The Wild Wild West (1965–1969): Season 4, Episode 18 - The Night of the Janus - full transcript

( dramatic theme playing )

No, Mr. West,
he didn't say a word.

Of course, by the time
I get to them,

it's usually
too late for talk.

Can you get the body ready
to go to Washington?

Washington?

Hey, he must have been
mighty important.

Where'd you say I could
find that Torrey woman?

Over at the Golden Bird.

If you ask me,

a woman like that--
Thank you.



I wonder who he really was.

Oh.

( woman singing indistinctly
inside )

♪ 'Tis sad when you think ♪

♪ Of her wasted life ♪

♪ For youth cannot mate ♪

♪ With age ♪

Whiskey.

EVERYONE:
♪ And her beauty was sold ♪

♪ For an old man's gold ♪

♪ She's a bird ♪

♪ In a gilded cage ♪

( cheering and yelling )

Hi.
Hi.



You look lonesome.
Care for some company?

If your name's
Torrey Elder.

You're not even close.

But if you want Torrey,
she's at the table back there.

Thank you.

Hey, if you need a Linda,
look me up.

I'll do that, Linda.

Torrey?

You want something, mister?

I just left Brad Dorman
at the morgue.

Oh, I thought that would
mean something to you.

What's it to you, anyway?

Well, I thought maybe he may
have mentioned my name, West.

It's James West.

West, West.

Yes, there was something.

Come here.

He said if anything happened,
you were to get this.

He wanted me
to have a song?

That's right. He'd been working
on it for quite a while.

I hope it's not
how he made his living

'cause it's not very good,
but I'll sing it for you.

Joe, come here
and play this, will you?

( playing piano )

♪ He's hangin' around
The spoonin' tree ♪

♪ He's hangin' around
Impatiently ♪

♪ Just a-- ♪
( gunshot )

( women screaming )

What's going on?

Looks like someone doesn't
want you to sing their song.

But why?

That's what I'm gonna
have to find out.

( upbeat western theme playing )

( upbeat theme playing )

Mr. West, won't you tell me
what this is all about?

May I help you
on the stage?

At least
tell me this:

Was Brad mixed up
in anything illegal?

Is that why
he was killed?

I'll tell you one thing,

he was killed by a traitor
while serving his country.

Williams.

Yes, sir.

I don't anticipate
any trouble,

but ride with this girl
to Tucson anyway.

Yes, sir.
Thank you.

Goodbye, Torrey.

Hyah.

( upbeat theme playing )

A traitor?
In the Secret Service?

We're pretty sure of it.

But what makes you think that
there's a clue in that song?

When one of our best agents

goes after a traitor
and is killed

and all he leaves behind
is a song,

we can be pretty sure that
there's a clue in it.

( door opens )

Must be Jim.
Come on.

Oh, how do you do?
I'm James West.

Myra Bates, Mr. West.
Pleasure.

Myra works for Colonel Sharp
in the regional office.

She's here helping me gather
some information.

Anything on your tests?

Well, we know what
kind of ink he used.

We know
the grade of paper.

We even know
the manufacturer's name.

Evergood and Lehman of Oregon.
It's their number three bond.

We've wired them asking for
a list of local purchasers,

but if there's
a message in this song,

I can't find it.

Swell, we're just back
where we started.

You think Professor Montague
could help us?

Montague?

Isn't he the big brain
at the academy in Denver?

If anyone can break a code,
he'd be the one.

( telegraph clicking )

( clicking )

I caught some of that.

It's the local purchasers
of the paper.

Wilson and sons,

Boulder, Colorado.

Wicks

and Johnson

publishers,

Denver.

Janus

music company,

Eden,

Colorado.

Janus music company.

Janus,

as in the ancient
two-faced god.

Of Eden, Colorado.

Eden.

The Garden of Eden!

The Janus music company is
a likely place for me to call.

While you're doing that,

I'm gonna take this
to Montague

and see if he can
find something in it.

Give him my best,
and if he can,

he's a better man
than I am.

You said that,
Jeremy, not I.

Myra, it's been a pleasure.
Bye.

Myra,

where's the copy
we made of that song?

It's in the lab car.

( suspenseful theme playing )

Thank you.

Hello.

My name's James West.
I'm here to see Mr. Montague.

My credentials.

Yes, sir, Mr. West.
Straight through that door,

then the door at the end
of the hallway.

I know.

Gentlemen.

( mellow theme playing )

( applause )

James West.

Now you've seen
Jim West in action.

I trust you all
learned something

from the way he disarmed
the assailant with the knife,

and then dispatched
the man with the gun.

He managed
to overcome them all.

Learn your lessons well,
gentlemen.

Jim, you seem
better than ever.

Another little demonstration
for your students, Mr. Blessing.

Well, they don't often have
the opportunity to observe

one of the masters
of the trade, so to speak.

BLESSING:
Thank you, gentlemen.

Remember,
early classes tomorrow.

I hope you'll forgive me, Jim.

When I got your wire
saying you were coming,

I couldn't resist dreaming up
this little surprise.

Knowing you, sir,
I should have expected it,

but don't you think that was
playing it a little too close?

I don't follow you.

Don't you think it's pushing
my luck using real bullets?

Real bullets? Of course not.
They were blanks.

I think not.

Put a rather
neat hole in my coat.

You were hit?

Just nicked me, really.
I don't even need treatment.

How are you, Jim?

Well, I'm fine, Alan.

I'm sorry to see you again
under these circumstances,

but how've you been?

Yeah, I've worked my way up

to Mr. Blessing's
assistant now.

BLESSING:
I don't understand.

I supervised the loading
of the gun myself.

A little souvenir
for you, Alan.

If I were you, sir,
I'd check those blanks again.

MAN:
I've known
Mr. Dorman a long time.

He's a good man
and an old friend.

He told me that
someone would come in

with a sheet of music
like this,

and when he did,
I was to give him this.

Designed and built
the works himself.

Well, anyway, he told me to give
it to you. That's all I know.

( knocking on door )

Oh, wouldn't you know?

The store is closed
at this hour of the night.

Stop doing that there!
We're closed!

DORMAN ( on machine ):
Jim, I know if you're listening
to this,

you haven't found
the code in the music,

and it's too late for me.

I can only hope that this
reaches you before the 18th

because after that,
it'll be too late.

That's the big date.

I found out
who the traitor is--

( glass shatters )

All right.
Hand it over.

I-I just came in here to have
my glockenspiel repaired,

I could come back later.

Really, I could come back
later.

I...

Huh.

The pouch,
give it to me.

What, y-you mean, this pouch?

That's right. The pouch.
Give to me.

Well, if that's what you want,

all right.

( action theme playing )

( all coughing )

Quick! After him!

( suspenseful music playing )

BLESSING:
Come in.

Here are the rest of the files,
sir.

Thank you, Thompson.

These are the last, Jim.

The traitor can't be
anyone here.

Secret Service men are too
carefully screened.

Someone substituted
a real bullet for a blank

in the training room.

Somewhere in this organization

there's a man who could
destroy the service,

and the longer he's free,

the more difficult it's going
to be to capture him.

( whistling )

Yes.

MAN ( over horn ):
Mr. Blessing,

Professor Montague
has returned.

And he's waiting for Mr. West
in the shop.

Thank you.
We'll be right down.

( air whistling )

Just right. Just right.
Just the right timing.

Now, if that had been
the real gas,

you men would be asleep
in seconds.

Yes. Well, perhaps I did get
a little bit too much that time.

But anyway,
as for the wine itself,

it's delicious.

( coughs )

Absolutely delicious.

A little bit dry perhaps,
but, well, that's life.

Now, I have another
little device here somewhere.

( rings )

Oh, what's that?
Another interruption?

If James Watt had
all these interruptions,

we still wouldn't
have the locomotive.

Ah, here it is.

Jim.

Jim West.

Professor,
it's a pleasure.

Come down to see some of
my little toys, have you?

Yes, sir, I have.

I got some dandies here,
all the latest ones.

Even a fighter like you
can use the latest ones.

( plays harmonica )

Now, look here,

at the base
a little barrel.

And this button.

That's very interesting, sir,

but would you take a look
at this please?

That'll be all for today.

This must be
very important, James.

"Two Faced Stranger
In The Garden."

Hmm.

Oh, no. I-I don't think
I could do justice to this.

My voice isn't
what it used to be.

Well, that's not exactly
what I had in mind.

The song was given to
Mr. West by one of our agents.

He thinks that there's
a code in it somewhere.

A code?

Oh, excellent, excellent.
I'll get right on to it.

A few hours
and I'll have it for you.

We've got a meeting

at the intelligence
division at the capital.

We'll be back
as soon as possible.

Good, good, good.

Oh, Jim.
Uh, if you get a chance,

take a look
at my living room.

At your living room, professor?
I'll do that.

( humming )

( upbeat theme playing )

I'd have thought
the intelligence division

could have been
a bit more helpful.

Well, they may
come up with something.

It was worth a try.

I'll be glad the day they
finish this construction.

Well, that's progress.
At the rate Denver is growing,

it's a wonder every street
in town isn't torn up.

WEST:
So that's where they
print Uncle Sam's money.

Novel setup, isn't it?
Something Montague came up with.

Everyone who enters
the engraving section

must have his hand stamped
with a special ink.

It only shows
under that lamp.

No one can enter or leave
without that stamp on.

Thank you.

( buzzer buzzes )

Mr. Blessing, I-- I thought you
were at a meeting.

So I was.

I brought a message in from,
uh-- From Washington.

I put in on your desk.

Thank you, Thompson.

That's all.

Yes, sir.

I'll be right with you.

What the devil?

Is there a problem, sir?

Just an additional
hindrance.

"Baron Klaus Esterhauser
of the Estavian army

"will arrive at the academy
as guest of Washington

"on an information
exchange tour.

"Please show him
every courtesy.

signed, James Richmond,
colonel."

Fine time for visitors.

Well, that's a front-office
problem, sir.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I want to see

if Professor Montague's
making any progress.

Do you think it's wise
for you to move around

so freely, Jim?

The traitor tried
to get you once.

There's a good chance
he could try again.

Well, you'd think so,
wouldn't you?

Oh, I see.

Well, you mind if I
accompany you part of the way?

Come on.

( tense theme playing )

Well, here's where
I leave you, Jim.

See you later.
On second thought,

you remember
Montague's living room?

Mm-hm.
Well, this is it.

Why don't you come in
for a minute?

Fine.

Now, you all know the problem.
The documents have been stolen.

You must retrieve them and put
in their place the duplicates.

Now, the house
is heavily guarded,

and if you are discovered,
it means your death.

Now, gentlemen,
I think we're ready

for a little
practical application.

Stevens?
STEVENS: Sir?

In order to simplify matters,
let's assume that you know

that behind that landscape
painting is a safe.

Now, you'll enter
from the door.

Remember,
time is against you.

( bell rings )

( clock ticking )

You're dead.

Heller, take over.

( bell dings )
Sure.

( clock ticking )

( suspenseful theme playing )

We may have to send
for more students.

Thomas.

( bell rings )
Yes, sir.

Well, Thomas,
that's an improvement.

Thank you, sir.

Really excellent.
You can relax now.

( Thomas coughing )

Never forget,
never relax.

It could be
your death warrant.

MAN:
Exactly so and very well put.

A lesson you must learn.

It rather puts me
in mind

of the affair of
the queen's missing necklace,

a bauble, it seems,

that she left behind after her,

shall we say,
platonic meeting

with the infamous
Baron of Drobnick.

Naturally, who should
she turn to

in her hour of need
but myself?

You see, in these cases,

discretion is more important
than valor.

Well, it was a rather simple
matter to scale the walls,

the guards were disposed of
in a moment,

and then I found myself

in the very heart of his castle.

BLESSING:
Thank you, baron,

but the men must continue
with their classes.

Ah, if you say so,
Mr. Blessing.

I'll only thought
that perhaps

through the benefit
of my experience--

Perhaps at some later date.

Ah, you Americans
always so rush, rush, rush.

You may now
show me to my quarters.

I have an appointment
in Denver,

and I wish
to change for it.

( boots click )

Hmm, bit of a pompous fool,
isn't he?

Yes, isn't he?

INSTRUCTOR:
Is it possible...

No, no, no, no, no.
That doesn't do it.

That doesn't
do it at all.

But I haven't given up yet.

Have you been able to break
the music down, professor?

The music? Oh.

♪ Da-dum, da, da-dum
Da, dum, da-dum ♪

Hmm, catchy little tune.

No, there's nothing
in the music.

This is a sticky one.

Dorman was one of
the really clever fellows.

Professor, we don't
have much time.

Jim, have you seen this?
Notice his rifle.

Ka-blam!

Professor, if there is
a message in that song,

I must have it now, sir.

Oh. You're right.
Absolutely right.

No time to stand around
and gossip.

Now, if we start
all over again,

and we assign a numerical value
to each of the letters

and then subtract it
either from 26

or from the number
of letters in the title,

we may find that there's
a cryptogram within the code.

In which case, it may be
a little more difficult,

but it'd be infinitely
more interesting.

( door closes )
Now...

DORMAN ( on machine ):
Before the 18th,
because after that

it will be too late.
That's the big date.

I found out
who the traitor is.

( skipping ):
The traitor is--
The traitor is--

Traitor is--

That's it.

The rest of it was shattered
when I escaped.

The 18th.

Why the 18th?
I don't know.

I've checked all the information
that I could find.

Nothing out of the ordinary
is happening.

No big gold shipments,
no big meetings,

nothing.

Well, whatever
is going to happen,

it's gonna happen
tomorrow.

Any word from Montague?

( knocking on door )

Come in.

Mr. West?

I'm James West.

I have a message for you
from Mr. Blessing.

Oh, Thank you very much.
Yes, sir.

So?

"Jim, meet me at my office.

Have important information
on the traitor. Blessing."

I better get back
to the academy. You coming?

The good baron is supposed to be
visiting friends,

so I won't be missed.

I want to play around
with this some more.

Check with you later.

♪ He's hangin' around ♪

♪ The spoonin' tree ♪

♪ He's hangin' around ♪

♪ Impatiently ♪

PIKE ( on machine ):
♪ He's hangin' around ♪

♪ The spoonin' tree ♪

♪ He's hangin' around ♪

♪ Impatiently ♪

( playing "Two Faced
Stranger In The Garden" )

There you go.
Thank you.

Okay, Mr. West.

( buzzer buzzes )

Mr. Blessing.

( suspenseful theme playing )

Mr. Blessing?

Agh!

Agh!

MAN ( on PA ):
You are familiar
with this room, Mr. West.

It's called the living room.

But tonight, it may be
the dying room.

There are no chalk bullets,
no talcum explosions.

Your next false step
will be your last.

( dramatic theme playing )

( suspenseful theme playing )

( "Two Faced Stranger In The
Garden" playing on machine )

( music stops )

( music plays faster )

That's it.

I certainly didn't
send you that note.

Well, I realize that,

but what are you doing
to find out who did, sir?

That, uh--
That's good enough for now.

Our handwriting experts
are checking it out.

How long do you think
that's going to take?

PIKE ( with European accent ):
Less time, I hope,
than it takes to eat

in one of your
ghastly restaurants.

The experience was unbearable.

And if I may offer a word
of advice, Mr. Blessing,

I think that you ought to keep
your office a trifle neater.

After all, you never know
when visitors will come by.

But I have not
had the pleasure

of meeting
this gentleman.

This is James West.
Baron Klaus Esterhauser.

How do you do?

And now, if you will excuse me,
baron, I'm quite busy.

Well, then I will not ask you
to share a bottle with me.

Ah, Mr. West,
perhaps you?

By all means.

Well, I have in my quarters

a bottle of rare
Estavian wine.

I think that
you will find it

quite interesting.

Mr. Blessing,

while we are gone,
perhaps you can do something

about this office.

( normal voice ):
Was that some of your
handiwork?

What about this wine,

that I'm gonna find it
so interesting?

You never know
who might come looking.

Listen to this.

( "Two Faced Stranger In The
Garden" playing on machine )

So?

Now listen to it
this way.

( Morse code playing
on machine )

Morse code.

"The 18th.

The bureau."

Jeremy, now we know
what they're after.

The Bureau of Engraving
on the 18th.

But we still
don't know who,

we don't know
why the 18th,

and what's more important,
we don't know how.

There's no place to go
for reinforcements.

And we don't know who we can
trust at our own academy.

And there's no chance to bring
anybody else in by then.

Or rather, I should say,
by now.

It's after midnight.
It's already the 18th.

( suspenseful theme playing )

The 18th.

It's been right in front
of both of us all the time.

And by the 19th,

there won't be any way
to get into the sewers.

( dramatic theme playing )

BLESSING:
Absolutely impossible.

I tell you, I have no
authority to allow it.

But, my dear Blessing,
I insist.

My people are most
interested in the functions

of your Bureau of Engraving.

Baron,

I was instructed
to give you free reign,

but I have no authority
to allow this.

( clicks tongue )

President Grant himself.

Then you recognize
the signature.

It gives me entrée

into all the federal
facilities.

Now, if there is
nothing else,

I should like
to get started!

Well, Thompson here will
have to accompany you.

That, I must insist upon.

Of course. Of course.

Come along then, Thompson.

Your left hand.

Your left hand.

( suspenseful theme playing )

I was told that
the bureau operated

around the clock.

No, it's pretty quiet
here at night.

So I see.

Wait. Wait.

I would like to see
this room.

Something is...

Good evening, gentlemen.

Get them out of sight.

( West whistles )

Hurry. We've only got
a few more hours.

This is an arrest.

Move to the back
of the room,

get your hands
in the air.

Up! Up!

MAN ( on PA ):
West, I'm in a position
where you cannot shoot me,

and I have a gun trained
on Baron Esterhauser.

If you care nothing
for your own life,

consider how difficult
his death would be

to explain to General Grant.

( gunshot )

MAN:
Drop it.

Hello, Alan.

Well, you're a better man
than I imagined, Jim.

I didn't think even you
would get this far.

Get back to work.

Just silence?
No curiosity?

No marvel at my plans?

I'm glad you recovered from
your bullet wound, Alan.

You know, that was genius.

Real bullet, a little blood
on the sleeve.

It took you off
the suspect list,

but just for a while.

Is that all?
No other questions?

I've got one question, Alan.

What's that?

Why?

It would never occur
to you, would it, Jim?

No, everything just seemed
to come your way.

You have no idea
what I've been through.

After many years of being
just an instructor,

I finally worked my way up to
becoming Blessing's assistant.

A desk job for life,

a two-dollar raise every year.

And just a couple of hundred
feet away, all that money.

I never, ever stopped
thinking about it.

And I finally worked out
a way to get it,

and I was just rounding
up my crew

when that fool Dorman

stumbled upon us
in Jackson Bend.

So naturally, I had to
get rid of him, didn't I?

You know,
the funny thing is,

it's all so simple.

We just print up

all this perfectly legitimate
money tonight,

and then we turn
the counters back.

Tomorrow, they'd print up
the same numbered bills.

Only, who's to prove
which is the real money, huh?

You see, no one will ever know

that there are two bills
for every number.

Ha, look how smooth it went,
huh? How faultlessly.

H-hey, tell me, you're--

You're the brilliant
field agent.

How would you have
accomplished it, huh?

Oh, I could think of a way.

What's that?

Everyone that goes
into the bureau

has to have their
hand stamped.

Now, it just might be
possible to inject a drug

onto the hand
while being stamped.

And while everyone's
unconscious,

you and your men
come in through the sewers.

It's called Korodin.

It works deep into the skin.
It takes effect very quickly.

And once the effect wears off,

no one is any worse
for the wear.

Well,

all good things
must come to an end.

As much as it pains me,

I think that I'll sleep
much better tonight

if I know that you're
out of the way.

( screeching )

( action theme playing )

Boy, he sure wasn't
a piker,

printing $100 bills.

Jeremy, there's one thing,

you did go through the main
entrance, didn't you?

Well, then you had to be
stamped, right?

Why aren't you out?

I meant to compliment you, Jim.

Your theory about the hand stamp
drugging was right.

I happened to have the same
thought myself

so...

This kept the drug
from me.

We ought to do something
about all this money.

Ah, well, it's, uh,
all illegal,

so it's going to have
to be burned.

I was afraid you'd say that.

Oh, do you, uh,
want a smoke?

Thanks.

( upbeat theme playing )

( chuckles )

You know what you got, Jim?

Style.

Real

style.

( upbeat western theme playing )