERE YOU GO.
-I HAD THE STRANGEST
EXPERIENCE...
DAD WAS TALKING TO ME,
AND I WAS LISTENING.
-A ROPE LADDER.
-WE WERE... COMMUNICATING.
-NOT EVERYONE... MOM
CAN'T GET UP A ROPE LADDER.
-THAT'S THE IDEA. [CHUCKLES]
-IT WAS ONE OF THE NICEST
MOMENTS WE'D EVER SHARED.
AND IT LASTED...
[WOMAN HUMMING]
ABOUT 12 SECONDS.
NOW, SHE WAS JUST A WOMAN,
WORKING IN HER GARDEN,
WEEDING HER TOMATOES.
SHE DIDN'T KNOW WE WERE THERE.
AND WE'D CERTAINLY
NEVER SEEN HER BEFORE.
IT WAS ALL JUST KIND
OF A COINCIDENCE.
-♪ BUM BAAAAAAHM ♪
♪ BA DA DA DA DA DA ♪
♪ BA BA BA DA DA ♪
♪ BUM BAAAAAHM ♪
♪ BA BA BA BA-BUM BUM ♪
-[CHUCKLES]
-♪ BA-DA-DUM, BA-DA-DUM,
BA-DA-DUM DA DA DUM ♪
♪ DA-DUM, DA-DA-DUM, BA-DA-DUM ♪
-THE WEIRD THING WAS, IT
WAS REALLY NO BIG DEAL.
EXCEPT FOR SOME
REASON, AT THAT MOMENT,
IT WAS A BIG DEAL.
IT WAS HORRIBLE.
WE'D BEEN TWO MEN AT WORK,
AND SUDDENLY,
EVERYTHING HAD CHANGED.
SUDDENLY, WE WERE
A FATHER AND A SON.
AND A NEIGHBOR.
AND THERE DIDN'T SEEM
TO BE ROOM UP THERE
FOR THE THREE OF US.
-UM... KEV?
KEV, UM...
-DOWN WENT THE LINES
OF COMMUNICATION.
-LET'S TAKE A BREAK.
-YEAH.
-♪ DO-DO, DO-DO-DO, DO-DO-DO ♪
- OKAY.
- YEAH.
-AND THERE YOU HAD IT.
ONE MINUTE WE WERE
ON TOP OF THE WORLD,
THE NEXT MINUTE...
- OH!
-WE WERE UP A TREE...
[LADDER CLANGS]
WITHOUT A LADDER.
[RAGTIME MUSIC PLAYS]
-TELL ME, IS THIS THING
REALLY A STRAWBERRY?
-YES. AND THESE ARE TOMATOES.
THIS, WE HOPE, IS THE FUTURE
OF THE AMERICAN FARMER.
-FOR THE NEXT DAY OR SO,
DAD AND I DIDN'T TALK MUCH.
-LET ME AMEND THAT...
WE DIDN'T TALK AT ALL.
-TO MOST OF THE PUBLIC,
THESE GIANT FREAKS OF NATURE...
-OH, DO WE HAVE TO WATCH THIS?
-WELL, HOW DO THEY GET SO BIG?
-'COURSE, I WASN'T REALLY
SURE IF DAD KNEW THAT I KNEW
THAT HE SAW THAT
I SAW WHAT HE SAW.
OR VICE VERSA.
ALL WE BOTH KNEW WAS WE
WEREN'T GOING BACK UP THAT TREE.
-WHAT'S HAPPENING
WITH THE TREE HOUSE?
-UH, WE, UM...
-WELL, WHAT'S THE
MATTER WITH YOU TWO?
YOU WERE HAVING SO
MUCH FUN UP THERE.
I'VE NEVER SEEN THE TWO OF
YOU WORK SO WELL TOGETHER.
-DAD, YOU WANT TO TAKE THIS ONE?
-WELL, UH...
THE FORECAST SAID
THERE WAS A, UM...
POSSIBILITY OF RAIN.
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
-YEAH.
IT SAID ZERO POSSIBILITY.
-WELL, AS LONG AS I
HAVE YOU TWO IN HERE,
MAYBE YOU CAN HELP ME
CHOOSE A TABLE SETTING.
WE COULD GO WITH THE GINGHAM
OR THE STRIPES OR THE DUCKS.
OR WE COULD MIX AND MATCH.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
-LOOKS LIKE IT'S
CLEARIN' UP, KEV.
[CLEARS THROAT]
-HAVE FUN. [CHUCKLES]
-SURE, FUN.
WE GAVE IT THE OLD COLLEGE TRY.
[WOMAN HUMMING]
WE TRIED TO IGNORE IT.
[SAW WHIRS]
BUT WE WERE OVER-MATCHED, SO
WE DID THE ONLY THING POSSIBLE...
WE TURNED ON EACH OTHER.
-NOT LIKE THAT, KEV.
-WHY? WHAT'S WRONG?
-YOU'RE OVER THE LINE.
- NO, I'M NOT!
- YES, YOU ARE!
LOOK, I'LL DO THIS.
JUST GO GET MY HAMMER.
WHAT?!
NEVER MIND. WHERE'S YOUR HAMMER?
-I THINK I LEFT IT
IN THE GARAGE.
-HOW MANY TIMES I TELL YOU NOT
TO LEAVE YOUR TOOLS LYING AROUND?
- WELL, I DIDN'T THINK...
- LOOK, JUST GO GET IT!
-[SCOFFS]
-FACE IT... WE NEEDED HELP.
SOMEONE SYMPATHETIC,
SOMEONE WHO'D UNDERSTAND.
-YOU LUCKY DOG.
-I DON'T BELIEVE IT!
-NO, YOU GUYS DON'T UNDERSTAND.
-I THINK WE DO.
-WILL YOU CUT IT OUT, HOBSON?!
I COULD USE A LITTLE HELP HERE.
-YOU DON'T NEED HELP.
YOU NEED BINOCULARS.
-WHY?
-PFEIFFER, YOU'RE HOPELESS.
-LOOK, ALL I KNOW
IS THIS CAN'T GO ON.
MY DAD AND I ARE AT
EACH OTHER'S THROATS.
-IN THAT CASE, THERE'S
ONLY ONE THING TO DO.
-AT LAST, A LITTLE COUNSEL.
-LET ME BUILD THAT TREE HOUSE.
-WELL, ONE THING WAS CLEAR...
DAD AND I WERE IN THIS
TOGETHER, FOR BETTER OR WORSE.
BUT WAIT A MINUTE.
-[SIGHS]
-ALL RIGHT. LET'S
GET GOIN' HERE.
WE GOT WORK TO DO, HUH?
- YEAH!
-YEAH, LET'S LAP UP SOME
STUDS, MAKE SOME NOISE!
-♪ COME HERE, SISTER ♪
♪ PAPA'S IN THE SWING ♪
♪ HE AIN'T TOO HIP ♪
♪ 'BOUT THAT NEW-BREED BABE ♪
♪ HE AIN'T NO DRAG ♪
♪ PAPA'S GOT A BRAND-NEW BAG ♪
♪ COME HERE, MAMA ♪
-YEP, WE WERE ROLLIN' NOW...
LIKE A SMOOTHLY OILED MACHINE.
-♪ HE'S NOT TOO FANCY ♪
♪ BUT HIS LINE IS PRETTY CLEAN ♪
-AND WHO KNEW?
WE MIGHT EVEN FINISH IT BY
TOMORROW, IF OUR LUCK HELD OUT.
-♪ PAPA'S GOT A BRAND-NEW BAG ♪
-AND WE DIDN'T GET
ANOTHER VISIT FROM...
[MUSIC SLOWS]
-LOOK AT THE SIZE OF
THOSE TOMATOES, JACK!
- THE SINGING GARDENER.
-YEAH.
-THIS IS DONNA.
MY HUSBAND, JACK.
-AH, NAH, MY HANDS ARE
DIRTY. I'VE BEEN WORKING.
-THAT'S OKAY. MY HANDS
HAVE BEEN IN THE DIRT ALL DAY.
-AND THAT'S MY YOUNGEST, KEVIN.
-WELL, HI, KEVIN.
-UH... HI.
-DONNA AND I MET
AT THE SUPERMARKET.
WE STARTED TALKING IN
THE CHECKOUT COUNTER.
AND IT TURNS OUT
DONNA LIVES ON OAKDALE
ALMOST RIGHT BEHIND US.
-YEAH, JUST A LITTLE
OVER FROM HERE.
-SO SHE TOLD ME
ABOUT HER TOMATOES
AND SAID SHE'D BRING ME SOME.
-UH-HUH.
-AND I TOLD THE CHECKER
JUST TO PUT MINE BACK.
[Laughing] DIDN'T I?
-WELL, THEN, I GUESS I
JUST HAD TO BRING 'EM, HUH?
[BOTH LAUGH]
- [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
-WELL, THIS WAS HOMEY.
I JUST SORT OF STOOD THERE,
BUT FORTUNATELY, MY DAD WAS
A LITTLE MORE SOCIALLY ADEPT.
-WE, UM... BREAK.
-WHAT, HONEY?
-KEVIN AND ME.
-SO, A LITTLE SMALL TALK...
THE ARNOLD CHARM...
- LET'S GO, KEV.
-IT WAS NICE TO MEET YOU!
- AND WE WERE OUT THE DOOR.
BY MUTUAL UNSPOKEN CONSENT,
MY DAD AND I FELL INTO A PLAN...
WORK AS HARD AS WE
COULD AS FAST AS WE COULD
AND GET OUT OF THAT TREE.
AS OUR HAMMERS RANG IN THE AIR,
BENDING METAL AND
STEEL TO OUR WILLS,
AN AMAZING THING HAPPENED...
WE FOUND A COMMON BOND.
- NAILS.
- HERE.
PRY-BAR.
-YO.
I NEED A, UH...
-BRACKET.
-YEAH, AND SOME, UH...
- WOOD SCREWS.
- YEAH.
DAMN, WHERE'S THE...
- PENCIL.
-YEAH.
-IT WAS ALMOST... HEROIC.
THERE WE WERE,
TWO MEN, SIDE-BY-SIDE,
STRUGGLING WITHOUT WORDS
AGAINST THE THING WE COULDN'T TALK ABOUT...
- KEV?
-RUNNING FROM A COMMON ENEMY.
RUNNING FROM...
-READY OR NOT, HERE I COME!
- MOM.
- NORMA.
[DONNA HUMMING]
-WELL! THIS IS FUN!
[HUMMING CONTINUES]
-UH, NORMA, THE FOOTING
UP HERE IS A LITTLE TRICKY.
-YEAH, IT'S NOT ALL NAILED
OFF. YOU DON'T WANT TO FALL.
-OH, DON'T BE SILLY.
IT FEELS STURDY TO ME.
OH, AND JUST LOOK AT THIS VIEW!
-YEAH.
-EXCUSE ME.
[HUMMING INTENSIFIES]
-[SIGHS]
-OH.
-NOW, AT THAT MOMENT,
IT'S POSSIBLE A SIMPLE
EXPLANATION WOULD HAVE HELPED.
BUT OF COURSE, WE
COULDN'T EXPLAIN.
WE COULDN'T TALK
ABOUT IT AT ALL.
-OH.
-[CHUCKLES]
-WELL, I SHOULD START DINNER.
-AND THAT WAS THAT.
WE'D BEEN ACCUSED,
TRIED, AND CONVICTED.
AND SUDDENLY I HAD
THIS AWFUL FEELING,
THAT I KNEW WHAT THAT
SENTENCE WOULD BE.
-SON...
[HUMMING CONTINUES]
WE HAVE TO TALK.
-THERE WAS NO ESCAPE.
IT HAD COME DOWN TO THIS...
"THE TALK."
-I ACTUALLY HAD TO LISTEN
TO MY DAD SAY "GENITALS."
-SON...
I THINK YOU'RE TOO
OLD FOR A TREE HOUSE.
-HUH?
-I'M GOIN' INSIDE.
[PENCIL CLATTERS]
-[SIGHS]
-MY DAD AND I NEVER
HAD "THE TALK."
AND WE NEVER FINISHED
THE TREE HOUSE.
I GUESS SOME THINGS
BETWEEN FATHERS AND SONS
ARE LEFT UNSPOKEN
AND UNFINISHED.
-DON'T WE HAVE ANY VEGETABLES?
-AND FOR YEARS AFTER THAT,
MY MOTHER COULD NEVER
SAY THE WORD "TOMATO"
WITHOUT GIVING MY
DAD A FUNNY LOOK.
-♪ LET ME TELL YOU 'BOUT
THE BIRDS AND THE BEES ♪
♪ AND THE FLOWERS
AND THE TREES ♪
♪ AND THE MOON UP ABOVE ♪
♪ AND A THING CALLED LO-O-VE ♪
♪ LET ME TELL YOU 'BOUT
THE STARS IN THE SKY ♪
♪ AND A GIRL AND A GUY ♪
♪ AND THE WAY THEY COULD KISS ♪
[WOOD CREAKS]
♪ ON A NIGHT LIKE THIS ♪
♪ YEAH ♪